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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:12,983 Thank God. 2 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,621 So, you know, there's all this... 3 00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:27,359 excitement, you know. 4 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,367 It's a new beginning, you know. 5 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,562 I mean, there's this place where the two of you... 6 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:35,472 are blissfully going to spend the rest of your lives. 7 00:04:35,541 --> 00:04:40,376 And then you pay the movers way too much. 8 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:42,539 You know, and you look around, suddenly you realize... 9 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,879 that this place is not as big or as bright or as clean... 10 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,543 as you thought. 11 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:47,847 And it's not a new beginning. 12 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,252 It's just the same shit in a different location. 13 00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:51,290 Actually it's worse... 14 00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:52,984 because now you got to clean it all up... 15 00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:55,926 and make this blank, cluttered place into a home. 16 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:57,462 Do you know what I mean? 17 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:01,565 I'm sorry. Did you say something? 18 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,067 I was zoning out there a little bit. 19 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,065 Fuck you. 20 00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:09,667 Expecting someone? 21 00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:11,607 Jake's coming by. 22 00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:12,872 Is he still pissed? 23 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,641 About Andrea? 24 00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,310 I don't know. 25 00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:20,943 Hey. 26 00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,386 Hey. Jake, you remember Cal. 27 00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:24,650 Yeah. 28 00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:27,192 Last time I saw him, he fucked my date. 29 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,818 He's still pissed. 30 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:30,954 It was only three fucking weeks ago. 31 00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:32,463 And I was crazy about her. 32 00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:34,159 I thought she could have been the one. 33 00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,224 Oh, you poor dumb bastard. 34 00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:38,167 Excuse me? 35 00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:40,797 She fucked me on your date. 36 00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:43,808 She could have been the one? 37 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:45,138 Hello. 38 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:47,304 Plus she used too much teeth when she was giving head... 39 00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:49,974 wouldn't dream of letting me come on her face. 40 00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:51,983 So unless our standards are drastically different 41 00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:55,350 from one another, I'd say I did you a favor, pal. 42 00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:02,456 What? 43 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:03,756 I'll buy you a drink. 44 00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,196 Yeah. That'll make us even. 45 00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:08,256 Barkeep. 46 00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:09,767 Grab me a whisky, will you, and... 47 00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:13,165 All right. 48 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:14,672 I'm taking off. I'll call you. 49 00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,106 You got a hot date with Andrea? 50 00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:19,042 Be good, Jake. 51 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:23,344 Seriously, he has a hot date with Andrea, doesn't he? 52 00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:25,043 No. 53 00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:29,113 Fucking funny. 54 00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:30,587 Fucking funny. 55 00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:32,419 Doesn't he have a girlfriend? 56 00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:35,427 For, like, five years now. 57 00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:37,759 And he gets more ass than a toilet seat. 58 00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:41,964 I got to take a piss. 59 00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:03,651 Oh, Jesus. 60 00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:06,556 - I got this. - Thanks. 61 00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:08,059 Jesus. 62 00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:16,257 You don't get a lot of pussy, do you? 63 00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:18,270 What? 64 00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:24,775 I mean... no. No. I'm married. 65 00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:26,709 What's one got to do with the other? 66 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,806 I take it you're not. 67 00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:34,148 I don't feel the need to adhere to the conventions... 68 00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:36,450 of modern society. 69 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,691 I don't know what that means. 70 00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:45,130 It means I like to keep my options open. 71 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,359 Hey, who doesn't? 72 00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:49,401 Who's your friend? 73 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,404 This is Jake. He's single. 74 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,463 He says that like it's a condition. 75 00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:57,942 Oh, this is, uh... 76 00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:58,942 Lily. 77 00:07:59,011 --> 00:08:00,308 Hi. 78 00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:01,710 Dave. 79 00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:03,180 Dave. 80 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:05,945 Lily, do you want to have dinner with me? 81 00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:07,508 I don't think so. 82 00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:09,145 Why not? 83 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,985 I just met you. 84 00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:13,082 But I could be a chaperon. 85 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,059 I guarantee a good time. 86 00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:17,721 What about your wife? 87 00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:20,994 I'll take her with us. 88 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,160 We'll make a whole big night out of it. 89 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:35,669 Call me. 90 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:42,387 And it was very nice to meet you, Jake, Dave. 91 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,548 Lily. 92 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:47,924 Thank you. 93 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:50,326 Oh, my God. That was the easiest date I ever got. 94 00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:52,125 This is going to be great. 95 00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:58,697 There we go. 96 00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:03,166 I don't get no pussy? What are you talking about? 97 00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:06,211 I get pussy. I get lots of pussy. 98 00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,548 How are you doing? 99 00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:13,710 You finished up in the bedroom? 100 00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:16,186 Not yet. 101 00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:18,086 You've been in there for, like, two hours. 102 00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:19,681 Well, there's just too much stuff. 103 00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:21,192 I can't handle it right now. 104 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,524 You know, the dining room table is coming in on Tuesday. 105 00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:26,030 We decided we were going to be unpacked by then. 106 00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:27,929 No, you decided. 107 00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:33,434 Have you noticed that the molding is coming off here? 108 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,531 Was it like that when we bought the place? 109 00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:37,542 Yes. 110 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:39,373 Are you sure, or are you just saying that? 111 00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:41,913 I'm thinking of taking a class at The New School. 112 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,210 I thought you signed up for that pottery class... 113 00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:49,083 and the salsa lessons. 114 00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:50,884 I don't know. I just... 115 00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:52,447 I just need to do something. 116 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,225 Why don't you clear your deck for Thursday night? 117 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,095 Why? What are we doing? 118 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,360 Well, I promised Jake that we would, you know... 119 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,063 go out with him and a date. 120 00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:07,128 Who is she? 121 00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:10,608 Just some girl. 122 00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:20,713 Here I am, in court as lead defense counsel... 123 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:23,482 for the first time and I'm going down in flames... 124 00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:24,750 because I can't settle this stupid case... 125 00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,121 that shouldn't have even made it to court... 126 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,057 but the judge at the preliminary hearing... 127 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,321 was a jackass. 128 00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,454 Our legal system at work, right? 129 00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:34,499 This guy gets his bumper tapped by a garbage truck... 130 00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,968 and he's suing the company for 12 million dollars. 131 00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:39,766 I hate stuff like that. 132 00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:42,330 So, they get him up on the stand... 133 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:44,069 and he's telling the jury up and down... 134 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,077 all this pain and suffering he's had to endure... 135 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,409 and I notice that despite this enormous... 136 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,972 uncomfortable collar he's got on his neck... 137 00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:52,483 he's checking me out. 138 00:10:52,551 --> 00:10:54,041 He's checking you out? 139 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,350 Can you blame him? She's a beautiful woman. 140 00:10:56,422 --> 00:11:00,153 You are a very beautiful woman. 141 00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:01,784 And you're sweet. 142 00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:06,992 Anyway, that's when I decided, I'm gonna get the fucker. 143 00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,795 So what did you do? 144 00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:10,495 So, I asked for recess... 145 00:11:10,569 --> 00:11:12,628 I made a couple of adjustments... 146 00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:15,299 we go back, the guy takes the stand... 147 00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,308 two seconds into his lawyer's redirect... 148 00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:19,776 damn if the guy didn't jerk his head my way... 149 00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:22,143 and that's when I stood up and I shouted... 