All language subtitles for 1973 - Tales Of Canterbury

And at no time is it permissible to
click your nose or wipe it with your

In case of emergency, gentlemen may use
a napkin. And in extreme emergency,

ladies may discreetly use the hem of
their skirt.

If the meal was satisfactory, one may
express one's gratitude in the form of a

gentle breath.

This, however, must not be too loud.

We must at all times remain ladies and
gentlemen.

Bastina!

Bastina!

The messenger, has he arrived yet?

Oh, sir, what are you doing? All right,
I'm the king's messenger.

Who? The king's messenger. I brought a
message.

What can I do for you?

What's going on here?

He brought a message. I brought a
message.

I should think that you might have a
little respect, since you're in the

of our Lord King Richard. I have a good
mind to report you for this, and with my

favorite servant.

Your servant?

I feel like a... I should have known she
was. Oh, I am so embarrassed. I am

sorry, my lord.

Please don't tell his majesty.

Oh, be quiet and give me the message.

With the sudden interruption and all,
I've developed a terrible headache. Do

perchance have a potion you could give
to me?

A sudden headache and you want a little
potion. Is that right?

I've been waiting a year for this
message.

And I've got a headache. Now, tell me
what the king said.

I'm trying, my lord.

But if you holler like that, I'm liable
to forget it altogether.

Our Lord Richard II, let his reign have
much glory. Go on.

Our king's message is, I recognize in
your character and personal habit that

have all the qualities needed to succeed
in this task.

And I'm sending you henceforth to
Canterbury that you may see and make

all this you will send to your king that
he may know his people better. There's

more. You're forgetting the money. I'm
certainly not about to go hungry, you

know. Oh, I forgot.

Yes. There's 15 gold sovereigns. If
Majesty wanted to make certain... If you

need more, you won't have to ask.

Finally, my dreams are happening.

I'm so deliriously happy.

I'm going to write my stories at last.
My God, they're going to be the talk of

the century.

Suppose I run into scoundrels. I must
have some protection.

I should worry about it. But I'm no man
of weapons, and those bandits are

dangerous.

His Royal Highness has already told us.

And I've brought to accompany you one of
His Majesty's royal guards, Cavalier

Quick. Have a good voyage, my lord.

to shrink yourselves a little.

We've already shrunk as far as we'll go,
Tavern Keeper. The rain has seen to

that. I'm afraid we'll have to wait it
out here. Then we'll continue on to

Canterbury. Tomorrow, when we go to
Canterbury, we'll have to walk on water.

Good trick, eh, my friend? You'll get
more than your feet wet. It's become a

lake out there. It's filled with
leeches. If man or woman should happen

they'll suck your blood and propagate by
the thousands. Not a wise idea, I

should think.

I'm not scared of a little water, so
don't try to frighten me with insipid

stories.

I suppose you're planning to swim all
the way.

Eddie, come here. Sit with us.

Move over.

Thank you.

I'd advise taking off your armor, sir.

There's no armies here and you must be
awfully hot.

I think you should let it dry off some.

Maybe he enjoys sitting there rusting,
huh?

Let the body breathe. We'll be fine.
Nature will take care of otherwise.

As if riding through a sea, I rode my
horse across the grass. It worried me so

that he would sink. Should he get water
up his ass?

You should have plugged him up with a
cord. I did, I did.

He was probably a man.

I don't like this delay. It's foolish to
sit here when I could be working.

The weather has gone mad, but what can
one do?

My inn is at your disposition.

Oh, that's very big of you. I suppose
our gold is at your disposition, too. If

you think I'm going to pay you full
price for this, you're nothing but a

fool. Your money disgusts me.

No offense intended, but you speak with
all the inexperience of a virgin.

You even look like one.

And to prove my good intentions and
honesty, for everyone that's present,

going to pay.

But there is only one condition. Ah,
that's better. It sounds just like you.

Now, hear what I say.

The condition is that each of you give
us a story.

And the story you tell will pay for the
night.

But I do pray of you to be careful and
try to keep the stories amusing.

Now, let's see how our suspicious little
virgin here will do.

Do you have any silly fables you would
like us to hear, my love?

Well said, sir. Well said.

Although I doubt it whether this gentle
lady's mind could recall even the

slightest pain of her lost virginity.
The memory, due to age, you know, has

certain limitations.

Now, go ahead.

Go ahead.

But first, after tolerating all these
things, I thought you'd have to write a

little poem for me.

To my air virtue.

Now tell me all, blessed and non
-blessed.

The genital organs with which we are
endowed, some think it is only a place

where the urine comes cascading out.

Well, now, you must stop and think about
it, you know, because there is

something else that will go. Those
things that function for this or for

loan so much pleasure to my kids and my
cats.

The pleasure that they bring is a simple
delight. The pleasure that they bring

is something I like.

You've made enough of a spectacle, you
foolish old milk cow.

We want to hear some real stories.
That's no way to speak to a milk cow.

