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1
00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:04,630
[funky horn music]
2
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:05,756
♪ ♪
3
00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:06,840
‐ Ah.
4
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,342
‐ This hot dog
is quite suspicious.
5
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,843
What do you think
is going on here?
6
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,845
‐ Yep, you guys are onto me.
I do have some big news.
7
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,180
‐ Oh, my God, Garrett,
are you dying?
8
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,306
Can we have your funeral
at Coachella?
9
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:15,682
‐ I'm not dying.
‐ Come on, die.
10
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,351
Do it for the 'Gram.
‐ No.
11
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,186
Look, the reason I brought you
all here today
12
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,187
is because...
13
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,813
I might run for office again.
14
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,690
Queens borough president.
‐ Okay, wait.
15
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,691
Are you sure
you're ready for this?
16
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,984
I mean, you've only been away
for six months.
17
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,862
Even Billy Bush had the sense
to lie low for longer than that.
18
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,030
‐ This is actually
the perfect job for me.
19
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,531
There are no bills to write.
No votes.
20
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:32,699
Very little reading.
That rules.
21
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,202
Plus, I have a direct line
of communication to the mayor.
22
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,371
That means I get to be
an advocate for folks like you.
23
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,082
‐ Okay. But will you still
have time to teach the class
24
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:41,083
while you're campaigning?
25
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,960
‐ Of course. And who even says
I'm campaigning?
26
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,378
This is all just a big maybe.
27
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,797
[horn blares]
28
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,715
‐ That's a really big bus
for a maybe.
29
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:49,925
‐ Well, it's just
for a listening tour.
30
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:52,219
Kind of get out there and feel
the needs of the constituents.
31
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,887
See? It says it right there.
"Listening tour."
32
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,347
‐ Guys, great news.
33
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,057
I just spoke to Drazen's
immigration attorney
34
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,225
and she got him
a new bond hearing.
35
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,519
She thinks he can be out
of custody as early as tomorrow.
36
00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:01,687
‐ No way.
That's awesome!
37
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:02,729
‐ Hey, you gotta move that bus!
38
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,897
‐ What the hell is that?
39
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,233
‐ Uh, listen, while you're here,
quick question for you.
40
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,109
You don't have to answer
right away,
41
00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:08,735
but, uh, I would love
your endorsement.
42
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:09,903
‐ Absolutely not.
43
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:10,654
‐ You don't have to answer
right away.
44
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:11,655
‐ Nope.
‐ Just take your time.
45
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,198
Think it over.
‐ No, yeah, it's a hard, hard,
46
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,992
hard no.
‐ Okay, yeah, cool.
47
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,743
Uh, all right, um...
‐ What did you do?
48
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,703
‐ No, nothing.
Everything's fine.
49
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,079
‐ What did you do?
‐ Everything's great.
50
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,914
Take her away, Jeff!
51
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,917
[funky horn music]
52
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,253
♪ ♪
53
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,213
‐ All right, listen up,
everyone.
54
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:31,425
Mr. Modi has a full schedule,
so he will not be in class.
55
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,594
But don't worry,
we've arranged for a substitute.
56
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,554
Also, I am Garrett's
new communications director.
57
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,931
‐ You're too old to be
a communications director.
58
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:38,890
I sent her a text.
59
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,727
She responded by calling me
on the phone
60
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,687
and leaving me a voicemail.
61
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:44,521
‐ Ew.
‐ [gasps]
62
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:45,897
‐ Griselda's
incredibly qualified.
63
00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:47,274
And without question,
the only person
64
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,066
who would do it for free.
‐ Yeah.
65
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:48,942
Someday I'm going
to be a citizen
66
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:49,985
and I'm going to have
to aim higher
67
00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:52,404
than working at this dump.
‐ This is not a dump.
68
00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:54,781
This is the oasis
from which we will spring forth
69
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:58,118
as citizens of this grand
experiment known as America.
70
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,786
‐ Someone pooped in the tampon
machine this morning.
71
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,456
‐ I will pray for your career
transition to go smoothly.
72
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,291
‐ Dude, I thought you said you
still have time to do the class.
73
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,084
‐ No, no, no, I will.
Uh... I will, I will.
74
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:09,796
And this is only for today.
I'll be back, I promise.
75
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,757
‐ Class without Garrett,
76
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,216
that's like class without Hakim.
77
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,176
I bring such a unique flavor
78
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,428
and I've got dimples
that just won't quit.
79
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,930
‐ Whatever. Jun Ho and I are
totally used to being abandoned
80
00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:20,307
by father figures.
81
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:23,602
‐ Yeah. It won't make us
act out at all.
