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1
00:00:08,526 --> 00:00:13,106
So great to be here, man.
Exeter was shit to be honest.
2
00:00:13,141 --> 00:00:17,686
There was loads of "Rah, rah, rah"
type geezers, you know?
3
00:00:17,721 --> 00:00:20,171
Oh man, tell me about it,
I hate those geezers!
4
00:00:20,206 --> 00:00:24,246
It is literally impossible to
spend more than a 20 in here.
5
00:00:26,286 --> 00:00:30,006
Now, listen, young Padawan, there
are things that I must teach you
6
00:00:30,041 --> 00:00:33,206
if you are to succeed here
in the land of the �2 pint.
7
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:35,246
The cheat codes for North of Hendon?
8
00:00:36,366 --> 00:00:39,886
You see, the Northerner is trusting
and loyal, like a gun dog.
9
00:00:39,921 --> 00:00:43,326
But when riled become
mistrustful and easily confused,
10
00:00:43,361 --> 00:00:45,926
like a sort of angry hen.
11
00:00:50,366 --> 00:00:52,451
Now, you must also
learn their tongue.
12
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:58,326
'Owt' is any, 'nowt' is none,
'ta' is thanks, 'mint' is good,
13
00:00:58,361 --> 00:01:01,251
'tea' is supper, 'dinner' is lunch,
14
00:01:01,286 --> 00:01:05,806
a 'barm cake' is a sort of bap,
a 'bap' is a tit
15
00:01:05,841 --> 00:01:09,411
and a 'tit'... is a tit.
16
00:01:09,446 --> 00:01:12,286
Now the Northerner is a
friendly sort by nature,
17
00:01:12,321 --> 00:01:15,126
but will become irascible
if they feel taunted.
18
00:01:15,161 --> 00:01:17,051
So until you have
ascertained their level,
19
00:01:17,086 --> 00:01:19,846
it's very important to pretend
to be one of their own.
20
00:01:21,526 --> 00:01:25,006
Alright, our kid, will you take us
down Withington for a quid?
21
00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:27,091
JP, is he a cabby?
22
00:01:27,126 --> 00:01:32,166
They're all cabbies in the north,
Giles, for a price!
23
00:02:16,104 --> 00:02:19,149
Kingston on Thames! What up K-dubs,
you came back!
24
00:02:20,455 --> 00:02:23,895
For every action there is an equal
and opposite reaction, JP.
25
00:02:23,930 --> 00:02:27,335
Yeah, pussyman, I think some muff's
got stuck on your chin.
26
00:02:27,370 --> 00:02:30,575
What, this old thing?
I've always had this, haven't I?
27
00:02:30,610 --> 00:02:32,372
No.
28
00:02:34,135 --> 00:02:36,300
I get it. You're peacocking.
29
00:02:36,335 --> 00:02:38,975
Billy Goat Muff. New term, new image.
30
00:02:39,010 --> 00:02:41,615
I'm just letting it do its thing.
31
00:02:41,650 --> 00:02:43,655
A thing is as a thing does.
32
00:02:48,615 --> 00:02:51,335
That's that. This is one of those.
That carries on up there.
33
00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:55,495
Don't know what that does.
In there's what you'd think.
34
00:02:57,175 --> 00:02:58,380
That's fucked.
35
00:02:58,415 --> 00:03:02,255
This makes a weird noise but if you
smack it - it stops for a bit.
36
00:03:02,290 --> 00:03:05,055
This doesn't close.
That doesn't open.
37
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:10,855
It always smells like that up here.
And this would be yours.
38
00:03:14,975 --> 00:03:19,295
Free meat? Perks of the job.
39
00:03:19,330 --> 00:03:21,260
Your 'job'?
40
00:03:21,295 --> 00:03:24,380
Yeah, I'm part-time
at the abattoir now.
41
00:03:24,415 --> 00:03:28,935
Abattoir. How surprising.
Yeah, what actually is it?
42
00:03:35,375 --> 00:03:36,735
It's from animals and that!
43
00:03:38,215 --> 00:03:39,420
But which?
44
00:03:39,455 --> 00:03:41,535
Oh, hark at the gourmand. I dunno.
45
00:03:42,575 --> 00:03:46,175
Little bit of this,
little bit of that. Grab a handful.
46
00:03:46,210 --> 00:03:50,095
Fry it up. Meatabix.
47
00:03:51,135 --> 00:03:54,220
Hello, losers! Everyone, Heather.
Heather - everyone.
48
00:03:54,255 --> 00:03:57,895
We met on practical week,
she's a mental dental, my new bezzie
49
00:03:57,930 --> 00:03:59,135
AND we're forming a clique.
50
00:03:59,170 --> 00:04:00,580
A clique?
51
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:04,655
Yeah, we'll be forming an in-group
and ridiculing outsiders.
52
00:04:04,690 --> 00:04:05,935
Hey, Josie.
53
00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:10,980
Oh? You're back?
54
00:04:11,015 --> 00:04:13,940
Yeah, just Newtonian. You know.
55
00:04:13,975 --> 00:04:17,295
Right. Is there something wrong
with your face?
56
00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:18,855
I'm just letting it do its thing.
57
00:04:18,890 --> 00:04:20,895
A thing is as a thing does.
58
00:04:22,255 --> 00:04:26,555
Look, I just wanted to say,
New term, clean slate?
59
00:04:26,590 --> 00:04:30,855
I've got a new mate,
you've got a new... that, and...
60
00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:33,095
It's cool, honey.
61
00:04:34,135 --> 00:04:35,820
'Honey'?
62
00:04:35,855 --> 00:04:39,335
We don't need a new slate. There's
nothing wrong with the old slate.
63
00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:42,780
Everything just is what it is
so why stress anything?
64
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:45,375
Are you all right, Kingsley?
Have you, have you had a fall?
65
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,132
I've always yo'd.
66
00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:48,820
No, you haven't.
67
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,415
I'm off to see Professor Shales,
how do I look?
68
00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:55,455
Hot. What? It's a scientific fact.
69
00:04:58,015 --> 00:05:01,375
Right. This is, er, Sabine,
she's here about the room.
70
00:05:01,410 --> 00:05:02,655
Sabine - everyone.
71
00:05:03,855 --> 00:05:05,535
Hello. Yes. Now I
would like to check
72
00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:07,215
your water
pressure and smoke alarms.
73
00:05:10,775 --> 00:05:12,135
Go crazy.
74
00:05:14,015 --> 00:05:15,340
'The room'?
75
00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:18,060
Yeah. Paul Lamb, the Invisible Man,
moved out over Christmas.
76
00:05:18,095 --> 00:05:21,455
Unless we get someone new by the end of
the week, our rent goes up a hundred quid.
77
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:24,935
I saw her in the Union
looking at room ads.
78
00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:26,580
She looked like a human.
79
00:05:26,615 --> 00:05:30,855
No way. We'll just all pay extra.
We don't need a newbie.
80
00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:35,095
Let's just turn the upstairs
room into a massive bong.
81
00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:36,575
- I'm not paying extra.
- Bong!
82
00:05:36,610 --> 00:05:37,455
We should advertise.
83
00:05:37,490 --> 00:05:38,540
Bong!
84
00:05:38,575 --> 00:05:39,295
We should interview.
85
00:05:39,330 --> 00:05:40,300
Bong!
86
00:05:40,335 --> 00:05:44,175
So the water pressure seems OK but
you seem to have a problem
87
00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:48,015
with vermin. If you can murder
the vermin I will consider you.
88
00:05:51,815 --> 00:05:53,775
Bong.
89
00:06:04,735 --> 00:06:06,015
'Oregon'?
90
00:06:06,050 --> 00:06:07,700
Hi.
