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1
00:00:01,801 --> 00:00:04,736
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:26,217
So, what are you gonna do
about your problem, Reiger?
3
00:01:26,285 --> 00:01:27,352
What?
4
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:28,920
What are you talking about,
my problem?
5
00:01:29,021 --> 00:01:31,956
Latka's girlfriend
is coming back.
6
00:01:32,024 --> 00:01:33,591
Who else is gonna tell her
7
00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:36,895
that he's become
the Three Faces of Weird?
8
00:01:36,962 --> 00:01:39,431
You know, Louie,
Louie, even for you,
9
00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:41,666
there's gotta be a more
sensitive and caring way
10
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:43,201
to refer to someone
who suffers
11
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:44,969
from multiple personality.
12
00:01:45,004 --> 00:01:47,605
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
13
00:01:47,673 --> 00:01:50,141
I was talking
about the gentleman
14
00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:51,676
who suffers from...
15
00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:54,012
(babbling)
16
00:01:56,181 --> 00:01:58,683
ALEX:
Latka...
17
00:01:58,717 --> 00:02:00,485
how many times
have you shaved today?
18
00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:04,923
Eh, twice on my face
and once on my back.
19
00:02:04,990 --> 00:02:08,159
I want to look good for Simka.
20
00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:09,527
(clears throat)
21
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:12,363
Have you, uh,
a girlfriend, Latka?
22
00:02:12,431 --> 00:02:14,699
Oh, yeah, she's a girl
from Latka's country.
23
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:16,167
And when she first
came to America,
24
00:02:16,235 --> 00:02:18,536
she and Latka were dating
each other for a while.
25
00:02:18,604 --> 00:02:20,505
Yeah, then I let her slip away.
26
00:02:20,572 --> 00:02:22,640
Boy, what a fool I was.
27
00:02:22,708 --> 00:02:25,943
I'm sorry that she left
before I told her I love her.
28
00:02:25,978 --> 00:02:27,812
Latka, are you gonna
tell her you love her now?
29
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,147
I will not make
30
00:02:29,248 --> 00:02:30,815
the same mistake again.
Good.
31
00:02:30,883 --> 00:02:32,817
She is the girl for me
in the whole world.
32
00:02:32,885 --> 00:02:34,019
Good, good.
33
00:02:34,086 --> 00:02:36,054
Yeah, excuse me, Elaine.
34
00:02:36,121 --> 00:02:39,290
I'm sorry, but she's better
than American women.
35
00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:41,626
I don't even like
American women.
36
00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:43,428
I have a good reason, too.
37
00:02:43,562 --> 00:02:44,796
What's that?
38
00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:46,631
They don't give me
the time of day.
39
00:02:46,698 --> 00:02:48,199
Oh.
40
00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:50,401
Latka, you know,
you ought to get rid
41
00:02:50,469 --> 00:02:52,537
of all that tissue paper
on your face.
42
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:56,107
You know, what you need to use
is a styptic pencil instead.
43
00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:57,208
Styptic pencil?
44
00:02:57,276 --> 00:02:58,376
Styptic pencil.
45
00:02:58,444 --> 00:02:59,411
Where will I find one?
46
00:02:59,511 --> 00:03:01,813
Here, use mine.
47
00:03:01,914 --> 00:03:04,082
No, no, no, Jim, Jim, Jim!
48
00:03:04,149 --> 00:03:06,117
He needs a styptic
pencil, not--
49
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:08,619
By golly, that's
a styptic pencil.
50
00:03:08,687 --> 00:03:10,654
I will try it.
51
00:03:10,722 --> 00:03:13,758
Why are you carrying a
styptic pencil in your ear?
52
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,228
Well, in light of
what just happened,
53
00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:18,896
a better question is,
"Why aren't you?"
54
00:03:24,937 --> 00:03:26,103
Hey!
55
00:03:26,171 --> 00:03:28,339
Hey!
Oh!
56
00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:30,341
Is-Is Latka here?
57
00:03:30,409 --> 00:03:32,543
Oh, yeah, and he's
dying to see you.
Mm-hmm!
58
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:33,878
Yeah, yeah, he'll be right out.
59
00:03:33,946 --> 00:03:37,515
Oh, it is good
to hear you say that.
60
00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:39,984
I miss him.
61
00:03:40,052 --> 00:03:43,788
I've not had too much
luck with men lately.
Oh?
