Original subtitles

Can I help you? Sir?

Are you all right, sir? You…

Oh, yes, sorry.

I'm okay now.

I suppose you don't have a… a bathroom I could use, huh?

Don't do anything weird in there.

Yeah.

Damn.

"I'm not just the president of the Hair Club for Men."

"I am also a client."

I will take all of these.

You feeling okay?

Actually, I have never felt better.

Oh, I forgot to give you back your key.

-Move, old-timer. -Whoa!

Hands up.

Put the money in the bag. Do it!

You don't want to do this, son.

-Somebody might get hurt. -Yeah, you.

-Okay, all right. -If you don't shut up.

-Shut the fuck up! -Your bag, take it!

-Where's the rest? -That's all there is.

-What about the safe? -We don't have a safe.

Why don't you have a safe?

Because this place sucks!

Oh, sh…

What the hell?

That was awesome.

Hey, Sam.

Am I under arrest?

No, of course not. We…

We're worried about you, Sam. You…

You haven't been here very long, and yet you keep getting yourself into

some very… uncomfortable scrapes.

Well, Edward was your fault.

That's fair.

But I'm not the one breaking into funeral homes.

I wanted to say goodbye to a friend.

A friend you just met?

Sam, I know what you said to the EMTs the night that Jack died.

You said that some… "thing" killed him?

I have the examiner's report, Sam.

It was just a heart attack.

And now the mortician is telling me that he found signs

that you were fiddling with Jack's body in the middle of the night.

This is some deeply disturbing stuff, Sam.

It's not like that.

Okay, well, what is it like, Sam?

Help me understand what's going on.

I was…

I was looking for proof.

Proof that… something killed Jack?

Yeah.

Sam, I, um…

I'd like you to consider checking yourself into The Manor,

just so we can run a few tests.

I know what I saw, goddammit!

You know the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf?

What?

The original story took place in this perfect village,

surrounded by a dark forest.

Now, in this village lived a little boy who loved to play

beneath the trees at the edge of town.

Until… one day,

the boy… saw a wolf,

watching him from the shadows of the forest.

Scared, the boy ran home,

told the villagers that he had seen a wolf,

and, of course, the villagers believed him.

They immediately formed a hunting party,

but when they reached the edge of the woods,

there was no sign of the wolf.

The next day, the same thing happened.

And the day after that,

and, well, for days, this went on,

until the villagers became convinced

the boy was lying.

Now, at this point, Sam…

the boy could've walked away.

The wolf would have never dared come out of his forest.

The boy could have lived a long… and happy life

in that perfect village,

but his pride

wouldn't allow it.

Determined to prove that he was telling the truth,

the boy ventured into the forest,

where the wolf…

ate him up.

Do you see what I'm saying, Sam?

You forgot the ending.

Did I?

In the end, the villagers avenge the little boy…

and they kill the wolf.

Oh, well.

Can't say I didn't try.

What about me?

You? You are free to go.

What, that's it?

We're not the cops, Sam.

We're only trying to help.

No hard feelings.

I'll see you at Edward's memorial.

What? Wait.

Edward's dead?

You didn't hear?

Yeah, he passed in his sleep the night you came to visit.

He wasn't well, Sam.

He…

He kept talking about seeing monsters.

Got himself into all kinds of

uncomfortable scrapes.

Only one way that story ends.

What a shame.

Renee?

Ah, good morning.

Well, good morning.

You okay?

Just have a little tickle.

-Going somewhere? -Yeah, I gotta teach a class.

Oh, right.

Uh, want to do something later?

Um, tonight?

-Sorry. -It's all right.

Yeah, we could go see a movie or something.

Still owe me that dinner.

I can't tonight.

Well, Nosotros is playing the Tumblewood on Sunday.

Ah, Sunday's worse.

Why don't you just come here tomorrow night

and I'll burn you some dinner?

You know, I'm starting to feel like a sneaky link over here.

What's that?

The guy you don't want your friends to see you with.

"Sneaky link." I like that.

Not exactly making me feel better.

Listen, am I the first older woman you've dated?

What does that matter?

You go out, you get looks.

People make assumptions. It's a whole thing.

Fuck them. I don't care.

That's what they all say.

I'm not your first younger man.

So, trust me when I say it is not worth all the bullshit

that goes with you and me going to a concert at Tumblewood.

-You mean I'm not worth it. -No, that's not what I said.

Yeah, well, I'm old enough to read between the lines.

Paz. Paz.

Well, well, well.

Hey. Good morning, sunshine.

You didn't wake me for my shift.

