Original subtitles

How many talk shows invite somebody who

has murdered 42 men and 26 women? Ladies

and gentlemen, America's favorite

mystery novelist, Miss Ernesta Snoop.

>> Ernesta, your sister, my aunt, happens

to be our chief suspect.

>> Do you remember how it all started,

Jean?

>> I was thinking more of how it all ended.

>> You don't.

>> Hurry. Gee's life may be in danger.

We warn you, Mr. Bates. We practice kung

fu.

[Music]

Yeah.

[Music]

Oh, what a lovely day. Oh, yes. Isn't

it?

I don't see Barney.

>> Did you tell him we were?

>> Yes.

>> Well, it's usually so always. Oh, I'm

afraid we can't afford to wait.

>> No, you'd better drive.

>> I can't be late.

[Music]

>> Ladies, no. Please.

Taxi,

>> follow that car.

>> Not on your life, Matt.

>> Taxi.

[Music]

One of them just isn't right. What do

you

>> The bag doesn't complement the jacket or

the jacket doesn't complement the bag. I

can't decide which.

>> You look perfectly wonderful.

>> I look reasonably wonderful. It's the

bag and the jacket I'm concerned about.

>> You bought the bag because it matched

the jacket so well.

>> That was last week. Last week they

matched perfectly.

[Music]

It isn't the bag of the jacket. It's me.

>> Just a little nervous. You always are

before you do a television talk show.

>> Extremely nervous.

I don't know why I agree to do it. Why

do I agree to do it?

>> Cuz you love to do it.

>> That's true.

One of them just isn't right.

[Music]

>> I think I see a perfect parking space.

Right you are, dear.

[Music]

Wrong you are, dear.

Oh, up ahead. Left hand side.

[Music]

Perfect.

[Music]

ladies. Ladies, you left without me.

>> We didn't know where you went and we

couldn't be late.

>> Ladies, I I went to get some milk in

case my stomach acted up. And boy, it

sure has.

>> Oh, I have some marvelous tablets. I'll

give you one.

You have got to give me your word that

you won't do what you just did no more

anymore. All right.

>> All right.

>> Thank you. I uh I'll just go repark the

car before you get it we get another

ticket.

>> You ladies get into that room where they

keep the guest stashed, caged, whatever

until the show and stay there.

>> Yes, Bonnie. Yes, Bonnie.

Are you all right? Can we help you up?

>> We warn you, Mr. Bates. We practice kung

fu.

>> I'm glad you warned me. We had a falling

out.

>> Literally.

>> May we?

>> I'm sorry. I'm blocking the way.

>> Man, you block so well.

>> Well, you're a basketball fan. Oh, she

never misses a home game.

>> Well, you must be a Nester Snoop.

>> I'd be flattered you remember, but we've

never met before.

>> Oh, that's where you're wrong. You see,

I've spent many a sleepless night

because of you. I'm a fan of yours, and

I've read every book you've written.

>> That's a lot of sleepless nights. Uh uh,

Mr. Bates, this is my sister, Gwendalyn,

G for short.

>> I'm Willie for short. My pleasure. G,

I'd like you to meet some people. This

is Mary Wilson and

Teddy Green. Anessa Snoop and her sister

G. And this is Chad Mariam and every

player's dream. Coach Rikovich. This is

Nester Snoop and her sister G.

>> And I already apologize for the

behavior. All right.

Miss Snoop,

you're going to be a tough act to

follow. I'm Olly Robertson. I'm on the

show, too.

>> Oh, introductions are unnecessary. My

sister collects you. I have all your

records.

>> You're going to get a new one in the

morning.

>> Nice.

>> Miss Snoop.

>> Yes.

>> The makeup man wants you.

>> Oh,

love meeting you all.

>> Good luck.

[Music]

[Music]

You creep. Why don't

>> Hi, Lieutenant.

>> What do you say, Barney?

>> You know, you can get three to five for

stealing a parking space.

>> Yeah, right. Where are my ants?

>> They're inside. You going to catch a

show?

>> Only they're part of it. They got

monitors in there.

>> Monitors?

>> See you inside.

>> Not unless I find a parking space.

>> Barney, pay a dollar and park the car in

the garage.

>> The ladies will sell the car first.

What kind of books do you write?

>> Mysteries.

>> Oh, mysteries are nice, but I'm into

realism. You know, reality.

>> Oh, reality is nice, too.

>> I'm thinking of having somebody write

the story of my life.

>> So soon?

>> I'll be 24 next month.

>> Oh, I see.

>> You finished?

Well, it's really been fantastic talking

to you.

>> Isn't she fantastic?

>> Isn't she? Well,

>> bye.

>> And now, ladies and gentlemen, would you

welcome Steve Allen?

>> Hey, hey,

thank you.

Thank you very much,

>> Rikovich. Man, we have been there and

he's back.

You've been there and back.

>> You know whatever this crazy

announcement is that you're going to

make. Not me.

>> You'll know soon enough, man.

>> When it's too late, I'll know. Huh?

>> Too late?

>> How can it be too late when you don't

even know what the man is going to say?

>> It's going to be good. You mean Willie's

going to announce on the Steve Allen

show that I've been promoted to general

manager? Don't be an idiot.

>> Look, Rickovich, you're forgetting

something, man. Now, on the court, I

listen to your rap. Off the court, I

don't have to. Do you understand me?

>> Oh, Willie.

>> Now, what's the title of your new book?

>> Don't fret. I won't forget. I promise.

>> That's what you always promise, and you

always forget.

>> The Masquerade Murder.

>> Very good. Now, just keep repeating it

yourself. The Masquerade Murder.

>> Okay, all set.

>> Masquerade Murder.

Oh, dear. I do hope that Willie and his

friends are all friends again.

>> So do I. Wonder what the problem is.

>> And whose it is and why?

>> Well, it's none of our business.

>> No, dear. None whatsoever.

>> Say, Miss Snoop,

what did you say the name of your latest

book is?

>> The Masquerade Murder.

time.

>> Don't we know each other?

>> I don't think so.

>> I could swear we did a gig together

somewhere somewhere along the line.

