Original subtitles

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -

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"When we came here for the first time in our lives,

stood among people who seem to understand,

the sense of belonging was tremendously exciting.

We thought the ice... "...

"isolation problem"...

... "had been solved."

"But as soon"...

"We still"...

What am I doing here?

Stupid fucking Overeaters Anonymous.

Why can't I read?

My voice sounds strange. It's like it's not even mine.

... "listened to someone"...

What am I doing here in this stupid meeting,

and why am I scared to talk?

I shouldn't be scared of these people.

Oh, just breathe, Eliza.

Shit. What's wrong with me?

It's time to talk now.

This passage is my favorite.

It reminds me to put the program first.

We can't just sit here in silence.

We're not leaving here till you talk about it.

I don't wanna talk about it.

I'll order another pizza.

Just talk to me. What's up?

Lize, we're not leaving

until you tell me what's going on.

I had a panic attack, okay?

- In the middle of the meeting? - Yes.

Why? It's supposed to be a safe space.

Yeah, it's weird. I haven't had one

since my dad sent me to NASA Space Camp.

Wow. You went to Space Camp?

My dad was convinced

I was gonna be the first black female astronaut.

Oh, my God. Imagine Eliza in space.

I really hate it when people expect shit from me.

- She's flying around space. - Are you listening to me?

- You should've done it. - This is about the MCATs.

- The test? - Yes, the test!

Oh. Well, then just don't take it.

- So just start over? - Why not?

Look at me. I haven't even started yet.

- Bridge. - What?

I'm gonna be a doctor.

Maybe it's the wrong decision.

I'm gonna be a doctor.

I'm going to medical school.

Oh, thank you.

Don't even. Don't even look at it.

- Say thank you. - Thank you.

Listen to this. "If you want to do

something about your kid's hair,

I braid at Maribel's Salon."

Damn.

What's wrong with my kid's hair?

No comment.

You like your hair?

No.

Where's Maribel's? Who's Johanny?

It's okay.

Maybe you're braiding too tight.

No, he's just tender-headed. He's fine.

Could you do a little looser braid?

Mira... mmm. Mmm, here you go.

Like a French braid, maybe?

Maybe if Mommy got her hair done too, you know,

he wouldn't be so scared.

Yeah?

Oh. I like the upsell. Congratulations.

I love getting my hair done. Okay, what should we do?

Well, I can straighten it, or you can get rows

- like the little man. - Oh, I'll do rows.

That's not culturally insensitive, is it?

Nah. I mean, you're not, like, white-white.

Right? Yeah, you get it.

And I've never told anyone this,

but I think in a past life, I was a slave.

- What? Did she say... ? - Yeah, um, you...

probably should just keep on never telling that to anybody.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

But it's my truth. Ow.

That's really tight. Oh, my God. Ow.

Ow! Ow. Larry, hold my hand.

Oof.

It's kind of itchy. Does it itch you?

- Uh-uh. - No? Does it hurt?

- Mm. - You like it?

- Oh, my! - Hi!

- Wow! - Nice.

- Buddy. It looks good. - Twinning.

- I like it. - Should we go in?

Actually, could we, um, talk to you privately for a minute?

- Oh. Without Larry? - Is that okay?

Okay.

Be right back. Nelson wants to have an adult conversation.

- Sorry. - Princess Nelly.

That was surprisingly easy.

- What's up? - Let's... let's take a seat.

- Oh. Okay. - Follow me.

Oh, no. Is it bad? Do you have Lyme disease?

Why would I have Lyme disease?

'Cause it's going around, and you seem

really lethargic lately.

No, it's actually good news, all right?

Oh, okay.

So, Gonzalez-Taylor-Bird family meeting in session...

You're the spitting image of my ex-girlfriend Meredith.

- Who, me or her? - No, you.

Oh. Thanks. That's so nice.

- She was from a rich family. - Oh.

She got sucked into that whole AT&T thing.

She got hit in the head. Her brain got all scrambled.

- She's on disability now. - Oh, no. I'm so sorry.

- Wasn't meant to be. - Yeah, sometimes it's just

- not meant to be. - I still love her though.

- Really? - This one time...

Um, sorry to interrupt. Touching story, bro.

I'm sorry that all of that happened, but we really

- gotta talk to her. - I'll talk to you later.

Yeah, yeah. We'll listen later.

We gotta tell you something, Bridge.

- Okay. - We are...

Getting married!

