Original subtitles

Janine: I AM VERY MISERABLE IN THIS BODY,

AND I FEEL LIKE I'M A TICKING TIME BOMB.

**

[ GROANING ]

MY LIFE IS WASTING AWAY, AND I HATE IT.

I'VE TRIED TO CHANGE,

BUT SOMETHING ALWAYS KNOCKS ME DOWN.

**

MY LIFE -- IT'S LIKE LIVING A DEATH SENTENCE.

[ GROANS ]

OW, [BLEEP]!

THIS IS NO LIFE FOR ANYONE.

**

[ Sobbing ] JUST PRAY FOR ME!

OW, MY LEG!

-SIT DOWN RIGHT THERE. -WAIT.

YOU'RE MAKING ME MAD.

THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

**

[ Sobbing ] I CAN'T DO THIS.

YOU GOT THIS. YOU GOT THIS.

[ SOBBING ]

OH, GOD.

-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

**

Janine: LIFE CAN BE COMPLETELY UNPREDICTABLE.

AND WHEN YOU TRY HARDER TO CONTROL IT...

THE WORSE IT CAN GET.

**

**

**

[ GROANS ]

WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, MY BODY HURTS SO MUCH,

AND THE PAIN IN MY JOINTS IS SO BAD.

I HURT IN WAYS I NEVER DREAMED THAT I WOULD.

AND I'M LIKE, "HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS,

AND HOW AM I GONNA GET THROUGH THIS DAY?"

I JUST DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO DEAL WITH IT.

**

BUT BECAUSE OF HOW PAINFUL IT IS TO WALK...

I HAVE TO USE MY SCOOTER TO GET ANYWHERE...

OOH.

OKAY, THAT DIDN'T FEEL GOOD.

...EVEN HERE IN MY APARTMENT.

**

THERE ARE MANY DAYS I WISH I HAD SOMEONE TO HELP ME

BECAUSE IT'S GETTING HARDER AND HARDER

TO DO ANYTHING.

AND MY PERSONAL HYGIENE HAS BECOME VERY CHALLENGING.

[ GRUNTS ]

BUT I JUST CAN'T GIVE UP AND STOP TRYING.

BECAUSE IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT I CLEAN

ALL OF THE FOLDS AND THE ROLLS,

AND ANYTHING WHERE MOISTURE CAN COLLECT,

I HAVE TO MAKE SURE IT'S CLEAN...

BECAUSE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.

IF I GET A RASH THAT GETS INFECTED,

IT COULD KILL ME,

SO I HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT I TRY TO CLEAN EVERY DAY,

ESPECIALLY AT THE LYMPHEDEMA IN MY LEGS.

BECAUSE IT COULD GET REALLY BAD,

AND I JUST DON'T WANT ANY INFECTIONS.

I AM VERY MISERABLE IN THIS BODY.

I FEEL LIKE... [ SIGHS ]

I FEEL LIKE MY BODY HAS BETRAYED ME.

**

BECAUSE THE PAIN I FEEL WITH EVERY SINGLE MOVE

IS GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE IT'S ALMOST UNBEARABLE.

**

I WOULD NOT WISH THIS ON ANYBODY.

**

BECAUSE THIS ISN'T HOW ANYONE'S LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE.

I DON'T HAVE A LIFE ANYMORE.

AND I CAN'T EVEN DO SOMETHING SIMPLE,

LIKE PUT MY CLOTHES ON

WITHOUT FEELING LIKE I'M GONNA PASS OUT.

**

BECAUSE IT'S SO EXCRUCIATING.

[ WHEEZING ]

**

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG

I CAN CONTINUE TO FUNCTION LIKE THIS.

I'M JUST AFRAID I'M GONNA BECOME THIS BIG MASS OF PAIN

THAT JUST LAYS IN MY BED ALL DAY.

**

BUT THE REALITY IS, IS THAT,

THAT IS STARTING TO HAPPEN TO ME,

**

AND I KNOW IT'S BECAUSE I'M KILLING MYSELF WITH FOOD,

BUT I WON'T STOP EATING.

**

FROM THE MOMENT I WAKE UP,

IT'S ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT.

AND I AM A SUGAR ADDICT, FOR SURE.

SCORE!

SUGAR RULES MY WORLD,

WHETHER I WANT IT TO OR NOT.

**

I LOVE SUGAR.

BUT I KNOW MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH FOOD IS KILLING ME.

**

BUT I JUST CAN'T STOP MYSELF AT THIS POINT.

**

BECAUSE NOTHING MAKES ME FEEL AS GOOD AS I DO

WHEN I HAVE THAT TASTE IN MY MOUTH.

**

AND WHEN I'M DONE,

I ALREADY CAN'T WAIT UNTIL MY NEXT MEAL.

BUT I'M HORRIFIED.

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD GET TO THIS.

I NEVER THOUGHT MY LIFE WOULD BE LIKE THIS.

[ GROANS, SIGHS ]

**

I WAS ADOPTED WHEN I WAS ABOUT 2-MONTHS-OLD,

AND I GREW UP IN A FAMILY WHERE I WAS THE YOUNGEST OF THREE

AND THE ONLY GIRL.

**

SO IN A LOT OF WAYS, I THINK MY PARENTS

JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ME.

AND WHAT MADE IT WORSE WAS,

THE ADOPTION AGENCY TOLD MY PARENTS

THAT MY BIRTH MOTHER WAS A LARGE WOMAN,

THEREFORE, I SHOULD BE CLOSELY MONITORED

SO THAT I DIDN'T TURN OUT THE SAME WAY.

MY MOTHER, GOD BLESS HER, TOOK THAT VERY MUCH TO HEART

AND WAS WAITING FOR ME TO GET FAT.

SO, FOR MY MOM, IT WAS LIKE AN OBSESSION.

SHE WAS CONSTANTLY WORRIED OR CONCERNED

ABOUT MY WEIGHT ALL THE TIME.

AND SHE AND THE PEDIATRICIAN DECIDED,

ABOUT THE TIME I WAS 3, TO PUT ME ON MY FIRST DIET.

AND WHEN I WAS 4,

THE SAME PEDIATRICIAN DECIDED THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA

TO START ME ON DIET PILLS.

AND THAT REALLY STARTED TO MESS ME UP.

'CAUSE THE PILLS HAVE THE SAME SIDE EFFECTS AS AMPHETAMINES.

SO I WAS, BASICALLY,

A 4-YEAR-OLD ON SPEED.

AND MY LIFE WAS NEVER THE SAME AFTER THAT.

**

AND MY WEIGHT STAYED THE CENTRAL FOCUS

IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOM AS I GOT OLDER.

SO, MY MOM WAS ALWAYS ON ME ABOUT THE DIET,

WAS ALWAYS ON ME ABOUT EATING.

I CAN STILL, IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD,

HEAR HER YELLING AT ME TO STOP EATING.

AND IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE THERE WAS

SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME

AND THAT I WAS A DISAPPOINTMENT TO MY PARENTS.

THEY HAD WANTED THIS CUTE LITTLE DAUGHTER,

AND INSTEAD OF SOME CUTE LITTLE BLONDE DARLING DAUGHTER,

THEY GOT ME.

[ SIGHS ]

I THINK IN THE END,

ALL THIS CONTROL OVER MY FOOD

ACTUALLY HAD THE OPPOSITE EFFECT,

BECAUSE IT MADE ME WANT TO EAT EVEN MORE.

SO I WOULD FIND WAYS TO SNEAK FOOD

WHEN THEY WEREN'T LOOKING,

BECAUSE I NEVER KNEW WHEN MY MOM WAS GONNA TAKE AWAY MY FOOD.

I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE TREATED ME LIKE THIS.

I'D EVEN ASK HER WHY SHE EVEN ADOPTED ME.

DID THEY ADOPT ME TO BE MEAN TO ME?

IS THAT WHY I WASN'T ALLOWED

TO EAT THE SAME FOOD AS EVERYONE ELSE?

IS THAT WHY I WAS HUNGRY ALL THE TIME?

DID YOU ADOPT ME TO STARVE ME?

I ACTUALLY REMEMBER ASKING MY MOM THAT QUESTION ONCE.

SO, I JUST KEPT TURNING TO FOOD

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT MADE ME FEEL GOOD.

IT WAS COMFORT. IT WAS LOVE.

AND IT FELT LIKE IT WAS ALL I HAD.

SO I STARTED GAINING.

AND BY THE TIME I WAS 12,

I WAS ALREADY UP TO 200 POUNDS.

AND IT ONLY GOT WORSE AS I GOT INTO HIGH SCHOOL.

BECAUSE WHEN I WAS ABOUT 14,

I FOUND OUT THAT MY MOM HAD CANCER.

AND IT WAS DEVASTATING TO SEE HER START

TO WITHER AWAY LIKE SHE DID,

AND THE ONLY THING I HAD TO HELP ME THROUGH THE PAIN

WAS FOOD.

SO BY THE TIME I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL,

I WAS APPROACHING 300 POUNDS.

**

AND THEN THE YEAR AFTER I GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL,

MY MOM PASSED AWAY.

EMOTIONALLY, HER PASSING WAS VERY DIFFICULT.

I WAS VERY ANGRY.

I WAS VERY HURT.

BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE WE NEVER GOT THE CHANCE

TO FIX ANYTHING BETWEEN US.

AND I THINK ON SOME LEVEL,

I WAS ALWAYS HOLDING OUT HOPE FOR THAT.

BUT I TRIED TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.

**

IN MY 20s, I FINALLY WENT TO COLLEGE.

I WENT TO FASHION SCHOOL,

AND I STARTED SELLING CLOTHES I DESIGNED,

AND IT WAS A GOOD TIME IN MY LIFE.

I LOVED FASHION.

I LOVED HELPING OTHER WOMEN FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES.

AND I HAD CUTE CLOTHES AND I LOOKED HOT,

AND I KNEW IT.

BUT THERE WAS STILL THIS ACHE INSIDE ME.

THE EATING MADE ME FORGET ABOUT IT.

**

SO I WAS STILL SLOWLY GAINING,

BUT I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE MY WEIGHT WAS HOLDING ME BACK AT ALL.

UNTIL THAT CHANGED ONE NIGHT,

WHEN I FELL, AND I HURT MY KNEE REALLY BAD.

**

SO WITH THAT INJURY AND MY WEIGHT,

I WASN'T ABLE TO DO MY JOB ANYMORE

AND HAD TO QUIT,

BUT I STILL HAD TO MAKE A LIVING,

SO I TURNED TO PLUS-SIZE MODELING.

AND AT THAT POINT, MY WEIGHT BECAME SOMETHING POSITIVE.