Any word from Sam?

Mmm. Radio silence.

How about Art?

I left a dozen messages.

What if something happened to him?

-What if that thing-- -I'm sure he's fine.

The safest place for Art is out in that desert.

Far away from our unfolding creature feature.

You're awfully calm for a man who just found out monsters are real.

Um…

Not that calm.

Hell, this is our life now.

Sleeping in shifts and hiding knives.

I really don't know.

Sam.

-Sam! -Sam!

Hey!

Oh, Sam! Oh my God.

I'm so…

-You look terrible. -I missed you too.

So what happened?

Did they just let you go?

We better talk inside.

So, Blaine knows about the monster?

-I think he's covering it up. -Why?

He has houses to sell.

So we go public.

-They won't believe us. -The police?

They won't believe us, either.

They'll think we're senile coots and just lock us up in The Manor.

Well, we have to warn people. Our neighbors.

-Hell, our friends. -Look, we cannot tell a soul.

Anyone who knows the truth is in danger.

Blaine made that very clear.

What's he gonna do? Double-ban me from the community center?

He killed Edward.

Holy shit.

Why?

For trying to help me.

-Poor Edward. -Okay, no, this… this is wrong.

This is wrong.

Something is feeding on us, and we have to do something.

I'm gonna kill it.

Kill it?

-Yeah. -How do we do it?

I didn't say "we."

Blaine has no idea you two are involved.

Safer to stay that way.

Hey, take it down a notch, cowboy.

Yeah, we're both part of this now.

Till the end, Sam.

Which, given our ages, could be any day.

Sorry.

Hey, Art! Looking good.

You change your hair?

You know me.

Always on the cutting edge of fashion.

Take care, friend.

Yee-haw!

When I wake up in the morning, love

And the sunlight hurts my eyes

And somethin' without warnin', love

Bears heavy on my mind

Then I look at you

-And the world's all right with me -Did you see that?

Just one look at you

And I know it's gonna be

-A lovely day -Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day

-A lovely day -Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day

-A lovely day -Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day

Come on.

-A lovely day -Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day

Okay, if we want to kill the thing, we have to find it first.

What do we know?

We know it's a creepy bitch who sneaks into people's houses at night.

How's it get in?

-Don't know. -Where's it come from?

-No clue. -What does it look like?

I… It has too many legs.

-Oh. -Like a spider?

-Not really. -All right.

New plan.

We get it to come to us.

You mean invite it over to watch the game?

Ha. No!

-To dinner. -Elaborate, Wally.

Last night when I couldn't sleep, I did a bit of reading,

and based on the position of the marks in the back of our throats,

I think the creature is drinking our cerebrospinal fluid.

The stuff around our brains?

Mm, somebody took AP bio.

Now, if the creature is taking small amounts, a little at a time,

we might not notice at first.

But long term, we're talking brain damage, seizures,

a whole list of neurological disorders.

Like Maxwell's.

Yes, exactly.

Our little friend is taking years off our lives.

Years?

But if I can get a hold of a sample of cerebrospinal fluid,

I think I can create a bait.

Unfortunately,

that's not something you can just pick up at the local Circle K.

So where do we get it?

Uh-uh!

Oh, hell no!

You've done this before?

Oh, yeah. Plenty of times.

Jesus.

Okay. First things first.

I'm just going to apply a little topical lidocaine.

Uh-huh.

Can you open wide for me?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

You're doing great. Great, Sam.

There we go.

I'll just give that a bit of time to work.

Well, lidocaine will help with the pain.

Absolutely.

Jesus… You know, Sam,

Wally here used to be a very famous doctor.

He was on the cover of Time.

How did you know?

I investigated you online.

You lousy snoop.

Yeah, I was a small part of a small article back in the '80s

about a group of doctors on the front line against the mysterious gay cancer.

And… I don't have to tell you how that story ended.

Okay. You should be numb by now.

-All right. -Open wide.

And think of Europe.

-Squeeze my hand. -Don't move.

Almost done.

-That's it. -Good job, Sam.

-Okay. -You have beautiful brain fluid, friend.

Thank you very much. Ugh.

Here. Okay, we got the bait. How do we kill the thing?

Oh, I got an idea. But first, I need supplies and a ride.

I'll drive. Wally, can we take your car?

It's all yours.

Okay.

-He's a sweet boy. -He's a mess.

Watch what you say.

That mutt better watch its back.

-How dare you? -Oh, I'm gonna kill it!

Don't you touch my Puddles.

-If only it were just Puddles! -Whoa, what's the problem?

His dog keeps crapping on my lawn.

