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[ Ted Narrating ]
In December of 2010,
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00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:06,840
my friends and I decided to
go see It's a Wonderful Life
on the big screen.
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00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,676
It seemed like something
we all needed.
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00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:11,945
After all, it had been
a crazy couple days.
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00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,882
It all started
with a pregnancy test.
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00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:18,186
This is taking forever.
Are you sure you
did it right?
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00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:20,754
Is there a wrong way
to pee on a stick?
8
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:25,893
Can I ask you a question
that's plagued me for years?
Can girls aim?
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00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,828
Um, can boys aim?
10
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:31,599
'Cause it seems to me like
I'm takin' a mop to that
bathroom floor every two days.
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00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:34,302
Okay, you're the one who
put the Far Side calendar
up over the toilet.
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00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,670
You know I laugh
with my whole body.
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00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:40,108
[ Gasps ]
It's been two minutes.
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00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,743
[ Both Exhale ]
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00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:45,646
[ Together ]
One, two, three.
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00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,048
It's positive.
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00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:49,450
It's positive?
It's positive?
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00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,185
It's positive.
It's positive?
It's positive!
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00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,387
[ Both Screaming ]
It's positive!
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00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,758
- I'm pregnant.
- [ Robin ] What?
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00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:00,060
I've never
seen that woman
before in my life.
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00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:02,263
Sorry. Force of habit.
Congratulations!
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00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,266
To Lily and Marshall.
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00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,435
To Lily
and Marshall.
Well, thank you.
25
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,303
We've never been happier.
Mmm.
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00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:12,173
Can't imagine anything
bringing me down right now.
27
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,542
- You're not pregnant.
- [ Gasps ]
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00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,744
Well, that did it.
29
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,280
** [ Upbeat Pop ]
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00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,650
** [ Man Vocalizing ]
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00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,557
** [ Ends ]
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00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,525
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, this is the story...
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00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,827
of the 36 hours we all thought
Lily was pregnant...
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00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:36,264
and how it caused each of us
to reexamine our own lives.
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00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,865
Because while
this was happening--
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00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,200
Are you sure
you did it right?
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00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:42,102
I was on the phone
with Punchy, my best friend
from high school,
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00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,272
who had recently asked me
to be his best man.
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00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,307
Yeah, Punchy, I've given this
some serious thought.
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00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:49,076
I think I know how we can crush
these floral arrangements.
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00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,844
Here it comes.
Hit me up, Schmos.
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00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:55,283
Peonies, lavender blossoms
with a halo of baby's breath...
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00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,518
for an ambience
of springtime rejuvenation.
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00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:58,986
Crushed it!
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00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:02,423
That's exactly
the accent of whimsy
this celebration of love needs!
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00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,625
[ Voice Quavering ]
It's gonna be a magical day.
47
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:09,029
I know what you're thinkin'.
"I wish I was a dude."
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00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,931
I do wish
you were a dude.
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00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:14,335
Because if I was a dude, I could
have Ted Mosby as my best man.
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00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:15,936
No. And here's why.
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00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:18,005
Ted, the best man's job...
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00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:21,375
is not to crush
the floral arrangements.
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00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,844
It's to get the groom
down the aisle.
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00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,880
Because no matter who he is,
he will freak out.
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00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,417
I just don't think you have what
it takes to get that soldier...
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00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,352
to pick up his rifle
and charge up the hill.
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00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:34,822
Uh, are you forgetting?
I've done this before.
I was Marshall's best man.
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00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,257
And how did that go again?
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00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:39,560
[ Screaming ]
No!
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00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,229
0 for 1.
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00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,163
Oh, come on.
That wasn't my fault.
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00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,499
And need I remind you,
I gave a beautiful toast.
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00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:48,402
- Ted.
- [ Screaming ]
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00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:52,306
O, do you take One to be
your lawfully wedded wife?
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00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,208
Oh, God, I'm freakin' out.
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00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,577
Why did I choose Ted
to be my best man?
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00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,912
Uh, yeah, it's hard to
take criticism from someone...
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00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:02,416
who just recorded
seven episodes of
Million Dollar Heads or Tails.
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00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:05,953
[ Ted Narrating ] Kids,
Million Dollar Heads or Tails
was an extremely popular show...
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00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,821
with an extremely
simple premise.
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00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:11,091
All right, your practice flip
came up tails,
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00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:15,696
but our Vegas oddsmaker
tells us that the next toss
is still just 50-50.
