All language subtitles for Fresh Meat s02e02.eng

Heather's back.
Back to stalk her prey.

She's not stalking me,
Howard, she's talking to Josie.

You've confused stalking
with talking.

I thought the Pussyman
had a weird effect on women?

Sure, girls stalk me, yeah,
that's a given. But Heather isn't.

Heather isn't even in
the same room as me.

Hmm, a cheeky little number
from the Co-op region. Feisty.

Slight hint of vinegar. Audacious.

Why do you think she's made friends
with Josie? That's her in.

She's angry that you blanked her
and she's coming for you, pal.

Howard, you're making her sound mad.
She's not mad.

Cheers.

Hello, Heather.

We're watching you.

Oh? I see your stalker
is stalking you again.

Classic stalker behaviour.

She is not stalking me.

She's taking photos of you.

No, she isn't.

She probably isn't.

Why would she?

Your guess is as good as mine.

Although my guess would be
it's photo-surveillance

and she's using GPS
to track your movements.

And that's an educated guess.

How did it go with the agency?

I told 'em I wanted something
like CEO of the Discovery Channel.

Oh, OK. And what did you get?

Cleaner.

Oh, right. Well, that sounds... good?

Yeah, it's worked out brilliantly,
actually. There's no networking,

no politics, you know. As soon
as you've finished the work,

you can go.

It's basically my dream job.

Flowers?

I know, so uncool.
They must be Sabine's.

Along with the microwave
and the sandwich toaster.

Which is awesome, by the way.

Yeah? What does everyone
make of Sabine?

Has anyone talked to her yet?

I think we should talk to her.

You don't need to stop
talking because of me.

No.

We didn't.

We'd just finished talking.

Not about you. About someone else,
that you don't know called...

Sabby.

OK.

Honestly, I don't mind what you say.

There's something weird about her.

Did you notice how
she took a yogurt but no spoon?

What's that about?

Must be some weird Dutch thing.

I forgot to get a spoon.

I get, er, cashed up end of
the week, so once I've paid off Kif

and Yoz and Chunky, I can bung you
this back, probably.

It says, "Insufficient funds". What
does that mean? Is that the bank?

Do they have insufficient funds?

No, you.
You have insufficient funds.

I have insufficient funds?
As in, my money is not sufficient?

As in, my money is not enough?

Yeah, as in, you've got no money.
Oh, thanks a lot, Oregon.

Appreciate it.
You really helped me out there.

Cheers, all.

I would buy you one back
but Oregon's being a tightwad.

So, what's that, rum and Coke?

No, this is Coke.
Well, it's Diet Coke.

What's that about?

- What do you mean?
- Why aren't you drinking?

- I don't really drink.
- How does that work?

What do you mean?

What do you do if you're feeling
happy or sad or nervous or bored?

I don't understand the question.

How do you tell people
what you really think of them?

I just tell them.

OK, that's mental.

So, how do you get off with someone?

We just go for a coffee.

Yeah, but how do you
have sex with them?

We just take our clothes off.

Without being drunk?

Yes.

But you're stoned, yeah?

No. It's perfectly natural.

Time to deploy evasive action.

Evasive action... unsuccessful.

So, could you have a word
with your BFF about the stalking?

It's flattering, but she's cramping
Pussyman's style, yeah?

Heather's not stalking you.

OK, number one.

She's constantly bumping into me.

Oh, how terrifying.

Two. I've had two
missed calls from her.

Shit, have you called the police?

No message.

Seriously, get a restraining order.

Three, I've had 34 emails
from her today all saying,

"Do you fancy a drink sometime?"

Yeah, well, that is a bit weird but
there's obviously an explanation.

Yes, there is.

One that isn't a Lynx advert.

That is not a good look, Howard.

Well, it's actually
very healthy for the feet.

What's going on?

I've been mugged.

For your trainers?

Yes, for my trainers.

Shit, Howard, that is awful.
Did they take anything else?

No, just my trainers.

So they just said,
"Give us your trainers"?

No, they didn't say anything.

They didn't say anything?

They didn't have to.

If they didn't ask, how do you know
they wanted your trainers?

Is that being mugged? Or is that
just giving someone your trainers?

I'm not making it up.

I'm not some drama queen
who has to be transferred

onto a drama course cos they
need more drama in their life.

I am the opposite of a drama queen.

I am a reality queen.

Stop being a megatwat, Kingsley.
He was obviously mugged.

My mate Chemo said
there's this gang going round.

They watch the house,
wait till you're alone.

