All language subtitles for my_tale_is_hot_better_xx

currently in the United States on a
business mission, has been chosen by the

editors of The Ladies' Companion as our
man of the year.

Ben, a model husband, has been happily
married for over 20 years.

Successful tycoon in his 40s, Ben always
manages to find time for his home life,

as witnessed by the fact that he only
has 63 grandchildren.

Yeah. But most important, Ben has won
this award because, in the unanimous

opinion of the selection board, He is
undoubtedly the world's most faithful

husband.

Yeah, well, no earthly temptation could
possibly sway Ben -Harova away from his

loving home and his beautiful...

Satana!

Oh, what are you doing?

Preparing dinner.

Oh, what are we having? Soup again?

Cream of bad blood.

Why don't we ever have anything taste
like black hearts and pickled brains?

I'll fix it.

Business has been dead lately. I'm not
getting any converts like I used to.

Not a good man gone wrong in months.

Just the same old crowd.

By the way, who's been ripping the pages
out of my favorite magazine?

The fire went out on number one.

Adolf Hitler.

I needed some kindling paper to start it
up again.

Well, next time, don't use my favorite
magazine. I was reading an article about

the world's most faithful husband, Ben
Harola.

That's that little thing, most faithful
husband.

I'd soon make him see the error of his
ways. Yes, I would.

You're nothing but hot air, Lucifer. You
haven't had a faithful husband down

here since Henry VIII.

He'd cut off their heads when he got
tired of them.

Are you suggesting I couldn't tempt a
man like this Ben -Harova?

Why, I'd have him cheating on his wife
within two shakes of a sinner's tail.

And I know just the tales to do it.

One day, my dear, just give me one day,
and I'll own Ben -Harova lock, stock,

and soul.

All right, hothead.

Go on up and try.

But keep warm.

And don't be late for dinner.

Don't worry about that, dear. I'll...

Pick up something on the outside.

You do, and I'll cook your goose.

Lucifer, you forgot your tool.

Oh.

You know, Henry VIII got a bad rap.

Any man smart enough to cut off his
wife's head should be sated.

Wonderful husband in the world.

I'm so happy you brought me with you to
America.

My asses?

I wouldn't go anywhere without you.

Will you always... Why look for greener
grass when you're

smothered in it?

Besides, don't you believe the ladies'
house companions?

They said it themselves.

I am the world's most faithful husband.

the next meeting of the faithful?

In my chambers in an hour.

But first, I have some important
business to attend to.

Always on Monday, the Walt Disney on
television.

Hmm.

Start in about a minute.

And I haven't interviewed that girl for
the upstairs maid job yet.

It's so hot.

I don't remember taking this out.

Ah, this must be heaven.

Oh, don't be alarmed, my dear.

Who are you?

Oh, just another gardener.

I specialize in bad seeds, you know. I
don't believe you.

Oh, it's a fact, my little lotus
blossom.

It's a fact. I've got the largest
hothouse in the world.

Ben! Oh, meh.

Ben!

Ben! Ben, our time has come!

Ben, our time has come!

Anxious little thing, aren't you? No!
Oh, dear husband.

I mean the devil. I saw him come up in
the garden.

What? I was in the garden planting
flowers when the devil came up. The

What kind of fertilizer you been... Oh,
no, great husband. I am telling you the

truth. I saw the devil with my own eyes.
He's in the garden.

Oh, don't go out there.

Look, honey, you got nothing to be
afraid of.

Probably some screwball running around
in his long red underwear.

Yes, sir.

Collector of lost souls?

That's me.

Garbage disposal specialist?

Dirty work.

Furnace engineer?

Fire. Evil spirit?

Spook. Magician?

It's a hobby.

Short order cook?

Oh, joy.

My specialty.

Undertaker? Never mind.

Caretaker?

I can't stand my last name.

What do you want here?

I'll come to the point directly, Mr. Ben
-Harova.

I want you.

But I'm too young and beautiful to die.

Besides, I have too much to live for.

Precisely. That's just what I wanted to
talk to you about. Living.

Real living.

Do you know what that means, living? I
mean girls.

Beautiful girls. Luscious girls.

All sinners in all of the mules. Asking
me.

Why me?

I don't want any other woman.

I'm a married man. Besides, I'm a lady's
house companion.

Man of the year.

Yes. The most faithful husband in the
world.

I know, I know. That's why I'm here.

