Original subtitles

Subscene @Ali_EmJay

- My husband died for nothing.

Do you know your husband's passcode

to his phone? - Of course.

- Jesus.

- If I were to ask eight-year-old Matt

what he really wanted, what would he say?

- I wanted to make comic books.

- This is amazing.

- That day Rogue died--

it was the day after Christmas, right?

That was the day

that he knew he was gonna marry you.

- 12-26.

[twangy music]

I think there was a lot about him I didn't know.

♪ ♪

[desolate music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, I'm just running to the grocery store.

Can you let me know if there's anything

you want me to get?

I hope you're having a nice hike. Bye.

[cell phone making springing noise]

[phone vibrating]

♪ ♪

- [groans]

♪ ♪

[shower running]

♪ ♪

So why is Raskolnikov so concerned

for his sister's safety here?

♪ ♪

Is it because Vin Diesel told him

the most important thing is family

and then drove off

in a $1/2 million car?

[laughter]

Guys, we have six weeks left.

Way too early to check out like this.

I mean, come on. Give me--give me something

before the period ends.

[school bell rings]

No, wait, hold up.

Hold up. How about this?

Read the first six chapters,

and if you're still this bored,

we'll find something more exciting,

and we'll swap out

Robert Frost for Kendrick Lamar.

Huh?

But you have to really read it,

or do a way better job faking it.

All right. [laughter]

- [on phone] Hey, I'm, uh, checking out

so if there's anything you want, let me know.

Okay, I guess you're not getting service yet.

[somber music]

You ready?

- I can't decide what shirt to wear.

- Aren't all men's shirts the same shirt?

♪ ♪

Well, you look good in all of these.

How about this one? This is fun.

♪ ♪

[voice mail] Hi. Can you please call me back?

I am starting to worry.

Um...

Please just give me a call so I know you're okay.

Love you. Bye.

- What if art becomes like the 24-hour news cycle?

When everything comes out quick,

it has the shelf life of a gallon of milk.

[laughter]

What if we end up living in a world of first drafts?

♪ ♪

- Really? - What?

- You were weird at the party,

you didn't say a word in the car ride home,

and now you want to go straight to bed.

- I'm tired. - Everyone is tired.

It's Friday.

You completely shut down.

- Oh, because I didn't want to laugh at Rob's jokes?

He said he was so impressed with my self-sacrifice

in being a teacher.

- I can't believe he gave you a compliment.

What a sociopath.

- He's in finance. It was a dig

about how little I make, Leigh.

- Why do you have to run every nice thing

someone says to you through the Matt Machine

to figure out how it's secretly an insult?

- Maybe because I'm just not interested

in laughing at unfunny jokes

and pretending to be interested in lame stories.

- You could've stayed home if you didn't want to go.

- Yeah, really? You would've let me stay home?

- I get that you're going through a hard time right now.

I--I just thought

that going out might make you feel better.

- Yeah, going out doesn't do that for me, Leigh.

- Well, sometimes, you're...

sure that you won't have fun,

and then you do,

and... then you're glad you went, sometimes.

But what never makes you feel better

is lying in bed all day.

- You know, what also never makes me feel better

is when my wife yells at me.

- I'm not yelling.

[sighs]

- It's hard to figure out what book

might keep my students awake

when I keep getting push alerts

that the world is going to hell,

and with summer coming up,

I'll have even more time to spiral out like this.

- You feel like your medication has stopped working?

- Uh...

I have thought loops that I can't stop, so yeah.

- Happens.

We've reached the maximum dose with this one.

We'll try another. Have you tried Sertraline?

- Not yet. You know,

every time I cycle onto something new,

I've--I end up crying at dog food commercials.

- You know that's temporary.

I'll send the prescription in today.

Let's talk more about summer.

Ideally, what does this break look like?

- Um, well, I-- I want to exercise more,

uh, and meditate. Um...

And Leigh's dad and stepmom

gave us this gift certificate

to some... hotel in Palm Springs.

- That real life or ideal life?

- Uh, both,

um, though it's 110 degrees in the summer,

so probably ideal fall.

Um, and I know Leigh would love it

if I finished my-- my comic book.

- Leigh would love it?

- I might want to finish it.

Um...

[sucks teeth] Yeah, I mean--you know,

it's a comic that I wanna read,

so I wanna create it.