**

AND THERE WAS NO NEED TO DIET OR TRY TO KEEP IT UNDER CONTROL.

SO OVER THE NEXT DECADE,

I STOPPED EVEN KEEPING TRACK OF MY WEIGHT.

**

BUT ABOUT THE TIME I TURNED 40,

MY HEALTH STARTED TO GET REALLY BAD,

SO I WENT TO A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT,

AND I WEIGHED IN AT 444.

I HAD NEVER WEIGHED SO MUCH BEFORE,

AND IT JUST WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD.

NOW WHAT DO WE DO?"

**

SO AT THAT POINT, I WAS RESOLVED TO GET MY WEIGHT UNDER CONTROL

AND TO DO WHATEVER I NEEDED TO LOSE IT ALL.

BUT I STARTED WORKING OUT AND BROKE MY FOOT.

SO AT THAT POINT, I WAS WORSE THAN EVER

BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET AROUND AT ALL NOW.

**

AND BECAUSE OF THAT AND HOW I WAS STILL GAINING,

I STARTED TO DEVELOP THESE LARGES MASSES ON MY LEG

THAT TURNED OUT TO BE LYMPHEDEMA,

AND IT JUST MADE IT MORE IMPOSSIBLE TO GET AROUND.

**

SO BY THE TIME I WAS 45,

I WAS OVER 500 POUNDS.

BUT WHEN I WAS 50,

MY DAD GOT CANCER AND PASSED AWAY.

**

AT THAT POINT, ANY DESIRE I HAD TO GET MY EATING UNDER CONTROL

JUST WENT OUT THE WINDOW.

IN THAT TIME, I WAS AN EMOTIONAL WRECK,

AND I DID THE ONLY THING I KNEW HOW TO DO,

WHICH WAS TAKE FOOD AND STUFF IT DOWN

'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT.

**

SO ALL I DID WAS EAT FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS,

UNTIL I GOT UP TO THE 600s,

AND NOW I LIVE ALONE,

AND I SPEND JUST ABOUT EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY

EITHER EATING OR GETTING FOOD.

I DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO HELP ME,

AND PEOPLE DON'T COME TO SEE ME VERY MUCH,

SO I HAVE TO FEND FOR MYSELF.

BUT I CAN ONLY GO THE DISTANCE MY SCOOTER CAN TAKE ME.

SO I DON'T GO FAR.

AND IT'S EMBARRASSING BECAUSE I KNOW EVERYONE'S LOOKING AT ME

AND PROBABLY MAKING COMMENTS.

I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M A FREAK SHOW...

BASICALLY, I GUESS.

WOMAN: Hi. How may I help you?

HI, YEAH. I'D LIKE A 20 PIECE NUGGETS,

LARGE FRIES, A LARGE DR. PEPPER.

OKAY, JUST DRIVE TO THE FIRST WINDOW.

THANK YOU.

THEY USED TO HAVE THOSE SIDESHOWS

WHERE YOU'D GO AND PAY 10 CENTS TO SEE THE FAT LADY, WELL...

-HELLO. -HI.

...NOW ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS

WAIT AND SEE IF I LEAVE MY APARTMENT,

SO I JUST TRY TO GET MY FOOD

AND GET HOME AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE...

**

...BECAUSE ONCE THAT FOOD IS IN MY MOUTH,

THE REST OF THE WORLD JUST FADES AWAY.

**

THIS IS NOT HOW MY LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE.

I SHOULDN'T BE SITTING ON THAT SCOOTER.

I SHOULDN'T BE SITTING IN THIS BED.

**

I AM VERY TIRED OF HOW MY LIFE IS RIGHT NOW.

**

HEY, SWEET PEA.

AND I JUST CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

I JUST CAN'T.

**

[ Voice breaking ] I NEED THINGS TO CHANGE SO MUCH...

**

...BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M A TICKING TIME BOMB.

**

AND IF I DON'T MAKE

A HUGE AND DRASTIC CHANGE TO MY LIFE...

[ GROANS ]

...I KNOW I'M NOT GONNA BE AROUND MUCH LONGER.

**

**

**

Janine: I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR A COUPLE WEEKS NOW.

I AM GOING TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN,

TO SEE IF WE CAN FIND A WEIGHT-LOSS SOLUTION FOR ME.

**

MY APPOINTMENT IS TOMORROW,

AND IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME

SINCE I'VE GONE ON A JOURNEY LIKE THIS,

SO I KNOW THIS IS GONNA BE HARD.

YOU BETTER MOVE.

COME ON.

IT'S TIME TO GO.

[ GROANS ]

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

I AM TAKING A PLANE TO TEXAS,

AND I KNOW I CAN'T TAKE MY SCOOTER ON THE PLANE,

SO THAT'S MAKING ME NERVOUS,

AND I KNOW I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE,

**

SO I PUT OUT AN ONLINE AD TO PAY FOR SOMEONE TO HELP ME

MAKE THE TRIP TO HOUSTON,

AND A REALLY NICE GUY NAMED JONATHAN RESPONDED,

SO HE'S BEEN HELPING ME A LOT.

I THOUGHT THAT HAD TWO SIDES TO IT.

IT DOESN'T, HUH? -YEAH, IT DID.

-OH, IT DOES? -YEAH.

I PUT MY STUFF THERE ON THE BOTTOM,

AND YOU CAN PUT YOUR STUFF AT THE TOP.

OH, OKAY.

SEE, YOU GOT A WHOLE 'NOTHER...

SEE, YOU HAVE A WHOLE NOTHER SIDE TO IT.

IT'S A REAL NICE SUITCASE. -YEAH, IT IS.

IT'S LIKE DOUBLE-SIDE, SO...

OKAY. COOL DEAL.

Jonathan: I AGREED TO GO WITH JANINE 'CAUSE I WANT TO HELP HER

GET TO THE POINT WHERE SHE WANTS TO BE,

SO I'M GOING TO REALLY HELP JANINE PACK HER CLOTHES

AND WHATEVER ELSE SHE NEEDS ME TO DO.

Janine: I KNOW IT'S NOT THE BEST OPTION, TO PAY SOMEONE,

BUT IT'S MY ONLY OPTION RIGHT NOW.

I ASKED MY BROTHERS AND THEIR WIVES

IF THERE WAS ANY WAY THAT

THEY COULD COME UP AND HELP ME DO THIS,

BUT THEY HAVE FAMILIES AND LIVES,

AND THEY JUST CAN'T HELP ME RIGHT NOW.

THAT'S ABOUT IT, HUH?

I THINK SO.

RIGHT ON.

ALL RIGHT.

WE HAVE A FLIGHT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,

SO JONATHAN'S STAYING THE NIGHT.

AND THEN WE'RE GONNA STAY THE NIGHT IN HOUSTON

AND FLY BACK.

AND SO IT'S GONNA BE A REALLY LONG TWO DAYS.

JUST GONNA GO BACK IN MY ROOM.

YEAH, I GOT YOU.

**

I JUST HOPE THAT I DON'T END UP REGRETTING THIS.

**

BUT I'M TRYING NOT TO GIVE INTO THE FEAR

AND NOT GET TOO OVERWHELMED.

**

'CAUSE IF I DO, AND I CHICKEN OUT TOMORROW,

I KNOW I'M DONE FOR.

AND I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN.

WE'LL PACK YOU UP ANOTHER TIME.

**

I WAS PRETTY RESTLESS LAST NIGHT.

I JUST HAVE TOO MUCH RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND

ABOUT WHAT CAN GO WRONG AND HOW HARD THIS IS GONNA BE,

BECAUSE THIS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT TRIPS OF MY LIFE.

SO, WE GOT EVERYTHING?

YES.

**

I KNOW MY BODY'S NOT GONNA HANDLE EVERYTHING

I'M GONNA PUT IT THROUGH TODAY,

BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS.

I JUST FEEL LIKE IT'S TIME. JUST SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP.

IT'S TIME TO GO. GOT TO GET THIS DONE.

**

I'VE TRIED SO MANY THINGS TO GET MY WEIGHT UNDER CONTROL,

AND EVERY SINGLE THING HAS FAILED,

SO I KNOW THAT THIS IS,

QUITE LITERALLY, MY LAST CHANCE

TO GET THE HELP I NEED TO TURN MY LIFE AROUND.

SO I CAN'T FAIL AT THIS.

BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M SO NERVOUS

THAT MY HEART IS JUST ABOUT POUNDING OUT OF MY CHEST.

WHATEVER IT TAKES, I CAN'T LET ANYTHING STOP ME.

**

I JUST NEED TO MAKE IT ON THE PLANE,

AND I CAN CALM DOWN.

BUT UNTIL THEN,

I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE LIKE A FREAK SHOW.

AND EVERYONE'S GONNA STARE AT ME

AND POINT AT THE LARGE WOMAN WHO CAN'T WALK FOR HERSELF.

**

IT'S ONE OF THE REASONS I HARDLY GO OUT ANYWHERE.

BECAUSE I HATE WHEN PEOPLE STARE.

**

IT'S HUMILIATING,

AND I'M SCARED OUT OF MY MIND RIGHT NOW.

**

I'M ON THE FLIGHT TO HOUSTON?

AND I GOT MY SCOOTER AND NEED TO PRE-BOARD AND...

**

I'M JUST HOPING THAT I CAN GET DOWN THE AISLE OF THE PLANE

AND GET TO MY SEAT, SO...

THAT'S MY BIGGEST CONCERN RIGHT NOW.

OKAY.

**

[ Straining ] OH, GOD! OH, GOD!

OH, JESUS! -WANT ME TO TAKE HER?

OH, GOD.

I JUST NEED SOMETHING RIGHT HERE.

RIGHT THERE ON THE LEFT.

OKAY.

GOT IT?

I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T DO THIS.

YOU'VE GOT THIS. YOU'VE GOT THIS.

[ SOBBING ] YOU'VE GOT THIS.

YOU'RE IN.

YOU'RE IN, OKAY?

YOU'RE IN.

TAKE A BREATH.

OKAY.

I NEED TO GET INTO MY SEAT.

OKAY.

I NEED TO GET MY SEAT.

EVEN IF IT'S BABY STEPS, WE CAN DO THIS, OKAY?

OKAY.

THERE'S A BAR RIGHT THERE.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

OH, GOD.

WANT TO TAKE A BREATH?

-YOU'RE ALMOST THERE. -I'M ALMOST THERE.

**

OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T...

OH, JESUS, HELP ME.

[ PANTING ]

OH, GOD. OKAY.

ARE YOU READY TO TURN A LITTLE BIT?