What? Really?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Oh, my God.

We're gonna go to Puerto Rico to do it.

Oh, my God, a magical Puerto Rican wedding.

- I can't wait. - Oh, Bridge, it's gonna be,

you know, super small and, you know,

his family'll know that you're his ex

and... and we didn't wanna make you feel uncomfortable.

- Oh, yeah. - The flights are outrageous,

so... - I get it. I totally get it.

It's gonna be super tiny, and I know you hate flying.

Mm-hmm. And is Larry invited?

- Yeah. - Of course.

- Oh. - Princess Nelly!

- Oh, hi! Yeah, I'll come play. - Oh.

- Princess Nelly! - "Princess Nelly!"

Wow.

- You cool? - Yeah, of course I'm cool.

- This is so exciting. - Are you sure?

Yeah. No more broken homes for Larry.

At least, one less broken home.

Where's my phone?

Can you just call it? Let me see if it's here.

- Where am I in your phone? - Under "Bridgette Bird."

Not "Baby Mama"?

- It's just your name. - You changed it?

I don't know. It just kind of felt...

Here, just call it.

- It's ringing. - I can't... it's ringing?

Stop throwing stuff everywhere.

What are you doing? Stop.

Oh, here it is.

- Here, let me help. - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Got it. Thanks, man.

- All right. - Thank you.

"Decline." And I'm changing your name to "Fuckface."

♪ Now, now, who's that following my game? ♪

♪ Better, better get out my way ♪

♪ Gonna get hurt if you stay, I ain't got time, no way ♪

♪ Now who's that playing on the beat? ♪

♪ Brazabelle and Leo Justi ♪

♪ Word is out, pop, pop, in the street... ♪

Eliza!

I was just telling Allan

how well you've been doing at that MCAT prep.

Following in the family footsteps.

Have you decided what you're gonna specialize in yet?

- Mm-mm. - I'm guessing it's not

urology like your dad.

Well, I would make a urology joke,

but they really piss me off.

- Always like that. - That one never gets old, Dad.

- No, it never will. - Nope.

Podiatry is better than pediatrics, though.

- Is it? - Feet don't talk back.

- "Feet don't talk back." - They stink,

- but they don't talk back. - Medically, they can't.

You're right.

- Let me try... - I mean... yeah, yeah.

Options, you know. It's just a lot of options.

- Yeah, yeah. - Um, the potato salad...

I need to take the Saran wrap off.

Okay. All right, all right. All right.

Bring the bowl.

- 'Sup? - Bridge,

can you come to my dad's barbecue

and... and bring me weed? Um, I'm freaking out.

Um, okay, well, my only hookup's my mom.

Okay, can you go to Tutu's and get weed, please?

Please? I literally can't function.

Okay. I mean, I could get high too.

I'm having an interesting day. - Just come.

- Okay, I'll be over soon. - Bye.

Larry, we gotta go get some weed.

You know that lobsters are considered

the cockroaches of the ocean?

- Oh. - I read it on Snapple.

- ♪ Ask any lobster ♪ - Oh, what?

There they are. Here, put these on.

♪ The cockroach of the ocean ♪

Yeah, that's not the song, though.

Hi, guys. Here.

What the hell happened to your hair?

Okay, can I have the weed, please?

- We smoked it. - Oh, precious.

What do you mean you smoked it?

It's all done. We smoked it all.

- Baby bye-bye. - You just told me

- to come here and pick it up. - Not just, Bridgette.

- You were two hours ago. - Twenty minutes ago.

- No, it was two hours. - Twenty minutes ago.

Look at how much food we ordered today.

- It was two hours. - What is going on here?

- How much are you smoking? - We're microdosing.

- Little bits. - You're macrodosing

- is what it is. - She has some. She has it.

- Maria. She's got it. - She's holding.

- What do you mean, she has... - Indica, sativa, CBD oil.

- Maria, right there. - Shh.

- Boston legalized. - I can get it here?

- Yeah. - What's good for panic attacks?

Are you upset?

- What are you panicking about? - What do I get?

What do I ask for?

Granddaddy purple.

All right, well, you're paying for it.

Okay. Ms. Maruyama,

- may we have some... - Shh. You're in public.

- Hey, baby. - Hey. How are you?

Um, do you happen to have some granddaddy purple?

Look at our little... look what we got.

- Do you like that? - Ooh, he likes...

Larry, I like your hair.

Okay, well, that was easy enough.