62
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:47,359
Elaine, you know
what it feels like
63
00:03:47,426 --> 00:03:51,129
to be used,
taken advantage of
64
00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:54,266
and then thrown away
like an old shoe?
65
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:57,669
Does she.
66
00:04:03,008 --> 00:04:04,242
Simka.
67
00:04:04,343 --> 00:04:06,945
Latka.
68
00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:09,547
Simka.
69
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:20,024
Well, are you going
to just stand there?
70
00:04:20,092 --> 00:04:22,226
Oh.
71
00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:26,364
(speaking native language)
72
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,234
Oh, oh, Latka, Latka,
73
00:04:30,302 --> 00:04:33,538
we can speak English now.
74
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:38,142
I feel very comfortable in
that tongue, you bet, Joe!
75
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:40,478
You are looking very well.
76
00:04:40,546 --> 00:04:43,280
Oh, I cannot complain.
77
00:04:43,382 --> 00:04:46,384
You are looking well also.
78
00:04:46,451 --> 00:04:48,452
Are you available
for getting together?
79
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:52,790
Yes, you may call me
for social engagements.
80
00:04:52,858 --> 00:04:56,427
Whew! This is just like
in Body Heat.
81
00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:58,629
SIMKA:
Latka,
82
00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:01,132
Latka, let's have lunch.
83
00:05:01,199 --> 00:05:04,102
Okay, but let me just
grab a quick shave.
84
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:06,104
Okay.
85
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:14,779
Oh, is same sweet man.
86
00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:16,547
Yeah, well, listen, I,
uh, I'll be going along.
87
00:05:16,615 --> 00:05:17,982
So long.
88
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:18,883
(bell dings)
89
00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:20,451
Calling Dr. Reiger.
90
00:05:20,586 --> 00:05:23,053
(ringing bell)
Oh, Dr. Reiger?
91
00:05:23,121 --> 00:05:26,624
Uh, Simka, Simka, can I
talk to you for a second?
92
00:05:26,692 --> 00:05:28,693
Over here, please?
Yes, excuse me.
93
00:05:28,761 --> 00:05:31,462
Uh, Simka, uh...
94
00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:33,931
I think there's something
you have to know about Latka.
95
00:05:33,999 --> 00:05:35,266
Oh, no...
No, no, no,
96
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:36,501
there's nothing to
be alarmed about.
97
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,703
Believe me, nothing.
Sit down, please.
98
00:05:38,770 --> 00:05:43,141
Look, Latka has
what doctors call,
99
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:45,443
uh, multiple personality.
100
00:05:45,477 --> 00:05:48,513
You see, sometimes, uh,
101
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:50,748
and he's not even
aware he's doing it,
102
00:05:50,816 --> 00:05:54,052
he totally becomes
another person.
103
00:05:54,186 --> 00:05:59,190
I mean, his walk, his talk
becomes totally different.
104
00:05:59,257 --> 00:06:02,393
You understand?
105
00:06:02,461 --> 00:06:04,395
Yes, he's kookiputz.
106
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:11,802
(man sings "Love Me Tender"
in Latka's language)
107
00:06:21,947 --> 00:06:23,415
(knocking on door)
108
00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:25,784
Just a minute.
109
00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:31,322
(volume decreases)
110
00:06:38,297 --> 00:06:39,631
Hello, Simka.
111
00:06:39,698 --> 00:06:42,099
Hello, Latka.
112
00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:43,501
Come in.
113
00:06:53,679 --> 00:06:55,379
Take it for you.
114
00:06:55,447 --> 00:06:58,716
You are looking even more
gorgeous than normal for you.
115
00:06:58,817 --> 00:07:03,821
Well... you are not looking
so awful yourself.
116
00:07:07,526 --> 00:07:09,259
I hope you are hungry.
117
00:07:09,327 --> 00:07:10,929
I made something special.
118
00:07:10,996 --> 00:07:13,264
Oh, I am! What is it?
119
00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:15,065
Smell.
120
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:16,433
(sniffing)
121
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:18,836
Warthog!
122
00:07:18,904 --> 00:07:21,138
I think it's ready now.
123
00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:22,873
Oh, lovely.
124
00:07:25,010 --> 00:07:26,944
And the salad.
125
00:07:33,185 --> 00:07:35,153
Mmm...
126
00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:38,356
So, what would you like?
