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1
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,147
-[seagulls squawking]
-[ship horn sounding]
2
00:00:25,147 --> 00:00:27,580
Gentlemen! My fellow whites!
3
00:00:27,580 --> 00:00:30,048
Let's raise a glass
to this pyramid of money.
4
00:00:30,083 --> 00:00:34,619
The foundation
of which was built upon
our favorite pastime.
5
00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:35,552
Fucking the poor!
6
00:00:35,554 --> 00:00:38,223
[all laughing]
7
00:00:38,258 --> 00:00:40,659
Party's over,
ya pieces of shit!
8
00:00:40,694 --> 00:00:44,095
This is my money now
so back the fuck off!
9
00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:45,965
[all laughing]
10
00:00:45,997 --> 00:00:47,799
Harley Quinn?
11
00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:51,036
[scoffs] I mean,
you think we're afraid
of the Joker's girlfriend?
12
00:00:51,069 --> 00:00:52,137
[chuckling]
13
00:00:52,170 --> 00:00:53,505
-[thuds]
-[screaming in pain]
14
00:00:53,506 --> 00:00:55,371
-So, here's the deal...
-[man screaming]
15
00:00:55,371 --> 00:00:57,276
Are ya gonna shut the fuck up
so I can talk?
16
00:00:57,310 --> 00:00:59,511
[screaming]
I'm in a lot of pain!
17
00:00:59,545 --> 00:01:01,845
Oh, just give it a minute,
you'll go into shock.
18
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,148
-[whimpers]
-[body thuds]
19
00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:04,884
Yeah, there it is.
So, as I was saying--
20
00:01:04,885 --> 00:01:06,918
-[guns cocking]
-You made a big mistake
coming alone.
21
00:01:06,951 --> 00:01:11,951
[laughing]
She's not exactly alone.
22
00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:15,227
She brought a plus one!
[laughing]
23
00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:17,530
It's me, Joker!
24
00:01:17,563 --> 00:01:19,564
Apologies,
but your friend, Rupert,
25
00:01:19,564 --> 00:01:21,865
just couldn't face
coming out here.
26
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,135
[vomits]
27
00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:26,405
[laughing] I'm so sad.
Where's my body?
28
00:01:26,438 --> 00:01:28,353
Puddin'? What the fuck
are ya doing?
29
00:01:28,353 --> 00:01:30,576
You're not supposed to
take his face off yet.
I had this covered.
30
00:01:30,609 --> 00:01:33,646
[stammering]
Yes, but I thought up
that great "plus one" line.
31
00:01:33,646 --> 00:01:36,981
And then I'm not going to
not puppeteer his face.
32
00:01:37,015 --> 00:01:38,551
-[babbling]
-[bankers gagging]
33
00:01:38,584 --> 00:01:40,218
All right, fine. Do your thing.
34
00:01:40,253 --> 00:01:42,421
So, listen up motherfuckers!
35
00:01:42,454 --> 00:01:44,091
Ya better
jump in the harbor right now,
36
00:01:44,091 --> 00:01:45,957
-or I'm gonna kill--
-[Joker laughing]
37
00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:49,027
[all screaming]
38
00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:50,930
God, really?
You just did it again.
39
00:01:50,930 --> 00:01:54,533
[laughing] That's because
I forgot I had the acid bomb.
40
00:01:54,566 --> 00:01:57,135
But we agreed I'm the muscle!
I do the hitting!
41
00:01:57,170 --> 00:01:59,237
[guns firing]
42
00:01:59,271 --> 00:02:01,039
You know,
you're great, you're great.
43
00:02:01,072 --> 00:02:02,941
You do your thing,
I do my thing.
44
00:02:02,974 --> 00:02:04,277
[man screaming]
45
00:02:04,310 --> 00:02:07,147
You're the appetizer.
I'm the entree.
46
00:02:07,147 --> 00:02:09,681
[man screaming]
47
00:02:09,716 --> 00:02:12,451
I can't spend my whole life
just bashin' goons.
48
00:02:12,484 --> 00:02:15,187
When Gothamites
hear the name "Harley Quinn,"
49
00:02:15,221 --> 00:02:16,822
I want 'em to piss 'emselves!
50
00:02:16,854 --> 00:02:18,223
I want a taste of that.
51
00:02:18,257 --> 00:02:20,225
You want a taste of... piss?
52
00:02:20,225 --> 00:02:21,927
No, you know what I meant.
God, listen, puddin',
53
00:02:21,927 --> 00:02:24,663
can't you just see me
in the Legion of Doom?
54
00:02:24,698 --> 00:02:28,866
That is just... [laughs]
You don't want that.
55
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,568
Besides, no,
56
00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,507
the Legion of Doom
doesn't give memberships
to sidekicks.
57
00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:35,007
-You have to be--
-Partners.
58
00:02:35,007 --> 00:02:36,093
[under breath] Oh, fuck me.
59
00:02:36,093 --> 00:02:38,912
I wanna be
your partner in crime.
For reals.
60
00:02:38,943 --> 00:02:41,580
-Can we talk about this later?
-If not now, when?
61
00:02:41,614 --> 00:02:46,151
I don't know, tomorrow?
I've kinda got
my hands full right now.
62
00:02:46,185 --> 00:02:48,435
[air whooshing]
63
00:02:51,924 --> 00:02:53,292
Joke's on you, Joker.
64
00:02:53,324 --> 00:02:55,126
Jesus, this guy.
65
00:02:55,161 --> 00:02:56,763
You'll never
take us alive, Bats!
66
00:02:56,796 --> 00:02:59,365
Love that
fighting spirit, Harley.
67
00:02:59,399 --> 00:03:02,032
But in this fight,
I'm afraid I have to
68
00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:03,836
take a dive.
