Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,599
There's no wonder
there's a recession on
2
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,119
if all these companies are
just giving away so many pens.
3
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:22,760
I think you're only
meant to take one.
4
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:25,999
Yeah, Kingsley, let's all take one of
things, like good little communists.
5
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,199
Sorry, I forgot we're living in Cuba.
6
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:29,839
Where next, Howard?
7
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,879
Howard, what are you doing?
8
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,318
I've got blood on my sleeve.
I don't want BP to see it.
9
00:00:34,319 --> 00:00:35,600
We're not talking to BP.
10
00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:38,999
Not after they did that massive oily
shit all over the Gulf of Mexico.
11
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,039
Yeah, but Kings, in their defence,
that was miles away.
12
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,879
And they're giving away free...
13
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:44,839
Howard?
14
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:45,919
Mouse mats.
15
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,640
Oh, well then. If you'll excuse me,
16
00:00:47,641 --> 00:00:50,519
this cat is going to
gets his paws on the mouse...
17
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:51,680
mats.
18
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,599
Fine. Come on then.
Let's meet the Fockers.
19
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,359
And behave yourself, OK?
20
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,559
Some of these guys may well
want a piece of me.
21
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,718
They kill the planet.
Someone's got to tell them.
22
00:01:03,719 --> 00:01:05,640
Someone is telling them.
His name is Sting.
23
00:01:05,641 --> 00:01:08,159
Anyway, it's America's fault.
24
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,799
If the Yanks are actually
upset about the Gulf of Mexico,
25
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,400
they should start cycling.
26
00:01:24,297 --> 00:01:49,144
27
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,519
A-hem.
28
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,159
Nobody called or anything,
so I tidied up.
29
00:02:02,639 --> 00:02:04,638
I also defragged the hard-drive.
30
00:02:04,639 --> 00:02:07,158
I also did an aerial map
of the office.
31
00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:08,918
Oh.
32
00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,158
Yes.
33
00:02:11,159 --> 00:02:12,679
Why did you do that?
34
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,288
Nobody called.
35
00:02:15,289 --> 00:02:17,768
Where's this stuff going, Jee?
36
00:02:17,769 --> 00:02:21,768
Oh, er, just pop it on my desk, Deh.
Oregon, this is Derek.
37
00:02:21,769 --> 00:02:23,649
He's going to be working with us
from now on.
38
00:02:23,650 --> 00:02:25,009
Hi.
39
00:02:28,129 --> 00:02:29,448
I was sitting there.
40
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,448
I'm hot-desking.
41
00:02:31,449 --> 00:02:34,088
Any chance of a cup of tea?
42
00:02:34,089 --> 00:02:36,488
Oooh, I'd murder a cup of tea.
43
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,729
So could I.
44
00:02:40,449 --> 00:02:42,128
So I guess I'll just make some.
45
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:44,449
I brought my own mug.
46
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:51,368
And there's the BP summer internship
scheme for particularly promising students.
47
00:02:51,369 --> 00:02:54,008
I'm particularly promising.
48
00:02:54,009 --> 00:02:55,409
Well, I can give you a form
if you want?
49
00:02:55,410 --> 00:02:56,649
Yes, please.
50
00:03:03,569 --> 00:03:06,129
Thanks. What's the green form?
Can I have a green form?
51
00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:15,688
It says there's an application
pack. Can I have one, please?
52
00:03:15,689 --> 00:03:17,449
Yeah, we like to let people
read about the internship before...
53
00:03:17,450 --> 00:03:19,969
Can I have one, please?
54
00:03:35,769 --> 00:03:37,688
OK. I get it.
55
00:03:37,689 --> 00:03:40,089
You ask for stuff while
he steals the mouse mats.
56
00:03:40,090 --> 00:03:42,048
No! I want a pack. I do.
57
00:03:42,049 --> 00:03:44,048
I mean, he is stealing
mouse mats, but...
58
00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:46,488
I'm not stealing anything,
they're free.
59
00:03:46,489 --> 00:03:48,008
I'm not a part of this.
60
00:03:48,009 --> 00:03:50,008
I've got a built
in mouse-pad on my laptop.
61
00:03:50,009 --> 00:03:51,127
I don't need a mouse mat.
62
00:03:51,128 --> 00:03:52,289
Er, any chance of a photo?
63
00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:54,768
I'll be in a photo.
64
00:03:54,769 --> 00:03:57,208
Wait, what's that?
65
00:03:57,209 --> 00:03:59,288
Oh, that's not my blood.
66
00:03:59,289 --> 00:04:00,768
I work in an abattoir.
67
00:04:00,769 --> 00:04:03,569
This is a cable knit jumper,
it just sucks it up like Weetabix.
68
00:04:04,929 --> 00:04:06,288
Yeah, not this guy.
69
00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:09,288
He's too on message
for a Geology student.
70
00:04:09,289 --> 00:04:10,489
Take him away, would you?
71
00:04:10,490 --> 00:04:12,489
No, no, no please!
72
00:04:13,849 --> 00:04:15,008
Sure. Come on.
73
00:04:15,009 --> 00:04:17,409
This guy's good.
Let's have a photo with this one.
74
00:04:17,410 --> 00:04:18,488
Me?
75
00:04:18,489 --> 00:04:20,328
Yeah, come on.
76
00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:23,208
So, you're interested
in working for BP?
77
00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:24,568
Um, not really.
78
00:04:24,569 --> 00:04:26,287
Don't believe all
that stuff you read.
79
00:04:26,288 --> 00:04:28,407
Not everything wrong
with the world is our fault.
80
00:04:28,408 --> 00:04:29,849
Yeah, I know. Some of it's Shell.
81
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:31,608
Hmm, exactly!
82
00:04:31,609 --> 00:04:34,328
Anyway, if the Americans are really
upset about the effects
83
00:04:34,329 --> 00:04:36,569
of deep water drilling,
they should start cycling.
84
00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:38,568
What did you say your name was?
85
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:40,328
Kingsley.
86
00:04:40,329 --> 00:04:44,128
Macauley. We have similar names.
87
00:04:44,129 --> 00:04:46,009
Mm. Yeah, sort of...
88
00:04:56,289 --> 00:04:58,928
Of course it's not an arm.
89
00:04:58,929 --> 00:05:00,289
It looks very arm-y, though.
90
00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:02,328
Which bit of the abattoir
is this from, Howard?
91
00:05:02,329 --> 00:05:05,288
The animal bit or the
industrial accidents area?
92
00:05:05,289 --> 00:05:07,768
Leg, yes.
93
00:05:07,769 --> 00:05:09,408
Wing, yes.
94
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:12,568
Arm, a limb too far, my friend.
95
00:05:12,569 --> 00:05:14,568
I won't eat something
that could punch me.
96
00:05:14,569 --> 00:05:18,409
It's 100% probably not an arm.
97
00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:21,608
Oregon, is that you?
98
00:05:21,609 --> 00:05:23,248
No, it's us, we're home!
99
00:05:23,249 --> 00:05:26,369
What does she mean home?
She doesn't fucking live here.
100
00:05:27,889 --> 00:05:29,328
Hey, where were you?
101
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,768
Just at the Union.
102
00:05:30,769 --> 00:05:32,408
Yeah, I was talking to Heather.
103
00:05:32,409 --> 00:05:34,009
We were going to
go for a run at seven?
104
00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:36,808
Yeah, me and Kingsley went
for a quick drink because...
