Original subtitles

[Music]

Heat.

Heat.

[Music]

[Applause]

Heat. Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

That's terrible.

>> I wonder why I'd want to do a thing like

that. Gosh, I hope he doesn't jump off.

>> Kill himself.

>> Please, please don't do this terrible

thing. You're young. You have everything

to live for. You'll be only hurting

those who love you. And think of the

loss to science.

>> Hans, how did he get out there?

>> Isn't it terrible, Peter? First, I find

him with a surgical knife, and now this.

I've tried everything.

>> Bribery,

>> bribery, threats, tears.

>> Then why did you send for me?

>> You're a psychologist.

>> You psychologist. on him.

>> It might work. Please.

>> All right, I'll give it a try.

>> Be very gentle with him. For days now,

he has been sulking.

>> Good morning.

Better is all that.

It's long way down, isn't it, Bonso?

No, no, no.

>> Go ahead, Bonso. I want you to jump.

>> Jump, Bonso. Jump. Peta, what are you

doing?

>> I'm trying inverted psychological

domination. He should refuse to jump. Go

ahead, Bonso. I want you to jump. Jump,

Bonso. Jump.

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

He try something else. $2,000 he costs

the college.

>> Maybe he'll respond to the Gestalt

theory.

[Music]

Bonso,

listen.

[Music]

Pretty Bonso.

Nice.

Here, Bonso.

Ah, things look better now, Bonso.

Happy, Bonso.

>> It's working. It's working. Come on. I

won't let you fall. Let's go home. Come

on. Watch it, Bonso. Steady. Hey, Bonso.

Take it easy.

[Music]

[Applause]

>> Come on, Bonso. I'll get you home now.

Hang on, Bonso.

Don't look down, Bonso. Watch it, Bonso.

Steady.

Kick it. Don't drop Bonso. Come on up,

Bonso.

Don't worry. Don't be scared, Bonso.

Take it easy.

That's it. Steady, Bonso. Bonso.

Bonso, don't drop.

[Applause]

Take it easy, Bonto. Careful. You'll

make it. You'll make it.

Babe, come on.

>> Next time, call a zoo.

>> I don't know whether to thank you for

saving Bonsa or to thank Bonsa for

saving you.

Gestalt for saving both of us.

[Music]

Incredible.

That was taken in Joliet.

>> Incredible.

>> The minute I saw his picture on this

book, I knew he was the guy.

>> The professor. Huh?

>> Oh, that was just one of his aliases. He

also operated as Silky. Yes, sir. The

professor was the sharpest con man who

ever hit the rock. Two weeks in stir and

he had the tobaca and the candy bar

concession right in his pocket. No fuss,

no mus, just angles, angles. Nothing but

angles. Well, he taught me more than

>> Professor Boyd is here, sir.

>> Sunday men.

>> Good morning, sir.

>> Incredible.

>> Morning, Professor V.

You wanted to see me?

>> Yes. I wanted you to meet Mr. uh

Breenidge.

Sure. Pleased to meet you.

>> How do you do, sir?

A dead ringer.

>> Is this gentleman's name familiar to

you? Breenriidge?

I'm afraid not.

>> I was a pale of your old man's. I guess

he never told you about me.

>> No, he didn't. Mr. Breenidge says your

father was his uh cellmate. Is that so?

>> The old professor died in my arms. It'll

be 20 years next November. When he was

buried, there wasn't a dry eye in our

cellb block.

He had this sewed in his undershaped.

It's your old lady. He told me he never

saw much of her after you was born.

>> No, he wanted it that way.

>> So, you're the professor's boy.

>> That's right.

>> Took his moniker, too. Oh, he'd have

liked that.

>> Professor Boyd holds a degree in

psychology.

The old professor did it the hard way

without a degree.

>> Mr. Breenidge,

thanks for bringing this to me.

>> Oh, I'd have brought it sooner if I

could have found you. Your old man kind

of kept you under wraps.

I guess he knew what he was doing.

Big man, the professor.

I wonder what graceful explanation we

can offer for breaking the engagement.

Breaking the engagement. Apparently, you

don't attach any significance to Mr. uh

Breenidge's visit. But I do. Now, I know

that my father loved my mother to the

day he died. No doubt. However, I'm

referring to the fact that your father

was

>> an habitual criminal.

>> Well, what of it? He paid his debt to

society, as the moralist would put it.

How would you put it, Peter?

>> My father was born and raised in a slum

environment.

>> Oh, environment.

>> I would put it this way, Dean

Tillingest. Given a decent start in

life, my father would have gone just as

far in the right direction as he went in

the wrong one.

>> Peter, you studied under Dr. Huxman, the

geneticist, didn't you?

>> Yes, sir.

>> And did you consider him a good teacher?

>> An excellent teacher.

>> Did you agree with his theory that

criminal traits were hereditary?

>> I did not. And did you ever cite to Dr.

Huxman your own case as an example?

>> I certainly did.

>> You did?

>> Yes.

>> And did it alter his theory?

>> No. As a matter of fact, he and the

entire class disagreed with me.

>> There you are.

>> But Dr. Huxman also recognized my right

to disagree with him.

>> So do I, Peter. But

>> but I am no longer good enough to marry

your daughter.

>> You forget that I was a professor of

genetics myself. As a matter of fact,

Valerie is an example of the genetic

approach to marriage. intellectual. I'll

take the credit for that. And beautiful

like her mother was.

>> I think I know Valerie's good points. I

asked her to become my wife.

>> I appreciate that. But what assurance

have I that your children, my

grandchildren, won't inherit criminal

tendencies? What do you want us to do?

Give you a written guarantee that our

kids won't grow up to be con men and

thieves?

>> We are men of science, Peter. And if we

don't practice those theories we believe

in?

>> But what about what Valerie believes in?

>> She's my daughter. I'm willing to

overlook that point. That's enough,

young man. Under the circumstances,

Professor Boyd, there's just one thing

you can do.

>> Under the circumstances, let me tell

you, there's one thing you can do.

This, you said to the dean.

>> This I said to the dean.

>> What language

and from a psychology professor?

The dean has asked me to quietly resign

at the end of the term.

>> But that's a complete nonsensicality

just because your papa

>> Oh. Uh, come in, Miss uh, Dr.

