Original subtitles

I may have to ask for a loan.

Get your own place, there's so many other options.

Hey, come on!

Hey, I saw you last week, man.

Welcome.

Drama, betrayal, beef,

The Wahlid Show has it all,

and it starts right now.

This week, lifelong friends...

We've been friends since high school.

...turn into enemies.

He's been taking from me!

Ask his mom, ask his sister, everybody hates Jasmeet.

After this YouTuber stylist...

I'm the reason why he has any sense of style!

Look at him before, he was trash.

...ditches him for a more popular

and younger streamer.

Hey, I'm Prem, and I'm hot.

She's doing it for the clout, okay?

I just want my friend back.

I hate him! you, Jasmeet!

We're done!

Can this friendship be saved?

Or is it a forever beef?

We're going to find out. Jasmeet, come on out!

Hey, everybody! Hey.

Big fan of your work.

Thank you. How are you? Hey.

Alright, hey.

Jasmeet, welcome to the show. Tell us, what's going on?

Look, man. I wish I knew what was going on, you know?

I just want to know why she ghosted me.

And you guys have been friends since high school?

Yeah. That's what makes it even more sad.

She's like one of my best friends.

Man, she's a snake for real!

Appreciate you, thank you.

And you claim she left you for Prem,

the same guy that got you cancelled on his live stream.

Yikes!

That's what I'm saying! That guy's a weasel-ass,

clout chasing, son of a , mother, ass.

I hate his

That's what I'm saying, that guy.

He's a clout chasing !

Don't have a stroke now.

Jasmeet, what would you do if Prem was here right now?

Honestly, Wahlid, if he was here right now

I'd him up.

Really?

that guy, as a matter of fact, I wish he'd come out.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

- You wish, you wish? - Yeah, I wish.

Be careful what you wish for. Anyways, let's go ahead--

Wait. Why'd you give me that look?

Huh? Don't worry about it, alright?

Wait, no, I...

Well, I've got Chippy backstage listening right now,

let's get to the bottom of this. Chippy, come on out.

Oh, you. , you!

Which one of you holes called me a snake, huh?

, I bet it was you.

You left the house like that? you.

Chippy, why the sudden betrayal?

I have my reasons.

Yeah, right!

Yeah, but what did I even do?

Honestly, at this point, it's so much stuff

I can't even keep track, like you're so exhausting, Jasmeet.

Ooh.

I don't have the capacity

to do your emotional labour anymore.

I should be getting paid!

Get your money, girl!

Thank you!

You know what, Chippy, you're right.

On this show, we believe in women getting equal pay

for what they do.

Thank you.

You want to know what's exhausting?

You constantly using therapy-ass lingo all the time on me.

Emotional labour this, capacity that.

Like, what are you even trying to say?

You're criticizing me for how I show up in our friendship

to keep you accountable?

No, I'm criticizing you because all you do is act

like my therapist. How about acting like my friend?

Just keep it real with me.

Chippy, it can't be that hard to keep it real.

I'm not responsible for you doing the work.

Yeah, do the work, bitch!

See, Wahlid, this is what I'm saying, man.

Like, what does "the work" even mean?

Sounds like a nine to five.

Maybe if you weren't so self-absorbed in your own

and you actually looked up out of your hole

at the rest of the world, you'd know.

It's always your world, Jasmeet, and we're all just living in it.

I mean, it is Jasmeet's World, am I right?

Thank you!

Game recognize game, brother.

Let's take a quick break and when we get back,

we'll find a little solve For all of this.

Okay. Hey, nice to meet you.

Hey, look, man, I'm actually a huge fan.

You said something about be careful what you wish for.

I just wanted to know...

Don't worry about it, alright?

First up for the seals

is a new innovation in the meal delivery space.

Hello, Mummy. What's for lunch?

Oh, shoot. I forgot you are thousands of miles away,

all the way in India.

But I miss your cooking so much,

whatever can I do?

Don't worry, let Supi Auntie take care of you!

Ha!

Just Like Home Tiffins!

Just Like Home Tiffins. Fuck.

I started this business back in Covid,

providing a good meal to all the hard-working

international students who don't have time to cook

or can't afford expensive takeout.

Today I'm asking for $50,000

for my new kitchen renovations in the backyard shed.

Including more cooking space,

storage, dishwashers,

and these cute reusable metal tiffin containers,

just like in India.

You want to have a look, sir?

Uh, yeah.