- Just so you can read it? Only you?

- Oh, boy. I...

I want--I want--yeah.

I want everyone to read it.

Why is that so hard to say?

- Say it again, even if it's hard.

- Okay, I want everyone to read it.

I want--I want everyone to read it.

Um, I...

I want it to get published.

I want...

I wanna-- I wanna see it

on my favorite shelf

in my favorite comic book store.

I--I want some kid who's like I was

to pick it up and...

and--and, uh...

And--and love it so much

they make their friends read it.

- So you'll finish it this summer.

- Uh, y--um, it's not just finishing it,

which I'm actually pretty close to.

It's--it's telling people about it.

I--I have to pitch my book

with my online portfolio, which I--I set up...

last year, and you're now

the second person in the world

who knows it exists,

and--and if I do all that,

well, what if it gets published?

- Matt...

What about success frightens you?

- Hm...

What if it gets published,

and...

it doesn't make me feel better?

I mean, if...

If that doesn't work,

then I don't think anything could.

I just don't know what else to try.

- I think you do.

I think we listed

a whole bunch of things to try.

[melancholy music]

♪ ♪

- [voice mail] Where are you?

Uh, did you forget to charge your phone again?

'Cause I got you that new charger

for your car,

and, uh, here it is on your drafting table.

Cool.

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God.

What time is it?

I'm supposed to teach at 8:00.

- Leigh's already there.

- Okay, on a scale of

"We'll laugh about this someday"

to "my sister is dead to me,"

how mad is she?

- Uh, she was in the "I'm not saying anything,

but I'm sighing really loudly" range.

- That's not good.

Whatever.

She always judges people.

It's like the smokescreen she uses

so that she doesn't have to work on her own problems.

- Oh, you're in trouble right now,

so I'm not gonna agree with you.

Hope whatever happened last night was worth it.

- [laughing] Oh, it was.

The family my friend Kristin nannys for

went out of town for the weekend,

so we raided their wine cellar

and went skinny-dipping in their infinity pool,

uh, but then Kristin fell asleep inside the house

with all of our stuff and we were all locked outside.

All I had was my phone, so...

I threw an inflatable pool toy

over my naked body

and took a Lyft here.

The Lyft driver said that the next time

anyone asks her for her craziest story,

she's going to tell mine.

[laughs]

What?

- Just think about

what you could accomplish

if you took all that energy you put into partying

and funneled it literally into anything else.

- [sighs]

Thanks for the lecture, Dad,

but I'm fine.

I have a job, my mom makes me pay rent...

- Okay, but what about the future?

- Uh, I mean, I think it's unstoppable,

but until it comes,

I'm going to continue

giving Lyft drivers their best stories.

- Okay, clearly, I'm not getting through.

This is the decade where you build your life.

What do you want to build, Jules?

Who do you want to be?

- Yeah, okay.

I can't wait for you to screw up,

so you can call me,

and I can ask you,

"Who do you want to be?"

but for now, I'm going to make us some pancakes,

so you can stop questioning my life choices.

Blueberry?

- Okay.

- Cool.

- And send.

- [voice mail] Yo, bro, talk to your wife.

She's, like, freaking out

'cause you haven't called her back.

Text her you're okay, so she can stop calling me.

Thanks.

[relaxed music]

♪ ♪

- [voice mail] Hi, honey. It's Mom.

I want to get you guys over for dinner.

Can you and Leigh do Sunday night?

Let me know. Love you.

♪ ♪

- [laughs]

[laughs]

[line ringing]

Dude, dude, dude, you are never gonna believe

what just--

okay, wait, hold on.

Hold on, wait. Whoa, whoa.

W-what happened?

- [laughs]

Man,

she said I was too defensive,

but obviously, I'm gonna be defensive

when she's always criticizing me,

and she had already broken up with me

at this point, by the way.

So I'm like, [laughs]

"Why am I still getting yelled at

when you're already done?"

- She was still yelling because

she still wants to work it out between you guys,

and as long as you insist

on being right about everything,

you're never gonna be in a relationship

that lasts longer than six months.

- Hm. That's amazing.

How does Leigh get her voice

to come out of your mouth like that?

- It's not funny. - It is.

Actually, it is.

