All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S12E23.The.Change.Constant.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP5.1.x264-NTb.HI

Previously,
on The Big Bang Theory...

Guess I'm your new neighbor.
Penny.

- Oh. Leonard. Sheldon.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

That's where I sit.

Howard Wolowitz.

Caltech Department
of Applied Physics.

Penny?

Leonard.

Raj?

WOLOWITZ: He speaks English--
he just can't speak to women.

LEONARD:
Our babies will be

smart and beautiful.

Finally caught a break.

♪ Soft kitty... ♪

You know my girlfriend,
Bernadette.

MRS. WOLOWITZ (calls):
Howard, I'm hungry!

♪ Warm kitty... ♪

(screams)

♪ Little ball of fur... ♪

I'm Amy Farrah Fowler.
You're Sheldon Cooper.

Bazinga.

(tires squeal, horn honks)

(gasping, yelling)

Welcome to the premiere episode
of Sheldon Cooper Presents

Fun with Flags.

I'm going up in space.
Technically,

I'm an astronaut.

Oy vey!

You're talking to me.

I am.
(gasps)

Bernadette Maryann
Rostenkowski...

We now pronounce you
husband and wife.

Amy?

Howard?

Angry Amy?

I don't want you to say it

just because social convention
dictates that you...

I love you, too.

Will you marry me?

(softly): Yes.
(chuckles)

We did it!

Well, I enjoyed that
more than I thought I would.

I wonder which one's Halley.

(baby bawling loudly)

Will you marry me?

WOLOWITZ:
That...

means... positive?

(gasps)
Super asymmetry, that's it!

AMY:
Our paper was right.

- We did it!
- We did it?

We did it!

♪ Six times ten
to the eighth atoms ♪

♪ Of a radium in a lead jar ♪

♪ Six times ten to the eighth
atoms of radium ♪

♪ If the half-life of radium
should happen to pass ♪

♪ Three times ten
to the eighth atoms ♪

♪ Of a radium in a lead jar... ♪

PENNY:
Really hope

you're almost to zero.

No, see,
that's the beauty of half-lives:

it's impossible to determine
when you'll arrive at zero.

It's like
"Wheels on the Bus"

if the bus had
an unknowable number of parts.

Yeah, we're gonna need
more coffee.

Yep. I'm with you.
Leonard, coffee?

Black and strong,
like Luke Cage.

I'm too tired
to even be disturbed by that.

Sheldon?

Mm, absolutely not, no.

The Nobel committee will be
making the calls to inform

the winners at any minute,
so the only drug I need

is the endorphins pumping
through my brain

in anticipation of our victory.

Well, technically, anticipation
wouldn't be mediated

by endorphins as much
as dopamine, but, you know,

you've been up all night,
so I'll give you that one.

Really? The second
he stops talking?

Well... should we wake him up?

Well, he did say
if he fell asleep,

we were allowed
to slap him awake.

Oh, boy.

Wait a minute.
Why do you get to do it?

'Cause I called it.

Well, you can't just call it.
You have to earn it.

Oh, and you've earned it?

No one has earned it
more than me.

(Amy clearing throat)

You have your whole life
to smack him around.

This is my time.

Fine. Don't miss.

It's not a volleyball.
I can handle it.

Oh, wait. Hang on.

When you're old, you are
gonna want a record of this.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Do it in slo-mo.
I want to see his cheeks ripple.

Ready... go.

(ringtone playing)
(gasps) It's happening!

Unknown caller.
It's got to be them.

Okay, put it on speaker.

- Hello?
- Hi.

MAN:
Hello. This is Sweden calling.

Is this Dr. Cooper
and Dr. Fowler?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

Congratulations.

It is my pleasure to inform you
that you've won the Nobel Prize

in being suckers...!

His Swedish accent
was very convincing.

(ringtone playing)
(gasps) This is it!

What do you want, Howard?

We were just calling to see
if you'd heard yet.

We haven't.

But thank you for getting up

so early to call.

That was very thoughtful.

Oh, please. We have
two little kids.

We've been up for an hour.

WOLOWITZ:
Did anyone get to slap Sheldon?

No.

Okay, well, call us
when you hear.

All right,
now what?

Oh, why don't we play a game
to pass the time?

Here. Uh, I am thinking
of a number.

Hint: it's a cube of a cube
of a prime.

There's an infinite number
of possibilities.

What, you got somewhere to be?

(ringtone playing)

Oh. That's me.

Hello?

Yes, this is Dr. Fowler.

I see.

Okay, thank you.

We won.

(gasps)

Congratulations!

Oh, my God!

- We did it.
-I know.

Can you believe it?
(gasps)

That's a good point.
What if I'm dreaming?

(yelps)

We won the Nobel Prize!

(screaming)

♪ The Big Bang Theory 12x23 ♪
The Change Constant
Original Air Date on May 16, 2019

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

And how does it feel to be
married to a Nobel Prize winner?