A man of your talents, your qualities,
lovable qualities,

should give more women the benefit of
himself.

You've made your point.

Now, round a bit.

After all, you owe it to womankind.

More than I can handle at home.

What? A man of your caliber?

And you can't even keep one little woman
happy?

Now, wait a date -pick a minute.

I've got a whole... Ah, don't we all,
don't we all. But don't give me any

excuses. I just picked the wrong man,
that's all. I asked Mr. Universe

He would have wanted a swimming pool.

A swimming pool?

What's that got to do with women?

You need in your backyard a few changes.

Like a...

Swimming pool instead of a flower
garden. I don't have time for that.

time, time.

It doesn't take any time at all, Mr.
Rover.

I can dig a hole and put things in it
quicker than you can say, go to the

Watch.

Ah, here's a nice little number for you.

How do you like the shape?

Yes. Yes.

Lovely.

This is the pear -shaped model.

The pool or the girl?

What's the difference? The whole unit
comes fully equipped. That includes

everything you see.

How about the pump?

I let my customers take care of that
end.

Can't swim?

Don't worry, Ben. There's always
something to hang on to. Besides, you

down at the shallow end and just play.

Well, how about it, Ben?

Remember, the girl goes with the pool.
No extra charge.

That's what you think.

Ah, then you're interested.

No. No deal.

I don't do business with the devil.

Besides, I need another woman like I
need another hole in my garden.

Now, wait a minute, Ben. You've only
seen one model.

I've got quite a few others to show you.
Yeah, I don't have time. Oh, it won't

take a second, Ben, old boy.

Just watch my smoke.

Now, take a good look at this.

I've sold hundreds of these. It has all
the necessary features for the

recreation minded.

Fun in the sun, eh?

And easy terms. Nothing down.

A lifetime to pay.

Well? Yes.

Yes. Hmm.

Let me guess.

Heart -shaped?

Hourglass?

Kidney? Oh, I have it. This is a Siamese
model.

They're built like twins.

Exactly.

And you don't need a filter for them.

Are they easy to clean? Oh, a pleasure.

I imagine they're well heat.

Yes, and you don't even have to turn
them on.

How's the circulation?

Great. How is yours?

I don't know. I think my blood
pressure's up a few points.

Hey, what is she taking that all for?

This is a demonstration model.

Oh, yes.

Must be a white sale, too.

Look at that little towel.

Why don't you help her dry off, Benji
lad?

No, thanks.

Well, how about the other one?

Give her the towel, dear.

That's a good spot.

Did you notice how nicely they exchanged
things?

It was a sight for big eyes.

Go, Ben, go.

Let's pool.

What are you waiting for, Ben?

Can't you see they're just dying to play
ball with you?

I'm not very good at...

It's not the winning that counts. It's
the way the game is played.

All right, all right.

That's enough.

I'm getting tired of these word games.

How about putting my backyard back into
a flower garden before my wife sees what

you've done to her flowers?

My asses is going to be very sore.

It's my second love.

What's your first?

Gin rummy.

Have you ever seen Cinevision?

Cinevision? What's that?

This, my little Arabian square, is
sinner vision.

Hey, look at all the channels.

Numbers.

Millions of numbers.

And I can get them any time I want.

Who would you like to see?

How about the Beverly Hillbillies?

I missed them last week.

No, no, no. These are sinners.

Soulmates of mine.

This is how I keep track of them.

See, I just select a number and I can
see them any time I want.

For instance, the little upstairs maid
you just hired, the cute little French

maid. Is she a sinner?

She has excellent references.

Does she ever. She's upstairs working on
me now.

Look.

She'd make a great secretary.

Hey, what is she writing?

She's writing a letter to her mother.

She's telling her all about her boss and
how cuddly he is.

All that, and she makes beds, too?

Anytime you want.

Well, as the Italians say, she's a been
a mater before.

Yes. Why don't you two pop upstairs, and
you can turn down a few beds together.

All right. All right.

She might be a French doll, and mine
pretty asky.

But look, I hired her for a French maid,
and that's all I want her to do. So get

off my back, will you?

My, my, but you're touchy.

I was just trying to entertain you,
that's all.

Listen, why don't we go into the house
and have a nice friendly chat? I'd love

to meet your wife.

She must be a whirling dervish to keep
you.

Where are you going?

For a walk.

And don't follow me.

I want to be alone.

And you, out.

