Original subtitles

I'll be in and out there before you know it.

In fact, I'll bring you some lunch.

You can talk over a sandwich when you're ready.

Of course I can send you a brochure.

Why don't we follow up again in about 10 minutes?

And I can send you a CD-ROM outlining our entire production line.

One thing I can promise you is that at our first meeting,

I will not be trying to sell you a single, solitary thing.

I just want to get to know you and your company.

We did this last year, but the upgrades on

all the parts is the only way to guarantee it.

Yeah, I'm cool with that.

We're in Westchester, New York, so I can be in the

city in 20 minutes to show you our new product.

I know it's a big investment.

That's why I spent a great deal of time customizing this plan for you.

Look, don't make me come down to your office and show you how to do your fucking job.

The St. Paul office is really struggling.

The same with Phoenix and Thompson.

John is really starting to remember.

Hey, Jacob.

I think it's the infiltration process analysis sample filtration.

Yeah, the vacuum inlet outlet filtration.

I think it's 22 BLI, but... Hello?

Hello?

Yes, yes, I will take care of everything from implementation to training.

That's my pleasure, please.

Look, talk to my manager.

That's my best offer.

I'm sorry.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I can do better.

Harry, why three on line two?

Ah, shit.

It's easy.

I'll give you $100.

The Guardian can't touch that price.

How?

Because it is my job to have that information.

Oh, really?

You know what?

Fuck you.

I don't need your fucking business.

Fuck you, you fucking fuck!

Morning, Ted.

Oh, hey, Ted.

Thanks for coming in.

How's it going with Jamie?

He's an idiot.

I wanted you to be the first one to see the DLX-179.

Six years in the pipeline, the R&D guys finally did it.

It's like I always say, success is the sum

of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

Do you realize how much money we're going to make selling this thing?

In the first six months, I bet we make like... Oh, hey, hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold, hold, hold, hold.

All right, all right.

The truth is, I want to talk about the upcoming quarter.

I know, I know, I am a big pain in the ass.

But the fact is, as your sales go, so goes the whole team's.

Do you remember Fisher from Cincinnati?

Yeah, he's a prick.

Yeah, well, he was also a top-notch salesman.

And then he starts hitting the bottle.

And before you know it, the whole Midwest Division sales go down with him.

I'm telling you, if we don't meet this quarter's

projections, it's going to be sayonara for old John Boy here.

No ifs, ands, or buts.

Well, you better learn to sell shoes or suck cock real fucking fast.

I'm really excited to be in New York.

It's always been a dream of mine.

New York, New York, it's a heck of a town.

My mom loved that song.

So John tells me that you are the number one salesman in the division.

Maybe the whole company.

You know, I was number one salesman in my old job.

Yep.

Whoa!

Ha, ha.

Wow.

So, what do you say, since we're both reigning champs, that we have a little

friendly sales competition this quarter for, say, dinner at La Bernardine's?

I'll take that as a yes.

How about if I sweeten the pot a little bit?

Put this baby in, huh?

I sold more than my entire division put together to earn this baby.

This trophy makes me so happy.

Nobody's happy.

I'm happy.

No, you're not.

You're miserable.

You don't even know me.

Trust me.

Your life sucks.

No, no, my life is actually pretty good.

What's so great about your fucking life?

I got a new job.

I got a new house.

I'm getting married soon.

I finally started taking art classes.

Yeah, listen, Jimmy.

Jamie.

Yeah, like it fucking matters.

Everything you see, everything you feel is nothing.

This job, this car, that polyester bargain

basement suit I'm wearing is totally meaningless.

As far as beating me is concerned, what you should worry about is getting one sale.

Because if you don't... You think you fucking don't?

They're going to ship your sorry ass back to... Where the fuck are you from again?

I'm from Solon, Ohio.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a pretty cool place.

It's a pretty cool place.

Really?

Why the fuck did you leave?

Sorry, sir.

Well,

it was working great this morning.

I even laid in all the schematics digitally for simplicity.

Right, Ted?

All right.

Well, look, what you would be seeing if this thing was, you know, working... Wait.

Well, there it is.

It's good.

Okay.

Good, good.

All right.

All right.

Just forget.

Look.

We...

Look.

I'm sure it's a great product and everything.

But to be perfectly honest, Guardia is going to be in here later on today.

And their CEO, Arnie Lagoosa, he and I are old poker

buddies, so we're probably going to go with them.

I see.

Well, this was my first sales call, so maybe next time I could probably...

Try again when that new DLX technology I've been hearing about is available.

DLX?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, Barney.

Give me a second, okay?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Thanks.

Hey, who's Lagoosa?

Shut the fuck up.

You know, when we first got into this, it was just us and the Japanese.

All right.

Yeah.

Then the Swiss got in, then the Germans, then the goddamn French.

I hate those goddamn French.

But we still managed to move 40,000 units out of this factory alone every month.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Man, Barney, honestly, I have to tell you something.

I'd heard all the talk about this place, you know, blah, blah, blah, and everything.

This is everything everybody said it was.

It's fantastic.

Thank you, Ted.

Really.

Thank you.

Really, it's great.

Wow.

Yeah.

Hey, I have a question for you, Barney.

Yeah.

Don't have asshole written on my forehead.

Excuse me?

Listen, fat man, I don't want to embarrass you in

front of your flunkies, but I'll tell you this.

Next quarter, I'll be standing here with your replacement while you're off

somewhere selling soap to blue-haired fucking ladies who don't have a pot to piss in.

What the hell are you talking about?

Every fucking thing you doled out to us in that bullshit, and you know it.

Well, things have been a little slow lately, but they're turning around.

Nothing turning is my stomach.

The fuck am I even doing here with you?

I'll tell you another thing.

There are at least 50 other companies out there we can

be servicing who won't be wasting our fucking time.

Uh, Ted, could I talk to you for just a second?

Hey, man.

How you doing?

Got the week off to a right start?