91
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:12,295
Thank you for applying for the
internship at Rombus. Take a seat.
92
00:06:14,735 --> 00:06:16,980
So. Tell me a little about yourself.
93
00:06:17,015 --> 00:06:24,735
Er. Well, we met, obviously,
you remember me from the, erm...
94
00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:28,980
From the fucking my husband? Yes.
95
00:06:29,015 --> 00:06:31,835
No, I was thinking more why
I should pick you to help me
96
00:06:31,870 --> 00:06:35,202
launch a literary press which is
going to be so highbrow the
97
00:06:35,237 --> 00:06:38,535
readers are going to resemble
Dan Ackroyd's famous 'Coneheads'?
98
00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:44,095
Right, erm, OK, erm, lots,
lots of reasons, um...
99
00:06:47,855 --> 00:06:49,335
It's all over, by the way.
100
00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:55,095
I know. Tony tried to climb in through
the conservatory over Christmas.
101
00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:56,500
Oh, Jesus.
102
00:06:56,535 --> 00:06:59,535
Yeah, he called me,
he was in a bit of a bad way.
103
00:06:59,570 --> 00:07:01,215
He put his foot through a pane.
104
00:07:02,335 --> 00:07:04,575
I bandaged him up and let him
come for lunch.
105
00:07:04,610 --> 00:07:06,780
Oh. Good.
106
00:07:06,815 --> 00:07:10,895
I'm with Lyle now so it was very,
very difficult for Tony.
107
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,735
We played an extremely
aggressive game of Boggle
108
00:07:13,770 --> 00:07:15,735
and called it a night.
109
00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:16,792
So?
110
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:17,815
Yes.
111
00:07:23,855 --> 00:07:25,340
I just wanted to say,
112
00:07:25,375 --> 00:07:29,540
I'll be the best intern you've ever,
ever, ever had.
113
00:07:29,575 --> 00:07:33,455
Cut me, Professor Shales, and I bleed the
dream of a powerhouse of contemporary verse
114
00:07:33,490 --> 00:07:36,872
that links not only with the ivory
tower, but the working man
115
00:07:36,907 --> 00:07:40,255
with his Xbox or the shopwoman
in her soiled night clothes.
116
00:07:41,455 --> 00:07:44,855
Well, I'll put you on the shortlist
with all the candidates who
117
00:07:44,890 --> 00:07:48,255
haven't humped the hubby
and we'll take it from there, good?
118
00:07:59,095 --> 00:08:02,775
So the plan is, we smoke the bong
until we have two bongs.
119
00:08:03,935 --> 00:08:11,815
The bong - or Bong One, and then a
second bong, the room - or Bong Two.
120
00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:14,260
So you take a hit from the bong...
121
00:08:14,295 --> 00:08:16,815
And then, you think, "Relief."
But no.
122
00:08:16,850 --> 00:08:19,620
Bang, room bong.
123
00:08:19,655 --> 00:08:21,180
And that's when - poo-tang,
124
00:08:21,215 --> 00:08:25,455
you get hit by the original bong,
Bong One, the actual bong, again.
125
00:08:25,490 --> 00:08:28,455
Bong! Hah!
126
00:08:29,855 --> 00:08:32,735
I have no desire to give my body
a massive chemical insult
127
00:08:32,770 --> 00:08:34,900
this evening, thank-you.
128
00:08:34,935 --> 00:08:38,015
If you're not going to smoke
the bong, then why are you in here?
129
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,460
Because it's warmer in here.
130
00:08:39,495 --> 00:08:42,095
Due to all the body heat you lot are
so wantonly giving away.
131
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:46,095
If we get high enough
we generally have an orgy.
132
00:08:47,255 --> 00:08:48,375
We generally don't.
133
00:08:48,410 --> 00:08:50,540
We might.
134
00:08:50,575 --> 00:08:53,335
It's impossible to predict what
might happen in the bong room.
135
00:08:55,095 --> 00:08:58,095
Cock-Cat can make people
incredibly horny.
136
00:08:59,175 --> 00:09:00,620
Interesting work.
137
00:09:00,655 --> 00:09:04,455
Have you ever attempted a fifth
penis emanating from the tail?
138
00:09:04,490 --> 00:09:06,295
What a brilliant idea.
139
00:09:10,015 --> 00:09:13,015
Yes! A tail cock.
140
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:19,935
Erm, yes, so, I don't want to
stick my oar in, and you know,
141
00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:22,092
you're a woman in your own
right, it's just...
142
00:09:22,127 --> 00:09:26,291
It's OK. You can speak freely
within the clique.
143
00:09:26,326 --> 00:09:30,455
The Posho. JP. Sort of,
been there, done that.
144
00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:33,420
Oh. So. Hands off?
145
00:09:33,455 --> 00:09:38,095
God, no. No, no. It's just -
it's not that he's a shithead.
146
00:09:38,130 --> 00:09:39,655
It's more that he's a - dickhead.
147
00:09:39,690 --> 00:09:42,620
Yeah.
148
00:09:42,655 --> 00:09:45,575
My house. A bit of a mess.
149
00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:48,420
We're back!
150
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:49,820
We're just doing the advert.
151
00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:52,375
Ok, good! Er,
let's draw up a list of criteria!
152
00:09:52,410 --> 00:09:53,140
Cool and hot.
153
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:55,060
Not too hot. Life's hard enough.
154
00:09:55,095 --> 00:10:02,575
Just put - "If you like to fuck, then
come and suck on our heroin stick."
155
00:10:02,610 --> 00:10:03,900
No.
156
00:10:03,935 --> 00:10:05,620
It's not a bad start.
157
00:10:05,655 --> 00:10:07,780
All we want is someone
clean and fun.
158
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:12,855
So put... "Vodka by night, anti-bacterial
mouthwash by morning" as the headline?
159
00:10:12,890 --> 00:10:16,295
Look, forget about your shitty ad.
160
00:10:16,330 --> 00:10:17,900
Hey!
161
00:10:17,935 --> 00:10:20,100
Call off the hunt.
Stop all the clocks.
162
00:10:20,135 --> 00:10:22,295
If you want a roomie,
I've got you a roomie.
163
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:24,215
Giles. Giles will move in.
164
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:25,812
Who's Giles?
165
00:10:25,847 --> 00:10:27,340
He's a Stoic.
166
00:10:27,375 --> 00:10:30,895
Like me, he subscribes to the
teachings of the philosopher Zeno?
167
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,980
No, Howard! He went to Stowe with me.
168
00:10:33,015 --> 00:10:37,375
Look, Giles will just crash here,
whilst he finds himself a place.
169
00:10:37,410 --> 00:10:39,592
Hmm, 'Giles' from 'Stowe'?
170
00:10:39,627 --> 00:10:41,740
No. I don't think so, JP.
171
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:42,900
Sorry, that doesn't sound cool.
172
00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:45,935
You haven't even met him,
he's an amazing laugh.
173
00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:48,455
He once pulled
a moonie on Leaver's Eve
174
00:10:48,490 --> 00:10:50,100
while smoking three Marly Lights.
175
00:10:50,135 --> 00:10:53,295
We've already got one JP,
we don't need another one.
176
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:55,340
Erm, we don't want a posh top
floor.
177
00:10:55,375 --> 00:10:57,935
Listen, 'Melissa', just
because Giles is a little bit posh,
178
00:10:57,970 --> 00:11:00,975
doesn't necessarily mean he's not
a bloody good bloke.
179
00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:02,580
What sort of posh?
180
00:11:02,615 --> 00:11:04,975
Is he more Cunty Sykes
or Racist Ralph, would you say?
181
00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:06,580
Ralph is not racist!
