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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:04,536
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:07,039
E-leven and
holding.
3
00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:08,073
Hey, that's a personal best.
4
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,074
Uh-huh.
5
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,142
What's going on?
6
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:11,176
We're trying to
count how many
7
00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:12,611
Spanish peanuts
Cliff can...
8
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,480
fit up his nose.
9
00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:15,748
(nasally):
And, uh,
10
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:16,815
11's the limit.
11
00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:18,350
I know my nostrils.
12
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,453
Let's see, now, who had 11?
13
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:22,621
Uh, Norm Peterson.
14
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,689
Hey.
Oh, yes,
15
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,657
I know Cliffie's
nostrils.
16
00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:26,658
Here you go, Norm.
17
00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:29,028
Thank you.
Cliff, are you crazy?
18
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:31,096
You've really been stuffing
peanuts up your nose?
19
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:32,531
That's dangerous.
20
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:35,501
You could puncture your sinuses,
you can even get brain damage.
21
00:00:35,568 --> 00:00:37,336
Oh, come on, I've been doing
this kind of stuff for years.
22
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:38,570
It's no big deal.
23
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:42,408
Yeah, Cliffie, but,
uh, but never 11, pal.
24
00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:44,176
Uh, yeah,
you're right, Norm.
25
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:45,511
Uh, hey,
uh, Rebecca,
26
00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:46,745
I'm gonna mosey
into the poolroom
27
00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:47,913
and, uh,
pry some of these out.
28
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,314
Give me the corkscrew,
will you?
29
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,851
Thank you.
30
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,989
Hey, Norm, that's quite a little
sum of money you've got there.
31
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:57,990
Yeah, well...
32
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,391
Maybe you'd like
to apply
33
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:00,592
some of this to your bar tab.
34
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:01,694
(laughing)
35
00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:04,897
That's very good.
36
00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:06,031
(chuckles)
37
00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:07,366
You know, you're
starting to fit in here.
38
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:08,701
That's great.
39
00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:10,703
(theme song begins)
40
00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:17,176
� Making your way
in the world today �
41
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:20,346
� Takes everything you've got �
42
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,015
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
43
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:26,485
� Sure would help a lot �
44
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:30,389
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
45
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,926
� Sometimes you want to go �
46
00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:38,430
� Where everybody
knows your name �
47
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:44,336
� And they're always
glad you came �
48
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:46,605
� You wanna be
where you can see �
49
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:49,174
� Our troubles
are all the same �
50
00:01:49,242 --> 00:01:53,445
� You wanna be where
everybody knows your name �
51
00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:56,648
� You wanna go
where people know �
52
00:01:56,716 --> 00:01:59,885
� People are all the same �
53
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:04,523
� You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. �
54
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,241
(door opens)
55
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:27,212
Sam, let me have a Scotch.
56
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,615
Oh, make it a double.
57
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,683
Oh, what the hell?
58
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,785
Just pound me over the head
with the bottle.
59
00:02:32,852 --> 00:02:34,053
Whoo!
60
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,654
Tough day, huh?
61
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:38,590
No, I'm not unwinding, Sam,
I'm, I'm bracing up.
62
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,459
You see, Lilith's mother
is coming up from the city
63
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,127
for our fifth
wedding anniversary,
64
00:02:42,195 --> 00:02:43,495
meeting me here.
65
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,465
I thought I'd come in a
little early and... marinate.
66
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:50,302
Yeah, mother-in-laws,
man, they're tough.
67
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:51,737
Oh, she's demanding, Sam.
68
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:55,341
She's unreasonable,
cold, sarcastic, bitter.
69
00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:56,942
Nothing is
to her liking ever.
70
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,177
Yeah, we know.
71
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:00,079
What's her mother like?
72
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,549
Ah, I suppose it's wrong of me
73
00:03:03,616 --> 00:03:05,217
to blame Betty
for all our problems.
74
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:07,720
I'm sure I'm not the way
she wants me to be either.
75
00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:09,822
Well, how does she want
you to be, Dr. Crane?
76
00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:12,391
Well... dead.
77
00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:14,293
The thing
that really drives me crazy
78
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,327
is the unrelenting tension
79
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,296
between Lilith
and her mother.
80
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,997
You know, Lilith
just holds it all in,
81
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:20,733
she has to unload it
somewhere,
82
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,701
and guess who gets
to listen to it endlessly.
