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1
00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:04,503
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:22,281 --> 00:01:23,448
Next.
3
00:01:23,482 --> 00:01:29,220
Okay, to the
N-E-G-A-T-E.
4
00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:31,656
"Negate" for,
uh, nine points.
5
00:01:31,690 --> 00:01:34,192
Uh, mind if
I play?
6
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:35,293
Huh?
7
00:01:35,327 --> 00:01:36,894
No, be my guest.
8
00:01:36,929 --> 00:01:39,531
I can't make anything
out of those letters anyway.
9
00:01:43,769 --> 00:01:45,336
(sighs)
10
00:01:45,370 --> 00:01:46,404
(scoffs)
11
00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:55,679
B... L...
12
00:01:55,714 --> 00:02:02,553
O... R... F.
13
00:02:02,587 --> 00:02:04,289
Blorf.
14
00:02:06,325 --> 00:02:08,627
How many points?
15
00:02:08,661 --> 00:02:10,795
That isn't a word.
16
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:11,930
Is it?
17
00:02:11,964 --> 00:02:13,898
No! I'm sorry, Jim,
18
00:02:13,932 --> 00:02:17,268
but that's not
a word-- blorf.
19
00:02:17,302 --> 00:02:18,303
Yes?
20
00:02:18,337 --> 00:02:20,472
Did someone call me?
21
00:02:20,506 --> 00:02:21,939
No.
22
00:02:21,974 --> 00:02:25,610
Oh, I thought I heard
someone say Blorf.
23
00:02:25,644 --> 00:02:28,947
Blorf was my nickname
in the old country.
24
00:02:28,981 --> 00:02:31,316
Kids can be cruel.
25
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:33,285
Thanks a lot, Jim.
26
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,919
Thanks very much.
Sure.
27
00:02:34,953 --> 00:02:37,389
Ooh, what are these tickets
in your pocket, huh?
28
00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:39,191
Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
29
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:43,528
Instead of a tip,
some fare gave me
30
00:02:43,562 --> 00:02:46,898
tickets to see Itzhak Perlman.
31
00:02:46,932 --> 00:02:50,401
Jim... Itzhak Perlman is
32
00:02:50,435 --> 00:02:52,571
the greatest violinist
in the world.
33
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:54,772
Oh-oh-oh.
34
00:02:54,806 --> 00:02:59,277
I-I thought it was
a religious service.
35
00:02:59,311 --> 00:03:03,314
Uh, um, who wants to go with me?
36
00:03:03,348 --> 00:03:04,181
Oh, I'd love to go.
37
00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:06,517
That sounds great to me.
38
00:03:06,551 --> 00:03:10,588
Well, I guess I'm gonna
have to choose between
39
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:13,358
Elaine and Alex.
40
00:03:13,392 --> 00:03:15,426
Oh!
41
00:03:15,460 --> 00:03:19,698
This is gonna be
a tough choice.
42
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:21,700
They're both good friends.
43
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:23,268
(sighs)
44
00:03:23,302 --> 00:03:26,904
Elaine is a beautiful girl.
45
00:03:26,938 --> 00:03:27,905
(giggles)
46
00:03:27,939 --> 00:03:29,340
Huh?
47
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,441
And Alex...
48
00:03:32,878 --> 00:03:36,447
is not a beautiful girl.
49
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:38,315
No contest.
50
00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:39,851
I choose Elaine.
51
00:03:39,885 --> 00:03:42,821
Oh, boy, that was
a piece of cake!
52
00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:48,192
(knocking)
53
00:03:48,226 --> 00:03:49,293
Who is it?
54
00:03:49,327 --> 00:03:51,262
Jim Ignatowski.
55
00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:57,167
Hi.
56
00:03:57,202 --> 00:03:59,337
(gasps)
57
00:03:59,371 --> 00:04:01,205
My God.
58
00:04:01,239 --> 00:04:03,508
What, what, what?
59
00:04:03,542 --> 00:04:05,910
No, no, no, no, nothing bad.
60
00:04:05,944 --> 00:04:06,911
It's just that
61
00:04:06,945 --> 00:04:08,479
you're gorgeous.
62
00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:10,114
Oh, that?
