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1
00:00:01,834 --> 00:00:04,769
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:16,241 --> 00:01:19,944
TONY:
Alex, take a look at this.
3
00:01:19,978 --> 00:01:23,581
I have a date with the girlin the suntan oil ad.
4
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,548
Her name is Randi.
Oh...
5
00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:25,984
She's agreed to
go out with me,
6
00:01:26,018 --> 00:01:27,585
but she wants me to bring
somebody else along
7
00:01:27,619 --> 00:01:28,887
to go out with
her older sister.
8
00:01:28,921 --> 00:01:30,722
What do you say?
Oh, I don't know, Tony.
9
00:01:30,756 --> 00:01:31,989
Come on, do one for me,
10
00:01:32,024 --> 00:01:33,858
please, please, please.
No, I...
11
00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:35,026
Oh, all right, okay.
12
00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:36,194
Oh, great, Alex.
13
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:37,529
We're meeting them at 8:30,
14
00:01:37,563 --> 00:01:39,197
at this French place
in the Village.
15
00:01:39,231 --> 00:01:41,766
La Belle Chateau.
16
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:45,103
Oh, French food!
17
00:01:45,137 --> 00:01:47,739
Sounds like a terrific evening.
18
00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:49,240
It's gonna be a
great evening, Jim.
19
00:01:49,274 --> 00:01:52,077
Oh, la la la la la!
20
00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:56,480
Ah, la cuisine françaiseest magnifique.
21
00:01:56,515 --> 00:01:59,184
C'est la plus bonne de monde.
22
00:01:59,218 --> 00:02:01,653
Hey, Jim, you're
speaking French.
23
00:02:01,687 --> 00:02:03,488
Moi?
24
00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:10,228
All right, attention,
cabbies, attention here.
25
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:13,297
All right, yesterday,
26
00:02:13,331 --> 00:02:16,467
Latka Gravas was
test driving a cab
27
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:20,605
when suddenly, the engine
burst into flames.
28
00:02:20,673 --> 00:02:23,374
Our Latka got out of the cab
29
00:02:23,409 --> 00:02:25,977
and beat the flames
out with his jacket,
30
00:02:26,011 --> 00:02:29,347
risking life and limb
to save that vehicle.
31
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,015
(applause)
32
00:02:31,049 --> 00:02:34,653
Therefore, I am pleased
to present Latka
33
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,754
with the
Employee of the Month Award.
34
00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:37,889
(applause)
35
00:02:37,957 --> 00:02:40,091
Latka, would you
like to say
36
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:42,193
a few words
to the cabbies?
37
00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:47,499
Thank you very much.
38
00:02:47,533 --> 00:02:49,534
I am a dope.
39
00:03:02,381 --> 00:03:05,282
Madame, I can seat you now.
40
00:03:05,317 --> 00:03:07,385
Will you be dining...
uh...?
41
00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:09,620
Uh, are you, uh...
42
00:03:09,655 --> 00:03:10,788
Alone?
43
00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:12,557
Is that what you're
trying to say?
44
00:03:12,591 --> 00:03:14,492
Yes, I will
be dining alone.
45
00:03:14,526 --> 00:03:16,193
No one else is coming.
46
00:03:16,228 --> 00:03:19,296
We're all here.
47
00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:22,166
Uh, excuse me, this is
my first time dining alone,
48
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,569
so I just wanted
to ask you one thing.
49
00:03:24,603 --> 00:03:26,571
Where are lonely,
desperate women
50
00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:28,973
usually seated
in the better restaurants?
51
00:03:29,007 --> 00:03:31,008
Table four.
52
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:39,951
Hey... now, this
is a classy place.
53
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:41,552
I know, I came
here years ago
54
00:03:41,587 --> 00:03:44,389
when they only
had one brick wall.
55
00:03:44,423 --> 00:03:46,090
Oh, my God.
56
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:47,759
Uh, waiter, waiter!
57
00:03:47,793 --> 00:03:48,926
Waiter!
Oh, madame...
58
00:03:48,961 --> 00:03:50,395
something is wrong?
59
00:03:50,429 --> 00:03:52,196
Yes, my ex-husband
just walked in.
60
00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:54,199
Is there a side door
61
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:57,068
or a meat locker
I could hide in?
62
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,870
I'm sorry.
63
00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:01,172
I don't know why I let you
talk me into this, Tony.
64
00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:03,374
Come on!
Oh, dear.
65
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:06,645
Alex!