Yeah.

Hey, man.

How you doing?

Yeah.

Hey, man.

What's up?

Uh, John.

Yeah?

What do you think?

I know.

I knew you'd like it.

No.

Come on.

That's okay.

It's okay.

Because I can afford it.

That's why.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, did you go to the doctor?

What do you say about your hip?

Mom, listen to me.

No.

Because it's important.

That's why.

Listen.

Don't make me drag you down there myself.

Promise?

Okay.

No.

I'm sure she's a nice girl.

No.

I gotta go.

I got work to do.

Yeah.

No.

No.

Yeah.

Tell Marco I said hi.

Okay.

Love you too.

Oh, can you do me a favor?

If it's possible, just not say anything about the remote possibility of me getting

fired if I don't get a stay on this quarter.

You know, just...

I don't want Belisa to get worried.

Sorry guys, but Bernardino's out.

I'm still gonna beat you.

You know, it's just gonna take me a little longer than I planned.

This is a nice surprise.

You are too.

Oh.

I just dropped by because I'm looking for

that address for this afternoon's appointment.

Check next to the stuffed panda on the dresser.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Ted, this is my fiancée, Belisa.

Belisa, this is Ted.

Hey.

Hi.

She's been dying to meet you.

I'll be right back.

He can be a little forgetful at times.

Yeah, I know.

Could you hand me that hunting knife, please?

Yeah.

Still waiting for him to bag his first elephant.

I can't find it!

Check in the den!

Oh, this fucking thing!

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Don't worry about it.

Do you want something to drink?

Uh, what do you got?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing.

I figured you'd say no, so I just took a chance.

But it didn't really work out.

Hmm.

I'm sure Jamie mentioned it, but he invited the

entire neighborhood over for a barbecue this Saturday.

Hmm.

Say anything.

I don't want to bother asking.

Ted doesn't do barbecues.

Thanks.

You got it.

Well, it would be really nice.

At least I would know someone.

I'll give it some thought.

Not really.

It could be my badminton partner.

Yeah.

I'm gonna wait in the car.

All right.

Here you go.

It was really nice meeting you.

Thanks.

I'm gonna wait outside.

Okay.

See you in a bit.

Nice to meet you.

Thanks.

I was looking everywhere for this.

Hey, isn't Belisa great?

Great.

Well, the house needs a little work.

A gardener could use a kick in the pants.

Yeah.

Great.

Everything's great.

You mean it?

No.

No, you're kidding, right?

The house.

The fucking mortgage.

Neighbors.

Bullshit.

Didn't like Belisa?

Belisa's great.

No, she's great.

She might even stick around for a while, but eventually she's gonna break your heart.

She'll leave your rotting soul gasping for air while

her new boyfriend sodomizes you right out of her memory.

What?

What?

What the hell are you talking about?

You know what?

I'll never understand why people think their pathetic lives are somehow gonna get

better just because they get fucking married.

Why they get divorced?

That I get.

That's easy.

I don't wanna hear you more of this.

Listen, first of all, sunshine.

Don't call me sunshine.

There's no limit to the problems a woman is gonna bring to your life.

Dante didn't scratch the surface.

It is fucking endless.

Infinite.

It goes on and on.

You know, maybe you just need to fall in love.

Love?

What kind of love are you talking about?

Are you talking about real love?

Are you talking about true love?

Are you talking about this suburban bullshit fantasy

we've been milk fed so we don't slit each other's throats?

Maybe you just need to get laid.

Really?

I can get a piece of ass any time I want.

I can fuck you with a little effort.

It's not funny.

Okay, don't even go there.

Excuse me.

Can you tell me where Route 304 is, please?

Blow me.

Well, does anyone know why he's so angry?

Well, he was probably beaten as a child.

Oh.

Well, I hope.

Why do they put up with him?

Because that son of a bitch is responsible for 70% of this division's sales.

I'll get him to lighten that.

Ted and I went on a sales call together.

He told the client to shove his cock in my mouth if he wants me to shut up.

So, either one of you new guys broken your sales cherry?

Yeah.

Hmm?

Uh, I got nothing.

Ted says that they fire you if you don't get a sale before the quarter's over.

Yeah, plus they burn down your house and rape your wife.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, there's a funny guy.

Just broke your first round of interviews, huh?

What interviews?

For management position?

Yeah, top man at each sales office.

Misty?

Top man?

Well, why don't they just give it to Ted?

Ted?

Ted doesn't ever volunteer.

And I am next on the totem pole.

Barely.

We interview here at the home office.

Chicago's got the opening.

Fucking lucky prick.

It's not luck, sweetheart.

Uh-huh.

Ah, shit.

Ted?

Come on, Ted.

Hey, Ted.

How's it going?

You gonna join the team this year?

As you can see, these products not only address your current needs, but all of

your future requirements in each and every one

of your 20 facilities on the eastern seaboard.

And when it comes to installation, we can have them up and running in what?

Five, five, ten, five to ten business days.

Oh, thank you.

I think we've heard enough.

Um, if you please just let me finish, then I can... You are finished.

You promised me five minutes.

I said your time is up.

If you'll just give me a moment to explain to you how our company can help you...

I've been doing this for 27 years.

There's nothing you can tell me that I don't already know.

Sir, I really need this sale.

I do.

I plan on starting a family.

I do.

I'm gonna get married.

I've got a family, too.

Reynolds here has two of them.

Three.

Good day, gentlemen.

We don't validate.

Starting a family?

I'm starting a family.

I got flustered.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

What the hell are you doing?

That's the time ticking away on this quarter and you haven't made one sale.

Where the fuck did you find this company anyway?

You know, you could have helped me.

I'm not your fucking wet nurse.

Why don't you draw on all that experience you allegedly have?

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

That means I don't think you're half the salesman you claim to be.

You know what, Ted?

I'm gonna beat you this quarter.

All right?

Yeah.

And the only reason why is just to get you to shut your fucking mouth.

