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Ein, zwei, drei, vier

There is a Jewish story.

An ordinary Jewish joke.

A father was teaching his little son to be less afraid,

to have more courage, by having him jump down the stairs.

He put his son on the second stair and said,

"Jump, and I'll catch you. "

Then on the third stair, and said, "Jump, and I'll catch you. "

The little boy was afraid,

but he trusted his father and did what he was told,

and jumped into his arms.

The father put him on the next step, and then the next,

each time telling him, "Jump, and I'll catch you. "

Then the boy jumped from a very high step,

but this time, the father stepped back

and the boy fell flat on his face.

He picked himself up, bleeding and crying,

and the father said to him, "That'll teach you. "

Here, put this sweater on. Nuh-uh.

Don't be ridiculous You're shaking like a bowl of Jell-O.

Put the sweater on

Mom Oh, for God's sake

l betrothe you to me... l betrothe you to me...

...with this ring... ...with this ring...

...according to the Jewish law.

l betrothe you to me according to the Jewish law.

l betroth you to me forever in righteousness and justice,

in kindness and in mercy and you shall know God.

For you

Well, I'm dying.

You're not dying. You had an episode

and they want to watch you.

Have a nice weekend Hm

She's always dying Why are you rushing

Sorry, rounds took forever. Sorry I'm late.

Oh, baby, no problem.

Have a good evening Thank you.

You're late for Shabbat and

you have to tell this stranger our private business

Mom, you're lucky we come at all.

I'm lucky you come to Shabbat Why is that Stop eating.

Cos it's the 21st century, cos we're not in Babylon.

We don't have to remind ourselves to let our land lie fallow

The whole point of Shabbat is..

l was eleven minutes late

You're getting worked up,

and being worked up all the time never got anyone pregnant.

We've been trying for 10 months

Where does everyone have to get to I'm not worked up

l would just like very much to have a baby.

So adopt Who's really mine.

ln China, they're throwing them into trash cans.

Our God, King of the universe

Adopt a baby, for God's sake, adopt a baby and then have a baby.

You're 39 years old That's what you did.

That's why you can't do it,

because l did it Being like me is such a...

There's a feeling No, there's not

When he was little, l watched you.

l watched you...watch him.

l saw you look at each other. lt was different.

l want that.

You listen to me.

There's no difference.

Are you here

Where are you

I'm in here.

Sweetie, can you come in here and sit down for a minute

I'll be there in one second.

Hi.

Sit down.

You stand up.

Sweetie, please sit down.

And take your coat off.

Maybe you should take it off.

Well

l made a mistake.

I'm sorry.

l made a mistake.

You made what

lf l could blink my eyes and it would be a year from now...

and we could be friends, best friends, l would do it.

We teach across the hall from each other.

I'll see you all the time, every day.

But listen, l want...

l want you to know something Do you want...

Yeah, thank you.

What did you want me to know

I'm 100 percent sure.

ls it because l didn't say the right thing the other night

lf you wanna pursue this drawing thing.. it's nothing.

l just meant that if.. I'm attracted to...

..somebody has to make some money.

l don't...

l can't make love if we don't talk

l don't, l don't want this life

Don't you want to take your coat off

Why don't you want to take your coat off

Oh, God

I'm really sure we shouldn't...

I'll see you in school.

Come on.

Can you explain this to me

Mrs. Epner Green, this is chaos. Who's in charge

lt says he has resigned

And you knew nothing about this

lf Mr. Green is out, why is there no substitute

ls he coming in

Mrs. Epner Green's class, make space for Mr. Green's class.

Mrs. Epner Green, this is way too many kids for one room

Really, d'you think so

Well, Mrs. Epner Green Ms. Epner.

OK, the parents can go. Mr. Green will not be coming in.

Ms. Epner will be teaching both classes.

You don't know where he is

Have you slept

Don't do anything until you've slept.

Don't think anything until you've slept.

l have to drop her upstairs.

lt's gonna take me an hour to get a sub.

Love you.

Can you watch them for five minutes

Go. Hurry back.

Don't let anyone fix you up with anyone.

A friend of mine set me up on a date, I'm still recovering.

Are you...coming on to me

What

My husband left me nine hours ago.

Do you think you could control yourself for five minutes

You betcha.

Oh, my God

OK. You should come in. This is bad timing

Do you know how old l am Yes, l do.

l want a baby. l can't explain it.

lt's like being hungry or having to pee.

Please don't tell me to adopt.

l wouldn't. l won't. l never will.

A 65-year-old lady in the Bronx just gave birth to twins.

So... l mean, not that that's.. Thanks.

Should l come in

Yes, you should come in. l just need...

Hi, I'm here.

Sorry.

l heard your story. That's just horrible.

Thanks.

I'm gonna go April, don't go home alone.

lt's fine. l need to sleep.

lt's not gonna get any worse than this.

God, abounding in Mercy Who dwels in the realms of the High

Nring forth true repose Under the wings of the Divine Presence

in the great heights of the holy and pure,

who like the brilliance of the heavens give shine

to the spirit of Gittel daughter of Tuvia and Hannah...

who is deceased. May her soul rest in Heaven

To Gertrude Trudy Epner, who has gone to her lasting rest.

Master of all, we pray to You,

remember her worthy and righteous deeds while among the living

and say amein.

Amein.

Pardon me.

Who does the, uh, purchasing for the school

I'm sorry

Not the purchasing, the requisitioning.

The office is that way.

Thank you.

Are you April Epner Can l help you

l represent someone from your past.

Someone from your past who's looking to make contact.

Would the discovery of the identity of

your birth mother be welcome news

I'm her assistant and friend. She's a celebrity.

What kind of celebrity

She's, she's well known. She really wants to meet you,

but she's very cautious, you understand.

But now l can definitely recommend it.

You're recommending me

You taking this the wrong way

Here.

Let her speak for herself.

