Original subtitles

-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com

Milla: I CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

MY CHILDREN HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR ME.

Charity: I FEEL LIKE SOME MONSTER.

Nikki: I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

[ Crying ] IT'S MISERABLE.

Brittani: MY BODY IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING IN THE WORLD.

**

Woman: I'M TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW.

June: I'M RISKING MY LIFE FOR A BETTER LIFE.

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY.

-OOH, CHILD! -PULL. GOOD. THERE YOU GO!

GOOD JOB.

Teretha: I'M GETTING STRONGER, BUT I KNOW I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO.

Paula: I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS.

**

Susan: I AM NOW EXPRESSING MYSELF AND LIVING MY OWN TRUTH.

Milla: I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT THE PROGRESS I'VE MADE.

June: I AM LIVING LIFE, AND I'M LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT.

Ashley: I'VE ACCOMPLISHED A LOT THIS YEAR.

Lupe: THIS FEELS AMAZING.

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Dottie: I'M JUST GROTESQUE. I'M HUGE.

I'M SICKENING LOOKING.

AND I'VE FELT THAT WAY FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER.

EVEN THOUGH I AM AS OVERWEIGHT AS I AM,

I HAVE TO GET UP EVERY DAY

BECAUSE I HAVE TWO KIDS THAT DEPEND ON ME.

DANIEL, WHO IS 12 AND HAS CEREBRAL PALSY,

AND LANDON, WHO IS 1.

BUT I CAN BARELY GET AROUND.

AND IT MAKES IT SO HARD TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.

Chris: DOTTIE -- SHE'S A -- SHE'S A GREAT MOM.

SHE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE,

BUT I THINK SHE'S KILLING HERSELF.

Dottie: AND I DON'T WANT TO DIE.

BUT I KNOW I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT.

SO, ME AND CHRIS ARE HEADING TO HOUSTON

TO SEE A DOCTOR WHO DOES SURGERY ON PEOPLE MY SIZE.

I JUST HOPE I'M NOT BEYOND HELP.

Nurse: 641.

DOTTIE HAS TO BE EATING AROUND 30,000 CALORIES A DAY.

I WANT YOU TO LOSE 40 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT TWO MONTHS.

Dottie: WHEN I GOT HOME FROM THE DOCTOR'S,

DANIEL WAS HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING,

SO HE HAD TO BE RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL.

AND UNTIL DANIEL GETS BETTER, I CAN'T WORRY ABOUT MY WEIGHT.

SO THE DOCTOR IS GONNA HAVE TO WAIT.

AFTER ABOUT FIVE WEEKS IN THE HOSPITAL,

DANIEL STARTED GETTING BETTER,

SO WE WERE ABLE TO BRING HIM HOME.

BUT I'VE BEEN REALLY WORRIED

THAT SOMETHING COULD GO WRONG AGAIN.

SO MY SISTER'S COME TO HELP WITH THE KIDS.

BUT SHE REALLY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND

WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERY DAY.

YOU GONNA EAT SOME PIZZA?

I COULD TAKE THAT PIZZA

AND THROW IT OUT THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW.

I'M SO MAD.

WELL, WE HAD TO HAVE SOME SUPPER TONIGHT.

[ BABY CRIES ] THAT'S KILLING YOU.

THAT'S KILLING YOU.

THAT'S KILLING YOU.

THIS HAS TO STOP.

Dr. Nowzaradan: YOU GAINED 30 POUNDS.

I'M READY TO PUT MY HEALTH FORWARD THIS TIME,

THEN IT'S TIME TO PROVE IT TO ME.

YOU'RE GOING TO A HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW

TO START YOUR CONTROLLED DIET.

IT'S BEEN A BIT OF AN ADJUSTMENT

SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE IN THE HOSPITAL

BECAUSE I USUALLY EAT THREE OR FOUR TIMES THESE AMOUNTS.

BUT I'M TRYING TO LEARN MORE OF WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING.

Dr. Nowzaradan: DOTTIE HAS BEEN ON A CONTROLLED DIET

FOR A MONTH NOW.

YOU LOST ALMOST 70 POUNDS THIS MONTH.

SO I'M GONNA SET YOU UP FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY, OKAY?

-YAY! YAY! -OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, DOTTIE'S SURGERY WENT VERY WELL.

THERE WILL BE SOME UPS AND DOWNS WITH HER SOON, I'M SURE.

BUT SHE'S ON THE RIGHT TRACK FOR NOW.

Dottie: AND SEEING THE PROGRESS I'M MAKING

MAKES ME EXCITED TO DO MORE.

I KNOW I STILL HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO,

BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME,

I'M NOT AFRAID OF WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS.

**

I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT TODAY

BECAUSE I'M GONNA START WORKING OUT WITH A TRAINER.

LOSING OVER 100 POUNDS IN THE LAST FIVE MONTHS

AND HAVING ALL THE ENERGY THAT I HAVE RIGHT NOW FEELS INCREDIBLE.

AND I WANT TO KEEP DOING MORE

NOW THAT I SEE ALL THESE CHANGES.

BUT IT'S HARD TO DO SOMETHING REALLY ACTIVE.

I'LL WORKOUT AT THE HOUSE WITH DANIEL AND LANDON

NEEDING ME ALL THE TIME.

SO MY HUSBAND CHRIS AND I HAVE DECIDED TO EXTEND THE NURSE

WE'VE HAD WATCHING DANIEL SO I CAN SPEND SOME TIME AT THE GYM.

THIS IS GONNA BE A COMPLETELY NEW EXPERIENCE,

AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

I'M KRISTINA -- SO NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOU WANT TO GET STARTED?

SO, WE'RE GONNA START WITH OUR ARM CIRCLES FORWARD, OKAY?

REALLY TRY TO TWIST. YEP.

THIS FEELS REALLY GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD. NOW WE'RE GONNA GO ROWS.

IT'S HARD, BUT IT'S NICE FOR RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE IT'S TIME

THAT I CAN SPEND JUST BEING ME

AND NOT BEING A MOM AND NOT BEING A WIFE.

I CAN JUST FOCUS ON THIS AND TRY TO PUSH MYSELF.

GOOD JOB. GOOD. THAT WAS A GOOD REP.

I'VE SPENT SO MANY YEARS JUST FOCUSING ON MY FAMILY AND DANIEL

BECAUSE HE CONSTANTLY NEEDS ME.

AND I'M HAPPY TO BE THERE FOR HIM ALL THAT I CAN,

AND I WOULDN'T TRADE ANY OF THAT.

BUT I KNOW IF I DON'T GET HEALTHY

AND I KEEP GETTING WORSE,

I'M NOT GONNA BE THERE FOR HIM AT ALL.

WHEN DANIEL STARTED STRUGGLING AGAIN THIS PAST YEAR

AND I ALMOST LOST HIM, I JUST WENT OFF THE RAILS

AND GOT UP TO MY HIGHEST WEIGHT EVER

BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE MOST STRESSFUL TIMES IN MY LIFE.

DR. NOWZARADAN KEEPS TELLING ME THERE IS NO SITUATION

THAT JUSTIFIES MAKING UNHEALTHY CHOICES.

SO ALL I CAN DO IS TRY HARDER EVERY DAY,

AND NO MATTER THE SITUATION,

TO KEEP GETTING HEALTHIER AND TO SET MYSELF UP

TO MAKE THOSE CHOICES NO MATTER WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY LIFE.

AND THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING NOW.

NICE!

GOOD JOB! WAY TO FINISH.

I HAVE DEFINITELY SURPRISED MYSELF AT THE THINGS

THAT I'M DOING IN THE GYM.

NICE JOB!

I'VE DID THINGS NOW THAT I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE

TO DO A YEAR AGO, AND IT --

YOU KNOW, IT MAKES ME FEEL REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF.

I'M MORE ACTIVE THEN I'VE EVER REALLY BEEN.

BUT I KNOW THAT'S HALF THE BATTLE.

AND I'M ALSO STILL WORKING ON THE OTHER HALF OF MY BATTLE

WITH MY FOOD CHOICES.

THE HARDEST MEAL IS DINNER, THOUGH,

BECAUSE ONCE I GET DANIEL AND LANDON READY FOR BED

AND EVERYTHING TAKEN CARE OF FOR THE DAY,

IT'S JUST HARD TO COOK A MEAL, SO WE ORDER OUT A LOT RIGHT NOW.

AND I'M TRYING TO STICK TO SALADS.

BUT I WILL SAY MAKING HEALTHY CHOICES WITH WHAT I EAT

AT EVERY MEAL IS MY BIGGEST STRUGGLE...

Chris: YEAH, I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

...ESPECIALLY WHEN I START TO WORRY ABOUT DANIEL,

IF HE'S NOT DOING WELL THAT DAY OR STRUGGLING.

HI, POOH.

MY GOAL IS TO BE THERE FOR MY FAMILY...

ARE YOU GONNA OPEN YOUR EYES?

...AND TO BE THERE FOR DANIEL

FOR AS MUCH AS HE NEEDS ME,

AND WHEN HE HAS HIS HARD TIMES, TO BE READY TO STAY ON TRACK

SO I DON'T START TO GAIN AGAIN.

WHEN I HAVE ALL THAT STRESS ON ME,

MY FAMILY IS MY MOTIVATION,

AND I'M NOT GONNA LET THEM DOWN AGAIN.

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY PUT BACON ON THESE.

Chris: I DIDN'T EITHER.

WELL, I CAN'T PICK ALL THAT OFF,

NOT IN THEM LITTLE, BITTY, OLD PIECES.

I THINK I'M READY TO GO BACK AND SEE DR. NOW.

YOU THINK YOU'VE LOST ENOUGH WEIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW.

YEAH.

**

THE WEIGHT IS TOO MUCH.

AND IT'S JUST DIFFICULT TO DO ANYTHING ON MY OWN.

SO GIRLFRIEND, SADI, DOES EVERYTHING PHYSICAL FOR ME.

FOUR YEARS AGO, MY SON MACK WAS IN THE WRONG PLACE

AT THE WRONG TIME AND HE WAS SHOT AND KILLED.

I INSTANTLY WENT NUMB.

THAT WAS THE MOMENT WHERE EVERYTHING CHANGED.

I SHUT DOWN.

I NEEDED SOMETHING TO COPE WITH.

I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT MY SIZE.

AND I JUST ATE.

BUT SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE, OR I'M GOING TO DIE.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE SCALE IS GONNA SAY.

[ GASPS ]

YOU HAVE A NUMBER OF MEDICAL ISSUES.

A HEART ATTACK IN -- I HAD A MAJOR STROKE.

I AM VERY CONCERNED.

IF I SEND YOU HOME, IT MAY BE THE LAST TIME I SEE YOU.

SO I'M GOING TO ADMIT YOU TO A HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: JUNE HAS BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A MONTH,

BUT DESPITE HER PUSHBACK TO THE PROGRAM, WE STUCK WITH IT,

AND SHE MADE SOME PROGRESS.

HEY.

RIGHT NOW, SHE'S HEALTHY ENOUGH TO GO HOME,

AND FOR NEXT MONTH, I WANT JUNE TO JUST LOSE FIVE POUNDS.

IS SHE DOES, THEN I WILL APPROVE HER FOR GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY.

June: SINCE BEING AT THE HOSPITAL,

I HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING WELL.

I WAS HOPING TO HAVE MADE MORE PROGRESS BY NOW.

AND I HAVE TO ADMIT, I DID CHEAT.

HMM.

Dr. Nowzaradan: OKAY, JUNE, YOU GAINED 20 POUNDS,

AND I SEE THAT UNWILLINGNESS TO CHANGE.

I RESPECT YOU TOTALLY,

BUT I'M GONNA SAY THIS -- YOU'RE WRONG.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHY YOU'RE WRONG...

BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS MY TIME TO LOSE WEIGHT.

OKAY. LOSE THE 20 POUNDS THAT YOU GAINED.

I'LL GIVE YOU TWO WEEKS.

2 WEEKS, 20 POUNDS?

YOU CAN DO THAT.

I HAVE WORKED SO HARD.