You tell me.

Oh. Amy-centric--
what a fun way to look at it.

I think so.

You would.
That makes sense.

(phone vibrates)
Ooh.

Aw. It's a congratulations text
from my meemaw.

(phone vibrates) Ooh. Oh, and there's
one from my mom.

(phone vibrates)
And my sister.

(phone vibrates)
Oh, and my brother.

(phone vibrates)
And my brother's ex-wife.

(phone vibrates)
My brother's other ex-wife.

Boy, they don't tell you
when you win a Nobel

it chews up
your phone battery.

(phone vibrates)
AMY: Oh, that's me.

It's CVS.
My prescription's ready.

(phone vibrates)
Oh, and also my dad.

He says congratulations
and he loves me.

Nothing about me?

(phone vibrates)
Oh.

Oh, it's your dad. I'm good.

You know, when you
think about it,

now that we're Nobel
Prize winners,

our names will be linked
together forever.

We're married.

Our names are already
linked together forever.

Oh, please. That's
just a piece of paper.

This is a piece of paper
and a medal.

AMY:
It's weird.

I don't really
feel different,

but I guess our lives
will never be the same.

Oh, I don't know. We're
going to work like always.

I still put my pants on
both legs at a time.

One day that's
gonna end very badly.

(reporters shouting)

Congratulations.
How does it feel?

Okay, w-we're happy
to answer your questions,

Just, um,
one at a time, please?

REPORTER:
Dr. Cooper!

Is Dr. Cooper coming back?

No. Next question.

(reporters shouting)

Was it your left hand
or your right hand?

Right.

Spit actually flew
out of his mouth.

SIEBERT:
Hey, fellas.

Can you do me a favor?

Do we have a choice?

Ha-ha!

No.

Sheldon and Amy

are now officially superstars,
and the press

will be reaching out to their
family and friends for comment.

So that we're all
on the same page,

the word we're gonna use
to describe them is "quirky."

And not quirky.
More like quirky.

So not Mr. and Mrs.
Wackadoodle?

SIEBERT:
Ho-ho-ho!

You bitter, envious little man.

Thank you so much.

And what do we call that?

- Quirky. - Quirky.
- Quirky.

Dr. Cooper, can I get
a minute of your time?

Hello?

Hey.

- Can I help you?
- Uh, yeah, actually.

Um, I had an appointment

to interview Dr. Cooper
about the Nobel.

Hang on a second.

Sheldon?

Sorry, he's not here.

Damn. I've got a deadline.

I don't know
if it helps you at all,

but I'm his best friend
in the whole world.

Really?

And an astronaut. Come on,
you can buy me a cup of coffee,

and I'll tell
you about both.

(Amy sobbing)

Everyone okay in there?

Go away!

Amy?

Raj, please, not now.

Hey, what's wrong?

My picture's
all over the Internet,

and I look terrible.

No. Let me see.

Well, that is
an unfortunate angle.

But who cares?

You just won the Nobel.

You should be proud
of this moment.

I know I shouldn't care
about how I look,

and I never thought I did.

It-It's stupid and shallow,
but I just can't help it.

Am I really this frumpy?

No. No, you are
a beautiful woman.

By the way,
if you're not happy

with those pictures,
then make some changes.

Get a haircut, new clothes,

new glasses, big glasses...

No glasses-- then you won't
be able to see those pictures.

Sounds expensive.

Excuse me,
i-if I'm not mistaken,

the Nobel comes with
a substantial cash prize.

What were you gonna
spend it on?

Hadn't really
thought about it.

Sheldon's got his eyes
on some new Dockers.

Come on.
Do something for yourself.

Well, I suppose
I could get a haircut.

And some makeup
and a new wardrobe

and a little thank you gift
for your shopping buddy

if we see something
he likes. Come on.

Where are we going?

Beverly Hills,
where the things he likes are.

Dinner ready?

Not unless you cooked.

Why is this article
about Sheldon all about you?

Let me see.

Oh, good, they used
my NASA picture.

Why does it say that
you're his best friend?

Leonard's his best friend.

No. Leonard
has always been

kind of a monkey butler.

Whenever Sheldon
got into a scrape,

I was his go-to guy.

(chuckles)

When did he get
into a scrape?

You're kidding, right?

W-- Remember
when he had a panic attack

'cause his hand got stuck
in a jar of olives?

I was the one who told him
to let go of the olives.

Please, that doesn't
make you his best friend.

(chuckles)

You know,
that reporter asked me

if I could put him in touch
with...

Amy's best friend.

That's Penny.

(singsongy):
Doesn't have to be.

Hmm.

What kind of tea
is appropriate

for winning a Nobel Prize
and now everything is changing

and you feel unmoored
from reality?

I don't know. Earl Grey?

You know,

this is something
I've wanted my whole life.

But I guess I never considered

how everything
would be different.