83
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,137
Apparently me,
Dr. Crane.
84
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,574
Oh, that's wonderful.
85
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:29,808
Oh, thank you.
86
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,911
Oh, yes, thanks.
87
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,279
Guess what.
88
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:35,781
I just won
this radio contest.
89
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,850
I get a weekend trip
for two to Atlantic City,
90
00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:39,351
all expenses paid.
91
00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:40,552
Oh, congratulations.
92
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:41,887
Who are you going to take?
93
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,188
Uh, I don't know.
94
00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:45,858
I just moved to Boston
and I don't know a soul.
95
00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:49,561
Yeah, yeah, I heard, I heard.
96
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,099
Oh, thanks very much.
97
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,100
That's incredible.
98
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,101
I can't believe that.
99
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,102
Hey, guys, guess what.
100
00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:58,704
I just won
a radio contest.
101
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,006
You're kidding.
102
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,441
I did, too.
Really?
103
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:05,544
Yeah, you know, Atlantic City,
free trip, the whole works.
104
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,781
That's the same here.
105
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:09,815
Really?
106
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,283
Isn't that incredible?
107
00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,952
Well, it, it could be.
108
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,055
Only problem is
I don't know who to take,
109
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,891
you know, two tickets
and everything.
110
00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:20,559
I wonder what I should do.
111
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:23,195
About what?
112
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,198
You have kind of a short
attention span, don't you?
113
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,767
Well, I like that,
I like that.
114
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:31,537
(mumbling indistinctly)
115
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,106
We're talking about
my two tickets and...
116
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,575
Oh, yeah, you know,
I've got the same problem.
117
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,444
Yeah, uh, well, you
know what we ought to--
118
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:39,778
I'm Sam, by the way.
119
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:40,879
Oh.
120
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:41,880
Sam, I'm Debbie.
121
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,248
Hi, Debbie, uh...
122
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:44,350
maybe we should,
you know,
123
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:45,851
instead of wasting
four tickets,
124
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:49,021
we should just use
yours and go together.
125
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,223
That's a super idea.
126
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,825
Yeah, all right.
127
00:04:52,892 --> 00:04:55,260
Hey, guys,
I'm off to Atlantic City.
128
00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:57,596
Boy, those Japanese that say
we've lost our ingenuity
129
00:04:57,664 --> 00:04:59,231
and the ability
to get the job done
130
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,568
ought to come to Cheers
and have a gander at Sam Malone.
131
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:05,971
Sammy.
Yeah.
132
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,606
I'd like you to take this,
uh, Cliff nostril money
133
00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:09,908
and put it on black 17
at the roulette table.
134
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,277
Black 17--
you got it, pal.
135
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:13,479
Okay, we're ready.
136
00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:15,414
But, now, what are we going
to do with your tickets?
137
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,682
Oh, I'll probably
just, uh,
138
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,217
give them away to
some strangers.
139
00:05:18,284 --> 00:05:19,451
Oh, I'd do that, too,
140
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:21,954
but I don't know
any strangers.
141
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,156
This is going to be
a great weekend.
142
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:28,093
Uh, how come, uh,
black 17, Norm?
143
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,528
Oh, uh, well, 17
is 'cause, uh,
144
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:31,130
Vera and I were
married on the 17th.
145
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:32,564
Oh.
146
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:37,202
And black is because Vera and
I were married on the 17th.
147
00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:38,837
Another one,
Dr. Crane?
148
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,673
Um, no thanks, Woody.
149
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:41,907
Uh, one ought to do it.
150
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:42,975
(door opens)
151
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,345
Mother and I have arrived,
Frasier.
152
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:50,015
Hit me, Woody, need some juice.
153
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:53,585
Thanks for helping me
with my bags, Frasier,
154
00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:57,523
but I see you've got that big,
heavy drink to lug around.
155
00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:59,591
Hello, Betty.
156
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,863
So this is where you spend
all of your time,
157
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:07,132
while my grandson
crawls around
158
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,703
in open stairwells
and electrical outlets.
159
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,039
Well, actually,
Frederick is walking now.
160
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,742
If my daughter had any sense,
so would she.
161
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,177
Is there a bathroom
around here?
162
00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:21,413
Oh, yes, Mother, right
down that hallway there.
163
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,456
Frasier, I have
to thank you.
