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1
00:00:02,611 --> 00:00:05,135
[ Bell rings ]And there you have it, folks.
2
00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:07,268
A laminated piece of paper.
3
00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:09,531
A++ math test not included.
4
00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:11,707
Pronstroller:
Thank you, Sophie.
5
00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:13,970
Couldn't you bring something
normal to Show and Tell?
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,319
Yeah, like a ham.
7
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,626
How is a ham normal?
8
00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:18,931
Nice comeback,
Miss Perfect.
9
00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:20,455
I'm not perfect.
10
00:00:20,498 --> 00:00:22,935
Uh, Graham, you're up.
11
00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,763
[ Exhales sharply ]
12
00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:28,115
Wait till you see what I found
in Douglas' study.
13
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:30,552
Hang on to your butts,
my babies.
14
00:00:30,595 --> 00:00:33,424
I got a hot potato.
15
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:36,340
As some of you may know,
my house recently burned down.
16
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:39,126
All: Oooh.
17
00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:42,694
And afterwards, I began living
in an old man's sauna.
18
00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,305
All: Oooh.
19
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,350
Graham, I don't have space
to take that on emotionally.
20
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:48,961
My bad, Ms. Pronstroller.
21
00:00:49,005 --> 00:00:53,705
Anyway, I ended up finding
this box in his private study.
22
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:57,448
What you're about to see
is scary, confusing,
23
00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:58,971
and -- at least in my case --
24
00:00:59,015 --> 00:01:02,236
might make you faint
and wake up in the backyard.
25
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:04,151
♪♪
26
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:07,110
[ Students murmuring ]
27
00:01:08,764 --> 00:01:11,680
So...
28
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:14,726
[ Speaking indistinctly ]No. No. No!
29
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,250
No! No! N--
30
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,469
[ School bell rings ]
31
00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:19,992
You ever think
how lucky we are
32
00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:21,298
to be livingin Southern California?
33
00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:23,039
This school's
on a fault line.
34
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,954
The slightest tremor, the earth
will swallow our children.
35
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:25,998
Angie: Douglas!
36
00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:28,392
Care to explain this?
37
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:29,741
Okay. Porn.Porn on the playground.
38
00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:30,786
Porn on the playground.
39
00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:32,135
Children!
40
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,355
♪ And we're looking over here
41
00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:36,183
♪ And we're looking
over here ♪
42
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:39,142
♪ Whatever you do,
don't stop looking over here ♪
43
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:42,624
--Captions by VITAC--
44
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,495
[ Wolf-whistle]
45
00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:46,410
You know, this isall your fault, Douglas!
46
00:01:46,454 --> 00:01:48,586
Why would you have your smutlying around our house?!
47
00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:51,372
Myhouse.
And I should be the angry one.
48
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,069
These magazines
were near-mint,
49
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,549
and now Graham got
50
00:01:54,592 --> 00:01:56,551
his Cheeto-dust fingers
all over them.
51
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:58,074
Now the whole collection's
worthless.
52
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:01,208
Keep your porn
on a thumb drive
53
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:03,862
hidden in a ziplock bagsubmerged in shampoolike a normal person.
54
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:07,431
I'm too rich to be aroused
by digital pornography.
55
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:09,259
A-A-And what kind of parent
doesn't know
56
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:11,043
what their kid's hoarding
in their backpack?
57
00:02:11,087 --> 00:02:12,393
A bad one!
58
00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:13,437
Wait, no.I accidentally walked into that.
59
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,613
No, take back!
Take back!
60
00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:18,442
Don't make me outto be a bad mom, Douglas.
61
00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:20,836
He found
yournudie mags,
62
00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:23,055
and now he needs me to talk himthrough what they all mean.
63
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:24,883
That's right, you jerks.
64
00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:28,713
I am going to give himThe Talk.
65
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:32,804
[ Door closes ]Watch and learn, Douglas.
66
00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:37,244
Mom...am I a criminal?
67
00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:40,769
Ms. Pronstroller saidI'm a pornography distributor.
