Original subtitles

And how's the doomed man and his executioners?

Ready for another round?

Listen, don't try to get us stoned, baby.

Don't worry.

When the time comes, we'll call.

I got to walk down the aisle tomorrow, not roll like a bowling ball.

I wouldn't get you stoned for anything in the world, darling.

The thought of you falling asleep on your wedding night frightens me.

Or does it?

Doll, you say that like it might have happened to you once.

Did it?

Are you kidding?

I gotta be kidding.

Baby, what you ain't got, you don't need.

I am very happy to see that you are still a connoisseur of the female anatomy.

Because one of my favorite occupations happens to

be drinking to the Corpus Delicious, gentlemen.

Baby, here's to your bod.

You're a dream.

If you want me, just sigh.

And she's got you guys sighing already.

And look at those chicks swinging it.

They must have ball bearings for bone joints.

Yeah, well, you take a long, hard look, Harry.

Because after tomorrow, there's only just memories.

And have I got memories.

Boy, when I think of the good old days.

Oh, to think tomorrow ends it all.

Has, uh, has Trudy said anything about you giving up your job, going out on your own?

Well... She's mentioned it.

But she hadn't pushed it.

I, uh, I think she's gonna push it like a steamroller.

Because no woman is gonna dig her husband walking through a lingerie shop.

Come on.

Well, you may be right.

And I wouldn't be surprised.

But it's my living.

And I do pretty well at it.

Face it, Harry, old boy.

That, uh, love nest of a boat you got.

And you on the road all the time?

Trudy and mine can run wild.

You and Trudy gonna live on the boat?

Well, we haven't really gone into it.

Uh, I discussed it with Trudy once.

And she said, uh, we got plenty of time to think about that.

I'm sure we'll try it for a while.

Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful boat.

But how many people really dig living on one?

Well, we gotta live on it for a while.

Then, if she doesn't like the water, I'll have to sell it.

But many beautiful memories will go with it.

Ah, memories.

Beautiful memories.

I'm going to miss.

Is this seat taken?

No, it isn't.

My good luck.

Hello,

Scotch on the Rocks.

Scotch on the Rocks it is.

Are you on vacation, miss?

No, not really.

I came here two years ago for vacation.

I've been here ever since.

Two-year vacation.

Sounds like the climate agrees with you.

Everybody

around here seems to be in a vacation spirit all the time.

I get your point.

I come to California four times a year and I enjoy every visit.

Four vacations a year and all of them in L .A.?

Well, you are sold on this town, aren't you?

Well, they're not vacations exactly.

You see, it's my business.

You might say, uh, I prepare the ladies for the Four Seasons.

Just how do you do that?

Spray the beach with everybody on it or something?

Nothing quite as drastic as all that.

See, I sell, uh, lingerie to the retail trade.

Uh, even though you only have one long season

here, the women still like to wear the lines.

We bring out four times a year.

That's kind of an interesting job.

A traveling salesman in such a line of stuff.

Well, I'm damn glad I don't sell lawnmowers.

I know what the ladies are gonna wear before they do.

You sound as though you really enjoy your job.

Well, let me offer the proverbial toast of the trade.

Bottoms up, and may they all be covered.

Otherwise, I'd have a bare existence.

You do have a good line.

I hope you don't break your pulley.

Oh, God, what a riot you are.

If you watch out, I'll have you in men's underwear.

What a team we have made.

Yeah, what a team.

Tell me, who'd be keeping score?

We wouldn't be much of a team if we didn't both know the score.

Oh, boy.

I'd better zipper my mouth.

My tongue's wagging too much.

Does your wife mind you traveling so much, or the line room?

That was a sneaky one.

I was married, but I'm divorced now.

She married an electrical engineer.

I guess she saw the light.

I'm sorry to hear that.

You don't sound too unhappy about it, though.

What did you do?

Call him Sparky?

No, I call him my extension cord.

I wonder how long it'll take her to blow his fuse.

Oh, my God.

Come on, now.

She can't be all that bad.

No, she wasn't really.

Ida was never at home, that's all.

Hey, Barkeep.

Let me buy a drink.

Yes, sir?

Let me buy a drink.

I haven't enjoyed myself so much for years.

Okay.

I'll have a scotch and water, please.

A scotch and water and a scotch on the rocks.

Oh, and a twist of lemon in the scotch and water.

Scotch on the rocks and scotch and water with a twist of lemon.

Coming right up.

Five weeks.

By the way, what's your name?

Mine's Harry.

Very nice to meet you, Harry.

Call me Annette.

I hope I'll be seeing more of you.

I hope I'll be seeing more of you in the next few weeks, Annette.

Harry, I don't know just how to take that.