182
00:11:06,615 --> 00:11:12,095
You know, if anything, you're the
racists. The worst kind of racists.
183
00:11:13,815 --> 00:11:15,335
Money racists.
184
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:16,620
Sorry?
185
00:11:16,655 --> 00:11:18,615
Yeah, being rich is a race too.
186
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:19,540
No, it's not.
187
00:11:19,575 --> 00:11:23,300
I dunno,
they do all look kind of the same?
188
00:11:23,335 --> 00:11:26,095
Are you seriously
saying that something that I want
189
00:11:26,130 --> 00:11:28,255
isn't going to happen because of you?
190
00:11:39,755 --> 00:11:41,840
Are you grabbing lunch after?
191
00:11:41,875 --> 00:11:47,355
Yeah. Er, although actually that
reminds me. Can I borrow some notes?
192
00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:48,880
Yeah, yeah - 20 quid?
193
00:11:48,915 --> 00:11:52,315
Er, actually I was thinking
more like 180?
194
00:11:54,515 --> 00:11:57,675
Erm... yeah?
195
00:11:57,710 --> 00:11:59,120
Yeah?
196
00:11:59,155 --> 00:12:00,720
It's just I've spunked my RAF money,
197
00:12:00,755 --> 00:12:02,995
I'm about to hit my overdraft
like an angry bastard.
198
00:12:03,030 --> 00:12:05,760
But I've got a cheque
coming on Tuesday.
199
00:12:05,795 --> 00:12:08,515
OK, yeah, great. 180.
I'll go to a cashpoint.
200
00:12:10,435 --> 00:12:14,115
Back to the scene of the crime.
Good holidays, I trust?
201
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,515
I have to say, I missed you all
tremendously...
202
00:12:16,550 --> 00:12:18,852
when I attempted to remember
your names.
203
00:12:18,887 --> 00:12:21,120
So, apologies for
the last-minute email,
204
00:12:21,155 --> 00:12:24,995
but what did everyone think of your
holiday reading, Autumn Feelings?
205
00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:26,000
I didn't read it.
206
00:12:26,035 --> 00:12:29,355
Well maybe you should have read it,
because it's your coursework.
207
00:12:30,915 --> 00:12:32,600
It's basically a self-help book.
208
00:12:32,635 --> 00:12:36,475
It's a rather incredible
selection of reflections on love
209
00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:38,400
across the generations.
210
00:12:38,435 --> 00:12:41,155
I thought we were meant to be
studying The Grapes of Wrath?
211
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,000
I see.
212
00:12:44,035 --> 00:12:47,635
Are you all afraid
of having your minds opened up?
213
00:12:47,670 --> 00:12:50,040
Ah, you prefer your little boxes?
214
00:12:50,075 --> 00:12:53,035
Black goes with black,
white with white, girl with boy,
215
00:12:53,070 --> 00:12:54,920
48-year-old with 48-year-old?
216
00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:58,680
There's a world beyond
the curriculum, you know.
217
00:12:58,715 --> 00:13:02,835
A world beyond the conventional world
you're all so desperate to inhabit
218
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:06,915
where everything is wild and free.
219
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,555
The world...
220
00:13:12,115 --> 00:13:14,115
...of Autumn Feelings.
221
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:21,400
So, you did Posho and Soul Patch?
222
00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:24,675
Yeah, it was a weird term.
I was drinking a lot of Red Bull.
223
00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:27,115
But you definitely don't like
either of them?
224
00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:28,960
What? No! God.
225
00:13:28,995 --> 00:13:31,795
I mean, Patch Adams is like,
"Oh, let's listen to Ed Sheeran
226
00:13:31,830 --> 00:13:34,452
"and talk about our feelings
'cos I'm so much like a virgin
227
00:13:34,487 --> 00:13:37,075
"I actually am one,"
but really he's just an arsehole.
228
00:13:38,195 --> 00:13:39,280
Same again?
229
00:13:39,315 --> 00:13:42,915
So what did everyone
think about Liam?
230
00:13:42,950 --> 00:13:44,232
Who's Liam?
231
00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:45,480
For the room.
232
00:13:45,515 --> 00:13:47,675
The man who I think is my friend
from the abattoir.
233
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:49,760
You "think" he's your friend?
234
00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:52,955
Well, we sit together
at lunch but we don't talk.
235
00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:54,600
He's the quiet type.
236
00:13:54,635 --> 00:13:57,795
Was he the one who walked the house
in a kind of intense silence?
237
00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:59,040
Very wiry?
238
00:13:59,075 --> 00:14:01,040
Exactly. He's ideal.
239
00:14:01,075 --> 00:14:04,240
He's wiry and quiet and efficient.
240
00:14:04,275 --> 00:14:08,075
Hmm. "New housemate requested.
Wiry stealthy psychopath preferred."
241
00:14:08,110 --> 00:14:09,515
Giles?
242
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:12,000
Sabine?
243
00:14:12,035 --> 00:14:14,375
What, that mental Dutch woman
in her 40s?
244
00:14:14,410 --> 00:14:16,680
How come you love Sabine
all of a sudden?
245
00:14:16,715 --> 00:14:20,235
Vod told her that we pay all
the rent to her - in cash.
246
00:14:21,275 --> 00:14:22,795
She's gonna be my beer bitch.
247
00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:23,920
Great.
248
00:14:23,955 --> 00:14:25,520
Oh, my God, this is amazing!
249
00:14:25,555 --> 00:14:28,515
Jean wants me to pick up
De Valencis...
250
00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:30,915
the poet - from the airport!
251
00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:33,120
Oh. It's at 6.30am.
252
00:14:33,155 --> 00:14:35,720
You're Jean's poetry bitch.
253
00:14:35,755 --> 00:14:38,515
What about Heather?
She's dying to move out of halls
254
00:14:38,550 --> 00:14:39,920
and is a really great laugh.
255
00:14:39,955 --> 00:14:44,435
Today, in class, we had
this demonstration model
256
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:47,355
and she switched
the molars and premolars!
257
00:14:50,955 --> 00:14:54,320
How come Josie's allowed to have
a friend move in but I'm not?
258
00:14:54,355 --> 00:14:58,555
And look, the thing about Giles is
that he's not even that posh, so...
259
00:14:58,590 --> 00:15:00,040
Jay Penis!
260
00:15:00,075 --> 00:15:03,195
Toga! Toga! Toga!
261
00:15:10,595 --> 00:15:14,355
Great work with the glass fillage.
All pillage, no spillage.
262
00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:16,240
Sorry, I don't speak posh.
263
00:15:16,275 --> 00:15:19,555
Well, welcome to your first
Bante-natal class.
264
00:15:19,590 --> 00:15:22,355
I'm your tutor - Bantonio Banteras.
265
00:15:36,915 --> 00:15:38,635
Can you not wear your coat
at breakfast, Howard?
266
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:39,960
Why?
267
00:15:39,995 --> 00:15:41,755
It's covered in stuff.
268
00:15:41,790 --> 00:15:43,515
It's covered in reality.
269
00:15:47,875 --> 00:15:50,995
Is everything all right
down the abattoir?
270
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,795
Oh yeah. Another good night shift.
271
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,120
On my own in the red room
for most of it.
272
00:15:57,155 --> 00:15:59,875
It's just, you look like you've seen
the slaughter at Helm's Deep.
273
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:01,040
I'm sorry?
274
00:16:01,075 --> 00:16:02,835
Sauron, Lord of the Rings?
275
00:16:02,870 --> 00:16:04,595
Never read it, never seen it.
276
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:05,400
Fuck off.
277
00:16:05,435 --> 00:16:06,960
Why do people always assume
278
00:16:06,995 --> 00:16:09,915
I have an intimate knowledge
of made-up beasties?!
