Original subtitles

[ Static ]

♪ My dreams are all dead and buried ♪

♪ Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode ♪

♪ When God comes and calls me to his kingdom ♪

♪ I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go ♪

♪ Let it blow My turn.

Hell no. Hey, man, let me drive that thing!

Come on!Do not touch the trim!

[ Up-tempo music playing ]

Five-dollar cover? What the hell?

Sorry, bro. Special event tonight.

You get two drink tickets and a ballot, though.

Ballot for what?

The hairiest chest in Dougal County belongs to...

[ Drumroll, crowd cheering ]

...Rodrigo!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Blast it!

All right, let's get some asses out of the seats

and boomin' to some beats![ Dance music plays ]

Get off there! [ Grunts ]

This is the one damn place where I feel at home,

because I don't feel at home at home.

And now you're here ruining my home life

by bringing my home life into here.

Get the sumbitchin' hell outta my house!

[ Whistle blows ]Party foul.

No parking on the dance floor.

What the hell are youdoin' here?

I'm refereein' the puddin' wrestlin'.

Puddin' wrestlin'?

Y'all is well aware of my fixation on buxom womans

grapplin' in a baby pool full of puddin'.

Now, just why in the hell was I not asked to officiate?

I just didn't want to bother ya, Daddy.

I mean, I know you get super busy this time of the year

with your alcohol drinkin'.

Yeah, I had a schedule to keep,

but I can squeeze in the things that matter.

H-How about I just give you some more drink tickets,

a-and you just go drink some more drinks?

More. More.

Keep 'em rollin'. Come on, damn it.

You want me to have some damn fun, don't ya?

♪ Are you ready for this?

♪ Are you ready for your time?

[ Bell chimes ]Wahoo! Yeah! Go, girl!

Break that tail! Break --

♪ Are you ready for this?

♪ Are you ready for this?

♪ Are you ready for your time?

Whoo!

♪ Ready to cross the li-- [ Music stops ]

[ Gulps ]

Rusty, where's that drank-ticket roll?

Hook a brother up.

You are not my brother.

You're my father, so act like it.

Events by Russell. That shit was lit, bro.

Hey, Ellis! 'Preciate ya, man!

Dude, you earned every penny.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Sobs ]

What's wrong with Daddy?

He's hurtin' bad, Rusty.

Early: Real bad!

He wishes you guys could get together on something.

He feels like he just wants to heal the rift between y'all

and be father and son again.

And I want to be a DJ, too!

And he wants to be a DJ for your business.

Granny says you're looking to expand.

Well, I suppose we could use some help loading in.

That sound like something you could help us with?

Well, you know, I was sorta hoping

that I could be the one to play the records

and talking in front of all the people

and bein' the one that everybody looked at.

Just take the PA to the van and we'll talk about it tomorrow.

So is that a yes? Hot damn!

I'm a good worker, I swear!

And I delegate good, too![ Groans ]

Take this out to the van right now!

Yes, sir.He says he wants it out there!

[ Up-tempo music plays ]All right, Daddy.

Let's pretend Granny's a typical contestant

for one of our wet T-shirt contests.

What I lack in balcony I more than make up for in caboose.

[ Clapping ]

Okay. Turn back around.

Now, Daddy, you take one pitcher of beer --

And chug it down, right? No.

Then what are you gonna pour on the lady's shirt?

I don't care. I'm drunk now. [ Burps ]

I'm ready to spin some records.

Look, the whole point is that you moisten up that T-shirt --

Aah!She's wet now!

Ow! Aah!

Wet and wild! Hell yeah! [ Laughs ]

I'm gonna spin me some records. No.

If you use a hose, you'll soak the DJ booth

and short out the lights.

Then you got a bunch of wet boobies

flopping around in the dark.

No one can see 'em, so no one can judge 'em.

You got it all figured out, don't you?

The Rusty Cuyler show.

Yeah. It is.

It's my name on the van, and it's my ass on the line.

You got it? Yeah, I got it.

Whatever you say, sir.

Hell yeah. Good.

Now get your ass over here

and I'll show you how to set up the puddin' pit.

Hmm. Still going with the puddin' pit, are we?

Now what?

It just kind of feels done, you know?

I mean, what if we had them wrestle

in exotic international foods

like people ain't never seen womans wrestle in before,

like blue cheese, cottage cheese,

cheese grits, or queso cheese.

That there is Mexico cheese.

Daddy, they don't even wrestle in food.

This ain't even real puddin'.

Well, that explains the subpar flavor.

It's not for consumption.

It's an industrial-grade antibacterial gelatinous --

I think I'm ready to spin the records.

Daddy, don't touch my rig with your puddin' hands.

I'm DJ Early Cuyler...[ "That Smell" plays ]

...and I got a one-track mind.

And that track is Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Ooh That Smell"!

♪ Ooh, that sme--

[ Records scratching ]

♪ Smell that sm-smell?

♪ The smell of death sur--

I am not playing Skynyrd deep cuts on the dance floor.

I'd go crazy as hell

if I heard "Ooh That Smell" in a nightclub.

I'd lose my shit!

Well, I hate to break it to you, but people like hip-hop.

Hippity-hop?

With the low wearing jeans and sideways ball caps? No, sir.

Hat bills in the front and the trousers pulled up

with a braided belt from 1991 or you find yourself a new DJ.

Well, that's fine, 'cause you ain't the DJ.

I am. And that is fine by me!

I quit! Suck on that, bossman.