66
00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:08,812
ALEX: Huh?
TONY: There she is!
67
00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:11,415
Oh.
Isn't she beautiful?
68
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:15,519
TONY:
Alex, there she is again!
69
00:04:18,657 --> 00:04:19,758
Hi, Tony.
TONY: Hi.
70
00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:21,459
I'd like you to meet
my sister, Candi.
71
00:04:21,493 --> 00:04:22,894
Hi, Candi.
Randi, Candi,
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00:04:22,928 --> 00:04:24,629
I'd like you to meet
my friend, Alex.
73
00:04:24,730 --> 00:04:25,830
Hi.
Hi.
74
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:27,031
Hi! (chuckles)
75
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:31,069
Uh, how long have
you two been twins?
76
00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:35,240
(laughing)
77
00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:37,275
I feel silly, right,
but I love feeling silly.
78
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:46,184
Sorry I'm late.
79
00:04:46,218 --> 00:04:48,119
What do you
mean late?
80
00:04:48,153 --> 00:04:49,554
What are you doing here?
81
00:04:49,588 --> 00:04:51,255
I assumed
I was invited.
82
00:04:51,289 --> 00:04:52,557
You weren't!
83
00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:54,525
Well, you're lucky
I made that mistake,
84
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,827
or I never would've
gotten here.
85
00:04:56,896 --> 00:05:00,598
Uh, Jim Ignatowski, this
is Candi and Randi Moratta.
86
00:05:00,632 --> 00:05:01,966
Oh.
Our dates--
87
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:03,034
mine and Alex's.
88
00:05:03,068 --> 00:05:04,402
Ours, ours.
89
00:05:04,436 --> 00:05:05,603
How do?
90
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:07,605
How's it going?
91
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,774
Egg split in the womb, huh?
92
00:05:09,808 --> 00:05:12,343
Jim, Jim,
Jim, Jim...
93
00:05:12,377 --> 00:05:13,644
Jim.
94
00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:16,280
Alex?
Huh?
95
00:05:16,314 --> 00:05:17,848
I got a real problem here.
96
00:05:17,883 --> 00:05:19,517
Yeah, yeah,
I know, I know.
97
00:05:19,551 --> 00:05:20,685
Would you ladies
excuse us?
98
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,287
Uh, we have something
to straighten out here.
99
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,821
I'm having a great
time here, Alex.
100
00:05:23,855 --> 00:05:27,658
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
listen, Jim...
101
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,427
Oh, my God.
102
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:32,196
Oh, my God, my ex-wife.
103
00:05:32,230 --> 00:05:33,631
Uh, Jim, uh,
would you tell them
104
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,266
to excuse me for
just a few minutes?
105
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:37,968
See, I'm coming in
handy already.
106
00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:38,936
Yeah.
107
00:05:53,285 --> 00:05:55,453
Phyllis.
Oh, hi, Alex.
108
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,621
You, uh, you look terrific.
109
00:05:59,324 --> 00:06:00,324
You've lost weight.
110
00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:01,659
Yeah, 35 pounds.
111
00:06:01,693 --> 00:06:02,860
Wow, how'd you do that?
112
00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:04,996
The grief diet.
113
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:06,998
Your husband divorces you
114
00:06:07,032 --> 00:06:10,034
and then you cry
and vomit for three months.
115
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,402
(uneasy laugh)
116
00:06:11,436 --> 00:06:13,571
No, I mean, uh, I'm,
I'm really sorry to hear
117
00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:15,340
that your second marriage
didn't work out, Phyllis.
118
00:06:15,374 --> 00:06:17,141
Well, hey, you know,
I'll survive.
119
00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:18,642
Look at me.
120
00:06:18,677 --> 00:06:20,644
I'm back in
circulation already.
121
00:06:20,679 --> 00:06:22,213
Oh, who're you with?
122
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:24,349
Him.
123
00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:25,883
You know, he's always
124
00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:27,951
so interested
that other people
125
00:06:27,986 --> 00:06:30,388
are having a good time.
126
00:06:31,990 --> 00:06:34,625
Hey, come on, Phyllis,
you're dining alone, right?
127
00:06:34,659 --> 00:06:36,594
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
128
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,696
Well, I'm not ashamed.
129
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:40,564
I mean, I'm really glad
to be dining alone.
130
00:06:40,599 --> 00:06:42,766
Could I just ask you
one thing, though?
What?
131
00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:46,471
Is it rude to talk to yourself
with your mouth full?
