All language subtitles for Fresh Meat s02e08

Hey, Book-o?
What's with all the books?

Exams are over, Booky Two Shoes.

There's no need to read.
We've been freed.

I need to read some of Frobisher's
stuff for work.

Fro-posher - that's the poet guy
that you killed, right?

I didn't kill him.

I just happened to be the last
person he went on a drink

and drugs bender with before
his heart packed up.

Ugh!

Don't get me wrong. I think killing
poets is a good thing.

What do you mean "for work"?

Shales is giving me some Cheddar

for the stuff Frobisher said the
night we hung out.

Cool.

Only I can't remember what Frobisher
said the night we hung out, cos we were totally fucked.

Right.

OK.

Downstairs.

Now!

This house is sinking.

But fear not,
I'm building a life boat.

And it's women and caners first!

Tick and tick.

What's wrong with this place anyway?

Why move?

Well, for a start,
it doesn't have a wine cellar.

And a wet room would be nice.

Sometimes you can hear other
housemates wanking each other off.

What?

When it's quiet, you can.

The flush on the toilet
isn't powerful enough.

My mattress makes
a noise like I've farted.

Is that your mattress?

Look, we're coming towards the end
of our contract, and I thought, why not just go in for an upgrade.

House 2.0.

Yeah, whatever you decide,
then count me in!

Because I'll definitely want a room,
because I'll definitely be here.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

I've nurtured you from young cubs.
Now you're lions.

Such is the... circle of life.

Hakuna and indeed matata.

It was nice knowing yous.

Howard, you can't go -
you're coming with us.

Am I?

Yes, you are.

Because we are like Marines
and we never leave a man behind.

That would be nice.

Oh, that'll be Tony Shales.

Oh, that'll be Dylan.

Oh, this is weird.

Only it's not weird at all.

Because I've explained everything.

About coming round to see Vod.

I just meant
it's a weird coincidence.

I agree with Tony.
It's not weird at all.

So we should probably get
out of each other's way.

Do you want a cup of tea, babe?

- Love one.
- Yes, please.

Sorry.
You said "babe" then, didn't you?

Sorry, I thought you were going
to say "Professor",

as in "Professor Shales".

My mistake.

I was talking to Dylan.
He's my babe.

I still love you.

Fuck off.

Frobisher's death has been amazing.
It's totally re-energised my career.

I mean, I don't want to sound
like I'm feasting on his corpse,

but I'm so in demand now.

My book's about to be reprinted,
they want me on Front Row.

There's even a suggestion
I might be on the Booker jury.

Jean hates me right now.

It's wonderful.

So you're making
a bit of cash off it, then?

Yeah. Little bit.

Speaking of money,
can I have my money?

There you go.

?200.

It's gone up.

- Since when?
- Since you started talking about how well you're doing.

I'm not doing that well.

This is academia we're talking about.

It's gone up to 1,000.

I can give you... another 50?

Yeah, fine.

So, my publisher's waiting.
What did he say?

What does the Red Lady stand for?

He said... it was
symbolic of his cock.

Really.

Really?

Straight up.

Swear on my nan's life.

Unbelievable. That's unbelievable.

Yeah. I know. Isn't it?

Fertility, power,
creation - that works.

That totally works.

Good.

Shit, I've got to completely
rewrite my foreword.

And chapter five.

And chapter six.
Oh, my God - chapter six!

So I went to check out that house,

and it was basically exactly the same
as this except it smelt really weird.

So I thought... fuck it.

We're just going to stay here,
but we'll upgrade it.

I've drawn up some plans.

My decks will go over there,
mirror balls, optics,

stage for the erotic live shows.

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to House 2.0.

Ignore the cocks -
they're just decorative.

So, speaking of House 2.0, which
could potentially be quite annoying,

I'm going to ask
Heather to move in with us.

What with me.
If that's all right with everyone.

No way, Jose.

Not a chance, Charles Dance.

Why not?
What have you got against Heather?

You're a couple, I'm not living with
a couple - they're very... coupley.

If you two are having breakfast,
I have to get Oregon to come

downstairs with me, so I don't feel
like Glenn the fucking Gooseberry.

And... I mean this like in a really
nice way, erm,

she can be a little bit weird
sometimes.

She's not weird.
How is she... how is she weird?

Give me one example.

Well, like she says really
weird stuff sometimes.

Like when she said
we should paint the house purple

so we could know what it's like
to live inside a bruise.

That's just her sense of humour.
She's got a great sense of humour.