150 00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:24,808 "Your Honor, this man's neck is fine!" 151 00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:27,546 How'd you make him look? 152 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,145 Well, see, during the recess... 153 00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:33,521 I took the liberty of removing my panties... 154 00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:36,618 and when he got back up on the stand... 155 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,859 it was just a matter of spreading my thighs just so. 156 00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,029 So you pulled a Sharon Stone. 157 00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:48,498 From the movie, "Basic Instinct," with the... 158 00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,166 I never saw that. 159 00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:52,335 Anyway, the case got thrown out of court... 160 00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:53,708 right then and there. 161 00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:56,107 You're a very good lawyer. 162 00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:58,810 Hey, I'm all about justice. 163 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:05,881 So... how did the two of you meet? 164 00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:08,552 This is a funny story. 165 00:12:08,627 --> 00:12:10,458 What happened was that... 166 00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:12,656 - Actually... - Dave introduced us. 167 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,658 Really? 168 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,499 Yeah. Yeah. We were at Mod... 169 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,835 and Jake went into the bathroom... 170 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,601 and then he came out of the bathroom... 171 00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,734 and I hooked them up. 172 00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:33,979 By the way, I love your blouse. 173 00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:37,254 Thank you. 174 00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:39,052 Barney's Warehouse. 175 00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:42,424 That color really brings out your eyes. 176 00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:46,091 Thank you very much. 177 00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,359 It's great. 178 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,695 Thank you. 179 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,531 So how long have you been married? 180 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,661 Two years. 181 00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,963 Any kids? 182 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,598 Not yet, but I'd like to. 183 00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:58,142 I want children. 184 00:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,700 What about Dave? 185 00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,439 Well, he worries. 186 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:05,143 About what? 187 00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:06,650 Everything. 188 00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,186 That's not true. 189 00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:11,849 He's afraid our child will have a fecal fetish. 190 00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,187 What? I didn't say that. 191 00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,058 - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't. 192 00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,393 I didn't say fecal fetish. 193 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,662 I said weird, stupid, like... 194 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,062 Well, having kids is a big step... 195 00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,766 and maybe Dave just wants to have his fun. 196 00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:30,308 I like having fun. 197 00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,536 I like having fun, too. 198 00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:33,077 Maybe we should go out together... 199 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,306 you and I, sometime? Girls night out? 200 00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:37,849 You and me? 201 00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:42,815 Yeah. Sure. That would be terrific. 202 00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,753 That's a great idea. 203 00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:49,160 Yeah, great. 204 00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:54,432 I don't understand why you had to say that stuff. 205 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,435 I don't know why you're making such a big deal about it. 206 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,266 Because I don't know why everybody needs to know... 207 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,828 our personal business, that's why. 208 00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,601 We were all sharing. 209 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,269 All sharing? That's what you call that, sharing? 210 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,279 The two of you seemed to hit it off just fine. 211 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:11,441 You didn't tell me you introduced the two of them. 212 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,678 It was just one of those things. 213 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,889 She's very attractive. 214 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:24,862 Yeah. I mean... I guess so. 215 00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:28,662 What, you don't think she's a beautiful woman? 216 00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:33,671 Yeah, of course. 217 00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:36,071 Not like you, if that's what you mean. 218 00:14:36,141 --> 00:14:38,132 I wasn't asking for validation, Dave. 219 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,199 Why do guys always think... 220 00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:41,473 they have to protect a woman's ego? 221 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,675 What do you want me to say, that I want to do her? 222 00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:45,842 Well, do you? 223 00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:50,719 No. No, of course not. How could you say that? 224 00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:53,189 I just want you to know that it's OK... 225 00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:55,352 if you think she's attractive. 226 00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:58,897 She's gorgeous. 227 00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,899 Then what's she doing with Jake? 228 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:18,179 Nice... couch. 229 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,683 Thank you. 230 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,515 Oh, I'm sorry. Please. 231 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,918 Thanks. 232 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,423 Well, that was fun tonight. 233 00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,964 Yeah, definitely. 234 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:34,590 Good. 235 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,566 Dave and Greta, they're great. 236 00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:40,332 Yeah. She's a doll. 237 00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:43,034 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. 238 00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,042 Cheers. 239 00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,913 Jake, I think you're a terrific guy... 240 00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:54,145 and I like you. I really do. 241 00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:56,346 I like you, too. 242 00:15:56,422 --> 00:15:58,890 But not in a sexual way. 243 00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:05,358 Listen, I think you're smart and you're funny... 244 00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,160 and you're not a bad-looking guy... 245 00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:11,293 but you just don't have your fuck on. 246 00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:12,735 My what? 247 00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,703 Do you just want to fuck? 248 00:16:17,776 --> 00:16:19,767 Because we can, if you want. 249 00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:21,608 We can just go in a bedroom... 250 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,774 and take our clothes off, and hell, you know what? 251 00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,249 We might not even make it that far. 252 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,081 You can just bend me over the couch right here... 253 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:31,645 and hike up my skirt and rip off my panties... 254 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:35,785 grab me by the hair, and fuck me like an animal... 255 00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:38,625 and you will really enjoy yourself. 256 00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:40,995 But I won't. 257 00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:44,434 Is that what you want? 258 00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:49,401 No. 259 00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:55,176 Cool. Want to watch the game? 260 00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:10,521 Is that good? 261 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,497 You'll smash my head. 262 00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:16,125 Could you move a little bit, a little bit to the right? 263 00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:19,795 - How's that? - Better. 264 00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,138 Slower. Slow. 265 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,153 Is that good? 266 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,521 Now a little to the left. 267 00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:42,526 Just... 268 00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:44,152 How's this? 269 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,423 That's good. 270 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,192 Hair. 271 00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:50,701 Move your arm. 272 00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:52,327 What? 273 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:55,339 Here. Is this better? 274 00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,534 What's wrong with you? 275 00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:59,839 Well, you seem to just want to lie here... 276 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,039 and orchestrate my entire performance. 277 00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:03,046 I mean, I'd like to have... 278 00:18:03,115 --> 00:18:06,209 a little creative freedom, you know? 279 00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:09,220 I'm sorry. I just... 280 00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,721 What? 281 00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:13,087 I guess I'm just tired. 282 00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:17,061 Do you want to stop? 283 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:18,824 No, no. I want to. 284 00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,423 But here. 285 00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:31,905 Is that OK? 286 00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:33,604 It's good. 287 00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:05,943 When you do it with Emily, is it good? 288 00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:08,275 What? Yeah, it's great. Why? 289 00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:11,942 Well, lately... when Greta and I do it... 290 00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:13,609 it's kind of dull. 291 00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:15,414 Well, how often are you doing it? 292 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,248 I don't know. 293 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,291 A little less than average, I guess. 294 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,293 I think your idea of average is different than mine. 295 00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:23,692 Well, maybe once a month. 296 00:19:23,762 --> 00:19:27,596 Once a month? Are you fucking kidding me? 297 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,601 It's a little slow right now. Big deal. 298 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:34,127 This is a big deal. This is a huge fucking deal. 299 00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:36,606 It's a down cycle or something. 