So, what is the valuation of your company?

Well, if you look at your pamphlets,

you can see that this year

I have a new increase of 70%

in revenue from the time

I started in Covid to now.

The demand is soaring

and we are planning to expand our operations,

while being ethically priced

and environmentally friendly

because we are...

Just Like Home Tiffins!

Yeah, cute. Okay.

Listen, I think it's kind of bold to ask for 50k

for a tiny company that has no real future.

And I mean, how do these flimsy tins even work?

Well, we bring the food one day, we wash the dishes,

and we collect them the next day with a brand new tiffin sets.

They're not even durable.

Will our judges move past this tiffin tantrum?

Or will Just Like Home become just for home.

Find out next.

Welcome to Nest Quest!

We're on a mission to connect sad, pathetic losers

with their next best nest.

Hi, I'm Maanvi, I'm an accountant,

I like to travel and learn languages.

She's freshly divorced, looking to move out

of her overbearing parents' house,

and start a brand-new life as a strong, independent woman.

Just to clarify, they're not overbearing.

Sorry, one second.

Haanji, mummy.

No, I'm out with a friend.

Tell Dadi I'll take her later.

No, I don't know anything about her hemorrhoid cream,

why would I know anything about that?

Why do you always do this when I'm out?

You're so annoying!

Okay! So, what kind of nest are you on a quest for?

I'm open to anything,

something cute with ensuite laundry, maybe.

Close to work, I'm easy.

Okay, sounds not too difficult,

let's get on the quest.

No, no, don't let me interrupt your little daydream moment.

Please, continue...

Don't you have any shame?

How many times have I told you...

I like my kitchen filthy!

Understand?

But my sweetest daughter-in-law.

Wouldn't a little cleanliness help your mood

and the vibe in the house?

Vibe?

The vibe was fine until you got here!

Interjecting yourself into every little thing.

Ruining my tea.

I like it weak! Weak like water!

I don't need your help.

I already have my little student slave.

What have you done to her?

Go somewhere else to rot out the rest of your life!

We are modern Canadians,

we don't need you here!

Get up!

Oh god, what has happened?

Welcome back to the show, Jasmeet, tell me,

Chippy is working with this guy Prem.

Does that bother you? - Yeah, obviously it bothers me.

She's working with the guy that set me up to crash out.

You're working with my op!

Oh, he made you say you're homophobic?

I'm not. - Not cool, buddy.

He rage-baited me into it. It was intentional.

Yo, this guy fell for the rage bait, that's crazy.

Can't you see how slimy he moves? That's your man?

He wants me to style him and he's going to pay me.

What am I supposed to say? No?

Mm-hmm, get your money, girl!

- Thank you! - I ain't going to lie, man.

Money is a second language. And I be speaking it, man.

There are other ways to make money and promote yourself.

Gee, if only I had a friend who was really popping online

and could put me on every once in a while.

You know, I even made this jacket

for him to wear on the stream.

That looks like support to me.

Yeah. If he had worn it.

Wait, wait, you're telling me he didn't even wear the jacket?

Alright, no disrespect, it's just not my style.

You asked me to make it for you.

What are you talking about? - What are you talking about?

I didn't ask you to make shit. - Yeah? That's funny.

Because I got receipts.

Oh, that is great, that's great. Let's pull it up.

Wait, why are you bringing out a TV?

Alright, we have a little text exchange here.

Chippy, "Got some good stuff on the way."

And we got some photos of some fabric.

And Jasmeet, you responded with, "Neeeed dat."

With four e's and a flex emoji.

I don't know about you guys,

but this looks like an agreement to me.

See? I don't lie.

Yo, I thought you were making some futuristic-ass Sari, okay?

Like, we, we as in the culture, need that.

There he goes again, saying things he doesn't mean.

You send me a picture of a pile of fabric

and I'm supposed to know that that's a jacket.

It clearly looks like a jacket! Are you blind?

No, it clearly looks like a bunch of cut up safety vests.

Like, guys, back me up. Wahlid, back me up.

I can kind of see how it's a jacket.

What! How?

Can I actually get a closer look at the jacket?

Sorry, I just want to take a look. Yeah. Do you mind?

I'm just going to try this on real quick.

Nah, this is crazy, what the heck?

Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you a dummy on this.

Yo, dawg, take a photo real quick?

Yeah! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Nah, dawg, you actually slipped this,

because this is actually so dumb, what the heck.