Now I don't have to go through you anymore.

- Come on. - Oh, that's nice.

Cut your mother out. That's very sweet.

Honey, your hair looks like that Bo lady.

- Bo, uh... - Derek.

- Bo Derek. - Bye.

And Derek was that guy they killed on Grey's Anatomy.

Remember? It was so sad. He was the lead, too.

They just... boom. Done.

♪ Smoke it out like a burning man, make it hotter ♪

♪ Light up the ganja, start the bonfire ♪

♪ I don't wanna see you standing, start dancing ♪

♪ Bring that ass over to me, start prancing ♪

♪ Come on, skip to my Lou, Ms. Lady ♪

♪ Bring that ass, shake it, and drive me crazy ♪

♪ I must be a king 'cause I'm wearing a crown ♪

♪ I can get high without leaving the ground ♪

- You wanna go dance? - ♪ Go, go, go up and down ♪

♪ Let me see you go up and down ♪

♪ Go, go, go up and down ♪

♪ Make your hands go up and down, go, go ♪

Turn up your resistance!

Turn it up! Turn up the speed!

Hello. Special delivery.

- Oh, what up, Bridge? - Hi.

Hi, Larry! Look at your cornrows.

And Bridgette, your hair.

- Oh, my God. Hello. - Isn't it crazy?

Bebe already brought weed, but I'm glad you're here.

Oh, I see. Then you have to go watch a movie.

Okay?

- Hi. You're Bebe? - Yeah, hi.

I'm Bridgette.

But seriously, Bebe,

I still think the spin guy was hot,

even with his little lisp.

"You gotta take up your resistance.

You gotta turn up your resistance.

You gotta pedal."

I guess you don't need this anymore,

- but here you go. - Oh, this'll come in handy

tonight, now... Tomorrow.

Truth, because we cannot be

at a Walker family gathering without being high.

Oh, so you guys are related?

Yeah, yeah. Like... like play cousins.

You know, family we choose.

Oh, yeah, like me and Lize. Play cousins.

- Sorry, we're so faded. - But, um, you look crazy.

- What's your hair? - Can I have some?

- Can you explain? - This?

These are called cornrows.

I don't know if you're familiar.

- Definitely familiar. - Yea or nay?

Uh, I mean, how long are you gonna keep it?

I don't know. Should I take it out? I should take it out.

- Will you do it for me? - No.

It's your bed. You gotta lie in it, girl.

- I need to get high. - Come on,

- we need to go downstairs. - I really need it.

Okay, go in my bathroom. But hurry up. Seriously.

I'm finally high enough to face this party.

- Mm. She's cute. - She is, right?

Come here, Larry. You wanna play?

- Hi! - Gimme five!

♪ Yeah, wanna with me? ♪

♪ I'm the bona fide who make all the boys drool ♪

♪ Taking names of all of the chicks who ♪

♪ Said I couldn't do what I didn't do ♪

♪ Read my lips, can I get a " you"? ♪

♪ So come on, put your hands up, what? ♪

♪ If you wanna fall in love... ♪

Hey, future doctor!

- Come on over here. - Get on over here.

- Yes! - Look at her strut.

Yes.

- Hi. - We are so proud of you, E!

- Oh, thank you. - Muah!

Larry! Hello, little man. Give me some.

Oh! Hey, Phil.

- Uh, "lip." - Lip.

- Phillip. - Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Bridgette, have you met Eliza's aunties?

- Hi. - This is Valerie and Renee.

- Hello. - Well, go ahead

and put him down. Let him play with the others.

Oh. You wanna play with the kids?

- Yeah. - Let's do it.

You know my son better than I do.

- Come with Phillip. - Bye.

- Oh, he is beautiful. - Oh, thank you.

- His father black? - Oh, no, Puerto Rican.

- Oh, black adjacent. - Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Righ' next door.

- Mm-mm, Bridge. - No, I was kidding.

Mm-hmm.

Lize, I didn't know you had aunties.

- Yeah. - And I didn't know

Eliza had a white friend with cornrows.

- Oh. - Hey, speaking

- of cornrows. - Me neither.

- Yeah, this is my daughter. - Oh, yeah, we met.

You both have, uh, sons the same age.

- Oh, really? - But this one

- doesn't have a man. - Um, I have plenty of men.

I got plenty of men too.

But actually, not really since my son was born.

Oh, what happen to your man? He die?

Oh, no, nothing like that. I mean,

- he might have Lyme disease. - Oh.