63
00:04:10,148 --> 00:04:12,583
Uh, thank you.
64
00:04:12,618 --> 00:04:15,753
I-I... I never tire
of hearing that.
65
00:04:17,756 --> 00:04:19,724
(chuckles):
My gosh.
66
00:04:19,758 --> 00:04:24,095
Flowers for a beautiful woman.
67
00:04:24,129 --> 00:04:26,531
Oh, thank you.
68
00:04:26,565 --> 00:04:27,599
(clears throat)
69
00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:31,169
A... corsage
70
00:04:31,203 --> 00:04:33,871
for a beautiful woman.
71
00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:35,372
Oh, Jim.
72
00:04:35,407 --> 00:04:36,507
Oh.
73
00:04:36,541 --> 00:04:38,243
A box of chocolates...
74
00:04:40,412 --> 00:04:43,715
for a b-beautiful woman.
75
00:04:43,749 --> 00:04:45,617
(clears throat)
Oh.
76
00:04:45,651 --> 00:04:48,753
A-a pen and pencil set...
77
00:04:50,722 --> 00:04:53,158
for a beautiful woman.
78
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:55,226
Thank you.
79
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:56,461
(chuckles)
80
00:04:56,495 --> 00:04:59,564
A dozen lamb chops--
81
00:04:59,598 --> 00:05:01,966
or navel oranges.
82
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,934
I forget which.
83
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:08,206
And...
84
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,908
a Yoda doll
85
00:05:10,942 --> 00:05:13,478
for a beautiful woman.
86
00:05:13,512 --> 00:05:16,715
Jim, you shouldn't have.
87
00:05:16,749 --> 00:05:20,785
Oh, it was nothing.
88
00:05:20,819 --> 00:05:22,487
(clears throat)
89
00:05:22,521 --> 00:05:25,790
So, uh...
90
00:05:25,824 --> 00:05:27,391
you all set to go?
91
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:32,096
Jim, I-I'm in
my bathrobe.
92
00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:33,297
Oh.
93
00:05:33,331 --> 00:05:34,198
Phew.
94
00:05:34,232 --> 00:05:36,367
Boy, I thought
that was an ugly gown.
95
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:41,739
What are you
doing here now?
96
00:05:41,773 --> 00:05:44,208
Well, I gue--
I was a little anxious,
97
00:05:44,242 --> 00:05:47,244
so I guess I got here early.
98
00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:51,115
Listen, you take your time
and get ready,
99
00:05:51,149 --> 00:05:53,017
and I'll wait
out in the hallway.
100
00:05:53,051 --> 00:05:56,154
The concert is tomorrow.
101
00:05:58,623 --> 00:06:00,058
Oh.
102
00:06:02,127 --> 00:06:04,028
No problem.
103
00:06:04,063 --> 00:06:05,296
I brought a book.
104
00:06:07,199 --> 00:06:10,401
Jim, don't you think it
would be better for you
105
00:06:10,435 --> 00:06:13,504
if you went home and
then came back tomorrow
106
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,606
instead of waiting
out there all night?
107
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,308
Nope.
108
00:06:17,342 --> 00:06:21,612
But, uh, I could,
if you want.
109
00:06:21,646 --> 00:06:24,249
If you want to race the clock.
110
00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:25,282
Let's do that.
111
00:06:25,317 --> 00:06:26,918
Okey-doke.
Okay.
112
00:06:26,952 --> 00:06:27,719
(laughs)
113
00:06:30,789 --> 00:06:33,691
I don't want to show up tomorrow
empty-handed.
114
00:06:36,695 --> 00:06:37,895
The vest matches.
115
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,463
(laughs)
116
00:06:39,497 --> 00:06:41,432
I know, I know.
117
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,148
Oh, my God,
that's Mrs. Weber.
118
00:06:57,182 --> 00:07:00,585
She's one of my art gallery's
biggest clients.
119
00:07:00,619 --> 00:07:03,788
Well, she could lose
a pound or two.
120
00:07:03,822 --> 00:07:05,757
Shh.
121
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:09,727
Let's say hello.
122
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,229
No, no, no, no. I-I don't
want her to see me with...
