Original subtitles

IF YOU'RE A YOUNG, HIP, jenzying tick

IF YOU'RE A YOUNG, HIP, jenzying tick

IF YOU'RE A YOUNG, HIP, jenzying tick tocker like me, you probably know we're

tocker like me, you probably know we're

tocker like me, you probably know we're obsessed with our looks. I've got a full

obsessed with our looks. I've got a full

obsessed with our looks. I've got a full beat and I'm lowkey serving.

beat and I'm lowkey serving.

beat and I'm lowkey serving. Now, for the oldies who don't know what

Now, for the oldies who don't know what

Now, for the oldies who don't know what I'm TALKING ABOUT, NEITHER DO I. BUT

I'm TALKING ABOUT, NEITHER DO I. BUT

I'm TALKING ABOUT, NEITHER DO I. BUT WHAT I DO KNOW is that Jenz's decided to

WHAT I DO KNOW is that Jenz's decided to

WHAT I DO KNOW is that Jenz's decided to pull the vape out of their ass and take

pull the vape out of their ass and take

pull the vape out of their ass and take obsessing over their appearance to the

obsessing over their appearance to the

obsessing over their appearance to the next level. Looks maxing. It's an effort

next level. Looks maxing. It's an effort

next level. Looks maxing. It's an effort to maximize your looks. Often taken to

to maximize your looks. Often taken to

to maximize your looks. Often taken to the extreme. The goal to achieve what

the extreme. The goal to achieve what

the extreme. The goal to achieve what looks maxers call ascension or what they

looks maxers call ascension or what they

looks maxers call ascension or what they consider the optimal measure of beauty.

consider the optimal measure of beauty.

consider the optimal measure of beauty. Controversial looks maxer Clavvicular

Controversial looks maxer Clavvicular

Controversial looks maxer Clavvicular says he went to extreme measures to

says he went to extreme measures to

says he went to extreme measures to achieve his desired looks.

achieve his desired looks.

achieve his desired looks. >> I've done like a lot of things like fat

>> I've done like a lot of things like fat

>> I've done like a lot of things like fat dissolvers. Like I've injected lip

dissolvers. Like I've injected lip

dissolvers. Like I've injected lip policy agents into my face.

policy agents into my face.

policy agents into my face. >> Wow.

>> Wow.

>> Wow. They've done it. Dave invented an

They've done it. Dave invented an

They've done it. Dave invented an unfuckable personality.

What kind of [\h__\h] name is Clevicular?

What kind of [\h__\h] name is Clevicular?

What kind of [\h__\h] name is Clevicular? Sounds like he's planning an attack on

Sounds like he's planning an attack on

Sounds like he's planning an attack on the Ninja Turtles.

the Ninja Turtles.

the Ninja Turtles. Whoa. Clevicular is releasing gas into

Whoa. Clevicular is releasing gas into

Whoa. Clevicular is releasing gas into the sewers. Cowabunga, dude.

the sewers. Cowabunga, dude.

the sewers. Cowabunga, dude. But take it from me, looks maxers. It's

But take it from me, looks maxers. It's

But take it from me, looks maxers. It's a lot more fun to destroy your body than

a lot more fun to destroy your body than

a lot more fun to destroy your body than preserve it. The only thing you should

preserve it. The only thing you should

preserve it. The only thing you should be injecting is heroin into your dick.

be injecting is heroin into your dick.

be injecting is heroin into your dick. It It makes me feel LIKE GRACE KELLY. I

It It makes me feel LIKE GRACE KELLY. I

It It makes me feel LIKE GRACE KELLY. I MAY NOT be the princess of Monaco, but I

MAY NOT be the princess of Monaco, but I

MAY NOT be the princess of Monaco, but I am KING OF THIS STARBUCKS BATHROOM.

am KING OF THIS STARBUCKS BATHROOM.

am KING OF THIS STARBUCKS BATHROOM. But if you think these carved and plump

But if you think these carved and plump

But if you think these carved and plump douchebags are idiots, wait until you

douchebags are idiots, wait until you

douchebags are idiots, wait until you see these literal numb skulls.

see these literal numb skulls.

see these literal numb skulls. >> Bone smashing has become increasingly

>> Bone smashing has become increasingly

>> Bone smashing has become increasingly popular.

popular.

popular. >> Do you guys know about bone smashing?

>> Do you guys know about bone smashing?

>> Do you guys know about bone smashing? >> People taking massage guns or even

>> People taking massage guns or even

>> People taking massage guns or even hammers to the face.

hammers to the face.

hammers to the face. >> Smash them bones, baby.

>> Smash them bones, baby.