82
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,145
‐ Hey!
83
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,898
‐ You should call Garrett.
Tell him how bad I've been.
84
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,232
‐ Get your foot
out of my pant leg.
85
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:30,567
‐ Oh, no, that's my foot.
86
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,653
And you can tell Garrett
I've been bad too.
87
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,404
‐ Wha...?
88
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:39,242
‐ It is I, Eric,
your substitute teacher.
89
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:43,372
Or shall I say,
"substi‐truth teacher."
90
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,290
[laughs]
‐ No! Get him out of here.
91
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,792
Someone pull the fire alarm.
92
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,795
‐ Death, sex, money.
93
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:50,712
Dragons.
94
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,839
Am I talking
about the latest HBO drama?
95
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:57,177
No. I'm talking about the most
binge‐able show ever.
96
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,012
American history.
97
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,098
‐ Dragons?
98
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,475
‐ I hate you so much.
99
00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,018
‐ [laughs]
100
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,103
[funky horn music]
101
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,188
‐ There's out guy.
So, listen,
102
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,148
these town halls are mostly
for publicity.
103
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,192
Our strategy? Be brief.
Don't engage too much.
104
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,611
‐ Yeah, or better yet,
don't say anything at all.
105
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:18,198
Our testing shows that people
respond to empathetic grunts.
106
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,659
both:
[grunting empathetically]
107
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,036
‐ Wait, guys, I thought the only
reason you wanted me to run
108
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,705
was the speech I gave
at the BQE last week.
109
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,665
You said you liked
how I didn't pull any punches.
110
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,334
‐ Yes, but that was
when you were a civilian.
111
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,044
Now that you're
potentially running,
112
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,879
start pulling,
or better yet,
113
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,339
avoid punches altogether.
114
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,549
‐ Politics is about compromise.
115
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,884
We learn that it's better if you
don't have too many opinions
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00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:38,885
or principles.
117
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,679
It broadens your appeal
to the most voters.
118
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:41,680
‐ It does. I'm sorry,
119
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,515
but I'm not trying
to appeal to the most voters.
120
00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,058
I'm trying to help people.
‐ Yes.
121
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,643
I love everything you just said.
122
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,228
Can I pitch you
a slight rewording?
123
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,896
Don't say any of that.
‐ Guys, I'm sorry,
124
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,023
but I'm going to do this my way.
I want to get out there
125
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,483
and listen to what
my constituents actually want.
126
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,402
‐ Have you ever talked
to a constituent?
127
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:58,572
‐ I don't want to stereotype,
but the average voter
128
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,240
is a total Steven.
129
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,742
Steven is my cousin who got
kicked in the head by a horse.
130
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,244
[funky horn music]
131
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,412
‐ Yeah, I have a problem.
132
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,122
My commute is getting longer
every day.
133
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:08,957
‐ I hear you, sir,
and I promise to work
134
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,292
with the MTA
to address that.
135
00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:12,419
‐ No, the actual distance
is getting longer.
136
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,421
Someone's moving Brooklyn
a little further away
137
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,756
from Queens, and I think
I know who's doing it.
138
00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:18,258
The Puerto Ricans.
139
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,926
‐ This city needs
more bike lanes.
140
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:20,844
‐ I couldn't agree more.
141
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,429
We need to encourage
green transportation.
142
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,764
‐ Oh, I don't care about that.
143
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,056
My ex rides a bike.
144
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,933
And more lanes means
more chances
145
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,351
for me to hit him
with my car.
146
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,353
‐ So dogs are allowed
to walk around nude
147
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:33,732
on a leash,
but when I do it I get arrested?
148
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,066
Double standard much?
149
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,443
[funky horn music]
150
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,571
‐ [beatboxing]
151
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,617
Boom!
152
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,285
And that's how a bill
becomes a law.
153
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,120
So your homework tonight
154
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,332
is to make sure that you set
your DVRs to "NCIS."
155
00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,125
I'm playing a mangled corpse.
[chuckles]
156
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,628
Gratitude.
Hey, remember:
157
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:58,715
don't quit your daydream.
[sighs]
158
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,258
‐ [groans]
‐ At least it's just temporary
159
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,219
until Garrett returns.
‐ If he returns.
160
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,970
‐ Okay, well,
let's not overreact here.
161
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,305
There's a very simple solution.
162
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,307
We just get some
of Garrett's DNA,
163
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,101
and then we have our dad
make a clone.
164
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,144
‐ Yeah, but fair warning,
165
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,938
the clone will try to kill us,
166
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,481
but that's why
we always make three.
