Original subtitles

I didn't keep you waiting too long. I'm used to you.

I love

your dresses.

You have some beauties.

Oh, thank you.

You like it?

I only love taking them off more than looking now. You devil, you.

One of these days I'm going to come with no dress at all.

Yeah? I won't let you in.

It's pretty, it's kind of hard to get in and out of.

Thought you'd like it.

Those two -handed jobs.

Thank you.

Dad.

Oh.

I never came for much of my life.

Good to know me as well.

Oh,

John.

You were wonderful.

You brought me to sexual height.

Hey, guys, I got some great videotapes. Want to see them? Hey, okay. Sure.

Me too.

Hey, Ron, you're going to like this a lot more than your cute patients.

Hey, I take good care of all my patients, not just the cute ones. Oh,

Yeah, well, you take longer. A lot longer with the sexy ones.

Look who's talking. The horniest fucking lawyer in the whole city fucks

everybody. Some even get screwed without it, of course.

Oh, you too, horny architect.

Hey, we're all horny.

And divorced.

Unhappy.

Hey, Ron, weren't you supposed to provide the entertainment for tonight?

Yeah, I'm working on something. I haven't got the details worked out yet,

you'll have fun.

Are we going to see the damn tape?

This guy is the horniest engineer.

Here they go.

Hey, yeah.

But that hair.

Nice. Real nice.

Yeah.

So cute.

Mmm. It's hot.

Mmm.

I like it. Yeah.

Thank you.

Hey, Jimmy, quit jerking off.

All right, all right, I'll leave him alone.

Come on.

The man's best friend is his right hand.

I was scratching myself with my left hand.

Oh, oh, well, excuse us. Tell us another one.

Okay, okay.

Hey, you guys wouldn't mind if I played this one over again, would you?

That's good.

Oh, yeah.

Do you believe these guys get paid for this shit?

Bust. Oh, what a deal.

It's got to be a great way to earn a living.

All the pussy you can fuck.

This girl in this picture reminds me of someone I used to know.

Who? Her name is Laurie.

You wouldn't know her.

We're supposed to know each other's cunts, remember?

Yeah, we agreed on that. But Laurie just never has been one of my cunts, you

know.

Laurie.

She isn't related to you, is she?

Come on, no.

It's just a babysitter that used to work for me.

Real cute little girl.

Used to tease the hell out of me.

Well, Laurie, I guess you have all your instructions.

And you know where we can be reached.

Yes.

Honey, I'm going to go check on the baby again.

Put on a little bit more makeup and I'll be all set.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Your legs, they're just so perfect.

Oh. Beautiful.

Well, thank you.

I won a bathing suit contest at school, you know.

I'm not surprised.

You're really pretty.

Thank you.

Really gorgeous.

You like that?

It sure is round.

Well, honey, you can't say that I'm always late.

Hey, you didn't see me complain, did you? No. We've got time.

Okay.

Well, listen, you take care now.

Okay, everything's fine. Don't worry. Okay.

Bye -bye.

Bye.

He teased the hell out of me.

You know, the girl in this picture is really fantastic.

From this angle.

Doesn't look like Laurie any.

Did you know that Laurie was the poison of the boys?

I waited till Sandra went out of town to see her mother.

Then I called her over to babysit.

How are you, sweetie?

Fine. Nice to see you.

Thank you, folks.

You look so cute in that outfit.

Thank you.

Where's your wife?

She's not here.

Don't worry.

Please, sit down.

She went out of town to visit her mother.

She'll be back soon.

Are you here all alone?

Not really.

I mean, you're here with me, right?

Care for some caffeine?

No.

Oh, it's really very good.

Great, awesome.

Wow.

You know my feelings for you, don't you?

What?

I wanted to be alone with you for such a long time.

What are you doing?

No! I want you, baby.

Stop it! Come on, come on, baby. No!

Please! No!

I don't think you're so alone.

No!

No way!

Don't fight me. No!

You've shown me your ass for the last three...

Thank you.

No. We like each other. Why don't we just show it? No.

I can't. Not in your house.

Not in my house? No. Spade, boy, don't worry.

of the rest of the story, guys.

Sandra won the case and we got a divorce.

You ever see her again?

Of course.

I see Sandra whenever I visit the kid.

I don't mean Sandra.

I mean Laurie.

What do you expect me to do? Call a 14 -year -old babysitter?

Do what? Change my diapers?

I see the point.

Well, guys, are we planning on watching tapes all day or what?

No, no, I think I've got a really hot plan.

I'm going to call Laurie up.

I don't get you.

Listen, all I've got to do is get some wigs, some dresses.

We set up a little baby crib and we call her over to mind the baby.

Baby?

What baby?

Some beautiful little fair -haired kid.

