Original subtitles

[MAN AND WOMAN VOCALIZING]

ALI: Morning, babe.

Oh, hey.

- You're up. - Mm-hmm.

Uh, I was just gonna get us some coffee.

I can't believe that I'm here.

It's amazing.

I mean, just yesterday, we were, uh,

completely broken up.

I know, it's crazy, right?

- Bonkers. - [CHUCKLES]

Oh, I'll be right back.

This is brutal.

I have to break up with her.

Three days before Christmas?

Don't you want to wait till she's pregnant, too?

It just feels wrong not to be honest with her.

It's three days before Christmas, man.

It's not happening.

You're with Ali through New Year's.

Personally, if it was me, I'd fake it

through Valentine's Day,

but I'm a gentleman.

Yeah, I guess it's just a few days.

[SNORTS] Look at you, all twisted up

in knots over our cousin's girlfriend.

Goodbye.

Aren't you forgetting something?

[DAN GROANS]

[SEAN JR. LAUGHS]

ALI: I know it's kind of cheesy, but

I've been trying to get Dan to go

on one of those, like, European river cruises.

- SEAN SR.: Oh. - I have hundreds

- of brochures for those in my drawer. - She does.

- ALI: Really? - Well, looks like

someone's dating their mother.

- Gross. - ANN: No.

I'm actually flattered.

Thank you very much.

I think it's a good thing that

you two are gonna move in together.

I like this.

Next step, we got to get him to take the LSATs.

Third rail... I'm not touching that one.

[LAUGHS]

Mom, there must be something

in one of your textbooks about humans having free will.

Ah, well argued, Counselor.

I'm so sorry that you had to spend the night

- in that crusty old RV. - SEAN SR.: Oh, yeah.

Sean, you're giving 'em your room.

Well, I guess we're prorating the rent.

I think that's a can of worms

you don't want to open right now, son.

- What the hell is this? - Mm-hmm.

Did you tell Ali we're caroling tonight?

Uh, we're caroling tonight.

My dad takes it very seriously.

The neighborhood would riot if I didn't.

- Do you sing? - Uh, a little bit...

I was, I was in an a cappella group in college.

- A cappella! - SEAN SR.: Well, let me guess...

- Alto? - Yeah, actually I am.

The missing link. Do not break up with her, okay?

Because, otherwise, we side with her.

[LAUGHING]

Hey.

- Uh, Ali, this is my sister Bridget. - Hi.

Yeah, just 24 hours ago, you would have been

- impressed with her. - All right...

SEAN SR.: You okay, Bridge?

So, listen.

It's coming up on my busy season at work.

- No-no, we've been through this. - And I was thinking... what?

- We went over this. - Listen to me... I-I just,

I think it's time you learned the heating

and air-conditioning business.

I don't want to. I...

Visionaries don't wear uniforms.

Mm-hmm. What if you like it, okay?

You might find that you like it, and then, you know,

you could take over for me one day when I retire.

My business is about to take off.

Like, today I've got a meeting.

It's gonna change everything.

Do you know how many times you've told me that?

No, and neither do you, you mixed-up old codger.

- By the way, here are the songbooks. - Oh.

- In a box marked "garden hose." - Yes.

Nice to know we're on the Dewey Decimal System.

Ah.

Next time you see me,

I'll be wearing a money suit.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

We are in business.

[PHONE BUZZING]

Just finding a quiet spot.

Yeah, about that floor drain...

Oh, Bridget. Sorry.

- Hi, Tony. - Uh...

I didn't realize you'd still be in bed.

Is that French toast?

And some fruit.

Are you doing okay?

Was just about to go for a run.

- [JAZZ PLAYING] - [LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER]

ANN: Just so excited to be here with you guys.

I told you Ali was gonna love this place.

I think you're the only man

here between the ages of ten and 75.

Yeah, I haven't had this much dill in a while.

So, Ali... tell me about yourself.

Are you the oldest? No... middle child.

- How'd you know? - Because I'm the middle child.

- Really? - Yeah.

Do you ever feel like sometimes you have

to fight just to be heard?

- "Sometimes"? - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Me, too. [LAUGHS]

Excuse me, I need to use the men's room.

I don't anticipate a line.

Mind if I come over?

Please.

- [PHONE BUZZING] - ANN: Sisters?

ALI: You're so good at this.

[CONVERSATION CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

Yeah, I have two sisters.

ANN: God...

[LAUGHTER]

ALI: Less wild?

[CONVERSATION CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[PANTING]

That actually felt pretty good.

Of course it did.

Right now endorphins are flooding your body.

Who needs an HMO if you have sneakers?

Yeah, totally.

The school gives you insurance, though, right?

I mean, I wouldn't want to have any heavy

orthodontic work, but yeah.