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00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:19,199
And so, Jordan,
for one million dollars--
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00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,803
heads or tails?
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00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:26,274
[ Audience Shouting ]
Tails! Heads! Tails!
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00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:28,542
What was the year
of the coin again?
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00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,077
Why the sudden obsession
with Heads or Tails?
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00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:35,048
Well, it turns out
that Heads or Tails
has a job opening.
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00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,385
[ Audience Shouting ]
Heads! Tails!
Ta-- Heads.
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00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,787
Marni, flip that coin.
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00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,990
[ Groans ]
[ Audience Gasping ]
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00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,226
So now because of that
incident, Heads or Tails
is looking for a new...
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00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,329
"currency rotation
specialist."
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00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:51,465
- You mean "coin flip bimbo"?
- They're not bimbos.
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00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,302
You auditioned, didn't you?
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00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,442
- And you're Canadian?
- Mm-hmm.
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00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:05,546
Robin, aside from that coin,
this is the other thing
that's flipping right now.
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00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:09,417
What is my lid for you?
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00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,319
You're the new
coin flip bimbo?
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00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,186
Currency rotation
specialist.
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00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,456
Robin,
you better check yourself...
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00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:18,892
before you Trebek yourself.
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00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:22,396
- You're a journalist.
What is the matter with you?
- It's a national audience.
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00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,865
I get to wear shiny dresses.
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00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,267
Robin, have you forgotten about
your New Year's resolution?
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00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:31,138
I'm never drinking again.
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00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:32,473
No, before that.
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00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:35,876
I am gonna finish
this whole bottle tonight.
99
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,245
Before that too.
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00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,780
I moved here...
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00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:43,150
to work for a big-time
cable news channel
like World Wide News.
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00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,786
Well, by this time
next year,
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00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:49,757
I will be wearing
a World Wide News I.D. badge
around my neck.
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00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,759
And to show you
that I'm serious,
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00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,127
this is my first
and only drink of the night.
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00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,896
Okay.
Okay?
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00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,100
Oh, damn, that's smooth.
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00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,803
I thought you finally
got that interview
at World Wide News.
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00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,304
Well, I did.
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00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:08,108
But they only offered me
a boring, low-paid,
off-camera research job.
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00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,611
Which could be a stepping stone
to bigger things in your career.
112
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,413
So could
Heads or Tails.
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00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,715
The first currency rotation
specialist...
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00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:17,818
went on to be
a semifinalist
on The Bachelor.
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00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:21,489
And then she lost,
like, a hundred pounds
on The Biggest Loser.
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00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,057
And now she's totally
winning Celebrity Rehab.
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00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,994
[ Ted Narrating ]
It seemed like there was
no changing Robin's mind.
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00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,129
But what we didn't realize
was that in a few minutes...
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00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,999
our whole world was
going to be turned upside-down.
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00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,835
- I'm pregnant.
- What?
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00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:37,671
Now, kids, when
your friends have great news,
you're happy for them...
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00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,373
for, like, a millisecond.
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00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,909
And then you start
thinking about yourself.
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00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:45,012
[ Thinking ]
Oh, my God. They're
really having a baby.
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00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,080
What am I doing
with my life?
126
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,049
Starting Monday,
I'm a currency
rotation sp--
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00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:51,552
Oh, who am I kidding?
I'm a coin flip bimbo.
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00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,353
And I'm still single.
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00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:56,089
Okay, let's not
go there, Scherbatsky.
That's a whole other thing.
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00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,592
I gotta take
that World Wide News job.
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00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,595
[ Ted Narrating ]
And so the next night,
we had two things to celebrate.
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00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:06,900
Well, you are looking at
the new associate researcher
at World Wide News.
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00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,769
[ Gasps ]
Oh, my gosh!
That's amazing news.
134
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:11,639
What changed your mind?
Marshall and Lily.
135
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:15,643
I just realized that I am
about to have a little niece
who looks up to me,
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00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,678
and I don't wanna be
sad Aunt Robin,
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00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,213
the aging coin flip bimbo
who gives her the creeps.
138
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,416
I wanna be
cool Aunt Robin,
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00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,552
the respected journalist
who gives her beer.
140
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,954
- What?
- What? Oh--
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00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,791
I have never seen you guys
looking so at peace.
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00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,860
- [ Both Exhale ]
- To Lily and Marshall.
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00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,328
To Lily
and Marshall.
Well, thank you.
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00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,465
I mean,
we've never been happier.