>> Smash them bones, baby. >> All to cause minor damage to the bone

>> All to cause minor damage to the bone

>> All to cause minor damage to the bone underneath in hopes that it will heal in

underneath in hopes that it will heal in

underneath in hopes that it will heal in a more pronounced way.

a more pronounced way.

a more pronounced way. >> JESUS CHRIST. WHAT THE IS HAPPENING?

>> JESUS CHRIST. WHAT THE IS HAPPENING?

>> JESUS CHRIST. WHAT THE IS HAPPENING? DON'T GET ME WRONG, IT'S NICE TO SEE

DON'T GET ME WRONG, IT'S NICE TO SEE

DON'T GET ME WRONG, IT'S NICE TO SEE kids doing some manual labor for once,

kids doing some manual labor for once,

kids doing some manual labor for once, but smashing your face with a hammer and

but smashing your face with a hammer and

but smashing your face with a hammer and hoping it heals correctly, what kind OF

hoping it heals correctly, what kind OF

hoping it heals correctly, what kind OF SHITBRAIN PLAN IS THAT? I HOPE I COME

SHITBRAIN PLAN IS THAT? I HOPE I COME

SHITBRAIN PLAN IS THAT? I HOPE I COME OUT OF this looking like George Clooney

OUT OF this looking like George Clooney

OUT OF this looking like George Clooney and not like I just gave oral to a Mac

and not like I just gave oral to a Mac

and not like I just gave oral to a Mac truck.

truck.

truck. And back in my day, you didn't break

And back in my day, you didn't break

And back in my day, you didn't break your face to improve your appearance.

your face to improve your appearance.

your face to improve your appearance. You broke your legs to get those sweet

You broke your legs to get those sweet

You broke your legs to get those sweet handicap spots.

handicap spots.

handicap spots. ENJOY THE LONG WALK TO COSTCO, POLIO

ENJOY THE LONG WALK TO COSTCO, POLIO

ENJOY THE LONG WALK TO COSTCO, POLIO PAUL.

PAUL.

PAUL. But of course, since there is no God,

But of course, since there is no God,

But of course, since there is no God, maxing doesn't stop with just looks. It

maxing doesn't stop with just looks. It

maxing doesn't stop with just looks. It now applies to everything.

now applies to everything.

now applies to everything. >> Sleep maxing. Millions of young adults

>> Sleep maxing. Millions of young adults

>> Sleep maxing. Millions of young adults now prioritizing their sleep routine.

now prioritizing their sleep routine.

now prioritizing their sleep routine. >> The trend is called fiber maxing and

>> The trend is called fiber maxing and

>> The trend is called fiber maxing and it's shorthand for getting a ton of

it's shorthand for getting a ton of

it's shorthand for getting a ton of fiber.

fiber.

fiber. >> Non-amaxing, a slower, more domestic

>> Non-amaxing, a slower, more domestic

>> Non-amaxing, a slower, more domestic lifestyle.

lifestyle.

lifestyle. >> Friction maxing designed to put time and

>> Friction maxing designed to put time and

>> Friction maxing designed to put time and space between your phone and your

space between your phone and your

space between your phone and your wallet.

wallet.

wallet. >> Even yogurt maxing.

>> Even yogurt maxing.

>> Even yogurt maxing. >> Yogurt is not a phase. It's a lifestyle.

>> HOW THE IS YOGURT A LIFESTYLE?

YOU CAN'T COME OUT TO YOUR parents as

YOU CAN'T COME OUT TO YOUR parents as

YOU CAN'T COME OUT TO YOUR parents as oos.

oos.

oos. JESUS CHRIST. WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE

JESUS CHRIST. WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE

JESUS CHRIST. WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE labeled maxing? Just call it what

TO BE labeled maxing? Just call it what

TO BE labeled maxing? Just call it what it is. Compulsively doing something to

it is. Compulsively doing something to

it is. Compulsively doing something to fill the sad empty void that is your

fill the sad empty void that is your

fill the sad empty void that is your life.

life.

life. Pretty catchy if you ask me. Still, it

Pretty catchy if you ask me. Still, it

Pretty catchy if you ask me. Still, it turns out these morons can do anything

turns out these morons can do anything

turns out these morons can do anything to the max, including jack [\h__\h]

to the max, including jack [\h__\h]

to the max, including jack [\h__\h] >> It's called nothing maxing. Content

>> It's called nothing maxing. Content

>> It's called nothing maxing. Content creators making the deliberate decision

creators making the deliberate decision

creators making the deliberate decision to unplug, giving their brain time to do

to unplug, giving their brain time to do

to unplug, giving their brain time to do absolutely nothing.

absolutely nothing.

absolutely nothing. >> 20, 30 minutes in and you kind of feel a

>> 20, 30 minutes in and you kind of feel a

>> 20, 30 minutes in and you kind of feel a lot of your muscles let go. Your

lot of your muscles let go. Your

lot of your muscles let go. Your thoughts are clearer. You're leaving

thoughts are clearer. You're leaving

thoughts are clearer. You're leaving space to have that clarity.

space to have that clarity.

space to have that clarity. >> GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE. I'm just nothing

>> GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE. I'm just nothing

>> GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE. I'm just nothing maxing.

maxing.

maxing. I don't need a prescription for clinical

I don't need a prescription for clinical

I don't need a prescription for clinical depression.

depression.

depression. AND SOON I'LL BE BED sore maxing.