With a... with a lady.

Don't you have any education?

No. I was waiting for an ox like
yourself to teach me.

The miller is surely right.

This woman has offended us with her
poetry.

There is a story that comes to mind. It
happened years ago in Normandy, once

called America.

There lived a noble knight called
Avericus and his young bride, Doricus.

Come now, Cavalier, quick. Don't be so
pensive. We shall let ourselves be

kidnapped, taken back in history. Stay
close beside me and we'll slip into the

story ourselves.

It's very late. Now I must go.

Britain is such a great distance.

I've heard there are nothing but savages
there.

Stay here, my lord.

It is my duty.

Duty is more important.

This battle I must fight.

But to stay away from you is worse than
death.

Oh, my dearest.

But your promise, will you keep it?

My word will always be sacred.

I will remain true to you to my last
dying breath.

Minstrel, let your lute sing out.

Oh, free me, my lord.

The soul bound within my breast yearns
to fly away.

With a single blow, I would break those
chains.

And with wings of doves, your soul would
fly with me to the war.

Don't make me suffer any longer.

What the devil is this?

A chastity belt, my lord. I thought it a
good idea.

You are going to get the key before you
leave, if you must know.

But let's make love now.

Why did you do that?

I never expected such a thing from you.

I have complete faith in you.

We'll rid you of that damnable thing
this minute.

Thank you, my lord.

Here is the key.

It's one of the newest models. It holds
up the derriere and at the same time

flattens the tummy.

Are you sure this is the right key I've
got?

Oh, I've got so many keys.

To the strong box for the jewel box. How
stupid of me. I've got the wrong bunch.

Oh, such a stupid mistake. I thought it
was the key to the cellar.

Here, my love.

Thank you.

Sweet Oregon, remember.

Take care of our palace.

And pray that I return home to you soon.

Be happy and joyful in my absence.

And the days, it will fly like magic.

I will be happy, my lord.

Anna Shalott is here.

Do you wish to see her? Mm -hmm.

Yes.

You may go in now.

Is it true, you silly child, that you
haven't touched your food in three days?

My dear, this is a ridiculous thing
you're doing.

Now, I've had many experiences, and
crying doesn't serve to help at all.

If you keep crying and carrying on like
this, you're going to dry up like an old

prune. Your face will dry up. Then you
should begin stinking.

Oh, now stop it, you hear?

I'll be by sometime later in the day and
we'll go for a walk. The beach, it

should be nice.

And no excuses.

Perhaps, my dear, what you need is a man
to cheer you.

Oh, forget I said that. I don't know
what makes me think these things. But

you're so lucky you don't have to wear
that chastity belt around.

Stop that kind of talk.

I wouldn't think of betraying my gallant
husband's trust.

Well, at least you can go swimming,
can't you?

And you?

My husband is much more jealous than
yours.

I'm all wrapped up like a present.

I'll take my clothing off, but I can't
swim.

I can't get sea water on it. But you go
on.

If you just mind, let the locker dress
shut.

He's that jealous, your husband?

Mm -hmm. I must say, I suppose I'm
fortunate he didn't put a chastity belt

mouth.

Now stop that or I'll not allow you to
come the next time.

What an impertinent stare he had.

I felt so strange.

The way he kept on looking at me. What
penetrating eyes.

Tomorrow we'll go to Rocky Point and sit
all afternoon watching the ships pass.

Oh, I'm sure I couldn't stand it.

I'm afraid to go anywhere near those
rocks.

Do you know how many ships have crashed
on those rocks and how many men have

died? Stop worrying now. We won't go if
you don't want to.

I guess I'm thinking of my old
arrogance.

He still must sail past those rocks.

Oh, dear Lord, you who protect all
heroes, look over my darling husband.

This I pray you. So many husbands have
already died upon these rocks. Take

souls and push them over into hell's
inferno. Only keep my darling husband

and sound.

This seems an opportune moment to enter
the story.

I am curious to observe the characters
from a closer vantage point. So am I,

dear fellow, so am I. It looks as if
we're to be the only men.

Not to worry, Cavalier. A better
opportunity to observe the female at

There's someone staring at you with the
most violent, passionate eyes.

If I disturb you, beautiful lady, only
say the word and I'll disappear.

You don't disturb me, sir.

But at the moment I'm not very good
company.

I desire only to be left alone with my
thoughts.

I wish to steal away your heart, dear
lady, as you have stolen mine.

To observe your body nude would be the
most beautiful gift I could ever hope to

have. You dare speak like that.

Having surprised me in a difficult time
doesn't give you any right. I'd prefer

to die rather than to lose my lady's
respect.

Having seen you on the beach was the
most wonderful experience.

How happy you made me feel, milady.

Now I swear that from this moment forth,
all my heart and my sword are at your

service. You are thanked for offering
your all.

Only there is another man, a man who has
a greater right to my services.

You see, I'm married.