You know, stay out of the woods.

Uh, um, he did propose to me. So that happened.

- Oh! - But I said no.

- But I could've, so... - Sweetheart?

- What? - You can always

- change your mind. - Like tomorrow.

Well, I can't actually,

'cause he just proposed to his girlfriend.

- What? Wait. - Oh, sweetie.

Yeah, I just found out this morning.

They're getting married in Puerto Rico.

Guess who's not invited?

- What? - This girl.

- Bridge. - Who would wanna go

- to somebody... - No, I think it's

a good thing for everyone. For the whole family.

- I don't know about that. - No, no, no.

Look, Bebe's baby's father married someone else

and now that woman is getting all the attention.

Now she and poor Barry have to fend for themselves.

Oh, my God, that sounds terrible.

- It is. - Who's poor Barry?

Oh, it's my son. It's, like, short for Barack.

- Your son's name is Barry? - Mm-hmm.

My son's name is literally Larry.

- No way. - Oh, my God, get outta here.

Right? We're cousins. Admit it.

- Bridge. - What?

No, I'm kidding.

But I mean, we're cousins, right?

Of course.

♪ We're sisters ♪

♪ We're singing and we're joyous and we're... ♪

Uh...

♪ People! ♪

- Girl. - Come on, gimme a high-five!

I'm just a little bit uncomfortable.

Listen. My advice? Now, you didn't ask it,

- but I'm gonna give it. - Mm-hmm.

You make things right with your baby's father.

- Or find you a better man. - 'Cause you don't want

to be out here doing this alone.

Alone.

- Oh... - Hey!

- Aww, yeah! - Find you a man, sweetheart.

- You're too pretty, babe. - Ay!

Ey! Yeah! You gonna bring some...

♪ We don't play no games, we don't play ♪

♪ We don't, we don't play, no, we don't play ♪

♪ We don't, we don't play no... ♪

Why didn't you tell me about that Rafi shit?

- That's fucked up. - I know.

Um, I just wish you had told me to wear white.

I feel kind of out of place.

Mm-hmm. Welcome to my life.

Okay, fine. I just don't know anyone.

Sister, sister, where are you?

I'll be back. It's a sorority thing.

- Okay. - Sister, sister of Lambda Mu!

Sister, sister, where are you?

Sister, sister of Lambda Mu!

Sister, sister, where are you?

Sister, sister of Lambda Mu!

- Are we really doing this? - You gotta.

- Get in there. - Okay.

♪ She's a woman ♪

♪ Of class and grace ♪

♪ She's a woman ♪

♪ Who's stood in the face ♪

♪ Of challenge ♪

♪ Strife and struggle ♪

♪ No matter where this road ♪

♪ Of life takes us ♪

♪ One thing will always ♪

♪ Be true ♪

♪ The loving sisterhood ♪

♪ Of Sigma Lambda Mu ♪

- Aww. Lambda! - Lambda!

- We rep that Lambda Mu! - Lambda!

- Mu! - Lambda!

- Mu! - Lambda!

- Mu! - Lambda!

- Mu! - Lambda!

Ace. Oh, yep, you're gone.

Good-bye, tens.

Man, you better get it together over here, Lefty Lou.

There you go.

Jack beats sevens. Catching up.

Kings beats fives.

Stupid fuck face.

Hmm.

All right, fine.

- Hi, Hank. - Hey.

I'm here for our date.

Huh. Cute hair. You're two weeks late.

I know. Traffic was terrible.

The key is cheese in the pan first.

- Sizzling. Mm-hmm. - In. Yeah.

- Can I have some? - Yeah.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

Mmm. Wait, you put cheese on the bottom?

Yeah, it crisps up if you keep it on low.

So it's like a deep-dish quesadilla.

- Exactly. - This is so yummy.

- Yeah. - I love cheese.

- Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm. I do. I love it.

All right, for the rest of your life,

would you rather give up cheese or oral sex?

Hmm?

That is a really tough question.

Mm.

- What would you choose? - Lucky for me,

- I don't have to choose. - Why not?

Oh, you know. 'Cause...

vaginas taste like cheese.

- No, they don't. - Some do.

- They do? I... - I mean...

I don't think my vagina tastes like cheese.

What does yours taste like?

What do you think it tastes like?

If I had to guess...

- Cornichons. - Cornish hens?

Cute little baby chickens?

No, cornichons.