Dear Gabrielle,

Did you know Gabrielle is what l named you

l believe the time has come for us to meet.

Let's have lunch tomorrow, Saturday,

you and me. Narbetta Restaurant at one.

"Your mother, Nernice. "

Good afternoon. Can l help you, miss

Oh, hello. Do you happen to have a reservation

for someone named Bernice

Yes, of course we do. Right this way, please.

A glass of champagne while you wait

Do you have a ladies room

Hello, beautiful Oh

Thank you.

I'm a...teacher.

..sounds like Judy Holliday.

You get anyone besides her, hang up.

You won't get in unless you use my name, right

l know, it's terrible, but we're talking about your health.

Thank you very much Mm.

Let me just look at you.

You're magnificent What's your name

Oh, thank you. Um, what is your name

You got my letter Uh, your last name

Oh, Graves. I'm so happy you don't know it.

Why would l.. How do you feel right now

How do you feel

l feel like you are the reward for

everything l ever did right in my entire life.

Oh And how do you feel

l, um... Thank you.

I'm wondering how you can be certain you're actually my mother.

Are you married l mean, do you have anyone

Someone who takes you in his arms or her arms.

God knows l only want you to be happy.

Someone who holds you in the night when you afraid

You didn't answer.. Doesn't matter.

Some of the richest periods of my life

came when l was between love affairs.

Were you raised with brothers or sisters

l have a brother.

Oh, l wanna meet him.

lt's a little soon.. Hello, you two.

Oh, Alan, you remember Gabrielle lt's April.

Recovering from the abominable way l approached you

l make for you a special mother/daughter antipasto.

Someday I'll tell you how we have Alan to thank for this.

l uh, l produced the show that led to this.

l looked in the camera and the whole story just came out.

Our story.

Such a powerful moment Excuse me, what is our story

I'm sorry to bother you That's all right.

Alan, do you have a pen

No, l just want to say, l love you.

l watch you all the time.

l think you're just the best. Enjoy your lunch.

Thank you.

lf you have a TV show, why have l never heard of you

You watch local TV at 10:30 in the morning

Never Me, either.

How much do you know about my parents

l know that you lost Trudy three weeks ago,

and you lost Julius three years before that.

How do you know who they were

Oh, I've known since the day l lost you.

Were they good to you How

You weren't allowed to know that l read it.

Upside down, across the adoption counselor's desk.

"Baby Girl Epner, born April first."

So, it's possible.

What That you are who you say you are.

Listen, l only got to have you for three days,

but that doesn't change the fact that you are my daughter.

You are the most important thing on earth to me.

You must know that. Do you have children

l think your own family might feel strange

about you tracking me down like this.

My family is me and you.

lt shows in your face that you know I'm your mother.

What about your husband Oh, l don't have one.

What about you ever been married

Yes How's that going

You know, there's a certain presumption..

Don't lock Bernice out.

She loved the people who raised her You're her mother.

But it's natural she would have questions

I'm sitting here

Yes, you are.

Ask me anything.

You're sitting on anger. Ask me anything,

hit hard, ask me anything you want.

Why did you give me up

On you will go, though the weather be foul.

On you will go, though your enemies prowl.

Onward up many a frightening creek

"Though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.

What lt's a book, by Dr. Seuss.

Did your adoptive parents read it to you No.

Oh, that's a shame, because it's a map of your life really.

The whole point of which is that every ending is a beginning.

Now, when Trudy and Julius passed, that was an ending,

but in a funny kind of a silver liningy way,

it's brought us together, hasn't it

l have to go.

Wait. Stop.

Don't... Don't go.

Gabrielle April, god damm it

Would you like to know who your father was

He was a famous man, now dead.

Why don't we go to my office and really talk

Thank you, no We could go for a drive.

l would like to walk Oh, you like to walk

You sound like your father.

My famous father, now dead, went for walks

I'm a walker myself, you know.

All kinds of exercise, I'm a nut for.

Could we slow down for just a moment

Oh, being related like this is just incredible.

You were saying about my father

You hardly know me yet.

Well, thank you, Ms. Graves,

it was traumatic and potentially illuminating to have met you.

l met him when l was fifteen.

l worked in perfume Where, exactly

Well, four blocks that way, as it happens.

Used to be Bonita Teller. You can look it up.

Since l wasn't rich,

l earned extra money working in their perfume department.

So this was a customer Oh, a very special customer.

He came in to buy a gift for his mother.

He was close to his mother, too close,

because no woman could measure up Who was it

He was immediately flirtatious, but not in a boorish way.

He was, and l say this in all humility... enchanted.

Who was it Steve McQueen.

How dare you We were deeply in love.

Well, what went wrong

He was single when l met him. Separated, anyway.

l never would've gotten involved

had his relationship been viable

but l sensed they weren't through.

"They" would be Steve McQueen and Ali MacGraw

lf you watch The Getaway, you'll sense a certain closeness.

l feel good about that.

By the way, do you have any children

Was it a one-night stand

Oh, the memory lasted a lifetime.

Your generation is so cynical.

When was l conceived Around the fourth of July.

Around or on On

Was he right or left handed

What kind of question is that

Circumcised

Catholic. l understand your parents were Jewish.

So what So am l Well, God bless.

What does that mean

God bless that you believe in God.

You don't believe in God

l don't know. Watched the news lately

I'll ask you one more time, why did you give me up

l didn't give you up. You were taken from me.

Didn't they tell you that

My father was very religious.

l held you in my arms for three days,

praying that it wouldn't happen.

But it did.

He walked in, he took you, and he left me screaming.

How do l know any of this is true

Because it is

All right, listen to me, and please respect what l say to you.

l have to go home, think about this, and decide what to believe.

OK.

OK.

Thank you.

l appreciate you.. Can you drop me

What Where

Back there.

All right.

When can we do this again

Everyone needs family.

l will call you.

Let me give you my number. Do you have a pen

OK.

Give me your hand.

Please

lt's harder to lose a hand.