Uh, I meant, uh, I hope I'll be seeing more of you, uh, more often.

Wow, that's what I really call a beautiful way of flattering a girl.

But it's cute.

Well, flattery gives a person a lift, and everybody needs a lift once in a while.

You work on the beach?

Here and in Miami.

In fact, wherever my assignment takes me.

You see, I'm a model.

Ah, what form of modeling?

Fashion, mostly.

Aha, well, I use fashion models for my clients.

I should recommend you to my agency.

Some of the girls I use should be limited to snowsuits.

No figure at all.

That sounds great.

Every little bit helps to keep the flesh and bones together.

It's really tough in L.A., trying to make a living as a model.

There really isn't very much work here, and every day it

seems as though there's more new girls coming into town.

They don't belong to the union.

They work longer hours for less money.

And there's not a thing I can do about it.

I know what you mean.

We always think of models as running from one job to another.

The money just seems to be piling up.

Ah, but the girls always look pretty when we see them.

They do look prosperous.

We have to look our best.

And some of the kids are worrying about where

the next month's rent's gonna come from.

I get your point.

I've been a little bit luckier than most, though.

I still don't have enough work.

Well, I'll tell you what.

Have you had lunch yet?

I had a light snack not too long ago.

I have to watch my figure, you know.

No more food for me until morning.

Well, I just ate with a client.

I was just thinking about you.

Have you ever modeled lingerie?

Well, just about everything under the sun.

Between here and back home.

Not too much lingerie, though.

Those are usually national accounts out of New York.

And I haven't had very many private demonstrations.

By private demonstrations, I suppose you mean the type that I have.

When I have a new line coming out, I get a bunch of girls to model for the clients.

They're local girls.

Yes, Harry, that's the idea.

I wasn't referring to those other kind of demonstrations.

The boys with the cameras who just take pictures and have

to hide them so their mothers and wives don't see them.

Oh, yeah.

We call them skin specialists.

The more you take off, the more you have to take off.

More artistic or something.

I guess if you get started doing that sort of thing,

there's no limit to the poses the boys will want.

That's right.

And they fled the country with them.

Wouldn't it be really great if something like

that would just show up in your hometown?

I could just picture mom and dad sitting down to breakfast and admiring me nude.

Oh, well, I wouldn't mind that.

Yeah, well, I never thought of that.

I guess when a guy looks at a picture of a girl when

she's nude, all he thinks about is how she's stacked.

They got no private life at all.

By the way, where is your hometown?

I was afraid you'd ask that.

Horsehead, New York.

That's right.

It's the real name of a real town.

And I never really realized how bad it was until I came to L.A.

and heard all those laughs.

Well, maybe I'd be a little bit better off if I just made up the name of a town.

Listen, you haven't heard anything yet.

I'm from Intercourse, P.A.

What do you think of that?

Hey, that must have been a good one.

Sorry I missed it.

You folks ready for another one?

Uh, yeah.

I think I will have another drink.

It was just a local joke.

Yeah, it was a pretty good joke, wasn't it?

But you know, it wasn't a joke, honestly.

There really is a town named Intercourse.

And I'll tell you something funnier.

It's right beside Paradise.

Oh, come on, Derrick.

You know, I just can't believe this.

You're really wise.

Listen, I tell you what I'm gonna do.

I've got a road map of Pennsylvania, and I'll show it to you.

Then will you believe me?

I'll believe it when I see it.

Do you tell very many people about this?

I'd love to see their reaction.

Well, I used to tell people about it.

And you should have seen the reactions I got.

You know, it was things like, uh... Did it affect your love life?

Is that why your wife divorced you?

And, you know, imagine.

Born in Intercourse, next to Paradise, and wind up in Hell.

And I've heard everything.

I guess it would leave you open to a lot of jokes.

Is your mail postmarked with the names of those towns?

Sure, they have post offices.

And they're both tourist attractions.

Ahem.

For obvious...

Oh, thank you.

For obvious reasons.

Can you imagine getting a postcard marked, Intercourse, P.A., with a little message?

Having a wonderful time.

Wish you were here.

I see what you mean.

That really would be hilarious if you sent it to the right person.

Yeah.

I guess quite a few people have been taken by surprise.

Annette, it's a beautiful night out.

And I love the beach.

Do you think you'd like to go with me?

Would you like to go for a ride?

I really would enjoy going for a ride.

Another couple of these and I really wouldn't be tipsy.

Well, I promise I'll keep you in stitches.

Well, just promise me you won't drop any stitches.

I don't want to catch a cold.

Just imagine meeting a man from Intercourse close to...

Paradise.

Yeah, that's right.

Close to paradise and winding up in bed sick.

