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1
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Kids, the heart is a mysterious muscle.
2
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You never really know what's
going on in there.
3
00:00:05,087 --> 00:00:07,538
So after Uncle Marshall lost his father,
4
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he decided to get his heart checked.
5
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And so did I--
6
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and so did Lily--
7
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and so did Robin.
8
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And then Marshall went again
just to be sure.
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There was only one holdout.
10
00:00:20,886 --> 00:00:22,721
I don't need to go to a heart doctor.
11
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I drink every day,
I sleep three hours every night,
12
00:00:26,325 --> 00:00:27,993
and I have multiple sex partners.
13
00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:29,561
I'm doing everything right.
14
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Barney, come on, this is important.
15
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We need you around for a long time.
16
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Without you, we'd have to find
17
00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:36,368
some other sex-fueled,
depraved animal to entertain us.
18
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,435
Actually,
19
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I'm thinking about getting a dog again.
20
00:00:39,171 --> 00:00:41,122
Oh, can she? Can she get a dog, please Dad?
21
00:00:41,123 --> 00:00:42,457
No. If you get a dog,
22
00:00:42,458 --> 00:00:44,976
I'm going to be the one
stuck taking care of it.
23
00:00:44,977 --> 00:00:46,578
You wouldn't have to take care of it.
24
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Really? And who watered the philodendron
25
00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:50,749
on your bookcase and sang it back to life?
26
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,351
Yeah, that was made out of silk, Ted.
27
00:00:53,352 --> 00:00:56,254
Okay, Robin, what you need is
indeed something that buries a bone,
28
00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:57,789
but I'm not talking about a dog.
29
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I'm talking about a man.
30
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Here we go.
31
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You're clearly trying to
fill a hole-- in her heart.
32
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You feel like the seventh wheel,
because now Ted is with Zoey
33
00:01:05,831 --> 00:01:07,899
and Barney's with Nora and
Lily's with Big Fudge.
34
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, Big Fudge.
35
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"With"?
36
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I am not "with" Nora.
37
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Wrong preposition.
38
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Later tonight I'm hoping to
be on Nora, right?
39
00:01:19,945 --> 00:01:21,813
Or under Nora, right?
40
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Or, we're all adults, I'll just say it--
41
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behind Nora.
42
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I don't know.
43
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This will be your second date.
44
00:01:28,954 --> 00:01:32,123
Oh, Barney's got feeling for a girl.
45
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Yeah. Penis feelings.
46
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Because she's hot.
47
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Guys, as you know,
48
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I only have one rule...
49
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Barney said this a lot.
50
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if you're gonna get it on in a Port-O-Potty,
51
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do it early in the day.
52
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,974
Never screw over a girl whose last name
53
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ends in a vowel.
54
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'Cause she's got brothers.
55
00:01:54,747 --> 00:02:00,618
Never date a girl with a hook for a hand.
56
00:02:00,619 --> 00:02:04,489
Never go out with the
same girl more than once.
57
00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:06,508
Then why are you going out with Nora again?
58
00:02:06,509 --> 00:02:07,992
There is an exception.
59
00:02:07,993 --> 00:02:10,195
And it was always the same exception.
60
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,764
...unless she's hot.
61
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...unless she's hot.
62
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...unless she's hot. Arr!
63
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And she is indeed hot.
64
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:24,809
Which is why nothing, not even God himself--
65
00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:26,861
yeah, I said it, Beardy--
66
00:02:26,862 --> 00:02:30,115
is going to stand in the way
of tonight being legend...
67
00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:31,983
Wait for it.
68
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,322
Uh-oh.
69
00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:51,770
Hey, Nora, sorry I'm late.
70
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I'm just, uh, just getting over a cold.
71
00:02:53,672 --> 00:02:55,373
Oh, no. How long have you been sick?
72
00:02:55,374 --> 00:02:57,642
About 20 minutes. Can't seem to shake it.
73
00:02:57,643 --> 00:03:00,545
Okay, 'cause I was going
to say you look a little...
74
00:03:00,546 --> 00:03:02,514
Handsome? Rich? Well-endowed?
75
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:09,020
Huh, let's say well-endowed-- with phlegm.
76
00:03:10,122 --> 00:03:13,391
All right, let's go. It's bedtime.
77
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The bed-- that's where all the...
78
00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:21,032
...happens.
79
00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:22,534
Come on, let's get you sorted out.
80
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,636
That night, Barney didn't
take care of business.
81
00:03:26,572 --> 00:03:28,590
Instead, Nora took care of Barney.