>> Were you ever a musician?

>> No.

>> Were you ever taller than a basketball

player?

>> No.

>> Oh, Lord. again.

>> Yeah, I'm right on time. Huh? Listen,

give me one of them uh tablets you got.

>> Is it your stomach?

>> How'd you know that?

>> I told you I'm a fan.

>> Fans know these things.

>> Chad, do you have the anacida tablets?

>> I had them.

>> They got to be here somewhere.

I have some marvelous ones. They really

work. Except no substitutes.

>> Oh,

>> I thought I was scrambling for a loose

ball. There you are.

>> Thank you. My stomach will never forget

you.

>> Glad to help.

>> Miss Snoop, we're ready for you now.

>> Well, sir, we got a lot to do today, so

we're going to get right down to work.

Now, our guest is a favorite of mine.

Now, how many talk shows invite somebody

who has murdered 42 men and 26 women? I

ask you. And I'm not giving any points

for near misses. Ladies and gentlemen,

America's favorite mystery novelist,

Miss Ernesta Snoop.

>> Hello.

>> How do you do, Mr. Alan?

>> So nice to have you with us. Would you

like to sit?

>> Thank you.

>> You know, there's something I've always

wanted to ask you, Miss Snoop.

>> Would it be all right if I called you

Ora? Of course, Steve. Unless you think

people might gossip.

>> I certainly hope so.

>> Now, look, man. I have a show to do. I

got an announcement to make. Now, I'll

say it one more time.

>> You cannot reach me with money cuz money

is not where I'm at. You dig what I'm

saying?

>> I got all the bread I'll ever need, man.

I'll tell you what

I say.

>> Anyway, they tell me you've got a new

book coming out pretty soon. Now, is it

as scary as all the others?

>> I hope so. I know. I was terrified.

>> But you wrote it.

>> Exactly. You see, I can write about

murder, but I faint at the sight of

blood.

>> Isn't that funny? I do too.

>> Oh, really?

>> Yeah. Especially if it's my own.

>> Anyway, listen, Ernie, if I may, why

don't we just go right ahead and do an

out-out plug for your book?

>> Why not? My publisher would love you.

>> Terrific. What's the title of it?

>> The

the

>> the

I like it so far.

>> The the masquerade murder.

Ernesta, a masquerade murder.

[Applause]

>> What the heck was that? One of your

characters coming back to haunt you.

>> It's an idiosyncrasy of mine. I can

never remember the title of my latest

book.

>> I see. The title is

>> the Oh, no.

>> The masquerade murders. In case uh well,

if we can believe whoever that was.

We'll get back to your book a little bit

later. One of my producers, uh, the

sober one, is trying to tell me we're

running late, so we'll bring our next

guest out. That's okay. You know, there

are stars and there are superstars. But

when you talk about basketball,

and they mention the superstar, you

know, you have to be talking about just

one man. Ladies and gentlemen, Willie

Bates.

[Applause]

>> Willie.

>> Hi, Willie. Great to have you here, man.

>> What's matter?

[Music]

>> Okay. Now,

>> all right. Now, I know you're all upset

about what happened, and I won't keep

you. Thanks for your patience and your

cooperation.

Can we ladies?

[Applause]

>> You handle that beautifully, Steven.

With one small oversight,

>> huh?

>> She didn't cooperate.

>> Of course you did. What could she

possibly know about Willie Bates that

the others don't?

>> She could have seen the argument.

>> What argument?

>> The one about the water cooler. Oh,

>> wait a minute. No one else mentioned an

argument by the water cooler.

>> Exactly.

>> All right. Willie had an argument no one

else saw. Did you see the man's face?

>> What makes you think it was a man?

>> Was it a woman? No, it was a man.

>> All right. Did you see the man's face?

Did you hear what he said?

>> It was too far away. It

>> was too dark.

>> Oh, well then you you couldn't identify

him if you saw him again.

>> Oh, yes, I could, Steven. By his walk.

>> His walk.

>> Show him, dear.

>> Oh, no. A suspect with a limp? That's a

cliche.

>> There are all kinds of limps, Tina. This

was not a permanent limp. The man

favored his foot as if recovering from

an accident.

All right. All right. I get the idea.

We'll talk about this later.

>> Later?

>> Later. You're not coming with me to the

hospital.

>> Who said anything about the hospital?

>> You are going home with Barney. Where is

Barney?

>> We send him on an errand. He should be

finished in about 20 minutes.

>> Who's going to take you home?

>> Barney. He's going to meet us at the

hospital.

[Music]

Look who I see. It's been how many

years?

>> Over 25.

I thought I would feel. It's odd that

you don't. How do you feel?

>> Odd.

Can anyone play? What are we talking

about?

>> Keith's father,

>> you want the teeth?

>> Keith?

>> Well, well, well. Hello, G. And as I

>> Any news? Nothing.

>> Sit down, won't you, ladies? This is a

surprise.

>> Excuse me. You're looking remarkably

well. The years have done you no

disservice.

>> Well, they've been whined, both of you.

Age has only made you more attractive.

You're an incurable romantic.

>> I was cured once.

>> Lieutenant,

>> can you find out what's going on with

Willie? They won't tell us a thing.

>> No, no, I don't know anything.

>> 4:14 tonight.

Got to 4:14.

Got to 4:14.

He's recovering. You'll be all right.

>> Lieutenant Estraska, may I see you a

moment?

I'm afraid Willy's collapse wasn't the

result of natural causes.

He was poisoned. No one else knows.

>> Oh, come.

>> Apparently, Willy's size saved his life.

A smaller man would have died before he

reached a hospital. Now, everyone here,

with the exception of Mr. Flet, is a

suspect. I'll need a formal statement

from each of you.

>> How's Willie? He was poisoned.

>> Poisoned? Poisoned?

>> You mean he was poisoned by poison?

>> Yes, but he's going to be all right.

>> Watch the steps, ladies.

>> Barney, tell us what you found out.

>> Barney, tell us.

You're not telling us anything, Barney.

>> I'm distressed.

>> Oh, here's one of those pills I promised

you.

>> Thank you.