This isn't just a thousand-to-one shot.

This is a professional blood sport.

lt can happen to you.

And then it can happen to you again.

l want my mommy

Hi, everybody. Thanks for your patience.

Oh, some more than others

l want my mommy l want my mommy

Ruby, l need you to come here now. Get your shoes on.

Why don't you come in first l mean, for obvious reasons.

That's OK. You go ahead.

Besides, we're having so much fun here.

Are you sure Of nothing.

l want my mommy

Pardon me What

We're all right. We're fine.

You're fine She's fine Yeah, we're fine. Mm-hm, fine.

Listen, I'm sorry about what l.. Shh.

I'm sorry about what l said to you.

Listen, I'm four weeks divorced.

For all l know, l was coming on to you.

Were you coming on to me

No, l wasn't.

Why l wasn't, l can't imagine.

Um, this is Jimmy Ray's portfolio.

l think he's in trouble You do

Sorry, what were you about to say His printing is good.

Really Mm-hm.

K's made him nervous, but he likes them now.

He seems happiest.. He has night terrors.

Did you say night terrors l think they're night terrors.

He walks in his sleep How often

Once, ten months ago.

What happened He peed in the fridge.

Have you slept

Oh, no. No.

l love his hands.

l do. l love how he uses them, how expressive he is.

l love that, too.

He has a little less confidence just right at the moment,

but l think that's to be expected Do you have kids

No.

He talks about his mom a lot. He seems to worship her.

From afar. She's on a trip round the world.

She's a painter. She's painting the world with her boyfriend.

Oh.

l see you outside in your car. ls that...

Yes. l work out there. l write.

ln your car

l like to keep an eye on the building. lt relaxes me.

Mm.

So why didn't you have kids

I've watched you. You love them. And you're...

Old

No.

No, my God, no. You can't be more than what, you're 35, 34

I'm 39 and a half years old and I've never been pregnant.

Well, if you put it like that.

lt looks pretty bleak, doesn't it

No. No, it looks painful.

And beautiful.

And l hope you get everything you want.

Um, dinner.

Apparently l want dinner.

Well, bon appetit Oh, would you like to get some dinner

No, l'd rather eat frozen food

alone for the fifteenth month in a row.

Yes, l'd like to get dinner.

But l think you are a very beautiful woman

and for some reason

l decided not to go on any kind of date for at least a year.

Why Because I'm a fucking idiot.

Thank you, you're gorgeous. I'm leaving now.

Yes, l would like to get some dinner.

Best friends He said that Mm-hm.

ls this man entirely intact

You know, we were best friends. l loved him.

Kept hoping one day, pop, he'd be a grown-up.

So your wife was seeing someone else

Pretty much everyone else.

l was too much for her.

For your wife Mm-hm.

I'm sure she didn't feel that way.

She told me What did she say

"You're too much for me."

Ohh So was it just out of the blue

lt was out of the blue because l was an idiot.

l came across the ocean to be a blind idiot.

This woman may actually let her kids

grow up without knowing their mother.

l hope not.

How can you know if someone's your mother

l mean, literally, if someone says they're your mother,

how can you know for sure

DNA test, l guess. Why

l mean, you don't not look like Steve McQueen.

ls she a credible person l have no idea.

My God, you have a chance to get to know your mother.

Yes, l guess l do.

What do you write in here

Books.

Jackets. Jackets for other people's books. For now.

Get a hair I'm sorry

For the DNA test. Get a hair.

Oh.

Thank you.

Well.

l don't wanna say good night l don't either.

You suppose my son would notice

if l just didn't pick him up from his play day

I'm sure he'd understand.

OK, l need you to do something for me.

l need you to get in your car. Which is your car

Yeah, l need you to get in your car and drive away, first.

Because l can't.

Will you do that for me

Seriously Yes.

You will go home, right

l won't find you guys here in the morning wearing the same thing

OK. Good night Good night.

Maybe l should call you when you get home,

just so you can be sure.

l'd appreciate that. l worry.

Yeah, l do, too.

What are you making

Well, it's peanut butter and jelly. And l have to confess

that we don't share your countrymen's love of peanut butter.

And jelly isn't jelly.

That's another thing l have to have a word with you about.

Well, if you were in England, what would you be making

This would probably be cheese and pickle.

Did you say cheese and pickle

You don't know what pickle is.

You give me a hard time about peanut butter and jelly

and you say cheese and pickle

I'm defending food to an Englishman.

ls that happening to me right now

Our sex life was dominated by her artwork, you know

What do you mean

Well, she liked to depict acts of autoeroticism.

Oh

l sometimes make toast and have tea

after I've brushed my teeth,

and l don't brush them again. Do you ever do that

No, no, no, l can't. I'm, um, I'm British.

..beautiful girl and l want you to know it

l was never happier to get a call.

Hello Hello. Have you eaten yet

Um, actually, no Oh, come with me

Our show went well today, despite our best efforts,

so, everyone's in a good mood, OK AJ

Welcome to the craziness Hello.

Lunch Please. We're famished.

Sam's Perfect

What do you feel like lt's a kind of a pubby place.

would a hamburger be all right

Oh, my God What

You're a little anaemic, aren't you

Runs in the family.

Actually, l would just like a hamburger.

Oh. OK. Come on.

So, Janeane Garofolo,

you've lived in the West Village for a long time,

what's it like when the denizens of the village

come out and march about

ln Gay Pride Yes.

l have a particular favorite gay.

You do l do.

My favorite gay is the bantamweight Latino

in the gold lame short shorts.

Lace front short shorts.

I'm partial to the flyweight Latino

Do you know his name

l don't know. but he's great on the float.

..surf break up on the Statue of Liberty,

so that you could actually ride a wave

from the Statue of Liberty to Battery Park.

That would be great That would be great.

lnstead of taking that ferry.

Come on in A hamburger is eighteen dollars

My treat. Make it two.