167
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,818
The second clone will protect us
from the first clone.
168
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:18,985
‐ What's the third one do?
169
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,737
‐ Oh, that one's purely
for sex stuff.
170
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:21,822
[percussive music]
171
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,324
‐ I'm just saying, how do
we know that ninja turtles
172
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,409
don't live in the sewers
unless we check?
173
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:27,828
‐ Yeah, that's a great question.
‐ Uh, excuse me.
174
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,539
I just need to speak
to Mr. Modi for one second.
175
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,207
Please.
‐ Yeah, sure, sure.
176
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,375
Avoid the question.
177
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:34,751
Just like Shredder
will want you to do.
178
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,336
‐ Drazen's hearing
is in 30 minutes.
179
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,921
If we're going to make it,
we have to wrap it up.
180
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,005
‐ Oh, crap, I want to go,
181
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,131
but I can't bail
on these people.
182
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,132
They have so many problems.
183
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:42,676
‐ Leaving right now
would not be good optics.
184
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,470
‐ Crap. But I promised
I'd be there for my friends,
185
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,138
and no one's been
through more than Drazen.
186
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,515
Ah, I just wish
there was some way
187
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:49,766
to make all these people
disappear.
188
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:52,686
‐ Don't worry, I got you.
189
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,814
Uh, hi, everyone, excuse me.
Um, I just needed to tell
190
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:58,441
Mr. Modi that there is a rat
carrying a bagel
191
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,861
down the stairs.
‐ A rat carrying food?
192
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,988
This I got to see.
‐ What kind of bagel is it?
193
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:05,323
‐ Let's go, let's go.
‐ I heard it's cinnamon raisin.
194
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,534
‐ Let's go.
Let's go.
195
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,703
‐ Drazen's about to get out
and Garrett's gonna miss it.
196
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,288
‐ No, he'll be here.
I have faith.
197
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,998
‐ Oh, he better.
I spent all night
198
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,082
drawing this picture of us.
199
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,293
‐ Wow.
Stick figures with genitals.
200
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:17,544
Interesting choice.
201
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,880
‐ I made a drawing
for Garrett too.
202
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,214
‐ Ah, this one is just genitals.
203
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,508
I'm assuming the one
with glasses is me.
204
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,343
‐ Dang, who's that
with Drazen's wife?
205
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:28,054
She's so pretty.
She looks like Princess Peach.
206
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,557
I mean, Pamela Anderson.
207
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,893
‐ That's Drazen's niece,
Madalina.
208
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,352
I saw her at the Moldovan bodega
209
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:35,562
when I was picking up
this great hair gel.
210
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:36,605
It's made out of eggplants,
211
00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,523
and it's got a little bit
of red pepper and salt,
212
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,191
and there's a sausage
on the label.
213
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,068
I'm just realizing now
it's a condiment.
214
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,695
‐ Yeah, condoms, yeah, um...
215
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:46,239
Hey, Lyudmila.
It‐‐it's Brady.
216
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,074
You‐‐you remember?
So, Madalina‐‐
217
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,701
‐ Don't even think about it.
218
00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:53,455
Madalina's only interested
in nice Moldovan boys.
219
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:55,290
‐ Oh, but I am
a nice Moldovan boy.
220
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,166
You didn't hear that.
221
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,626
My mommy says
I'm her little mishka.
222
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,544
You tell anyone,
and I swear to God...
223
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:02,714
‐ You are not a real Moldovan.
Your back is hairless
224
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:06,051
and there's still hope
in your eyes.
225
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,219
‐ I made it. I made it.
‐ Daddy!
226
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,930
‐ Oh, my God.
I ran... just...
227
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,349
from the car to here.
228
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:14,684
I am so out of shape
and my left arm is numb.
229
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:15,518
Is that bad?
230
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,645
‐ All right,
the supporting documents
231
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:20,231
you submitted in front of me
regarding the respondent,
232
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,734
Drazen Barbu...
233
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:23,777
Bond is granted.
234
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,363
You are free to go
until your deportation hearing
235
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,114
next month.
That being all,
236
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,699
this hearing is closed.
237
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,535
[upbeat music]
[cheers and applause]
238
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,286
♪ ♪
239
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,789
‐ Yeah!
Whoo!
240
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,837
‐ It must've been terrible there
in detention.
241
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:43,838
‐ Nah.
You find a way to get by.
242
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:47,384
Have you heard
of transcendental meditation?
243
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,426
It doesn't work at all.
244
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,761
‐ Look, we want to help
put all that behind you.
245
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:52,889
There's got to be tons of stuff
you're just dying to do, right?