127
00:07:38,423 --> 00:07:41,125
Eh, would you like
something from the hoof
128
00:07:41,193 --> 00:07:44,963
or something
close to the tusk?
129
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,597
Both!
130
00:07:46,665 --> 00:07:49,367
That's what I love about you,
you eat like a swine.
131
00:07:49,434 --> 00:07:52,570
Oh, you!
132
00:07:59,478 --> 00:08:00,911
I hope you like it.
133
00:08:00,979 --> 00:08:02,280
Oh...
134
00:08:02,347 --> 00:08:03,581
You know,
it's hard to find
135
00:08:03,648 --> 00:08:06,417
self-basting warthog
in America.
136
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,720
It is perfect, Latka.
137
00:08:08,787 --> 00:08:11,422
Everything is perfect.
138
00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:12,790
The flowers,
139
00:08:12,858 --> 00:08:16,194
the candles, the music.
140
00:08:16,261 --> 00:08:17,628
Brethnees?
141
00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:21,599
Well, maybe just
a quick one.
142
00:08:44,723 --> 00:08:46,990
You know, Latka,
143
00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:51,228
I have had many lonely nights
144
00:08:51,296 --> 00:08:53,263
since I last saw you.
145
00:08:53,365 --> 00:08:56,501
Well, you know, it hasn't been
all brethnees and warthog
146
00:08:56,568 --> 00:08:58,702
for Mama Gravas's
little boy either.
147
00:08:59,838 --> 00:09:01,605
That's why I was so glad
148
00:09:01,673 --> 00:09:03,641
that you wrote me when
you discovered that Omaha
149
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:07,044
was not all the
songs say it is.
150
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:10,815
Here is mud in your blifnik.
151
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:28,098
Simka, Simka,
152
00:09:28,166 --> 00:09:29,800
I want to tell you something.
153
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:31,302
Oh?
154
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,504
(clearing throat)
155
00:09:37,409 --> 00:09:41,879
This is the best evening
I've had in a long time.
156
00:09:41,946 --> 00:09:44,782
I've dreamed about this
evening, and you.
157
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:47,484
And I just want
to tell you that...
158
00:09:52,824 --> 00:09:55,926
What is it you want to say?
159
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:58,629
Well...
160
00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:01,065
I want to say that...
161
00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:03,667
I...
162
00:10:06,905 --> 00:10:09,306
(sniffing)
163
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,942
(as Vic Ferrari):
What died in here?
164
00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:13,811
Oh, my gosh!
165
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:16,080
Where am I?
166
00:10:16,147 --> 00:10:17,415
The Ramada Inn of Rumania?
167
00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:18,850
(chuckling)
168
00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:20,651
Latka?
169
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,019
Latka?
170
00:10:22,087 --> 00:10:25,256
Oh, boy, here we go again.
171
00:10:25,323 --> 00:10:28,359
No, honey, Vic-- Vic Ferrari.
172
00:10:28,427 --> 00:10:29,794
And you?
173
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:32,229
Oh...
174
00:10:32,297 --> 00:10:36,300
Alex told me
something about this
175
00:10:36,368 --> 00:10:41,372
and darned if he wasn't right.
176
00:10:41,439 --> 00:10:44,075
I think, uh...
177
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,577
Maybe I better go.
178
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:49,113
Well, uh, that's your
decision, but one thing.
179
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:51,015
Leave and I'll die.
180
00:10:54,753 --> 00:10:59,623
Well, I mean,
how can I... stay?
181
00:10:59,691 --> 00:11:02,460
I hardly even know you.
182
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:04,595
Oh, well, but I know you.
183
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:06,196
I think I do.
184
00:11:06,264 --> 00:11:08,866
You're smart, independent
185
00:11:08,933 --> 00:11:10,534
and, uh...
186
00:11:11,403 --> 00:11:12,669
You were a daddy's girl.
187
00:11:12,737 --> 00:11:13,837
Am I right?
188
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:17,775
Well...
189
00:11:17,842 --> 00:11:20,444
How would you know these things?
190
00:11:20,512 --> 00:11:24,748
I mean, Latka doesn't
know these things.
191
00:11:24,816 --> 00:11:26,917
It's in your eyes
when you look at a man.
192
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:30,020
(sighing):
Oh, brother.
193
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:39,397
What else?
194
00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:42,400
(chuckles) Playful.