279
00:16:09,950 --> 00:16:12,200
Morning!
280
00:16:12,235 --> 00:16:15,155
Oh... Morning!
281
00:16:16,635 --> 00:16:17,995
You stayed over then?
282
00:16:18,030 --> 00:16:19,400
Yeah!
283
00:16:19,435 --> 00:16:21,995
In JP's room?
I didn't hear anything.
284
00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:24,115
JP? Oh, no way.
285
00:16:28,635 --> 00:16:32,640
Er, Heather, do you want
a... a coffee?
286
00:16:32,675 --> 00:16:36,095
Or a portion of mashed tissue
sweepings all fried up
287
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:39,515
Well, I ought to go back
to my place and change so...
288
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:42,212
Ok... then.
289
00:16:42,247 --> 00:16:44,875
Er... thank you.
290
00:16:47,075 --> 00:16:48,635
Thank... thank you.
291
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:53,075
And farewell!
292
00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:57,515
See you in Clinical Skills, mate.
293
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,355
See you then... mate.
294
00:17:14,515 --> 00:17:16,655
Mega Toga!
295
00:17:18,795 --> 00:17:20,595
Toga Maximus.
296
00:17:20,630 --> 00:17:22,395
Toga Togisimus.
297
00:17:23,555 --> 00:17:25,235
Vino Veritas.
298
00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:26,752
Nota Bene.
299
00:17:29,275 --> 00:17:32,880
Oh, dude.
I think I might take a shower.
300
00:17:32,915 --> 00:17:35,600
Oh, word of warning on the water
pressure, boy...
301
00:17:35,635 --> 00:17:38,915
that thing's flow is as weak
as a sucker MC with adenoids.
302
00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:40,635
You need a power shower, man.
303
00:17:42,407 --> 00:17:44,040
What?
304
00:17:44,075 --> 00:17:45,715
Power showers.
305
00:17:46,995 --> 00:17:48,760
Like in Walpole?
306
00:17:48,795 --> 00:17:51,355
Oh, fuck. I'd forgotten.
307
00:17:51,390 --> 00:17:53,880
Probably for the best!
308
00:17:53,915 --> 00:17:57,435
I mean it was all dorm rules.
"No speaky, no squeaky."
309
00:17:57,470 --> 00:17:59,555
"He shoots, he scores!"
310
00:18:01,995 --> 00:18:05,555
Ah. Bloody hell. Strange days.
311
00:18:05,590 --> 00:18:07,400
Well...
312
00:18:07,435 --> 00:18:09,035
it was fun, though, wasn't it?
313
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:13,795
Yeah, fun... if you're a bender!
314
00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:16,240
Yeah. Yeah...
315
00:18:16,275 --> 00:18:20,355
Oh, come on. I know it was only power
showers and it was all dorm rules,
316
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:22,872
but if you think about it,
it was a bit fucking gay!
317
00:18:22,907 --> 00:18:25,355
Yeah. Don't... You know,
there's no need to be...
318
00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:26,795
Oh, don't be a homo!
319
00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:29,240
Well, JP, er...
320
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,995
the thing is, mate, erm...
321
00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:33,155
I am a homo.
322
00:18:35,075 --> 00:18:36,395
Ahhh - gaylord!
323
00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:37,680
Seriously, man.
324
00:18:37,715 --> 00:18:39,915
Don't bend me, queeroid!
325
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:40,960
I am! I'm, I'm gay.
326
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,715
Stop saying it, you'll turn gay!
327
00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:44,120
Well, I am gay.
328
00:18:44,155 --> 00:18:46,400
Yeah. Well... I'm gay too!
329
00:18:46,435 --> 00:18:50,155
Yeah! I'm glad to be gay.
What a gay day!
330
00:18:50,190 --> 00:18:52,680
Yeah, I'm actually gay, though.
331
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:55,355
Dude, this one is getting
kind of old now.
332
00:18:55,390 --> 00:18:57,955
Yeah, I'm gay, JP. I like men.
333
00:19:01,555 --> 00:19:02,955
What?!
334
00:19:04,515 --> 00:19:07,075
You don't actually mean you are gay?
335
00:19:07,110 --> 00:19:09,592
Yes. I'm gay.
336
00:19:09,627 --> 00:19:12,091
Fuck. Seriously?
337
00:19:12,126 --> 00:19:14,520
Yeah. I'm gay.
338
00:19:14,555 --> 00:19:15,875
I've always been gay.
339
00:19:17,435 --> 00:19:19,040
The power showers...
340
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:20,315
The power showers weren't gay.
341
00:19:20,350 --> 00:19:21,555
What, wanking each other off?
342
00:19:21,590 --> 00:19:22,960
Don't say it!
343
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,320
Dude, no need to say it!
344
00:19:25,355 --> 00:19:30,355
It's OK, JP. For you it was just a
stage, for me it was the whole deal.
345
00:19:34,915 --> 00:19:38,635
Ugh. "Farewell."
346
00:19:38,670 --> 00:19:39,915
Jesus.
347
00:19:43,155 --> 00:19:44,760
I liked the hand shake.
348
00:19:44,795 --> 00:19:47,635
The reassuring handshake
of completed sexual union.
349
00:19:48,835 --> 00:19:50,955
Weird one. I was just so drunk.
350
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,075
Oh, you don't have to... It's fine.
351
00:19:53,110 --> 00:19:53,960
Why wouldn't it be fine?
352
00:19:53,995 --> 00:19:55,155
It wouldn't. That's why
I said it's fine.
353
00:19:55,190 --> 00:19:56,852
OK.
354
00:19:56,887 --> 00:19:58,480
Great.
355
00:19:58,515 --> 00:20:00,515
Yeah, it was no a biggie, anyway.
It was just a... a thing.
356
00:20:00,550 --> 00:20:01,995
Yeah.
357
00:20:03,555 --> 00:20:06,275
She's had her man meat,
she's moving on.
358
00:20:06,310 --> 00:20:08,320
Man meat?
359
00:20:08,355 --> 00:20:12,155
"Where do I get my platter
of man meat tonight?"
360
00:20:12,190 --> 00:20:13,275
she's always saying.
361
00:20:13,310 --> 00:20:15,092
Right.
362
00:20:15,127 --> 00:20:16,840
Yeah?
363
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,652
Heather.
364
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:23,101
What?
365
00:20:23,136 --> 00:20:24,480
Nothing.
366
00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:26,355
Go on. I can take it.
367
00:20:26,390 --> 00:20:28,160
Er, just sort of...
368
00:20:28,195 --> 00:20:31,175
"Good quarter pounder of man meat
last night,
369
00:20:31,210 --> 00:20:34,155
"want to help me look
for a half pound tonight?'"
370
00:20:36,155 --> 00:20:37,680
That girl!
371
00:20:37,715 --> 00:20:40,080
Erm, has anybody got a massive
bottle of Tipp-Ex?
372
00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:44,095
I'm painting over Cock-Cat.
I don't know why I drew it.
373
00:20:44,130 --> 00:20:48,075
I mean, no-one wants to see that,
do they? Five penises.
374
00:20:48,110 --> 00:20:49,795
Why did I even draw that?
375
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:51,155
I don't know.
376
00:20:51,190 --> 00:20:52,715
Exactly.
377
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,720
Yeah, so I was just
wondering if it was a problem
378
00:21:07,755 --> 00:21:09,685
if I got back that "cashola"?
379
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,680
Not being a hard-ass
or anything but I...
380
00:21:11,715 --> 00:21:13,817
I actually wanted to
talk to you about that.
381
00:21:13,852 --> 00:21:15,885
You know, it's a weird one,
the cheque did come
382
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,445
but not as a cheque -
as a postal order 'cos Dave hasn't
383
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:22,240
got an account but it's better
you know, 'cos, you know, it's there?