This is going to be more difficult than
I thought.

Do you think he's a... Oh, no, no.

What would he want with my ass?

Oh, getting tired from my walk.

Probably walked further than I realized.

Well, at least one thing.

I got rid of that damn devil.

Well, what's this?

Live girly show?

Oh, no.

I thought I got rid of you.

So you like girly shows, eh, Ben?

What type do you like, lad?

Hmm. What type do I like, huh?

Well, I'll tell you.

I like with nice, slick, black hair.

Way down over the shoulders.

Beautiful eyes.

A Roman nose.

Swan -like neck.

Alabaster shoulders.

Just the right amount.

Dear me.

Not too much there.

And, oh, boy, I think I am just the type
you want, Ben.

How does that grab you, Ben?

Do you like that Benji?

Yeah.

Well you haven't seen the half of it
lad.

There's more?

Be my guest, Benji.

I'm with you.

Your ticket, please.

Oh, my dear, you've made a mistake.

We don't need any tickets.

I suppose you have passes.

To tell you the truth, my dear, and I
hate to do it, I can make up your

All right, all right. Come on, let's go
in.

Oh, Ben, the show hasn't started yet.
It's intermission.

How about some popcorn?

I don't like anything salty.

I know.

Then let me buy you a devil dog.

So, now you're in the catering business.

Well, I try to appeal to all tastes,
Benji.

Oh, I hope so, for your sake.

Marvelous, marvelous. Oh, beautiful.

What'll you have?

One devil dog, please.

You're a devil dog, sir.

You're a sly old devil.

Just because I told you I liked that
type.

I guess I'll see nothing but girls that
look like her from now on.

Why, Ben, I don't know what you're
talking about.

And just to show you how wrong you can
be about a person, I want you to take an

excellent look at the new cashier that
just came on duty.

How could I see her through a brick
wall?

Ah, try some of this girly relish on
your thing.

Girly relish?

Not too much. That's enough. That's
enough.

That's enough.

Liberal, my boy. Liberal.

Oh, yeah?

Must be a strong wall, huh?

Well, here's looking at you, Luce.

Oh, she's different, all right.

But you're up to your old tricks again.

A thing like coming to a show for a
change of scenery, eh, Ben?

She could never sell me a ticket.

What you need is more girly relish on
your devil dog.

What's she doing?

She's new around here, Benji. I'm
breaking her in. Do you have any

I don't know anything about the theater
business.

Oh, her job is very simple.

She is too.

Watch. She'll do anything I tell her.

Show me that drapery, dear.

Hold it up a bit.

No, no, away from you.

Higher. Now move your foot.

Look at that dummy. She's fantastic.

Now get rid of that.

That's right.

Now hands on hips.

Come on, turn this way.

Takes direction beautifully, doesn't
she, Ben?

A real ding -a -ling yo -yo, Ben, just
waiting for somebody like you to pull

strings.

Ben, you desert rascal.

I'm not going to say a word, but I think
I know what's on your mind.

You're going to know what's in my
stomach in a minute.

I've got to get to our washroom in a
hurry.

Perhaps I mixed in too much. Take a
little.

Leave me alone.

I'm going to be sick.

Don't be silly, Ben, old boy. I'd never
leave a friend alone at a time like

this. I have just the thing you need.

Here.

Chew on this.

Sex lax. What?

Sex lax. It's guaranteed to make you
feel good all over.

hole through the wall.

What do you think of sex slacks now?

This

must be

one of the dressing rooms.

How

sweet

it is.

There now, Benji, don't you feel good
all over?

Lucifer, you devil.

Yes, that's my name.

You tricked me again.

Are you sorry, Benji?

Lusso, friend, I'm just burned up.

Do you like her, Ben?

She's the star performer around here.

I'd love to be one of her fans.

Benji, she'd like that too.

In fact, it would tickle her fancy.

What do you say now, Ben, old boy?

My throat's dry.

Ah, Ben.

The sex lax is probably wearing off all
but another. This time you can blow the

wall down.

My tassels are burned up and you keep
talking about women.

I'm going outside to get a breath of
fresh air.

Sex lax.

These medical drugs aren't worth a damn.

I wonder if the Spanish know about this.

How do you feel?

Great.

Just great.

Thanks to you, I'm the first man ever
got cancer in the throat from a

Well, then how about a nice cold drink?

That should help to soothe your burning
tonsils.