Can I help you, sir?

No, thanks.

I'm just looking.

Oh, hi.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I'm supposed to be meeting Jamie around the corner for lunch.

But, uh, his review's running late.

So is this where you spend your lunch hour?

No, I did a cafe down the street but I had some

extra time so I thought I'd waste it in here.

Well, it's a nice place.

Yeah, yeah.

It's really nice.

They have a great collection.

Yeah.

So Jamie tells me you're the number one salesman in the company.

I'm not too surprised.

I've met a few of the other guys.

I'm not so sure that's a compliment.

It is.

So, what's your secret?

Maybe Jamie can pick up on it.

If falling's easy, all you gotta do is ignore your conscience.

Hmm.

I see.

So you're one of those dark, brooding, introspective types.

What?

Now I understand.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I understand what?

Nothing.

Here.

You should try reading some Verlaine.

He's also dark and brooding.

Yeah.

Rimbaud's more my speed.

Huh.

You know your French poets.

I don't know what's a salesman.

Hmm.

So come on, tell me.

I'm a big girl.

What's Jamie doing wrong at work?

I mean, at his last company, he was the biggest star.

Yeah.

You know what?

For starters, he's too happy.

He wants to be best buddies with all of his clients.

I warned him that love for life act wouldn't fly here.

The guy draws cartoons on my lead sheets.

Yeah.

He loves that art class.

So, uh, what's your story?

Did you want to move out here to New York?

I mean, you don't...

you don't seem like the doting housewife.

No.

I don't know how much doting I do.

I'm not even sure I know how.

Back home, I ran a small art gallery.

Oh.

Yeah.

Lots of Jamie's art classes.

Hmm.

We were hoping moving to New York would give us a fresh start.

We've been engaged three different times.

Oh.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

No, I'm pretty confident things will work out this time.

Or at least until some other guy sodomizes him out of my memory.

Yeah.

Hey, you know what?

What?

Jamie tells me everything.

Yeah.

Well, maybe he shouldn't.

You know, I...

You know, when I see... Don't worry about it.

I gotta go.

See ya.

Firm handshake.

Look him in the eye.

Smile, smile, smile.

That's three smiles.

Ten tips for solution-selling.

You've always been there for me.

Man, when I started selling three years ago, I read every one of these fucking books.

You've only been selling for three years?

Every schmuck I know selling tampons and tobacco thinks this shit works.

Hey!

None of this shit works.

It does sell.

Yeah?

Really?

Well, then where are all your sales?

All right, Mr. Number One Salesman.

What's your advice?

Fuck you.

That's my advice.

Look, I... Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm just... I'm a little edgy.

I admit it.

All right?

I got Whitman on my back.

I got bills piling up.

I got Belisa giving me advice now.

What kind of advice?

Well, for one thing, she thinks that I'm being too friendly with the clients and

that's the reason why I'm not getting any sales.

Maybe she's right.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe I overreacted.

Eh, at any rate, I got her this little gift.

You know, sort of a... kind of a peace offering.

Jesus.

What?

She collects them.

I think they're nice.

Look, you wanna make her feel better?

What?

Get rid of that MADE IN TAIWAN piece of shit and start making some fucking money.

Right.

Listen, this is serious.

Every one of your competitors is gonna be up at Haberton today, okay?

Including Garty.

Get it?

I got it.

Ted, this is gonna be big.

It's gonna be huge.

Big.

Big, big, big.

Really big.

Huge.

We're gonna make a lot of money.

Let's drop such a dick!

How the hell can you say no after that?

I maneuvered perfectly from the three-fucking-point close deal to the... To the...

To the goddamn... To the fucking... Fuck him in the ass!

I was this close!

Damn it!

Ted, calm down.

Yep.

You want a vitamin?

Look, Jamie, you're trying really hard, but

you gotta quit being such a fucking salesman.

People know when they're being conned.

Excuse me?

I'm not trying to con anybody.

I know you're not.

But the way you present yourself, it seems that way.

I love you, Lisa.

Hi, honey.

How are you?

It went great.

Of course I got the sale.

I can't wait to tell you all about it.

I have nothing to worry about.

OK.

All right, sweetie.

See you soon.

I love you.

I didn't want to disappoint her.

I know.

She's cooking a big celebration dinner.

I know.

She's not a very good target.

Fuck this, let's get a drink.

Hey honey, dinner will be ready in just one second.

Oh my god!

I think this belongs to you.

What happened?

He had a few too many of everything.

Get up.

Another bad day?

Oh yeah, well I almost got a cell.

Shit.

I don't think I can take another night of him crying.

I don't think you're going to get much of anything from him tonight.

Would you please let me take him upstairs?

Yeah.

Here we go.

Just throw him on the bed.

Alright.

I don't know how many more nights I can take in the support of Wipe Act.

We're not even fucking married.

Hey, I'm gonna get going.

Can you help me?

How much longer is Brian Hugh going to prep with us?

Probably not much longer.

Lift him up.

Okay.

Oh god.

He isn't getting any sales.

What is he not doing?

Selling a product is simple.

What a salesman wants to do...

is instill confidence in his client.

That sounds simple enough.

Say I have a product.

Really high quality.

And even if it isn't... I'm gonna convince Mike.

Client.

That it is.

And I mean... a product that...

will satisfy all your needs.

Show immediate dividends.

What comes to the bottom line?

Why can't he do that?

Maybe it's not that simple.

I guess that's why you're so good.

You know where I can get something to eat around here?

Cafeteria's on two.

Who's that fucking guy?

He's the top man for Baton Rouge.

He didn't make it to round two.

Damn.

Looks like someone beat the crap out of him.

Yeah, but rumor is he had some gambling problems

back home, running with a bookie or something.

Fuck him.

Yeah, I don't really give a shit.

All I know is there's only eight of us left for the Chicago job.

Never, ever again.

Never.