384
00:21:22,275 --> 00:21:23,605
Oh - good?
385
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:24,965
But now, Mike, who owed it,
386
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,720
I fucked his moped for him in June. I
mean, he thought it was but it wasn't.
387
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:29,725
Insured? Exactly.
388
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:34,040
So now I have to pony up half, and his other
half is on a power key of our mate's so,
389
00:21:34,075 --> 00:21:38,320
when that's sweet-get the nectar points
and it's bare cash all round. Is that cool?
390
00:21:38,355 --> 00:21:40,920
Er, yeah. I guess, yeah.
Totally, that's...
391
00:21:40,955 --> 00:21:41,697
Cool!
392
00:21:41,732 --> 00:21:42,405
Oregon?
393
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,685
Jean? Hi. So sorry I was late.
394
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,840
De Valencis was quite insistent
that we drive past Paul Scholes's
395
00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:50,977
house and honk the horn,
and it took us a while to find.
396
00:21:51,012 --> 00:21:53,045
He's delighted. I'm delighted.
397
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:56,960
Oregon, I'd like you to help me
launch Rhombus Literary Press.
398
00:21:56,995 --> 00:21:59,000
Yes!
399
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,360
Oh, you will not regret this, Jean.
400
00:22:02,395 --> 00:22:04,080
Oregon? What are you...?
401
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:07,800
Can I grab a word?
402
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,080
She's all yours.
403
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,600
Yes. It's just about
your attendance.
404
00:22:13,635 --> 00:22:15,537
You missed this morning's lecture.
405
00:22:15,572 --> 00:22:17,405
Yeah. Sorry. I couldn't make it.
406
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:22,100
Right. So you openly admit to having
missed a scheduled lecture?
407
00:22:22,135 --> 00:22:26,707
Oh, Tony, I picked up De Valencis
from the airport for Jean.
408
00:22:26,742 --> 00:22:31,280
I can't just turn a blind eye
to non-attendance, you know.
409
00:22:31,315 --> 00:22:32,777
This is a serious matter.
410
00:22:32,812 --> 00:22:34,126
Och! I missed one lecture!
411
00:22:34,161 --> 00:22:35,405
You missed two in November.
412
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,525
I was in Buxton with you in November!
413
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,560
I'm minded to refer you to
the disciplinary council.
414
00:22:41,595 --> 00:22:44,960
This could all go very
badly for you.
415
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,765
Unless we can come to
a satisfactory conclusion.
416
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,960
Are you trying to blackmail me
into having sex with you?
417
00:22:52,995 --> 00:22:54,817
What a terrible thing to say!
418
00:22:54,852 --> 00:22:56,605
You raised your eyebrows!
419
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,560
Even if I did - which I didn't -
eyebrows don't mean sex.
420
00:22:59,595 --> 00:23:01,605
Tony, we're over.
421
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,600
We can't be over if we're not.
If a thing continues, it is.
422
00:23:04,635 --> 00:23:07,800
Therefore. I am and - we are.
423
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,800
Yeah, I want you to delete
my number from your phone.
424
00:23:10,835 --> 00:23:13,205
Fine, I can delete your number.
425
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:16,920
Because it's branded
into my heart anyway.
426
00:23:16,955 --> 00:23:20,565
So. Jean.
You've traded up. Switched horses.
427
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,100
It's nothing personal,
I just want to make something
428
00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:25,600
of my time here and I'm passionate
about poetry.
429
00:23:25,635 --> 00:23:27,080
I know you are!
430
00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:28,325
Fuck.
431
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:31,600
I used to read you E. E. Cummings while
you rested your head on my naked chest
432
00:23:31,635 --> 00:23:34,565
and we'd both weep and those were
the best days of my life.
433
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,960
Yeah. Thanks. Ooh, I'd better go
'cos I want to get a baked potato
434
00:23:38,995 --> 00:23:41,920
and if you go late then you get
the really hard ones.
435
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:07,600
So has he...
said anything you know, about me
436
00:24:07,635 --> 00:24:09,765
and the other night?
437
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,880
What, Kingsley?
Erm... no, not really.
438
00:24:13,915 --> 00:24:15,920
Oh. OK.
439
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:18,765
Do you like him?
440
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,920
I don't know.
He's... I don't know about him.
441
00:24:21,955 --> 00:24:23,360
What do you think?
442
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,560
You do know his nickname's
"the Pussyman", don't you?
443
00:24:28,595 --> 00:24:29,805
Really?
444
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,685
Yeah. There's two sides to him.
445
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:37,245
He's Russell Brand on the inside
and Russell Grant on the outside.
446
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,380
Comes over all sensitive and happy
to talk about horoscopes, but really
447
00:24:40,415 --> 00:24:43,480
he just wants to fuck you, chuck you
and gloat about it to your granddad.
448
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:49,200
I mean, did he say anything about me
after or...?
449
00:24:49,235 --> 00:24:50,840
I don't know, I can't remember.
450
00:24:50,875 --> 00:24:52,285
Go on.
451
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:57,405
Erm maybe something like...
"Guess I'll start
452
00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:01,160
"looking for a new hairy parking
space for the old cockmobile."
453
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:07,045
Something like that.
Maybe not exactly that...
454
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,680
You know what, that
was my one thing, is he a bit wet?
455
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:12,885
What?
456
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,960
I like a challenge. I know it's stupid,
but I do like a bit of a bastard.
457
00:25:15,995 --> 00:25:17,165
Really?
458
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:21,240
I know, I know it's a bit of a cliche
but I do, that's just what I like.
459
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,840
JP.
460
00:25:33,875 --> 00:25:35,517
Thanks.
461
00:25:35,552 --> 00:25:37,160
Howard.
462
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:39,920
Thanks, Giles.
463
00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,640
Nae bother.
464
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:49,000
So, not to be uncool, we need to
call a house meeting about the room.
465
00:25:49,035 --> 00:25:52,880
Phew. Well, I guess Heather's
the frontrunner.
466
00:25:52,915 --> 00:25:53,885
Yeah?
467
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:57,920
But you know what, Giles is actually
a pretty decent bloke.
468
00:25:57,955 --> 00:25:59,577
He is surprisingly all right.
469
00:25:59,612 --> 00:26:01,200
He's incredibly all right.
470
00:26:01,235 --> 00:26:02,325
I better split.
471
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:07,400
The 'rents are coming up to help me
look for a place. So erm, see you later.
472
00:26:07,435 --> 00:26:09,177
Hey, Giles, erm...
473
00:26:09,212 --> 00:26:10,920
Got something for you.
474
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,965
Offcuts from the abattoir.
475
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:18,640
It's the meat they don't sell.
Erm, it's loose.
476
00:26:18,675 --> 00:26:20,605
It's jazz meat.
477
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,965
It's not all tubed up like the other
meat, it's just relaxing,
478
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:28,160
doing its own thing, it doesn't need
anyone telling it what shape to be.
479
00:26:28,195 --> 00:26:32,365
Oh, OK, that's, that's cool.
480
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,560
The good thing is, it's so
processed you hardly need to chew.
481
00:26:35,595 --> 00:26:36,925
It's melt in the mouth.
482
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,800
And there's a lot more
where that came from.
483
00:26:40,835 --> 00:26:42,640
OK, thanks.
484
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:50,640
Jamester.
485
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,680
Laters, guys.
486
00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,440
Great, Howard. We almost
had a wicked new housemate.
487
00:26:59,475 --> 00:27:02,165
And free meat will seal the deal.
488
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:03,965
I mean, it's cool,
because, you know,
489
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:08,380
I guess, er, Heather was
sort of first in line anyway so...?