I HOPE AND PRAY IT'S ENOUGH TO GET THIS SURGERY.

THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE.

EVERYTHING IS RIDING ON THIS NUMBER BEING LOW ENOUGH.

THAT'S IT.

SUPER.

WE'RE GOING THEN TO SET YOU UP FOR YOUR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

AWESOME.

Dr. Nowzaradan: THIS BYPASS IS GOING TO BE

A MAJOR ADJUSTMENT FOR HER.

IT WILL LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF FOOD SHE CAN EAT IN ONE SETTING.

June: IT'S BEEN FRUSTRATING, BECAUSE I EXPECTED THE SURGERY

TO MAKE THINGS EASIER.

IT HASN'T, AND I FEEL WEAKER THAN EVER BEFORE.

BUT I STILL MADE GOOD PROGRESS.

WELL, SOMETHING ELSE IS GOING ON.

WHAT I RECOMMEND THAT WE GET YOU SEE A PSYCHOTHERAPIST.

WHY CONSTANTLY DWELL ON SOMETHING

THAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE?

THE POINT IS FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO SIT WITH THE FEELINGS

THAT CAME ABOUT FROM WHAT HAPPENED.

TODAY'S MY SON, MACK'S, BIRTHDAY.

I'LL NEVER BE OKAY WITH HIS PASSING.

BUT I WILL LEARN TO BE STRONG, AND THAT LIVING MY LIFE

DOESN'T MEAN I'M FORGETTING HIS.

SO NOW I AM LIVING LIFE.

AND I'M LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT.

SINCE I STARTED MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY,

I'VE LOST OVER 200 POUNDS,

AND I'VE SEEN A LOT OF POSITIVE CHANGE

IN MY LIFE BECAUSE OF THAT.

WHEN I FIRST STARTED THIS JOURNEY,

I WASN'T ACTIVE AS MUCH.

NOW I HAVE SO MUCH MORE ENERGY THAN I HAD BEFORE,

BUT THERE ARE ALSO SOME NEGATIVE THINGS

ABOUT LOSING A LOT OF WEIGHT.

AND THE BIGGEST ONE WILL BE ALL THE EXCESS SKIN ON MY BODY.

IT'S HEAVY, AND IT MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO WALK,

IT MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO EXERCISE.

IT'S TIRESOME.

THE MORE WEIGHT I LOSE, THE HEAVIER IT GETS,

AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I DO, ALL THIS SKIN,

IT'S NOT GONNA GO ANYWHERE, SO IT HAS TO BE REMOVED.

THE FIRST STEP IS MY RIGHT INNER THIGH,

BUT DR. NOWZARADAN SAYS IT CAN TAKE UP TO FOUR SURGERIES

TO REMOVE ALL MY EXCESS SKIN.

SO THAT'S WHAT I'M DEDICATING THE NEXT YEAR OF MY LIFE TO --

LOSING ALL THE WEIGHT I NEED TO GET ALL OF MY SKIN SURGERIES.

BUT I'M NOT LETTING MY EXCESS SKIN STOP ME OR SLOW ME DOWN,

BECAUSE THAT WOULD TAKE ME IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION

FROM GETTING SKIN REMOVAL.

MY YEAR LEASE WAS UP ON MY APARTMENT,

SO LAST WEEK, I MOVED TO A NEW PLACE,

AND I PICKED IT FOR TWO MAIN REASONS.

I HAVE TO GO UP AND DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS --

THAT WILL KEEP ME ACTIVE --

AND IT HAS REALLY NICE PLACES TO TAKE WALKS.

SO I'M GOING OUT TWICE A DAY RIGHT NOW TO GET THE EXERCISE

I NEED AND TO STAY ACTIVE.

BUT MY BROTHER'S ACTUALLY DELIVERING

ALL MY REALLY BIG ITEMS

AND FURNITURE FROM MY OLD PLACE TODAY.

Jerome: JUNE'S A WHOLE LOT SMALLER THAN BEFORE,

AND SHE'S GETTING AROUND A WHOLE LOT BETTER.

ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T SEEN HER MOVE LIKE THIS

IN PROBABLY ABOUT FOUR YEARS.

AFTER MY FIRST SKIN SURGERY, I'M HOPING TO BE ABLE

TO WEAR PANTS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 10 YEARS.

I'M JUST REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW ABOUT ALL THE WAYS MY LIFE

IS CHANGING FOR THE BETTER, EVEN WHEN THAT CHANGE IS HARD.

SADI AND I ARE BROKEN UP, BUT WE DECIDED

WE WERE STILL GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER TO COVER THE RENT.

SO SHE MOVED WITH ME, BUT WE'RE JUST FRIENDS NOW.

AND SHE TRAVELS A LOT, SO I DON'T SEE HER AROUND MUCH.

AND I KNOW THIS WHOLE CHANGE BETWEEN US IS NOT JUST

GOOD FOR ME, BUT FOR HER

BECAUSE SHE NO LONGER HAS TO TAKE CARE OF ME

ALL DAY, EVERY DAY AND STAY TRAPPED AT HOME.

AND BECOMING AS INDEPENDENT AS I AM RIGHT NOW

IS ONE OF THE THINGS

I'M MOST PROUD OF FROM THIS PAST YEAR.

I'M DOING IT ALL COMPLETELY ON MY OWN.

AND I DON'T REALLY STRUGGLE WITH OVEREATING RIGHT NOW.

AFTER STARTING TO DEAL WITH A LOT OF THE EMOTIONS

THAT I HAD FROM MY SON'S DEATH,

THE CRAVINGS STARTED TO GET MORE MANAGEABLE.

THEY AREN'T GONE, AND I DON'T THINK THEY EVER WILL BE FULLY,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M MORE IN CONTROL NOW

THEN I HAVE BEEN IN A REALLY LONG WHILE.

SO, I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS NEXT YEAR

AND EVERYTHING I'M GOING TO ACCOMPLISH.

**

Dottie: I'M DEVASTATED RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE TODAY I'M BURYING MY SON DANIEL.

WHEN HE WAS BORN, THE DOCTORS DIAGNOSED HIM

WITH CEREBRAL PALSY,

AND THEY TOLD ME HE ONLY HAD FIVE YEARS TO LIVE.

I GOT 13 YEARS WITH HIM BECAUSE I NEVER LEFT HIS SIDE

AND I MADE SURE HE WAS ALWAYS OKAY.

BUT I STILL THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE MORE TIME WITH HIM.

HE WAS MY LIFE.

ALMOST EVERY MOMENT I HAD I GAVE TO MAKING SURE HE WAS OKAY,

AND THAT NOTHING HAPPENED TO HIM.

BUT LAST WEEK, HE JUST STARTED TO GET WORSE,

AND WE RUSHED HIM TO THE HOSPITAL.

BUT THERE WAS JUST NOTHING THEY COULD DO.

THERE WAS ALWAYS A POINT THAT DOTTIE KNEW

AND A DAY THAT SHE DREADED -- THAT ONE DAY

THAT DANIEL WOULDN'T COME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL.

BUT RIGHT NOW, MY CONCERN IS FOR THIS NOT TO BE A SETBACK FOR HER

AND A REASON TO USE FOOD AS A WAY TO GRIEVE.

Dottie: I LOVED HIM AS MUCH AS ANY HUMAN BEING

COULD LOVE ANOTHER PERSON,

AND ONE OF THE LAST THINGS THAT I PROMISED DANIEL

WAS THAT HIS MAMA WAS GONNA GET HEALTHY,

THAT I WAS DOING THIS FOR HIM

AND THAT NOTHING WAS GONNA STOP ME.

BUT I'M SCARED, BECAUSE I KNOW THERE ARE MOMENTS COMING

WHERE ALL THE EMOTION AND GRAVITY OF THIS

IS GOING TO HIT ME, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA HANDLE IT.

**

June: I'M HERE TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN

FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT

AND HOPEFULLY GET MY SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY.

JUNE McCAMEY.

MY LAST WEIGHT WAS 389 POUNDS,

AND I NEED TO HAVE GOTTEN BELOW 350 TO BE WHERE

DR. NOW SAYS I'LL BE READY FOR THE SURGERY.

I KNOW I'VE WORKED HARD, SO I'M HOPING I HIT THAT GOAL

AND THE SCALE IS GOING TO SHOW I'M UNDER THAT NUMBER.

352.

GREAT.

NOT EXACTLY AS LOW AS I WAS HOPING, BUT IT'S SO, SO CLOSE

THAT I FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT,

AND HOPEFULLY DR. NOW DOES, TOO.

I DEFINITELY WANT THE SKIN SURGERY ON MY THIGHS RIGHT NOW.

IT'S PIVOTAL FOR ME IN MY PROGRESS.

IT'S HINDERING ME RIGHT NOW, SO I NEED IT DONE.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HEY, JUNE.

HEY, DR. NOW. HOW ARE YOU?

I'M DOING OKAY. HOW ABOUT YOURSELF?

I'M DOING GREAT.

SO, YOU'RE DOWN TO 350 POUNDS ALMOST?

YES, SIR.

OKAY, YOU'RE STAYING ON TRACK, AND THAT'S GREAT.

SO, HOW IS YOUR WALKING? HOW IS YOUR LEVEL OF ACTIVITY?

EVERYTHING'S GOING PRETTY GOOD EXCEPT FOR MY INNER THIGHS.

HOW'S THE EXCESS SKIN FEEL?

WHEN I'M WALKING, THEY'RE HEAVY.

IT WEARS ME DOWN JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE.

LET ME TAKE A LOOK.

IT'S STARTING TO LOOK LIKE IT'S HANGING VERY LOW

AND BEGINNING TO GET UNCOMFORTABLE.

YEAH. YEAH, IT IS.

ESPECIALLY THE RIGHT LEG IS WORSE THAN THE LEFT, HUH?

YEAH, THE RIGHT LEG IS DEFINITELY WORSE

THAN THE LEFT SIDE, DEFINITELY,

BECAUSE WHEN I'M WALKING --

AS YOU SEE, THAT, ALL THIS RIGHT IN HERE...

MM-HMM.

...IS REALLY DOING IT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: JUNE HAS DONE VERY WELL.

SHE'S COME A LONG WAY FROM JUST UNDER 600 POUNDS.

AND MY HOPE WAS THAT IF SHE HIT THAT 350-POUND MARK,

THAT SHE'LL BE READY FOR EXCESS SKIN REMOVAL.

BUT SHE'S STILL NOT READY BECAUSE SHE STILL HAS

TOO MUCH FAT AROUND HER LEGS.

THAT MAKES IT FAR MORE LIKELY TO HAVE ISSUES HEALING PROPERTY.

SO SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT.

I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTING TO HER,

BUT WE HAVE TO BE SAFE.

I KNOW YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF EXTRA SKIN,

AND I WAS HOPING THAT YOU'LL BE READY

FOR YOUR FIRST EXCESS SKIN-REMOVAL AT THIS POINT,

BUT IT'S LOOKING LIKE YOU STILL HAVE TO MUCH FAT

IN THAT AREA TO SAFELY PERFORM YOUR SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY.

SO I WANTED TO STAY ON TRACK AND LOSE ANOTHER 50 POUNDS

TO GET BELOW 300 BY YOUR NEXT APPOINTMENT.

OKAY, SO YOU WANT ME TO WAIT SO I GET TO 300

FOR THE THIGHS, AS WELL?

RIGHT. OKAY.

I'M CONFIDENT IF YOU DO THAT, YOU WILL BE READY THEN.

OKAY.

I'M SORRY FOR THE DELAY.

ALL RIGHT.

JUST STAY ON TRACK AND KEEP MAKING PROGRESS,

AND YOU'LL GET THERE.

OKAY.

YOU HAVE DONE GREAT.

I'LL SEE YOU IN A COUPLE MONTHS.

AWESOME.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

ALL RIGHT.

June: THERE'S A PART OF ME THAT WANTS TO BE

REALLY FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE I WANT THIS EXCESS SKIN GONE.

IT'S BECOME EXTREMELY PAINFUL, ESPECIALLY ON MY RIGHT LEG.

BUT IF THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S NOT SAFE YET,

THEN I UNDERSTAND THAT.