69
00:03:03,871 --> 00:03:05,805
Uh, dontcha mean "we"?
70
00:03:05,805 --> 00:03:08,341
You know
I'd love to take you, puddin',
71
00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:12,745
but I'd never deny you
the pleasure of buying me
time to escape.
72
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:13,879
[grunting]
73
00:03:13,913 --> 00:03:15,848
Hey, but what if
I get sent to Arkham?
74
00:03:15,882 --> 00:03:18,550
Then you won't spend
even a single night!
75
00:03:18,585 --> 00:03:21,520
I'll break you out, my love.
I swear.
76
00:03:21,554 --> 00:03:25,389
Or actually, uh,
I have something tonight,
77
00:03:25,424 --> 00:03:27,893
but I'll definitely
get you out before breakfast.
78
00:03:27,893 --> 00:03:28,960
Love ya!
79
00:03:28,995 --> 00:03:31,798
["La Cucaracha" horn playing]
80
00:03:31,830 --> 00:03:33,667
[grunts] Ow.
81
00:03:33,699 --> 00:03:36,168
Oh, ain't he cute
when he's escapin'?
82
00:03:36,201 --> 00:03:37,924
-No.
-[gasps]
83
00:03:39,437 --> 00:03:41,007
[Gordon]
You're a cancer, Quinn.
84
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,909
Spreading from
Gotham's lymph nodes
into its spleen.
85
00:03:43,943 --> 00:03:46,846
And God help us
if you get to Gotham's bladder!
86
00:03:46,877 --> 00:03:48,145
But I'm the chemo.
87
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,514
How long's he gonna
keep doin' this?
88
00:03:49,514 --> 00:03:52,019
You're a festering boil, Quinn.
A bedsore.
89
00:03:52,050 --> 00:03:55,020
A tapeworm that sets up shop
in Gotham's lower--
90
00:03:55,054 --> 00:03:56,354
-Jim.
-All right.
91
00:03:56,388 --> 00:03:57,423
Where's the Joker?
92
00:03:57,455 --> 00:03:59,073
I'll never give up my puddin'!
93
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:01,460
Why are you protecting
a psychotic clown who
treats you like garbage?
94
00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:02,894
Asks the guy who fucks bats.
95
00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:04,162
He doesn't do that!
96
00:04:04,197 --> 00:04:05,430
-Jim.
-Sorry.
97
00:04:05,465 --> 00:04:06,832
I'm not tellin' ya shit!
98
00:04:06,866 --> 00:04:08,901
What me and Mistah J have
is real love.
99
00:04:08,935 --> 00:04:13,639
In fact, not too long ago,
we were on a rooftop
just like this.
100
00:04:13,673 --> 00:04:15,907
That's when Mistah J proposed.
101
00:04:15,941 --> 00:04:18,976
Till death do us part.
102
00:04:19,011 --> 00:04:21,113
Ooh! Told ya!
103
00:04:21,148 --> 00:04:23,886
After we get married,
we'll take a cruise
to Barbados,
104
00:04:23,886 --> 00:04:25,584
or maybe a resort
that's all-inclusive.
105
00:04:25,584 --> 00:04:27,685
They say they're all-inclusive,
but that's bullshit!
106
00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,687
They charge you for
the towels! Soap!
107
00:04:29,721 --> 00:04:31,156
-Jim.
-Top shelf liquor!
108
00:04:31,156 --> 00:04:32,524
-Jim!
-Right, right.
109
00:04:32,559 --> 00:04:33,759
Give up the Joker, Quinn,
110
00:04:33,791 --> 00:04:35,360
or you're going to Arkham
for life.
111
00:04:35,394 --> 00:04:37,161
[laughing sarcastically]
112
00:04:37,196 --> 00:04:38,930
[Gordon laughing along]
113
00:04:38,964 --> 00:04:42,701
[laughing hysterically]
Why are we laughing?
114
00:04:42,735 --> 00:04:44,571
'Cause you said "for life"!
115
00:04:44,603 --> 00:04:46,607
-And, as sure as I am
that he fucks bats...
-Okay.
116
00:04:46,639 --> 00:04:50,675
...I know my man'll
break me out of Arkham
before I spend a single night.
117
00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:53,278
[gate clanking and shutting]
118
00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:57,360
[all speaking indistinctly]
119
00:05:00,185 --> 00:05:01,321
Oh! Mistah J?
120
00:05:01,353 --> 00:05:03,889
-Hmm?
-Oh, sorry, my bad.
121
00:05:03,923 --> 00:05:05,757
I mean,
ya looked a little like him.
122
00:05:05,791 --> 00:05:07,560
I don't know
why you bother comin' here.
123
00:05:07,595 --> 00:05:10,196
He's never showing up.
124
00:05:10,228 --> 00:05:11,764
-[choking]
-[thuds]
125
00:05:11,797 --> 00:05:13,999
-Fuck off!
-[Poison Ivy] Yeah, fuck off!
126
00:05:14,033 --> 00:05:15,942
But for the record,
he does have a point.
127
00:05:15,942 --> 00:05:19,103
Just give me 15 more minutes.
Joker's probably
still fightin' Batman.
128
00:05:19,137 --> 00:05:21,005
I don't know, hon.
129
00:05:21,005 --> 00:05:23,910
It's, you know,
most superhero fights,
they're not like, eh...
130
00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:25,577
Calendar Man,
how long has she been in here?
131
00:05:25,577 --> 00:05:27,512
Oh, hey, Ivy! 183 days!
132
00:05:27,547 --> 00:05:31,649
Oh, sure. You remember
the incarceration date
of Porn Clown over here
133
00:05:31,649 --> 00:05:33,819
but not your own
son's birthday!
134
00:05:33,851 --> 00:05:35,586
For the last time,
I'm sorry, Debbie!