Boy, that would be hell.

Listen, I won't drop a stitch.

And I certainly don't want you to get tipsy if you don't want to.

You know, Annette, the boys think I'm crazy

because I like to drive along the beach for hours.

Or just sit and watch the surf.

But I find it very relaxing.

I don't think it's crazy.

It shows that you do have a serious side.

Maybe they prefer that you tell jokes.

I guess when a bunch of men get together, they just don't want to be serious.

I think you hit it on the head.

I enjoy a good laugh.

And I think everybody should.

But I also want to be serious.

And I really enjoy being with someone who feels the same way.

I think that's why I've enjoyed myself so much tonight.

Annette, you're a sweet girl.

Huh.

I wonder how many times you've heard that.

I'd be lying if I said I never did.

But I enjoy hearing it from you.

Here we are.

Come on down.

Take it easy, now.

Wow.

Great.

This is it.

Harry, do you live here?

This is my home, baby.

This is where I keep my road maps.

You like boats?

I like them.

I love them.

Really?

Why didn't you tell me this was your boat?

You're a stinker.

Well, I guess I just wanted to surprise you.

Now, why don't you just go over and sit down and I'll mix us a couple of drinks.

Bartending is my second specialty.

See, it was scotch and water, wasn't it?

Second specialty?

What is your first?

That's a little something that you'll have to discover.

Just how many surprises do you have in store for me?

Now, do you believe me?

I'm just loaded with surprises, Miss Horsehead.

A little music there.

Now, isn't this better than sitting in a car or a crowded bar?

I hear you talking.

Do you always have to talk?

Only when I have someone who likes to listen.

Sometimes silence is much better.

You do have surprises for me.

But you're smashing my dress.

I'm going to look like an old dish rag.

And then, baby, why don't you change?

All my samples are hanging in the other room.

If you want one.

You're an angel.

Be right there.

I feel so wicked.

But I love it.

Now who's talking?

It's my turn.

It's my turn.

It's my turn.

...is a drink commonly served in Pakistan.

I saw no reason why I couldn't have one here in Hollywood.

You're a mental case.

Hello.

How are you?

You know something?

Trudy has got you on cloud nine.

He's been a million miles away.

Not Trudy, Fred.

Flowers.

And net flowers.

And a more beautiful flower have I never met in my life.

All of a sudden he's a gardener.

Boy, could that girl put out heat waves.

Nothing wrong with that one's heat waves either.

Oh, I'll drink to that.

You got it, baby.

Hello, boy.

Ready for another depth bomb?

Right you are, pussycat.

Let's have another round.

The name's Kitty Fred, not pussycat.

No offense.

Don't make waves.

I'm just pushing your leg.

Okay.

Oh, listen.

What are the chances of getting the young dancer

chick to come down and sit with us after her number?

Kind of liven up the party for us a little.

Well, I'd have to ask the boss.

But I think he'd probably go along with it, seeing

as how your friend's getting married tomorrow.

I'll go see.

Groovy.

You're a good sport.

That's the story of my life.

Good sport, Kitty.

You haven't invited me.

Uh, hey, man.

Do drinks have to be ordered in secret?

You could use some kind of code.

Well, Kitty and me have a little thing going on.

Oh, yes.

But you wouldn't be interested in that, because tomorrow's your big day.

Oh, wait.

Right.

And mine is every night.

Gene, Gene, don't make any things for tonight.

This is Fred's night.

You stick with him right to the bitter end.

I'm Fred.

He's Harry.

Okay?

This is Harry's night.

Harry's night.

Harry's night.

Why?

And we stick with him to the bitter end.

You've got it.

We are gentlemen in the presence of an awesome event.

A gentleman knight is stabling his horse and

retiring himself from the field of battle.

And we must maintain the quorum of the round table until the bitter end.

Right?

Here, here, here, Fred.

Fred, you make it sound as if you chased and the cung went off.

It's your own conquest of beautiful maidens.

Some kind of noble avocation.

Yeah.

Well, isn't it really?

Mm-hmm.

I mean, it's not as hard as working for a living, but it has its perils.

Oh.

Fraught.

Fraught.

Oh.

I want to tell you about disastrous experiences.

Well, I've had some awfully delightful experiences too, come to think of it.

But now, wait a minute.

No, wait a minute.

Old Harry here is ready to get married.

Right?

Right?

He's gonna do it.

But me?

I got a lot of wild oats I'm gonna sow, and I'd sure as hell rather sow them

before I got married than after, you know.

You're a good boy.

Yeah, round table man.

My friends will introduce themselves.

Boys, this is Summer Friends.

Hello.

Oh.

I'm in love.