105
00:05:36,809 --> 00:05:38,928
Tuesday's my night, Kingsley!
You know the rota.
106
00:05:38,929 --> 00:05:41,129
If you want to see Heather,
you wait till Wednesday.
107
00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:44,208
Erm, well, it couldn't be helped,
we had some good news.
108
00:05:44,209 --> 00:05:46,968
Are you pregnant?
If so, get rid. Seriously.
109
00:05:46,969 --> 00:05:48,728
Don't even flinch. Just, get rid.
110
00:05:48,729 --> 00:05:51,888
No. God, no. No.
111
00:05:51,889 --> 00:05:55,968
Just, I've been invited to some BP
drinks thing at the end of the week.
112
00:05:55,969 --> 00:06:00,808
What! How? Like what "thing"?
113
00:06:00,809 --> 00:06:02,568
It's called, Students to Watch.
114
00:06:02,569 --> 00:06:05,568
It's no big deal, although
they only select 15 students
115
00:06:05,569 --> 00:06:07,249
from the entire country
or something.
116
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:10,608
Oh, he's getting all excited
about it.
117
00:06:10,609 --> 00:06:13,009
I'm not, I'm, whatever,
maybe I'll go, maybe I won't.
118
00:06:13,010 --> 00:06:14,048
Who knows?
119
00:06:14,049 --> 00:06:15,249
Well, presumably you know.
120
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,848
BP? Are you serious?
121
00:06:17,849 --> 00:06:20,648
I had a photo taken with a guy
and we got talking.
122
00:06:20,649 --> 00:06:21,969
And now you're in the club.
123
00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:24,248
Oooh, now you get to go round
killing seabirds
124
00:06:24,249 --> 00:06:26,047
and putting bets on
which Chinese kids
125
00:06:26,048 --> 00:06:27,929
are going to die first
in the sweat shops.
126
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:31,488
I don't think BP have sweat shops
so much as petrol stations, but...
127
00:06:31,489 --> 00:06:35,088
It's the same machine. BP, Tesco's,
Millets, all of 'em, Lush.
128
00:06:35,089 --> 00:06:38,048
You can dress that shit up until it
looks all sweet and lovely,
129
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,608
but you can't stop it stinking.
130
00:06:39,609 --> 00:06:43,048
Yeah. I agree with that. Strongly.
131
00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:45,409
With what? None of us know
what she's talking about.
132
00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:48,288
She's basically just saying
that you're now nothing
133
00:06:48,289 --> 00:06:50,168
but a puppet for the man.
134
00:06:50,169 --> 00:06:51,408
Exactly.
135
00:06:51,409 --> 00:06:52,689
Which man is this?
136
00:06:52,690 --> 00:06:55,288
The man...
137
00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:58,728
The man who runs...
the whole thing.
138
00:06:58,729 --> 00:07:02,568
The BP CEO is called Bob Dudley.
139
00:07:02,569 --> 00:07:03,968
Not him.
140
00:07:03,969 --> 00:07:06,528
We're talking about the guy
behind the guy.
141
00:07:06,529 --> 00:07:08,128
You know, the guy you don't see.
142
00:07:08,129 --> 00:07:11,328
Right. You mean Executive
Director Iain Conn, then?
143
00:07:11,329 --> 00:07:14,088
Why are BP even
interested in you, Kings?
144
00:07:14,089 --> 00:07:16,848
Is it some sort of affirmative action
thing because you're poor?
145
00:07:16,849 --> 00:07:19,529
I don't know, OK, but they are.
Now let's just all eat some...
146
00:07:22,769 --> 00:07:24,088
Is that an arm?
147
00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:26,448
Would you like some oil on it,
Kingsley?
148
00:07:26,449 --> 00:07:27,809
Seeing as you love oil so much.
149
00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:31,688
Seeing as you love covering
animals in oil.
150
00:07:31,689 --> 00:07:33,207
That's a waste because that's extra
virgin...
151
00:07:33,208 --> 00:07:34,289
You're extra virgin,
152
00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:36,328
you virgin-until-really-recently
dickhead!
153
00:07:36,329 --> 00:07:38,849
Cool. Well, this has gone
really well.
154
00:07:42,489 --> 00:07:44,488
You OK?
155
00:07:44,489 --> 00:07:48,968
Yeah, I'm fucking fab.
So, are we going for a run or not?
156
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:53,728
Well, it's night time, and
my arm's still a bit sore from...
157
00:07:53,729 --> 00:07:57,248
OK, God, look!
I am sorry that I broke your arm!
158
00:07:57,249 --> 00:07:59,329
But Jesus!
Can we please get over it!
159
00:08:03,369 --> 00:08:05,248
I didn't mean it like that.
160
00:08:05,249 --> 00:08:06,488
Sabine!
161
00:08:06,489 --> 00:08:08,808
Oregon's not home so you
can have her... arm!
162
00:08:08,809 --> 00:08:10,609
It may well not be an arm!
163
00:08:11,929 --> 00:08:13,409
Where is Oregon, anyway?
164
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:24,809
Hi, Jee.
165
00:08:25,889 --> 00:08:28,248
Yeah, I'm still here.
166
00:08:28,249 --> 00:08:30,368
Tell her I'm still here.
167
00:08:30,369 --> 00:08:33,368
Just in case any emails come in
from the States or... Exactly.
168
00:08:33,369 --> 00:08:35,128
Tell her I'm here.
169
00:08:35,129 --> 00:08:37,728
OK. Yeah. Will do. OK, thanks. Bye.
170
00:08:37,729 --> 00:08:42,969
Jee, Jean. Hi, hi. It's Oregon,
yeah. I'm also still here.
171
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,609
Is that OK?
172
00:08:50,729 --> 00:08:53,609
Yeah, just the Tea Tree shower gel
makes it go all tingly.
173
00:09:01,929 --> 00:09:04,888
"Too on message for a Geology
student."
174
00:09:04,889 --> 00:09:07,088
That's what the BP guy said.
175
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:09,928
Too on message. What does that mean?
176
00:09:09,929 --> 00:09:14,168
I think what he's saying is that you
don't really lay down a great vibe.
177
00:09:14,169 --> 00:09:18,088
Well, no, I'm deliberately vibeless.
I'm the minister without vibe.
178
00:09:18,089 --> 00:09:21,128
Look, everyone's got a vibe,
Howard.
179
00:09:21,129 --> 00:09:23,808
You know, yours is the whole NHS
specs, chronic masturbator,
180
00:09:23,809 --> 00:09:25,089
Lord of the Rings fan vibe.
181
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:27,448
But I don't even like
Lord of the Rings!
182
00:09:27,449 --> 00:09:30,888
Look, don't sweat it, How.
183
00:09:30,889 --> 00:09:35,128
We don't even need these BP goons to
vibe with us because we're mavericks.
184
00:09:35,129 --> 00:09:37,488
We'll make our money by inventing
something
185
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,568
or money laundering, whatever.
186
00:09:39,569 --> 00:09:42,808
It's just I get excellent
exam results
187
00:09:42,809 --> 00:09:46,408
and a robust reference from the
abattoir, but I lose out to the guy
188
00:09:46,409 --> 00:09:50,088
with the better haircut
and less memorable handshake.
189
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:51,769
Why? What's your handshake?
190
00:09:57,049 --> 00:09:58,529
Yeah, stop doing that.
191
00:10:04,569 --> 00:10:05,968
This is bonkers!