123
00:07:12,264 --> 00:07:14,932
Uh, I-I don't want
to see her right now.
124
00:07:14,966 --> 00:07:17,468
Why-why don't we just
face this way, okay?
125
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:25,944
Elaine?
126
00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:27,945
Elaine Nardo,
is that you?
127
00:07:27,979 --> 00:07:28,813
Mrs. Weber.
128
00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:30,047
Well, how nice
to see you here.
129
00:07:30,081 --> 00:07:31,315
How are you?
Oh, fine.
130
00:07:31,349 --> 00:07:32,316
And-and you?
131
00:07:32,350 --> 00:07:33,884
Fine, thank you.
132
00:07:33,919 --> 00:07:35,386
I loved
Mr. Perlman.
133
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:36,621
Oh, he was wonderful.
134
00:07:36,655 --> 00:07:38,523
Mm.
135
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:41,125
Oh, Mrs. Weber,
this is Jim Ignatowski.
136
00:07:41,159 --> 00:07:42,760
How do you do,
Mr. Ignatowski?
137
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,662
Hello.
138
00:07:44,696 --> 00:07:46,697
He's an attractive man, Elaine.
139
00:07:46,731 --> 00:07:49,801
If I were ten years younger,
I'd steal him away from you.
140
00:07:49,835 --> 00:07:50,901
(Mrs. Weber giggles)
141
00:07:50,936 --> 00:07:52,870
(chuckles)
142
00:07:56,474 --> 00:08:00,344
It was nice meeting
you, Mr. Ignatowski.
143
00:08:00,378 --> 00:08:02,446
Oh, I just
had a thought.
144
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,482
I'm having a
musicale on Sunday.
145
00:08:04,516 --> 00:08:06,717
Many of the creative community
will be there, Elaine.
146
00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:08,018
I think you'd enjoy
knowing them,
147
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:10,054
and it'll give us
a chance to talk.
148
00:08:10,088 --> 00:08:11,388
Oh, thank you, Mrs. Weber.
149
00:08:11,423 --> 00:08:12,623
I'd love to.
150
00:08:12,657 --> 00:08:14,158
Good. I'll expect both of you.
151
00:08:14,192 --> 00:08:16,294
Can I count on it?
152
00:08:16,328 --> 00:08:17,495
Well, I don't...
153
00:08:17,529 --> 00:08:20,331
You bet.
154
00:08:20,365 --> 00:08:23,067
It'll be 6:00, uh, formal.
155
00:08:23,101 --> 00:08:25,270
Call my secretary for
directions, will you?
156
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:28,640
I'm going home now to talk
with cook about the menu.
157
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,641
How does squab sound?
158
00:08:30,675 --> 00:08:33,344
Something like this.
159
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:36,714
(cooing)
160
00:08:36,748 --> 00:08:38,683
(whispers):
Jim, please.
161
00:08:46,725 --> 00:08:48,158
What are you doing, Alex?
162
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:50,895
I'm rapid reading.
163
00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:53,230
It's a new power reading method
I'm learning.
164
00:08:53,265 --> 00:08:54,265
Pretty impressive, isn't it?
165
00:08:54,299 --> 00:08:55,667
I'll say.
166
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:56,934
Wow. What are
you reading?
167
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:59,637
I have no idea.
168
00:08:59,671 --> 00:09:01,305
You don't know
what you're reading?
169
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:03,841
Not a word.
170
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:05,075
Alex, I have a terrible problem.
171
00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:07,144
I have to talk to you.
ALEX: Yeah, just a minute,
172
00:09:07,178 --> 00:09:09,080
just a minute.
I'm almost finished.
173
00:09:09,114 --> 00:09:10,481
I'll help.
174
00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:12,483
Anything need rubbing?
175
00:09:17,055 --> 00:09:18,355
Well, would you come on?
176
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:20,325
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
just a second, just a second.
177
00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:22,527
Okay, what?
What's the problem?
178
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:25,796
Last night at the concert,
I ran into Elizabeth Weber.
179
00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:28,899
She's one of the most
influential people in society,
180
00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:31,702
and she invited me to a party
at her house where everyone
181
00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:34,339
who's anyone in the New York
art world will be there.