I'm tall Tom Collins, I simply have to cool.

Oh, cool.

Summer.

I am... Gene.

Gene.

And that is Fred.

Hooray.

And Ted.

And this here is our guest of honor, good old Harry.

Right here.

Pleased to meet you.

I'm so tickled to meet you.

Honest, I can't tell you, it's just, you're great.

There's nothing I like better than a properly tickled... Oh, girl.

Properly tickled.

Mmm, tickled.

But that is a very strange name.

It's unusual.

How did you choose it?

Silly, I didn't.

My daddy did.

See, I have two sisters.

One is named Autumn, the other is Winter.

Frenzy is the family name.

How wild.

What happened to Spring?

Huh?

Yes, was your daddy on a vacation?

Uh, you're cute, Jim.

Daddy never had a vacation.

Awesome.

I have one brother, too.

His name is Strange.

I'll bet it is.

Probably.

What, uh, what is his name?

If you're the most, that's it.

Strange, Strange, Frenzy.

How... Strange, Strange, Frenzy.

How...

I'll bet your father was a teeny bit confused when your brother was born.

I'll bet he was.

Not really.

He sort of planned another girl.

He was really surprised when Mom had a boy.

But he saw nothing strange about Strange.

No, of course not.

That's cool.

Here you are, honey.

Aren't they sweet fellows?

Oh, they are nice, Kitty.

And they have a wonderful sense of humor.

I think your dad had a wonderful sense of humor.

Uh, he sounds very much like him.

He sounds like a perfume manufacturer to me.

Yeah.

What does he do for a living?

Daddy's a honey dipper.

A honey dipper?

A honey dipper.

What's a honey dipper?

What the hell is a honey dipper, honey?

Wait, see, I'm from Climax.

Climax is from... Summer, this is not a sex education course.

We're all from the same place.

Really?

Yeah.

I think being from Climax is wonderful.

Okay.

I know how it sounded.

Climax.

And I was about to say that, really, it's not the way I meant it.

I'm from Climax, Arizona.

So it's a state.

That's the town where I was born.

Oh.

You see, it's a farming area.

Daddy's the honey dipper.

There's still outdoor plumbing in some areas, and

he, um, they don't have yet those indoor things.

He services those outdoor water closets.

May I have a cigarette?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Here.

Yes.

You asked again, fellas.

Thank you.

Come on.

Bye.

This is one of the most wonderful experiences I've ever had in my life.

I wouldn't trade it for anything.

That's a nice compliment.

You're sweet, Harry.

You mean to tell me he's gonna trade all of this for no chance?

Everybody to his own bag.

Separate strokes for separate folks.

Alright.

Bag.

Don't talk about her like that.

Don't talk about her like that.

May I borrow your paper for a second?

Sure.

Why don't you just jump on my stomach and scream or something?

Well, I wanted to talk to you, and I had to wake you up in order to talk to you.

Besides, I don't want to read your paper anyway.

What do you want to talk to me about?

Do I know you?

Does a girl have to know you to talk to you?

Or don't you like girls?

You're an odd one.

I'm an odd one?

I'm just dozing here.

My dreams are a million miles from here.

You come and jump on my stomach and ask me

for a newspaper you don't even want to read.

And you say I'm an odd one.

The United States Marines couldn't have hit a beach harder.

So I come on strong.

So what?

Life is short and it shouldn't be spent with diplomatic formalities.

Should I send you a letter for an appointment?

You sure don't waste any time.

Sit down.

I'm just getting over my shock.

Come on, sit down.

I was going to look for a beach boy for you, who did look lonesome.

And I am lonesome.

So what in the hell's wrong with this meeting?

I can't imagine you're being lonesome, but I'm glad.

You're an amazing adventurer.

Call me Harry.

Shall I just call you Harry?

Or is that your name?

My name is Harry.

I'm Sandy.

Are we going to stay on this beach all day?

Well, that depends on where you want to go and what you want to do, doesn't it?

What in the hell do you think I want to do?

And where it is makes no difference.

Got any fruit juice?

I'm sure I do.

But what's with the fruit juice bit?

Some people like whiskey.

I like fruit juice.

And honey, and wheat germ.

And I like something.

Far be it from me to undermine your health.

I live on a houseboat right across the street.

I hope you like boats.

It's really comfortable.

Are you going to make a speech?

Or are we going to your place?

I'll get you your health juice, Sandy.

Make yourself comfortable.

Well then, where do I change?

There's a brothel.

Everything in there, if you need it.

Harry, you're catching on.

Phew.

Too much.

How

did I ever get this one?

Beautiful bottle.

Oh, man.

You're beautiful.

Your air conditioning is quite effective.

It's a little cool.