Wow, I feel clear. I feel awake.

That's your system saying, "Thank you, this works for me."

What are you gonna do with this good energy?

I should go talk to Doug.

You know what? I'm gonna do it right now.

- I love it! - Okay.

Thank you for getting me out of bed!

- Heel-toe with that stride, please! - Yes.

- Heel-toe! - Okay.

[PHONE BUZZES]

Hey, I'm closing a deal.

I can't really talk. What's up?

Cora wants me to take photos for her today.

Don't do it.

I'm in the Uber.

Where's Ali?

Uh, I left her with Mom.

You bailed on her?

They're having more fun without me.

Mom's taking her to The Nutcracker.

Ah, I've actually heard mixed things.

You know, child dancers are a wild card.

[SIGHS] Cora lives on Fullerton.

Near the farmers market, man.

That's, like, my favorite street.

She invited you to her apartment?

Oh, wait, also, you have a favorite street?

Sh-She loves my work.

- And that's coming from another artist. - Turn around.

Dan, you do not have the skill set for this.

I'm not gonna do anything.

I'm playing the long game.

Okay, Long Game, when this all blows up... and it will...

I want you to know that I'm siding with Marco.

He makes a lot more money than you do.

All right, I'm at the penthouse. I got to go.

- Hi. - Hi.

How are you? I'm Rebecca Miller.

General counsel for Cole's company.

Sean Moody Jr., CEO and spokesman for the revolution.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Uh, where's Cole?

Why don't we take a seat, hmm?

Okay.

[PANTING]

[BUZZES]

DOUG [OVER INTERCOM]: Bridget?

Hi.

Is it okay if I come in?

I don't think that's a good idea.

Doug, please.

I came all this way.

MAN: Hey, Bridget?

- Can I get a signature? - Sure.

I, uh, I just want to thank you guys

for the holiday gift card.

Oh, you're welcome.

DOUG: Uh, we appreciate you, Terrence.

Oh, hey, Doug.

Well, merry Christmas to both of you.

- Thank you. - Much health and happiness.

Thank you.

- Best couple on the block. - Oh.

- Everyone says so. - Okay.

Merry Christmas, Terrence.

Look, Doug, you need to believe me.

That night in Atlanta

was the single stupidest thing I've ever done.

- If I could take it back, I... - [DOOR OPENS]

- Hi. - Hi.

Listen, I got a lawyer.

What?

What are you saying?

I can't get past this.

So, I'm meeting with everyone

- on Cole's calendar today. - Hmm.

I assume that's... standard protocol?

How familiar are you

with Cole's mental health situation?

Uh, I'm not at all, so...

Well, over the last 72 hours,

he's been in the throes of a manic episode.

[CHUCKLES]: Oh.

- [CHUCKLES] - Um...

How does that affect any ongoing business?

And, more importantly,

how is Cole as a person?

Is he o... Is... How is he?

He's in a facility outside Minneapolis.

Oh, crap.

We're still trying to piece it together,

but apparently he committed over $10 million

to a variety of start-ups,

including one particularly insane one

where you blow up dead people with fireworks.

- [CHUCKLES] That's crazy. - Yeah.

Also, probably not the way it was pitched.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Sean.

Do you need a minute?

[QUIETLY]: Yeah, thank you. That'd be nice.

[CHUCKLES]

[SCREAMS]

[KNOCKING]

- Hey. - Hey.

Wow, look at your place. [CHUCKLES]

If I had this apartment in New York,

- I'd have to have, like, 12 roommates. - [CHUCKLES]

Just opened a bottle. Want a glass?

Uh... yeah.

MARCO: It's a super Tuscan.

Oh, uh, Marco, hey.

What's up, bro? My boy at the wine shop hooked it up.

Yeah, chugalug, baby.

Actually, don't chug it.

Sip it. It's expensive.

You're a gift from heaven...

It's good.

It's better than good. It's Italian.

Okay, so I guess we should, uh, shoot some jewelry.

- Yeah. - Hey, before we get too far into it,

you mind taking a picture of me and Cora

in front of the Christmas tree?

- I want to send out our holiday e-card. - No, no, no.

Dan doesn't want to take our holiday picture.

Oh, come on. I want to show you off, babe.

And Dan doesn't really mind, right, bro?

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

MARCO: Hey, my mom told me that your girlfriend flew in last night.

CORA: Really?

I thought you guys broke up.

Uh, it-it was kind of a surprise.

I heard she's a total smoke show.

So you're back together?

Uh, yeah... no... I mean...

Yeah, she's, she's here. [CHUCKLES]

My cousin, the waffler.

Okay, no more talking. Let's shoot.

Is this too sexy for a Christmas photo?

SEAN SR.: All right, everyone, it's gonna be a long night.

We've added another street by request,

but I have extra socks.