132
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,406
Alex, we're still over here!
133
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:49,774
TONY:
Come on over here.
134
00:06:49,808 --> 00:06:52,843
Uh, listen, Phyllis, I'm, I'm
neglecting my company, uh...
135
00:06:52,878 --> 00:06:55,846
Oh, right, listen,
go back to them.
136
00:06:55,881 --> 00:06:57,548
I mean, (chuckles)
137
00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:00,150
I can see you got a pretty
big night ahead of you, huh?
138
00:07:00,185 --> 00:07:02,387
No, no, no, it's not a big
night, it's not a big night.
139
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:03,855
Oh, it's not a big night?
No, no, no.
140
00:07:03,889 --> 00:07:05,155
Oh, well, then
what is a big night?
141
00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:06,257
Triplets?
142
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:10,795
(sighs)
143
00:07:10,829 --> 00:07:13,164
Well, it was really nice
seeing you again, Phyllis.
144
00:07:13,198 --> 00:07:14,799
Alex, before you go, don't go.
145
00:07:14,833 --> 00:07:16,267
But, Phyllis,
I have to, uh...
146
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:17,468
Alex, please.
147
00:07:17,502 --> 00:07:20,971
I'm gonna be staying
at the Mayflower Hotel
148
00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:24,475
through next Tuesday, and
I just... I just thought
149
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:27,445
it would be really good
if we spent some of
that time together.
150
00:07:27,479 --> 00:07:29,346
Yeah.
Or most of that
time together.
151
00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:31,348
Or every waking moment
of that time...
152
00:07:31,383 --> 00:07:34,485
Look, Phyllis, Phyllis, look,
if-if-if you want to talk,
153
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,087
just give me a call, okay?
154
00:07:36,121 --> 00:07:37,421
Please.
Listen, Alex, no, really,
155
00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:39,357
I understand that you
have to be running along
156
00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:42,093
to your little pagan ritual,
157
00:07:42,127 --> 00:07:46,030
but I just want to ask you
one thing right now, okay?
158
00:07:46,064 --> 00:07:48,633
I mean, even after
all this time,
159
00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:51,235
is there still
something there?
160
00:07:53,238 --> 00:07:54,973
Sure, sure, sure.
161
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:56,507
Of course there's
something there.
162
00:07:56,541 --> 00:07:59,243
I mean, uh, if you were
walking down the street
163
00:07:59,277 --> 00:08:02,346
and a safe was about to fall on
you, I would yell, "Look out".
164
00:08:04,216 --> 00:08:07,018
Me, too.
165
00:08:07,052 --> 00:08:09,387
Phyllis, not wanting
to see you get pulverized
166
00:08:09,421 --> 00:08:11,990
is a far cry
from a reconciliation.
167
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,257
Will you excuse me?
168
00:08:14,326 --> 00:08:17,195
Oh, Alex...
Huh?
169
00:08:17,229 --> 00:08:20,498
When I'm reaching out
to you like this,
170
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:25,336
when I'm this vulnerable,
when I'm this manipulative,
171
00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:28,139
I just don't believe
that you can get up
from this table
172
00:08:28,173 --> 00:08:31,943
and just walk away
from me like this.
173
00:08:31,977 --> 00:08:34,712
Uh, look, uh, uh,
Phyllis, look,
174
00:08:34,746 --> 00:08:37,782
the best thing that I can
do for you right now is,
175
00:08:37,816 --> 00:08:41,653
uh, to be as honest and
as clear as I know how.
176
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:45,823
We're...
177
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:50,327
We're simply just not involved
in each other's lives anymore.
178
00:08:50,362 --> 00:08:52,096
Understand?
179
00:08:56,968 --> 00:08:58,569
So, I just put
an end to things
180
00:08:58,604 --> 00:08:59,803
right then and there.
181
00:08:59,838 --> 00:09:01,339
I think I did
the right thing.
182
00:09:01,373 --> 00:09:02,773
You think I did
the right thing?
183
00:09:02,807 --> 00:09:04,242
I'm sure I did
the right thing.
184
00:09:04,276 --> 00:09:05,876
Aren't you sure
I did the right thing?
185
00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:07,311
Yes, you did
the right thing.
186
00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:08,479
How could you say that?
187
00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:09,880
The woman is all alone.
188
00:09:09,915 --> 00:09:12,917
Alex, you can't
make it easy for her.