Then they knock on the door
and when you answer,

they drag you down to
the cash point at knife-point.

Fucking bastards.
Fucking clever bastards.

Lucky we're all together.

Apart from JP.

JP!

Where the fuck have you been?

I've been calling out for days.

OK, so JP is alive. Goodnight!

What's the matter?

I'm sick.
I'm the sick man of Europe.

Look on the internet,
see what the hell is wrong with me.

The wifi up here is spotty as fuck.

I need Lucozade and soup.

And printed pornography,
in case I improve.

Seriously, have none of you lot
got any food you can give JP?

What about this? Whose cake is this?

"Oma's Boterkoek."
Sabine's. Do you think she'd mind?

I mean, JP is ill.

I don't think she'd mind.

I mean, she did leave it out.
In the cupboard.

Maybe we should try some.
Just to make sure it's OK.

Safety first.

Here. Sugar. It's good for shock.
That's why horror fans are fat.

Er, Vod. I'm still a bit shaken up.

Erm, so I was wondering,
would you mind...?

No.

Not even if we top and tail?

Not even.

Look, no offence, I'm not here
to chit-chat or be matey.

I do my job and go. I'm in and out.

Like a ninja with pillow chocolates.

Your vacuum cleaner
is not switched on.

What?

You need to switch it on here.

Oh, right. Yeah. I thought I had.

Thanks for doing this,
I really appreciate it.

Are you sure Heather's stalking you?

Trust me, you know
when someone's stalking you.

She's stalking me, all right.

Except she isn't stalking you today?

No...

Today, it's almost like
you're stalking her.

Maybe she had to do something?

Yes, she's taken a day off.
She's one of those relaxed stalkers.

She's not obsessive
about being obsessive.

It is weird, because yesterday,
she was definitely stalking me

but today, she doesn't seem
to be stalking me.

You sound like you miss
the stalking.

I don't miss it.

I mean, yeah, it's nice to be liked
and everyone likes to be liked

and if someone's following you,
they definitely like you

but I don't miss it.
Why would I miss it?

Shit, there she is.

Where are you going?

I'm going to follow her.

Hey, guess what, right? There was
a break-in on campus last night

and they were giving out rape
alarms, so I got us a load.

Do I need a rape alarm?

I'll take two.

No, four.

I've already given JP one.

Does JP understand
what a rape alarm is for?

Or does he think you've given him
some kind of sex vuvuzela?

The doctor came and when he was
eventually able to present

some valid ID
and I could let him in,

he said that JP has mumps.

Oh, no. That's bad.

Wait. Is that bad?
It doesn't sound bad.

It sounds like getting the bumps.

It is bad.
Can't it make you go infertile?

Yes. And it's contagious.

So I trust, like me, you'll have
your vaccination records to hand

and you know where
and when you were inoculated?

No idea.

Fuck knows.

Unfortunately, the only two diseases
I'm not inoculated against

are mumps and the lesser known
strain of Dengue fever.

Oh, I had the mumps jab.

I remember, because I liked
the needle being stuck in

and my mum freaked
and made me promise

if I ever did scag,
I'd only smoke it.

Then you are now JP's
designated carer,

because we cannot enter
the infected zone.

Ugh. You're kidding.

Somebody's broken in.
They're attacking JP!

Then I'd better go and help him out.

All right, JP.
Has someone broken in?

No, I want some soup.

Are you being raped, JP?

Well, I'm sort of being raped
by my lack of soup.

Mate, you can't use a rape alarm
as a dinner bell.

How else am I meant to let people
know when I need some soup?

I might die.

JP, you're not going to die.

Isn't it pretty to think so?

Say it again, Vod.

All right.

I'm going to make you some soup

and tuck you in, but stop
giving it the pathet-o-mouth.

It makes me feel pukey.

Thank you, Vodster.

So I just boil it, right?

That will impair the flavour.
Put it on a low heat.

Or you could microwave it.

Someone's swiped the microwave.

And the sandwich toaster.

How am I going to live without that?

I can't go back
to normal sandwiches now!

- Where's everything gone?
- Maybe we've been burgled.

We haven't been burgled, Howard.
If we'd been burgled,

then all our stuff would be missing

and there'd be a massive shit
on one of the beds.

Other than JP, that is.

Sabine, erm, can I interest you
in a rape alarm?

It's coming!

No. I have a brown belt
in Jiu Jitsu.

So, you all saw my Post-It
note about the house meeting?

Of course,
because you are all here.

I want to discuss with you
how you stole my cake.