246
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,141
‐ Oh, yes. I would like
to go to the toilet
247
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,434
without someone watching me.
248
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,602
‐ Definitely.
249
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,479
But also,
you deserve a fun day out.
250
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,773
Anything you want,
keeping in mind I have $57.
251
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,401
‐ Oh, Drazen day.
Yes, I love this idea.
252
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,069
‐ Oh, okay, wait a minute.
I do too,
253
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,904
but Garrett, there's no way.
You're schedule is packed.
254
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,448
You have meetings, interviews.
You have a sit‐down
255
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:11,991
with the Times Square
Off‐Brand Elmos Union.
256
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,327
‐ Yeah, great, whatever.
Just go ahead and go.
257
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,412
Actually, the sooner you go,
258
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,872
the sooner I can get
a face tattoo and get pregnant.
259
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:20,959
And then have the baby and get
it a face tattoo too, so...
260
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,127
you should go.
261
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,420
‐ Okay, what's going on here?
262
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,171
‐ I believe some
of their abandonment issues
263
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,340
have bubbled to the surface.
‐ [snickers] Abandonment issues?
264
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,008
Yeah, right. Get lost.
Wait, no, don't go.
265
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,510
I'm so sorry I did wrong
whatever I did.
266
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,345
I'll do better.
I'm a good little boy.
267
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,639
‐ Guys, it's okay,
I can do two things at once.
268
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:35,640
So what do you want to do?
269
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,684
‐ Well, in detention,
the food was terrible.
270
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,270
I think it's a good idea
for all of us to go out
271
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,980
and have a nice, big meal.
272
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,523
‐ Love that idea.
273
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,442
Should we all invite our‐‐
our beautiful nieces?
274
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,943
‐ I could,
but she's in Pennsylvania.
275
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,945
‐ No, not you.
No one was talking to you.
276
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:49,696
‐ So it's decided.
277
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,947
We're gonna have
a Drazen day.
278
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,324
I'll take care of my stuff and
meet you at the fanciest place
279
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:54,409
you can think of.
280
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,536
‐ Thanks for visiting
Guy Fieri's Flavor Grenade.
281
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,704
Can I interest you
in some dessert?
282
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,415
We have a special on our
carnitas enchilada milkshake.
283
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:04,377
‐ No, no, I think I ate too much
rock 'n' roll Irish rigatoni.
284
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,545
‐ What made it Irish?
285
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,713
‐ They pour Guinness
all over it.
286
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,007
‐ [grunts]
Don't mind me.
287
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,217
I just want to sit next
to my fellow Moldovans.
288
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,136
‐ Okay.
‐ Ah, Bojan.
289
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,513
You have finally
embraced your motherland.
290
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:20,143
She welcomes you into her soft
and drunken bosom.
291
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,687
‐ No, I've always been,
like, super into Moldova.
292
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:25,523
‐ Why do you describe Moldova
as the oozing sore
293
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,525
on Europe's taint?
‐ [laughs] Okay.
294
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,694
That's just
an old folksy expression,
295
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,905
Hakim, you dumb block,
you blocker.
296
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,031
‐ Hey, everybody,
I'm sorry I'm late.
297
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,367
My meeting ran long.
Is it too late for me to order
298
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,411
a...
none of this?
299
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,621
‐ We're all done.
300
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:42,082
But we are going to go back
to the bar and have a drink.
301
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,249
‐ Perfect.
Let's go.
302
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,876
‐ Wait, Garrett, you have
an interview with Grantham Sloan
303
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,377
from "The Times."
You can't miss it.
304
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:47,754
‐ That guy's the real deal.
305
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,506
His profile
on the "Cash Me Outside" girl
306
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,883
was so thoughtful
it brought me to tears.
307
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,426
"How 'bout that?"
‐ You just got here.
308
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,427
Are you seriously
going to leave us again?
309
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,596
‐ Wait, wait, wait, Garrett,
look over here.
310
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,848
Look what I can do.
‐ Oh, wait, I can do that too.
311
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,100
Look at me, Garrett.
‐ Isn't this cool?
312
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,060
Does it make you want to stay?
‐ Did I do a good job, Daddy?
313
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,603
Do you love me, Daddy?
‐ Don't go.
314
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,730
‐ Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Griselda, just tell Grantham
315
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:06,523
I'll do the interview
at the bar.
316
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,691
See?
I can do two things at once.
317
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,235
‐ Oh, no, I think
I did the splits
318
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:13,071
into some Donkey Sauce
and now I'm stuck to the floor.
319
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,948
[funky horn music]
320
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,075
‐ May I have
everyone's attention, please?