ANN: Yeah, everyone.

We are expecting snow tonight.

The weather girl promised.

Uh, I was thinking that, since not everyone here is Christian,

perhaps we could also sing

something nondenominational?

Maybe a song the Beatles did with Ravi Shankar.

Can I see you in the kitchen for a second?

Sure.

Roger, Ann and I are extremely happy

that you're in love again,

and that you're having somebody else's son.

But we do the same songs every year.

Just a couple options off The White Album.

The White Album is a great album. Okay?

But it's not a Christmas album.

Just a few sitar selections like...

Roger, respect the hat.

Okay? Are you wearing the hat?

No. I'm wearing the hat. Why am I wearing the hat?

'Cause I'm the captain of caroling.

All right?

Are we doing this over at your fancy bachelor condo

with the crazy leather couches? No.

We're doing it in my neighborhood,

where we have been bringing Christmas merriment

and Christmas songs for 25 very Christmassy years.

Okay? So don't come after caroling.

It's a sacred cow.

- [CHUCKLES] - What's so funny?

That's actually a Hindu expression, so...

Oh, if I was still drinking,

- I swear to gosh... - Okay. But it-it...

[GRUNTING FORCEFULLY]

Okay, let's go.

Oh, Stan, don't feed Leon.

He's on a special diet.

But he loves it.

His liver's worse than yours is, Stan.

All right, alto, let's see what you got. Ready?

- Okay. Oh. - Uh-oh.

Joy to the world

- BOTH: The Lord has come

- [DOOR OPENS]

- Let Earth receive

- Let Earth

- Receive her King

- Her King

- Let every heart

- [MOUTHS]

Prepare Him room

- Let heaven and nature sing

- Nature sing

Wow. You should've broken up with her this morning.

Thanks. That was my instinct.

Yeah, I think you're stuck till Easter, buddy.

- ... sing

- [CHUCKLES]

- Yeah. - Fantastic.

- She's the alto. - Fantastic.

- My God. - Oh, my.

Wow.

- Voice of an angel. - Wow.

'Tis the season to be jolly

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Don we now our gay apparel

Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la

Troll the ancient Yuletide carol

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

- Aw, thank you. - Thank you.

We wish you a merry Christmas

- We wish you a merry Christmas

- Good night.

We wish you a merry Christmas...

Hey, sorry we're late. Traffic was terrible.

- Hey. - I guess someone

didn't hear about lane closures on the Kennedy.

I'll forward you the CTA site.

Hi. I'm-I'm Cora.

Hi, I'm Ali. I'm Dan's girlfriend.

I'm Marco's girlfriend.

Marco, Daniel's favorite cousin.

We used to spy on his sister together.

Really?

Okay, you're blushing.

What are you...? Shut up.

Ali, Cora, come on. I need some angelic voices over here.

Here we go.

Hey.

Thanks for ruining my afternoon delight, bro.

- What? - What, you thought I got

that bottle of wine for you? No, man.

I had this whole thing planned out for Cora.

It was gonna be meaningful and erotic.

W-Wait, so she didn't know you were coming over?

No, man, it was a surprise.

I even skipped basketball and everything.

I'm trying to show her my hidden depths.

How's that going?

- Exhausting. - [CHUCKLES]

Humans. Complicated fish, bro.

[EXHALES]

Dashing through the snow

In a one-horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way, ha-ha-ha

Bells on bobtails ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to ride and sing

- A sleighing song tonight...

- Dude, I owe so much money.

I owe $9,000.

[SCOFFS] And that's just the patent lawyer.

Why don't you just go work for Dad?

He'd be thrilled.

Then I'd have to admit to him that I flamed out.

Again.

It'll just confirm his image of me as a total screwup.

Well, it doesn't need to be forever.

You just need to get a little cash in your pocket.

It's hard to think clearly when you can't pay rent.

Not that you pay rent.

She said from across the hall.

So sad and so true.

Did I just ruin my life?

Uh... as much as I'm enjoying your setback,

um... no.

Really?

Yes.

And in the meantime, maybe it's...

time for you to take a break and start asking some bigger questions.

Like...?

Like, what would your life look like

if you didn't have to be so perfect all the time?

We wish you a merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

SEAN SR.: Hey, guys. Quit gabbing.

We're going to the hot chocolate house.

I'm having the most amazing time.

Yeah, me, too.

Getting to know your family

has made me feel so much closer to you.

[SIGHS] I want to do this every year.

It just makes me so happy.

And, look, I know we, um,

we haven't said this to each other yet, but...

I love you, Dan.

And I want to be with you.

I want this. I want... all of this.

Ali...

we need to talk.

Silent night

Holy night...

So you had me fly across the country

so you could break up with me?

DAN: I know. I know, I suck.

