Original subtitles

Alicia: IT'S A LIVING HELL TO BE IN THIS BODY,

AND I'M KILLING MYSELF AND I CAN'T STOP IT.

**

OH, GOD. [ GROANING ]

Woman: MY LIFE IS WASTING AWAY, AND I HATE IT.

Woman #2: I TRIED TO CHANGE, BUT SOMETHING ALWAYS KNOCKS ME DOWN.

**

MY LIFE, IT'S LIKE LIVING A DEATH SENTENCE.

OH! OW! [BLEEP]

THIS IS NO LIFE FOR ANYONE.

**

Woman: OH, JUST PRAY FOR ME.

OW, MY LEG!

SIT DOWN RIGHT THERE.

YOU'RE MAKING ME MAD.

THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

**

NO MATTER IF I FAIL OR IF I SUCCEED,

I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU LOVE ME AND THAT YOU'RE HERE.

-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

**

Alicia: TAKING A LEAP OF FAITH TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE

IS STEPPING INTO THE UNKNOWN.

IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE...

UNLESS YOU'RE WILLING TO REPLACE FEAR WITH HOPE.

**

**

**

EVERY DAY I DREAD GETTING UP

BECAUSE PUSHING MYSELF OUT OF BED EACH MORNING

IS THE HARDEST PART OF MY DAY.

**

THERE ARE DEFINITELY DAYS WHERE IT'S JUST LIKE

I WISH I COULD JUST STAY HERE,

AND AT THE SAME TIME, THAT'S ALSO A FEAR THAT ONE DAY

I WILL BECOME BEDRIDDEN.

**

BUT IT'S PAINFUL.

IT'S PAINFUL TO HAVE TO GET UP FROM BED.

**

I'M ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT MY ANKLES GIVING OUT AND COLLAPSING

BECAUSE MY JOINTS AND MUSCLES BARELY SUSTAIN MY WEIGHT.

**

MY BODY HAS REACHED A POINT THAT I CAN'T EVEN GO A FEW STEPS

WITHOUT BEING WINDED.

**

BECAUSE I'M THE SIZE OF FIVE PEOPLE IN ONE BODY,

MY WEIGHT MAKES EVERYTHING HARD.

**

AND A SIMPLE TASK LIKE SHOWERING CAN FEEL ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE.

**

AND IT'S HARD TO STAND FOR SO LONG IN ONE PLACE.

**

SO I HAVE TO TAKE BREAKS AND REST.

**

I TRY TO DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN,

BUT WITH IT GETTING HARDER AND HARDER,

I KNOW SOON I'M GOING TO NEED HELP JUST TO DO ANYTHING.

MY BOYFRIEND, TIM, STARTED LIVING WITH ME YEARS AGO,

BUT I REFUSE TO LET HIM HELP ME SHOWER

BECAUSE I'VE NEVER WANTED TO BE THAT BURDEN.

THE THOUGHT OF HAVING TO ASK HIM FOR HELP

TO CARE FOR MYSELF IS MORTIFYING.

AND I CAN'T HAVE HIM SEE ME LIKE THIS BECAUSE I HATE MY BODY.

IT'S DISGUSTING,

AND LIVING IN THIS BODY IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE.

WHEN I SEE MYSELF IN A PICTURE OR IN A MIRROR,

YOU ALMOST WOULD THINK, LIKE,

"SHOULDN'T THAT BE ENOUGH TO JUST STOP AND REALIZE

WHAT IT IS YOU'RE DOING?"

BUT I GET SO DEPRESSED BY IT THAT I GO TO WHAT IS

THE MOST COMFORTING, WHICH IS FOOD,

AND AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER,

FOOD HAS ALWAYS BEEN WHAT HAS CONSOLED ME.

**

FOOD MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT JUST SEEING IT

AND SMELLING IT STARTS TO HELP ME FEEL BETTER

AND HELPS WITH MY ANXIETY.

**

I FEEL LIKE FOOD IS THE ONE THING THAT DOESN'T JUDGE YOU.

IT NEVER LETS ME DOWN AND NEVER DISAPPOINTS ME.

IT FILLS A VOID AND EMPTINESS INSIDE ME.

EATING DOUGHNUTS FOR ME CAN BE DESCRIBED

AS A SEXUAL EXPERIENCE ALMOST, BECAUSE IT IS.

LIKE, IT'S SO FULFILLING AND IT'S SATISFYING.

**

AND TO BE ABLE TO EAT AND ENJOY THIS ALONE

WITH NOBODY WATCHING IS THE BEST PART OF MY DAY.

**

BUT ONCE I START, I CAN'T STOP,

AND UNFORTUNATELY MY ADDICTION TO FOOD

HAS ONLY GOTTEN WORSE OVER THE YEARS.

NEVER IN MY LIFE DID I THINK THIS IS WHERE I WOULD END UP,

AT 600 POUNDS.

**

I STARTED TO PUT ON WEIGHT AT A YOUNG AGE.

MY CHILDHOOD WAS VERY CHAOTIC.

**

I REMEMBER FEELING LIKE OUR FAMILY WAS DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS

BECAUSE IT WAS MY MOM THAT WORKED

TO SUPPORT OUR FAMILY OF FOUR,

AND MY DAD WOULD GO OUT TO THE BARS DRINKING.

**

SO, HE WASN'T REALLY AROUND MUCH

AND DIDN'T PARTICIPATE IN OUR DAILY LIVES.

**

AND I FELT LIKE MY MOM WAS ANGRY

AND HAD A LOT OF RESENTMENT TOWARDS HIM,

SO WHEN HE WOULD COME HOME,

THERE WAS ALWAYS A LOT OF FIGHTING,

AND SOMETIMES IT WOULD GET LOUD AND VIOLENT.

**

AND IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY GRANDMA FAY,

I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD ANYONE, BECAUSE SHE'S REALLY

WHO I FEEL LIKE RAISED ME AND TOOK CARE OF ME.

AND WHEN MY PARENTS WOULD FIGHT,

SHE WOULD TRY TO DISTRACT ME WITH ICE CREAM,

AND I REMEMBER HOW IT MADE ME FEEL BETTER,

AND SO SUGAR BECAME THE THING IN MY LIFE WITH MY GRANDMOTHER

THAT I KNEW COULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

WHEN I WAS AFRAID OR UPSET.

**

AND BY THE TIME I WAS 7, I WAS AROUND 160 POUNDS.

MY MOM BEGAN TO HEAR FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS

THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME,

THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM,

AND SHE FELT LIKE IT MADE HER LOOK BAD AS A MOTHER.

SO SHE WOULD SCREAM AT ME FOR EATING

AND TOLD ME I WAS GETTING TOO FAT.

I STARTED TO WORRY ABOUT ALICIA'S WEIGHT IN GRADE SCHOOL.

YOU WOULD HEAR REMARKS FROM OTHER PEOPLE AND WONDER,

"MAYBE I SHOULD BE MORE WORRIED THAN I AM."

I THOUGHT MAYBE SHE WOULD OUTGROW IT, BUT SHE DIDN'T.

**

Alicia: SO MY EATING JUST GOT WORSE

BECAUSE I WAS MORE DEPRESSED AND I KEPT GOING,

AND I HIT 200 POUNDS BY THE TIME I WAS 10.

AND THAT'S WHEN MY LIFE CAME CRASHING DOWN.

**

MY GRANDMA FAY WAS DIAGNOSED WITH LUNG CANCER,

AND I'D GO TO VISIT HER DAILY IN THE HOSPITAL,

BUT THEN ONE DAY I COULD TELL SHE WAS GETTING WORSE.

SHE WAS HOOKED UP TO MORE AND MORE WIRES.

IT FREAKED ME OUT, AND I LEFT WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE TO HER.

SHE PASSED AWAY THAT NIGHT.

**

SHE WAS THE PERSON I MOST LOVED, AND I DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE.

I WAS SHATTERED, BUT I HAD NO ONE AT THAT POINT.

MY MOM WAS EMBARRASSED BY ME, AND MY DAD WAS BARELY AROUND,

AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAD LOVED ME WAS GONE.

**

AND EATING NOT ONLY HELPED ME WITH THE PAIN,

BUT IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE MY GRANDMA WAS BACK WITH ME

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE SHARED TOGETHER.

**

SO I WOULD BEGIN SNEAKING FOOD AT NIGHT.

I DIDN'T WANT MY MOM TO SEE HOW MUCH I WAS EATING

BECAUSE SHE WAS ALREADY EMBARRASSED OF ME,

AND I WAS EATING CONSTANTLY.

**

SO I GAINED ANOTHER 80 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT FEW YEARS,

AND I WAS GETTING CLOSE TO 300 POUNDS BY THE TIME I WAS 14.

**

BEFORE I WENT TO BED,

I WOULD PRAY THAT I WOULD WAKE UP SKINNY,

BUT I WAS ALWAYS THE SAME FAT KID IN THE MORNING.

MY MOM WAS SO ASHAMED, SHE PUT ME IN A WEIGHT-LOSS CLUB.

**

I WAS REALLY ANGRY AT MY MOM,

THAT SHE MADE ME GO TO THOSE MEETINGS,

AND SHE WOULD SAY, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THIS, EITHER.

I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU."

BUT I STARTED TO THINK THAT THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERED

TO MY MOM WAS MY WEIGHT.

I WAS JUST A NUMBER AND NO LONGER A PERSON,

AND BY THE TIME I WAS 18, I WAS OVER 400 POUNDS.

**

BUT MY WEIGHT NEVER HELD ME BACK THEN.

I STILL HAD FRIENDS, AND I'D STILL GO OUT.

I EVEN DATED, BUT THEN AT THE END OF MY SENIOR YEAR,

A MALE FRIEND WHO I HAD ALWAYS HAD A CRUSH ON CAME OVER,

AND WE STARTED MESSING AROUND,

AND I EVENTUALLY TOLD HIM TO STOP,

AND HE DIDN'T STOP.

AND HE RAPED ME.

I FELT JUST REALLY WEAK AND HELPLESS,

AND ALSO I FELT A LOT OF SHAME.

I FELT LIKE I HAD NO ONE TO TURN TO.

WHO'S GOING TO BELIEVE ME?

WHO'S GOING TO BELIEVE THAT HE RAPED YOU

BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE WANT TO?

FAT GIRLS DON'T GET RAPED.

AND SO I HID WHAT HAPPENED FROM EVERYONE,

AND I DID WHAT I KNEW.

I ATE TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN.

**

WHEN I WAS 20, MY WEIGHT GOT TO OVER 500 POUNDS,

AND I WAS NO LONGER ABLE TO FUNCTION LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

**

JoAnn: THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I WANTED HER TO HAVE.

I WANTED HER TO BE HAPPY AND ACTIVE AND HEALTHY.

SOMETIMES YOU LOSE CONTROL OF WHAT'S GOING ON

AND YOU DON'T REALIZE IT UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE.

Alicia: SO I DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE

AND GAVE UP MY DREAM OF BEING A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER.

I FELT LIKE A COMPLETE FAILURE.

I FELT LIKE I WAS NEVER GOING TO HAVE A FULFILLING LIFE

AND I WAS CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE OFTEN.

IT WOULD BE MY ESCAPE FROM ALL THE DISAPPOINTMENTS.

I WAS TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A FAILURE TO MY MOM,

TO MY FAMILY, AND TO MYSELF,

AND THE PAIN AND STRUGGLE WAS BECOMING TOO MUCH,

AND I JUST WANTED TO END IT.

**

AND I THINK I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT,

BUT THAT'S WHEN I MET TIM.