Everything she says
sounds like a hipster joke.

Mate, she's a sarcastronaut
and she rides an irono-cycle.

Whereas you're painfully earnest.

She's not right for you.

Fuck off, she's perfect for me.

So, sorry, what are you saying?

That I have to choose between you
and my girlfriend?

No.

OK, well, fine. I choose Heather.

So fuck you!

Kingsley, come back... Kingsley.

Kingsley!

Look, it's fine, we don't need him,
we can still stay together.

We just need someone to replace him.
Could be Giles.

Could be Howard's weird psychopath
boyfriend from the abattoir.

Could be... Sabine?

Would Sabine move back in?

I don't think she would.

She might, we could ask.

Howard, can you Skype Sabine
and ask her

whether she's willing
to move back in with us?

I will not be doing that.

Why not?

Because she has just sent me
an email informing me

that she is pregnant
and I am the father of her child.

Dylan, what the fuck
are you doing here?!

I just came to say hi.

Well, you can't just come and say hi!

Well, why not?

Oh, my God - isn't it obvious?

No?

Because... it's rude.

It's rude to come and see you?

Yes! It feels like
you're checking up on me.

I'm not checking up on you.
I just came to say hi.

Well, great. You've said hi
and you've checked up on me

and you've made sure your
little songbird is in its cage.

So I think you should probably go

before I get really cross
about this patronising bullshit.

OK. Can I have a kiss?

For fuck's sake... fine.

Oh, come on!

The landlord's given me
the keys even though we're not moving in till autumn,

so we can move our stuff in
whenever.

That is so cool!

Oh, my God!

I know. Right?
That was my first reaction as well.

"Oh, my God!"

It's so small!

Yeah, I know! It's cute, isn't it?

The hallway is actually
bigger than the flat.

Yeah! Not quite, but... yeah.

So... can I give you the tour?

Will it take long? Only kidding.

So... this is the bedroom area.

And then this is
the cooking-slash-dining...

slash-living-slash-reception-
slash-chillout area.

And that concludes our tour.

Oh, my God, it's going to be
amazing. Like grown-ups.

I can sit here and... grow my beard

and we can get a microwave

and we can keep it really clean.

And we could get a cat.

No cat. It's too small for a cat.
That would be cruel.

Thanks for popping in, Oregon.

So I've sorted
the wording for the invites.

"Rhombus Press
invites you to the launch

"of its first bi-annual
collection of essays,

"Ian McEwan's Afraid
Of Virginia Woolf..."

I saw my son kissing a girl earlier

and I damaged my corpuscle muscle

and it hurts.

Ah...

Leave him alone.

He's got a new girlfriend
called Melissa

and she's supposed to be lovely
and I don't want you to ruin that.

Uh, Melissa is...

is my real name.

If any of us have "real" names,

according to Derrida's
study of names...

I see.

All right.

Well, so, now I'm wondering
when you're going to end it.

Will Tuesday be all right?

Because I'd like him to meet

a nice girl who hasn't
fucked his dad.

And there are hundreds of girls
who haven't fucked his dad,

so if we can just clear out
of the way

all the girls
whohavefucked his dad,

then maybe we could set him up
with one who hasn't.

But, Jean, I love him.

No, you don't.

Now,

either you tell him,

or I tell him. Understood?

I'll tell him.

Lovely, thanks.

Oh, by the way.

My brother Andrew and my aunt
Eleanor are coming to the party.

Try not to fuck either of them.

What's with all the boxes?

We're leaving some stuff at
our new place over the summer.

What? No! You can't do that!
You can't leave!

You have to stay here!

We're moving out, JP.

Look, what if I give you my room?

You can have it as a sort of
pied-a-terre-slash-fuckpad.

I'll sleep in
Howard's crouching spot.

No.

What are you doing?

Writing a poem.

What's it about?

It's a lost John Frobisher poem

called What We Talk About
When We Talk Out Our Mouths.

I'm going to flog it to Shales.
Clear my overdraft.

OK. Isn't that forgery?

Yeah.

You know, I always knew
I was creative,

but what's really
surprised me, though,

is the awesome power
of my imagination.

It's like there's
literally... nothing I can't imagine.

Is that my imagination?

Howard,

is there a pig in our garden?

Yes.

Why is there a pig in our garden?

Because I have decided
to rescue an animal

to atone for my sins
at the abattoir.

Look, what if I threw in

some His and Hers
monogrammed dressing gowns?