192
00:10:05,969 --> 00:10:10,248
BP give all management a Toyota
Avensis and full life insurance!
193
00:10:10,249 --> 00:10:11,968
It's what Cobain died for.
194
00:10:11,969 --> 00:10:14,169
I'm just saying, it's interesting.
195
00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:16,287
In the event of my death,
196
00:10:16,288 --> 00:10:18,569
you'd receive a payout of ten
times my annual salary.
197
00:10:18,570 --> 00:10:21,608
Right, so what you're saying is
give up on the dentistry,
198
00:10:21,609 --> 00:10:24,128
just marry and then kill you?
199
00:10:24,129 --> 00:10:26,208
You joke, but this is
a really big opportunity.
200
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,769
I thought you wanted to make music.
201
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:31,928
I know. I do, but maybe I could
make music and work for BP.
202
00:10:31,929 --> 00:10:33,648
They might have a house band.
203
00:10:33,649 --> 00:10:36,248
Yeah. I mean it's not exactly how
The Prodigy met, is it?
204
00:10:36,249 --> 00:10:37,808
In the BP house band.
205
00:10:37,809 --> 00:10:41,768
Well, no, sure
but you could see, say,
206
00:10:41,769 --> 00:10:46,368
Moby or a couple of Mumfords
working there?
207
00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:48,568
Yeah, yeah, agreed.
208
00:10:48,569 --> 00:10:50,408
So, you know, it's a dilemma.
209
00:10:50,409 --> 00:10:51,609
What should I do?
210
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,929
You genuinely want me
to tell you what to do?
211
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:56,409
It's just a huge-y, Heather.
212
00:10:56,410 --> 00:10:59,848
OK. Well, music's not
a reliable industry.
213
00:10:59,849 --> 00:11:03,088
Very few people get a record deal,
not many of them get a second album,
214
00:11:03,089 --> 00:11:05,289
and even then, the public
doesn't hear your stuff
215
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,888
because the radio's playing songs
by the Black Eyed Peas.
216
00:11:07,889 --> 00:11:10,327
You're right. Fuck it.
I'm going to be an oil man.
217
00:11:10,328 --> 00:11:12,489
I'm not spending twenty years
sucking up to A&R men
218
00:11:12,490 --> 00:11:15,128
and trying to get people to stop
listening to Jamie Cullum.
219
00:11:15,129 --> 00:11:18,408
I'm going to use this Geology degree
to make some bloody money,
220
00:11:18,409 --> 00:11:21,088
and then, when I'm rich as fuck,
I'll hire the Black Eyed Peas
221
00:11:21,089 --> 00:11:23,968
to come to my 40th birthday, but not
to play any music or anything,
222
00:11:23,969 --> 00:11:25,929
just so that I can tell them
that they're shit.
223
00:11:54,529 --> 00:11:56,409
You don't need to still be here,
you know.
224
00:11:56,410 --> 00:11:58,048
I can lock up on my own.
225
00:11:58,049 --> 00:12:00,248
I think Jean just appreciates
me staying,
226
00:12:00,249 --> 00:12:02,129
cos I've got editorial
experience, so...
227
00:12:02,130 --> 00:12:03,328
What?
228
00:12:03,329 --> 00:12:04,648
Have you?
229
00:12:04,649 --> 00:12:05,847
No, you haven't.
230
00:12:05,848 --> 00:12:08,249
Jean's allocated her funding
to the magazine I edit.
231
00:12:08,250 --> 00:12:11,368
So, yes. I have.
232
00:12:11,369 --> 00:12:15,288
But I wanted to start up a magazine.
That was my idea!
233
00:12:15,289 --> 00:12:16,648
You've stolen my idea!
234
00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:18,928
Oh, apologies.
Magazines are your idea?
235
00:12:18,929 --> 00:12:20,689
Are you going to sue
Vogue or something?
236
00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:23,168
And Jean said that I could
have that funding.
237
00:12:23,169 --> 00:12:25,449
Oh, well. Guess you can't.
238
00:12:42,289 --> 00:12:43,729
Pancakes. Anyone for pancakes?
239
00:12:44,969 --> 00:12:46,888
Can you believe Heather?
240
00:12:46,889 --> 00:12:48,488
Er, yeah.
241
00:12:48,489 --> 00:12:49,689
She made pancakes!
242
00:12:49,690 --> 00:12:51,328
Right. What a fucking bitch?
243
00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:52,368
Yeah, I know!
244
00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:54,968
Like, I know we're best mates
and stuff, but that is not cool.
245
00:12:54,969 --> 00:12:56,968
Pancakes are my thing.
I always make pancakes.
246
00:12:56,969 --> 00:12:58,848
Not for me you don't.
247
00:12:58,849 --> 00:13:00,888
You want pancakes?
I'll make you pancakes.
248
00:13:00,889 --> 00:13:03,249
I'll make you so many pancakes,
you'll think it's pancake day.
249
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,088
Right. Look forward to that then.
250
00:13:05,089 --> 00:13:06,488
Where you going?
251
00:13:06,489 --> 00:13:08,328
Got a shift at the hotel.
252
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,689
Can I come? Can I do that?
253
00:13:09,690 --> 00:13:13,768
Well, I am the boss now,
so I kind of can hire people...
254
00:13:13,769 --> 00:13:15,089
Hire me! You should hire me!
255
00:13:15,090 --> 00:13:17,888
Go on, we'll have a wicked time,
and we can get away from Heathsley.
256
00:13:17,889 --> 00:13:20,528
Heathsley? Is that
Heather and Kingsley?
257
00:13:20,529 --> 00:13:23,048
Yeah, Heathsley. Or Kingthler.
258
00:13:23,049 --> 00:13:24,409
Anyway, please Vod, go on.
259
00:13:35,489 --> 00:13:36,929
Too much flour.
260
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,599
Look at him.
261
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,519
He thinks he's
Ryan fucking Reynolds.
262
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,439
I can't believe BP were
duped by that slick shit.
263
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,239
Yeah, well, BP can blow me.
264
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,600
I've already started
coming up with invention ideas
265
00:13:56,601 --> 00:13:59,599
and, I've got to say,
they're pretty strong.
266
00:13:59,719 --> 00:14:01,198
What are the ideas?
267
00:14:01,199 --> 00:14:04,078
OK, so, the first one
is a Tank-copter.
268
00:14:04,079 --> 00:14:08,838
You basically put helicopter blades
onto a tank so that it can fly.
269
00:14:08,839 --> 00:14:11,278
Too heavy.
270
00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:14,278
Yeah, I did think that
it might be too heavy.
271
00:14:14,279 --> 00:14:16,998
So my next one
is an idea for a website,
272
00:14:16,999 --> 00:14:20,798
it's called www.howamIlooking?com.
273
00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:24,718
You can't have ?com.
It's got to be .com.
274
00:14:24,719 --> 00:14:25,839
Well, anyway...
275
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,798
You go onto howamIlooking?com,
276
00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:31,078
and then the computer screen
becomes a mirror.
277
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,558
Like an actual mirror.
278
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,457
Can't be done.
279
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:36,697
Yeah, well,
not with that attitude, no.
280
00:14:36,698 --> 00:14:39,018
Not with any attitude.
Any more?
281
00:14:40,458 --> 00:14:42,737
OK, and hear me out.
282
00:14:42,738 --> 00:14:46,897
An iPhone that is also a razor.
