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1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,370
Cheers if filmed beforea live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:08,607
Hey, Dr. Crane.
Look what I got.
3
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,576
That's quite a trophy, Woody.
4
00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:12,044
I didn't know
you played golf.
5
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,479
I don't.
6
00:00:13,546 --> 00:00:16,415
There's a...
trophy shop down the street.
7
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:21,286
You just... bought this trophy?
You don't even golf?
8
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:22,521
Why should I?
9
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,490
Well, because the idea
of a trophy is to show
10
00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:25,557
some sort of
accomplishment.
11
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:27,026
You should
learn to golf.
12
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,694
Go out, take a couple
of lessons.
13
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:31,263
Spend some hours mastering
the finer points of the game.
14
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:32,464
And then?
15
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,066
Well, then you get better
16
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,301
and you can join a country club.
17
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,436
And then?
18
00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:39,004
Well, and then
you can compete.
19
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,205
Maybe enter
some tournaments.
20
00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:41,674
And then?
21
00:00:41,741 --> 00:00:43,208
And maybe some day, you'll be
the best and you'll win,
22
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:44,510
and then you'll get a...
23
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:46,078
A trophy, Dr. Crane?
24
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:50,783
Congratulations,
Woody.
25
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,353
(theme song begins)
26
00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:58,691
� Making your way
in the world today �
27
00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:01,627
� Takes everything you've got �
28
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,329
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
29
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:07,833
� Sure would help a lot �
30
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,170
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
31
00:01:13,873 --> 00:01:15,841
� Sometimes you want to go �
32
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:19,578
� Where everybody
knows your name �
33
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:24,750
� And they're always
glad you came �
34
00:01:26,052 --> 00:01:28,454
� You wanna be
where you can see �
35
00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:31,056
� Our troubles
are all the same �
36
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:36,362
� You wanna be where
everybody knows your name �
37
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,831
� You wanna go
where people know �
38
00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:41,333
� People are all the same �
39
00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:46,071
� You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. �
40
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:07,426
There's something different
about Dr. Sternin-Crane.
41
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:08,994
I can't put
my finger on it.
42
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,696
Is it her hair?
43
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:11,930
No, no. I'll-I'll get it.
44
00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:13,332
Her dress?
45
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:18,504
Oh, I've got it,
her husband's growing a beard.
46
00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:23,242
Did I hear someone
mention my beard?
47
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,813
That's right,
Woody-- a beard,
48
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:30,649
the ultimate manifestation
of masculinity.
49
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:34,987
Testosterone surging
through my face!
50
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,525
Every red-blooded man's
birthright-- hair on his chin.
51
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:41,326
I don't know why I didn't do
this before.
52
00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:43,228
Because I wouldn't let you.
53
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:44,663
Oh, yes. That's right.
54
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,799
It all comes back to me now.
55
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,338
Hi. I-I'm looking
for Woody Boyd.
56
00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:54,840
Oh! Russell!
Hey!
57
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,608
Russell! Russell! Russell!
58
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,344
All the way
from Florida!
Hey!
59
00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:00,112
How're you doing, cuz?
I'm great, man! Great.
60
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,114
Hey, Sam,
guess who this is.
61
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,550
Uh-h, your cousin Russell
from Florida?
62
00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:07,586
Wow! What are
you, a witch?
63
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:08,754
Hi, Russell.
64
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:09,922
I'm Sam...
Sam Malone.
65
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,791
I know. Woody's told me
all about this place.
66
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:17,329
Oh, Miss Howe, just as beautiful
as Woody said you were.
67
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,064
Well, thank you, Woody.
68
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,033
Hey, uh, there's Mr. Peterson,
69
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,468
and look, Mr. Clavin.
70
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,870
Hey, there's the Cranes.
71
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,239
You were right, Woody,
like she's seen a ghost.
72
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:32,177
And there, and there's
Carla, right?
73
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:34,213
And Tecumseh
and the, and the jukebox,
74
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,915
and the wooden lady,
and the little porthole...
75
00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:38,517
Hey, Russell, I-I guess
you know who I am.
76
00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:40,052
I'm Paul Krapence.
77
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,689
Who?
78
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:44,923
I-I was going on and on.
79
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,859
I had to draw the line
somewhere.
80
00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:48,994
Hey, uh, Russell, let me
get you something to drink.