182
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:35,573
Get to the point, Elaine.
183
00:09:35,607 --> 00:09:37,841
Can't you see that I'm
in the middle of-- Moby Dick?
184
00:09:37,876 --> 00:09:39,110
Hey.
185
00:09:39,144 --> 00:09:42,246
Alex, the contacts I
could make at this party,
186
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,715
well, I'd need 20 years
of working in the gallery
187
00:09:44,749 --> 00:09:46,183
to do something
like that.
188
00:09:46,218 --> 00:09:49,453
I mean, my entire career could
be determined in this one night.
189
00:09:49,488 --> 00:09:50,888
My bosses aren't even invited.
190
00:09:50,922 --> 00:09:52,357
They would kill to be there.
191
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:53,725
The point, Elaine,
get to the point.
192
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,959
Shut up, Reiger, and
she'll get to the point.
193
00:09:55,994 --> 00:09:57,928
Thank you.
194
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,536
The point is, it's the most
important night of my life,
195
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:08,573
and Jim has been invited
as my date.
196
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:09,940
(laughs)
197
00:10:12,243 --> 00:10:14,511
I'm sorry, Elaine.
198
00:10:14,546 --> 00:10:16,814
I mean, I-I understand
your situation,
199
00:10:16,848 --> 00:10:17,915
because I can just realize
200
00:10:17,949 --> 00:10:20,651
what Jim might do
at an affair like that.
201
00:10:20,685 --> 00:10:22,052
Alex.
(chuckles):
I'm sorry.
202
00:10:22,087 --> 00:10:24,088
Come on, can't you see
the humor in this?
203
00:10:24,122 --> 00:10:25,889
There is no humor in this.
204
00:10:25,924 --> 00:10:28,058
Alex, you weren't there
last night when the conductor
205
00:10:28,092 --> 00:10:31,763
walked down to the podium
and Jim yelled, "Down in front!"
206
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:32,963
(Alex and Louie laughing)
207
00:10:32,997 --> 00:10:34,599
Stop it!
208
00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:35,833
Stop laughing at me,
both of you!
209
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,802
This is a problem
and you're not helping!
210
00:10:37,836 --> 00:10:40,538
Okay, okay, Reiger,
Reiger, enough is enough.
211
00:10:40,572 --> 00:10:41,639
Okay, okay.
212
00:10:41,673 --> 00:10:43,441
I'm sorry, Elaine,
I'm sorry.
213
00:10:43,475 --> 00:10:45,175
I don't mean
to sound unsympathetic,
214
00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:47,445
but, uh, all right,
you do have a real problem.
215
00:10:47,479 --> 00:10:49,080
Yes.
Well, what are you
gonna do?
216
00:10:49,114 --> 00:10:50,414
I mean, all you can do is just
217
00:10:50,448 --> 00:10:52,183
go with him
and hope for the best.
218
00:10:52,217 --> 00:10:53,283
Oh, the best?
219
00:10:53,318 --> 00:10:56,119
Alex, this is a man who,
during the slow passages,
220
00:10:56,154 --> 00:10:58,889
rolled up his program and blew
salted nuts into the tuba.
221
00:10:58,923 --> 00:11:00,191
(laughing)
222
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:03,727
Aw, come on.
223
00:11:03,762 --> 00:11:05,830
Reiger, Reiger!
224
00:11:05,864 --> 00:11:07,498
Cut it out, huh?!
225
00:11:07,532 --> 00:11:09,300
Can't you see she's
reaching out to us?
226
00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:10,601
I'm sorry, Elaine.
227
00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:12,804
LOUIE:
Come on, she's asking
our advice...
228
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,106
Okay.
...because she doesn't want
to hurt Iggy's feelings.
229
00:11:15,140 --> 00:11:16,173
Exactly.
230
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:18,509
She cannot take him
to this party,
231
00:11:18,543 --> 00:11:21,378
because he'll obviously blow
this opportunity for her.
232
00:11:21,412 --> 00:11:22,713
Yeah.
And she'll
regret it
233
00:11:22,747 --> 00:11:24,648
for the rest
of her life.