I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING

BEFORE IT'S AS SAFE AS IT CAN BE,

ESPECIALLY A SURGERY LIKE THIS.

AND I KNOW THAT MY SON IS WATCHING OVER ME

AND HE'S PROUD OF ME,

SO I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF GET OFF TRACK

OR DO ANYTHING TO MESS UP THIS CHANCE.

**

Dottie: IT'S BEEN ONE MONTH SINCE DANIEL PASSED,

AND I'M STILL JUST TRYING TO COPE WITH IT ALL.

I JUST STILL CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GONE.

IT'S STILL NOT REAL TO ME.

AND THEN THERE'S MOMENTS IT IS, AND I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T GO ON

UNTIL I PULL MYSELF TOGETHER.

THIS WAS DANIEL'S FOOTPRINT THAT THEY MADE AT THE HOSPITAL.

WITH THE MEMORIAL TABLE, I'VE PUT UP PICTURES

AND DIFFERENT REMINDERS.

I STILL HAVE A COUPLE THINGS TO ADD,

BUT I REALLY LIKE IT.

IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S MEANINGFUL TO ME,

AND, YOU KNOW, TO OUR FAMILY.

MOST DAYS, I HAVE TO JUST REMIND MYSELF

THAT LANDON STILL NEEDS ME,

SO I REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME

TO FALL APART AND MOURN RIGHT NOW.

SO I JUST DEAL WITH IT ALL WHEN I HAVE THE TIME.

AND WHEN I REALLY START TO STRUGGLE AND I WANT TO GIVE IN

AND RUN TO SOMETHING I'M CRAVING,

I REMIND MYSELF OF MY PROMISES TO DANIEL,

AND GIVING IN WOULD BETRAY HIM AND HIS MEMORY.

SO I'M STICKING WITH IT RIGHT NOW.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I STRUGGLE, I'M NOT RUNNING TO FOOD.

YOU EAT YOUR S'ghettiOs, AND MAMA'S EATING A PROTEIN SHAKE.

I MISSED MY LAST APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOWZARADAN THIS MONTH.

WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON, IT WAS JUST TOO HARD TO MAKE IT.

BUT I CALLED HIS OFFICE,

AND THEY SET ANOTHER ONE FOR ME IN A FEW WEEKS.

ARE YOU READY TO GET OUT AND GET CLEANED UP?

SO I'M WORKING HARD TO LOSE AS MUCH AS I CAN,

BUT THERE ARE MOMENTS WHEN THE REALITY

OF EVERYTHING STARTS TO SET IN.

AND THOSE ARE THE HARDEST MOMENTS,

BECAUSE WHEN THAT STRESS USED TO HIT ME

AND I STARTED TO FEEL OVERWHELMED,

I WOULD JUST EAT AS MUCH AS I CAN.

BUT I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF I CAN'T GIVE IN,

BECAUSE I PROMISED I WOULDN'T.

WHO IS THAT?

WHO IS THAT?

WHO IS THAT?

I KNOW DANIEL WOULD STILL WANT ME TO STAY ON TRACK

AND NOT GIVE UP

AND DO THE THINGS THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.

BUT THERE ARE TIMES WHEN THE PAIN JUST GETS OVERWHELMING,

SO I HAVE TO STEP OUTSIDE FOR A BIT TO COLLECT MYSELF.

I HAVE TO GET HEALTHY, AND I HAVE TO HOLD IT TOGETHER

FOR MY YOUNGER SON, LANDON, AND FOR MY HUSBAND.

THEY NEED ME, SO I HAVE TO JUST KEEP MOVING,

AND I CAN'T GIVE INTO THE PAIN.

THERE'S TOO MUCH TO DO RIGHT NOW FOR THAT.

**

June: I'VE BEEN WORKING HARD, AND I'VE BEEN STAYING ACTIVE

WALKING OUTSIDE TWICE A DAY.

IT FEELS GOOD TO GO FOR A WALK, BUT IT'S GETTING A LITTLE HARDER

KEEPING UP WITH IT BECAUSE THE EXCESS SKIN ON MY LEGS

IS HURTING MORE AND MORE.

AND IT'S GETTING TO THE POINT

WHERE IT'S HARD TO STAY AS ACTIVE AS I WANT.

I'M STILL PUSHING MYSELF,

BUT I'M WONDERING IF I'M ACTUALLY DOING TOO MUCH

AND MAYBE I'M CAUSING IT ALL TO CHAFE.

OR MAYBE I'M MAKING IT WORSE WITH HOW MUCH I'M MOVING.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO SLOW DOWN.

AND I'M AMAZED AT HOW, IN JUST OVER A YEAR,

MY LIFE IS ALMOST COMPLETELY DIFFERENT,

AND I DON'T WANT THAT TO CHANGE.

BUT SO FAR, I'VE SHORTENED MY WALK SOME

TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN FROM MY EXCESS SKIN.

BUT WITH MY DECREASED ACTIVITY,

I'M TRYING TO EAT EVEN LESS TO COMPENSATE A LITTLE.

THERE ARE DAYS IT'S A LITTLE TOUGH,

AND I DO HAVE CRAVINGS.

BUT I HAVE NO DESIRE TO EAT LIKE I DID.

THERE WERE TIMES LAST YEAR BEFORE MY SURGERY

WHERE I WOULD FILL MY PLATE COMPLETELY, FINISH IT ALL,

AND THEN GO BACK FOR MORE.

BUT I'M NOT GIVING IN,

BECAUSE I'M DETERMINED TO GET THIS SURGERY.

AND IF I DON'T GET IT NEXT MONTH,

I KNOW IT'S GOING TO START TO REALLY AFFECT

MY ABILITY TO GET AROUND,

AND I DON'T WANT TO EVER GET TO THAT PLACE AGAIN

WHERE I START SITTING AROUND ALL DAY AGAIN.

I REFUSE TO GO BACK TO THAT LIFE.

SO I'M WORKING REALLY HARD TO HIT MY GOAL BY THE NEXT VISIT.

**

I'M HERE AT DR. NOW'S OFFICE TO SEE IF I LOST THE WEIGHT

I WAS SUPPOSED TO, AND I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

IT STARTED TO GET HARDER AND HARDER

TO KEEP UP WITH MY ACTIVITY.

JUNE McCAMEY.

THE PAIN STARTED TO GET UNBEARABLE AT TIMES,

SO I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN WAIT

ANOTHER TWO MONTHS TO GET APPROVED.

I REALLY HOPE I LOST ENOUGH WEIGHT

BECAUSE I NEED THIS SURGERY NOW.

**

June: I'M HERE FOR MY APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOW,

AND I'M EXTREMELY NERVOUS BECAUSE I REALLY HOPE

I'VE MADE IT BELOW 300 POUNDS

TO GET APPROVED FOR MY FIRST EXCESS SKIN-REMOVAL.

SO THAT'S THE NUMBER I'M HOPING TO SEE.

Nurse: 320.

OKAY.

AMEN.

THAT'S NOT AS MUCH PROGRESS AS I HAD HOPED,

BUT IT'S STILL OVER A 30-POUND LOSS,

AND I'M STILL HOPING DR. NOW SEES HOW HARD I'M TRYING

AND HOW MUCH I NEED TO GET THIS SURGERY

TO KEEP MAKING PROGRESS.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO. HEY.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

I'M OKAY. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

ALL RIGHT.

SO YOU ARE DOWN TO 320.

YES, SIR.

HOW'S YOUR EATING HABIT COMING ALONG?

SOMETIMES I DON'T HAVE NO APPETITE, TO BE HONEST,

AND SOMETIMES I DO EAT.

I EAT SOME OF THAT WHEN I DON'T SUPPOSED TO.

WHEN I DON'T EAT, I'LL EAT SOME FRUIT

AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE IT, AND I KNOW THAT.

YOU SHOULD BE DOWN TO AROUND 300 TODAY

AND EASILY BE LOSING 25 POUNDS A MONTH.

I AGREE. I'M NOT GONNA ARGUE WITH IT.

YOU'RE COMPROMISING MORE THAN YOU REALIZE RIGHT NOW,

SO THIS IS AN ISSUE THAT WE NEED TO RESOLVE,

BECAUSE MY CONCERN IS IN FIVE YEARS,

YOU'RE GONNA BE BACK TO 500, 600 POUNDS.

BUT SURGERY'S NOT A QUICK FIX.

IT WAS NEVER PUT ON JUST LIKE THAT.

SO IT'S SUPPOSED TO COME OFF JUST LIKE THAT?

EVERYBODY'S NOT THE SAME.

EVERYBODY IS NOT THE SAME.

BUT MATH IS THE SAME,

AND EVERYBODY HAS A PARALLEL PATTERN OF WEIGHT LOSS.

I'M NOT EVERYBODY ELSE, AND EVERYBODY ELSE IS NOT ME.

JUNE, THERE ARE THINGS THAT I'M WRONG ABOUT.

WEIGHT LOSS IS RARELY ONE OF THEM.

JUNE IS STARTING TO MAKE CHOICES THAT WILL LEAD HER

TO A VERY DANGEROUS PLACE.

I'M GLAD SHE'S STILL MAKING PROGRESS,

BUT THE WRITING ON THE WALL IS THAT SHE'S STARTING

TO COMPROMISE A LITTLE BIT HERE AND THERE,

AND THAT'S GOING TO CONTINUE TO LEAD

TO EVEN MORE COMPROMISE,

AND HER WEIGHT LOSS IS GOING TO SLOW DOWN EVEN MORE,

AND THEN IT WILL STOP ALTOGETHER

RIGHT BEFORE SHE BEGINS TO GAIN AGAIN.

YOU WANT TO TRY ME AND TEST ME, GO AHEAD.

BUT I HOPE YOU LISTEN TO ME INSTEAD

BECAUSE I WANT THE SAME THING YOU DO --

TO GET YOU HEALTHY, AND THAT'S MY JOB.

BUT YOU WANT ME TO LOSE 20 POUNDS A MONTH.

IS THAT YOUR GOAL FOR -- WELL, YOU FEEL LIKE IT NEEDS

TO BE MORE REALISTIC, SO LOSE 10 POUNDS A MONTH.

THEN YOU'LL BE DOWN TO WHERE YOU NEED TO BE

FOR SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY IF YOU WANT TO FOCUS ON THAT.

HEY, I CAN ROLL WITH IT.

SO GET BELOW 300 POUNDS, THEN WE'LL GO FROM THERE.

OKAY?

THAT'S FAIR. ALL RIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOU SOON.

JUNE IS IN A LITTLE BIT OF DENIAL ABOUT

WHY HER WEIGHT LOSS IS SLOWING.

AND MY CONCERN IS AT HER NEXT APPOINTMENT,

SHE WILL HAVE LOST EVEN LESS.

BUT IF SHE GETS DOWN TO AT LEAST AROUND 300 POUNDS,

THEN I WILL APPROVE HER FOR SKIN REMOVAL.

BUT IF SHE DOESN'T HIT HER GOAL,

THEN SHE'S GOING TO STOP LOSING WEIGHT SOON

AND BEGIN TO GAIN AGAIN,

AND THAT WILL BE A SITUATION

THAT IS GOING TO BE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO TURN AROUND.

June: I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN WORKING HARD,

AND I'M PROVING MYSELF

BECAUSE I'M NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

I'M ME, AND I KNOW WHAT I CAN DO.

BUT NO MATTER WHAT, I'M NOT FALLING SHORT OF ANY OF MY GOALS

OR LOSING ANY OF MY MOTIVATION.

SO I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

IT MAY NOT BE HOW DR. NOW WANTS IT,

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M LETTING UP.

**

Dottie: WE'RE HERE AT A SPEECH THERAPIST FOR LANDON.

...MAMA'S HAND.

FOR WHATEVER REASON, HE HASN'T REALLY BEEN TALKING...

COME ON.

...AND WE DON'T KNOW WHY.

WOW.

I KNOW WITH TAKING CARE OF DANIEL ALL THESE YEARS,

HE'S MOSTLY BEEN AROUND HIM,

AND DANIEL WASN'T ABLE TO TALK MUCH.

