Original subtitles

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You had 10 minutes alone by yourself down here.

And yet you didn't even try to escape.

And why is that?

Because you're the greatest person that's ever lived.

No matter how...

How many times I scared you, booed, or threatened you.

You still believed that I was good.

And that is why you will always be my favorite.

After all.

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery.

I'm not so sure.

Major deja vu.

Joanie said it best.

I look at life from both sides now.

Good old days.

Cute little lake.

Cute little town.

Yellow door.

Hmm.

What is time?

Hmm.

A little moody up here.

Yes. A little bit ominous.

A bit interesting.

All right. Let's see.

Wanted someone to film me for the day. No questions asked.

Pays $100.

$100.

Really?

Look, I don't want to judge my little copycat buddy, but it feels a little

cheap.

Maybe a little disrespectful.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

This is going to be a good day.

You have a really nice, kind face.

I've never heard that before.

I'm Joseph.

Your name's Joseph?

Okay, uh, my name's Joseph.

Are you serious?

This is... Uh, twinsies? I mean... Get out of the car.

Come here. Oh, okay.

Great. What's next, Joseph?

I feel like we should do this right now because at the end of the day, it's

going to be totally normal.

Oh, trust me.

It's not going to be weird at all.

But that's all I get. I don't think so. Come on. Give me a good one.

Come on in. You're in the bathroom.

Already?

Huh?

You're in the bathroom.

I know this isn't supposed to be a shot -for -shot remake, but is he really

going to skip the whole My Life setup?

It's an important scene.

What? Huh?

I'm sorry, I can't understand you.

Did you hear anything that I just said?

Should I start over?

I'm just a cameraman, but...

Was what you're trying to tell me important?

Yeah.

Yeah, and you might have been wiser to do this dialogue in a place that's a

little quieter. I need you to fill me for my unborn son so that in case I die.

The volume's great. It's just the intelligibility.

Like, the tub, it's just very loud.

When I was a little boy, my mom would give me tubby.

It's my favorite time of the day.

We called it tubby time.

Yeah.

I'm familiar.

I love a tubby.

Let's do it.

Camper places the nest.

You doing okay?

Yeah.

Could be a lot better.

I'll be striptease.

Come on, magic bike. Let's booty blow, sis. Boom.

Wow.

Boo -boo on the board.

Boo -boo in the tub.

All right, Mr. Joseph, I am rolling.

I've got a nice shot with two candles, but there's also this tighter shot with

just one candle.

A tighter shot?

Yeah. Good. Okay.

Last thing.

You don't happen to have a different color washcloth. If you had like a burnt

orange or something. If you don't mind, could you just stick to the filming and

let me stay?

Now, peace.

Absolutely. You know what? You're totally right. I'm sorry.

You're the boss.

I'm here to support.

Okay. Go ahead.

You were lamenting that this was a sad scene and that tubby time should be fun

and not sad. Right. Thanks.

Wait, did I say that part already? Did I already say that?

Yeah.

Of course you did. How would I know what you said if you hadn't already said it?

Right.

And then you said something about ending it and, I don't know, something about

killing yourself, I think.

Do you think about suicide a lot? Would you please stop it? I'm sorry. I'm

sorry. I'm sorry. You're right. Go ahead.

Please.

Ruining it. Hold your nose like that.

Still, though.

Pretty good at holding your breath.

really milking it going for that Oscar.

Look, I'm sorry I tried to drown you,

okay? I just... You said you wanted to end it, and... I don't know, I just... I

thought I was helping.

This may sound strange, but even though we just met, I consider you a new

friend. Whoa!

Major deja vu. Did you feel that?

No. Yes.

Yes. Two friends. New friends.

Having a drink. Some whiskeys or maybe some tea.

And maybe one of the drinks has been tampered with.

It's from like a viral video or like a movie or something, right?

I don't know. Princess Bride!

Inconceivable!

The game of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink.

Iogaine powder.

I'd stake my life on it.