Oh, er, sorry. Erm, we thought
you left it out for us.

I think that is a lie.

Oh.

Right.

It isn't a lie?

I think you stole my cake.

"Stole" is a bit harsh.
I mean, we ate the cake, yeah.

But did we steal it?

Yes, you stole it and ate it.

Is it that big a deal?
I mean, it's just a cake, yeah?

It was my birthday cake.

Shit. Erm, well,
you'll have other birthdays.

It was from my father,
who is very ill.

Maar ja, dat kan jou geen
reet schelen, maar goed.

It's coming!

Erm, we're so sorry.
Er, but happy birthday, though!

Yeah, happy birthday.

Yeah, happy... happy birthday.

Ditto.

I thought about it
and I just wanted to say,

I understand you are all young.

So I think we can
put this behind us.

Great. Good.

But also, I would like you
all to give me ?4

to buy a replacement cake.

This is for your own good, to help
you grow up and take responsibility.

I think you'll find we're
all pretty grown-up, sweetheart.

It's coming, you soup fuck!

What do you think about her?

I don't know what I think about her.

I don't not like her.

But I also don't like her.

Webcam. Doubles as CCTV.

Oh, Josie? Would you
be interested in helping me

fill the gutters with petrol,
so that in the event of an attack,

we can release a wall of flame
against our adversaries?

Um...

No!

Hey, Kingsley! How have you been?

Oh, hello again.
Erm, yeah, you know...

I mean, actually, you do know.

I feel like I haven't
seen you around very much.

Really?

Cos I feel like
I've seen you around a lot.

Yeah, well, yeah, I guess
I have bumped into you a bit.

That must be synchronicity
or something.

Yeah, it could be synchronicity,

although I suppose the thing
about synchronicity is,

it does always sound a bit
far-fetched and implausible.

Oh. Yeah, well, I guess
what I meant was,

I haven't seen you around
to talk to.

I mean, we haven't really spoken

since that night
we did all the sexuals.

No. Although you did ring me
a couple of times.

Oh, yeah, sorry about that.

Erm, I sat on my phone
and accidentally rang you, so...

Right. But did you also email me?

Oh, you got my email?

Yeah, yeah, I got it a lot.
I got it 34 times.

I mean roughly, I didn't count.

Oh, yeah, sorry, erm,
my server went down

and then when it came back online,
it slightly overcompensated.

Oh, right.

Fancy a drink?

Oh, well, I suppose one couldn't
hurt. Unless it had Rohypnol in!

Not that it would have.

Why would you put Rohypnol in it?

You probably don't even
have access to Rohypnol, do you?

I'll stop saying Rohypnol now.
Yeah, I'd love a drink. Thanks.

Oh, I've only just got in!

Let me at least sit down
and have a spliff.

Hey, guess what?!

I've just had ?1,000
put in my account.

Aren't parents just great?

JP's been ringing for you.

I know! I souped him up
before I went.

And I tucked him in
so hard he couldn't breathe.

What more does he fucking want?

Please answer, because every time
that alarm goes off,

I've got to check all the windows
are securely fastened.

What now?
God, I did you this morning.

Vod, there's something
I need to tell you.

Yeah, yeah,
I know you don't like lentil.

But it's good for your strength.

Look, I've been thinking about it
loads and Vod, I love you.

Right. Cheers.

I'll write you in my big book
of everyone who loves me.

Come on, Vodster,
get into bed with me.

Let's make love.

Er, I'm all right, thanks.

Don't go, Vod. Please, you're
the only person that cares about me.

I rang my mum and she's seeing
some man called Leon

and then I called my dad
because I had a fever,

but I forgot that he's dead and
I ended up leaving a message

on his answerphone cos no one's even
bothered to cancel his contract!

Oh, mate...

Give me a hug.

Did you just try and cop a feel?

I'm a little bit wonky, Vod.
Don't hate me.

Maybe it would be good
if you do go infertile.

What do you mean?

OK, I'm not quite sure
how this has happened,

but basically,
I am carrying JP's spunk,

which he has jizzed into this ice
cube tray while I waited outside.

So from now on,
don't ever use the ice cube tray

or go near the ice cube tray
or think about the ice cube tray.

That's disgusting.
Why has he done that?

Er, he's decided
he needs to freeze his sperm,

to ensure the continuity
of humanity.

Did he really need to use
a whole ice cube tray?

No.

Where are the Post-Its?

Sabine used them all.
I mean, look at these.

"Please clean the grill
after using."