YEAH.

OH GOD, IT HURTS.

OH, MY GOD!

IT HURTS SO BAD.

OH!

[ GROANS ]

IT ALL JUST HURTS.

THIS IS A NO-GO.

I'M GOING HOME.

I'M GOING HOME. I CAN'T DO THIS.

I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

[ SOBBING ]

OH, GOD.

**

CAN I SIT NOW? -YEAH.

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

-OKAY, IS THAT GOOD? -I HAVE TO GET OFF THIS PLANE.

OH, HELP ME, JESUS. OKAY, ONE, TWO, THREE.

OH, GOD. -ARE YOU OKAY?

Janine: I SCRAPED MY KNEE PRETTY BAD.

**

**

I DID THE BEST THAT I COULD DO.

IT JUST WASN'T ENOUGH.

**

MY BODY JUST IS DONE.

IT JUST CAN'T DO ANY MORE.

AND I'M JUST IN SO MUCH PAIN RIGHT NOW.

IT FEELS LIKE MY BODY IS STARTING TO SHUT DOWN.

AND I'M TERRIFIED THIS IS GONNA BE IT FOR ME.

**

**

**

**

Janine: THAT WHOLE EXPERIENCE OF TRYING TO GET ON THE PLANE

AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED

WAS PRETTY MUCH MY WORST FEAR COME TO LIFE.

**

AND THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST PAINFUL

AND HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES I'VE EVER HAD.

I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE HARD,

BUT I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GONNA BE THAT HARD.

I'M JUST DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF

THAT I LET MY BODY GET SO BAD

I COULDN'T EVEN GO GET THE HELP I NEED.

IT'S JUST... IT'S A REAL WAKE-UP CALL

THAT I NEED TO JUST BE REALLY FOCUSED ON MY HEALTH.

**

BUT I'M SCARED I'M JUST OUT OF OPTIONS.

BECAUSE I DON'T SEE HOW MEETING DR. NOW IS

GONNA HELP AT THIS POINT.

I CAN'T GET ON A PLANE.

AND AS DEPRESSED AS I AM ABOUT THAT,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

**

OH, MY DONE.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S MUCH HOPE FOR ME AT THIS POINT.

**

**

LET'S GO THIS WAY.

IT TOOK ME A LITTLE WHILE TO GET OVER THE INCIDENT

THAT HAPPENED ON THE PLANE.

**

I JUST STARTED HAVING A PANIC ATTACK

BECAUSE I JUST COULDN'T MAKE MY BODY MOVE ANY FURTHER.

**

NONE FOR YOU.

**

AND THE HARDER I TRIED, THE WORSE IT GOT.

SO I WAS WORRIED THAT I HAD PUSHED MY BODY TOO FAR

TRYING TO GET ON THAT PLANE.

I MEAN, I'VE NEVER BEEN IN SO MUCH PAIN

IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

IT WAS PHYSICALLY VERY DEMANDING,

EMOTIONALLY VERY DEMANDING.

MMM-MMM-MMM.

OOH, THAT'S GOOD STUFF.

[ Voice breaking ] I'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

I NEVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN.

EVER.

**

SO I'VE BEEN RESEARCHING AND TRYING TO FIND OTHER OPTIONS

SINCE GOING TO HOUSTON IS OUT OF THE QUESTION.

BUT I HAVEN'T FOUND ANYTHING

THAT I THINK WILL WORK FOR ME YET.

**

I KNOW I'M STILL ON A TICKING CLOCK

AND THAT EVERY DAY THAT PASSES,

IT GETS HARDER AND HARDER FOR ME TO DO ANYTHING FOR MYSELF.

**

EVER WANTED TO KNOW HOW A FAT WOMAN WIPES HER ASS?

THIS IS HOW.

SO IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE I NO LONGER

AM GOING TO BE ABLE TO EVEN GET UP.

**

BIG BUTT'S COMING -- YOU GOT TO GO.

AND AFTER THAT,

I'M JUST GONNA BE TRAPPED HERE ALONE,

JUST WAITING TO DIE.

ALL RIGHT.

**

SO I KNOW I HAVE TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.

BECAUSE I CAN FEEL MY BODY GETTING WORSE,

AND I DON'T THINK I'LL BE ABLE TO SURVIVE MUCH LONGER.

**

[ SIGHS ]

**

**

**

DR. NOW'S OFFICE HAS TRIED TO RESCHEDULE WITH ME.

BUT I KNOW I CAN'T MAKE THE TRIP,

SO I'VE AGREED TO DO A VIDEO CALL WITH HIM.

I WANT TO HEAR WHAT HE HAD TO SAY

AND SEE IF WE CAN WORK TOGETHER.

**

I KNOW I STILL NEED HELP,

AND SINCE I CAN'T MAKE IT TO HOUSTON,

I'VE BEEN THINKING,

MAYBE HE KNOWS SOMEONE HERE THAT COULD HELP ME,

OR HE COULD TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO

TO START LOSING WEIGHT.

JUST AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ME

TRYING TO GET ON A PLANE AGAIN.

THERE IS JUST NO WAY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH

I'M PUTTING MYSELF THROUGH THAT AGAIN,

BECAUSE I KNOW I WON'T SURVIVE IT A SECOND TIME.

**

SO IF DR. NOW SO MUCH AS MENTIONS THE IDEA,

THE CALL WILL BE OVER.

SO THE BALL'S IN HIS COURT.

HE CAN EITHER HELP ME,

OR LET ME DIE.

[ Ringing ]

**

**

Janine: I KNOW THAT MY BODY HAS BEEN GETTING WORSE

AND WORSE THESE PAST TWO MONTHS,

SO I WANT DR. NOW TO HELP ME.

BUT ALL I KNOW IS

THAT I CAN'T GO TO HOUSTON,

SO ANY OPTIONS HE PUSHES WITH THAT INVOLVED

ARE OUT OF THE QUESTION.

AND IF HE PUSHES THAT, THEN AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

THERE'S NOTHING MORE TO DISCUSS, AND THE CONVERSATION IS OVER.

[ Ringing ]

Hi, Janine. I'm Dr. Nowzaradan.

How you doing today?

I'M DOING OKAY. NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU.

It is nice to finally meet you, too.

First thing's first,

let me ask you a couple questions.

So, what happened?

Why did you miss your appointment?

WELL, IT WAS ACTUALLY REALLY AWFUL.

I TRIED TO GET ON THE PLANE, AND I JUST COULDN'T DO IT.

I JUST STARTED HAVING A PANIC ATTACK SO BAD,

AND EVERYTHING WAS HURTING SO BAD, I JUST...

THEY HAD TO CALL THE PARAMEDICS AND TAKE ME OFF THE PLANE.

SO WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK FROM COMING TO HOUSTON RIGHT NOW?

WELL, I'D HAVE TO GET BACK ON THE PLANE, I GUESS.

AND THERE'S NO WAY I CAN PHYSICALLY DO IT,

SO IT'S JUST NOT AN OPTION.

Okay, slow down.

Before you tell me what you think

your options are or aren't,

let's take a step back and discuss a couple things

before you draw lines in the sand.

Can you do that for me?

YES, OKAY.

Okay, first thing's first.

Let me ask you a couple questions

to explain something to you.

OKAY.

Do you know how much you weigh?

LAST TIME I WEIGHED, I THINK I WAS 629.

And how old are you now?

JUST TURNED 54.

Okay, Janine, what you need to understand

is at your age and your weight,

your longevity is not very long, you know that?

YES, SIR.

I TOTALLY GET IT.

I don't think you do completely.

Janine, the reason I took your case

was that someone in your situation

will likely suffer a life-threatening event

within a year.

For example, you're going to suffer cardiac arrest one night

and that will be it.

That's your future, and it's going to happen soon.

And if you understood that,

you wouldn't be playing around like you are.

UNDERSTOOD.

So you need to come down here as soon as possible.

When can you come?

I'M NOT SURE. UH...

I MEAN, I DO WANT TO DO IT -- IT'S JUST...

TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE BEST THING IS FOR ME TO DO.

This is very serious.

You said it yourself -- you suffered a panic attack.

It was your fear that held you back.

YEAH.

And every day that passes,

your window to get help is shorter,

And you'll be too far gone physically.

The more weight you gain, the bigger you get,

there will be more danger in travelling, too.

So this danger is not gonna go away.

YEAH.

This is your last chance

before your situation gets any worse, okay?

So now do you think you can come to visit?

YES, OKAY.

Okay, you've got a long way to go.

The sooner we start, the sooner we get you there.

SO YOU'RE MY DOCTOR NOW, YEAH?

100%.

You take this leap of faith and stick to the program,

then we will do everything we can to help you.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

IF YOU SAY I CAN DO THIS, THEN I BELIEVE YOU.

SO I WILL DO IT.

All right, Janine, I will send you a diet

and I want you to start on it immediately.

I look forward to seeing you in Houston, okay?

THANK YOU, DR. NOWZARADAN. APPRECIATE YA.

All right, we'll see you then.

OKAY, HAVE A GOOD EVENING.

BUH-BYE.

Buh-bye.

**

Janine: IT WAS REALLY HARD TO HEAR HIM SAY SOME OF THE THINGS

THAT HE THINKS ABOUT MY HEALTH SITUATION.

HE FEELS MY SITUATION

IS VERY URGENT.

THOSE ARE KINDA SCARY WORDS.

SO AFTER HEARING DR. NOW OUT,

I'M MORE SCARED NOW TO STAY HERE AND RISK DYING EVERY DAY

THAN TRYING TO GO TO HOUSTON.

BECAUSE WHAT DR. NOW IS SAYING, I FEEL IT EVERY DAY.

SO I KNOW THAT I NEED TO GET THE WEIGHT OFF

AND GET THE HECK OUT OF THIS CHAIR.

BUT IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT.

[ Voice breaking ] I'M GONNA GET OUT OF THIS CHAIR,

BUT I'VE GOT TO TRY --

I'VE GOT TO DO IT.

SO I'M GOING TO DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER,

WHATEVER IT TAKES,

SO THAT I CAN GET ON THAT PLANE.

BECAUSE THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE.

**

**

AFTER TALKING TO DR. NOW A COUPLE WEEKS AGO,

I SAW HOW COMMITTED HE WAS TO HELPING ME

AND HOW MUCH HE WANTED ME TO DO THIS.

BUT I REALIZED, EVEN IF I'M ABLE TO GET TO HOUSTON,

THEN THERE'S NO WAY I CAN MAKE THE TRIP BACK TO SEATTLE

AND THEN HAVE TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.

-HI. -HI!