I'll have a Caesar salad One sec.

l can't have you in this lunch.

Well, if you can't have me here, you can't have me.

Thanks.

l practically live in this room ln fact, l call it my sanctuary.

Do you have a sanctuary My kitchen is nice.

Let me show you something.

Come here.

l want you to know me.

OK.

Much of this is my natural hair color.

OK, I'll start. Much of this is my natural hair color.

Oh Um...

l don't know what to... l like music.

What kind of music l like Fleetwood Mac and um...

I'm very verbal during sex.

I'm afraid of drowning.

During sex No, just in general.

Um, I'm a tiny bit hard of hearing in my right ear.

I'm a tiny bit hard of hearing in my right ear.

Oh, see What else

l visit my father's grave all the time.

Only his What Of course not. Both.

Oh, of course.

Three years ago, l had a lumpectomy.

Oh Oh, l was fine. But you should be aware.

I'm getting a divorce Oh, God, l knew it

l could feel it. I'm so connected to you.

What happened l don't wanna talk about it.

But you brought it up

l was playing your game and it came out.

Was this recent Yes.

Was there trouble for a long time Long enough.

Do you still want kids Of course you still want kids.

May l use this Oh, yes, of course.

Here, let me have it. Let's see.

I'll clean it out for you.

There you go. What's mine is yours.

l want to find this record to play for you.

lt's Roy Orbison singing All l Have To Do ls Dream.

lt's very rare. But when l was pregnant with you,

l played it all the time, and l thought...

Oh.

Ohh, l can feel your heart beating.

Me, too.

The last time l felt your heart beating against mine,

you were three days old.

How big was l

Six pounds, 15 ounces. Mm

You had such a sweet face and

the squinchiest little eyes and...

Oh, what was that

l don't know.

Hi, there Oh, hello.

Hi.

Hi. OK. Let's everybody pack up.

Hello.

Did l do something wrong

No...of course not.

Hello.

I've very much enjoyed talking to you these last nights,

but we shouldn't go out of our way to talk to each other here,

in a private way.

ln a private way I've thought about it...

I've thought about it, too.

Let's go, Daddy.

OK. Well, good night.

Um...goodbye.

One thing.

l don't sleep, usually,

so if you want to look up information about your mother,

l'd be happy to help.

Oh, boy, l am so bad at that stuff.

At some point l.. Here.

lt's about Steve McQueen.

What about him

l got your birth date from the office.

Listen, l have to do something with the energy

I'm spending not asking you out.

Do you wanna know

Steve McQueen was on the Yangtze River, it's in Southern China,

making a film called The Sand Pebbles.

He was there between March, 1966, and September.

You were born in April Yes.

ls it possible this could've happened in Southern China

She told me Manhattan.

Sorry, l just don't think he could've been.

l don't know who you are or what you want,

but l want you to stay away from me.

How dare you invade the life of another human being this way

What kind of selfish, psychotic,

compassionless freak must you be

Do not ever try to contact me again or l will call the police,

l swear to God

Freddy You sitting down

Yes.

She's your mother.

Begin l know what a risk this is for you.

You have no idea.

And nothing could possibly excuse my having told you a lie.

Begin

His name was Jack Watske.

He was a Ukrainian boy from the neighborhood.

A little gangly, but gorgeous.

Did you ever meet anybody and

know in a heartbeat you'd do whatever they say

You dated We courted.

Meaning We had sex three times.

He told me l had a perfect body

l was so inexperienced, l had no idea he was right

l still have a fine body but

of course it's never the same after childbirth.

Would you please

My girlfriend's parents were out of town.

He and l were in a sleeping bag in their backyard.

We made love.

lt was so cold outside the sleeping bag, and so warm in it,

and afterwards, l cried and cried and cried,

and he pretended to understand why.

So that's where l was conceived

No, you were conceived a week later,

according to a great American tradition.

Speak English l fucked him at a drive-in.

What movie Bullitt.

Why did you lie l don't know why.

l thought it was ugly and ordinary,

and l wanted to make it beautiful.

lf l made him famous and dead, he'd be famously dead,

and you wouldn't waste time trying to find him.

l tried for years. He's unfindable How convenient.

Look, don't you think that if

l could offer your father up to you, l'd do it,

whatever shape he was in How should l know what you'd do

Because I'm telling you What is that worth

I'm giving you my word Bernice, look at me.

l will know if you're lying.

Memorize this moment. l know what l did to you.

l lied in the scariest way imaginable,

and now, at the worst of all possible times,

when your husband just left you...

Or did you leave him l get the sense that he left you.

OK, it's none of my business.

lt will not happen again.

l knew it. l knew it. That's why l said Steve McQueen.

What l knew you'd be ashamed.

lt's not that. Please understand, it's not you as much as me.

I'm glad to have met you,

but I'm going through some things, and now is not a good time.

Thank you for understanding,

and l really do hope that our paths will cross again.

I'm gonna walk home now, so...goodbye.

You're absurd Give me 72 hours.

Three lousy days. l want to know you.

l want to meet your brother.

I'm begging you.

I'm on my knees.

Metaphorically speaking, I'm on my knees.

Oh, for God's sake

lt's Freddy. Leave me a message.

I'm begging you. Come with me.

I'm going to this event with her.

She wants to meet you. Or at least call me back.

l know you're working hard, but l worry.

"l was," mumbled Gun Smith.

No one had ever tangled with those two varmints

and lived to tell the tale.

"So one day, a drifter..."

Hello

Never mind What

l have the wrong number.

Miss Epner Hello.

Hi, it's Jimmy Ray Of course it is.

Hello, Jimmy Ray, is your father there

Dad, it's Miss Epner.

Hello God Hello. lt's me, it's Miss Epner.

Hello, Miss Epner.

lt's April Hi.

ls Jimmy Ray right there Yes.

Oh, God Just please, just say

"OK, Miss Epner", and I'll call you another time.

OK, Miss Epner.