Puddles only craps on my lawn!

-That's because he's my dog! -You can't be back here.

I want to talk to Hank right now!

What the hell is going on out here?!

How many times do I have to tell you two to quit coming in here

and bothering us with this nonsense?!

I should take you both outside and let--

Now, Hank.

You know this is not how we speak to our residents.

I'm sorry, boss.

I sincerely apologize.

Hank here has been under a lot of stress lately,

but that's no excuse.

-So we're going to have, uh… -Paz.

Paz here will take your statements.

And don't worry. He's one of our best.

Thank you.

Hank, can I have a word with you… downstairs?

Downstairs?

Sure.

Come on.

Renee! Sorry.

I got your message.

What's wrong? Honey, are you okay?

I'm fine. What?

But your message said "SOS."

Oh!

Yes.

-There's a guy. -A guy?

-A guy. -Oh, God.

Oh!

Darling, you scared the hell out of me.

I thought something was actually wrong,

outside of the key lime all over your boob.

Sorry to disappoint you.

No, no, no. Re-Re, I'm sorry.

It's just… Things are crazy right now.

Talk to me.

I'll tell you later.

Hey, so does your tea have anything to do with that hot security guard

I saw leaving your house in a huff this morning?

You know what?

All I did was clearly establish my boundaries.

-Sure. Put up walls. -And he gets his panties in a bunch.

So you treated him like a child, and you're upset he's acting like one.

Ugh.

You know what? I really like this one, Wally.

I don't know. He's… He's different.

Yeah. You know what? You gotta shake things up.

If he's different, you've got to be different.

You know what? Live it up while you can.

You've gotta go rent a hotel room somewhere

and fuck the walls down.

Want my advice?

Go be a whore in Sedona.

Judy!

You home?

Fucking Jack.

Sam.

Hey, Sam. We're here.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I must have drifted off.

Well, you were snoring like a demon.

Figured you needed the rest.

Whose house is this?

My daughter.

We just need to grab a few things.

Won't take long.

Whoa, what's your deal with so many TVs?

My daughter and I used to fix 'em up together.

Just for fun.

It's an engineering thing.

Mmm.

The cathode ray tubes on these sets seem to mess with the monster's blood.

So I'm thinking,

with enough TVs and a couple of other odds and ends,

maybe I can build some kind of weapon.

Is this your wife?

Lilly.

She's pretty.

Look at you!

You guys look so happy.

You believe in ghosts?

If you asked me two days ago, I would have said no.

Now…

Since I moved to The Boroughs, I feel her presence.

It's like she's always

just around the corner.

At Jack's memorial, I started to, uh, see things.

Little things.

Impossible things.

But last night, I saw her.

Saw?

I think she was trying to tell me something.

Oh, Sam…

Dad, what… what are you doing here?

Who's this?

Um…

I'm his next-door neighbor. Hi.

I just… Your daddy wanted a TV.

I'll be in the car.

Aren't you supposed to be at work?

Yeah, I forgot Cody's science homework today, so…

What are you doing here?

I just came to pick up some old TVs.

For what?

Little project.

Okay.

I've left you messages, and you haven't returned my calls.

Yeah, I've been busy.

But you have time for pretty neighbors and your old TVs, but--

-It's not like that. -Can you explain to me what it's like?

I can't.

Okay.

-We're done here. -No, wait, Claire.

I lost her too, Dad.

Hi. I'm calling to see if you have any rooms available this weekend.

Let me check.

Oh, actually, yes, we do.

Oh!

Really? Um…

Any king bed?

That's excellent.

Thank you. Um…

I think desert view, yeah.

Not pool view.

Uh, sorry, you know what?

Something just came up. I'm gonna have to call you back.

What are you hiding, you shady Sasquatch?

Milton Hauser?

What are you drinking?

Uncle Nearest.

Never heard of him.

Well, let me introduce you two.

There you go.

Yeah, well, Uncle Nearest will get you.

Indeed.

Wally!

We're back!

I'm in the bedroom!

Good Lord, what are you doing?

Oh, I finished preparing the bait,

but then I realized that if we want to entice the creature into our trap,

we have to make the whole scene as alluring as possible.

We're gonna get you a date, baby.

So the humidifier there distributes the cerebrospinal fluid

through the dummy and into the air.

Precisely. And then when the creature comes sniffing,

we spring our trap.

Oh, speaking of which, how did it go?

-Do we have our weapon? -We have a car full of old TVs.

-And these. -Toys?

Oh, I can use the magnets to direct and focus the particles

from the TVs into a beam.