SO, I THINK THE GUYS PRETTY MUCH HAVE EVERYTHING

READY TO ROLL FOR YOU OUT THERE.

YOU WANT TO THROW A COUPLE BOXES MY WAY,

AND THEN I'LL WORK ON IN HERE.

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL GET STARTED NOW.

OKAY, THANKS!

SO I TOLD DR. NOW I NEED

A LITTLE MORE TIME TO GET DOWN THERE

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO MAKE IT PERMANENT.

HE TOLD ME THAT HE UNDERSTOOD AND THAT THAT WAS FINE,

AS LONG AS I DIDN'T TAKE TOO LONG

AND I STARTED TO GET MY EATING UNDER CONTROL

WITH THE DIET HE SENT ME.

SO TODAY, I'M PACKING UP TO MOVE TO HOUSTON,

AND THEN TONIGHT,

I'M HEADED TO THE AIRPORT TO TRY AGAIN.

**

KNOWING THAT THIS IS A ONE-WAY TRIP FOR ME

IS GONNA KEEP ME MOTIVATED TO DO THIS.

BECAUSE IF I FAIL, I HAVE NOTHING TO COME BACK TO.

MY STUFF WILL BE ON THE WAY HOUSTON.

SO I EITHER DO THIS,

OR I HAVE NO PLACE TO GO.

BUT THIS WHOLE PROCESS HAS BEEN STRESSFUL

FOR A LOT OF REASONS.

WHAT DO I NEED TO TAKE? WHAT DO I LEAVE BEHIND?

AND JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT LIFE IS GONNA BE LIKE

IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT STATE.

SO THERE ARE MOMENTS WHERE

I, HONESTLY, DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA MAKE IT,

BUT I CAN'T ALLOW MY EMOTIONS TO GET THE BEST OF ME AGAIN.

I'VE HAVE TO STAY IN CONTROL,

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I'LL GET A THIRD CHANCE AFTER THIS.

SO I'M TAKING A HUGE LEAP OF FAITH

THAT THIS IS ALL GONNA WORK OUT.

**

I'M NOWHERE NEAR READY TO DO THIS...

**

...AND THERE'S A BIG PART OF ME

THAT'S FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW.

**

LIKE, "WHAT AM I DOING?

THIS IS INSANE.

I'VE ALREADY TRIED THIS AND FAILED."

**

I'M JUST HOPING IT'S NOT GONNA BE CATASTROPHIC.

BECAUSE JONATHAN CAN'T COME WITH ME.

AND WHEN I GET TO THE AIRPORT, I'M COMPLETELY ON MY OWN.

SO I'M JUST TRYING TO STAY

CALM AND IN CONTROL.

BUT I HAVE A FRIEND DRIVING ME,

SO I'M GRATEFUL TO AT LEAST HAVE THAT HELP.

OH, GOD. HELP ME, JESUS.

'CAUSE IF I LOSE IT AGAIN AND HAVE ANOTHER PANIC ATTACK,

I COULD PUT MY BODY IN A POSITION

WHERE IT'S OVEREXTENDING PHYSICALLY.

AND AT THAT POINT,

IT'S NOT JUST MY LAST CHANCE I'M GOING TO LOSE...

IT COULD BE MY LIFE.

**

**

**

Janine: IT WAS SUCH AN EPIC FAIL

THE LAST TIME I TRIED TO GET TO HOUSTON.

**

AND TODAY, I'M EITHER GOING TO DO THIS

AND GRAB AHOLD OF THE ONLY HOPE I HAVE LEFT,

OR I'M GONNA FAIL AGAIN, AND THEN I'M DONE.

SO I CAN'T LET MY EMOTIONS,

OR ANY PAIN, OVERWHELM ME.

**

OKAY, I CAN DO THIS.

I CAN HANDLE LOTS OF PEOPLE.

MOVE ON -- LET'S MOVE ON, PLEASE.

IS THIS CHECKPOINT FIVE?

CHECKPOINT FIVE IS RIGHT DOWN THAT WAY.

**

THE ONE RAY OF HOPE IN ALL THIS

IS THAT I MANAGED TO CONVINCE MY SISTER-IN-LAW, SUSAN,

TO FLY FROM DENVER AND MEET ME IN HOUSTON

TO, AT LEAST, HELP ME GET MOVED IN.

BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY I CAN GET SET UP BY MYSELF,

SO I'M REALLY THANKFUL SHE'S DOING THIS FOR ME.

I JUST HAVE TO GET TO HOUSTON.

**

OOH-WEE.

I CAN HANDLE THIS.

EVERYTHING'S FINE.

OKAY...

I'M JUST SCARED ABOUT TRANSFERRING TO THAT THING.

YEAH.

OKAY.

OH, GOD.

[ INHALES SHARPLY ]

OOH.

CAN I HELP TOO, IF THAT'LL HELP A LITTLE BIT.

YEAH.

[ GROANS ]

OH, MY GOODNESS.

HOLD ON.

SORRY. THERE WE GO. -I'M SORRY.

OKAY.

OH, [BLEEP].

OKAY. SORRY.

-YOU ALL RIGHT? -YOU OKAY?

Janine: ALL RIGHT.

[ SCREAMS ]

IT'S ALL RIGHT. WE'VE GOT YOU.

NO, WE'VE GOT YOU.

I KNOW, IT'S JUST...

-WE'VE GOT YOU. -I CAN'T DO THIS!

[ WHEEZING ]

OH, MY GOD.

JUST SLOWLY.

WATCH YOUR ARM ON THAT SIDE.

YEAH.

AND ON THAT SIDE.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

OH, GOD. YOU GOT IT.

OKAY.

I JUST WANT TO GET IN THAT SEAT.

WE WANT TO BE CAREFUL.

YEAH, WE DO.

OKAY.

OKAY, GO IN THAT WAY.

THERE WE GO.

OH, GOD. YOU DID GOOD.

I'M IN.

I CAN'T.

**

-WE'LL DO IT TOGETHER. -WE GOT YOU.

-ONE, TWO, THREE. -THERE WE GO.

Man: ALL RIGHT, ARE WE GOOD?

THIS IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE. I'M NOT GONNA MAKE THIS.

SERIOUSLY.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

Woman: GENERAL BOARDING.

THANK YOU. YOU HAVE A GOOD FLIGHT.

OH, THANK GOD.

I CAN HANDLE THIS FROM HERE...

I HOPE.

**

**

[ SOBBING ]

THIS HURTS SO BAD.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

**

I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

**

WE'RE GONNA START DESCENDING SOON.

I CAN'T DO IT.

I HAVE ONE STOP IN DALLAS BEFORE THEY GO ON TO HOUSTON,

AND I HAVE TO GET OFF HERE.

IT'S SO TIGHT.

**

**

...FOR RENTAL.

HEY, JUST BREATHE.

I NEED TO GO TO A HOSPITAL.

[ Voice breaking ] I APPRECIATE YA.

**

OH GOD, THAT HURTS.

OH, AND I'M FALLING OFF THE SEAT.

WE GOT YOU. WE GOT YOU.

I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M FALLING.

-WE'RE NOT GONNA LET YOU GO. I'M FALLING.

-WE GOT YOU. -WE'RE NOT GONNA LET YOU GO.

-JANINE, WE GOT YOU. -I'M IN PAIN.

-LET ME KNOW IF IT HURTS. -...TWO, THREE.

[ ALL STRAINING ]

ONE, TWO, THREE.

Janine: I JUST CAN'T.

TRY IT SIDEWAYS.

ONE, TWO, THREE, PUSH.

-HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON. -OW, OW, OW.

Man: THERE IT GOES. THERE IT GOES.

**

ONE, TWO, THREE.

Man #2: COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]

-THERE WE GO. -WE'RE ON THERE.

**

[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]

**

I'M SO HUMILIATED.

[ Voice breaking ] I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE AGAIN.

E.M.T.: LET'S SEE WHEN WE GET OUT THERE.

Y'ALL THINK WE CAN GET HER IN THE BACK?

AND I'M SCARED OUT OF MY MIND RIGHT NOW.

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

OR WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO ME.

**

I'M DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF.

I JUST COULDN'T HANDLE THE PAIN.

I'M SO SORRY. I WANTED TO DO IT.

I WANTED TO DO IT SO BAD.

**

I JUST COULDN'T.

AND NOW I'VE PROBABLY LOST

THE ONLY CHANCE I HAD TO GET HELP.

**

**

**

Janine: IT'S BEEN REALLY SCARY

BECAUSE I HAVE NO ONE HERE IN DALLAS

TO HELP ME.

BUT I CALLED MY SISTER-IN-LAW WHO WAS FLYING TO HOUSTON,

AND SHE WAS ABLE TO GET ON ANOTHER FLIGHT

TO COME UP HERE EARLY THIS MORNING TO BE WITH ME.

AND SHE ALSO HAS BEEN TRYING TO SEE WHAT OPTIONS I HAVE

AND WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN TO GET ME TO HOUSTON.

AND I'M SO THANKFUL FOR HER DOING THAT.

JUST KNOWING I HAVE SOMEONE HERE WITH ME

IS A NICE COMFORT TO ME RIGHT NOW.

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

COME IN.

HI, JAN!

HEY, SUSAN!

HOW ARE YOU?

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.

GOOD TO SEE YOU!

YOU FEELING OKAY?

I'M WAY BETTER. THANK YOU.

GOOD.

MY LEG JUST SWELLED UP SO MUCH ON THE PLANE

THAT IT JUST KEPT

KINDA PUSHING ME OFF THE SEAT,

AND THEN I JUST --

I DON'T KNOW, I JUST LOST MY ENERGY.

I DON'T THINK I HAD ENOUGH TO EAT YESTERDAY,

AND SO I JUST...

IT WAS REALLY SCARY, AND I JUST...

I FELT BECAUSE MY FEET WERE SO BIG, I JUST...

JUST NOT ENOUGH ROOM.

WELL, THEY ARRANGED A TRANSPORT

TO TAKE US FROM HERE TO HOUSTON.

OKAY.

Janine: I COULDN'T DO THIS ALONE,

AND I'M GRATEFUL BECAUSE I, AT LEAST, HAVE THIS OPTION.

BUT I JUST KNOW IT'S GONNA BE A REALLY LONG DRIVE.

**

**

[ BEEPING ]

Janine: I KNOW THIS IS GONNA BE PAINFUL AND DIFFICULT FOR ME,

JUST, HOPEFULLY, NOT AS BAD AS THE PLANE.

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW MY BODY'S GONNA HANDLE IT.

**

SO THAT'S WHAT'S REALLY SCARING ME RIGHT NOW.

I JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE NEXT FIVES HOURS,

AND THEN I'M GOOD.

THANK YOU, GUYS!

YOU JUST WANT TO SIT THERE?

**

**

I STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO,

BUT THEY'RE TAKING ME TO A HOTEL IN HOUSTON.

WE DECIDED SINCE I'LL PROBABLY BE

IN A GOOD BIT OF PAIN WHEN I GET THERE,

TO TRY AND STAY IN A HOTEL TONIGHT,

GO SEE DR. NOW IN THE MORNING, AND THEN GO TO MY APARTMENT.

SUSAN IS GOING TO HELP ME GET IT ALL SET UP

BEFORE SHE GOES BACK TO DENVER.

SO, THAT'S THE PLAN.

BUT FOR ME, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

IS THAT MY SCOOTER IS THERE WHEN I ARRIVE.

WE HAD IT SENT TO THE HOTEL EARLIER,

AND I'M JUST REALLY HOPING IT MAKES IT THERE

BY THE TIME I DO,

BECAUSE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING OR GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT IT.

[ SUSAN LAUGHS ]

WE FINALLY MADE IT TO HOUSTON,

AND I AM IN A GOOD BIT OF PAIN.

SO I AM VERY GLAD THAT WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

BUT I'M CONCERNED ABOUT HOW GETTING OUT IS GONNA WORK,

BECAUSE I AM SO SORE AND STIFF.

IT'S NOT GONNA MATTER, THOUGH, IF MY SCOOTER'S NOT THERE,

LIKE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.

SO THAT'S MY BIGGEST CONCERN RIGHT NOW.

**

IF IT'S NOT, THERE'S NO WAY

I CAN WALK ALL THE WAY TO MY ROOM.

**

THEY'LL HAVE TO EITHER CARRY ME TO THE BED THERE

OR LEAVE ME HERE.

THERE'S NO OTHER OPTION.

SO I'M JUST REALLY ANXIOUS RIGHT NOW.

**

YEAH.

**

[ ENGINE IDLING ]

READY TO GET IN?

RELEASE.

**

OKAY.

-READY TO SIT. -YEAH.

[ GROANS ]

OH, GOD.

OKAY. OW.

TWO, THREE.

[ Straining ] OH, GOD.

OH, GEEZ.

OKAY, L-LET ME GO.

LET ME GO. OKAY.

OH, GOD.

OH! THAT WAS MY KNEE.

AAH! OKAY.

OKAY.

YEAH.

THERE'S NOTHING TO BRACE AGAINST.

UGH!

OH GOD, OKAY.

I'M ON.

AS GOOD AS IT'S GONNA GET.

I DON'T NEED TO BE UP.

OKAY, I'M ON.

-I'M ON. -THANK YOU.

NO PROBLEM.

Susan: OKAY. THAT'D BE GREAT.

**

Janine: I'M FINALLY ABOUT TO MAKE IT TO SEE DR. NOW,

AND MY STOMACH IS ALL IN KNOTS.

**

BUT I'M TRYING NOT TO WORRY

ABOUT ALL THE WAYS THIS COULD GO WRONG.

WELL, UM...

I'M FEELING A LITTLE NERVOUS ABOUT MEETING HIM,

BUT I'M VERY HOPEFUL THAT, YOU KNOW,

HE'LL BE ABLE TO HELP ME.

**

I JUST NEED TO GET THERE AND SEE WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.

BECAUSE I'M WALKING INTO EVERYTHING

COMPLETELY BLIND.

**

JANINE MUELLER?

**

THIS IS REALLY SCARING ME.

OH, GOD.

OH, GEEZ.

OH, I CAN'T.

COME ON, JAN, JUST STEP UP.

I C-- [INHALES DEEPLY]

IT'S TOO NARROW.

**

[ GROANS ]

GOD!

IT'S OKAY, JAN.

[ SOBBING ]

**

[ SOBBING ]

OKAY. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

[ SIGHS ]

ALL RIGHT.

[ GROANS ]

**

YOU CAN DO IT, JAN. COME ON, GET IT UP THERE.

OKAY.

**

**

IT'S SURREAL TO SEE THAT NUMBER.

OH, GEEZ. OKAY.

OH, I'M SORRY.

JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

I'M WORSE THAN EVER.

THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.

**

MY FEAR RIGHT NOW IS THAT, SEEING ME IN PERSON,

THE DOCTOR'S GOING TO TAKE ONE LOOK AT ME

AND TELL ME HE THINKS THERE'S NOTHING HE CAN DO.

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

**

-HELLO. -HELLO.

HOW Y'ALL DOING?

GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

I KNOW IT'S BEEN A VERY DIFFICULT JOURNEY FOR YOU.

AWFUL. [ CHUCKLES ]

I'M JUST SO GLAD TO BE HERE.

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'RE FINALLY HERE.

SO, LET'S TALK ABOUT A COUPLE THINGS.

OKAY.

YOU'RE ACTUALLY BIGGER

THAN YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE ON OUR CALL.

YOU'RE 678.

AND AT 5'3",

YOU'RE, ESSENTIALLY, 550 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT.

GOOD LORD. OKAY.

WE DISCUSSED HOW CLOSE TO DEATH YOU ARE IN THIS STATE,

BUT YOU CLEARLY DIDN'T START THE DIET I SENT YOU.

SO WE NEED TO GET YOUR COMPULSION

UNDER CONTROL NOW.

BUT WHAT'S DRIVING YOU TO EAT?

A LOT OF TIMES, IT'S 'CAUSE I'M HUNGRY.

BUT THEN THERE ARE OTHER TIMES

WHERE, UM... IT'S LIKE A HABIT THING.

AND THEN, OF COURSE, IF THERE'S STRESS INVOLVED,

THEN YEAH, CHOCOLATE HAPPENS.

OKAY, YOU'RE GOING TO READ AND FOLLOW

THE 1,200-CALORIE- A-DAY DIET THAT I'M GIVING YOU AGAIN.

YES.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO STICK TO IT,

AS WELL AS START TO GET UP AND OUT OF THIS SCOOTER.

YES, SIR.

YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH IMMOBILE AT THIS POINT.

SO ALL THESE FACTORS TOGETHER MAKES SURGERY

FAR TOO RISKY TO PERFORM ON YOU.

AND YOU ARE NOT GONNA BE APPROVED

UNLESS YOU LOSE AT LEAST 100 POUNDS, OKAY?

-OOH. OKAY. -OKAY?

MOST EVERYBODY AT YOUR WEIGHT

CAN LOSE THAT IN TWO MONTHS.

OKAY.

WE HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO WITH JANINE.

BECAUSE AT HER HEIGHT, BEING OVER 600 POUNDS IS

COMPARABLE TO BEING OVER 800 POUNDS

FOR SOMEONE OF AVERAGE HEIGHT.

AND THAT COMBINED WITH THE FACT THAT SHE'S IMMOBILE ALL DAY LONG

MEANS HER BODY IS IN A VERY WEAKENED STATE,

AND IT IS FAR MORE LIKELY SHE'S GOING TO DIE

IN THE NEXT SIX MONTHS THAN IT IS SHE'LL LIVE.

SO IF WE DON'T GET THIS ALL UNDER CONTROL VERY SOON,

SHE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT.

ALL RIGHT, JANINE, WHEN I SEE YOU NEXT TIME,

I WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO GET OUT OF THE SCOOTER

AND WALK IN THIS ROOM, OKAY?

YES, SIR. ALL RIGHT.

-THANK YOU. -MM-HMM.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

LET'S GO.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME GET THE DOOR.

PLEASE.

**

I KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE STARTED ON HIS DIET BY NOW,

BUT I WAS SO FOCUSED ON THE MOVE AND TRYING TO GET HERE.

AND NOW THAT I AM,

TO HEAR THOSE WORDS --

LOSE 100 POUNDS IN TWO MONTHS?

THAT WAS LIKE A SOCK IN THE STOMACH.

I NEED HIS HELP DESPERATELY.

SO AS IMPOSSIBLE AS IT SEEMS,

I HAVE TO TRY.

**

**

I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN DOING WELL THIS PAST MONTH.

TRYING TO GET SETTLED IN AND FIGURE OUT LIVE IN TEXAS.

AFTER MY LAST APPOINTMENT,

MY SISTER-IN-LAW SUSAN HELPED ME MOVE INTO MY NEW PLACE,

BUT THEN HAD TO GO BACK HOME.

SO I'M ALL ALONE AGAIN.

BUT SHE SAID SHE'D TRY TO VISIT SOON

AND THAT MY NIECE WOULD ALSO COME DOWN TO SEE ME.

SO KNOWING THAT IS KEEPING ME MOTIVATED.

DR. NOW WANTED ME TO GET UP

AND START WALKING WITHOUT MY SCOOTER,

BUT MY LYMPHEDEMA PREVENTS ME FROM BEING ABLE TO DO MUCH,

SO I'M DOING WHAT I CAN TO MOVE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE IN MY BED.

BUT THE PRESSURE IT PUTS ON MY KNEE AND LEGS...

THE LYMPHEDEMA MAKES ME SO UNSTEADY.

SO EVEN WHEN I TRY,

IT FEELS LIKE MY WHOLE LEG

IS ABOUT TO JUMP OFF THE REST OF MY BODY.

**

AND UNTIL I HAVE THIS MASS REMOVED,

I'M NOT GOING TO BE WALKING MUCH.

[ SMACKS LIPS ] HEY, BABY KITTEN.

SO NOW I'M COMPLETELY RELIANT ON MY SCOOTER.

THERE'S JUST NO WAY I COULD DO WITHOUT IT.

I WOULD LOVE TO GIVE IT UP.

BELIEVE ME -- I WISH I COULD.

BUT IT'S BEST THAT I DON'T PUT MYSELF

THROUGH TOO MUCH PAIN RIGHT.

BECAUSE WHEN I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN,

I TRY TO DO THINGS TO DISTRACT MYSELF

FROM THE PAIN.

ONE OF THE THINGS I USED TO DO WAS I WOULD EAT...OF COURSE.

SOME OF THE THINGS I WOULD EAT WOULD BE SUGARY THINGS.

OF COURSE, I'VE LEARNED I CAN'T JUST EAT ANYTHING ANYMORE.

BUT I'M NOT GONNA LIE, IT'S TOUGH --

REALLY TOUGH.

**

I'M GOING TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN TODAY.

AND I'M FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT IT.

I'M FEELING CHANGES IN MY BODY,

SO I THINK I'VE LOST SOME WEIGHT.

SO I THINK WE'RE DOING PRETTY GOOD.