- You know, Mom let you get away with everything,

and it created unrealistic expectations

for how a woman would treat you.

- You obviously got that from therapy.

- No, I get a lot from it, actually.

- Mm, maybe I can use some

to help me get over this breakup.

- No, you don't need therapy for that.

Y-you're supposed to feel bad when you get dumped.

You should go to therapy about Mom, though.

- [laughs]

[gentle music over speakers]

You really think I have unrealistic expectations?

♪ ♪

Man, all I want is a girl...

[sighs]

Who will laugh really hard at my jokes

and to make me laugh really hard back.

♪ ♪

- There was a study

that looked at people

who won the lottery

and people who had an accident,

became paraplegics, quadriplegics,

and...

pretty soon,

they were about as happy

as they were before the lottery

or the accident,

so they came up with this idea

of a happiness set point.

However happy you were, no matter what happened,

after a momentary spike or dip,

that's about as happy as you'll always be.

♪ ♪

- So I'm just gonna keep talking about Kyra,

and you're just gonna keep talking

about some article you read. - I'm saying,

you're a relatively happy person.

You were happy before you met Kyra,

and you'll be happy again soon.

- Okay.

Okay, thanks. [laughs]

- You know, the really crazy thing is,

after the study, the lead researcher

jumped off of a building.

- Mm-hm.

What do you think my sober set point is?

I think I should spike it soon.

Good? - Yeah.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- I love you, man. - I love you, too.

♪ ♪

[sobs]

[melancholy music]

♪ ♪

- [voice mail] I don't know why I'm still calling you

if your phone's dead,

Matt, if you are ignoring me,

I am going to be so pissed.

[sighs] Please call me.

Call me, call me, call me, call me,

call me, call me, call me, call me.

Call me, call me, call me.

Oh, my--wait, oh, shit,

I'm getting another call.

Uh, Oh, God, I hope this is you.

♪ ♪

- [cries]

♪ ♪

- [crying] What are you doing?

- I was waiting until I was okay to drive, Leigh.

- [crying] I thought you were dead.

- No, no.

- You can't die.

- I won't.

- No, I'm--I'm, like, never.

- [laughs]

I think I might have to someday.

- [raggedly] Just do it after me.

♪ ♪

- Okay.

It's okay.

- [crying] - Hey, hey.

Hey.

Hey, it's okay, I'm here.

♪ ♪

[both panting and moaning]

- [voice mail] This is your local Rite Aid Pharmacy.

Your prescription is ready for pickup.

- [sighs]

- [voice mail] This is your local Rite Aid Pharmacy.

Your prescription will be available

for three more days.

- [kisses]

- [voice mail] This is your local Rite Aid Pharmacy.

Your prescription has been canceled.

Please call your doctor's office.

- I think that's better than a coffee.

- [laughs]

You're welcome.

- Did you cum?

- Um, no, I don't think--

uh, I don't think it's gonna happen today.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I think it's just a possible side effect

of the medication I'm taking.

- You do...

seem like you're... a little better, I think.

- Well, I read somewhere that sometimes,

your body feels it before your head does.

- I wish I had a better understanding

of what you're going through. - Oh, it's hard to describe.

- You're an English teacher.

Give me a metaphor. - I don't know!

- I read an article

that said it's like a--

like a fog descending over everything.

- Mm.

- Like that?

- Kind of.

- Please just tell me

if there's anything

I can do to help.

- Oh, yeah.

- Anything.

Even if it's giving you space,

which, you know, is the hardest thing

you could ask me to do.

But I love you that much.

- That is what I need.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

- Then...

I can start by taking a shower,

and that will buy you ten minutes.

- Mm, twenty-five. - [laughs]

♪ ♪

[voice mail recording starts]

[recording ends]

♪ ♪

- [voice mail] Hey, it's, uh-- it's Danny.

I, uh...

I do--I don't know why

I even called you. I...

You're never even gonna get this message.

Yeah.

I guess I just wanted to hear your voice.

♪ ♪

[laughs] This is weird.

Sorry.

- [sighs]

Um...

I was procrastinating the other day

and I was flipping through my phone,

and I found this old credit card bill

I hadn't paid.

Um, I donated to this thing.

The last male northern white rhino was sick.

And I hid the emails

because I didn't want Leigh to find out about it,

and I guess I forgot to pay it.