82
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Ah. Thank you.
83
00:03:43,055 --> 00:03:44,722
Good night, Barney.
84
00:03:44,723 --> 00:03:46,458
Good night, Mommy.
85
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:49,093
Wow, she nursed you back to health?
86
00:03:49,094 --> 00:03:51,663
No. I didn't even see her boobs.
87
00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:54,232
She just took care of me.
88
00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:57,702
Oh, hey, guys. This is Nate.
89
00:03:57,703 --> 00:03:59,504
Nate, these are my friends. What's up. guys?
90
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,040
Nate Scooberman.
But everyone calls me Scooby.
91
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,442
I'd love to hang out,
but I really gotta hit the john.
92
00:04:04,443 --> 00:04:06,211
Uh, yeah, it's right in here...
93
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:07,245
Scooby.
94
00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:08,413
Thanks, brah.
95
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,114
I like you guys.
96
00:04:10,916 --> 00:04:12,383
Oh, Robin,
97
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if you weren't so much stronger
than me, I would slap you.
98
00:04:15,554 --> 00:04:18,556
What? You told me to meet someone.
99
00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:20,258
I know, and, look, he seems plenty nice,
100
00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:22,293
but I didn't mean bring home the first guy
101
00:04:22,294 --> 00:04:23,895
you bump into on the street.
102
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:26,264
Actually, I met him in the park.
103
00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:27,332
Oh. Oh. Oh.
104
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,967
Should have just let you get a dog.
105
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:31,636
Oh, oh, I should go.
Lily, can I talk to you for a second?
106
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,809
So, um, I made an appointment
with that cardiologist.
107
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:39,444
Aw, and you want me to go with you
108
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,678
'cause you're a little scared?
109
00:04:40,679 --> 00:04:42,113
No.
110
00:04:42,114 --> 00:04:44,649
Do you want me to go with you
because you're a lot scared?
111
00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:45,850
Yes!
112
00:04:45,851 --> 00:04:47,151
Okay, fine.
113
00:04:47,152 --> 00:04:48,586
On one condition.
114
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You have to promise me
you won't lie to Nora.
115
00:04:51,123 --> 00:04:53,291
She seems like something special.
116
00:04:53,292 --> 00:04:57,629
Okay, I promise I won't lie to her.
117
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I may, however, lie on her.
118
00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:03,001
I said, bang-bang, bangity-bang.
119
00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:04,469
♪ Bang-bang-bang, bangity-bang ♪
120
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,271
♪ Bang, bang, bangity bang... ♪
121
00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:08,223
Are we done?
122
00:05:08,974 --> 00:05:11,142
♪ A bang-bang, bangity-bang. ♪
123
00:05:11,143 --> 00:05:12,510
Well, Barney, your heart sounds fine.
124
00:05:12,511 --> 00:05:14,212
See, Lily?
125
00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:15,647
She was worried.
126
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,149
Although it seems like you
might have a slight arrhythmia.
127
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:20,919
Ow! Nails, nails!
128
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,287
It's probably nothing to worry about,
129
00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:24,489
but I'd like you to wear this heart monitor
130
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,124
for the next 24 hours.
131
00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:28,293
Twen... Flag on the play, Doc.
132
00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:29,527
I have a date tonight.
133
00:05:29,528 --> 00:05:31,095
Don't worry. It's totally safe.
134
00:05:31,096 --> 00:05:32,530
Unless part of your big date
135
00:05:32,531 --> 00:05:34,465
involves connecting
yourself to a car battery.
136
00:05:35,066 --> 00:05:36,700
Well, now it doesn't.
137
00:05:38,069 --> 00:05:42,706
And exactly 24 hours later,
they returned for the results.
138
00:05:42,707 --> 00:05:45,159
Okay, everything looks fine here,
139
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:48,645
although I did notice a few irregularities.
140
00:05:48,646 --> 00:05:49,847
There's nothing to be...
141
00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:53,117
...alarmed about.
142
00:05:53,118 --> 00:05:54,852
Go on, Doctor.
143
00:05:54,853 --> 00:05:56,720
What happened
144
00:05:56,721 --> 00:05:58,655
at 8:46 p.m. last night?
145
00:05:58,656 --> 00:06:01,825
Well, let's see...
146
00:06:01,826 --> 00:06:04,595
Uh, Wheel of Fortune, naked push-ups,
naked chin-ups...
147
00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:05,930
I was at dinner.