Yo, Chippy, after the show I'm going to have our stylist

get in touch, I'm just going to have you make some pieces

for the show, because like, this is crazy.

I'm going to wear this out of the studio.

You didn't wear this jacket? You didn't even try it on?

Yo, is he not a clown?

Like that's actually crazy, he's dumb as hell.

Like he's actually dumb.

Let me see if I got this straight.

You're asking the consumer

to wash their own dishes?

It's idiotic, it's inconvenient

to the consumer.

That's why there's services like Skip The Dishes,

it's literally in the name,

you eat, you toss, easy.

But we are mindful about the environmental impact.

Time for a little bit of reality here, sweetie.

We all want to save the turtles

but paper straws suck.

Not in the way they're supposed to,

they're supposed to suck up the liquid, they don't,

they just suck, suck. You get it.

People don't give two shits

if it makes their lives inconvenient.

Can you even swear on this show?

Fuck, yeah. Fuck, fuck, fuck, you should give it a try,

I think it'd relax you a lot more. Fuck!

So what is your profit margin for the month?

Is it like 25 bucks?

No, it's more than that, if you look at the chart--

I see no plans for expansion outside your backyard.

No growth in different cities,

no growth in different provinces.

There isn't even butter chicken in this!

Like, what kind of Indian food is this?

Sir, this is authentic Kashmiri-Punjabi--

- No, no I haven't finished-- - Sir, you asked her a question.

- I am still talking! - Mr. Seal, please.

I'm not finished!

- This guy's an asshole. - Shut up.

Sorry.

Look, if you don't have a real plan

for me to make real money,

I cannot see any value in this.

We're not running a charity, kids.

We like money.

Money. Mon-mon-mon-mon-mon-mon-money.

You might as well be pitching a soup kitchen

the way you're going.

Come on.

Will they seal the deal?

Or will her dreams get clubbed away?

Find out next.

Kapow.

Oh, God.

I will fix your problems.

Hello, Haanji, who's next on the phone call?

Uh, Gurd... Gurpreet Bhatta.

And what is the seem problem?

Yes, I'm calling because...

I have someone in my life...

... and I love her but,

- But I have to tell her... - Yes.

I don't like what she's doing.

Well, listen, buddy. Relationships, they take time.

So if you just talk to her.

Anything more least confrontational?

Are you able to give me some kind of magic spell

to get my mom to go back to India?

What the hell you think I am? Like the wizard?

You think I'm a wizard or something?

Help me, please.

Buddy, go to a counselor or something like that.

Not me, okay?

I'm just, I'm here to sell some ad space,

I'm not qualified at all.

This isn't even my real hair.

My real name is Charles, actually.

You an call me Chuck.

♪ I will fix your problems ♪

I'm going out, bitch.

Beta, maybe you can cover up more?

For your own safety that is.

This is the fashion these days!

Being as naked as possible is cool, okay?

Your traditional ways of thinking are garbage.

I'm going to go drink 50 beers

and smoke 75 cigarettes and kiss 100 boys now.

Beta, I spent all day knitting this sweater for you.

Great! I can use this to wipe up my filthy,

bloody, disgusting junkie period blood.

We used to hide our periods in shame,

pretend like they didn't even exist.

Oh my strong son.

You will save me from the darkness of this home.

When will you come home?

Next time, on The Wahlid Show.

You locked me out of our YouTube channel,

and now he's making videos by himself.

Whatever, bro!

Why don't you go get deported again like you always do?

What? You know that's a sensitive topic for me.

True. Sorry.

Bro, if you actually think about it, if you never got deported

then we would've never met. - Yeah.

And we would never have become best friends.

Why are we even on this show?

And why does this guy smell like ketchup?

And why is his chest hair poking out?

Bro, my grandma just died, want to go to her house

to see if we can find something cool?

- What? - Yeah!

Well, this episode is going to suck, so...

Alright, Mrs. Dutta.

Explain to me why I should give a crap.

Okay? Yeah.

I cook every day because I love to feed

those less fortunate than me.

We employ students because we care.

We keep the prices low because we care.

We have love for them, as if they are our own family.

No one watches out for them

and as a mother it breaks my heart.

All you people care about is money, money, money.

But where is your decency?

Sitting on millions of dollars,

having fancy suits, nice cars,

don't you ever think to spend some of it

to help those who do so good?

Wow! Will her passion be enough

for the judges to have a change of heart?