68
00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:42,988
Technically, yes, I guess,
69
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:44,642
but, you know,
she's a public schoolteacher.
70
00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,992
[ Scoffs ]
What's so great about her life?
71
00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:48,342
Why am I in trouble?
72
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:50,474
Are naked women bad?
73
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,824
How else does the storkknow where to put the baby?
74
00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:53,869
Excuse me?
75
00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:55,305
Keep up, Dubs.
76
00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:57,264
Storks fly around at night,
77
00:02:57,307 --> 00:02:59,004
and if you're laying downand making a lot of noise,
78
00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:00,484
they give you a baby.
79
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,051
[ Sighs ]
Sweetie, let's go home
80
00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:04,271
and have
a mother-son conversation.
81
00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:05,794
I'm gonna stop you
right there.
82
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:08,275
I think I need my bros
for this one.
83
00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:10,625
Your bros?
Who are your bros?
84
00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,279
My mighty oaks.
85
00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:14,324
Will and Douglas.
86
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:17,066
Oh. Okay.
87
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:18,372
You need
your mighty oaks.
88
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,461
More than you need
your mom.
89
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,114
Luhh dat.
90
00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:25,596
Graham,
I would be honored.
91
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,250
Take my branch?
92
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:31,298
♪♪
93
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:32,821
I don't do
the branch thing.
94
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:35,171
♪♪
95
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,738
Miggy: Yo, Rory,
96
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:37,826
we're excited to seeyour outfit!
97
00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:39,393
You almost ready?
98
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,133
Rory: There's no almost.
I'm ready when I'm ready!
99
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,657
Okay.Why is he freaking out?
100
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,746
It's just kids hanging
at Yogurt Spot.
101
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:48,271
We go there every year
after the Winter Recital.
102
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,491
Who cares?
103
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:53,320
Rory does. For him, it'sthe fashion event of the season.
104
00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:54,451
He says what you wear
to Yogurt Spot
105
00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:56,279
defines you
for the rest of the year.
106
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,194
It's his Oscars.
107
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,282
Rory: No, the Emmys
are my Oscars,
108
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:00,762
Fashion Week is my Tonys,
109
00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,416
and Yogurt Spot
is my Met Gala.
110
00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:04,113
Now, stop talking...
111
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:06,985
and enjoy me.All: Ooh!
112
00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:08,291
Ooh! Yeah.
113
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:11,207
2000s pop meets
War on Terror.
114
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,557
And custom patchworkby Miggy.
115
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,907
[ Laughs ]We collaborated on the 'fit.
116
00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:16,952
Now, give me some.
117
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:18,562
Did we collaborate?
118
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:20,129
I mean, I told you where
to bedazzle, and you did.
119
00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:22,566
Why do I have to be smallfor you to be big?
120
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,612
Hey, Miggy,
come here for a sec.
121
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,137
Does Amy look
a little down to you?
122
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,008
Mm.
It's just now thatI'm dating their dad,
123
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:32,446
I want to get to know the twins
as individuals, you know?
124
00:04:32,489 --> 00:04:33,534
[ Inhales sharply ]Ooh, not a good idea.
125
00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:36,450
Getting to know the girlscan only lead to trouble.
126
00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:37,668
[ Whispering ]
They tricked me
127
00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,757
into letting themdrive on the highway.
128
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:45,459
Hey.
129
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:47,025
Everything okay, Amy?
130
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:49,767
I guess I've been kind of bummedsince Sears went under.
131
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:51,465
Okay.
132
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:53,684
I was thinking maybe something
more recent and personal.
133
00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:55,773
Well...
134
00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:58,515
everyone's dressing upfor Yogurt Spot,
135
00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:00,561
and I'm wearing this.
136
00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:03,172
Oh. Well, let's find you
an outfit of your own.
137
00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:04,695
Maybe something less...
138
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:06,958
1992 Disneyland
tram driver.
139
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:09,570
But Emma and I
agreed on chinos.
140
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:12,268
She wouldn't likeif I tried something new.
141
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,444
Look, Emma's your sister.
She's gonna support you.