And I'm attached to him like the clouds
in the sky. Then if you are the clouds

flowing gently through the air, I am the
sky.

Stop your dreaming, then. You can't help
yourself any more than me. Is that so

terrible?

What is your name, then?

Aurelius, milady.

Ah, my Aurelius.

I tell you this.

If you are able to get rid of those
rocks along the coast, you will have my

I'll make you the happiest man in the
world.

But you give me an impossible task.

No more impossible than what you are
asking of me.

Won't you go away now? I'm getting
tired.

You will think on my promise.

Make the rock disappear and I'll be
yours.

Magician! Are you here?

I'm Aurelius. I know why you've come
here.

I know everything, dear. But those rocks
are too great a task.

And this young lady has drunk of your
flask.

She has virtue and a magnificent body.

But it boils down to the same thing, you
little clown.

I know how your mind turns around.

It's a poor little lad that needs to be
banged and find a place to stick his

twang. Ah, big hello.

That's all that you may quarrel. To you,
that lady of sorrow, that much I do

know.

My advice to you is to leave alone this
young screw.

But important, I know this is to your
tune.

A little gold and I'll help see you
through.

Here is all the money I've got. A
pittance, probably.

But it's all in gold.

Here.

I have 980 coins here.

Three in iron.

This is a far cry from the price I
usually get.

However, just this once for you.

Rocks, I command you, disappear!

But before you go, there's one thing you
should know. It's magic that's been

done. Who cares what happens afterwards?

By then I'll have known such incredible
pleasure.

I shall give you these golden words as
clear as the honey and I'll stand the

money.

Should you find your thoughts again
thinking horny and need copulation, you

should try instead, my man, a little...

Excuse us, Lady Charlotta.

I can't believe it, my darling.

I didn't expect you back so soon.

Oh, dear Lord.

It's so strange.

I was dreaming then horrible things.

That you had drowned. Your ship was
broken on those rocks.

The rocks are the reason I've returned.

They serve to protect our coast.

Stop and think.

If it hadn't been for those rocks, we'd
not have had the strength to halt the

invader.

There must be someone using magic.

It just disappeared.

Disappeared? Disappeared. They vanished
right into thin air.

I'm to stay here.

By order of the king, I'm to defend the
coast.

What is it?

Aren't you glad to see me?

You'll feel better, I'm sure, in the
fresh air.

Aravergas, haven't I always been a good
woman?

And I've always loved and respected you.

Yes, of course.

What's troubling you all of a sudden?

When you departed for Britain, I was
terribly unhappy.

Then I realized I was behaving like a
child. How ridiculous I was.

So I tried to pull myself together and
amuse myself.

Oh, honor, of course.

I went to a garden party at Lady
Charlotte's.

There was a young cavalier.

He declared his love for me.

Is that all?

No, my lord. I haven't finished.

After you had gone, I could not free
myself from the thought of your body

crushed upon those horrible rocks.

I stupidly swore to the cavalier.

That if he could have the rocks
disappear, I would love him as I've

other. I was sure it was an impossible
task.

Something no one could possibly
accomplish.

I was only thinking of you when I did
it.

I was thinking of you.

Only of you.

And where is this cavalier?

According to the agreement.

I would wait for him in the garden of
Lady Charlotta.

But I won't go.

I'd rather die than be unfaithful to
you.

I fear that you cannot now go back on
your word.

But you gave your word and it must
stand.

Even though I would rather die than have
you go with another man, you must go

with him.

With honor.

Breaks you become a someone dead the
Cavalier must have you to save our honor

woman Can't you see you must go to him

it's not only your word that will stand
broken But the honor of the entire house

will be smeared I'm sure I can stand
living with this anguish, but you must

the honor in this house

Oh, what can I do?

Ah, I'll lead him to the forest of the
three sisters.

There I'll save your honor.

And mine as well.

You've seen noble ex -workers, noble
stars, noble

wood -grape muscles.

A man in the forest.

You saw me and you just came in your
pants, didn't you?

He looks awfully horny.

Oh,

there we go.

Come on, you.

Dear fellow, you're making an error.

You can't just have this side of me.

Free me. At once, you hear? I won't
stand for this. Well, you're standing

No. No, please leave me alone.

You can't. You can't do this.

Oh, no.

Your body. The woods are so damp.

But don't take your clothes off, for
God's sake.

You'll get rheumatism.

All I need is your body to warm me.

There. Put your arms around here.

There.

Yes, I promise.

But, my God, I'm dead.

I can't get it up.

I am slipping away.

Hurry now.

The time is passing.

The time is my misfortune.

I who wanted to make love to you and to
feel your body next, I don't know how

I'm going to get through all this.

I've already shot the whole thing and
more.

I no longer hold you to your promise. I
free you.

Thank you, Dorigan.

I just don't want any more.

Dorigan!

Dorigan!

I think

I'm going.

the story about a well -meaning hawk.
Too bad about him. He spent the rest of

his time running around the woods,
screaming.