164
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,291
You seem to be trying
harder than usual
165
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,026
to be pleasant
to my mother.
166
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,762
Want to tell me what
the hell is going on?
167
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,197
Well, darling,
for the past few months,
168
00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:39,665
I've been agonizing
over what to give you
169
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,233
for our fifth
wedding anniversary,
170
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:46,205
and, uh, I thought about
jewelry, a trip, a car.
171
00:06:46,272 --> 00:06:50,409
But this... this
cost me even more.
172
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,917
"I promise not to fight
with Betty during her visit."
173
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:01,487
Happy anniversary, my love.
174
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,257
It's very thoughtful,
Frasier.
175
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,126
Exactly how do you intend
to pull that off?
176
00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:08,927
Well, I've been working
at this for some time now
177
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:11,997
and whatever Betty says,
178
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:15,100
I shall let this
smile be my umbrella.
179
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:23,809
Well, get ready
to smile.
180
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,011
My mother has never
gotten over being upset
181
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,312
about missing
our wedding.
182
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:30,983
She wants us to renew
our wedding vows on Saturday.
183
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,752
But, darling, I...
184
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:37,122
I think the whole
idea is just...
185
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:38,791
wonderful.
186
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,125
(door opens)
187
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,561
Hey, waitress, you want to
turn up the heat in here?
188
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,663
I am not a
fish stick.
189
00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:48,467
Or maybe I should ask someone
who can reach the thermostat.
190
00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:51,303
Hey, hey.
191
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:54,840
Lady, you can't just waltz
in here, insult people,
192
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,675
and start ordering
everyone around.
193
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:57,943
Why not?
194
00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,945
'Cause that's
my job.
195
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:04,116
I would have thought your job
was to live under a bridge.
196
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,686
Yeah?
197
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,755
Well, unless you want
some bridgework,
198
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,757
you just better shut up!
199
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,059
Look,
200
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,894
she rattled me, okay?
201
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,665
Betty, I-I think
it's terribly sweet
202
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,067
that you want us to reenact
our wedding, but...
203
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,970
have you given any thought
to a... a little cocktail party?
204
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,905
I-I think
that might be more pleasant
205
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:28,540
and perhaps a bit more intimate.
206
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,009
Well, you're wrong.
207
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,744
Very wrong.
208
00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:33,312
You couldn't
be more wrong
209
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,314
if your fanny was
screwed on backwards.
210
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,384
That wrong, huh?
211
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,794
Thanks for dropping
me off, Debbie.
212
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,029
NORM:
Hey, Sammy,
213
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:52,331
how'd it go in Atlantic
City? You get lucky?
214
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,700
Yeah, you bet I did.
215
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,435
So, uh, how much
you win?
216
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,103
Not a cent.
217
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,241
I'll call you
tomorrow, all right?
218
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,542
Okay.
Thanks.
219
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,411
Okay, bye.
Bye.
220
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,446
Sammy? Huh? Huh?
221
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,148
CLIFF & NORM (high-pitched):
Huh? Huh?
222
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,884
So, you remember
to put that, uh,
223
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:14,053
50 bucks down on
that black 17, buddy?
224
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,021
Yeah, you know,
about that Norm...
Yeah?
225
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,890
...you know,
the strangest thing happened.
226
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,158
I put all your money...
Right.
227
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,392
...on black 17.
228
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,560
And lost, right?
229
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,062
No, no, no,
it hit, it hit.
230
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,229
It hit?!
All right!
231
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,898
But Debbie got so excited,
232
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,900
she started jumping
up and down and...
233
00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:30,269
and by the time,
she was finished, I, uh...
234
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:33,772
I, uh, had accidentally
let your winnings ride.
235
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:35,140
I could kill you!
You did that?
236
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,909
And it hit again.
237
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,844
Whoa! What are
the odds on that?
238
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:40,245
Pretty damned
steep, buddy.
239
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,780
(laughs)
I don't
believe it!
240
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,215
(overlapping shouting)
241
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,616
All right! Sammy!
242
00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:46,085
I'm rich!
243
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,286
I'm rich!
244
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:48,854
Look at this.
(whooping)
245
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,055
All right!
246
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,390
Sam, Sam, Sam?
What, what,
what, what...?
247
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:52,891
Now that Norm's come
into all this money,
248
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,593
don't you think it's time
that somebody reminds him
249
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,095
that he has a pretty
hefty bar tab?