And to be clear, this video doesn't even

And to be clear, this video doesn't even

And to be clear, this video doesn't even count as doing nothing. Okay? You still

count as doing nothing. Okay? You still

count as doing nothing. Okay? You still recorded it and posted it. Now my

recorded it and posted it. Now my

recorded it and posted it. Now my neighbor Cheryl, now she knows how to

neighbor Cheryl, now she knows how to

neighbor Cheryl, now she knows how to nothing max. Last week, Pape found her

nothing max. Last week, Pape found her

nothing max. Last week, Pape found her body being eaten by her 12 indoor cats.

body being eaten by her 12 indoor cats.

body being eaten by her 12 indoor cats. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I SAID. And she didn't move a muscle. NOW THAT'S

And she didn't move a muscle. NOW THAT'S

And she didn't move a muscle. NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL CHILLAXING.

WHAT I CALL CHILLAXING.

WHAT I CALL CHILLAXING. But the more I learn about these maxing

But the more I learn about these maxing

But the more I learn about these maxing trends, it only gets worse. China Maxing

trends, it only gets worse. China Maxing

trends, it only gets worse. China Maxing features people from across the globe

features people from across the globe

features people from across the globe claiming to be Chinese while sharing

claiming to be Chinese while sharing

claiming to be Chinese while sharing lifestyle habits like only drinking warm

lifestyle habits like only drinking warm

lifestyle habits like only drinking warm water, wearing house slippers indoors,

water, wearing house slippers indoors,

water, wearing house slippers indoors, and making boiled apple tea with goji

and making boiled apple tea with goji

and making boiled apple tea with goji berries.

berries.

berries. >> My hot water with my goji berries, some

>> My hot water with my goji berries, some

>> My hot water with my goji berries, some lemon, some apple.

lemon, some apple.

lemon, some apple. >> These days, if you ask the internet, no

>> These days, if you ask the internet, no

>> These days, if you ask the internet, no matter where you were born, you too can

matter where you were born, you too can

matter where you were born, you too can be Chinese.

be Chinese.

be Chinese. >> I've been Chinese for about eight years.

For the love of God, China already has a

For the love of God, China already has a

For the love of God, China already has a billion people.

billion people.

billion people. I don't think their leaders are like,

I don't think their leaders are like,

I don't think their leaders are like, "Hey guys, we could really use an extra

"Hey guys, we could really use an extra

"Hey guys, we could really use an extra Caitlyn with a Y.

I can't believe I need to say this, but

I can't believe I need to say this, but

I can't believe I need to say this, but boiling a goji berry doesn't make you

boiling a goji berry doesn't make you

boiling a goji berry doesn't make you Chinese.

Chinese.

Chinese. You know what does MAKE YOU CHINESE?

You know what does MAKE YOU CHINESE?

You know what does MAKE YOU CHINESE? BEING [\h__\h] CHINESE.

I can't just wake up and go. I'm feeling

I can't just wake up and go. I'm feeling

I can't just wake up and go. I'm feeling a little Mexican today.

a little Mexican today.

a little Mexican today. Maybe I'll treat myself to a nice

Maybe I'll treat myself to a nice

Maybe I'll treat myself to a nice kinara.

That chica is muente.

But it's TIME TO STEP ASIDE, YOU pseudo

But it's TIME TO STEP ASIDE, YOU pseudo

But it's TIME TO STEP ASIDE, YOU pseudo Beijing bimbos. There's a hot new trend

Beijing bimbos. There's a hot new trend

Beijing bimbos. There's a hot new trend on the talk called Louiswis Maxing.

on the talk called Louiswis Maxing.

on the talk called Louiswis Maxing. Let me show you how.

Let me show you how.

Let me show you how. Sup Louisis Maxinistas.

Sup Louisis Maxinistas.

Sup Louisis Maxinistas. First, brew a nice cup of tea. Second,

First, brew a nice cup of tea. Second,

First, brew a nice cup of tea. Second, tattoo do not resuscitate across your

tattoo do not resuscitate across your

tattoo do not resuscitate across your chest. And third, hit your heroin dick

chest. And third, hit your heroin dick

chest. And third, hit your heroin dick with a hammer until it's yogurt. See if

with a hammer until it's yogurt. See if

with a hammer until it's yogurt. See if the kids get out of fam.