135
00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,255
Come on! I know it's June-ish.
136
00:05:37,255 --> 00:05:40,791
It's okay, Daddy.
I brought you this cactus
to keep you comp--
137
00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:42,995
[guard] Plant!
138
00:05:43,028 --> 00:05:46,966
There ain't no plant life
within 50 yards
of Poison Ivy, ya moron!
139
00:05:46,999 --> 00:05:49,468
-No wonder your dad
doesn't remember your birthday!
-[crying]
140
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,670
[alarms blaring]
141
00:05:51,702 --> 00:05:54,572
All I'm saying is,
is that you can do
way better than Joker.
142
00:05:54,607 --> 00:05:56,642
I mean,
you're smart, you're strong...
143
00:05:56,642 --> 00:05:57,642
-[grunts]
-[thuds]
144
00:05:57,642 --> 00:05:59,511
You're in control
of your own destiny.
145
00:05:59,543 --> 00:06:01,125
Leave Joker for who?
146
00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:04,750
Some reliable square
who thinks he's "quirky"
for playin' on a dodgeball team
147
00:06:04,783 --> 00:06:06,485
and calls himself
a "beer nerd"?
148
00:06:06,517 --> 00:06:07,821
-[metallic clanging]
-Hmm.
149
00:06:07,853 --> 00:06:09,988
Okay, I know
you're talking about Dan.
150
00:06:10,023 --> 00:06:12,257
It was my first year
at Sarah Lawrence,
there were very slim pickings.
151
00:06:12,290 --> 00:06:13,858
[whimpers and grunts]
152
00:06:13,892 --> 00:06:16,026
I'm just sayin'
the Joker's excitin'.
153
00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:17,362
[grunting]
154
00:06:17,394 --> 00:06:18,430
He's challenging.
155
00:06:18,463 --> 00:06:19,798
He's psychotic.
156
00:06:19,833 --> 00:06:21,934
He threw you
into a vat of chemicals.
157
00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:23,536
You know, I prefer
to think of it as a--
[grunting]
158
00:06:23,571 --> 00:06:27,172
As a vat of freedom sauce!
[grunts]
159
00:06:27,204 --> 00:06:30,776
-[screaming]
-[squelching]
160
00:06:30,809 --> 00:06:33,244
He literally
made me who I am today.
161
00:06:33,278 --> 00:06:34,639
Aw...
162
00:06:36,949 --> 00:06:38,483
[Poison Ivy] Babe, let's,
let's just be honest.
163
00:06:38,483 --> 00:06:39,952
This isn't the first time
that Joker's...
164
00:06:39,952 --> 00:06:42,120
-[sniffs and snarls]
-...left you here to rot.
165
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,488
He does not love you.
166
00:06:43,523 --> 00:06:45,100
Ya have to leave him.
167
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:48,326
-And don't say--
-[both] You don't
know him like I do!
168
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,696
Harley! Riddle me this.
169
00:06:50,728 --> 00:06:52,331
What did Nadia Comaneci do
170
00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:54,899
when she scored
a perfect ten
on the uneven bars
171
00:06:54,934 --> 00:06:57,470
during the 1976 Montreal Games?
172
00:06:57,502 --> 00:06:59,392
-Win a medal?
-Not menstruate till her 20s?
173
00:06:59,392 --> 00:07:00,442
-Ew.
-She broke a record!
174
00:07:00,442 --> 00:07:01,774
Which is what you sound like!
175
00:07:01,807 --> 00:07:04,944
A broken record.
He's not coming!
176
00:07:04,976 --> 00:07:07,345
That is just
one person's opinion.
177
00:07:07,379 --> 00:07:09,180
[all] He's not coming!
178
00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:12,430
Aw, the fuck do you know?
You're all fuckin' insane.
179
00:07:14,185 --> 00:07:16,690
[sighs heavily]
Or maybe I'm the crazy one.
180
00:07:16,690 --> 00:07:19,524
-[alarm blaring]
-[guns firing]
181
00:07:19,524 --> 00:07:20,524
Mistah J?
182
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,860
[gasps] Mistah J!
183
00:07:22,894 --> 00:07:24,663
-I knew you'd--
-[exploding]
184
00:07:24,696 --> 00:07:26,632
-[gasps]
-[inmates screaming]
185
00:07:26,632 --> 00:07:27,634
Uh,
hola.
186
00:07:27,634 --> 00:07:28,901
Oh, it's you.
187
00:07:28,934 --> 00:07:31,603
[weakly]
How did you get a plant?
188
00:07:31,637 --> 00:07:34,372
I ate an orange
and shit out a seed!
[giggles]
189
00:07:34,406 --> 00:07:36,240
-Thanks, Ivy!
-Okay, let's go.
190
00:07:36,274 --> 00:07:38,244
No! 'Cause I'm waitin'!
191
00:07:38,244 --> 00:07:39,209
For--
192
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,545
Joker, yeah, I got it.
193
00:07:40,545 --> 00:07:42,148
You know how long
you been saying that?
194
00:07:42,148 --> 00:07:45,617
-Calendar Man?
-Oh, hi!
Exactly one year today, Ivy.
195
00:07:45,651 --> 00:07:48,887
One year!
Happy Arkham
Anniversary, Harls.
196
00:07:48,922 --> 00:07:51,990
Here's your present. [blowing]
197
00:07:52,023 --> 00:07:55,827
[gasping]
198
00:07:55,860 --> 00:08:00,264
-[high-pitched ringing]
-[Harley groaning]
199
00:08:00,298 --> 00:08:01,632
[Harley] Uh...
200
00:08:01,666 --> 00:08:03,336
Where am I?
201
00:08:03,338 --> 00:08:05,937
[Frank the plant]
I did not ask
for a fuckin' roommate.