I'm sorry, l shouldn't have called you during the day.

lt was a really bad mistake.

OK, Miss Epner.

Are you there

Would you like to go out with me tomorrow night

More than l can say.

Everybody say, "Send us money " Send us money

Oh, you look lovely Thank you. So do you.

Thank you.

I'm glad you didn't bring a date. it'll be more fun this way.

l did bring a date Oh, good, I'm so glad

Where is he He's meeting me here.

Oh. ls this your first date

With him or since my husband

Either Both.

Jesus Christ You want a drink

Yes, please OK.

April.

Hi Hello. You look beautiful.

Doesn't she Uh, Frank, this is Bernice.

I'm so glad to get to meet you.

Thank you I've enjoyed your show.

Oh, you're lying. You've never seen my show.

l don't do a lot of lying.

Well, that makes one of us.

Hey, beautiful

His name is Ted.

l think he has the best ass

I've ever seen on a 50-year-old man.

Hey Hey.

Oh, you must be April

Yes. lt's nice to meet you. This is Frank.

Hello A pleasure.

Shall we get some drinks Absolutely.

After you No, please, after you.

OK. Everybody say, "Sake bomb "

Sake bomb

Oh, my gosh You're telling me

l love these l knew l liked you.

l don't drink like this.

Well, tonight you do.

Am l being too nice to her No

Not nice enough What do you mean

This is your mother.

Are you getting what you want from me as your date

Oh, God, just that you asked. You're perfect.

Thank God you're here

l am perfect, by the way. I'm glad you noticed.

Just to get this in... before we're hopelessly drunk.

I'm so glad you called.

l know we're not ready, but l love talking to you.

You move me.

This moves me, that you're trying this with her.

I'm so glad I'm here.

Oh

God, I'm sorry

After he said something like that

They should make those things illegal.

I'm sure it's my brother.

I'm sure. I'm sorry. l just worry. Sorry.

ls it you lt's me.

Oh.

Hello.

Hi Hi.

Sorry, hi.

Everything all right Yes.

Who's that No one. I'm sorry, I'll be right back.

Hello Yeah, I'm here.

Hi Hi.

Hi.

So, how are you Where are you

Nowhere special.

Decided to drift around for a while, you know get lost.

let the road take me where it wants me to go.

Just tell me. I'm at my mom's.

That's perfect Don't do that.

What Humiliate me.

Do you know the actual, physical pain..

Why are you calling me

Because l miss you,

and l thought now that some time has passed...

lt's been 23 days, you idiot You're ready to be my friend

Well... OK, glad l called.

Well, take care.. My mom died.

Did you say.. Talk to you later.

Wait, when 22 days ago.

Why didn't you call me

Oh, l don't know, l guess l just didn't feel that close to you.

l have to, l have to see you.

Oh, no. I'll end up in bed with you and...

l want to be there.

Really Do you promise to be there for better or worse,

for richer and poorer,

in sickness.. l miss you.

How much

A lot.

Enough

That's what l thought. Be a man and leave me alone

"For better or worse."

I'm gonna guess not your brother, right

No.

Oh, where are you going

l think leaving Please don't leave

Now where you going not leaving.

You just said you were leaving l was then, now not.

But you're walking away.

l have to do something.

OK. Are we doing it yet

All right, look, you were just talking to your husband

about for better or worse and god knows what else,

and l just, l feel...

Aargh

Fuck

When l feel this way,

l find it helps to take my "Aargh fuck" out for a walk,

so that's what doing, and you're not invited.

But l will say this, this is a first date,

and if you're not done with him who you're married to,

if you two aren't done, it's fine.

lt's more than fine. Just tell me. I'm not ready, anyway.

Frank, I'm done with him lt's OK if you're not.

But l am How do l know

You're gonna have to...trust me.

You kidding me

And it doesn't feel like a first date, not to me.

You wait until we try to say good night.

I'm sorry again, and l had a wonderful time with you.

l did, too.

See

l haven't done this for a long, long time,

so, forgive me for not finding a sexier way to put this,

but would you like to come in l can't.

You can't

As if having a jealous girlie fit

on our first date wasn't emasculating enough,

l have to get home to my kids.

They need their mum, and I'm it.

That's not emasculating. lt's very sexy.

How sexy

You have a very nice house.

She says wake up

lt's no use breaking down

I'll keep stealing, breathing her

Birds are leaving over autumn's ending...

One of us will...

What

You're looking at me.

Eyes wide open...

Of course l am.

Naked as we came...

Of course you are.

One will spread our...

Ashes round the yard...

Hello Do you think l should sleep with him

Who is this

Why aren't you answering your regular phone

l called your regular phone.

Because I'm not.

Are you at his house

Um.. Oh, that's fantastic

That's just what you need, a great rebound affair.

l think it might be more..

God, I've gotta get outta here I'm all for it

Talk to you later.

Are you sl.. What happened

Why are you in here

l sleep in here when l can't sleep.

Oh. I'm gonna go.

Just lie down here with me

No, no, no I'm your son's teacher.

Fifteen minutes, please, then you can go.

l don't suppose we could.. I'm going right now

I'm kidding l wouldn't, even if you begged me.

lt's possible I'm falling in love with you.

So much for sleeping

Too much No.

Maybe.

l don't know.

No.

Good.

Cos it scared the shit out of me

Oh, God

All right, sweetie. All right. lt's your ear.

Come on, sweetheart, I'm right here, I'm right here.

lt's your ear acting up again.

Jimmy Ray Jimmy Ray, l need you to wake up.

Jimmy Ray, Ruby's having her ear thing.

l need you to go to my room

and get the flashlight by my bed. Can you do that

All right, Daddy's here. Let's just have a look.

Go on, quick as you can.

Let's have a look. I'm not gonna touch.

I'm just gonna have a look.

Miss Epner's here.

Hi, how are you

Miss Epner and l had a sleepover.