[ Grunts ] Now I'mthe boss!

Why are you being so hard on him?

You know it's always been his dream to DJ in the club.

This is a cash business with late nights and alcohol.

He's an alcoholic, Granny.

Yeah! It's a great setup for him.

Look. He wants it so badly.

Oh, pretending to DJ on that stump.

♪ Ooh, that smell -- smell

Why ain't nobody dancing?

This is a good damn dance song.

Aah! Aah! Aah![ Bees buzzing ]

The damn bee's in my headphones! Aah!

Fine. He can stay on. But he ain't deejaying.

I'll stay on, but I ain't deejaying for you.

Yeah. I agree. That's what I said.

Them cheap-ass headphones of yours was full of damn bees!

That was a beehive, Daddy. Just load in the PA.

All right.

Come on! Get the damn PA set inside!

Yes, sir. Daddy, help her out!

I'm already carrying the damn limbo stick.

That's all you're doing tonight. Holding the limbo stick.

But how -- Well -- Well, how am I gonna play limbo

if I'm just holding the limbo stick?

And how am I gonna play records and hold dranks

and talk into the microphone?

You don't and you won't and you ain't.

If you just want some mindless robot to hold a limbo stick,

you might as well get yourself a stand with a peg on it!

Well, maybe I will!Well, please don't.

'Cause then how am I gonna get myself some free drink tickets?

I guess you'll pay a cover like everyone else.

God damn it! Then I guess I'll carry 'em both!

Move your ass!

You making me look dumb as hell in front of the boss!

[ Crowd cheering, dance music playing ]Everybody line up and do the limbo!

[ Jamaican accent ] Do the limbo, mon!

[ Normal voice ] Daddy, where'd you set the puddin' powder?

Mm. You're fresh out.

Somebody's gonna have to make a puddin' run.

Damn it. Well, now!

Looks like someone's got their pecker in a pigeon hole.

I'd make a run myself,

but my hands is full right now with this limbo stick.

Ain't that what you wanted me to do --

hold the limbo stick? Fine.

You just hold the stick and don't do another damn thing

until I get back.

Oh, yes, sir.

I do not want to notdo my job.

Damn baby. I oughta fire your ass.

Pudding is not for consumption. How many times you gotta say it?

"Involve your Daddy! Keep him in your life!

He's sad!"

"Puddin' is done! It's over!"

Like you know one fuckin thing.

"Ooh, ooh, that smell." Yeah.

People really love to dance to that crap.

♪ Ooh, ooh, that smell

What the hell?Early: That's right, folks.

Stop up on up for the challenge

of the Chicken Fried Sawmill Red-Eye Gravy Wrestling!

[ Crowd cheering ]Daddy, what the hell is this?

You was right.

Cheese grits ain't a good thing to wrestle in.

I know this now.No!

Granny! Somebody blow on it! Cool this down!

There she is, folks.

Wearin' a biscuit bikini to sop up the juices,

the Gladiator of the Gravy -- Krystal!

[ Crowd cheering ]All right, ladies.

No gouging, no fish-hookin' --

And it's over! My goodness!

And it's on to the wet T-shirt contest.

[ Grunting ]I'm stuck in the cheese!

[ Gulps ] Let's get it on!

No! Daddy! Not the hose!

Oh! [ Screaming ]

Step to it, baby! Whoo![ Crowd screaming ]

Oh, shit.

Run!

[ Men grunting ]

Save the gravy!

Oh, damn.

Who in the world could've seen thiscoming?

I told you not to use the freakin' hose.

Well, it's been real.

[ Engine starts ][ Laughs ]

You son of a bitch!

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Both grunting ]

♪♪

♪♪

I used to fuck fellers like you in prison.

Wait. Is that from "Roadhouse"?

I'm gonna kill you the old-fashioned way.

You arequotin' "Roadhouse"![ Gunshot ]

Damn, boy! I thought you was good!

Stop...quoting...

"Roadhouse"!

Aa-a-a-a-a-h!

[ Fire crackling ]

Damn, Rusty.

Uh, you're under arrest.

I mean, it's illegal to pull out your daddy's --

Aah!

Aa-a-a-a-a-h!

What happened to the fun, Rusty?

Yah! [ Gagging ]

Aah!

Aa-a-a-a-a-h!

Seems risky to say this since you're in a mood,

but how'd you learn to rip throats out?

Yah! Please don't. Please d--

Aah!

Aah!

I'm ready to die.

Aah!

[ Echoing ] Aa-a-a-a-a-h!

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

I am so sorry for ripping everybody's throat out.

I guess I just snapped.

[ Robotic voice ] It's all right, Rusty.

I lost my bar, but it was worth it.

That party was GOAT.

[ Robot voice ] 'Preciate you, Ellis.

[ Robot voice ] I'm glad you ripped my throat out, Rusty.

I had a tumor in there from a lifetime of smoking.

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Robotic voice ] I'm glad you ripped my throat out, too.

Because I just like to fit in.

I told you I'd show people a good time.

[ High-pitched robotic voice ] That party was off the hook --

and off the chain.

The whole hook, chain,

whatever apparatus connected you to something -- gone.

Yeah. Whatever chain we were on, we're off it now.

Bring in the chains, referee. Let's measure it.

'Cause I think we got first down --

of good times.

Who let the dogs out?

Early, that's who. He took off their chains.

That explains how they got out.

Ha ha ha. Anything with chains.

[ Robotic laughter ]