148
00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:08,265
This might be a little forward,
149
00:06:08,266 --> 00:06:10,834
but do you have a bomb
strapped to your chest?
150
00:06:10,835 --> 00:06:12,303
This? No, no.
151
00:06:12,304 --> 00:06:13,971
It's a heart monitor.
152
00:06:13,972 --> 00:06:16,840
It's a medical thing.
153
00:06:16,841 --> 00:06:18,342
Oh, I'm so sorry. I've been trying
154
00:06:18,343 --> 00:06:20,010
not to stare at your chest all night.
155
00:06:20,011 --> 00:06:22,179
What's that like?
156
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:24,114
So is everything okay?
157
00:06:24,115 --> 00:06:28,052
My friend's dad passed away
from a sudden heart attack.
158
00:06:28,053 --> 00:06:30,154
So I'm just getting myself checked out, too.
159
00:06:30,155 --> 00:06:32,089
Oh, I am so sorry.
160
00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:34,658
Thanks.
161
00:06:36,461 --> 00:06:39,563
Um, Barney, what I'm about to say
162
00:06:39,564 --> 00:06:41,799
is going to sound a little weird,
163
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:45,636
but I think I'm starting to like you,
so I have to say it.
164
00:06:45,637 --> 00:06:47,738
Well, for what it's worth,
I'm not easily shocked.
165
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,974
Unless you dump water on me,
'cause I'll just...
166
00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:53,277
No. What is it?
167
00:06:53,278 --> 00:06:54,945
I want to get married.
168
00:06:54,946 --> 00:06:57,081
I mean, not tonight,
169
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or even to you, necessarily.
170
00:06:58,817 --> 00:07:00,618
But that's what I want.
171
00:07:00,619 --> 00:07:02,253
And if that's going to scare you off,
172
00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:04,588
then I'd rather it scare you off now.
173
00:07:04,589 --> 00:07:06,123
I want a family,
174
00:07:06,124 --> 00:07:08,292
and I want to live in a little house
175
00:07:08,293 --> 00:07:11,128
with a garden and a tree
for the kids to climb.
176
00:07:11,129 --> 00:07:13,731
And I want to go to sleep every night
177
00:07:13,732 --> 00:07:15,666
with the same person by my side,
178
00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:18,769
and wake up next to him in
the morning every morning
179
00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:20,971
for the rest of our lives.
180
00:07:20,972 --> 00:07:23,207
Just thought you should know that.
181
00:07:24,175 --> 00:07:27,444
You have to promise me
you won't lie to Nora!
182
00:07:28,913 --> 00:07:32,716
That's exactly what I want, too.
183
00:07:39,164 --> 00:07:41,598
I'm really into gardening, but these
squirrels keep messing with my tomatoes.
184
00:07:41,599 --> 00:07:43,016
Every time I see them in the backyard,
185
00:07:43,017 --> 00:07:44,284
I'm like, "Get out of here!"
186
00:07:44,285 --> 00:07:45,769
And they run off, but sure enough,
187
00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:47,371
a few minutes later, there they are again.
188
00:07:47,372 --> 00:07:48,939
And I'm like, "Get out of here!"
189
00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:49,706
So annoying.
190
00:07:50,275 --> 00:07:51,308
I smell food.
191
00:07:51,309 --> 00:07:52,676
Does this place have a kitchen?
192
00:07:52,677 --> 00:07:53,877
I'll be right back.
193
00:07:54,512 --> 00:07:58,248
Okay, but you have to admit
194
00:07:58,249 --> 00:08:00,684
that he is a lot of fun.
195
00:08:00,685 --> 00:08:01,752
Oh, I actually think
196
00:08:01,753 --> 00:08:03,320
he's quite intelligent for what he is.
197
00:08:03,321 --> 00:08:04,354
And what is he?
198
00:08:04,355 --> 00:08:05,322
He's a dog.
199
00:08:05,323 --> 00:08:06,557
He's totally a dog.
200
00:08:06,558 --> 00:08:08,225
What? You saw him hitting on someone?
201
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,060
No, I didn't say, "He a dawg."
202
00:08:10,061 --> 00:08:12,896
I said, "He's a dog." As in, a dog.
203
00:08:12,897 --> 00:08:15,532
I think we've all noticed
a few curious mannerisms.
204
00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:19,002
Or rather, doggerisms.
205
00:08:19,003 --> 00:08:22,439
Uh, Scooby, the tag's still on your jeans.
206
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,107
Where?
207
00:08:33,117 --> 00:08:34,901
Okay, Scooby, you ready?