300 00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:40,336 Once a month is reserved for unpleasant things... 301 00:19:40,412 --> 00:19:42,141 like her period or rent. 302 00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:44,580 Banging your wife should not go into that category. 303 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,277 We've been together a while, you know. 304 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,444 It's hard to keep things fresh. 305 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,148 Why do you think I fuck around so much? 306 00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:52,815 What are you talking about? 307 00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:55,985 Infidelity is the truth serum to any relationship. 308 00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:58,120 Whenever I fuck another girl, it's not as good as Emily. 309 00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,494 I can cross one name off the list... 310 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,157 and know Emily really is the one. 311 00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:05,165 So what you're saying is that cheating on your girlfriend... 312 00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:07,000 makes your relationship stronger? 313 00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:09,165 Exactly. 314 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,004 Plus, the best sex I ever have with Emily... 315 00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:13,010 is right after I fuck someone else. 316 00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:15,012 Unbelievable. Let me tell you about it. 317 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,843 I can't do what you do. 318 00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:18,314 We're different. 319 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:19,645 How? 320 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:20,844 For starters, I'm human. 321 00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:22,443 That doesn't mean you have to be miserable. 322 00:20:22,521 --> 00:20:25,786 I'm not miserable, I'm married. There's a difference. 323 00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:29,754 Greta, I thought you were going to un... 324 00:21:29,821 --> 00:21:32,847 Dave! I... 325 00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:34,221 I thought... 326 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:37,262 I thought you were working late tonight. 327 00:21:37,329 --> 00:21:40,730 I got most of it done. 328 00:21:44,836 --> 00:21:46,531 Wait. 329 00:21:47,572 --> 00:21:48,698 Hey, Dave. 330 00:21:49,741 --> 00:21:50,799 What? 331 00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:54,911 Dave, I'm sorry. 332 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,538 Well, I don't think that's really going to cover it. 333 00:21:56,615 --> 00:21:59,641 Look, I told you I didn't want to go on that double date. 334 00:21:59,718 --> 00:22:01,413 If I knew it was going to turn you into a lesbian... 335 00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:02,578 I wouldn't have made you go. 336 00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:06,521 We went for drinks, and... 337 00:22:06,591 --> 00:22:08,923 And what? You started having sex? 338 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:11,792 I mean, where the fuck did you go, Plato's Retreat? 339 00:22:13,031 --> 00:22:15,226 - Dave... - What?! 340 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:20,203 I'm having an identity crisis. 341 00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:26,072 Wait. What does that mean? 342 00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:31,539 What does that mean? 343 00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:25,566 Are you OK? 344 00:23:26,938 --> 00:23:28,701 I just threw up. 345 00:23:30,108 --> 00:23:31,473 You threw up? 346 00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:34,836 Cal, give the guy a break. 347 00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:37,279 He just found his wife in bed with another woman. 348 00:23:37,349 --> 00:23:38,441 What were they doing? 349 00:23:38,517 --> 00:23:41,816 Were they, you know, actually fucking? 350 00:23:43,955 --> 00:23:45,547 I don't know. 351 00:23:46,758 --> 00:23:50,125 They were in bed... naked. 352 00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:52,886 Jesus. 353 00:23:52,964 --> 00:23:54,488 Tell me about it. 354 00:23:54,566 --> 00:23:55,533 I don't believe it. 355 00:23:57,636 --> 00:23:58,694 It's not like it's the first time... 356 00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:00,135 someone fucked my date. 357 00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:04,332 Get over it. 358 00:24:04,409 --> 00:24:05,535 I'm just saying I don't like... 359 00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,407 the pattern that's developing here... 360 00:24:07,479 --> 00:24:09,071 everyone fucking my dates but me. 361 00:24:09,147 --> 00:24:12,708 Also, I think I'm a little to blame for this. 362 00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:15,718 Why? 363 00:24:15,787 --> 00:24:18,517 Because if I'd had sex with Lily... 364 00:24:18,590 --> 00:24:19,716 maybe she wouldn't have been so eager... 365 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,315 to have sex with Greta. 366 00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:24,591 I think that would make her more eager. 367 00:24:24,663 --> 00:24:27,063 What is it, do you just enjoy being an asshole? 368 00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,997 Do you just enjoy being a prick? 369 00:24:29,067 --> 00:24:30,056 I'm not a prick. And you know what? 370 00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:31,159 Did I tell you you could smoke in my house? 371 00:24:31,236 --> 00:24:32,328 What, I can't smoke in here now? 372 00:24:32,404 --> 00:24:33,393 No, you cannot smoke in my house... 373 00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:35,906 All right, I'm putting it out. 374 00:24:38,510 --> 00:24:40,341 There is a situation here. 375 00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:43,774 I'm sorry. Sorry. 376 00:24:43,849 --> 00:24:46,374 So, what are you going to do? 377 00:24:48,353 --> 00:24:51,049 I don't know. 378 00:24:51,122 --> 00:24:54,956 Well, have you thought about... 379 00:24:55,026 --> 00:24:57,824 incorporating this into your love life? 380 00:24:57,896 --> 00:24:59,989 What? 381 00:25:00,065 --> 00:25:02,158 You know, talk about jazzing things up a little bit. 382 00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:05,428 Yes? 383 00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,438 This is not a porn movie. This is my life. 384 00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:09,303 Yeah, but at this moment, excuse me... 385 00:25:09,374 --> 00:25:11,308 your life sounds like a porn movie. 386 00:25:11,376 --> 00:25:13,537 Look at it as a bright side. 387 00:25:13,612 --> 00:25:15,546 A bright side? 388 00:25:15,614 --> 00:25:19,778 Yeah. You guys have to think outside the box... 389 00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:20,909 so to speak. 390 00:25:20,986 --> 00:25:22,681 Jesus. 391 00:25:22,754 --> 00:25:26,121 Look, it's just a phase. 392 00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:28,819 I mean, she's been acting a little weird lately... 393 00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:30,327 and this is just part of it. 394 00:25:30,395 --> 00:25:31,521 It's a phase. 395 00:25:31,596 --> 00:25:33,530 Absolutely. A phase. 396 00:25:33,598 --> 00:25:35,657 Yeah. I mean, come on. She's not a... come on. 397 00:25:35,734 --> 00:25:37,065 A lesbian? 398 00:25:41,239 --> 00:25:43,002 If you want, you can stay here. 399 00:25:43,074 --> 00:25:44,837 You can have my spare bedroom. 400 00:25:44,910 --> 00:25:46,537 Stay as long as you want. 401 00:25:46,611 --> 00:25:48,545 Yeah? 402 00:25:51,583 --> 00:25:53,915 That sounds great. 403 00:26:11,069 --> 00:26:12,331 So we smoke a J, right? 404 00:26:12,404 --> 00:26:13,666 Next thing I know... 405 00:26:13,738 --> 00:26:15,035 I'm doing these hot set of nudes with her... 406 00:26:15,106 --> 00:26:16,471 tasteful stuff, you know. 407 00:26:16,541 --> 00:26:17,872 Well, mostly tasteful stuff. 408 00:26:17,943 --> 00:26:19,205 Anyway, agent calls me... 409 00:26:19,277 --> 00:26:20,642 all pissed off, like, you know... 410 00:26:20,712 --> 00:26:23,943 "What are you doing, dude? She's only 18." 411 00:26:24,015 --> 00:26:27,246 I'm, like, "Guy, I'm an artist, you know. Back off." 412 00:26:28,453 --> 00:26:30,216 What are you doing? What's the matter with you? 413 00:26:30,288 --> 00:26:31,414 I'm not up for this. 414 00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:34,524 You know what you need to do? 415 00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:35,719 You need to go out... 416 00:26:35,794 --> 00:26:37,386 and you need to date a little bit. 417 00:26:37,462 --> 00:26:39,054 I don't want to date. 418 00:26:39,130 --> 00:26:41,291 That's why I got married in the first place. 419 00:26:41,366 --> 00:26:43,891 Listen to me. This is an unbelievable rap. 420 00:26:43,969 --> 00:26:45,561 What are you talking about? 421 00:26:45,637 --> 00:26:49,573 You're a dude who's been brokenhearted by his wife... 422 00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:52,109 who's become a lesbian. 423 00:26:52,177 --> 00:26:53,542 She's not a lesbian. 424 00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:55,045 I know she's not a lesbian... 425 00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:56,205 but they don't need to know that. 426 00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:58,249 Appeal to the Florence Henderson in them. 427 00:26:58,316 --> 00:26:59,806 Let them nurse you back to health. 428 00:26:59,884 --> 00:27:01,249 Florence Nightingale. 429 00:27:01,319 --> 00:27:03,287 What did I say? 430 00:27:03,355 --> 00:27:04,583 Forget it. 431 00:27:04,656 --> 00:27:06,419 Look, there are plenty of hot chicks... 432 00:27:06,491 --> 00:27:07,924 in this town, all right? 433 00:27:07,993 --> 00:27:09,392 Here. Perfect example. Look at that girl right there. 434 00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:13,830 Ask her out. Hello! This is my friend Dave. 435 00:27:13,898 --> 00:27:15,627 Asshole. 436 00:27:15,700 --> 00:27:18,066 Fuck her. I'm having a party tonight. 437 00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:19,262 There's going to be plenty of tail there. 438 00:27:19,337 --> 00:27:21,305 Just make sure you're there. 439 00:27:25,343 --> 00:27:26,640 Heads up. 440 00:27:27,712 --> 00:27:29,145 Sorry. 441 00:27:29,214 --> 00:27:30,613 Sorry. I'm sorry. 442 00:27:30,682 --> 00:27:32,206 Jesus Christ! I think you broke my nose! 443 00:27:32,283 --> 00:27:35,309 - I thought you were looking. - I was looking at the girl! 444 00:27:36,354 --> 00:27:37,582 You'll be all right. 445 00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,248 Just be at my house at 10:00 tonight. 446 00:27:39,324 --> 00:27:40,655 Whatever. 447 00:27:42,193 --> 00:27:44,286 Might want to get some ice on that. 448 00:27:44,362 --> 00:27:46,125 Yeah. Thanks. 449 00:27:46,197 --> 00:27:48,324 I thought you were looking. 450 00:27:49,768 --> 00:27:50,962 Fucking retard. 451 00:28:20,231 --> 00:28:22,165 Glad you could make it. 452 00:28:22,233 --> 00:28:23,666 Hi, Cal. 453 00:28:23,735 --> 00:28:25,327 Miss Samantha. Good. Good. 454 00:28:25,403 --> 00:28:26,961 Sorry about that. You all right? 455 00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:28,665 Yeah, I'm fine. 456 00:28:28,740 --> 00:28:30,640 Whoa, man, whoa. That's my ass. That's my ass. 457 00:28:30,709 --> 00:28:32,472 Come on in. I got a surprise for you. 458 00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:33,511 Come on. 459 00:28:37,215 --> 00:28:39,149 Come here. 460 00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:41,185 Girls, I'd like you to meet my friend Dave. 461 00:28:41,252 --> 00:28:43,186 Dave, this is Molly and Annette. 462 00:28:43,254 --> 00:28:45,051 - Actually, I'm Annette. - I'm Molly. 463 00:28:45,123 --> 00:28:46,988 Nice to meet you both. 464 00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:48,821 Molly and Annette are flight attendants. 465 00:28:48,893 --> 00:28:50,690 Oh, so then if this was the seventies... 466 00:28:50,762 --> 00:28:52,662 we'd go off and have an orgy. 467 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:56,933 You look like you could use a fresh one, Molly. 468 00:28:57,001 --> 00:28:58,366 Shall we? 469 00:28:58,436 --> 00:28:59,368 Yes. Come with me. 470 00:28:59,437 --> 00:29:00,495 Go ahead and sit down over here. 471 00:29:00,572 --> 00:29:01,504 I could use a fresh drink. 472 00:29:01,573 --> 00:29:02,938 Go, sit down. You're all right. 473 00:29:03,007 --> 00:29:06,841 Sit down on the white couch. She won't bite. 474 00:29:19,457 --> 00:29:22,221 So you're just in for a few days, I guess. 475 00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:24,056 Yeah. Looking for a good time... 476 00:29:24,129 --> 00:29:26,597 in the city that never sleeps. 477 00:29:28,266 --> 00:29:31,030 Do flight attendants have a certain route... 478 00:29:31,102 --> 00:29:33,093 that they fly? 479 00:29:34,539 --> 00:29:35,801 It must be fantastic... 480 00:29:35,874 --> 00:29:38,104 to travel to such exotic places like you do. 481 00:29:38,176 --> 00:29:40,736 It can be hectic, but every now and then... 482 00:29:40,812 --> 00:29:43,406 I get to do a little adventuring. 