Three days before Christmas?!

- It's-it's complicated. I... - You know, it doesn't seem

that complicated, it kind of just seems like you're a jerk.

I'm so, so sorry. I should've told you right away.

No, you never should've left me a voice mail message

begging me to move in with you, you psycho!

DAN: Hold on, please.

You know what? You're paying me back for that plane ticket.

Sleep in heavenly...

Merry [BLEEP] Christmas!

Peace

- Sleep in heavenly...

- DAN: Ali.

Come back.

Ali, can I...?

We wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

[SIGHS]

Never a good way to break up with someone, huh?

No, but that was...

that was a Christmas massacre.

Yeah. I was a mess in my 20s, too.

Yeah, well, you weren't exactly the gold standard.

Neither of us were.

I don't know.

The one I'm most worried about is Seanny.

You know? I mean, he just seems so lost.

I was actually lost at his age.

Nine days in the Ozarks.

I just wish... you know, I wish he could see it,

how good this would be for him, you know, working with me.

The truth is, it'd probably be good for you, too, right?

Maybe he needs to hear that.

[SIGHS] You know what, Big Stan?

I think you might be ready to sponsor somebody yourself.

All right, now let's remember for next year

the songbooks are in the "garden hose" box.

Garden hose box.

DAN: Come on, Ali, I really want to drive you to the airport.

Yeah, I'm gonna take an Uber.

Okay, well, a-at least let me use my account.

Oh, you're such a gentleman.

- Wow. Now we're even. - [PHONE CHIMES]

Are you kidding me?

I cannot get a flight until tomorrow.

Did-did you try Midway? Sometimes, if you go standby,

- they can, uh... - Yeah, I tried every airport.

- I even tried Milwaukee. - Oh, come on, Ali.

It's midnight, stay here.

You can take the bed.

A-And the, and the entire room.

Fine, whatever, just...

Can you leave... me alone, please?

Okay.

I'm sorry.

[PHONE BUZZES]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- Hey. - How are you, old fella?

What's going on?

I haven't been in this baby since we went to the dunes.

Dad, uh, so about the conversation

that we had earlier...

N-N-N-N-No, no, no. No.

Let me just say, I-I apologize.

I came on way too strong about the work thing, you know?

No, no, no, I... If anything, I think that I...

No, n-n-n-n-n-no. That's why I came in here.

I wanted to apologize for that,

and... [SIGHS]

I wanted to tell you something.

- Okay. - But I promised your mother

I wasn't gonna say anything to anybody about this

until after the holidays, so whatever I tell you,

you can't tell anybody else.

Yeah, okay.

Um...

I have cancer.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, no, no, no.

It's not an "Oh, my God" kind of cancer.

It's-it's, uh, it's an "Oh" kind of cancer.

It's highly treatable. We caught it early.

And there's nothing to worry about, there really isn't.

Okay?

I'm so sorry, Dad.

- Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. - I'm sorry.

No, no, nothing to worry about.

Tell me, uh, tell-tell me everything.

Uh, well, it's breast cancer.

Oh, that's a bit more to process.

Yeah. Yeah. Um, I have a lot

of pamphlets with titles like, uh,

"What Every Woman Should Know."

[CHUCKLING]: Yeah, I can imagine.

I got a pink T-shirt that they already gave me. Yeah.

So, does that... does that mean I get to make jokes, too?

Be my guest. Uh, I-I told a couple of my AA buddies

and they've already pretty much made every joke

you could possibly think of, but...

Hey, look, don't underestimate me.

You know, you'll get a lot of mileage out of

"my eyes are up here" kind of stuff.

Um...

So, so you're gonna be okay, though, you said?

Hundred percent, all right?

So do not worry about me, okay?

I mean, there's gonna be surgery

and, uh, you know, and then radiation.

You know, there's gonna be the chemo.

And so I'm gonna need a little help with the business.

And that's why I thought, you know,

I was hoping you would reconsider.

Just for a little while.

I mean, it is cancer.

So my business will have to be kind of put on hold.

- Oh, yeah. - But...

I'm-I'm your namesake, I'm the eldest.

This is my duty to follow in your footsteps

and, uh, make sacrifices for the family.

It's-it's almost archetypal.

- So... - See, this is why

I felt like I had to tell you.

- Absolutely. - Yeah. Thank you, son.

- Absolutely. - I knew I could count on you.

- Always. - And, uh,

I'm guessing your sure thing kind of blew up in your face?

Like a terrorist shoe bomb.

Okay.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey, join the party.

- Hey. - Hi.

Look at this.

Yep, I got, uh...

I got two sons living in the RV.

Yep.

This thing kind of paid for itself, didn't it?

[LAUGHS, SNORTS]

All right, guys, I'll see you later.

- Be, be well, Dad. - Night.

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