K's already paid the deposit.

We'll have a house meeting,
tonight in the pub,

and I want everyone to be there.

I cannot attend.

I have no social life
because of my pig.

I've got to feed my pig.

I love my pig, but I have
a selfish pig. Aren't you?

Yes, you are!

You can bring the fucking pig.

Dylan, there's something
I want to tell you.

Oh, well, there's something
I want to tell you too.

But, you go first.

No, you go first.

- Really?
- Yeah.

OK. Uh, well...

I've been thinking.

Um...

do you want to take
a year's sabbatical

and go travelling
around South America with me?

Oh, my God! Are you serious?

I just... I think it
would besogreat.

Just the two of us,
just reading and talking.

That would be perfect!
Oh, my God! I could write my novel!

I could read it!
I'll need something to read!

Oh, my God! That would be amazing!

I would totally love to do that!
Let's totally do that!

Let's do that now.
Let's do it tonight.

Er, well... I can't go tonight.
I'm waiting for my passport.

But in three weeks' time
we are out of here.

OK, how's this - we go to Scotland.

Now, immediately, tonight.

Then, three weeks' time,
we fly from Glasgow to La Paz.

Yeah, could do.

Hey, what did you want to say?

You...

have nice eyes.

Thanks.

Oh, and the other thing
I wanted to say was

my mum has invited me
to your party tomorrow.

Oh, fuck!

Uh, cos the other thing
I was going to say is

I'm not going
to the party tomorrow.

You have to go. It's your party.

We should do something else.
We could go on a day trip.

We could go to Glasgow. We could
go anywhere. Isn't that amazing?

My mum made me promise to go.
She's got something important to tell me.

OK, I will go to the party,
actually, yeah.

Oh, great.

Yeah... brilliant.

I er, sold my
Frobisher poem to Shales.

This is the start of the
poetry millions, motherhumpers!

I am joining the gravy train
all the way to Dubai

with Andy Motion
and Purple Ronnie.

So the reason that
I've asked you all here today

is because I think it's
very important that we talk.

Actually, I've got
an announcement to make...

Yeah, zip it.

When I said "we", what
I actually meant by that was "me".

Dylan's asked me
if I would do him the honour

of going backpacking
round Brazil with him.

And I've said yes.

And we're going to end up in Rio

so if any of you fancy a beach
holiday at the end of the summer

that would be really cool, because we
probably won't see you after

cos we're taking a year off

to go backpacking around
the whole of South America.

How dare you? This is a disaster!

It's a disgrace!

I...I'm sorry,
I need a minute, just to...

Don't you think you should have
a word with Dylan before you go?

Tell the lad you've had his dad?

I'm not going to tell him.
It would be a waste.

Cos I could be captured
by narco-terrorists

and then I can just
tell him on video.

So your plan is to go to
South America, get kidnapped

and then tell him
from a secure compound?

Yeah. And then, if he's sad, it will
give him a sense of perspective.

Oh, it would.

OK. So, I've, er, regrouped.

Actually, Kingsley and I
also have an announcement.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

We are getting a place together.

Because we are very much in love.
Isn't that right, Kings?

Yes.

Oh, that's great.

That is so fucking selfish!

Vod, you're still staying with me,
aren't you?

You fucking kidding me?
Just me and you?

Not going to happen, mate.

OK. Look. I really
want you all to stay.

Well, count me in! I don't know
if I've said before,

but I'm not going anywhere.
I'll be here.

Well, I've contacted the university

and I'm in the process
of buying the house.

What?!

Yeah, that's right.
This shit just got real.

I'm going to buy the house

and then lease you back
your rooms at half the rent

so we can all stay together.

So what do you say?

And I won't take no for an answer.
Oregon?

No.

Yeah, I won't take no for an answer.

Are we staying together, Kingsley?

No.

I won't take no for an answer.

Funky, are we staying together?

No.

I won't take no for an answer.

Look... you're not listening.

We have to stay together.

I want us to stay together.

We need to stay together.

I will make you stay with me.

JP, stop it.

You don't understand!

My dad's dead, my mum's sold up,

I've been deserted by all
of my friends with proper trousers.

And, yeah, when I first met you
I thought you were

a group of freaks and losers
and pinheads.

And you were, but...

Will you please be fucking
quiet, Jenny?!

I need you guys!

That house is not just my house.

It's my home.

JP, you cannot turn the tide.

You are not Canute.

Well, no, hold on.

Canute could not turn the tide.