Woman: YOU CAN JUST HAVE A SEAT,

AND MS. HEATHER WILL OVER IN JUST A MOMENT.

OKAY.

Dottie: SO WE DON'T KNOW IF IT'S BECAUSE

HE HASN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO BE SOCIAL,

IF HE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO TALK RIGHT NOW,

OR IF SOMETHING'S WRONG.

BUT I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT HIM.

Heather: HEY, LANDON, YOU READY TO GO?

COME PLAY WITH ME?

YEAH, BACK THERE. LET'S GO.

Dottie: AND MAYBE LANDON NEEDS ME TO BE AROUND

AND CARE FOR HIM A LOT MORE THAN I REALIZE.

I'M JUST FEELING MORE LOST THAN EVER NOW,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

MY FAMILY IS MY WHOLE LIFE, AND THEY NEED ME RIGHT NOW.

COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.

HE'S REALLY OFF.

Dottie: SO, I HAD TO SKIP MY APPOINTMENT

WITH DR. NOWZARADAN AGAIN.

I JUST DON'T HAVE TIME RIGHT NOW.

WELL, FIXING TO GO TAKE A WALK.

THIS IS JUST A HARD TIME.

I'LL SIT OVER HERE.

WITH LANDON NEEDING MY ATTENTION AND TAKING CARE OF MY FAMILY,

THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH TO DO RIGHT NOW.

I WANT TO KEEP LOSING WEIGHT, BUT I'M NOT SURE

I CAN KEEP UP WITH WORKING OUT AND STAYING AS ACTIVE AS I WANT

AND MAKE EVERY DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT,

AND I KNOW I HAVE TO FIND A BALANCE.

FAMILY HAS TO ALWAYS BE MY PRIORITY.

I'M GETTING HEALTHY FOR THEM.

BUT IF I'M NOT THERE FOR THEM, THEN WHAT'S THE POINT?

SO I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO DO BOTH.

HEY, LANDON!

HI, POOH! HEY!

COME HERE, POOH!

DID YOU DO SO GOOD?

HE DID. HE DID REALLY GOOD TODAY.

Y'ALL HAVE A GREAT AFTERNOON.

-YOU TOO. -THANK YOU.

BYE.

I'M GONNA TRY TO MAKE IT TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN

NEXT MONTH, BECAUSE I WANT TO DO THIS,

BUT I JUST NEED TO BE THERE FOR LANDON RIGHT NOW.

**

June: IT'S BEEN ABOUT A MONTH

SINCE MY LAST DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT,

AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH MY PROGRESS.

BUT I WILL ADMIT, IT'S BEEN GETTING HARDER.

I STARTED INTERVIEWING FOR JOBS

THAT WILL GET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE MORE,

AND A FEW WEEKS AGO, I WAS OFFERED A POSITION

ASSISTING AT A NEARBY LAW FIRM.

I'M HAPPY I'M OUT OF THE HOUSE, AND I'M LOVING MY NEW JOB

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE TRAPPED IN THESE WALLS ANYMORE.

AND WHEN I'M AT HOME ALL DAY, IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE

I'M STILL LIVING LIKE I WAS WHEN I WAS ALMOST 600 POUNDS

AND TRAPPED IN MY BED OR MY CHAIR ALL DAY LONG.

SO I'M FINDING AS MANY REASONS AS I CAN TO GET OUT,

BECAUSE I NEVER WANT TO LIVE

LIKE I DID OR FALL BACK INTO THAT LIFE.

BUT BEING AT WORK ALL DAY HAS ALSO MADE IT MORE DIFFICULT

TO KEEP UP WITH MY EXERCISE AND TO GET OUT AND WALK.

AND EVEN THOUGH I'M OUT OF THE HOUSE,

THERE'S A LOT OF TIMES I'M JUST SITTING AT WORK.

IT'S JUST AMAZING HOW EASY IT IS TO BE SO BUSY

BUT NOT STAY ACTIVE.

THERE'S A GYM HERE AT MY APARTMENT COMPLEX,

AND I'M THINKING ABOUT CHECKING IT OUT

AND MAYBE GOING TO EXERCISE THERE A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK

TO MAKE UP FOR IT.

HOW I WILL FIND ENOUGH TIME IN A DAY --

BUT I HAVE TO TRY AT SOMETHING.

THE BIGGEST PROBLEM I STILL HAVE RIGHT NOW, THOUGH,

IS THE EXCESS SKIN ON MY LEGS.

IT'S GETTING TO A POINT WHERE WHEN I GET HOME,

MY LEGS JUST HURT TOO MUCH AND I'M JUST DONE FOR THE DAY,

SO I EAT AND THEN GO TO BED.

I'M CONFIDENT I'M STILL MAKING PROGRESS.

I'M JUST WORRIED IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ENOUGH

WHEN I SEE DR. NOW NEXT.

AND IF I'M STILL NOT ABLE TO GET MY EXCESS-SKIN SURGERY,

I'M JUST NOT SURE WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

ALL THE WEIGHT IS, LIKE, DROPPING INTO MY INNER THIGHS,

SO IT'S LIKE CARRYING A 10-POUND BABY ON EACH THIGH,

SO I'M PRETTY SURE MY INNER THIGHS

ARE MAYBE 10 POUNDS A PIECE,

GIVE OR TAKE, AND THAT'S DIFFICULT BECAUSE --

I MEAN, THE SKIN IS COMING BACK AND FORTH ON EACH OTHER,

AND IT'S GETTING SO BAD THAT I'M STARTING

TO NOT WANT TO GET UP AT TIMES.

AND IF MY WEIGHT LOSS IS SLOWING EVEN MORE BECAUSE OF THIS,

I'M SO SCARED I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT

AND HIT THAT GOAL.

AND IF THAT HAPPENS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

**

I'M AT DR. NOWZARADAN'S CLINIC AGAIN,

AND IT'S BEEN ABOUT FIVE MONTHS

SINCE MY LAST APPOINTMENT WITH HIM.

WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON IN MY LIFE,

IT'S BEEN JUST TOO TOUGH TO COME IN.

I TOLD DR. NOW I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH THE DEATH OF MY SON,

AND I'VE JUST BEEN BUSY.

BUT I HAD TO MAKE THE TIME THIS MONTH BECAUSE MY LEG

AND BACK HAVE REALLY STARTED TO HURT.

DOTTIE PERKINS.

Dottie: IT'S GOTTEN SO BAD

THAT I'VE HAD TO START USING MY WALKER AGAIN.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE AWAY FROM LANDON FOR TOO LONG,

SO I WANT TO DO THIS QUICKLY.

I JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT'S WRONG,

BECAUSE I'M STILL WORKING HARD TO KEEP MY PROMISE TO DANIEL.

I CAN'T FAIL HIM.

LAST TIME I WAS HERE, I WAS AT 520 POUNDS AND DOING WELL,

AND THE DOCTOR WANTED ME TO KEEP LOSING 20 POUNDS A MONTH.

SO IF I STAYED ON TRACK,

THAT WOULD PUT ME DOWN TO 440 POUNDS TODAY.

Nurse: 509.

THAT'S A LOT LESS PROGRESS THAN I WAS HOPING.

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I LOST SO LITTLE,

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WORKING TO STICK TO MY DIET,

AND I'M NOT GIVING IN REALLY.

SO I'M HOPING DR. NOWZARADAN ISN'T TOO DISAPPOINTED.

-HELLO. -HEY.

HI, DR. NOW. HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?

PRETTY GOOD.

YOU DOING ALL RIGHT?

I'M SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SON.

THANK YOU.

YOU HOLDING UP OKAY?

I'M OKAY.

HE'S NOT SUFFERING ANYMORE -- NO MORE PAIN.

WHEN HE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL THIS LAST TIME,

HE, UM... HE WASN'T SICK.

HIS LUNGS WERE JUST TIRED.

I AM VERY SORRY.

SO, WHAT IS THE ARMBAND?

IT'S DANIEL'S. I JUST HAVEN'T TOOK IT OFF.

OH.

I FIND IT KIND OF HARD TO TAKE IT --

DON'T MAKE ME CRY.

I FIND IT KIND OF HARD TO TAKE OFF,

SO I LEFT IT ON.

OKAY.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING OVERALL?

I'M HAVING A LOT OF ISSUES WITH PAIN IN MY LEGS.

LIKE, I'M ON A WALKER.

WHERE IS IT IN PAIN?

IT'S MY BACK -- LIKE, ALL UP UNDERNEATH HERE AND DOWN.

JUST HURTING. IT HURTS.

SO YOUR BODY CONTOUR IS CHANGING,

THIS STRAIN IN YOUR BACK IS CHANGING.

SO THAT'S NORMAL, AND IT WILL PASS

AS YOU LOSE MORE WEIGHT AND YOU ADJUST.

I KNOW I FELT LIKE, YOU KNOW, THE MORE WEIGHT THAT I LOST

I WOULDN'T HURT SO BAD, BUT I DO.

I MEAN, LIKE, I CAN BARELY LIFT MY LEG UP

AND PUT IT IN THE VAN.

I UNDERSTAND.

SOME WATER THERAPY MAY BE GOOD FOR YOU TO DO EVENTUALLY,

BUT RIGHT NOW YOU NEED TO PRIORITIZE PSYCHOTHERAPY.

DOTTIE, OBVIOUSLY, HAD JUST EXPERIENCED

A VERY TRAUMATIC EVENT IN HER LIFE.

BUT SHE SEEMS IN DENIAL ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.

SHE'S FINDING REASONS AND WAYS WHILE DEALING WITH THE PAIN.

SHE SAYS SHE COULDN'T COME IN

BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO BUSY THESE PAST FEW MONTHS.

BUT THE REALITY IS SHE MADE HERSELF BUSY,

LIKE SHE DID WITH DANIEL.

SHE LET HERSELF BECOME CONSUMED WITH CARING FOR HIM

AND USE IT TO AVOID A LOT OF ISSUES IN HER LIFE.

AND IF SHE SUPPRESSES ALL HER EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW,

THAT'S GOING TO CREATE AN EVEN WORSE SITUATION FOR HER.

YOU JUST EXPERIENCED A TRAUMATIC EVENT,

ONE THAT IS PART OF WHAT HAS BEEN DRIVING YOU

TO EAT ALL THESE YEARS.

WHAT IS IMPORTANT FOR YOUR HEALTH

AND YOUR WEIGHT LOSS IS THAT YOU TAKE A MOMENT

TO DEAL WITH EVERYTHING YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

OKAY.

SO, I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU A WEIGHT LOSS GOAL RIGHT NOW,

BECAUSE YOUR PRIORITY NEEDS TO BE GOING TO SEE A THERAPIST.

OKAY.

YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON HEALING RIGHT NOW

AND DEALING WITH THE EMOTIONS OF WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH.

IF YOU JUST PUSH THIS DOWN OR TRY TO IGNORE IT,

THAT EMOTION SUPPRESSION

IS GOING TO START TO LEAD YOU BACK

TO THE SAME EXACT HABITS THAT GOT YOU TO 600 POUNDS.

YOU NEED TO BE HEALTHY EMOTIONALLY

TO BE HEALTHY PHYSICALLY.

SO YOU NEED TO MAKE PSYCHOTHERAPY

A PRIORITY RIGHT NOW.

WE'LL GET BACK TO ALL OF THIS AFTER YOU'VE HAD SOME TIME.

OKAY.

OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU SOON, OKAY?

THANK YOU. OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: AFTER WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

DOTTIE HAS TO BE EATING SMALL AMOUNTS ALL DAY LONG

TO SLOW HER WEIGHT LOSS TO THE DEGREE SHE HAS,

AND SHE PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN REALIZE IT RIGHT NOW.

SHE'S IN DENIAL ABOUT A NUMBER OF THINGS,

AND IF SHE DOESN'T TAKE TIME TO ALLOW HERSELF

TO MOURN OVER THIS LOSS,

SHE'S GOING TO BE CAUSING FAR MORE DAMAGE TO HERSELF

THAN SHE REALIZES.

Dottie: I THINK DR. NOWZARADAN IS RIGHT.