My distress is not only internal, but

external as well. You didn't tell me

that Willie Bates was going to be on the

show tonight. Why?

>> You know how you are with temptation,

Barney.

>> But that wasn't temptation. It was an

opportunity. yours not long ago, Barney

cost you 10 years.

>> But this is different. Willie Bates is

not only the world's greatest, he's also

the whole team.

>> If his knee hasn't healed,

>> and you found out,

>> you could make a killing on pre-season

betting,

>> which is illegal,

>> to say the least.

>> So, now that we've been honest with you,

tell us what you learned from your

bookmaking friend.

>> Hey, come on. I'd be jeopardizing my

parole if I had bookmaking friends. Oh,

well then tell us what you learned from

your accountants.

>> Well, there's talk that uh Willie was

going to say something on the show

tonight that would affect the welfare of

the team.

>> What was that?

>> The talk didn't know, but the odds,

according to the accountants, was that

whatever he had to say was not good for

the team.

>> And the poison evened the odds.

[Music]

You want some tea before bid?

>> I don't think so, dear. Being a suspect,

even technically, is exhausting,

Steven.

Definitely. And would you say worried?

Worried. Yes. With an undercurrent of

reluctant duty. Very good.

>> Steven.

>> Ladies.

>> Steven, you're worrying too much.

>> I'm working too hard.

>> Ladies, we'll get to my problem later.

Angie, this is very difficult for me.

But I must warn you,

>> dear. Yes.

>> No. Uh, no. Thank you. No tea. Angie,

uh,

I must warn you that anything you say

can and will be used against you. Oh my.

Steven, you must have some tea. Yes,

it's my special brew.

>> No, wait a minute. Angie Anest, you

you're not listening.

>> Yes, I am. You said I must warn you,

anything you say can and will be used

against you. And I said, have some tea.

I don't think that can be used against

me.

>> Esta, your sister, my aunt, happens to

be our chief suspect.

>> That's impossible. Is that the right

color for you? Yes, I know it's

impossible. You know it's impossible.

But unfortunately, in front of

witnesses, you gave Willie the poison

that almost killed him.

>> The only thing I gave Willie was an ant

acid tablet. Sugar, deer.

>> No, no, Angie. I I know that, but it

wasn't an ant acid tablet. It was 50 mg

of sinate.

>> One or two lumps?

According to witnesses, Willie hadn't

eaten anything earlier, and our chief

pathologist estimated the poison was

ingested between 10 and 15 minutes

before he collapsed.

>> Oh my. I suppose that means the next

order of business is grilling the poor

deer.

>> Question, Ernesto.

>> It's questioning from your side of the

desk, Steven. From our side, it's

grilling.

>> You're not drinking your tea, dear.

>> I'm too upset.

>> Shall I get you an ant acid tablet?

Mrs. Nicholson.

>> Yes.

>> I'm Lieutenant McDonald.

>> Oh, I'm Steven's aunt G. And this is my

sister, Ernesa. We've heard so many nice

things about you from Steven.

>> We admire your work tremendously, Ernie.

I hope you don't mind if we call you

Ernie.

>> Uh, wait a minute. Which one of you is

the suspect?

>> We both are, actually, but I'm just a

general suspect.

>> I'm the prime suspect. Um, this way

please.

>> Just imagine how many real criminals

have sat in these very chairs.

>> Shall we get down to business? As you

know, I'm conducting this preliminary

questioning because of your relationship

with Lieutenant Dstroski. You've been

apprised of your rights?

>> Yes. Had you ever met Willie Bates

before?

>> No.

>> Then why did you give him a tablet

containing a lethal dose of sinode?

>> Senate, Ernie. It's a crystallized

extract of

>> All right. All right. Sinate.

A lethal dose to an unsuspecting man.

Mrs. Nicholson. Isn't that correct?

>> Let the record show that Gwendalyn Snoop

Nicholson refuses to answer the question

on the grounds that it implies willful

knowledge and intent.

>> What? Let the record show that Gwendalyn

Snoop Nicholson refuses to

>> Wait a minute. What's going on here? Uh,

what do you think you are? A lawyer?

>> I'm sorry, Ernie. I thought you knew.

>> I'm not, Ernie.

>> I am a lawyer, Lieutenant.

>> You have to have a degree to be a

lawyer, Miss Snoop.

>> I have a degree. I got one 28 years ago

when I was researching my first book.

>> Your second, dear?

>> Are you sure? I thought it was the

first.

>> Ladies, ladies, uh, can we get back to

business?

Now, witnesses have stated that you

apparently were very familiar with Mr.

Bates's stomach problems. Is that

correct?

>> Every basketball fan is

>> naturally. And you just happen to have

your own ant acid tablets handy at the

exact moment that Mr. Bates needed one.

>> Yes.

>> All right. I think that will be all for

now.

>> Oh, you forgot to ask one question,

Lieutenant.

>> I did.

>> You forgot to ask the suspect why she

voluntarily supplied a tablet to Mr.

Bates when he was surrounded with people

who would normally furnish them to him.

>> Yes. Why did you voluntarily supply the

tablet when Mr. Bates was surrounded by

people who normally furnished it to him?

>> Well, I she refuses to answer.

>> That's it, ladies. That's it.

>> Thank you, Lieutenant. Is anything

wrong? If it's your stomach, try one of

these.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you.

[Music]

>> Don't worry, darling. You were marvelous

in there. A real tough cookie.

>> Thank you, Ernesto. What a lovely thing

to say.

>> I don't believe those cops. They don't

know you. They don't know you at all.

How do they think you did it?

>> By giving Willie an ant acid tablet.

>> You mean like the one you gave me?

>> Yes.

>> Well, where'd you get that thing? You

know, drugstores make mistakes a lot.

>> Oh, I gave one to Steve and one to

Lieutenant McDonald.

>> Huh. Going to wipe out the whole force.

>> I even had one myself earlier.

>> Oh, okay. Really?

>> One thing is certain. I know. The killer

is obviously someone who knew Willie

well enough to know that he uses his ant

acid when he's upset. That means that

person might deliberately have provoked

the conflict and then planted this

sinate tablet in your purse

>> or somehow switched the tablet.