**

I KNOW DR. NOW WANTED ME TO BE ABLE TO WALK

TO THE EXAM ROOM THIS TIME,

BUT AS HARD AS I TRIED, I'M NOWHERE NEAR CLOSE TO THAT,

SO I'M HOPING HE DOESN'T SEE THAT AS A REASON

I'M NOT READY FOR SURGERY YET.

**

'CAUSE I'M TRYING REALLY, REALLY HARD.

JANINE MUELLER?

**

I FEEL PRETTY CONFIDENT THAT SOMETHING'S DEFINITELY

GONNA BE DIFFERENT ON THAT SCALE TODAY.

BUT EVERYONE'S ALWAYS JUST NERVOUS

BEFORE THEY GET ON THE SCALE,

EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW THEY'VE DONE WELL.

**

DR. NOW TOLD ME THAT I NEEDED

TO LOSE 100 POUNDS OVER THE LAST TWO MONTHS,

SO I'M SUPPOSED TO BE BELOW 578 THIS TIME.

OH, DEAR.

OH, GOD. [ GRUNTS ]

**

JUST STICK ON SOMETHING GOOD.

I'M DONE. [ CHUCKLES ]

**

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THAT'S POSSIBLE.

[ GRUNTS ]

I DID WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO.

**

SO I'M SCARED.

BUT I DON'T THINK HE'LL YELL AT ME,

SO I'M OKAY.

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

-HELLO. -HELLO.

ALL RIGHT. SO, YOU'RE AT 663,

WHICH MEANS IN TWO MONTHS, YOU ONLY LOST 15 POUNDS.

YES, SIR.

SO, HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?

PRETTY GOOD.

I FEEL PRETTY GOOD.

YOU FEEL PRETTY GOOD ABOUT THAT?

WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T.

AND YOU'RE STILL NOT UP AND WALKING.

I REALLY CAN'T DO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

MY KNEES ARE JUST STILL REALLY PAINFUL.

YEAH, AND THE LYMPHEDEMA IS REALLY MAKING

MY RIGHT KNEE WORSE.

LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

'CAUSE OF THE WAY IT IS.

IT'S LIKE STARTING TO GET SOFT

AND PRESSES IN ON MY KNEE JOINT HERE.

MM.

SO I'M GETTING A LOT OF THE PRESSURE HERE.

AND THEN ALSO UP HERE LIKE AT THE VERY TOP OF MY GROIN AREA.

BUT YOU'VE GOT SOME INFECTION

BUILT UP BETWEEN BACK THERE.

OOH, THAT DOESN'T LOOK THAT GOOD.

IT IS INFECTED.

OH, DEAR.

I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE.

LET ME LOOK AT IT A LITTLE BIT CLOSER, SEE...

YEAH. THIS IS INFECTED.

**

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR JANINE TO ONLY HAVE LOST

15 POUNDS IN TWO MONTHS.

SO SHE'S STILL EATING WHAT SHE WANTS,

AND CONVINCED HERSELF THAT'S OKAY

AND THAT SHE'S STILL STICKING TO THE DIET.

BUT RIGHT, NOW WE NEED TO ADDRESS HER PHYSICAL CONDITION

SO SHE CAN SURVIVE,

SO I NEED TO ADMIT HER TO THE HOSPITAL,

NOT JUST TO GET HER INFECTION UNDER CONTROL,

BUT TO PUT HER ON A CONTROLLED DIET

SO WE CAN GET HER WEIGHT DOWN.

INSTEAD OF TAKING THIS OPPORTUNITY

TO START TURNING YOUR LIFE AROUND,

YOU'RE GETTING WORSE RAPIDLY.

AND AT THIS POINT, I'M CONCERNED

YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO SURVIVE THE NEXT COUPLE MONTHS.

THAT INFECTION ALONE CAN KILL YOU QUICKLY.

SO I'M ADMITTING YOU TO THE HOSPITAL TODAY

TO GET YOUR WEIGHT UNDER CONTROL.

AND WE NEED TO GET THAT INFECTION CLEARED UP

BEFORE IT GETS ANY WORSE AND KILLS YOU.

OKAY.

WOULD IT BE FOR LIKE A DAY,

OR JUST FOR A COUPLE HOURS, OR...?

NO, IT'S GOING TO BE FOR LONGER.

OKAY, I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH MY CAT.

THAT'S GONNA BE A PROBLEM. I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

I'LL HAVE MEDICAL TRANSPORT COME PICK YOU UP NOW.

OKAY.

I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

**

THIS IS THE VERY LAST THING I NEEDED TO HEAR RIGHT NOW.

I NEED STUFF FROM HOME TO BE IN THE HOSPITAL.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA DO THAT

[Voice breaking] 'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY HERE.

I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF MY CAT.

BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN DO THAT.

I'M JUST... I NEED TO THINK IT THROUGH.

THERE'S GOT TO BE A SOLUTION -- I NEED TO THINK IT THROUGH --

BUT IT'S LIKE...

THIS IS SO HARD, TO BE BY MYSELF.

SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

**

**

**

Janine: IT WAS A BIG SURPRISE,

HAVING TO COME TO A HOSPITAL SO QUICK.

BUT THEY GAVE ME A MEDICAL ASSISTANT

TO HELP GET ME SOME CLOTHES

AND HELP GET MY CAT BOARDED FOR NOW,

BECAUSE I HAD TO COME HERE IMMEDIATELY.

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ] COME IN.

-HI! -HEY-O!

IT'S BEEN A BIT OF A WHIRLWIND.

AND I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW BAD MY LEG WAS.

IF YOU WANT ME TO, I CAN PULL OUT MY CELL PHONE

AND WE CAN TAKE A PICTURE OF IT.

AND I COULD SHOW IT TO YOU AND I'LL DELETE IT.

OKAY, SURE.

JUST SO I KNOW WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH.

OKAY.

THAT'S MY HAND. OKAY?

SO YOU CAN SEE HOW THAT IS?

HOLY [BLEEP].

-YEAH. -I HAD NO IDEA.

SO THAT'S ON THE BACK OF MY THIGH?

MM-HMM. IT'S REALLY OPEN.

OH, MY GOD. I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS SO BAD.

YEAH.

I NEED TO FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH THAT.

WELL, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE, HONEY.

YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING -- YOU'RE ON THE ROAD.

-THANK YOU. -CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

WILL DO.

Janine: I DON'T LIKE IT HERE,

AND I REALLY FEEL LIKE THE DIET IS TOO EXTREME

AND THAT I'M BEING PUSHED TOO HARD

TO DO THINGS I'M NOT READY FOR.

SO ONCE THEY GET MY INFECTION CLEARED UP

AND IT'S NO LONGER ENDANGERING MY LIFE,

I WANT TO GO HOME.

**

Dr. Nowzaradan: JANINE HAS BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL

FOR A FEW MONTHS NOW.

HER HEALTH IS IN A BETTER PLACE,

BUT SHE HAD EVERY EXCUSE IN THE BOOK

TO FIGHT US ABOUT HER DIET

AND GETTING UP AND OUT OF HER BED.

AND SOME OF THE THINGS SHE SAYS SOUND DELUSIONAL.

THE BIGGEST ONE BEING THAT

SHE BELIEVES SHE IS BULIMIC.

BULIMIA IS A SERIOUS CONDITION,

BUT NOT ONE SHE IS EVEN CLOSE TO HAVING.

SO SHE'S EITHER LYING

OR SHE HAS AN INCREDIBLY ABILITY

TO CONVINCE HERSELF INTO DELUSIONAL PERSPECTIVES.

EITHER IS A BAD SITUATION.

**

HI, JANINE.

HI, DR. NOWZARADAN.

HOW YOU FEELING TODAY?

BETTER.

OKAY, GREAT.

THEN WE'LL SEE HOW YOUR WEIGHT IS DOING TODAY,

AND THEN WE'LL SEND YOU HOME.

OKAY.

BUT YOUR HARD WORK ISN'T OVER NOW.

WE'RE GOING TO SEND YOU TO PSYCHOTHERAPY.

I'M EXPECTING THAT YOU WILL HAVE A GOOD SESSION WITH THERAPY.

YOU STILL THINK YOU ARE BULIMIC?

WELL, MY PROBLEM IS I DON'T WANT TO EAT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT IS THE PROBLEM?

THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT.

IF THAT'S THE CASE, IT'S AN EXCELLENT PROBLEM.

BUT THAT'S SIMPLY NOT TRUE.

YOU WOULD HAVE LOST A LOT MORE WEIGHT.

SO IF I DON'T WANT TO EAT, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM?

JANINE, YOU'RE 54 YEARS AND YOU'RE 500-PLUS POUNDS,

AND YOU THINK YOU NOT WANTING TO EAT IS THE PROBLEM?

YOU KEEP SAYING YOU'RE BULIMIC,

YOU KEEP SAYING YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT.

SO YOU NEED TO GIVE UP THAT

AND WORK THROUGH THESE ISSUES NOW.

ARE YOU EVER GONNA BE ABLE

TO START DOING EXERCISES AT HOME?

YES.

ARE YOU GONNA WATCH YOUR DIET

AND STICK WITH A 1,200-CALORIE DIET?

ABSOLUTELY.

OKAY, YOU NEED TO GET ALL THIS UNDER CONTROL

AND SHOW ME YOU CAN DO THIS ON YOUR OWN

IF YOU WANT WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

AND OVER THE NEXT TWO MONTHS,

I WANT YOU TO LOSE ANOTHER 50 POUNDS, OKAY?

CAN WE GET YOU UP AND CHECK YOUR WEIGHT?

SURE.

THEN YOU CAN GET BACK ON YOUR SCOOTER

AND THEN HEAD HOME, HUH?

YAY. OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

JANINE CAN'T STAY IN THE HOSPITAL FOREVER.

SO NOW IS THE TIME TO SHOW US THAT SHE CAN DO THIS.

AND IF SHE DOES, WE'LL DO WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY ON HER.

-ALMOST. -OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: ALL RIGHT, 553.

THE WALKER WEIGHS 8 POUNDS,

SO THAT MEANS THAT'S YOUR ACTUALLY 545 POUNDS.

OKAY.

OH, YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

I SEE WHERE YOU ARE NOW.

OKAY, I'M THERE.

-YOU THERE? -ALL RIGHT, I'M THERE.

**

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

**

Janine: I'M DISAPPOINTED.

I DIDN'T GET SURGERY WHILE I WAS HERE.

I FEEL LIKE IT'S A LITTLE RIDICULOUS

THAT I HAVE TO GO HOME AND KEEP LOSING WEIGHT

TO PROVE TO DR. NOW I'M READY.