189
00:09:12,951 --> 00:09:14,318
All you can do
190
00:09:14,352 --> 00:09:16,554
is you can help her
postpone all the stuff
191
00:09:16,588 --> 00:09:19,057
that she's gonna have to
eventually deal with anyway.
192
00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:22,059
The only way you can help
your ex-wife is if you care,
193
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:25,329
I mean, really care enough
to get involved with her again.
194
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:26,764
Do you?
195
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:28,166
No!
196
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,667
Well, then you were
absolutely right
197
00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:31,135
in being as rotten
as you were.
198
00:09:31,169 --> 00:09:33,938
Oh, Elaine, come on,
don't do that to me.
199
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:36,273
No, really, I did the
right thing, didn't I?
200
00:09:36,308 --> 00:09:38,042
Yes, you did.
Oh...
201
00:09:38,076 --> 00:09:40,378
Don't touch me.
202
00:09:45,951 --> 00:09:47,918
Personally...
203
00:09:50,722 --> 00:09:53,690
I love divorced women.
204
00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:57,461
I love women who just
broke up with guys.
205
00:09:57,495 --> 00:10:00,831
I live on the rebound.
206
00:10:00,865 --> 00:10:02,766
I love the rebound.
207
00:10:02,801 --> 00:10:04,302
I am the rebound.
208
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:07,471
Now, come here,
come here, come here,
209
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:08,606
come here, come here.
210
00:10:09,707 --> 00:10:11,675
Look, I don't, I don't
tell this to anybody
211
00:10:11,709 --> 00:10:14,946
because I don't want
anybody to find out.
212
00:10:14,980 --> 00:10:17,081
You want desperate women?
213
00:10:17,115 --> 00:10:20,218
Desperate, desperate, women?
214
00:10:20,285 --> 00:10:23,888
I know where to go
where there are girls
215
00:10:23,922 --> 00:10:27,557
who just failed
their bar exam.
216
00:10:30,929 --> 00:10:34,799
You look like a lawyer
to me, honey.
217
00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:37,401
The greatest date I ever had
218
00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:40,671
was with a girl who flunked
the police academy
219
00:10:40,705 --> 00:10:44,542
because she couldn't
do 12 push-ups.
220
00:10:44,576 --> 00:10:46,544
At least, not on the exam.
221
00:10:46,578 --> 00:10:49,680
(goofy chuckle)
222
00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:54,585
Thanks for sharing
that with me, Louie.
223
00:10:54,619 --> 00:10:56,687
Excuse me, I have to
go boil my ears now.
224
00:11:00,525 --> 00:11:02,125
Pearls.
225
00:11:13,171 --> 00:11:14,872
Hello?
226
00:11:14,906 --> 00:11:17,307
Is Alex Reiger here?
227
00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:19,744
Nah, he's working.
He's working.
228
00:11:23,081 --> 00:11:26,184
You... you're not his ex-wife,
are you?
229
00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:28,251
Yes, I am.
230
00:11:28,353 --> 00:11:29,553
I was just
in the neighborhood,
231
00:11:29,587 --> 00:11:31,923
and I thought I just
might catch him in.
232
00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:35,459
You know, to say hello.
233
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:38,962
Well, he's, uh, out on the road.
234
00:11:38,997 --> 00:11:41,465
He won't be back for 12 hours.
235
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:44,535
I'll wait.
236
00:11:55,247 --> 00:11:58,316
Uh, I, I know
it's none of my business,
237
00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:01,151
but I just want, uh, to tell you
238
00:12:01,186 --> 00:12:03,020
that I feel for you,
239
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:06,157
what with your life
in shreds and all.
240
00:12:06,191 --> 00:12:07,991
Oh, thank you.
241
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:15,032
Whoever are you?
242
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,168
My name's Louie De Palma.
243
00:12:17,202 --> 00:12:18,336
Oh.
244
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:20,137
I'm a real close friend
of Alex.
245
00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:21,372
Oh.
246
00:12:21,406 --> 00:12:23,908
Yeah. Yeah, I-I guess
he's told you all about me?
247
00:12:23,942 --> 00:12:25,676
No.
Good.
248
00:12:27,212 --> 00:12:30,214
Well, he's told me
all about you.
249
00:12:30,248 --> 00:12:34,251
How, uh, witty and charming
and intelligent you are.
250
00:12:34,285 --> 00:12:35,519
Oh.
251
00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:39,123
And, uh, if you don't
mind my saying,
252
00:12:39,157 --> 00:12:42,927
you're also really easy
on the blinkers.