250
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,429
Oh, sweetheart,
he's my friend.
251
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,031
I can't mention that.
He'll come through.
252
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,933
I don't know, Sam.
Hey, hey, trust
me, trust me.
253
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,468
I've known the guy
for a long time.
254
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:03,669
He'll do the
right thing.
255
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,437
Sammy, this calls
for a celebration.
256
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,940
Let's have a
round on me, okay?
257
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,109
(crowd chatter)
NORM:
Drinks for everybody!
258
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:12,077
Sammy, put it on
my tab, please.
259
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,749
Sam? Sam?
260
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,521
Now, about the cake--
do you like butter cream?
261
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:23,956
Yes, Mother.
262
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,025
Good, because
that's what I ordered.
263
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:27,626
Now, how
about flowers?
264
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,261
I like roses.
265
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,296
Do you like
cascading lilies?
266
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,531
Sort of.
267
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,634
Good! Because
that's what I ordered.
268
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,636
Now...
269
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,272
why don't you go
and learn your vows?
270
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:43,308
I've written them out.
271
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,811
And I'm going
to go call the caterer.
272
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,980
Looking at Frasier's
friends,
273
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,516
I know I'm going
to need to order more.
274
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,618
I don't know what.
275
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:55,287
Just more.
276
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,658
She's written vows?
277
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,660
Yes.
278
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,829
Apparently with the
recurring phrase
279
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:06,832
"shiftless alcoholic."
280
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:15,007
Darling, for the
hundredth time,
281
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,241
why are we going through
282
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,676
with this ridiculous
wedding re-enactment?
283
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:18,711
Because every time
284
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:21,380
I try to say "no,"
it comes out "yes."
285
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:24,383
My behavior is solely
to please my mother.
286
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,051
Why does she always
try to turn me
287
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,386
into something
I'm not?
288
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:30,456
Maybe, deep down,
she always wanted a girl.
289
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:35,728
Hey.
Hey, rich guy,
290
00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:37,730
mind if I do a little
reading here?
291
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:39,064
Oh.
292
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,567
Oh, Sammy, my tab.
293
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:42,901
Tab? Oh!
294
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:45,738
Thought it was
the Yellow Pages here.
295
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:47,906
Yeah.
296
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,975
Boy, we've had that thing
a long time, haven't we?
297
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,010
Sure have, buddy.
298
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:52,344
Look at that,
we go all the way back
299
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:53,746
to when we didn't
even know your name.
300
00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:56,081
"Skinny guy
at the end of the bar."
301
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:57,716
Yep.
302
00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:58,917
Yep.
303
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,486
It's gotten
awfully big.
304
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,121
Kind of a
disgrace, really.
305
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,156
That it is, Norm.
That it is.
306
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,591
NORM:
Tell you what
I'm gonna do.
307
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,059
Since I've come into
all this money,
308
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,994
I'm gonna buy you
a new book.
309
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:13,832
Whenever I'm
in her presence,
310
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,834
I revert to being
a little girl again.
311
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,836
But you're not.
312
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,838
You're a grown woman.
313
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,340
You have a
314
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,408
successful career
315
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:23,909
and you're well respected
in your field.
316
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,577
Now, darling,
you must go over there
317
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,312
to your mother,
look her in the eye,
318
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,580
and, for God's sake,
tell her
319
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,582
that we're not going
to reenact our damn wedding!
320
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:32,584
You're right,
Frasier.
321
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:36,922
Incidentally,
322
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,658
why do you always refer to
it as our "damn wedding"?
323
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,429
One hurdle
at a time, Lilith.
324
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:46,065
Now, I'll be with you
all the time.
325
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:47,599
I'll be your support.
326
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:48,767
Lean on me.
327
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:50,936
Is anyone else hot
in here?
328
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:52,604
Say, waitress,
do you mind?
329
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,440
I'm not a rotisserie
chicken.
330
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,041
Yeah? Well, you...
331
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,710
you look like one.
332
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:02,281
Sam.
Huh?
333
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:04,750
I just gotta take a couple
of days sick leave.
334
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,785
Mother,
335
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:08,787
Frasier and I have spoken,
336
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:11,056
and there's something I have
to tell you about my wedding.
337
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,458
Oh, I just can't wait
338
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,727
to see my little
girl married.
339
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:18,230
I am so sorry I missed
it the first time!