483 00:29:45,083 --> 00:29:47,074 What's been your favorite so far? 484 00:29:47,152 --> 00:29:48,551 I was flying in and out of Rio... 485 00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:51,145 and I got to spend some time on the Amazon. 486 00:29:52,457 --> 00:29:54,254 That was incredible. 487 00:29:54,325 --> 00:29:55,587 See, that's my dream. 488 00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:58,151 I would love to just go down there and shoot full-time. 489 00:29:58,229 --> 00:29:59,753 You're a photographer? 490 00:29:59,831 --> 00:30:01,389 Yeah. I do mainly fashion photography... 491 00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:04,560 like this, but my heart... 492 00:30:04,636 --> 00:30:06,729 my heart is in nature photography, really. 493 00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:08,397 In fact, I'm talking to the people... 494 00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:09,997 at "National Geographic" as we speak. 495 00:30:10,074 --> 00:30:12,235 Really? 496 00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:14,175 I've been to the Amazon... 497 00:30:14,245 --> 00:30:16,645 like, I don't know, three or four times. 498 00:30:16,714 --> 00:30:18,909 You know, to be able to go down there... 499 00:30:18,983 --> 00:30:21,611 and capture flying fish just kind of... 500 00:30:21,686 --> 00:30:23,119 leaping out of the river... 501 00:30:23,188 --> 00:30:24,746 just to grab a little nibble of food... 502 00:30:24,823 --> 00:30:29,021 you know, it's... it's humbling. 503 00:30:31,095 --> 00:30:33,928 Do you like tequila? 504 00:30:33,998 --> 00:30:36,125 I think it's a great idea to have kids... 505 00:30:36,201 --> 00:30:38,965 but there's so many ways you could screw it up. 506 00:30:39,037 --> 00:30:41,597 I was having this conversation with my wife, and... 507 00:30:41,673 --> 00:30:44,870 Wait. You're married? 508 00:30:44,943 --> 00:30:48,310 - Yes, I did. - No, you did not. 509 00:30:48,379 --> 00:30:51,815 Cal is a photographer, and he has been telling me... 510 00:30:51,883 --> 00:30:54,113 the most amazing stories about the Amazon. 511 00:30:54,185 --> 00:30:55,812 To be honest with you, swimming with piranha... 512 00:30:55,887 --> 00:30:57,650 is not as dangerous as it sounds. 513 00:30:57,722 --> 00:30:59,155 As long as you don't have an open wound... 514 00:30:59,224 --> 00:31:01,488 you can just jump right in, swim right up to them... 515 00:31:01,559 --> 00:31:02,821 pet them if you like. 516 00:31:02,894 --> 00:31:04,156 You can pet them? 517 00:31:04,229 --> 00:31:05,491 You heard me. 518 00:31:05,563 --> 00:31:06,996 That is so amazing. 519 00:31:07,065 --> 00:31:08,157 Totally. 520 00:31:08,233 --> 00:31:09,666 Yeah. Almost unbelievable. 521 00:31:09,734 --> 00:31:11,167 That's great. 522 00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:12,828 Dan was just telling me about his wife. 523 00:31:12,904 --> 00:31:14,030 Or Dave. 524 00:31:14,105 --> 00:31:15,197 Did he tell you what happened to her? 525 00:31:15,273 --> 00:31:17,503 - No. - What happened? 526 00:31:17,575 --> 00:31:18,599 She died. 527 00:31:18,676 --> 00:31:20,075 What? 528 00:31:20,144 --> 00:31:22,305 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 529 00:31:22,380 --> 00:31:25,315 I feel awful. How did she die? 530 00:31:25,383 --> 00:31:26,372 Mountain climbing. 531 00:31:26,451 --> 00:31:28,885 That is so tragic. 532 00:31:28,953 --> 00:31:30,944 Well, nature has its savage side. 533 00:31:31,022 --> 00:31:32,455 She's not dead. 534 00:31:32,523 --> 00:31:33,854 He keeps telling himself that. 535 00:31:33,925 --> 00:31:35,756 He's having a hard time coming to grips with this. 536 00:31:35,827 --> 00:31:37,385 It must be really difficult. 537 00:31:37,462 --> 00:31:40,158 Wow. You are so brave. 538 00:31:40,231 --> 00:31:41,357 Honestly, ladies, the strength... 539 00:31:41,432 --> 00:31:44,026 that this man has exhibited is... 540 00:31:44,102 --> 00:31:45,899 it's awe inspiring. 541 00:31:47,372 --> 00:31:49,772 - It really is. - Totally. 542 00:31:49,841 --> 00:31:51,365 All right, I got an idea. 543 00:31:51,442 --> 00:31:53,376 I have this groovy little rooftop terrace... 544 00:31:53,444 --> 00:31:55,105 with a beautiful little Jacuzzi. 545 00:31:55,179 --> 00:31:56,203 I say the four of us, we go up there... 546 00:31:56,281 --> 00:31:57,373 we drink a little more tequila... 547 00:31:57,448 --> 00:31:59,006 we play some music. What do you say, girls? 548 00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:00,516 - Sounds great. - Great! 549 00:32:00,585 --> 00:32:02,314 Oh, we don't have our suits. 550 00:32:02,387 --> 00:32:03,684 It doesn't matter. 551 00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:05,746 I have a "no suit" rule in this place. 552 00:32:05,823 --> 00:32:07,723 We don't need them. Don't need them. 553 00:32:07,792 --> 00:32:09,225 I have some robes over there. 554 00:32:09,294 --> 00:32:10,522 You guys can throw those things on... 555 00:32:10,595 --> 00:32:11,527 and we'll head upstairs. 556 00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:12,858 OK. Sure. 557 00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:13,863 All right? Good. 558 00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:15,399 It's right there, that gray door. 559 00:32:16,868 --> 00:32:19,359 How can you make this stuff up about Greta? 560 00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:21,166 What is this shit about the Amazon? 561 00:32:21,239 --> 00:32:22,536 You tell them what they want to hear... 562 00:32:22,607 --> 00:32:23,699 and you speak with passion. 563 00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:24,799 Now, you're coming up, right? 564 00:32:24,876 --> 00:32:26,571 I don't want to do this. I really don't. 565 00:32:26,644 --> 00:32:28,111 I just want to go home. 566 00:32:29,580 --> 00:32:30,911 You hear that? 567 00:32:30,982 --> 00:32:32,415 That's opportunity knocking, OK? 568 00:32:32,483 --> 00:32:34,041 And unless you answer the fucking door... 569 00:32:34,118 --> 00:32:36,678 it's going to play ding-dong ditch. 570 00:32:36,754 --> 00:32:39,587 What the fuck is ding-dong ditch? 571 00:32:39,657 --> 00:32:40,715 It's when you ring the doorbell... 572 00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:42,089 and you run before they answer the door. 573 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:43,286 Didn't you ever play that as a kid? 574 00:32:43,361 --> 00:32:44,828 Yeah. We called it ring and run. 575 00:32:44,896 --> 00:32:47,797 Well, we called it ding-dong ditch, OK? 576 00:32:47,865 --> 00:32:49,560 All set! 577 00:32:49,634 --> 00:32:51,067 Oh, those are cute. 578 00:32:51,135 --> 00:32:52,898 Thank you. 579 00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:54,700 Ready, Dave? 580 00:32:56,708 --> 00:32:58,107 Unfortunately, girls, 581 00:32:58,176 --> 00:33:01,407 Dave is not going to make it to Jacuzzi time. 582 00:33:01,479 --> 00:33:05,575 Oh, sure. We totally understand. 583 00:33:05,650 --> 00:33:08,778 She's in a better place now. 584 00:33:15,526 --> 00:33:17,994 Our condolences. 585 00:33:21,032 --> 00:33:24,627 Fucking meet somebody, OK? 586 00:33:24,702 --> 00:33:26,932 You take care of yourself, baby. 587 00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:27,972 Come on, girls. 588 00:33:28,039 --> 00:33:29,006 All right. 589 00:33:49,827 --> 00:33:51,294 You know, I've been thinking a lot about this... 590 00:33:51,362 --> 00:33:52,590 and I'm ready to have kids. 591 00:33:54,065 --> 00:33:55,032 What? 592 00:33:55,099 --> 00:33:56,566 Well, isn't that what you wanted? 593 00:33:56,634 --> 00:33:58,465 Yeah, but because I felt like there was something missing... 594 00:33:58,536 --> 00:33:59,468 in my life. 595 00:33:59,537 --> 00:34:01,971 You weren't happy? 596 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,703 I haven't been happy for a long time. 597 00:34:05,777 --> 00:34:10,111 Why don't we just forget this ever happened? 598 00:34:10,181 --> 00:34:12,775 You think you can just forget this happened? 599 00:34:12,850 --> 00:34:13,942 Well, not on my own... 600 00:34:14,018 --> 00:34:15,246 but if you hit me in the head really hard... 601 00:34:15,319 --> 00:34:16,286 maybe we'll get lucky. 602 00:34:17,789 --> 00:34:18,949 Are you in love with her? 603 00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:22,359 I don't know. 604 00:34:22,427 --> 00:34:25,225 Oh, my God. 605 00:34:25,296 --> 00:34:26,763 I'm sorry, Dave, but unlike you... 606 00:34:26,831 --> 00:34:28,526 I don't carry around a manual... 607 00:34:28,599 --> 00:34:30,191 that explains what comes next. 608 00:34:30,268 --> 00:34:32,327 So now I'm just Mr. Boring Guy... 609 00:34:32,403 --> 00:34:33,529 who follows a script. 610 00:34:33,604 --> 00:34:35,003 I can be different. 611 00:34:35,073 --> 00:34:36,097 Is this something... 612 00:34:36,174 --> 00:34:38,267 we could incorporate into the marriage? 613 00:34:38,342 --> 00:34:40,276 What, like we all have sex together? 614 00:34:43,548 --> 00:34:45,038 Greta, you are too old to be doing this. 615 00:34:45,116 --> 00:34:48,051 I mean, if you really wanted to be... with women, I mean... 616 00:34:48,119 --> 00:34:50,713 shouldn't you have done it when you were in college... 617 00:34:50,788 --> 00:34:52,380 like everyone else? I mean, come on. 618 00:34:52,457 --> 00:34:53,890 You went to an all-girls school... 619 00:34:53,958 --> 00:34:55,084 for Christ's sakes! 620 00:34:56,961 --> 00:34:58,895 Greta. Greta, don't... 621 00:34:58,963 --> 00:35:00,692 Greta, wait. 622 00:35:03,634 --> 00:35:06,102 Shit! Damn! 623 00:35:27,191 --> 00:35:28,783 Come in. 624 00:35:30,294 --> 00:35:31,591 David Siegel? 625 00:35:31,662 --> 00:35:32,924 Yeah. 626 00:35:32,997 --> 00:35:34,430 This is for you. 627 00:35:34,499 --> 00:35:35,625 Thanks. 628 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,505 What the fuck? 629 00:35:44,575 --> 00:35:46,065 Hey, Dave, have you seen the numbers... 630 00:35:46,144 --> 00:35:47,236 on the Wilson account? 631 00:35:47,311 --> 00:35:48,608 This is nuts! 632 00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:55,615 Hey, hold the elevator! 633 00:35:55,686 --> 00:35:57,278 Mister... come on. 634 00:35:57,355 --> 00:36:00,119 I think this is a mistake. 635 00:36:00,191 --> 00:36:01,954 - Are you David Siegel? - Yeah. 636 00:36:02,026 --> 00:36:03,687 Then there's no mistake. 637 00:36:03,761 --> 00:36:05,285 Yeah, but these are divorce papers. 638 00:36:05,363 --> 00:36:06,921 I deliver them, pal, I don't write them. 639 00:36:06,998 --> 00:36:08,898 I mean, this can't be possible. 640 00:36:08,966 --> 00:36:11,799 I'm sure you two have a real fairy-tale romance, OK? 641 00:36:11,869 --> 00:36:13,131 No, you don't understand. 642 00:36:13,204 --> 00:36:16,662 See, this is just a phase that she's going through. 643 00:36:16,741 --> 00:36:20,802 Looks like a pretty permanent phase to me, buddy. 644 00:36:20,878 --> 00:36:23,210 Fuck you. You're taking these back. 645 00:36:23,281 --> 00:36:24,509 I'm not taking them back. 646 00:36:24,582 --> 00:36:25,810 Yeah, you are taking them back. 647 00:36:25,883 --> 00:36:28,351 Hey, back off, you fucking psycho! 648 00:36:31,389 --> 00:36:33,323 No wonder your wife's divorcing you. 649 00:36:35,326 --> 00:36:37,954 You son of a bitch! 650 00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:39,758 Oh, my God! 651 00:36:39,830 --> 00:36:40,797 Now you're messing with the bull. 652 00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:43,834 You're gonna get the horns. I'll kill you! 653 00:36:43,901 --> 00:36:46,062 - I'm gonna kick that guy's ass! - Do it! 654 00:36:46,137 --> 00:36:48,105 You want to dance? 655 00:36:48,172 --> 00:36:49,901 - You want to? - So let's do it. 656 00:36:49,974 --> 00:36:53,068 Come on. Relax. Relax. What's going on? 657 00:36:54,946 --> 00:36:56,379 Run away, Nancy boy. 658 00:36:56,447 --> 00:36:59,007 You're not a nice man. 659 00:36:59,083 --> 00:37:00,812 Yeah. Hey, say hi to your wife for me. 660 00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:02,546 Fuck you! 661 00:37:06,424 --> 00:37:07,857 Who are you? 662 00:37:07,925 --> 00:37:10,223 Just a guy doing his job. 663 00:37:21,505 --> 00:37:22,472 Taxi! 664 00:37:31,549 --> 00:37:34,074 This is it. Right here. 665 00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:39,280 You forgot to pay me! 666 00:37:46,397 --> 00:37:47,830 You can't go in there! 667 00:37:47,898 --> 00:37:49,559 You fucking bitch! 668 00:37:49,634 --> 00:37:51,067 I'm sorry. He just barged right in. 669 00:37:51,135 --> 00:37:53,330 It's OK, Sheila. 670 00:37:53,404 --> 00:37:57,135 Well, Dave, to what do I owe the pleasure? 671 00:37:57,208 --> 00:37:59,005 Don't play coy. 672 00:37:59,076 --> 00:38:00,737 OK, but I think we should try our best... 673 00:38:00,811 --> 00:38:01,869 to be civil about this. 674 00:38:01,946 --> 00:38:04,881 You know what? My wife is divorcing me! 675 00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:07,110 You can shove civil right up your ass, lady! 676 00:38:07,184 --> 00:38:10,051 All right, fair enough. Why don't you have a seat? 677 00:38:10,121 --> 00:38:13,090 I don't want to sit down! God damn it! 678 00:38:13,157 --> 00:38:14,419 OK, stand. 679 00:38:14,492 --> 00:38:16,426 What did you do? You cast some kind of spell on her? 680 00:38:16,494 --> 00:38:18,928 You some kind of voodoo queen, is that it? 681 00:38:18,996 --> 00:38:20,861 Actually, I was raised Catholic. 682 00:38:20,931 --> 00:38:24,264 Fuck you! I mean, look at this place! 683 00:38:24,335 --> 00:38:28,931 This office! I mean, it's fucking huge! 684 00:38:29,006 --> 00:38:31,634 You could have anyone, anyone you want, any man, woman! 