145
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:41,569
[ Ted Narrating ] The next day,
Robin called Heads or Tails
to respectfully decline.
146
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:44,438
Hi. Mr. Trebek, um,
this is Robin Scherbatsky.
147
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,440
- But at that moment--
- You're not pregnant.
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00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:47,875
[ Both Gasping ]
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00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:51,011
As honored as I am
by the offer, um--
[ Phone Chirping ]
150
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,080
[ Beep ]
151
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:56,484
[ Thinking ]
Oh, my God.
They're not having a baby.
152
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,852
What am I getting
all up in my head about?
153
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,054
That research job
sounds hard.
154
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:05,459
And I'm pretty.
I'm really, really pretty.
155
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,428
[ Chuckles ]
156
00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:11,665
You are looking
at the new coin flip bimbo.
157
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,034
[ Imitating Gunfire ]
158
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,603
Whoosh!
159
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,738
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
160
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:22,543
You took
the Heads or Tails job?
Yeah.
161
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:25,212
What about World Wide News?
Your I.D. badge?
162
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,180
You made
a New Year's resolution.
163
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:30,784
Okay, I also said
I would never make out
with a garbageman.
164
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,687
Life is what happens
when you're busy
making other plans.
165
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,489
What's with
the gingerbread house?
166
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,390
We're seeing
a Christmas movie.
167
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,027
It's a Christmas-themed
movie snack.
Mmm.
168
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,329
Let's hope Santa
brings you a girlfriend
this year, Teddy.
169
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,064
[ Muttering ]
170
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,666
Where the hell
is Barney?
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00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:48,235
[ Ted Narrating ]
Where was Barney?
Let's back up again.
172
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,737
You see, while
this was going on--
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00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,304
It's positive.
It's positive?
174
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,606
this was happening.
175
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:55,509
And now she's totally
winning Celebrity Rehab.
176
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,045
Hey, guys.
177
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,147
A yuletide riddle.
178
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:04,117
What is my second-favorite word
that begins with B-O-N?
179
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,986
Bon Jovi?
180
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:09,422
What is my third-favorite word
that begins with B-O-N?
181
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,424
[ Imitates Buzzer ]
"Bonus."
182
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:15,829
As in
my end-of-the-year
bonus check.
183
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,130
My God!
184
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,066
Barney, I work for GNB too.
185
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,102
All I got was a $15 gift card
to Costa Coffee.
186
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,037
And you earned it, buddy.
187
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,073
Check out
what I'm gonna
buy for myself.
188
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,442
The Dibiase.
189
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,112
See those pinstripes--
diamonds.
190
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,415
It is the uppest
a person could ever suit.
191
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:38,819
Uh, has it ever
occurred to you to give
some of this to charity?
192
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,253
Charity?
193
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,423
You're seriously talking
to me about charity, dude?
I am Mr. Charity.
194
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:47,194
I frequently sleep
with sixes,
195
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:51,131
chubsters, over-30s.
196
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,267
I am the Bill and Melinda Gates
of the sympathy bang.
197
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,638
Hey, guys.
Hey.
198
00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:01,074
- Big announcement.
- Let me guess. You got
a huge bonus check too.
199
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,310
No, just a $30 gift card
to Costa Coffee.
200
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,545
- Thirty?
- I'm pregnant.
201
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,114
- [ Gasps ]
- What?
202
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,717
I've never seen
that woman before
in my life.
203
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,719
Sorry. Force of habit.
Congratulations!
204
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,187
[ Thinking ]
Huh.
205
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,056
Marshall and Lily
are doing something
meaningful,
206
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:19,192
and it's making me less
happy about this bonus.
207
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:22,362
And I'm still single.
At least I got that
goin' for me.
208
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,899
So why do I still feel
outside of awesome
looking in?
209
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,769
What am I doing
with my life?
210
00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,804
We've never been happier.
Mmm.
211
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,440
Can't imagine anything
bringing me down right now.
212
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,343
Oh, Marshall, you only
think you're happy.
Just wait.
213
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,812
Because tonight...
214
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,048
is Barney's
favorite things!
215
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,684
** [ Disco ]
[ Cheering, Screaming ]
216
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,091
[ Ted Narrating ]
That was the reaction
Barney expected.
217
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:53,493
...things!
This is the one he got.
218
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,629
- Huh?
- I don't know what that is.
219
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,831
Barney's favorite things.
220
00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:00,433
I'm gonna give y'all
a bunch of free stuff.