142
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:17,752
Let me help you find an outfit
that screams "Amy Fogerty."
143
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:21,712
I'm telling you, Poppy,you don't understand.
144
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:24,149
She's very controlling.
145
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:26,238
Amy,
roll your sleeves down.
146
00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:27,544
You look like a grocer.
147
00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:31,374
♪♪
148
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:34,377
I mean, it's not my faultI only get A's.
149
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:35,596
Our classis graded on a curve
150
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,859
and, well,you've seen my classmates.
151
00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:39,426
Anyway, I can tellyou're not listening to me.
152
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:40,731
Yeah, yeah, life is wild.
153
00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:43,255
Uh, do you think
I'm a bad mom?
154
00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:44,648
Of course not.
155
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,215
I love shopping with you.
156
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,260
We never even go nearthe produce aisle.
157
00:05:48,304 --> 00:05:49,392
Just junk food.
158
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,438
Hello?
I got peanut butter pretzels.
159
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,744
That's nuts and grains,
dumb-dumb.
160
00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:57,052
Oh, wait,time for a little dip!
161
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,533
Ma'am,
we've told you before,
162
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:00,882
you can't eat food
out of the bins.
163
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,666
It's sampling.
164
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:03,885
It's shoplifting.
165
00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:05,190
Angie, you know
166
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:06,627
you're banned
from the bulk foods area.
167
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,759
Come on, Steve.I've been really low lately.
168
00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:10,848
Can't you just cut me
a break?
169
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:12,546
I have to do my job.
170
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,069
This game of cat and mouse
is killing me.
171
00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:16,811
Fine.
172
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:19,901
I'll escort myself out.
173
00:06:19,944 --> 00:06:22,425
Enjoy being singlethe rest of your life, Steve.What?
174
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:23,992
[ Woman speaks indistinctly
over P.A. system ]
175
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:25,820
You could've had
all this.
176
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:30,651
Listen, parents shouldn't talkto their kids about sex.
177
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:32,000
I never got a talk.
178
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:33,610
Everything
turned out great.
179
00:06:33,654 --> 00:06:37,092
I was minding my own businessone night,
180
00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:40,487
using a slide rule to performlong division,
181
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,576
when my father,without explanation,
182
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:45,230
slid something
under my door.
183
00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:46,884
A dirty flip book.
184
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:49,844
A racy thrillfrom a simpler time.
185
00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:51,715
A time when people
would drop dead
186
00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:54,675
if they left their window openon a cold night.
187
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:59,462
So a naked dancing ladywent a long way.
188
00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:03,031
It was the fondest memoryof my old man.
189
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:06,034
And also how I developedjuvenile arthritis in my thumb.
190
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,818
Alright, this iswhat we got to do --
191
00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:10,560
we got to give Grahamthe nudie magazines.
192
00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:11,735
We say nothing.
193
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,302
We let him work it outon his own.
194
00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:16,566
Your father was super creepy
and irresponsible.
195
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:18,263
Luckily, my father gave me
a sex talk
196
00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:20,091
that was
absolutely gorgeous.
197
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:23,617
Gross.It left me feeling empowered
and fearless,
198
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,141
but respectful of the beauty
of human sexual congress.
199
00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:27,534
You're vile.
200
00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:29,144
And why did I have
such a great talk?
201
00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:32,713
Because my father was
a middle school health teacher.
202
00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:36,107
That is the Rosetta stoneof your entire personality.
203
00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:38,283
Yep. Mrs. Hawthorne would teach
all the girls,
204
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:39,502
and then my dad
would teach the boys,
205
00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:40,851
and we'd all come together
206
00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:43,506
for state-mandated
square-dancing lessons.
207
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,640
My father is my hero
and a paragon of sexual health.
208
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:50,513
He did for sex talks what
Mr. Rogers did for dog death.
209
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,733
Sounds like a glass of skim milkcome to life.
210
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:54,909
Well, my parents have been
married for 40 years.
211
00:07:54,952 --> 00:07:56,301
I guess they're doing
something right.
212
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,129
And where are we
landing here?