202
00:08:05,971 --> 00:08:08,608
Uh, when you pay rent
you can make decisions, Frank.
203
00:08:08,641 --> 00:08:12,711
Ugh, look what
all those months in Arkham
did to my poor babies.
204
00:08:12,711 --> 00:08:14,478
And where is
that stupid neighbor kid
205
00:08:14,512 --> 00:08:16,548
I hired to water them,
for fuck's sake?
206
00:08:16,581 --> 00:08:19,384
Uh, he quit after a week.
Very unprofes--
207
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,387
[retches]
208
00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:23,755
Really, Frank?
What if his parents
come to look for him?
209
00:08:23,788 --> 00:08:26,257
Unlikely. [retching]
210
00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:28,127
[groans] What am I doing here?
211
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,761
The Joker's gonna go
crazy with worry
212
00:08:29,761 --> 00:08:31,297
when he tries
to break me out of Arkham
213
00:08:31,297 --> 00:08:32,465
and sees I'm not there!
214
00:08:32,498 --> 00:08:34,301
He does not care!
215
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:36,735
Our escape
was all over the news
and he has not come to see you.
216
00:08:36,768 --> 00:08:38,339
Oh, my God. You're right.
217
00:08:38,339 --> 00:08:40,806
Somethin' terrible
must have happened to him!
218
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:42,273
[gasps] I hope he's okay!
219
00:08:42,307 --> 00:08:44,076
Oh, my God!
220
00:08:44,109 --> 00:08:46,514
What do I have to do
to prove that Joker
does not love you?
221
00:08:46,548 --> 00:08:50,249
Uh, ya can't.
I am outta here!
222
00:08:50,282 --> 00:08:52,518
[Poison Ivy] For once
you're gonna listen.
223
00:08:52,551 --> 00:08:54,556
You were a genius psychiatrist.
224
00:08:54,589 --> 00:08:56,855
Do you remember
how you diagnosed me?
225
00:08:56,889 --> 00:08:59,591
Sure.
A classic misanthrope
with abandonment issues
226
00:08:59,624 --> 00:09:01,927
who befriends plants
to avoid human intimacy.
227
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,263
-Nailed it!
-Frank.
228
00:09:03,296 --> 00:09:05,464
-[Frank the plant groans]
-You helped me.
229
00:09:05,498 --> 00:09:07,267
I can be around people now.
230
00:09:07,299 --> 00:09:10,989
You know, I mean, I hate it,
but I can do it
without vomiting.
231
00:09:10,989 --> 00:09:13,773
Harleen Quinzel
was the only doctor
232
00:09:13,773 --> 00:09:15,607
who ever got through to me.
233
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,912
What do you think
that she would say to you?
234
00:09:18,945 --> 00:09:20,746
Why are you always tied up?
235
00:09:20,778 --> 00:09:23,782
Oh. [chuckles]
Look how square
and boring I look.
236
00:09:23,816 --> 00:09:25,217
Yeah. You look way better now.
237
00:09:25,251 --> 00:09:27,152
Look, I need some helpwith a patient.
238
00:09:27,186 --> 00:09:28,421
Oh. Then, sure. Shoot.
239
00:09:28,421 --> 00:09:29,653
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna take a guess
240
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,220
that the picture
is talking to you?
241
00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:33,859
Tell her yes,but to stay out of it
because we are making progress.
242
00:09:33,893 --> 00:09:36,429
The picture says stay out of it
'cause it's making progress.
243
00:09:36,462 --> 00:09:40,633
So, this patient of mine,she's fixated ona murderous psychopath
244
00:09:40,633 --> 00:09:42,201
and won't endtheir relationship
245
00:09:42,201 --> 00:09:43,970
no matterhow terribly he treats her.
246
00:09:44,003 --> 00:09:47,004
Oh, easy.
Classic abusive codependency.
247
00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:49,241
You just gotta show her
there's no future with him
248
00:09:49,241 --> 00:09:52,477
and she needs to end it
and find her own identity
and... [gasps]
249
00:09:52,479 --> 00:09:55,346
Oh. I see. You're smart.
250
00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:57,350
I know. I'm you.
251
00:09:57,374 --> 00:10:00,287
The authoritiesare still on the huntfor escaped Arkham inmates
252
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:04,590
Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn,
and Gotham's funniest villain,The Rid--
253
00:10:04,624 --> 00:10:06,124
[guns firing]
254
00:10:06,157 --> 00:10:07,559
Screw that guy!
255
00:10:07,592 --> 00:10:10,363
Name someone
funnier than me, Stan.
256
00:10:10,395 --> 00:10:13,230
-Harley?
-What? No! Sta...
257
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,033
Women aren't funny!
258
00:10:15,066 --> 00:10:16,503
[groaning]
259
00:10:16,537 --> 00:10:18,770
She's standing behind you.
260
00:10:18,804 --> 00:10:21,105
-[clearing throat]
-Oh, hey, Harley.
261
00:10:21,105 --> 00:10:22,042
Ragweed.
262
00:10:22,042 --> 00:10:24,643
That's it? Just "Hey, Harley"?
263
00:10:24,643 --> 00:10:26,611
You left me in Arkham
for a year!
264
00:10:26,645 --> 00:10:28,715
You abandoned me,
you lied to me!
265
00:10:28,748 --> 00:10:29,916
But this is the last time.
266
00:10:29,916 --> 00:10:31,417
I am here to break up with you!
267
00:10:31,450 --> 00:10:33,753
Oh, shit! She's dumpin' you.
268
00:10:33,785 --> 00:10:36,388
No, she's not!
She doesn't call the shots!
269
00:10:36,422 --> 00:10:38,490
Yeah, 'cause I'm callin' a cab.