340
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,065
I can't wait either,
Mommy.
341
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:22,668
Come along.
342
00:13:22,736 --> 00:13:23,902
We've got a lot to do.
343
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,471
I'll be right
there, Mommy.
344
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,774
A lot of help you were,
you spineless bastard.
345
00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:42,021
All that money, huh?
Yeah.
346
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,722
Sure will come in handy.
Yeah.
347
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,424
You could probably
pay off all your
348
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:46,859
outstanding debts, huh?
349
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,961
If I had any, Sam.
350
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,963
Not me.
351
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,465
Own my own house,
own my own car,
352
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,402
no plastic,
do not believe in debt.
353
00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:00,039
So I'm beginning
to find out.
354
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,176
Rebecca Howe?
355
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,245
Why yes.
356
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,313
And who are you, stranger?
357
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:09,415
You wouldn't
remember me.
358
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:11,050
I was a customer here
many years ago.
359
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:13,318
I had a couple of beers
and couldn't pay for them
360
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,621
and this bar was kind
enough to run me a tab.
361
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:16,855
Two beers?
362
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,290
And you did not pay for them?
363
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,094
That's right, Miss.
364
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:23,262
And I'll tell you why.
365
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:25,764
Shortly after that,
I committed a crime of passion
366
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:28,233
and was sent to Devil's
Island for life.
367
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,202
Oh, my!
368
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:32,171
Go on, stranger.
369
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,741
For years, rotting
in those cells,
370
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,576
I was kept alive
by but one thought,
371
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,878
the knowledge that
I owed a debt to Cheers.
372
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:42,281
So under the light
of a tropic moon, I escaped
373
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:43,949
and fashioned
a crude raft
374
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,617
with vines
and coconut husks.
375
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:46,952
The rest is
unimportant.
376
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,755
Suffice it to say,
here's three dollars.
377
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,724
God bless you,
stranger.
378
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,894
Norm, did you hear that?
379
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:57,296
How could anyone help
but hear that?
380
00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:58,731
Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.
381
00:14:58,798 --> 00:14:59,898
Could you keep it down?
382
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,667
I'm trying to watch some TV
over here!
383
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,469
How could you
even think
384
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:04,803
that someone would
be stupid enough
385
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,071
to take a hint
like that?
386
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,639
Miss Howe,
387
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,274
here's that dollar I borrowed
for lunch yesterday.
388
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,276
You know you could
have come right
out and told me
389
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,112
instead of having that guy
come all the way here
390
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,446
from Devil's Island.
391
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:21,286
Sam, let me have a quick one,
will you?
392
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,755
I'm showing Betty
the sights.
393
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:23,789
Oh, yeah?
394
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:24,823
Where is she?
395
00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:26,291
Well, I gave her
a little shove
396
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,293
into Filene's Basement
and yelled "Sale!"
397
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:32,131
With any luck, she'll
be trampled to death.
398
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,932
Your wife's waiting
for you up there.
399
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,134
Oh.
400
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:38,203
Oh, hello, dear.
401
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,939
You caught me.
402
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:42,107
I'm hiding.
403
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,876
Yeah, well, this is as
good a place as any.
404
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,878
This is where I always come
to hide from my problems.
405
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,880
I mean, my-my work
problems, of course.
406
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,816
You know, my-my domestic
life is just, well...
407
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:53,952
Things are looking up, Frasier.
408
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,621
I've been researching
the problem
409
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:57,556
of how to deal
with an overbearing mother.
410
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,158
I think you'll be delighted
to learn
411
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:01,960
that I've hit upon the perfect
course of action.
412
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:03,562
Oh, darling, how exciting!
413
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,130
A breakthrough!
What's the plan?
414
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:06,799
To acquiesce totally.
415
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:09,902
Yes, I'm going to let my mother
run roughshod over me.
416
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,637
It's time
to cut our losses.
417
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:14,239
I'm at the third
from final turn in the maze
418
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,674
and unbeknownst to me,
419
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:19,478
the researcher has
removed the cheese.
420
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:22,715
Your analogies always
bring it home, dear.
421
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:31,457
Yeah, still can't get your
mother off your back, huh?
422
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:34,360
It's very difficult for me
to relate to.
423
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,728
Really?
424
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,030
Oh, yeah. Ma and I don't have
any problems.
425
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,032
You know, in fact, most people
426
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,601
find it's hard to tell
that we're even related.