And now we're all gonna go to the hospital,

so we can get something to make Ruby's ear feel better.

Get your socks, buddy.

ls there anything l can do

Do you want me to lock up after you go

You're not coming

Yes, I'm coming.

She says if l leave before you, darling'

Don't you waste me, in the ground

l lay smiling like our sleeping children

One of us will die inside these arms

Eyes wide open...

How are you Better.

Naked as we came...

That's a nice frog.

You could have it.

Seriously l have another.

Ashes round the...

Thank you.

You wanna give me something

l have a mint.

Can you excuse me just a second

Hello there Hello.

Hello, beautiful. Hello.

Champagne I'll say.

I'll have a ginger ale, please, and some crackers,

if you have any.

Right away.

Ginger ale and crackers

Nlessed are You our God, King of the Universe,

One Who brings out bread from the earth

What Are you pregnant

What

No.

lf l am, it would be a world's record.

l only slept with him last night.

Trust me, l am not pregnant.

I'm too old not to have a baby.

Obviously you're not too old to have a baby.

No, I'm too old not to have a baby,

and this baby connects me forever to a man,

who is that man you were talking about What man

Who you know you'll do whatever they say.

Only he's not a man, he's a child really.

A baby. Oh, Jesus

What are you doing This helps me.

ls it helping

Not really.

April... Allow me.

Have a sip I'm pregnant

lt's OK to have a sip of red wine. Some doctors say it's good.

What, are you nuts You're pregnant Give me that.

Come here.

That's OK, you don't have to do that

I'm just sitting here.

He lives with his mother Don't get me started.

Now, remember.

What

l don't know.

Would your other mother have said something helpful right now

You're doing really well.

Hi, Alice Oh, hello, dear.

Hello.

Uh, so, how are you

Well, you know, my back hurts.

That's too bad.

So, Alice, can Benjamin come out and play

Mom, let her in

Well, l don't know what you two are up to.

Hi. Sorry Could you come out here

Yeah.

Who's that A friend.

I'm pregnant.

Oh

Oh, my God

Oh, my God ls it...

Sweetie, wow

Are you kidding me

What'd l do

Say something.

What do you want me to say

l don't know. What does it mean to you

How do you want to handle it

What do we do now

Well, l.. That sort of thing

l wanna try to be with you, l guess.

I'm sorry if l didn't instantly come up with a perfect solution

to this very complicated situation

lt's not complicated I'm having this baby.

You may participate in the raising of this baby.

l can't make you do it,

but l would hope that you would wanna be there

for the growing up of this person who carries your DNA

The first doctor's appointment is in two weeks.

I'll see you there, or l won't.

I'm so sorry.

I've never met anyone like you, ever.

I've never been so much myself with anyone.

Even these few times we've spent together have felt like...

What

Family. I'm sorry, but it has.

And l know it's fast, but l can only tell you how l feel,

and how l feel is that l wanna be near you all the time.

But l have some big decisions to make

about how my life's gonna work,

and if you'll have me, so do you Why you talking fast

Jimmy Ray shouldn't know I'm here.

lf we're gonna be family,

he should know he didn't dream you up half-naked in his house.

And besides, he knows you're here.

No, l was very careful to wait till he was a safe distance away.

Hi, Miss Epner.

Hi, Jimmy Ray.

D'you wanna be with him, the better or worse guy

ls that someone you wanna be with

No, it's not But if it is...

But it's not. Truthfully l wanna be with you.

But being with me is gonna mean being with this.

How pregnant are you

They said six weeks Six weeks

That's what they said, six weeks today.

We met six weeks ago today, actually.

Mm Which was the day he left.

You made love on the day we met

Ah... Yeah.

Sorry.

What happened

Um, I've gotta take a walk.

Really Yes, really.

I'm on the brink of asking you to be with me

really, really be with me.

You, who have some other guy's...

your husband's baby in your stomach,

your very beautiful stomach.

I've gotta take a walk.

What about your kids What about them

Who's gonna watch them You are.

The walk didn't work. Your mother's here.

No, she's not. l told her to wait in the car.

I'm just here if either of you need me.

l can't stand the thought of it.

Of me sleeping with my husband

You slept with your wife, at least twice, you know.

lt's not like the most appetizing thing ever imagined.

No, of course it's not.

Hey.

You're pregnant.

Yes, l am.

Way to go.

So now what

Both of them, or neither of them,

will show up at the doctor's office.

All l know is, I'll be there.

You don't know how to work a blender

Take your hat off.

Jeez

Hello.

Hello Hello.

How are you Hi.

Hi Hello.

Sorry.

So... Anyone else coming

No. This is it No, this is it.

Uh, could you lower this, please

Oh, my God.

This looks really good. I've seen a couple of these.

Where did she go She'll be back.

Look at that.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God Oh, my God.

So, what exactly is.. Sorry.

No, go ahead No, no, go ahead.

He, or she just looks great.

Can l have a look at that before l have to run

She's beautiful.

We made a baby.

You look pretty lt's the hormones.

Whatever.

Your back

Yeah.

Really

Anything What

Do you have anything to say

Don't.

l don't know what to say.

Oh See ya.

l thought we were having dinner after the show.

I'm in trouble.

Come with me.

They're ready for you We're gonna run late today.

OK I'm panicking.

Tell me l sort of...slept with my husband.

Well, almost.

Break-up sex, but it's kind of great, right

Don't. Don't be glib about this.

I'm with a man who sees me, really sees me,

and somehow still wants to be with me, and l want him

and l just blew it

Oh, God, it's him l don't suppose you've cheated before.

Mm-mm Of course not.

With someone who's bad for me. What am l gonna do

Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to go in and rehearse,

so everyone knows what they're doing,

and then I'm going to send everyone home,

and we're going to shoot the show tonight,

or in a couple of hours, or maybe never. OK

Thank you Mm. OK.

Edie, l have to tell you, Sunday nights are about the...

A good question.