They're like these little miniscule French pickles

made of gherkin cucumbers, like, two inches long.

- You've seen 'em. - Aww.

- Yeah. - You think my vagina tastes

like little rich people pickles?

- I guess. It would be acidic. - Mmm.

- They sound yummy. - Do you wanna find out?

Mm...

The quesadilla's gonna burn.

Take off your fucking shirt. I wanna see your tits.

My dick's so hard.

Feel how hard you make my dick.

S-so hard.

Yeah, you wanna taste my hard dick?

Wanna put it in your fucking mouth?

- Yeah, I wanna... - Yeah?

... taste your hard dick.

And I wanna put it in my mouth.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm, and...

- Is your pussy so wet? - My pussy's...

Tell me how wet your pussy is.

- So wet. - Yeah?

It's like an ocean.

I wanted to fuck you ever since that day at the tattoo shop.

- Me too. - I can't wait to put my

- throbbing cock inside you. - Oh, yeah.

- Oh, yeah. - Where do you want it?

Inside my tight, wet pussy?

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Whoa. - Show me where you want it.

Uh, not in my butt.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Your dog is so cute.

Yeah.

Oh! Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

- I'm gonna come. - Ah! Me too!

- Oh, my God! - Oh, I'm gonna co...

Oh! Oh!

Oh. You didn't come in me, did you?

- No. - Okay.

Hey, when'd you text me?

What?

What the fuck, Bridge?

What?

"The sex with this dude is so bad.

How's the cookout?"

I didn't mean to text you that.

I thought you liked it.

- I don't know. - Then why didn't you stop it?

- Well, you were very into it. - Wasn't that into it.

What?

How could you not have been that into it?

What do you mean?

What do you mean you weren't that into it?

I mean, like, it was good,

but I thought you came over here because you wanted to hook up.

Let's just say I came over here to have sex.

It doesn't mean I wanna star in my own fucking porn.

You were the one acting all porny.

I was?

"Inside my tight, wet, pussy"?

Yeah, after you asked where

I wanted your "throbbing cock."

You know, you said, "Take off your shirt

and show me your tits" like two seconds into the night.

I thought we were into each other.

I thought we were getting married.

Um...

guess it was just a bad date.

Yeah.

Here, I can help you with that.

No, it's okay. I got it.

Here. Here, I can just do it.

I got it.

I shouldn't be here.

I'm gonna go.

Okay.

Do you want me to call you an Uber, or...

It's okay. I use Lyft.

- Did you have fun? - Mm-hmm.

I danced with Hakim.

He taught me how to do, um, the stanky leg.

Ooh, let me see your stanky leg, then.

- Ooh, ooh. - Mm-hmm.

- Ooh, it's stanky. Ooh. - Mm-hmm!

Oh, my goodness. I'm so happy you came.

So much dancing. I've never been to a party like that.

Yeah. I'm glad you got to meet my sorors too.

Yeah. I didn't know you had this whole other life.

- Yeah, you did. - No... fine.

But I didn't know you didn't want me to be part of it.

- I invited you over. - To bring you weed.

Yeah, but once you got there, I could relax.

- Well, 'cause we were high. - No.

No. Because you're my girl and I wanted you there

and my family drives me crazy.

I do have a "whole other life,"

and it's black as hell.

And I know you wanna be...

- But you're not black. - I know.

I'm sorry I'm so needy.

You are not needy. My family is needy.

- Bridgette. - Mm-hmm?

Hey. The sex was that bad, Bridge?

It was not great.

I'm sorry.

Why aren't they inviting me?

To their wedding?

I don't get...

Hey. Fuck them.

You hear me?

Fuck Nelson and fuck Rafi.

You should be there with your kid.

Why do I even wanna go to the wedding?

Because. Because you care about them.

- I wanna go. - And they should've

- fucking invited you. - I know.

And you've been the best baby mama ever.

- Do you hear me? - Mm-hmm.

I got you, cuz.

Can I really be your play cousin?

"Play cousin"?

You are my cousin.

We family.

Family that eats together stays together.

- But I got one condition. - What?

We gotta take them damn cornrows out.

- Like, what? - Please help me

- take them out. - Gosh!

- Oh, my God. - Girl.

Oh, my God, I hate 'em so much.

- Come here. Come here. - I feel really stupid.

- No, you don't look stupid. - Oh, thank you.

I can get 'em out in 30. This is what I do.

Really? Ooh, it's really itchy.

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