283
00:14:46,898 --> 00:14:48,657
Won't work.
284
00:14:48,658 --> 00:14:50,178
But look, it's so nearly there.
285
00:14:51,338 --> 00:14:53,037
That's you just doing the noise.
286
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,617
Yeah, I realise that.
287
00:14:54,618 --> 00:14:56,817
But what I'm saying is,
please can you help me?
288
00:14:56,818 --> 00:14:58,977
I want to get started
on the phone/razor,
289
00:14:58,978 --> 00:15:01,257
but I'm worried that
I'll break my phone.
290
00:15:01,258 --> 00:15:05,417
Right, OK, go to the Computer
Sciences Faculty and ask for Sauron.
291
00:15:05,418 --> 00:15:07,098
He's the best programmer there is.
292
00:15:08,418 --> 00:15:11,177
Sauron? Like in Lord of the Rings?
293
00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:13,497
I don't know! I haven't seen it!
294
00:15:13,498 --> 00:15:17,537
I don't watch films about wizards
and magical fucking jewellery!
295
00:15:17,538 --> 00:15:21,058
Jesus! Chill out!
296
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:25,119
Tony?
297
00:15:27,279 --> 00:15:28,599
Oregon.
298
00:15:30,119 --> 00:15:34,239
Firstly, thank you for agreeing not
to sue me for breaking your nose.
299
00:15:35,679 --> 00:15:38,278
Well, you should thank
the legal system
300
00:15:38,279 --> 00:15:40,959
for being institutionally
weighted in favour of women.
301
00:15:42,679 --> 00:15:45,199
Yeah, OK, great.
302
00:15:46,359 --> 00:15:48,317
Secondly, have you spent
all your funding?
303
00:15:48,318 --> 00:15:50,679
Because I was thinking of
setting up a magazine, and...
304
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,079
I've spent it.
305
00:15:53,279 --> 00:15:54,838
Well, I don't believe you.
306
00:15:54,839 --> 00:15:59,558
Why? Because you think I'm
some kind of chaotic, senile flake?
307
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,198
Erm...
308
00:16:01,199 --> 00:16:03,118
It's spent.
309
00:16:03,119 --> 00:16:07,638
Could you maybe ask around
and see if there's any more?
310
00:16:07,639 --> 00:16:09,919
I see. You want me to ask around.
311
00:16:11,119 --> 00:16:15,559
Like your pet pig,
snuffling in the dirt for truffles.
312
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:27,758
So, basically, the computer screen
turns into a mirror...
313
00:16:27,759 --> 00:16:29,359
That won't work.
314
00:16:31,119 --> 00:16:32,799
OK, well, what about this?
315
00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,838
It's not easy.
316
00:16:41,839 --> 00:16:43,119
I know it's not easy.
317
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:49,799
That is why I'm giving you
?100 to work out how to do it.
318
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,918
You can count it, if you want.
It's all there.
319
00:16:52,919 --> 00:16:54,478
Oh, no, it's fine.
320
00:16:54,479 --> 00:16:55,839
Go on, count it.
321
00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:03,118
50, 100.
322
00:17:03,119 --> 00:17:05,838
See? I'm not pissing about, Sauron.
323
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:10,239
This is our passport
to planet fucking minted.
324
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:13,399
Ssh!
325
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:33,478
Oh, my God, this is brilliant!
We're in a hotel, for free!
326
00:17:33,479 --> 00:17:35,759
Yeah, you get used to that.
327
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,559
Why don't you do the bathroom
while I do in here?
328
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,759
Yeah, OK.
329
00:17:43,879 --> 00:17:47,158
Wow! Minibar.
330
00:17:47,159 --> 00:17:48,838
Look, Vod! Tiny wine!
331
00:17:48,839 --> 00:17:49,839
We're allowed this, right?
332
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:50,918
Not really.
333
00:17:50,919 --> 00:17:52,158
Here's to...
334
00:17:52,159 --> 00:17:54,638
What's a good nickname for us?
335
00:17:54,639 --> 00:17:59,678
Er, the clean... The sisters
of clean, the clean clan,
336
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,238
the cleaning towers of... No.
337
00:18:01,239 --> 00:18:02,639
Why don't you work it out
while you do the bathroom?
338
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,719
Good idea, boss.
339
00:18:10,319 --> 00:18:12,279
Hey, did you hear
Heathsley last night?
340
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,358
They had a fucking bath together,
like they're a football team
341
00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:17,119
in the '80s, or something.
It's rank!
342
00:18:18,679 --> 00:18:19,879
I've cleaned the loo!
343
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,838
Well, you've flushed it.
344
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:25,518
I might... clean the bath
by having a bath.
345
00:18:25,519 --> 00:18:27,359
Like, give the bath a bath!
346
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,838
OK, so I've found some funding.
347
00:18:36,839 --> 00:18:38,519
Yes!
348
00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:42,838
Erm...
349
00:18:42,839 --> 00:18:44,118
Oh, er...
350
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:45,438
Er...
351
00:18:45,439 --> 00:18:47,079
OK.
352
00:18:51,239 --> 00:18:53,119
You are the best, Tony!
You are the bloody best!
353
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,518
Yes.
354
00:18:54,519 --> 00:18:56,399
So, have you given the magazine
a title yet?
355
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,358
Yes. It's either
The Definite Article,
356
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:03,798
or Indefinite Articles,
or Present Tense, or...
357
00:19:03,799 --> 00:19:06,318
OK, because - and they're
great names, by the way...
358
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:09,438
it might be better if
it were called something Jewish.
359
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,518
Oh, right. Why?
360
00:19:11,519 --> 00:19:12,997
Just think it'd be really classy
361
00:19:12,998 --> 00:19:15,399
if it were in some way
linked to the Jewish faith.
362
00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:18,839
Also, the funding comes from the
Jewish Society, so it would help.
363
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,319
Oh.
364
00:19:21,919 --> 00:19:24,439
OK. Erm, Jewish.
365
00:19:25,639 --> 00:19:26,679
Yeah, OK, why not?
366
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,038
Exactly.
367
00:19:28,039 --> 00:19:29,199
I'm glad you're pleased.
368
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,838
I'm thrilled, Tony.
369
00:19:30,839 --> 00:19:33,558
And, erm, I'm really glad that
we can be friends again.
370
00:19:33,559 --> 00:19:34,878
Of course we can.
371
00:19:34,879 --> 00:19:36,878
I thought after the whole
threatening to sue me
372
00:19:36,879 --> 00:19:39,118
and oinking thing...
373
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,079
That was before.
That was angry Tony.
374
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,518
So who are you now?
375
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:49,758
Now, I'm nice Tony.
376
00:19:49,759 --> 00:19:51,159
I want to put all that behind us.
377
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,358
Great, well, as long as
nasty Tony doesn't come back!
378
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,878
He won't. I promise.
379
00:19:55,879 --> 00:19:58,519
We won't even tell him
what we're up to.
380
00:20:16,439 --> 00:20:18,438
What the hell are you doing?!
381
00:20:18,439 --> 00:20:21,918
I paid you to work, Sauron,
not to go out on the mega-lash!
382
00:20:21,919 --> 00:20:23,199
I'm only having a half.
383
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,838
I couldn't give a fuck, mate!
Go and work on the phone razor!
384
00:20:26,839 --> 00:20:29,038
I'm in the middle of a game.
385
00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:30,959
Oh, are you, now?