253
00:12:46,231 --> 00:12:48,532
How you talk-- it...
254
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:49,733
(laughs)
255
00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:52,870
So, listen, you want to go out?
256
00:12:52,904 --> 00:12:54,404
Oh, I'm busy, uh...
257
00:12:54,439 --> 00:12:55,773
But I didn't say when.
258
00:12:55,807 --> 00:12:58,142
Oh, say when.
259
00:12:58,176 --> 00:13:00,410
Tonight.
260
00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:02,180
I'm busy.
261
00:13:02,214 --> 00:13:04,181
All right, all right.
262
00:13:04,215 --> 00:13:06,283
I'm, I'm... I'm sorry, uh,
for being so forward.
263
00:13:06,317 --> 00:13:08,819
It's... it's just that
this feeling came over me
264
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:12,990
that, uh, this would be
my first and last chance
265
00:13:13,024 --> 00:13:15,893
to ever spend even a little time
266
00:13:15,927 --> 00:13:19,030
with a really elegant woman.
267
00:13:23,101 --> 00:13:26,304
That was so well put.
268
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:27,738
Yeah.
269
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:31,508
Well, you know,
this may be a sewer,
270
00:13:31,543 --> 00:13:35,246
but that doesn't mean
it can't have its daisies.
271
00:13:38,916 --> 00:13:40,951
Well, like, uh,
272
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:43,920
uh, what do you suppose we'd do
273
00:13:43,955 --> 00:13:46,056
together, you know?
274
00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:48,326
Make for me a memory
275
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:52,330
that would haunt the remainder
of my days on earth.
276
00:13:54,098 --> 00:13:56,166
You know, either the
fumes in this place
277
00:13:56,201 --> 00:13:58,168
are affecting
my judgment...
278
00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:04,141
...or you're kind of cute.
279
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:13,751
I was afraid there for a moment
you wouldn't notice.
280
00:14:13,785 --> 00:14:16,453
How about
if I pick you up at 8:00?
281
00:14:17,522 --> 00:14:19,957
Why not?
(laughs)
282
00:14:19,991 --> 00:14:21,224
(laughs)
283
00:14:21,259 --> 00:14:23,226
I'm at the
Mayflower Hotel.
284
00:14:23,261 --> 00:14:25,362
Oh, yeah,
yeah, I know.
285
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,264
(both laughing giddily)
286
00:14:27,332 --> 00:14:29,700
(stops laughing)
What? What?
What? What? What?
287
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:32,235
Oh, nothing, nothing,
nothing. Just, uh...
288
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:34,438
(laughs,
then stops abruptly)
289
00:14:34,472 --> 00:14:35,806
What? What?
What? What?
290
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:36,973
Nothing!
291
00:14:37,008 --> 00:14:38,542
(both laughing)
292
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,311
(stops laughing)
293
00:14:40,345 --> 00:14:43,180
Maybe I shouldn't
do this, you know?
294
00:14:43,214 --> 00:14:44,982
I hope I'm not dreaming.
295
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,987
(laughs heartily)
296
00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:07,337
Bingo!
297
00:15:11,943 --> 00:15:13,610
He's coming!
Here, you got to read this.
298
00:15:13,645 --> 00:15:15,579
Oh, Louie, I...
Yes, you got to do it.
299
00:15:15,647 --> 00:15:16,980
You read this.
Louie, I don't
want to do this.
300
00:15:17,015 --> 00:15:18,482
You do it. You do it.
301
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,918
I don't want to do it.
It's stupid!
It's not stupid.
302
00:15:20,952 --> 00:15:22,986
You do... you do it
when he gets up...
303
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:26,357
There you go, Louie.
304
00:15:26,391 --> 00:15:27,591
(humming)
305
00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:29,260
(reading):
"Say, Louie..."
306
00:15:29,294 --> 00:15:31,228
Uh, yes, Jeff?
307
00:15:31,262 --> 00:15:34,098
"I hear you have
a date tonight."
308
00:15:34,132 --> 00:15:35,933
Uh, yes,
that-that's true.
309
00:15:35,967 --> 00:15:39,904
Yes, as a matter of fact,
I've got a hot date tonight.
310
00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:42,173
She's got class,
311
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:44,175
beauty
312
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:46,577
and experience.
313
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:48,779
Here.
314
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:50,480
"Would I know her,
Louie?"
315
00:15:52,984 --> 00:15:55,419
No, I don't
believe you do,
316
00:15:55,453 --> 00:15:57,588
but Reiger might.