234
00:11:26,618 --> 00:11:29,921
God, look who understands me.
235
00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:38,595
You know the difference
between people like you
236
00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:40,331
and people like me, Nardo?
237
00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:42,333
Yeah, two million years
of evolution.
238
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:44,168
(laughing)
239
00:11:45,070 --> 00:11:48,839
Will you shut
up, Reiger?
240
00:11:48,873 --> 00:11:49,907
Go on, Louie.
241
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,442
The difference is...
242
00:11:51,476 --> 00:11:54,512
that I... would dump him
243
00:11:54,546 --> 00:11:57,148
(snaps fingers)
without a second thought.
244
00:11:57,182 --> 00:11:59,350
You'd dump him,
but only after
245
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:02,386
you tortured yourself
with guilt.
Oh, yes!
246
00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:06,357
Either way, it's
heartbreak hotel for Iggy.
247
00:12:06,391 --> 00:12:09,660
So, make it easy on yourself.
248
00:12:09,694 --> 00:12:11,963
Do what you have to do,
249
00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:13,965
but do it gentle...
250
00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:15,699
and quick.
(snaps fingers)
251
00:12:18,336 --> 00:12:20,471
Well, what do you know.
252
00:12:20,505 --> 00:12:21,973
Yeah.
Hmm.
253
00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:23,241
Not bad, huh?
254
00:12:24,242 --> 00:12:26,443
(quietly:
Mm-hmm!
255
00:12:26,477 --> 00:12:29,013
Think you could've
handled that any better?
256
00:12:29,047 --> 00:12:29,613
No.
257
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:31,014
Oh, yes, I could have!
258
00:12:31,049 --> 00:12:32,216
Ha!
259
00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:33,551
Elaine...
260
00:12:33,585 --> 00:12:36,454
come on, y-you're getting
all worked up over nothing.
261
00:12:36,488 --> 00:12:37,755
I mean, you know Jim.
262
00:12:37,789 --> 00:12:39,490
If the invitation
was made yesterday,
263
00:12:39,524 --> 00:12:42,226
there's a good chance
he won't even remember
being invited.
264
00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:44,595
I'm sure he doesn't
care about this party.
265
00:12:44,629 --> 00:12:48,199
I-I'm sure that the whole thing
is completely forgotten by now.
266
00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:49,100
(laughs):
Yeah.
267
00:12:49,134 --> 00:12:52,436
JIM:
¶ Da-la-la, dum, dum
268
00:12:52,470 --> 00:12:54,238
¶ Puttin' on my ¶
269
00:12:54,272 --> 00:12:55,939
¶ Top hat
270
00:12:55,974 --> 00:12:58,776
¶ Tying up
my white tie ¶
271
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:01,311
¶ Brushing up my tails...
272
00:13:01,346 --> 00:13:02,279
(snapping fingers)
273
00:13:02,313 --> 00:13:03,881
(chuckles)
274
00:13:03,915 --> 00:13:06,550
(big sigh)
275
00:13:07,452 --> 00:13:09,387
(quietly):
Gentle and quick.
276
00:13:09,421 --> 00:13:11,389
Oh, come on, will ya?
277
00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:14,292
Listen, Elaine,
just listen to me.
278
00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:16,561
What do you think?
279
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:18,528
Gentle and quick.
280
00:13:20,932 --> 00:13:22,666
Did you rent
that outfit?
281
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,802
Rent it? Nothing!
I bought it!
282
00:13:24,836 --> 00:13:28,105
The clerk told me that
it would pay for itself
283
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,706
in six months
284
00:13:29,741 --> 00:13:34,779
if I became the Ambassador
to the Court of St. James.
285
00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:37,081
Well, it looks
very nice on you
286
00:13:37,115 --> 00:13:40,084
and sort of gives you
that devil-may-care look.
287
00:13:40,118 --> 00:13:41,919
How much did it cost?
288
00:13:41,953 --> 00:13:43,621
Well, who cares?
289
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:47,124
¶ Da la da-da...
290
00:13:47,158 --> 00:13:51,361
Can I talk to you a minute?
¶ Da, da, da...
You bet.
291
00:13:51,396 --> 00:13:52,863
¶ Da-la-la, dum dum...