208
00:08:36,420 --> 00:08:37,787
Oh!
209
00:08:37,788 --> 00:08:38,705
Good boy, Scooby!
210
00:08:38,706 --> 00:08:41,023
Good job, Scoob! Good boy!
211
00:08:41,024 --> 00:08:43,693
- That last one did not happen.
- Okay, you're right.
212
00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:45,027
He dropped it.
213
00:08:45,028 --> 00:08:46,829
He's not a dog.
214
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:47,930
Robin, it's fine.
215
00:08:47,931 --> 00:08:50,133
You said you wanted a dog and you got one.
216
00:08:50,134 --> 00:08:52,301
And the best part is, he got his shots.
217
00:08:52,302 --> 00:08:53,870
Hey, guys, got my shots.
218
00:08:53,871 --> 00:08:55,037
You are so playful.
219
00:08:55,038 --> 00:08:56,873
Nice job fetching those. Guys...
220
00:08:56,874 --> 00:08:58,091
Yeah, guys, cut it out.
221
00:08:58,092 --> 00:08:59,175
Scooby, sit.
222
00:08:59,176 --> 00:09:01,511
So, Scooby, we were thinking
223
00:09:01,512 --> 00:09:03,379
if you're going to be
hanging out with our Robin,
224
00:09:03,380 --> 00:09:04,747
you should be properly vetted.
225
00:09:04,748 --> 00:09:08,884
Uh, yeah. We hope our nosiness
doesn't give you "paws."
226
00:09:08,885 --> 00:09:10,586
How did you meet? Tell us the "tail""
227
00:09:10,587 --> 00:09:12,455
Yes, how did you "whisker" off her feet?
228
00:09:12,456 --> 00:09:13,923
Shed a little light on the matter.
229
00:09:13,924 --> 00:09:16,225
Did you send her an e-mail,
or did you "collar"?
230
00:09:16,226 --> 00:09:17,727
Guys, just stop hounding him.
231
00:09:18,295 --> 00:09:19,862
Oh, geez.
232
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:20,897
No, no, you're right, Robin.
233
00:09:20,898 --> 00:09:22,365
We don't want your new guy to "flea."
234
00:09:22,366 --> 00:09:24,467
We're just trying to make
sure he's not a heel.
235
00:09:24,468 --> 00:09:26,335
So, moving from Canada,
236
00:09:26,336 --> 00:09:28,404
that transition must
have been pretty "ruff."
237
00:09:28,405 --> 00:09:31,107
Sure was. My part of Canada's
pretty different from New York.
238
00:09:31,108 --> 00:09:33,576
Oh, I bet it was an "Incredible Journey""
239
00:09:33,577 --> 00:09:36,546
What part of Canada is that?
Speak. Labrador.
240
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,749
Hey, Nate,
241
00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:42,084
why don't you go play
some music on the jukebox.
242
00:09:42,085 --> 00:09:44,520
No, I'm good. Oh, shoot, dropped my keys.
243
00:09:44,521 --> 00:09:46,189
I'll get 'em. Okay.
244
00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:48,975
Hey, guys, this is Nora.
245
00:09:48,976 --> 00:09:51,127
Hey. Hey, how are you. Hey.
246
00:09:51,128 --> 00:09:52,428
Nice to meet you. How's it going?
247
00:09:52,429 --> 00:09:53,946
We were just passing by,
248
00:09:53,947 --> 00:09:55,698
and I wanted to pop in for two reasons.
249
00:09:55,699 --> 00:09:57,099
First, I wanted to let you know
250
00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:58,901
that your friend Barney is
being a perfect gentleman.
251
00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:00,536
Well, it's still early.
252
00:10:00,537 --> 00:10:01,938
I'm being serious.
253
00:10:01,939 --> 00:10:04,507
I had no idea that deep down,
he's such a romantic.
254
00:10:04,508 --> 00:10:06,776
I had no idea he had a deep down.
255
00:10:06,777 --> 00:10:08,544
Oh, you should have heard him at dinner.
256
00:10:08,545 --> 00:10:11,414
I mean, I like being single,
257
00:10:11,415 --> 00:10:15,017
but secretly, I want to have kids.
258
00:10:15,018 --> 00:10:16,085
How many do you want?
259
00:10:16,086 --> 00:10:17,954
Three-- one of each.
260
00:10:17,955 --> 00:10:19,388
You?
261
00:10:19,389 --> 00:10:22,425
Three. All in an old stone house.
262
00:10:22,426 --> 00:10:23,960
Yeah, with ivy growing on it.