Well, as the saying goes, there's people
who for want of love,

these people will move mountains and
seas and saints.

They must keep themselves abreast of
things.

And then there is another kind of person
who overlooks everything.

For what? For honor? For justice?

For pride?

And in the meantime, his wife is being
cuckolded while he sits home eating his

heart out.

And then, friends, there's one more. I
call him the profiteer.

This wily man, he profits by the honor
of others.

Leave your wife for a minute and he'll
shove it up your ass.

How poetic.

you are. I'd like to remind you that
spiritual love is what counts. It's the

most valuable. I prefer the love of the
body. The body makes you feel good from

all angles and positions.

I must remind you of one thing. Love is
only platonic.

The celebration then is only with the
eyes. I feel that is the truth.

I happen to know that a celebration is a
beautiful thing, but the entertainment

is celebrated afterwards with a cock...

I think it's a hell of a lot more
disgusting to see a lady allowing her

to lick her dish.

I recall a very lovely widow woman I
once met. So young, so sensual.

It was man's best friend she loved.

Excuse me there for interrupting, but
why are you kicking against the wall? It

hasn't done anything.

Can't you see I'm in love?

This damn wall has encircled the woman I
love more than anything.

And there I thought you were just mad.
Let me offer you the services of a poor

minstrel. I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll fix you up all right.

Slip me a couple of coins, and I'll sing
her a Neapolitan love song guaranteed

to drive her out of her mind.

You shall have everything you need. If
for only one second I can feast these

poor eyes on that enchanting woman.

that would wake a man at this ungodly
hour.

Come in, you bloody swine. And why the

hell are you so late?

Talk, idiot.

But, Master, we couldn't get you up and
around before this. You're a moron.

Excuses.

Excuses.

Excuses.

Where's Federico?

In God's name, what have I done? Must I
deserve such an idiot son?

It's for him I'm working.

And Federico, he does nothing but let me
down.

You go and find him.

I try, Mama.

Last month he cost me twice as much as I
spent on the store. And if you could

only see these stupid clothes he wants
to wear. Sometimes I think he's turning

into a little fairy.

Federico?

Federico, what's the matter?

Master!

It's Federico. Something's the matter.

When you touch him... What's that, you
say?

What's wrong with him?

I don't understand. What's wrong with
him?

He's lying on the table, and he's
looking straight up at the ceiling. And

went in, his thing went like this.

No.

Get him a doctor.

What is it?

May I help you? Are you a doctor?

And pleased to serve you. Oh, what good
fortune you're here.

It's my Federico. He's got a terrible
swelling between his legs.

I shouldn't fear.

It's swelling up right here. And I'm
scared to touch it. It looks so hard. I

wouldn't worry about it. If it's what I
suspect it to be, it's simply just a

predicament which always seems to strike
the young.

Nothing grave.

You'll see, it all will disappear with
age. Is it possible to observe the young

man?

It took me many years to save this
money.

It's enough to buy a woman's love in any
case.

Here, you take it.

Use it if you can get well, my son.

I wish you luck.

And look to God.

Yes.

Sandro!

Get over here.

Take care of Federico.

You watch over him as if he were your
own brother, because if anything at all

happens to him, I'll smash your head
like this!

Ah, finally!

Well, what did she say?

It's no use, sire.

All your gifts were well received and
very much admired.

But the lady refuses to see you.

Idiot! What are you laughing at? If you
could see the ass on her maid, you'd

laugh too. And laughing seems to release
the tension.

She's built like a brick shed.

Well, she informed me that her mistress
has been a widow now for three years.

And she must wait another, let's see,
two years before she may speak to a man.

She must be horny enough to honk. No, I
can't wait any longer. The damn thing is

getting bigger than I am. There must be
something we can do. Well, she seems to

like to honk.

I see. This could be a damn good idea.

Hurry, Sandro! I'm here.

My passion for you is so great, I can't
stand it. I was in such a hurry, I'm

afraid I grabbed the first ones I saw.

I pray you, be kind to me and please do
free these poor dogs.

I like dogs.

Only these have such a stink.

I suppose they're all flea -bedding,
surely.

Don't you think you're being a bit bold
in your declarations to me, sir? I'm

sorry.

There's nothing I wouldn't do to have
you love me, my lady.

I'm sure I believe you.

I was so alone these last years, and I
wanted someone I could speak to.

I beg you, stand, for I would speak in
private.

Anna, get rid of those dogs. Yes, my
lady.

Forget the dogs and move nearer to me.

Come closer.

Don't be nervous. I have a secret I wish
to confide, and I do hope you won't be

disturbed by it.

Don't mind me.

I'll keep your secret.

The secret I can't keep just doesn't
exist.

So go ahead.

You're so respectful of a woman.

I'm glad.

I hope you don't forget any of it.

I'm abnormal, sire.

About dogs.

I need dogs.