270
00:10:38,523 --> 00:10:39,557
See ya never.
271
00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:40,559
Oh, shit.
272
00:10:40,592 --> 00:10:42,628
Oh, uh, thank goodness.
273
00:10:42,628 --> 00:10:46,131
She's finally doing
exactly what
I prayed she would.
274
00:10:46,131 --> 00:10:47,734
-[Harley] What?
-[Poison Ivy]
Oh, for fuck's sake.
275
00:10:47,767 --> 00:10:49,801
Much as it destroys me
to say it, Harley,
276
00:10:49,835 --> 00:10:51,937
I was going to insist
on breaking up,
277
00:10:51,937 --> 00:10:54,273
because it's the only way
to keep you safe.
278
00:10:54,306 --> 00:10:55,941
What the hell
are you talkin' about?
279
00:10:55,974 --> 00:10:57,876
Yes, no, please
continue with your bullshit.
280
00:10:57,910 --> 00:11:01,181
The world's gone mad
since you've been in Arkham.
281
00:11:01,214 --> 00:11:03,349
Have you seen
Commissioner Gordon?
He's lost it.
282
00:11:03,383 --> 00:11:08,153
He wants revenge
because I "paralyzed"
his "partner." [chuckles]
283
00:11:08,187 --> 00:11:11,758
He and Batman
are hell-bent on destroying
everyone I care about.
284
00:11:11,791 --> 00:11:13,359
That's why
you didn't come get me?
285
00:11:13,359 --> 00:11:14,960
-[Poison Ivy moaning]
-Keeping you away from me
286
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,196
was the only way
to protect you.
287
00:11:17,229 --> 00:11:18,230
And still is.
288
00:11:18,264 --> 00:11:19,932
So, I'm afraid, my dear,
this is a...
289
00:11:19,965 --> 00:11:21,900
Oh, it's a
heartbreaking goodbye.
290
00:11:21,934 --> 00:11:24,403
-Uh, no, no wait!
-No! No "wait."
291
00:11:24,437 --> 00:11:26,306
-This is
what you wanted, Harley!
-Is it?
292
00:11:26,339 --> 00:11:28,807
It is, yes.
You came here to do this.
293
00:11:28,807 --> 00:11:31,443
Yes! Listen to
your awful friend.
294
00:11:31,475 --> 00:11:33,078
So, this is really the end?
295
00:11:33,113 --> 00:11:34,813
-Yep. This is it. Let's go.
-Unless...
296
00:11:34,813 --> 00:11:35,914
-[Poison Ivy groaning]
-Unless what?
297
00:11:35,914 --> 00:11:38,417
Unless our love is so powerful
298
00:11:38,418 --> 00:11:42,054
-even the threat of death
can't keep us apart.
-[gasps]
299
00:11:42,054 --> 00:11:44,590
Oh, screw it!
I'll die for you any day.
300
00:11:44,624 --> 00:11:46,993
-I'm in!
-Really? Me too!
301
00:11:47,025 --> 00:11:48,794
-[Harley] Mwah!
-[both moaning]
302
00:11:48,826 --> 00:11:51,263
What the fuck just happened?
303
00:11:51,263 --> 00:11:52,898
We're gonna need
some privacy, Ive.
304
00:11:52,898 --> 00:11:55,868
Sorry, but it's gonna get
real gross, real quick.
305
00:11:55,902 --> 00:11:58,001
[both moaning]
306
00:12:01,573 --> 00:12:03,975
On and off.
307
00:12:04,009 --> 00:12:05,744
And on and off.
308
00:12:05,777 --> 00:12:07,746
Everything lives
and everything dies.
309
00:12:07,778 --> 00:12:09,114
-Jim?
-I wasn't playing with it.
310
00:12:09,148 --> 00:12:10,883
-[grumbles]
-It's the Riddler.
311
00:12:10,883 --> 00:12:12,018
We hear he's got a riddle
so funny
312
00:12:12,018 --> 00:12:13,384
it makes
people's brains explode.
313
00:12:13,384 --> 00:12:15,620
And he plans to broadcast it
on live TV.
314
00:12:15,653 --> 00:12:17,657
Not if I solve it first.
315
00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:19,292
Oh, and hey,
I was thinking about
316
00:12:19,292 --> 00:12:20,692
having some friends over
to the house for
a barbecue if--
317
00:12:20,725 --> 00:12:22,427
-No.
-All right.
318
00:12:22,427 --> 00:12:26,032
And they say
it's so funny it makes
people's brains explode!
319
00:12:26,032 --> 00:12:27,866
Let me take your mind
off the Riddler.
320
00:12:27,866 --> 00:12:30,537
I made some bread puddin'
for my puddin'.
321
00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:34,907
Okay. [clears throat]
You're not grasping
the impact of this.
322
00:12:34,941 --> 00:12:36,875
Funny is
my thing
323
00:12:36,908 --> 00:12:40,745
and this asshole's
trying to steal it on live TV!
324
00:12:40,778 --> 00:12:42,748
Also, are those raisins?
325
00:12:42,748 --> 00:12:43,649
I mean, why?
326
00:12:43,649 --> 00:12:45,850
[gun firing]
327
00:12:45,884 --> 00:12:47,585
They're chocolate chips.
328
00:12:47,619 --> 00:12:50,589
Sorry.
I do love chocolate chips.
329
00:12:50,623 --> 00:12:51,956
I apologize, puddin'.
330
00:12:51,990 --> 00:12:54,328
It just seems like
every time I turn around,
331
00:12:54,363 --> 00:12:56,995
someone's gushing over
the Riddler.
332
00:12:57,028 --> 00:12:58,764
I mean, seriously,
333
00:12:58,764 --> 00:13:01,967
his whole schtick
is being the world's
most indirect asshole!