317
00:15:58,756 --> 00:16:00,291
I don't think
he heard it.
318
00:16:00,325 --> 00:16:01,725
Wait a minute.
319
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,460
Whoa. Come on now.
We got to do it again.
320
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:04,794
Come on.
Hurry up.
Again?! Louie,
321
00:16:04,863 --> 00:16:06,096
this is childish.
Come on!
322
00:16:08,432 --> 00:16:10,367
(clears throat)
323
00:16:13,604 --> 00:16:15,539
"Say, Louie..."
324
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:19,043
Yes, Jeff?
325
00:16:19,077 --> 00:16:21,211
"I hear
you have a date tonight."
326
00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:22,379
Uh, yes, Jeff.
327
00:16:22,413 --> 00:16:24,381
Well, I guess
this is where I came in.
328
00:16:24,415 --> 00:16:26,150
Who have you got a date
with tonight?
329
00:16:26,184 --> 00:16:28,118
Beat it. Beat
it. Beat it.
330
00:16:29,587 --> 00:16:32,956
I'll give you a hint.
331
00:16:32,990 --> 00:16:35,392
The answer is right
under your nose,
332
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:37,428
but then again,
what isn't?
333
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:42,733
All right, I guess
I should find out
334
00:16:42,767 --> 00:16:45,068
how you feel about
this because, uh,
335
00:16:45,102 --> 00:16:47,170
I remember once
336
00:16:47,204 --> 00:16:49,840
you got mad
337
00:16:49,874 --> 00:16:51,742
because I
used your comb.
338
00:16:54,145 --> 00:16:56,180
What the hell
are you talking about?
339
00:16:56,214 --> 00:16:58,348
Aha! Aha!
340
00:16:58,382 --> 00:17:00,884
Got your curiosity
up there, huh?
341
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,419
Oh, yes, oh, yes.
342
00:17:02,453 --> 00:17:05,055
You're so sophisticated
and intelligent.
343
00:17:05,123 --> 00:17:07,657
You go out with a
whole different class
344
00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:10,060
of women than old
Louie De Palma, huh?
345
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,432
Not necessarily.
346
00:17:14,466 --> 00:17:17,001
This happens to be a woman
347
00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:19,469
that you've dated.
348
00:17:19,504 --> 00:17:21,071
Louie, it's been
a long day.
349
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:22,306
Will you cut the crap?
350
00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:24,241
I've been out with
a lot of women,
351
00:17:24,276 --> 00:17:25,475
and it's just possible
352
00:17:25,510 --> 00:17:27,344
that you might have
dated one of them.
353
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:29,179
So, what's the big deal?
354
00:17:33,618 --> 00:17:35,585
How big a deal would it be
355
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:37,922
if it was your ex-wife?
356
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:41,158
Hmm?
357
00:17:41,192 --> 00:17:42,926
Phyllis?
358
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,862
Hey, now, wait a minute!
359
00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:46,363
Now, wait a minute!
Whoa, whoa.
360
00:17:46,397 --> 00:17:47,531
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
361
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:49,633
I don't want you
to do that, Louie.
362
00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:51,001
Now, she's weak,
she's vulnerable,
363
00:17:51,035 --> 00:17:53,471
and she might mistake
you for a human being.
364
00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:54,638
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
365
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:55,806
Go easy, easy, easy.
366
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:57,140
Oh, what is
going on here?
Easy.
367
00:17:57,175 --> 00:17:58,408
ALEX:
I'll tell you what's
368
00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:00,244
going on here.
He's got a date with my ex-wife.
369
00:18:00,278 --> 00:18:02,780
Hey, Phyllis and I
are consenting adults,
370
00:18:02,814 --> 00:18:04,949
and you have nothing
to say about it.
371
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:06,416
I am a busy man.
372
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:07,384
LOUIE:
Jeff?
373
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:08,585
"Say, Louie,
374
00:18:08,619 --> 00:18:09,753
I hear you
have a date..."
375
00:18:09,787 --> 00:18:11,688
No, no, no, no.
376
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:15,493
Oh, it sickens me to say this,
Alex, but, uh, he's right.
377
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:17,361
There's nothing
you can do about it.
378
00:18:28,005 --> 00:18:29,940
(knocking)
379
00:18:33,311 --> 00:18:34,745
Look, Phyllis...
Alex, what's wrong?
380
00:18:34,779 --> 00:18:37,715
The Doublemint sisters
kicked you out?
