Original subtitles

[ Radio tuning ]

[ Upbeat country music plays ]

♪ My dreams are all dead and buried ♪

♪ Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode ♪

♪ When the good Lord calls me to his kingdom ♪

♪ I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go ♪

♪ Let it flooooow ♪

[ Muttering ]

[ Vehicle approaches ]

[ Door creaks ]

[ Insects chirping ]

-After midnight, huh? -Oh, you're up.

Little late to be landscaping, ain't it?

What in the hetero hell?!

Daddy, don't get excited. I can explain.

Oh, your hair is so shiny, and got such bounce!

And is that your natural color?

Well, most of it.

You show-off bitch!

I knew it!

I should have never hugged you that Christmas.

My gut said "handshakes only,"

but I had to go and pat you on the shoulder.

Daddy, it's part of my job.

See? They test cosmetics on me in this lab --

to make sure they're safe for humans to use.

And you get a free makeover every day --

just like the ugly people on TV?!

-That's right, Granny. -Animals feel pain, too!

That's Prosperity. She don't like me getting tested.

Somethin' about animal rights or some bullshit.

So you allow them to paint you up like a $2.00 strumpet,

all for just a handful of shekels, huh?

Is that what you sayin'?

Pretty much.

Whoo! Easy Street, baby!

-20 big ones. -Yay!

Granny got her game back.

Look at this chimp!

Was his eyesight worth thicker, longer-lasting lashes?

Jealous much, bitch?!

-Please just read this. -No, I'm good, little gal.

Please?

All right, have a good 'un.

Rusty: Whoa.

Looks like they ain't

just testin' makeup in that lab, Daddy.

They testin' drugs.

Drugs?! Why the hell ain't they sharin'?

I mean, drugs is good. They ain't never hurt nobody.

Hell, drugs is what put me where I am today.

You're a pawn in society's oppression against women!

We're just making a dollar. Just making a buck.

Why should defenseless animals -- hey, Rusty.

Morning, Prosperity.

...die to test the cosmetics that --

Oh, shut your mouth and shave them thighs!

You look like you got a gorilla in a leg lock!

[ Feedback whines ]

Take a little bit of that paint from them protest signs

and put a little color on your cheeks,

you might find a man.

[ Pigs squealing ]

Ow! Ow!

-Ow! -Ow! -Ow!

-Ow! -Ow!

-Ow! -Ow!

Sorry, dudes.

How's that feel on a scale of one to 10 --

10 being most painful?

-10! -10!

Whatever the highest one is, that's how it was, yeah.

All right, let's test some Jungle Wind body spray.

So I put a little dab behind my ear?

You wish!

[ Chuckling ] You're gonna chug three gallons of it.

Open wide! -This bottle's bigger than me!

Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!

[ Gagging ]

Party foul. You totally booted!

[ Door closes ] Hey, guys, how we doing today?

You think my vision's gonna return today?

[ Chuckles ] I don't know about that.

I'm Dr. Wu. We met yesterday.

I was examining your blood work,

and did you know you share over 99% of the same DNA as humans?

You gonna try to give my job opportunity to a damn human?!

That's describulation!

[ Chuckles ]

No, no, we would never test any of this on people.

But unlike chimps and pigs,

you can actually tell us how you're feeling.

I'm hornier than hell. That's how I feel.

Who's with me?! -[ Laughs ] Boom!

Granny: I'm horny, too!

And, uh, occasionally, that feedback is valuable.

That's why I want to promote you guys out of cosmetics

and into pharmaceuticals.

We're doing some groundbreaking clinical trials

on Pitchatentix for erectile dysfunction.

I love drugs just as much as any twice-convicted felon,

but I'm a little hesitant to do this

unless I'm making the pig rate.

Damn it, I'm just as talented as any pig

you could drag in here!

We actually just buy the pigs from the farmer, so...

I'll tell you what, I'll throw in some corncobs

and refuse for you to wallow in.

How's that? -Hell yeah!

The art of the deal! -Done!

I done negotified you.

Let's start these dangerous drug trials right away.

Hold up, y'all. This -- this pamphlet

says that Pitchatentix can cause mood swings,

excessive weight gain,

mysterious light emitting from all orifices?

You gotta break some eggs to make an omelette, Rusty.

But we're the eggs, Daddy.

But I love me some sumbitchin' omelettes!

Hell yeah!

All right, well, let's get you into the iso-booth.

All right, then, let's do it!

Hell yeah! -Yay!

Dr. Wu, I think I'm just gonna chill here

with my bro Devin in Cosmetics.

Good call, bro.

Light through your butthole...

sucks balls.

Ooh! I think this Pitchatentix is working!

What's it supposed to do?

Why ain't her skin burning off like mine, huh?

Let's -- let's experiment on some pain relievers now.

Y'all got some aspirin trials going on?

Stop scribbling and talk to me!

[ Spraying ]

That nurse been checkin' me out.

[ Scribbling ]

You think she wants to hit this?

You think she wants to ride the Rusty nail?

I think she wants seven minutes in heaven...

[ Can rattling ] ...with Devin.

[ Laughs ] Oh, yeah!

You dirty dog!

All right, shove this lipstick up your ass.

I need to get out of here.

[ Grunts ] What you got...

crackin' tonight?

South of the border kegger at the Theta House.

Gonna get some caliente chicka to wax my jalapeño.

I'm gonna give you fives for pain on everything

'cause your boy Devin just hooked you up!

Whoa, dude.

What's up with your dome?

Just testing some new hair removal spray.

Look here, I brought you some.

You want to try it on your ankles?

No. You'd be so much prettier with smoother ankles.

That's not necessary.

It's just what men like to see, baby.

Here, let me hit you with a squirt.