That was so lovely.

I really hope they put some violins behind that,

because that was beautiful.

But, we're out.

Fine.

I think this is the wrong place for someone

who isn't a selfish asshole head like you!

Challo, let's go.

Oh! Uh, wow, okay.

Uh, I thought she'd at least throw a counter-offer.

Alright.

Well, anyways, up next we have a--

Wait. Oh.

Just one more idea.

It's like sled pants.

Like pants with a sled if you forget your sled.

Fuck you, fuck your wife.

She's not my wife.

And fuck the hot guy. He should be in the middle.

Alright, what do you think of this one?

12th floor, lake view?

Uh...

I don't think my mom would like that place.

She'd get sick there.

Okay, well actually, right next door we have this one.

Amenities include a squash court.

No, that's too high up for my dad.

- Alright. Yeah, this place. - No.

Right here is a church, an old church.

So it's haunted?

Uhh... What about here?

- I don't like it. - Okay.

Alright. What do you think of right here?

And you share it with an old Portuguese woman.

Okay. We have looked at over 200 places

and you've had a problem with each of them.

Well, my dad wouldn't like how high up any of those are...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and your mom's going to get vertigo.

Do you realize that we have never not matched a bird

with a new nest before? I'm not giving up, okay?

I'm not fucking giving up.

Wow. That's really great, thank you.

Argh! Jim. I need more cigarettes,

more coffee and more coke. Way more fucking coke.

Son, you're home?

Save me from the darkness of this home.

My back is aching. Could you take me to the doctor?

My son, what's gotten into you?

She sucks, get her out of the house.

Tell her to take the bus.

Yes, take the bus.

Catch the bus, old hag!

I don't have any money!

And I can't understand these white people.

That's not my fault.

You are an uneducated fool!

I bet she can't even read.

Uneducated woman!

My sweet son, what dark magic have these witches done to you?!

I just wanted to give my love,

but no one understands me in this home.

Take me away from here!

How does it feel to not seal the deal?

I just thought they would see the importance of my company.

So yes, I am disappointed.

Wow, look who it is.

Jaspreet? What are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just pitching my new business.

And I have to thank Jasmeet for it.

He really got me back on my feet.

- This is confusing. - Tell Maanvi I said hi.

Arf, arf, arf, go seals!

What happens for you now?

You know, I have a lot to think about. Thank you.

Looks like she does

have a lot to got to think about...

Woah. Woah, woah, hey. What's going on here?

Oh, um.

Bhua ji, we were just looking for the car...

What the hell's gotten into these two?

No, Auntie, wait, please. Please, Auntie, wait.

Can I have 100 bucks?

Oh, fuck off.

Just 50, or...

Just give me a ride home?

Will Neal get a ride home?

Okay, after taking everything

you told us into consideration,

we have found the perfect place for you, finally.

What do you think? - What the heck!

Let's do this thing! - Okay, great!

That's the spirit. - Does it have a pool?

Uh, sure, yeah.

What about, um, in-suite laundry, does it have that?

Don't worry about that,

there's someone who does it here, she's very motherly.

A few more steps, and...

Take off your blindfold!

What? I don't...

I don't want to be here.

Well, because you can't tell your parents

that you want to move out, we found the only spot for you,

so let's take a tour.

I'll look at the other places...

Time to go on the tour.

- No. - No? No, no, come on.

Here's where you'll be sleeping forever

because you can't grow past your guilt.

No!

The same room, the same house,

the same people, until they get old.

- No! - And then you get old.

No!

Forever and ever until you're a spinster...

- No! - ...divorcée...

- Please. - ...living with your parents.

- I'll live anywhere. - It's too late for that now.

I'll live with the Portuguese lady.

- She's dead. - I don't need to take showers.

I'm stinky Maanvi.

Please, please, you can't do this.

You can't do this. - We didn't do anything, Maanvi.

You did this. - I can't be here.

I can't be here.

Wait, no, get back here! Don't do that! Don't...

Come back!

Oh, she'll be back later on.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, it's good.

I could live here.

Mummy? Mummyji?

West is hungry.

I just don't understand why you're so mad about a jacket.

Oh, my God, it's not just about the jacket.

I mean, Chippy, you've gotta spell it out for us, right guys?

Alright, fine. Here it is.

Jasmeet, you were the first person I came out to.

Do you know how hard that was?

And still is?

Yeah. I know, okay?

So then why haven't you addressed your crash out?