That's the best idea you've had since
Playboy.

Good. Then follow me. I just happen to
know the nearest house of ill, I mean,

refreshments.

Oh, Benji, why do you insist on being so
formal? Can't you just call me Lucifer?

Oh, you're enough to turn a man to
drink.

What will you have?

Milk.

To take home. Eh, Benji, old boy?

Baja. I want my goat's milk straight.

Goat's milk?

Yeah. Take mine to Bloody Mary, wench.

Look at the ice.

I like nothing that's cold.

are beginning to play tricks on me.

I'm beginning to see things.

Or is it you?

Oh, don't be silly, Ben, old boy.
Perfect vision.

I'm going to concentrate on my milk. Oh,
that's a good idea, Ben.

They say that milk is the world's most
perfect food. Go ahead and drink it. Sup

it, my lad.

Sup it. Yes.

What do you see, veggie old boy?

There's a girl in there.

That's the milkmaid. I can see her
little pale.

But where's the goat?

Who needs a goat, Ben?

This is scientific dairy farming.

Watch closely, lad.

This is what they call the canning
process.

Huh? If you're concerned about your
figure, Ben, this little treat has

absolutely no...

fat. Oh, yes.

She doesn't let anything settle on the
bottom.

Why did she put that on?

What's wrong with feathers on a chick,
Ben?

Especially a chick like that. You
wouldn't want her to catch gold, would

Can I interest you in becoming a
gentleman farmer?

You can have your farm hands all over
the place.

Cut it out, you big clown, and get this
dick queen out of my glass.

Even ghost milk is safe with you around.

Yeah, drink it. You said you were
thirsty.

What harm can an old female goat do?

You've never been married.

She moves me too, Ben.

What form. What classic lines.

I'd call her a masterpiece.

I'd call her on the phone.

So,

that is the Mona Lisa.

Why don't you take her home, Benji?
She'd look great in your guest room.

Boy, I don't want that, Danny. I want
something exciting.

Like a Grandma Moses.

Who's running this store?

You?

I want my money back.

I didn't even get to see China.

Hell's Angel, not the Grey Lime Buster.

Would you like to do a little stretch
with her then?

time off.

in the morning.

Okay.

Now, let's see. There must be a key here
somewhere.

There must be a key in it on the other
side.

What do you see, Benji?

A fairy tale.

Fairytale? What are you talking about,
Ben?

Well, somebody's been sleeping in my
bed.

And I think she's a little bear.

Aren't you going in, Ben?

There's only one little bed.

Where am I going to sleep?

I'm sure she has something in mind.

Oh, there's only one, Ben.

I know what.

You can fight over it.

Yes.

See my room.

The clerk said it was 204.

Hey, why don't we call Rooster and ask
the clerk how we can get rid of a girl.

Now that would be a switch.

take Darrow. Oh, now, wait, wait, wait,
Ben.

Ben, you can't go home like this. You
said so yourself.

Why don't you let me take you to a nice
Turkish bar?

There you can sweat it out.

That's all I've been doing ever since I
met you.

Ah, I told Sir Turner I'd get to you
before the day was out.

The only place you're gonna get me is to
a Turkish bath.

Boy, I feel like a smoked salmon.

Turn this thing down, will you?

turn it down, not up.

What are you trying to do?

Pressure cook me?

Oh, I'm sorry, Benji. I must have turned
it the wrong way.

There now.

Why, you no good.

Relax, Benji, relax.

Look what it did me for this other
customer.

We must be in the ladies' steam room.

Ah, what a splendid mistake.

Look, you got me in this box. Now get me
out.

Ah, you haven't even finished your steam
treatment.

And already you want to jump into the
bathroom, jolly dog, you fool.

All I want is my pants back.

At a time like this, you want your pants
back? Well, I can bring my toy dad to

share.

Damn you all, Pennywhite. I told you I
wasn't interested in any more women.

Any man would give his soul for what I
showed you today.

You're not human.

Man of the year. Who named you that?

The Birth Control League.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'll have you know, I got more
kids than old Mother Hubbard.

Legitimate, I suppose.

Yes.

Mr. Ben Hurd, over.

For all I care, you can go straight to
heaven.

Good. Then give me back my...

think of it, though.

He did have a couple of nice ones.

Especially that cashier.

Walt Disney show on television.

And now I'm going to have to next week.

Maybe this brings you the Walt Disney
show.