You are Canute.

It's over, JP.

What if I threw in a hot tub?

It's going to be great next year.
Just the two of us.

Yeah.

Although I am going to miss sharing.

You won't miss sharing.

I mean, you've got a
great place. I love this place.

It's so... cosy.
It's hard to lose anything!

Shall we open another
bottle of wine?

Could do, yeah.

Why not?

Oh, I don't know.

Or maybe... not.

We could just talk, and if we want,

we could open it later?

Could do.

Actually, I'm... I'm quite tired.

Can we stay here tonight?

Sure.

Do you want to crash here?

Oh, um... I don't know.
Is there room?

It's not like
there's a guest bedroom!

No.

Maybe I should go.

Erm, well, are you sure?

Don't try to
talk her out of it, babe. She's obviously made up her mind.

Yeah.

OK. I'll see you out.

OK.

Erm...

Well, here we are.

Thanks for... showing me out.

Thanks for coming over.

I'm really glad
Kingsley invited you round.

Yeah, no, it's been great.

It's nice, the... three of us
together again.

Yeah. Yeah, it was. I hope it's not
the last time we do this.

But, you know, Vod's moving out,

Oregon's heading off,

we've got a place together.

Everyone's sort of... moving on.

Maybe it would be good
for you to do that too.

Yeah, erm... maybe.

It was just a thought. Night.

Hey, Kingsley, serious question -
is my TV bigger than your new flat?

No.

I bet it is. Are you having
second thoughts about moving out?

No. I bet you are.

If anything, it's making me
want to move out faster.

Hi, guys! So, we're going
to go now. To the party...

which will be great. Please come
to the party, to support me.

And to have a nice time. Free booze!

Um, because the party
will be lovely... obviously.

Why wouldn't it be?

Bit nervous.
Silly, I know - it's a party.

A party!

Everyone's going to
have a great time.

You have to tell him, now.
Before you get to the house...

the house where his mum lives.

Cos otherwise, Mummy Bear is
going to tell Baby Bear about how

Goldilocks used to think Daddy
Bear's porridge tasted just right.

I know. You're right.
I do, don't I?

Do I?

I do. I do.
But do I? No, I do, I do.

And I will. I'm going to.

I'll definitely do it now.
I'll do it now.

Are we waiting for any reason?

No.

I'll be outside.

I'll tell him on the way. I swear.

You should tell him.

Not that it's my business.

I did not know you were coming back.

Hey, Sabster, is there any chance
you want to maybe move back in?

No, I only came back to
see my PhD supervisor.

I wouldn't have
come back, at all,

because, as you know,
I don't like you

and you are not good people,
but I decided since I am here

I will collect my sandwich toaster
before you put it on eBay.

OK...

So, here we are.

Let's just wait here a bit
before we go in.

Why?

Because I need to tell you...

I love you.

I know I've already said that,
but I really, really love you.

I love you, too.

Good.

Would you like a cup of tea?

No, thank you. I don't like the way
you make your tea. It is not nice.

OK. Just so you know, I have been

testing my parental skills with a
small pig I recently acquired from

the abattoir, and they are adequate.

Therefore, I have come
to the conclusion

that we should live together.

Could be here, could be Rotterdam,
although obviously

the Netherlands are less interesting
than the United Kingdom,

geologically speaking.
That is a factor.

Howard...

Sabine... please.

I have done a cost-benefit analysis
and it shows...

we should get married.

I was not expecting this.

Yes, the results of the cost-benefit
analysis surprised to me, too.

But, look...
It wouldn't have to be romantic...

unless you wanted it to be.

It would be more like...
an arranged marriage,

but...

we've arranged it.

I'm not pregnant.

My period was late,
but then it came.

Sabine, I have been rearing
a pig... in preparation.

Did you not think to mention this?!

I'm sorry. I forgot.
I didn't realise you'd rear a pig.

Nevertheless... Apology accepted.

Would you be interested...
in, any way, marrying me... at all?

I'm not going to marry you.

That's a really weird idea.

For Dutch person,
marriage is not an option.

Nobody gets married any more.

But just so you know...
you are a real trier at making love

and we had some great sex.
So... Sorry, OK?

Of course.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

So predictable.

Classic.

Absolutely... classic.

Woo hoo-hoo! Party!

What the fuck?!

Oh, shit. Dylan, I think
I left my mobile in the car.

Could you go and check?

It's probably in your bag.

Go check the fucking car.

OK. I will go and do that.