321
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,911
This one goes out to Madalina,
from Bojan,
322
00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:22,497
your "Moldovan word for friend."
323
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,290
I guess I was supposed
to Google that?
324
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,333
[chuckles]
325
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,584
[traditional Moldovan music
playing]
326
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,628
‐ This is one
of our most famous songs.
327
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,421
It has my favorite words.
328
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:33,299
"Moldova, Moldova,
God has forsaken us.
329
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:38,054
Our wheat is on fire.
We now must eat tires."
330
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,764
‐ [speaks in foreign language]
Madalina.
331
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,809
You know, I can't help
but feel this connection to you.
332
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:43,810
Must be the old country.
333
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,437
It's like our blood
is calling to each other.
334
00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,815
‐ Everyone's blood in Moldova
is more or less the same,
335
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:49,983
'cause of all
the cousin marriage.
336
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:53,403
‐ Cool.
Love that about our culture.
337
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:56,114
So...
Do you want to go out some time?
338
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,450
‐ That's so sweet,
but you're just, like,
339
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,579
really, really Moldovan.
340
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:03,997
‐ Right?
But you‐‐you like that, though?
341
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,832
‐ Oh, God, no.
I just tell that to my family
342
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,834
so they get off my back.
Honestly,
343
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,794
I prefer dating
dumb American frat dudes.
344
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,337
‐ But that's me.
I'm so basic.
345
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,464
My favorite movie
is "Transformers 2."
346
00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,258
I post gym selfies
with hashtag "hustle"
347
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,634
and "no days off."
348
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,303
‐ You don't have to lie to me.
‐ I'm not lying.
349
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:21,139
I am seriously considering
getting a Joe Rogan tattoo.
350
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,974
‐ Well, I should go.
I have a Tinder date
351
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:25,351
with a guy named Cody
at P. F. Chang's.
352
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,312
Bye, cuz.
‐ [sighs]
353
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,939
That's my favorite Chinese food.
354
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:33,985
It's the only Chinese food
that comes with a side of ranch.
355
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,612
‐ Mr. Modi.
Grantham Sloan.
356
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:36,738
‐ Hi. Nice to meet you.
357
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:39,115
‐ I must say, if you're trying
to change your image,
358
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,950
scheduling your first major
interview at a bar
359
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,035
is an interesting choice.
360
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,162
‐ I realize that, but
we're actually here to celebrate
361
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,206
a friend who was just released
from ICE detention.
362
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,833
I can assure you I'm approaching
this election very seriously.
363
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,835
‐ Hey, Daddy, look at me.
Look at what I can do.
364
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:54,130
Ooh. I had a whole other thing.
I just...
365
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,673
‐ [clears throat]
Look, I really
366
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:56,883
only have one question.
367
00:11:56,883 --> 00:12:00,386
Why on Earth should anyone
trust you to hold office again?
368
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,846
I mean, what's changed?
369
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,724
‐ Yeah, so what's changed
is the people in this bar
370
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,559
who are now such
a big part of my life.
371
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,394
If I run again,
it'll be because of them.
372
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,355
Griselda here
has to work 12 jobs
373
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:13,024
just to make ends meet,
but the promise of this country
374
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,818
is worth it to her.
Hakim used to be a doctor.
375
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:18,738
Now he drives a cab.
Brady down there
376
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,742
has learned that you can wear
a swimsuit as underwear.
377
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,202
Uh, and‐‐
‐ Hello, everyone.
378
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,536
I would like
to make announcement.
379
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,038
‐ Perfect timing.
This is Drazen,
380
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,415
our guest of honor.
Every day that he walks free
381
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,251
in this country,
I consider a personal victory.
382
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,045
‐ I will never forget
the kindness and love
383
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,755
that you all showed me today.
384
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,509
And that makes it
truly perfect way to say...
385
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,052
Goodbye.
‐ Goodbye?
386
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:45,265
‐ Yes. I'm self‐deporting
back to Moldova.
387
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,601
Now, who wants to disco?
388
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,709
[upbeat dance music]
389
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,902
‐ This is the worst.
Now Drazen's leaving us too?
390
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,279
‐ We must not be hot enough.
391
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,782
No, wait.
You're a 10 and I'm a 10.5.
392
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,118
What's going on here?
‐ I know it's been hard,
393
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,202
but you can't give up now.
394
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:09,956
‐ I'm happy to give up.
I'm tired of the uncertainty.
395
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,458
It's like me going to your house
every single day
396
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:15,295
and say, "I think I'm gonna
throw you in the street,
397
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,298
"today.
Or maybe it will be tomorrow,
398
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,924
or maybe never?"