263
00:10:23,961 --> 00:10:25,461
Cocktails on the patio.
264
00:10:25,462 --> 00:10:27,096
And we must have a pool.
265
00:10:27,097 --> 00:10:28,698
We?
266
00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,934
A pool sounds brilliant.
267
00:10:33,103 --> 00:10:34,837
Are you for real, Barney?
268
00:10:34,838 --> 00:10:37,106
I really am.
269
00:10:38,275 --> 00:10:39,809
Unbelievable.
270
00:10:39,810 --> 00:10:40,877
I know, right?
271
00:10:40,878 --> 00:10:42,311
And the second reason we popped in
272
00:10:42,312 --> 00:10:44,030
is 'cause I need to use the loo.
273
00:10:44,031 --> 00:10:45,498
But when I get back,
274
00:10:45,499 --> 00:10:48,484
I'm dying to hear all about Mr. Softy here.
275
00:10:48,485 --> 00:10:50,820
I assure you, that's not
a nickname that I...
276
00:10:52,055 --> 00:10:56,125
And that explains your
14-second cardiac arrest.
277
00:10:57,794 --> 00:11:00,129
Barney, you promised you wouldn't lie.
278
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:04,367
I'm not lying! Guys, Nora's really special.
279
00:11:04,368 --> 00:11:05,468
In fact...
280
00:11:05,469 --> 00:11:07,303
I think I'm...
281
00:11:07,304 --> 00:11:08,871
falling in love with her.
282
00:11:12,309 --> 00:11:14,677
Guys! I'm serious.
283
00:11:14,678 --> 00:11:16,178
I'm not going to let you do this.
284
00:11:16,179 --> 00:11:17,980
When Nora gets back here,
I'm blowing the whistle.
285
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:20,316
Just make sure it's not a
high-frequency whistle,
286
00:11:20,317 --> 00:11:22,184
because we don't want to
torture Robin's boyfriend.
287
00:11:22,886 --> 00:11:24,387
Guys, this is real.
288
00:11:24,388 --> 00:11:27,189
And if you don't make me
look good in front of Nora,
289
00:11:27,190 --> 00:11:29,258
just remember: I've got dirt on each of you,
290
00:11:29,259 --> 00:11:31,093
and I am not afraid to spill it.
291
00:11:31,094 --> 00:11:34,163
Barney, you can't blackmail
us into lying to Nora.
292
00:11:34,164 --> 00:11:35,431
Really, Lily?
293
00:11:35,432 --> 00:11:38,234
Even if I were to mention,
oh, I don't know...
294
00:11:38,235 --> 00:11:40,369
your kindergarten class's pet guinea pig?
295
00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:42,238
Mr. Buttons?
296
00:11:42,239 --> 00:11:44,640
Oh, you son of a bitch.
297
00:11:44,641 --> 00:11:46,075
Fine. I'll be nice.
298
00:11:46,076 --> 00:11:48,144
Marshall? You got nothing on me.
299
00:11:48,145 --> 00:11:50,112
The calzone? Checkmate.
300
00:11:50,113 --> 00:11:51,814
Robin.
301
00:11:51,815 --> 00:11:54,383
Don't say the Mr. T dream,
don't say the Mr. T dream,
302
00:11:54,384 --> 00:11:55,618
don't say the Mr. T dream...
303
00:11:55,619 --> 00:11:56,852
The Mr. T dream...
304
00:11:56,853 --> 00:11:58,588
I'm lost.
305
00:11:58,589 --> 00:11:59,755
Ted?
306
00:11:59,756 --> 00:12:01,757
Go ahead. Give me your best.
307
00:12:01,758 --> 00:12:03,125
My life's an open book.
308
00:12:03,126 --> 00:12:04,360
The ballet class.
309
00:12:04,361 --> 00:12:06,662
I once took a ballet class. Not ashamed.
310
00:12:06,663 --> 00:12:08,431
The 'N Sync concert.
311
00:12:08,432 --> 00:12:11,133
1998. Cleveland's Gund Arena, front row.
Caught JC's shirt.
312
00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:12,702
What else you got?
313
00:12:12,703 --> 00:12:14,704
Okay, Ted.
314
00:12:14,705 --> 00:12:16,205
The thermos.
315
00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:19,308
I suppose it's possible Barney
has real feelings for Nora.
316
00:12:19,309 --> 00:12:21,961
I do! So be cool!
317
00:12:24,247 --> 00:12:25,848
There's a man back there
who seems fascinated
318
00:12:25,849 --> 00:12:27,550
by the records flipping in the jukebox.