292
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,665
Well...
293
00:13:54,699 --> 00:13:57,001
¶ Ba-la-la, dee,
dee, dee... ¶
294
00:13:57,035 --> 00:13:59,503
This would be a lot easier
without the humming.
295
00:13:59,537 --> 00:14:02,106
It sure would.
Where's that
coming from?
296
00:14:03,574 --> 00:14:05,542
(humming melody)
297
00:14:05,576 --> 00:14:07,611
From you.
298
00:14:07,645 --> 00:14:09,213
Oh.
(uneasy chuckle)
299
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:10,948
Huh.
300
00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:12,483
Um...
301
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,520
I want to thank you
again for last night.
302
00:14:16,554 --> 00:14:18,522
I-I really did
have a lovely time.
303
00:14:18,556 --> 00:14:20,324
So did I.
304
00:14:21,793 --> 00:14:24,395
A concert, right?
305
00:14:24,429 --> 00:14:26,130
Yeah, the concert.
306
00:14:26,164 --> 00:14:28,132
Good.
307
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:30,634
Jim, how would you feel
308
00:14:30,668 --> 00:14:33,137
if I asked you...
309
00:14:33,171 --> 00:14:37,541
if... I could go
to the party by myself?
310
00:14:37,575 --> 00:14:40,311
Why, sure, we can
meet up there.
311
00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:43,981
No. I mean...
312
00:14:44,015 --> 00:14:46,684
what if I asked you
not to go at all?
313
00:14:46,718 --> 00:14:47,919
Oh, oh, oh.
314
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:50,053
It would kill me.
315
00:14:53,091 --> 00:14:54,625
Well, um...
316
00:14:54,659 --> 00:14:56,794
I could make it up to you.
317
00:14:56,828 --> 00:14:59,964
W-We could go
to a movie sometime.
318
00:14:59,998 --> 00:15:01,565
A movie?
319
00:15:01,599 --> 00:15:04,335
Yeah, we could
dress up for it, too.
320
00:15:04,369 --> 00:15:06,136
For a movie?
321
00:15:06,171 --> 00:15:07,437
Yeah.
322
00:15:08,539 --> 00:15:10,307
Oh, yeah. Oh.
323
00:15:11,709 --> 00:15:13,077
Yeah, I-I understand.
324
00:15:13,111 --> 00:15:14,879
Uh...
325
00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:16,047
it's okay.
326
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,115
You go ahead. Uh...
327
00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:20,418
Yeah.
328
00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:24,021
We'll go to a movie sometime.
329
00:15:24,055 --> 00:15:26,424
I promise you.
All right.
330
00:15:32,697 --> 00:15:35,633
Tell me all
about the party.
331
00:15:37,669 --> 00:15:39,603
I will.
332
00:15:50,014 --> 00:15:53,283
Jim, how about going
to that party with me?
333
00:15:54,786 --> 00:15:56,120
Oh.
334
00:15:56,154 --> 00:15:58,622
Uh, what'll I wear?
335
00:16:07,165 --> 00:16:10,133
Now, Jim,
just remember,
336
00:16:10,168 --> 00:16:12,570
with these people,
it's best to listen.
337
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:14,538
They love to talk.
338
00:16:14,572 --> 00:16:17,274
A-a good listener
will be a big hit.
339
00:16:18,276 --> 00:16:21,111
Don't worry, Elaine,
I'll make you proud.
340
00:16:21,145 --> 00:16:23,814
Aw. Just be
careful, okay?
Uh-huh.
341
00:16:23,848 --> 00:16:25,716
I mean, with these
kinds of people,
342
00:16:25,750 --> 00:16:28,419
even I don't know
how to act sometimes.
343
00:16:28,453 --> 00:16:32,422
Well, then let me
give you a little advice.
344
00:16:33,658 --> 00:16:36,426
When you're talking
to these highbrows,
345
00:16:36,461 --> 00:16:38,829
and they get you confused,
346
00:16:38,863 --> 00:16:42,299
the best thing to do
is to stay calm
347
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:44,467
and make small talk.