Buddy, I-I know it all feels
overwhelming right now,

but I promise you,
things will settle down.

There's no Earl Grey!

You filthy liar!

(knocking at door)

Hey, is Penny here?

No. Why?

I wanted to show her

my latest creation.

I give you...

Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.

Wow. Amy, you
look amazing.

Thank you.

Sheldon, what do you think?

I like you better
the way you were.

But she looks
beautiful!

Classic lines,

colors that complement
her skin tone,

and hair that goes from "office"
to "on the town" in minutes.

I don't care.
Put it back.

I like the way I look.

Well, I don't!

(door opens)

My fault.
I was out of Earl Grey.

(clears throat)

Sheldon, that was really rude.

I'm sorry. Amy is
the one constant I can count on,

and now she's changing.

It's just a haircut
and some clothes.

No, it's
the last straw!

I can't take any more!

(elevator bell dings)

Can you believe it?

They finally fixed the elevator.

This is
a nightmare.

What's with him?

He won a Nobel Prize,
and his wife looks amazing.

Oh. Yeah, got it.

(panting)

(gasping, panting)

How did you get down here?

The elevator. It's really fast.

I-I need to be alone right now.

Don't try to follow me.

All right.
You need a ride?

That'd be great.
Thank you.

I should've seen this coming.

Oh, stop. You're allowed
to get a haircut.

I know.

But I should've done it
gradually.

You know, like...

maybe 300 tiny haircuts
over a ten-year period.

Okay, you need to
focus on the positive.

You won a Nobel Prize.

I slapped Sheldon.

A lot of dreams
came true today.

You know, you're right.

This is a huge day for me,

and I'm allowed to enjoy it

without worrying how
it's going to affect my husband.

Is it me

or did it just
get fierce in here?

All this change
is just too much.

The reporters,

the attention at work,

and now even Amy's changed.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Slow down.
- I'm playing a drinking game.

Every time you say
the word "change,"

I take a slug.

Are you gonna be able
to drive me home?

Mm. Not unless you
change the subject.

Huh. Now I said it.

Meh. Hmm.

You know, you're the
only person who could win

the biggest prize in science
and still be upset about it.

It's just...

all the times
I thought about winning,

I never thought
about how it would ch--

affect my life.

I'm sorry, I'm genuinely
concerned about your liver.

(chuckles):
Okay.

Fine, I'll stop playing.

You know, you go on and on about
wanting things to stay the same,

but you've changed a
lot since I met you.

Oh, you are a mean drunk.

I'm serious.

You have a ton of friends,

you got married, moved
into a new apartment,

you wore a baseball
hat that one time.

Heck, you've had sex almost as
many times as I have fingers.

More.

W...

By this many.

You dog!

It was the Avengers trailer.

Oh.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I've grown, too.
I used to be the bartender

back there.
- That's true.

And now there is
a completely different woman

who botched my drink order.

How hard is 65% Coke,
35% Diet Coke?

Well, judging
by the look on her face,

it's at least
one percent saliva.

I do take your point.

You know,
you're also married,

you have a successful career,
you no longer dress

like you're trying
to attract sailors by the wharf.

So, I guess the only thing
that actually stays the same

is that things are
always changing.

Interesting.

So you're saying
the inevitability of change

might be
a universal constant.

Well, there's a little more to
it than that, but, yeah, sure.

Oh. Hey, look,
that's Bernadette.

I can't tell you how many times
Dr. Fowler was gonna give up

and I would say to her,

"Amy, as your best friend,

I'm not gonna let you quit."

Okay, I'm drinking again.

I'll join you.
Waitress,

uh, 95% Hawaiian Punch,
five percent vodka.

WOLOWITZ:
Let me tell you about the time

Mr. Nobel Laureate
wanted olives...

(laughs)
This is a good one.

You know what, 90/10!

You know, I like
the way my hair looks.

I'm done tiptoeing
around him.

We're all guilty of it.

But why?

'Cause we were afraid
to upset him.

Which happens anyway.

Well, that's over.

I'm-I'm done enabling him.
Like,

this is his spot

and-and the thermostat
has to be set

to his comfort level,

even though he doesn't
even live here anymore

and I'm always chilly.

Is that why you wear
a hoodie all the time?

Why would-- Yes!

To accommodate
Sheldon!

And what-what
about this-this thing?

Why is it here?
I'll tell you why.

Because it was here
when I moved in,

and, for no earthly reason,

he forbade me to touch it.

Well, if you don't like it,

get rid of it.

Put it in the closet.

You know what,

I will.

I bet that's the reason.

Hang on.

What do you think?

Want to give it a try?

(elevator bell dings)

Well, you know,

the elevator did work
when I moved into the building.

So going up and down the stairs
was a change,

which means this would actually
be a return to the status quo.

- But, conversely, I think...
- Get in!

SHELDON:
This is wild.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man