Original subtitles

LAINEY: Back in the '90s, a new craze was sweeping the nation.

That's right... Pokemon.

It was a Japanese trading card game

the kids couldn't get enough of.

And it was so popular,

William Penn had its own club dedicated to it.

Dude! You can't use the Charizard. It's paralyzed.

Whoa! Gabe, Pika-chill, bro.

While Charizard is paralyzed, Brooke used the full heal,

which, as everybody knows, has the ability to...

Un-paralyze your Pokemon. I suck.

And that's why they pay me to teach.

I'll get you there, pal.

LAINEY: And no one loved Pokemon more than Toby Murphy,

who also happened to be the son of Mellor's lady pal.

MELLOR: Hey, Big T!

Couldn't help but notice you collect trading cards.

Yeah. You collect, too?

Hell yeah! What are these?

My old baseball cards.

Thanks, but this isn't really my thing,

because baseball is...

Not good.

I read ya loud and clear.

We'll collect basketball cards. Eh.

Football? Maybe.

Hockey? Ew.

Soccer? Do they even make...

It's cool.

We'll do baseball. Hot dog!

And we'll start with two of the greatest players the game has ever seen...

Ken Griffey Jr. and Ken Griffey Sr.

That's right, they're father and son.

And?

And not only did they play on the same team,

but one game, they both...

(VOICE BREAKING) ...hit back-to-back home runs.

You okay, dude?

I gotta go do a man-thing.

**

Um, Rick?

I think it's really sweet that you've been trying to bond with Toby.

Well, with no luck. I've tried everything.

Sunrise boot camp, watching game tape,

eating cod, chatting about vitamin supplements,

casual shadow boxing.

Yeah, I was there.

And then I saw him with trading cards,

and I thought this one was it.

But the cards he collects are Pokemon.

It's this game from Japan.

Well, if it's anything like Benihana, it's got my vote.

It's literally nothing like Benihana, but just as fun.

Maybe Toby could teach you.

Oh, I'll learn this Pokemon but good.

'Cause when it comes to learning,

Rick T. Mellor needs no help.

Rick T. Mellor needs help! It's important!

So is the Pennsylvania State Aptitude Test.

I need you to teach me everything you know about Pokemon!

Class is over!

Clear the room! Let's go! Come on!

* One of these days, you're gonna get outta here

* Live your life and finally be free

* Go where you wanna go, do what you wanna do

* Someday, you will say "Those were the days" *

LAINEY: It was December 4th, 1990-something,

and I was ready to head home.

My car, not so much.

CARLA: Need a jump?

It was Carla, my delinquent high-school friend who once stole a car,

and now she drove a Porsche?

All I could say was...

No. Oh, yes.

And it's not even stolen this time.

I actually got, like, an official real-person job.

I sell drugs.

I'm not sure I'd call that "official."

No, silly.

I'm a pharmaceutical rep.

They pay me to flirt with rich doctors and sell pills.

Aw. Look at you operating within the bounds of the legal system.

I'm legit proud.

And I'm legit proud of you for teaching

my dumb-ass little brother not to be such a dumb-ass.

Yo, Weez!

Come on, it's Mom's birthday,

and you know she only talks to me if you're there.

Still can't believe your kid brother grew up

to be captain of the football team.

Remember when we nicknamed him "Weasel"?

He was so tiny and bitey

and always poking his annoying little head into our business.

And the craziest of all?

He's actually one of my favorite students.

That's depressing. Hey, Ms. Lewis.

Your door's on the ground.

I'm gonna go now.

**

Hello, John. Aah!

We need to talk. You should sit.

You should stand.

You're sitting in my chair, with your feet on my desk?

Oh, man! That's where I eat my yogurt!

I work more than 10 hours a day here,

and for some reason, I'm still broke.

I thought it was a clerical error, 'cause I work

more than enough hours to afford a lavish lifestyle,

but turns out, it's, like, super hard

to earn a living with a teacher's salary.

And this is new information for you?

Well, of course I knew teachers don't make enough,

but now that I'm in it, I'm like, "Oh, God, no!"

That's why I'm here to demand a raise.

Double my salary. Non-negotiable, John.

Well, if I can't negotiate, I guess I have no choice

but to write you a check.

Wow. (CHUCKLING) Okay.

I should've asked for this way sooner.

Whoo! Let's do this thing.

But, you know, doubling your salary

will definitely cover a new car and clothing,

but what about, uh, fine dining and travel?

You're right!