Tillingast.

>> Dr. Noman. I

>> I was just going down the hall to see

Dr. Corner,

who maybe wants to see me.

>> Father told me what you said.

>> Did you wash his mouth out with soap?

>> Oh, Peter, did you have to blow up at

him?

>> Valerie, I'm not made of sawdust.

Well, I I suppose you had a right to get

angry, but after all, it would be better

if we had father's approval.

>> I think it would be better if we eloped.

>> Oh, Peter, that would be the wrong way

to start out. It would only widen the

breach.

Why don't we let things stand as they

are for a while? I think I can bring

father around.

>> Bring him around.

>> Peter, we've got to approach this like

two intelligent human beings. We just

can't settle things like that.

>> Well, I can. As far as I'm concerned, he

can go to

>> Don't Don't say anything we'll both

regret.

>> I'm sorry, Valerie.

All right, you talk to your father, but

you'll see. He'll call off her

engagement just the same.

>> Then we'll get engaged all over again

when this thing dies down. Just don't

quarrel with father.

Banzo, I'm coming around to your outlook

on life

there. You see Peter, in a couple of

days you'll call her and everything will

be fine.

>> What makes you think so?

>> Um, accidentally I was listening on the

hold of the key.

>> No, Hans, I'm afraid it's not going to

be that easy.

>> So quickly you give up?

>> Not on your life. I'm going to make that

old man change his attitude if it takes

till I'm 90.

>> Good feet. They're good. Good.

>> Of course, Valerie probably won't be

interested in me when I'm 90.

>> Yeah. Well,

you have your troubles. I have mine.

>> What now?

>> Now he's on a hunger strike.

>> Won't eat.

>> Not a crumbit.

>> You tried bananas.

>> Bananas, pimmens, coconuts. My Anna even

baked a cougar hoop for him. Mid sugar.

Nothing.

>> What about a baby bottle?

>> That too, but nothing. I'm afraid to

force feed him. It might be dangerous.

[Applause]

>> What do you suppose is wrong with him?

>> I don't know. He's very young. Only a

month ago, he came from Africa.

Maybe he's lonesome for his mama.

>> Hans, bring me the bottle. I want to try

something.

Well, Bonso, never did thank you for

saving my life this morning, did I?

[Music]

[Music]

That's amazing.

Maybe he thinks you're his papa.

[Music]

>> His papa. Hans, you've hit it.

>> What? What did I hit?

>> Is there any way you could let me keep

him for a while? Keep Bonso where? What

for?

>> At home. I want to see if he'll accept a

human environment.

>> You'll teach him to sleep in a bed, to

eat with a spoon, and make patty cakes.

What will that prove?

>> What if I could teach this monkey the

difference between right and wrong?

>> And how will you know he knows? He'll

tell you, maybe.

>> No, Hans. By getting him to do right

without hope of reward. to avoid wrong

without fear of punishment.

Something my father never had a chance

to learn.

>> Don't you see, Hans? If it works, Dean

Tellingast will have to admit that

environment is all important, that

herity counts for very little.

>> Uh, yes, but what if the dean finds out

that you're carrying on this experiment

right in front of his back?

>> But he won't. This will be top secret

until Bonso's ready to make his debut.

>> All right. So, he'll have a father, but

more things are needed for a good home.

Well, I'll get him for him.

>> You'll provide maybe a mother.

>> Yes, I'll provide a mother.

>> How?

>> Well, I don't know, but I'll do it.

>> Hans, this just can't go on. I'm almost

out of my mind. So far, six women have

refused the job. One threatened to call

the police.

>> No, no, it's no use. I'll have to give

it up. I got to get back to my classes.

>> Someone's at the door. I'll call you

back.

>> Cross your fingers, Bonso. This may be

your last chance.

>> Yeah. Yeah. No, stay there.

I'll be good.

[Laughter]

Yes.

>> May I see Professor Peter Boyd?

>> I'm Professor Boyd.

>> You are? I thought all professors were

old men with van Dyke beards.

>> Well, I uh

>> I'm Jane Lyndon from the Home Service

Domestic Agency in Hartford.

>> Oh, come in.

>> I'm sorry I got here so late, but I took

the wrong bus. I don't know why, but I

always seem to be taking wrong buses. I

do hope you haven't found someone else

for the job already.

>> No, it's still open. Wide open, as a

matter of fact.

>> Good.

>> Uh, won't you sit down, Miss Lyndon?

>> You can call me Jane if you like.

>> Well, thank you, Jane.

>> Have you been plucking a chicken?

>> Oh, I've been doing a little bit of

everything lately.

>> Oh, then Mrs. Boyd.

>> There is no Mrs. Boyd.

>> Oh, that's too bad.

>> That's why I sent someone. Well, I hope

you decide I'm right for the job.

>> Well, Jane, I'm just as anxious as you

are for this to work out. But, of

course, I didn't expect anyone quite so

young.

>> I'm not so young. I'm almost 23.

>> I was really looking for a woman who had

experience as a mother.

>> I've raised five children.

>> You what?

>> Sure. My five brothers. Mother died when

I was 14, so I had to bring up the kids.

There isn't anything I didn't learn

about children from that.

>> Well, I'm sure that's true. But well,

you see, Bonso isn't the same as other

children.

>> All parents feel that way. You're a

professor. You should know that.

>> Well, you don't quite understand.

>> Of course I do. How old is your baby?

>> I don't know. Two or three, I guess. I'm

not sure.

>> You're not sure?

>> Oh, I Well, no. You see, I

>> Oh, he's adopted. Well, sometimes you

learn to love the adopted ones even more

than your own.

>> I suppose so.

>> May I see him?

this way.

Look,

I might as well tell you now. He's a

monkey.

>> They all are.

>> A real monkey.

>> You should have seen my brother Gus.

Now, that was the ugliest little monkey.

>> You better let me finish.

>> Look, Professor Boyd, you don't have to

apologize for him. I understand.

Honestly, I do.

>> What's that?

>> Oh, Bonso. He probably turned his crib

over again.

>> The baby? He might have hurt himself.