You haven't told him, have you?

I was wondering...

Instead of telling him today,

could I tell him
in three weeks' time, in Belem?

It's in Brazil.

No. I won't lie to him, Oregon.
I'll give you ten minutes.

Oh, um, no, thanks. I think
I'll just have an orange juice,

sort of, end of year resolution.

So, where's Heather?

She's stuck having lunch
with her parents.

Oh, shame.

Hm.

So, well done us,
for getting through the first year.

Here's to next year.

Yeah. I mean, I won't be here, cos
I got on to Zoology in Southampton.

What?

You can't do that.

Er, yeah, no, I can, cos, er,
donkeys have teeth, too.

And with animals,
if you accidentally drill through

the side of their face,
they don't make a fuss.

But that's mental.

So, like, this could be
the last time I ever see you?

Yeah, I guess so.

But that's stupid.

Tony, I need to talk to you.

Interesting.

Because last time I saw you,
you were telling me to fuck off.

But I've been thinking, everything's
going well for me at the moment so,

in a way, it might be better
if you were to fuck off.

Because you're young
and you don't have two mortgages.

And if the rumours about us
got out, you wouldn't lose your job.

I've been thinking it might
be good if maybe you went to York.

What?

We need a clean slate and you're
very tempting to me, as you know.

But everything would be good
for me, if you were in York.

And good for you, too, of course.
It's a very good university.

There's the Jorvik Centre.

Fuck off, Tony.

Stop telling me to fuck off.
It's not nice.

Listen, Jean is about to tell
Dylan about us. Now. Right now.

Oh, shit.

Here's what I'm thinking -
we let Jean tell Dylan.

Then we deny everything.
Then we say that Jean's mad.

OK. Great. I like it.

- I mean I don't think it'll work, but...
- It's two against one.

If we both say Jean's losing it,
then maybe

we can convince Dylan
that sheislosing it.

Maybe you could go further - you
can put her handbag in the fridge.

Or we could hire a lookalike,

then people will say they've seen
her in places she hasn't been.

It could work.
She's so self-dramatising anyway.

But we have to be clear...

we must never admit to anyone
that we slept together.

What?!

Ah. Now. Taken out of context,
that may have sounded odd.

Yes, it did. It really did.

Well, it's a long story.

My God, Dylan, I'm so sorry.

Dylan, we had sex and we had
a couple of mini-breaks

in Buxton and Stratford.

And Buttermere.

So you're what, having an affair?

No, absolutely not. Not any more.

Oh, fucking hell. I mean... what
the fuck, Dad? That's my girlfriend.

Firstly, Dylan,
less of the language.

Secondly, in many ways, consider
this... my seal of approval.

I think she's great!

Dylan, it was all in the past.
It was before I met you.

Yes, I did love your dad, and yes,
I, sort of, had a crush on your mum.

Sorry, you fancy my mum?

Not really.
I just wanted to fuck her mind.

But then I met you and I realised
it was you I really loved.

Have you told him?

Oh, shitting fuck...

Dylan, language!

You knew, too? Am I the only person
at this party that didn't know?

Did you know?

Yeah, I, kind of, did, geez. Sorry.

Bit of a head fuck really, isn't it?

Do you mind?

Sorry.

Oregon? Does this mean you might
be up for sharing the house again?

Wrong moment?

I really like champagne flutes.

Yeah, they're good, aren't they?

Yeah. Why are they called flutes,
though?

I don't know. I mean, they're not
really like flutes, are they?

They're not really like
any sort of musical instrument.

But I suppose if you rub them in a
certain way they will make a noise.

So, in that sense they are
like a musical instrument.

I like flutes,
but not as much as I like trumpets.

Yeah. I love trumpets.
I fucking love them.

Yeah. I fucking love them, as well.

So to recap...

none of my friends
want to live with me,

my mum doesn't want to know me,
my dad's dead

and... this really isn't
working as a come on,

so I'm just going to walk away now,

because my heart's
not really in this.

What? Where?

There? Is that right?

Yes! Yes!

Fuck off!

Bravo, Tony. Well done.

This is classic displacement.
You don't care about Dylan.

You're jealous because
my book is overshadowing yours.

You're just using him as a way to
hurt me because you're a cold bitch.

You all right?

Just because I don't fuck my students
doesn't mean I'm a cold bitch.

Not for the first time,

your understanding of subtext
is found wanting.

There you are, Jean!

Polly, hi...

Dylan knows about Tony
and Tony wants me to go to York.

