Original subtitles

man: thanks, iolaus. make sure you get some for yourself.

soldier 1: there must be away for us to take the golden hind.

iolaus: here you go.

the gold in those horns and hooves, it's worth a little risk.

soldier 2: if you think going against the hind and ares

is a little risk, go ahead.

i want no part of it.

move over, shorty!

shorty?

you're the one the hind shot.

soldier 1: looks familiar, doesn't he?

yeah. yeah. go on.

then he and hercules wailed on us. that's right.

i think an apology's in order.

soldier 1: uh-huh. let's hear it. make it quick.

it's okay. i forgive you.

no, guys, really. no hard feelings, huh?

(groans)

(screaming)

(all grunting)

(whooping)

(soldiers mumbling)

he said he forgives you.

i'm a forgiving kind of guy.

you see, i've known iolaus

a long, long time. he has.

and if he says he forgives you, well, he forgives you.

see?

(all groaning)

(all grunting)

(man yelling)

oh, no!

(all groaning)

iolaus: take it easy!

herc? is this really necessary?

in a roundabout sort of way.

(all groaning)

sorry, iolaus.

(screaming)

(groaning)

(grunts)

(soldier screaming)

(water splashing)

(both groaning)

(grunting)

(screaming)

(groaning)

that's got to hurt.

(grunting)

iolaus! i've got him.

oh, yeah. yeah. yeah.

(soldier screaming)

(water splashing)

all's well that ends well. (chuckles)

soldier: somebody help me!

looks like your arm's good as new.

yeah, thanks to serena.

but two weeks rest is enough, i want to head to thessala.

i'd like to stay a little longer.

you still want to try and save the hind? forget it.

she knows how to look after herself.

it's more complicated than that.

it's not the hind. it's serena.

(chuckles) maybe both.

both: we prepared food for the altar.

strife!

have you seen serena?

yes, i have.

and?

hey, don't shoot the messenger, okay?

i saw her with your brother, hercules.

you as might as well face it, uncle.

she's starting to play you like a flute.

don't push it. she's devoted to me.

yeah, well, so was your other star pupil, xena, remember?

she left you standing.

(scoffs)

and guess what? hercules is doing it again.

that was different.

xena had a character flaw, a small speck of morality. he took advantage of it.

no. serena is the golden hind.

she owes me her life and i won't let her go.

well, who would? if her blood will really kill a god,

that means you've got the edge on all the gods in olympus.

(laughing) i wonder if it's really true, though.

don't even go there.

i'm just curious, you know? i need something to do.

a project i can use my talents on, get my teeth into.

don't let curiosity lead you into ambition.

you might not like where it takes you.

for now, keep an eye on this

situation with hercules and serena.

you know i will.

(giggles)

(sighs)

(clears throat)

(leaves rustling)

(footsteps approaching)

oops.

shoot first and ask questions later?

it's my ares training.

hmm, like i said, shoot first and ask questions later.

(sighs) that is still a miracle to see.

when you're the last of your kind,

sometimes a little miracle helps to survive.

i'm glad you've survived.

i need to talk to you.

i know.

you've come to say goodbye.

no. no. (chuckles)

uh...

i've come to ask you to marry me.

narrator: this is the story of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods were petty and cruel

and they plagued mankind with suffering.

only one man dared to challenge their power.

hercules.

hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.

he journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, hera,

the all-powerful queen of the gods.

but wherever there was evil,

wherever an innocent would suffer,

there would be hercules.

(screeching)

(growling)

(roaring)

(all cheering)

i am flattered that you would consider marriage for us,

but it can never be and you know why.

what i know is that i love you.

and i love you, but i can't live in your world.

when a mortal touches me, i turn into the hind.

it would happen sooner or later.

it can work, serena. we'll find away.

well, that would be a miracle, but i belong to ares.

no, you belong to yourself.

no, he may have saved your life

and taught you how to survive,

but one life can't belong to another.

look, i know how you feel about him.

he's told me of your jealousy.