>> Not him. Oh, well, you've got a lot to

learn about babies, haven't you? When

when they fall down, they need someone's

arms around them to protect them and

make them feel secure. I'd better go

right up there.

>> Look, I'm trying to tell you.

>> I don't care what you tell me. I'm going

up there anyway.

[Music]

It's a monkey.

>> Well, sure it's a monkey.

>> Why didn't you tell me?

>> I did.

>> No, you didn't.

>> Oh, yes, you did, didn't you? Then you

should have told the agency.

>> If I had done that, they'd have sent me

an animal trainer. That isn't what I

want.

>> Well, I hope you get what you want, but

it isn't me.

>> What's that? Poor

>> little fella. He's crying.

>> Well, he sounds just like a baby. Well,

he isn't much different when you get to

know him.

[Music]

>> Do you think I frightened him?

>> Well, I'd say you broke about even.

>> Do Do you think it would help if I went

back in there and made friends with him?

>> It might. Why don't you try it?

Oh, he's turned it completely over. I

guess that's why he's crying. He

probably thinks he's back in a cage

again. Come on.

All right, let's go back. Bye.

There you are.

>> Poor little fella. He is kind of cute

for a real monkey.

>> Hey, he seems to like you. I always get

along well with babies.

>> Oh.

>> Oh, no. Bonso, he's fascinated by shiny

objects. You better take those off. Oh,

and look at those sleepers.

>> Did you put those on?

>> Well, I tried to, but he doesn't like a

baby. He wiggles.

>> Oh, so babies don't wiggle.

>> All you have to do is get started

writing and there's no problem. It's as

easy as putting on a pair of

I wish I had a nickel for every time I

put a pair of sleepers on one of my five

brothers. It's just a matter of knowing

how.

there.

>> Of course, it's all a matter of knowing

how.

>> Well, if he hadn't wiggled

>> like a baby.

>> Yeah.

[Music]

>> You enjoy playing mother, don't you?

>> Someday I'm going to be a real one. And

I want a large family. 10 at least.

>> 10?

>> There's an old saying where I come from.

On the tree that bears much fruit, the

sun shines brightest.

>> And where do you come from?

>> My people are farmers up north. Papa

wasn't too happy about my going off to

work. But we needed money to expand the

farm, so that's why I'm doing this.

>> But frankly, Professor Boyd, I don't see

why you are.

>> It's fairly simple. A lot of people

think they're born better than others.

I'm trying to prove it's the way you're

raised that counts. But even a monkey

brought up in the right surroundings can

learn the meaning of decency and

honesty.

>> That's a fine thing to do.

>> Oh, I'll be right back.

You won't be afraid.

>> No,

>> Valerie.

>> Well, Peter, at least you're alive.

>> Oh, yeah, sure.

>> Well,

>> aren't you going to ask me in?

>> Uh, well, I I was just going to bed.

>> Peter, I've been worried about you.

You've never stayed away from your

classes before. Dr. Norman wouldn't tell

me what was wrong.

>> Oh, you'll never know what I've gone

through these past two days. Me, too.

Father's still too upset to be reasoned

with, but that doesn't mean that you and

I can't plan some course of action.

>> Course of action. That's what we must

do.

>> Well, then in that case, Peter, what's

this for?

>> Well, it's it's for clothes. Uh, my

clothes. I I was just leaving.

>> But you just said you were going to bed.

>> I am as soon as I get there.

>> Get where?

>> I'm not going to tell you because if you

don't know, then no one can worm it out

of you.

>> But why should anybody want to do that?

>> Valerie, do you trust me?

>> Well, of course, Peter.

>> And believe me, it's very important to

me. and to you. But I get away from

here.

[Music]

>> Kid next door. Every night they have to

sing him to sleep.

>> Peter, there's something very odd going

on in this house.

>> You're right. But you know, when I told

that to Hans, he said that I was

developing a a a persecution complex.

Well, I wouldn't stay in this house

another minute.

>> Peter, I

>> look, darling, don't you worry too much

about me. As soon as I get in that car,

all of my troubles will be behind me.

I've got to relax. When people relax,

the mental processes are much more

relaxed.

Goodbye, darling.

[Music]

Shh. He's almost asleep.

[Music]

You know something? My brother Gus

wasn't half as cute as Bonso.

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

Peter, what are you doing here?

>> Good morning, Professor Fostic.

>> Well, I thought only the married men did

the breakfast shopping. Uh, have you

been keeping something from us?

>> As a matter of fact, I have.

>> Really?

>> Yes. For the past week, I've been

conducting an experiment.

>> So, it wasn't a vacation.

>> Oh, no. A very important experiment

>> uh with uh baby food.

>> This won't go any farther.

>> Of course not.

>> Well, then who has more energy than

babies? And what do they eat?

>> Of course,

the fountain of youth.

Are you conducting this experiment on

yourself?

>> Look,

remarkable.

>> Good morning, Jane.

>> Good morning, Professor Boy.

>> Good heavens. What's that?

>> Swedish pancake. Sweetie's pancake.

Yesterday, a Dutch pancake. Every

morning, something different for

breakfast. You know, even my psyche is

gaining weight.

>> Uh, now I know where Bonso gets his bad

habits. You'd better get started on your

orange juice. Vacation's over and you've

got a lecture at 9:00.

>> Yes, ma'am. Oh, Jane, I reloaded the

camera. Remember, keep on taking

pictures of anything unusual Bonso does.

Huh?

>> Mhm.

>> What's the matter with him?

>> Maybe he thinks you're getting more

attention than he is. an Edipus complex

already. I've only been his father for a

week.

>> I think he's just plain hungry.

>> Oh, Bonzo, eat your pabum like a good

boy, and pretty soon you'll grow up to

be a big, strong, handsome man just like

your daddy. Then you'll have Swedish

pancake, too.

>> That's outright bribery.

>> Bonso.

>> Professor Boyd. Bonso, that wasn't a

nice thing to do.

>> Bonso,

>> don't scold him. He didn't mean it.

Well, that's beside the point.

Aggressiveness like that could become an

aberration.

>> Aggressiveness? Aberration. Edipus

complex. What kind of way is that to

talk to a baby?

>> What do you mean?

>> Why don't you act more like his father

instead of like a school teacher?