213
00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:00,175
We are going
to perfectly recreate
214
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,351
the experience my father gave mefor Graham. So...
215
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:03,787
[ Bag zips ]...do you want to drive?
216
00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:04,788
Drive?
217
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,094
To a secondary location?
218
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:08,183
Like a murderer?
Yeah.
219
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,141
'Cause we're gonna murder
this sex talk.
220
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:11,882
And like a murderer,
221
00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:14,319
I have already picked out
the perfect location --
222
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,626
a place pulsating
with testosterone,
223
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:18,541
where men can be men,
224
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:21,588
where the power of the
human body is on full display.
225
00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:24,112
[ Disco music plays ]
226
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:27,724
♪♪
227
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:31,249
♪♪
228
00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:32,381
[ Laughs ]
229
00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:35,863
Hi, Douglas!
230
00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:40,476
We wouldn't be friends
if we didn't have kids!
231
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,999
That I know!
232
00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:48,571
[ Disco music plays ]
233
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:49,572
♪♪
234
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,792
Ha-ha!
235
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,010
Graham: Heck yeah.
236
00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:54,664
Now, that's a workout.
237
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:55,709
Yeah.
Got to get that blood pumping
238
00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:58,668
before we sit down
for our age-appropriate talk.
239
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:01,366
You know, my dad brought me
to this very roller rink
240
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,064
before he sat me down
to have the same talk.
241
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:04,718
Good man, I'm sure.
242
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,720
And now he's
with the angels.
243
00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:09,592
Uh, no,
he's a 67-year-old retiree
244
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:10,985
living in a planned community
in Reseda,
245
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:12,813
but I appreciate
the sentiment.
246
00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:16,991
Now, what do you say we load upon some nachos and dive in, huh?
247
00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:18,819
An uncreased ten?
248
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:20,472
Now you've got
my attention.
249
00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:22,170
[ Chuckles ]
250
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:24,433
See? Look at how happy
that boy is.
251
00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:26,696
My father's plan
is working.
252
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:28,655
You excite the body,
you sate the hunger
253
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:30,395
before launching
into a deep dive
254
00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:31,919
on the wonders
of human genitals.
255
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,314
Were you gonna skate?
256
00:09:36,358 --> 00:09:41,406
♪♪
257
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:42,973
My father's textbook.
258
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,671
I snagged it the dayMia got pregnant.
259
00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,673
I always knew that one day,I would use this book
260
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:47,891
to teach my son --
261
00:09:47,935 --> 00:09:49,632
or my friend's son --about sex.
262
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,242
I feel we're gonna be
leaving here
263
00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:52,548
in the back
of a cop car.
264
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,636
Oh, man.
265
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,986
This is bringing backa lot of memories.
266
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:57,640
Each chapter is a jewel.
267
00:09:57,684 --> 00:09:58,815
Look,"When Showers Get Longer."
268
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:00,208
"Hair There Now."
269
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:01,862
"Mom, You Gotta Knock."
270
00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:03,907
"Secretions."
271
00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:05,822
What is this?
272
00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:07,694
"Dear Bud."
273
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:08,999
My dad's name's Bud.
274
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:11,306
Like a golden retriever.
It tracks.
275
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:13,743
"I can't wait for youto rip my" --
276
00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:16,354
Oh. Oh.
277
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,574
[ Chuckles ] Language getsa little graphic after that.
278
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,708
I think this a love letterwritten by my mother.
279
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:25,233
I mean, the handwriting'sa little different.
280
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:26,713
She was probablyon the back of a bumpy bus
281
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:27,714
when she wrote this.
282
00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:28,715
It's so cute.
283
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:30,455
Uh, I-I don't know
how to say this,
284
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:34,329
but I'm hoping this is
a naked picture of your mother.
285
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,374
Mrs. Hawthorne?
286
00:10:36,418 --> 00:10:38,159
The female health teacher?
287
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,944
Oh, my God. I was actually
paying attention to you.
288
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,293
Th-- That means my dad...
289
00:10:42,337 --> 00:10:43,338
was a cheater.
290
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:46,776
Terrible thing.