Our products just aren't that good, and things are

down in just about every one of Vineview's divisions.

The truth is, Laguzza signed up half the

town ten years ago when the WVX was launched.

Now they're sending me away for five days of this sales-focused bullshit seminar?

Yeah, yeah.

I went to that.

Worthless.

Hey, guys, looks like one of us isn't getting fired at the end of the quarter.

Sorry, what?

I just got Plexar to buy four BLR compressors.

Ah, congratulations, Alvarez.

You are no longer the low man on the totem pole.

Thank you.

Hey, Ted!

Hey, look, I'm on the board!

Hey!

Hey, Ryker!

Look, why don't you take your loss and sell your boy hair for spare body parts?

Hey, cut him up and sell him!

You seem to forget how pathetic you were when you first started out.

You didn't have a sale for six fucking months.

What are you talking about?

You almost shit your pants in front of the president of Gyrotech.

I thought you were gonna cry like a little fucking girl.

So shut your fucking mouth and fuck you, too, you sleazy cunt.

You'd fuck a mailbox if it had tits.

Congratulations, Alvarez.

Thanks.

Fuck you, too.

Hey.

Thanks for, um, sticking up for me back there.

I told you those guys were fucking pricks.

Yeah.

Didn't I?

Thing I can't understand is how the hell that spick got a sale before I did.

I mean, what's wrong with me?

Never used to be this hard.

I gotta make some fucking money.

Listen to me.

You don't chase money.

You build clients.

My life is shit.

It's a big bag of shit.

But you know what?

It's not just the sales.

If that were my only problem, I would be a happy man.

All right, what?

What is it?

You were right.

Here's just a matter of time.

Just a matter of time before she...

She what?

Who?

What?

Who?

Belisa.

Who else?

She...

She's... She's...

Hey, you want to give us a fucking minute here?

Yeah, go ahead.

She wants to delay the wedding.

What?

She said that she needs some time to think things through.

She said that...

she's confused.

And suddenly she's the one that's...

confused.

Fuck.

Well, she's confused.

It's no big deal.

It's just, you know...

You're taking her side?

No, I'm just saying.

Oh, she said it was confused.

Confused is...

Beckett, I really... I don't know what the fuck to do.

Fuck.

Well, what do you think, Ted?

About what?

About Belisa?

Yeah.

I don't know.

You know, I mean...

All right.

What kind of things does she enjoy, you know?

What makes her feel special?

I mean, that's basically what women want.

Well...

You know, I...

I don't really feel like talking about this.

Fine.

Forget it.

She likes scented candles.

She likes Zinfandel.

Can you believe that?

All right.

Let's start.

She likes Billie Holiday.

There you go.

Lilies.

She just thinks I am the world's biggest loser...

because I can't get a sale.

All right, listen.

John Chaudry brought a bag of meat.

He needs a new hydro-converter valve system.

All you gotta do is fill out the paperwork.

He's a decent guy.

Yeah, what are you doing?

You're gonna take this up when you go up to

the stupid fucking focus group you're going to.

Come on, Ted.

Look, Ted... Here, just take it.

I don't want any handouts, all right?

I'm not giving you handouts.

It's a no-brainer.

It's just easy to fucking do.

No big fucking deal.

Ted, I'm...

I can't do... Here.

The cell's on there.

Just take the fucking card.

Just take the fucking card.

It's not a big deal.

Here you go.

Thank you.

You know, you were probably right.

I just... I just need a little shove in the back.

Yeah.

Just to put you on the right track.

Right.

Yeah.

He'll come back.

Yeah.

He'll come and get me, man.

You know, you're a good friend.

I'm gonna go to the conference now.

Hey, thanks a lot.

Yeah.

All right.

Hey.

Hey.

You told me that you ate here.

Yeah.

What's that?

I just wanted to come by and apologize... For what?

For the other night.

I don't know what came over me.

It was crazy.

It was like a dream.

It was like a dream or something, you know?

God, that sounded like a cop-out.

Well, listen, I never... Don't.

Please.

New York isn't what I expected.

I was drunk from the champagne.

I just...

It was crazy.

I said that already, though.

It was like something I would have done in college without thinking about it.

I've been beating myself up about it all day.

I just...

Yeah.

Well...

That makes two of us.

Well, thanks.

That's all I wanted to say.

Bye.

Hey, do you want to get something to eat?

They've really got lasagna here.

Hey.

Let's do something fun.

Okay, you're with me.

But at the same time, let's find an effective way to respond to their

goal-oriented business needs through product knowledge and service availability.

Don't fall into the trap of explaining your philosophies of life, experiences in

the trenches, or your future prognostications.

Business owners want to hear real, present-day solutions to their

ever-changing, industry-specific issues, concerns, and challenges.

I'm telling you, people come here knowing they're not going to make any money.

Knowing they're going to lose money.

Is that why I won so much?

The way you played.

It's hard to believe you never gambled before.

Well, maybe you might get luck charm.

Shallow men believe in luck.

Strong men believe in cause and effect.

Emerson.

Very good.

I told you I wasn't always a salesman, right?

What did you do?

Guess.

You were a doctor.

No.

You were a priest.

No.

Guess again.

You were a biochemical engineer.

No.

You were a teacher.

What made you say teacher?

It was a good guess.

I taught English literature in Northwestern.

I was about to go on a tour and lecture in Italy a couple years back.

It was a good guess.

It was a good guess.

Do you miss it?

Yep.

Once in a while.

How'd you end up at Vineview?

Oh, man.

Sometimes you wind up in a place never in a million years you thought you would.

Hmm.

And the days just disappear on you.

When am I going to see you again?

His art class is the only reason he goes out at night.

Unless, of course, you take a few days off from work.

Thank you.

Thanks.

I don't know.

I've got a lot of clients.

You know, I've got appointments and...

Then I guess you're just going to have to wait.

I guess I will.

In the meantime, you can get some practice missing me while I go to the ladies' room.

Hey.