It's morbid, I know.

Men are so boring, sire. Is there no one
to provide what most I have need of? My

poor Igor.

Before he died, he would go at it every
night, and on Sundays he'd ask for more.

My... Christ, I'm in need.

You can see why I prefer dogs, my lord.

Simply for my honor. With a man, they
would have been the most horrid scandal.

If you wish me to be yours, you must
make me a promise first.

Anything. Anything you want.

Just this one time, I want you to bring
forth...

My big sheepdog and the others who were
here throughout my solitude.

And one more thing.

You moron. They better be clean.

Oh, they'll be clean all right.

That's a good boy.

From then on, it'll be your turn.

From then on, no more dogs?

Go now. And bring them right away.

Small dogs. Big dogs.

Buffalo. Oh, I should love that.

Then I'll be at your service.

First the dogs.

Hurry, Sandra. We've got work to do.

No. I was almost there. I said you were
just going to tell me your name. Tell

me, son. These dogs, do you want
something special?

Something weird?

No. It's not important.

Just so they know how to, you know.

Young man, all dogs know how to do that.
Oh, yes. It's their principal activity.

You seem to know dogs.

Tell me, is a man as durable as a dog in
contenting a lady?

I mean, how should I put it?

With his tongue?

Not always, but a friend of mine cut the
cord that held his tongue.

But unfortunately, he lost it someplace
and couldn't find it.

That's a good trick.

Now what happens?

When the she's are in heat, they give an
odor.

When the others smell that, they come a
-running.

The old fart knew his stuff all right.
Those bitches really have their tongues

hanging out.

Hurry up. She still hasn't found the one
she wants to start with.

I need another one.

How about that one?

He's dry.

I hope she likes this one.

Now, what the hell is this you've
brought?

It's a watchdog. I don't need him to
watch. My God, he's a brute in that

I've a mind to send you away. Bring me a
young one, handsome and strong. I

couldn't possibly make it with an old
one like that.

The whole thing is useless.

How many of them did she want?

Either they're too big, or too little,
or a little bit too aggressive, or a bit

docile. I don't know what there is left.

I think I have an idea.

Try offering all the dogs at once to my
lady. I have a marvelous idea.

For a grand finale, for one last
unforgettable moment, you'll have all

dogs at once.

All you say? Yeah. Oh, marvelous.

Oh, Federico, you are fantastic.

Carla, prepare my room for me
immediately.

Yes, milady.

Oh, darling, it's so thrilling. I want
to tell you something really special.

Sandro, go get the doggies.

Jam,

huh?

Lots of jam.

Oh, that'll be nice.

How very beautiful of you.

They'll just love it, I know. A proper
reward.

You're much too kind.

Soon I'll be all yours.

Don't go away.

There's something in me that rebels
against following the dogs.

Console yourself, my darling.

They're man's best friend.

You try some.

Here's the jam, milady.

Good.

Let the little buggers in.

Bring in the dogs.

Everything all right in there?

Patience, my darling.

I'll be yours soon.

And don't take me through the keyhole.

Come on, get in. Over here. Move.

Over here.

Get in there. In there, boy.

In there, boy.

What did you say her name was again?

What about those ladies who think only
of dogs?

Wouldn't you say so, sister?

That was a disgusting story.

It's a good thing that my wife's gone to
bed.

Boy? Not very dependable, that waiter.

Where do you think he could have gone?

I don't know.

He's left all right.

A very good lad, though.

Maybe a good kick in the ass is all he
needs.

The hell with his ass!

I'll twist his balls off.

I've got the impression that balls
should be tickled, not twisted. Not a

loving fellow, is he?

If every adulterer had his balls twisted
a little, the world would be a better

place.

I want you to know nothing perverted has
ever happened here. This is a

respectable inn.

He was probably tired and went upstairs
to rest.

Oh, he's upstairs all right, but he's
not resting.

I think his balls...

out your clothes on.

I ate something that wasn't good and I
have the run.

So?

What's that smell?

You shit in the room. No. Oh, yes, you
did. Just because you have big tits

doesn't mean you're a cow. How many
times do I have to tell you to throw it

when you're finished?

Go to sleep.

And remember, the next time you have to
go, be sure and throw it out.

I'm going to freeze to death.

Don't worry.

I'll warm you.

It's so cold.

It's just your imagination.

It's your shit.

I

think

it's time we all went to bed.

I beg your kindness.

Do not think yet of going to bed.

The atmosphere is just right for a story
I have to tell. Don't chill coming on.

It comes fast and cold when the odor of
death is in the air.

Don't you feel the evil lurking in the
night?

Strange spirits moving in the darkness.

Don't listen to him. He's just trying to
scare us.

The story I'm about to tell begins on a
night like this.

Well, don't stop. Go on. I don't like
stories that begin at night. They scare

me. Very well.

You started during the day, then.

All right. All right. That's better.

Three youths.

Two boys and a girl.