This week we take a journey into the
real life adventure world.

Our story tonight is called The Camel
Who Lost Its Hump.

Your host, Walt Disley, will be here to
narrate our story after this word from

our sponsor.

Have you ever had a candy bar?

Once you remove the wrapper, you'll know
it's like nothing you've ever had

before.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Your assistant is the devil.

Ain't nothing sacred with you. I'm
watching the Walt Disney show.

But Ben, old boy.

Don't Ben, old boy me.

This is our last straw.

I didn't mind when you dug holes in my
backyard.

Or when you got me sick with that girly
relish.

I didn't mind when you burned me up with
that sex lapse.

Or got me drunk on that drug goat's
milk.

I didn't even care when you put somebody
else in my hotel bed.

Or when you shrunk my pants in that
steam room.

But cutting into the Walt Disney show
with one of your slick commercials, that

carries things too far.

I'm going to send you back to hell with
your old pitchforks.

I

never

thought I'd see the day I had to cool
you. Humiliating.

You were gone for a week.

I was almost worried to life.

That little tent maker. I couldn't tempt
him to be unpaid.

The bad blood soup out. It turned good.

You said you'd be gone for a day. That's
all the time you needed. So here you

come back after one week. Not only
without his soul, you don't even have

trident. Are you sure it still isn't in
my tail? That hurts.

That's not all that's going to hurt your
tail when I get back to you.

if there's any more bad blood dried up
yet.

Wait a minute.

That little phony.

Aha! Beginning.

Once I found out what kind of woman you
wanted, I knew you'd call the rest.

You just waited until you thought I
wasn't watching.

But you forgot one thing.

She's a sinner.

And I can hurry at any time on my sinner
vision.

What are you talking about?

I'm still the world's most faithful.

Of course you're the world's most
faithful man. You only make love to the

The wife of the store manager.

The wife of the theater owner. The wife
of the bartender.

I'll have you. Why, that makes you a
bigamist.

What about my ass's wife?

You see, I have 364 wives.

When I came to visit to this country, I
brought my asses along with me.

And I left the rest of my wives back
here in a harem.

And since I married Farrell, I've got
365 wives.

And I'm kind of anxious to get back
home.

Do you mean you're assaulted with a
harem?

I'm Sheik Ben -Herova, son of Allah,
father of the Nile.

I wouldn't be surprised.

The pages that were ripped out. That
explains it all.

Did you like my great family and my
beautiful wives?

No wonder you were faithful.

With 365 wives, who would want to play
games?

If you don't mind, it's my honeymoon
night.

What did you expect?

Lamb and honey?

If you were a decent breadwinner, we'd
have something different every night.

Can I help it if I've got a lousy job?

What else can I do with my education?

Why don't you go to night school, you
lazy lout? You could learn how to be a

vampire or a grave robber.

All my ghoul friends live much better
lives than I do.

Their husbands...

Give them pretty headstones and rat
-skin coats.

They all have maids to do their clean
work.

Every night they go auto -bowling.

Auto -bowling? What's that?

They see how many cars they can knock
over on the freeway.

And what do we do?

Nothing but barbecue sinners and drink
bad blood.

Where are you going?

To check the fire on Joe Stallion.

Since that other guy took over, they've
been asking for more heat.

And greasy kid stuff. Yes, everything's
there.

Now, what do you want?

Oh, Ben, old boy, I've decided to help
you out.

Who needs help?

You've got 365 wives, don't you, Ben?

366?

Last night, I met a nice little Jewish
girl on the Israel Airlines.

Oh, don't tell me there goes the leap
year.

Well, every girl has her day.

One per day? One little day? You can't
keep them happy that way, Ben.

What this joint needs is a little bit of
the double rooney. Yeah.

Be my guest.

Which one do you like?

Ben, I'll take that one.

That one?

Just what do you intend to do with that
one?

Ben, all I want to do is dance.

Well that's a new twist.

You don't need me in hell. Well, who's
going to keep the home fires burning?

I'm tired of gathering wood every day.

I'm not a boy scout.

Your job is to be in that place.

I am tired of working as a demon while
you go around painting the town red.

You're right now.

Oh, please, honey, can't I stay a while?

I'm tired of hell. Oh, please, I won't
be long. Just a few hundred years.

Oh! Oh, my goodness.

That's exactly how I... I wouldn't mind
staying here a hundred more years.