334
00:13:01,967 --> 00:13:03,196
Okay, how about this?
335
00:13:03,196 --> 00:13:05,806
If I kill the Riddler
in the next hour,
can we still have date night?
336
00:13:05,806 --> 00:13:08,474
I got a Reese Witherspoon movie
I was thinkin' we could watch.
337
00:13:08,506 --> 00:13:10,743
Well, I do love my Reese.
338
00:13:10,775 --> 00:13:12,110
All right. Kill him.
339
00:13:12,144 --> 00:13:13,879
But it's
Legally Blonde
or I'm out!
340
00:13:13,879 --> 00:13:15,446
It's
Sweet Home Alabama.
341
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:19,350
This day... sucks!
342
00:13:19,384 --> 00:13:21,287
Wow, how do they
not find these lairs?
343
00:13:21,321 --> 00:13:26,321
And we're murdering everyone
in Gotham in three, two...
344
00:13:26,392 --> 00:13:27,711
Citizens of Gotham,
345
00:13:27,711 --> 00:13:31,663
Riddler here with a riddle
so hilarious...
[laughing]
346
00:13:31,696 --> 00:13:33,198
...you'll die laughing!
347
00:13:33,232 --> 00:13:36,469
Hey, Riddler.
I got some notes on your show.
348
00:13:36,501 --> 00:13:37,836
It's over, Riddler...
349
00:13:37,836 --> 00:13:39,403
Wait a minute,
what are you doing here?
350
00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:40,840
Buzz off, Batsie,
I'm in the middle of doing
a "notes" bit!
351
00:13:40,873 --> 00:13:45,311
[whirring]
352
00:13:45,345 --> 00:13:46,845
[Riddler]
Riddle me this, you two.
353
00:13:46,878 --> 00:13:48,879
What is cold but still burns?
354
00:13:48,914 --> 00:13:52,051
What will eat you
if you drink it? What--
355
00:13:52,085 --> 00:13:53,285
-Acid.
-It's acid.
356
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,388
I am not done.
What is... Wait...
357
00:13:55,422 --> 00:13:57,523
Did I say the thing about
cold but it still burns?
358
00:13:57,556 --> 00:13:58,624
-Yes.
-Right.
359
00:13:58,624 --> 00:14:00,158
-No!
-Because it's acid.
360
00:14:00,192 --> 00:14:02,330
Okay, it's acid.
I'm dropping you
in a pool of acid.
361
00:14:02,364 --> 00:14:05,813
[sizzling and bubbling]
362
00:14:07,799 --> 00:14:09,535
You're makin' a big mistake,
363
00:14:09,535 --> 00:14:11,941
'cause when my man
hears about this,
he's gonna come runnin'.
364
00:14:11,941 --> 00:14:14,774
Precisely what I'm counting on.
365
00:14:14,774 --> 00:14:19,774
Why don't I invite him
over right now for
a little game night?
366
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:22,282
So you don't
have a riddle so funny
367
00:14:22,315 --> 00:14:23,682
it makes
people's brains explode?
368
00:14:23,715 --> 00:14:24,950
-No.
-I knew it!
369
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,318
You won't
get away with this, Riddler.
370
00:14:26,318 --> 00:14:28,020
If there's no riddle,
why are we here?
371
00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:30,056
To play a little game.
372
00:14:30,089 --> 00:14:32,991
Choose one to live
and one to die
373
00:14:32,991 --> 00:14:35,494
and in the acid,
the loser will fry.
374
00:14:35,528 --> 00:14:37,964
Is it the good kind of acid
that gives you super powers?
375
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,597
-No. Choose!
-[Harley] Aw...
376
00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:41,333
Go ahead. Tell him, Mistah J!
377
00:14:41,368 --> 00:14:43,437
-Deep fry that bat.
-Yes, well, yes, yes.
378
00:14:43,471 --> 00:14:47,706
It would seem an easy choice,
Harley, but... [giggling]
379
00:14:47,739 --> 00:14:51,309
[giggling uncontrollably]
380
00:14:51,342 --> 00:14:52,342
Puddin'?
381
00:14:52,342 --> 00:14:54,547
Even for you
that's a lot of
maniacal giggling.
382
00:14:54,580 --> 00:14:56,849
Sorry, my little
strung-up pheasant,
383
00:14:56,883 --> 00:15:00,186
-but I couldn't possibly
let this punctuation prick...
-[Riddler] Hey!
384
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:03,288
...get credit for
killing Batman, now, could I?
385
00:15:03,322 --> 00:15:06,825
Free the bat, drop the broad.
386
00:15:06,859 --> 00:15:08,759
[whirring]
387
00:15:08,793 --> 00:15:10,461
[screaming]
388
00:15:10,495 --> 00:15:12,895
[Joker laughing]
389
00:15:16,001 --> 00:15:19,600
[romantic music playing]
390
00:15:25,677 --> 00:15:28,581
Till death do us part.
391
00:15:28,614 --> 00:15:31,350
But that's not
what really happened, is it?
392
00:15:31,383 --> 00:15:33,318
Aw, shit.
What are you
doin' in my memory?
393
00:15:33,352 --> 00:15:35,120
It's my memory, too, dummy.
394
00:15:35,153 --> 00:15:37,791
First of all,
those weren't violinists.
395
00:15:37,823 --> 00:15:40,960
-And you weren't
dancing with Joker.
-[gasps]
396
00:15:40,993 --> 00:15:43,363
And it wasn't
an engagement ring.
397
00:15:43,395 --> 00:15:46,131
But, if all that's true,
then why'd he say--
398
00:15:46,164 --> 00:15:48,467
Till death do us part.
399
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:51,640
Because he didn't say it
to you.