490
00:27:08,415 --> 00:27:12,760
That is true. Also Heather just
seems, very chilled, you know?
491
00:27:12,795 --> 00:27:14,840
Yeah, Heather on tap
for Knutsford.
492
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,400
Yeah, right.
I don't care either way.
493
00:27:19,435 --> 00:27:21,360
I just think she's got a nice...
494
00:27:21,395 --> 00:27:22,605
vibe.
495
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,400
You've gone from no strings,
one night stand to moving in.
496
00:27:25,435 --> 00:27:27,045
Oh, bullshit.
497
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,645
I have one night stands,
that's how I roll.
498
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,920
I'm a guy with a cock,
she's a girl with a slot,
499
00:27:31,955 --> 00:27:34,160
we just happened to lock
together one night.
500
00:27:34,195 --> 00:27:35,365
Ah, the romance.
501
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,980
Giles, Heather - at the end of the
day, they're both just people.
502
00:27:39,015 --> 00:27:42,560
Let Heather move in. I'm sure
everything will sort itself out.
503
00:27:42,595 --> 00:27:44,720
I dunno though,
it's actually really tricky
504
00:27:44,755 --> 00:27:46,005
because I really like Giles.
505
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,040
And to be honest, I've had second
thoughts about Heather.
506
00:27:49,075 --> 00:27:52,040
I'm just not sure that I want to
live with such a great mate.
507
00:27:52,075 --> 00:27:54,640
I mean, wouldn't it be unfair
on everyone else?
508
00:27:54,675 --> 00:27:56,440
Same goes for Giles, actually.
509
00:27:56,475 --> 00:27:56,885
What?
510
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,845
Well, come on,
do you want us permanently doing,
511
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:04,640
"Do you remember when Sykes forgot his
fencing mask and turned up wearing a sieve?"
512
00:28:04,675 --> 00:28:07,245
Wow! A sieve? That is mad!
513
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,520
Personally, I would love to hear
more stories like that.
514
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:16,240
Plus... It's, it's awkward
but there is something else
515
00:28:16,275 --> 00:28:19,377
I need to tell you about Giles.
516
00:28:19,412 --> 00:28:22,480
Erm, he... steals. Yeah, he steals.
517
00:28:22,515 --> 00:28:24,125
He loves to thieve.
518
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,880
It must be like
a psychological thing.
519
00:28:26,915 --> 00:28:28,800
The opposite of a retard.
520
00:28:28,835 --> 00:28:29,525
Don't say that.
521
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:31,685
I'm not saying retard, am I?
522
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,080
I'm saying he's the opposite
of retard, Kingsley.
523
00:28:34,115 --> 00:28:37,725
There's always Sabine? No.
524
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:39,120
Well. You've missed out on Liam.
525
00:28:39,155 --> 00:28:40,277
Oh no.
526
00:28:40,312 --> 00:28:41,365
Yup.
527
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,320
He's found somewhere extremely
close to the abattoir.
528
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,820
Is this new?
529
00:28:49,855 --> 00:28:51,925
Er. Yeah. Why?
530
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:54,360
I just thought -
the nectar points and the moped...
531
00:28:54,395 --> 00:28:57,440
Yeah, it was in the sale,
all right, Mum?
532
00:28:57,475 --> 00:28:59,245
Vod...
533
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:02,280
I actually need to spot
a tenner to stand my round.
534
00:29:02,315 --> 00:29:04,437
Great, so, erm,
now I'm your beer bitch.
535
00:29:04,472 --> 00:29:06,560
Aw, come on,
just put it on the tab?
536
00:29:06,595 --> 00:29:07,605
We don't have a tab!
537
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:09,520
Yeah, we do.
I'm keeping a tab.
538
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,320
Her noonie looked like
a punched quiche!
539
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,640
Oh, King Snake, heads up.
540
00:29:17,675 --> 00:29:19,120
It's wifey.
541
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:24,765
Ooh, she's coming over.
542
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:26,480
I say, strike while the iron's hot
and ask her to marry you.
543
00:29:26,515 --> 00:29:28,045
Oh, fuck off!
544
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:32,240
If you like it, then it's probably
advisable to put a ring on it.
545
00:29:32,275 --> 00:29:33,617
Hi, Heth!
546
00:29:33,652 --> 00:29:34,960
Hi, Jose!
547
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,800
Hello.
548
00:29:37,835 --> 00:29:39,520
Uh, heh...
549
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:48,565
Do you want to join us?
550
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:52,840
Oh, er, I'd love to,
it's just I'm with Yann, so...
551
00:29:52,875 --> 00:29:54,805
You know.
552
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:56,480
Great to see you all.
553
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,525
Oh, man, that was cold.
554
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:05,680
Turns out Mr Soft Spreading Cheese actually
has the cold hard eyes of a killer.
555
00:30:05,715 --> 00:30:08,880
Oh, anyone for another -
I'm buying.
556
00:30:08,915 --> 00:30:10,880
Mine's a Jaeger.
557
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,165
That's my money
she's using to buy those.
558
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:19,040
I'm the one buying you that drink,
and everyone else's.
559
00:30:19,075 --> 00:30:19,525
What do you mean?
560
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:21,005
I leant Vod 40 quid last week.
561
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:24,085
But it turns out to reclaim it
I've got to travel to
562
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:28,120
a house in Uttoxeter and hit
an electricity meter with a hammer.
563
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,000
God, that was awkward.
564
00:30:34,035 --> 00:30:35,525
Yeah, it was a bit.
565
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:38,285
Still, bollocks to him.
There's plenty more cock in the sea!
566
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:42,240
And now that the team's back together we
can go cock-fishing all night and all day!
567
00:30:42,275 --> 00:30:43,565
Yeah...
568
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,440
That's Dentertainment!
569
00:31:23,033 --> 00:31:24,193
K-Man?
570
00:31:27,033 --> 00:31:30,353
I've got a bit of a thought
in the old head and that, mate.
571
00:31:30,388 --> 00:31:31,318
Right?
572
00:31:31,353 --> 00:31:35,118
Er... It's, it's about Giles.
573
00:31:35,153 --> 00:31:37,513
Yeah, you seem really down
on him. Did something happen?
574
00:31:37,548 --> 00:31:40,598
Yeah, er, sort of.
575
00:31:40,633 --> 00:31:45,153
Erm, see, thing is, it turns out,
that he's, er...
576
00:31:46,753 --> 00:31:48,993
Well, he's gay.
577
00:31:49,028 --> 00:31:50,838
Right.
578
00:31:50,873 --> 00:31:52,118
But I didn't know. So...
579
00:31:52,153 --> 00:31:54,553
So you've turned against him?
That's charming.
580
00:31:54,588 --> 00:31:55,638
No, you don't understand...
581
00:31:55,673 --> 00:31:58,193
I think I do. You've gone from
liking to hating someone
582
00:31:58,228 --> 00:31:59,610
because of their sexual choices.
583
00:31:59,645 --> 00:32:00,993
Mate, I just want him to be normal.
584
00:32:01,028 --> 00:32:01,758
Oh, "normal?"
585
00:32:01,793 --> 00:32:03,958
Lay off, I'm not the one
on trial here.
586
00:32:03,993 --> 00:32:07,113
It's just sex, JP. It's just one man
having sex with another man,
587
00:32:07,148 --> 00:32:10,033
because they both feel like it,
and what's wrong with that?
588
00:32:10,068 --> 00:32:12,233
I'm not homophobic!
I had sex with Giles,
589
00:32:12,268 --> 00:32:13,793
that's how not homophobic I am!
590
00:32:15,233 --> 00:32:16,593
You've had sex with Giles?
591
00:32:18,953 --> 00:32:22,593
Yeah... Well, not proper sex.