‐ No, Drazen,
399
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:20,842
if you keep fighting,
400
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:23,136
you will be
an American citizen someday.
401
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,637
I promise.
‐ You're a good man, Garrett,
402
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,974
but you cannot guarantee that.
I could still be deported.
403
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,810
At least now I leave
on my own terms,
404
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,312
in the best possible way,
405
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,647
with the taste of Guy Fieri
in my mouth.
406
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,774
[blues rock music playing]
407
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,152
Bye, Garrett.
408
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,821
‐ Okay. Hey, we need a plan,
all right?
409
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,322
Something big,
to really convince Drazen
410
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:44,490
that America's
worth fighting for.
411
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,452
Twins, do you know how to get,
like, a live bald eagle?
412
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:48,995
If we can sort of figure out
a way to make it seem
413
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,539
like it's talking.
‐ What if he's right?
414
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,498
‐ What?
415
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,001
‐ Drazen has a point.
There are no guarantees,
416
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,961
and the truth of the matter
is that a lot of people
417
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:57,962
don't even want us here.
418
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,964
‐ Or even see us
as human beings.
419
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:00,840
We're invisible to them.
420
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,176
That's why everyone
is always vomiting
421
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,303
or having sex in my cab.
422
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,637
Sometimes in the same trip.
423
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,681
‐ I'm probably gonna end up
back in Moldova too.
424
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,308
It's the worst.
Our first king
425
00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:12,185
was best friends with Dracula.
426
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,854
I don't want to hang out
with Dracula's grandkids
427
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,022
counting all the time.
428
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,816
‐ What is wrong with you guys?
I feel like I'm talking
429
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:19,984
to a bunch of strangers.
430
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,694
What happened
to that scrappy gang
431
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,154
that was searching
for their hero
432
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,989
and begged me to be
their teacher, huh?
433
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,866
‐ Garrett.
‐ Oh, this is not a good time,
434
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:27,909
guys.
‐ This can't wait.
435
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:30,161
Look, we just got some intel
that Josefina Torres
436
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,080
is getting ready to announce
her run for borough president.
437
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,750
She's a Harvard‐educated PhD
who served in Afghanistan.
438
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:36,626
Unfortunately, for our side.
439
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,544
‐ Also, she is way
better‐looking than you.
440
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,379
We've got to announce
your candidacy now.
441
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,380
‐ Look, if we're gonna have
a chance at this,
442
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:42,882
we've got to be the first ones
out the gate.
443
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,050
We're pulling an all‐nighter.
444
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,344
You've got a speech to write,
press conference to hold.
445
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,012
Honestly, you got to start
doing some squats.
446
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,014
We need that butt to pop.
‐ Wha‐‐uh?
447
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,391
‐ It's now or never.
‐ [groans]
448
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:54,560
All right, I'm sorry, okay?
I have to go,
449
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,269
but this is not over.
450
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,854
‐ Don't leave with them,
Garrett.
451
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,397
I don't care
how good the sex is.
452
00:14:58,397 --> 00:14:59,273
No, no, I'm not having sex
with them.
453
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,901
‐ Then what the hell
is even going on?
454
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,028
[funky horn music]
455
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,739
‐ Ooh, Garrett, we're gonna
need you to change that tie.
456
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:10,243
Our testing indicates that that
shade of blue reads "beta cuck"?
457
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,410
‐ Okay, fine, but can we speed
this up, please?
458
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:12,745
I really need to get back
to my friends.
459
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,456
‐ Oh, I'd give them some space.
They seem a little depressed.
460
00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,959
And I'm not saying Brady
is definitely an incel,
461
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,710
but I was considering taking one
for the team
462
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:20,795
and letting him honk one.
463
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:23,422
‐ We were actually hoping
you could bring your friends
464
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:26,217
to the announcement.
It's the photo‐op of a lifetime.
465
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:29,095
The image of all those...
[whispers] diverse faces
466
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,597
standing behind you.
‐ Why did you whisper "diverse"?
467
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,933
‐ Also, if one of them
has a weird instrument
468
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,726
or a curly shoe,
that would play great.
469
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:38,104
‐ All right, listen,
my friends aren't props, okay?
470
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,438
They're human beings.
‐ No biggie.
471
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,607
We'll just use the extras.
‐ What extras?
472
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,568
‐ Guys.
473
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,737
‐ Uh...
474
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,072
Okay, this is insane.
475
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,448
And is that guy
supposed to be Hakim?
476
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,616
His hair is all wrong.
‐ But, like,
477
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,286
I'm okay with the Griselda
because she is, like, fine.