**

WE MET SIX YEARS AGO AND WE CONNECTED QUICKLY

BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH ADDICTS.

HE WAS ADDICTED TO DRUGS.

AND SO HE UNDERSTOOD MY ADDICTION TO FOOD

AND DIDN'T JUDGE ME.

Tim: WHEN ALICIA AND I FIRST MET,

WHAT I DID NOTICE WAS JUST HER CAREFREE SPIRIT, HER LAUGH,

AND HER SIZE DIDN'T BOTHER ME,

AND I REALLY LIKED BEING WITH HER

BECAUSE SHE WAS ALWAYS LAUGHING AND SMILING.

BUT NOW IT'S ALMOST LIKE SHE'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON.

AND OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS GROWN STAGNANT,

AND AS TIME GOES ON,

ALICIA DOESN'T WANT TO DO HARDLY ANYTHING AT ALL.

SHE JUST WANTS TO SIT IN FRONT OF THE TV AND EAT,

WHICH REALLY FRUSTRATES ME

BECAUSE WE HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE TOGETHER.

**

Alicia: TIM WAS ADDICTED TO DRUGS, BUT HE GOT CLEAN,

AND NOW I'M THE ONE KILLING MYSELF...

**

...BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP MYSELF FROM EATING.

IF THERE'S ANY FOOD IN THE HOUSE, I EAT IT,

SO WE RUN OUT OF FOOD QUICKLY.

SO WHEN TIM'S AT WORK AND WE'RE OUT,

THE ONLY WAY I CAN EAT IS TO GO GET IT MYSELF.

I CAN'T WAIT ALL DAY FOR HIM TO GET HOME.

GOING TO GET FOOD IS ALMOST THE ONLY THING

THAT GETS ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.

**

THE ONLY THING I'M REALLY LIVING FOR AT THIS POINT

IS THE NEXT MEAL,

BUT IT'S NOT EASY FOR ME.

I AM THE HEAVIEST I'VE EVER BEEN,

SO GETTING INTO THE CAR IS PAINFUL AND CHALLENGING,

AND I BARELY FIT.

**

I HATE GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE.

AND I HAVE ANXIETY ABOUT BEING IN PUBLIC...

BECAUSE I HAVE A FEAR OF PEOPLE JUDGING ME,

AND IF IT WASN'T TO GET FOOD FOR THE REST OF THE DAY,

THEN I WOULD LITERALLY NEVER GO OUT.

**

I CAN FEEL PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME.

I CAN FEEL THEIR STARES.

I FEEL LIKE AN ANIMAL THAT PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT

TO SEE WHAT I WILL PUT IN MY CART NEXT.

BUT I IGNORE IT ALL BECAUSE WHEN I SEE ALL THIS FOOD,

ESPECIALLY ALL THE CARBS AND SWEETS,

IT MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY.

-HELLO. HOW ARE YOU? -WONDERFUL. HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD, THANK YOU.

I GET EXCITED TO KNOW THAT I GET TO GO HOME AND EAT THIS.

-THANK YOU SO MUCH. -HERE YOU GO.

-HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY. -YOU AS WELL.

THANK YOU.

AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER,

FOOD HAS ALWAYS BEEN A PART OF MY LIFE,

BUT NOW ALL I THINK ABOUT IS FOOD.

IF I'M OUT, IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME

NOT TO STOP SOMEWHERE AND GET SOMETHING.

IT'S OKAY. IT'S ALMOST LIKE A REWARD.

WELL, YOU REWARD YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU GOT OUT.

SO GOOD JOB FOR GETTING OUT,

WALKING AROUND THE WHOLE GROCERY STORE.

NOW GET SOME FOOD.

CAN I GET TWO OF THE FIVE-PIECE BREAST STRIP MEALS,

MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY,

AND CAN I ALSO GET NINE OF YOUR FRIED DILL PICKLES

AND THEN SOME JALAPEÑO POPPERS?

Woman: ALL RIGHT, IT'S GONNA BE $27.47.

THANK YOU.

I KNOW I'M EATING A LOT, BUT MY HUNGER NEVER GOES AWAY.

AND ONCE I CRAVE SOMETHING, I HAVE TO HAVE IT.

-HERE YOU GO. -THANK YOU SO MUCH.

-HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY. -THANK YOU. YOU TOO.

**

I FEEL AWFUL AND LIKE A BAD PERSON FOR DOING IT,

BUT THE TRUTH IS, I CAN'T STOP MYSELF.

I DEFINITELY ENJOY THE FOOD MORE WHEN I KNOW NOBODY'S WATCHING

BECAUSE THEN THERE'S NO JUDGMENT.

AND THEY TASTE REALLY GOOD WHEN THEY'RE HOT AND FRESH.

I'M JUST GOING TO TELL TIM THAT I GOT US

AN ORDER OF POPPERS TO SHARE.

**

I AM NOT HONEST WITH TIM ABOUT HOW MUCH I EAT,

AND I HATE THAT I'M LYING TO HIM.

I MEAN, TECHNICALLY, THAT'S NOT REALLY A LIE

BECAUSE IT IS FOR US TO SHARE.

HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW MANY WERE IN THERE

TO BEGIN WITH.

**

WHEN I GET HOME, ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET THIS FOOD IN AND EAT,

EVEN THOUGH I JUST HAD SOMETHING.

AND I BEAT MYSELF UP EVERY DAY ABOUT IT,

BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY,

IT IS MY CHOICES THAT HAVE GOTTEN ME TO WHERE I AM.

BUT ONCE I GET HOME, I REWARD MYSELF WITH ANOTHER MEAL

AND I FINISH OFF THE REST OF THE FAST FOOD I GOT.

THERE IS AN EMPTY VOID INSIDE ME

THAT NEEDS TO BE FILLED WITH FOOD.

**

[ DOOR OPENS ]

HEY, BABE.

HI, BABY.

YOUR DINNER'S IN THE MICROWAVE WHEN YOU'RE DONE.

THANK YOU. I SEE THAT.

THANK YOU FOR GETTING THAT FOR ME.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

**

Tim: ITS BEEN FRUSTRATING WATCHING ALICIA GAIN WEIGHT

OVER THE YEARS.

WHAT SHE WAS ABLE TO DO A YEAR AGO

SHE DEFINITELY CAN'T DO NOW.

I FEEL HELPLESS IN GETTING ALICIA OUT OF HER ADDICTION.

I HAVEN'T CARED ABOUT ANYBODY IN MY WHOLE LIFE LIKE I DO ALICIA.

I DON'T WANT TO WATCH SOMEBODY I LOVE DIE.

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH SOMEBODY WHO CHOOSES TO DIE.

**

Alicia: MY ADDICTION HAS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE

AND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TIM,

AND IT HAS TO BE HARD FOR HIM TO KNOW

THAT AT THIS SIZE, I MAY NOT HAVE MUCH LONGER,

AND I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF LEAVING HIM,

BUT I AM KILLING MYSELF AND I CAN'T STOP IT.

IF I DON'T GET HELP NOW, I FEEL LIKE THE NEXT HURDLE COULD BE

TIM TRYING TO FIND A CASKET THAT WILL FIT MY BODY.

**

**

Alicia: TODAY IS THE BIG DAY.

TIM AND I WILL BE MAKING THE LONG DRIVE TO HOUSTON

TO SEE DR. NOW.

**

AND I'M VERY NERVOUS AND ANXIOUS RIGHT NOW.

Tim: ALL RIGHT. I GOT MY BAG LOADED.

-YOU READY? -YEAH.

WILL YOU HAND ME MY PURSE AND ALL?

YEAH.

BUT I HAVE TIM BY MY SIDE,

SO I FEEL LIKE I AT LEAST HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE TO MAKE IT.

**

-GOOD LUCK. -YEAH. I'LL BE BACK IN FOR YOU.

-ALL RIGHT? -OKAY.

BUT MY REAL CONCERN IS THE EFFECT

THAT THIS TRIP WILL HAVE ON MY BODY.

Tim: I'M REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT THE DRIVE TODAY.

ALICIA, I DON'T THINK SHE'S EVEN PROBABLY PREPARED

FOR HOW SHE'S GOING TO FEEL.

AND SO IT'S GOING TO BE TOUGH FOR HER DOING THIS DRIVE.

ALL RIGHT, BOO. YOU READY TO GO?

-YEAH. -CAR'S ALL PACKED UP.

ALL RIGHT.

Alicia: I KNOW THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG TRIP.

IT'S GOING TO TAKE A LOT OUT OF ME

JUST BEING IN THE CAR KIND OF CRAMMED UP.

IT'S ALWAYS HARD ON MY FEET AND MY ANKLES ESPECIALLY.

FOR A REGULAR PERSON, THE TRIP FROM ILLINOIS TO HOUSTON

COULD BE DONE IN ONE DAY,

BUT IT WILL PROBABLY TAKE US TWO,

AND WE WILL NEED TO MAKE STOPS

SO I CAN TAKE BREAKS TO STRETCH OUT.

**

Tim: ALICIA'S HEALTH IS RIDING ON THIS TRIP

AND WHAT THE DOCTOR HAS TO SAY.

I HOPE THE DOCTOR SAYS, "LET'S DO THIS."

I THINK IF HE SAYS HE CAN'T HELP HER

THAT IT WOULD BE DEVASTATING FOR BOTH OF US.

Alicia: HEY, BABE, I'D REALLY LIKE TO STOP SOON,

SO MAYBE, LIKE, THE NEXT PLACE YOU SEE WE COULD STOP

AND JUST GET OUT AND STRETCH FOR A MINUTE?

OF COURSE. I THINK THAT'D BE GOOD FOR YOU.

Alicia: I DON'T LIKE TO BURDEN TIM WITH MY PAIN,

AND I HAVE A TENDENCY TO INTERNALIZE

AND HOLD IT IN UNTIL I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I KNOW HE DOESN'T THINK THIS, BUT NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT

HOW A FAT GIRL IS HURTING.

AND I HAVE CONDITIONED MYSELF TO THINK

AND FEEL THAT WAY FOR SO LONG.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE A BURDEN.

**

-MY FOOT REALLY HURTS. -LOOK. LET ME RUB IT.

Tim: THIS SIDE OVER HERE?

ALL RIGHT THERE? YEAH. IT SURE LOOKS BRUISED.

LET ME SEE THAT.

I'M SO SORRY, BABE.

TIM HAS BEEN VERY SUPPORTIVE FOR A LONG TIME.

BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT THIS IS HARD FOR HIM, TOO.

WE DON'T HAVE THE KIND OF PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP

THAT HE WOULD LIKE

AND ALSO THAT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE.

I FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT THAT.

Tim: YOU'RE DOING GOOD. YOU'RE DOING GOOD.

I WANT TO GIVE HIM A LIFE THAT I KNOW HE DESERVES,

THAT WE DESERVE.

**

BUT I'M AFRAID THAT I WON'T BE AROUND LONG ENOUGH

FOR THAT TO HAPPEN.

**

WE MADE IT TO TEXAS.

**

MY BODY IS HURTING FROM ALL THIS DRIVING.

**

AND I CAN'T WAIT TO LAY DOWN AND STRETCH OUT.

I AM SO HAPPY TO FINALLY BE AT A HOTEL

AND TO GET OUT OF THIS CAR.

**

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING A GOOD NIGHT'S REST

AND GETTING BACK ON THE ROAD TO SEE DR. NOW IN THE MORNING.

**

TODAY I'M MEETING DR. NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME,

AND AS I GET CLOSER TO HOUSTON,

I'M FEELING REALLY NERVOUS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN WE GET THERE,

AND I'M WORRIED THAT MY WEIGHT IS TOO OUT OF CONTROL.