592
00:32:22,628 --> 00:32:24,278
Just a...
593
00:32:24,313 --> 00:32:25,753
...power shower.
594
00:32:25,788 --> 00:32:27,490
A power shower?
595
00:32:27,525 --> 00:32:29,158
You know...
596
00:32:29,193 --> 00:32:30,633
...extreme washing.
597
00:32:30,668 --> 00:32:32,758
Oh, right.
598
00:32:32,793 --> 00:32:34,753
But I mean we were
both like fourteen,
599
00:32:34,788 --> 00:32:36,238
so it doesn't really count.
600
00:32:36,273 --> 00:32:38,993
But now he's saying that like,
he's properly gay...
601
00:32:39,028 --> 00:32:41,638
like he'd go to a gay club
not in disguise,
602
00:32:41,673 --> 00:32:46,838
or he'd, you know,
grow a moustache and have a baby.
603
00:32:46,873 --> 00:32:49,753
And all that makes me think is,
does that mean that I'm gay?
604
00:32:49,788 --> 00:32:53,313
I mean I had gay sex
with a gay guy,
605
00:32:53,348 --> 00:32:54,598
does that make me gay?
606
00:32:54,633 --> 00:32:57,358
Gay sex with a gay guy? Hmm.
607
00:32:57,393 --> 00:32:59,798
Oh, God. You think I'm gay,
don't you?
608
00:32:59,833 --> 00:33:03,253
I didn't say that. And if you were,
it wouldn't bother me.
609
00:33:03,288 --> 00:33:06,673
Oh, shit. You're tolerating me.
You're tolerating my gayness.
610
00:33:06,708 --> 00:33:08,430
This is a nightmare.
611
00:33:08,465 --> 00:33:10,118
JP, relax. It's cool.
612
00:33:10,153 --> 00:33:14,153
I mean, I don't feel gay.
But then how do you know?
613
00:33:15,233 --> 00:33:19,753
I don't want to bum you,
but then maybe I do? Cock-Cat?
614
00:33:19,788 --> 00:33:22,358
Oh, shit, maybe I'm in denial?
615
00:33:22,393 --> 00:33:26,673
But why does it make me feel
so scared and angry?
616
00:33:26,708 --> 00:33:28,278
Maybe you're bi-furious?
617
00:33:28,313 --> 00:33:32,838
OK, how about me and you and
Josie all turn the lights out
618
00:33:32,873 --> 00:33:36,833
and I'm blindfolded and I touch
you both up to see which one of you
619
00:33:36,868 --> 00:33:38,730
gets the old juices flowing?
620
00:33:38,765 --> 00:33:40,558
Right. You fuck me, then Josie,
621
00:33:40,593 --> 00:33:43,278
then me again, just to double check.
622
00:33:43,313 --> 00:33:45,513
Sort of like we were fuck monkeys
in your sex lab?
623
00:33:45,548 --> 00:33:48,193
It's just an idea.
624
00:33:50,673 --> 00:33:55,878
All right, kebabylonians.
Guess what...
625
00:33:55,913 --> 00:34:01,993
I bumped into Paula and hit her up
for a fiver. So - chips all round.
626
00:34:07,433 --> 00:34:11,718
What's going on? What's happened?
Did someone die?
627
00:34:11,753 --> 00:34:16,953
Erm, well, erm, we, er, wanted to
have a talk with you. About money.
628
00:34:16,988 --> 00:34:18,878
Yeah?
629
00:34:18,913 --> 00:34:20,918
Yeah, erm, when we chatted,
630
00:34:20,953 --> 00:34:24,593
it turns out, erm, we've
all been lending you money.
631
00:34:24,628 --> 00:34:26,558
Except me.
632
00:34:26,593 --> 00:34:33,793
Erm, we've added it all up,
and it comes to �354. In total.
633
00:34:33,828 --> 00:34:35,873
I've drawn up a six-month
repayment plan.
634
00:34:35,908 --> 00:34:37,478
It's a basis for discussion.
635
00:34:37,513 --> 00:34:41,393
This is bullshit.
Mates lend each other money.
636
00:34:41,428 --> 00:34:42,758
Vod, this isn't personal.
637
00:34:42,793 --> 00:34:45,278
These are times of financial
uncertainty.
638
00:34:45,313 --> 00:34:47,593
You're one of the big six economies
in this house.
639
00:34:47,628 --> 00:34:49,513
If you collapse -
you'll take us all down.
640
00:34:51,313 --> 00:34:54,753
I can't believe I'm living
with a bunch of bean counters.
641
00:34:54,788 --> 00:34:58,513
Yeah, we've counted and
you've got all our beans.
642
00:34:58,548 --> 00:35:01,758
Borrowed. I've borrowed
your fucking beans.
643
00:35:01,793 --> 00:35:08,793
Jesus. You lot, you want to have
a long, hard look at yourselves.
644
00:35:11,553 --> 00:35:13,893
There was one place
with a room free,
645
00:35:13,928 --> 00:35:16,198
but it was not great
and it was like...
646
00:35:16,233 --> 00:35:19,953
there was a right of way, through
the room, for a Portuguese family.
647
00:35:19,988 --> 00:35:22,690
But apparently they either
don't go out much
648
00:35:22,725 --> 00:35:25,393
or don't come in much,
but either way...
649
00:35:25,428 --> 00:35:27,838
Are you OK, JP?
650
00:35:27,873 --> 00:35:30,798
Yeah. Fine. Totally fine.
651
00:35:30,833 --> 00:35:33,473
I might jump in the shower -
if you want, you could, er...
652
00:35:33,508 --> 00:35:35,198
I'm fine!
653
00:35:35,233 --> 00:35:37,513
...go first, if you want?
654
00:35:40,313 --> 00:35:41,638
Oh no, you, you go ahead.
655
00:35:41,673 --> 00:35:44,313
JP, I'm not going to try
and bum you, you know.
656
00:35:44,348 --> 00:35:46,570
I'm not a bloody homophobe,
all right!
657
00:35:46,605 --> 00:35:48,758
I've only been involved
at amateur level,
658
00:35:48,793 --> 00:35:52,113
not professional like you,
but it's all fine, it's totally fine.
659
00:35:52,148 --> 00:35:55,433
Gay men don't necessarily want to
have sex with every guy they see.
660
00:35:55,468 --> 00:35:56,793
Yeah, sure.
661
00:35:56,828 --> 00:35:58,838
No, really.
662
00:35:58,873 --> 00:36:02,073
Come on Giles, you have
to say that, but really?
663
00:36:02,108 --> 00:36:03,930
Well, it's like you with women.
664
00:36:03,965 --> 00:36:05,753
Do you want to bang them all?
665
00:36:05,788 --> 00:36:07,353
Yeah. Pretty much.
666
00:36:08,953 --> 00:36:11,118
Well, all the hotties.
667
00:36:11,153 --> 00:36:13,313
Yeah, I suppose I want to bang
all the hotties, too.
668
00:36:13,348 --> 00:36:15,398
So I'm right, you do want to bum me!
669
00:36:15,433 --> 00:36:19,953
Well. Say like in your house -
Oregon. Do you want to bang her?
670
00:36:21,033 --> 00:36:22,873
Hmm...
671
00:36:24,953 --> 00:36:27,053
Interesting. Fascinating question.
672
00:36:27,088 --> 00:36:29,118
This is like philosophy
or something,
673
00:36:29,153 --> 00:36:32,873
'cos I've thought about it a lot
and it's like,
674
00:36:32,908 --> 00:36:34,513
yeah, I mean, I definitely would.