>> I'm still the number one suspect. Well,

yes, the police have established an

opportunity. You did give the ant acid

tablet to Willie, but no one could

accuse you of having a motive, and they

never arrest anyone without a motive.

>> There's one person in our group of

suspects who might say I had a motive.

Oh, but that was such a long time ago.

>> Still,

>> you're right.

[Music]

This must be the one to help home.

>> Doors open, Harry.

[Music]

An excellent job, Harry, old boy. They

took it hook, line, and sinker. Willie

Bates hospitalized with virus attack.

And this one I like. Willie fell by flu.

>> How about Bates battles bug?

>> Well, this isn't surprise. Well, how

nice to see you. I thought it was Harry

Goldman, my public relations bat. Come

on, sit down here. How nice to see you

both here.

>> Nice to see you, Keith.

>> What about some tea now?

>> Oh, no. We haven't.

>> Would you uh would you like a cocktail?

>> Don't I hear that Willie continues to

improve?

>> Isn't that wonderful news? Do you

realize what the loss of Willie Bates

would have done to our attendance? Oh, I

hate to think about it and I don't want

to talk about it. Let's talk about

something pl.

[Music]

Do you?

>> I remember them. Gee, is so it were

yesterday.

>> That's what we were afraid of.

>> Huh?

>> There's a problem. You see, I'm a

suspect in the attempt on Willy's life.

>> You

>> Isn't it silly?

>> Well, it's ridiculous. I'll call the

police right now and tell them just how.

>> No, just how could be the problem.

>> What? Only if you think as the police

do, which of course the police do.

>> Excuse me, ladies, but uh

just what are we talking about?

>> Well,

romance.

>> Romance.

Our romance.

Do you remember how it all started,

Jean?

>> I was thinking more of how it all ended.

when G broke off the engagement and you

threatened to sue me for breach of

promise, all the publicity

>> and that statement I made that you

weren't fit to inhabit the earth.

>> What has all that got to do with your

being a suspect?

>> Well, it's foolish, of course, but the

police conceivably might interpret that

statement and the commotion that went

before it as a motive. The idea being

that killing Willie would be an

effective way of hurting you. But how

could the police possibly believe that

you would wait what? For 25 years.

>> Well, they're mostly men. They might

think a woman couldn't make up her mind.

>> Ah, yes. Yes. I see. Well, I assure you

ladies, this secret will just remain in

this circle right here.

>> Oh, thank you.

>> No, wait a minute. You're not leaving

now.

>> Well, you just got here. I know, but we

must.

>> Can't I get you something, please?

>> No, really. Are you all right?

>> Oh, I just pulled a a muscle scheme last

weekend. You want to see me on those

slopes? I'm a real tanger.

>> Can imagine.

>> Well, I hate to usher you right out.

Seems you just get in, turn around, and

out you go.

>> Thank you, Keith.

>> Goodbye, Keith. Goodbye.

Are you positive that his limp was the

limp? Absolutely. He's the man who was

talking to Willie.

>> Then he was in the building. How many

suspects do we have who might have

switched the pill?

>> Including you. There's Keith now, Chad,

Ali Robertson, and all of those

basketball players about whom we know so

little.

>> Shall we know more?

[Music]

there. That's probably where the team

holds its meetings.

>> No, that's not where the team holds its

meetings.

>> Right, dear?

>> I don't want to hear anything more about

it.

>> Yeah, well, that's just taking the easy

way out, man. You dig?

>> Excuse us. We didn't mean to interrupt.

That's all right. Just save my day. You

can have it.

>> Heroes. You're nothing but a bunch of

overgrown, overpaid kids

>> with stomach problems.

>> Listen, you think Willy's stomach is

bad? You should try to live with mine.

>> But everybody knew about Willies.

>> You know, if I had a seizure during the

middle of a ball game and Willy's

stomach was upset, they'd probably walk

over my body to give him his tablet.

>> I'm surprised he didn't carry his own.

>> Well, why should he? When you're as

famous as Willie is, people just love to

carry things for you.

>> You don't talk as if you liked Willie

very much.

>> Like him? I like winning. And Willie

wins.

>> You almost lost yesterday.

>> Now look, I have no idea who poisoned

him. That's what you're getting at.

>> Well, certainly not.

>> We just thought you might know what

announcement he was going to make.

>> Ladies, a coach is like a man whose wife

has been cheating on him. He's always

the last to know.

[Music]

The next meter, Barney.

[Music]

[Music]

Willy's announcement is the crux of

everything. And

>> it seems that only Willie knows what he

was going to say.

Hello, Barney.

>> Hi, Lieutenant. I was just putting this

in.

>> Mhm. That's what it's for. Barney

and G.

>> Why Steven? How lovely.

>> I hope you still feel that way when we

finish talking.

>> Oh, Steven, it's only a parking meter.

Surely I won't have to go to court.

>> I wish that's all there was to it.

Angie, we know all about your

relationship with Keith Fall.

>> You predicted it and they'll probably

give it credence.

>> My superiors consider this very

incriminating.

>> What do you mean she predicted it?

>> Dear, what you're talking about took

place 25 years ago. Now, surely a woman

can't be held responsible for what she

said 25 years ago. After all, why didn't

she do something about it before this?

Well, my superiors feel that very often

women can't make up their

>> make up their mind

>> minds.

They feel they feel that it tends to u

establish motive.

>> Of course, Steven, you're looking very

worried. Is there anything you're trying

to tell us?

>> Anie,

I'm afraid you're under arrest.

>> Oh my.

So predictable.

[Music]

>> This is extraordinary. I I don't surely

you just Lieutenant.

>> I beg your honest pardon.

>> Norman, don't get excited.

>> I'll get to you in a minute. Gwendalyn,

do you and the district attorney

seriously mean to press this? You're a

reigning your own arm.

>> It's not me, your honor. It's the

district attorney

>> and he's perfectly right.

>> I object, your honor.

>> You object. Something's very wrong here,

>> your honor.

>> Well, your honor, please.

>> May I have a little quiet in my court,

please?