221
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,269
- Like Oprah.
- [ Marshall ]
Oh.
222
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,470
Just get excited, okay?
223
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,006
Sure.
[ Ted Narrating ]
The next hour got pretty weird.
224
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:09,009
Velour tracksuits!
[ Cheering ]
225
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,911
Velour
is so comfortable.
These are so soft!
226
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:14,782
Remote control helicopters!
227
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:19,152
Condoms!
228
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,590
And last but not least,
229
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,558
there is a fleet
of limos outside...
230
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,961
waiting to take us to...
231
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:32,933
a strip club!
232
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,368
You get a lap dance!
233
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:36,636
You get
a lap dance!
234
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,739
You are gonna give me
a lap dance!
235
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:42,843
Everybody
gets a lap dance!
236
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:47,580
Amazing! It was like
a diamond suit for my soul.
237
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,582
I gotta keep going.
I gotta do more.
238
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,452
No. No. I cannot go
back to that strip club.
239
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,321
I've seen some things.
240
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,223
I'm not going back either.
241
00:10:56,289 --> 00:11:00,493
I'm takin' the rest of my bonus
to God's strip club.
242
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,731
[ Ted Narrating ]
The next day, he paid a visit to
the most charitable man he knew,
243
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:07,434
his half-brother's father--
Sam Gibbs, a minister
at a church out on Long Island.
244
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,103
Sam-- Uh, Father.
245
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,072
I-I don't mean
Father Father.
246
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,141
Unless--
What's up, Barney?
247
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,644
I'm thinking about giving
some money to charity.
248
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:20,147
Is that the name of the stripper
you been e-mailing me about?
249
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,183
You gotta take me
off that list, Barney.
250
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,518
No, I don't mean
that Charity.
251
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,620
That Charity
is doin' Peachy.
252
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,958
You'll see pics
of the two of 'em in
next week's e-mail. What up!
253
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,692
Barney, I'm a minister.
254
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,895
Unsubscribe.
255
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:37,397
I-- I recently
started giving,
256
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,066
and it felt
surprisingly good.
257
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,601
I wanna do more.
Well, now you're talking.
258
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:45,305
We have this program
that helps those in need
get back on their feet.
259
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:49,777
We give them food,
a place to live,
clothes for job interviews.
260
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:53,747
Well, I would love to help
by writing a check...
261
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:59,586
for one-zero-zero-zero--
262
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,521
- You're not pregnant.
- [ Both Gasping ]
263
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,490
zero--
[ Phone Chirps ]
264
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,993
Whoops.
Hold on a second.
265
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,830
[ Thinking ]
Wait!
266
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,698
They're not doing
something meaningful
with their lives.
267
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,801
Well, this
changes everything.
268
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,736
Oh, no. I've already
written four zeros.
269
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:20,007
[ Gasps ]
Thank you, decimal point.
270
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,344
$100.00.
271
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,247
That's great.
272
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:28,882
Thank you, Barney.
273
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:35,522
Diamond suited up.
274
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,658
Hey, Ted, can you spot me
for the movie?
275
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,528
I don't like to carry
a lot of cash on me.
276
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,600
What happened
to giving the money away?
277
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:50,703
That was back
when Lily was pregnant.
Now she's not.
278
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,540
Ergo, a suit is born.
[ Chuckles ]
279
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,343
Dude, what's up
with the gingerbread house?
You look ridiculous.
280
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,511
It's a Christmas-themed
movie snack.
281
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,014
Oh, I know that move.
282
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,885
You cut a hole in the floor,
she reaches into the
living room, finds the tree.
283
00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,354
* O holy night *
284
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,089
Nice.
285
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,758
Where the hell
are Marshall and Lily?
286
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,760
[ Ted Narrating ]
Let's back up one last time.
287
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,296
- I'm pregnant.
- [ Robin ] What?
288
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,231
I've never seen
that woman before
in my life.
289
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,334
Sorry. Force of habit.
Congratulations!
290
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,071
[ Thinking ]
This is great.
I'm happy.
291
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,206
I'm so happy
my heart's pounding.
292
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:29,076
And I'm sweating.
And I can't breathe.
293
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,344
This is what happiness
feels like, right?
294
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,647
Oh, crap. Lily's having a baby,
and I'm having a panic attack.
295
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:37,817
- I hope she can't tell
what I'm thinking right now.
- [ Thinking ] I can.
296
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:39,853
And I'm freaking out too!