81
00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:53,332
Well, well, one of
Woody's relatives.
82
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,700
Hello, Russell.
Hi.
83
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:57,302
Say, Russell, uh, have
you ever been to Hanover?
84
00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,405
I spent every summer
of my life there.
85
00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:01,040
Yes, well, Woody's told us
a lot about it,
86
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,374
and I'm sure we'd
all be interested
87
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:03,942
in a different
perspective.
88
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,145
Well, you know, it's just like
any other small,
89
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:07,312
rural town in the Midwest.
90
00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,648
There's acres and acres
of farmland,
91
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,483
and hard-working people.
92
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,752
You know, it's also the U.F.O.
capital of the world.
93
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,424
Enjoy your stay
in Boston, Russell.
94
00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:19,658
Thank you.
95
00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:22,828
Hey, Russell,
you can stay with me.
96
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,563
I got a real
nice apartment.
97
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:26,732
The couch almost opens out
into a bed.
98
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,335
Most days you've got heat
and hot water.
99
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:30,969
And it's usually quiet,
100
00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,639
except the couple next door
is off the wagon this week.
101
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,441
Wow, Woody, that's
a great offer, man,
102
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,042
but I already made
a reservation
103
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,644
in this cheap
little motel.
104
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,479
Can I stay with you?
105
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:44,650
Well, Russell, why don't you
put your suitcase in the office.
106
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,585
That's real kind, sir,
but like I just told Woody,
107
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:48,187
I already got a room reserved.
108
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:51,090
Oh, well, then
just while you're here.
109
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,794
Hey, Sam... be
real nice to him.
110
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,629
He's... he's heartbroken.
111
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,098
His girl he's been going
out with for a long time
112
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:01,033
just dumped him.
113
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,235
So he's come to Boston
to make a new start.
114
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,805
I think he's hoping to hit
the big time, like me.
115
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,140
Big time?
116
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,675
Woody, you're a bartender.
117
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,777
You-you're living
hand-to-mouth.
118
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,379
Yep. Back in Hanover,
119
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:16,181
people think I made
a pact with the Devil.
120
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,653
What's Russell going to do while
he's here in Boston, Woody?
121
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:23,188
Well, I don't
know, Miss Howe.
(playing simple melody on piano)
122
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:25,224
I was hoping
he could work at Cheers.
123
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:26,892
What does he know how to do?
124
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,327
Uh, that's the question.
125
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,963
Yeah, he was always off writing
and sculpting and painting,
126
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,265
while the rest of us
were bettering ourselves
127
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:37,369
by learning air-conditioning
repair and riding dirt bikes.
128
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,005
Yeah, to tell
you the truth,
129
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,074
I don't know if he can
do much of anything.
130
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:46,512
(plays boogie-woogie melody
virtuosically)
131
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,856
Of course!
Why didn't I think of it before?
132
00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:00,025
He can be a busboy.
133
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,493
Hey, Russ...
134
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:05,064
Sam, why don't we hire him
to be the piano player here?
135
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,331
Well... maybe,
136
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,200
as long
as he works for tips.
137
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,268
Well, you-you
won't regret it.
138
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:10,703
I know about
these things.
139
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,338
I have a golden gut.
140
00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:14,440
It must be worth a fortune.
141
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:15,674
Oh, I'm sorry.
142
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,576
I thought you said
"golden butt."
143
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,251
Well, here's your mail, Rebecca.
144
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:27,419
Thank you.
145
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,722
CLIFF:
Hey, uh, Twitchell.
146
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,423
Hey, Clavin.
147
00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:34,059
How come every other mailman
in this town is out there
148
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:36,028
busting his hump
and you're in here
149
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,797
sitting on your over-sized
irregular?
150
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:42,134
Return it to sender,
Twitchell.
151
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:44,436
You left this in your box,
Clavin.
152
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:45,771
What's that?
153
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,407
That's the official memo
regarding the new uniforms.
154
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,909
Starting tomorrow,
they are regulation wear,
155
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,811
and that's by order
156
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:54,413
of the Postmaster
General.
157
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,682
Huh.
158
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:57,950
Wait a second.
159
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,085
I can't believe you opened
my mail there, Twitch.
160
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,453
Hey...
161
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:04,356
Ah!
(chuckles)
162
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,524
That's a good
one, Clavin.
163
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,826
Yeah.