I love those things and didn't factor them in.

You know what? I'm gonna write you a check for 80k flat

and you can decide what to do with the money.

Done! There you go.

This is just a Post-it with "Go away" on it.

Is it? That's weird.

Seriously, I'd like my money now.

Look, even though we don't get paid in actual riches,

every day, we get the greatest treasure of all...

That incredible feeling you get inside

when you help a student.

And that's awesome.

But I'd also like some actual treasure

so I can go buy a Porsche.

Where's this coming from?

I ran into Carla,

and she has an actual job and makes actual money.

Carla?

The girl I suspected carried a butterfly knife but could never prove it?

Teaching has been amazing, but I'm broke.

You can't compare our job to the rest of the world.

You work in a school,

so if all that stuff really matters,

you gotta get a part-time job.

Ew! No!

I already have a job, and it's super hard and exhausting.

I honestly deserve to be paid more.

Correct. You and every other single teacher in America.

Then let's do something about it.

I suppose we could call the CEO of the National Teachers Council

and get them to change the entire educational system.

Let's do it to it! All right, then.

I'm dialing them right now.

Give me the room. There you go.

MALE VOICE: Hello, and welcome to Moviefone! (LAUGHS)

For Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, press 1!

(LAUGHING) Ohh! Really?

Oh, I needed that. That was a good one.

Thank you so much, Lain. You're the best. (LAUGHS)

LAINEY: While I was getting a crash course in being broke,

Mellor was learning a way to bond with Toby.

Pink space alien pig girl!

Jigglypuff.

Maybe don't just say exactly what you see.

On it. Hit me again.

LAINEY: Next up was Mr. Mime.

Goofy unemployed mime guy.

Then the delightful Diglett.

Doody with a face on it.

And finally, Mewtwo.

Sexy cat with ripped quads!

We've been over this 10 times.

Maybe you should go play catch with Toby.

I don't want to just push him into what I like.

I had that growing up with my Step Brad.

He was my stepdad, but his name was...

Brad. I-I-I got it.

Brad was a pitcher who never made it in the Major League,

so he just pressured me into playing baseball.

Aw, so there was something you wanted to do instead of baseball?

Yes.

Softball.

Isn't that the same thing?

Point is, I vowed long ago to never be

an obsessed sports dad, like my Step Brad.

Then damn it, I'm gonna teach you Pokemon.

LAINEY: CB was going to use the language

that Mellor understood best... Sports.

And then the game begins

when the manager sends out their best batter,

in this case, the lovably beefy John Kruk,

or... Jigglypuff.

CB: Lullaby attack!

But who's out in the outfield waiting to stop him?

Sandy Alomar, or...

Charmeleon.

Flamethrower attack!

I have nothing left to teach you.

LAINEY: But Coach Mellor wasn't the only one

trying to broaden his horizons.

Hey, Weez.

You do know you've been staring at that

Quaker's Dozen sign-up sheet for, like, two minutes?

Only 'cause singing is for total losers,

and I do not want to secretly do it...

Like, really bad.

Then you should audition.

Ronnie's our quarterback, and the guy was the lead in Rent last year.

And got ripped on.

The whole team still calls him

"Dumb Ronnie Who Likes to Dance and Sing Sometimes."

That's a very literal nickname.

Thanks. I worked super hard on it.

At least let me give you a few singing lessons, okay?

No judgment. I'll think about it.

Yo, Weez!

We got practice.

I've thunk about it, and not a chance.

Weasel... (SIGHS)

Um... What's going on here?

Just trying to make some extra cash.

Singing lessons are my side hustle.

They're the only way I can buy groceries

and a NASA-grade telescope.

I need them both to live.

Okay, I guess I can just give guitar lessons.

The hell you will. That's my jam.

I didn't know you played guitar.

I don't. I'm only two lessons ahead of the kids I teach,

and it's incredibly stressful.

Okay, guess I can just tutor.

Better not be for math, science, English, or the SATs,

'cause I got that locked down.

LAINEY: All the after-school jobs were taken,

so I used the '90s version of LinkedIn...

The "Help Wanted" ads.

'Sup, dude? I, uh, saw that West Coast Video

was on the hunt for a part-time sales associate.

You got the job. Don't you need to do, like,

a background check or an interview?

Have you ever rented and watched a movie?

Yes. Here's your vest.

Wow. Thank you. When do I start? You already did.

I'm gonna pop over to Wawa and grab a hoagie.