478
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,454
‐ Look, the details
don't matter to the press.
479
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:58,124
They're just
a great comeback story for you.
480
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,250
[groaning]
Hold this accordion.
481
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:02,128
‐ This isn't what my friends
are to me at all, okay?
482
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,045
And right now,
they need my help,
483
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:05,590
so I'm sorry, I have to go.
‐ Garrett.
484
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,633
You need to make a decision.
Are you gonna mess around
485
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,135
in a bar all day,
486
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,094
or do you want
to get into a position
487
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:12,597
to actually help people
like your friends?
488
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,935
‐ [groans]
Okay, you're right.
489
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,979
But I'm not taking a picture
with these impostors, okay?
490
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,148
I'll, uh...
I'll go talk to them.
491
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,318
[funky horn music]
492
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,445
♪ ♪
493
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:30,656
And can anyone tell me
what the Bill of Rights did?
494
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,784
‐ Stop telling us things.
You're not our real dad.
495
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,828
‐ Neither is Garrett.
‐ What did you say about Daddy?
496
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,831
I will sue you.
‐ Guys, we have to focus, okay?
497
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,168
I'm upset too, but we have
a citizenship test to study for.
498
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,128
‐ Why? This whole thing
is a waste of time.
499
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,130
Drazen's gone,
Garrett's gone,
500
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,006
and Madalina dumped me
501
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,966
because she fell in love
with me too fast.
502
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,677
‐ I don't think that's accurate.
‐ Okay, you weren't there.
503
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,513
That was the subtext.
‐ Yeah, Brady's right, Hakim.
504
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,349
Why are we trying to keep
this stupid class together?
505
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,184
We should just get on
to our helicopters
506
00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,644
and go our separate ways.
507
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,520
‐ Good. You're all here.
‐ Oh, what do you want?
508
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,689
We have a new daddy
and his name is Hakim.
509
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:04,941
‐ No, I'm not.
‐ Look,
510
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,026
I know I haven't been the best
friend these last few days,
511
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,694
but I really need you
to do me a favor, okay?
512
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,863
And if you do this for me,
you never have to see me again
513
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,490
if you don't want to.
Guys, please.
514
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,658
This is really important to me,
515
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:16,160
and hopefully it will be
for you too.
516
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,870
Come on.
517
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,413
[funky horn music]
518
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,249
‐ Where are we even going?
519
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,542
And why doesn't this private jet
have any wings?
520
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,878
‐ If you're taking us to an
illegal erotic acrobatic show
521
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:26,879
in an old mannequin factory,
522
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:27,922
we were just
at one this morning.
523
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:30,883
‐ You'll see. We just need
to pick up Drazen first.
524
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:36,347
♪ ♪
525
00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:38,391
‐ Welcome ladies and gentlemen.
We will begin shortly.
526
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,685
‐ What is this place?
527
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:43,688
[rousing music]
528
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,398
‐ Please stand.
529
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:48,192
‐ Oh, so these people are all...
530
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,861
‐ About to become citizens.
Yeah.
531
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:53,698
‐ Candidates for naturalization,
please raise your right hand
532
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,533
and repeat after me.
533
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,910
I hereby declare...
all: I hereby declare...
534
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,579
‐ On oath...
all: On oath...
535
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,247
‐ That I absolutely
and entirely...
536
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,957
all: That I absolutely
and entirely...
537
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:06,085
‐ Renounce and abjure...
all: Renounce and abjure...
538
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,420
‐ All allegiance
and fidelity...
539
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,629
all: All allegiance
and fidelity...
540
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:12,091
‐ To any foreign prince...
all: To any foreign prince...
541
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,384
‐ I didn't have the right words
542
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,095
for why it's worth it to stay
and fight for your citizenship,
543
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,097
so...look around.
544
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,100
America is a place where people
come from all over the world
545
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,435
and find common ground.
546
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,436
I mean, just look at us.
547
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,771
Where else in the world
would a group like us
548
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,898
have found each other?
‐ Not Moldova.
549
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:29,233
It's all sick white people.
550
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:30,443
‐ Against all enemies...
551
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,070
‐ Look, I wanted to get back
into politics to help people.
552
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,739
But politics is
about compromise,
553
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,949
and maybe someday
I'll be willing to do that.
554
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,451
But one thing
I won't compromise on
555
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,620
is being with you guys
until I see each one of you
556
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,330
taking that oath.
557
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:44,123
So until then‐‐
‐ Shut up!
558
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:44,999
‐ Sorry.
559
00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,500
You're gonna be
a great New Yorker.
560
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,253
‐ A warm welcome
to our newest citizens.