164
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,928
But, uh, you can't
escape the fact
165
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,163
that starting tomorrow,
166
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,298
we all have to wear
the new uniforms.
167
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:14,433
No exceptions.
168
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:15,734
Oh, yeah?
169
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,737
Well, this is what I think
of the new uniforms.
170
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,706
Oh, come on, now.
It's not as bad as that.
171
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,441
You haven't even
seen them yet.
172
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:23,976
That's right,
and I don't want to.
173
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,744
As far as I'm concerned,
it doesn't exist.
174
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:28,847
This is the uniform that made me
want to become a postal worker.
175
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:31,083
And this is the uniform
I'm sticking to.
176
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,351
You wouldn't have that problem
177
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,253
if you washed it
once in a while.
178
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,156
Uh...
179
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:40,359
You know, this is
insubordination, Clavin.
180
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:43,829
I got no choice but to report
you to the supervisor.
181
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,664
I don't care if you do.
182
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,700
There comes a time
in every man's life
183
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,101
when he's got to show
his manhood,
184
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,769
put his cards
on the table.
185
00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:53,405
Can we just see
the cards?
186
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:55,874
You know, you guys,
if we're going to have
187
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,343
a piano player
that's this great,
188
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,178
we shouldn't hide him up
there in the corner.
189
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:00,646
I think we should move the piano
down here
190
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:01,814
and put it against this wall.
191
00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:03,382
If you help
me move it,
192
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:06,051
I'll give
each of you a free beer.
193
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,186
Oh, great.
194
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:08,754
I mean, I suppose
you think we're...
195
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,422
we're like a couple
of trained dogs.
196
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,824
Every time you want us
to do something,
197
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,692
you'll waggle a free beer
under our face.
198
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,728
Uh-uh. We have
some self-respect.
199
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:16,895
We have a little dignity.
200
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:18,864
Am I right, Paul?
Mm-hmm.
201
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,333
If I do it by myself,
can I have both beers?
202
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,668
Sure.
203
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,170
Way to go, fathead.
204
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,873
I was working her
for a pitcher.
205
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:33,846
(both grunting)
206
00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:35,414
There.
That wasn't so hard.
207
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:38,050
Yeah. Get a couple guys
who know what they're doing,
208
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,518
no problem, huh?
209
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,120
Just hope Rebecca doesn't
need us to move it back.
210
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,722
That could get
a little hairy.
211
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:55,734
(playing boogie-woogie
melody)
212
00:08:56,936 --> 00:08:58,737
That's great, Russell.
213
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,074
All right.
Whoo.
214
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:06,679
Thanks...
215
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,047
Thanks a lot, Miss Howe.
216
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,382
Say, what would you call
that color of hair?
217
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,850
What? This hair?
Mm-hmm.
218
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:13,452
Well, it's
nothing unusual.
219
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,821
It's just,
uh, what a...
220
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,191
medium chestnut
with auburn highlights.
221
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,895
Is that what it said
on the bottle?
222
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,598
Why do you ask, Russell?
223
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:27,866
Well I was hoping to use it
in a song.
224
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:31,303
Do you mind if I just say...
225
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:34,306
The color of romance,
(playing gentle melody)
226
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,375
the color of longing,
227
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:39,278
the color of the feeling
I get...
228
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:42,581
when I see you smile?
229
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:43,849
Okay.
230
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:50,422
I think we have a May-December
thing happening here.
231
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,825
Yeah. December
of the following year.
232
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:56,995
I'd say he's got a major case
of puppy love going here.
233
00:09:57,063 --> 00:10:00,332
He's following you around,
asking to do errands for you,
234
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,067
wanting rides
back to the motel.
235
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,602
Oh, so what if he has
a little crush on me.
236
00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:05,170
I think it's sweet.
237
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:08,841
Rebecca, you know I've seen
this type of behavior before.
238
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:11,143
When Frasier first had
a crush on me,
239
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,212
he had difficulty
expressing his feelings.
240
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,747
He was very shy.
241
00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:17,149
So he expressed them
in other ways.
242
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,784
Uh, calling me at all hours,
243
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,652
and then when I answered,
hanging up.
244
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,955
Just sitting quietly
in his car,
245
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,224
in front of my house,
hour after hour.
246
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,892
Going through my mail,
247
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,229
and then carefully replacing
the letters in my mailbox.