400
00:15:51,673 --> 00:15:53,173
[whirring]
401
00:16:00,011 --> 00:16:03,081
It was him all along,
wasn't it?
402
00:16:03,115 --> 00:16:04,182
It's always been him.
403
00:16:04,216 --> 00:16:09,087
[Joker laughing]
404
00:16:09,121 --> 00:16:11,456
[Joker laughing]
405
00:16:11,490 --> 00:16:15,693
[Harley]
Joker never loved me.He only loves Batman.
406
00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:19,530
[bubbling]
407
00:16:19,565 --> 00:16:21,499
[gasps]
408
00:16:21,532 --> 00:16:22,768
[coughing]
409
00:16:22,801 --> 00:16:25,671
[gasps] Ivy!
410
00:16:25,703 --> 00:16:27,273
You saved me from the acid!
411
00:16:27,306 --> 00:16:29,575
It's actually
just margarita mix.
412
00:16:29,575 --> 00:16:30,342
It's still kinda stingy.
413
00:16:30,342 --> 00:16:32,479
Okay, I did my part,
414
00:16:32,511 --> 00:16:35,379
so we're square
for you breaking me
out of Arkham?
415
00:16:35,414 --> 00:16:37,583
His... His part?
What's he talking about?
416
00:16:37,583 --> 00:16:39,619
So don't go all
Harley on me, okay?
417
00:16:39,652 --> 00:16:41,953
But I did set
this whole thing up.
418
00:16:41,955 --> 00:16:43,956
I've been telling you forever
that the Joker's
no good for you
419
00:16:43,956 --> 00:16:47,326
but it seemed like
such a hard concept
for you to understand,
420
00:16:47,326 --> 00:16:49,830
so I decided
to let you see it for yourself.
421
00:16:49,863 --> 00:16:54,166
[groans]
I just wanna crawl back
into that acid and die.
422
00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:57,470
Again, it's margarita mix,
so that doesn't apply.
But look, chin up.
423
00:16:57,503 --> 00:17:01,307
You know, you still got me.
And I care about you so much
424
00:17:01,341 --> 00:17:05,678
that I spent my entire Saturday
setting up something
this fucking stupid.
425
00:17:05,710 --> 00:17:07,446
That's true.
I bet it wasn't easy.
426
00:17:07,479 --> 00:17:09,213
Eh, you know,
the biggest pain in the ass
427
00:17:09,249 --> 00:17:11,250
was just finding
150 gallons of this shit.
428
00:17:11,284 --> 00:17:13,519
I told you
to get a Costco card.
429
00:17:13,553 --> 00:17:15,953
And I told you
I only go there once a year,
430
00:17:15,988 --> 00:17:17,891
so it doesn't
pay for itself, chief!
431
00:17:17,923 --> 00:17:21,960
[groans] I can't believe
I wasted years of my life
on that idiot clown!
432
00:17:21,992 --> 00:17:24,030
Oh, boo-fuckin'-hoo.
433
00:17:24,065 --> 00:17:26,432
I spent ten years
in a dog park.
434
00:17:26,465 --> 00:17:30,369
Come talk to me
after a St. Bernard
shits on your face!
435
00:17:30,402 --> 00:17:32,336
-Frank, Jesus.
-[Frank groans]
436
00:17:32,372 --> 00:17:34,574
Harley, I love you in...
437
00:17:34,606 --> 00:17:38,711
[sighs] In a very odd,
hard-to-articulate way.
438
00:17:38,711 --> 00:17:41,279
And if you just stopped
sabotaging yourself--
439
00:17:41,314 --> 00:17:42,615
-Unlikely.
-Right.
440
00:17:42,648 --> 00:17:46,219
But if you did,
the world would be yours.
441
00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:49,422
And you could be any kind of...
I don't know,
442
00:17:49,455 --> 00:17:51,458
circus performer you want.
443
00:17:51,458 --> 00:17:53,460
Yeah. You know, why am I
still wearing this thing?
444
00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:56,628
-I do not know.
-[doorbell ringing]
445
00:17:56,662 --> 00:17:57,830
Joker-gram!
446
00:17:57,864 --> 00:18:00,400
"Knew you'd make it out.
Let's forget the past.
447
00:18:00,432 --> 00:18:02,768
I sent this idiot to shout,
let's have a bla--"
448
00:18:02,801 --> 00:18:03,970
[tune ringing]
449
00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:06,605
Uh...
450
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,342
Just to be clear.
You don't find this
charming, right?
451
00:18:09,374 --> 00:18:11,576
-No. No, no, no, no, no.
-Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, cool.
452
00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:14,011
I mean, look, you know,
there's obviously
something super romantic
453
00:18:14,046 --> 00:18:15,547
about a man who explodes...
454
00:18:15,582 --> 00:18:17,349
-Right.
-...another man for you.
455
00:18:17,383 --> 00:18:19,518
But, but no.
No, I'm totally
finished with him.
456
00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:20,854
Oh, finally!
457
00:18:20,854 --> 00:18:22,622
Yeah, yeah! You know,
I am so gonna show the world
458
00:18:22,622 --> 00:18:24,957
I am more
than just Joker's girlfriend!
459
00:18:24,990 --> 00:18:26,557
-There ya go! There ya go!
-Mmm-hmm!
460
00:18:26,558 --> 00:18:28,662
-I'm gonna have my own capers!
-Goddamn right you are!
461
00:18:28,662 --> 00:18:31,395
Like, like, like,
I'll kidnap the mayor of Gotham
462
00:18:31,396 --> 00:18:32,766
and I'll put him in a missile
463
00:18:32,798 --> 00:18:34,467
and I'll just, like,
shoot it at the moon
464
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:37,503
unless he names
a highway after me, huh?
465
00:18:37,505 --> 00:18:40,007
-Uh, um, okay?
-I'm actually
still workshopping that.