Excuse the intrusion, brother, but would
you mind putting us up for the night?

That is, if it doesn't inconvenience
you.

And she too will stay with us? Yes.

Now will you show us to our rooms?

You know that statue?

Yes, John. He made the halo for St.
Simon. Ah, come right this way.

I wonder how deep this well is. It's
easy enough to find out. You let a stone

drop and start counting.

Put your hands to yourself.

Relax. What do you care anyway?

It's neither the time nor the place.

I thought I found just the place.

Don't forget to count.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five. Six.

Seven. How deep is it?

Oh.

I hope you'll be comfortable.

Listen. I'm listening.

Your friend, the way he was touching
your... Counting on his fingers to the

depth of the well. But Aldo, he's your
fiancé.

To tell the truth, I'm involved with
both of them. Gio has terrible luck with

women, so I... I see. So willingly you
share your fortunes, your blessings

abundant as they are.

What do you expect me to do with him?

Certainly, certainly. You're absolutely
right.

You're very saintly. I too...

Been without luck all my life. Good
fortune always seems to pass without

touching. Pass without touching.

Pass without touching.

But why are you traveling on?

For some reason, the lady doesn't like
it here.

We're returning to San Simone through
the valley. Not through the valley.

The young lady would surely be better
off here. In the valleys where death

lurks, he'll take you to hell.

Sorry, the lady is coming with us. No,
it's better to leave her here with me.

I'll watch over her. You take her to the
valley and she'll never live through

it. We're not afraid.

If Death wants to play the reaper, he'll
pay the price.

The price is nothing to Death, my
children. I warn you, stay alert, for

capable of seeing in the dark. Only the
other night he killed two young lovers

and dragged their souls away in chains,
damning them forever in hell.

And the Valley Guards, what are they
doing?

They should try to catch this murderer.

We'll go ourselves and see to it. What
are you saying? You're out of your head.

You can't look at him. If you do, he'll
frighten you to death.

We're not cowards like you.

We'll search out this murdering rascal.

We'll catch him.

And brandish on a pike throughout this
land.

His ugly head, his rotten heart, and his
horny, grisly cock.

But I think you should carry his horny,
old, prickly head, and I'll carry a cock

-o.

Come out, Death.

I want to cut out your heart.

We made a pact, Carlotta. I get the
heart.

Devil, it's your head I want!

Mine! Mine, you hear?

Mine!

Well, ask the old infected one if he
knows where death is.

We'd better not get too close to him,
though.

He never can tell.

Don't fornicate, Death.

I'll piss in your mouth. I'll shit your
ovule. I'll shove my crotch up your ass.

You mean turtle fritters? What are you
looking at? All your mothers were

infected. And all your fathers to get
you screwed cattle.

Quiet, you stinking old whore, son. We
don't scare that easily, you fetter

of shit.

Be foul, can't who you are.

Be careful, old man, or I'll kill you. I
heard you talking about death.

You sick and old disease. I think you're
one of his spies.

Tell me, where is death?

You infected old sword, talk.

Talk. Talk or I'll cut out your asshole.

Then I'll leave you tied and let the
birds feed on you. Now talk, you decayed

shit.

You're speaking unkindly to a sick old
poor invalid, sir.

That isn't nice at all.

But if you insist on searching out
death, my child, then turn around and go

along that trail.

Turn right at the far end. You follow
that trail, then, till you get into the

bush.

Death shall be there in the forest
lurking, and he has the power to conquer

You'll fly in hell this night, and
that's that.

And may misfortune fall on you, young
impudent bastards, children of

pigs.

Throw your sword, death lurks here.

Let's not keep him waiting.

I'll go around this way and get him from
the side.

Carla, you come with me. No, I'm not
afraid.

If you fail, I'll be waiting this way
for him.

There's no one here.

You hear?

I'm not scared.

You're just trying to frighten me, huh?

If you're being that way, I'm staying
right here until this is finished.

We scared you.

All right, you scared me.

The old man was joking because death is
nowhere in sight.

Yes, but there's something in this
forest much more important. More

What's that?

Smell it, Carlotta. Our boy stepped into
some horse shit. Yeah, you're wrong

about that.

What I stepped in was gold. Gold? He's
crazy.

What are you saying?

I think we scared the wits out of you.

Maybe. But have a look at this.

Those are gold pieces.

Real gold!

Thousands! My friends, this will give us
all the things we've ever dreamt about

having. Gold!

As I walked, I stumbled, and there it
was.

Now we must keep our heads cool.

Our biggest principal problem will be
transporting it out of the woods and get

away.

We mustn't be seen or they'll think
we've stolen it. If caught, we'll simply

hang. Now that I'm rich, I don't think
I'd like to hang.

Yes, or burn. They could do that, for
example. We must make certain that no

will learn of the gold.

So we will have to work throughout the
night.

Now, we have to decide which one of us
is to go into the village and get food

and wine for us to eat.