685 00:38:31,709 --> 00:38:36,271 You have to pick my wife? I mean, that's just... lazy! 686 00:38:36,347 --> 00:38:38,941 Why did it have to be my wife? 687 00:38:39,016 --> 00:38:41,007 Greta is a very attractive woman. 688 00:38:41,085 --> 00:38:44,316 She's not attractive. She's my wife. 689 00:38:44,388 --> 00:38:46,549 You seem to take a very possessive view of this. 690 00:38:46,624 --> 00:38:48,956 Hey, don't try any of your Jedi mind tricks... 691 00:38:49,026 --> 00:38:50,357 and make this all about me! 692 00:38:50,428 --> 00:38:52,794 All right, Dave, tell me something. 693 00:38:52,863 --> 00:38:56,094 How... how would you describe sex with Greta... 694 00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:58,101 prior to the moment... 695 00:38:58,169 --> 00:38:59,966 when you found her in post-coital bliss... 696 00:39:00,037 --> 00:39:01,026 with another woman? 697 00:39:01,105 --> 00:39:03,801 My wife is not a lesbian! 698 00:39:03,874 --> 00:39:05,466 It's not like I slipped her a Mickey... 699 00:39:05,543 --> 00:39:06,771 and had my way with her. 700 00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:08,709 I mean, she would have slept with a woman eventually. 701 00:39:08,779 --> 00:39:10,303 If not me, then someone else. 702 00:39:10,381 --> 00:39:12,144 You're full of shit! 703 00:39:12,216 --> 00:39:13,979 I think that you should accept... 704 00:39:14,051 --> 00:39:16,815 that Greta has figured out what she wants... 705 00:39:16,887 --> 00:39:19,822 and maybe it's time for you to do the same. 706 00:39:19,890 --> 00:39:21,790 I want my wife back! 707 00:39:21,859 --> 00:39:23,156 I don't see that happening. 708 00:39:23,227 --> 00:39:26,162 You are a fucking predator. That's what you are! 709 00:39:26,230 --> 00:39:27,663 Like a lioness? 710 00:39:27,732 --> 00:39:29,165 Or a cheetah? 711 00:39:29,233 --> 00:39:30,495 Yeah. That's right. 712 00:39:30,568 --> 00:39:31,967 You know, you just slink into our lives... 713 00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:33,469 with your hot talk and... 714 00:39:33,537 --> 00:39:37,166 oh, your incredible body... 715 00:39:37,241 --> 00:39:38,503 and you slip your panties off... 716 00:39:38,576 --> 00:39:41,044 and you expect everybody to drop everything and look! 717 00:39:41,112 --> 00:39:42,636 I'm not wearing any. 718 00:39:42,713 --> 00:39:44,237 - What? - Panties. 719 00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:45,339 What? 720 00:39:45,416 --> 00:39:48,874 Dave, do you know what you need? 721 00:39:48,953 --> 00:39:51,683 You need to fuck someone. 722 00:39:52,923 --> 00:39:54,550 You're evil. 723 00:39:54,625 --> 00:39:56,684 Is that what you want me to be? 724 00:39:56,761 --> 00:39:59,161 You are the coldest, most manipulative woman... 725 00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:00,663 I've ever met in my life! 726 00:40:00,731 --> 00:40:03,894 Talk, talk, talk. 727 00:40:03,968 --> 00:40:05,560 Fuck you! 728 00:40:13,377 --> 00:40:15,538 The woman who seduced your wife? 729 00:40:15,613 --> 00:40:17,706 Shit, dude, you got to write a porn movie. 730 00:40:17,782 --> 00:40:19,716 I'm telling you, man. 731 00:40:19,784 --> 00:40:21,376 You told me to be out there. 732 00:40:21,452 --> 00:40:23,386 I got out there. She was amazing. 733 00:40:23,454 --> 00:40:25,046 For the first time in my life... 734 00:40:25,122 --> 00:40:26,555 I know what it's like to be you. 735 00:40:26,624 --> 00:40:28,319 Hot blood is pumping through my veins. 736 00:40:28,392 --> 00:40:29,359 It's liberating! 737 00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:30,689 Quit it. Now you're starting to creep me out. 738 00:40:30,761 --> 00:40:33,093 I'm sorry, but it just feels fucking great. 739 00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:37,458 It's a fucking shoe commercial. 740 00:40:39,770 --> 00:40:40,737 Oh, hey, listen, I need a favor. 741 00:40:40,805 --> 00:40:41,965 What's up? 742 00:40:42,039 --> 00:40:43,631 Emily's coming to town tomorrow... 743 00:40:43,707 --> 00:40:45,402 and I need, like, an hour. 744 00:40:45,476 --> 00:40:47,068 What's so important? 745 00:40:47,144 --> 00:40:48,771 Her name is Uta. 746 00:40:48,846 --> 00:40:50,677 What are you going to tell Emily? 747 00:40:50,748 --> 00:40:52,875 I'll tell Emily that we're doing a photo shoot... 748 00:40:52,950 --> 00:40:54,349 at the apartment and she can't be there. 749 00:40:55,619 --> 00:40:56,916 What? 750 00:40:56,987 --> 00:40:58,579 Look, I don't have... 751 00:40:58,656 --> 00:41:00,214 the slightest trace of a conscience, OK? 752 00:41:00,291 --> 00:41:01,451 Is that what you want to hear? 753 00:41:01,525 --> 00:41:04,722 Are you going to help me out or not? 754 00:41:04,795 --> 00:41:05,762 I don't know. 755 00:41:05,830 --> 00:41:07,821 What's with the moral stance here? 756 00:41:07,898 --> 00:41:10,059 Does Greta know about Lily? 757 00:41:10,134 --> 00:41:11,396 I sure as shit hope not. 758 00:41:11,469 --> 00:41:12,731 All right. So here's what we do. 759 00:41:12,803 --> 00:41:13,929 We're going to tell Emily that we'll meet... 760 00:41:14,004 --> 00:41:15,437 at the Mod at, like, 8:00 for drinks, OK? 761 00:41:15,506 --> 00:41:17,736 You get there first. I'll show up a little late... 762 00:41:17,808 --> 00:41:19,605 and just say the shoot went over. 763 00:41:19,677 --> 00:41:20,735 Sorry. 764 00:41:38,028 --> 00:41:39,290 Andrea. 765 00:41:39,363 --> 00:41:44,494 Jake. Oh, my God. Hey. 766 00:41:45,903 --> 00:41:47,996 What a nice surprise. 767 00:41:48,072 --> 00:41:49,767 Thank you. 768 00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,502 Gosh, I haven't seen you since... 769 00:41:52,576 --> 00:41:54,100 Cal's party. 770 00:41:54,178 --> 00:41:55,645 Right. 771 00:41:55,713 --> 00:41:58,375 I've been meaning to call you about that. 772 00:41:58,449 --> 00:42:00,474 Oh. Oh, really? 773 00:42:00,551 --> 00:42:01,984 Yeah. 774 00:42:02,052 --> 00:42:04,680 Do you have his phone number? 775 00:42:05,756 --> 00:42:06,916 What? 776 00:42:06,991 --> 00:42:10,483 The poop never called me. 777 00:42:10,561 --> 00:42:13,530 I want to see if he wants to hook up again. 778 00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:17,428 You're kidding, right? 779 00:42:17,501 --> 00:42:19,628 No. 780 00:42:21,372 --> 00:42:24,068 Andrea, we went to that party together. 781 00:42:24,141 --> 00:42:26,769 Yeah. 782 00:42:28,212 --> 00:42:30,908 You know, I deserve an explanation. 783 00:42:30,981 --> 00:42:33,211 Come on. Please, tell me. 784 00:42:33,284 --> 00:42:37,084 Please, please, please, please, tell me! 785 00:42:39,590 --> 00:42:42,787 I just liked him better than you. 786 00:42:50,935 --> 00:42:54,564 I couldn't get this stain out. 787 00:43:19,830 --> 00:43:22,298 Hey, Jake, you know who wrote "Vanity Fair"? 788 00:43:22,366 --> 00:43:24,061 - Thackeray. - Thackeray. 789 00:43:24,134 --> 00:43:25,863 Thackeray... in stereo. 790 00:43:27,938 --> 00:43:29,235 You a fan? 791 00:43:29,306 --> 00:43:32,366 Actually, I prefer Henry James. 792 00:43:32,443 --> 00:43:34,968 I find James to be boring and pedantic. 793 00:43:35,045 --> 00:43:36,979 Really? 794 00:43:37,047 --> 00:43:39,106 No. I just always wanted to say that. 795 00:43:43,787 --> 00:43:47,450 So, can I buy you a drink? 796 00:43:48,626 --> 00:43:49,752 Sure. 797 00:43:49,827 --> 00:43:51,590 Great. Hey, Mike. Can I get another round... 798 00:43:51,662 --> 00:43:53,425 and a little something for the lady? 799 00:43:53,497 --> 00:43:54,759 Grey Goose martini, please. 800 00:43:54,832 --> 00:43:56,231 Thanks. 801 00:43:56,300 --> 00:43:58,962 It's nice to see someone else drinking alone. 802 00:43:59,036 --> 00:44:01,231 Oh, come on. 803 00:44:01,305 --> 00:44:03,899 You're charming. You're well read. 804 00:44:03,974 --> 00:44:05,737 I mean, how bad can it be? 805 00:44:05,809 --> 00:44:06,741 You don't want to know. 806 00:44:06,810 --> 00:44:09,335 All right, try me. Give me an example. 807 00:44:10,681 --> 00:44:12,672 OK. Here's the latest. 808 00:44:12,750 --> 00:44:15,275 I'm dating this girl, and we're dating for a while... 809 00:44:15,352 --> 00:44:18,116 and I think that, you know, she might be the one. 810 00:44:18,188 --> 00:44:20,782 And about 3 weeks ago, I take her to this party... 811 00:44:20,858 --> 00:44:23,918 and she ends up going to bed, while I'm still there... 812 00:44:23,994 --> 00:44:25,723 with the guy who threw the party. 813 00:44:28,432 --> 00:44:30,457 And he's got a girlfriend, to boot. 814 00:44:30,534 --> 00:44:32,866 Oh, what an asshole. 815 00:44:32,936 --> 00:44:35,666 You have no idea. 816 00:44:35,739 --> 00:44:37,468 How did his girlfriend not know? 817 00:44:37,541 --> 00:44:40,669 Evidently she travels a lot. 818 00:44:40,744 --> 00:44:42,211 Really? 819 00:44:42,279 --> 00:44:44,611 But still... what kind of idiot... 820 00:44:44,682 --> 00:44:47,674 would she have to be not to have caught on by now? 821 00:44:47,751 --> 00:44:50,151 Yeah. Well, what does the boyfriend do? 822 00:44:50,220 --> 00:44:51,983 Fashion photographer. Can you believe that? 823 00:44:52,056 --> 00:44:53,318 What a clich�. 824 00:44:53,390 --> 00:44:55,483 He's been living with this girl for, like, 5 years... 825 00:44:55,559 --> 00:44:58,392 and he sleeps with a new model every night of the week. 826 00:45:02,232 --> 00:45:03,722 What's his name? 827 00:45:03,801 --> 00:45:05,632 Why? 828 00:45:07,304 --> 00:45:08,828 Why? Wait. What's yours? 829 00:45:08,906 --> 00:45:10,373 Emily! 830 00:45:10,441 --> 00:45:11,840 Hey, sorry I'm late. 831 00:45:11,909 --> 00:45:14,309 I got caught up at work. Is Cal here yet? 832 00:45:14,378 --> 00:45:15,310 Jake, what are you doing here? 833 00:45:15,379 --> 00:45:16,539 No, listen, l... 834 00:45:16,613 --> 00:45:19,673 I think your pal here was just telling me... 835 00:45:19,750 --> 00:45:23,208 how Cal fucked his girlfriend at a party at my place. 836 00:45:23,287 --> 00:45:25,847 I'm sorry. What? What?! 837 00:45:25,923 --> 00:45:27,117 L... l... 838 00:45:27,191 --> 00:45:29,989 Dave, has Cal been cheating on me... 839 00:45:30,060 --> 00:45:32,426 for the last 5 years? 840 00:45:32,496 --> 00:45:34,157 I beg your pardon? 841 00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:38,133 You knew. 842 00:45:40,871 --> 00:45:41,860 What the fuck just happened here? 843 00:45:41,939 --> 00:45:43,998 Hey, hey, hey! L... l... l... 844 00:45:44,074 --> 00:45:46,872 Did you tell Emily that Cal's been cheating on her? 845 00:45:46,944 --> 00:45:49,037 How was I supposed to know who she was? 846 00:45:49,113 --> 00:45:50,705 What are you doing here, anyway? 847 00:45:50,781 --> 00:45:52,715 What are you, high? I'm always here. 848 00:45:52,783 --> 00:45:55,411 This is not good. 849 00:45:58,155 --> 00:46:00,555 Hey. Leave it at the beep. 850 00:46:00,624 --> 00:46:03,058 Cal. Cal, it's Dave. Pick up. 851 00:46:03,127 --> 00:46:05,721 Emily knows. She's on her way over. 852 00:46:05,796 --> 00:46:08,856 Just call me back. 853 00:46:08,932 --> 00:46:11,230 I don't know what the fuck you're saying... 854 00:46:11,301 --> 00:46:12,666 but keep going. 855 00:46:17,908 --> 00:46:18,875 Right here. 856 00:46:27,484 --> 00:46:28,917 Hey. 857 00:46:28,986 --> 00:46:30,453 How you doing? 858 00:46:30,521 --> 00:46:33,354 You fucking asshole! 859 00:46:34,992 --> 00:46:36,323 What was that for? 860 00:46:36,393 --> 00:46:37,587 You're an asshole. 861 00:46:37,661 --> 00:46:38,593 What? 862 00:46:38,662 --> 00:46:39,629 Cheating on me. 863 00:46:39,696 --> 00:46:41,254 No, I haven't. 864 00:46:45,969 --> 00:46:47,095 You have somebody here right now. 865 00:46:47,171 --> 00:46:48,604 No, I don't. 866 00:46:58,849 --> 00:47:00,316 Asshole! 867 00:47:15,866 --> 00:47:17,663 Did she do that to you? 868 00:47:18,869 --> 00:47:20,268 Yeah. She has a hell of a right. 869 00:47:23,507 --> 00:47:25,304 Dude, what the fuck happened, man? 870 00:47:25,375 --> 00:47:27,104 You were supposed to keep her at the bar. 871 00:47:27,177 --> 00:47:29,805 Well, I... I was a little late... 872 00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:32,178 and she was talking to Jake. 873 00:47:36,386 --> 00:47:38,286 She was talking to Jake? 874 00:47:38,355 --> 00:47:41,483 He... accidentally... 875 00:47:41,558 --> 00:47:44,118 Told her? That fucker told her? 876 00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:45,320 Oh, fuck! 877 00:47:45,395 --> 00:47:47,192 I'm going to kill that whiny little prick! 878 00:47:47,264 --> 00:47:49,061 He didn't know who she was. 879 00:47:49,132 --> 00:47:50,827 I'm going to kill him. 880 00:47:50,901 --> 00:47:53,870 Cal, where are my boots? 881 00:48:02,412 --> 00:48:05,210 Ah, here they are. 882 00:48:10,921 --> 00:48:13,014 Who the fuck was that? 883 00:48:16,426 --> 00:48:18,189 Uta. 884 00:48:22,432 --> 00:48:24,400 What is she still doing here? 885 00:48:24,468 --> 00:48:27,437 I guess the fireworks kind of turned her on. 886 00:48:27,504 --> 00:48:30,701 So you slept with her again? 887 00:48:30,774 --> 00:48:33,709 Yeah. What was I going to do, blow my brains out? 888 00:48:44,788 --> 00:48:49,885 You know, you have this thing with someone... 889 00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:53,157 and you think it's special. 890 00:48:55,799 --> 00:48:59,530 He's the only guy I've ever slept with. 891 00:48:59,603 --> 00:49:01,764 You've never been with anybody else? 892 00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:04,902 No. 893 00:49:04,975 --> 00:49:07,603 And you never had any idea? 894 00:49:07,678 --> 00:49:09,236 I mean... yeah... 895 00:49:09,313 --> 00:49:11,076 there was always models around... 896 00:49:11,148 --> 00:49:14,481 but Cal's a fashion photographer. 897 00:49:14,551 --> 00:49:15,950 Photographer. 898 00:49:20,023 --> 00:49:21,991 He's still a total shit. 899 00:49:22,059 --> 00:49:24,584 I can't believe Dave fucking knew. 900 00:49:24,661 --> 00:49:27,129 They're all assholes. 