195
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:46,203
A little bold and, uh,
196
00:11:46,271 --> 00:11:48,573
you have my name tattooed
on your right thigh.
197
00:11:48,673 --> 00:11:50,508
Oh, I don't!
198
00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:51,909
Hey, okay, the
evening's young.
199
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:59,717
You are very funny
this way, Latka.
200
00:11:59,784 --> 00:12:02,386
I mean, Vic.
201
00:12:02,454 --> 00:12:07,157
Would you chop me down
if I took a chance?
202
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:10,261
No, I will not chop you.
203
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:12,930
Okay, then here goes.
204
00:12:14,766 --> 00:12:17,234
I am completely taken by you
205
00:12:17,302 --> 00:12:18,802
and I want to love you.
206
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:24,408
Well, in my country,
there is only one thing
207
00:12:24,475 --> 00:12:26,576
a girl can say to that,
208
00:12:26,644 --> 00:12:29,579
which is one of the
reasons I left.
209
00:12:36,888 --> 00:12:39,457
I don't even know
your name.
210
00:12:39,524 --> 00:12:42,293
Simka Dahblitz.
211
00:12:43,661 --> 00:12:45,363
Hello, Simka.
212
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:50,968
Hello, Vic.
213
00:13:09,287 --> 00:13:12,190
(singing in native language)
214
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,466
LATKA:
Ah!
215
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,405
Babycakes!
216
00:13:28,506 --> 00:13:30,274
Simka?
217
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:33,277
Oh... Latkacakes?
218
00:13:34,346 --> 00:13:36,280
What's going on here?
219
00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:38,282
Why are you still here?
220
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:41,285
What are you so
happy about?
221
00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,321
You don't remember?
222
00:13:43,388 --> 00:13:45,590
No.
223
00:13:45,657 --> 00:13:48,025
Well...
224
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:51,028
Oh, we had a wonderful time.
225
00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:53,998
Oh, you were very funny,
226
00:13:54,066 --> 00:13:57,001
and very charming,
227
00:13:57,069 --> 00:14:00,137
and you said your name was Vic.
228
00:14:00,205 --> 00:14:01,205
Vic!
229
00:14:01,273 --> 00:14:04,208
Ooh, that guy, Vic.
230
00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:06,210
I am not Vic.
231
00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:07,744
I don't even like Vic.
232
00:14:07,812 --> 00:14:09,347
Listen, sit down, please.
233
00:14:09,414 --> 00:14:10,247
Tell me everything.
234
00:14:10,315 --> 00:14:13,217
What did you do with Vic
last night?
235
00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:16,153
Are you sure you
want to know?
236
00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:17,421
Yes.
237
00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:20,391
Uh, of course, not if you think
it will destroy me.
238
00:14:22,327 --> 00:14:26,063
Well, I don't know what to say.
239
00:14:26,130 --> 00:14:27,731
Well, for instance,
you can say,
240
00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:29,566
that you were up
all night with him,
241
00:14:29,634 --> 00:14:32,403
and you discussed, uh,
whether the Today show
242
00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:34,405
is better
with Bryant Gumbel.
243
00:14:36,908 --> 00:14:39,176
I cannot say that.
244
00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:40,978
I knew it.
245
00:14:43,348 --> 00:14:45,383
You made love with Vic!
246
00:14:46,384 --> 00:14:48,752
Well, I did, but...
247
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:50,954
You made love
with another man
248
00:14:51,022 --> 00:14:53,557
right under my nose!
249
00:14:54,559 --> 00:14:58,262
Well, there was no other way.
250
00:14:59,998 --> 00:15:03,700
And besides, that was you.
251
00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:05,536
Did I whimper?
252
00:15:05,603 --> 00:15:08,038
Was I... clumsy?
253
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:11,342
No, you were wonderful!
254
00:15:11,409 --> 00:15:13,476
Then it wasn't me.
255
00:15:14,379 --> 00:15:16,314
Latka, please.
256
00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:19,016
You have shamed me,
257
00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:21,151
degraded yourself,
258
00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:23,387
disgraced your family,
259
00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:24,888
cheapened your people,
260
00:15:24,956 --> 00:15:26,890
and blemished your planet.
261
00:15:30,528 --> 00:15:33,030
That was not nice!
262
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:34,231
I'm going!
263
00:15:34,332 --> 00:15:35,566
Good. Go. Good-bye.
264
00:15:35,633 --> 00:15:36,600
I am going.