A little doll, stupid. I'm going to go buy in the store.

I don't get it.

He doesn't get it.

He doesn't get it. Listen, all we need is a happily married couple, right?

Art could be the husband.

Jim, being the most attractive one of us, could be the wife.

No, no, I have a headache. Look, you don't have to perform your marital

Oh, God.

You're going to look beautiful.

With your nice dress, lipstick.

I mean, he looks great now.

Joe, would you like to be maybe... Oh, I got it, I got it. You'll be the maid.

The maid will get you a beautiful little maze outfit, little hat, little apron.

You're going to love it.

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

This is fantastic.

What about you?

What's left?

Chauffeur. I'll be the chauffeur. Okay?

We've got a maid, chauffeur, happily married couple, and that'll be that.

She'll just come over. We'll be the happy family. She's going to mind our

It's beautiful.

Okay?

Super. Just trust me, guys, all right?

You trust me?

Okay. Relax.

I'll be back in a couple hours with all this stuff.

Okay. Take care, Mark.

I don't know.

Freak.

I like it.

Hey. How you doing, Ron? Okay. All right.

Want a drink?

No, it's too early.

What are you up to?

Well, one of Joe's babies has been sort of teasing him, so today's the day we're

going to get her. You're going to nail her down, huh? Yeah. Young and tight?

That type, yeah.

Can you fit me in somewhere?

It'll be fun, but I'm a little afraid of that. We've got three or four of us on

her already. She sees you.

To run out screaming, you know what I mean?

It's all right. I'm not even hurt. I get something juicy while I'm waiting this

afternoon. Yeah. I didn't think you'd be suffering too much. No, never.

Hey, I'm going to get out of here. Okay. Good luck. Hope you put it together.

Okay. See you later, Ryan. Bye -bye.

Good luck.

That's true. Bye -bye. Take care.

Don't straighten your tie. I'm going to divorce you.

Knock it off, Joe. We're not married yet. But I am thinking about it

Well, do you think I look good as a woman?

Better with your clothes on than with them off.

Anything else, sir, or ma 'am?

Uh, no, Joe.

You're very cool a little bit. Because a maid should not be seen avoiding too

familiar a maid with the, uh, you know... Don't worry.

Don't worry, honey.

I don't know who to play the part.

It's really going fantastically well. I can't believe it. I mean, to be here any

minute, it's all set up.

Everything's ready. I put THC in the drinks.

What is THC?

Some fucking lawyer.

It's the active ingredient in marijuana.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

And I put hashish in marijuana in the cigarettes.

They look normal, but they're hot.

And I also took the liberty of putting some extra alcohol in the booze.

Also, every piece of food in the house is stuffed with dough, so don't eat a

thing unless you want to get extremely stuffed.

And I fixed the TV, so when she turns it on, she'll be watching our tapes.

I can hardly wait.

Baby's asleep.

Two -way mirror's all set up so we can watch what she's doing.

And she's going to be here any fucking second.

Shall we wait for her in the living room?

What do you say?

I'm hungry.

All right.

You never looked so beautiful, darling.

Will you knock it off?

Anybody want to see the baby?

No, no thanks.

Oh, where is that girl?

This wig is killing me.

There she is now, right on time.

Come in, darling.

Have a seat here.

Oh, darling.

Think I look beautiful in this dress?

Beautiful. You do look beautiful, madame, if I may say so.

Laurie, I'm Art Crawford. This is my wife, Jane.

Wait a second.

Art, this is not a way to do it.

Instructions to the babysitters are woman's work.

Please make yourself at home.

Thank you, Mrs. Crawford.

Now, if there's anything you'd like to eat, it's all in the refrigerator.

There's plenty of food around, plenty of cigarettes and wine, champagne.

But if you'd like to drink, just feel free to take care of everything.

All right? Thank you. The baby's sleeping in the next room. Let's go take

peek. Okay.

Don't wake her up.

His baby's sleeping right now, so it's best not to wake him up. But if he

happens to wake up, just give him a bottle, and he'll go right back to

Are you ready, dear?

Yes, darling.

This is Rose's night off.

Would you like a ride, Rose?

Oh, no, thank you, sir.

I have some things to do in my room before I leave her. I'll just take a

Do it yourself.

The car is ready, sir.

They are so very nice.

They are so nice, don't you think?

I mean, they don't mind about the liquor. There's just so much all around

house. I just think I'll take this little bottle and go to my room.

See you, honey.

Thank you.

Thank you.

All right, guys. I think I'm gonna bring her the dildo.

Don't be ashamed.

I thought you might need this.

Go ahead, use it.

I have to leave now, honey.

I'll see you later.

Oh. Oh.

I think she's ready.

Yeah. That looks that way.

You coming with us? Well, I think I'll skip it this time. I might spoil you for

us. Suit yourself.