Wow. Okay. Already delegating.

Good call, boss.

Maybe, like, tell me what to do?

You rent the movies to the people who want to rent movies.

You said in your interview

you knew how this whole thing worked.

Oh, yeah. It's fine. I'm sure I'll figure it out.

And...he's gone.

While I had a new job, Mellor had a new "in" with Toby.

Who's gotta catch 'em all?

Big T! That's who.

Whoa! What's with all the Pokemon cards?

Those are for you, pal.

Cleaned out Toys "R" Us so we can build a deck together.

Dude! You pulled a Charizard holo!

Is that good?

It's super rare! It's worth, like, $100!

And it can change all your attached energy to fire energy.

Hey, how'd you know that?

I thought you were into, like, baseball cards.

Pokemon is baseball,

just with monsters and magic and completely different rules.

Can't wait to show this bad boy off tomorrow.

If you want, I can come by CB's club and cheer you on.

Maybe you can help me practice?

Sure can, pal.

You're a good man, Rick Mellor.

Thanks, but all that matters to me

is I'm not some crazy, selfish sports dad.

Yeah-ha!

That's how it's done, baby! All right!

In your face, loser!

You lost!

Loser Gabe who loses to Toby!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it down, pal.

That was the best game you've ever seen, and you know it!

The boy's a champ!

Oh, man. My heart's beating so fast right now!

I mean, I bought him those cards,

we practiced at home, he won,

which is like we won, which is like I won!

Rick, um...

You got into cards

so that you wouldn't become a crazy sports dad.

And I can't be, because this is not a sport.

There's no such thing as a Japanese trading card dad.

You suck, Gabe!

Aah! Yeah!

Undefeated hero coming through!

Toby! Toby!

**

LAINEY: It had been a week since I started my second job,

and turns out, it was a place my students went all the time.

Good afternoon. Can I interest you in one of Andre's Picks?

Fair warning... They're all documentaries, so they're boring.

Um, I just want to rent Evita.

I-I mean, it's for my mom, who's super lame

and loves to sing Don't Cry for Me Argentina

alone in my bedroom when my mom's not home.

Tell your "mom" to stop being such a wuss

and sign up for choir already.

Dude, you work here? I'm out!

What the hell was that?

Oh, I'm his music teacher.

Inspiring him to pursue his dreams.

It's what I do. No big.

Why didn't you tell me?

Why is me being a teacher a problem?

'Cause it's weird!

LAINEY: He was right. It did get kind of weird.

What is happening? I work here.

We're renting a movie from our teacher!

Run!

I need your vest back.

No! I really need the extra money, dude.

Please. I can fix this.

How the hell am I gonna fix this?

You can't. Students are used to seeing us here, in our natural habitat.

Teachers aren't meant to interact with them out in the wild.

As far as they know, when the school day ends,

we all sleep here, like bats,

hanging upside down in the classrooms.

That's why to earn extra income,

we tutor here, on home ground.

It's always been this way.

In fact, back in olden times,

when a schoolmaster had to work part time as a blacksmith,

all of his pupils went to a different barn

to obtain their much-needed horseshoes.

While all those facts are wrong, she's generally right.

It sucks, but it can't be fixed.

Well, neither can my car, so watch and learn.

Please don't do this.

Attention, students!

I'm out. I can't be here.

Apparently, it's crazy awkward

to have your teacher also rent you videos.

Well, too bad. We have actual lives, just like you.

Yeah, we get it. We'd just rather not see it.

It's nothing personal.

It's just, spotting your teacher out in the world

doing normal stuff is...off.

Off? How?

One time, I saw Glascott at the beach,

uh, wearing jelly sandals, with white stuff on his nose,

and it was deeply unsettling.

It was peak sun exposure hour.

You zipped off the bottom half of your cargo shorts,

and I saw your calves, man.

My legs need to breathe, just like everyone else's.

Well, I saw you at Applebee's eating pizza with a fork.

It was, like, sad and haunting.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Please!

I eat pizza like a normal human.

Just rent your videos from me!

While I was desperate to get my kids on board,

Coach Mellor was crushing it as a Pokemon dad.

Yep, he was gonna take Toby straight to the top.

* Y'all gonna make me go all out

* Up in here, up in here

* Ain't nothing y'all can do now *

Okay, Toby, look at me.

This is why we've been running two-a-days all week.

This game separates the Pokeboys from the Pokemen.

Wow. Um... Wow. Okay.

Mm. Sorry, guys.