Look, aren't you worried about your dad

and your weird uncle in there?

Look, Prosperity, you seem real nice and all,

but this job gives my daddy a purpose.

Plus, he gets an honest wage and all the cheese he can eat.

Come on! Give me the damn cheese!

Y'all hiding it from me again!

Don't come over here. It's not over here.

Is it down this here hallway?

Dark as hell. Is it down there?

Maybe the Pitchatentix is diverting too much blood

from his brain into his genitals.

We can't make the maze any easier. Where's the goddamn cheese?

If we take down the divider, it will just be a room.

You supposed to be my friend! Just give me the damn cheese!

[ Filtered voice ] Early, do you feel that the medication

has affected your cognitive ability?

What the hell? Who's saying that?

Like, what you call the brain ghosts.

I see you, bitch!

Whoa, hey, there you are. You the one with the cheese.

I just found it for you.

After I get that cheese, I'll wring your dumb-ass neck.

[ Beeping ] No, no, no.

Ow, ow, ow!

Go around. It's much easier.

[ Grunting ]

Granny? Granny, you okay?

She's fine. Boner meds make her drowsy.

And beardy.

Daddy, you don't look so hot yourself.

I'm about to be just fine. [ Pills rattle ]

I snagged me some free Pitchatentix -- on the house.

[ Gulps, sighs ]

Now whose IQ is too low to be tried as an adult?

Look at yourself, Daddy.

Why would you want more of those pills?

I'm addicted to 'em!

I don't feel like me no more without 'em!

[ Sobbing ]

You know, I'm gonna talk to Dr. Wu tomorrow

and see if I can get you in the control group.

I don't want to be in the control group. [ Gulps ]

I want to be in the out-of-control group!

Yeah, yeah! Hell yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, baby! Whoo!

Okay, well, I'm probably just gonna chill

on campus tonight, Daddy.

I'll give you a drive in my truck somewhere --

in the car. What?

No, that's cool, Daddy.

There's a kegger at the Theta House.

Why don't you want to hang with your old man?

[ Sobbing ]

Our baby's growing up before our eyes.

Shut your beard hole, bitch! We going home!

[ Upbeat music playing, laughter ]

You want some makeup,

I can get you free makeup through my work.

Blush, mascara...

[grunts] lipstick.

I got a bunch here.

You can pick your own if you want to.

No, no, no, chief. What are you doing here?

What up, lab rat?

We gonna murder some gash tonight!

Dude, you're being disrespectful calling them gashes.

Don't call the gash "the gash" in front of the gash.

I'm sorry.

I'm not calling you guys gashes.

Besides, bro, it's Greek only.

Well, I'm thinkin' about rushin' in the fall.

You know, soon as I get in college.

Uh [laughs]

there's no way you could afford to go to college, like me.

Well, you told me I'd be a good candidate for financial aid.

I said you're a good candidate to be ejected with AIDS.

[ Laughs ] No sloppy seconds after you!

Mucho burn-o! [ Rattling ]

[ Laughs ]

Devin, I don't think you ought to be doing pre-med.

You gotta hit the bricks, bro.

About to dip my chip in some salsa.

Looks like it's gonna be extra chunky.

I tell you what, I'm gonna be somebody.

I'm gonna -- I'm smart as hell.

Hey, lab rat. How's it going?

I ain't no lab rat.

Them people want to inject me with AIDS.

Would your friends do that to you?

I'm sorry, Rusty.

Those lab people aren't your friends.

They don't care about you.

You're just part of their agenda.

Doyoucare about me?

Of course I do!

That's why I'm here --

to burn this [bleep] lab down!

What? [ Grunts ]

[ Explosion, alarm wails ]

But ain't that arson?

God!

Don't you want to fit in with anyone?

[ Grunts ] [ Glass shatters, explosion ]

It's so beautiful.

Hey, it's still nickel pitcher night down at Bucky's.

Maybe me and you can get on down there

and see what kind of mess we can get into.

I-I'm experimenting with my sexuality, Rusty,

but notthismuch.

You said you loved animals.

Yes, but I don'tmakelove to them.

Gross.

Well, you ain't no damn prize, neither!

And if you love animals so damn much,

how about releasing them before you set fire to the lab?!

[ Pigs squealing ]

Some of them damn hogs is my friends!

[ Tires screech ]

Oh, my -- my lab! My job! The pills!

Oh! -No!

[ Wailing ] What about the cheese?!

They're... still investigating.

They think it's arson.

Well, what about the Pitchatentix?

We was on the cusp of a breakthrough.

-No, actually, we weren't. -I need the pills.

I have no idea where the drugs --

Give me the pills. Where are the pills at?!

No! I need them!

I'm addicted! God damn it, I'm addicted!

Are you high right now, Mr. Cuyler?

Ain't that the whole point of this?

Ain't it?!

That lab fire was probably for the best.

I was one pill away from being a chick with a dick.

Them college people didn't care about us, Granny.

None of them.

Now, Dr. Wu was very good to your daddy --

transferring him over to the stem cell lab.

Well, he ain't fooling nobody with that comb-over.

Keep your voice down.

You know how edgy he gets after work.

You talking about my ears again.

I done heard you through the wall, woman.

Oh, I-I was just telling Rusty

how I don't even notice that you got ears all over you.

Ow! Keep your damn voice down!

Do you have to yell at me? Hell no, you don't.

I'm proud of you, Daddy.

You're doing a real good thing for burn victims everywhere.

They don't want my green ears, neither --

not even them what been fried in fire.

They called me a freak show today,

whispering at the water cooler.

Doctor thinks I can't hear him, but I can.

'Cause I hear every damn thing!

[ Upbeat country music plays ]

Granny: Made in Georgia.