248
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:33,432
In other words, stalking me.
249
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:39,271
It got what I wanted,
didn't I?
250
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,775
You know, you guys, there's
no need to worry about this.
251
00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:46,178
I mean, if it gets out of hand,
I know just what to do.
252
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,579
Ladies and gentlemen,
253
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,749
I would like to dedicate a song
to a very, very lovely lady,
254
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,418
Miss Rebecca Howe.
255
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,487
(piano playing)
256
00:10:55,555 --> 00:11:01,293
� I spent last night �
257
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:05,831
� Dreaming of your eyes �
258
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:11,704
� But your hair kept
getting in the way �
259
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:18,043
� Your lips dropped in �
260
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:22,047
� To tell me how you'd been �
261
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:26,085
� And when I tried
to kiss them �
262
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:30,723
� My pillow told me
I missed them �
263
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:34,727
� Your voice dropped by �
264
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:38,731
� And sang a lullaby �
265
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:45,704
� And it was then
I knew just what to do �
266
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:54,380
� I'd fall asleep and then �
267
00:11:56,883 --> 00:12:01,153
� I'd dream of you �
268
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,824
� Again. �
269
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,364
Oh, sure,
270
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,366
but ask him to fix
an air conditioner.
271
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,836
My muse.
272
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,805
My inspiration.
273
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,014
Oh, Sam, he's so sweet.
274
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,849
I don't want to hurt
his feelings.
275
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:31,917
What do you say
276
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,218
when you break up
with a woman?
277
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:36,021
I usually say,
"I'll call you tomorrow."
278
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:46,532
Well, Russell
and Miss Howe.
279
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,067
Yeah.
Yeah.
280
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,768
Never thought of it,
but it could work.
281
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:51,036
I mean, they
could go out.
282
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,671
They could hit it off.
283
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,640
Maybe even get married.
284
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:56,175
Hey, who knows?
285
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:58,043
Maybe he could give her
the baby you couldn't.
286
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:02,948
That was a choice, Woody.
287
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,459
Hey, thanks a lot for the ride,
Rebecca.
288
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,627
You feel like coming in
for a cup of coffee?
289
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:17,296
Uh, no, thanks,
Russell.
290
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:18,797
Um...
291
00:13:18,865 --> 00:13:19,932
Russell, I-I had
something
292
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,367
that I wanted
to say to you
293
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:25,004
and I, and I-I didn't get
a chance to in the car, um,
294
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,172
I don't know exactly
how to put it.
295
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,841
I wanted to
talk to you
296
00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:30,776
about the crush
you have on me.
297
00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,911
I don't have a crush
on you, Rebecca.
298
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,513
You what?
299
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,615
I don't have a crush on you.
300
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:37,850
(quietly):
You don't?
No.
301
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:39,385
Oh, my God.
(laughs)
302
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,387
I'm so embarrassed.
303
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,721
Oh, dear.
304
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:43,822
Oh, well.
305
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,257
All right, Russell,
I will come in
306
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,892
and have that cup
of coffee.
Yeah, come on in.
307
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,427
Oh.
308
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:49,561
After you.
309
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,966
(gasps)
310
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,101
Rebecca,
311
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,037
I don't have a
crush on you.
312
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,839
I just love you with all
of my heart and soul.
313
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,187
(piano playing)
314
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:18,390
Thank you.
315
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:19,458
Thanks.
316
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,893
Thank you.
317
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,895
Say, folks, I'm gonna be
taking a short break.
318
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:24,897
Woody, have you seen
my snifter?
319
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:26,765
Oh, it's over there.
320
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,735
Sammy, you want to put
a head on this, please?
321
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:37,743
That's yours.
322
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:39,645
Thanks.
323
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:42,648
Say, uh, say,
Sammy, is, uh,
324
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,650
is Rebecca coming in today?
325
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,285
Well, she's scheduled
to work
326
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,821
so I'm not really sure.
327
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,689
Well, maybe I should
swing by her place
328
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:52,124
and see if she's all right.
329
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,793
Say, does anybody know
where she lives?
330
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:56,795
Never mind, I'll find it.
331
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:04,837
Thank God he's gone!
332
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,305
Hey, where the hell have
you been all afternoon?
333
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:09,808
Hiding up at Melville's
waiting for Russell to leave.