But I'll get used to it after a bit.

After a bit of what?

Have you ever tried potato juice?

No, I haven't.

Is it one of your favorites?

Well, it's one of my favorites.

What are you doing?

Modeling men's clothing?

What do you mean?

All I have on is trunks.

How do you dig men's clothing?

In the closet, sweetie.

Okay.

Sandy, to think.

An hour ago, I didn't even know you.

You're the most amazing experience of my life.

Compliments are fine, sweetheart.

But don't get sugary on me.

I couldn't stand that.

When can I see you again?

You can't, Harry.

You're kidding, aren't you?

No, doll.

This is it.

Tonight, I go back to Nowheresville.

Take me back to the beach.

You big bad man.

You've been sitting there with a silly look on your face.

And your eyes closed.

While I've been going all out to untie suits.

Don't you like me?

Maybe I like you too much, summer baby.

No man could like me too much.

No man could like any girl too much.

For a man in my position, liking any girl is bad.

One girl, maybe.

But not any girl.

Will you wait here while I finish my notice?

I promise we shall wait.

And wait right here.

Until you finish.

We will watch your tantalizing, twisting torso tantalize us.

Oh my goodness gracious.

Take some for me.

Little summer's right.

Now this chick's been throwing herself at you for ten minutes.

Like some kind of concubine.

What do you do?

You sit there like a smiling sphinx.

What do you, you got Trudy on your mind?

What's bothering you?

No boys.

It's not Trudy.

Just say I got something on my mind.

Well that ain't trouble baby.

You're smiling.

What's going on up there anyway?

Well, I've just been thinking about some of

the most beautiful experiences of my life.

Okay.

And I got to say that tonight is really one of them.

You guys are terrific.

Of course.

Well, thank you very much.

But it really doesn't do us a hell of a lot of good.

Because we sit here pitching this lady like mad.

And she drools all over him.

Don't blame me.

It's just my animal magnetism and summer's frenzy.

Oh boy.

Look, just make sure I'm around when that animal's magnetism is turned on.

Okay.

Oops.

In order to celebrate the occasion, the management

would like to buy you gentlemen this round of drinks.

What is it?

A refill?

Good luck Harry.

Thanks a lot.

Come here.

Come here Uncle Gene.

I'm trying to play out.

Come sit on Uncle Gene's leg.

Here's to me.

Right.

Here's to what?

Here it is.

Tell me.

That's twice.

I know.

Sincerity is for real.

Is she her name?

Really?

For real?

As far as we know, that's her name.

Summer Frenzy.

And from what I understand, it's appropriate.

You can say she really is Summer Frenzy in more ways than one.

The name is then kind of appropriate.

You get the point exactly.

From what I understand, she is.

Wow.

Wow.

Well.

Okay.

You may be right Kitty.

But I haven't seen any dynamite yet.

Is she hiding it?

Oh, she comes on slow.

Wait till she's had a few drinks.

The boss has a hard time slowing her down.

She seems to think that this joint is her private bedroom.

Well, tonight promises to be a good one.

Right.

Oh.

Yes.

Drink to that if you do.

I will.

Here you go.

Here's to Summer Frenzy.

Summer Frenzy.

And all the other Frenzies, wherever they might be.

Wherever they may be.

Skol.

And Nozdrobia and all that.

All.

You and me.

Let's go.

Okay.

Any place in particular?

No.

Uh.

I don't want to appear inquisitive, but would

you mind telling me what this is all about?

Later.

Not now.

Have it your own way.

For

about half an hour.

You're an adorable... I'm not a kid.

Well, you're not a grandmother either.

You do look young.

Fifteen is a kid, twenty is a woman.

You decide.

Don't flip your lid.

It's all right.

You're a woman.

Never in my life has a beautiful dream like you just popped into my car.

I've seen it in car rental commercials, but it's never happened to me.

Acted on the spur of the moment.

I had to do something.

And I did it.

Let's not talk about why I did it.

But not now.

Have it your own way.

You can tell me your name, can't you?

Philomena.

Everyone calls me Phil.

Hi, Phil.

I'm Harry.

You're a very pretty girl, Phil.

I feel very flattered.

You men have the corniest lines.

Try to be different.

I'm trying to be honest, Phil, not different.

You may not want to talk about it, but it might help.

Um, if you tell me why you selected me.

I didn't give it a thought.

I saw you there and I walked right up.

I just had to do something.

Are you in some kind of trouble, Phil?

What the hell did I run into?

A charitable organization or something?

Look, I don't want any help.

Look, Phil, let's understand each other.

You may be in trouble and that's your business, but I don't want to get into trouble.

You make trying to help sound like a crime.