561
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:52,757
Congratulations.
[cheers and applause]
562
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:56,719
♪ ♪
563
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,266
‐ Two hot dogs in one week.
564
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:02,975
What, did you take out a loan?
565
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:03,851
‐ You know,
I was thinking
566
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,771
America is kind
of like this hot dog.
567
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,482
You know, we all come
from different parts of the pig,
568
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,651
but once you grind us all up
569
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:12,818
and put some mustard on us,
570
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:16,989
we become part of the same
multicultural tube of meat.
571
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,492
‐ That's a disgusting analogy.
You're basically comparing us
572
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,161
to pig intestines.
But I see what you're going for.
573
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,329
[horn blares]
‐ Oh.
574
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,039
You, uh, kept the bus.
575
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:28,334
‐ Well, I gave it to somebody
who I thought could use it.
576
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,336
‐ Hey.
‐ Hello, everyone.
577
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,505
‐ I figured since he decided
to stay and fight
578
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,674
for his citizenship,
he should, uh, take a tour
579
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,508
of America.
580
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,509
See what the country
has to offer.
581
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,678
He's earned it.
Plus, you can't return a bus
582
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,179
once you've plastered your face
along the side of it.
583
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,014
‐ Lyudmila and I
are going to visit
584
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,683
all the greatest
American parts.
585
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,518
‐ And by that, he means
every Guy Fieri restaurant
586
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,644
between here and California.
587
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:50,690
‐ Don't worry, there is
a very strong toilet in the bus.
588
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,857
For pooping?
589
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:55,194
The Guy Fieri food is going
to give me a lot of diarrhea.
590
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,696
‐ Yes, we understood
the implication.
591
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,156
‐ Yeah, before you go,
will you let Madalina know
592
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,866
that I'm a stupid American
douche?
593
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:04,036
It would mean the world to me.
‐ You tell her yourself.
594
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,080
Madalina!
595
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,873
‐ Bojan.
‐ Hey.
596
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,417
‐ This is Brian.
‐ Hey, what's up?
597
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,001
‐ What's up, bro?
Yeet!
598
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,713
‐ No, "yeet" is my thing.
I do that all the time.
599
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,881
I swear.
Yeet!
600
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,720
‐ Hey, guys,
I just want to say I'm sorry
601
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,221
if it felt
like I was abandoning you,
602
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,514
and I hope you know
I'm not going anywhere.
603
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:26,058
‐ What? We barely noticed you
were gone.
604
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,394
‐ Yeah, and why are you talking
to us in front of our friends?
605
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,895
We told you to drop us off
around the corner
606
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,564
and wait in the car.
607
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,399
‐ Listen, I just wanted to say,
608
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:36,193
after what you did,
if you ever do decide to run,
609
00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:37,570
you have my endorsement.
610
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,739
‐ Wow.
Well, look how far we've come.
611
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,407
You used to think
that I was a total screwup,
612
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,283
but now you look up to me.
613
00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:44,368
‐ Oh, that is not
what I said at all.
614
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,245
‐ You know, I can see it,
behind your eyes.
615
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,371
‐ Forget it.
Endorsement withdrawn.
616
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,790
‐ No, no, no, it's too late.
Hey, everybody, I said yes.
617
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,792
We just got endorsed.
[cheers]
618
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,586
‐ Withdrawn.
619
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,422
[upbeat music]
620
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,257
♪ ♪
621
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,300
‐ Okay, 30 seconds on the clock.
622
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:02,261
Answer as many citizenship
questions as you can.
623
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,763
Ready, set, go.
624
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:05,556
The Declaration of Independence.
‐ What about it?
625
00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:06,599
Is that the question?
‐ Whose turn is it?
626
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,059
‐ Wrong. Next question.
The original 13 colonies.
627
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,186
Name 'em.
‐ I'm so confused.
628
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,438
Are we on one team or are
we playing against each other?
629
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,607
‐ Wrong. Next question.
‐ This game sucks.
630
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,108
‐ Okay, yeah, I guess I didn't
really think through
631
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,109
how the game
would actually work,
632
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,068
but I did get a stopwatch.
633
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:19,278
That's got to count
for something, right?
634
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,946
‐ No, it doesn't.
‐ Oh, my God.
635
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:22,406
You got one right
and the time's ran out.
636
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:24,450
both: We won!
[squealing, laughing]
637
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,786
‐ Guess I forgot to write down
the answers too, so...
638
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:29,121
I guess that's it for today.
Class dismissed.
639
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,624
‐ We just got here.
640
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,084
[panther growls]
641
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,711
[laser pings]
47159
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