348
00:16:44,502 --> 00:16:48,205
But... if someone
says something
349
00:16:48,239 --> 00:16:50,573
really baffling to you,
350
00:16:50,608 --> 00:16:54,577
simply laugh knowingly
and walk away.
351
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:56,980
Oh, Mrs.
Weber, hello.
352
00:16:57,014 --> 00:16:59,316
And, Mr. Ignatowski,
how are you this evening?
353
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:01,318
Uh...
(clears throat)
354
00:17:01,352 --> 00:17:03,287
Nice weather we're having.
355
00:17:03,321 --> 00:17:06,924
Ah. Wouldn't it be wonderful
if it could always be this nice?
356
00:17:06,958 --> 00:17:09,626
(mumbling):
Oh... yeah.
357
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,601
Come, Elaine,
358
00:17:17,635 --> 00:17:19,503
there's some people
I want to introduce you to.
359
00:17:21,939 --> 00:17:23,941
Maybe I've become
too cautious,
360
00:17:23,975 --> 00:17:26,944
or even jaded,
361
00:17:26,978 --> 00:17:29,279
but then every
heartbreak seems
362
00:17:29,313 --> 00:17:30,948
to take a little
more out of me,
363
00:17:30,982 --> 00:17:33,617
and I-I never
fully recover.
364
00:17:33,651 --> 00:17:36,220
Well, who does?
Oh.
365
00:17:36,254 --> 00:17:38,155
Isn't that the truth?
366
00:17:38,189 --> 00:17:41,158
I suppose no one
really does.
367
00:17:41,192 --> 00:17:43,160
So, why risk the pain?
368
00:17:43,194 --> 00:17:44,662
I mean, is it worth it?
369
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:46,163
Is anything worth it?
370
00:17:46,197 --> 00:17:47,998
Who knows?
371
00:17:48,032 --> 00:17:49,133
(chuckles)
372
00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:52,136
So why worry about
it at all, right?
373
00:17:52,170 --> 00:17:54,104
Right.
374
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:01,378
Oh, you have a very
sensitive man.
375
00:18:01,412 --> 00:18:03,881
Don't lose him.
376
00:18:03,915 --> 00:18:07,717
Thank you so much for letting me
unburden myself on you, Jim.
377
00:18:07,752 --> 00:18:10,854
Do you mind if I give him
a little kiss?
378
00:18:10,888 --> 00:18:12,790
No, I don't mind.
379
00:18:15,927 --> 00:18:19,563
(whispering):
Baby, why don't you
and I get together?
380
00:18:19,597 --> 00:18:21,198
What?
381
00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:24,135
What?
382
00:18:30,808 --> 00:18:32,843
What were you two
talking about?
383
00:18:32,877 --> 00:18:34,811
(dry chuckle)
384
00:18:34,846 --> 00:18:36,813
(clears throat)
385
00:18:36,847 --> 00:18:39,816
Beats me.
386
00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:42,786
It's getting so I can
listen to anything.
387
00:18:44,288 --> 00:18:46,524
You're doing a fine job
tonight.
388
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:48,626
Thank you.
389
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,694
WEBER:
Oh, my dearest,
390
00:18:50,728 --> 00:18:52,028
I'm so embarrassed,
391
00:18:52,063 --> 00:18:53,563
I don't know
what to do.
392
00:18:53,598 --> 00:18:54,898
The pianist
hasn't shown up,
393
00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:56,900
and I promised these
people entertainment.
394
00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:58,435
Where could I go
395
00:18:58,469 --> 00:19:00,604
to substitute for someone
at this late hour?
396
00:19:00,638 --> 00:19:02,405
You're looking at him.
397
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,507
WEBER:
Oh!
398
00:19:03,541 --> 00:19:04,942
Jim...
399
00:19:04,976 --> 00:19:07,744
Oh, Mr. Ignatowski, you?
400
00:19:07,778 --> 00:19:10,047
I'd be delighted
401
00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:12,383
to help you out
of a tight spot.
402
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:13,917
Oh, no, no, no,
no, Jim.
403
00:19:13,951 --> 00:19:15,953
He's just kidding, really.
404
00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:17,421
ELAINE:
He-he loves to kid.
405
00:19:17,455 --> 00:19:19,423
(chuckling):
Oh, she...