It's a delicate decision.

We've each got to trust the other, but
we'll all be cautious at the same time,

huh?

The simplest solution, I feel, is for
Aldo and I to stay here and watch the

gold. Huh?

In the meantime, Carlotta will go into
the village for provisions.

And you, Carlotta, you'll be able to do
that?

Of course I'll be all right. I hope this
is the best solution.

Then hurry and be back as soon as you
can.

Yes.

Aldo, there's enough gold here to last
us the rest of our lives.

This is for me, this is for you, and
this is for Carlotta.

We're divided equally, huh?

Just like brothers.

Sure, we've always been the best of
friends.

Only you're the one who's always trying
to screw my girl, right?

That's not true.

You're my friend.

It's all right. Don't worry about it.

I've put your money there.

And I put my money here.

Two parts, you understand?

You mean just two?

You don't care about Carlotta? Yes, but
only up to a certain point.

With all this gold, it's possible to buy
a hundred girls like her.

This is how we'll go about it.

When dear Carlotta returns, I'll take
her with me into the woods.

We'll be over there, near that bush.

After a minute or so, she won't suspect
anything.

I'll see to it that she won't hear you.

Then you come along.

But quietly.

Take your sword and stab our dear Caluff
in the back.

Is anyone here?

Gentlemen.

Good evening. I was just about to close,
but if there's something I can do for

you, I should be glad to.

Thank you. I need some poison. My cellar
is full of rats about this big.

Big ones? And some bigger.

If you ask me, a good cat is what you
need.

But then your cat is seen very large.

For rats this big, I would prefer
something else.

In that case, I have just the thing for
you.

Whatever living thing.

That you'd swallow even one drop of my
preparation.

No matter how small the dose.

Before he could walk a mile.

Not even that long.

A half mile. A quarter. He would be
dead.

How marvelous. Perhaps I could interest
you in a larger cat. About this big.

Here's your money.

Save that thing for your wife.

For you, my love.

How many?

There's so many we can hardly count
them.

I've loved you as a poor man.

Now as a rich one, I want you on a bed
of gold.

may still have time to save their souls.

The waters return to their beds.

Soon it'll be subsided enough that we
may continue our journey to Canterbury,

eh, my lord?

A pity.

I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

If you want some different pleasure,
Cavalieri, I have a story I would very

like to tell you. Less depressing than
the one you just heard.

I couldn't ask for anything more.

It's a... a fitting pastime for a king.

I'm glad. And it's about a king, I'm
going to tell you. A king who lived in

ancient Greece.

Not an important or even potent king.

But an impotent king.

A message, sire!

Yes, sire.

You call for me, sire.

Read this.

A great day for the house of Antiochus,
sire, yes.

That you may see your daughter again
after 20 years.

The happiness in your heart and your
kingdom is great.

The rejoicing that will go on. The
princess... Shut up, you imbecile!

idiot!

Twenty thousand is the ransom they want,
and me without a coin in me pocket.

If I recall correctly, sire, the
princess was only two years old when

kidnapped.

Let me see.

That was 18 years ago.

Isn't it so, sire?

It's certain by now she's grown into a
young, attractive woman. Well

20 years old.

Then, uh, figure 600 pieces per year.

I forbid it. My purse couldn't stand to
pay out for that gold.

No, no, no, it's impossible.

That depends.

For a two -year -old child, it's
certainly not worth your pain.

But for a young girl, a beauty well
built, pay it. Pay it and consider the

money well spent.

Get out!

And what do I do if she's not a beauty
as you're implying?

Then you don't recognize her.

Right.

You have a pretty good idea there.

Splendid! I'll have the treasurer come
in. I'll talk to him.

If he's ugly, I'll banish you.

What's taking you so long, you idiot?

Hurry, imbecile! Hurry!

If I was paying you, I'd stop.

I've never seen for the last time. What
are you doing? We haven't all day.

Over here!

There's amazing work around here.

Get those flags up. Come on.

We shall be well received here, I should
think. Oh, yes, and with all etiquette.

Lower the drawbridge!

Well, don't just stand there.

I sense something mysterious here.

I feel a great misery.

Hope for the best.

Woman in memento clothing.

You pretend to be my daughter.

I, sire, am the Prince Figueroa.

Ah, excuse me.

I was mistaking you for a woman.

But I am a female.

I was under the impression that I heard
you say prince, not princess.

You heard correctly, sire. I did say
prince because the title pertains mainly

my frame of mind.

As you say.

It seems to me that you are not only
lacking...

Your mind, but in your sex.

Who's that?

There.

This is the Minister of Social
Strangely, sire.

Minister? He looks more like a tavern
keeper to me.

That's a friar.

Not a friar, sire.

It's your daughter.

But why do I only get the odd ones?

A prince, she tells me. I never would
have known it.

A tavern idiot who calls himself a
minister.

And a friar who says she's my daughter.