334
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:11,810
You know, I sat up there
335
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:13,645
for three hours pushing
my glass around
336
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:15,447
making moronic
small talk.
337
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:18,817
Boy, if I ever get like that,
put a gun to my head.
338
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:21,120
I thought he had a
little crush on me.
339
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,022
Mm-hmm.
It's a full-blown
obsession.
340
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,189
The man worships me.
341
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,657
It's like he's
a little bit
342
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,960
off balance,
if you know what I mean.
343
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,261
He worships you
344
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:31,263
and you think he's a
little off balance?
345
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,668
Woody, was Russell
different
346
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:37,970
in any way when he
was growing up?
347
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,639
Well, he does have
one little quirk.
348
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,808
You know, when he likes
something,
349
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,476
he really gets
carried away.
350
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:47,312
I mean, uh, you know,
one time he liked trains.
351
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,981
I mean, really
liked them.
352
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,649
Collected them,
353
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,317
wrote songs about them,
354
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:55,154
pasted pictures
all over his walls.
355
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:56,889
You know, in fact
he-he even thought
356
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,323
he was a train
for a while.
357
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,658
Every morning
358
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,528
at 7:53, you could hear him
coming through town.
359
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,632
What do I do?
The advisable
360
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:09,068
course of action is
to not take any chances.
361
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,469
A woman living alone
362
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,204
who feels threatened
in any fashion,
363
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,006
is entitled
to police protection.
364
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,342
I thought I'd just be
a little bit more direct
365
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,043
and tell him
I wasn't interested.
366
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,111
Yeah, right.
367
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,312
Be direct.
368
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,682
Lay people.
369
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,522
Uh, can I
help you?
370
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,157
Do you have a Clavin
here?
371
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,727
Yeah, but it hasn't been
flushing right lately.
372
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,196
Wait, wait,
there he is.
373
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:38,997
There's
the renegade.
374
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,833
Oh, hey,
Twitchell.
375
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:43,068
What'd you do, tell
your dad on me?
376
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:45,037
Henderson.
377
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,706
Postal inspector,
South Branch.
378
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,174
There have been reports
of your refusal
379
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:50,542
to wear the new postal uniform.
380
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,412
Oh, gee,
I wonder who reported me.
381
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,713
It was me, stupid.
382
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,551
That's the only reason I'd
come in here on my day off
383
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,253
to see you
knuckle under.
384
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:04,056
Yeah, so, uh, what if I don't
wear this new uniform?
385
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,290
Then I will have no choice
386
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,459
but to put you under
immediate suspension.
387
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,194
Eh, you wouldn't do that.
388
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,462
When I'm through with you,
389
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,064
you'll be lucky to get
a job sticking flyers
390
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,265
under windshield wipers.
391
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,234
Now what's it gonna be?
392
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:17,236
Oh, all right.
393
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,071
You win this time.
394
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,040
Hey, Paul,
395
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:23,042
guard the men's room door
for me, will you?
396
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:24,276
I'm gonna be naked in there.
397
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:27,179
Again?
398
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:31,784
(both laughing)
399
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,253
Hook, line and sinker.
400
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,688
Hey, fellas, what's up?
401
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,657
Oh, Sam, I want you to meet
my brother-in-law, Frank.
Hi, Sam.
402
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,492
Frank.
Hey, what are you guys
trying to pull?
403
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,461
Ah, I'm sick of Clavin
shooting off his mouth
404
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:43,996
about the new
uniforms.
405
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,264
He's never
even seen them,
406
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,733
so we came up with
our own Clavin version.
407
00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,902
The old fake uniform gag.
Yeah.
408
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,904
Why didn't we think
of that?
409
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,972
You know, I'm a little
disappointed in all of us.
410
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,441
I just think
we're gonna have to work
411
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:56,775
a little harder around here.
412
00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,346
There you are, Rebecca.
413
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,780
Hello, Russell.
414
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,916
Where you been?
Hiding...
415
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,818
I mean,
doing my taxes.
416
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,119
Russell, come here.
I-I think you
417
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:08,787
and I need to have
a little talk.
418
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,789
Sure. I could talk
to you all night.
419
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,458
In fact I have,
420
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,426
in my own way.
421
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:19,865
Uh, Russell, have a seat.
422
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,034
Oh, you know,
Rebecca,
423
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,869
I hope I didn't frighten
you last night
424
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,838
with my little tribute
to you on the walls.