675
00:36:34,548 --> 00:36:36,118
But it's like,
676
00:36:36,153 --> 00:36:41,073
we sort of live together
and I kind of like her, so,
677
00:36:41,108 --> 00:36:44,398
maybe no, or, or not no?
678
00:36:44,433 --> 00:36:48,313
It's complicated.
Because she's like, a friend,
679
00:36:48,348 --> 00:36:49,478
so it'd be really weird.
680
00:36:49,513 --> 00:36:53,593
Yeah, well, that's kind of like how
I'd say it was for me with a mate.
681
00:36:53,628 --> 00:36:55,033
OK. Wow.
682
00:36:56,673 --> 00:36:58,593
Well, this is great.
683
00:36:59,873 --> 00:37:03,193
I'm over here in the bed, straight,
684
00:37:03,228 --> 00:37:06,513
you're over there
with no trousers on,
685
00:37:06,548 --> 00:37:09,513
gay, and that's fine.
686
00:37:10,753 --> 00:37:11,953
Good night, John-boy.
687
00:37:18,673 --> 00:37:20,278
You don't want to bum me
688
00:37:20,313 --> 00:37:24,793
and I don't want to bum you,
that's fine.
689
00:37:24,828 --> 00:37:28,433
So nobody has to bum anybody.
690
00:37:28,468 --> 00:37:30,558
That's my credo!
691
00:37:30,593 --> 00:37:33,713
The freedom to bum or not to bum.
692
00:37:35,513 --> 00:37:39,593
I'll put that on my flag one day,
when I get round to making it.
693
00:37:44,513 --> 00:37:47,713
All right, wakey, wakey, listen up!
694
00:37:55,593 --> 00:37:58,838
I've had a big think, er,
695
00:37:58,873 --> 00:38:01,033
and I reckon you lot
might not be total arseholes
696
00:38:01,068 --> 00:38:03,038
about the money after all.
697
00:38:03,073 --> 00:38:05,233
Now I'm not saying I'm wrong,
and if you want me to,
698
00:38:05,268 --> 00:38:06,638
you can take a flying fucking jump
699
00:38:06,673 --> 00:38:09,478
'cos I was always going
to pay you back.
700
00:38:09,513 --> 00:38:13,353
But, I'm gonna pay my debt
to society with stuff.
701
00:38:15,873 --> 00:38:16,998
Start sifting.
702
00:38:17,033 --> 00:38:18,593
I really don't think
that's necessary.
703
00:38:18,628 --> 00:38:19,918
Great with me.
704
00:38:19,953 --> 00:38:21,278
There's no knickers.
705
00:38:21,313 --> 00:38:24,793
Why do people always assume I have
a prurient interest in underwear?
706
00:38:24,828 --> 00:38:26,873
Take those trainers,
I know you like them.
707
00:38:26,908 --> 00:38:28,250
No, I don't want your trainers.
708
00:38:28,285 --> 00:38:29,593
Pick up the trainers, Oregon.
709
00:38:29,628 --> 00:38:32,078
OK.
710
00:38:32,113 --> 00:38:35,433
OK, listen, everyone.
I've got an announcement to make.
711
00:38:35,468 --> 00:38:39,478
This is Giles. My gay friend.
712
00:38:39,513 --> 00:38:43,633
He doesn't want to bum me
and I don't want to bum him,
713
00:38:43,668 --> 00:38:47,753
and I don't care who knows it.
And he's moving in.
714
00:38:47,788 --> 00:38:50,313
That's lovely, JP.
There's just one catch...
715
00:38:52,073 --> 00:38:54,153
We called Sabine last night
and offered her the room.
716
00:38:54,188 --> 00:38:57,793
Call her back,
tell her she can't have it.
717
00:38:57,828 --> 00:38:59,513
This house is going bi-curious.
718
00:39:14,153 --> 00:39:15,613
She's really ringing.
719
00:39:15,648 --> 00:39:17,038
Just wait it out.
720
00:39:17,073 --> 00:39:18,558
It doesn't feel right.
721
00:39:18,593 --> 00:39:21,118
I think you just have to push
through the embarrassment barrier.
722
00:39:21,153 --> 00:39:24,673
Yup. This is a cool house. We do not
need some freak spoiling our vibe.
723
00:39:25,513 --> 00:39:26,953
There is one thing though...
724
00:39:26,988 --> 00:39:29,558
Shush, Vod!
725
00:39:29,593 --> 00:39:30,558
She's going to go...
726
00:39:30,593 --> 00:39:32,593
...I kind of gave her a key.
727
00:39:35,793 --> 00:39:37,198
Hello?
728
00:39:37,233 --> 00:39:39,753
I thought they were going to get it.
729
00:39:41,593 --> 00:39:44,793
Yeah, we all thought somebody else
was going to get it.
730
00:39:44,828 --> 00:39:47,390
Could somebody lend a hand.
Not literally.
731
00:39:47,425 --> 00:39:49,953
To help me move my stuff
up to my room?
732
00:39:53,233 --> 00:39:55,558
Er, listen, Sabine.
733
00:39:55,593 --> 00:39:59,198
The thing is,
and this is hard to explain,
734
00:39:59,233 --> 00:40:03,233
there's been a bit of a mix-up,
and we'd love for you to move in,
735
00:40:03,268 --> 00:40:05,953
but it's not going to be possible,
because...
736
00:40:05,988 --> 00:40:09,593
But it was agreed. I have the key.
737
00:40:09,628 --> 00:40:10,638
What do you think?
738
00:40:10,673 --> 00:40:13,278
No. No, I won't stand for this.
739
00:40:13,313 --> 00:40:17,838
It's political correctness gone mad.
I'm sorry, Sabine,
740
00:40:17,873 --> 00:40:22,953
but we have a gay man moving in,
so although it may seem xenophobic,
741
00:40:22,988 --> 00:40:26,873
it's not, because we have someone
even well, not weirder,
742
00:40:26,908 --> 00:40:30,310
but more different, so, hard cheese.
743
00:40:30,345 --> 00:40:33,713
But I've signed
the rental agreement.
744
00:40:33,748 --> 00:40:35,633
Oh dear, oh dear.
745
00:40:36,953 --> 00:40:39,793
Your English isn't very good, is it?
746
00:40:39,828 --> 00:40:42,990
We want Giles to move in.
747
00:40:43,025 --> 00:40:46,118
But I want to live here.
748
00:40:46,153 --> 00:40:48,638
Yes, but, and I'm sorry to say this,
749
00:40:48,673 --> 00:40:52,758
the truth is that none of us
want you to live here?
750
00:40:52,793 --> 00:40:55,993
It's not that we don't like you -
obviously we don't really know you...
751
00:40:56,028 --> 00:40:57,278
we just think we won't like you.
752
00:40:57,313 --> 00:40:59,038
Why won't you like me?
I'm a nice person.
753
00:40:59,073 --> 00:41:01,353
Anyway, this house is much larger
than the other houses,
754
00:41:01,354 --> 00:41:04,873
it's conveniently located,
the transport links are excellent,
755
00:41:04,908 --> 00:41:08,393
and I have already told my bank
about my change of address.
756
00:41:08,428 --> 00:41:10,713
What shall we do,
shall we take her down?
757
00:41:10,748 --> 00:41:11,718
Yes, let's take her down.
758
00:41:11,753 --> 00:41:14,293
We're not going to "take her down".
759
00:41:14,328 --> 00:41:16,833
Thus far and then none shall pass.
760
00:41:16,868 --> 00:41:17,993
Lord Of The Rings?
761
00:41:18,028 --> 00:41:19,878
Holy Grail.
762
00:41:19,913 --> 00:41:23,153
None shall pass.
763
00:41:35,993 --> 00:41:37,273
She passed.
764
00:41:37,323 --> 00:41:41,873
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