SEEING A THERAPIST WILL BE GOOD.

I WANT TO KEEP MAKING PROGRESS,

AND IF THERAPY CAN PLAY ANY PART OF THAT,

I'M WILLING TO TRY.

TODAY, I'M AT THE THERAPIST THAT DR. NOW WANTS ME TO SEE,

AND I REALLY HOPE SHE'LL BE ABLE TO HELP ME

BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE LOST RIGHT NOW.

SO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO FIX THIS FOR DANIEL,

FOR MYSELF, AND FOR MY FAMILY.

-HI, DOTTIE. -HI.

-I'M RACHEL. -I'M DOTTIE.

NICE TO MEET YOU. COME ON BACK.

OKAY.

YEAH, YOU CAN JUST HAVE A SEAT ON THE SOFA THERE.

THANKS FOR COMING IN, DOTTIE.

DO YOU WANT TO GO AHEAD AND START

BY JUST TELLING ME WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW?

I'M STRUGGLING WITH A LOT OF THINGS RIGHT NOW.

I LOST MY OLDEST SON.

-HOW OLD WAS HE? -HE WAS 13.

THAT MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY HARD.

YES.

HIS NAME WAS DANIEL. -MM-HMM.

HE HAD CEREBRAL PALSY.

AND I KNEW WHEN WE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL THAT NIGHT

WE WERE NOT GONNA COME HOME.

YOU HAVE A LOT OF DIFFERENT LAYERS HERE, IT SOUNDS LIKE.

YES.

SO FIRST OF ALL -- I MEAN, YOU HAVE THE TRAUMA

AND THE SHOCK.

YOU ALSO HAD THAT ROUTINE CHANGE, RIGHT?

AFTER 13 YEARS, YOU HAD, "THIS IS MY PURPOSE,"

"THIS IS WHAT I DO," AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,

YOUR JOB IS GONE, SO TO SPEAK.

THOUGH IT'S REALLY INTERESTING NOW BECAUSE IN A LOT OF WAYS,

YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT CARING FOR SOMEONE ELSE,

AND NOW YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT "HOW DO I DO THAT FOR MYSELF?"

LATELY -- YOU KNOW, WITHIN THE PAST SIX MONTHS --

I HAVE NOT LEARNED HOW TO CONTROL MY ANXIETY.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOUR BODY'S ALL TIGHT, YOU KNOW,

AND HOLDING ON, AND IT JUST NEEDS TO LET GO.

AND SO THAT'S EMOTIONAL LETTING GO,

AND THAT'S WHAT GRIEVING IS -- GRIEVING IS LETTING GO.

AND SO IT DOESN'T MAKE IT EASY FOR CHANGES TO HAPPEN

LIKE WEIGHT LOSS OR ANY OF THOSE OTHER CHANGES,

AND SO WHAT WE WANT TO HELP YOU DO IS TO LET GO.

SO I'D LIKE FOR YOU, JUST FOR A MOMENT NOW --

JUST KIND OF IMAGINE THAT DANIEL'S HERE WITH US,

AND I WANT YOU TO TELL HIM WHATEVER IT IS

THAT YOU'D LIKE TO TELL HIM

HAD YOU KNOWN THAT YOU WOULDN'T SEE HIM AGAIN.

[ Crying ] I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

[ SNIFFLES ] I WISH YOU WERE HERE.

I WISH YOU WERE HERE TO SEE ALL --

ALL THE THINGS, YOU KNOW,

THAT ARE GOING ON WITH ME.

MM-HMM.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

WHAT WOULD BE HIS WISH FOR YOU?

HIS WISH FOR ME...

...WOULD BE PROBABLY NOT TO WORRY ABOUT HIM.

TO LET IT GO, THE WORRY --

I THINK YOU NEED THAT.

I WOULD RECOMMEND THAT YOU GET A LITTLE JOURNAL

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT... -MM-HMM.

...THAT YOU KEEP BY YOUR BED.

WHEN YOU START HAVING A LOT OF THOUGHTS,

THAT MAYBE YOU JUST ARE WRITING THINGS DOWN,

OR YOU HAVE THINGS IN THERE ALREADY WRITTEN DOWN

THAT CAN KIND OF HELP YOU TO REMEMBER,

YOU KNOW, HOW TO LET GO.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU, DOTTIE.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

OKAY. GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING.

OKAY.

Dottie: I'VE HAD SO MUCH FEAR AND GRIEF AND HURT

THAT I JUST HAVEN'T EVER DEALT WITH OR LET GO OF.

I WAS ON SUCH A GOOD TRACK, SO I'M GONNA START

WITH THE JOURNAL IDEA AND SEE HOW I DO WITH THAT.

I SPENT SO MANY YEARS JUST TAKING CARE OF DANIEL,

AND I WOULDN'T CHANGE THAT FOR THE WORLD.

BUT I KNOW I STILL HAVE A LOT OF THINGS I NEED TO DEAL WITH

FROM ALL OF THAT,

AND SO I'M GONNA NEED TO DO THAT NOW IF I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD.

**

June: I'M BACK AGAIN TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN,

AND I'M ABOUT TO GET MY WEIGHT CHECKED.

AND I'M MORE NERVOUS THAN I'VE EVER BEEN FOR AN APPOINTMENT

BECAUSE IT'S BEEN SO DIFFICULT

TRYING TO MAKE PROGRESS THESE PAST TWO MONTHS.

JUNE McCAMEY.

SO I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING TO BE AT

WHERE I NEED TO BE AT TODAY, AND IF I DON'T GET APPROVED

AND GET THIS EXCESS SKIN OFF OF ME,

I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT

WHAT THAT'S GOING TO MEAN FOR MY ACTIVITY.

SO I JUST HOPE I LOST THE 20 POUNDS

I NEED TO HIT THE GOAL TODAY AND FINALLY GET MY SURGERY.

**

June: I'M ABOUT TO GET MY WEIGHT CHECKED,

AND IF I GET UNDER 300 POUNDS THIS TIME,

I'LL FINALLY QUALIFY FOR MY SKIN REMOVAL.

SO I JUST HOPE I LOST THE 20 POUNDS

I NEED TO HIT THE GOAL TODAY AND FINALLY GET MY SURGERY.

Woman: 306.

MY WEIGHT LOSS HAS SLOWED, BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE RANGE.

IT'S PROGRESS, AND WHAT IT MEANS TO ME IS I'M WORKING HARD

AND I'M REALLY TRYING.

SO I JUST HOPE DR. NOW SEES THAT.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO.

HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

I'M DOING OKAY.

SO, HOW ARE YOU GETTING ALONG?

I'M DOING MUCH BETTER.

WELL, I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT, AND YOU'RE DOWN TO 306 POUNDS.

YES, SIR.

BUT YOU WERE DOING WELL AND STAYING ON TRACK,

BUT YOUR WEIGHT LOSS IS SLOWING DOWN.

LAST TIME, YOU DROPPED TO LOSING ONLY 16 POUNDS A MONTH,

AND NOW YOU'RE DOWN TO LOSING ONLY 7 POUNDS A MONTH.

SO THIS IS A VERY CONCERNING PATTERN

THAT YOU NEED TO GET A HANDLE ON,

OTHERWISE, THIS IS GOING TO LEAD YOU BACK

TO GAIN EVERYTHING YOU LOST.

I DISAGREE.

I DON'T THINK I'M OVEREATING, BECAUSE I'M STILL LOSING WEIGHT.

JUNE ISN'T UNDERSTANDING HOW SEVERE

THIS DECREASE IN HER WEIGHT LOSS IS.

SO THIS IS AN ISSUE

THAT WE WILL NEED TO KEEP ADDRESSING WITH HER.

BUT REGARDLESS OF HER SLOW WEIGHT LOSS,

SHE HAS LOST ENOUGH TO PERFORM HER EXCESS-SKIN REMOVAL SAFELY.

ALL RIGHT, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS,

AND THIS CONVERSATION IS NOT OVER.

BUT MAYBE IT WILL HELP IF WE GET YOU MORE MOBILE.

YES.

OKAY, AND SO LET'S LOOK AT YOUR THIGH AND SEE.

YOUR LEG IS ACTUALLY LOOKING PRETTY GOOD.

YEAH.

THE FAT IS REDUCED ENOUGH AROUND HER LEG TO SAFELY REMOVE

HER EXCESS SKIN ON HER RIGHT UPPER THIGH,

AND AFTER THE OPERATION,

HOPEFULLY THIS SURGERY WILL HELP MOTIVATE HER

TO MAKE THE PROGRESS SHE NEEDS AND GET BACK ON TRACK.

OKAY, I'M APPROVING YOUR FOR YOUR FIRST SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY.

PERFECT.

I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND SCHEDULE YOU

FOR THE OPERATION IN A MONTH.

YOU GONNA DO JUST THE RIGHT THIGH OR BOTH THIGHS?

RIGHT THIGH -- THAT'S GONNA BE TOO MUCH TO DO...

-OKAY. -...ON THE RECOVERY PART.

OKAY, SO THE RIGHT THIGH.

AFTER THIS OPERATION, I WANT YOU TO GET BACK ON TRACK, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, TAKE CARE.

June: I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF RIGHT NOW,

AND I'M SO EXCITED

TO BE GETTING MY SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY,

DESPITE HOW HARD IT'S BEEN OVER THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS.

I PUSHED MYSELF AND KEPT MOVING AHEAD,

AND I'M SEEING THE RESULT OF THAT PAYOFF NOW.

AND I CAN'T WAIT TO START GETTING AS ACTIVE AS I WAS AGAIN

WITHOUT ALL THE PAIN.

**

DOROTHY?

-HEY. -HI, I'M GAIL.

I'LL BE WORKING WITH YOU TODAY. -YOU CAN CALL ME "DOTTIE."

THANKS, DOTTIE. COME ON UP.

ARE YOU READY? -YEAH.

Dottie: MY BACK AND LEGS ARE STILL REALLY HURTING,

SO I'M GOING TO BE DOING AQUATIC THERAPY TODAY,

LIKE DR. NOWZARADAN SAID.

**

GO AROUND THE CORNER, THERE.

IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE I'VE BEEN IN A POOL,

AND I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD

TO THE FEELING OF MY WEIGHT BEING LIFTED OFF ME.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO EMOTIONALLY WITH MY JOURNALING,

AND I WANT THAT FEELING PHYSICALLY, TOO.

YOU NEED SOME HELP, OR ARE YOU OKAY?

YOU GOT IT? ALL RIGHT.

THE MORE I AVOIDED THE EMOTIONAL WEIGHT ON ME,

THE MORE WEIGHT I PUT ON PHYSICALLY,

AND I'M HOPING IT WORKS A LITTLE THE OTHER WAY AROUND TODAY, TOO,

THAT LIFTING ALL THIS WEIGHT OFF ME IN THE WATER

WILL BE CATHARTIC, IN A WAY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

FEELS GOOD? -IT FEELS GOOD.

Dottie: IT'S REALLY PHENOMENAL JUST BEING ABLE TO MOVE AROUND

AND STRETCH AND MOVE MY BODY IN WAYS

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO IN A LONG TIME.

OKAY, DOTTIE, WE'RE GONNA DO THE BICYCLE NOW.

SO YOU'RE MOVING YOUR LEGS AS IF YOU'RE RIDING A BIKE.

IN THE WATER, I'M ABLE TO STRETCH MY LEGS,

I'M ABLE TO MOVE MY LEGS A LOT MORE,

WHICH I'M NOT ABLE TO DO OUTSIDE OF THE WATER,

AND I HOPE DOING THIS EVERY COUPLE OF DAYS HELPS ME

TO START MAKING PROGRESS AGAIN, BECAUSE I HAVE TWO CHOICES --

I CAN LET THE LOSS OF DANIEL BREAK ME

AND END UP FALLING SHORT OF MY COMMITMENT TO HIM,

OR I CAN LET MY PROGRESS

BE SOMETHING THAT HONORS HIM AND HIS MEMORY.

SO I'M GONNA STAY COMMITTED TO THE PROGRAM

AND REACH MY FINAL GOAL WEIGHT.

NO MATTER WHAT, I'M DOING THIS.