What a bastard.

Tell you what, I could try
to get you both in if you want.

There's also a rail museum.

You're a rail museum!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Fuck off!

At least there's always you, Howard.
You're... constant.

You never change.

I've come to say goodbye.
I'm going home.

And unlike Arnie and 1970s-style
stagflation, I may not be back.

Don't say that. What about me?

I am so confused.

It's like my operating system
has been infected

by a Trojan horse
called Sabine.

I need to perform a full
system scan and reboot.

Howard, you can't go.

Look, when I first met you,
you were an uber-dweeb.

And now, you're still very
much on the spectrum, but...

I've learnt to like you.

Not like.
I've become attached to you.

Like someone might become attached

to a good dry cleaners
or an affable concierge.

So, you see, you have to stay.

OK, off now.

Fuck off! Fuck off!

Or are we just all sheep, dressed
in Virginia Woolf's clothing?

So let me just say, thank you
to all of you, for being here.

To celebrate me! Cheers.

Cheers.

I'd, er, also like to say some words.

As you know, Tony is about
to have a book published.

A book about the poet John Frobisher.

In it, he says that Frobisher's
Red Lady is symbolic of his cock.

It's not symbolic of his cock.
It's symbolic of art.

And I know that because
John Frobisher wrote that to me

in a book of his poems he gave me
on a night we did loads of coke.

Guess his book's going to need
another re-write, eh?

So in conclusion, John Frobisher
is great, especially that last poem.

"What we talk about
when we talk out our mouths".

And Tony Shales
is a bell end. Cheers.

Thank you, Vod. Thank you so much.

I would also like to make a speech.

Um, as many of you
will have just realised,

I am about to become
a laughing stock.

My academic career is in tatters.

Er, of course, things could
be worse and, indeed, they are.

I have had an affair with
one of my students, who, in turn,

has started sleeping with my son,

who has just found out about
our pre-existing relationship.

It's all right, everyone. I've spoken
to Dylan. And I think he's OK.

Fuck you, Dad!

Wanker.

Every aspect of my life
and my family's life has unravelled.

So, it's congratulations to my son
and commiserations to me.

Public apology.

We're all so unhappy. We're all
dying inside at the summer party.

But, I will fight my son
for the hand of that fair maiden.

I will not let go of the woman
that I ravished

so hungrily on that picnic table
in the Lake District.

I love you, Oregon!

Fuck off, Granddad!

Who knew that having sex
sober could be so much fun?

Fair dos to us, to the...
the team - we did do it brilliantly.

Yeah, like, we, together, must just
be like really, really good at sex.

As a pairing,
it's one of our core skill sets.

Fuck off! Fuck off!

Dylan, I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.

No, I've thought about you being
with my Dad, um...

No, don't think about it.

I don't want you to think about it.

I've thought about it and...
and I've had a walk and a think

and a vodka and I've set fire
to my duvet and I've thought

about it some more and I've thought
maybe, actually, it's... it's OK.

I mean, you didn't know me.

I didn't know you...
so, maybe, actually, it's OK.

I mean, let's never have
a big family meal. That...

that would be weird, but...

I've thought about and I think
I can forget about all that

and just think about you
and me instead.

Actually, I've thought about it
again and it's too weird.

You fucked my dad.
Well, what the fuck's that about?

Chocolate shaped like unicorns!

Drinking strawberry
milkshake in the bath!

Fat puppies falling off tables,
but never hurting themselves!

Having perfectly white,
perfectly straight teeth, for ever!

Headlining Glastonbury!

Having a latte with Johnny Depp!

I think she'll be OK.

Yeah, she'll be OK.

So look...

what about us?
What happens next?

What do you mean?

I've split up with Heather?

I don't believe you.

I can show you the text.

Oh, that's classy. What did she say?

I don't know.
She hasn't replied yet.

Oh.

What?

It hasn't sent. Shall I re-send it?

It's up to you.

It's kind of up to me.

And it's, kind of, up to you, too?

'I just...'

want to know, before I get
off my current train that, you know,

there's a coach wait...

I mean, that obviously...
that sounds bad.

No, no, no, that's fine.

All aboard the rail
replacement Josie bus.

Er, you know,
maybe we should just take some time

and think about what we want.

Sure, sure, but,
I-I know what I want.

I just don't want to end
up between girlfriends,

because of a misunderstanding.

I am happy to finish with Heather,
totally...

It's me!

Hi!

Goodnight.

Sorry.

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