291
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:49,039
Shameful.
292
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,911
I don't know.
293
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,390
I mean, maybe I'm being hardon myself.
294
00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:54,828
I just feel like
the worst mom ever.
295
00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:55,698
Oh, marshmallowsgo on the top shelf.
296
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,352
Let me knowif you need a ladder.
297
00:10:57,395 --> 00:10:58,832
Don't beat yourself up.
298
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,485
How can I not?
299
00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,965
And the facts don't lie.
300
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,271
My son got suspended,
301
00:11:03,314 --> 00:11:05,534
we're livingin a windowless hot room
302
00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:06,709
because I burned
our house down,
303
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,102
and look --
304
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:11,105
I bought cat foodthinking it was tuna.
305
00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:13,934
And, Sophie,I'm gonna feed this to Graham.
306
00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,762
That's not great.
307
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,720
I think the biggest kickin the nuts
308
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:20,201
is that Graham didn't thinkthat I could give him The Talk.
309
00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:21,637
A talk?
About what?
310
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,204
Oh.
311
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:25,597
About how magnets work.
312
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:29,210
Look...for what it's worth,
313
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:30,777
I think
you're a great mom.
314
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:33,736
Oh, shut your perfect,dumb mouth.
315
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:34,911
Seriously, Angie.
316
00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:36,739
You're an inspiration.
317
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,828
I am?
318
00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:40,395
Yeah.
Because of you,
319
00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:43,877
I was inspired to sampleall this stuff from the store.
320
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:49,230
♪♪
321
00:11:49,273 --> 00:11:52,799
And that's another gutter ball
for ol' D'Amato.
322
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:55,323
Alright, Emma, your sister's
being very brave
323
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:56,672
and trying a new look,
324
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,195
so I want you to be
very supportive.
325
00:11:58,239 --> 00:12:00,154
I hear you.
326
00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:02,025
No deal.
327
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:08,336
♪♪
328
00:12:08,379 --> 00:12:10,338
Individually,
this is a mess,
329
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,035
but all together,
it's horrible.
330
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:14,037
What do youthink,
Emma?
331
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:16,170
I...
332
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:19,477
...love it!
333
00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:21,828
[ Breathes heavily ][ Giggles ]
334
00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:23,264
Yo, I was wrong.
335
00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:24,787
You really bonded
with Amy.
336
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,181
Maybe they are human.[ Chuckles ]
337
00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:30,445
Poppy, I want you to make me
an outfit exactly like this.
338
00:12:30,488 --> 00:12:32,360
Of course.
Happy to make you one, too.
339
00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:33,927
[ Chuckles ]Wait. But this is mylook.
340
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,450
It's ourlook now.
341
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:38,061
I just want to look differentfor one night in my life.
342
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,628
Take off the cape.
It's changed you.
343
00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:42,587
Raaaah!
344
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:43,675
Get off of me!
345
00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:45,286
I just wanted to be
my own person!
346
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:47,723
This is your fault,
Poppy!
347
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,029
Amy: Aah!
348
00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,074
I am freaking out.
349
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,597
Come on.
Keep it together.
350
00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:55,078
Where's all that
"sex is beautiful" energy?
351
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:56,863
Sex clearlyis not beautiful, okay?
352
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,429
It's depraved
and disgusting,
353
00:12:58,473 --> 00:12:59,474
and according
to that letter,
354
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:01,084
it's mostly done
in the mat room
355
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:02,390
of a middle school
gymnasium.
356
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:04,044
A little further down,
it implies
357
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:07,047
that they also did some stuff
in the dead end of a corn maze.
358
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,178
God.
359
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:09,701
I can't do this talk.
360
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,094
Douglas,
you got to tag in.
361
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:13,096
I'm not tagging in
on a sex talk.
362
00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,446
What are you? Nuts?Well, how can I talkabout sex and trust when the man
363
00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:17,622
who told me all about itis a philanderer, okay?
364
00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:20,495
Oh, someone got nachos!
365
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:22,714
Sorry, Will, no change
on that ten-spot.