If you're mad at the world, great, but just don't take it out on me.

I'm sorry, Harry.

You're right, I do have loads on my plate.

But I don't want to talk about that now.

Can't we have a little peace?

Contentment?

Without even trying, Phil.

Without even trying.

Your skin is as soft as a baby's behind.

We're back to that stuff again?

Do you have a fetish about babies?

No, no.

I'm talking about a beautiful girl with a beautiful complexion.

It's a compliment when I say your skin doesn't

look as though it's been around for 20 years.

Would it make you feel any better if I told you

I just got out of a juvenile detention home?

Make me feel better?

Are you kidding?

I'd run like hell.

There are a lot of things I need, but a statutory charge is not one of them.

I'd better take you home now.

Boy, does that get you going.

Don't worry, I'm only kidding.

I wouldn't have missed that reaction for the world.

Come on, now.

There, that's better.

Ooh, you're the cuddly type.

Mmm, I like it.

Don't scare me like that, Phil.

Saying something like that is like throwing a man in a tub of cold water.

Who needs that?

Well, here we are, Phil.

How do you like it?

The shower and closet are in there.

You might find something you like.

A quick glance tells me your boat is one big bedroom.

I'll take you up on the shower.

Can I have a drink?

Sure, what would you like?

Oh, anything, as long as it has liquor in it.

Okay.

A doll.

Boy, does she look young.

Here, come here.

I'll take you up on the shower.

Anything with liquor, she says.

Okay.

Harry, I can't find the towels.

Where are they?

Oh, sorry, baby.

I must have forgotten to put them out this morning.

I'll get them.

You look very pleased.

What do you find so pleasing?

Are you for real?

Phil, you are gorgeous.

Some men are so easily pleased.

That is the understatement of the year.

Harry, you're a good bartender.

Tastes good.

What is it?

Just a little vodka and a dash of lemon.

Must have been the lemon that did it.

I'm beginning to think you have unlimited talents.

So far.

Wonderful.

Absolutely.

Ah, I can see you have talents, too.

If I look pleased now, there's no reason to ask why.

I do what I feel like doing, when I feel like doing it.

Message received.

You don't need to say another word.

Yeah.

.

Are you ready?

How do you do?

You surprise me more every minute.

Are you really finished for the night?

Uh-huh.

And I don't want to go home.

And I don't want to stay here either.

Any good ideas?

Baby, ideas I ain't got, I can always get.

What about your friends?

Well, we're gonna have to stay here for a while.

They're giving a party for me.

Wouldn't you rather have a party with a girl than with three men?

Any time, day or night.

Good.

What do you suggest?

Well, uh, don't worry about it.

I'll talk to them about this little thing, and I'm sure they'll understand.

I have a deep and darkening suspicion that you two are plotting something.

Dessert?

There's a consp... ow!

Conspiracy going on here.

We do have a conspiracy, but it's ours.

Oh.

You three just go on with your private little stag party.

That's a bummer.

I'll be off in half an hour.

Is there any room at this party for an old waitress?

Oh, thou is not tired or old, and thou does not look either.

Uh, and you can park your car in my garage any time.

It's a proposition I've had all day.

And believe me, I've had some.

But honestly, thirty minutes more and we can really swing.

Well, that's just great.

Now what's Fred and I gonna do?

We can always be lookouts.

Yeah.

Do you still have that pour right in your trunk?

Listen, boys, listen.

I'll get some girls to join us.

Don't worry.

That sounds nice.

Farewell stag party.

Welcome orgy.

I'm not promising you an orgy.

But the girls are swingers.

What gives will give.

It's all up to you.

Well, I look forward to the orgy and the hell with this stag party.

They're for the birds anyway.

Birds.

Uh, you know, she has dropped out of the sky like a veritable

angel and brought us a whole basket full of goodies.

I recommend that we drink to her.

Right.

How are you?

Here's to Kitty.

Kitty.

Queen of all the stag parties.

Queen of.

May long be her reign.

Oh, hey.

And snow and lightning and thunder.

You're lifted by morale.

Listen, if you need me, call.

But I've got some other tables to work on now.

Okay.

Bye.

And I'll go change my keys.

Hooray.

Be right back.

You'll be a good boy.

Oh, I'll be good.

But don't take too long.

Whoo!

Ah.

Mm-hmm.

Looks like it's going to be a good one tonight.

It's a little early.

It's a little early now, but the night looks very promising.

It sure as hell does, boy.

But you know something?

We've got to act fast because those chicks are going to be back here like that.

And what are we going to do?

Sit around here until closing?

Oh, no, no.

That's out.

That's out.

It's a long time until closing.

And we've got a big day tomorrow.