386
00:20:32,279 --> 00:20:35,838
Other people are out there trying to
crack the phone razor, as we speak.
387
00:20:35,839 --> 00:20:37,358
I don't want to go home now.
388
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,719
You took my money.
I own you. Go and work!
389
00:20:43,239 --> 00:20:44,719
I still have a fair bit of my...
390
00:20:53,879 --> 00:20:56,478
Because I figured the suit
says, "I mean business",
391
00:20:56,479 --> 00:20:58,758
but the tie says, "I also mean fun".
392
00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:00,999
But not so much fun
that I stop meaning business.
393
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,318
I mainly mean business.
394
00:21:02,319 --> 00:21:04,438
Yeah, I think that's pretty clear.
395
00:21:04,439 --> 00:21:08,358
I also got 12 business cards
from that machine at the station and they clearly mean business.
396
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,159
What? Let me see.
397
00:21:12,319 --> 00:21:14,958
I couldn't work out how to avoid
having clip art on it,
398
00:21:14,959 --> 00:21:17,438
but it's a calculator,
which is businessy.
399
00:21:17,439 --> 00:21:20,358
"Kingsley Owen. Student."
400
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,118
What do you reckon?
401
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:24,798
Students shouldn't have
business cards. That's weird.
402
00:21:24,799 --> 00:21:27,518
But I have to wow them.
403
00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:29,879
I think this will wow them.
Like, "Wow, this guy is weird!"
404
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,958
Why are you being like this?
I'm just following your advice.
405
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:35,878
I don't remember advising you to buy
an ill-fitting polyester suit.
406
00:21:35,879 --> 00:21:37,717
You said I should go
all out for the BP thing.
407
00:21:37,718 --> 00:21:40,119
No, I didn't. I said
music was difficult to get into.
408
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:43,318
I did not tell you to sell your soul
away to the oil industry.
409
00:21:43,319 --> 00:21:45,998
You made it very clear what you
expected. If it was up to me,
410
00:21:45,999 --> 00:21:48,558
I'd make music and live by the docks
in Berlin, or something.
411
00:21:48,559 --> 00:21:51,398
Well, you can't,
because Berlin isn't by the sea.
412
00:21:51,399 --> 00:21:53,958
Fine. Not the docks, then.
The equivalent of the docks.
413
00:21:53,959 --> 00:21:56,279
Right, so you want to live
by the Berlin truck terminal?
414
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,238
Are we having an argument?
415
00:21:58,239 --> 00:22:01,118
Are we now just another one of those
couples that argue all the time?
416
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,118
This is not an argument.
There is no argument,
417
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,358
because you're just being
a dick-jerky.
418
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:08,638
Right. That's it. I am now leaving.
419
00:22:08,639 --> 00:22:11,398
Well, this is your house,
so you're leaving your own house.
420
00:22:11,399 --> 00:22:14,758
I'm going to a different bit of it
where you're not, therefore proving
421
00:22:14,759 --> 00:22:17,159
that this is an argument,
so... piss off!
422
00:22:28,439 --> 00:22:29,879
So...
423
00:22:30,919 --> 00:22:34,718
Have I created a new vibe?
424
00:22:34,719 --> 00:22:38,239
Yes, Howard. Yes, you have.
425
00:22:39,439 --> 00:22:42,238
And, erm, what vibe is this?
426
00:22:42,239 --> 00:22:45,718
Sort of... special needs,
line dancer vibe.
427
00:22:45,719 --> 00:22:48,878
Why did you buy those glasses,
and the...?
428
00:22:48,879 --> 00:22:51,078
I panic bought.
429
00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:53,278
This is the result of panic buying.
430
00:22:53,279 --> 00:22:54,519
Don't take a photo of it!
431
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,079
Oh, come on. It's amazing!
432
00:22:58,199 --> 00:23:01,038
You look like a sort of
trainee paedo.
433
00:23:01,039 --> 00:23:03,478
Look, just help me! One of youse!
434
00:23:03,479 --> 00:23:07,758
Relax, Howard. Look, tomorrow,
we'll take the specs back
435
00:23:07,759 --> 00:23:09,958
and return all the clobber
to River Island.
436
00:23:09,959 --> 00:23:12,638
How do you know
it's from River Island?
437
00:23:12,639 --> 00:23:14,599
I just know.
438
00:23:29,719 --> 00:23:30,839
Are you there?
439
00:23:32,839 --> 00:23:34,239
I really want to talk to you.
440
00:23:36,159 --> 00:23:37,559
I miss that, I...
441
00:23:39,439 --> 00:23:40,799
miss talking to you.
442
00:23:45,199 --> 00:23:46,798
Yes?
443
00:23:46,799 --> 00:23:50,038
Oh, sorry, I...
I didn't know you were...
444
00:23:50,039 --> 00:23:53,518
Josie asked me to swap rooms because
she doesn't like your noises.
445
00:23:53,519 --> 00:23:56,198
I lived in Japan for a year,
where walls are made of paper,
446
00:23:56,199 --> 00:23:58,799
so as long as it's not too loud,
I'm fine with it.
447
00:24:00,159 --> 00:24:01,879
So, what do you want to talk about?
448
00:24:06,919 --> 00:24:09,598
So then my family moved to Bunnik
when I was nine,
449
00:24:09,599 --> 00:24:13,278
so I had to change schools, which
was pretty traumatic, actually.
450
00:24:13,279 --> 00:24:14,998
They always teased me,
451
00:24:14,999 --> 00:24:19,678
they always said, "Sabine zit je
tegrienen!" It's like, whining Sabine.
452
00:24:19,679 --> 00:24:22,438
New literary magazine.
Submissions urgently required.
453
00:24:22,439 --> 00:24:26,518
I'll say. The ones that
have come in are shit, frankly.
454
00:24:26,519 --> 00:24:28,477
We'll take submissions on anything.
455
00:24:28,478 --> 00:24:30,759
Love, loss, bar mitzvahs,
nature, anything at all.
456
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,478
I mean, all these submissions
are by sexually frustrated boys
457
00:24:33,479 --> 00:24:35,199
who clearly want
to have sex with you.
458
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,078
Oh, come on, Tony, I don't...
459
00:24:37,079 --> 00:24:38,679
This one about the snake
is about sex,
460
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,078
the one about the tree is about sex,
461
00:24:41,079 --> 00:24:43,718
the one about the man having sex
with the woman is about sex.
462
00:24:43,719 --> 00:24:44,839
Are they anti-Semitic?
463
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:45,918
No, but...
464
00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:46,879
Then they can go in.
465
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:51,798
Chutzpah?
466
00:24:51,799 --> 00:24:53,758
Your magazine's called Chutzpah?
467
00:24:53,759 --> 00:24:55,558
Yes. Meaning audacity in Yiddish.
468
00:24:55,559 --> 00:24:58,358
Oh, yeah?
Well, what's this in Yiddish?
469
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,998
I imagine it's the same.
470
00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:03,718
Not scared of a little
competition, are you, Derek?
471
00:25:03,719 --> 00:25:07,439
Oh, it's on. It is on!
472
00:25:12,999 --> 00:25:15,118
Mmm...
473
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,159
Yeah, I just...
I need another 30 seconds, OK?
474
00:25:19,199 --> 00:25:22,119
A micro-nap. A power-blink.
475
00:25:23,199 --> 00:25:25,198
You've been asleep for five hours.