>> I guess I have got a lot to learn about

being a father, haven't I?

>> You sure have, Professor Boy.

>> You know that Professor Boyd business

might be part of it, too.

Why don't you try calling me something

more familiar? Like, well, like father.

>> Father?

>> Well, he might not understand it at

first, but it would give more of a

family atmosphere.

>> Not to me, it wouldn't. The only time

Mama ever called Papa was when she was

mad at him.

>> Well, daddy would sound a little silly,

wouldn't it?

>> Mhm.

>> Papa?

Yes, Papa.

>> Well, then I'd have to call you

>> mama. Mama goes with papa.

Well, let's see how he reacts.

Papa

mama. Mama. Papa. Papa. Mama. Papa.

Mama.

Well, maybe we ought to show more

affection. like real parents.

>> That might help.

>> How did your parents act around the

house?

>> Well, um, take a breakfast like this.

Mom always served us kids first, and

then we'd hear Papa upstairs singing

loud enough to shake the house. And then

pretty soon, Papa had come tiptoeing

into the kitchen. Mama always pretended

like she didn't know he was there. Well,

he'd wink at us kids and sneak up behind

Mama and grab her around the waist and

kiss her on the ear. That's just what

mama used to do, but she loved it. And

then us kids would laugh and laugh and

papa grin at us and say, "By golly, I'm

the richest man in six counties."

>> Yeah. Well, um Well, didn't your father

have some well some less informal way of

acting? Well, like when he'd say good

morning and go off to work.

>> Oh, sure.

Papa would grab Mama right up off her

feet and kiss her right smack on the

mouth and say, "Hilda, my little

chicken, that's to keep you till I get

back."

>> Well,

well, let's try that goodbye part.

Janie, my little chicken, that's to keep

you till I get back.

>> He doesn't seem very impressed.

>> Frankly, Papa, neither is Mama.

Yeah,

the causal relations between a

self-conserving system and its

environment are essentially reciprocal

and cyclical in nature.

>> Oh. Uh, very good. Very good.

Now, I understand there's several other

papers that might be interesting.

[Music]

Well, go on.

Well, when I decided to go ahead with

the experiment, I called an employment

agency, told them I needed a woman who'd

had experience taking care of babies.

About a dozen applicants showed up.

>> What did they say when they found out it

was a monkey?

>> Well, most of them didn't say anything.

They just screamed and ran. The rest

thought it was a joke, but not a very

funny one. And you should have seen the

types they sent over. I would have

settled for anything. Then this Lyndon

woman came along. She grabbed the job.

>> Poor thing. She must have needed it

badly.

>> Oh, she did. Fine woman, though. raised

five children. Uh, good farm stock.

>> Peter, I think this is wonderful. I

don't blame you for keeping it a secret

until you're sure of the results.

>> Well, I'd look pretty ridiculous if the

experiment didn't work out.

>> Peter, I'm coming over tomorrow night.

>> You're coming over?

>> Yes, maybe I can help.

>> Well, that's impossible. You can't.

>> Well, why not? You're teaching Bonso

good manners, aren't you?

>> Yes.

>> Well, let's see how he behaves with the

guest.

>> He's not ready for that yet. Uh, we

can't push him. Maybe later.

Peter, I have a confession to make.

You've been avoiding me so much lately

that I was beginning to suspect there

was another woman.

>> You're joking.

>> No, I'm not. I can be a very jealous

woman. You know,

>> I'm flattered.

>> It won't be long now.

Bonso, polite little boys, do not sit on

the table. Now get back in your chair.

Put your feet down.

All right. I'll just beta's forgotten

that this is your twoe anniversary with

us. Won't he be surprised?

[Music]

I guess we won't wait up for Papa any

longer.

Never mind. We'll we'll celebrate the

anniversary of our third week together

next Tuesday. Now, walk like a man.

I'm sure Papa has a good reason for not

coming home or even calling. The college

professor is a very busy man, you know.

Maybe he got tied up in a meeting with

other members of the faculty. And and

even if he isn't, a man with all those

things on his mind is liable to forget

anything.

>> After all, being a college professor is

a lot more than just teaching others to

be smart.

>> There are papers to correct and report

cards.

>> Maybe he even had to look up something

at the library. Any one of these things

could keep him out late. M

>> in fact, it's too much to expect Papa to

come home for dinner every night.

>> M

>> All right, now go to bed.

What are little boys made of?

Made of

What are little boys made of?

Snaps and snails

and puppy dogs tails.

That's what little boys are made.

Never mind. Things will look a lot

better in the morning.

[Music]

Good night, Bonjo.

[Music]

[Music]

Bonzo,

[Music]

what's the matter?

Oh,

I know. Poor little boy. Mama can't

sleep very well either.

There. Come on. Over here. There you go.

There you go.

Heat. Heat.

[Music]

Oh no.

Jane.

Jane.

>> What?

>> Panzo's gone. The window's open. He's

been kidnapped.

>> He was too upset to sleep, so he came

running in here.

>> Well, what upset him?

>> Well, maybe it's because you didn't come

home to dinner. After all, it's a new

experience for him.

The first time Papa didn't come home.

>> Jane,

something wonderful's just happened.

>> It has.

>> It's unbelievable.

>> Really?

>> It just hit me.

>> It did?

>> Yeah.

He opened two doors to get to his mama.

[Music]

Oh,

>> what do you know, Bonso? Here's another

book by Papa. It's called The Power of

Environment.

>> Isn't that

[Music]

Bonso? Are you hiding something?

What have you got there?

>> Come on now. Let mama see.

>> Aren't you tired of these yet?

Now, what did Papa say to do first? Put

back.

Put them back. Bonso.

Put the beads back.

Please, Bonso, put the beads back.

Be a good boy. Put Mama's beads back.

Oh,

poor mama.

Poor mama.

[Music]

Please, Bonso, put the beads back.

[Music]

Oh, that's a good boy. Good boy. Just

wait till mama tells papa about this.

Oh, dear. Why didn't I take pictures?

If I'm going to cook your papa supper, I

better get started.

Now you just play quietly until mama

gets back.

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

Well, that finishes our discussion of

sensation and perception. Tomorrow we'll

take up conditioned reflexes. That's

all. Thank you,

>> Professor Boyd. Oh, Professor Boyd.