SO I'M SCARED THAT WE MIGHT HAVE COME ALL THIS WAY FOR NOTHING.

**

TIM HAS TAKEN NEARLY A WEEK OFF OF WORK

TO MAKE THIS TRIP WITH ME.

**

IT'S SUCH A SACRIFICE, AND I AM SO GRATEFUL.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT HIM.

I REALLY WANT THIS, AND IF DR. NOW CAN'T HELP ME,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT OPTIONS I HAVE LEFT,

SO I JUST HOPE THAT HE'S WILLING TO GIVE ME A CHANCE

TO PROVE MYSELF TO HIM.

ALICIA KIRGAN.

Alicia: RIGHT NOW, I HAVE THAT SAME ANXIOUS FEELING

THAT I WOULD GET WHEN I WAS A KID

AND MY MOM WOULD TAKE ME TO FAT CLINICS.

THE FIRST THING THEY WOULD ALWAYS DO IS WEIGH ME,

BUT I WOULD WEIGH MORE AND MORE EACH TIME

AND ALWAYS FELT ASHAMED.

AND I REMEMBER THE DISAPPOINTMENT IN MY MOM'S EYES.

I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THAT DISAPPOINTMENT AGAIN.

**

WOW.

SEEING THAT NUMBER ON THE SCALE, IT'S HARD.

I MEAN, IT'S DEFINITELY NOT A NUMBER THAT I'M PROUD OF,

AND IT'S EMBARRASSING,

AND I FEEL SHAMEFUL TO HAVE LET IT GET THAT BAD.

**

-HELLO. -HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU?

I'M DOING OKAY. HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?

-DOING GREAT. -ALL RIGHT.

I'M DR. NOWZARADAN.

-IT'S WONDERFUL TO MEET YOU. -NICE TO MEET YOU.

THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND, TIM.

NICE TO MEET YOU, SIR.

-AND YOUR NAME? -TIM.

TIM, TIM, OKAY, NICE TO MEET YOU.

ALL RIGHT. SO YOU ARE 622 POUNDS?

-YES. -AND YOU'RE ONLY 5'3".

YES.

SO, 600 POUNDS ON A PERSON AT YOUR HEIGHT

IS COMPARABLE TO BEING OVER 800 POUNDS

FOR A PERSON OF AVERAGE HEIGHT.

WOW.

SO THAT'S A LOT OF WEIGHT ON YOUR BODY.

-YOU'RE 32? -YES.

OKAY, SO YOU HAVE TO KNOW

THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LAST LIKE THIS.

I KNOW.

I DON'T IMAGINE I WOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE IT TO 40.

WELL, I HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU.

SO WHAT DO YOUR EATING HABITS LOOK LIKE?

I HAVE A TENDENCY TO BINGE ON DINNER

AND THEN PRETTY MUCH SNACK

FOR MOST OF THE NIGHT UNTIL I GO TO BED.

SNACKING ON WHAT?

CHIPS, COOKIES, SWEETS, PRETTY MUCH ALL THE CARBS.

SO WHO BUYS THOSE?

I DO.

SO YOU'RE TELLING ME TIM DOESN'T FEED YOU

AND THAT YOU DON'T NEED AN ENABLER TO GAIN LIKE YOU HAVE?

NO. I PREFER TO EAT ALONE WHEN PEOPLE DON'T KNOW.

SO HOW ARE YOU GAINING ALL THIS WEIGHT ON YOUR OWN?

I'LL SNACK WHEN MY BOYFRIEND'S ASLEEP

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHERE I FEEL LIKE

I'M NOT BEING JUDGED OR WATCHED.

OKAY, SO HOW ARE YOU SUPPORTING YOUR EATING HABIT?

MY BOYFRIEND DOES WORK, SO HE'S THE ONE

THAT KIND OF PAYS FOR THE GROCERIES,

BUT I GO AND GET THEM.

SO YOU EAT LATE AT NIGHT AND YOU EAT A LOT OF HIGH-CALORIE FOOD?

YES.

OKAY, SO, ALICIA, THIS IS WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO.

UH-HUH.

I'M GIVING YOU 1,200-CALORIE, HIGH-PROTEIN, LOW-CARB DIET

WITH LIST OF FOOD YOU CAN EAT AND FOOD YOU CAN'T.

OKAY.

NO SWEETS, NO SUGARY DRINKS,

AND I WANT YOU TO LOSE 50 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT MONTH, OKAY?

OKAY.

THEN I'LL APPROVE YOU FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

OKAY.

BUT EVEN IF YOU GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

WE STILL HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

FOR NOW, I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME THAT YOU'RE WILLING

AND ABLE TO START MAKING THE CHOICES

YOU NEED TO DO THIS, OKAY?

OKAY.

I MAY HAVE A DIFFICULT ISSUE HERE WITH ALICIA.

IT'S NOT LIKELY THAT SHE IS AT THIS WEIGHT

AND THAT THERE IS NO ENABLING GOING ON,

BUT IF THE PEOPLE LIVING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS 600 POUNDS

AREN'T HELPING TO CHANGE THEIR SITUATION,

THEN THEY ARE ENABLING IT.

SO I'M CONCERNED SHE'S HIDING THINGS FROM ME,

AND MAYBE SHE AND HER BOYFRIEND DON'T SEE THE ENABLING DYNAMIC.

BOTH THOSE SCENARIOS ARE AN ISSUE

THAT WOULD MAKE IT MORE DIFFICULT

TO START TO DEAL WITH HER EATING HABITS,

BUT IF SHE SAYS SHE'S THE ONE DOING IT,

THEN SHE'S THE ONE THAT CAN CHANGE IT.

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE ALL THOSE CHANGES?

YES. I HAVE TO.

ALL RIGHT.

ARE YOU MOTIVATED TO DO THIS, ALICIA?

YES.

THEN WHAT'S YOUR MOTIVATION?

MY MOTIVATION IS MY BOYFRIEND, TIM.

OKAY.

I WANT TO BE AN ACTIVE PARTNER FOR HIM,

AND AT MY SIZE NOW, YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BE.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD MOTIVATOR,

SO SHOW ME YOU CAN DO THIS, OKAY?

OKAY.

AND THEN WE'LL CONSIDER YOU FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

BUT THEN YOU'LL BOTH NEED TO MOVE TO TEXAS FOR A BIT.

-YES. -ALL RIGHT.

I'M GOING TO SEE YOU IN ONE MONTH, 50 POUNDS LIGHTER, OKAY?

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

-THANK YOU SO MUCH. -OKAY.

**

THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD.

-WELL, YOU KNEW THAT. -YEAH.

-NOW IT'S REAL. -YEAH.

IT'S THE CHANCE OF YOUR LIFETIME, RIGHT...

-YEAH. -...TO MAKE IT RIGHT?

YEAH.

-I LOVE YOU. -I LOVE YOU.

GOOD JOB. WAY TO BE BRAVE AND STRONG.

A PART OF ME ALWAYS KNEW THAT AT THIS SIZE,

I WOULDN'T MAKE IT TO 40.

BUT WHEN DR. NOW CONFIRMED MY FEAR, IT BECAME REAL.

I HAVE ONE MONTH TO LOSE 50 POUNDS,

AND IT'S GOING TO BE A CHALLENGE,

BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT I HAVE TO MAKE CHANGES

BECAUSE I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LIVE LIKE THIS.

**

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE,

BUT I HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE MY LIFE IS ON THE LINE.

**

**

Alicia: IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE I SAW DR. NOW,

AND THIS HAS BEEN THE LONGEST MONTH OF MY LIFE.

**

MY WHOLE LIFE, I'VE WOKEN UP AND BEEN EXCITED

ABOUT WHAT I COULD EAT FOR BREAKFAST,

BUT THAT EXCITEMENT IS GONE NOW.

**

FOR BREAKFAST, INSTEAD OF DOUGHNUTS,

I'M HAVING A PROTEIN SHAKE.

THE SHAKES ARE A GOOD WAY TO CONTROL MY CALORIES.

AND I REALLY FIND THAT THE LESS

I HAVE TO KIND OF THINK ABOUT IT,

THE EASIER IT IS TO DO IT

WITHOUT MAKING AN EXCUSE TO CHEAT OR TO GIVE IN,

BECAUSE CRAVINGS COME UP ALL THE TIME, EVERY DAY.

I THINK THIS IS THE LONGEST I'VE EVER GONE, MY ENTIRE LIFE,

WITHOUT HAVING SUGAR FOR BREAKFAST.

**

I DEFINITELY MISS FOOD.

GET IN YOUR CHAIR.

AND NOT SNACKING HAS BEEN REALLY HARD.

**

BUT THE HARDEST PART IS GETTING OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD.

AFTER THE FIRST WEEK, I STARTED HAVING DREAMS OF EATING CARBS.

SOME DAYS I'M LIKE, "GOD, I JUST WISH

I COULD HAVE, LIKE, A CARROT.

LIKE, I JUST WANT SOMETHING TO SNACK ON."

I THOUGHT I KNEW HOW HARD THIS WAS GOING TO BE,

BUT I HAD NO IDEA.

I'M ASHAMED OF HOW MUCH I MISS FOOD,

AND THE SHAME MAKES ME FEEL EVEN WORSE.

**

AND IT DOESN'T HELP THAT I SPEND ALL DAY BY MYSELF

WHILE TIM IS GONE.

**

SINCE I SAW DR. NOW, MY DIET IS GOING WELL.

FOR BREAKFAST AND LUNCH, I ONLY HAVE PROTEIN SHAKES.

BUT I TRY TO ALWAYS HAVE A REAL DINNER FOR TIM AND I.

I'M EATING TO JUST LIVE NOW INSTEAD OF EATING FOR FUN.

AND THAT'S DEFINITELY BEEN A CHANGE, BUT I TRY TO FIND THINGS

THAT ARE STILL ENJOYABLE BUT HEALTHY.

HOW LONG WE GOT?

JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER.

YEAH?

JUST LETTING IT SIMMER TOGETHER.

OKAY. YOU SURE YOU DON'T NEED ANY HELP?

NO.

**

I'M HOPING THAT IF I LOSE THE 50 POUNDS DR. NOW WANTS,

HE'LL TELL ME TO MOVE TO HOUSTON AND APPROVE ME FOR SURGERY.

**

TIM WORKS SO MUCH AND GOES TO BED SO EARLY,

DINNER IS ABOUT THE ONLY TIME WE GET TO SPEND TOGETHER.

**

I WANT US TO ENJOY OUR HOME AS MUCH AS WE CAN

BEFORE WE HAVE TO LEAVE IT BEHIND.

OH! THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

Tim: I WOULD DESCRIBE ALICIA AND I'S RELATIONSHIP,

AT THIS STAGE OF THE GAME, AS STRAINED.

I WAS HOPING THIS WOULD BRING US CLOSER,

BUT RIGHT NOW IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE MORE DRIFTING APART

THAN GETTING CLOSER.

SHE'S DEFINITELY SUBDUED BECAUSE WHAT SHE'S GOING THROUGH.

SHE'S PRETTY QUIET THESE DAYS.

I THINK BEING HUNGRY AND NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT

THE THINGS SHE WANTS HAS BEEN HARD ON HER.

**

I HATE TO SEE YOU BEING DISTANT FROM ME,

AS I'M NOT USED TO THAT.

I MEAN, IN ALL HONESTY, RIGHT NOW,

I REALLY HAVE TO BE FOCUSED ON MYSELF,

SO I KIND OF HAVE TO PUT A DISTANCE.