Uh, players just started their first round.

Toby's not starting? He's the best player you got.

Well, he'll play the next round.

So, he's supposed to ride the pine

while Gabe gets play time?

Gabe?

Oh, don't worry about this.

Use this as fuel, buddy.

Go out there and crush Gabe and make me proud.

I mean, I'll...try my best.

Okay, yeah, I-I... Of course you will. I know that.

But that's not what I'm asking you.

See, I need you to go out there and do

better than the best you can.

No pressure, but I just loved watching my boy win last time,

so if you could please only win from here on out,

'cause that feeling is unmatched!

And it's on you to give it to me.

No pressure.

Uh, kinda feeling the pressure. Don't!

I'll still care about you if you lose.

But I'll have lost a lot of pride,

and it just won't be the same.

Now go get 'em, tiger. Come on.

Hey, um, you know, why don't you give Toby some space?

But he needs me to shout support and aggressive advice.

You can totally do that, but just maybe...

Just from, like, the hallway.

LAINEY: Coach had gotten shut out,

but I saw an opening to get my kids renting videos again.

Look what I have. Evita.

You know, the movie you've apparently rented 16 times.

Shh!

Can you please be cool and not tell anyone

my dream is to sing in a modern day opera?

Two conditions.

One, you audition for Quaker's Dozen.

Fine. But only 'cause I super want to.

Two, you tell all your friends to rent their movies from me.

Come on. It's too weird.

Like, this one time, I saw Glascott

at a Ross Dress for Less buying a Velcro wallet.

Okay, real-world Glascott is unsettling,

but I'm different.

In fact, I'm willing to rent out R-rated movies.

No questions asked.

LAINEY: And so I started the greatest side hustle

in William Penn history.

The kids would grab a PG-rated movie.

After some sleight-of-hand misdirection,

I'd get slipped their R-rated request.

See, back in the day,

video stores didn't leave tapes out.

Employees had to get them from behind the counter,

which made it easy to slip in an R-rated movie instead.

It was the perfect crime.

* Up in here, up in here

(CASH REGISTER DINGING)

What was that?

What was what?

You just very blatantly rented an R-rated movie

to three kids that you teach,

and then they gave you a sizable kickback into the tip jar.

Here's my vest.

To be clear...

I hate this job, and I want in.

* I bring down rains so heavy, it curse the head *

LAINEY: Thanks to me, West Coast Video

was getting more business than ever.

I was well on my way to being the only teacher...

(CASH REGISTER DINGING) ...with a Porsche.

Or, at least, a used Jetta.

Thanks to my brilliant plan,

I was swimming in cash and Pixie Stix.

Nothing could stop us. Until...

Yeah, which one of you rented my daughter Se7en instead of Stuart Little?

You're fired.

Here's the vest.

While I was getting fired, Mellor was fired up to take Toby to the pros.

The Pokemon Tropical Mega Battle begins in three weeks,

and we've got work to do to qualify.

Tropic Mega What?

It's an international Pokemon tournament

held at the Hilton Hawaiian Village

in sunny Honolulu.

You seriously want Toby to skip a month of school

so he can play a fantasy card game?

We don't have to go for the full month...

Just for the main events.

And, of course,

Japanese musician/trading card game artist Tomoaki Imakuni,

who will perform Gunyagunya Gasu Gasu.

Is this even real?

It is 100% real.

All we need is $9,000

for hotel, entrance fee, and plane fare.

We will be using your SkyMiles, Julie.

Well, I'd rather just be a kid and do school.

So it's settled. No.

Don't listen to her, son.

She may not believe in you, but I do.

Well, don't!

I quit that club, so you can forget about Honolulu.

You quit? Why?

'Cause you put all this pressure on me, and it stopped being fun.

But...

This was our thing.

Yeah, it used to be... Till you ruined it.

Thanks a lot.

**

It's cool. I'm...

I know how to handle this. I deal with kids all day.

You can't handle this one like you're a teacher, Rick.

We both know that you're more than that to him.

At least...you were.

**

LAINEY: After losing my second job at the video store,

my actual job was looking rather shaky.

Okay, okay, e-everyone, calm down, please.

I'm sure Lainey has a perfectly reasonable explanation

as to why she rented your children R-rated movies.

Look, your kids are in high school.

They're gonna watch R-rated movies with or without me.

In fact, I actually introduced them

to some of the world's greatest films

that happen to be rated R, like The Godfather.

Ooh! Best Picture of the year.