901 00:49:27,197 --> 00:49:28,994 True, true. 902 00:49:30,500 --> 00:49:32,263 Well, don't worry about a thing, Em. 903 00:49:32,336 --> 00:49:34,065 You can stay here as long as you need. 904 00:49:58,028 --> 00:49:59,495 Sorry, dude. Emergency. 905 00:50:07,037 --> 00:50:08,629 What's going on, man? 906 00:50:08,705 --> 00:50:10,138 Hey, Jake. Love your shampoo. 907 00:50:10,207 --> 00:50:12,300 Where did you get it? 908 00:50:16,013 --> 00:50:17,275 Lily's in my shower. 909 00:50:17,347 --> 00:50:18,939 Yeah. 910 00:50:19,016 --> 00:50:22,110 The woman who humiliated me and destroyed your marriage... 911 00:50:22,185 --> 00:50:24,153 is in my bathroom taking a shower. 912 00:50:24,221 --> 00:50:26,155 You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? 913 00:50:26,223 --> 00:50:28,657 Well, you know, a couple of weeks ago... 914 00:50:28,725 --> 00:50:30,454 when Greta gave me the divorce papers? 915 00:50:30,527 --> 00:50:32,461 I went to Lily's office to confront her. 916 00:50:32,529 --> 00:50:33,496 Well, the next thing I know... 917 00:50:33,563 --> 00:50:35,793 we're having sex on her desk. 918 00:50:35,866 --> 00:50:37,128 This is insane! 919 00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:39,168 After everything that bisexual freak did... 920 00:50:39,236 --> 00:50:40,669 you're diddling her? 921 00:50:40,737 --> 00:50:43,171 She prefers the term omnisexual. 922 00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:45,800 Who gives a shit? 923 00:50:45,876 --> 00:50:47,810 You know she's in there using my shampoo? 924 00:50:47,878 --> 00:50:50,176 I don't want to share my shampoo with that woman! 925 00:50:50,247 --> 00:50:51,680 Wait. What are you doing? 926 00:50:53,083 --> 00:50:56,450 That's my shampoo. Give me my shampoo! 927 00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:57,817 This! These are mine! 928 00:50:57,888 --> 00:50:58,980 What the hell are you doing? 929 00:50:59,056 --> 00:51:00,489 She can fucking drip-dry. 930 00:51:00,557 --> 00:51:01,819 I gave you a place to stay... 931 00:51:01,892 --> 00:51:03,189 when you had nowhere else to go. 932 00:51:03,260 --> 00:51:06,388 Is this how you repay me, by going behind my back? 933 00:51:06,463 --> 00:51:08,624 Jake, you don't understand. 934 00:51:08,698 --> 00:51:12,464 I mean, this woman, this woman is so porn. 935 00:51:12,536 --> 00:51:13,833 Hey, I've watched porn. 936 00:51:13,904 --> 00:51:15,337 I've seen John Holmes in action. 937 00:51:15,405 --> 00:51:17,032 Believe me, you're no John Holmes. 938 00:51:17,107 --> 00:51:18,574 I'm not saying I'm John Holmes! 939 00:51:18,642 --> 00:51:20,439 You're Cal. 940 00:51:20,510 --> 00:51:21,977 Wait a minute. What are you talking about? 941 00:51:22,045 --> 00:51:23,034 You want to be him so badly... 942 00:51:23,113 --> 00:51:24,205 you even fucked my date! 943 00:51:24,281 --> 00:51:25,509 Wake up, Dave, and while you're at it... 944 00:51:25,582 --> 00:51:26,708 get the fuck out of my apartment. 945 00:51:26,783 --> 00:51:28,148 - Come on, Jake. - You heard me. 946 00:51:28,218 --> 00:51:30,448 When I get back, I want you and that velociraptor gone. 947 00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:31,987 Jake, come on. Jake. 948 00:51:51,808 --> 00:51:53,400 Hello. 949 00:51:53,477 --> 00:51:56,071 Hello. Is this Emily? 950 00:51:56,146 --> 00:51:57,408 Yeah. 951 00:51:57,481 --> 00:51:59,073 Hi. It's Jake. 952 00:51:59,149 --> 00:52:01,379 From the bar. 953 00:52:01,451 --> 00:52:04,887 I spilled the beans about Cal. 954 00:52:04,955 --> 00:52:06,081 What do you want? 955 00:52:06,156 --> 00:52:08,590 I was wondering if we could talk. 956 00:52:08,658 --> 00:52:10,751 Can I come up? 957 00:52:10,827 --> 00:52:13,261 No. I'll come down. 958 00:52:13,330 --> 00:52:16,265 I'll be the guy on the stoop. 959 00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:17,800 Hello? 960 00:52:27,511 --> 00:52:28,910 What? 961 00:52:30,413 --> 00:52:31,402 Look, I know we didn't meet... 962 00:52:31,481 --> 00:52:32,743 under the best of circumstances... 963 00:52:32,816 --> 00:52:34,750 but I just wanted to let you know... 964 00:52:34,818 --> 00:52:37,343 that I feel like a total jerk for what happened. 965 00:52:37,420 --> 00:52:39,547 That makes two of us. 966 00:52:39,623 --> 00:52:42,285 Wait. We both think I'm a jerk... 967 00:52:42,359 --> 00:52:44,020 or we both feel like jerks? 968 00:52:44,094 --> 00:52:47,120 Draw your own conclusion. 969 00:52:47,197 --> 00:52:48,755 Look, it was easy for me... 970 00:52:48,832 --> 00:52:51,528 to think of you in the abstract as some idiot. 971 00:52:51,601 --> 00:52:55,002 In fact, the only idiot here is me. 972 00:52:57,707 --> 00:53:01,108 No, you were right. I was an idiot. 973 00:53:06,216 --> 00:53:08,150 If I could take it back, I would. 974 00:53:08,218 --> 00:53:09,981 So you're saying you'd be like Dave... 975 00:53:10,053 --> 00:53:12,817 and just let Cal keep doing what he was doing? 976 00:53:12,889 --> 00:53:14,322 I'm just saying I don't know... 977 00:53:14,391 --> 00:53:15,824 if I could say something like that... 978 00:53:15,892 --> 00:53:18,019 to someone if I knew it would hurt them. 979 00:53:18,094 --> 00:53:20,961 What are you, one of these nice guys? 980 00:53:21,031 --> 00:53:23,022 Is that your thing? 981 00:53:24,568 --> 00:53:26,160 Does that work on anyone? 982 00:53:26,236 --> 00:53:29,603 Because it's been monumentally unsuccessful so far. 983 00:53:31,241 --> 00:53:35,371 Yeah. Well, I guess I wouldn't know. 984 00:53:36,413 --> 00:53:37,812 I have a theory. 985 00:53:37,881 --> 00:53:39,849 You can be either one of two things... 986 00:53:39,916 --> 00:53:42,908 in a relationship... a pig or a chicken. 987 00:53:45,555 --> 00:53:48,149 In a ham and egg breakfast... 988 00:53:48,225 --> 00:53:51,456 the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed. 989 00:53:51,528 --> 00:53:53,462 So, you didn't do anything wrong. 990 00:53:53,530 --> 00:53:54,861 It's just that... 991 00:53:54,931 --> 00:53:58,890 you're a pig who got into a relationship with a chicken. 992 00:54:00,437 --> 00:54:03,270 All right. I get that whole little story there. 993 00:54:05,108 --> 00:54:08,635 Except for the part about me being a pig. 994 00:54:10,413 --> 00:54:12,506 OK, yeah, that was a bad analogy... 995 00:54:12,582 --> 00:54:13,674 and it needs work, but... 996 00:54:15,485 --> 00:54:20,320 But... see, you're a good person who deserves the best. 997 00:54:22,325 --> 00:54:24,623 In fact... in fact, say that with me. 998 00:54:26,463 --> 00:54:28,226 I can't hear you. I want to... 999 00:54:28,298 --> 00:54:30,129 I am a great person... 1000 00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,031 I'm a great person. 1001 00:54:32,102 --> 00:54:33,228 Who deserves the best. 1002 00:54:33,303 --> 00:54:34,930 Who deserves the best. 1003 00:54:35,005 --> 00:54:36,063 And I will buy you a fudgsicle. 1004 00:54:36,139 --> 00:54:39,006 OK. And I will accept. Thank you. 1005 00:54:39,075 --> 00:54:41,407 No. You are going to buy me a fudgsicle. 1006 00:54:41,478 --> 00:54:42,775 You're supposed to repeat me. 1007 00:54:42,846 --> 00:54:44,245 Oh, you're really funny. 1008 00:54:44,314 --> 00:54:46,077 Thank you very much. Did you bring any change? 1009 00:54:46,149 --> 00:54:47,411 No. You're going to buy me one. 1010 00:54:47,484 --> 00:54:48,951 - I'm Not buying you anything. - Yes, you are. 1011 00:54:55,225 --> 00:54:58,422 My client only has one simple stipulation. 1012 00:54:58,495 --> 00:55:01,931 Greta Siegel was caught in flagrante delicto... 1013 00:55:01,998 --> 00:55:03,124 with a woman. 1014 00:55:03,199 --> 00:55:05,633 So this entitles him to everything? 1015 00:55:05,702 --> 00:55:07,101 So they bought the apartment together. 1016 00:55:07,170 --> 00:55:08,432 He's supposed to walk away from the equity? 1017 00:55:08,505 --> 00:55:10,268 Well, if she keeps up the mortgage payments... 1018 00:55:10,340 --> 00:55:11,637 how will that affect... 1019 00:55:11,708 --> 00:55:13,471 You're dancing around the issue, counselor. 1020 00:55:13,543 --> 00:55:15,272 Do we really have to go through all this? 1021 00:55:15,345 --> 00:55:16,778 You tell me. I'm not the one... 1022 00:55:16,846 --> 00:55:18,108 who walked away from this marriage. 1023 00:55:18,181 --> 00:55:19,375 Take it easy, Dave. 1024 00:55:19,449 --> 00:55:21,417 Mr. Siegel, have you had sexual intercourse at all... 1025 00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:23,543 since you moved out of your apartment? 1026 00:55:23,620 --> 00:55:24,780 What's that got to do with anything? 1027 00:55:24,854 --> 00:55:25,912 Will you let me handle this? 1028 00:55:25,989 --> 00:55:27,320 What has that got to do with anything? 1029 00:55:27,390 --> 00:55:28,448 Just trying to establish... 1030 00:55:28,525 --> 00:55:30,584 if your client is moving on with his life, and if so... 1031 00:55:30,660 --> 00:55:32,491 I think that does have a bearing on the situation. 1032 00:55:32,562 --> 00:55:33,961 You do not have to answer that. 1033 00:55:34,030 --> 00:55:36,294 Actually, I would like to answer that. 1034 00:55:36,366 --> 00:55:37,663 Yes. 1035 00:55:37,734 --> 00:55:40,965 I have slept with someone since. 1036 00:55:42,539 --> 00:55:43,801 Who? 1037 00:55:43,873 --> 00:55:46,103 Please. Who? 1038 00:55:48,378 --> 00:55:52,246 One Lily Kildear. 1039 00:55:54,617 --> 00:55:55,914 What? 1040 00:55:55,985 --> 00:55:57,145 That's right. 1041 00:55:57,220 --> 00:55:59,620 Wait a minute. Dave, you slept with Lily Kildear? 1042 00:55:59,689 --> 00:56:02,317 That being the woman with whom I caught my wife... 1043 00:56:02,392 --> 00:56:04,690 in flagrante de... whatever. 1044 00:56:04,761 --> 00:56:05,728 Really? 1045 00:56:05,795 --> 00:56:07,228 Dave, why didn't you tell me this? 1046 00:56:07,297 --> 00:56:08,457 - How long? - Why? 1047 00:56:08,531 --> 00:56:09,463 What difference does it make? 1048 00:56:09,532 --> 00:56:10,658 She's a lawyer in this firm. 1049 00:56:10,734 --> 00:56:11,996 She's about to be made a partner. 1050 00:56:12,068 --> 00:56:13,558 How do you think I found you guys... subway ads? 1051 00:56:13,636 --> 00:56:14,660 How long? 1052 00:56:14,738 --> 00:56:16,137 Holy shit. 1053 00:56:16,206 --> 00:56:18,401 Please strike my last remark. 1054 00:56:18,475 --> 00:56:19,567 I think you should leave that in the record. 1055 00:56:19,642 --> 00:56:20,574 What do you mean? You can't represent me anymore? 1056 00:56:20,643 --> 00:56:22,076 Hey! How long have you been sleeping... 1057 00:56:22,145 --> 00:56:23,669 with my girlfriend? 1058 00:56:23,747 --> 00:56:25,908 Oh, so now she's your girlfriend. 1059 00:56:25,982 --> 00:56:27,347 Did you get that? 1060 00:56:27,417 --> 00:56:29,078 I'm going to ask you to stop talking. 1061 00:56:29,152 --> 00:56:30,483 Not until after you did it, if that's what you're asking... 1062 00:56:30,553 --> 00:56:32,851 but with great frequency since then. 1063 00:56:32,922 --> 00:56:34,184 Dave, you don't want to say things like that. 1064 00:56:34,257 --> 00:56:35,690 I've heard of some pretty shitty things, Dave... 1065 00:56:35,759 --> 00:56:37,090 but this is a new low. 1066 00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:38,855 Why don't we just settle this right now? 1067 00:56:38,928 --> 00:56:40,361 What are you talking about? 1068 00:56:40,430 --> 00:56:42,762 This is her firm, right? 1069 00:56:44,601 --> 00:56:47,468 You fucking prick! 1070 00:56:48,638 --> 00:56:50,538 I've been banging her brains out, Greta. 1071 00:56:50,607 --> 00:56:52,905 She said so herself. How's your sex been? 1072 00:56:52,976 --> 00:56:54,170 Go fuck yourself. 1073 00:56:54,244 --> 00:56:56,235 Don't need to. Getting all I can handle from her. 1074 00:56:57,414 --> 00:56:58,381 Did you see that? 1075 00:56:58,448 --> 00:57:00,746 Spousal abuse. Add that to the list. 1076 00:57:00,817 --> 00:57:02,216 Where's Lily Kildear? 1077 00:57:02,285 --> 00:57:04,048 She's... back there. 1078 00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:05,815 But you can't go back there! 1079 00:57:05,889 --> 00:57:07,823 You can't go in there, sir! 1080 00:57:07,891 --> 00:57:09,222 - Hey, Sheila. - Hey. 1081 00:57:09,292 --> 00:57:11,226 You can't go back there, folks. 1082 00:57:11,294 --> 00:57:12,420 Thanks. 1083 00:57:12,495 --> 00:57:13,894 Well, absolutely not. 1084 00:57:13,963 --> 00:57:15,590 If he doesn't sign on the dotted line at 3 p. M... 1085 00:57:15,665 --> 00:57:16,723 How could you? 1086 00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:18,927 I will call you right back. 1087 00:57:21,304 --> 00:57:22,999 How could I what, Greta? 1088 00:57:23,072 --> 00:57:24,562 How could you sleep with Dave? 1089 00:57:24,641 --> 00:57:25,869 I thought that we had something special. 1090 00:57:25,942 --> 00:57:27,739 You thought you had something special? 1091 00:57:27,811 --> 00:57:29,438 Oh, this is great. 1092 00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:31,412 Hi, Hal. 1093 00:57:31,481 --> 00:57:33,915 Lily. 1094 00:57:33,983 --> 00:57:35,041 What's going on here? 1095 00:57:35,118 --> 00:57:36,585 I'll tell you what's going on! 1096 00:57:36,653 --> 00:57:38,917 You cheated on me with him. 1097 00:57:38,988 --> 00:57:41,047 Like you did on him with me? 1098 00:57:41,124 --> 00:57:42,216 Exactly. 1099 00:57:43,827 --> 00:57:45,260 I won't stand for this. 1100 00:57:45,328 --> 00:57:47,421 Why don't you just make a choice right now? 1101 00:57:47,497 --> 00:57:49,692 Her or... me. 1102 00:57:57,807 --> 00:57:59,274 Neither one of you. 1103 00:58:00,510 --> 00:58:01,636 What? 1104 00:58:01,711 --> 00:58:03,008 I beg your pardon? 1105 00:58:03,079 --> 00:58:04,444 Ever seen one like this before? 1106 00:58:04,514 --> 00:58:05,742 Prayed for it. 1107 00:58:05,815 --> 00:58:08,181 Wait, wait. Are you... are you serious? 