WELL, YOU'RE PRETTY STRONG TO PUT ME OUT OF YOUR MIND.

IT'S HARD. IT'S DEFINITELY NOT EASY.

Alicia: WITH TIM AND I, THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF NOT REALLY KNOWING

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT,

BUT DINNER IS REALLY THE ONE TIME OF DAY

THAT WE GET TO SPEND TOGETHER, AND NOW, BECAUSE OF THIS DIET,

I DON'T ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I USED TO.

**

THANK YOU.

IF DR. NOW TAKES ME ON AS A PATIENT, WOULD YOU BE EXCITED?

YEAH, I'M EXCITED TO SEE YOU GET HEALTHY

AND BE ABLE TO DO

ALL THE DIFFERENT THINGS THAT YOU WANT TO DO

AND WHAT WE WANT TO DO TOGETHER.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO WITH ME?

I MEAN, BASICALLY, IT JUST COMES DOWN TO, LIKE,

BEING ABLE, LIKE,

TO GO OUT AND FEEL COMFORTABLE BEING AROUND PEOPLE

AND NOT WORRIED ABOUT, LIKE,

WHAT PEOPLE ARE THINKING OR SAYING ABOUT ME

AND JUST FEELING COMFORTABLE, REALLY, IN MY OWN SKIN

AND ALL THE STUFF THAT I LOOK FORWARD TO

ONCE I CAN GET MY WEIGHT DOWN.

WELL, IT'S GOING TO BE EXCITING AND SCARY FOR THE BOTH OF US.

YEAH.

Tim: MY HOPES ARE FOR US TO HAVE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP.

I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SMILE AND LAUGH AND LIVE LIFE

TOGETHER LIKE ALL THE OTHER COUPLES.

**

Alicia: THERE IS SO MUCH THAT TIM AND I

HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT.

IF I'M GOING TO HAVE A FUTURE WITH TIM,

I HAVE TO SEE THIS THROUGH AND HOPE THAT,

WHEN I SEE DR. NOW NEXT, HE APPROVES ME FOR SURGERY.

**

**

TODAY, I AM HEADED TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN

FOR MY FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT

TO SEE HOW I HAVE PROGRESSED WITH MY DIET.

DR. NOW WANTED ME TO LOSE 50 POUNDS IN A MONTH.

**

I'VE DEFINITELY TRIED MY HARDEST.

IT'S BEEN REALLY FRUSTRATING

BECAUSE IT'S BEEN LIKE PULLING TEETH AND NAILS

TO GET EVERY POUND OFF.

BUT I'VE DONE WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO,

SO IT WOULD BE DEVASTATING IF I MISSED MY GOAL.

**

-LET ME GET THAT DOOR FOR YOU. -THANKS, BABE.

Woman: ALICIA KIRGAN.

Alicia: I'M WORRIED WHAT NUMBER I'M GOING TO SEE ON THE SCALE.

WHAT IF I DIDN'T LOSE 50 POUNDS, AND HE DOESN'T APPROVE ME TODAY?

WHAT IF HE THINKS I'M NOT SERIOUS

AND DROPS ME AS A PATIENT?

**

WHAT IF EVERYTHING I'VE SACRIFICED

AND TIM HAS SACRIFICED IS FOR NOTHING?

**

I'M DISAPPOINTED.

THE GOAL WAS 50, SO TO NOT REACH IT IS A LITTLE DISHEARTENING.

SO I'M JUST REALLY NERVOUS AND ANXIOUS

ABOUT WHAT THE DOCTOR WILL SAY ABOUT MISSING THE GOAL,

BUT I DEFINITELY TRIED MY HARDEST.

**

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO. -HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?

I'M DOING OKAY. HOW ABOUT YOURSELF?

DOING ALL RIGHT.

SO YOU ONLY LOST 18 POUNDS THIS PAST MONTH.

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

I FELT LIKE I DID REALLY WELL THE FIRST WEEK.

BUT I ALSO FELT REALLY DEPRESSED AFTER THE FIRST WEEK.

SO YOU STARTED THE DIET, THEN GOT DEPRESSED,

SO YOU DID WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY

AND STARTED OVEREATING AGAIN, HUH?

YEAH.

EVEN THOUGH IT'S KILLING YOU.

I FEEL LIKE MY PORTIONS WERE PROBABLY TOO LARGE.

SO TO TRY TO CUT BACK ON MY PORTIONS,

I STARTED DOING A PROTEIN SHAKE IN THE MORNING AND AFTERNOON

AND THEN JUST HAVING DINNER TO TRY TO HELP REIN IN MY PORTIONS.

OKAY, THAT WASN'T THE DIET.

MNH-MNH.

THAT WAS A DIET YOU INVENTED.

WHY DID YOU COME HERE IF YOU JUST WANT TO TRY YOUR OWN PLAN?

THAT HASN'T WORKED SO FAR.

WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IT'S GOING TO WORK NOW?

SO YOU'RE STILL OVEREATING,

JUST INSTEAD OF 8,000 TO 10,000 CALORIES A DAY,

YOU'RE EATING 6,000 OR 7,000 CALORIES.

YOUR DIET IS 1,200 CALORIES A DAY,

NO EXCEPTIONS, YOU UNDERSTAND?

MM-HMM.

IT'S SOUNDS LIKE ALICIA COULDN'T EVEN GO A WEEK

WITHOUT RUNNING TO FOOD.

SO SHE NEEDS TO TRY AGAIN TO HIT HER GOAL,

AND I WANT HER TO MAINTAIN POSITIVE PROGRESS FOR TWO MONTHS

TO SHOW ME SHE'S WILLING AND ABLE TO CONTROL HERSELF.

OKAY, ALICIA, YOU DIDN'T HIT YOUR WEIGHT-LOSS GOAL,

SO YOU'RE NOT APPROVED

FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY AT THIS POINT,

BUT THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.

I WANT YOU TO LOSE 70 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT 2 MONTHS.

OKAY.

NO MORE INVENTING NEW DIETS, OKAY?

OKAY.

THEN I WANT YOU TO MOVE TO HOUSTON, OKAY?

THANK YOU.

AND, TIM, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD IT SAID

THAT IF YOU'RE NOT PART OF SOLUTION,

THEN YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM?

SO LET'S DO BETTER AT THAT, OKAY?

YOUR ULTIMATE GOAL AT YOUR HEIGHT

WOULD BE 120 TO 130 POUNDS.

SO WE'VE GOT A LONG WAY TO GO.

YES.

I'LL LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU IN HOUSTON.

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

**

HOUSTON-BOUND.

YEAH, LOOKS LIKE.

**

TO HEAR DR. NOW TELL ME THAT HE'S READY FOR ME

TO MOVE TO HOUSTON

AND TO CONTINUE WITH THE PROGRAM IS EXCITING,

AND IT DOES FEEL LIKE YOU'VE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING.

BUT HE DID SAY TO LOSE ANOTHER 70 POUNDS,

AND I'M A LITTLE AFRAID I WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THAT.

AND THE THOUGHT OF MOVING AWAY FROM MY FAMILY AND HOME

IS REALLY SCARY,

BUT IT'S EXCITING TO START THIS NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE.

**

I BELIEVE THIS IS THE BEST THING FOR ME,

AND I THINK THAT, IN THE END, IT'S ALL GOING TO BE WORTH IT.

AND I JUST HOPE IT'LL BE WORTH IT FOR TIM, TOO

BECAUSE I'M ASKING HIM TO CHANGE HIS ENTIRE LIFE FOR ME.

**

**

Alicia: IT'S BEEN A COUPLE WEEKS

SINCE MY LAST APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOW,

AND TIM AND I ARE PACKING UP TO MAKE THE BIG MOVE TO HOUSTON.

TIM DROPPED OFF OUR DOG WITH MY PARENTS THIS MORNING,

AND THE REALITY OF OUR MOVE FINALLY SUNK IN.

THIS IS DEFINITELY A HUGE DEAL FOR ME.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN ANY KIND OF REAL DISTANCE

AWAY FROM MY FAMILY.

NOT HAVING MY FAMILY AND MY SUPPORT IS SCARY

WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN UP THE SUPPORT

AND COMFORT OF THE FOOD YOU USED TO GO TO.

SO IT KIND OF FEELS LIKE I'M, LIKE, LOSING ALL MY COMFORT.

SO THAT'S KIND OF HARD AND KIND OF SCARY,

BUT I JUST KNOW THAT, IN THE END,

IT'S GOING TO BE WORTH IT.

I KNOW IT'S WHAT I HAVE TO DO RIGHT NOW.

**

BUT TO MAKE THIS ALL EVEN WORSE,

TIM AND I HAVE TO DRIVE SEPARATELY.

BECAUSE TIM WILL HAVE TO WORK IN HOUSTON, HE'LL NEED HIS OWN CAR.

OKAY, I'M ALL SET.

-OKAY. -BE CAREFUL.

OKAY, LOVE YOU.

OH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

OH, MAN, YOU ARE 1,000 DEGREES.

I KNOW. I'M SO HOT.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, BABE. ALL RIGHT.

Tim: I DON'T BELIEVE THAT ALICIA HAS EVER DRIVEN THIS FAR.

I'M HOPING THE DRIVE GOES WELL.

I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT IF IT DOESN'T

'CAUSE I JUST WANT TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT IT.

**

Alicia: I'M WORRIED BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE SO HARD ON ME.

IT'S GOING TO BE TWO DAYS OF DRIVING,

AND I'M NOT QUITE SURE HOW MY BODY IS GOING TO TAKE IT.

ALL 13 TO 14 HOURS, AND I JUST HOPE I CAN DO IT.

**

**

BUT I'M REALLY SCARED TO BE DRIVING THIS TIME.

I JUST HOPE I MAKE IT.

**

THIS TRIP HAS BEEN REALLY LONG,

BUT I'VE HAD NO MAJOR INCIDENTS SO FAR.

**

WE'RE ALMOST TO HOUSTON,

AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF THIS CAR

AND TO BE DONE WITH ALL THIS DRIVING.

**

I'M ALSO STARVING BECAUSE I'VE SKIPPED

ALL THE JUNK FOOD ON THE ROAD,

SO I'M READY TO GET TO THE HOUSE WE'RE RENTING IN HOUSTON.

IT'S FULLY FURNISHED, SO ALL WE HAVE TO DO

IS TAKE IN OUR STUFF WE HAVE.

SO I JUST WANT TO GET THERE, REST, AND EAT FINALLY.

**

IT'S EXCITING, BUT THERE'S FEAR

THAT COMES ALONG WITH ANY UNKNOWNS.

IT'S ALSO A LITTLE SURREAL THAT WE'RE ACTUALLY ALMOST THERE

AND THAT THIS IS ACTUALLY ALL HAPPENING.

**

IT MAKES ME A LITTLE SCARED.

**

WE'RE HERE.

WHEW. WE MADE IT.

-I'M GONNA GET THIS UNLOCKED. -OKAY.

**

YOU KNOW, IT'S A BIG RELIEF TO JUST FINALLY BE HERE

AND BE ABLE TO KIND OF SETTLE IN AND GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

I AM EXHAUSTED.

IT WAS A VERY LONG DRIVE.

BUT I'M REALLY EXCITED TO DO

WHATEVER DR. NOWZARADAN NEEDS ME TO DO.

**

BUT WHAT IF I FAIL, AND WHAT IF I CAN'T DO THIS?

WHAT IF WE'VE DONE ALL OF THIS FOR NOTHING?

SO I HAVE TO KEEP LEAPING INTO THE UNKNOWN

IF I WANT TO DO THIS AND SAVE MY LIFE.