BUT IF THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS ME TO DO,

THEN I'LL DO IT.

BECAUSE I HAVEN'T PUT MYSELF THROUGH ALL THIS PAIN AND TRIAL

JUST TO NOT GET SURGERY.

**

**

I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN DOING WELL.

I HAVEN'T MADE IT TO THERAPY YET,

BUT I'M GOING TO GO SOON.

I JUST WANT TO GET MY ENERGY UP

BEFORE I GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

SO I FEEL LIKE THINGS ARE ON TRACK.

BUT TODAY IS A BIG DAY FOR ME

BECAUSE MY NIECE FLEW IN TO SEE ME,

AND I'M EXCITED TO JUST HAVE ANYONE I KNOW.

BUT SHE AND I HAVE BEEN ESPECIALLY CLOSE.

IT'S BEEN A LITTLE HARD,

BEEN A LITTLE LONELY WITHOUT HAVING FRIENDS CLOSE BY,

AND I HAVEN'T MADE THOSE CONNECTIONS HERE YET,

BUT I WILL.

SO, THIS IS A REAL BIG TREAT FOR ME.

-COME IN. -HELLO!

HEY!

-HI! -HI, GIRL!

IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!

OH, LOOK HOW PRETTY YOU LOOK!

AWW! YOU, TOO.

HOW YOU DOING?

-I'M GOOD. -GOOD.

I FEEL LIKE JAN AND I HAVE BEEN REALLY CLOSE.

WE LIKE A LOT OF THE SAME THINGS,

BUT PHYSICALLY, WE'VE NOT EVER BEEN IN THE SAME PLACE,

AND THAT'S ALWAYS CAUSED SOME BARRIERS.

DO YOU REMEMBER KIND OF WHAT THE DOCTOR TOLD YOU

AS FAR AS LIKE EATING?

LIKE WHERE ARE WE AT WITH THAT

AS FAR AS WHAT'S ALLOWED AND...

WELL, IT WAS SORT OF MORE LIKE WHAT NOT TO DO,

AS OPPOSED TO WHAT TO DO.

Janine: I THINK MY NIECE AND I ARE PRETTY CLOSE.

OUR RELATIONSHIP IS PRETTY SPECIAL.

AND I HAVEN'T SEEN HER FOR A WHILE.

I DON'T KNOW IF MY NIECE RACHEL HAS SEEN ME AT THIS SIZE.

I DON'T THINK SO.

AND DID HE TELL YOU THAT YOU NEED TO BE EXERCISING?

OR WAS IT JUST ABOUT THE FOOD RIGHT NOW?

NO, HE TOLD ME I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EXERCISING.

WELL, I BET THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS

WE CAN DO HERE, IN THE APARTMENT,

THAT WOULD BE SIMPLE EXERCISES

THAT PROBABLY AREN'T TOO HARD.

IT'S HARD BECAUSE I HATE THE FACT

THAT I'M NOT MOBILE ANYMORE,

THAT I CAN'T WALK AROUND

AND DO ALL THE STUFF WE USED TO DO.

YOU MISSED JOHN'S WEDDING.

I KNOW.

AND YOU MISSED... MY GRADUATIONS.

AND, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MY AUNT.

LIKE, AND I'M SAD THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE THAT.

[ Voice breaking ] I JUST WANT YOU, SO MUCH, TO EXPERIENCE...

MY WEDDING SOME DAY, AND MIKE'S WEDDING,

AND THE MUELLER BOYS -- THEIR GRADUATIONS.

I MEAN, YOU'RE OUR AUNT. LIKE, THAT'S WHAT WE WANT.

YOU THERE FOR THERE FOR THOSE FUN THINGS.

AND WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO HAVE YOU FOR THAT.

Rachel: AUNT JAN TAKING THIS JOURNEY IS A REALLY BIG STEP,

AND I FELT LIKE IT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT

TO LET HER KNOW THAT SHE'S LOVED

AND THAT WE SUPPORT HER 100%,

BUT ALSO TO HOLD HER ACCOUNTABLE.

YOU READY FOR SOME EXERCISES?

SURE, WHY NOT.

OKAY, I THINK MAYBE IF YOU'RE LIKE LAYING DOWN,

AND THEN WE CAN SIT UP, WE'LL DO FIVE OF THOSE.

-ALL RIGHT. -WHAT DO YOU THINK?

AND I'LL BE HERE. -I CAN DO THAT.

Rachel: PHYSICALLY, I'VE NEVER SEEN HER IN SUCH BAD SHAPE.

I WORRY THAT SHE'S GONNA FALL OUT OF HER BED

AND NOT BE ABLE TO GET HELP.

I WORRY ABOUT HER RUNNING INTO A SITUATION

WHERE HER SCOOTER ISN'T WORKING ANYMORE

AND SHE HAS NO ONE TO HELP HER.

AND SO THERE'S A LOT OF CONCERNS,

JUST ABOUT HER PHYSICAL SAFETY

AND ABOUT HER DAY-TO-DAY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

-OKAY, READY TO GO AGAIN? -YEP.

PUT A WATER BOTTLE IN EACH HAND.

SO WE'LL DO OUR ARMS UP.

Janine: I SEE DR. NOW IN ONE MONTH,

AND I GET HOW IMPORTANT IT IS FOR ME TO HIT HIS GOAL.

AND IF I DON'T QUALIFY THIS NEXT TIME,

THEN I KNOW THAT THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE

DR. NOW WILL TELL ME THERE'S NOTHING HE CAN DO.

NICE JOB.

THANK YA.

**

Janine: I KNOW HOW MUCH IS RIDING ON TODAY.

JANINE MUELLER?

**

I NEED TO GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

**

AND IT'S BEEN SUCH A HARD ROAD AND JOURNEY HERE.

**

[ SIGHS ]

WE CAN DO THIS, GIRL.

BE NICE TO ME.

OKAY.

I CAN'T MESS IT UP AND LOSE EVERYTHING TODAY.

AND IF I DID,

I KNOW IT WILL BE A DEATH SENTENCE.

**

**

Janine: TODAY IS A BIG DAY FOR ME.

BECAUSE I WANT TO PROVE MYSELF TO DR. NOW.

HE TOLD ME THAT I NEEDED TO LOSE 50 POUNDS

OVER THE LAST TWO MONTHS,

SO I SHOULD BE 495 TODAY.

**

GOD, THAT REALLY SUCKS.

**

I GAINED SOME WEIGHT BACK,

AND I KNOW IT'S GONNA REALLY UPSET DR. NOWZARADAN.

I MAJORLY SCREWED UP, SO...

HE'S GOING TO BE VERY UNHAPPY.

**

-HI, JANINE. -HI, DR. NOWZARADAN.

SO, WE PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL ON A CONTROLLED DIET

AND WE GOT YOUR WEIGHT DOWN TO 545.

MM-HMM.

AND NOW YOU'RE BACK OVER 600 POUNDS.

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?

WELL, I DID NOT HAVE A GOOD WEEK THIS WEEK.

I THOUGHT I WAS DOING OKAY, BUT I CAME TO REALIZE

I MADE SOME BAD CHOICES.

BUT HERE'S MY CONCERN...

IN THE PAST TWO MONTHS, YOU HAVEN'T LOST ANY WEIGHT,

AND YOU STILL WON'T GET UP AND OUT OF YOUR SCOOTER.

SO TELL ME, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH YOU NOW?

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU?

I'M TRYING TO SAY THAT, YOU KNOW,

I'M REALIZING THAT CHOICES I MADE WERE WRONG THIS WEEK.

DON'T GIVE ME THAT.

THAT'S JUST ANOTHER EXCUSE.

YOU SEEM TO HAVE NO DESIRE TO CHANGE,

DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT MEANS

THAT YOU'RE GOING TO DIE SOON.

SO WHAT IS WRONG THERE? CAN YOU TELL ME?

YES.

I DON'T FEEL WELL.

I DON'T FEEL HEALTHY, I DON'T FEEL WELL.

I HAVEN'T FELT WELL SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE.

OKAY, YOU'RE NOT FEELING WELL HERE

BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT EATING THE FOOD THAT YOU USED TO EAT,

THE SUGARY STUFF THAT YOU WANT TO EAT.

WHAT'S THE SOLUTION?

YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO EAT SUGAR AND FEEL GOOD?

NO, I DON'T. I DON'T.

THE REALITY IS, THE SCALE DOESN'T LIE.

PEOPLE DO.

AND THIS IS JUST SOMETHING THAT'S HAPPENING

OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

WE TRIED TO GET YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHAT'S THE PROBLEM,

WHAT'S THE SOLUTION.

"I'M NAUSEATED. I DON'T WANT TO EAT."

BUT THE REALITY IS, YOU'RE EATING SOME OTHER STUFF.

BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT THE HEALTHY STUFF.

YOU WANT TO EAT ALL THE JUNK FOOD THAT YOU USED TO.

AND THAT'S KILLING YOU.

OKAY, AS FAR AS I CAN SEE,

WE NEED TO TAKE A MORE EXTREME APPROACH

TO GET YOU GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

THE ONLY OPTION I'M THINKING ABOUT...

MAYBE WE DO SOMETHING PHYSICALLY TO RESTRICT YOU FROM EATING.

AND ONE OPTION WOULD BE TO PUT A BALLOON IN THE STOMACH.

OH, DEAR LORD.

IT IS ONLY A TEMPORARY SOLUTION.

BUT IF I DON'T DO SOMETHING, YOU'RE GONNA BE DEAD SOON.

SO THIS IS THE ONLY OPTION.

THAT'S REALLY EXTREME.

THAT'S NOT AS EXTREME AS HAVING WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

YOU THINK BEING 600 POUNDS IS OKAY?

NO, I DON'T.

I DON'T.

DO YOU THINK YOUR BODY IS GONNA TOLERATE

BEING THIS WAY MUCH LONGER?

NO. NO.

BUT YOU WON'T CHANGE, AND THIS IS A LAST RESORT.

A BALLOON IS SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE SWALLOW DOWN,

GOES THROUGH, AND WE INFLATE IT WITH GAS.

JUST LIKE THAT.

STAYS INTO YOUR STOMACH.

TAKES THAT MUCH ROOM OUT OF YOUR STOMACH.

OKAY?

SO YOU'LL BE ABLE TO EAT LESS.

FOR THAT, WE NEED TO VERIFY THE BALLOON

GOING DOWN IN YOUR STOMACH SO WE'LL BE ABLE TO SEE.

SO WHAT I'M GONNA DO...