1108 00:58:08,251 --> 00:58:10,981 I don't understand. 1109 00:58:12,689 --> 00:58:15,749 Listen, Greta, sweetie, what we had was wonderful... 1110 00:58:15,825 --> 00:58:20,262 but that happily-ever-after thing really isn't my style. 1111 00:58:21,531 --> 00:58:23,931 I think I'm gonna be sick. 1112 00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:26,969 Look, you both got something you badly needed... 1113 00:58:27,036 --> 00:58:28,901 and we've had a good time. 1114 00:58:44,220 --> 00:58:45,983 You still find this a... 1115 00:58:46,055 --> 00:58:47,818 conflict of interest? 1116 00:58:47,891 --> 00:58:49,483 Well, it's tricky. 1117 00:58:49,559 --> 00:58:50,856 Good. You're fired. 1118 00:58:55,565 --> 00:58:57,658 You're a piece of work. 1119 00:58:57,734 --> 00:59:00,464 You're not getting in my pants, Hal. 1120 00:59:01,871 --> 00:59:04,533 Worth a shot, eh? 1121 00:59:14,183 --> 00:59:16,048 All right. 1122 00:59:18,755 --> 00:59:22,054 I'll just... get the door. 1123 00:59:25,762 --> 00:59:26,990 Good. 1124 00:59:27,063 --> 00:59:28,690 Try your hand up. 1125 00:59:28,765 --> 00:59:30,790 That's it. Good. 1126 00:59:33,770 --> 00:59:35,294 Turn around. 1127 00:59:42,946 --> 00:59:45,506 We'll take a break for a second. 1128 01:01:25,882 --> 01:01:27,645 Thank you for meeting me. 1129 01:01:27,717 --> 01:01:29,207 What do you want, Cal? 1130 01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,317 I just want to talk to you. 1131 01:01:32,388 --> 01:01:33,650 Then talk. 1132 01:01:33,723 --> 01:01:35,156 Can't we walk? 1133 01:01:35,224 --> 01:01:39,183 You want to walk and talk? Fine. 1134 01:01:41,731 --> 01:01:43,665 I'm really sorry, Emily. 1135 01:01:43,733 --> 01:01:45,496 Great. Is that it? 1136 01:01:45,568 --> 01:01:48,002 No, that's not it. 1137 01:01:48,071 --> 01:01:50,665 You really look great. 1138 01:01:50,740 --> 01:01:53,140 What do you want, Cal? 1139 01:01:53,209 --> 01:01:55,177 You've been hanging out with Jake a lot, huh? 1140 01:01:55,244 --> 01:01:57,405 Yeah. He's been really supportive. 1141 01:01:57,480 --> 01:01:59,448 Emily, marry me. 1142 01:01:59,515 --> 01:02:00,982 What? 1143 01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:02,347 Are you crazy? 1144 01:02:02,418 --> 01:02:04,283 I'm ready to make a commitment. 1145 01:02:04,353 --> 01:02:05,820 Well, I was committed, but you were too busy... 1146 01:02:05,888 --> 01:02:07,981 screwing your way through a Victoria's Secret catalog. 1147 01:02:08,057 --> 01:02:09,684 You are the best thing that ever happened to me... 1148 01:02:09,759 --> 01:02:11,624 and I refuse to let you go without a fight. 1149 01:02:14,297 --> 01:02:16,697 I just... I need to think for a second. 1150 01:02:16,766 --> 01:02:20,998 While you're thinking, take a look at this. 1151 01:02:21,070 --> 01:02:22,970 Oh, my God. 1152 01:02:24,874 --> 01:02:27,035 I swear to you, I am through with other women. 1153 01:02:27,110 --> 01:02:29,044 I've sown my wild oats, and statistically speaking... 1154 01:02:29,112 --> 01:02:30,704 I'm less likely to cheat on you... 1155 01:02:30,780 --> 01:02:32,714 or have a mid-life crisis at this point. 1156 01:02:32,782 --> 01:02:34,215 Wait a second. 1157 01:02:34,283 --> 01:02:36,581 How do I know that you're being honest? 1158 01:02:36,652 --> 01:02:40,019 Just because you're giving me some ring? 1159 01:02:40,089 --> 01:02:44,253 An incredibly gorgeous ring? 1160 01:02:45,962 --> 01:02:47,395 How do I know... 1161 01:02:47,463 --> 01:02:48,987 that you're not going to betray me again? 1162 01:02:57,140 --> 01:02:59,370 A prenuptial agreement? 1163 01:02:59,442 --> 01:03:01,239 It says here that if I cheat on you... 1164 01:03:01,310 --> 01:03:03,403 you're entitled to 70% of everything that I have. 1165 01:03:05,615 --> 01:03:08,846 Well, I thought 70% was fair. 1166 01:03:08,918 --> 01:03:12,046 It is, but it's not about that. 1167 01:03:12,121 --> 01:03:14,055 It's the fact that you're giving yourself... 1168 01:03:14,123 --> 01:03:16,717 an economic incentive not to cheat on me. 1169 01:03:16,793 --> 01:03:18,761 I don't think you're seeing the big picture here. 1170 01:03:18,828 --> 01:03:21,888 I wouldn't do this if I didn't think that... 1171 01:03:21,964 --> 01:03:23,795 I could do this. 1172 01:03:25,501 --> 01:03:28,061 Emily, I love you so much. 1173 01:03:29,105 --> 01:03:31,130 Emily, please marry me. 1174 01:03:37,713 --> 01:03:39,340 She said yes. 1175 01:03:39,415 --> 01:03:40,382 Who? 1176 01:03:40,449 --> 01:03:42,280 Emily. We're getting married. 1177 01:03:42,351 --> 01:03:43,784 What? 1178 01:03:43,853 --> 01:03:45,753 That's right. I saw her today and she agreed to marry me. 1179 01:03:45,822 --> 01:03:48,950 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That seems awfully drastic, Cal. 1180 01:03:49,025 --> 01:03:50,458 I needed to do something drastic, David. 1181 01:03:50,526 --> 01:03:51,788 I needed to turn my life around. 1182 01:03:51,861 --> 01:03:53,294 Yeah, but are you sure you're ready for this... 1183 01:03:53,362 --> 01:03:54,454 I mean, to be faithful? 1184 01:03:54,530 --> 01:03:56,623 You do know you're going to have to be faithful, right? 1185 01:03:56,699 --> 01:03:57,757 Yes, yes, I know. 1186 01:03:57,834 --> 01:03:59,802 I'm giving you the best news of my life here. 1187 01:03:59,869 --> 01:04:01,393 You're supposed to be happy for me. 1188 01:04:01,470 --> 01:04:02,960 I come into the apartment, it's like something... 1189 01:04:03,039 --> 01:04:04,472 out of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." 1190 01:04:04,540 --> 01:04:06,565 Where are you hiding the pods? Where's my friend Cal? 1191 01:04:06,642 --> 01:04:08,610 What are you talking about? 1192 01:04:08,678 --> 01:04:09,975 You can't just change overnight. 1193 01:04:10,046 --> 01:04:11,377 You are who you are. 1194 01:04:11,447 --> 01:04:13,142 You know what? Fuck you. 1195 01:04:13,216 --> 01:04:15,241 Fuck you, and fuck your pods. 1196 01:04:15,318 --> 01:04:16,876 Just because your life is in the toilet... 1197 01:04:16,953 --> 01:04:19,786 doesn't mean everyone else has to live there, too. 1198 01:04:19,856 --> 01:04:21,653 I don't want everyone to live in the toilet! 1199 01:04:21,724 --> 01:04:23,157 It's just that... 1200 01:04:23,226 --> 01:04:24,921 Christ, Dave, you know what? 1201 01:04:24,994 --> 01:04:27,326 I ask you over here to see if you want to be my best man... 1202 01:04:27,396 --> 01:04:29,193 and you're acting like I just took a dump on your forehead. 1203 01:04:31,901 --> 01:04:33,835 Your best man? 1204 01:04:33,903 --> 01:04:35,837 Yes. 1205 01:04:35,905 --> 01:04:37,372 God. 1206 01:04:39,008 --> 01:04:40,703 Well? 1207 01:04:42,411 --> 01:04:44,902 OK, sure. I'll be your best man. 1208 01:04:44,981 --> 01:04:47,643 Ah, yes. Thank you. 1209 01:04:47,717 --> 01:04:49,344 I got to tell you, I've never been more sure... 1210 01:04:49,418 --> 01:04:51,443 of anything in my whole entire life. 1211 01:04:52,822 --> 01:04:54,084 I could kiss you. 1212 01:04:54,156 --> 01:04:55,885 There. I just did. 1213 01:05:03,933 --> 01:05:05,491 Yep. Come in. 1214 01:05:08,037 --> 01:05:10,369 Hey! What a nice surprise. 1215 01:05:10,439 --> 01:05:11,963 Can I come in? 1216 01:05:31,460 --> 01:05:33,394 Sorry. I thought you'd be out. 1217 01:05:33,462 --> 01:05:35,896 I just wanted to get some of my stuff. 1218 01:05:35,965 --> 01:05:37,592 Don't worry about it. 1219 01:05:40,970 --> 01:05:43,336 So, I see you've painted... 1220 01:05:44,407 --> 01:05:46,898 and unpacked. 1221 01:05:46,976 --> 01:05:49,536 Seems like you're really settling in here. 1222 01:05:49,612 --> 01:05:52,638 Dave, don't make this more difficult than it is. 1223 01:05:52,715 --> 01:05:54,410 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being difficult? 1224 01:05:54,483 --> 01:05:56,041 I'm not the one who decided to embark... 1225 01:05:56,118 --> 01:05:58,882 on some kind of lesbian sex odyssey. 1226 01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:00,252 I mean, how the fuck... 1227 01:06:00,323 --> 01:06:01,915 could you do this all of a sudden? 1228 01:06:01,991 --> 01:06:04,892 It's like the way you drive. You don't use your signals. 1229 01:06:04,961 --> 01:06:07,054 You've got to give a person some kind of a warning. 1230 01:06:07,129 --> 01:06:08,858 What are you talking about? 1231 01:06:08,931 --> 01:06:11,058 I'm talking about giving a person a warning... 1232 01:06:11,133 --> 01:06:12,930 some signals, not blind-siding somebody. 1233 01:06:13,002 --> 01:06:14,936 You remember that time we drove out to the beach... 1234 01:06:15,004 --> 01:06:16,938 and you side-swiped that old guy in the Lincoln? 1235 01:06:17,006 --> 01:06:19,440 I mean, that was because you weren't using your signals. 1236 01:06:19,508 --> 01:06:21,100 You tried to merge without... 1237 01:06:21,177 --> 01:06:23,873 Shut up! 1238 01:06:31,520 --> 01:06:34,614 I don't think you have any idea... 1239 01:06:34,690 --> 01:06:37,056 how hard this is on me, too. 1240 01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:48,660 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I... 1241 01:06:50,206 --> 01:06:52,936 I know this is hard for you... 1242 01:06:53,009 --> 01:06:54,943 and I know... 1243 01:06:55,011 --> 01:06:58,447 we've had our problems, but... 1244 01:06:58,514 --> 01:07:01,142 there was good stuff, too. 1245 01:07:01,217 --> 01:07:04,948 There was. There was. There is. 1246 01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:07,216 I don't know. 1247 01:07:20,069 --> 01:07:25,029 I'm sorry about the other day at the lawyer's office. 1248 01:07:25,107 --> 01:07:27,541 I feel horrible about that. 1249 01:07:29,245 --> 01:07:31,475 Me, too. 1250 01:07:34,417 --> 01:07:36,715 I miss you, Greta. 1251 01:07:38,220 --> 01:07:41,053 I miss you, Dave. 1252 01:07:42,558 --> 01:07:46,654 You are the most important thing in my life... 1253 01:07:46,729 --> 01:07:49,027 and I love you. 1254 01:07:50,766 --> 01:07:52,597 I'm sorry. 1255 01:07:54,937 --> 01:07:58,338 Oh, no, shh. It's OK. 1256 01:07:58,407 --> 01:07:59,499 I'm sorry, Dave. 1257 01:07:59,575 --> 01:08:01,236 It's OK. 1258 01:08:48,491 --> 01:08:49,958 Wow. 1259 01:08:54,330 --> 01:08:55,922 Holy shit. 1260 01:09:00,002 --> 01:09:02,027 I mean, Jesus, Greta. 1261 01:09:03,839 --> 01:09:05,397 Where the hell did you... 1262 01:09:07,343 --> 01:09:08,867 I mean, Jesus. 1263 01:09:10,913 --> 01:09:13,438 I can't remember the last time it was this great. 1264 01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:16,311 Can you? 1265 01:09:17,153 --> 01:09:19,621 Oh, my God. 1266 01:09:19,688 --> 01:09:22,623 And it wasn't just me, right? 1267 01:09:22,691 --> 01:09:23,851 This was great. 1268 01:09:27,863 --> 01:09:30,832 Oh, wow. Unreal. 1269 01:09:38,707 --> 01:09:40,231 Yeah, sweetie? 1270 01:09:44,513 --> 01:09:45,537 I'm a lesbian. 1271 01:09:46,549 --> 01:09:48,141 What? 1272 01:09:48,217 --> 01:09:51,311 I'm a lesbian. 1273 01:09:51,387 --> 01:09:53,321 I'm a lesbian! 1274 01:09:53,389 --> 01:09:54,788 Stop saying that. 1275 01:09:54,857 --> 01:09:56,688 I finally figured out that this is who I am... 1276 01:09:56,759 --> 01:09:58,624 and, Dave, I can't change that. 1277 01:09:58,694 --> 01:09:59,820 Oh, my God! 1278 01:10:01,397 --> 01:10:02,921 I never meant to hurt you. 1279 01:10:02,998 --> 01:10:05,125 You know, what do you think you're going to do, Greta... 1280 01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:06,293 go back to Lily? 1281 01:10:06,368 --> 01:10:07,335 Because she doesn't want you. 1282 01:10:07,403 --> 01:10:08,836 This has nothing to do with Lily, Dave. 1283 01:10:08,904 --> 01:10:11,270 This has to do with me. I'm a lesbian! 1284 01:10:11,340 --> 01:10:12,568 I heard you! 1285 01:10:12,641 --> 01:10:14,609 And stop saying that! You're a lesbian! 1286 01:10:14,677 --> 01:10:15,803 Can't you be happy for me? 1287 01:10:15,878 --> 01:10:18,176 No, I can't be happy for you. 1288 01:10:18,247 --> 01:10:22,081 I mean, you get to have this life-affirming revelation... 1289 01:10:22,151 --> 01:10:24,551 after taking me on this fucking roller coaster! 1290 01:10:24,620 --> 01:10:26,679 And just when I think it's over, the bottom drops out! 1291 01:10:26,755 --> 01:10:29,019 No, I can't be happy for you! 1292 01:10:29,959 --> 01:10:31,426 My life's a fucking mess! 1293 01:10:31,493 --> 01:10:32,482 Dave, I'm sorry. 1294 01:10:32,561 --> 01:10:34,358 You know what? Sorry's not good enough. 1295 01:10:34,430 --> 01:10:36,694 You thought the other day was bad? 1296 01:10:36,765 --> 01:10:38,323 Yeah. Well, this... 1297 01:10:38,400 --> 01:10:39,560 this is going to get ugly. 1298 01:10:40,402 --> 01:10:41,869 Are you all right? 1299 01:10:42,805 --> 01:10:43,863 No, I'm not all right. 1300 01:10:43,939 --> 01:10:46,203 I give my love and devotion to a woman... 1301 01:10:46,275 --> 01:10:49,335 who turns out to be an emotional "La Femme Nikita." 1302 01:10:51,280 --> 01:10:53,646 And I think I just tore my A.C.L.! 1303 01:11:02,291 --> 01:11:03,849 Oh, my God. 1304 01:11:30,152 --> 01:11:31,847 Fuck you! 1305 01:11:38,794 --> 01:11:41,763 People talk about a relationship enduring the test of time. 1306 01:11:42,831 --> 01:11:44,992 I'm sure everyone wants it... 1307 01:11:45,067 --> 01:11:47,729 but the key is, how do you get it? 1308 01:11:49,505 --> 01:11:51,370 The Egyptians. 1309 01:11:52,808 --> 01:11:54,207 The Egyptians knew. 1310 01:11:55,244 --> 01:11:56,438 They started the pyramids. 1311 01:11:56,512 --> 01:11:57,843 See, they knew they were building... 1312 01:11:57,913 --> 01:12:00,848 something that had to last and last and last. 1313 01:12:02,351 --> 01:12:04,410 Sure, they started with a strong foundation... 1314 01:12:06,822 --> 01:12:09,120 but the secret is... 1315 01:12:09,191 --> 01:12:13,184 the placement of that very first stone. 