**

**

TIM AND I HAVE BEEN HERE IN HOUSTON FOR A MONTH,

AND WE'RE SETTLING IN.

I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MY STUFF HERE,

SO IT'S EASY TO KEEP THE PLACE CLEAN.

**

AND IT'S BEEN GOOD NOT HAVING MY USUAL ROUTINE OF PLACES

THAT REALLY TRIGGERED MY HUNGER,

SO THERE'S A LOT LESS TEMPTATION HERE,

BUT I STILL WORRY THAT I'M NOT GOING TO MEET THE GOAL

DR. NOW SET AT MY LAST VISIT.

THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM,

HE GAVE ME THE GOAL OF LOSING 70 POUNDS

BY THE NEXT APPOINTMENT.

I KNOW DR. NOW WANTS ME TO EAT THREE TIMES A DAY,

BUT I USUALLY SKIP BREAKFAST.

I WOULD PREFER A LARGER MEAL AT DINNER

BECAUSE IF I FEEL FULLER AT NIGHT,

THEN IT HELPS ME TO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO SNACK.

I FEEL PRESSURE TO PROVE TO DR. NOW

THAT I'M WORTH HIS EFFORT AND I'M WORTH HIS EXPERTISE.

I DEFINITELY WANT HIM TO APPROVE ME

AND TO GET THE SURGERY AS SOON AS I CAN

SO THAT I CAN START EXPERIENCING LIFE

AND START REALLY DOING THINGS.

SO I HAVE TO DO IT.

**

YOU WANT TO SIT BY ME?

-YEAH, I GUESS. -[ LAUGHS ]

-WANT A BITE? -NO.

JUST HAMBURGER AND SALAD?

DO YOU FEEL THAT'S THE CORRECT PORTIONS STILL?

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH YOUR PORTIONS.

I MEAN, I FEEL LIKE IT'S OKAY.

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE PATTIES.

LIKE, I DON'T KNOW IF I REALLY NEED TWO BURGERS.

I GET FRUSTRATED BECAUSE NOT ONLY CAN I NOT HAVE

THE TYPE OF FOOD I WANT TO EAT,

BUT I CAN'T HAVE AS MUCH OF IT AS I WANT, EITHER.

IS THAT 400 CALORIES?

**

Tim: ALICIA GETS REALLY UPSET WHEN I TRY TO TALK TO HER

ABOUT THESE THINGS,

BUT I'M GOING TO TELL HER

IF I THINK THAT SHE'S NOT DOING THE RIGHT THINGS

EVEN IF IT DOES HURT HER FEELINGS.

PORTION CONTROL IS YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE, I THINK.

DON'T THINK BAD ABOUT ME IF I BRING THAT UP.

BECAUSE YOU'RE SO SENSITIVE ABOUT THINGS,

IT'S SO HARD FOR ME TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING.

IT REALLY IS.

Alicia: I FELL PRESSURE TO NOT DISAPPOINT ANYONE,

BUT I DEFINITELY FEEL PRESSURE NOT TO DISAPPOINT TIM.

HE DID UPROOT HIS LIFE TO BE HERE WITH ME,

SO I DON'T WANT TO LET HIM DOWN,

AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO FEEL LIKE THIS WAS FOR NOTHING

BECAUSE IF NOTHING COMES OF THIS,

I'M REALLY AFRAID OF WHAT THAT MEANS FOR OUR FUTURE.

**

**

Alicia: SINCE MOVING TO HOUSTON, IT HASN'T ALL BEEN EASY,

BUT I THINK GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING.

BEING AWAY FROM HOME,

I'M DEFINITELY STARTING TO FEEL AN IMPROVEMENT,

BUT IT DEFINITELY IS STILL A STRUGGLE.

THE BIGGEST STRUGGLE RIGHT NOW IS THE LONELINESS HERE.

TIM GOT A JOB DOING CONSTRUCTION LIKE HE WAS BACK HOME,

SO HE'S GONE ALMOST ALL DAY, AND I'M HERE ALONE.

AND IT'S HARD WITH NO ONE ELSE I KNOW TO COME SEE ME.

AND WHEN I FEEL LIKE TIM'S UPSET WITH ME OR I LET HIM DOWN,

I HAVE NO ONE TO SHARE THAT EMOTION WITH

EXCEPT MAYBE MY MOM.

[ Ringing ]

JoAnn: HELLO?

OH, HEY, MOM!

-HI! -HOW'S IT GOING?

OKAY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

GOOD.

OH, I'M JUST TRYING TO GET THIS WEIGHT OFF.

YOU KNOW, IT'S TOUGH.

I FEEL LIKE THE WEIGHT'S NOT COMING OFF

LIKE IT DID THE FIRST MONTH,

AND THAT'S FRUSTRATING, ESPECIALLY SINCE I FEEL LIKE

I DO A LOT MORE ACTIVITY NOW THAN I DID THE FIRST MONTH.

WELL, I'M WORRIED THAT HE WANTED YOU TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT,

AND I'M WORRIED THAT HE'LL POSTPONE THE SURGERY.

-YEAH. -I DON'T WANT YOU TO GIVE UP.

-YEAH. -I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.

YOU AND ME BOTH.

WELL, IT WAS GOOD TALKING TO YOU, MOM.

I LOVE YOU, AND I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

LOVE YOU, TOO, BABY.

MWAH!

**

SOMETIMES TALKING TO MY MOM IS A MIXED BLESSING.

I KNOW SHE'S TRYING TO ENCOURAGE ME,

BUT I DON'T KNOW IF SHE REALIZES HOW SHE MAKES ME FEEL.

MY MOM HAS NEVER SAID, "YOU HAVE TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT

OR I WON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE,"

BUT SOMETIMES I THINK THAT'S HOW SHE FEELS.

I CAN'T LET MY MOM GET ME DOWN, THOUGH,

BECAUSE I DO WANT TO FINISH THIS JOURNEY

AND PROVE TO MY MOM THAT ALL THIS WORK,

EFFORT, AND TIME AWAY FROM HER WAS WORTH IT.

**

I AM ON MY WAY TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN

FOR MY FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT.

AT MY LAST APPOINTMENT, I LOST 18 POUNDS.

DR. NOW SAID I NEEDED TO LOSE 70 POUNDS

OVER THESE PAST 2 MONTHS TO GET DOWN TO 534 TODAY.

ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR DR. NOW SAY,

"YOU'RE APPROVED, AND HERE'S YOUR SURGERY DATE."

**

I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT THERE IS AN END

TO THIS JOURNEY FOR TIM AND ME.

IT HAS BEEN STRESSFUL ON TIM AND ME TO BE SO FAR FROM HOME,

SO KNOWING THAT THERE'S A DEFINITE PATH FORWARD

WILL MAKE THINGS SO MUCH EASIER.

ALICIA KIRGAN.

GO AHEAD.

Alicia: I HATE GETTING ON A SCALE IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

**

IT WAS HORRIBLE WHEN I WOULD GET WEIGHED AT FAT GROUPS

WHEN I WAS A KID, AND IT'S HORRIBLE NOW.

**

THAT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE GOAL.

I FEEL LIKE I'VE LET MYSELF DOWN,

AND, WORSE, I FEEL LIKE I'VE LET TIM DOWN.

**

IT FEELS FRUSTRATING TO NOT REACH THE GOAL

AND DEFINITELY TO NOT REACH IT BY SO MUCH.

**

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ] COME IN.

-HELLO. -HELLO.

-HOW YOU ALL DOING? -GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT. SO YOU'VE HAD TWO MONTHS THIS TIME,

AND YOU DID WORSE.

YOU ONLY LOST 14 POUNDS.

WITH THE MOVE, I THINK I GAVE MYSELF KIND OF SOME EXCUSES

THAT THE PACKING AND THE MOVING WAS ENOUGH EXERCISE.

WELL, HAVING THINGS GOING ON IS CALLED LIFE.

THERE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE STRESS

AND A LOT OF THINGS GOING ON,

AND IF YOU'RE WAITING FOR ALL THAT TO GO AWAY,

THEN YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE ANY PROGRESS.

SO LET'S TALK ABOUT COUPLE THINGS.

FIRST, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE

YOU HAVE WITH THIS DIET?

THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE FOR ME IS MY PORTION CONTROL.

I THINK THAT I STILL SOMETIMES IN MY MIND

FEEL LIKE I NEED MORE THAN I DO.

LIKE, MY MIND IS STILL TELLING ME, LIKE,

"THAT'S NOT ENOUGH FOOD."

YOU TELL YOURSELF THAT, "THIS IS ALL I'M GONNA GET."

YEAH, LIKE IT'S A LAST MEAL. I'M LIKE, "OH, THAT'S NOT --"

SHE DOESN'T SNACK AT ALL, SO SHE FEELS,

"THIS IS ALL I'M GOING TO GET,"

SO SHE MAKES THE PORTION THEN BIGGER FOR THE DINNER.

NO, THAT'S WRONG, TIM.

IF YOU ACTUALLY THINK SHE'S NOT SNACKING,

THEN SHE'S HIDING IT FROM YOU.

SHE'S STILL AT LEAST TAKING IN 6,000 TO 8,000 CALORIES,

MAYBE MORE.

SO YOU BOTH ARE PLAYING A GAME HERE.

YOU CAN'T SERIOUSLY THINK YOU'RE NOT EATING ENOUGH, ALICIA.

SO YOU BOTH ARE MAKING EXCUSES FOR THIS.

OKAY.

BUT IF YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT USING PROPER JUDGMENT EATING,

THEN LET'S EDUCATE YOU.

I'M GOING TO SEND A DIETITIAN TO YOUR HOME

AND GET YOU SOME GUIDANCE IN THE CHOICES YOU'RE MAKING.

YEAH, I THINK THAT WOULD HELP.

I WANT YOU TO HIT YOUR GOAL

OF LOSING 45 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT MONTH.

IF YOU WANT TO GET APPROVED FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE, ALICIA.

-THANK YOU. -ANY QUESTIONS?

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU IN A MONTH.

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Dr. Nowzaradan: THE BIG PROBLEM IS THAT ALICIA

IS STILL USING FOOD TO DEAL WITH STRESS AND FOR COMFORT

AND IS SHOWING NO WILLINGNESS

TO GIVE THAT UP OR CHANGE THAT DYNAMIC.

AND IF SHE DOESN'T START TO CHANGE THAT

OVER THIS NEXT MONTH,

THEN THERE MAY NOT BE MUCH MORE WE CAN DO FOR HER.

SO IT'S ALL COMPLETELY IN HER HANDS RIGHT NOW.

**

Alicia: AT THIS TIME, I AM NOT APPROVED FOR SURGERY.

I'M SO SCARED OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN

IF I DON'T REACH THE GOAL.

HOW MANY CHANCES WILL DR. NOW GIVE ME?

HOW MANY CHANCES WILL TIM GIVE ME?

**

AND IF I CAN'T LOSE THE WEIGHT, HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE LEFT?

**

FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS,

I REALLY THOUGHT I HAD BEEN EATING RIGHT,

BUT I HAVEN'T LOST THE WEIGHT DR. NOW WANTS.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

SO I'M EXCITED TO MEET THE DIETITIAN TODAY

AND HOPEFULLY FINALLY GET ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

**

-HI! -HI. HOW ARE YOU?

-I'M ROXANNE. -I'M ALICIA.

-NICE TO MEET YOU. -IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU/

I'VE BEEN LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING YOU

AND TALKING WITH YOU.

ME TOO. COME ON IN.

THANK YOU.

YOU JUST WANT TO COME...