What, every time? "Please turn off
the lights when not in a room".

How?

"Please do not use fridge space
for condiments that can be

"stored at ambient temperatures."

Actually, that's something
I wanted to mention, too.

Here we go.

"JP's spunk

"in ice cube tray.

"Don't touch."

Will that even work?

I mean, how long do fishcakes
keep for? Like, three months?

I was told by the vendor
IAmVanDamme44 that this

is a stab-proof jacket
made of Kevlar.

Well, it is not made of Kevlar.
It is made of polyester.

Because it's a fleece.
I have literally been fleeced.

Cheers again.

I'm getting alcohol fumes.

I'm getting wobbliness.

This is quite a stupid number.

Yes.

I'm getting idiocy.

I'm getting brain cells dying.

This is a strongly sexual wine.

It's powerful, dominating.

A strong aroma of pheromones
and a hint of sluttiness?

This is... I can't actually drink
this one because it's fully erect.

You're not going to see anything
out there, apart from maybe

another bearded man with binoculars.

Can you please take this seriously?
I definitely saw someone.

Someone is definitely out there.

It's a big city, Howie,
there's a lot of people out there.

Hey, you know that ?1,000
that went into my account?

It was only bloody Tony
who put it there.

Shales? Well, how did he
know you were broke?

Have you been "talking to him"?

No! No!

Earwigging. Creepy.
Although, fair dos.

He basically owes you a grand
for all the sex you gave him.

Well, I wasn't shagging him
for money. I'm not a prostitute.

Well, don't tell me you enjoyed it.

Besides, there's nothing wrong
with being a sex worker

to fund your studies,
if that's your choice.

It's not my choice.

Could be, though.
You've got the looks.

Oh! Thanks!

And your own car.

Oh...

There's no one out there.

Exactly. Whoever it is,
they know what they're doing.

Hi, Howard!

Is he alive?

I'm sorry?

I might jump in the shower.
Is it OK if I nip in first, Howard?

Go... ahead.

Are you in trouble?

Are you being manipulated
against your will?

Of course not. She had
explanations for everything.

Of course she had explanations.
She had made-up explanations.

Er, the stalker has
penetrated the compound walls.

I told you we needed a wall of fire.

Oh. Heather? I knew it!

I knew that would happen!

You've got together with Heather?
Heather the stalker?

No, Heather the regular,
normal person.

Heather the normal person
that you said was stalking you?

I think it was Howard who said that.

She is insane in the head brain.

No, it was definitely you. You said
she was following you, remember?

I don't think I said that.

I think I just said there
was, like, a weird synchronicity.

No, no, you didn't say that.
You said she was stalking you.

Maybe. Look, it's a grey area.

And it turns out
she wasn't stalking me.

Because she isn't a stalker.

Well, not now, she's not.
Now she's a girlfriend.

I have access to a cattle gun.

What?!

I'm kidding.

Erm, still, at least
you've made it OK for her

to follow you around now.

Yeah, you've sort of made her
your official stalker.

It's clever.

It's probably the last thing
a stalker would expect,

to have comprehensive access
to their victim.

Look, all right, I was wrong.

I was wrong and you were right.

She isn't a stalker, she's actually
a really, really lovely person.

Happy now?

Yes. Really happy, actually.
Glad you've finally seen sense.

Hey, Heather! Congratulations!

Oh, thanks!

Although, that makes it sound
slightly like I've won the Euromillions!

It's just so great
and I'm just so happy for you.

And you're just going to be
around here so much.

And we're going to have
such a laugh!

Don't worry,
I'll take custody of the Heather.

We're not in
till after 11 anyways.

So. Guess I'll be around here loads.

My new best friend and my guy
available in one easy hit!

It's cool, isn't it?

Cool? Oh, god, it's so cool.
It's flipping supercool.

I'm so happy.

I'm so glad. Because I thought
it might be a bit weird.

But I was looking in the mirror
with Kings and I thought, yeah,

that looks right.

He's stuck with the Arctic Monkeys
through everything

and I respect that.

Brilliant. That is... brilliant.

Ooh! Hear about the break-in
in Victoria Park?

They strapped the guy to a chair
and cut off his fingers

until he told them the PIN number.

I'll be in my room.

You know, I could show you
some self-defence moves.

And Jose, we didn't keep you
awake last night, did we?

God, no.

It's just I know that wall is
thin... Well, you know.

Didn't notice anything.

And then we stayed up
chatting for hours.

He's such a good listener.
I hate listening, don't you?

But, hmmm, he doesn't.