June: TODAY, I'M GETTING MY SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY.

I DO WISH I HAD SOME FAMILY WITH ME.

BUT I KNOW MY SON IS WATCHING OVER ME RIGHT NOW,

AND THAT BRINGS ME SOME PEACE

AND THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE THE NEXT BIG STEP.

SO I KNOW I'M GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT

AND THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE EXACTLY WHAT I NEED

AND THE NEXT BIG STEP FOR ME IN MY JOURNEY.

JUST BIG, DEEP BREATHS.

Dr. Nowzaradan: TODAY, WE'RE DOING EXCESS-SKIN REMOVAL

ON JUNE'S UPPER-RIGHT THIGH.

SHE HAS NOT ONLY DEVELOPED A LOT OF HANGING SKIN THERE,

BUT SHE HAS A LARGE LYMPHEDEMA MASS.

SO THIS OPERATION TODAY IS GOING TO BE

A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED THAN USUAL.

OKAY, STARTING THE FIRST INCISION.

BECAUSE OF ALL THE MASS PULLED DOWN AND THE WEIGHT OF IT,

IT'S ALL IN HER NERVES

AND BLOOD VESSELS FROM HER LOWER LEG,

AND WE HAVE TO SEPARATE THOSE

AND MAKE SURE THEY DON'T GET CROSSED.

IF A SINGLE ONE DIES, IT CAN CREATE NEUROLOGICAL PROBLEMS

OR CIRCULATION PROBLEMS.

SO WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL TODAY

AND MAKE SURE WE HANDLE EACH NERVE

AND BLOOD VESSEL PROPERLY.

SO THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG SURGERY,

BUT THE RESULT WILL BE SIGNIFICANT FOR JUNE.

SHE'S GOING TO BE ABLE TO BE MUCH MORE MOBILE ONCE THIS MASS

IS OFF OF HER.

ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS THE SKIN OFF THE RIGHT THIGH.

CAN YOU PUT THAT BACK ON THAT TABLE?

OKAY.

IT HAS DEFINITELY STARTED TO MAKE IT DIFFICULT

FOR JUNE TO MOVE AROUND AND WALK AS MUCH.

SO IT IS A GOOD THING THAT WE ARE ABLE TO REMOVE THAT TODAY.

IT'S GOING TO TAKE HER ABOUT SIX TO EIGHT WEEKS TO FULLY RECOVER.

BUT EVEN BEFORE THEN, SHE'S GOING TO NOTICE

A HUGE IMPROVEMENT IN HER ABILITY TO GET AROUND.

SHE WILL JUST NEED TO GET BACK TO TAKING IT SLOWLY

UNTIL SHE'S FULLY HEALED.

AND WE'RE DONE.

JUNE'S SURGERY WENT VERY WELL TODAY.

JUNE? WE'RE ALL DONE.

WE WERE ABLE TO REMOVE THE MASS WITHOUT ANY ISSUES,

SO SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET UP IN A COUPLE DAYS.

ONCE JUNE RECOVERS FROM THIS OPERATION,

SHE WILL NEED THREE MORE SKIN REMOVALS

FROM HER LEFT LEG AND HER ARMS AND HER BACK.

BUT BEFORE WE CAN CONSIDER ANY MORE OPERATION,

JUNE NEEDS TO WORK TO GET HER WEIGHT LOSS BACK ON TRACK

BECAUSE IF HER WEIGHT LOSS CONTINUES TO SLOW,

SHE WILL BE GAINING AGAIN IN A MATTER OF MONTHS,

AND THAT'S GOING TO BE A VERY BAD SITUATION.

SO I'M HOPING THIS REMOVAL TODAY WILL ENCOURAGE HER TO DO MORE

AND GET BACK ON TRACK.

**

Dottie: I'M HERE TO SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN AND FIND OUT HOW I'M DOING.

**

I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN DOING BETTER,

AND I'M HOPING I LOST A GOOD AMOUNT OF WEIGHT,

EVEN THOUGH DR. NOWZARADAN

REALLY DIDN'T GIVE ME A GOAL THIS TIME.

DOROTHY PERKINS.

I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE LOSING AT LEAST 20 POUNDS EACH MONTH,

AND I WAS AT 509 POUNDS,

SO THAT MEANS I SHOULD BE AT 470 POUNDS TODAY.

AND I'M HOPING I'M AT LEAST CLOSE TO GETTING BACK ON TRACK.

I DIDN'T LOSE ANYTHING.

I THOUGHT I WAS DOING A LOT BETTER NOW,

BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE

BECAUSE I'M DEALING WITH THINGS AND I'M GETTING EXERCISE.

I GUESS THE ONLY REASON IS THAT I'M STILL OVEREATING

AND I DON'T REALIZE IT.

SO I DON'T THINK DR. NOW'S GONNA BE HAPPY WITH ME.

[ COUGHING ]

YOU OKAY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

HOW YOU ALL DOING?

I'M FINE. HOW ARE YOU?

DOING ALL RIGHT?

I'M DOING OKAY.

SO, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN MORE SPECIFICALLY?

I'M IN A BETTER PLACE THAN I WAS,

AND I'M SEEING A THERAPIST

AND STICKING TO MY EXERCISES AND DIET.

OKAY, IF THAT WAS TRUE,

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LOST ONLY FIVE POUNDS IN TWO MONTHS.

TO MAINTAIN YOUR WEIGHT, YOU HAVE TO TAKE IN

AT LEAST 4,000 TO 5,000 CALORIES A DAY.

YEAH.

SO YOU ARE STILL USING FOOD TO COPE RIGHT NOW.

YOU AREN'T DEALING WITH YOUR EMOTIONS,

AND THAT'S DRIVING YOU TO EAT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: THE FACT THAT DOTTIE IS NOT LOSING WEIGHT

MEANS THAT SHE'S STILL TRYING TO AVOID

DEALING WITH WHAT HAPPENED TO HER RECENTLY.

SO HER PRIORITY RIGHT NOW IS TO MAKE SURE

SHE KEEPS GOING TO THE PSYCHOTHERAPY.

IF SHE DOESN'T, THEN NOTHING WE DO WILL MATTER BECAUSE

SHE'S NOT ADDRESSING THE CORE ISSUES BEHIND THIS RIGHT NOW.

BUT SHE CAN'T GO TOO MUCH LONGER LIKE THIS

BEFORE SHE STARTS TO GAIN AGAIN.

SO, I'M STILL NOT GIVING YOU ANY WEIGHT-LOSS GOAL RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE YOU STILL NEED TO DEAL WITH THINGS,

AND I WANT YOU TO DO TWO THINGS RIGHT NOW.

FIRST, JUST GO BACK TO THE BASIC WITH YOUR FOOD,

BECAUSE YOU'RE CLOSE TO GAINING AGAIN

AND WE HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING WE CAN TO PREVENT THAT.

HERE'S A LIST OF FOOD THAT YOU NEED TO AVOID.

SO JUST FOLLOW THIS FOR WHAT TO EAT AGAIN.

AND THE SECOND THING IS THAT YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE

YOU KEEP GOING TO A THERAPIST TO WORK ON THIS ISSUE.

THAT'S YOUR PRIORITY RIGHT NOW.

DON'T TRY TO AVOID AND SUPPRESS

WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, DOTTIE.

SO LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

OKAY.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

-COME ON. -LET'S GO.

LET'S GO.

Dottie: I'M SCARED RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT EVEN IN CONTROL.

SO I'M JUST GONNA TRY AND DO WHAT DR. NOWZARADAN SAYS

AND START OVER WITH MY DIET AND GO BACK TO THE BASICS AGAIN.

I MADE DANIEL A PROMISE,

AND I PROMISED HIM I WAS GONNA BE OKAY.

AND I AM GONNA BE OKAY.

MY MINDSET GOING FORWARD IS TO READ OVER THE THINGS

THAT DR. NOW HAS GIVEN ME AND TO GET BACK ON TRACK.

I CAN'T MESS THIS UP, SO I'LL HAVE TO FIGURE THIS OUT.

**

June: I'VE BEEN HOME FROM SURGERY FOR ABOUT A MONTH NOW,

AND I'M SLOWLY RECOVERING AND FEELING BETTER EVERYDAY.

MY BROTHER HAD TO COME OVER FOR A FEW DAYS

JUST TO HELP ME GET AROUND.

BUT I'M DOING A LOT BETTER NOW.

EVEN THOUGH I'M STILL HEALING,

I CAN ALREADY GET AROUND AND MOVE SO MUCH EASIER.

THE MASS IS NOT THERE -- IT'S NOT RUBBING,

SO IT MAKES IT A WHOLE LOT EASIER.

I CAN'T BE TOO ACTIVE JUST YET, BUT I'M GETTING UP

AND MOVING AROUND AS MUCH AS I CAN CONSTANTLY

BECAUSE NOW THAT

I'M ALMOST RECOVERED FROM MY FIRST SKIN SURGERY,

I WANT TO LOSE THE WEIGHT TO GET APPROVED

FOR MY SECOND ONE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

SO I'M EATING RIGHT,

AND I'M MAKING SURE MY SUTURES STAY CLEAN.

MY ONLY ISSUE IS THE DRAIN TUBES.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE ANNOYING.

I HAVE TO TAKE THE DRAINS TO THE TOILET AND EMPTY THEM OUT.

BUT NOW MY FOCUS IS ON MY OTHER SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY

AND THEN GETTING TO MY TARGET WEIGHT.

DR. NOW WANTS ME DOWN TO 200,

BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO GET THAT LOW.

I LIKE BEING THICK, SO I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO BE BELOW 200,

TO BE HONEST.

BUT THAT'S GONNA BE A HASH TAG

ME AND DR. NOWZARADAN ARE GONNA HAVE TO WORK OUT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHATEVER IT IS, I WANTED TO GET TO MY TARGET WEIGHT

AND HAVE ALL MY SURGERIES THIS YEAR,

AND IT'S TOOK ME A LOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT

TO GET APPROVED FOR MY FIRST SKIN REMOVAL.

AND I DON'T WANT TO END UP

IN THE SAME SITUATION I WAS LAST TIME.

WITH IT TAKING SO LONG, THE SKIN STARTED TO GET UNBEARABLE,

SO I'M NOT SLOWING DOWN AT ALL.

I'M GOING TO WORK HARD TO SHOW DR. NOW I'M READY,

AND HE'S GONNA HAVE NO REASON TO TURN ME DOWN.

**

Dottie: SINCE MY LAST DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT,

I'VE STILL BEEN MEETING WITH A THERAPIST

LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO.

AND AT MY LAST APPOINTMENT, SHE SUGGESTED

I FIND AN ACTIVITY TO DO WITH MY FAMILY

WHERE WE ALL JUST HAVE FUN.

SHE SAYS I'VE LOST A LOT OF MY IDENTITY

BY MAKING MY FAMILY MY JOB

AND THAT EVEN THOUGH I TAKE CARE OF THEM WELL,

SHE THINKS IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME

AND US AS A FAMILY TO WORK ON A NEW DYNAMIC

WHERE I DON'T TURN THEM INTO A JOB

TO AVOID A LOT OF ISSUES.

I DID THAT WITH DANIEL FOR YEARS BECAUSE HE NEEDED ME,

AND NOW I'M REALLY FOCUSED ON LANDON

BECAUSE HE HASN'T BEEN TALKING.

CHRIS! -WHAT?

PUT HIM UP ON THAT BIG SLIDE.

COME ON. COME ON!

[ CHUCKLES ] HE WON'T DO IT.

SHE ALSO THINKS THIS WILL BE GOOD FOR HIM

AND MAY EVEN HELP BRING HIM OUT OF HIS SHELL A LITTLE BIT.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON, BUDDY.

-[ LAUGHS ] -YOU READY?

OH!

[ LANDON SQUEALS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT'D YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? [ LAUGHS ]

COME ON, LET'S GO.

COME ON.

I FEEL THIS BURDEN TO BE THERE FOR MY FAMILY

BECAUSE I LOVE THEM.

HERE -- COME HERE.