265
00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:38,402
Good.
266
00:15:38,469 --> 00:15:39,703
Latka!
267
00:15:39,771 --> 00:15:42,673
I hate you and I never want
to see you again,
268
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:45,041
and thanks
for a wonderful night!
269
00:15:55,420 --> 00:15:57,354
Latka.
270
00:15:57,422 --> 00:15:59,389
Latka.
271
00:15:59,457 --> 00:16:02,392
Latka, you've been under
that cab all day.
272
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:03,560
Now come on.
273
00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:05,228
Something's happened,
huh?
274
00:16:05,296 --> 00:16:07,230
Tell me about it.
275
00:16:07,298 --> 00:16:11,101
Well, Simka says
she found another man.
276
00:16:11,169 --> 00:16:14,071
Oh... Latka.
277
00:16:14,105 --> 00:16:16,073
Oh...
278
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,908
I can't tell you
how many times
279
00:16:17,976 --> 00:16:19,910
I've had something
like that happen.
280
00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:21,845
Talk to me.
281
00:16:21,913 --> 00:16:22,980
Okay.
282
00:16:23,047 --> 00:16:25,883
She says the other man
was Vic.
283
00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:27,885
Talk to Alex.
284
00:16:31,756 --> 00:16:33,758
Latka, Latka,
let's have--
285
00:16:33,825 --> 00:16:35,092
let's get a cup
of coffee.
No.
286
00:16:35,159 --> 00:16:36,594
Come on, come on, let's
get a cup of coffee.
287
00:16:36,661 --> 00:16:38,429
I don't want to.
Come on, Latka,
288
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,397
let's get a cup
of coffee.
289
00:16:40,465 --> 00:16:42,366
No.
290
00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:44,435
Latka...
291
00:16:46,370 --> 00:16:48,872
...I can't believe that a girl
like Simka would, uh--
292
00:16:48,939 --> 00:16:51,142
could possibly prefer Vic
to you.
293
00:16:51,209 --> 00:16:52,309
Oh yeah?
294
00:16:52,377 --> 00:16:53,911
Well, look what I found
in the pockets
295
00:16:53,979 --> 00:16:56,947
of his fancy sports coat.
296
00:16:56,981 --> 00:16:59,015
Airline tickets to Bermuda?
297
00:16:59,083 --> 00:17:00,184
Yeah,
298
00:17:00,251 --> 00:17:01,552
he's taking her away.
299
00:17:01,619 --> 00:17:03,154
Oh, Latka, just 'cause
he has tickets
300
00:17:03,221 --> 00:17:04,922
doesn't mean she's going.
301
00:17:04,989 --> 00:17:05,756
Oh, yeah?
302
00:17:05,823 --> 00:17:07,291
Look what I found in the pockets
303
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,493
of his velour smoking jacket.
304
00:17:11,329 --> 00:17:13,163
"The trip sounds okay to me.
305
00:17:13,231 --> 00:17:15,999
"I will be at your place tonight
promptly at 7:00-ish.
306
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:17,735
Signed Simka."
307
00:17:17,802 --> 00:17:18,935
See?
308
00:17:19,003 --> 00:17:20,770
Vic has more fun in his pockets
309
00:17:20,838 --> 00:17:22,773
than I have in my whole life.
310
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:27,711
Okay, Latka, look,
maybe Simka prefers Vic,
311
00:17:27,779 --> 00:17:30,981
but I know there are
a lot of women
312
00:17:31,015 --> 00:17:33,817
who are going to prefer your
sweet little innocent qualities.
313
00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:34,851
Oh, really?
Yeah.
314
00:17:34,919 --> 00:17:36,120
Where are they?
I don't know.
315
00:17:36,187 --> 00:17:37,454
I've asked all
of them.
316
00:17:37,522 --> 00:17:39,723
Look, women don't like
timid, weak men
317
00:17:39,790 --> 00:17:41,325
half as much as
they should.
318
00:17:44,462 --> 00:17:46,730
Well, Latka,
319
00:17:46,764 --> 00:17:48,065
is that what you're
gonna do?
320
00:17:48,132 --> 00:17:49,232
Huh?
321
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,935
You're gonna just sit
there and mope?
322
00:17:51,035 --> 00:17:53,670
No, I'm going to whine
and snivel.
323
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:56,907
Okay, fine, terrific.