The nature of this case demands that I

have a little confidence with my f the

accused in private. Good afternoon,

Lieutenant.

>> Good afternoon, George.

>> Your honor, please. Now,

>> young man, do you want to be arrested

for loitering?

>> Good afternoon.

Dear me, dear me. Serious allegations

here, G. Quite serious.

>> Norman, you still haven't ruled on my

objection.

>> Oh, for heaven's sake. What was it?

>> I've forgotten.

>> Overruled.

>> Exception.

>> Noted.

Now, what are we going to do about this

little business? I tell you what, I'll

call a long recess and we'll talk about

it over lunch.

>> Objection.

>> Dear, you don't have a law degree.

>> I know, but I've always wanted to say

that.

>> Well, I'll take this under submission.

In the meantime, G, I'm releasing you on

your own recgnissance.

>> That's lovely of you, Norman, but I

can't accept a favor like that.

>> Said it right in the paper. A bad day

for viros.

And let me see. Let me see. Lois fail.

Low is possible. But ah, here we are.

Nevada versus Gelson. $25.

>> Oh dear. I only have 15.

>> Don't suppose you take a check.

>> Ladies, permit me the finest moment of

my day. A small loan. There. That makes

it 25. Just give it to the bell.

Nice doing business with you both.

>> Lovely seeing you again, Norman.

>> Oh,

I feel so foolish saying this, but

don't leave the city.

Please,

[Music]

of course, I don't mind you coming. Glad

of the company, though. Though I don't

think I can be much help in answering

any of your questions. Please sit down.

>> What exactly is it that you do for

Willie?

>> I'm the expert on Willy's

correspondence.

>> Well, what about his business affairs?

Finances.

>> I have nothing to do with those. Any

other questions?

>> Yes. One. How do I get out of this

chair?

>> Oh dear. Excuse me.

[Music]

Oh dear, it nearly devoured you.

>> I don't think it's been fed lately.

>> All right.

Thank you. They are lovely. All of them.

>> That's a question in reverse.

>> You're a very bright young woman.

>> Honest one, too.

There is no love affair between Willie

and me. Just friends,

girls came and went in the parade.

Willy's a big man with big appetites.

I never could settle for just being an

Od.

That's his private line. Excuse me.

>> Hello. Yes, I'll hold.

It's the hospital. Please make

yourselves comfortable.

>> I hope it's good news.

>> Oh, be positive, dear. Of course, it's

good news.

>> Dear. Oh, isn't this Hold still now?

I'll reel you in.

>> Are you all Are you all right? We almost

floated way on the tide.

>> Hello. Yes, Jet.

Oh, thank God. This sure. What did they

say? That's wonderful.

Does he want anything? Okay,

give him my love. Tell him how glad we

are.

You were right. It's good news. Willie

is okay. That was Ched. He was almost

crying with relief.

>> But that's natural. They're so close,

aren't they?

>> They've been best buddies for a lot of

years. Ever since the fight,

>> the fight? I don't know about the fight.

>> I told you about Willy's appetites.

>> He has a temper to match. Well, a long

time ago, he and Chad played on opposite

teams, got into a hassle under the

basket, got out of hand, and Chad was

badly hurt.

>> I remember the story. He had to quit

basketball after that

>> because of the injury.

>> Willy's paid it back a hundred times

over.

>> Is there anything else?

>> Willie mentioned some numbers while he

was delirious. Um, what? 44.

>> I really don't know.

>> Well, you've been very helpful.

>> We really must be going.

>> Yes.

[Music]

>> Please.

>> No. But they know him.

>> No,

>> they're good friends of his.

>> Just go.

>> Didn't look very encouraging from here.

>> Should have heard it up close. Willy's

mother couldn't get in to see him.

Lieutenant's orders.

>> Well, it's urgent we talk to Willie and

find out what his announcement was going

to be.

>> Dear friends, I done my best. Not quite.

>> Do you remember when we worked here as

gray ladies?

>> Yes, dear.

>> Barney. Dear, I'm going to tell you

exactly what you're to borrow and where

to find it.

>> Are you listening?

>> Like my life depended on it because I

know it does.

>> You think this will work? Do you trust

me?

>> That's what the clergyman used to say to

the condemned man in the old movies.

>> Must we run, dear? Spritly. Spritly,

love. Nurses always move quickly.

>> Nurse, quickly. Emergency. Get in here.

[Music]

Nurse, get in here, but only if you

don't faint at the sight of blood. Where

are they killing you these days?

>> What happened? Oh, don't don't tell me I

remember.

>> Now, dear, I think you should just lie

here quietly.

>> Nonsense. We have to get to Willy's room

fast.

Oh ma'am

>> just checking officer normal hospital

procedure.

>> Yes ma'am.

[Music]

>> Just tell me how a 7ft man disappears.

>> Telly went right out the window. It's

like he said he's 7 ft. He's his own

moderate.

That's cute. That's cute. I'll put that

in the report. When did you notice he

was gone?

>> A few minutes ago, these two nice little

nurses came up. Said they wanted to look

inside.

>> Regular floor nurses or uh little ladies

about this high.

>> Yeah. Real little and cute, too. For

older types.

>> Yeah. Adorable. Get me an aspirin.

>> What?

>> Get me an aspirin?

>> Yes, sir.

[Music]

Why would Willie disappear? Probably

didn't feel safe even in the hospital.

>> Look at my friend on the phone. He says

he won't do it.

>> But Barney, we only want to look at Mr.

Flet's books.

>> Ladies, explain something. I mean, I I

can understand about the others, but how

do you figure fall for a suspect?

>> Quite simple. He could have dropped that

poisoned pill into Willy's cup of water

at the drinking fountain. Barney, your

friend. We still want to see Mr. Flet's

books.

>> But ladies, you're talking about

stealing.

>> Not stealing. Microfilm would be lovely.

>> Oh,

hey, they just want pictures.

Yeah,

he says okay, but he wants more money.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah, right. Fine.

He says he'll see you somewhere tonight.

>> Good.

>> You know what I don't understand is why

would the owner of a ball club want to

kill his star player?