427
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,903
Folks down at Club Med
are very surprised
428
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:46,538
when they find out
we're mother and son.
429
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,575
Shocked even.
430
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,581
You know, Dr. Sternin-Crane,
I always heard
431
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,150
that you should tell your
mother exactly how you feel.
432
00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,385
Is that what you do, Woody?
433
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:02,187
Yeah, right,
like I want a whopping.
434
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,791
Well, thank you
very much, Woody.
435
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:06,825
I appreciate that.
436
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,694
You know, I have another idea.
437
00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:10,763
Thank you very much, Woody.
I appreciate that.
438
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:13,098
You didn't let me
tell you the idea yet.
439
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:16,135
Woody, in certain company,
when someone says,
440
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,203
"Thank you very much.
I appreciate that."
441
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:20,773
It means, "I don't thank you.
I don't appreciate that.
442
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,541
And I want you
to shut your mouth."
443
00:17:23,677 --> 00:17:24,977
Oh, thank you very much,
444
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,311
Dr. Sternin-Crane.
I appreciate that.
445
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,854
(doorbell rings)
446
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,026
So glad you could
come, Sam.
Oh, thank you.
447
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:43,629
The gift table's
over there.
448
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,864
We were, uh,
supposed to bring gifts?
449
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,800
Don't give it
a second thought...
450
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,768
Mr. Trump.
451
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,239
Hey, man, I'm so sorry.
452
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:55,974
I didn't realize we were
supposed to bring gifts.
453
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:57,309
Oh, that's all right, Sam.
454
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,044
Your presence here
is more than enough.
455
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:02,214
Paul, you scamp,
is this a toaster oven?
456
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,852
So you see,
that's why Shamu
457
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,954
cannot really be considered
a killer whale.
458
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:13,325
Hello, I'm Dr. Bramwell,
459
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,361
a colleague
of Frasier's.
460
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,629
I couldn't help overhearing
your conversation.
461
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,631
You must be one of his patients.
462
00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:22,001
No, no...
463
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,936
I'm one of his friends,
uh, Cliff Clavin.
464
00:18:24,004 --> 00:18:27,306
Oh, well, then I wouldn't
be poaching if I...
465
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:30,476
Well, uh... here's my card.
466
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,745
Huh.
467
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:33,712
Uh, thank you.
468
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,314
Thank you very much.
469
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:37,182
That's the third one
I got tonight.
470
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,851
I must have a sign
on my back or something.
471
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,755
Sam, there's Norm.
472
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,289
This might be
a good chance
No, no.
473
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,657
to ask him about
the bar tab.
Come on...
474
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,826
You can do it.
This is not--
he'll get upset.
475
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,361
No, he won't get upset.
This is the last place
476
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:50,729
in the world
he'd make a scene.
477
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,498
Just be discreet. Norm.
478
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:55,034
Norm, Sam wants to ask
you about your bar tab.
Oh.
479
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,369
(laughs)
480
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,171
I, it's just, you know,
she thinks, you know,
481
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,306
you came into some money,
that maybe it'd be appropriate,
482
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:02,908
you know, to pay off
some of your bar tab.
483
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,144
Well, sure, if I had
any money left.
484
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:07,780
Wait a minute, you spent
all-- every cent?
485
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,281
Yeah.
486
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,650
What the heck, you know,
easy come, easy go, Sammy.
487
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,686
It was found money, I figured,
488
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,622
so why not do something that
I always wanted to do with it.
489
00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:19,024
So, I went down,
490
00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:21,193
and I bought a boat.
491
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:22,795
Isn't it a beauty?
492
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,129
I can't believe that, man.
493
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,631
What?
You spent it?
494
00:19:25,699 --> 00:19:27,866
Hah...
After all those years
of me carrying you
495
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,368
while you were
unemployed?!
496
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,303
Well... yeah, but...
You're my friend?
497
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:34,540
I-I listen to all your stupid
little comments every day?
498
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,810
I-I let you run up the largest
bar tab in history,
499
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,311
and then you come
into some money
500
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,046
and you tell me
you don't pay me back?
501
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:42,681
You-you spend it
on a stupid boat?!
502
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:45,050
Well, I hope you and
the stupid boat sink!
503
00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:47,152
You big deadbeat!
504
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:51,890
Sammy, I, I bought
the boat for you.