And Braveheart. Historical and entertaining

And The Matrix.

Ooh! They walk on walls.

I educated them outside of the classroom.

So, really, I went above and beyond.

And that is a perfectly reasonable explanation.

So, how exactly is the movie Showgirls educational?

That...shows you what will happen

if you don't stay in school.

And what would you say is the educational value of American Pie?

I haven't seen it, but one can only assume

that it refers to the Don McLean song

about that tragic plane crash.

It's about a kid who puts his (BLEEP) in a pie.

What?

No!

Lainey, no!

Why, Lainey? Why?

I'm sorry! I messed up!

Something has to be done about this, John. LAINEY: They're right.

I got so caught up in comparing my life to others,

I forgot what really matters.

So I understand that you gotta do what you gotta do.

And you know what that is?

To tell you all you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Excuse me? Has it occurred to you

why one of my best teachers is working at that store anyways?

It's so she can afford to keep teaching your kids,

which she loves, while still making ends meet.

Now, I'm sure Lainey knows that she was wrong and has to quit that job.

I was already fired.

She was already fired!

So, instead of getting on her case

about a couple of nudie bakery movies,

you should be thanking this wonderful teacher

for her tireless work and dedication.

Thank you. Thanks.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, my God. I can't believe I'm not fired.

I know, right?

Honestly, it means so much

that you stuck up for me like that.

I'm just doing my job, like you're always doing yours.

Speaking of doing my job...

Weasel, enough staring at the sign-up sheet, already.

Let's go. You're auditioning for Quaker's Dozen.

Take it from me. Stop caring what other people think.

(INTRO PLAYS) Just do your best.

(QUIETLY) * I could stay awake

* Just to hear you breathing

Can't hear you, bud.

(LOUDER) * Watch you smile while you are sleeping

Little louder, please.

Pretend you're Evita!

(LOUDER) * Oh, every moment spent with you

* Is a moment I treasure

Ooh! Sweet Steven Tyler!

* I don't want to close my eyes

Honestly, I thought you were gonna suck.

* I don't want to fall asleep

* 'Cause I'd miss you, babe

* And I don't want to miss a thing

* 'Cause even when I dream of you

* The sweetest dreams would never do

* I'd still miss you, babe

* And I don't want to miss a thing

(CHEERING)

(VOICE BREAKING) I just never knew

my little Weez had this in him.

Thank you.

Don't thank me. I'm just doing my job.

* Lying close to you

* Feeling your heart beating *

How do you feel right now?

Well, it can't buy me a Porsche, but...

(CHUCKLES)

...this right here is priceless.

Here.

I think you've earned this.

Probably not the best time to go over some budget proposal.

It's to get you a raise.

All of my teachers.

What? Is that even possible?

God, no.

But I'm sure as hell gonna try.

(SIGHS)

LAINEY: The one thing you can't put a number on

is the love and support of those around you...

Though sometimes they have to learn how to show that support.

Hey. I didn't see you and Big T after school today.

Yeah, well, the kid's taking a permanent Poke-break.

Got a tad carried away, huh?

A tad? You know, I swore I'd be different

if I ever got the chance to be a dad to someone.

But in the end, I became the exact thing I said I'd never be.

But the difference between you and Step Brad

is you're willing to change.

That's what really matters.

LAINEY: And when you care about somebody,

you do whatever it takes.

Don't mind me, kid. I'm just poppin' some packs.

I told you, I'm done with Pokemon.

These cards aren't for you. I'm building my own deck.

For what?

Fun.

Maybe...sometime, we can hang and trade cards.

How's about we have a catch instead?

You ever throw a softball? Way more fun.

LAINEY: Turns out, the people we love only want to help us

become the best versions of ourselves,

and sometimes that means broadening our horizons.

But in the end, that's what makes us closer than ever.

LAINEY: It's become embarrassingly clear

that your knowledge of R-rated films is extremely lacking,

so it's time for a crash course.

I'm in. Hit me.

We'll start with Wild Things.

Those girls were just punching each other in the face,

and now they're kissing?

That does not feel earned.

Why would Demi Moore do this Striptease movie?

I like her better when she's making pottery with a ghost.

I don't see what the big deal is with this Basic Instinct.

And...now I see it.

Are they allowed to do that?

Okay, wait, they're gonna take his face off

and then take that guy's face off

and then put the faces on the other guy?

What's this called?

Face/Off.

Ohh! I liked Se7en so much better

when I didn't know what was in the box!