There's going to be a lot of drinking after the wedding.

So we shouldn't, must not overdo it tonight.

Right.

Gene's right.

Even without the big day tomorrow, there's no point in getting loaded.

Let's go over to my boat.

I've got plenty of booze and music and everything.

Without any further consideration, I think we ought

to adjourn to the floating brothel without delay.

Right.

Count me in.

But, uh, who's going to make the suggestions of the bros?

Yeah.

You can't just walk up and say, let's go to Harry's floating ballroom.

I've got an idea.

I'll talk to Summer on the side.

She'll talk to the other girls and get them to agree with it.

That's always the best way to handle it.

Good idea.

Well, a guy makes a suggestion like that to a

broad and she gets all salty right off the bat.

But another gal makes a suggestion, gets all in front, she'll buy it.

What are you worried about?

You're already set up with Kitty.

It's Fred and yours truly here that have to do the work.

We'll wind up with a couple of village pigs.

Or each other.

Look.

When Kitty comes back with the drinks, I'll have a chance to talk to Summer.

And you guys will have a chance to check out your girls.

Harry, this would be one hell of a night for old Trudy to drop in.

Eh, forget it.

She and her mother will be busy with the arrangements for tomorrow.

But, Harry, if she did, then the doo-doo would hit the fan.

And not only the fan, but eight little fans.

Oh, just forget it.

Cool it.

Harry, you sound like you don't give a damn.

I don't.

Not tonight.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow's another night.

Right.

Tomorrow's another night.

I wonder who the two other broads are gonna be.

What are you wondering what the two other broads are gonna be?

Fred and I here have to do the wondering.

You already know what Kitty looks like.

I was just thinking about you guys.

I don't think there's any reason to worry about her.

All the chicks I've seen in this place are beautiful.

That joint must have a monopoly on them.

I don't know what's the worst influence on me.

You guys are all these beautiful dolls.

Thank you.

What's the matter?

Having second thoughts?

Too late, Harry.

Too late.

The girl's ready.

The preacher's ready.

Mom's waiting.

And Dad's got his shotgun ready.

And you sure as hell better be ready.

He's gotta be ready if we have to pick him up and carry him.

Right.

Hey, listen.

Would you, um... Would you do me a favor and talk to the girls about the, um...

Gotta have the other two.

Gotta take care of them.

Yeah, gotta do the... I want the one with the big, uh... You got it.

Got it, baby.

Right there.

He's gonna... Yes or yes?

All set.

Oh, that's more at once.

You boys want another round?

Yes.

Yes, do.

Bring us some more happy chicks.

Some more of that liquid fire.

Why not?

You're not ready for it.

You're not?

Come on.

Ah, look at this.

Oh, you're ready for that, aren't you?

Oh, yeah.

You have ages since I saw you last.

Oh, I think you're growing on me.

Have a hunch he's gonna grow some more on you soon.

Let me get you all some drinks.

Marvelous.

Sorry, before you... What on earth did she mean by that?

As if I didn't suspect.

Are you growing on me?

Listen, I hope I grow all over you.

Just being nice.

I'm just a little bit nervous.

Are you growing on me, baby?

Well, I think so.

Oh, boy.

If you would just love and love and love me, it would be so great.

Listen, I've got a wonderful idea.

Let's get out of this place.

Oh, yes.

I've got a beautiful little houseboat.

We have everything we need there.

We have drinks, music, and lots to eat.

And plenty of privacy.

That's fantastic.

Oh, well, now, wait a minute.

Let me finish.

Kitty is gonna get a couple of girls for these guys.

And we're gonna go over there.

We'll have a wonderful time.

Sounds like a crowd.

Oh, yeah, a crowd.

But still, don't forget, I said we'll have plenty of privacy when we want it.

Oh, good.

Oh, you feel so good.

Mm-hmm.

Hi, Ted.

Hi, Chris.

This is Jean, and Ted, and Fred, and this is Harry.

Hello.

Hi, Chris.

Hi, girls.

Have you met everyone?

Yeah.

Okay, I'll just take a second to change.

I'll be right back.

Oh.

Hope you don't mind sitting on the lounge.

Don't I get one?

Oh, why?

Of course.

You and I, when I get along, it's just great.

Same name.

Teddy.

Teddy.

Teddy.

Would you like a drink?

Teddy and, uh...

Chris.

Chris.

Oh, right.

Well, you two girls are something.

Aren't they, though?

Something.

Mm, all right.

Yes, yes.

Oh, it's just the name I use.

I'm still hoping to get into show business.

I'm Miss Teddy Bear, and this is Chris Cofino.

Oh, good.

Oh, good.

That's funny.

Well, then, bottoms up.