Hey.

Good morning, Chad.

Mr. Bichon.

Hey, there.

Hi.

Mr. Roberts.

Uh, no.

My name's Brad.

Mr. Roberts asked me to meet with you in his place.

Oh.

Uh, I see.

Oh.

Well, uh, should we go upstairs?

Actually, uh, it's pretty busy up there.

It's all the same.

We can talk here.

Very well.

Um.

Well, as you know, I'm from Bindu.

And, uh, I'm here to discuss the way that, um, our company's

long-term technologies can increase your productivity.

I mean, by now, we would have expected that you would have had at least one sale.

Yeah.

I mean, I know it's a tough transition and all, but with

your experience, you should be killing it out there.

I know.

It's just...

Look, you can ask anybody, okay?

When it comes to my staff, I am a cupcake.

I understand how salesmen can fall on hard times.

Lord knows I've been there myself, okay?

But I have got to get my troops moving here or they're

gonna hang my ass from the highest flagpole in town.

I just want you to know that this is not coming

from any lack of effort whatsoever on my part.

I'm really, really, really trying out there.

Yeah.

What?

What?

Give.

Go.

Thank you.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm just under a lot of pressure.

I don't have any friends in this town.

And I'm getting married.

My fiancée's getting a little frustrated.

And the products are pretty confusing.

You get this BZ... the BTA... B-L-R.

B-L-R.

That.

And... You've got to focus.

You've got to know the name of the product.

B-R-L.

But then there's the R-B-L and the friggin' H-B...

You've got to...

I mean, I understand the...

On top of that, everything is so friggin' expensive in this town.

All right, calm down.

Just calm the fuck down, all right?

Please, don't fire me.

Nobody is firing anybody.

Calm down.

All right, don't fire me.

I'm not firing you.

Please.

Easy.

Easy.

Okay.

Okay.

Hey.

I've got something that is going to make you feel a whole lot better, all right?

What?

Now, I'm not even supposed to be talking about this.

But this little baby is going to make our jobs a hell of a lot easier.

Is that what I think it is?

Yes.

And I want you around when we launch that puppy.

Okay.

Okay?

All right.

So remember... Yeah?

When you're faced with a difficult task, you act like you cannot fail.

Ow.

Okay?

Yeah.

When you're going out after Moby Dick, you take along the tartar sauce.

Right?

Yeah.

You got it?

I got it.

Good.

No.

It might be a little lizard.

A little lizard.

A little reptile.

It might show up where they crawl like little bags.

It might show up where they crawl like little bags.

And a little mace.

A little yoga mat.

You know what?

This is where Eugene O'Neal used to come and write.

Really?

Yep.

In fact, they say he finished Long Day's Journey at the Knight.

Oh, shoot.

Fuck.

It's the office.

I gotta take this.

No, you don't.

Yeah, I do.

No, you don't?

Okay, you're right.

You're right.

A salesman is not a salesman when he's not selling.

Did you get him?

No, thank you.

I don't think so.

I'm serious, that means something.

I understand that it's tough out there.

And that is why you have to forget about the business outlook.

And you have to be on the outlook for business.

We have reached DEFCON 1.

We are not meeting our self-imposed, and I might

add, mutually agreed upon goals for this quarter.

Now time is ticking away.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick.

I know what you're thinking.

You don't want to do it.

I don't?

Because he's been acting like a fucking lunatic.

I mean, I hate to see anybody struggle, but sometimes there is no success like failure.

Besides, the way things are going around here,

I'm going to have to let somebody go pretty soon.

Look, John, you're the guy who hired Jamie, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Well, this company laid out a great deal of cash to uproot him.

They've got moving costs.

You've got to find him a house.

You've got to give him a signing bonus.

All the bullshit that goes along with moving someone here.

Now, personally, I don't give a fuck one way or another

whether you fire him or not, but four guys in six months?

That's a lot of red ink to cover up.

Think I should give him another chance, huh?

You can send him one of those, uh, weekend focus groups.

Help him last time.

Hey, John, what's going on?

You guys are making our lives and accounts receivable a little too easy.

We're so bored, I had to take up smoking.

Yeah, the quarter's not over yet.

Fuckin' bitch.

Fuck her.

She's just a glorified bookkeeper.

Hey, I've got some really big clients coming to this conference tomorrow.

Send Jamie along as a backup.

Really?

Well, you need the sales, plus it'll keep these pricks here and there at bay.

That's what you want.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll give them one week.

Two weeks.

Two weeks.

Listen, this could be the perfect place to put you back on the trail.

I met some of the biggest clients here.

Hey, Joe.

I haven't met any clients anywhere, any place, any time, anyhow.

Look, you know something?

You snap out of those things, don't you?

Sure as hell don't want to lose this job and move back to Ohio.

You know, maybe it's the best thing for us to do.

Would you gentlemen like to come over and look at our new boiler system?

Sure, if you can tell me if it's a system of interlocking polycarbonate lining or if

it's the tubular magnesium dioxide variety.

I'm not exactly sure.

Give her a break.

She's a slut.

In an economy where fly-by-night.com companies come and go, we represent one of

the many industries that actually make something.

You can grab hold of what we do.

We are the foundation for America.

Let's go with Cartier.

These guys are fucking everywhere.

You're right.

There's Lacusa.

You know where we're going.

Oh my God.

That Pillsbury Doughboy is the legend everyone's been talking about.

Don't let appearances foil you.

That merciless son of a bitch has ridden roughshod over this industry for decades.

He used to screw his competitors' secretaries just to get information.

Ugh.

You know this guy?

Yeah.

He tried to buy me off a couple of years ago

because I was signing away some of his clients.

Yeah, I can't wait to see the look on his big fat face

next year when all anybody's talking about is the DLX.

Technology, like all the other industries, will shape our future.

Now we at Cartier...

You know what, Ted, you're absolutely right.

I don't want to go back to Ohio a failure.