>> Not necessarily kill him, just silence

him for that particular time.

>> Silence him?

>> Supposed to hear the announcement Willie

was going to make on Mr. Allen's show

was that he was quitting. If Keith

really wanted to sell the team without

Willie, what would it be worth?

>> 11 cents.

Thank you.

You

>> were right. Keith is in deep financial

trouble.

>> The worst kind. You don't have to be a

CPA to figure out what he's been doing.

Eight companies. All of them hanging on

the ropes.

>> And he keeps juggling money into each

one as it's needed. No question. The

team is his only real asset.

And he has to sell it before his money

juggling act catches up with him.

>> Well, at least it takes him off the

suspect list. I mean, um I mean, how how

can he sell the team without Willie

alive and kicking?

>> Can't argue that. Think of it this way,

though. Say it's still Keith behind it,

but he wasn't trying to kill Willie.

Only by time. Remember, it was an

underdose of poison.

>> As you said, Keith was just trying to

silence Willie for a few days. But that

only works, dear, if there's someone

trying to buy the team.

>> And there's only one man who can come up

with that information.

Barney, call a friend.

[Music]

Well, I'll tell you, Lieutenant, I'd

like to help you, but I have no idea

where Willie is.

>> Yeah, well, Chad, there must be some

place he goes when he wants peace and

quiet, when he wants to hold up, you

know.

>> Well,

you don't know Willie. He likes to play

the field. He's no loner, you know.

>> Yeah.

>> Lieutenant Olly Robertson is on the

phone.

>> Oh, excuse me. Sure. What do you say,

Ollie?

>> Hey, good fuzz. How goes a basketball

cap? Man, your your words ain't making

it with Bach in the background.

>> Oh, yeah. Johan's Sebastian himself. You

got a pretty good ear.

>> You make good sounds.

>> Yeah, but there's no market for it.

That's why Oliver Osborne Robertson is

Ali Robertson.

>> Yeah. Any idea why the two of you

called?

>> Yeah, I just remembered something I

thought might interest you.

>> Hey Olly, we're bar 32.

>> Yeah, coming. Hey, uh, Lieutenant, do

you dig Brahms?

>> No, that's our next session. Why don't

you come on up? 57th and 6th,

>> one flight up, Banner Studios.

>> I got it.

>> Be there, Piper.

>> Good. I'll see you.

>> Oh, ladies. Ladies, have I got some hot

information? I just talked with Charlie.

>> Charlie? Who? It don't matter. It's not

his real name anyway. I could have said

Fred. Only that's his real name.

>> Well, what is the hot information?

>> But you were right. Someone is trying to

buy the team. A big financer type out of

Chicago. A guy named Cold Train.

>> Very interesting.

>> It gets better. You know that other

player on the team? A guy named Jim

Saunders.

>> Yes.

>> Word is he is real close to this Mr.

Cold Train?

[Music]

Ollie.

Hey, Ollie.

[Music]

I'm Robertson dead.

>> Mhm.

>> How dreadful. A sudden illness.

>> A sudden murder.

>> Why did you know him?

>> Well, we only met him on the Steve Allen

show, though we always enjoyed his

records.

>> Uh, wait a minute. Did you see or speak

to him after the show?

>> No.

>> No.

>> You sure?

>> Why, absolutely. Why, Steven?

>> I don't know. I don't know. I'm I'm just

looking for some kind of a connection. I

get the feeling Ali was murdered to

prevent him from telling me something

>> about Willie.

>> I don't know.

>> Why?

>> What could he possibly know about Willie

that would make someone murder him?

>> I don't know that either. That's what

I'm trying to find out. Um,

and while I'm finding out, behave

yourselves.

We might even do better than that

>> because of what we know about that

gentleman from Chicago and Jim Saunders.

>> Exactly.

[Music]

Big Jim working. Oh, hold and slow

today. Come on. Get up there. Two in a

row you man.

Jim,

>> no street shoes, lady.

>> Come on, Dad.

>> Oh, Jim. I suppose congratulations are

in order.

>> Congratulations about what?

>> About that nice friend of yours from

Chicago wants to buy the team.

>> Now, where did you hear a thing like

that?

>> First rate source.

You don't look happy, Jim. Why, with so

powerful a friend, you might wind up

being a coach instead of just a player.

And I wonder what Willie would say to

that. Now,

>> ladies, please. I get the very

unpleasant feeling you're trying to tie

me in with what happened to Willie.

We'll just take a 180° turn and head

west. I didn't have nothing to do with

that mess.

>> Oh, well, what do you think I am? Some

kind of a clankhead or something? All

right. Suppose what you're saying is

true. My friend is trying to buy the

team. Much as I'd hate to admit it,

Willie would be a great big part of that

deal, wouldn't he? I ain't no whiz kid

or nothing like that. But on the other

hand, I'm hardly stupid enough to go and

shoot down a deal like that just because

I don't like Willie.

>> Uh-uh. No. No.

>> But you must remember, dear, that Willie

was deliberately given an underdose of

poison. Just enough to keep him quiet

for a few days.

>> Can we try a 414? A 414. Move it.

>> Jim, what is a 414?

>> A 414? What's a what?

>> A 414? What is it?

>> It's a fast break.

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Okay.

>> Okay.

>> Okay. Go around.

>> Over here.

>> Okay. Okay.

over here.

[Music]

>> Don't let him shoot.

>> Okay, hold it. Hold.

Give me the ball.

Wow.

You guys come charging like somebody

dropped 10 bucks across the street. Now,

speed is important, but you've got to be

able to control the ball also, right?

>> I don't want to play anymore. Why don't

you do some of your magic tricks?

>> Yeah.

>> All right. Okay. One more. Hold it.

>> Ready?

>> Okay. Now, what is my hand in my right

hand?

>> The dime.

>> Okay.

>> I don't have anything in my left hand,

do I?

>> No.

>> Okay. Now, you see the dime?

>> Yeah.

>> It's in my left hand.

>> By golly, there it is.

>> Okay, that's enough.

>> Back to the game. Come on.

>> Very close. Oh,

>> how are you?

>> You know, uh,

>> you don't belong in my court in those

clothes.