366
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,455
Ooh, hey, cool textbook.
367
00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:26,457
Yes, it's very cool.
368
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:29,112
It's actually my father's --the dirty liar.
369
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:32,202
You okay, Big Dubs?
370
00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:35,684
Alright,
it's talk time.
371
00:13:35,727 --> 00:13:36,772
Douglas, you want
to kick things off?
372
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,861
Pass.
Cool.
373
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:43,083
Graham, when a man lovesa woman...
374
00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:46,086
Oh, God.
My poor mother.
375
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:48,915
My fatheris a sexual deviant.
376
00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:49,654
He is sick!
377
00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:51,656
Sex is sick!
378
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,442
♪♪
379
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,879
[ Door opens, closes ]Okay, so, imagine...
380
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:59,490
someone slips a dirty flip book
under your door.
381
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:00,665
Dirty flip book?
382
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:01,710
Right.
383
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:02,798
Is Will right?
384
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,105
Sex is sick?
385
00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:06,193
That means I'm sick, too?
386
00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:10,153
That means I'm sick, too!
387
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:12,112
Graham -- No, Graham!
388
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:14,462
Somebody tackle
that boy!
389
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:16,116
We're not allowedto touch the children, sir.
390
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:18,031
Uh, it's okay.
He lives in my sauna.
391
00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:19,510
Along with his mom.
392
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:22,078
They're there voluntarily.
I-I -- Oh.
393
00:14:22,122 --> 00:14:23,688
What is everybody
looking --
394
00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:24,951
I don't care.
You eyeballing me?!
395
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:30,957
Okay. Emma, why don't you want
to let Amy wear her own outfit?
396
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,697
Talk about my feelings?
397
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,743
You'll have to
torture me.
398
00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:36,919
What? [ Scoffs ]
I'm not gonna torture a child.
399
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:37,920
Just do it, coward.
400
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,922
Okay.
Rory, go ahead.
401
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:42,185
Okay, okay!
402
00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:43,926
I'll talk.
403
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,972
Dressing alike
is our thing.
404
00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:48,278
We're a team.
405
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,801
And, Amy, how do you feel
about that?
406
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:51,368
I won't crack.
407
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:52,543
Do your worst.
408
00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:53,631
Alright, Rory,
do the thing.
409
00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:54,937
[ Gasps ]
410
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,765
You sick twist!
411
00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:59,202
Fine!
I'll spill!
412
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:02,162
I just want to be
my own person for once.
413
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:03,859
Okay, first of all,
this child torture thing
414
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,166
is very disturbing,
though deeply on brand.
415
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:08,168
Now, dressing alike, girls,
416
00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:10,213
doesn't make you
the same person.
417
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:12,433
And dressing differently
doesn't mean you're not a team.
418
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:15,610
But dressing like a Naziis always bad.
419
00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:18,091
Sweetie, I think we're doing
a different thing here.
420
00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:19,657
Okay.
421
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:20,745
The thing is,
supporting each other
422
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,095
is what makes you a team,
okay?
423
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:24,010
You're individuals and sisters.
424
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,402
But how will people know
we're sisters
425
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,361
if we don't dress
the same?
426
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,015
Well, you look alike,
for starters.
427
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:31,234
I guess I don't see it.
428
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:34,237
Alright, what if we decide
that tonight,
429
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:36,022
you'll go to Yogurt Spot
as a team,
430
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:37,371
but as a team of sisters
431
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:40,200
brave enough to wear
your own outfits?
432
00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:41,549
What do you say?
You want to go shopping?
433
00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:42,985
Yeah.Yeah.
Yeah.
434
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:44,856
Ugh.
435
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:46,336
It only took me
an afternoon
436
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,686
to turn a formerpre-school valedictorian
437
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,340
into a petty thief.
438
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:51,994
I thought you said sampling
wasn't stealing.
439
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,649
Of coursesampling is stealing!
440
00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,477
I was lying!
I'm a liar!
441
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:57,913
Keep writing.
442
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,350
I can't believe you're making medo apology letters.
443
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:03,223
You committed a legitimate crimebecause of me!