297
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,990
There's an alien growing
in my stomach that's gonna
explode out of my vagina!
298
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,826
- Do you think the others
can tell we're freakin' out?
- What am I doing with my life?
299
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,261
What am I doing
with my life?
300
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,431
I should get
a Christmas-themed movie snack
for tomorrow night.
301
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,800
They're totally on to us.
What do we do?
302
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,302
Just keep smiling.
Maybe wave.
303
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,437
No, don't wave!
That makes no sense!
304
00:13:57,504 --> 00:14:00,207
I'm committed.
I'm riding this wave
straight to hell.
305
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,042
Let's leave.
Then the waving will make sense.
306
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:05,278
See you guys tomorrow.
[ Ted Narrating ] So Lily
and Marshall headed home.
307
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,481
Lily, we have to relax.
There's no need to panic.
308
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,817
True, there's a lot to do,
but we've got nine months
to prepare.
309
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:14,754
So I say we make a list
of everything that needs to get
done before the baby arrives...
310
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,823
and do everything
on that list tonight!
311
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,658
Let's do it!
[ Screaming ]
312
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,027
Uh-huh. Got it.
313
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,494
Okay. That seems easy.
314
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,330
Nursery's painted.
315
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,033
- Blue? What if it's a girl?
- Damn it!
316
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:29,636
** [ Man Singing: Rock ]
317
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:32,339
* It's the time
and the place *
318
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,042
* Why all these lights
popping off in my face? *
319
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,277
* Or am I freakin' out?
Freakin' out? *
320
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:39,546
* Freakin' out? Freakin' out?
Freakin' out? **
321
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,749
Oh, God, it's 8:00.
We're supposed to meet the gang
at the bar to celebrate.
322
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,818
Oh, God. Okay, listen.
When we meet them,
we have to keep it together.
323
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,621
Can you keep it together?
No, I can't
keep it together!
324
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:51,858
[ Robin ]
I have never seen you guys
looking so at peace.
325
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,994
- [ Both Exhale ]
- To Lily and Marshall.
326
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,263
To Lily
and Marshall.
Well, thank you.
327
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,299
I mean,
we've never been happier.
328
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:02,435
This is a nightmare!
We've done everything wrong!
329
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:06,339
[ Gasping ]
The iPod was on shuffle!
330
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,208
The Jerky Boys.
331
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,643
Our baby
heard The Jerky Boys!
332
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:14,581
- The Jerky Boys are funny.
- The Jerky Boys aren't funny!
They are awful!
333
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,616
Fine. If you don't think
The Jerky Boys are funny,
334
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,352
then I'm not sure
that I can raise a child
with you, liver lips!
335
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,221
[ Gasps ]
336
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,756
- Marshall, I don't like this.
- I know.
337
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,592
Okay?
I don't like it either.
338
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:30,930
It's like I have a hot,
burning ball of stress
in my chest...
339
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,066
and nothing
will make it go away!
340
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:36,203
- You're not pregnant.
- Well, that did it.
341
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,139
I know this probably comes
as quite a disappointment.
342
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,309
Yeah.
343
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,910
Huge bummer.
344
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,945
So disappointing.
345
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:50,683
- * Snow on the ground
Snow in the-- *
- Hey. You guys okay?
346
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,385
Yeah.
Why wouldn't we be?
347
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,554
Oh, the baby thing.
348
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,822
Oh, yeah.
Whatever.
349
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,524
Oh, Christmas-themed
movie snack. Nice.
350
00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,560
[ Laughing ]
Don't reach into
the living room.
351
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:05,132
Wow. I thought you guys
would be devastated.
352
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:08,368
Oh. You know,
we're actually
kind of relieved.
353
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:11,004
We were freakin' out
for about a day
and a half there.
354
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,606
Yeah. This whole thing
got us thinking,
355
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,675
maybe we're not
ready for kids yet
after all.
356
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,578
- We were thinking
maybe we'd just get a dog.
- Get a puppy!
357
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,914
Can you imagine?
You could put it in
little human shirts--
358
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,583
[ Yelling ]
Whoa!
359
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,520
- Our movie snack.
- Are you kidding me?
360
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,889
All you ever talk about
is having kids!
361
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:33,126
And now you have
one little freak-out
and you wanna get a dog instead?
362
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,761
No. Unacceptable.
363
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,797
You're gonna turn around,
you're gonna go home, get naked,
364
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,900
lie together as man and wife
until Lily is great with child.