476
00:25:25,199 --> 00:25:27,199
I'm sorry, Jose, but you're fired!
477
00:25:29,559 --> 00:25:33,198
You can't fire me!
We're the Sparkle Sisters!
478
00:25:33,199 --> 00:25:35,559
You're treating this place
like a fucking hotel!
479
00:25:37,279 --> 00:25:39,638
Stop eating those!
480
00:25:39,639 --> 00:25:42,959
You've eaten 65 pillow chocolates
in the past two days.
481
00:25:44,479 --> 00:25:47,478
Well, you've become everything
that you hate, do you know that?
482
00:25:47,479 --> 00:25:49,358
Crushing the little guys.
483
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:51,398
The little guys
who love the little chocolates
484
00:25:51,399 --> 00:25:53,998
because they fit perfectly
in their little tummies.
485
00:25:53,999 --> 00:25:55,719
Bollocks!
486
00:26:01,279 --> 00:26:02,999
Take a chocolate, then.
487
00:26:07,199 --> 00:26:10,359
Yeah, but... they come out of
our wages, so...
488
00:26:56,999 --> 00:26:59,558
What are you doing in here?
489
00:26:59,559 --> 00:27:04,199
Oh, I left my paper clip.
Yeah, here it is, look.
490
00:27:06,199 --> 00:27:07,838
Argh!
491
00:27:07,839 --> 00:27:09,959
Maybe we get you some soft ones.
492
00:27:11,639 --> 00:27:13,998
What do you mean, soft ones?
493
00:27:13,999 --> 00:27:15,839
There is something touching my eye.
494
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,638
It wouldn't matter if it was cotton
wool, it would still feel like
495
00:27:18,639 --> 00:27:21,959
boiling shrapnel,
because it's on my actual eye!
496
00:27:23,319 --> 00:27:25,318
Why are you wearing lenses?
497
00:27:25,319 --> 00:27:26,758
What?
498
00:27:26,759 --> 00:27:28,598
Why do you think, Kingsley?
499
00:27:28,599 --> 00:27:31,478
The same reason that Ed Miliband
got work done on his adenoids,
500
00:27:31,479 --> 00:27:33,838
because life is a struggle
for people like me.
501
00:27:33,839 --> 00:27:36,758
It may be all right for you, with
all your corporate parties and Cava,
502
00:27:36,759 --> 00:27:38,118
poster boy!
503
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:41,278
I just got an invite,
I'm not their fucking poster boy!
504
00:27:41,279 --> 00:27:44,359
No? Well, check out the
Geology Faculty noticeboard!
505
00:27:56,959 --> 00:27:58,478
I believed in you, Sauron.
506
00:27:58,479 --> 00:28:01,277
It's too difficult.
Of course it's not. Look.
507
00:28:01,278 --> 00:28:03,199
No, you don't need to
demonstrate it again.
508
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:07,719
I understand the concept,
I'm just saying... it can't be done.
509
00:28:09,759 --> 00:28:13,118
If you try and develop this
without me, I will end you!
510
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:15,278
I am not your Winklevosses!
511
00:28:15,279 --> 00:28:16,919
Do you hear me?!
512
00:28:21,479 --> 00:28:23,078
It's just so gay.
513
00:28:23,079 --> 00:28:25,678
I guess that's the point,
but, no, not for me.
514
00:28:25,679 --> 00:28:26,998
How is it this glossy?
515
00:28:26,999 --> 00:28:29,998
It's going to make Chutzpah
look like it's printed on bog roll.
516
00:28:29,999 --> 00:28:31,679
Oregon, it's about content,
not expensive colour printing.
517
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,078
Well, you said our content was shit.
518
00:28:34,079 --> 00:28:35,558
Well, yes, but...
519
00:28:35,559 --> 00:28:38,118
So basically, our magazine
is just shit-covered bog roll.
520
00:28:38,119 --> 00:28:40,478
Oh, Oregon.
This is just a dip.
521
00:28:40,479 --> 00:28:42,837
In all creative endeavours,
there are moments of...
522
00:28:42,838 --> 00:28:45,199
Shakespeare probably finished
Henry IV and was like,
523
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,558
"Christ! How many more
Henrys are there?"
524
00:28:47,559 --> 00:28:48,678
Come here.
525
00:28:48,679 --> 00:28:50,118
No, no, don't.
526
00:28:50,119 --> 00:28:51,638
I... I don't need a hug.
527
00:28:51,639 --> 00:28:54,079
A friendly hug.
A nice, friendly hug.
528
00:29:01,919 --> 00:29:03,758
You're in it as well.
529
00:29:03,759 --> 00:29:07,478
As a bystander.
I'm clearly standing by.
530
00:29:07,479 --> 00:29:11,439
Hey, Kingsley, erm, I'm going to need
your invite to the BP do.
531
00:29:12,679 --> 00:29:14,038
How much?
532
00:29:14,039 --> 00:29:17,118
I take it the MOD didn't order
a battalion of Tank-copters!
533
00:29:17,119 --> 00:29:18,598
Yeah, well, it turns out
534
00:29:18,599 --> 00:29:21,479
I'm the only one with
any bloody vision in this country.
535
00:29:22,479 --> 00:29:24,518
So, Kingsley, mate?
536
00:29:24,519 --> 00:29:26,518
They've airbrushed out
my soul patch!
537
00:29:26,519 --> 00:29:28,918
Look. They can't do that!
538
00:29:28,919 --> 00:29:31,518
Oh, yeah, I mean, that is outrageous.
539
00:29:31,519 --> 00:29:34,558
I knew it!
They just want some drone.
540
00:29:34,559 --> 00:29:36,838
They want me to sell my soul
to the devil.
541
00:29:36,839 --> 00:29:39,758
I think they want you to sell
your soul patch to the devil.
542
00:29:39,759 --> 00:29:43,638
I'm not an oil man. They can stick
their internship up their arse.
543
00:29:43,639 --> 00:29:47,598
Exactly! So... give me the invite.
544
00:29:47,599 --> 00:29:48,997
Come on. I'm what BP want.
545
00:29:48,998 --> 00:29:49,959
No, you're not.
546
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:51,318
Well, of course I am.
547
00:29:51,319 --> 00:29:55,239
What's a tension-leg
drilling platform then?
548
00:29:56,559 --> 00:29:58,719
It's a... type of platform.
549
00:30:00,239 --> 00:30:02,239
What does BP stand for?
550
00:30:04,759 --> 00:30:06,478
Britain... Petrol.
551
00:30:06,479 --> 00:30:08,118
Wrong.
552
00:30:08,119 --> 00:30:11,678
OK, Howard, you may have
more actual facts than me,
553
00:30:11,679 --> 00:30:13,558
but I've got stuff that BP need.
554
00:30:13,559 --> 00:30:15,118
Like what?
555
00:30:15,119 --> 00:30:18,038
People with my accent
make foreigners shit themselves.
556
00:30:18,039 --> 00:30:20,838
If I'd been born 40 years ago,
I'd be running India.
557
00:30:20,839 --> 00:30:22,759
India was independent 40 years ago.
558
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:24,878
Well, maybe if I'd been around,
it wouldn't be.
559
00:30:24,879 --> 00:30:26,178
Howard, you should have it.
560
00:30:26,272 --> 00:30:27,311
Kings!
561
00:30:27,312 --> 00:30:29,911
I repeated what you said about
Americans taking up cycling.