Shall we make gay marriage a priority during this election,

or should we just not take the bait

lf Pam dies, what happens to our daughter l have no rights.

Oh, thank you lt's very scary. Very scary.

At least I'm not one of those insular gay men,

who throws himself into his work,

and devotes himself to people

who can never love him back romantically.

What we want to ask you is, do you think it's right...

lt's so hard for anyone to meet someone.

Have you ever seen the show she did on you

l can't be around people who have adopted children.

Especially girls.

Have you ever tried to find her

Endlessly.

On the internet. Um, l put ads in the paper.

Do you feel...haunted

Yes.

Whenever there are kids around,

I'm always looking for her face.

ln shopping malls, in the parks.

l have something l want to say.

l hadn't planned on doing this,

but hearing you speak, it's just something l have to do.

l had a child that l gave up for adoption.

lt was many, many years ago. l was very young.

l tried, God knows,

but the year l spent with that child

was the scariest, most darkly miserable time of my life.

One minute you're cuddling in a sleeping bag

and the next minute, you've ruined the rest of your life.

Can you rewind this

To the beginning Um, no, just a little.

l tried, God knows,

but the year l spent with that child was the scariest...

Go back again, just...five seconds.

Are you sure

Yeah, in fact, l don't.. Could you go one sentence back

..but the year l spent with that child

was the scariest, most darkly miserable time of my life.

Finally, l said uncle.

Do you think you just hand it over

You probably put it down somewhere,

and the next people come along and pick it up

Hey, can l find you some dry clothes

You want me to get it

lt's me

Maybe you'll feel better if you talk to her

l can hear you in there.

Don't make me bang the door down.

Hello Hi. I've seen your picture.

She doesn't wanna see you right now.

Too bad, I'm her mother.

Maybe another day would be better.

Unless you say no,

I'll leave you alone to have a private conversation.

She's afraid to be left alone with me

I'm not afraid to be left alone.

I'll be on my beeper if you need me.

Alan had no right.. Are you capable of telling the truth

l was fifteen years old.

That's a little bit older than some of the kids in your school.

Your father disappeared.

My father completely turned his back on me.

Was l breast feeding

My mother said l'd ruined my life.

They threw me out

l had a bag of clothes and 48 dollars.

l didn't know if rent was $6 or $600

l didn't know how to open a fucking can of soup

You wouldn't stop crying.

l get it.

l watched the tape. So did millions of others.

Well, not millions. How many people watch your show

Did you see on the tape that l went to my father

with his grandchild in my belly,

and begged him for help, and that he turned me away

Did you see that l never forgave him,

that l didn't even go to his funeral

You just saw the parts that made me look bad.

l thought it was for the best

Like an idiot, l thought it was for the best,

and then it was too late

Too late

Like if you had it to do over, it would be different

You'd sacrifice your fabulous life

to sit there with a cranky,

moody kid who got sick A lot, by the way.

Sore throats, like on fire, ten a year

You'd sit up till six in the morning,

rubbing her down with alcohol,

because her fever's around 106,

and that's about the time when if you miss the signs,

you got a brain-damaged kid for the rest of your life

You'd get this girl grown up just to let her know

that you didn't love her enough

Or the right way

Your mother wasn't perfect.

She told me the truth.

She did her best.

She was there.

Just say you wanted a life more than you wanted me.

l wanted a life... more than l wanted you.

Hello Hi, it's me.

Listen, that's never gonna happen again.

l really don't think it should.

Good l want to help with all this.

OK.

Any thoughts on how

Uh.. Wait.

Can you say that again, the part about wanting to help

l really want to help with all of this. l really, really do.

Thank you.

l want that, too.

been scared to death Sorry.

l imagined you dead on the roadside Sorry.

l imagined you dead in the arms of a handsome stranger.

French guy, for some reason, which was an even worse image.

l mean.. l said I'm sorry

What What's going on

Nothing Something happen

No What are you not telling me

What could l not be telling you

Well, l don't know. Perhaps you don't love me,

you made a horrible mistake,

and you want to take the whole thing back.

l do love you. l don't wanna take the whole thing back.

Listen, some...

l think he dropped something.

You're taking a walk

What about the kids What do you care

l care Clearly

l do Go...home

Not my home, yours

Go

l don't have one without you That's not my problem.

What do you do on these walks You don't want to know.

Yes, l do l say all the things l don't say to you.

All the things l spare you from Like what

Like, go to hell Like, get your own children

And like, what's the matter with you

that you don't have children anyway

And like, what kind of mother are you gonna be,

if you can walk out on your children without a second thought

You know they're.. What

Not your children

lt's just possible some of this is

what you wanted to say to your wife.

Oh, really, you think so

Do you understand l can't even take a walk

lt must be.. Go to hell

l don't have to be with you,

l don't have to care for you or this godforsaken baby

Don't say that All l have to do,

is care for my children

until they're old enough to do it for themselves.

l don't even have to like it, or them.

Fuck them,

and fuck you

So, how long have you guys been dating Oh, not long.

We had a date tonight and, uh, she works right down the street,

so we decided to meet here.

Cool.

So, hello, hi, great to see you.

Great to see you all Good to see you.

Uh, and you are Freddy.

Freddy. Well, great.

Great Oh, God, I'm her brother

Great. So...shall we Yes.

And you're at.. Ten weeks

Ten weeks.

Have you seen these before My brother's a doctor.

Yeah, l have.

Can you tell us what we're seeing

Uh, just one moment, please.

Any chance we can hear that squishing sound again

That's the best thing l ever heard.

What's happening

What's happening

April...

I'm not seeing a heartbeat.

Amein.

Hello.

Oh, amein.

How often is she out there

She comes on Fridays a lot, because she knows I'm home.

April...adopt a baby.

How could you lt's the same.

How would you know Maybe it's better.

You don't know what it's like to be adopted.

You don't know what it's like to not be adopted

Right

What's it like

lt was exhausting.

lt was embarrassing sometimes.