466
00:18:40,007 --> 00:18:42,008
-Yeah.
-But me and the Joker,
we are so through!
467
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:44,179
Okay, cool, yeah. No, for sure.
468
00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:50,415
[man] Huh?
469
00:18:53,451 --> 00:18:55,386
[Joker] Oh, come on.
470
00:18:55,421 --> 00:18:59,057
Hey, does anyone know
our damn Wi-Fi password?
471
00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:01,992
Harley? Oh. Is that you?
472
00:19:02,027 --> 00:19:03,496
It's me, dickhead.
473
00:19:03,496 --> 00:19:05,330
Uh, by the way,
that's also the Wi-Fi password.
474
00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:08,734
What is?
"It's-me-dickhead?"
or just "me-dickhead"?
475
00:19:08,734 --> 00:19:12,638
Ah, it doesn't matter.
You look fantastic.
Is that new lipstick, or--
476
00:19:12,672 --> 00:19:14,940
-Ya treated me bad.
-What?
477
00:19:14,972 --> 00:19:16,307
-Ya lied to me.
-Aw.
478
00:19:16,307 --> 00:19:18,076
-Ya never loved me.
-Come on.
479
00:19:18,076 --> 00:19:19,443
I know that now.
480
00:19:19,444 --> 00:19:21,413
Well, well,
heh, that's nonsense, puddin'.
481
00:19:21,446 --> 00:19:25,250
My motives are never clear!
I'm an agent of chaos!
482
00:19:25,284 --> 00:19:26,518
That's what you love about me!
483
00:19:26,553 --> 00:19:28,421
Not anymore. We're through.
484
00:19:28,452 --> 00:19:32,090
Oh, yeah, this again?
Look, let me make this clear.
485
00:19:32,124 --> 00:19:34,192
You don't
ever break up with me!
486
00:19:34,227 --> 00:19:36,128
I'm the top supervillain
in Gotham.
487
00:19:36,162 --> 00:19:39,364
Not for long.
'Cause you're lookin' at
your replacement.
488
00:19:39,398 --> 00:19:42,799
You? [laughs] Replace me?
489
00:19:42,835 --> 00:19:44,230
I created you!
490
00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:47,307
You won't even
get out of this building alive
unless I let you.
491
00:19:47,343 --> 00:19:49,974
[whistles]
492
00:19:50,008 --> 00:19:54,479
[men chuckling]
493
00:19:54,513 --> 00:19:58,000
-[swords slashing]
-[guns cocking]
494
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,817
[blowing]
495
00:19:59,852 --> 00:20:01,885
Bring it, bitch.
496
00:20:01,921 --> 00:20:03,989
[electricity buzzing]
497
00:20:04,021 --> 00:20:05,521
[grunting]
498
00:20:09,260 --> 00:20:11,529
[groans]
499
00:20:11,564 --> 00:20:13,833
-[Joker chuckling]
-[bomb laughing]
500
00:20:13,865 --> 00:20:15,732
[beeping]
501
00:20:15,768 --> 00:20:18,237
Ooh! Ah!
502
00:20:18,269 --> 00:20:21,007
[all chuckling]
503
00:20:21,038 --> 00:20:24,210
[grunting]
504
00:20:24,241 --> 00:20:26,711
[groans]
505
00:20:26,744 --> 00:20:28,480
[squeals]
506
00:20:28,515 --> 00:20:30,816
Just say the word
and I'll call it off.
507
00:20:30,849 --> 00:20:32,984
[coughing]
508
00:20:33,018 --> 00:20:35,488
Till death do us part.
509
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,372
Oh, fine. Kill her.
510
00:20:40,924 --> 00:20:44,229
[grunting]
511
00:20:44,261 --> 00:20:46,065
[Joker laughing]
512
00:20:46,096 --> 00:20:49,969
[grunts]
513
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,270
Ooh!
514
00:20:53,306 --> 00:20:56,142
[grunting]
515
00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:57,825
[screaming]
516
00:21:03,949 --> 00:21:05,449
Hell yeah!
517
00:21:09,422 --> 00:21:11,071
[screaming]
518
00:21:20,833 --> 00:21:24,970
[bomb beeping]
519
00:21:25,003 --> 00:21:27,708
[both grunting]
520
00:21:27,740 --> 00:21:29,287
-[groans]
-[bomb beeping]
521
00:21:30,442 --> 00:21:32,991
[Harley laughing]
522
00:21:45,490 --> 00:21:49,027
Hey, I was just gonna see
if you need any help,
but you seem good.
523
00:21:49,028 --> 00:21:50,152
Love the new look.
524
00:21:50,152 --> 00:21:52,265
Gonna go pick up
some Thai food.
Text me what you want?
525
00:21:52,297 --> 00:21:53,967
Oh wait,
I'll have a green potato curry.
526
00:21:53,999 --> 00:21:56,036
Yeah, but I said...
[stammering]
Just text it to me.
527
00:21:56,067 --> 00:21:57,568
-But you're right here.
-Yeah, but,
I'm not gonna remember it.
528
00:21:57,604 --> 00:21:59,271
And then
you won't like what I get you
529
00:21:59,306 --> 00:22:00,506
-and you're gonna
want some of mine.
-[sighs in frustration]
530
00:22:00,538 --> 00:22:02,642
Just, just fuckin' text it.
531
00:22:02,673 --> 00:22:06,378
[whimpering] Oh, what?
532
00:22:06,412 --> 00:22:08,114
You gonna kill me now?
533
00:22:08,146 --> 00:22:12,017
No, I want you alive
so I can see the look
on your face
534
00:22:12,049 --> 00:22:16,101
when I'm runnin' this town.
535
00:22:19,592 --> 00:22:24,592
[theme music playing]
37825
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