365
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,669
Right now!
366
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,004
I'm serious!
Go! Go! Go!
367
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,941
[ Singsong ]
Marshall and Lily
got in trouble.
368
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,710
- And you!
- Ooh.
369
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,546
- Barney, you look real stupid
in that suit.
- [ Gasps ]
370
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,748
You're gonna
go get your money back
and give it to charity.
371
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,717
And I don't mean that stripper
you keep e-mailing us about,
372
00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,019
even though we beg you
to take us off that list.
373
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:02,489
I can't give this suit back.
374
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:06,059
Ted, I glow in the dark.
I finally glow in the dark.
375
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:09,162
Criminals of New York,
attention!
376
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,531
This man is wearing
a diamond-covered suit!
377
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,800
You can retire
on the pants alone!
378
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,902
Merry Christmas!
379
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,205
[ Stammering ]
380
00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:22,642
So, if I get a large popcorn,
you wanna go splitskies, or--
381
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,477
And you.
382
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,180
You did not move to
the greatest city
on earth...
383
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,981
to become
a coin-flipping bimbo.
384
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,583
So here's
how it's gonna work.
385
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,086
Heads, you take the job
at World Wide News.
386
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,155
Tails, you take the job
at World Wide News.
387
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,623
[ Coin Rings ]
Ow!
388
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,891
Hey, looks like somebody
got a new gig!
389
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,094
Fine.
I'll call 'em tomorrow.
390
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,730
I'll call 'em right now!
391
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,232
[ Phone Ringing ]
God.
392
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,933
[ Beep ]
Hello.
393
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,269
- Ted, I can't get married!
- Yes, you can! You love her!
394
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,272
You're right. I do.
Thanks, Ted!
395
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,514
One for
It's a Wonderful Life,
please.
396
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,016
[ Men ]
* Christmastime
is here again *
397
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,418
Thank you.
398
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:10,490
* All this joy
for girls and boys *
399
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:14,394
** [ Continues, Indistinct ]
400
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,600
We're idiots.
This kid
doesn't stand a chance.
401
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,738
We're ready for this.
We're ready for this.
402
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,377
Wow!
403
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,445
That's a lot of zeros.
404
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,848
You're sure you're not
missing a decimal point?
Nope.
405
00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:39,486
And that's the tour.
Uh, staff meeting's at noon.
You'll meet everyone there.
406
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:42,655
But first you need
to head down to Security.
407
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,192
You need to get your picture
taken for your I.D. badge.
408
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,027
* Merry Christmas *
409
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,197
** [ Continues, Indistinct ]
410
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,731
You sure?
411
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,733
Positive.
412
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,971
There's more. Do you
still do that thing...
413
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:01,208
where you give people in need
clothes for job interviews?
414
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,510
Yeah. Why?
Bring 'em in, boys.
415
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,779
* Bring out the joy *
416
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:13,186
* Light up the tree *
417
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,322
Merry Christmas.
418
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,789
Thank you, son.
419
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,626
Son?
It's just an expression.
I'm still not your dad.
420
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,897
* Merry *
421
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,367
* Christmas **
422
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,202
[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]
423
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,703
Congratulations.
424
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:33,706
You know, that was really cool
what you did.
425
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:37,176
When we all needed it,
you got us back
on the right path.
426
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,078
It's what I do.
427
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:43,115
Ted, if I, um-- if I ever
get married-- and you're not
the guy I'm marrying--
428
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,584
Big mistake.
But go on.
429
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:47,320
I could really
use someone like you.
430
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:50,122
You know, in case I freak out--
when I freak out.
431
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,458
You interested?
432
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,627
Are you asking
what I think you're asking?
433
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,830
Ted, will you be
my best man?
434
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:01,901
Scherbatsky,
I'm gonna crush it.
435
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,205
Let me look at this.
Can we not?
436
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:08,841
How do you even make--
I've never seen
you make that face.
437
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:14,381
Hi there.
We've had a lot
of fun tonight.
438
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:16,316
But on a more serious note,
439
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,486
this is the time of year
when we remember
the importance of giving.
440
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:23,256
And there's no greater gift
than the gift of booty.
441
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,592
So this holiday season,
442
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,127
why not
bang someone in need?
443
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:32,565
I'm Barney Stinson, and that's--
[ Bell Tinkles ]
one to grow on.
444
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,601
Um, no.
445
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,672
Hi there.
You know, we've had
a lot of fun tonight.
33098
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