>> It's working like a charm. I couldn't

have done this a week ago.

>> Isn't that a little strenuous for you,

Fosdic?

>> Not at all. I'm on your diet.

>> My what? You know the fountain of youth?

>> Oh,

>> who has more energy than babies?

Just watch.

[Applause]

>> Professor Boyd, you're wanted in the

dean's office. Thank you.

The dean wants me.

>> No, but little chicken does.

>> I beg your pardon?

>> I can only give you the message as I

received it. It came over the phone and

was relayed here.

A woman who gave the name of Little

Chicken wanted you to know that Papa's

Boy is up a tree.

>> Papa's Boy.

>> That was the exact message from Little

Chicken.

It was someone's idea of a joke. Mrs.

Withers,

>> we haven't got the funds to expand the

laboratory at this time. Dr. Norman,

you'll just have to wait until

Excuse me. Hans, our experiments up a

tree.

>> Experiment?

>> You know, my house guest, the young man

who's visiting here from Africa. Nine.

Yeah.

[Music]

Bonso, this has gone far enough.

I've had enough of your foolishness.

Now, do you hear me,

Bonso? You come down here. You come down

here this minute.

If you fall, don't you come crying to

me.

Please, Bonso, for mama.

Come down right now and I won't punish

you.

All right. If you won't come down, I'm

coming up after you. Then you'll get it.

Heat. Heat.

[Music]

Number please.

Hello.

>> Hello. Hello. Number please.

>> Hello. Number please.

>> Will you answer your number, please?

>> What's the matter? Do you need help?

>> Get the address for Brighton 634. Then

ring the fire department. Someone's

trying to get help.

>> It sounds as if they're suffocating.

I'll call the police.

[Music]

>> The police department.

The address is

[Music]

You ought to be ashamed of yourself

making mama climb trees.

[Music]

Maybe you enjoy this game of hide and

seek, but I don't.

Bonso, wherever you are, please come

down.

You can't hide from me much longer, you

bad boy.

[Music]

Bonso.

Oh, you you put that ladder back.

[Applause]

[Music]

Bonso.

Banjo.

[Music]

>> Jane. Jane.

>> Up here, Papa. Up here.

[Music]

>> The bananas. We'll never get him without

the bananas.

>> Hurry up. I'm stuck up here. Help me get

down.

>> Is Bonso up there?

>> No.

>> Well, what are you doing up there? I'm

hanging on to a branch that's about to

break off. Any further questions?

>> Don't move. Hang on, Jane. I'll be right

there. Be careful that you're not let

them be both right here.

[Music]

All right. Now, just hang on. Don't

move. You'll be all right.

>> I thought you said Bonso wasn't up

there.

>> Well, he wasn't.

>> Well, he is now. Bonso, you get down

before I turn your hide.

>> No.

>> Bonso,

look out, Bonso. You fall.

>> Bonso, get down.

>> Papa, make him stop.

[Music]

[Music]

Where's the fire?

>> Yeah, come on. Where is it?

>> We have no fire.

>> Somebody called the fire department from

this house. You know, there's a law

against turning in a false alarm. Who's

falsing an alarm? How are monkeys up a

tree?

>> Well, Professor Boyd, what are you doing

up in a tree with a

monkey? Would one of you public servants

come up and help the young lady down?

>> You heard the professor.

>> You were saying there's a very simple

explanation for all this,

but I can't think what it is.

Come on, fellas. We mustn't waste any

more time. We got to get that monkey off

the telephone wires.

>> Yeah, we better do that right away.

>> Over here.

>> See?

>> Well, he was there

>> and he was wearing glasses.

>> Oh, sure. Sure he was. I saw him with my

own eyes. Didn't you, Harry?

>> Oh, sure. It was a gorilla about so

high. He was not. He's a young

chimpanzee with, I might add, a higher

IQ than that required for the police

force.

>> Are you sure he wasn't a rabbit? About

six feet tall.

>> No,

wasn't a rabbit any, huh?

>> Well, you don't need us around here

anymore.

>> Wait a minute. You got to help me find

that monkey.

>> Take it easy, professor. You've been

working too hard.

>> I have not. We'll just forget about the

false alarm. Huh?

>> Oh, all that excitement. It's not good

for the heart. Yeah, but we still don't

know where Bonso is.

>> It's all my fault. I never should have

let him out of my sight.

>> You can say that again. That's a

mother's responsibility. And calling the

college. Suppose someone had caught on

about us.

>> What else could I do, Papa?

>> Please. Please. For 35 years, my island

and I have not had a family quarrel.

Don't start then so early. It's not good

for the home.

>> On the contrary, Dr. Norman, there is

nothing like a family quarrel to expose

the truth.

>> Um,

>> hello, Valerie.

>> I hope you'll forgive me for intruding.

Now, just a minute. There's more to this

than meets the eye.

>> That's quite obvious.

>> No, it isn't.

>> May I say something, please?

>> You've done enough for one day.

>> Now, now, Papa, Mama should have her say

she also ought to have an engagement

ring. It seems long overdue.

>> Valerie. Valerie.

>> I didn't know he was engaged to someone.

>> It's his own fault. A papa should tell a

mama when he's engaged to another woman.

Look, darling,

there's a simple explanation for all

this.

>> You made me listen the other night.

Remember? Fine woman, raised five

children, good farm stock. Poor thing.

She must have needed the job badly.

>> You've got the wrong idea about all

this. I did hire her because of Bonso.

>> Father was right. You are what you are.

Environment Millie provides the

camouflage to hide it.

[Music]

Uh-oh.

[Music]

And so we decided to prove that Peter

was right by experimenting with Bonso.

See?

>> Yes, I see.

>> Don't worry.

Everything will be all right.

>> Jane, would you go upstairs and get

Bonso, please? I want Dr. No to take him

back to the lab.

>> Are you going to give up the experiment

just because of this?

>> Well, there's no reason to continue it

now.

>> Oh, poor little Bonso.

After having had such a nice home, he

won't like it being put back in a cage.

a cage. You're not going to put Bonso in

a cage like he was a a criminal.

>> Jane, let me explain the situation.