All your little fans are out there

thinking it's cool to be homophobic.

No, they don't, it's like 2% of them.

Have you even looked at what they're saying?

Why do you care so much about these like redpill bros?

I can't control what the internet thinks.

Not control, influence.

You know how weird brown people are

when it comes to queer issues.

Okay. I'm going to address it.

I just need some time.

I don't want to come across as fake and performative.

I want to it right.

Okay. Yeah.

It's not just about the apology.

It's about how easily you said what you said.

You're right.

I get it and I'm sorry.

But, if I'm going to be honest with you,

I can't help but feel like I was disrespected too.

What? Yes.

You're kidding.

No, I'm not, you ditched me for that idiot.

Jasmeet, all I do is support you.

You never do the same for me, you understand that, right?

Meanwhile, I've been there for you.

Your mom, your sister, your whole family,

when you choose not to.

Well, nobody asked you to, okay?

This is insane.

I've done so much for my family.

So much.

And the one time that I do something for myself,

everybody has a problem with it.

One time? It's all the time.

And everyone just keeps covering for you.

You know what? You're not just a shitty friend.

You're a shitty son.

You're a shitty brother.

You're a shitty person, period.

So then why are you friends with me?

- I don't know. - So you can use me?

To push your ugly jacket?

Or is it so you can use me to feel better about yourself.

"Oh, look at me, I'm Chippy, I'm going to go around fixing

everyone that I can, even though it's none of my business.

And anybody else that doesn't do the same

and anybody else that doesn't think like me

must be a shitty person."

I'm sorry I don't have like,

two, three million more followers,

because then this whole thing would not be a problem.

Oh, my God, you're talking about Prem, right?

This is not about Prem. You're so jealous of the guy,

you can't even see that it's about you!

Oh, yeah, no, I'm real jealous that I'm not being glazed

by a bunch of 12-year-olds.

You want to be him so bad, it's so pathetic.

Yeah, no, I'm real jealous.

That I'm not hacky and I'm not going to be replaced

by a younger, hotter version of me.

And then what? Then what am I going to do?

Go on TikTok and beg for galaxies?

"Please, guys, send me a galaxy, what's up,

hit that like, yeah, yeah, yeah."

- Come on, man. - Do birthday cameo shoutouts?

"Hey! Happy bar mitzvah, can you pay me 10 bucks?

Hey, happy Diwali, $50 please."

He's a hack, he's a hole,

he's not even that good-looking to be honest,

he has no style, he's going to be washed in a year or two.

Prem, come on guys, Prem sucks,

Prem sucks, Prem sucks.

Alright, alright, alright.

Well, speak of the devil, here comes Prem!

- Prem is here, come on! - Wait, what?

Give it up for Prem, yeah! The hottest man on the internet.

Let's go! What's that you've been saying about me?

Glazing 12-year-olds?

What the hell's going on here?

The Wahlid Show, baby.

You're right. You could never be me.

That's why I stole your girl.

Oh my God! Stop! (bleep) stop!

Stop! Fucking stop!

What is wrong with you?

You know what?

I can't do this anymore. Okay?

Wear the jacket, don't wear the fucking jacket,

I don't fucking care. I don't care anymore.

Get your ass beat on live TV,

clout chase all you want, I'm done with you!

I'm fucking done!

Ooh.

Well, I'm glad she didn't take this

because these are expensive.

Like, 300 bucks for one of these things.

It's so annoying, too, because if you lose one

then you can't use the other one.

This is all like TV stuff,

you probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

It sounds like Chinese to you, what I'm saying.

It's tiffins, done different.

With cheap, reusable packaging,

AI robots making all the deliveries,

and barely any labour costs for cooking.

How is that possible?

Well, my uncle is the head secretary

at one of the local Gurdwaras,

so I may have cut him a little deal,

if I bring in some of the groceries,

they'll set aside some food

that the volunteers will cook in the Langar Hall.

I repackage it, resell it!

Using existing kitchens and free labour,

there's barely any overhead.

Exactly. With the network of community kitchens

and langar halls set up across the country,

we can use this model to expand all over.

Holy shit, I am so wet right now.

Also, butter chicken poutine anyone?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Give it.

We're going to be rich.

We're going to be rich.

We're going to be rich.

We're going to be rich.

We're going to be rich.

We're going to be rich. We're going to be rich.

We're going to be rich.

We're going to be rich.

difuze