OK, now, here are a couple
of Jiu Jitsu techniques.

If you can turn to face
your attacker,

you push the heel of your palm
up to their nose.

Oregon, show me.

My fingers would be in your eye
socket if this was for real.

OK, very good.

So if they go to attack you, you can
do this. Josie, go to hit me.

Ugh.

Ow! Shit, that hurts.

OK, very good.

Now you try.
Heather, try hitting Josie.

Josie, don't be aggressive, just use
Heather's aggression against her.

He started playing me
a bit of a song on his guitar.

Did you know he wrote songs?

No.

He started writing one for me.
It needs a bit of work.

OK. Go.

Ugh. Oh, fuck!

Shit!

You broke my fucking arm!

Oh. OK. Yes, you've broken her arm.

Shit.

You were aggressive.
I told you not to be aggressive.

I wasn't aggressive,
I just did what you told me to do!

I didn't tell you to break her arm.

Argh!

Have you seen Heather?
Where is everyone?

Yeah, er, funny story.
We had to take her to the hospital

because her arm got broken.

Her arm got broken?
How did her arm get broken?

Josie broke her arm.

What? Why did you break her arm?

I didn't break her arm.

I used her own weight against her,
so in a way, she broke her own arm.

She broke her own arm?

No, Josie broke her arm.

Not really.
I was doing self-defence on her.

Sabine showed me,
so Sabine must have showed me wrong.

You were aggressive.
I told you not to be aggressive.

Anyway, er, Heather attacked me,

I defended myself
and her arm got broken.

Best form of defence is attack.

I didn't attack.

I did defence.

Because defence is the best
form of defence.

I mean, how bad is it?

Not bad.

Flamingo leg. Bends the wrong way.
Monster mash mate, monster mash.

Yes, but you know what they say,

"Broken bones may break my bones,
but they will never hurt me."

They don't say that because it's not
true and it doesn't make sense.

Look, it's not like she had
periodontal surgery or

a third molar extraction, so she's
basically fine, but just don't

try and hug her because I tried that

and she said
it was incredibly painful.

Josie.

Tell me,
because I've been wondering.

Did you break her arm deliberately?

What? No, of course not.
It was an accident.

Why would I break her arm
deliberately?

I didn't break her arm deliberately.
That would be horrible.

I'm not horrible.

I think you broke her arm
deliberately.

I didn't fucking break her arm
deliberately!

So stop fucking saying I did.

I think you're not a nice person.

Yeah, well fuck you!

Yes. I think
you're not a nice person.

Shit, are you OK?
How are you feeling?

I'm fine, I'm totally fine.

Come here.

God, Josie,
I can't believe you did this.

She didn't mean to.
It was an accident.

Hear that, Sabine?
It was an accident.

Besides, she said sorry. Look.

Here, I'm going to look after you.

You have a nice sit down
and put your feet up.

Her feet are fine,
it's her arm you broke.

I'll look after her.

Do you want some frozen peas
for the swelling?

No thanks, I'm fine.

I'll get you some anyway.

Here.

Thank you.

Have some ice cream. Thanks.

I've got some chocolate if you want.

You should have the clicker.

Here. Here's my rape alarm.

You can just hit it if you need me.

You want my advice?
Let her fend for herself.

You offer to look after someone,
make 'em a cup of tea,

next thing you know, it's,

"Can I get a different kind
of mango in my lassi?"

See what I mean?

Sorry to hear you're feeling
grimmo, boss man.

Yeah, your Mum rang my Mum
and Mumster did the whole

number withheld thing to get
through and tell me the bad news.

Yeah, mumps. Serious downer.

I heard you can go impotent?

Not impotent. Infertile.

Are you going infertile?

No, of course not.
My sperms are like Navy SEALs.

Nothing stops these little bastards.

So, listen,
we brought you a little something.

Bit of a peace offering to say soz.
No hard ones about last term, yeah?

"No hard ones". Not in his case.

Yeah, I'm not impotent.
Or infertile, OK?

Grapes?

Hash.

Taliban Black
and a side order of bugle.

Afghanistan versus Colombia.
Fucking drugs death match.

It's political, geeze.

Oh, great. Drugs, yeah.

Erm, I could really
do with some drugs.

I just don't know whether
I've really got the strength to,

er, skin-up.

Yeah, fuck it!

Oh, God, I feel terrible.

Half an hour, you'll be feeling
like a fucking uber-human.

Yeah, if the mumps
don't make you infertile,

this'll blow your nuts off anyway.

And we're giving you a good price.