>> Bonso's already done that.

>> Well, there's no longer any reason to

use Bonso as a guinea pig.

>> Don't you dare call Bonso a guinea pig.

Listen, you wanted him to learn the

difference between right and wrong,

didn't you? Well, he did. Today, when he

took my beads, he gave them back to me

just because I asked him to.

>> Ah, this is remarkable progress. Now,

even you must admit that.

>> What did you bribe him with? Nothing. I

just made believe I was crying. And I

guess he didn't want to see me unhappy.

That's all.

>> See? See?

>> Oh, what's the use? Even if Bonso gave a

lecture on Darwinism, it wouldn't do me

any good now.

>> No, Jane. I'm going to give you a

month's salary, and I would

>> You don't have to give me anything,

Professor Boyd. And what's more, I think

Bono's going to be better off. He

couldn't learn very much from a man who

quits the first time anything goes

wrong.

I agree with mama 100%. Peter Boyd, you

are a big quitterer.

>> Oh, Hans, that's not fair.

>> Who wants to be fair? Who cares whether

you win or lose, Miss Tillingast? In the

interest of science, you should carry on

with the experiment. And I bet with you

anything, if it is successful, Miss

Tillingast will beg you to return the

the thing, the engagement ring.

>> Well, if she does, I'm going to tell her

that she has Jane to thank for it.

Believe me.

Oh, you will. Um, perhaps we'll ask my

Anna first if that is such a good idea.

>> Papa Hans,

>> Bonso isn't upstairs.

>> What?

>> I even looked in the attic.

>> He might get run over or lost, and that

could cost me $2,000. Come on.

>> That's a fine thing for a father to say

when his child is lost.

Peter, it's 11:00 already. How much

longer do we search for a noodle in the

hay stack?

>> I guess you're right, Hans. We might as

well admit he's lost.

>> Perhaps tomorrow morning we can call the

Lust and Foundling department.

>> That might be a good Hans. Look over

there.

>> It's Bonso. It's our little one. Easy

now. Don't frighten him.

>> And a boy, Bonso. Well, are you glad to

see me? Well, I'm glad to see you.

>> Don't worry, Bonso. He won't put you

back in a cage.

>> Let's go home.

[Applause]

We started these aptitude tests a couple

of weeks after he ran away.

2 minutes and 10 seconds. How's that,

huh?

>> That's remarkable, you know, with proof

like that. What's this?

>> Oh, that's the first time Bonso

demonstrated table manners without being

coached.

[Applause]

[Laughter]

I don't believe it.

>> Well, there it is.

>> You know, my little grandson in Los

Angeles, he could take lessons from him.

>> Uh, something's happening.

>> No, no, that's just Jane locking the

starting button so we can be in the

picture together. Well, this is good.

[Applause]

We do this every morning uh before I

leave for class so that Bonso can

>> Every morning you kiss Jane.

>> Well, certainly. How else can we create

the proper atmosphere for him? Harmony

in the home.

>> Yeah, these are the sacrifices we have

to make for science. Oh,

I hid in the closet with a camera to get

this.

By repetition, I established that

everything in that drawer was mine. I

wanted to see if he'd know if he was

doing something wrong.

Watch this.

I chose the most tempting prize.

Well,

>> is that moral reasoning?

>> Oh, it's you know our bons is as good as

gold.

It's Munda. I think you could give a

demonstration for the dean right now.

>> He'll see a demonstration when I appear

before the psychological society next

month. I'm going to make him eat humble

pie. Then I'll clear everything up with

Bal.

Say, I have a class.

>> And I have the dean. He wants to see me.

Maybe I'll get a large appropriation. I

hope.

>> Oh, you and Donna haven't forgotten

about the birthday party tonight.

>> Well, Anna had to go to New Haven to

visit her sister, but uh I wouldn't

dream of missing Bonso's birthday.

>> Personally, I think it's stretching it a

bit, but Jane insists that he have one,

even though we don't know how old he is.

>> Always. I agree with Jane. Do you know

why? Because she has a heart, a

beautiful heart. And that doesn't grow

from snubbish chromos homes.

>> I'll see you tonight.

>> Ah, Norman.

>> Good afternoon, Dean Tilling.

>> Good news for you. Sit down.

>> Thank you.

>> We're going to be able to add $500 to

your laboratory fund.

>> Oh, that's wonderful.

$500 we can always use.

>> How's that little chimpanzeee of ours

getting along, doctor?

>> Chimpanzeee?

>> Yes, the eccentric little fellow.

>> Oh, him. He's fine. Thank you very much.

He's very intelligent. You wouldn't

believe it.

>> Good. We're going to send him to Yale

University.

>> Yale?

>> Yes.

>> He's not that intelligent.

>> What?

a joke.

>> I've just sold him for $2,500.

>> You sold him?

>> See that he shipped to Dr. Willis of the

medical research department?

>> Why medical research?

>> Well, they've just lost a chimpanzeee

and they have to have another one in

order to complete the project.

>> And they will use our little chimpanzeee

for this.

>> Yes.

>> No. No. Dean telling us you can't do

that.

>> Oh, why not? We haven't been making use

of him anyway.

>> Well, you see our little the the little

one we we have. We We have not

He's not here.

>> Not here. Where is he?

>> He was not feeling well. So, I thought

perhaps a few weeks in the country in

the mountains might do him good. Little

vacation.

>> You're not making sense, Dr. Noman.

What's wrong with him?

>> He's slightly parked. He's crazy.

He thinks he's a little boy. Come now.

>> Our Bonso is no ordinary animal. He's

good and he's kind.

>> Really? No. I mean, you amaze me. I've

always considered you a devoted

scientist. Get him back at once from

wherever you have him. Then crate him

and ship him to Yale. I promised Willis

delivery by Monday.

>> Please.

Who needs $500? We have everything.

>> Monday. Dr. Noman.

[Music]

Monday.

[Music]

Monday.

[Music]

>> He certainly likes your gift, Uncle

Hans.

>> Perhaps he'll grow up to be a six weeks

bicycle racer.

>> Come on, Bonso. Here's your cake,

>> Bonso. Look, a birthday cake.

>> Hey, look at here. Hey, he's ready to

blow off those candles already.