I need to get this shit together.

Good, good.

Let's start changing right now.

Because this guy coming up here is one of my biggest clients, okay?

Imprint Industries.

That's a good guy.

Hey.

Ted.

How are you there?

Good to see you.

Fine.

I was hoping I'd get to see you here.

Well, yeah.

Hey, this is my new partner, Jamie Bichotte.

Hi.

How you doing?

My pleasure.

Come on.

It's like three years ago they used to hold these things in motel lobbies.

That's right.

Yeah.

I remember, um... It was, um...

In the...

A long time.

Forget it.

Yeah, uh, sure have come a long way.

Oh, yeah, you bet.

Yeah, we really have.

Speaking of a long way, I'll bet you that old system you have up there in White

Plains is about ready to give up the ghost.

Well, you might be right, but I'm not sure we need to replace the entire system.

Well, Toby, I think you should reconsider.

Hey, we're not buying any of this horse shit that you're doling out, you cocksucker.

Ted?

Ha!

He's kidding.

You've got like 20 companies lined up to do business with us.

Damn, he does that thing.

Why don't you just go and sell blue-haired old soap bags to ladies, old ladies,

with gray hair, who piss their pants?

I'm gone.

Yeah?

Well, your stomach's making me turn.

He'll be back.

You fucking Midwestern bad suit and stupid haircutting motherfucking prick!

Ted.

You know how important that fucking guy is to us?

I'm just trying to be like you.

What?

You

really are a fucking loser.

Stomach's making me turn.

Come on.

How the fuck can I get stuck with this guy?

Fucking wasting time at these conferences.

But they make great theater, right?

You look familiar.

You work for me?

No, I'm over at Vineview.

Vineview?

Yeah.

Our illustrious neighbor.

What do you need here, man?

Jamie.

Hey, Ted.

Hey.

Well, I'm sorry to bother you when you're not feeling well.

No, no, no.

It's good.

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

Um...

You want to come in?

For a drink?

Well, I mean, I don't really have anybody here.

I don't have anything here, so I don't keep any talk all day.

No, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Um...

What are you doing?

I got something for you.

It's...

This.

Why?

Because you won the bet.

And, um... I don't...

I don't even think I'm going to get one sale at this point.

I can't catch it.

And I even managed to fuck up that easy one that you handed me last night.

Hey, take this stupid fucking thing.

Jamie, take this.

I don't want it.

Come on, man.

This is dumb.

Take the thing.

Jamie, I don't want it.

I don't want this.

I'll see you later, okay?

Jamie, come on.

I hope you feel better.

Bye.

You know you never told me why you quit teaching.

That was Jamie out there.

What?

He stopped by to give me this.

Oh, Jesus.

Did he know I was here?

I don't know.

Guess I did a dyin' and we were here fuckin' all day.

I can't believe this.

Would you move in here with me?

Just get started with your life right now.

It's not as simple as just packing a bag, Ted.

I know the sooner you do it, the easier it's gonna be.

Trust me, I know it.

I'm not one of your clients, Ted.

Don't sell me.

Look, I'm gonna tell him soon, I promise.

Yeah, it's okay.

I'll make it easy for both of us.

Just go.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry too.

Just go.

Come on.

Sit down and talk to me.

Ted.

Just go.

My future wife, that bitch, wants to take some time off.

Remember something, kid.

Marriage is not an accomplishment.

It's a choice.

And it's the wrong one.

Fuck this place.

Hey, Ted, you're on your way to Froger's, right?

Fuck off.

Hey, Ted, this is important!

Come on, we gotta close this deal, I'm serious!

I'm sick and tired of dealin' with this shit.

I never even wanted to move to New York.

She doesn't wanna convince me to turn up this job.

Why don't I just deal with her?

I don't know.

I don't wanna stand up to this bitch.

She's gonna walk all over me.

She's a chic heroine.

Then she fucking delays the wedding.

I don't even like animals.

Fuck it.

She did delay the wedding.

Hey, guys, hold on.

What do you want?

Yeah, what do you want?

Nothing, really.

I just wanted to say goodbye.

They let me go.

They did?

Yeah, they're slashing people left and right.

I mean, it's happening in every office from here to Tacoma.

I want to try and guard you.

I don't think they hit their affirmative action quota yet.

Yeah, poncho.

Fuck you.

At least I made one sale.

Who's your wife banging to keep your job?

What the fuck are you doing?

The fuck was that for?

Sorry!

Fuck this, I'm out of here.

What are you fucking looking at?

Just fuck off.

Your fish seem so lonely.

I just...

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna ask him what I'm about tonight.

I finally fired that son of a bitch, John.

Jamie, you bastard.

What?

You made it to the final round of interviews.

Well, I can't babysit you forever.

Congratulations.

But we're having our worst quarter ever and he's getting a promotion?

Capitalism at its finest.

You get two off to Chicago while I'm stuck with that son of a bitch.

Who, by the way, misses the last three appointments?

I know, Chuck.

You did everything you could.

The guy cost us imprint industries, for Christ's sake.

Get it.

I understand.

And listen, another thing.

Don't worry about this quarter because I've got Glyrate, and

I've got Parker Plastics, and I've got Lang all coming in.

Next ten days.

All right.

Good.

Good.

Looks like he's back on track, huh?

Thank God.

Yeah, when your sales start to get low like his have, you're forced to be nice.

Yeah?

Then why are you still such a prick?

I want you not to go down.

He's got a point.

Fuck off.

So, you ready for lunch?

We've got reservations at Mimosa in about 20 minutes.

Not exactly.

Why?

What's the matter?

What's he doing here?

He came over early this morning crying.

What was I supposed to do, kick him out?

Did you know he'd been fired yesterday?

I know, I know.

You know, I did everything I could.

Well, now he's come to the conclusion that life has no meaning.

He won't take his antidepressants.

This is exactly what I was afraid of.

All right.

What do you want me to do?