(scoffs) i am not jealous of him.

i resent him, yes, because he's the god of war.

serena, you can't believe everything he tells you.

why would he lie to me?

because he's ares.

he is using you.

with your blood, you're his weapon against all the other gods.

look, i know what he is,

but without him, i wouldn't even be here.

fine.

then tell him, "thank you very much,"

and marry me.

i can't... no.

yes, you can.

yes, you can.

man: excuse me, i'm looking for a guy named hercules? where's hercules?

he said he'd be here, he’ll be here.

well, come on. let's try and hoist it anyway.

maybe we can surprise him.

okay, pull!

(both grunting)

man: this thing weighs a ton!

come on, get your backs into it.

stand back, loda. they're raising the tank. we need the water.

excuse me. excuse me. have you seen a guy named hercules?

he's got his partner, uh, ebol... eyeball... or what’s-his-name?

(grunting) yeah, that would be me.

you're hercules? you're hercules? (both grunting)

i thought you'd be, uh, taller.

no, i'm what's-his-name.

oh. well, i am, of course, joxer the magnificent.

(grunting) oh, joxer the magnificent!

yeah. never heard of you.

does the name xena mean anything to you?

oh, yeah. yeah, her i know.

well, you're only looking at her mentor, master and former trainer.

(grunting) i wish i was looking at you on the end of this rope,

helping, pulling and not talking.

oh, oh, right. well, you know,

i figured xena's kind of slow

and i figured herc's a little more my speed, you know?

(screaming)

man: what an idiot!

the magnificent.

what am i to do with you?

have i disappointed the great ares?

no, no, i'm actually quite pleased.

i saw the way you handled hercules,

refusing his proposal without saying no, stringing him along.

it just made my day.

i didn't say no, because i wasn't sure of my feelings.

now, i am.

well, good.

good. and now that that's over,

you and i...

oh, i have such plans.

no.

i've come to ask you for my freedom.

you really know how to make the moment, don't you?

supposing i'm not in the mood to give it to you.

then i'll take it.

you know i can.

and i could do the same.

i could take you.

your anger excites me. the possibilities, the two of us...

you're not making this easy.

then i have your permission?

well, iet's just say, i'll give you a little leeway,

a little personal time so you can find out

how boring my brother, hercules, really is.

i will always be grateful.

don't be tiresome.

maybe it's just me, i'm sure it is,

but you give her permission to hang with hercules?

you misunderstand my gift to my brother.

you ever hear of the trojan horse?

(both laughing)

man: we can do it. here we go.

(men grunting)

come on, you guys, pull!

(grunting continues)

there, see? it's 'cause i'm using both hands.

so am i.

that's incredible!

i know i'm late.

no, no, no, no. you're not late. we were just warming up.

yeah.

what is the matter with you?

nothing.

ah! serena, isn't it? (sighs)

i know that face. that's the face of a man with woman trouble.

well, never mind, she'll come back.

let's just finish this and get out of here.

hey, listen, can you tell me

when this guy, hercules, is gonna get here?

'cause my hands are getting callused.

uh, that would be him.

that's hercules? mmm-mmm.

i thought he'd be a little stronger.

(scoffs)

boy: catch.

(children laughing)

serena.

see? i told you she'd come back. (whistling)

hey, excuse me.

excuse me.

(grunting)

got it?

yeah.

kick it to me. kick it to me.

hercules: serena!

oh!

uh, that's a nice catch.

(laughs) you, too.

thank you. you're welcome.

serena: oh, they're having so much fun.

hercules: yeah.

i always wondered what it'd be like in the village.

you know, people living their lives.

i like it here.

hmm. yeah, it's dangerous for you to come here.

i thought it was worth the risk.

right. of course.

i wish i could change your mind.

you can't.

i, uh, had to give that back to you,

so you could give it to me at our wedding.

(laughs)

you mean yes?

yes?

(hercules laughing)

isn't that sweet?

(creaking)

oh!

oh, oh, oh, uh... (clears throat)

hercules.

oh, yeah, that's iolaus.

uh...

i'll be right back, okay? (laughs)

iolaus: hercules!

now, you did say "yes," right?

yes.

uh, you know, when you're ready, but now would be good.

(creaking continues)

this is so cool.

hercules!

(creaking continues)

she said "yes."