1316 01:12:19,001 --> 01:12:20,298 The pyramids? 1317 01:12:21,637 --> 01:12:24,868 Now, I know we just met, but this feels like... 1318 01:12:26,375 --> 01:12:29,139 that was what we have working here, you know? 1319 01:12:31,714 --> 01:12:33,409 First stone... 1320 01:12:37,853 --> 01:12:38,979 I'm Cal Scoppa. 1321 01:12:41,023 --> 01:12:44,652 Cal Scoppa... photographer? 1322 01:12:46,795 --> 01:12:48,990 You're familiar with my work? 1323 01:12:52,901 --> 01:12:57,201 I've heard your name in certain circles. 1324 01:13:00,409 --> 01:13:01,535 And your name is? 1325 01:13:08,817 --> 01:13:10,751 Wouldn't it make where we're headed... 1326 01:13:10,819 --> 01:13:12,878 a lot more fun if we just kept it anonymous? 1327 01:13:15,023 --> 01:13:16,388 No offense... 1328 01:13:16,458 --> 01:13:19,359 but I'm not really into building anything long-term. 1329 01:13:19,428 --> 01:13:22,261 I would be up for a good time, though... 1330 01:13:22,331 --> 01:13:25,129 if that was OK with you. 1331 01:13:28,570 --> 01:13:30,003 Fuck the Egyptians. 1332 01:13:32,941 --> 01:13:34,033 Great. 1333 01:13:34,109 --> 01:13:37,977 So, what other kind of photography do you do? 1334 01:13:43,619 --> 01:13:45,382 Oh, don't stop! Don't stop! 1335 01:13:45,454 --> 01:13:46,546 OK, stop. 1336 01:14:23,325 --> 01:14:24,986 What the hell do you want? 1337 01:14:25,060 --> 01:14:27,085 Can I come in? 1338 01:14:30,165 --> 01:14:31,598 Please. 1339 01:14:39,942 --> 01:14:42,103 Quit smoking, what, two years ago? 1340 01:14:42,177 --> 01:14:44,737 Yeah. I quit with you. 1341 01:14:44,813 --> 01:14:47,043 Quite a buzz the first one gives you, I gotta say. 1342 01:14:48,717 --> 01:14:51,083 What brought this on? 1343 01:14:52,521 --> 01:14:54,045 She doesn't love me. 1344 01:14:55,557 --> 01:14:57,047 Emily? 1345 01:14:57,125 --> 01:14:59,218 No, my mom. 1346 01:14:59,294 --> 01:15:00,625 She called to say she never has. 1347 01:15:00,696 --> 01:15:02,789 Seemed real apologetic, though. 1348 01:15:02,865 --> 01:15:04,264 Yeah, Emily. 1349 01:15:04,333 --> 01:15:05,891 Jake, listen... 1350 01:15:05,968 --> 01:15:08,459 I know what you're going to say, Dave... 1351 01:15:08,537 --> 01:15:10,505 that I'm the boy who always cried wolf... 1352 01:15:10,572 --> 01:15:12,472 but this time, it's the real thing... 1353 01:15:12,541 --> 01:15:15,271 and this real thing is going to marry someone else, so... 1354 01:15:15,344 --> 01:15:16,971 I thought it was worth... 1355 01:15:17,045 --> 01:15:18,979 throwing two years of clean lungs out the window. 1356 01:15:19,047 --> 01:15:20,674 You OK with that? 1357 01:15:24,119 --> 01:15:25,848 As long as I can get one. 1358 01:15:28,524 --> 01:15:29,616 Do you mind? 1359 01:15:29,691 --> 01:15:30,783 Not at all. 1360 01:16:29,618 --> 01:16:31,142 You OK? 1361 01:16:31,219 --> 01:16:32,413 It's good. It's time to grow up. 1362 01:16:32,487 --> 01:16:33,784 I'm doing the right thing here. 1363 01:16:37,292 --> 01:16:38,350 The thought of her and Jake together... 1364 01:16:38,427 --> 01:16:40,088 just makes my stomach... 1365 01:16:42,097 --> 01:16:44,031 What is that, that noise you make? 1366 01:16:44,099 --> 01:16:45,225 What? 1367 01:16:45,300 --> 01:16:46,733 "Mmm." You always go "mmm." 1368 01:16:46,802 --> 01:16:48,394 If you don't agree with someone, you go "mmm." 1369 01:16:48,470 --> 01:16:50,131 It's very passive-aggressive. 1370 01:16:52,007 --> 01:16:53,235 That. 1371 01:16:55,811 --> 01:16:57,073 Dave, right? 1372 01:16:57,145 --> 01:16:59,739 There's someone out front to see you. 1373 01:16:59,815 --> 01:17:01,009 Who? 1374 01:17:01,083 --> 01:17:02,573 She wouldn't say. 1375 01:17:02,651 --> 01:17:04,084 She? 1376 01:17:04,152 --> 01:17:06,245 Go get it, dog. 1377 01:17:10,492 --> 01:17:11,754 Where? 1378 01:17:11,827 --> 01:17:13,294 There. 1379 01:17:15,664 --> 01:17:17,291 Thank you. 1380 01:17:27,309 --> 01:17:28,606 What are you doing here? 1381 01:17:28,677 --> 01:17:29,905 Are you kidding? 1382 01:17:29,978 --> 01:17:31,240 I wouldn't miss this for the world. 1383 01:17:31,313 --> 01:17:32,439 Why? 1384 01:17:36,018 --> 01:17:37,952 What is this? 1385 01:17:38,020 --> 01:17:39,214 Have a look. 1386 01:17:46,428 --> 01:17:48,487 This is you and Cal? 1387 01:17:51,700 --> 01:17:53,497 Nice butt, huh? 1388 01:17:57,172 --> 01:17:58,298 Why are you giving this to me? 1389 01:17:58,373 --> 01:18:00,466 What am I supposed to do with this? 1390 01:18:00,542 --> 01:18:03,204 That, my dear, is entirely up to you. 1391 01:18:24,399 --> 01:18:25,559 We're ready. 1392 01:18:33,542 --> 01:18:36,010 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 1393 01:18:36,078 --> 01:18:41,516 to celebrate the love of two people, Calvin and Emily. 1394 01:18:41,583 --> 01:18:45,349 Marriage is a sacred institution... 1395 01:18:45,420 --> 01:18:48,150 and one which should not be entered into lightly... 1396 01:18:48,223 --> 01:18:53,525 but rather consciously, thoughtfully, and soberly. 1397 01:18:55,230 --> 01:18:57,357 If anyone has reason why these two... 1398 01:18:57,432 --> 01:19:00,333 should not be joined together in Holy matrimony... 1399 01:19:00,402 --> 01:19:03,860 speak now or forever hold your peace. 1400 01:19:08,410 --> 01:19:11,208 Calvin Scoppa, do you take Emily Davis... 1401 01:19:11,279 --> 01:19:14,180 to be your lawfully wedded wife... 1402 01:19:14,249 --> 01:19:16,547 to have and to hold... 1403 01:19:16,618 --> 01:19:19,746 for richer, for poorer... 1404 01:19:19,821 --> 01:19:22,517 so long as you both shall live? 1405 01:19:24,693 --> 01:19:26,183 Hold on. 1406 01:19:27,362 --> 01:19:28,852 Oh, thank God. 1407 01:19:28,930 --> 01:19:30,693 - I have to say this. - Say what? 1408 01:19:34,636 --> 01:19:37,571 You both are really, really great... 1409 01:19:37,639 --> 01:19:40,972 and I love you, but you can't do this. 1410 01:19:44,312 --> 01:19:45,438 You're getting married because you think... 1411 01:19:45,514 --> 01:19:47,072 you're supposed to, not because you want to. 1412 01:19:47,149 --> 01:19:49,413 And believe me, I know what I'm talking about... 1413 01:19:49,484 --> 01:19:50,917 because I've been playing fiddle... 1414 01:19:50,986 --> 01:19:51,975 while the "Titanic" is sinking... 1415 01:19:52,053 --> 01:19:54,146 and I've made a lot of mistakes. 1416 01:19:56,124 --> 01:19:57,421 I haven't been honest with myself... 1417 01:19:57,492 --> 01:20:01,451 or any of you for a long, long time. 1418 01:20:03,799 --> 01:20:07,565 I knew our marriage was a mess, but you admitted it first... 1419 01:20:07,636 --> 01:20:10,605 and made me so upset, I acted like a jerk... 1420 01:20:10,672 --> 01:20:12,299 and I'm sorry for that. 1421 01:20:15,110 --> 01:20:17,135 I can't stand here and let you two... 1422 01:20:17,212 --> 01:20:19,680 make the same kind of mistake we did. 1423 01:20:19,748 --> 01:20:24,344 Cal, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do... 1424 01:20:24,419 --> 01:20:26,284 and I'm pretty sure... no. 1425 01:20:26,354 --> 01:20:27,753 What's he doing? 1426 01:20:27,823 --> 01:20:32,385 I'm positive... that it's the right thing to do. 1427 01:20:34,162 --> 01:20:35,595 Don't get married. 1428 01:20:38,834 --> 01:20:40,131 At least... 1429 01:20:40,202 --> 01:20:41,931 not to each other. 1430 01:20:45,874 --> 01:20:47,307 That's it. 1431 01:20:50,512 --> 01:20:52,446 You're completely out of your mind, man. 1432 01:20:53,215 --> 01:20:55,877 Because I've changed. I love this woman. 1433 01:20:57,819 --> 01:20:59,116 I love this woman! 1434 01:20:59,187 --> 01:21:00,415 And I'm going to marry her today. 1435 01:21:00,488 --> 01:21:01,477 Tell them, Emily. 1436 01:21:01,556 --> 01:21:02,580 Wait. 1437 01:21:04,125 --> 01:21:05,888 You're buying into this crap? 1438 01:21:05,961 --> 01:21:07,952 Cal, Dave's right. 1439 01:21:08,029 --> 01:21:10,259 You're going to take marital advice... 1440 01:21:10,332 --> 01:21:12,300 from a guy who married a lesbian? 1441 01:21:12,367 --> 01:21:15,393 That wasn't entirely his fault. It wasn't. 1442 01:21:16,705 --> 01:21:19,503 It wasn't his fault. 1443 01:21:23,979 --> 01:21:25,310 I'm sorry. 1444 01:21:30,852 --> 01:21:32,786 Honey. 1445 01:21:36,057 --> 01:21:38,719 I'm sorry, Cal. 1446 01:21:40,595 --> 01:21:43,257 You son of a bitch. 1447 01:21:48,236 --> 01:21:49,863 How could you do this to me? 1448 01:21:51,439 --> 01:21:54,931 You no-good piece of shit! 1449 01:21:56,177 --> 01:21:57,701 Let go of me! 1450 01:21:58,780 --> 01:21:59,838 I have to get married today! 1451 01:21:59,915 --> 01:22:01,815 I'm getting married today! 1452 01:22:01,883 --> 01:22:03,544 I have to get married today! 1453 01:22:08,223 --> 01:22:09,349 Are you OK? 1454 01:22:09,424 --> 01:22:10,516 I was hoping he'd take that... 1455 01:22:10,592 --> 01:22:11,786 a little bit better than he did. 1456 01:22:14,095 --> 01:22:16,757 Natives are getting restless, kids. 1457 01:22:25,540 --> 01:22:28,407 Ladies and gentlemen... 1458 01:22:28,476 --> 01:22:30,967 it seems as though there's been a slight change of plans. 1459 01:22:32,480 --> 01:22:36,348 On behalf of Cal and Emily, we'd like to thank you for coming... 1460 01:22:36,418 --> 01:22:39,410 and we'll keep you posted. 1461 01:22:40,522 --> 01:22:44,014 Feel free to sign the guest book on your way out. 1462 01:22:55,403 --> 01:22:57,871 So, this guy's name was Job? 1463 01:22:57,939 --> 01:23:01,067 Yes... my son. 1464 01:23:03,044 --> 01:23:04,602 Poor bastard. 1465 01:23:14,189 --> 01:23:15,622 Padre... 1466 01:23:15,690 --> 01:23:17,988 leave us a minute. 1467 01:23:46,054 --> 01:23:47,351 Why'd you do it? 1468 01:23:57,065 --> 01:23:59,329 Where'd you get these? 1469 01:23:59,401 --> 01:24:00,993 Lily. 1470 01:24:01,069 --> 01:24:03,037 Her name is Lil... 1471 01:24:04,739 --> 01:24:06,707 This is your Lily? 1472 01:24:10,045 --> 01:24:11,706 You put her up to this? 1473 01:24:14,716 --> 01:24:17,048 She did it all on her own. 1474 01:24:18,753 --> 01:24:19,845 Why? 1475 01:24:19,921 --> 01:24:21,582 Because she's a sick, twisted woman. 1476 01:24:23,058 --> 01:24:24,889 You can say that again. 1477 01:24:31,099 --> 01:24:33,363 Cal, I'm sorry. 1478 01:24:33,435 --> 01:24:35,369 I couldn't let you... 1479 01:24:35,437 --> 01:24:37,530 make the biggest mistake of your life. 1480 01:24:40,408 --> 01:24:42,399 You were right, Dave. 1481 01:24:44,946 --> 01:24:46,709 I was? 1482 01:24:46,781 --> 01:24:48,544 I'm not ready for this. 1483 01:24:50,485 --> 01:24:52,680 I couldn't give Emily what she needs. 1484 01:24:54,155 --> 01:24:56,715 She deserves a good guy... 1485 01:24:56,791 --> 01:24:58,691 like that prick Jake. 1486 01:25:07,068 --> 01:25:09,298 What's going on? What happened? 1487 01:25:10,572 --> 01:25:12,233 I didn't get married. 1488 01:25:12,307 --> 01:25:14,707 Yeah, I can see that. 1489 01:25:14,776 --> 01:25:17,939 No... I�m not getting married. 1490 01:25:23,985 --> 01:25:26,715 Do you want to go grab a fudgsicle? 1491 01:25:26,788 --> 01:25:28,722 I do. 1492 01:25:36,798 --> 01:25:39,562 Emily, sweetheart, what the hell is going on? 1493 01:25:39,634 --> 01:25:41,261 It's OK. I'm fine. 1494 01:25:41,336 --> 01:25:43,566 This is my friend Jake Elowitch. 1495 01:25:43,638 --> 01:25:45,105 That's my mom and my dad. 1496 01:25:45,173 --> 01:25:47,232 Nice to meet you, Mr. And Mrs. Davis. 1497 01:25:47,308 --> 01:25:48,570 You raised a lovely daughter. 1498 01:25:50,011 --> 01:25:51,103 Thank you. 1499 01:25:52,313 --> 01:25:53,439 Where are you going? 1500 01:25:54,649 --> 01:25:56,276 We're going to go get a fudgsicle. 1501 01:25:56,351 --> 01:25:58,319 A fudgsicle? 1502 01:26:08,696 --> 01:26:10,095 How did it go? 1503 01:26:11,699 --> 01:26:13,291 All right, I guess. 1504 01:26:13,368 --> 01:26:15,063 How's Emily? 1505 01:26:15,136 --> 01:26:17,331 She seemed fine when she walked out with Jake. 1506 01:26:20,842 --> 01:26:22,139 Where did he come from? 1507 01:26:22,210 --> 01:26:24,303 I called him. 1508 01:26:27,182 --> 01:26:30,481 You called him? 1509 01:26:30,552 --> 01:26:33,350 Emily and Jake are nice people... 1510 01:26:34,789 --> 01:26:37,917 and they deserve exactly what's coming to them. 1511 01:27:31,346 --> 01:27:32,370 Where's she going? 1512 01:27:33,548 --> 01:27:37,678 I think she's about to have sex with Cal in the rectory. 1513 01:27:37,752 --> 01:27:39,652 How did we not see that coming? 1514 01:27:41,422 --> 01:27:44,880 Thank you for what you said about us. 1515 01:27:44,959 --> 01:27:47,257 I could have picked a better forum. 1516 01:27:48,796 --> 01:27:50,559 What you did took a lot of courage. 1517 01:27:50,632 --> 01:27:52,600 I'm really proud of you. 1518 01:28:01,309 --> 01:28:03,243 I brought you something. 1519 01:28:06,314 --> 01:28:08,748 The divorce papers. 1520 01:28:08,816 --> 01:28:12,252 All signed and ready for your approval. 1521 01:28:12,320 --> 01:28:14,083 Thank you. 1522 01:28:14,155 --> 01:28:15,782 You're welcome. 1523 01:28:17,191 --> 01:28:20,319 How are you, Dave? 1524 01:28:21,996 --> 01:28:24,396 How am I? 1525 01:28:27,502 --> 01:28:31,768 Aside from my jaw... 1526 01:28:31,839 --> 01:28:34,273 I'm pretty good... 1527 01:28:34,342 --> 01:28:38,278 for the first time in a long time. 1528 01:28:38,346 --> 01:28:40,439 Pretty good. 1529 01:28:42,183 --> 01:28:44,048 I'm so glad. 1530 01:28:44,118 --> 01:28:45,745 Honestly, Dave, I'm glad. 1531 01:28:45,820 --> 01:28:47,481 Thanks. 1532 01:28:56,698 --> 01:28:57,790 Friends? 1533 01:28:58,866 --> 01:29:00,060 Friends. 1534 01:29:02,403 --> 01:29:04,633 I'm really glad to hear you say that. 1535 01:29:04,706 --> 01:29:06,333 Why? 1536 01:29:07,875 --> 01:29:10,309 Because it makes what I'm about to tell you... 1537 01:29:10,378 --> 01:29:12,312 a lot easier to say. 1538 01:29:12,380 --> 01:29:14,348 What's that? 1539 01:29:16,384 --> 01:29:18,875 I'm pregnant. 1540 01:32:13,384 --> 01:32:14,875 5@y3 106405