Just get him off my hands for a little bit, please.

Okay.

What about lunch?

I need your help, please.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Let me do this.

He takes antidepressants?

Yeah, he tells everybody they're vitamins.

I wonder why he's so happy all the time.

Hey!

Hey, Riker!

The fuck are you doing here?

I heard about the job.

Oh, sorry.

I heard about the job and now I just want to see how you're doing.

Yeah.

Well, you know.

Hey, listen.

Come on.

Let's get out of here.

Why?

No, come on.

Let's get you out of here.

I've got food.

I can sketch.

Bring your sketch pad.

Really?

I'm starved.

I'm buying.

That's a great idea, man.

I'd like that.

Let's go.

No, I'm going to stay here.

Come on.

Come on.

You need to get out of here.

Cheer you up or something.

Come on.

What are you so happy about?

I don't know.

I'm just in a good mood, I guess.

Nobody's fucking happy, Ted.

Nobody.

Nobody is fucking happy.

Someone told me that once.

Okay.

I'm going to drive.

Okay.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

All right.

See you later, honey.

Be good.

Come on.

Okay.

Wow.

B,

my fiancée is seeing someone.

Who?

Lisa?

Oh, please.

I found a book of matches in her coat pocket from some restaurant in Atlantic City.

She's not smart enough to find A.C.

on her own.

Wait a minute.

You snooped through her things?

Hell yeah, I did.

Aren't you the one who said today that you shouldn't trust anybody?

Yeah, but... Especially a woman.

Is that what you said?

Yeah, but I mean, when I said that... I have a pretty good idea who it is, too.

My honeymoon is supposed to be next week.

I should be packing for Jamaica this very fucking minute.

Hey, hey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Watch it.

Watch it.

The boy is just fucking you right up on the guy's ass.

Oh, fucking... Whoa.

Keep your hands on the wheel.

What, Ted?

What?

Why what?

Why what?

Why what?

Why what?

Why doesn't Belize love me anymore?

I've given her everything.

I've given her my heart, my soul.

I gave her a Toyota Celica hatchback, this leather seats and a CD player.

I'm the one who brought her to fucking New York.

And now she doesn't even care if I live or die.

Hey, whoa.

Whoa, whoa.

Watch the road.

Watch the fucking road.

There's a fucking car over here.

I'm gonna drive.

Whoa.

I'm gonna drive the fucking car.

Okay.

I got you.

Shh.

Shh.

What are you doing at Bindview?

Let's just say that I have some unfinished business to take care of.

Hey, Ted!

What

the fuck is the matter with you?

What the hell's going on in there?

There?

Oh, nothing.

Let's just say that I left John a proper goodbye present.

Hey, let me tell you something right now.

I don't want to be part of any kind of...

I want you to know that I've come to a decision about my so-called fiancée.

What's that?

I'm going to kill her.

Hey, man.

I don't want to hear any of that crazy shit.

Fact, man.

I'm not going to kill her.

I can do that.

I'm just going to meme that cunt.

Don't talk like that, man!

I'm serious!

Don't fucking say that shit!

Shit!

You should see your face.

Let's go get lunch.

Let's get out of this shit hole.

Come on, man.

Hello?

Hey.

It's me.

Hey.

How you doing?

I'm fine.

Is he gone?

Yeah.

He left this afternoon.

You okay?

I'm fine.

I'm worried about you.

Me?

I'm worried about you.

When he left, all he took was his hunting knife.

That's all right.

I can handle myself.

I know you can.

It's just...

He has this, you know, dark side to him.

You should see some of the shit he's been drawing.

I wouldn't want anything to happen to you.

Because...

I think I'm...

I think I'm...

You know... Forget it.

I gotta go.

I should probably go.

I'll talk to you later.

Okay.

Good night.

For 25 years in this business, I never witnessed anything so horrible.

From 30 to 8, I knew I should have sold.

I'm never hiring a fucking relative as a stockbroker again.

I'm gonna kill that cocksucker this Christmas.

What am I gonna tell my ex-wives?

Oh, fuck them.

I am really screwed.

Hey.

Whisper numbers say we're gonna lose 60 cents per share this quarter.

And those pricks have decided to close Chicago.

The management job is off.

These miserable cocksuckers.

See you, Rogers.

Hey.

Who's your junkie boyfriend?

Oh, that's Richards from the Southwest office.

You gotta be shitting me.

No, he was up for Chicago, too.

Hey, you think we have it bad?

That guy just lost his home, his wife, and his kid.

Look, when are we gonna be able to start selling that fucking thing?

Hey.

Have any of you guys seen Ted?

No.

Well, neither has Parker Plastics.

He was supposed to close them today.

Our biggest client.

John, how's it going in there?

Not very fucking good.

The fuck is going on around here?

Hey, I was at an appointment when you called.

You all right?

What's the matter?

I'm moving back to Ohio.

He showed up at five this morning, and...

He needs to be with family.

And I can't handle this on my own.

I just... I can't abandon him.

I'm sorry.

When?

Tomorrow.

Well, Lisa...

It was because of a woman.

What?

You asked me why I never went back to teaching and never moved diddly.

It was because of a woman.

I woke up one day, and she was just gone.

We were living on a teacher's salary.

Money never runs.

It never really meant anything to me.

She said it didn't mean anything to her, either.

She lied.

So I've been carrying around all this anger and all this hurt.

And then I used that as an excuse to be cold and hard and...

Son of a bitch.

Let me show you what I've been hiding all these years, okay?

Deep inside.

Oh, yes.

I'm sorry, Ted.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Just... Just to...

Hey, Ted, where have you been?

I've been, you know, doing stuff.

I've been around.

You do realize that the quarter closes on Friday?

Yeah, yeah.

So, we lost Parker Plastics.

I sent Breckenridge.

Totally fucked the whole thing up.

What, uh, what do you hear on Lang?

On Lang?

I'm, uh, I'm gonna head up there now.