SO A LOT OF TIMES, THAT MEANS I DON'T REALLY HAVE THE TIME

TO SLOW DOWN

AND DEAL WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON IN MY LIFE.

HOLD ON. WEE!

AT LEAST EVERYONE IS TELLING ME I'M AVOIDING

DEALING WITH MY EMOTIONS AND THAT I'M OVEREATING.

SO I'VE GONE BACK TO THE BASIC DIET PLAN

THAT THE DOCTOR GAVE ME AGAIN, AND I'M TRYING TO FOLLOW THAT

AND KEEP MY PORTIONS AROUND 1,200 CALORIES A DAY.

BUT IF I'M STILL NOT MAKING ANY PROGRESS,

I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO,

BECAUSE I'M LISTENING TO THE THERAPIST.

I DON'T WANT TO START GAINING AGAIN.

NO MATTER WHAT,

I HAVE TO TURN MYSELF AROUND BEFORE THAT HAPPENS.

**

I'M HOPING TO IMPRESS THE DOCTOR WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS TODAY...

JUNE McCAMEY?

...SO HE HAS NO REASON

NOT TO APPROVE ME FOR MY NEXT SURGERY.

I WAS DOWN TO 295 WHEN I LEFT THE HOSPITAL,

SO IF I STAYED ON TRACK, I SHOULD BE DOWN TO 255 TODAY.

OKAY.

IT IS WHAT IT IS.

IT'S NOT AS MUCH OF A LOSS AS I WAS HOPING,

BUT I FEEL MY PROGRESS IS GOOD.

I MEAN, HIS NUMBERS FOR HIM IS HIS NUMBERS,

BUT MY NUMBERS FOR ME --

I FEEL LIKE I'M DOING PRETTY DOGGONE GOOD.

SO HOPEFULLY, DR. NOW SEES MY PROGRESS

AND THINKS I'M READY FOR MY NEXT STEP.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO. -HEY.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

I'M DOING, I'M DOING.

HOW IS YOUR SUTURES DOING?

ANY ISSUES?

UM... IT'S SWOLLEN, BUT NO.

OKAY, THEN YOU'RE STILL RECOVERING

FROM YOUR SURGERY WELL.

BUT WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR WEIGHT?

WHEN YOU LEFT THE HOSPITAL, YOU WERE 295.

NOW YOU'RE 292,

SO YOU AREN'T LOSING WEIGHT ANYMORE.

I JUST MADE SOME POOR CHOICES, TO BE HONEST.

WELL, THIS HAS BEEN A CHRONIC PROBLEM.

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN, RIGHT NOW, UNDER 200 POUNDS,

AND YOU ARE AROUND 300 POUNDS.

THIS IS NOT A SINGLE INCIDENCE OF POOR CHOICES,

AND THE SAME THING THAT DRIVE YOU TO EAT BEFORE

IS STILL PLAYING A ROLE IN YOUR LIFE.

AND YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE

TO GET A HANDLE ON THAT SITUATION.

I FEEL I'VE GOT A HANDLE ON IT, BUT THEN I HAVE MOMENTS.

I'M NOT GONNA LIE AND SAY THAT I DON'T.

Dr. Nowzaradan: JUNE IS NOT UNDERSTANDING THE ISSUE.

SHE THINKS THAT HER WEIGHT LOSS SLOWING IS NOT A BIG DEAL

BECAUSE SHE'S FAILING TO SEE THE WARNING SIGNS.

AND IF SHE DOESN'T WAKE UP NOW,

SHE'S GOING TO START GAINING BEFORE HER NEXT APPOINTMENT.

SO LOSING 285 POUNDS IN A YEAR AND A HALF

IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

YOU'RE NOT UNDERSTANDING ME --

IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU LOST,

IT'S ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE AT NOW

AND THE CHOICES YOU'RE MAKING.

YOU ARE NOT AT YOUR GOAL WEIGHT OF 200 POUNDS.

THAT'S YOUR THEORY.

I MEAN, YOUR THEORY IS YOU WANT EVERYBODY AT 200 POUNDS,

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE UNDER 200.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE UNDER 200 POUNDS?

-NO. -THAT'S FINE.

IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING AT A NUMBER.

IT IS ABOUT UNDERSTANDING YOUR EATING DISORDER

AND CORRECTING IT.

YOU'RE JUSTIFYING

LETTING YOUR EATING DISORDER BACK IN RIGHT NOW,

BUT YOU DON'T GET THAT ADDICTION

IS LIKE A SMALL PET YOU FEED.

YOU THINK YOU CAN CONTROL IT BECAUSE IT'S SMALL,

BUT YOU DON'T REALIZE THAT IT GROWS AND YOU LOSE CONTROL.

AND YOU'RE ALREADY LOSING CONTROL.

THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT MOMENT FOR JUNE.

SHE HAS TO DECIDE WHAT SHE'S GOING TO DO --

IF SHE'S GOING TO TAKE CONTROL OF HER SITUATION AGAIN

OR IF SHE'S GOING TO CONTINUE MAKING COMPROMISES

AND JUSTIFY IT.

BUT JUNE SEEMS TO BE MOTIVATED FOR A SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY,

SO MAYBE THAT'LL BE WHAT IT TAKES TO GET HER TO REALIZE

WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DO.

I'LL MAKE IT SIMPLE FOR YOU.

IF YOU WANT SKIN-REMOVAL, THINK ABOUT FIGURING OUT

HOW TO GET BACK ON TRACK.

GET CONTROL OF YOUR EATING DISORDER AND HIT THAT GOAL.

IF NOT, THEN DO IT YOUR WAY.

SO, LET ME ASK YOU THIS -- IF I GET DOWN TO MAYBE 250,

WILL YOU DO THIS ONE?

IF YOU GET DOWN UNDER 250, YES.

OKAY. THAT'S FAIR.

THAT'S FAIR.

BUT IT'S NOT GONNA BE PRODUCTIVE

IF YOU CONTINUE GAINING WEIGHT.

RIGHT.

-OKAY? -OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

**

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

June: TODAY DIDN'T GO EXACTLY AS I HOPED.

I DON'T AGREE WITH DR. NOW

THAT I'M NOT MAKING THE PROGRESS THAT I NEED.

BUT IF DR. NOW WANTS ME TO RISE TO THE CHALLENGE,

THEN I CAN HANDLE THAT, ESPECIALLY IF THAT MEANS

I GET APPROVED FOR MY NEXT SKIN REMOVAL.

SO I'M GOING TO RISE TO THE OCCASION

AND SHOW HIM WHAT I CAN DO.

**

Dottie: I'M BACK TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN

AND SEEING IF I STARTED MAKING PROGRESS AGAIN.

I THINK I'M DOING BETTER, BUT I THOUGHT THAT OTHER TIMES.

MY BIGGEST FEAR RIGHT NOW IS I MAY HAVE EVEN GAINED.

DOTTIE PERKINS.

SO I'M JUST HOPING AND PRAYING IT'S A GOOD NUMBER TODAY,

AND IF I'M BACK ON TRACK MAKING THE PROGRESS

I'M SUPPOSED TO MAKE, THAT I'LL BE AT 464 POUNDS TODAY.

BUT I'M JUST HOPING I'M LOSING ANYTHING AGAIN.

AT LEAST IT'S NOT A GAIN, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND

HOW I'M STILL NOT LOSING ANY WEIGHT.

AND I'M SURE DR. NOWZARADAN IS GONNA BE REALLY CONCERNED,

AND I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE I'M NEVER GONNA FIGURE THIS OUT.

-HELLO. -HEY.

-HI. -HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?

WE'RE OKAY. HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

SO, YOU HAVEN'T LOST ANY WEIGHT, HUH?

NO.

THE REALITY IS THAT YOU'RE STILL NOT DEALING WITH THE ISSUES.

YOUR WEIGHT LOSS HAS SLOWED,

AND NOW IT HAS COMPLETELY STOPPED.

NOW YOU'RE A COUPLE MONTHS FROM GAINING AGAIN,

SO WHAT WE NEED TO DO

IS TO GIVE YOU THE BYPASS REVISION

AND CONVERT YOUR GASTRIC SLEEVE TO A FULL BYPASS.

-OKAY. -OKAY.

DOTTIE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HER SITUATION.

SHE KEEPS THINKING THAT SHE'S MAKING PROGRESS,

BUT THE FACT THAT SHE'S NO LONGER LOSING ANY WEIGHT

MEANS THAT SHE'S EATING EVEN MORE NOW.

AND SHE'S ABOUT TO LOSE CONTROL.

SO WE NEED TO INTERVENE AND DO REVISION

ON HER WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY TO MAKE IT MORE AGGRESSIVE

AND REDUCE HER ABILITY TO EAT.

DOTTIE, YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THIS OPERATION

IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE YOU PROBLEM.

IT'S GOING TO PREVENT YOU FROM GAINING WEIGHT RIGHT NOW

AND BUY YOU SOME MORE TIME TO DEAL WITH YOUR ISSUES.

BUT EVEN WITH A FULL BYPASS,

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA FAIL THE OPERATION

BECAUSE WHAT IS EMOTIONALLY DRIVING TO FOOD

IS NOT BEING ADDRESSED IN YOUR SITUATION.

BUT THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.

YOU UNDERSTAND? -OKAY.

-ALL RIGHT. -THANK YOU.

I'LL SEE YOU.

**

Dr. Nowzaradan: DOTTIE USES FOOD AS A CRUTCH,

AND THIS REVISION WILL TAKE THAT AWAY FOR NOW.

AND WITH HER ABILITY TO COPE WITH FOOD REMOVED,

SHE'S GOING TO HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE

BUT FACE HER EMOTIONS.

SO THIS IS GOING TO BE A HARD PROCESS FOR HER.

**

Dottie: I THINK THIS OPERATION IS SOMETHING I NEED,

AND I'M WILLING TO TRY ANYTHING AT THIS POINT

BECAUSE I DESPERATELY DON'T WANT TO START GAINING AGAIN.

**

June: SINCE MY LAST DOCTOR'S VISIT,

I KNOW I'VE BEEN CRUSHING IT.

I AM NOT MAKING ANY COMPROMISES WITH MY DIET,

AND I'M STAYING ACTIVE.

I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT THREE DAYS A WEEK

HERE AT THE GYM AT MY APARTMENT.

AND I'M ALSO BACK TO TAKING MY WALKS TWICE A DAY.

[ TREADMILL BEEPS ]

I PLAN TO GO BACK TO DR. NOW'S OFFICE NEXT MONTH

AND SHOW HIM I ROSE TO HIS CHALLENGE.

I HAVE THREE MORE SKIN SURGERIES TO GO,

AND I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE I GET MY SECOND ONE SOON.

AND THEN I'M GOING TO KEEP WORKING HARD

UNTIL I GET ALL OF THEM

SO THAT I CAN BE COMPLETELY FINISHED

AND HAVE MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY BEHIND ME.

I'M DETERMINED TO DO THIS.

AND I'M WALKING INTO HIS CLINIC NEXT MONTH,

AND I'M GOING TO WOW HIM WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS.

**

Dr. Nowzaradan: TODAY, WE'RE DOING A GASTRIC BYPASS REVISION

TO DOTTIE'S SLEEVE SURGERY.

A GASTRIC SLEEVE IS A WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY

THAT REDUCES THE SIZE OF PERSON'S STOMACH

AND PREVENT THEM FROM EATING TOO MUCH IN ONE SETTING.

OKAY, STARTING THE FIRST INCISION.

BUT TODAY, WE'RE REDUCING THE SIZE OF HER STOMACH EVEN MORE.

TURN THE ROOM LIGHT OFF.

THE BYPASS REVISION WILL ALSO CONNECT THE LOWER PORTION

OF INTESTINE TO HER STOMACH SO THAT SHE HAS REDUCED ABILITY

TO ABSORB CALORIES AND GAIN WEIGHT.

AND IT ALSO WILL CHANGE HER METABOLISM

AND ALTER HER PHYSICAL DRIVE TO EAT RIGHT NOW.

DON'T GO TOO LATERAL.

FOR ME, IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO JUST SIT HERE.

I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S HAVING PROBLEMS,

OR THEY JUST TAKE THAT LONG.