And you, all dressed up like you were a
cavalier. What do you really do? Are you

an oriental dancer?

Tell her to come a little closer and
take off that horrible thing.

Come here.

I want you to come here.

I am sorry, sir.

But you see, ours is a poor country and
our banks are empty. And this bill is

all we could find for the poor young
girl.

Stop! You imbecile!

Do you expect I can see through the
robe?

Now we concern ourselves with only
official business.

Hercules, go and call the Prime
Minister.

to locate those old birth documents on
my daughter. Yes, sire.

We must first control the documents with
the greatest care.

The dynasty demands it.

Eh, prince?

I realize that, sire.

And I will proceed also with caution. In
Figuerazzo, the saying is, the world is

full of cheap.

I'm here, sire.

Antonius. My prime minister.

We must ascertain if this girl is really
my daughter,

Amitonia.

That is the crucial point.

Take a seat, please. Thank you, sire.

And where would you suggest we sit?

No, no, it's not important.

My memory is phenomenal.

Oh, how rude I get.

You've come all the way from Figarozzi,
and I'm sure you're hungry and tired.

Now, you tell Hercules to bring some
food and wine with which to show our

hospitality. Yes, sire, as you wish.

Antonius! Where are you going?

I need you here for your advice.

But you requested Hercules, sir.

Ah, yes, yes, yes. Go, go, go, go, go,
go, go. Yes, sir.

All right, let's see where we are here.

Yes.

If I remember correctly, she had one
foot larger than the other. Now, let's

Antonius.

What do you think, Antonius?

Antonius! I'm asking advice of you!

What are you doing way down there?

Thinking about the feet. Studying them
from afar.

What do you mean, studying from afar?

These things must be studied up close.

Antonius! Will you listen? Wasn't there
some other kind of a sign on her, I

hope? A mole, sire.

A mole?

A mole?

Where's the mole?

Where?

Above at the bottom!

Above, below, where?

Oh, what the hell does he mean, then?

Oh, I can't find it. Oh, Sam, where is
it? Above on the bottom.

I've already looked above. Oh, where the
hell is it?

Above on the bottom.

witness this. Come on.

I'm coming, sire.

Here it is, sire.

Look, Antonius.

Look.

Here it is.

The mole.

You remove your finger, sire.

I'd probably be able to see it.

And you, cavalier.

What do you think?

Of all this.

I don't know.

Quite frankly, I don't see anything
regal about it at all.

I think it might be better to make a
more thorough examination, Your Majesty.

In private.

Let her be, my lords. The princess
cannot be left alone until you have

compensated us for returning her.

Of course, you may stay, my lady.

I mean Prince.

But I think it best, though, that we
should leave.

Chaucer, this man.

I have a feeling I've met him somewhere
before. Oh, that's the famous Hercules.

He hasn't finished his 13th labor yet.

That was under the impression there were
only 12 labors.

There were.

First the gold.

Oh.

The wine is from Syracuse.

Resonated.

300 years before Christ. A good year.

I don't care for the king's manner
towards his daughter.

I'm sickened.

That bastard. He shouldn't be killed.

Who knows what the child is suffering.

Oh, don't be such a romantic.

Admit you'd like to be there this very
moment.

But in the same place that idiot king is
in, huh?

She probably killed the clown.

Paid in gold, my lord.

Don't let it upset you.

Your temperament, my man, is much too
delicate with these things.

His own daughter.

Stay right in there, sire.

It's a horrible thing we've done.

We have been accomplices to incest.

She's no more a princess than you,
Cavalier.

She's the most corrupt and ugly of my
servants.

What do you say? I'm afraid it's true.

Now do you feel so terrible?

You dogs, you miserable dogs. You've
been hiding the truth from me.

By hiding the truth, we've discovered
your humble nature.

Hercules, are you training for the
Olympics?

Last year it was bolting.

This year it's running. I just don't
know what to do.

Hercules,

who will comfort me now? Don't worry,
my...

This is one labor I'll enjoy.

There's a point, doesn't it? Girls
aren't the weakest thing.

traveling companion, my lord.

He could very well have hit one of us.

Oh, I doubt that.

For that man happens to be the best
archer in the whole of England.

Please, my lord, seat yourself.

I have a message to read to all of you.

But first, tavern owner, would you be
kind enough to give us all a glass of

wine?

You servants, gather round. This message
is also for you.

Hear this, my dear Chaucer. I wish to
thank both you and my fellow travelers.

I learned more in one night as your
cavalier and escort than in all the

court away from the people.

I want you to tell them one and all to
heed these words, that if ever any of

them should be in need of assistance,
they have but to call on me.

I must now ride long and hard to rejoin
our armies already in combat against the

invader. Reserve your stories and tales
until we meet again.

And in Canterbury, pray for me.

But not too much. Richard II, King of
England.

Ladies and gentlemen, a toast to long
life and well -being. May God keep him

safe. Richard II, King of England.

Long live the King!

Long live the King!