505
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:55,427
See, it's, it's
the Mayday Malone, see?
506
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,130
I mean, thank you.
507
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,701
You know, I know how bad
you felt when your boat sank
508
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:05,537
and, well, it's something
I always wanted to do, big guy.
509
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,706
Oh, man.
That's the nicest thing
510
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,108
anyone's ever done for me.
511
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,276
Yeah.
Hey, listen, about
that bar tab...
512
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:12,878
Yeah, I know...
I've broken it down
513
00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:14,880
into 36 easy payments.
514
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,851
Now I want you
to stand up straight
515
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,119
when you're out there.
516
00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:21,587
All eyes will be on you.
517
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:22,688
Yes, Mommy.
518
00:20:22,756 --> 00:20:24,056
And for heaven's sake, speak up.
519
00:20:24,124 --> 00:20:26,158
I want to hear
every word clearly.
520
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,092
(louder):
Yes, Mommy.
521
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,360
Not now, when you're out there.
522
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,498
(knocking)
523
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,300
May I see the bride
before the ceremony?
524
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:36,368
Oh, no, Frasier.
525
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:37,703
I don't want you
to see me like this.
526
00:20:37,771 --> 00:20:39,204
Oh, nonsense, dear.
527
00:20:42,976 --> 00:20:44,376
Oh, my Lord.
528
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:47,513
Is this my Lilith,
so... so beautiful?
529
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,415
"Beautiful"?
530
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:50,816
And your hair.
531
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:53,385
It's so gorgeous.
532
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:56,155
My face is beautiful?
My hair is gorgeous?
533
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:58,524
What's next, I have a cute,
little caboose?
534
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:01,660
Watch your mouth, Lilith.
535
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:04,263
You know how much
I hate this.
536
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:06,598
I wouldn't have put
this horrid paint on my face
537
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:08,500
or worn this atrocious hairdo
if my mother
538
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:11,270
weren't emotionally
blackmailing me into doing so.
539
00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:12,705
"Blackmailing" you?
540
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,707
How could you?!
Shut up, Mother!
541
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,575
It's bad enough I have to be
your little girl,
542
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,811
I don't have to be his, too.
Now, for once in your life,
543
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:20,846
keep your mouth shut
and butt out!
544
00:21:20,914 --> 00:21:23,048
(crying)
545
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:25,918
I'm sorry, Mother.
546
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:27,219
Oh, no.
547
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,355
It's so beautiful!
548
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:33,192
I said the same thing
to my mother on my wedding day.
549
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,395
The tears,
550
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:38,464
the unhappiness...
551
00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:40,799
I wouldn't have
missed this for the world.
552
00:21:40,867 --> 00:21:43,602
(knocking)
553
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,904
Uh, Fras, you going
to be much longer?
554
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:47,773
'Cause I hit that
punch bowl kind of hard.
555
00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:56,415
Are you going to be
all right, Mother?
556
00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:58,217
Yes, I'm fine.
557
00:21:58,284 --> 00:22:01,420
I want to be ready when
they ask if anybody objects.
558
00:22:02,889 --> 00:22:04,890
I've written it all out.
559
00:22:06,226 --> 00:22:07,826
We love you, too, Betty.
560
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:16,001
Frasier, I apologize
for yelling at you.
561
00:22:16,069 --> 00:22:17,836
Now be honest.
562
00:22:17,904 --> 00:22:20,439
Didn't you say that I was
beautiful and gorgeous
563
00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,207
only to force a catharsis?
564
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:25,144
Guilty as charged.
565
00:22:25,211 --> 00:22:27,279
Then help me get
this junk off my face.
566
00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:29,081
("Wedding March" begins)
567
00:22:29,149 --> 00:22:30,349
Oh, darling.
568
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:31,950
We don't seem to have
time for that right now.
569
00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:34,720
As much as I hate it,
you'll have to keep it on.
570
00:22:34,788 --> 00:22:36,188
Oh.
Now listen,
let's go out there
571
00:22:36,256 --> 00:22:37,723
and say our "I do's"
and then I'll haul
572
00:22:37,791 --> 00:22:39,391
your cute, little caboose
up to the bedroom.
573
00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:42,828
Thank you, Frasier.
574
00:22:42,896 --> 00:22:45,330
("Wedding March" continues)
575
00:22:45,398 --> 00:22:46,765
Oh, the hell with the "I do's."
53881
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