444
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:05,225
You're taking this
really seriously.
445
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:07,270
Yes! I am!
446
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:10,795
I can't let Will know that Icorrupted his perfect daughter.
447
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:13,146
I'm not perfect!
448
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:14,886
Pent-up outburst.
449
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:16,410
I know those well.
450
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:19,152
[ Sighs ]
451
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:19,979
Hit me.
452
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,158
I don't like being
Little Miss Perfect
all the time.
453
00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:27,073
Sometimes,
I want to be like you --
454
00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,640
a Bad B
with a heart of gold.
455
00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:31,686
Heart of gold?
456
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,296
Shut up.
Don't stop.
457
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:34,732
You're so much fun.
458
00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,604
Yeah.
I know I'm fun.
459
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:38,214
I'm fun as hell.
460
00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:39,955
But that doesn't make mea good role model.
461
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,957
It kind of does.
462
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,393
Look, I love my dad,
463
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,439
but he never makes
a mistake.
464
00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:48,485
You're the only grown-up
that makes me feel like
465
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:51,097
I don't have to be perfect
to be a good person.
466
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:53,229
[ Exhales sharply ]
467
00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:57,668
So...I'm like your oak?
468
00:16:57,712 --> 00:16:58,843
My what?
469
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:01,063
I'm your tall, mighty oak.
470
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,238
I mean, you're not tall.
471
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:03,283
You're more shrub-like,
but --
472
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:04,675
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
473
00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:07,330
I'm your oak.
474
00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:09,158
Get over here.
475
00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:15,773
♪♪
476
00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:18,211
You know, stealing
isn't the only way
477
00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:19,734
to follow in my footsteps.
478
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:22,302
I know a couple legal waysto be a little bad.
479
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,347
Aren't we returning that?
480
00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:26,306
Meh.It's already stolen.
481
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,743
Come on.I got tons of fun colors.
482
00:17:28,786 --> 00:17:30,701
You gotta be kidding me.
483
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:32,094
Will!
484
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:33,095
Stop!
485
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,923
We need to find Graham!
486
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:36,316
He's right over there!
487
00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,710
Boys!
488
00:17:39,754 --> 00:17:41,756
Get in the car!Leave me alone!
489
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:43,758
Leave me alone!
490
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:46,674
[ Jazz music plays on stereo ]
491
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:50,199
Aah! It's impossible to skate
to an improvised melody!
492
00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:51,722
I can't! Fine!
493
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:53,159
You win!
494
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,335
Okay, watch your skateson the seats.
495
00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:57,250
This is veal leather.
496
00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:59,382
[ Car door closes ]Drive me back to my sauna.
497
00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:02,255
Will, Graham,we're gonna have The Talk.
498
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:05,954
When I was a kid, I foundsome dirty pictures, too.
499
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:08,565
And it was scary
and overwhelming.
500
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:11,133
♪♪
501
00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:12,308
This is confusing.
502
00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:15,833
♪♪
503
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:17,835
[ Chair scrapes ]
504
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:21,187
[ Clock ticking ]
505
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,624
♪♪
506
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:27,193
No one cared enough to takethe time to talk to me about it,
507
00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:30,021
and I'm ashamed to sayI failed you in the same way.
508
00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:31,632
Everybody fails.
509
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:33,286
Heroes fail.
510
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:35,549
Fathers bone all the joy
out of your heart,
511
00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:36,593
so what's the point?
512
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,204
Not now, Will!
513
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:42,033
Now, sex --
it can be...weird
514
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:44,645
and -- and confusing,
515
00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:48,083
and no textbook or flip bookor magazine
516
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,954
is gonna make sense of itfor you.
517
00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:51,304
What about a film?
518
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:52,827
Oh, those can be
instructive.
519
00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:54,437
But you're years awayfrom that.
520
00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:58,398
But i-it's -- it's totally fineto be curious about sex.
521
00:18:58,441 --> 00:18:59,442
Very natural.
522
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,314
It's why you wantto surround yourself
523
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:02,967
with people you can trust,
524
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:06,580
people like me and Will.