**

SO I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE HAVING SOME QUESTIONS

ABOUT YOUR DIET OR SOME PROBLEMS.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE GOING ON?

I FEEL LIKE, FOR ME, THE HARDEST PART IS PORTION SIZES

AND JUST REALLY UNDERSTANDING

WHAT EXACTLY A 1,200-CALORIE DIET

WOULD REALLY LOOK LIKE.

I JUST THINK THAT WE NEED TO EDUCATE YOU ON WHAT IS 4 OUNCES,

AND WHAT IS THIS, AND HOW DO I PLACE THIS MEAL TOGETHER,

AND YOU WANT IT TO TASTE GOOD

BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO FEEL DEPRIVED.

SO WHY DON'T WE GO LOOK AND SEE WHAT'S INSIDE THE FRIDGE?

ALL RIGHT. SOUNDS GOOD.

**

SO LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE IN HERE.

**

SOME OF THE DEFINITE THINGS WE NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM --

MAYONNAISE, CALORIES IS 100,

CALORIES FROM FAT IS 100.

-SO THIS IS JUST... -ALL FAT.

...DEFINITELY NOT A GOOD CHOICE.

SO THIS IS NOT GOOD. OKAY.

SO SHOW ME SOME OF THE THINGS THAT YOU TEND TO USE

THROUGHOUT THE DAY FOR YOUR SEASONINGS OR WHATEVER.

OKAY. I DO HAVE SOME DRESSINGS.

I HAVE A LIGHT NORTHERN ITALIAN.

OKAY, SO THE CALORIES IS 45, BUT THE CALORIES FROM FAT IS 40,

SO THIS IS ABOUT 100% FAT. YEAH.

SO EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS LIGHT,

THAT DOES NOT MEAN IT IS LOW-FAT.

AND WE WANT TO TRY TO CONSUME FOODS

THAT ARE ONLY 20% FAT OR LESS,

SO THIS IS SOMETHING WE WANT TO NOT USE.

OKAY, SO NOW LET'S GRAB MEASURING CUPS, TUPPERWARE,

AND LET'S FIGURE OUT HOW TO DIVIDE THE PORTIONS.

ALL RIGHT.

CLOSE THIS UP.

I HAVE TO START CHANGING THE FOODS I EAT,

BUT I KNOW IT'S ALSO ABOUT HOW MUCH I EAT, AS WELL.

PERFECT.

RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN DO 3 TO 4 OUNCES OF PROTEIN.

4 OUNCES IS LIKE A HALF A CUP, SO WHAT YOU COULD DO

IS JUST PUT IT INTO THE LITTLE DISH.

I DON'T MIND -- YOU KNOW, JUST KIND OF FILL IT UP.

IT'S ALMOST 4 OUNCES.

AND THEN WHEN YOU DUMP IT IN HERE,

YOU CAN KIND OF START SEEING WHAT 4 OUNCES WOULD BE.

-OKAY. -YOU CAN EYEBALL IT.

IF THIS WAS FILLED UP, THEN YOU KNOW THAT'S LIKE TWO SERVINGS.

I THINK THAT'S GOING TO BE GOOD INFORMATION

TO HELP YOU GET WHERE YOU WANT TO BE.

THIS WAS A LOT TO TAKE IN.

I DIDN'T REALIZE ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE REALLY BAD FOR ME...

-THANK YOU. -BYE.

...AND JUST HOW MANY EXTRA CALORIES THEY ADD TO MY DIET.

IT'S ALL GOOD INFORMATION, REALLY,

BUT KNOWING AND DOING ARE COMPLETELY SEPARATE THINGS.

SO I'M HOPING THAT I'M ABLE TO TAKE WHAT I'VE LEARNED TODAY

AND APPLY IT LIKE I NEED

BECAUSE I KNOW I'M DOWN TO MY LAST CHANCE WITH DR. NOW,

AND IT'S EXTREMELY IMPORTANT I DO THIS

AND GET TO WHERE I NEED BY MY NEXT DOCTOR VISIT

BECAUSE I NEED TO GET THIS SURGERY.

AND IF I LOSE MY CHANCE FOR THAT,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

**

**

Alicia: WE'RE HEADED TO DR. NOW'S OFFICE FOR A CHECKUP,

AND I'M HOPING THAT TODAY IS THE DAY

I FINALLY GET APPROVED FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

I'M ANXIOUS BECAUSE EVERY TIME I'VE SEEN DR. NOW,

I'VE LOST WEIGHT BUT NEVER AS MUCH AS HE WANTED ME TO.

I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING THE NUTRITIONIST'S ADVICE

AND REALLY WATCHING MY PORTION SIZES.

MY WEIGHT-LOSS GOAL FOR THIS PAST MONTH WAS 45 POUNDS.

ALICIA KIRGAN.

Alicia: SO I'M REALLY HOPING I AM BELOW 545

LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE,

BECAUSE IF I DON'T MEET THE GOAL TODAY,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN DO.

AND I'M TERRIFIED THAT EVERYTHING I'VE DONE

AND EVERYTHING TIM HAS SACRIFICED TO HELP ME

WILL BE FOR NOTHING.

**

NICE JOB.

THAT'S REALLY EXCITING.

**

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FINALLY DID IT.

IT FEELS SO GOOD TO FINALLY MEET THE GOAL

THAT DR. NOW SET FOR ME.

I FEEL LIKE I HAD A REALLY GOOD WEIGHT LOSS,

AND I'M JUST EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY,

AND I JUST HOPE THAT THIS IS FINALLY ENOUGH

TO GET ME APPROVED FOR SURGERY.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

COME IN.

HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

GOOD, DOING GOOD, JUST TRYING TO STAY ON TRACK.

ALL RIGHT. SO YOU'RE DOWN TO 538 TODAY.

MM-HMM.

YOU FINALLY MET A GOAL AND LOST SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT.

YES.

SO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE BETTER CONTROL

OF YOUR EATING HABITS RIGHT NOW?

-YES. -OKAY.

GOOD, BUT WE STILL HAVE A LOT OF HARD WORK AHEAD OF US,

BUT YOU'VE SHOWN ME A WILLINGNESS

TO DO SOME OF THAT HARD WORK,

SO I'M APPROVING YOU FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY TODAY.

-OKAY. -CONGRATULATIONS.

I'M PROUD OF YOU.

THANK YOU.

IT'S TAKEN HER A LITTLE WHILE,

BUT ALICIA HAS FINALLY TAKEN SOME RESPONSIBILITY

AND REFRAINING FROM GIVING IN TO HER EMOTIONS.

I'M HAPPY TO SEE THE PROGRESS SHE'S MAKING,

AND I'M HOPEFUL SHE FINALLY IS HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

OKAY. WE'LL GET YOU IN SCHEDULE FOR THE NEXT MONTH.

OKAY.

AND IN THE MEANTIME, I WANT YOU TO KEEP AT IT,

BECAUSE IF YOU GAIN BEFORE THEN,

WE WON'T MOVE AHEAD FOR YOUR SURGERY,

SO STICK WITH IT, OKAY?

-OKAY. -GREAT JOB.

I'LL SEE YOU BOTH SOON.

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

-OH, YOU'RE WELCOME. -HEY, THANK YOU, DOC.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THANK YOU.

**

-NICE JOB, BABE. -THANKS, BABE.

-YOU'VE WORKED REALLY HARD. -THANKS.

I'M TELLING YOU, I'M REALLY IMPRESSED.

YOU'RE TOUGHER THAN WHAT I KNEW THAT YOU WERE.

-THANKS, BABE. -YOU KNOW?

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS IS FINALLY HAPPENING.

I'M REALLY EXCITED, BUT IT WOULD BE A LIE TO SAY

THAT THERE'S NOT A LITTLE FEAR THAT,

OH, MY GOSH, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING NOW,

BUT THIS IS WHAT I NEED,

AND THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST THING FOR ME

BECAUSE IT MEANS THE OPPORTUNITY

TO REALLY START TO BE ABLE TO LIVE LIFE.

**

**

TODAY, I'M IN THE HOSPITAL, AND I AM GETTING READY

TO HAVE THE GASTRIC SLEEVE PROCEDURE.

THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR,

AND THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WORKING FOR,

AND IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING.

I AM EXCITED, BUT I'M SCARED, TOO.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

-HI, BABE. -OH, YOU MADE IT.

WE MADE IT.

**

FEEL ALL RIGHT RIGHT NOW.

EVERYBODY'S BEEN ASKING ABOUT YOU, PRAYING FOR YOU.

YEAH.

TELL EVERYBODY I LOVE THEM AND THANK YOU.

Allen: IT'LL BE OKAY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

Alicia: I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU.

Alicia: I'M GRATEFUL THAT TIM IS HERE BY MY SIDE

AND THAT MY PARENTS HAVE MADE THE JOURNEY DOWN TO TEXAS

TO BE HERE FOR THE SURGERY.

LOVE YOU.

IT MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER

FOR WHAT I'M ABOUT TO GO THROUGH.

OKAY, BABE. I LOVE YOU.

-I LOVE YOU. -OKAY.

DON'T WORRY.

OKAY.

WITH ANY SURGERY, THERE'S DEFINITELY ALWAYS RISKS,

AND WITH MY SIZE, THE RISKS ARE EVEN THAT MUCH GREATER,

AND AFTER THEY PUT ME UNDER,

I KNOW THERE IS A REAL POSSIBILITY

THAT I WON'T WAKE UP AGAIN,

AND AS FRIGHTENING AS THAT IS, WITH THIS SURGERY,

AT LEAST THERE'S A FIGHTING CHANCE

BECAUSE IF I STAY THE WAY I'VE BEEN LIVING,

THERE IS NO HOPE FOR ME.

**

Dr. Nowzaradan: ALICIA HAS DONE WELL THIS PAST MONTH

AND LOST ANOTHER 26 POUNDS,

SO WE'LL BE PERFORMING A SLEEVE GASTRECTOMY ON HER TODAY.

**

THIS OPERATION IS VERY HIGH-RISK BECAUSE OF ALICIA'S WEIGHT.

**

BUT MOST OF ALICIA'S WEIGHT IS CARRIED AROUND HER STOMACH.

WE CAN TURN THE ROOM LIGHT OFF.

AND THAT WILL MAKE IT VERY DIFFICULT

TO MANEUVER THE INSTRUMENTS,

SO IF THIS SLOWS US DOWN TOO MUCH,

WE'LL HAVE TO CALL OFF THE SURGERY...

HOLD THE FAT. HOLD THE FAT.

...BECAUSE THE RISK OF CARDIAC ARREST OR OTHER COMPLICATIONS

IS GREATER THE LONGER WE ALLOW

FOR THE STRAIN OF ANESTHESIA ON HER BODY,

BUT IF WE ARE ABLE TO PERFORM THE SURGERY TODAY,

THIS OPERATION WILL HELP HER TO CONTINUE TO LOSE WEIGHT.

**

Tim: IT'S REALLY HARD TO JUST SIT AROUND AND WAIT

WHILE A LOVED ONE IS GOING UNDER THE KNIFE.

I KNOW THAT ANYTIME YOU'RE UNDER ANESTHESIA

THAT BAD THINGS COULD HAPPEN.

I'M MOST SCARED AND NERVOUS ABOUT LOSING ALICIA,

SO I'M HOPING THAT EVERYTHING TURNS OUT GREAT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: LITTLE BIT MORE, LITTLE BIT MORE.

-UH-HUH. -OKAY.

-JUST LEAVE IT THERE. -ALL RIGHT.

A SLEEVE GASTRECTOMY IS AN OPERATION.