324
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:57,975
You lost her.
325
00:17:58,043 --> 00:17:59,477
Give up.
326
00:17:59,544 --> 00:18:01,512
Why don't you stop thinking
of yourself for a moment?
327
00:18:01,579 --> 00:18:03,047
Why don't you start
thinking of Simka?
328
00:18:03,114 --> 00:18:06,050
You gonna let her go out
with a guy like Vic?
329
00:18:06,117 --> 00:18:07,718
Ah.
330
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:10,821
Hey, wait a minute.
331
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:12,022
Wait a minute!
332
00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:15,058
Latka, you're
responsible.
333
00:18:16,561 --> 00:18:18,495
You got them together!
334
00:18:18,563 --> 00:18:20,464
They met through you.
335
00:18:20,531 --> 00:18:21,899
Wait a minute.
336
00:18:21,966 --> 00:18:23,366
You are right.
337
00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:25,535
I am responsible.
338
00:18:25,603 --> 00:18:29,573
Yes, I-I have to save her
from that two-bit bossa nova.
339
00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:31,408
All right!
340
00:18:31,476 --> 00:18:33,410
Oh, I am going to go.
341
00:18:34,712 --> 00:18:36,647
And-And if he won't listen
to good manners,
342
00:18:36,714 --> 00:18:38,649
I'm going to have to get rough.
343
00:18:38,716 --> 00:18:41,351
I would hate to be
in his shoes.
344
00:18:48,526 --> 00:18:50,527
(knocking on door)
345
00:18:58,436 --> 00:19:00,871
Hello, Simka.
346
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:02,940
Hello, Latka.
347
00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:05,909
You were expecting someone else?
348
00:19:05,977 --> 00:19:07,911
Maybe someone smooth?
349
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,249
May I enter your house
350
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,251
and sit down on
something?
351
00:19:14,318 --> 00:19:16,286
Yes, that would be pleasant.
352
00:19:26,831 --> 00:19:28,766
There is something
very important
353
00:19:28,833 --> 00:19:30,267
I want to tell you.
354
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,269
Okay, first of all,
355
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:35,105
I am sorry that I got mad
at you the other day.
356
00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:37,941
That's okay, Latka.
357
00:19:38,009 --> 00:19:40,944
I accept your sorriness.
358
00:19:41,012 --> 00:19:42,346
Thank you.
359
00:19:42,413 --> 00:19:44,215
Second of all,
360
00:19:44,282 --> 00:19:45,716
you cannot see Vic anymore.
361
00:19:45,783 --> 00:19:48,785
He is a terrible,
awful person.
362
00:19:48,853 --> 00:19:50,954
At least he is happy with me.
363
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:52,756
He has a lot more
to be happy about.
364
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,430
There is one other thing
I want you to know.
365
00:19:59,497 --> 00:20:02,065
Ever since you have come back,
366
00:20:02,133 --> 00:20:04,067
I don't know what I'm doing.
367
00:20:04,135 --> 00:20:06,903
I cannot sleep, I cannot eat,
368
00:20:06,971 --> 00:20:09,106
and my work is suffering.
369
00:20:09,173 --> 00:20:11,442
Men have gone to almost
certain injury
370
00:20:11,509 --> 00:20:13,444
in the cabs.
371
00:20:13,511 --> 00:20:15,211
So, please,
372
00:20:15,279 --> 00:20:17,915
don't-don't go to Bermuda
with Vic,
373
00:20:17,982 --> 00:20:21,218
because...
374
00:20:21,252 --> 00:20:24,355
Because what, Latka?
375
00:20:24,422 --> 00:20:26,624
Well, because--
376
00:20:26,691 --> 00:20:28,792
oh, I-I don't know
how to say it.
377
00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:30,527
Uh, uh,
378
00:20:30,595 --> 00:20:32,496
well, you know...
379
00:20:34,599 --> 00:20:37,333
...I...
380
00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:42,439
(as Vic): Simka, baby!
381
00:20:42,506 --> 00:20:43,973
Oh no, not Vic.
382
00:20:44,041 --> 00:20:46,643
I want to hear what Latka wants
to tell me.
383
00:20:46,711 --> 00:20:48,311
I'm listening, Latka.
384
00:20:48,379 --> 00:20:50,747
Simka, it's so good
to see you.
385
00:20:50,815 --> 00:20:52,883
You know,
this is crazy.