I'm not infertile, all right?
I'm fucking fecund.

Ah. Vod. Erm, teas all round?

And is there any more of that cake?

Please?

Nah. Sorry. I don't think so.

Don't go funky, Vodster.
There's something in it for you.

Oh, right. Paid job is it?

Yeah.

Oh, OK. Right.

I thought I was doing
a mate a favour,

but if I'm getting paid,
I'll do the full works.

Oh, look boys, I'm cleaning.

No, no, no, no, no!
Oh, my god. Five grams.

JP, this is,
this is unprecedented.

Oh, dear, I'm sorry. What, naughty
servant? Bad servant? Go on.

Fuck off.

Six missed calls from the hotel.

Reckon they must want
to give me the chop.

Ooh.

No, mate, best news
I've ever heard.

I've resigned from JP.

In a few hours, I'll be out
of the cleaning game for good.

OK. Don't forget, we've got an extra
seminar this week on Aristotle

also in this room, thereby neatly
observing his Unity of Place.

Any other business?

Er, yes.

Here's the ?1,000 you gave me,
hoping I would sleep with you again.

Right, thank you.
Any other questions?

No? Good. See you on Friday, then.

I feel sick. I feel physically sick.

It's fucking disgusting
what they've done to me.

Shouldn't you be happy
about it, though?

Why would I be happy
about a promotion?

It's the last thing I want.

More responsibility,
more interaction, longer hours,

more cleaning.

Why don't you just say no?

Cos they offered me
more money, the shits.

They've got me by the money.

Nah, even worse, I had to go
for a drink with them

and spend half my night talking
about how to get rid of mildew

and who makes the best bleach.

I've turned into
a fucking old woman.

That reminds me,
we need more bleach.

Do you want to get it?

I just was thinking because
you know which is the best bleach.

I'll get it, I'll get it.

I'll see you back at the house.

You dicks! Why are you ignoring me?
How dare you.

Someone's feeling better.

They're outside!

Are you sure? Who?

Someone! They're outside
and they're sizing the place up.

I knew this was coming.

Where's Oregon?

Yeah, Vod, where's Oregon?

If this is a scam to get more soup,
I'm gonna microwave some leek

and potato in a cricket box
and you can try that on for size.

Oregon? Yeah, look, we think
there's someone outside the house.

Are you sure?
I can't see anyone.

We're coming out! Just be careful!

Oh, shitting Christ!

Tony?! What, what the fuck?

Always thought it would be me
who did that.

You broke my nose. My lovely nose.

My lovely Oregon
broke my lovely nose.

It was my best bit,
the king of my face.

My face has no nose.
How does it smell? I don't know.

I was bringing you flowers
and you broke my fucking nose.

We don't know I broke your nose.

I might have just displaced
the cartilage or something.

You broke my nose and my heart.

I think you should go.

You know you could report him
for stalking.

Is it stalking?
I mean, what is stalking?

It's a grey area.

So. How's my sperm?

You put your sperm in the freezer?

Yeah, I can't afford to just
jizz away my jizz.

Can't risk depriving
the ladies of the Mini JPs.

That won't work.
You need liquid nitrogen tanks.

I like how your first reaction is,
"That won't work",

instead of, "I hope you haven't
got your cum on my frozen pizzas,

"because I don't like that topping."

Where's my sperm?
Seriously, Vod, what the fuck?

I ask you to do one simple thing.

Sabine, what happened to your face?

Oh, my God, you haven't
been attacked, have you?

You are very over-dramatic.

No, I tried an advanced
self-defence class

and someone accidentally
hit me with their elbow.

Or maybe they did it deliberately
cos you're not a nice person.

Can I get you something
for the swelling?

Thank you, Heather.
That's very nice of you.

But I'm OK, I have some ice cubes.

You can talk to me, you know?

I'm not some kind of freak.

There's nothing
out of the ordinary about me.

There is one thing.

I'm having sex with her face
from a distance

and she doesn't even know it.

Come on.

That was the only way Robin van
Persie was ever gonna get a facial.

And he's back.

That's right, Knutsford.
Backer than before!

By the way, I don't know what
was in your weird-looking ice cubes,

but I put them in here because
your ice cube tray was mouldy.

Our ice cube tray?

Yes. I have my own ice cube tray.

All right, mate.
I, er, got you some smoothie.

Hmm? What is it?
Wheatgrass shot type of thing?

DNA frappe. Very, very organic.

Ugh, it's horrible.

Yeah.

Oh, you can't be serious?

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