562
00:30:29,912 --> 00:30:31,271
That's why I got this.
563
00:30:31,272 --> 00:30:33,391
That was my comment.
You stole my comment!
564
00:30:33,392 --> 00:30:36,751
I'm sorry. You don't need
to be more like me.
565
00:30:36,752 --> 00:30:38,552
If anything,
I should be more like you.
566
00:30:42,632 --> 00:30:45,592
Well, now. In that case...
567
00:30:47,912 --> 00:30:50,312
Argh!
568
00:30:57,352 --> 00:30:59,592
Gentlemen...
569
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:12,360
Howard? Er, listen - er, any chance
of getting me into that BP thing?
570
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,119
He put a penis in Lips!
571
00:31:25,657 --> 00:31:27,296
Sorry?
572
00:31:27,297 --> 00:31:30,156
Derek. He put an image of
a male penis in his magazine
573
00:31:30,177 --> 00:31:32,616
and I found a university
statute from the '70s
574
00:31:32,617 --> 00:31:35,056
explicitly banning
photos of male penises!
575
00:31:35,057 --> 00:31:38,056
Right, well - thanks for coming
round to let me know,
576
00:31:38,057 --> 00:31:40,576
but, erm, I've got
a fair bit to get on with.
577
00:31:40,577 --> 00:31:43,296
Oregon, it's been closed down.
I got his magazine closed down!
578
00:31:43,297 --> 00:31:46,296
Oh, my God! That's brilliant!
579
00:31:46,297 --> 00:31:48,856
Ha-ha! I know!
580
00:31:48,857 --> 00:31:51,696
We crushed gay
and lesbian fiction!
581
00:31:51,697 --> 00:31:52,855
No, Tony, don't.
582
00:31:52,856 --> 00:31:53,775
Oh, come on.
583
00:31:53,776 --> 00:31:54,897
No - I said no!
584
00:31:54,898 --> 00:31:57,016
Do you know how hard
I've been working on this?
585
00:31:57,017 --> 00:31:59,176
That doesn't mean we
can have sex again!
586
00:31:59,177 --> 00:32:02,336
It bloody should! I've been going
over statutes all night for you!
587
00:32:02,337 --> 00:32:04,416
Do you have any idea
how dull that is?
588
00:32:04,417 --> 00:32:06,336
Well, I thought we were friends.
589
00:32:06,337 --> 00:32:08,816
I mean, what happened to nice Tony?
590
00:32:08,817 --> 00:32:11,896
Oh, wake up! There is no nice
Tony. There's just this one,
591
00:32:11,897 --> 00:32:14,736
this car-crash of a man
who gets his nose broken
592
00:32:14,737 --> 00:32:17,496
and has genre-defying homosexual
magazines closed down because
593
00:32:17,497 --> 00:32:20,016
he thinks there might
be a shag in it!
594
00:32:20,017 --> 00:32:22,656
And if you think that sort
of behaviour sounds pathetic,
595
00:32:22,657 --> 00:32:25,577
try and imagine
how I feel about it!
596
00:32:29,817 --> 00:32:32,216
Hi, it's me... again.
597
00:32:32,217 --> 00:32:35,296
I'm sorry for shouting at you.
598
00:32:35,297 --> 00:32:38,416
I'm not going to
the BP thing. It's not for me.
599
00:32:38,417 --> 00:32:41,417
I'm not an oil man.
I realise that now.
600
00:32:42,497 --> 00:32:44,057
I'm a musician.
601
00:32:44,817 --> 00:32:46,457
Shut up, Sabine!
602
00:32:57,017 --> 00:32:58,776
Wait for me!
603
00:32:58,777 --> 00:33:01,216
What the hell are you doing?
604
00:33:01,217 --> 00:33:03,296
What the hell are
you doing, more like?
605
00:33:03,297 --> 00:33:04,697
I'm his plus one, not you!
606
00:33:04,698 --> 00:33:07,376
No, I mean, what the fuck
are you doing in a dress?
607
00:33:07,377 --> 00:33:10,096
Oh, I know.
It's Oregon's. I hate it.
608
00:33:10,097 --> 00:33:12,537
I feel like I'm off to marry
Bryan Ferry or something.
609
00:33:12,538 --> 00:33:16,336
You're fit! I can't
deal with you being fit.
610
00:33:16,556 --> 00:33:17,316
Change back.
611
00:33:17,317 --> 00:33:20,155
You don't have to deal
with it. You won't be there.
612
00:33:20,156 --> 00:33:22,195
You don't have an invite.
613
00:33:22,196 --> 00:33:24,635
This is my invite.
614
00:33:24,636 --> 00:33:28,036
This little bastard
gets me in anywhere.
615
00:33:30,916 --> 00:33:33,036
Come on.
616
00:33:52,356 --> 00:33:55,355
Are you drinking in the dark?
617
00:33:55,356 --> 00:33:57,916
Not any more.
618
00:33:59,316 --> 00:34:01,156
Hi, there. Do you have your invite?
619
00:34:01,157 --> 00:34:03,076
Oh, yes.
620
00:34:06,716 --> 00:34:08,716
Invite, please, sir.
621
00:34:10,196 --> 00:34:14,115
Oh, dear! I appear to have
left my invite on my desk,
622
00:34:14,116 --> 00:34:16,155
at BP headquarters.
623
00:34:16,156 --> 00:34:17,915
You work for BP?
624
00:34:17,916 --> 00:34:20,435
Well, BP works for me.
625
00:34:20,436 --> 00:34:22,955
It's invite only, sir. Who's next?
626
00:34:22,956 --> 00:34:25,115
No, wait.
627
00:34:25,116 --> 00:34:28,036
Silly me, here it is.
628
00:34:30,036 --> 00:34:31,795
Here's my invite.
629
00:34:31,796 --> 00:34:33,435
No, sir, that's ?50.
630
00:34:33,436 --> 00:34:35,956
Which is half an invite.
631
00:34:38,196 --> 00:34:40,195
Look, has Heather
spoken to you at all?
632
00:34:40,196 --> 00:34:41,475
What about?
633
00:34:41,476 --> 00:34:43,636
We had an argument
and she won't return my calls.
634
00:34:43,637 --> 00:34:46,395
Yeah, funnily enough, I've
actually got better things to do
635
00:34:46,396 --> 00:34:47,916
than to sort out your
relationships with my friends.
636
00:34:47,917 --> 00:34:49,235
OK. OK, forget it.
637
00:34:49,236 --> 00:34:52,195
I got fired, by the way.
Thanks for asking.
638
00:34:52,196 --> 00:34:53,915
Fired from what?
639
00:34:53,916 --> 00:34:56,555
Vod gave me a job, then fired me.
640
00:34:56,556 --> 00:34:58,635
I'm useless, apparently.
What?
641
00:34:58,636 --> 00:35:00,555
No, of course you're not!
642
00:35:00,556 --> 00:35:03,715
You don't need to
worry about job stuff now.
643
00:35:03,716 --> 00:35:05,475
It'll all be fine.
644
00:35:05,476 --> 00:35:09,275
Yeah, well, it probably
seems like that to you, oil man!
645
00:35:09,276 --> 00:35:11,475
Your life's sorted, so...
646
00:35:11,476 --> 00:35:15,156
I'm not going to that BP thing.
I gave my invite to Howard.
647
00:35:16,464 --> 00:35:17,224
Why?
648
00:35:17,225 --> 00:35:20,263
I don't just want to take
the first thing that comes along.