BUT DOTTIE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME,

AND I CAN'T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT HER.

Dr. Nowzaradan: THIS PROCEDURE IS GOING TO HELP PREVENT DOTTIE

FROM GAINING RIGHT NOW AND GIVE HER A LITTLE MORE TIME

TO START DEALING WITH HER ISSUES.

IF SHE DOESN'T DO THAT, THEN WITHIN SIX MONTHS,

THIS SURGERY WILL FAIL, TOO, AND SHE'LL START TO GAIN AGAIN.

BUT IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS PROCEDURE

IS GOING TO BE A PIVOTAL MOMENT,

BECAUSE WHEN SHE WAKES UP FROM SURGERY,

SHE'S GOING TO DISCOVER

SHE HAS LITTLE PHYSICAL DRIVE TO FOOD.

SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO EAT ANYTHING

THAT SHE HAS BEEN USING TO COPE,

AND WITH THAT COPING MECHANISM GONE,

SHE'S GOING TO BE FORCED TO DEAL WITH HER EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW.

SHE'S GOING TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM

AND HAVE TO FACE EVERYTHING SHE HAS BEEN AVOIDING.

ROOM LIGHT ON.

OKAY. LET'S CLOSE HER UP.

SO, FOR THE NEXT WEEK,

WE ARE GOING TO NEED TO KEEP HER HERE TO WATCH HER

AND MAKE SURE THAT WE HELP HER THROUGH THIS TIME

BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T REALIZE HOW HARD THIS IS GOING TO BE

AND HOW MUCH PAIN SHE'S BEEN RUNNING FROM.

ALL RIGHT, ALL FINISHED.

OKAY. DOTTIE'S SURGERY WENT VERY WELL.

SO, THE NEXT WEEK MAY BE

ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT TIMES OF HER LIFE

BECAUSE SHE HAS SOME HARD DAYS IN FRONT OF HER.

BUT SHE WILL GET THROUGH IT

AND HOPEFULLY GET BACK ON TRACK WITH ALL OF THIS.

AND WE'LL BE THERE TO HELP HER THROUGH IT.

**

June: DR. NOW GAVE ME A CHALLENGE

AND WANTED ME TO LOSE 40 POUNDS BY THIS VISIT...

JUNE McCAMEY.

...SO I NEED TO BE DOWN TO 250 POUNDS.

AND I'M HERE TODAY TO SHOW HIM NO MATTER WHAT,

I'LL RISE TO THE CHALLENGE.

JUST BECAUSE I HAVE MY OWN PACE

DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T DO IT AT HIS.

OH, HE GONNA BE HAPPY ON THIS ONE.

LET'S SEE HOW HE GONNA REACT TO THIS ONE.

I GOT IT. OKAY.

I DID EXACTLY LIKE I SAID.

I'M BACK ON TRACK, AND I KNOW HE'S GONNA BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

I'M CURRENTLY 242, AND I FEEL DAMN GOOD ABOUT IT.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO. -HEY.

-HOW ARE YOU? -I'M GOOD.

SO, YOU'RE DOWN TO 242 POUNDS.

AND THAT MEANS YOU LOST AROUND 350 POUNDS.

-YES, SIR. -THAT IS GREAT.

SO, YOU'RE BACK IN CONTROL RIGHT NOW

AND YOU HIT THE GOAL WE AGREED ON,

SO I'M APPROVING YOU

FOR YOUR SECOND EXCESS-SKIN REMOVAL.

PERFECT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: I'M HAPPY WITH JUNE'S PROGRESS THIS MONTH.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

WAS TO BREAK THE CYCLE THAT SHE WAS FALLING INTO

SO THAT SHE DIDN'T START TO GAIN AGAIN,

AND THE CHALLENGE TO HIT HER GOAL

FOR HER SKIN-REMOVAL SEEMS TO HAVE MOTIVATED HER

TO GET BACK CONTROL OF HER EATING HABIT.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT. YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

YES.

I'M PROUD OF YOU -- STICK WITH THE PROGRAM.

I'LL SET YOU UP FOR THAT SURGERY IN ONE MONTH.

I DO APPRECIATE YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

ALL RIGHT, JUNE. SEE YOU LATER.

BYE-BYE.

**

June: I'M VERY PROUD OF MYSELF RIGHT NOW.

I SET MY MIND TO IT, AND I HIT MY GOAL

AND I GOT WHAT I WANT.

TO GO FROM YOUR HEALTH BEING HORRIBLE,

WHERE IT'S A POSSIBILITY YOU MAY NOT WAKE UP

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BREATHE,

TO BEING EXTREMELY BLESSED -- IT FEELS GOOD.

IT'S BEEN A JOURNEY.

IT'S BEEN HARD, BUT I WOULDN'T CHANGE IT.

**

Dottie: I'M HERE TO VISIT DANIEL'S GRAVE.

**

AND IT'S COMING UP ON A YEAR OF HIM BEING GONE,

AND EMOTIONS ARE REALLY HIGH.

I STILL MISS HIM SO, SO MUCH.

HE WAS SUCH A BIG PART OF ME,

AND LOSING HIM WAS ALMOST LIKE COMPLETELY LOSING MYSELF.

BUT AFTER THE GASTRIC BYPASS REVISION,

I COULD HARDLY EAT ANYTHING.

I WAS ON LIQUIDS FOR A FEW WEEKS,

AND NOW I CAN STILL ONLY EAT A SMALL PORTION.

AND IT WAS A HUGE SHIFT FOR ME THAT I WASN'T EVEN READY FOR

BECAUSE I HAD NO IDEA

HOW MUCH I WAS ACTUALLY STILL EATING.

AND WHEN THAT WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME,

I HAD NOTHING TO FALL BACK ON,

AND I CRASHED HARD IN THE HOSPITAL.

THERE WERE A COUPLE OF DAYS I WAS EVEN SUICIDAL.

I JUST DIDN'T REALIZE ALL THAT WAS BOTTLING UP INSIDE ME,

AND FOOD IS WHAT MADE ME NUMB TO IT ALL.

I'M DOING A LITTLE BETTER NOW,

BUT I'M FAR FROM BEING PAST THIS.

AND IF I DON'T WORK THROUGH IT SOON,

DR. NOWZARADAN SAID THAT EFFECTS OF THE BYPASS

WILL START TO LESSEN

AND I WILL START TO BE ABLE TO OVEREAT AGAIN.

SO I NEED TO DEAL WITH MY EMOTIONS.

BUT FOR NOW, I STARTED LOSING AGAIN,

AND I'VE LOST 37 POUNDS TO GET DOWN TO 465 POUNDS.

**

BUT I KNOW I HAVE A LOT TO DEAL WITH STILL

IF I WANT TO KEEP THAT GOING.

SO I'M GONNA KEEP GOING TO THERAPY

AND TRY TO WORK ON MY EMOTIONS AND PAIN.

I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER FULLY GET PAST IT,

BUT IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT THAT.

IT'S MORE ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO COPE

AND DEAL WITH IT IN A WAY THAT'S NOT SELF-DESTRUCTIVE.

THIS HAS BEEN SUCH A HARD YEAR.

BUT WHAT I'VE LEARNED

IS I HAVE TO START TO DEAL WITH THINGS...

**

...NO MATTER HOW AFRAID I AM.

**

I'M WORKING ON NOT MAKING MY FAMILY A COMMITMENT

OVER AN ENJOYMENT AND JUST BEING WITH THEM.

I CAN TAKE CARE OF THEM AND STILL NOT LOSE MYSELF.

SO CHRIS AND I ARE MAKING IT A PRIORITY

TO ALLOW LANDON TIME TO BE A KID...

OH, HE'S AT THE THING!

...AND TAKE HIM OUT AND HAVE FUN LIKE HE SHOULD.

AND I'M ALREADY SEEING SUCH A CHANGE IN HIM

FROM JUST THE FEW TIMES WE'VE DONE IT.

HE'S NOT TALKING MUCH MORE YET, BUT HE'S ENGAGING A LOT MORE,

WHICH IS A BIG STEP I'M HAPPY ABOUT.

AND I KNOW I STILL HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME.

BUT GOOD OR BAD, I CAN FACE IT,

AND I CAN START TO LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH THINGS

IN A WAY THAT'S HEALTHIER THAN I HAVE IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

SO AS HARD AS THE DAYS AHEAD MAY BE,

I KNOW THAT I CAN HANDLE IT.

**

I AM GOING SHOPPING THIS MORNING

FOR SOME NEW CLOTHES FOR THIS NEW BODY.

I'M LOOKING FOR A FORM-FITTING, LIKE, EVENING DRESS

TO BASICALLY GET BACK OUT THERE ON THE DATING SCENE.

I'VE LOST OVER 300-AND-SOME POUNDS,

SO I'M LIKE DOWN FROM A 6X TO 14, 16.

IT FEELS GOOD TO FINALLY GET BACK TO A SMALLER SIZE --

NOT WHERE I HAVE TO SHOP ONLINE.

TO BE ABLE TO PULL SOMETHING OFF THE RACK

AND THEN SEE HOW IT LOOKS ON ME FEELS AMAZING,

AND I'M LOVING HOW I LOOK.

SO NOW I CAN GO GET US IN TROUBLE.

I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME FEELS SO MUCH BETTER NOW.

I LOOK A LOT BETTER, I FEEL A LOT BETTER,

AND I HAVE SO MUCH MORE CONFIDENCE NOW.

**

THIS TIME TWO YEARS AGO, I HAD LET THE PAIN

FROM THE DEATH OF MY SON

DRIVE ME TO SUCH A DESTRUCTIVE PLACE,

AND WHEN I STARTED TO LET THAT PAIN GO A YEAR AGO,

I STARTED TO BREAK FREE.

AND I'M WORKING ON LETTING GO OF MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY,

WHETHER IT'S BY FINDING WAYS

TO REMEMBER HIM OR CELEBRATE HIM.

AND JUST ABOUT EVERY YEAR AROUND HIS HEAVEN DAY,

THE DAY HE WENT TO HEAVEN,

I THINK ABOUT ADDING SOMETHING TO THE TATTOO

I HAVE OF MY SON ON MY BACK.

MY SON IS ON MY BACK...

UH-HUH.

...TODAY'S ACTUALLY HIS HEAVEN DAY,

AND I NEED -- -A TOUCH-UP?

YEAH, A TOUCH-UP, AND THEN HIS HEAVEN AND HIS BIRTHDAY.

YEAH, WE CAN DEFINITELY DO THAT.

AFTER I LOST MACK, I WENT DOWN THIS REAL DEEP RABBIT HOLE.

NO ONE KNEW THAT I WAS DESTROYED ON THE INSIDE,

AND THERE'S NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DON'T MISS HIM.

I THINK I WAS REALIZING HIS HEAVEN DAY WAS COMING,

AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO AVOID IT.

BUT I'M PULLING MYSELF OUT OF IT AGAIN

AND NOT LETTING MYSELF GO THERE.

AND I'VE LEARNED TO DEAL WITH MY PAIN

SO THAT I CAN LOSE THE WEIGHT.

AND I KNOW I'LL SLIP UP LIKE I DID WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS SLOWING.

BUT I'M PULLING MYSELF OUT OF IT AGAIN

AND NOT LETTING MYSELF FALL BACK INTO THAT PLACE I WAS.

I'M BACK ON TRACK NOW, AND NOTHING IS SLOWING ME DOWN.

YOU'RE LOOKING REALLY NICE, MOM.

I'M SCHEDULED TO GET MY NEXT SKIN REMOVAL IN A COUPLE WEEKS,

AND AFTER THAT, I'M NOT LETTING UP.

I'LL SEE YOU THE NEXT TIME. OKAY.

TO FINALLY PUT MACK'S HEAVEN DAY AND HIS BIRTHDAY ON MY BACK --

IT FEELS GOOD.

I'M JUST SO THANKFUL FOR MY LIFE NOW,

AND I'M NEVER GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE.

THE NEW JUNE IS HERE, AND SHE'S HERE TO STAY.

SO THE WORLD BETTER WATCH OUT, BECAUSE HERE I COME.