Good, good, because we can use every dollar.

Yeah, I know.

Well, well, well, if it isn't Willie Lohman, huh?

Look.

Willie.

Why don't you get yourself a bowl of soup on me?

Hmm?

You know what?

You know, I've been a prick to you for a long time.

And, you know, maybe I didn't have a right to be.

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know.

Sorry, uh...

Mr. John?

Yeah?

How the mighty have fallen.

If he doesn't sign his next two deals, this is gonna be the next office they close.

Jimmy went back to Ohio.

I stayed.

What's going on?

Hey, John.

What's going on?

Fuck off.

What happened?

What do you mean, what happened?

I told you how important this quarter was, you motherfucker.

I was the first one to go.

I don't believe this.

Yeah, well, believe it, sunshine.

Those pricks upstairs didn't put much of a fight.

Breckenridge is our number one salesman, for fuck's sake.

How'd Lagoosa pull this off?

Mezzanine financing.

It wasn't even a stock swap.

The price was so low, they came up with the cash.

Every division sale, from here to Seattle, way down.

The DLX 179, that's gonna make him a fucking fortune.

They're not even gonna need a sales force.

Ah, good Breckenridge.

What the hell was I doing?

That is for putting up with your shit for three years!

You miserable cocksucker.

The dude

was dangling a young blonde in front of that sick fuck Croswell from training.

He took the bait.

Hook, line, and sinker.

This trial starts next week.

It was only matter time before I got Richards hooked back on the white powder.

Sofriety's so easy to cure.

Pretty good, but I got the number one guy from Tacoma to

gamble away his home, his car, even his kid's dental plan.

Last I heard, he was living downtown in an empty refrigerator box.

Well, that little lady from Nashville office still thinks she's having my baby.

That phony doctor had us so convinced she started having morning sickness.

As soon as sales did below 60 mil for the board, the stock plummeted.

Buying views market cap value dropped almost 30% from the stock last year.

Excellent.

I

really enjoyed the last three months.

I don't think I have ever had that much fucking fun.

So, tell us, Artie.

How did you come up with such a brilliant plan?

Funny enough, it was when the wife and I were in Zimbabwe on vacation.

She'd been driving me crazy to see these fucking

elephants in the wild ever since we first got married.

So, one day, we're tracking this herd with the park rangers.

Now, if you know anything about elephants, you know

they eat up to a ton of vegetation every single day.

Now, if the authorities let them keep eating

like that, there wouldn't be a single shrub left.

Left in the park.

Ah, it's a damn shame.

Lisa!

So, as fucked up as it sounds, these rangers

have to kill hundreds of elephants every year.

Just so the others don't starve to death.

What they do is they maim the leaders of the herd.

And with the leaders out of commission, the others... Lisa!

...become helpless and confused.

Unaware of the bloody carnage going on all around them.

It's an amazing sight.

They call it culling.

Lisa!

I knew Blind View's DLX technology was going to forever revolutionize our industry.

And I also knew... Hmm.

I wasn't going to pay the asking price for the company.

Huh?

So I figured...

If you can cull elephants...

...why not salesmen?

You know where I can get something to eat around here?

Cafeteria's on two.

Who the fuck is that guy?

Top man for Baton Rouge.

Some miserable cocksuckers.

Who's your junkie boyfriend?

Well, that's Richards from the Southwest office.

Well, you're definitely targeting the right leaders.

Those ten were responsible for 42% of Blind View's sales.

He desperately wanted to be in show business.

So I got him to drop every one of his clients and begin rehearsing seven days a week.

The schmuck actually thinks he's opening for Cher next month in Reno.

Now, that was a good one.

But I think we all know where the best job of all was done.

You get close to them.

You find out who they really are.

And then you tear their insides out.

Oh, yes, it was a thing of beauty.

I just don't know how you pulled it off.

People are weak and vulnerable.

They're the ones that make it easy to pull off.

Yeah, but Riker...

Ted...

The thing about Ted is that...

he's just naive enough not to care about money.

Which made it all the more challenging.

For both of us.

Should have seen him at the books.

Every time he fucked her...

he'd offer me one of his clients.

And every time... I'd just piss him away.

Salesman with a conscience.

Talk about infinite.

Hey, a little respect.

He's one of the sharpest motherfuckers I ever met.

Bright, charismatic... Heart of a poet.

Hell, I'd fuck him.

When she got her tentacles in him... it was all over.

What'd she do?

She'd just... love him... and dump him... and then she would... love him again.

You didn't know which way to turn.

Hey, pal.

Hey.

Just remembered.

He wrote you a poem.

Came to mail.

It's pretty good.

Goes like this.

You've got gold inside of you.

If you look deep enough, you'll see...

there's some gold inside me, too.

There's no one better than your team... at finding someone's Achilles heel.

I taught them well.

If you look deep enough... you'll find it.

Some people need drugs.

Others need love.

Others have an affinity for...

young, well-built... Korean boys.

What the fuck?

Easy.

You don't get your panties in a bunch.

It'll never get out.

That is, of course... unless our money does not arrive... by 9 AM.

You

are the last girl... I want to be with you.

who can help me don't mind.

That's what my mom did.

I'd rather die than be ashes.

I can't afford this.

I was running through my head, wondering if she's dead, did she say it

caught her past, her hands can't move too fast, start to think and look within,

ordinary scenes, think you must have heard it wrong, cause she wasn't gone that long,

where did you go, ooh, I don't wanna know, where did you go, ooh, I don't wanna know,

where did you go, ooh,

looking lost into the night, she's gonna lose this fight, you'll just say that your

brand new, solitary fate, stopped the drink, combined with your chin,

ordinary scenes, think you must have heard it wrong, cause she wasn't gone that long,

where did you go, ooh, I don't wanna know, where did

you go, ooh, I don't want to know, where did you go?

Who's somebody?

Who's somebody?

Who's somebody?

Who's somebody?

Who's somebody?