I'M GONNA DO A QUICK TEST ON YOU TO SEE

IF YOU EVEN HAVE THE CAPABILITY

OF SEEING THAT BALLOON WITH X-RAY, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, JANINE, I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME.

OKAY.

**

GOING THAT WAY.

OKAY.

**

Janine: I'M VERY OVERWHELMED RIGHT NOW.

I GUESS, YOU KNOW, MY ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

AND THESE ARE THEM.

IT FEELS LIKE PUNISHMENT RIGHT NOW, HONESTLY,

BECAUSE IT'S THE CONSEQUENCES FOR WHAT I CHOSE TO DO.

SO, WHATEVER I NEED TO DO IS WHATEVER I NEED TO DO.

THIS IS NOT HOW I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA GO.

**

Dr. Nowzaradan: I THINK IT'S CLEAR

WITH JANINE'S RECENT WEIGHT GAIN,

THERE ARE SERIOUS ISSUES

THAT WE HAVE TO ADDRESS WITH HER.

SURGERY WOULD KILL HER RIGHT NOW.

SO A SHORT-TERM SOLUTION IS TO PUT A GASTRIC BALLOON

IN HER STOMACH

TO HELP HER EAT LESS

AND BE FULL AND LOSE WEIGHT.

BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, THE PRIORITY IS STOPPING HER WEIGHT GAIN

SO SHE DOESN'T KILL HERSELF.

**

OKAY, JANINE, WE HAVE AN ISSUE.

YOU HAVE TOO MUCH FAT AROUND YOUR ABDOMEN

FOR THE X-RAY TO PENETRATE TO BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR STOMACH.

BECAUSE IF IT IS IN YOUR ESOPHAGUS

AND I INFLATE IT, IT WILL KILL YOU.

WELL...

BUT THERE ARE MORE POWERFUL X-RAY MACHINES AT THE HOSPITAL,

SO I'M SCHEDULING TIME FOR YOU TO GO THERE TOMORROW,

AND, HOPEFULLY, WE CAN DO IT THERE.

OKAY.

AND IF YOU DON'T DO THIS,

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIVE MUCH LONGER.

SO I EXPECT TO SEE YOU THERE.

ALL RIGHT, JANINE, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO MAKE

THOSE CHANGES, OKAY?

YES, SIR. YES, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

OKAY, THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

**

I'M CONCERNED THAT JANINE WON'T SHOW UP TOMORROW.

BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GIVE UP HER EATING HABITS,

AND IF SHE DOES, THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE

I MAY NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

**

Janine: I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO,

AND I KNOW THAT --

A LOT.

AND I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING ALL THE WORK I NEED TO DO.

**

I JUST FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW,

I WISH SOMEONE WOULD JUST CUT ME A LITTLE BREAK.

**

**

I'M PROUD OF JANINE FOR COMING TODAY,

BECAUSE THIS IS HER LAST CHANCE TO GET HELP FROM US.

AND WE HAVE MORE OPTIONS HERE AT THE HOSPITAL

TO FIND A WAY TO SEE INTO HER STOMACH

SO WE CAN ACTIVATE THE BALLOON.

BUT THERE IS A LARGE AMOUNT OF FAT AROUND HER ABDOMEN

THAT STILL MAY BE TOO BIG FOR ANY MACHINE TO SEE THROUGH.

AND IF THAT IS THE SITUATION,

THEN THERE IS NO WAY TO SAFELY

PUT A BALLOON IN JANINE'S STOMACH,

AND WE MAY BE COMPLETELY OUT OF OPTIONS TO HELP HER.

I'M SORRY.

Man: THAT'S AS FAR AS IT GOES.

Dr. Nowzaradan: OKAY. SIT STILL FOR A MOMENT.

THIS IS NOT WORKING.

WE CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

OKAY, JANINE, WE NEED TO LAY YOU DOWN

AND TRY IT THAT WAY.

**

[BLEEP].

YEAH.

**

OKAY, I'LL DO IT.

**

AND LIFT.

THERE YOU GO.

OH, THANK YOU! -YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: IF YOU JUST LAY LIKE THAT,

WE CAN WORK WITH YOU LIKE THAT.

[ SOBBING ]

**

YEAH, I CAN SEE THOSE.

ALL RIGHT, SUPER.

SO, THIS IS THE CAPSULE, BUT IT'S CONNECTED TO TUBING.

-OKAY. -AND SO WE'RE GONNA WET IT,

AND IN GOES THE...

JUST SWALLOW.

**

**

ALL RIGHT.

**

[ GROANS, BELCHES ]

[BLEEP]. OKAY.

THAT'S COMING IN AS FAR AS...

SEE IF WE CAN SEE THE CAPSULE.

**

**

COME ON UP A LITTLE BIT.

AND CAN YOU TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND HOLD IT?

FOLLOW IT DOWN.

**

I'D SAY THIS IS A LITTLE BIT HIGHER

THAN IT SHOULD BE, HUH?

YOU DOING OKAY?

AND THE BALLOON IS NOW DOWN THERE.

[ RETCHES ]

YOU DID IT.

THE PROCURE WAS A SUCCESS TODAY.

BUT THIS IS ONLY A SHORT-TERM SOLUTION,

BECAUSE WE'RE ONLY ABLE TO LEAVE IT IN FOR SIX MONTHS.

BUT THIS WILL BUY US SOME TIME AND PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN JANINE

FROM OVER-EATING AND KILLING HERSELF

IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

JANINE HAS, PRACTICALLY, WASTED THE WHOLE YEAR.

IF SHE DOESN'T DO WHAT SHE'S SUPPOSED TO DO

AND START MAKING THE PROGRESS SHE NEEDS,

THEN WE'RE OUT OF OPTIONS WITH HER.

BUT, HOPEFULLY, THIS PROCEDURE IS GOING TO BE THE START

OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR HER.

**

**

**

**

OH, GEEZ.

OH, GOD.

I'LL TELL YOU, IT'S NOT PRETTY.

AW.

DOES THAT FEEL BETTER?

KNEES FEEL BETTER. TUMMY DOES NOT FEEL BETTER.

[ SIGHS ]

JUST HAVE A SEAT WHEREVER AND...

OKAY, I'LL SIT ON THE FLOOR.

OKAY.

SO, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN FEELING THE LAST COUPLE WEEKS?

WELL, I'VE BEEN PRETTY NAUSEOUS,

AND THEN GETTING THIS BALLOON THING IMPLANTED

HAS LIKE INCREASED IT TIMES 10.

I'M JUST LIKE... OH, MY GOD.

I MEAN, IMAGINE THE WORST INDIGESTION

YOU'VE EVER HAD IN YOUR LIFE.

TO BE HONEST, I JUST FEEL THE BEAT DOWN, I REALLY DO.

I JUST FEEL SO BEATEN DOWN, LIKE I'M JUST NEVER GONNA WIN.

SO, WHEN I HEAR YOU TALKING ABOUT BEATEN DOWN,

IT BREAKS MY HEART, YOU KNOW,

AND IT MAKES ME REALLY SAD THAT YOU'RE --

-SORRY. -IT'S OKAY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME FOR THAT, AUNT JAN.

IT'S OKAY.

I JUST WANT TO BE HONEST.

I'M SAD THAT YOU'RE AT THIS PLACE,

AND I'M SORRY THAT IT'S HARD.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME FOR BEING BEATEN DOWN.

YOU ONLY HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME IF YOU START NOT TRYING

AND WHEN YOU STOP CARING ABOUT IT.

AND I KNOW YOU DON'T NOT CARE,

BUT I NEED YOU TO STAY IN TRENCHES

AND I NEED YOU TO FIGHT BACK.

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN.

I KNOW.

[ SIGHS ]

YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME,

AND I NEED YOU TO BE THERE.

I NEED YOU TO BE IN MY LIFE

ON MORE THAN A BASIS WHERE OUR LIFE REVOLVES AROUND

YOU NEEDING TO GET YOUR WEIGHT UNDER CONTROL.

WE'RE NOT LIVING THE LIFE THAT WE SHOULD LIVE.

-I KNOW. -IT MEANT SO MUCH TO ME

ONCE I FOUND OUT YOU WERE WILLING TO DO THIS.

BECAUSE I KNEW THAT YOU'RE NOT JUST DOING IT

FOR A BETTER LIFE FOR YOU,

BUT YOU'RE DOING IT FOR A BETTER LIFE

FOR ALL OF US AND OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.

OH, YEAH. FOR SURE.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I HATE THE FACT

THAT I'M NOT ABLE TO GO

AND BE WITH ALL OF YOU AND, YOU KNOW,

BE AT THESE DIFFERENT FAMILY EVENTS AND...

WELL, AND WE NEED YOU THERE.

LIKE WE JUST NEED YOU AT THESE THINGS

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'VE MISSED OUT

ON [ Voice breaking ] SOME OF OUR FAMILY'S LIFE

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THEM.

YEAH. I KNOW. AND MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW THEM.

SHE NEVER KNEW GRANDMA.

NO, SHE DIDN'T. BUT YOU DID,

AND YOU'VE BEEN GONE AND SO WE NEED YOU THERE.

WE JUST NEED YOU THERE.

I'M SORRY, HONEY.

OKAY.

I'M SO SORRY.

I'M SORRY, RACHEL.

SORRY, I JUST NEED A SECOND.

NO.

I'M SORRY.

**

SOME OF MY LIFE FEELS LIKE IT'S BEEN TAKEN FROM ME.

I NEVER KNEW MY GRANDMA.

AND SOMETIMES I GET REALLY ANGRY THAT MY AUNT KNOWS HER

AND SHE'S NOT THERE,

RECOUNTING STORIES OF OUR FAMILY ALL TOGETHER.

AND I DON'T THINK SHE REALIZES

HOW IMPORTANT SHE IS.

GAINING WEIGHT IS HER OWN FORM OF SUICIDE,

AND SHE'S GONNA DIE,

AND I CAN'T GO THROUGH THAT WITH HER.

AND SO SHE HAS TO FIX SOMETHING.

SHE HAS TO GET BETTER.

**

Janine: I KNOW I HAVE A LOT TO LIVE FOR,

AND I NEED TO TRY A LOT HARDER.

I VOW NOT TO WASTE THIS CHANCE LIKE I HAVE.

I KNOW I HAVE TO MAKE THIS NEXT YEAR COUNT.

BECAUSE IF I DON'T,

THEN I KNOW I'M GOING TO LOSE EVERYTHING

I HAVE TO LIVE FOR,

AND I'M GOING TO LET DOWN THE PEOPLE

I CARE ABOUT MOST.

SORRY, I JUST...

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU TOO.

I'M SO SORRY.

**