>> That was very kind of you to take the

time to help those youngsters.

>> Well, they're great kids and I have a

lot of spare time, so I don't mind a

bit.

>> We were watching another basketball

practice today.

>> Oh,

>> yes. There was a number. What was that

number? 414.

>> Right. Fast break.

>> Imagine my forgetting that. That's the

number that Willie said to you in the

hospital. It was.

>> Well, the doctor said he was delirious,

right?

>> But we know better, don't we?

>> He was frightened and he'd want his best

friend to help him.

>> And he didn't get out of that hospital

alone.

>> Now, if you were to mention to us where

he is,

>> knowing we certainly aren't going to

hurt him,

>> and we might be able to talk to him and

even help him.

>> Oh, Chad, we know you're trying to

protect Willie, but maybe you're trying

too hard.

>> Too hard? What do you mean? Well, maybe

he should move someplace else now. After

all, we figured out your code. Other

people could, too.

>> Yeah, you're right. He's over in Jersey

in a place a friend of ours owns.

There's no phone. But would you like for

me to draw you a map,

>> please?

>> Okay. Hey, Harry, can I use a pen?

>> Okay. Go over the fridge and don't go to

NY, right?

Morning, Tom.

>> Morning, Lieutenant.

>> That boy is all finished.

>> Left a couple of minutes ago,

Lieutenant. One over every inch. Gave it

the works.

>> Yeah. Well, way things are going, it'll

probably add up to zero. Belling's been

changed, huh?

>> Just like you ordered, sir.

>> Thanks, Tom.

>> You're welcome.

[Music]

[Music]

the farmhouse should be just around that

bend. Barney

[Music]

Now, Willie, don't blame Chad. We made

him tell us where you were.

>> This is Barney. He works for us.

>> Hi. Hi.

Listen, no sweat. Come on in. I was

going stir crazy. Anyway,

>> no offense, Herby. These are my good

friends of Snoop Sisters. Herby Thomas,

this old man owns this place. Hello,

Herby.

>> Hi.

>> You know, this kid's fantastic. Speed me

six straight.

>> Sometimes I cheat.

>> I don't have to with Willie.

>> Oh, I don't have to with Willie. You

know, one of these.

Get out of here.

>> Willie, isn't it about time you came

back?

>> Listen, after reading about Ali,

I may never come back.

>> Are you that fond of chess?

>> Well, I am fond of living.

That is if you call it living.

>> But it doesn't have to be this way.

Willie, just tell us the announcement

you were going to make.

>> It's real simple. Anest, I was going to

say Willie Bates,

ex- basketball star.

>> You are quitting then.

>> That's right, G. Listen, the way my knee

is, one bad fall and I could be limping

the rest of my life.

>> Then what will you do, Willie?

>> Well, I'm going to stay right here until

the police catch the guy. Hopefully.

>> Have you thought of this, Willie? If G

and I could find you, so could someone

else. This seems a dangerous place to

be.

>> Well, it's a lot safer than leaving it.

So, I'm going to count on you ladies not

to tell where I am. Okay.

And that goes for you, too.

>> Who are you?

>> I never met you before my whole life.

[Music]

Steven, how lovely.

>> Maybe, maybe not.

Angie, you told me the one time you met

Ali was at the show. Isn't that what you

said?

>> Of course.

>> And you never spoke to him again? You

had no contact with him? No, dear. None.

>> Okay,

then just tell me how he got this.

>> What is it? What? Appears to be my name

and our telephone number

>> in Ali's handwriting. And your number is

unlisted.

Any explanation?

Anyone?

[Music]

Angie, don't you understand? The

circumstantial evidence keeps piling up

against you. We haven't been able to

uncover anything against the other

suspects. Jim, Chad, Mary, Rakovich, and

Fip. There's not a decent motive among

them.

>> Decent or indecent, there is a motive.

It's just not visible yet.

>> I'll say it isn't. Which brings us back

to Ali having your phone number. He

didn't have anyone else's. that you know

of

>> that anyone knows of, including the

district attorney. He wants to question

you.

>> No. Well, it doesn't have anything else

to do with his time. Really? Come on,

we're ready.

>> Oh, no. No. I'm sorry. He was very

emphatic about that.

>> About what?

>> About you not being present.

>> I'm her attorney.

>> Anessa, you got a law degree, but you

never bothered to take the bar exam.

You're not licensed to practice. The DA

checked.

>> My But he's a stickler.

>> Shall we?

>> It's all right, dear. If they charge me

with murder, I'll just ask that the

trial be postponed till you can pass the

bar.

>> If she's really being arrested, why

didn't you tell us you know where Willie

is?

>> We gave our word.

>> You know what? I think you're being

used. I think somebody is sending you

around in all the wrong directions. The

old shell game.

>> Oh, confusion by misdirection. The hand

is quicker than the eye.

>> You know it.

The old technique of con artists and

magicians.

>> Magician? Who's magician got to do it?

>> That's what we've got to find out.

>> Get the car, Barney. Hurry. If I'm

right, Willy's in worse danger than he

ever was.

[Music]

Hi there. You want to play?

>> Not just now, thank you.

>> I'll give you a rook and two pawns.

>> That's very tempting, but not right this

minute.

Where's Willie?

>> He left.

>> When?

>> About a half hour ago.

>> Where'd he go?

>> I don't know. I was just coming to the

house when I saw him leaving with

somebody.

>> Could you recognize who was driving the

car?

>> It was too far away.

>> Uh, where's the nearest telephone? at

the gas station on the main road. How

about a knight, two pawns, and a bishop?

[Music]

I'm home. I think I beat the wrap.

having trouble.

>> I can't get Stevens. Oh. Uh, Lieutenant

Dstrovski, please. When do you expect

him? This is Ernesto Snoop, his aunt.

Would you please tell him to meet me at

home in half an hour? Thank you. And

tell him it's urgent.

>> What's wrong?

>> Everything. Steven's not in his office.

G's not at home.

>> Now, don't start worrying.

>> I am worried. Do you realize that

someone who drove Willie away could very

well be the killer?

>> Good chance.