319
00:12:28,318 --> 00:12:30,753
Sorry, toots. He's taken.
320
00:12:30,754 --> 00:12:33,689
So. How do you all know Barney?
321
00:12:33,690 --> 00:12:35,324
Oh, I don't know how we know Barney.
322
00:12:35,325 --> 00:12:37,526
How does anyone know how they know anyone?
323
00:12:37,527 --> 00:12:39,895
I like your pretty hair, help me.
324
00:12:39,896 --> 00:12:43,733
We did not meet him at a strip club.
325
00:12:43,734 --> 00:12:44,867
No, sir.
326
00:12:44,868 --> 00:12:46,769
Because...
327
00:12:46,770 --> 00:12:49,438
Barney don't go to no strip clubs.
328
00:12:49,439 --> 00:12:51,574
Oh, come on. Barney's
been to a strip club once.
329
00:12:51,575 --> 00:12:52,808
Once? Thermos.
330
00:12:52,809 --> 00:12:54,110
Nope. Not even once.
331
00:12:54,111 --> 00:12:58,147
Really? So Barney really
is a genuinely a nice guy.
332
00:13:03,253 --> 00:13:04,920
I don't recall.
333
00:13:04,921 --> 00:13:07,523
Okay, I think that we're done here,
I think that we have
334
00:13:07,524 --> 00:13:10,192
adequately established that Barney is...
335
00:13:10,193 --> 00:13:13,195
the kind of guy that you would
bring home to meet your parents.
336
00:13:13,196 --> 00:13:15,398
Okay? So... let's just drop it, all right?
337
00:13:15,399 --> 00:13:16,649
It's funny you should say that,
338
00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:19,101
because, as it happens,
my parents are in town.
339
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:21,037
They're only here like once a year.
340
00:13:21,038 --> 00:13:22,772
We're getting brunch tomorrow.
341
00:13:22,773 --> 00:13:24,240
Do you want to meet them?
342
00:13:24,241 --> 00:13:26,375
This was a big deal for Barney.
343
00:13:26,376 --> 00:13:27,710
I only have one rule.
344
00:13:28,879 --> 00:13:33,182
Never, ever, ever meet a girl's parents.
345
00:13:33,183 --> 00:13:35,785
Not even if she's hot?
346
00:13:35,786 --> 00:13:38,521
Not even if her mom's hot.
347
00:13:38,522 --> 00:13:40,456
I'd love to meet your parents.
348
00:13:41,158 --> 00:13:43,292
It's a date.
349
00:13:44,327 --> 00:13:46,095
Well, we should get going. Walk me home?
350
00:13:46,096 --> 00:13:47,263
Walk? Somebody say walk?
351
00:13:47,264 --> 00:13:49,548
I'll go for a walk. I love a good walk.
352
00:13:49,549 --> 00:13:52,001
No, Scooby, you, uh... stay!
353
00:13:56,239 --> 00:13:57,907
Oh, no. I got called back in to work.
354
00:13:57,908 --> 00:14:00,009
Can you keep an eye on him until I get back?
355
00:14:00,010 --> 00:14:02,061
He's new to the city,
and he doesn't really know anyone.
356
00:14:02,062 --> 00:14:04,780
I knew it. I knew it.
I knew if you got a dog,
357
00:14:04,781 --> 00:14:07,066
I'd wind up taking care of it. He's not a--
358
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,236
Good night.
359
00:14:12,322 --> 00:14:13,723
What do we do now?
360
00:14:13,724 --> 00:14:15,491
Oh! I got an idea.
361
00:14:15,492 --> 00:14:18,561
I was in the park today,
and this guy sold me a big bag of...
362
00:14:18,562 --> 00:14:21,731
Kids, it was a big bag of sandwiches.
363
00:14:21,732 --> 00:14:24,433
Whoa. Put that away.
364
00:14:24,434 --> 00:14:27,336
You guys want to fire these up? Scooby,
we're in our 30s.
365
00:14:27,337 --> 00:14:29,205
We don't smoke sandwiches anymore.
366
00:14:29,206 --> 00:14:31,340
Sandwich brownies? Okay.
367
00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:35,411
Sandwiches make me hungry.
368
00:14:35,412 --> 00:14:37,747
Truth. Hey.
369
00:14:37,748 --> 00:14:39,148
I have a question. Yeah?
370
00:14:39,149 --> 00:14:43,185
What did Barney mean when he said "calzone"?