Prince Humperdinck, am I right? Oh, my God. Chris Sarandon, one of the best

comedic performances of the 80s. He's supposed to be this, like, evil villain,

but he's really this, like, total loser. It's so funny.

Anyway, this is going to be our game.

One good drink.

One bad drink.

You decide.

Look, man, we're supposed to be filming a video for my un... Uh, hello. What do

you think we're doing?

Say hi, buddy.

Hello, little buddy.

Playing a fun little drinking game with your dear old dad.

So fun.

So fun.

I don't understand.

What's the game?

Okay. All right.

Maybe you're going to need a little hint.

That was a good one.

This is the bad one.

What do you do?

Drink beer.

What do you do?

I don't know. What do I do?

Well, you could end it like you were talking about in the bathroom or make it

exciting. You could try to force me to drink it.

A little scuffle ensues, you know? But look, this is your movie. You're the

director. I'm just the cameraman.

Gotta make a choice.

You want to win the game? Gotta do something.

Okay. All right. Well, you win the game.

Congratulations.

I drank the powder.

You're a very strange person. Did you know that?

That tastes weird.

Yeah.

Do you...

Realize what you've just done to yourself with their little game.

Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?

Do it to... Who I'm... You're funny.

Oh, it is a good day.

I probably guessed by now that you answered the wrong ad today, buddy.

This is the end of your road.

But, hey, I don't want you to feel bad about yourself, okay?

You were up against a very formidable foe.

I learned from the best.

The best of the best. Do you want to see?

Okay, I found this on the dark web a couple years ago.

Oh, he blurred out his face and his voice. But look, yeah.

Look.

He's the best.

The best to ever play the game.

I may not be.

As good as him yet, but... I'm getting better every day. Oh, no, no one's going

to help you. No one's going to save you, okay?

What?

Fine,

fine, fine. But if you scream, I'm going to bury this axe in your face, okay?

Okay.

Oh, okay. Thank you so much. Okay.

Quick confession.

I lied. It's not just one thing. It's two things.

Actually, two things and a question, so it's technically... Okay, just move it

along. Okay, first thing, you didn't trick me. I voluntarily drank the drink.

That was a wild choice. Second thing, that mask you're wearing, it's really

janky. I think you need to consider more carefully the brands you love and how

you represent them.

You really are a strange person. Third thing,

were you in the Boy Scouts?

Yeah. I thought so, because these Nazis hide.

They're really good.

But they're not great.

You didn't make it all the way to Eagle Scout, did you?

It's okay, I guess. But sometimes going all the way matters.

Sometimes that final knot makes a big difference.

Sometimes it's the difference between life and death.

Buddy, you're not going to talk to me.

Hey, if I ask you a question, will you answer me honestly?

When you saw that axe back at the house, was there a small part of you that

thought I might kill you with it?

No, no, no.

There's a check in your boot, Aaron.

How did you know that?

Hello, my name is Beachbody.

Did you see the film?

I didn't have to see it.

I lived it!

Hold it right there.

You know who I am.

You know what happens if you run.

Come on, let's talk this out.

Come on.

Take a seat.

Okay.

Good boy.

Now listen, I was really excited to meet you. I have very high hopes. I thought

maybe we could even team up.

I don't want to be just Daryl Hall when we could be Hall and Oates. That way no

one has to die.

I'm trying. No, listen.

The problem is you're not very good at your job.

I try very hard at my job. Don't tell me you're trying. You're just not trying

hard enough. But the good news is there's hope.

Okay?

Remember in the late 50s, there was a mediocre cover band out of Liverpool

called the Quarrymen.

They didn't become the Beatles until somebody took a shot on them.

I want to take that shot on you.

You pity me. I don't. Yes, you do. Well, maybe a little. You drank the poison

last night. Well, I wanted you to feel you were doing well.

You let me tie you up. I am not left -handed. I am pathetic.

I got nothing to offer. Don't you dare say that.

Every human being has something to offer.

There's something you could do right now that would be unforgettable.

You just have to be brutally, painfully

honest with yourself.

Oh, he's got something.

He's got something.

Oh, wow.

Okay, here he comes.

This is original.