525
00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:08,234
Will.
526
00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:09,235
Yeah.
527
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,802
Look, Graham,
528
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:14,327
sex is always gonna
bring up questions,
529
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,764
a-a-and that never stops,
at any age.
530
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:20,028
So...I'm not a bad person?
531
00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:21,247
Of course not, buddy.
532
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:22,596
I would tell you
if you were.
533
00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:24,598
Oh, like when you said
I was going to Hell
534
00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:26,861
for leaving a cold glass
on your walnut coffee table.
535
00:19:26,904 --> 00:19:28,210
Exactly.
536
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:29,820
Now, do you have
any other questions
537
00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:31,996
about the pictures you sawin that magazine?
538
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:36,262
The thing that confused me
the most was...
539
00:19:36,305 --> 00:19:39,134
does a horse go faster
if you ride on it naked?
540
00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:41,354
Yes.Yes.
541
00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,314
♪ We livin' like... It's me.
Amy Fogerty.
542
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:46,446
And I'm Emma.
543
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,099
And even thoughwe're not dressed alike,
544
00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:49,231
we're still sisters.
545
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,842
Sorry.
I'm blind after sunset.
546
00:19:51,886 --> 00:19:54,584
Yeah. Thanks.
547
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:55,585
Poppy!
548
00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:57,370
Hi.
549
00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:59,589
You both look so great.
550
00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,330
-Thanks.
-Mm-hmm.
551
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,245
♪♪
552
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:05,247
Wait, did the girls
just hug you?
553
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:07,858
Oh, yeah.
You know, we bonded.
554
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:09,382
You're amazing.
555
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,600
I never knew their armsbent that way.
556
00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:11,906
[ Chuckles ]
557
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:14,648
And I guess it's probablya lack of wind resistance,
558
00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,650
so the horse
can just zoom.
559
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:17,607
Cool.
560
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:19,870
♪♪
561
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,872
Hey, sweetie.Are you feeling better?
562
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:24,266
Yeah, Mom.
Will and Douglas were great,
563
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,137
but next time,
I'd rather skate with you.
564
00:20:26,181 --> 00:20:27,922
Aw.
Thank you.
565
00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:29,706
I actually really neededto hear that.
566
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:30,446
Love you.
567
00:20:30,490 --> 00:20:32,535
Rocco!
568
00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:35,712
Wait, why are you
wearing skates?
569
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:39,281
So, how did the talk go?
570
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,414
Um, pretty good.
571
00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:42,415
Except for the fact
that I found out
572
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:43,764
my father's been cheatingon my mother
573
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:45,548
for many, many years.
574
00:20:45,592 --> 00:20:47,333
Oh, man.
575
00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:49,987
Not dope, dude.
Mnh-mnh.
576
00:20:50,031 --> 00:20:51,075
Not dope.
577
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,990
No.
For sure.
578
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:54,557
Hey, how was your daywith Sophie?
579
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:55,732
Where is she,
by the way?
580
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:58,387
Oh, she's right there.
581
00:20:58,431 --> 00:21:00,389
Oh.
You dyed her hair.
582
00:21:00,433 --> 00:21:01,651
I'll kill you.
583
00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:02,783
I'm so sorry.
584
00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:05,525
I-I think she's just
trying to mix it up.
585
00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:06,787
Mm.Is there any chance that you
could be on board with it?
586
00:21:06,830 --> 00:21:09,442
You're sure the dye'snon-toxic, though, right?
587
00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:11,444
No, no, no. It's hair dye
from the grocery store.
588
00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:13,446
[ Chuckling ]
It's definitely toxic,
589
00:21:13,489 --> 00:21:14,751
so just squeeze my arm
and smile at your daughter.
590
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:15,796
Uh-huh.
591
00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:17,014
Hi, Sophie!
592
00:21:17,058 --> 00:21:18,799
You look great!
593
00:21:18,842 --> 00:21:22,933
[ Laughs ]I'm totally fine with it!
594
00:21:22,977 --> 00:21:24,544
This has been
a really bad day.
38327
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