371
00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:46,822
Okay, I'll tell you. Okay.
372
00:14:46,823 --> 00:14:51,727
One time Barney saw me drop
a calzone on the sidewalk,
373
00:14:51,728 --> 00:14:53,529
pick it up, and then keep eating it.
374
00:14:53,530 --> 00:14:57,032
It feels so good to finally
say that out loud. I... Dude.
375
00:14:57,033 --> 00:14:58,734
Listen to me.
376
00:14:58,735 --> 00:15:01,070
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
377
00:15:01,071 --> 00:15:03,239
That calzone sounds amazing.
378
00:15:07,077 --> 00:15:10,045
Guys, I found this on the floor.
379
00:15:10,046 --> 00:15:12,047
Oh, my God.
380
00:15:12,048 --> 00:15:13,783
Scooby ate the whole tray.
381
00:15:13,784 --> 00:15:15,117
Ruh-roh!
382
00:15:15,118 --> 00:15:18,554
Wait. Where is he, anyway?
383
00:15:18,555 --> 00:15:19,972
Oh, dude.
384
00:15:19,973 --> 00:15:21,590
Scooby got out!
385
00:15:23,610 --> 00:15:25,778
Here we are.
386
00:15:25,779 --> 00:15:30,466
I had a really great time tonight.
387
00:15:30,467 --> 00:15:33,068
Yeah, me, too.
388
00:15:37,958 --> 00:15:40,976
Do you want to come upstairs?
389
00:15:40,977 --> 00:15:44,280
I'd love to.
390
00:15:46,383 --> 00:15:47,850
There's just one little thing,
391
00:15:47,851 --> 00:15:50,119
and it probably doesn't matter, but...
392
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,620
I don't want to get married.
393
00:15:51,621 --> 00:15:54,356
I've been saying that all night
just to get in your pants.
394
00:15:55,792 --> 00:15:56,959
Whoa!
395
00:15:57,794 --> 00:15:59,595
Oh! Ahh!
396
00:15:59,596 --> 00:16:02,744
Can you believe...
397
00:16:07,141 --> 00:16:11,314
Oh, my God! I found
Scooby's wallet. - Oh, no!
398
00:16:11,349 --> 00:16:14,079
That means the poor guy's out
there with no identification.
399
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:18,083
Robin! Hey. Hey, um, remember Scooby?
Uh, well, he got out.
400
00:16:18,084 --> 00:16:19,351
"Got out"? What do you mean?
401
00:16:19,352 --> 00:16:20,919
He just walked out of the apartment.
402
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,388
Someone must've left the door open.
403
00:16:22,389 --> 00:16:23,856
It wasn't me. Me neither.
404
00:16:25,291 --> 00:16:27,526
He must've figured out
how to open it himself.
405
00:16:27,527 --> 00:16:28,760
He's so smart.
406
00:16:28,761 --> 00:16:30,729
We should get him on Letterman doing tricks.
407
00:16:30,730 --> 00:16:32,314
I know Paul Schaffer's
408
00:16:32,315 --> 00:16:33,832
sandwich guy. This could happen.
409
00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:36,568
Guys. Get yourselves together
and start looking for Scooby.
410
00:16:36,569 --> 00:16:38,070
I'm on my way home.
411
00:16:38,071 --> 00:16:39,738
Wait wait! Robin.
412
00:16:39,739 --> 00:16:41,490
Can you pick up some calzones?
413
00:16:43,309 --> 00:16:45,577
Wait-- Nora, wait. Wait.
414
00:16:45,578 --> 00:16:47,713
I'm sorry I misled you.
415
00:16:47,714 --> 00:16:49,715
Misled? You lied to me!
416
00:16:49,716 --> 00:16:51,283
You had your friends lie to me!
417
00:16:51,284 --> 00:16:54,586
I was on the spot.
This is your fault. My fault?
418
00:16:54,587 --> 00:16:56,755
Yeah, with the whole
"I want to get married" thing.
419
00:16:56,756 --> 00:16:59,725
You can't just tell someone
exactly what you want
420
00:16:59,726 --> 00:17:01,059
out of a relationship.
421
00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:04,696
This... isn't England.
422
00:17:06,533 --> 00:17:08,333
Good-bye, Barney.
423
00:17:10,703 --> 00:17:11,803
Scooby!
424
00:17:11,804 --> 00:17:13,155
Scoob!
425
00:17:13,156 --> 00:17:16,208
Great idea. No, great idea!