(grunting) i told you it'd work out...

what do you mean, she said "yes"?

well, she... (rope snapping)

(whirring)

(grunts)

(screaming)

woman: help him! man: get a ladder.

come on, get a ladder in here quick!

(choking)

(people murmuring)

okay, folks. just back on up.

listen, this is no place for a lady.

i'm a friend of hercules.

you're a friend of hercules.

yeah, everyone's a friend of the big fellow's.

well, look, we're all very busy here.

so, folks, if you please, just back on up.

and, well, please, just step...

no!

(people clamoring)

serena?

(people speaking indistinctly)

(people gasping)

woman: it's the hind.

no, herc, wait, wait, wait!

(choking)

it's the hind! kill her!

man: kill her before she kills us!

(people screaming)

leave her alone!

(grunting)

(people shouting)

(snorts)

serena! hey! come on.

man: get her! be careful.

(growling)

(yelling)

(groans)

(people cheering)

man: come on!

(people shouting)

hurry up! get up there!

hercules: leave her alone!

that's better.

i got him.

okay, okay. go, go, go!

hercules: serena, i'm coming!

(grunts)

(yells)

(people exclaiming)

easy.

(screaming)

back off!

(people gasping)

(both screaming)

(serena panting)

if anyone wants to hurt her, they have to go through me.

and me.

and me, your worst nightmare.

don't worry, fellows. i'll take care of the crowd.

everyone stand back. it's all right, serena, it's over.

no, this is impossible.

joxer: go home now.

joxer the magnificent has everything under control.

thanks for standing by me.

hey, we're friends, we don't need to thank each other.

yeah. you better go.

well...

(inaudible)

find serena?

yeah. yeah, she's safe.

what happened back there?

well...

when a mortal touches her, she becomes the hind.

how does she get back?

when the shock wears off, when she calms down, she can change at will.

well, thanks for telling me earlier.

iolaus, i meant to. but i wanted you to get to know her first.

okay.

so it's serious?

yeah.

and before when you said that she said "yes"...

we're gonna get married.

(chuckles)

you know, um,

if you're happy, i'm happy about it.

i'm glad you found someone.

but?

she belongs to ares.

no. did.

we belong with each other now.

okay.

well, let me ask you a question, as your friend.

in all of this,

have you thought about what it is that you do?

that we do?

yeah. i mean, nothing's changed.

we'll still be a team doing the same things.

it worked before. when i was with deianeira, we...

what?

deianeira, i...

i need to go to the other side and tell her.

oh, come on. you know how dangerous that...

she deserves to know.

and i'll be fine. it's just...

when i get back,

i want you to be the best man at the wedding.

oh, hercules...

look, you getting married, it does change things.

yeah, i should be your best man, but if i'm honest,

i have a bad feeling about it.

and i don't think...

i'm gonna go on to thessala.

oh.

well, i hope you’ll reconsider.

yeah.

this is it.

the entrance to the other side?

yeah.

(deep sigh) i'm worried for you.

it'll be okay.

look, i know this is the right thing for you to do,

but what if...

what if when you see deianeira and the kids, you decide to stay?

i won't.

i can't live in their world.

and they can't live in mine.

please be careful.

(both chuckling)

i love you, serena. nothing can keep me from coming back to you.

i promise.

hades? hades?

hades, this isn't the eiysian fields.

(metallic clanking)

you call this an omelet pan?

for what, mice eggs?

you! we heard the hind was here in the village.

yeah, road block, where were you?

i was the one who saved the girl from the mob.

(laughing)

oops.

where is she?

listen, you don't know who you're dealing with, and...

(groans)

didn't anyone ever tell you not to chew on your socks?

(screaming)

man 1: yeah! he deserved it.

man 2: good one.

iolaus: leave him alone.

huh? look who’s back.

you don't have your partner with you this time.

man: not anymore, does he?

i don't need hercules.

joxer: (muffled) because i'm here. joxer the magnificent!

(mumbling)

joxer: geez!

(grunting)

(groans)

man: come on.

(shouting)

(growls)

(grunting)

(muffled shouting)

joxer: (muffled) listen, you...