>> Wait a minute. Isn't he supposed to make

a wish first?

>> I wonder what it would be.

>> Let me wish for him.

>> Yes, you wish.

>> Bonso, I wish that you'll have many more

birthdays just like this one with those

you love and trust around you always to

share your happiness.

And I wish that you'll get a chance very

soon to prove that being loved and

looked after like a human being has made

you feel like a human being.

And that if love can do that to you,

then it ought to be able to make some

other human beings

human beings.

>> Well, you hold Duffer. This is supposed

to be a happy occasion.

>> I'm happy. Only my eyes are crying.

>> Come on, Monza. Make your wish come

true. Blow out the candle.

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

>> You're supposed to eat your cake, not

wear it.

[Music]

All right. It's your birthday, so you

can sleep in it. But you won't be

comfortable.

[Music]

>> Good night, Bonso.

>> It was like a real kids party, wasn't

it? Yeah, I only wish Bonso should live

to have another birthday.

>> Okay, out with it. You've been acting

like a secondyear medical student at his

first postmortem.

>> Postmortem?

Don't say that.

>> What's wrong?

All right, Peter, I admit something is

wrong. I I I I didn't want to talk about

it in the front of Jane.

Peter,

what if

I mean

suppose you had to give up Bonso.

>> Oh, so that's it. Now, Hans be sensible.

I expect to give up Bonso just as soon

as the experiment's finished. It isn't

wise to get too attached to animals.

>> To that conclusion, I've already jumped.

But what about Jane?

>> Well, I expect she'll take it pretty

hard. She's very emotional about him.

It's a sublimation, a transference,

since at the moment she hasn't anyone

upon whom to lavish her affections.

You're sure of that, huh?

>> Positive. I know her like a book.

>> Don't worry about her. She'll get over

it. All right. I intend to give her 3

months salary when I let her go. She'll

have a nice long vacation before she has

to take another job.

>> Why that's very generous of you.

>> She deserves it. I only hope she meets

some nice, worthwhile young fellow.

>> You know, Peter, if I were a young man

and I hadn't met my Anna and I'd meet

Jane, I'd make Jane my Anna. Under

different circumstances, I might feel

the same way.

>> That's if Jane would be your Anna.

>> Jane.

>> So, I'm sub whatever you call it,

transferring, am I?

>> So, you know me like a book. Well, as

far as I'm concerned, Professor Peter

Papa, you've come to the last page to

where it says the end.

>> Now, what's that all about? Uh, dong

cups.

And what's got into you?

>> You You're the psychologist. You ought

to know. Ah, go back to school and study

your Freud.

>> Wait a minute.

Are you trying to tell me that that

she's in love with me?

>> Oh, no. No. I couldn't imagine it. How

could a nice, warm-hearted girl like

Jane fall in love with a a spigot? Turn

on emotion. Turn off. No emotion. Uh,

well, I I never realized. I I didn't

think that.

>> Who expects a psychologist to think,

especially when you're so busy thinking

what you think other people are

thinking? You know, of what I was

thinking all evening?

>> I guess not.

>> I'll tell you tomorrow.

You have enough troubles.

Come drive me home

>> in a minute.

[Music]

Jane.

>> Jane,

>> go away.

>> Jane, please. I want to talk to you.

>> Go away.

[Music]

I told you to go away. I don't want to

see you anymore.

[Music]

here.

[Music]

Help.

Huh? Huh?

[Music]

[Music]

Heat. Heat.

[Music]

Panzo, how on earth did you ever get out

here? Did Jane

Where is mama? Where's mama?

Dwitz jewelry.

>> Bonso.

[Music]

You stay there.

[Music]

Now you stay here.

[Music]

I'll be there in a minute. Now listen,

Hans, go to my house and wake up Jane.

Bring her down to the corner of Elman

Republic right away. I'll be waiting in

my car. What's the matter? A little

matter of 10 years if you don't hurry.

>> What kept you? Something terrible has

happened.

>> You were telling me

>> Jane is gone.

>> What do you mean gone?

>> Gone. Disappeared. She left the north

here.

And so this time I'm taking the buzz

back to Hartford and I hope you'll be

very happy with your Dr. Tillingast.

Yours truly, Jane Lyndon.

>> See gone.

>> Well, she certainly picked the right

time.

>> For what?

>> I'll tell you about it on the way. Come

on in my car.

>> Hello, Bonso. Come on. Come on. Come on,

Bonso. Get back in here.

But how?

>> That's what I'd like to know. It's a

sure thing he couldn't get in from this

side of the building. Let's take a look

around in back. Hey, you come back and

sit down. You've done enough for one

night. Sansa, move over.

[Applause]

>> You think he'll do it?

>> Well, if he doesn't, he won't be the

only one in a cage. Now, Bonso, be a

good boy. Put back,

please. Put back in there.

In there,

Bonso, like you do for mama. Put back,

please. Put back. Oh, why did Jane have

to pick tonight to go away?

Bonso, not mama's put back. Do you think

it's possible to catch up with Jane?

>> Oh, sure. The bus is halfway to

Hartford. By the time we got back, this

place would be swarming with police.

There is one way we might get him to do

it. Bananas.

>> Bananas? Who sells bananas at this time

of the night?

>> I've got some at home in the kitchen.

Why don't you jump in the car and get

him real quick? I'll stay here with him

and maybe figure something out.

[Laughter]

>> All right, take him with you, but hurry.

[Music]

going somewhere. Well, yes. If you tell

me you're playing fireman, I'll laugh

myself to death. Come on. But officer.

[Applause]

Ingenious robbery baffles police.

Despite a 12-hour grilling, Professor

Board refused to divorge the manner in

which he allegedly stole the gems and

showed no sign of cooperating with the

police. Hey, how about that?

>> What do you think about it? The

brilliant young psychologist admitted he

was the son of the late Silky Boyd.

Alias the professor, a notorious

confidence man of the past. The district

attorney plans to question Boyd further

today. Now look here, professor. You may

know a lot about psychology, but you

don't know the law. We could send you up

for possession of stolen goods if

nothing else. That's 2 to 10, professor.

Now why don't you be a good fell clean?