426
00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:17,709
Okay. If you were new in town
427
00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:20,329
and had just ingested an eighth
of sandwich, where would you go?
428
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:23,182
Of course.
429
00:17:23,183 --> 00:17:24,783
Back to the pizza place!
430
00:17:24,784 --> 00:17:26,318
Yeah! Maybe that's where Scooby went.
431
00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:27,786
Who's Scooby?
432
00:17:27,787 --> 00:17:30,322
Hey, guys. Hey, have you seen Scooby?
433
00:17:30,323 --> 00:17:33,158
Uh, yeah. Isn't that him taking
a leak on that fire hydrant?
434
00:17:34,761 --> 00:17:36,495
Scooby!
435
00:17:36,496 --> 00:17:39,264
Oh, hey! It's my friends!
436
00:17:39,265 --> 00:17:41,667
No!
437
00:17:41,668 --> 00:17:45,504
And that explains 12:51 a.m.
438
00:17:45,505 --> 00:17:47,506
Okay. None of this
suggests a systemic issue.
439
00:17:47,507 --> 00:17:48,840
Your heart's fine.
440
00:17:48,841 --> 00:17:51,643
With a healthy diet,
you can live a long and happy life.
441
00:17:51,644 --> 00:17:53,512
If nobody stabs you.
442
00:17:53,513 --> 00:17:55,147
Day's not over.
443
00:17:55,148 --> 00:17:57,282
Okay.
444
00:17:57,283 --> 00:18:01,286
Lily, I'm sorry that I lied
about wanting to settle down.
445
00:18:01,287 --> 00:18:03,255
No, that wasn't the lie.
446
00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:05,791
The lie was when you
told Nora you were lying.
447
00:18:05,792 --> 00:18:07,226
Because you weren't.
448
00:18:07,227 --> 00:18:09,995
You want that stuff, Barney, I know you do.
449
00:18:09,996 --> 00:18:16,084
Okay. Maybe, eventually,
I could settle down.
450
00:18:16,085 --> 00:18:19,638
50 years from now, if I have
like a Hefner thing going on
451
00:18:19,639 --> 00:18:21,173
with some really hot twins.
452
00:18:21,174 --> 00:18:22,741
But those twins
453
00:18:22,742 --> 00:18:27,613
won't even be born for another... 32 years.
454
00:18:27,614 --> 00:18:28,981
I mean...
455
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:32,818
Nora's great. She's wonderful. But...
456
00:18:32,819 --> 00:18:34,520
What time was your dinner reservation?
457
00:18:34,521 --> 00:18:36,355
Last night? 8:30.
458
00:18:36,356 --> 00:18:38,790
What did his heart do at 8:30?
459
00:18:49,569 --> 00:18:53,038
It... literally skipped a beat.
460
00:18:54,107 --> 00:18:56,308
Your heart's talking to you, Barney.
461
00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,443
Do you have the guts to listen to it?
462
00:19:03,716 --> 00:19:07,219
♪ Stones that I ♪
463
00:19:07,220 --> 00:19:10,856
♪ Carry ♪
464
00:19:10,857 --> 00:19:12,658
♪ Around ♪
465
00:19:19,265 --> 00:19:21,166
I lied. Barney.
466
00:19:21,167 --> 00:19:23,835
When I said I lied,
that was a lie, and I'm sorry.
467
00:19:23,836 --> 00:19:25,837
I'm confused. So am I.
468
00:19:25,838 --> 00:19:29,308
This, all of this,
this is totally new to me,
469
00:19:29,309 --> 00:19:31,310
but I know it's what I want.
470
00:19:31,311 --> 00:19:32,978
I want to be confused.
471
00:19:32,979 --> 00:19:34,846
With you.
472
00:19:39,852 --> 00:19:42,654
Mom, Dad...
473
00:19:42,655 --> 00:19:44,256
this is Barney.
474
00:19:44,257 --> 00:19:45,524
Hi.
475
00:19:45,525 --> 00:19:47,859
I'm Barney. Great to meet you.
476
00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:49,845
Hey, you want to see a magic trick?
477
00:19:49,846 --> 00:19:54,799
♪ Sharp as a marble ♪
478
00:19:54,800 --> 00:20:01,173
♪ These stones keep my feet on the ground ♪
479
00:20:07,146 --> 00:20:11,049
♪ All this experience ♪
480
00:20:11,050 --> 00:20:13,001
♪ Weighs me down. ♪
481
00:20:18,979 --> 00:20:23,923
Transcript by Addic7ed.com
www.addic7ed.com
31844
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