W--anyway, um...

I hadn't heard about the rhino,

so I looked him up,

and it turns out he died.

Months ago, actually.

Um...

The whole world just didn't care about him.

We killed off every single creature like him,

and now he's gone.

- Why don't you want Leigh to know?

- Uh, because I always donate

to bummer things like that,

and I shouldn't be spending the money,

and e--I'll--I'll just put the credit card

in the freezer. - Why can't you...

just tell Leigh about it?

- She doesn't know what it's really like.

She thinks it's like a fog,

because someone described it like that

in an article or something,

but that's--that's not how it feels to me.

- What does it feel like for you?

- The opposite.

It feels like a bracing wind

that blows-- blows the fog away

and reveals the whole truth

of the world underneath, and it's...

Everyone else is in the fog. They can't see it, but I can,

and it's all ugly and hopeless.

- Is that the depression talking?

- No, no, it's me talking.

- The disease

makes you see the world that way.

- No, the disease isn't dangerous

because it tells me lies.

The disease is dangerous because it tells me the truth.

- Matt...

You have to open yourself up

to the possibility

that you can be happy.

- [voice mail] I was thinking about this time

we were driving to Vegas.

I was sleeping, and...

you woke me up because there was actually

a tumbleweed blowing by,

and you knew it would make me laugh.

[laughs]

And I did.

I laughed so hard. It...

- Matt Greer?

- [voice mail] Not saying I don't... laugh anymore,

but... not like you made me laugh.

- Sorry I'm late, but I swear,

being an editor's like being a firefighter on the Sun,

which is why it's so nice

when I get to make someone's day.

Here's the deal:

You're a better writer than artist,

and there's a few key panels

I want you to take another crack at,

and obviously, you gotta finish that last chapter,

but I know you can get there. - Uh, sure.

- Sorry. I'm totally burying the lede here.

We're gonna publish you.

- [laughs]

- We just gotta nail those last few pages and I'm...

[muffled speech]

[muffled] Congratulations, Matt.

Welcome to the club.

[desolate music]

♪ ♪

[voice mail] Matt, dude. Joe Tsang.

It's been three weeks. Where'd you go?

I've been emailing you. Hit me back.

♪ ♪

[phone rings]

♪ ♪

- Hey. - Hey.

- What's going on?

- It's Jules. Her car

quote-unquote broke down in Victorville,

so I'm not--I'm not gonna make it for dinner.

- Uh, then don't give it a second thought.

Just go do what you've gotta do.

- You're the greatest. I'm so sorry.

I'll make it up to you tomorrow.

- No, don't--don't--I...

Yeah, you better. [laughs]

Uh...

Hey, I'll see you later, okay?

- Okay, I love you. - Yeah, love you too.

Bye.

[soothing music]

♪ ♪

- [voice mail] I went for a hike today.

[laughs] What do you think of that?

I'm at the spot where, um...

Anyway, I'm looking straight down

the side of this cliff, man. It's no joke.

But I guess you already knew that.

Was it muddy up there?

You never replaced those raggedy-ass boots,

did you?

[melancholy music]

I'm just trying to understand...

what happened, since you can't

explain it to me.

Those last few seconds

on the way down,

what was going through your head?

♪ ♪

[groans] Where are you going?

- I'm gonna go for a hike.

- I'm gonna come with you.

♪ ♪

Just give me ten minutes to get ready.

♪ ♪

And three more hours to sleep.

- You were up all night. It's okay.

- Mm, okay.

I love you.

- I love you too.

♪ ♪

- [voice mail] You've done that hike a hundred times,

and I've done it with you at least 20.

♪ ♪

I want to believe this was an accident,

but I'm standing here, looking down,

and... I just don't know.

♪ ♪

- [crying]

- I think I want a party. - You do?

- I do. - A party?

- Mm-hmm. Like a big party.

- Okay.

- Leigh, I've been trying to give you

your column back for months.

- I-I know you waited on me, and the good news is,

is that I'm done putting my life on hold

and I'm ready to do this.

- Are you okay?

You've invited 657 people to my house tonight.

- Well, it's a last-minute invite on a Tuesday.

If 30 people show up, it's gonna be a Christmas miracle.

- No. Shit. [doorbell rings]

[squeals, laughs]