>> I've told you the truth. Strange as it

sounds. Strange is right. Like the time

Dagot here caught you up a tree with a

blunt.

>> Looking for a monkey with glasses.

>> Hey, you told me that before.

>> That was the truth, too.

>> All right, let's go back to the original

story. Now,

you say it was a monkey that took the

necklace.

>> Correct.

>> A monkey that wasn't there.

>> At the moment I was apprehended. That's

right. Now, without jimming any doors or

windows, this monkey that wasn't there

got into Dwit's jewelry store and took a

necklace that wasn't there after the

monkey that wasn't there got away.

>> Sounds absurd, doesn't it?

>> No. No, not at all. Not at all. But

there is one little thing we haven't

quite cleared up. Where was the monkey

if he wasn't there?

>> On his way home.

>> All the way to Africa. Don't be

ridiculous.

>> Yes, Mac. Don't be ridiculous. He's

telling the truth. I see the whole thing

very clearly.

This monkey is a finger man. The fagen

of a mob that hangs out at the zoo. He

and the mob get together to plan a

little job.

How's about the first national bank?

Says the orangutang. Or maybe the post

office, says the baboon. Oh no, says

veagan. Let's try the wit's jewelry

store. It's a cinch. The walls is made

of ectopplasm. We can walk right

through, take what we want, and walk

out.

Yeah, but how about the swag? asked the

gorilla. I got a fence comes right to

the job, says Vagan. His moniker is the

professor.

Pays off plenty peanuts.

He don't ask no questions,

and he don't answer none. Dag it, take

them away.

Please, Bonso eat, please.

What am I going to do with you? Your

papa's in jail and by now they're giving

him the 13th degree. We can't find your

mama and you're going away to Yale.

Please eat. If only to keep up my

strength. Look.

Uncle Hans

Leeing,

>> I got here just as soon as I could. For

heaven's sakes, what happened?

>> What happened? Bonso took a necklace and

Peter is accused because without you, he

cannot make him put it back. And now

they've come to take Bonso

>> to jail.

>> No, to Yale.

>> Oh, Bonso.

Well, you poor little fella in that

nasty little cave. Why the Department of

Medical Research?

>> What do you think?

>> Oh, no.

Well, we'll see about that.

>> Wait, Jane. Wait, Jane.

And so, to teach the monkey human

ethics, we experimented. And then one

night, something goes wrong.

>> It went wrong long before last night. He

only did it for you.

>> That's beside the point. Do you realize,

Noman, that if I choose to believe this

fantastic tale, I should have to ask for

your resignation for misusing school

property?

>> Please, Bonso. That's not the way to

make friends and influence. Deans,

>> the delivery men are here, sir. They've

come for the chimpanzee.

>> Have them come in here at once.

>> Oh, no you don't. Nobody's going to take

Bonso. What do you think you're doing?

>> I don't believe you want to help, Peter.

My dear young lady, you're being very

impertinent.

>> No, she's being very pertinent.

>> Pertinent is right. After all, she is

Bonso's mama.

>> What?

>> That's what Peter calls her. An

unofficial title, I believe. If you mean

what I think you mean, that's a dirty

crack.

>> It's exactly what I mean.

You know something? I feel sorry for

you.

It must be awful to be without a flaw

inside or out and to sit way up on a

throne someplace, afraid of being just a

woman and falling in love with someone

who's not as perfect as you are.

>> See here, Miss Lindon.

>> Well, Peter may not be perfect, but he

loves her. A dope.

And I want to help him because I'm a

dope, too.

>> You're no dope, Jane. You couldn't be.

You haven't a university degree. And you

don't teach logic.

Well,

Yale will have to do without Bonso

and I will have to do without $2,000.

Come.

Well, now that you've explained it, the

whole thing seems very logical. But

there are a few little things I'd like

to clear up. Now you, Miss Lynon, you

say you were on your way to Harford at

the time of the robbery for some reason

you do not care to explain.

>> It was very personal.

>> Oh, forgive my crying. And you,

Professor Boyd, can you give me just one

teensy clue as to how Junior here got

into Dwit's jewelry store? No proof,

mind you, just a clue.

>> I've told you repeatedly, Mr. Babcock, I

don't know how he did it.

>> Yes, you have. I've also told you

repeatedly that I'm sure Miss Lyndon can

get him to put the necklace back and

then we'll know how he got in.

>> Well, we're prepared to let him try,

aren't we, Mr. Dwit? Yes, sir.

>> I'm prepared. Of course, it's only an

imitation, but I doubt if even a genius

like Bonso could tell the difference.

Okay, young lady. Make him return it and

be sure he gets a receipt.

See, Bonso,

these are mamas.

Now put these back.

Put these back.

[Music]

>> He's going to do it. He's going to do

it.

>> What are we waiting for?

[Music]

Well, that's it. 4 hours is long enough.

That jungle Houdini isn't coming.

>> Please be patient, Mr. Fedcock.

>> Badcock.

>> Couldn't we wait just a little longer,

Mr. Badcock?

>> I'm afraid it's hopeless, Jane. He found

his way here the first time by accident.

It's too much to hope he can do it

again. If I were you, boy, I'd get

myself a good lawyer. Okay, Lieutenant,

take him back to the

Bonso.

>> I knew it. Do it. I just knew it.

[Music]

Don't.

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

So, I feel justified in saying that

Bonso was motivated in everything he did

by love for those who loved and

protected him.

>> Oh, forgive me. I've just been reminded

that I'm holding up the first step of

another important experiment. Ladies and

gentlemen, Operation Bonso, as it is now

known, has greatly added to the prestige

of Sheridan College. Because of this, I

feel impelled to say,

>> "Not now, father. You're holding up a

honeymoon." Peter,

[Applause]

>> well, Peter, I wish that you two should

always be as happy as my Anna and me.

>> Thanks, Hans, for everything.

And you too, Valerie. You've been

wonderful.

>> I'm glad for you, Peter. I'm really glad

for the way everything's turned out.

>> A flip, young fell. Just this once, the

back seat for you. Now you stay there

and be good.

Bonso, whose honeymoon is this? He's

back here in the back seat.

[Music]

>> Oh, papa.

>> My golly. I'm the richest man in six

counties.

[Music]

Heat.

Heat.