381
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:40,951
Phyllis, you can't go out
with Louie De Palma!
382
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:43,620
Alex, what are you
talking about?
383
00:18:43,654 --> 00:18:45,622
I mean, Louie seems real nice.
384
00:18:45,656 --> 00:18:49,159
I mean, I'll admit he won't make
anybody forget Paul Newman.
385
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,460
Phyllis...
386
00:18:50,494 --> 00:18:51,661
Or Edwin Newman.
387
00:18:51,696 --> 00:18:52,896
Phyllis...
388
00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:54,264
Or Alfred E.
389
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:55,633
Phyllis!
390
00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:57,567
Will you
listen to me?
391
00:18:57,601 --> 00:18:59,702
Louie is a terrible,
rotten, low-life person,
392
00:18:59,737 --> 00:19:01,471
and if you're using
Louie De Palma
393
00:19:01,505 --> 00:19:03,307
to get over that Brazilian
ex-husband of yours,
394
00:19:03,341 --> 00:19:04,574
then I shudder to think
395
00:19:04,608 --> 00:19:06,876
who you're gonna use to
get over Louie De Palma.
396
00:19:06,878 --> 00:19:09,079
Alex, I don't know why
you're acting like this,
397
00:19:09,113 --> 00:19:11,081
but you're behaving
like a crazy person!
398
00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:13,049
Phyllis, everything
I've said thus far
399
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:14,885
about Louie, his mother
would agree with.
400
00:19:14,919 --> 00:19:16,253
In fact, I'm
quoting her.
401
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,987
Alex, will you stop it now?
402
00:19:18,022 --> 00:19:19,289
Just stop it.
403
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:20,657
I'm a single person,
404
00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:23,527
and there's a new Phyllis
to explore.
405
00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:24,695
But-but-but
Phyl, but...
406
00:19:24,729 --> 00:19:26,664
(knocking)
Okay.
407
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:29,099
Now will you please save us all
any further embarrassment
408
00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:30,868
and get into that bathroom
409
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:34,872
until my date and I have left
for our evening?
410
00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:36,039
(sighs)
411
00:19:36,073 --> 00:19:37,307
You're right.
412
00:19:37,341 --> 00:19:38,509
I feel foolish.
413
00:19:38,543 --> 00:19:40,343
I feel like I've
insulted my dignity.
414
00:19:40,378 --> 00:19:42,880
I welcome the opportunity
to cower in your toilet.
415
00:19:48,486 --> 00:19:49,853
Hi, Phyllis.
416
00:19:49,887 --> 00:19:50,987
Hi, Louie.
417
00:19:51,021 --> 00:19:52,556
I'll be ready
in a minute.
418
00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:54,023
Great!
419
00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:57,160
'Cause have I got an evening
planned for us!
420
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,201
I already called room service,
421
00:20:05,236 --> 00:20:09,906
and they are sending up
champagne...
422
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:11,908
canapés...
423
00:20:11,942 --> 00:20:13,877
and oxygen.
424
00:20:33,898 --> 00:20:37,901
It's nice to see someone not
caught up in the exercise fads.
425
00:20:41,739 --> 00:20:45,042
I have my own form of exercise.
426
00:20:45,076 --> 00:20:46,610
Ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee.
427
00:20:46,644 --> 00:20:47,911
PHYLLIS:
Oh,
428
00:20:47,945 --> 00:20:49,646
Alex!
429
00:20:50,548 --> 00:20:51,848
Reiger!
430
00:20:51,883 --> 00:20:53,984
What are you,
some kind of weirdo?
431
00:21:00,691 --> 00:21:03,694
And I thought
you two wouldn't hit it off.
432
00:21:05,196 --> 00:21:07,531
Well, I'll just leave you
and your gentleman caller
433
00:21:07,565 --> 00:21:09,266
to explore the new Phyllis.
434
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:10,534
Alex, you can't go.
435
00:21:10,568 --> 00:21:11,802
You can't go.
436
00:21:11,836 --> 00:21:13,103
Why?
437
00:21:13,137 --> 00:21:14,571
I'm in the
way here.
438
00:21:14,605 --> 00:21:17,441
I mean, I can
take a hint.
439
00:21:17,475 --> 00:21:18,876
Alex, Alex!
Okay, you were right.
440
00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:20,577
I'm sorry.
I apologize, okay?
441
00:21:20,611 --> 00:21:21,745
You were right.