(grunting)

(groaning)

(groaning)

joxer: (muffled) i'll take you on one at a time

or all of you at once, 'cause i...

get me out of this.

oh, you.

good. good. my plan worked perfectly.

yeah. yeah. you're quite a boxer, joxer.

thanks, iolaus, i...

i'll tell you another story

about your father, all right?

there was the time...

(speaking indistinctly)

hey, come on! come here, boy!

(barking)

(laughing)

dad's here!

ilea: daddy, you're home!

oh, yes, i am.

this is so weird. i thought about you this morning.

i knew you were gonna be here today. oh!

i missed you.

me, too.

where's aeson?

he's down by the creek.

well, go tell him that his father's here.

(dog barking)

(laughing) um...

(laughs nervously)

is something wrong?

no, no, nothing's wrong.

uh, i have to tell you something.

well, you know you can tell me anything. what is it?

i know, i, uh...

what?

i just didn't think it would be this hard.

uh...

i've fallen in love.

deianeira, i... klonus: help! mom! dad!

what is it?

aeson's gone. someone took him.

aeson. i'll be back. i'll find him.

i'll be right back.

aeson!

aeson?

aeson? leave me alone.

what? i'm not going anywhere with you.

aeson?

you don't care about me.

you don't care about any of us.

you never did. we wouldn't have died, if you cared.

don't say that. i love all of you very much.

right. you love us enough to go

and marry somebody else.

who filled your mind with these terrible thoughts?

you did. i hate you!

i want to kill you.

why are you saying these things?

i would do anything for you.

would you? i wonder. would you give up serena?

(grunts)

how do you know about serena?

never mind. i know.

you're not my son.

strife.

and uncle ares said you weren't with it.

aeson?

aeson: dad, help me!

i'm over here.

dad. aeson.

i thought i'd lost you.

he tricked me.

he said he was taking me to you.

it's all right. it's over now.

i was so scared. i love you, dad.

i know you do, son. i love you, too.

ares: you're wasting time and twigs.

he's not coming back.

he promised.

half-gods tell half-truths.

then i'll go to him, to the other side.

if you wish.

though you may find it a little crowded in the house of deianeira.

it's not really any of your concern.

well, one look at his real wife

and that was it.

i don't believe you.

would i lie?

he never loved you. it was just away to get at me.

things can be as they were between us, serena.

you can come home, if you want to.

i'm willing to forgive.

and forget.

deianeira, (sobbing)

you don't think i still care about you?

i mean, what's happening to me now doesn't change our past.

it is not the past that i am worried about.

it's just that i don't want to lose you.

you won't. you never will.

(sobbing) what do you mean i won't?

you found somebody else.

oh, god, what did i expect?

i never meant to hurt you.

i just wanted you to know.

i appreciate that.

i know how dangerous it is for you to come over here.

why don't you just, um...

why don't you just not make the journey again?

oh.

shall i tell the children?

no.

i'll tell 'em when i think they’re ready.

goodbye, deianeira.

i, uh...

(sniffing)

i will always love you.

(sobbing) i'll always love you, too.

always.

(sighing in relief)

(sighs)

i was so scared.

i'm back now.

are you?

yes.

was it difficult?

it was, uh...

she, uh...

the past is gone. for both of us.

not quite.

ares! show yourself!

come out and face me!

you are becoming a singular annoyance, brother.

your treachery is limitless.

why have limits? they're so limiting.

leave my family alone. that includes serena.

we will be married. don't interfere.

why would i? i really don't think it's gonna happen,

not given the cost.

(scoffs) don't threaten me.

surely you didn't think the gods would smile on such a union.

i mean, what? mingle your blood with hers?

i think that gave them pause to contemplate

what kind of powerful offspring that might produce.

if you have something to say, say it.

you might say i, uh, brokered a deal.

after all, the hind does belong to me.

she belongs to no one.

to allow this marriage to take place,

the gods have decided that you must make a small sacrifice.

nothing they demand would be too great.

they want you to surrender your strength.

your power.

oh, i'm sorry.

i thought you said that nothing was too great.

zeus would never go along with this.

oh, wouldn't he?

it wouldn't stop me from helping people.

you can't take my heart.

oh, that is a pity.

but i suspect your fervor to aid mankind

might diminish once reality sets in.

so what's it to be?

you lose her, you lose your powers?

this is a limited time offer. you need to choose now.

i choose serena.

i win.

no! i win.

ooh!

nothing like a brotherly embrace.