649
00:35:20,264 --> 00:35:22,504
I want to experience life
first - find out who I am.
650
00:35:22,505 --> 00:35:24,223
You're a knob.
651
00:35:24,224 --> 00:35:25,783
Right, thanks - good one.
652
00:35:25,784 --> 00:35:29,863
Look - do you know how many
people under 24 are unemployed?
653
00:35:29,864 --> 00:35:32,503
About 20% - and it's only going up.
654
00:35:32,504 --> 00:35:35,303
You can't afford to
take your sweet time over this.
655
00:35:35,304 --> 00:35:39,943
When we leave this place, it's going
to be fuckin'...Darwinian out there.
656
00:35:39,944 --> 00:35:42,583
So if there's something you want,
657
00:35:42,584 --> 00:35:46,383
that you want to be part
of your future, then...
658
00:35:46,384 --> 00:35:49,223
then you have to go
after it right now.
659
00:35:49,224 --> 00:35:52,863
Otherwise... you might not
get it.
660
00:35:52,864 --> 00:35:55,503
Do you understand?
661
00:35:55,504 --> 00:35:57,504
Yeah.
662
00:36:08,384 --> 00:36:09,863
Hi.
663
00:36:09,864 --> 00:36:10,664
You didn't go?
664
00:36:10,665 --> 00:36:14,064
No, I couldn't, I was
worried about us and...
665
00:36:15,584 --> 00:36:18,223
I'm sorry. I'm...
I'm really sorry.
666
00:36:35,304 --> 00:36:40,143
The whole action of drilling
for oil is very erotic.
667
00:36:40,144 --> 00:36:42,743
Completely.
668
00:36:42,744 --> 00:36:44,143
I find it erotic.
669
00:36:44,144 --> 00:36:47,303
Mmm. Must be an
amazing feeling...
670
00:36:47,304 --> 00:36:48,943
finding a gusher.
671
00:36:48,944 --> 00:36:50,383
Oh, yeah.
672
00:36:50,384 --> 00:36:52,863
Yeah, it's... it's wonderful.
673
00:36:52,864 --> 00:36:56,583
I mean, I don't locate
new wells personally,
674
00:36:56,584 --> 00:36:58,863
but, yeah, it's, er...
Sorry, what's your name?
675
00:36:58,864 --> 00:36:59,663
Violet.
676
00:36:59,664 --> 00:37:01,223
Right.
677
00:37:01,224 --> 00:37:03,583
You weren't at the
careers thing, were you?
678
00:37:03,584 --> 00:37:06,503
No. I don't get up
early enough for that.
679
00:37:06,504 --> 00:37:08,384
Because you could be exactly
what we're looking for.
680
00:37:08,385 --> 00:37:10,463
Hello.
681
00:37:10,464 --> 00:37:12,743
Erm, I'm also here.
682
00:37:12,744 --> 00:37:15,583
I'm Howard. I'm with her.
683
00:37:15,584 --> 00:37:16,704
Right.
684
00:37:18,424 --> 00:37:20,103
Sorry, have we met?
685
00:37:20,104 --> 00:37:22,463
Er... Yes, erm,
686
00:37:22,464 --> 00:37:25,743
at the geology fair,
er, a guy made a comment
687
00:37:25,744 --> 00:37:30,663
about people taking up cycling
if they don't like the oil industry?
688
00:37:30,664 --> 00:37:31,384
Right, Kingsley.
689
00:37:31,385 --> 00:37:34,423
Yeah, erm, but...
690
00:37:34,424 --> 00:37:37,463
it was actually my comment.
I'd said it to him.
691
00:37:37,464 --> 00:37:40,583
I was a victim of comment theft.
692
00:37:40,584 --> 00:37:41,903
It was a good comment.
693
00:37:41,904 --> 00:37:43,423
I have got loads more...
694
00:37:43,424 --> 00:37:45,583
OK, listen, I'm
what you're looking for.
695
00:37:45,584 --> 00:37:46,663
JP, piss off!
696
00:37:46,664 --> 00:37:47,424
Excuse me?
697
00:37:47,425 --> 00:37:49,503
I can help you people.
I'm a pioneer.
698
00:37:49,504 --> 00:37:52,303
I don't give a flying fuck
about native American land rights.
699
00:37:52,304 --> 00:37:54,943
I'd drill anywhere.
I'd drill through
700
00:37:54,944 --> 00:37:57,383
an orphanage on the fucking moon!
701
00:37:57,384 --> 00:37:59,863
Seriously, you need me.
702
00:37:59,864 --> 00:38:03,463
BP need to stop saying
sorry and grow some balls.
703
00:38:03,464 --> 00:38:06,023
Well, I'm those balls.
704
00:38:06,024 --> 00:38:08,743
He thought that BP
stood for Britain Petrol.
705
00:38:08,744 --> 00:38:11,503
Yeah, and I checked the website.
I was extremely close on both words.
706
00:38:11,504 --> 00:38:13,943
OK, guys, please just calm down.
707
00:38:13,944 --> 00:38:17,263
If you're friends of Violet,
then you're friends with me.
708
00:38:17,264 --> 00:38:20,663
Ye... We are very good
friends with Violet.
709
00:38:20,664 --> 00:38:25,023
OK, so - let's get
drinks. Talk internships.
710
00:38:25,024 --> 00:38:25,784
Yes, please!
711
00:38:25,785 --> 00:38:27,224
That would be great.
712
00:38:29,944 --> 00:38:33,223
I just wanted to thank BP
713
00:38:33,224 --> 00:38:35,784
for putting on such a good spread.
714
00:38:39,904 --> 00:38:44,343
And to say well done for making
a fortune flogging something
715
00:38:44,344 --> 00:38:47,664
that occurs naturally and
therefore can't belong to anyone.
716
00:38:48,664 --> 00:38:50,184
Hear, hear!
JP, no!
717
00:38:51,864 --> 00:38:53,343
And let's hope
718
00:38:53,344 --> 00:38:57,104
there aren't any
more accidents that...
719
00:38:59,664 --> 00:39:01,103
Fuck!
720
00:39:01,104 --> 00:39:02,263
Oh, no!
721
00:39:02,264 --> 00:39:05,263
I'm so sorry,
it was just an accident!
722
00:39:05,264 --> 00:39:06,423
Oh, Jesus.
723
00:39:06,424 --> 00:39:08,663
Ignore it. Pretend
it never happened!
724
00:39:08,664 --> 00:39:10,703
Call security! Get her out of here!
725
00:39:10,704 --> 00:39:12,424
Actually, we don't
know her that well.
726
00:39:12,425 --> 00:39:16,984
Carry on stuffing your faces with
sausages. Ignore the oil spill!
727
00:39:19,744 --> 00:39:21,624
Who is she? Do you know
her? I don't know her.
728
00:39:21,625 --> 00:39:23,223
Get rid of these two as well!
729
00:39:23,224 --> 00:39:24,504
Vod!
730
00:39:35,565 --> 00:39:37,165
That is too loud!
731
00:39:49,357 --> 00:39:50,796
I made pancakes!
732
00:39:50,797 --> 00:39:54,317
Someone come and eat
one of my fuckin' pancakes!
733
00:39:55,437 --> 00:39:57,477
I will have a pancake!
734
00:39:57,662 --> 00:40:28,355
735
00:40:28,405 --> 00:40:32,955
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
55107
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof