Original subtitles

I'm the oldest but my younger siblings taking care of me.

I'm the oldest but my younger siblings taking care of me.

That's what really bothering me.

Somewhere in me is this little glimmer of hope.

I just want to be a normal person.

You can't do it and then I just get mad.

If I don't make a change now,

I'm scared it's gonna be too late.

No, sweetheart.

I refuse to stop fighting.

I have to do this for my children.

Ow.

Trying to get myself motivated to come see you.

It's "I don't care." It's always "I don't care."

-Shaun, you got yourself in this predicament.

I dread waking up everyday in this body,

because of my weight.

That's the main reason my life is hard.

I just wanna be free.

But I'm trapped in this body.

It makes me wish that stuff was different.

But right now, this is my life.

My sister Diamond, we argue, fight like any other siblings.

She is in her own little world, I'm in mine.

That one's mine.

Okay.

That's my bro.

That's my shiny-poo. I call him my shiny-poo.

I feel like he needs help with everything.

For one, his health.

And then, the motivation to actually care and get up

and do something.

I don't know what can motivate him.

Like, I'll tell him, "I'm not here to judge you. You're my brother

but you got to do better. You got to at least try.

Put an effort in it.

'Cause you can't have somebody rooting for you

when you're not rooting for yourself.

I'm here for him as much as possible.

Diamond!

Oh.

It's stuck.

Helping bathe him,

it's kinda tough.

It's kinda awkward.

You won't get close with me.

I'm not washing up my mom or my dad.

I'm washing up my big brother.

So it's like, my little big brother.

Washing him up is a little awkward,

but nobody wants nobody around smelling

or have a stench.

Like, if he needs any type of help, I'll come and help

because with his hygiene, I've literally watched him

go months without even touching water.

But that's my brother.

And I don't look at him no different.

Oh.

-Got it? -Mmm-hmm.

Yup, now.

All righty.

There we go.

I do like the store runs for him

and sometimes I'll go get his food for him, if he needs it.

Sometimes I cook.

Whatever he needs, I'm there, I'm there to help.

-Hey, Shaun. -Yeah, Maa.

I'm coming in. -Okay.

How you feeling today?

-All right. -That's good.

-What you been doing? -Nothing.

Chilling.

-Here you go. Here you go. -Ooh.

Yay. Thanks, Di.

-You're awesome. -You're welcome.

I'm trying to get him to let go of the spoiledness,

so he can try and do things on his own.

All my life, food has been a comfort to me.

Mmm, my household growing up wasn't bad,

but it wasn't good, you know what I mean?

My mom used to do drugs.

My dad, he got locked up when I was around

four and a half, fiver years old.

And, so, I felt like nobody was there to protect me or help me out.

So I just felt like nobody loved me.

And then, with my mom, I know she cared about me and loved me.

Well, my step-dad, he used to call me slow, dumb, fat.

So, I would focus on my friends and not him.

Staying out of the house.

When he was only seven or eight,

we got into a heated argument with the step-dad.

My family just wanted me to leave

and he didn't want me to, so.

By the grace of God I made it.

And what's scariest thing out of most was

he was there helping me fight this man.

And then I just started eating a lot of junk food.

I started hanging around the wrong crowd

and shoplifting, breaking into houses and...

At first, it was a struggle.

It helped me get my grades better.

I ended up doing what I had to do

to get out of there to get home.

It's a hard thing to leave your child,

especially when they're young.

-Yeah, let's get... -Let me, here. Let me see. Let me see.

That's why I really started smoking marijuana.

It used to calm me down.

Get me out of my head.

And I just started snacking.

I got bigger and bigger.

Okay.

Let's see. Cut, lady.

Me and my mom were having a little shindig.

And when I went to go put her down,

that's when the bullet grazed my hand right here

and it went through my thumb.

It came out right here.

Like, I ain't even know I was shot until my mom started freaking out.

As I keep bleeding, I look down

that's when the pain started coming.

Nobody died or anything, so...

I'm glad about that, but...

that's when I really started to stay in the house all day.

Going to school, I just dropped out,

sheltered myself in.

I just wanted to be home with my mom.

I been by her-- her side all my life.

She's kind of the support system.

She's my best friend, I guess.

All right, baby, I love you.

-I'll see you a little later. -Love you too.

Okay, well, I'mma get the shoes,

and you'll wear them there.

My hopes for DeShaun right now

is to see his health get better,

and to move around more.

It's kind of embarrassing when somebody asks you, "What's Shaun doing?"

Just-- And all you can say is,

"Oh, he's still in bed, watching TV."

I'd like for a chance to be able to tell somebody

"Oh, he got up and went to the movies today."

Look how skinny that is, Mom.

My foot's not gonna-- It's--

Yeah, my foot's not gonna do that.

I wanna see him happy again,

to see that little kid that runs around smiling,

and joke with everybody,

And now it's like, you gotta pull TV--

just to get him to come out the room.

Hello?

Um...

-Yeah. -Okay, thank you.

"I'm all right, Mom."

And that's the end of that conversation.

And when he gets in that depression mode,

DeShaun depends on me to do pretty much everything.

Could I have some couple of Kool-Aid packages?

Okay, so...

can you get a bag of hot cheese puffs

and jalapeño cheese puffs?

Yeah, grab both and grab a dip.

No.

You, uh, you around any sweets?

Let me see?

Ooh.

Then why don't you get both?

Can you grab cookies and cream?

All right.

I don't believe I can change.

I'm hoping I can.

On your way home, if you like,

-can you stop by and grab me-- grab dinner? -All right.

Can I get two number fours,

and then can I get the number seven?

Thank you.

DeShaun has never left this house.

Not once for three years.

And I think he's been to this kitchen twice.

So, if meals are not prepared by his sister and myself,

and brought to him,

he does not move.

Mmm.

Mmm-hmm.

All right.

-That's it. -Yeah.

Need anything else?

-Good? All right. -Yep.

The only thing that scares me is blood clots and...

all those other unhealthy things.

Like, it's the point where I go to my friend's house

and stay for a couple days.

Because I can't look at my son like that.

He needs...

someone to push him.

And I'm mainly scared that he's gonna give up.

He's only 28.

He's not even 30 years old.

He still has a whole future ahead of him.

And throwing it away for what?

But...

That's my real best friend, so.

-Good morning, DaShaun. -Good morning.

Would you like breakfast or lunch?

-Breakfast. -Okay.

How did you sleep?

Ugh, all right.

-That's good. -Same as normal.

I'm Kavona, and I'm DeShaun's caregiver.

I work with him Monday through Friday.

I'm here to give him that extra push

and extra motivation.

I'm making you sausage, bacon, waffles, eggs.

-Okay, thanks, sounds good. -Mmm-hmm.

Oh.

Oh, snap.

DeShaun, he really can't leave his room,

because he has bad knees.

All he does is sit down all day.

We're gonna try to get him out the room.

So, hopefully, whatever this doctor comes up with,

it works and he sticks to it.

Oh, snap.

It was kind of like, me coming to help out my big brother.

'Cause I'm only 24.

I've never worked with anybody like that close in age.

We just try to be family.

So, I know if wasn't here Monday through Friday,

it would not be great at all.

You got your appointment today.

-Oh, yeah. -You nervous?

No, just ready to get it over with.

I think it'll be worth it.

Yeah, I hope so.

Whatever he's saying, you gotta make sure you stick to it.

Yeah.

And then maybe in a few months,

we'll be walking outside somewhere or something...

-Hopefully. -...at the park.

It says it's gonna snow tomorrow, though.

Yeah, I know.

That's six weeks, it needs to hurry up and pass.

Well, the groundhog die on Groundhog day.

-It did? -Yeah.

What?

-So... -Oh, Lord, so what's that mean?

-I don't know, that's just the thing.

What?

All right, let's get you ready for your appointment.

-Let me grab the computer. -Okay.

-Hi, DeShaun. -Hey.

All right, now, how you doing?

I'm all right.

Good to meet you.

So, tell me a little bit about your situation,

and what I can do for you.

I'm pretty much just losing weight,

getting back in shape.

Okay, so, it says here in your file

-that you're 28 years old? -Yes.

Okay--

Yes.

Well, um,

I've been...

big my whole life, so...

Uh, it's just... I don't know. Everything I try don't work.

I tried exercising. I tried dieting.

And nothing really helps.

I lose like five, 10 pounds, but it comes right back.

Well, whatever you're eating right now is supporting 700 pounds.

So, if you wanna eat to support somebody to be 200 pounds,

-you have to eat one third of what you're eating, okay? -Mmm.

So, on a typical day, what do you eat for breakfast?

Um, it depends.

Sometimes it's eggs and toast.

Or the little frozen waffles.

Okay. So, you eat eggs. How many eggs are you eating?

I don't know. She scrambled them.

Okay, so she decide how much you're gonna eat?

I mean, yeah.

I guess.

Not as much.

Standing for like a couple minutes at a time.

-So... -All right.

Not really.

-Do you have any friends? -No.

Does anybody come and visit you?

No. Just family.

I would like to travel.

Where you wanna go if your travel?

Anywhere's better than Omaha.

What's wrong with Omaha?

I been here my whole life. I know everything about Omaha.

-I'm ready to go. -Yeah, okay.

So when you go another place beside Omaha,

what will be different? What do you want to do different?

They have different stuff to do in different places.

Well, you can't argue with that.

So where you wanna go?

I don't know. I'm probably go Missouri or something with my uncle.

I just want to get out of Omaha.

Okay, so that's a goal.

And it's not necessarily the best goal, but we will work with it.

You want to lose weight and get out of Omaha,

and move to Missouri to live with your uncle?

Yes.

Well, how bad do you want to get out of Omaha?

Bad enough to start eating healthy?

I guess.

All right, DeShaun, if I send you some stuff to read,

you think you can go over it at home?

-Try to understand it? -Yes.

All right.

I will. All right.

All right. So at the meantime,

you know, I think you are at the mercy of the nurse what she bring you.

Maybe we need to talk to that nurse and see if we can get her

to really work with you about your eating habit.

-'Kay. -And I'm also going to send

a nutritionist to talk to you 'cause you need to understand

what you're eating and how much you're eating.

So we can start getting you up more.

So you think you can work with that, if we do that?

-Yes. -Super.

All right, so, DeShaun, have you seen any therapist or psychiatrist

or anybody to help you work through things in your life?

I was. Not no more.

Okay. Was that helping you?

A little bit.

So, why did you stop or they stop?

-Why did-- -'Cause she got a different job.

So that was the only person available or there's another person you can see?

That was the only person available. I was supposed to get a new person,

but nobody got back with me.

-So... -Okay, so, I think the first step for you

is talking to psychotherapy again.

If we set that for you, do you think you can do that?

I guess.

All right. Well, we'll set all that stuff up.

I'm going to follow with you in one month to see how you doing.

If you need anything, give me a call.

Okay.

I'll have her call you tomorrow when she come in in the morning.

All right. I'm going to see if we can work on you're eating habit,

and then see what other option we got for you, okay?

Okay.

All right. Bye, DeShaun.

Thanks for meeting with me. Um...

I'll be ready to receive those documents so I can get started.

-All right, DeShaun, take care. -See you later.

All right, bye.

This right now... I do want to do it, I just...

My nurse was supposed to call Dr. Now to get my meal plan in order.

Other than that, I gotta get some shoes or stuff,

'cause I'mma start walking around the house.

The situation we have with DeShaun

is looking like it will be a difficult one.

Because he clearly lacks a lot of motivation.

He has a nurse taking care of him,

and it seemed like a free place to stay,

and free food and everything.

So he has a lot of reasons not to change his situation

and start taking responsibility for himself.

So I will hopefully be able to talk to his caregiver,

and then we'll see how things will go

with the nutritionist and PT.

But the big thing will be with him working with psychotherapy

to see if they can help get to the some of the issues with him.

So we may have a long road ahead with him,

but at his weight, he can't wait too long to turn things around

because his situation is gonna get worse

until he gets to the breaking point,

and it's too late for him.

-Good morning. -What's up? What's up?

-How you been doing this morning? -I'm good.

I got food for you.

Oh, cool.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

-Is your nutritionist coming today? -Yes.

All right, well, we'll leave the door unlocked for you.

-Okay. -All right. Have a good day.

Come in!

Back here.

Hey.

-Hi. -Hi.

-How are you? -Good.

-My name's Peyton. -Hi. DeShaun.

I'm a registered dietician, so here to talk about nutrition this morning.

-Okay. -Okay?

Let's kind of first start by getting to know you a little bit, okay?

What are your goals coming out of this?

I mean, I just want to get back to normal at least

-where I can walk around without the walker. -Yeah.

-Do stuff that I used to do. -Mmm-hmm.

So tell me a little bit about what your normal eating habits look like.

-A pizza, or... -Okay.

Some noodles or some burrito or something.

Okay. And what drinks do you have throughout the day?

-Water. -Water?

-So I see you have maybe... -Yeah, I had that today.

That's funny.

-Yeah, like, I normally drink water. -Okay.

So, looking forward, what do you want

to improve with your nutrition?

Pretty much get healthier so I can start...

-losing some kind of weight. -Mmm-hmm.

-So I can get around better. -Yeah.

So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go out, if it's okay with you,

and go through your fridge, pantry, and then I'll bring some of those items back

and we can go through the nutrition facts labels, to see what we can avoid,

-and those kinds of things. How does that sound? -Okay.

Okay, perfect.

Okay.

Someone his size can struggle with not knowing

what he needs for himself specifically.

So I don't expect him to know that,

but I'm hoping that this can then help him then transition

and learn a little bit more about what he specifically needs.

Okay. So I grabbed some stuff for us to take a look at.

-Okay. -So, you said that you have these pretty often

and so let's look at the back.

-So if you look, this is per half pizza. -Mmm-hmm.

-And this is for the whole pizza. -Oh.

So we want to make sure at this line.

-How much total fat is there? -Thirty-six.

Yeah. So that's a lot, huh?

So I know Dr. Now has you on a lower calorie diet too,

so we really make sure that we're watching the calories.

And so those are the things that we wanna make sure we're watching for.

-Mmm-hmm. -And so we can make those smart decisions

on whether or not we think we should have this

or maybe something a little different.

-Okay? -Mmm-hmm.

Awesome.

So if we're looking at this,

it's saying serving size is half an noodle block.

So do you normally eat half the pack of these?

-No. -No, nobody does.

So, you know, we're looking at that. We go from 190 calories to 370 calories,

and again with you being on that lower calorie diet...

-Mmm-hmm. -...we want to make sure that we're not kind of wasting

-all that on something like this, okay? -Mmm-hmm.

And then, so yoghurt, I do love people having yoghurt.

I think it's great.

But something we want to make sure we look at with this is the added sugar.

And this one tends to have a little bit more.

And so that's just another thing,

making those conscious choices to get a lower sugar option

-'cause then it's gonna help you out in the long run, okay? -Okay.

For now I think it might be better just to kind of

-have them out of sight, out of mind. -Mmm.

So I'll take these with me when I go

and so then you don't have to worry about them.

-Does that sound okay? -Mmm-hmm.

Um, thank you so much for inviting me to come chat with you.

I hope you are able to take some of this information and utilize it.

Reach out if you have any questions.

-Okay? All righty. -Okay.

-Thank you much. -All right. It's nice meeting you.

Nice to meet you.

-Bye! -Bye-bye.

If I want to get better, I gotta do something, so...

I don't know if I'm gonna start right away,

but no, I am.

It's just... I know it's gonna be difficult.

Oh, come in.

-Hi, Shaun. Hi, I'm Sara. -Hi.

I'm with Athletico Physical Therapy.

-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you too.

-How are you? -I'm all right.

Good. Okay, well, first step to actually getting better is actually having to do it.

I wish I had a magic wand that worked

-that would... -Pfft, you and me both.

All my patients kind of wish that,

but I brought some bands with me.

So we'll start with just moving, doing some things with your ankle.

So your muscles in your ankle kind of connect higher up in your leg,

and those will help with your balance, okay?

And what I want you to do, Shaun, is I want you to push down towards the ground.

Good. And then back up toward you. Good.

How's that feel as you're doing it?

Mmm, that's all right.

-Tolerable? Okay. Good. -Yeah.

Okay. All right. So next what we're going to do

is we're gonna kind of hold from the side here.

I want you to turn your toes towards me.

Good, and then back in.

Perfect. How's this one feel in comparison?

It's all right. It's better.

-Easier than the other one? Okay. Good. -Yeah.

Perfect. Okay.

-Doable? -Yeah.

-Okay, so that's gonna be yours to keep here. Okay? -Okay.

Would you be willing to try getting up?

Now you wanna try it and see just how you move?

-I need the- -You up for that? The walker?

-Yeah. -Yeah. Okay.

-All right. -Gonna make sure I'm settled.

-Settle... Settle on your feet before. -Yeah.

-Okay. -And standing up.

Good.

Let's maybe take a couple steps towards the doorway.

-All right for that? -Mmm-hmm.

You just take your time, Shaun, with it.

I think Shaun's biggest issue that he's facing

is just general deconditioning.

Um, a lot of times, people who aren't active and moving on a regular basis

tend to just not have the muscle strength needed to perform daily activities.

It's a little toasty in here.

You're working hard.

So that's what exercise does.

It makes you sweat, Shaun.

Okay.

I think from Shaun, the biggest thing he needs to do

is just have consistency with effort.

Okay, good. We'll kind of turn back around.

We'll come back towards the bed.

Okay.

So my goal for him.

Trying to get up a little bit more frequently and move.

And it doesn't have to be long distances. Short distances is enough.

And if Shaun were to do his exercises two or three times a day,

it's not going to take long for him to see change very quickly.

The more we move, the better we're gonna feel.

Um, and so it's just convincing ourselves, our brains, our hearts,

everything, to actually do it.

Okay. So again, it doesn't have to be much to get started.

If we can just get you up and moving a couple more times a day

than just being in bed all the time,

it's gonna build your strength a whole lot faster.

Okay? I want you to just keep up with exercises

I want you to contact me if you have any questions or concerns with anything.

And then hopefully next time we're seeing you,

you're feeling a whole lot better.

-Okay. -Okay.

-It's been a pleasure. Thanks for this. -All right. It has.

-Thanks for letting me in your home. I appreciate it. -You're welcome.

-All right. Bye. -Bye.

-So, Shaun. -Mmm?

I'm glad you're sticking with just 1,200 calorie thing.

Hopefully I'll be joining you real soon.

Mama's got a lot of other issues

-I'm working out but my main one is to diet. -Yeah.

Tonight my mom kinda wanted to have a nice little dinner.

So I came home from work, made some asparagus and chicken.

Cooking's not that bad,

but fitting it into my schedule with me trying to work

and keep up with the house, it's a lot of work.

Are you really hungry for dinner

'cause I don't know what's taking Diamond so long.

Yeah. Oh, there she is.

-Okay, grab these before they drop. -Okay. Gotcha.

Thank you.

-Here you go. -Thanks.

Here you go.

You got the amount everybody else's.

No arguing.

Spending quality time with DeShaun is awesome

'cause he never gets like the chance to go out

and so it's just like to actually sit around him and do family things,

I feel like it's good for him, good for his soul.

-Thank you very much for dinner, daughter. -Thank you.

You guys want some water?

-Yes. -Yeah, I want a new one 'cause that's warm.

Yes, 'cause I was just trying to give you some pop, but...

-Soda's not even in our fridge. -You don't need the pop.

We can still get the pop.

I've been trying to help with the diet.

I kinda told the whole house, like, we all need to work on the diet.

Like, you know, not just him.

So like to make it easier for him, like, we all need to cut down.

Like on the sweets, the sodas, any, like, harsh juices,

or anything like that.

So... I mean, I'm down to diet with him. Like, you know.

Don't tell me I'm the only one that's going to be eating the asparagus.

Well, I didn't chop the ends off. So don't eat the ends.

You're supposed to chop the ends off?

Don't at me.

It's okay. You gotta...

It's... I mean, it's seasoned good.

Y'all really don't like my asparagus?

Uh-uh.

They're stringy and rubbery.

That's a part of the diet, y'all.

I get that. It's part of the diet.

I love vegetables. Some of them.

Here, crybaby.

This is so...

You gonna cry again.

The diet and stuff is hard on him.

Fast-food delivery, that's what he loves,

but I'm always down to help if it's gonna make anything better for him.

So, hopefully he doesn't just give up and he actually give a shot.

'Scuse me, Mom. I don't know where that came from.

The asparagus.

-Are you done, Mom? -Yes, ma'am.

-Thank you, doll. -That asparagus was awesome.

Awesome sauce.

You guys don't gotta lie to make me feel better.

-No, it's... -I mean...

Nah, I'm not gonna lie to you. That's nasty.

It was seasoned very well though.

-Thank you, baby. -You're welcome.

Oh, shoot.

It's been about six weeks since I talked to DeShaun.

and since then I've been waiting for him to connect me with his nurse

because I need to have a talk with her about changing what she's feeding him.

But he didn't follow through on connecting me with her.

Hello?

Uh, is that Lana?

This is Lana.

Yeah, this is Dr. Nowzaradan. How are you doing today?

I'm good and how are you?

I'm doing good.

Yes.

Yes, I do prepare and cook food for him when I'm there.

So does he rely on you to bring him everything to eat?

No.

His family, they enable him and they give him more food,

food that he doesn't really need.

Well, that's on top of what you've prepared for him?

Or just when you're not there they do that?

They do that when I'm not there.

Like whatever he wants them to do, they do it

because he screams and he yells and his attitude is outrageous

and kind of uncontrollable. He has a terrible attitude.

So what about you when you're taking care of him?

You give him what he wants too when he does that?

Correct.

All right. What can you do to change that?

Um, I can work on, uh,

different daily plans, see if I'm able to stay longer.

Um, to monitor his meals more.

I would, I'll just try my best to do my part

in supporting your diet plan,

and your medical advice.

Okay. All right.

we send him diet instruction, we send him book,

and everything that he needed to do

to change his eating habit,

uh, but, um,

Um, I'll help him,

I'll try to personally help him get back on track,

um, to follow that diet plan and that medical book,

that you have sent over previously, um,

I'll keep mentioning to family,

and see if they're willing to stop enabling him.

Right.

Right, so, we need a lot of education

for family and information for them as well.

I'll send the diet book for you,

so you can have direction to follow for his meal.

The diet will be 1,200 calorie diet,

with no carb, high protein.

-All right. -And we'll see what we can do

to get DeShaun on the right channel, okay?

Okay. Thank you so much.

All right, well, nice talking to you, and, uh,

hopefully we'll be in touch with you in the future

to see how well the changes are working for DeShaun.

-Okay. -And hopefully lose some weight, okay?

All righty. Thank you so much.

All right, and if you need anything, give me a call.

Okay. You have a good day.

You too.

-Bye-bye. -Bye.

It's a little bit like I suspected.

DeShaun is one of driving force in eating unhealthy,

but everyone around him, including his nurse,

is playing their part in enabling him in the past.

Hopefully they aren't doing that

now that DeShaun is trying.

And hopefully, Yvonne will be able

to help get him doing what he needs.

But I think it is more likely

this is gonna be a big fight with him.

And that he may be resistant to the changes.

It's about time to, uh, call Dr. Now?

-Huh? -I guess.

Well, get the laptop open so we can get started.

I'm here today to see how the doctor's appointment goes,

and what all the doctor wants DeShaun to do to lose weight.

DeShaun's gained weight. He has not...

He hasn't done anything,

but use the restroom, eat, and lay down.

He's claimed he sits up more,

but he just sits and dwells in his own sorrows.

And bottom line is, that's the point we're at now.

Waking up one day and finding him in that room, dead.

-Hi, DeShaun. -Hey.

- How are you? -Uh...

I'm all right. Could do better.

-My mom's here too, by the way. -Hi, Dr. Now.

-Hi, Willa. How are you? -Um...

I'm doing good.

Trying to get my son motivated to come see you.

So, DeShaun, it's been a while since I talked to you.

-So, what is the issue? -I don't know.

You told PT you stopped coming.

You have a reason for that?

No.

No? Okay. Um,

Nothing.

We gave you instruction for the diet and exercise,

and you didn't follow the diet.

-Did you do the exercises? -No.

How much you can do in one?

I don't know.

Are you able to walk?

No, he's not, Dr. Now.

DeShaun's not opening his mouth

to being truthful with you.

And if he won't, I will.

He goes only to the bathroom, and back to bed.

He doesn't walk. He, he...

He said he's been moving his legs around in the bed,

but I'm not here on the regular to see that, so I don't know.

But,

I told him, this is the only opportunity you have.

If not, Dr. Now and them are not gonna help you any longer.

If you want to change, you have to make the change.

So, I've done all I can do on my side to get him motivated.

I don't know what else he needs.

What else he wants.

But...

...I don't know, I mean, at this point...

...he's gotta want it, and I don't think he does.

He keeps telling me he does.

I don't care. -But if you don't--

You'll have to wait on the paperwork--

To exercise!

Okay, well, I'm done with it.

die, all I care. I don't care.

-Because I spoke for you, you have an attitude? -No.

DeShaun, you, so you don't want this?

Nope. I don't want nothing.

-Well, you're gonna die up in here.

-You make a lot of sense. -I don't care.

No, I don't. No, I don't!

I barely eat, I don't care anymore.

Y'all saying I'm sitting here,

eating, doing all the I want.

No, the I don't.

Yeah, maybe once or twice a month,

when I get my food stamps, yeah.

I will, 'cause it's my food stamps.

Other than that, I don't eat.

Nothing.

I don't expect nobody to do anything for me, .

That's a poor excuse for a life.

-I don't care. -I'm done.

Who, me?

-Yeah. -Okay.

I'm here, still.

Okay, well, you know,

how did we get all this uncomfortable situation for him?

He's not doing anything or himself.

So,

I don't know. At this point,

it's "I don't care." It's always "I don't care."

-It's "whatever." -'Cause everything that come out

of everybody's mouth is blaming me, like I'm not trying!

DeShaun, you got yourself in this predicament!

I don't care!

And then everybody's trying to offer you the help that they can!

Everybody's giving me opinions and cussing me out.

-That's not helping. -I'll cuss you out, now that you're pissing me off!

Well, everybody's pissing me off.

Keep telling me about him I ain't doing.

I don't give a

Well I know clearly you're not exercising!

Well, like I said, I don't care anymore.

I don't care if you're not eating every day regularly.

You're not exercising either!

Sorry.

You have free everything.

So tell me what you do for yourself.

.

You want to live rest of your life in that room?

-And not being able to-- -Where else I'mma go?

I ain't got nowhere else to go.

-So-- -I'm talking to Dr. Now.

-I'd rather not hear your voice. -Well, I'm talking to him.

Well, you had your time to talk to him!

-And you blew it! -Oh well.

Well, I appreciate you trying to help me.

And he doesn't really appreciate what you do for him.

I would never give up on him.

But...

...at some point in time,

-it's time to grow the up. -Mm.

And if you wanna do it, you have to do it.

If not, nobody's gonna make you.

Nobody's gonna hold your hand and walk you through it.

You're exactly right.

You make him very comfortable,

and then he not gonna be motivated to do anything,

And that's a major problem with him.

I'm frustrated right now because I want him to see,

I wanna see him better, and he's just giving up.

He's just giving up. And I don't like that.

That's how you are, DeShaun.

Willa, what DeShaun need is to talk to psychotherapy.

So I'll set that up, and give him one more chance to do that.

And then, he need to exercise every day,

to improve his mobility,

Okay.

Okay, I'll see what I can do on my end.

-If I can help you, let me know, okay? -Okay.

Thank you so much, Dr. Now.

-All righty, y'all take care. -You too.

-Bye-bye. -Bye.

Are you willing to talk?

Okay.

I didn't wanna talk to you anyway.

Not right now.

-I love you. You have a good day.

It's hurtful.

It's sad.

And...

...at this point, I don't know what else

anybody can do for DeShaun.

'Cause he doesn't even wanna do anything for himself.

For him not to want to even...

...get the help he needs.

It's literally killing me, mentally and physically.

I, but at this point, I don't know what else to tell him.

I don't know what else I can do

to motivate him to get the help.

Hey, Iesh?

What's going on, turkey nuts?

Just seeing if you can grab the laptop

so I can get ready for therapy?

-Yeah, bud. I got you. -All right.

That's better.

Uh-oh...

All right, well, I don't wanna talk to your therapist.

I barely wanna talk to you,

so I'm gonna distance myself.

-Okay. -All right.

-Hi, DeShaun. -Hi.

-How you doing? -I'm all right.

-You're all right? -Yeah.

I see, I'm glad we're able to connect.

Um, you're in Nebraska now?

I'm in Omaha, Nebraska, yeah.

Omaha, Nebraska? That's where you grew up?

Yep. Born and raised.

Okay. Who was in your family, growing up?

Uh, my mom, and my siblings.

That's about it.

Okay. Where was, where's your dad?

Uh, in jail.

In jail? Was he in jail from when you were,

uh, a little guy?

From five until, like, uh, four years ago.

Holy cow. So he was in jail for most of your childhood,

and even most of your early adulthood.

Yeah, for 20 years.

Did you have a relationship with him,

uh, while he was in jail? Did you go visit?

Uh, no, not while he was in jail.

Okay. So you had a step-dad?

No, no.

I didn't claim nobody as my step-dad.

Are you saying, is it meaningful,

that you don't claim him?

-Was there a guy around-- -Nah.

It's just, I didn't really get along with him,

and my mom and him wasn't together that long.

What's that, what's that about?

'Cause he used to, um, abuse my mom.

That must have been hard, to watch your mom get, um,

pushed around like that.

It was.

Yeah, I'm hearing a pattern, that,

the fathers in your life, the men in your life,

not super reliable.

Nah.

That was the house you grew up in?

What were you like as a kid?

I was a quiet person. People used to pick on me.

And I used to just blow up and snap on people,

and get into fights, or walk out of school.

For what, what did they bully you about?

-My weight. -Were you big as a kid?

-Yeah. -Did you ever get focused

on the school part of school?

Any learning going on?

Classes that I felt the teachers actually cared about us,

and actually helped us in.

Okay.

How could you tell when a teacher cared about you?

'Cause they would sit there and actually,

to us, explain how to do it and help you.

Yeah, I wonder how just generally,

you know how people care about you.

'Cause when we first started talking,

you seemed kinda suspicious.

-And-- -No, I just,

-I'm just not-- -And now you seem a little less suspicious.

Yeah, I'm just not an open person.

I don't, I'm a quiet person, so.

Mm-hmm. And I heard you're kinda stuck at home now.

Yeah, I really don't like going anywhere

anyways, so, I don't know.

It's just, I'm used to being home, like...

Yeah, I wonder what that means

that you don't even wanna go out.

-Yeah, I wonder-- -I feel safe at home pretty much.

Like, I feel secure here.

Safe from what?

Uh...

Society.

Like, I got PTSD too, so...

-PTSD from... -Getting shot.

How'd you get shot?

Uh, we were just kicking it,

in the house, me and my mom, a couple of friends.

And somebody just shot at our house.

Were they trying to shoot you? Or was it a random thing?

Ain't no telling. It was a rough neighborhood, so.

-Where'd you get shot? -My hands.

Is that what I'm seeing?

-There's, like, scars on your hands? -Yeah, that, and right here.

DeShaun, it's sort of interesting that,

the place that you think is safe, your home,

is exactly where you got shot.

Yeah.

You know, when we think about--

That's why I'm just glad we moved from that neighborhood.

You're in a quiet neighborhood.

-Mm-hmm. -I'm still worried that you're stuck in the house, though.

I mean, I don't know.

There's not nothing really out there for me to do, really.

Well, there is, but nothing that I'm interested in--

Did you ever have a job, DeShaun?

No.

-No? -Mm-mm.

I feel, DeShaun, like you're, we're wasting you, you know?

Like, you could be of more use

than you are sitting home doing nothing.

Yeah, I just gotta be interested in something

or motivated to do it.

What would you wanna do,

if you could get out of the house more?

I mean, I'm not interested in stuff nowadays,

it's, like, I did most of the stuff

when I was younger, so it's old news to me.

-So-- -What do you do with your time?

Either watch TV or play my game.

Okay. Can you walk well?

Not really. I gotta use a walker.

Okay. Is that demoralizing, when you try to get out,

that you gotta use a walker to go where you're going?

Yeah.

Do you not go, even outside your room, DeShaun?

No.

-You only stay in your room? -Mm-hmm.

-But you eat all your meals in that room? -Yeah.

You play your video games,

and you watch your movies in that room?

Mm-hmm.

Wow. That's like being in jail.

Hey, it's a good jail cell.

Boy, that's pretty restricted.

Um, what does your family say about this, DeShaun?

I mean, they want me to get out, but...

...there's nothing, like, nothing for me to do.

Like, well, there is,

but there's nothing I'm interested in.

You know what, DeShaun?

I kinda don't believe you when you say that.

There's not.

It sounds like an excuse to me.

So, what's making you say

that you're not interested in it?

'Cause I'm really not.

What's the fear?

I sense that you,

there's something tripping you up about leaving.

What's the fear?

I'm not afraid to leave.

Okay. When's the last time you left your room?

Like...

...six, seven months ago.

I can't imagine what it's like to be stuck

for seven months in the same room.

I mean, I'm cool with this.

Like, I'm comfortable, so...

DeShaun, I'm not saying this to be mean,

but you have a really small life.

But there's a real world.

Heck, just in your living room,

there's a world, right?

I mean, it's the same, there's nothing out there,

it's just, same people.

I know, but what would happen

if you stepped out of your door?

What's out on the front porch?

I don't know.

How hard is it to stand up

and just walk to the living room

and walk back to your bed?

It's a little hard.

-I use a walker. -Okay.

And so, these, DeShaun,

if there was a fire in your apartment,

-you could get yourself out? -Yeah.

Okay.

You know, there's a fire in your life.

Like, I kinda want you to think

that there's a fire in your life right now,

that requires you to get up and move around.

'Cause I worry that if we stay in that bed, you're gonna,

that's where your life's gonna end, is in that bed.

And, you know, I can give you a bunch of homework.

But I don't know that I'm confident that you'll do it.

DeShaun, even if I gave you the homework

to get up and walk into the living room,

could you do that?

Yeah.

You could?

Yeah.

Could you do that once a day?

If I wanted to.

Can I get you to commit to sit down in the living room,

for a little bit every day?

Yeah, I wouldn't mind.

You wouldn't mind? -No.

-Okay. -That's not an issue for me.

And if they, would you sit on the patio?

It depends.

-If it's hot-- -What depends on?

-The weather. -The weather?

DeShaun, you have this opportunity right now,

to change your weight,

but even more than your weight,

I want you to change your life.

We need to get you into action mode,

and I think they're gonna go together.

I don't think you can have one without the other.

But, but I think you're dying, where you're at.

I think this is, the room that you're in,

is gonna be the end of you, if you don't get out of it.

Um...

And this is the moment.

Not tomorrow. Not six months from now.

Like, tonight is where I think we need to change your mind

and get you to commit to--

to pushing yourself a little bit.

First thing I need you to do is-- is get up and-- and be on your feet and walk around.

The second thing I need you to do is-- is

try to plan some meals with your family members.

It's really healthy to sit and enjoy a meal with other people.

And the third goal is to get outside of the house.

Can I get you to commit to even stepping out on that patio?

Just-- Just to, um, feel the outside air?

Look at a tree,

hear a bird.

Sure, why not?

I want you-- I want you to try that out.

See-- See how "yes" feels compared to "no."

"Yes" might feel better.

It-- It may feel better to say "yes" to things than "no."

You think you can do this?

I can.

Okay, that's pretty good. That's pretty good.

I-- I see the discomfort, man, but I'm telling you,

you-- you are on the verge of-- of something really big and important,

and you can do it.

You really can.

Okay, DeShaun. I-- I'm happy to have met with you

and I can't wait to hear about how you're doing.

-You-- You're gonna impress me, okay, man? -Okay.

-All right. -Take care of yourself.

Okay.

Did you have a nice session with therapy?

Okay. Why was it irritating?

I don't know. I just...

You know I'm not used to talking about--

Yeah, and...

I don't know. It felt like we kept going over each other.

Just glad it's over.

Okay. I mean, did you get anything out of it?

I mean...

He helped-- tried to help as best as he could.

It's just my stubbornness.

I mean, your stubbornness is, like, how?

-Like, talking about stuff you don't wanna talk about... -Yeah.

...that you need to let out

or you just don't wanna talk about it, period. Like, I mean...

Both.

Mainly the first one.

-I'm sorry. -It's all right. I'll just...

calm down,

think about what he was saying.

I hope you feel better. Call me if you need me, baby.

-Okay. -All right.

-I love you, cousin. -Love you too.

Like, I don't know, it's just, like, I like to

Like, I don't like being forced to do stuff, so...

I mean, if I wanna get better, I gotta do something, so...

There's something I want to try. I mean, I gotta start somewhere.

I know it's gonna be difficult.

I think I can do it.

How are you doing?

I'm all right.

Yeah.

It actually-- It actually didn't hurt that much,

you know what I mean?

It was just difficult getting through the door.

But once I got past the door, it was cool.

This is, like, the first time in two years that

I actually sat outside.

I am a little proud of myself.

I knew I could do it,

I just had to get out of my head and just do it.

Watch. I'm finna shock Willa.

I'm finna shock her. Finna call her.

What'd you say? You didn't said "yay!"

Yep.

Now I can socialize more.

You used to say, "I'm gonna make you come sit outside on the porch with me."

I'll do it. Okay.

You gonna come and sit on the porch with me?

Ha-ha-ha. Funny.

All right, Mama, see you when you get here.

Love you too.

Got jokes, old lady.

It do feel good out here.

It feels great, uh, to have the wind on my face.

Actually, other day I'm sitting by the window getting air.

It's been a long time, so...

Dang.

Are you gonna spend the night outside tonight?

-You know me. -I know.

I love sitting on the porches but...

-Is this something you would do by yourself? Like... -Yeah.

I don't have a problem coming out here every day

or sitting out here, come and socializing, like...

It's-- It's hard to do stuff.

Yeah-- That's another thing that I gotta do, is get--

get over that and start opening up more 'cause...

I mean, doing the little stuff I've been doing is kinda helping.

-Starting to come out of my shell. -It is helping.

-It is helping. -Yeah. So, this is...

I gotta get in my head

and get out of that protective mode, get out that shell.

-The defensive... -That-- Yeah.

-Always got your guards up. -Yeah.

Start to trust people and actually taking-- take their advice.

-Yeah. -You know what I mean?

'Cause this-- This feels... It feels good.

-That's cool. -It do.

It's just cool to be out here, you know?

It's just cool to be out here, you know?

I am-- Well, I'm still living, hanging out with my mom.

Slow down, baby.

Hi, beautiful.

Hi, Mama.

It's just exciting for me to see him out of that room for a change.

-You got it? -Yeah.

I didn't think he was ever gonna come out that room.

So far, to my knowledge, DeShaun has only been getting up

going to use the restroom.

So, this was exciting for me to just see him

come down the hallway for the first time.

Ooh-wee.

My legs hurt.

No, as far as I remember--

Oh, so you just wanted to be bright.

No.

How you doing?

I'm all right.

Have you talked to Dr. Now?

No. Not ever since he told me he didn't want to see me anymore.

Oh, okay.

So, right now you're just working with the nutritionist and the therapist?

-And the physical therapy. -Oh.

-Oh, you got a physical therapist? -Yeah.

-I didn't know that. Okay. -Yeah.

-Seen her-- I seen her first. -Oh, okay.

That's good. That's-- That's my main concern right now.

Your physical mobilities.

-Yeah. -To get them moving around,

get some circulation in them-- them legs.

I would love for the doctor to talk with him more because I know

he's got a lot of issues that...

hopefully he can get-- he can work out.

I-- I would love for him to get worked out,

'cause it's eating him up inside.

-So, you ready to eat? -Yeah.

When we're done eating dinner maybe we can-- we can get a little card game going on.

Okay. Iesha!

Yes, sir.

-We ready. -All right.

-Thank you. Thank you, niece. -Thank you. Thank you.

I got you.

-Oh, look at that. That-- -That smells good.

That's like goulash.

What portion size do you want, sweetheart?

-About this size? Okay. -That's cool. Yeah. That's about my fist.

Yeah, you have big old hands.

This is about your fist size.

Okay, you want a raw salad too?

Sure.

-Thank you. -All right, honey. There you are.

-Did you want some bread? -Mmm-mmm.

Okay, you know Mama gonna have some bread. Okay.

You are working on smaller portions of your food now?

Mmm-hmm.

When you-- you go from being a child who'd been able to eat

whatever, whenever,

and have to start watching your calories, it's hard.

You think so far so good,

-you been kinda keeping up with minding your calories? -Yeah.

That's good. That's good.

Yeah.

Well, you beat me eating.

-And I was-- -I started before you too.

Yeah, I wasn't lot hungry.

-Are you good enough? -Yeah.

-Well, that was good dinner. -It was.

I'm so proud of you that you're out here and enjoying your day,

with your family.

-It's been a while since we... -Sat at the table.

Yeah.

It felt nice to hear my mom say she was proud of me.

I mean, that was my first meal in the living room.

It did feel good to put a smile on her face.

Well, all right. Love you, baby.

Love you too.

I'll see you around.

-Pound it 'cause I'm not walking around to hug you. -Well...

It might be a good exercise but you gotta walk all the way down the hallway.

I think I can make it.

Good shot. Watch me miss.

-I made it! Ooh, it's gonna rain. -High five.

-Love you, baby. -Love you too.

I enjoyed sitting with my mom and talking to her.

I mean, I gotta say, we talk every day on the phone and still, but,

it's different when you're face-to-face.

-All right, Mama. -All right, baby.

I didn't mind the therapy homework.

Like, I'll do it. Like, that's not a problem for me.

It's just-- It's different.

So, I guess I gotta just get used to it.

Hey, DeShaun.

Nice to meet you. My name is Melvin.

You ready to go to your appointment?

We could get your shoes. I could help you with that if you want.

My nurse already got it-- getting one for me.

I'm just waiting on her. They're supposed to be coming in today.

Well, why don't you go to this appointment, you know, figure out your weight,

and then you can start working on getting better, man.

How long haven't you had shoes?

I haven't had shoes in over two years.

And why is that?

'Cause they don't fit.

You can't always just wait for things to be perfect.

I'm not waiting for nothing to be perfect.

Do you know when you're supposed to get your shoes?

No, she said sometime soon.

Within a day or two.

So, if we get your shoes, then you're down to go?

Like I said, I was already planning on going to the doctor

when I got my shoes.

All right, man.

So, that means next week we're good to go.

Should be.

All right.

So, I'll see you next week, okay?

Yep.

So, me and DeShaun talked about trying to get him

to go to his appointment at the clinic,

which he wasn't really wanting to go,

and had different things that he put out there,

reasons of why he didn't wanna go, like his shoes.

Just, like, seeing him and, like, his situation and his demeanor,

it seems like he's-- he's sad,

he's upset, he's angry, you know?

And, like, there's that fear, you know?

And that shame to be in the situation that he's in,

and I understand that and I couldn't imagine it being easy

but he does seem like a good person,

and it does seem like he needs help.

And it's sad.

It really is sad and I hope he does get help.

Hello.

You picked up in a second.

Yeah.

You doing okay?

Yeah, I'm all right.

Because I don't have my shoes yet.

You're waiting for your shoes?

Yeah.

Okay, and so when you gonna have those shoes?

Sometime soon.

You don't know when?

Either today, tomorrow or by Monday.

Okay. So, if I set up another appointment for local clinic next week,

you think you'll be ready for that?

If I have my shoes by then I don't mind.

Okay, well, that'll be great because we need to see

your progress and see how much you weigh.

Mmm-hmm.

Is there anything else we need to provide for you?

No.

All right, so keep up the good work

and we will move your appointment to next week,

and we'll go from there, okay?

-Yep. -All right.

All right, DeShaun, if you need anything else

-you give me a call, okay? -Okay.

Okay.

All right. Bye now.

Bye.

When Dr. Now said, "What else can we do to help you?"

I was like, I really wasn't...

I really didn't care 'cause,

like I said, I'm frustrated with him.

And it's like, one moment he's saying he don't want nothing to do with me

and now that he see I'm working and making progress,

all of a sudden he wants to help and...

do stuff with me, and be there for me.

Like, to me, he's a hypocrite.

And I didn't like that.

It may be my trust issues

to a certain extent but,

outside of my family, my nurse, he's really in my corner,

but the other people, I really don't know them.

The reason why I don't go outside without shoes

is because when I was younger, I cut myself playing outside.

Ever since then, I always wore shoes outside.

I'm not comfortable going outside without my shoes.

I get there's people who's trying to help me.

If I get my shoes, I'll go.

It's going on three months since last I talked to DeShaun.

I thought he quit four months ago when he refused to go to a local clinic.

I got more optimistic when he answered one of my calls

and agreed to at least start PT again.

But after one more session, he quit again.

And now he's not picking up any more calls from me

and I have appeared to be blocked.

It looked like he decided to quit

because he also stopped answering the door for PT.

So, they stopped going to him a couple months ago.

Even his mom is not answering the calls when I tried to call her.

So, at this point, it is clear the choices that DeShaun has made,

and that he has no interest in changing his life.

We have given him a chance to get healthy

and change his life for the better.

And he doesn't want that.

And a lot of his family may not want that for him either.

So, they may be saying they want him to get better

and eat right and lose weight.

But at the same time, they may be a negative influence on him

because they only want him to get a little better.

Multiple members of the family are getting paid to be his caregiver

and get to share DeShaun's benefits.

When you have a setup like that, it is always a challenge

because other people around him may not want him to do too much

to improve his situation.

So, everyone, including DeShaun,

is incentivized to stay like that.

The problem is that the situation is killing him.

So, DeShaun is headed down the road that is not gonna end well for him.

That road is gonna come to dead-end soon

if nothing changes.

I'm always hopeful that the most self-destructive patients

will wake up and start to make the changes they need

to save their life before it's too late.

That's what I will keep hoping for DeShaun.

But I think in this case, with everything I have seen from him,

I think it's very unlikely that's gonna happen.