425
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,506
Russell,
426
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:29,008
you have to stop this.
427
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:30,809
I'm not worthy
of all this attention.
428
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:31,944
I'm Rebecca.
429
00:18:32,012 --> 00:18:33,712
I'm nobody. I'm nothing.
430
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,381
I know it, that's-that's
what Carla told me.
431
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:38,050
And-and Cliff
and-and Norm
432
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,052
and Paul and
Cousin Woody,
Well, anyway...
433
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,221
Mr. Hill upstairs and
Ruben, the busboy...
434
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,323
The point...
435
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:47,159
Russell, you're young,
436
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,328
attractive and sensitive
and-and, you know,
437
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,563
there's just so many women
out there for you.
438
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:55,000
I'm just not the one.
439
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:56,669
Boy, I've-I've heard
this speech before.
440
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:57,703
Just...
441
00:18:57,771 --> 00:18:59,672
just pipe down and...
442
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,373
put some clothes on
443
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,375
or we'll call Amtrak
security, right?
444
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,377
Is that it?
445
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:08,213
Is that the one?
446
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:12,017
Yes, Russell, you pretty
much said it for me.
447
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:14,186
All right, I-I won't
bother you anymore.
448
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:17,523
I-I guess my little songs
and doodles
449
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:20,359
could never have-have won
the heart of a woman
450
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:23,395
as-as beautiful
and wonderful as you.
451
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:25,397
Shoot,
I'm a richer person
452
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:27,099
for having known you,
Rebecca.
453
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,902
You'll always be special.
454
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,576
Phew.
455
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,845
Glad I don't have to deal
with that anymore.
456
00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:43,849
"I love you, Rebecca.
I love you, Rebecca."
457
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,421
Who needs it?
458
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,423
(whimpering):
I feel better.
459
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,493
Any year now, Clavin!
460
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:55,594
I'm coming.
461
00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:57,229
I'm coming, for
crying out loud.
462
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,198
Hold your horses.
463
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,569
Well, I was wrong.
464
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,037
This thing is great.
465
00:20:05,105 --> 00:20:06,638
Well, uh,
466
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,607
you haven't
seen the hat.
467
00:20:10,110 --> 00:20:12,211
Wow, all right.
468
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,980
Now this is a uniform
that demands respect.
469
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,982
Yes, sir.
470
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,650
There's gonna
be one less reason
471
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,120
to make fun of Cliff Clavin
tonight.
472
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:30,396
No, no, Mrs. Clavin,
it wasn't us.
473
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,731
No, it was a couple of guys
from the Post Office.
474
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:33,999
Yeah, I know.
475
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,335
I wish we could have
thought of it, too.
476
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:37,803
It was, it...
477
00:20:37,871 --> 00:20:39,304
You're kicking
yourself. Yeah.
478
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:41,040
(laughs)
Okay.
479
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:42,374
Well, we'll talk
to you later.
480
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,410
Bye-bye.
481
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:46,445
She's not exactly
Donna Reed, is she?
482
00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:47,546
No.
483
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:49,415
No, no.
484
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,083
Sam,
485
00:20:51,151 --> 00:20:52,518
I've been in there thinking
about Russell.
486
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,586
I mean, what's wrong with
somebody paying attention to me?
487
00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:56,655
I mean, so he loves me,
is that a crime?
488
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,323
I'm gonna go talk to him.
489
00:20:58,391 --> 00:20:59,992
Somebody cover for me.
490
00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:01,193
Cover for what?
491
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,928
You don't do anything
around here.
492
00:21:02,996 --> 00:21:04,763
Ha-ha.
493
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:07,733
Seriously, what does she do
around here anyway?
494
00:21:14,207 --> 00:21:16,075
(loud music playing)
495
00:21:18,178 --> 00:21:20,579
Russell!
496
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,617
Russell, it's me, Rebecca!
497
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,622
Russell, I know you can hear me.
498
00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:34,626
R-Russell, I was wrong
to turn you away.
499
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:38,464
Russell!
500
00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:39,531
I'm coming in!
501
00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:42,134
I want you to give me
another chance!
502
00:21:44,104 --> 00:21:46,038
Oh, hi, Rebecca.
503
00:21:49,743 --> 00:21:52,044
Isn't Carla dreamy?
46804
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