406
00:19:19,457 --> 00:19:21,425
Oh, she's right.
407
00:19:21,459 --> 00:19:24,328
But I am dead serious.
408
00:19:24,362 --> 00:19:26,630
Oh, oh, thank you, thank you.
409
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:29,466
Uh, my friends, will you
take your seats, please?
410
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:30,334
Jim, you really
don't mean this.
411
00:19:30,368 --> 00:19:31,602
I mean, come on, we....
Elaine,
412
00:19:31,636 --> 00:19:33,337
please, dear, will you
sit right over here?
413
00:19:33,371 --> 00:19:34,672
Thank you, dear.
414
00:19:36,841 --> 00:19:38,275
(Weber clears throat)
415
00:19:38,309 --> 00:19:41,712
WEBER:
Although this evening's
performer is indisposed,
416
00:19:41,746 --> 00:19:45,149
one of our guests has agreed
to act as substitute--
417
00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:48,452
Mr. James Ignatowski.
418
00:19:48,486 --> 00:19:50,187
(applause)
419
00:19:50,221 --> 00:19:52,556
And we have Miss Elaine Nardo,
420
00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:55,926
as our sponsor and for our
good fortune to thank.
421
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:56,860
Hear, hear.
422
00:19:56,894 --> 00:19:59,563
Uh, stand up,
Elaine.
423
00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:04,368
Thank you.
424
00:20:04,402 --> 00:20:06,337
(sotto voce):
I wish I were dead.
425
00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:11,241
My impression
426
00:20:11,275 --> 00:20:13,343
of a water cooler.
427
00:20:16,414 --> 00:20:18,749
(gurgling)
428
00:20:25,323 --> 00:20:26,624
(belches loudly)
429
00:20:31,529 --> 00:20:34,231
You ain't seen nothing yet.
430
00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:37,167
He's a veteran!
Oh.
431
00:20:43,507 --> 00:20:47,945
And now,
for you mime enthusiasts...
432
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:53,317
...here's one that never fails
to delight.
433
00:20:53,351 --> 00:20:54,250
These people--
434
00:20:54,285 --> 00:20:55,418
this is not what
they wanted to see.
435
00:20:55,452 --> 00:20:56,586
They wanted
to hear music.
436
00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:58,388
Well, why didn't
they say so?
437
00:20:58,422 --> 00:20:59,590
Jim, why don't
we just leave?
I'll give it...
438
00:20:59,624 --> 00:21:00,991
I'll give it a shot.
439
00:21:01,025 --> 00:21:03,160
Please, can't we...
(mumbles)
440
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:09,700
(Jim inhales deeply)
441
00:21:09,734 --> 00:21:10,467
(exhaling)
442
00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:13,437
Here goes.
443
00:21:13,471 --> 00:21:17,774
(playing "London Bridge
Is Falling Down" off-key)
444
00:21:29,087 --> 00:21:30,754
(stops playing abruptly)
445
00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:34,191
(resumes playing "London Bridge
Is Falling Down" off-key)
446
00:21:36,494 --> 00:21:38,528
(pauses)
447
00:21:39,163 --> 00:21:42,833
(resumes playing)
448
00:21:42,867 --> 00:21:43,600
(stops playing)
449
00:21:43,634 --> 00:21:45,402
Oh, the hell with it!
450
00:21:45,436 --> 00:21:47,571
(playing "Fantasie Impromptu"
harmoniously)
451
00:21:58,115 --> 00:22:01,018
I must've had music lessons!
452
00:22:03,921 --> 00:22:05,722
("Fantasie Impromptu"
continues concordantly)
453
00:22:35,353 --> 00:22:38,087
¶
454
00:22:44,162 --> 00:22:46,096
(applause)
455
00:22:55,139 --> 00:22:58,475
Could you answer
a question for me?
Sure. Anything.
456
00:22:58,509 --> 00:23:01,645
Did I have a
good time tonight?
457
00:23:09,954 --> 00:23:12,355
(theme song playing)
458
00:23:35,780 --> 00:23:37,080
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
459
00:23:37,114 --> 00:23:38,114
(man grumbling)
29617
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