WE REMOVE 80% TO 90% OF STOMACH.

ONE MORE WILL DO.

AFTER THE SURGERY, PATIENT CAN GET FULL REALLY QUICK.

ALSO, THERE IS A CHANGE IN THE METABOLISM AND HORMONE

THAT MAKE THEM LESS HUNGRY,

AND THEIR FOOD DESIRE WILL DIMINISH.

ROOM LIGHT BACK ON.

THIS WILL HELP THEM TO LOSE WEIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. WE'RE DONE.

ALL RIGHT.

ALICIA'S SURGERY WENT VERY WELL.

THE SIZE OF HER STOMACH MADE IT DIFFICULT TO OPERATE,

BUT WE WERE ABLE TO COMPLETE THE SLEEVE PROCEDURE,

AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO GET HER TO RECOVERY,

AND SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE 30 TO 40 POUNDS

IN THE FIRST MONTH,

BUT THE HARD WORK FOR ALICIA STARTS NOW

BECAUSE IF SHE TRIES TO OVEREAT TOO SOON AFTER SURGERY,

SHE COULD SERIOUSLY HURT HERSELF,

SO WE NEED TO KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON HER.

**

**

Alicia: SINCE SURGERY, HAD SOME TOUGH DAYS.

I'VE BEEN ON A CLEAR-LIQUID DIET,

WHICH IS BASICALLY JUST RAW SUGAR-FREE POPSICLES

AND SUGAR-FREE JELL-O.

I HAVE TO BE ON THAT FOR A WEEK OUTSIDE OF SURGERY.

AFTER THAT, I CAN MOVE TO, LIKE, THICKER, FULL LIQUIDS,

THEN PUREED FOODS

BEFORE I CAN FINALLY START TO HAVE REGULAR FOOD.

HEY, BABE!

Tim: YEAH?

CAN YOU HELP ME GET THIS BROTH DOWN?

YEAH.

THANK YOU.

I THINK THE BIGGEST SHOCK FOR ME AFTER SURGERY

IS THE FACT THAT I REALLY HAVE NO APPETITE.

I THOUGHT THERE'D BE A LOT MORE DESIRE

TO HAVE WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE IS HAVING.

IT'S ALL THE WAY UP THERE.

ALL RIGHT, SHORTY.

I HAD A LOT OF CONCERNS LIKE, "GOD, I'M GOING TO BE

ON THIS LIQUID DIET FOR SO LONG."

BABE, ARE YOU HUNGRY AT ALL?

YOU WANT A SNACK OR SOMETHING?

YEAH, I'LL PROBABLY JUST EAT A LITTLE BAG OF CHIPS.

AND MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN FOCUSED ON FOOD

AND WHAT I WANT TO EAT AND WHAT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME,

AND NOW IT'S REALLY NOT ABOUT, LIKE, WHAT SOUNDS GOOD.

IT'S JUST EATING JUST WHAT YOU NEED TO LIVE,

WHICH IS SO, SO NEW.

HERE YOU GO.

WHAT YOU GIVING ME? YOUR...

[ LAUGHS ] JUST KIDDING.

THERE YOU GO.

**

I KNOW THAT AT SOME POINT THERE'S GOING TO COME A TIME

WHERE I'M GOING TO MISS FOOD.

**

SO WHEN THE CRAVINGS COME, I JUST NEED TO BE PREPARED

TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DEAL WITH THEM.

**

AND I JUST NEED TO BE READY.

I HAVE TO STICK WITH THIS AND MAKE THIS WORK

IF I WANT TO SAVE MY LIFE.

**

**

IT'S BEEN A COUPLE MONTHS SINCE MY WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

AND I'M STILL MAKING PROGRESS,

BUT MY CRAVINGS HAVE BEEN STARTING TO COME BACK,

AND LATELY, IT'S BECOME A REAL STRUGGLE WITH ME.

HI, BABY.

HI, BABE.

AND THE TEMPTATION TO TRY AND OVEREAT

HAS BEEN THE WORST AFTER I TALKED TO MY MOTHER,

SO I REALIZED SHE'S ONE OF MY TRIGGERS,

AND I SHARED THAT WITH TIM.

SO HE THINKS NOW THAT I NEED TO TALK TO MY MOM ABOUT IT,

SO HE'S BEEN PUSHING ME TO DO THAT CONSTANTLY,

BUT I'M NOT AT THAT POINT YET,

AND I DON'T THINK IT'S NECESSARY.

BABE, I WONDERED HOW YOU WERE FEELING NOW,

AND YOU HAVEN'T TALKED TO ME

ABOUT ANYTHING THAT'S BEEN BOTHERING YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT SHOWING IT.

I MEAN, I DEFINITELY HAVE CONCERNS.

ANY EMOTION, FOR ME, IS A TRIGGER TO WANT TO EAT.

IT'S JUST ABOUT FINDING DIFFERENT WAYS TO DEAL WITH IT

AND TO COPE WITHOUT NEEDING FOOD.

FOOD WAS MY COMFORT AND MY GO-TO, WHAT HELPED TO NUMB ME,

AND I THINK THAT, LIKE, THE BEST WAY TO TRY TO DESCRIBE IT

FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE ISSUES WITH FOOD TO UNDERSTAND

IS JUST THAT IF YOU THINK OF, LIKE, A DRUG ADDICT.

YOU KNOW, LIKE, IT'S LIKE I LOST A BEST FRIEND,

BUT I STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT EVERY DAY.

I HAVE TO, LIKE, STILL OBSESS ABOUT FOOD.

Tim: ALICIA HAS BEEN A MASTER AT HIDING HER EMOTIONS

ALL HER LIFE,

BUT NOW, AFTER WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

SHE HAS TO DEAL WITH THOSE EMOTIONS.

FOOD WAS ALICIA'S DRUG, AND I CAN RELATE WITH THAT

BECAUSE I'VE HAD ADDICTIONS OF MY OWN THROUGHOUT MY LIFE.

WHAT SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO WORK THROUGH

IS FIXING THOSE ROOT CAUSES,

THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO TO YOUR COMFORT ZONE

OR TO NUMB YOURSELF.

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH, YOU KNOW,

THE INNER EMOTIONS THAT CAUSE THAT ROOT PROBLEM

THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU TURN TO THE COMFORT OF FOOD.

A REAL GOOD FIRST STEP WOULD BE TO HAVE

AN HONEST CONVERSATION WITH YOUR MOM.

TRYING TO BLAME HER OR SAY THAT THE THINGS THAT SHE DOES

IS WHAT MAKES ME DO THAT IS NOT FAIR AND IS ALSO NOT CORRECT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT IT MAKES YOU DO IT.

YOU CAN SAY THAT IT'S DANGEROUS.

Alicia: IT'S ALWAYS HARD TO TALK ABOUT MY FAMILY.

I DON'T THINK THAT IT'S ALWAYS NECESSARILY AS BLACK AND WHITE

AS HE, LIKE, WANTS IT TO BE.

JUST TELL HER WHAT YOU NEED FROM HER.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

NO, NO, IT'S NOT, BUT YOU CAN TELL HER THAT,

"THIS IS BIG FOR ME."

I GET WHAT TIM IS SAYING, AND I DON'T DISAGREE.

I'M JUST NOT READY TO DO IT, SO I'M NOT DOING IT,

EVEN IF IT MEANS MY WEIGHT LOSS WILL SLOW.

**

**

THIS PAST MONTH, THINGS HAVE GOTTEN HARDER.

I KNOW I'VE BEEN RUNNING TO FOOD MORE

AND GIVING IN TO MY CRAVINGS SOME.

SO I DECIDED TO DO WHAT TIM HAS BEEN ENCOURAGING ME TO DO.

SO I'M GOING TO TRAVEL BACK HOME TO SEE MY MOM.

**

HI, BABY.

-ABOUT READY? -YEAH.

IS THIS EVERYTHING?

YEAH.

I THINK I'M READY TO DO THIS PHYSICALLY

WITH ALL THE WEIGHT I'VE LOST,

BUT I'M JUST NOT SURE I'M READY EMOTIONALLY,

BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO DO THIS.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT STEP IN HEALING

AND BEING ABLE TO REALLY OVERCOME THE ISSUES

THAT DROVE ME TO MY WEIGHT GAIN.

I THINK, YOU KNOW, REALLY,

WHAT I JUST WANT TO TALK TO MY MOM ABOUT

IS JUST THAT FEELING OF NOT FEELING LIKE

I WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.

I WASN'T THE IMAGE OF PERFECTION THAT SHE MAY HAVE WANTED.

I JUST THINK, YOU KNOW, GROWING UP,

SHE REALLY FOCUSED ON MY WEIGHT

AND MAKING SURE, LIKE, SHE WANTED ME TO LOSE THE WEIGHT

AND, LIKE, WHAT CAN WE DO TO LOSE THE WEIGHT

INSTEAD OF IT BEING REALLY JUST ABOUT ME

AND WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME,

SO THAT KIND OF ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL LIKE,

YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT, I JUST WASN'T REALLY ENOUGH.

**

MOVING AWAY?

LOOKS LIKE IT. I'M GOING TO SIT ON THAT.

OKAY.

**

I JUST HOPE THAT MY MOM IS WILLING TO LISTEN TO ME

SO I CAN START TO GET PAST SOME OF THE ISSUES THAT LED ME HERE.

OKAY, BABY.

LOVE YOU. DRIVE CAREFUL.

I WILL. MISS YOU.

I HAVE TO DO THIS AND FIGHT TO TRY AND GET BACK ON TRACK

BEFORE I MESS IT ALL UP

AND LOSE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TIM.

**

**

**

Alicia: IT'S BEEN A REALLY LONG DRIVE,

BUT I'M FEELING GOOD PHYSICALLY,

WHICH IS A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

AS I'M GETTING CLOSER TO MY MOM'S HOUSE,

I'M FEELING NERVOUS.

EVER SINCE I WAS A KID, I FELT LIKE MY WEIGHT

WAS WHAT MATTERED MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE TO HER.

I KNOW MY MOM WAS DOING THE BEST SHE COULD,

BUT I NEVER REALLY COULD TELL HER

HOW MUCH IT HURT ME AS A CHILD.

I WAS STILL A KID.

I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO SAY ANY OF THAT,

AND MY MOM MIGHT BE A LITTLE HURT BY WHAT I HAVE TO SAY,

BUT I HOPE, IN THE END, THIS BRINGS US CLOSER.

-HEY. -HI.

-YOU MADE IT. -HOW'S IT GOING?

GOOD, HONEY. HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD. LONG TRIP.

I KNOW.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

OH, OKAY.

-WHERE'S TIM? -HE HAD TO WORK.

OKAY.

I'M MAKING SOME TEA FOR US.

OH, NICE. DO YOU NEED HELP?

NO, GO SIT DOWN. WANT TO MOVE THAT BAG?

I'LL GET IT.

-HERE YOU GO. -THANK YOU.

IT'S HOT.

PERFECT.

SO TELL ME, HOW DO YOU FEEL?

FEEL GOOD.

SURGERY DEFINITELY HAS HELPED KIND OF KEEP ME IN LINE

AND KEEP THE WEIGHT LOSS GOING.

PHYSICALLY WHAT YOU EAT AS MUCH?

YEAH.

BUT, YOU KNOW, SINCE SURGERY,

JUST REALLY BEEN KIND OF REFLECTING

ON A LOT OF DIFFERENT STUFF

AND THINKING ABOUT THINGS AND, LIKE, MY CHILDHOOD

AND REALLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT,

LIKE, KIND OF, LIKE, WHEN THE WEIGHT STARTED COMING ON

AND, LIKE, WHAT I FELT LIKE MAYBE THAT WAS FROM.

YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, AND I KNOW THAT YOU ALWAYS TRIED,

YOU KNOW, TO DO YOUR BEST,

BUT I DEFINITELY HAD SOME FEELINGS, LIKE,

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER THAT, LIKE, I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE WEIGHT, YOU KNOW,

THAT UNLESS I WAS, YOU KNOW, LIKE, SKINNY,

THEN I DIDN'T MATTER AS MUCH OR I WASN'T AS IMPORTANT.

I FELT LIKE WAS I WAS KIND OF, LIKE, THE DISAPPOINTMENT.

NO, I ALWAYS WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY.

YOU KNOW, I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE OVERWEIGHT,

AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO BE HEALTHY

AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU.

I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.

YOU KNOW, WE TRIED DIFFERENT THINGS

AND JUST COULDN'T KEEP IT OFF.

JUST FELT LIKE, YOU KNOW, LIKE, ALL THE STUFF YOU TRIED,

IT FELT LIKE IT WAS, LIKE, FOR YOU,

LIKE YOU WANTED ME TO BE SKINNY

SO THAT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO HEAR IT

FROM OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT, LIKE, WHAT KIND OF PARENT YOU WERE

BECAUSE I WAS SO HEAVY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY.

THERE WERE DEFINITELY THINGS

THAT MADE ME LOOK AT MYSELF DIFFERENTLY, MY SELF-WORTH,

AND THAT WAS HARD FOR ME, YOU KNOW, AS A KID,

NOT REALLY, LIKE, UNDERSTANDING.

AND I KNOW THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU DO AS A PARENT

IS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD CONFIDENT,

AND I'M SORRY I DIDN'T DO THAT FOR YOU.

I WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY MORE THAN ANYTHING.

YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOU.

I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT CONDITIONAL ON,

LIKE, YOU KNOW, WHAT SIZE I AM,

THAT JUST, NO MATTER IF I FAIL OR IF I SUCCEED,

I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU LOVE ME AND THAT YOU'RE HERE.

I DO ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

I AM PROUD OF YOU.

THANKS, MOM.

I'M SORRY.

**

I'M GLAD I DID THIS.

SHE TOOK IT REALLY WELL,

AND I'M THANKFUL THAT MY MOM WAS WILLING TO LISTEN.

I KNOW THAT IT WAS HARD FOR HER TO HAVE TO HEAR AND TAKE IN,

BUT I THINK THIS IS GOING TO HELP MY MOM AND I GROW CLOSER,

SO TODAY WAS A REALLY GOOD DAY.

**

LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE FLOWERS COMING UP.

MM-HMM.

EVER SINCE TALKING TO MY MOM,

I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN DOING BETTER.

I'VE BEEN ABLE TO START TO CONTROL MY CRAVINGS

A LITTLE MORE.

I STILL HAVE MY BAD DAYS WHERE I GIVE IN,

BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS STARTING TO DO A COUPLE MONTHS AGO,

AND I'M EXERCISING MORE, AND TIM'S BEEN GOING WITH ME.

WE HAD A TALK, AND WHAT WE REALIZED

WAS THAT OUR ONLY TIME TOGETHER WAS DINNER,

AND THEN WE JUST SAT AND WATCHED TV UNTIL WE FELL ASLEEP,

SO HE'S MAKING IT A POINT TO TAKE OFF WORK

A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK TO GO TO THE PARK AND EXERCISE WITH ME,

AND IT'S NOT ONLY HELPING ME STAY ON TRACK,

BUT IT'S HELPING US GROW CLOSER TOGETHER.

I THINK ALICIA IS DOING REALLY WELL SINCE THE SURGERY.

THERE'S NO WAY A YEAR AGO

THAT ALICIA COULD'VE DID WHAT WE DID TODAY,

WALKING THROUGH THE PARK,

AND SHE WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN ATTEMPTED IT.

IT'S JUST UNREAL TO SEE ALICIA PUSH HERSELF.

IT'S JUST NEW, BRAND-NEW.

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD JOB.

Alicia: I'M FEELING REALLY GOOD RIGHT NOW.

I JUST HOPE MY PROGRESS IS AS MUCH AS I FEEL IT IS

BECAUSE I SEE DR. NOW AGAIN FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT SOON,

AND I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

IF I'M NOT BACK ON TRACK,

THEN I'M GOING TO BE REALLY DISCOURAGED,

SO I JUST HOPE I'M LOSING LIKE I WAS RIGHT AFTER THE SURGERY

BECAUSE, IF I'M NOT, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

**

**

EVER SINCE TALKING TO MY MOM,

I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN DOING BETTER,

BUT I'M NERVOUS TO STEP ON THAT SCALE TODAY.

AND IF I'M NOT MAKING MUCH PROGRESS...

**

...IT'S GOING TO BE PRETTY DEVASTATING TO ME.

AND MY FEAR IS THAT IT'S ALL OUT OF MY CONTROL AGAIN.

AND THERE'S NOTHING I'LL BE ABLE TO DO TO FIX IT.

**

**

**

Alicia: I'M NERVOUS ABOUT MY WEIGH-IN TODAY.

I JUST HOPE MY PROGRESS IS AS MUCH AS I FEEL IT IS,

BUT YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW UNTIL YOU GET ON THAT SCALE.

Woman: 452.

-ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO. -YEAH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ LAUGHS ]

OKAY. COME WITH ME.

I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS LOW IN A LONG TIME,

AND I'M JUST BEYOND EXCITED,

AND IT REALLY FEELS LIKE THIS IS THE START OF MY NEW LIFE.

**

-HELLO. -HELLO.

-HOW Y'ALL DOING? -DOING GOOD.

HOW ARE YOU?

I AM DOING WELL, TOO.

SO, ALICIA, TODAY, YOU'RE DOWN TO 452,

AND THIS IS TOTAL OF 170-POUND WEIGHT LOSS.

-HOW DO YOU FEEL? -INCREDIBLE.

IT'S HARD TO EVEN PUT INTO WORDS THE DIFFERENCE THAT I FEEL NOW.

WELL, I'M PROUD OF YOU.

IF YOU STICK WITH IT,

THEN YOU'LL BE READY FOR SKIN REMOVAL SOON.

WOW.

AND THEN WE'LL HAVE YOU CLOSE TO YOUR TARGET WEIGHT

AND AROUND 150 POUNDS.

WOW.

AND, TIM, YOU'RE SUPPORTING HER LIKE SHE NEEDS,

SO I'M PROUD OF YOU BOTH.

GOOD WORK, AND I'LL SEE Y'ALL LATER.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

-SEE Y'ALL LATER. -HAVE A GREAT NIGHT.

YOU TOO.

**

Dr. Nowzaradan: ALICIA DIDN'T HAVE THE BEST START.

IT TOOK HER A LITTLE WHILE TO GET COMMITTED,

BUT WHEN SHE DID, SHE WORKED HARD AND STUCK WITH IT

AND HASN'T BEEN AFRAID TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUES SHE NEED.

SHE STILL HAS A WAYS TO GO, BUT RIGHT NOW,

I'M VERY HAPPY WITH HER PROGRESS

AND HOW SHE AND TIM ARE DOING

AND FEEL CONFIDENT

WE CAN GET HER TO HER TARGET WEIGHT THIS NEXT YEAR.

**

**

YOU LOOK GOOD. YOU LOOK GOOD WITH THAT, TOO.

MM, THANK YOU.

FEEL VERY HOLLYWOOD.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

VERY GLAMOROUS.

MM-HMM.

-READY? -YEAH.

Alicia: TODAY, TIM AND I ARE GOING ON A DATE.

YEAH.

WE'VE BEEN GOING OUT MORE TOGETHER AND DOING A LOT MORE,

AND IT'S BEEN FUN.

I FEEL CLOSER TO TIM THAN I HAVE SINCE WE FIRST STARTED DATING.

I'LL GET THE DOOR FOR YOU, BEAUTIFUL.

OH, THANK YOU.

DR. NOW SAYS I SHOULD BE READY FOR SKIN REMOVAL

IN A COUPLE MONTHS,

AND THAT COULD TAKE OFF AS MUCH AS 40 POUNDS,

SO I'M EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

MY FUTURE AND TIM'S FUTURE ARE SO MUCH BRIGHTER NOW,

AND I'M THANKFUL FOR THE PAST YEAR

AND FOR ALL THE WAYS MY LIFE HAS CHANGED FOR THE BETTER,

AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THERE'S NO GOING BACK.

WE'RE HEADED TO MARKET SQUARE PARK

TO ENJOY SOME OF THE LIGHTS THAT THEY HAVE DISPLAYED

AND ENJOY A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT WITH MY SWEETHEART.

-ISN'T THAT A SPOT? -MM-HMM.

**

THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD.

**

IF I HAD KEPT GOING DOWN THE ROAD

OF SELF-DESTRUCTION THAT I WAS ON,

I REALLY THINK I WOULD'VE LOST TIM.

I WAS LETTING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TIM

CONTINUE TO BE OVERSHADOWED BY MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD,

BUT THE TRUTH IS, TIM HAS BEEN BY MY SIDE

SUPPORTING ME THIS ENTIRE TIME.

WANT TO GET A PICTURE OF ME SMELLING THE ROSES?

SURE.

[ LAUGHS ]

**

I'VE REALLY LEARNED TO VALUE THE TIME I GET TO SPEND WITH HIM,

AND THE FACT THAT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO REVOLVE AROUND FOOD

OR STAYING AT HOME IS REFRESHING.

RIGHT THERE.

I KNOW THERE ARE MORE EMOTIONAL ISSUES THAT WILL COME UP,

BUT I'M COMMITTED TO DEAL WITH THOSE

AND NOT RUN FROM THEM.

NICE.

OH, MAN, THAT'S A GREAT PICTURE, ISN'T IT?

I'M DEDICATED TO HITTING MY GOAL

AND HAVING THE LIFE ME AND TIM DESERVE AND HAVE WANTED,

AND MAYBE SOMEDAY SOON,

WE CAN FINALLY WALK DOWN THE AISLE

AND THAT WE'LL BOTH BE READY FOR THAT

BECAUSE WE'RE IN A BETTER PLACE.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING HOT TO DRINK?

-YEAH. -HOT TEA OR SOMETHING?

WHAT DO I GET?

I'D LOVE IF YOU'D SEE IF THEY HAVE, LIKE,

A SUGAR-FREE HOT CHOCOLATE.

-OKAY. -YEAH.

-YEAH. OKAY. -THANK YOU.

YEP.

I'M SO GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE NOW,

AND I'M EXCITED ABOUT THE LIFE I HAVE AHEAD OF ME,

AND I'M NOT LETTING ANYTHING STOP ME

OR GET IN MY WAY OF GETTING TO WHERE I NEED TO BE.

**

OH, THANK YOU, BABE.

YEAH.

YOU FEEL LIKE WE'RE IN, LIKE, A BETTER PLACE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP

THAN A YEAR AGO?

NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.

I FEEL THAT, BUT I JUST WONDERED IF YOU DID, TOO.

WE'VE COME THIS FAR THIS YEAR.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHERE WE ARE NEXT YEAR,

KEEP GROWING AND BUILDING TOGETHER.

ALL I KNOW, BABE, IS I'M HERE FOR YOU FOR LIFELONG,

AND WE'LL COMMIT TO EACH OTHER IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY ONE DAY

AND MAKE SURE THE NEW YOU CAN STILL LOVE THE OLD ME.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.