386
00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:55,786
I just realized
how much I missed you.
387
00:20:55,853 --> 00:20:58,822
Now I know what it feels like
to really care.
388
00:20:58,889 --> 00:21:00,257
Oh, well. Hey, come on,
389
00:21:00,324 --> 00:21:02,025
we're missing valuable
sack time.
390
00:21:02,126 --> 00:21:03,894
Come on.
Oh!
391
00:21:05,129 --> 00:21:08,565
I think all you want is
physical pleasure.
392
00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:10,066
Oh, come on now,
393
00:21:10,134 --> 00:21:11,902
why would I want something
like that?
394
00:21:11,969 --> 00:21:13,369
(chuckles)
395
00:21:15,473 --> 00:21:17,274
Latka,
396
00:21:17,341 --> 00:21:20,110
if you are in there...
397
00:21:20,177 --> 00:21:22,579
come back to me.
398
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:23,847
Please.
399
00:21:23,915 --> 00:21:25,015
Yes, yes!
400
00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:27,017
No, no.
401
00:21:28,419 --> 00:21:30,854
Come with me to Bermuda,
and good news,
402
00:21:30,922 --> 00:21:32,856
we're gonna fly...
403
00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:35,592
business class.
404
00:21:35,659 --> 00:21:39,563
I don't want to go to
Bermuda anymore, Vic.
405
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:42,298
I want Latka.
406
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:44,734
Uh, there must be an acoustic
problem in here.
407
00:21:44,802 --> 00:21:47,737
Uh, I could have sworn I heard
you make kissing-off noises
408
00:21:47,805 --> 00:21:49,439
to Captain Joy!
409
00:21:50,374 --> 00:21:53,576
Ya.
410
00:21:53,678 --> 00:21:56,747
Well, if that means I
want you to go away
411
00:21:56,815 --> 00:21:59,883
so that Latka will
come back,
412
00:21:59,984 --> 00:22:03,754
then you're hitting nail with
your head, buddy boy!
413
00:22:05,389 --> 00:22:07,824
You know, I don't think you
realize what you're saying.
414
00:22:07,892 --> 00:22:09,526
Let me just explain
something to you.
415
00:22:09,594 --> 00:22:12,028
If I walk out that door,
416
00:22:12,096 --> 00:22:14,598
I'm never coming back.
417
00:22:20,671 --> 00:22:22,606
(sighs)
418
00:22:22,673 --> 00:22:24,407
Bye, Vic.
419
00:22:34,485 --> 00:22:36,420
Okay.
420
00:22:36,487 --> 00:22:38,355
Okay.
421
00:22:39,557 --> 00:22:42,926
No tears, no bum feelings,
422
00:22:42,993 --> 00:22:45,863
no blame,
423
00:22:45,930 --> 00:22:47,698
no fault insurance.
424
00:22:48,632 --> 00:22:50,233
I'm just glad
425
00:22:50,301 --> 00:22:52,302
that I got to spend
a part of my life
426
00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:54,171
in part of your life.
427
00:22:54,238 --> 00:22:56,139
You blew it, baby.
428
00:22:56,206 --> 00:22:57,574
(clicks tongue)
429
00:22:57,641 --> 00:22:58,808
Pow.
430
00:23:11,589 --> 00:23:13,189
(as Latka):
That's right.
Get out of here.
431
00:23:13,257 --> 00:23:15,191
And if you ever come
near my woman again,
432
00:23:15,259 --> 00:23:17,126
I will call you a name!
433
00:23:19,030 --> 00:23:21,164
Simka, there is something
I want to tell you,
434
00:23:21,232 --> 00:23:22,332
right here and now,
435
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,802
and no, I'm not going
to beating on the bush.
436
00:23:28,239 --> 00:23:30,774
I...
437
00:23:30,841 --> 00:23:33,377
I love you!
438
00:23:33,444 --> 00:23:35,078
Good deal!
439
00:23:35,146 --> 00:23:37,080
Me, too!
440
00:23:42,353 --> 00:23:43,987
Vic?
441
00:23:44,054 --> 00:23:46,490
No, it is me.
442
00:23:46,557 --> 00:23:48,458
Wow, Latka!
443
00:23:59,237 --> 00:24:01,738
(theme song playing)
444
00:24:25,063 --> 00:24:26,296
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
445
00:24:26,364 --> 00:24:27,664
(man grumbling)
27940
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