>> G is the prime suspect.

>> Ridiculous, but true.

>> If anything happens to Willie, that's

bad enough. But if the killer lures G

away from the house and she has no

alibi.

Hello.

Yes, this is she. Who?

Oh, of course. I didn't recognize your

voice.

Yes, I'm quite alone. I

Are you sure?

Oh, well, when

I see. Oh, yes, of course. I'll come

right away. Uh, would you repeat that?

Yes, I've got it.

Oh, yes. Don't worry. I'll leave right

away. Bye.

[Music]

>> Barney, can't you go any faster?

>> Not going to keep four wheels on the

ground.

>> Try, Barney. Try.

>> Let me see. Aren't things bad enough as

it is? If the cops stop me, we've had

it.

>> You're right. Of course.

Oh, dear.

>> What now?

Gee,

when she gets home, I hope she stays

home.

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

Okay, Chad. What's this all about?

Now, you didn't bring me down here to

make one last pitch, did you?

>> I did.

>> You can't quit playing ball, Willie.

You're at the height of your career.

>> And that's the time to quit when you're

on top if you can afford it. And I've

had some good years, so I can afford it.

Listen, so I'll feed the sane. You dig?

>> Come on, Willie.

Now, we've been friends for too long,

and there's a lot more involved here

than money. You've got a chance to

become a legend. A Joe Lewis, a Henry

Iron. You quit now and you throw all

that away.

>> Chad, you saw the X-rays. What' the

doctor say? One bad fall on his knee and

I'm walking around limping the rest of

my life. You think I want that? Well, I

don't.

>> I got your message. What's up?

>> Oh, forget my message. G is missing.

>> What? I thought you was with you.

>> No. And Willy's missing, too.

>> Well, I know Willy's missing.

>> Yes, but he's more missing than ever

now.

>> What?

>> I'll explain on the way.

>> On the way where?

>> That's what we have to figure out.

G took um directions on that pad and

there's a little faint imprint left.

Does that suggest anything to you?

>> Well, this is insane. I mean, is this

all we've got to work with?

>> No. She wore her green thumps and she

used an ample amount of Tiss.

>> Oh, now wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Slow down. I

>> a large room.

>> What?

>> Tisse

is a heavy musky kind of a perfume. G

would never use it unless she was going

someplace open and spacious. And the

shoes, of course. Of course. They're her

highest heels. She's going to meet

Willie and Chad.

>> Chad? How did he get into this?

>> Oh, that's part of what I'll have to

explain later. Where would she be going

to meet them? In a gym.

>> A gym? No. No. Wait a minute. Wait a

minute. This This could be the interior

of the arena.

>> Steven, you're a genius. Hurry. Gee's

life may be in danger.

>> Her life may be in d Why didn't you say

so?

>> I'll explain later.

[Music]

No chance, huh?

>> Well, you should know that, chef. I

mean, if all the cats, man, you should

know.

>> Yeah.

>> Well, I just wanted to give it one more

chance before

>> before what?

What's your problem, Chad? What's the

gun for?

>> It's the only way I know is stopping

you, Willie.

>> Stop me from what? What's the matter

with you?

>> Look, man. I'm just going to uh retire.

You dig it? And spend some of this bread

I got and just lay back.

>> Bread you had. Right now, you're flat

broke.

>> The last time I checked the books, I was

a rich man.

>> Not your trouble, Willie. You didn't

check the books often enough. You were

too busy leading the super life of a

superstar.

>> I trusted you, man. Trust doesn't have

anything to do with it. 5 years ago, you

damn near killed me in one of your

rages. Sure, you paid all the bills and

everything healed, right? Wrong. My

broken elbow didn't heal.

>> Now, we've been through this a thousand

times, man. A thousand times. Now, I

made your partner my company and I did

everything, man. Everything I could to

make up for that. I don't want to talk

about it no more.

>> Nothing you could ever do would make up

for what you took away from me. I could

have been just as good as you, Willie. I

could have.

>> What'd you do with the money? I spent it

on what?

>> Bad investments.

Stock market, land.

I blew it.

>> You're the one who poisoned me, right?

>> That's right. You see, I'm a lot smarter

than people gave me credit for.

>> No, you're not, Jed. You are not smart,

man. You know what you are? You are just

sad.

>> You're forgetting about the half a

million dollars that you're insured for.

>> No, I'm not going to be sad when I

collect that. I'm going to be a happy

man. And I am smart, Willie.

Number one suspect is coming up in that

elevator right now. You see, she's the

one that's going to be charged with your

murder.

Come on, check the cars, Ernesta. I mean

it. Stay right where you are.

[Music]

>> Why can't we just I mean let's forget

it. I mean like forget it.

[Music]

win.

[Music]

[Music]

Come on.

[Music]

[Applause]

How are you? All right.

>> I'm alive.

dead. You all right?

>> I'm fine.

>> Dear God.

[Music]

[Music]

and Ernesta. Oh

no, Ernesa,

get the gun.

Honest. I'll get it. Yeah, the hose. Get

back there. I'll get the gun.

Get the gun.

Okay.

Wait a minute. Close the water.

Oh.

Ernesta,

you're beautiful.

[Music]

>> Well, listen now, drag that by one more

time. The whole thing about the magician

and the I don't understand that. Well,

you see, the minute we saw Chad perform

that trick at the playground, we

realized it would take a real magician

to be able to switch the poison for the

antacid right in front of everybody.

>> Yes. You see, Ali must have played in a

band on the same bill with Chad when

Chad was performing as a magician. I

think that's what Ali was calling to

tell me. Unfortunately, Chad was in my

office when Ali called.

>> Well, I guess I uh owe my life to you

people. Say, what is one tip for a thing

like that?

>> Amen. That's my job.

>> There is one thing you can give us.

>> What's that?

>> Permission to write a book about our

experiences.

>> I'd be very flattered to be in a book of

yours, Anesta.

>> Oh, but dear. Do you think it will?

>> Yes, I do.

>> Oh, you're quite right, dear. One

exception. Have to change the ending.

But of course, no one would believe that

the hero overcame the villain with a

fire hose.

[Music]