(yelling)

(laughing wickedly)

now, listen, iolaus.

another side benefit is i'm an excellent cook.

how do you like your steak?

alone.

listen, would you stop checking those ropes? i say on to thessala.

you know? fortune, fame and glory await us.

yeah. good. go. don't keep them waiting.

you know, you can quit looking for hercules,

'cause he's not coming back.

(sighs) i mean, even if he does,

he's marrying, you know, goat-girl or whatever.

where are they gonna have the wedding? the chapel at the zoo?

listen, i'm staying here till i know he's all right.

(sarcastically) oh, yeah. yeah, yeah.

he's fine. don't worry about herc.

he just made the good old-fashioned commute to the other side and back.

excuse me while i fall down laughing.

(laughing)

hercules!

i thought you were leaving?

yeah. yeah, i am.

i, uh, had to check the ropes and they'll be okay.

yeah. good. good.

does this mean you’ll stay for the wedding?

wedding? wedding?

(chuckling) i don't think so.

listen, you kids have a group hug

and then my partner and i are going to thessala.

you and him?

no, he is completely deluded.

what is it? my masculine ability?

my lightning-fast reflexes that you doubt?

okay. fine. fine. a brief demonstration.

joxer, don't bother.

(grunts)

(metallic clanking)

okay. see that pole?

forget it.

watch.

man: he cut the rope!

it's falling!

(yelling)

oops.

(grunting)

wait here, sidekick.

woman: let's go, girls.

(creaking)

here, let me help.

give us a hand!

(people clamoring)

(all clamoring)

man: tie it off! tie it off!

what's wrong with you? you lifted that thing by yourself this morning.

my strength is gone.

what?

ares took it.

how?

it was a decision of fall the gods.

even zeus?

well, how long is this gonna last?

from now on.

why? i traded it!

it's for serena.

for serena?

oh.

hercules, how do you expect to go on helping people,

if you’ve given away your powers?

the same way you do.

even more than i'll miss you serving at my temple,

i'll miss this vision of you running free.

this was my home.

and now a dreary hovel.

living like a peasant, a life worse than death.

whatever my life with hercules holds, i look forward to it.

go to him, then.

but you don't leave here as the hind.

oh, no, no, no, no. you'll be mortal.

you'll experience sickness.

you'll grow old and you will die.

like they say, it's a wonderful life.

but i'm the last of my kind.

your kind is extinct.

unless you wish to reconsider?

no.

if that’s what it takes, that's what i'll do.

true love.

how i despise it.

(grunts)

(whimpering)

(deep sigh)

(sobbing)

yes.

i will miss you.

so you're leaving?

how can you miss me, if i don't go away?

then you haven't changed your mind about the wedding?

i can't.

well, we, uh,

had some wild times together.

we're wild guys.

we made a good team.

yeah. we were.

well.

promise you’ll visit.

little iolaus will want to know his namesake.

(laughing)

yeah, i will.

come on, iolaus.

look, i'm gonna say this slowly,

there never was a partnership.

it's all in your mind.

what little there is of it.

you're gonna be sorry.

well, what are you hanging out with that loser for, anyway?

i mean, hey, hercules doesn't even have his power anymore.

never, ever speak of hercules like that in my presence.

he is 10 times the man you will ever be.

okay.

oh, great. now, he's your best buddy again.

i wish you'd make up your mind.

i'm afraid the trees will have to be our witnesses.

they're family.

ready?

yes, i am.

we ask the force...

wait!

what is the rush?

(chuckles) i'm glad you're here.

so am i.

i couldn't miss it.

this is...

it's the most important moment in your life.

that makes it the most important moment in my life.

anyway, you can't get married without a best man.

(laughing)

shall we begin again?

yes.

we ask the force that created the sun,

the earth,

the seas and the skies...

to bless this union.

make us one, inseparate.

always.

always.

(music playing)

and everything is gonna be okay.