Like a laser gun?

Yeah, kind of.

I haven't seen one of these since I was a kid.

Beautiful, aren't they?

-I'll be back. -Where are you going?

To get a real weapon.

-God. Look at that one. -Yeah.

It's amazing.

I'm coming.

Hold your horses.

The hell do you want?

Are you, uh, Tim Hauser?

I'm not looking to sell my house.

No, no. I'm here to ask you about…

your father.

Uh, Milton Hauser.

Christ. Another one.

Another…?

Think you're the first long-lost kid to come sniffing around,

asking questions about "Dad"?

Man had more bastards than brains.

Well, you come this far,

you might as well get disappointed inside.

I hope you like your lemonade a little tart.

Doctor says I can't go with the sugar anymore.

Go ahead with your questions.

Judge Judy will be on in 20 minutes.

I never miss an episode.

So… sounds like you and… and Dad didn't get along.

I couldn't stand the bastard.

What's this?

A little bit of family history.

That's what you came for, ain't it?

When did he pass away?

1975.

I'm older now than he was when he passed.

Crashed his car out in the desert.

Body was burned so bad, they had to keep the casket closed.

And he worked in a prison, right?

Started out as a guard and worked up to warden.

That's when I came on board.

That's when I met Mr. Smile.

-Mr. Smile? -That's what the inmates called him.

No one ever saw the old man smile unless he was hurting somebody.

I should've reported him, but… he was still my daddy.

Do you recognize the other man in that picture?

Can't say that I do.

I've seen all the terrible things Daddy did to people.

Our blood is poisoned.

Everybody'd be better off

if our whole family line choked out and died.

Let time do what it do.

Wipe things clean.

I'm not afraid to start again.

When I left school to start the contracting business,

she was there.

When the kids went off to college and I was no longer Daddy,

she was there.

When I hurt my back and had to retire,

she was there.

Your Judy?

My North Star.

A fixed point in an ever-expanding universe.

But she fell in love with another man, and now I'm lost at sea.

And what the hell do I do?

Easy.

You punish her.

Punish?

For what she did to you.

I don't care about the sex.

I'm not talking about sex.

I'm talking about love.

True love.

That's…

transcendent.

Meaning above all else.

You had that.

But she… sullied it.

Defiled it.

She stabbed you in the back,

so now

you stab her in the front.

Punish her.

You're…

Something wrong?

Excuse me.

Help me.

Help me.

Quartz.

Fucking Hank.

That son of a bitch is up my ass about the missing kid.

I got no clue why Scar's stealing stuff.

Maybe it likes shiny rocks…

Let me call you back.

Goddamn rats.

Fuck me.

Ugh.

You should learn to mind your own business, amigo.

It's getting dark out there.

-How's it going, Sam? -Ah!

Yeah. Almost done.

Okay.

House is all sealed up.

There's no way in or out.

Except that patio door right there.

Well, the tableau is set, and our star is ready.

As soon as that thing comes in, we blast it with Sam's TVs.

Okay, we'll work in four-hour shifts.

One posted in the bathroom with the controls.

The second, across the street asleep while the other one watches over them.

And then rinse and repeat.

Could take days, could take weeks.

Judy, are you absolutely sure you sealed the house?

I'm sure.

Well, something got in.

It's impossible.

Nothing's impossible anymore.

-The hell are you gonna do with that? -I'm gonna shoot something.

Wait, wait, Judy!

What now?

Stick to the plan.

Powering up.

Right.

Gosh!

What the hell happened?

I tripped the breakers, but I've got battery backups.

Well, mayb--

It's here.

Don't look.

It's on top of the closet.

What's it doing?

It's looking at us.

Turn the TVs.

What?

Turn the TVs to aim at it.

But… do it casually.

Uh, casually?

Yeah.

Shit.

Shit.

Oh my God.

Shit, shit, shit. It's doing something.

I'm almost done.

Sam. You have to go fast.

Time's up.

Now!

It didn't work.

Jesus!

I hit it. I think I hit it.

-Don't let it get away. -I hit it.

I am the passenger

And I ride, and I ride

I ride through the city's backsides

I see the stars come out of the sky

Yeah, the bright and hollow sky

You know it looks so good tonight

I am the passenger

I stay under glass

I look through my window so bright

I see the stars come out tonight

I see the bright and hollow sky

Over the city's ripped backsides

And everything looks good tonight

Singing

La la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la la la la

Singing

I am the passenger

And I ride, and I ride

La la la la la la la la la la la

Singing

I am the passenger

And I ride, and I ride