Follow me.

Oh, my

God.

You don't need that thing.

No, well Ron's got one Ron do your duty listen

You

don't

mind if I join in do you darling no dear I like to watch

You two guys have this fantastic costume. I was just starving for some

Would you believe three?

What? Your wife has a costume?

Oh, fantastic.

That was great.

Do you mind if I call some of my friends?

Sounds like a good idea. Please do.

You can use the telephone right over here.

Okay.

over here.

Oh, yeah. Great.

Come on over and bring a couple girls, okay?

Alright.

Yeah, the address is on the TV.

Okay. See you in a bit.

Bye.

Yeah, come in.

Hi, John. How are you doing?

Hi, Yumi.

You're looking pretty.

Thank you.

And you're right on time, too.

I'm always on time. I know. Did you bring my sample?

Sure did.

You're getting dingy, aren't you?

Mm -hmm.

That will do nicely.

And has it got the rest of them?

Yeah? Okay. You know, besides having a more than passing interest in this, I've

also been interested in a few other things, which I didn't ever mention to

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Want to maybe get more comfortable with you?

Oh, okay. I mean, we've known each other long enough.

Oh, John.

It smells good.

Oh, thank you.

This is really nice.

This is the blouse that did it.

This is the blouse that made me make a pass at you. You know that, don't you?

Every time you come over here, you look a little more sexy.

You like that, huh? I couldn't pass it up today.

Not wasting any time there. Thank you.

to see you back.

Copper just brought you some extra soda and some liquor and some cigarettes for

your pleasure.

And I fixed the tapes and if there's anything else you want, well, just give

Rose a bug.

Fine.

Think I'll just go answer the door then.

All right.

Oh, wait, wait. I want to go with you. This is going to be fun.

Yeah, the cigarettes and the drinks are all ready.

It ought to be soup.

Me. All right.

Right this way.

Okay. These are my three friends. This is Amy.

Hi, boys.

And Tad.

Who was that?

That's my little sister, Lolita.

Don't worry about me. I just came for some ice cream.

Why don't you have a Coca -Cola instead?

I guess that would be okay.

Would you care for anything?

Do you have any liquor?

Champagne. Oh, that'll be fine. That sounds good.

Rose, we need some glasses.

All right, Monique.

Ron, would you pour it? I'll light it.

Such a masterful touch, Ron.

Take a bath.

Oh, thank you.

It's a lovely dress.

Thank you so much. Care for some cigarettes?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

They're right over there. Yeah, I smoke. I'll have one.

Have some.

Oh, right ahead.

Drink up.

Is that good?

Yeah, it tastes really great.

Great cigarettes.

They taste different, they really do.

It's really good. I've never tasted it before. I think I'll want another cup.

Can I have another cup?

Sure, you can. No problem. All right, just drink up. Drink up. Come on.

Have another one.

She's a quick learner.

Oh, I can drink lots of this. It tastes like kiwi.

Don't let me have a sip.

I mean, it tastes sort of funny.

Don't be greedy.

It just gives you a nice, slight feeling.

Doesn't it?

Here, drink up.

Oh, yeah.

You have a happy brow.

I don't think I should drink anymore.

Oh, yeah.

Make yourself comfortable.

Thanks.

i love you

Thank you.

I'll hold it for you.

Oh, is that a... Oh,

God. Is that really your car? That's right.

Oh, God. I'm a man.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you can suck that, baby. Oh, God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Bye.

Mmm. Mmm.

Oh, God.

Oh.

Oh.

I could be interested in something else

Honey. I really wanted to, but you were married.

Hey, you didn't know my feelings for you, but you tease me so much, I just

didn't know.

Well,

I want to know.

I mean, we don't even have to get her dressed.

We'll just go and finish off what we started on.

Oh, I'm really horny.

Well, come on over here, sweetheart. I'll take care of it.

That's the baby.

Come over here.

I know what you need.

That's the baby. Just come right over there, baby. Here.

Oh, you're going to hurt me. Oh, baby.

Come here, baby. I'll be nice and easy with you.

Just lie down.

Just relax.

Okay. Be nice and easy, okay?

Really, really, Jack? Sure, baby. I won't hurt you.

Okay, baby?

Nice and easy? Give me a kiss, baby.

That's beautiful.

Oh.

Ah. Ah.

Oh my God.

Bye.

Oh, baby,

I love you so much.

Oh, I love you too.

Baby.

You don't know how many times I've dreamed about making love to you.

The only thing on my mind, I can't believe I finally have you.

Oh, I've dreamed about you, too.

I love you, baby.

I don't want you to move in with me.

Oh, I love you, too. You can have me for as long as you want me.

Just remember, I may take care of you, honey, but I don't do dishes, you dig?