Want me to bring her out some chicken You can.

Why don't you l would like to forgive her.

I'm tired of being so mad. I've tried. l can't.

Make her buy you something.

l beg your pardon She's loaded.

Maybe it'll make you feel better That's ridiculous.

Make her buy me something.

A car. Yours is on its last legs.

A house. A very small house.

Make her buy something you really want but can't afford.

I'm here Ahh

Jesus fucking Christ

Sorry l mean...

..Jesus. Hm.

How are you

Sick...

every day over what l did to you.

Good.

l mean, l think that's probably good.

Yeah, l guess so.

l want you to make it up to me.

This is for me, you understand, not for you, for me.

l think l will be happier in the long run

if you try to make it up to me.

OK.

l want you to buy me a baby.

Oh, well, that's easy

I'm plugged into all kinds of adoption these days.

ln China they're throwing them...

No, l want you to buy me a baby that I'm going to have.

I'm almost forty, so l don't have much time.

lt's very expensive. l want you to pay for it.

After they do it, l have to lie still for two hours.

l hate lying still.

l want you to be there, find ways to help me.

Twelve days later, l take a pregnancy test.

Five hours after that, l find out.

lf you make one false move, I'll never speak to you again.

lf you don't,

then maybe we can be in each other's lives a little.

You understand that's all that's possible right now -

a little.

Can l put my pants on

" Hair, average."

As opposed to Thin, thick, or balding.

"Artistic ability, none."

None None.

Jesus

"How would you describe yourself "

"Hard working, intelligent, warm, caring,

sexy, and contemplative."

I'm keeping this one for me.

You need to just stick it.

Thousands of Chinese girls...

I'm not adopting a Chinese baby.

Then bend over.

ls there anything l can do No.

Are you ready Mm-hm.

Do you want to pray

She does that. She prays.

Want to say a little prayer or something No.

I'm so sorry to interrupt What is the matter with you

Could you uh, give us a minute

Bernice, listen to me right now I'm sorry. Just a minute.

Just find us when you're ready. We'll be around.

What

Why don't you wanna pray What do you care

l don't l don't give a shit, but you do

You told me that. You pray before you eat a bowl of spaghetti

And now, right before you do the most important thing

you'll ever do in your life, suddenly you're not interested

This is none of your business.

Get out of my way.

Say a prayer with me and l will.

l don't want to pray.

One stupid little prayer.

No

Move

Maybe you just don't want it badly enough.

You have no idea how badly l want it.

Then why won't you pray Why

Because I'm not gonna hand this wish over to some...

whatever it is, who's supposed to be loving, who...

who...

l had faith.

l thought...

God was...good.

Maybe God is...

What

Difficult.

Awful.

Complicated.

Like me

lt took the one man on earth who's right for me

and l dropped him on his head.

Right.

You did.

How are we doing We're done.

I'm sorry No problem.

Wait.

Hear O lsrael

the Lord our God

What does that mean

Hear, O lsrael, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.

What does that mean

Listen, O lsrael, the God of Love and the God of Fear are one.

Well.

Hello.

Thank you for seeing me.

You're standing between me and my front door,

so, it's literally the least l could do.

l heard what happened.

I'm sorry l called the baby godforsaken.

lt turns out she was.

l miss you.

Do you miss me

What do you want, April

l wanna look at you...

for a long, long time.

What else

There's a chance my life may change in a few hours.

lt may not, but it may...

and before it does, l wanna say two things.

l know what l did to you. To you in particular.

Like a worst nightmare kind of thing, right

l knew that.

Even at the time, l knew that.

What else I'll do it again.

l will. I'll hurt you again and again.

Not like that.

You'd have to leave me if l hurt you like that.

lf we were together,

you'd leave me if l hurt you like that again, wouldn't you

Yes. Yes, l would.

Good.

But I'll hurt you in other ways.

Little ways. l won't mean to, but l will.

And sometimes, l will mean to.

This is quite an offer you've worked up.

You'll hurt me, too, you know You'll hurt me and change on me.

You might leave me after you promise you won't. How about that

l wouldn't You might.

But l wouldn't But...

you might.

Yeah, l guess l might.

So

Oh, God l know.

I'm sorry.

So

Just need to get that little wine glass. That's great.

Hey, where's your dad

l got her.

I'll see you inside.

There is a Jewish story.

An ordinary Jewish joke.

A father was teaching his little son to be less afraid,

to have more courage.

"Jump, " he said, "and I'll catch you. "

And the little boy trusted him, and the little boy jumped.

And when his father caught him, he felt filled with love.

And when he didn't,

he was filled with something else, something...more.

Life.

Amein.

( Shawn Colvin: I'll Say I'm Sorry Now)

I'm gonna let you down, l know that now

Make you cry, l know l will

And why should you believe l would never leave

Or that I'll be here still

For all the by and by

And hard as we try

The bough breaks and the cradle falls

For everything l do that will tear at you

Let me say I'm sorry now

So you could sing our song

You can get it wrong

You can kiss the rock of ages

And in your wildest dreams

You might see between

The liars and the sages

You can walk a while

Down the mystery mile

You can beat the drums of freedom

And in love and war

Through the rush and roar

You just call 'me like you see 'em

( Bonnie Raitt: Cool, Clear Water)

Ooh, yeah, baby

l wanna feel my earth turn over, babe

ln this hardened winter ground

Feel my earth turn over, darling'

Till I'm rootless and unbound

l wanna feel my body tremble

When there's no one else around

Just this cool, clear water running

ln this love that I've found

Hey, baby, see how it can be

Every time you reveal yourself to me

I'll come running

When l feel my baby calling now

lt's like a whisper in the sand

When the softest rain is falling,

darling' l will crumble in your hand

Then when all that's left is wonder

And no need to understand

Well, this cool, clear water running

Will be all that l am

Hey, baby

Will be all that l am, all that l am