Right.

Yes.

Not here.

Not here.

Bottoms up.

After that, let's just drink, shall we?

Full of ambition.

Um, what are you doing?

What do you do, Teddy?

Do you, uh... Dance and sing?

Well, I'm just beginning.

But I hope to go-go, and... And go on from there.

Well, go-go is the thing around town now.

I know.

There's so many of them, and they're just terrible.

It's really rough for a girl with talent.

It's all the same.

These gin mill owners make with the shack up, and

all you hear in the morning is, I'll call you later.

Yeah.

I suppose so.

Perils of living, you know.

Bear in mind, I have not offered you a thing.

I know you're not the type, Fred.

You're the kind of fellow I like.

You don't make any promises that you can't keep.

You're a straight shooter.

Yeah.

Well, babe, that's the way it should be.

If you dig somebody, you make the scene.

You play it very straight, and nobody should get hurt.

Well, listen.

If Summer's going to Harry's boat, why don't we all go?

Yeah, very good.

I'll buy that.

What?

One for all.

And all for one.

All for one.

Sounds like fun.

Ted, with you, anything would be fun.

Oh, excuse me, excuse me, you guys.

Summer wants to get out of this den of iniquity.

Why don't you guys get up off your chairs and make like a ship's crew.

Aye, sir, aye, aye.

Yeah, let's go with this baby chicken.

Right, hey, I'll get the tab.

I'll get the kitty cat and I'll get the car.

Hey, alley cat, can I have the tab, please?

Oh, this is gonna break me, I know.

Listen, I'll get it back.

Hey, you guys, get up and fix some drinks, we're dry.

Oh, come on, man, I paid a tourist fare, I'm a visitor.

Listen, if you want to drink my booze, at least you got to do it pouring.

Don't be lazy.

I'm sorry it's a guest of honor tonight.

Oh, forget that, we're all guests of honor.

Sweetie, you're just so nice to me.

Okay, then I'll be the galley slave.

But you have to make it easy on me.

Everybody has scotch.

I don't know how to make... Hey, listen.

You guys, you gals don't want this kind of music.

Let me get on something lime-weir.

Oh, yeah.

Bye.

I think the guest of honor has had too much booze because he went to the powder room.

And he needed some powder.

Went for some powder?

Right.

Hey, you guys, don't be strangers.

Get powder.

Powder room.

Well, he needs some powder.

There he is.

Hey, don't be strangers.

Make yourselves uncomfortable.

What do I look like, a mom on a bed of nails?

But, by your leave, sir.

Oh.

Da, da, da, da, da...

Da, da, da, da, da, da... Da, da, da, da, da, da... Shake it off.

Shake it off.

I saw him in an horror movie once.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

There it is.

Oh, ugly face number two.

Yeah, I was actually thinking we could take you by the jaw, not the eye cap.

Thank you, baby, coming from you.

I meant it.

This whole smooch.

Well, if it's an orgy, it's an orgy.

It says DD.

I hope so.

Orgy.

If it isn't, I'm in the wrong hotel room.

Orgy.

Oh, we're on a boat, huh?

Make it orgastic.

Oh, do that.

You do that good, too.

Come on, do it.

Woo!

The sea ass.

Oh, hello there.

Hello, baby.

Oh, do it.

All right.

There wasn't any...

Oh, look at that.

The boarding school was nervous.

.

.

Oh!

No!

Ha-ha-ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha-ha-ha!

Oh!

Hey!

Ha-ha-ha!

There you go.

There you go.

Ha-ha-ha!

There you go.

Oh!

Oh, Summer, baby.

There is an ounce of your body that isn't created for pleasure.

You're superb.

I'm just warming up.

Oh, I'd like to see you when you are warm.

What?

No, don't worry.

You will.

Mary... Are you really getting married tomorrow, honey?

That's the schedule.

I've never met a man like you.

I wish we'd met a year ago.

Why a year ago?

Then I'd have had a chance.

A chance?

Oh...

Baby, if you knew what was running through my mind...

Probably that I'm a tramp.

That a girl like me should never get married.

Go on.

You might as well say it.

Far from it.

As a matter of fact, if you're game, let's get dressed.

I'll pack a few things and we'll get out of here.

Are you kidding?

What about tomorrow?

Forget tomorrow.

We can get a few things for you.

Let's just get out of here.

I'd go just like I am.

But, Harry, are you sure?

No regrets tomorrow?

Baby, the only thing that I'm sure of is... I want to get out of here.

Come on.

Let's just go.

Well, there we are.

What about the gang?

What do we tell them?

Hmm...

Gang, goodbye.

Goodbye, gang.

Goodbye, gang.

Goodbye, gang.