442
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,046
You were real...
443
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,615
Wait a minute.
444
00:21:24,649 --> 00:21:26,884
Did you put him up to this?
445
00:21:28,953 --> 00:21:30,521
Wait a minute here.
446
00:21:30,555 --> 00:21:33,690
Is this something
that you two cooked up
447
00:21:33,725 --> 00:21:36,059
in that little garage there
448
00:21:36,093 --> 00:21:38,762
so you would have to come in
and rescue me?
449
00:21:38,796 --> 00:21:41,198
(laughs)
450
00:21:41,232 --> 00:21:42,999
No, of course not.
451
00:21:43,034 --> 00:21:44,268
Oh, come on!
452
00:21:44,302 --> 00:21:46,436
No real person
acts like that.
453
00:21:48,172 --> 00:21:50,774
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
454
00:21:50,808 --> 00:21:52,409
Hey, wait a
minute here.
455
00:21:52,443 --> 00:21:55,345
What is there,
some kind of weird
place in Manhattan
456
00:21:55,379 --> 00:21:58,482
where you rent
out these guys?
457
00:22:00,518 --> 00:22:03,387
I-I'm starting to feel
a little self-conscious here.
458
00:22:12,096 --> 00:22:14,164
Uh...
459
00:22:14,198 --> 00:22:17,200
excuse me, but, uh,
did it ever occur to you
460
00:22:17,234 --> 00:22:19,469
that our date was over?
461
00:22:21,406 --> 00:22:23,874
This is your fault, Reiger!
462
00:22:23,908 --> 00:22:27,244
Because I didn't do
anything wrong this time.
463
00:22:27,278 --> 00:22:30,413
You said you didn't want
to get involved.
464
00:22:30,448 --> 00:22:32,783
And you end up walking
out of the bathroom.
465
00:22:32,817 --> 00:22:34,885
I mean, now, what-what...
what's going on here?
466
00:22:34,919 --> 00:22:36,553
I don't understand.
467
00:22:36,587 --> 00:22:39,222
You don't understand because
you've never been married.
468
00:22:39,257 --> 00:22:41,057
You've never been engaged.
469
00:22:41,092 --> 00:22:43,660
You've never been invited
to a wedding for that matter.
470
00:22:43,694 --> 00:22:45,796
Now there's something
that happens to people
471
00:22:45,830 --> 00:22:48,331
when, for six years,
they go to bed together
472
00:22:48,366 --> 00:22:49,933
and they get up together,
473
00:22:49,967 --> 00:22:51,835
who have some kind
of a connection
474
00:22:51,869 --> 00:22:54,371
because they were married
and because they had a child.
475
00:22:54,405 --> 00:22:55,672
And if that's not true,
476
00:22:55,706 --> 00:22:57,507
then something's wrong
with you or life.
477
00:22:57,541 --> 00:23:00,010
I mean, something's wrong.
478
00:23:00,044 --> 00:23:02,512
You want to go out
and eat with me?
479
00:23:02,546 --> 00:23:04,615
Oh, Alex,
480
00:23:04,649 --> 00:23:06,783
you're so sweet.
481
00:23:06,818 --> 00:23:09,185
And I really know
that you're worried
482
00:23:09,219 --> 00:23:11,555
about just even going
on a date with me
483
00:23:11,589 --> 00:23:12,823
'cause you're afraid
484
00:23:12,857 --> 00:23:14,491
that suddenly I'll
drive you crazy,
485
00:23:14,525 --> 00:23:17,795
and then I'll be neurotic,
and I'll be crazy, you know,
486
00:23:17,829 --> 00:23:19,730
be demanding and...
487
00:23:22,133 --> 00:23:24,902
I just really would like
to put your mind at ease.
488
00:23:26,203 --> 00:23:28,138
But I can't.
489
00:23:29,874 --> 00:23:32,042
Uh, uh, Phyllis? Phyllis?
490
00:23:32,076 --> 00:23:33,743
What?!
491
00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:38,715
I'll call you next week.
492
00:23:44,122 --> 00:23:46,056
(wry chuckle)
493
00:23:47,925 --> 00:23:49,859
PHYLLIS:
Am I crazy?
494
00:23:49,893 --> 00:23:51,995
I get a kick
out of that guy.
495
00:24:02,673 --> 00:24:04,907
(theme song playing)
496
00:24:28,533 --> 00:24:29,866
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
497
00:24:29,900 --> 00:24:30,934
(man grumbling)
34005
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