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1
00:00:06,589 --> 00:00:07,924
[crickets chirping]
2
00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:09,634
[Melchior] It's that way.
3
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:11,761
[gentle chiming]
4
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,638
It just got complicated.
5
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,056
[whimsical music playing]
6
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,224
NETFLIX PRESENTS
7
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:20,520
I'm confused... I thought it was that way.
8
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,607
I'm confused.
Are you sure this is the way?
9
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,569
-[Caspar] I've been following you.
-[Balthazar] You must follow the star.
10
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,404
[Caspar] Stop with this star thing!
11
00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:32,282
Last time, we chased
nothing but an ordinary comet.
12
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,534
-We ended up in Greece!
-[Balthazar] Are you complaining?
13
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,244
PORTA DOS FUNDOS' CHRISTMAS SPECIAL SHOW
14
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:39,080
[Balthazar] Wasn't it worth it?
The beaches, Mykonos!
15
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,250
Beautiful, exciting people... [beatboxes]
16
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:45,211
[Melchior] It's this way.
I've got a good feeling. Come on.
17
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,839
-[Caspar] A good feeling...
-[Balthazar] That's what scares me.
18
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,966
[menacing music playing]
19
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:53,511
THE FIRST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
20
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:02,812
Are they still living
at that manger house?
21
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,773
-Yes.
-I don't mean to raise hell,
22
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,900
but Joseph could've bought
a better place already.
23
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,735
-With what money?
-Isn't he a woodworker?
24
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,945
Yeah, the worst woodworker
in the whole world.
25
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,864
I asked him to make me a table once.
26
00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:16,993
It was so uneven that I used it
to level my old table.
27
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,162
Seriously, after 30 years,
nobody knows the way?
28
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,956
It's too far, Caspar.
It's impossible to remember.
29
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,751
That's why only animals go
to their parties.
30
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:25,710
It's Thelma!
31
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,922
-Thelma! No? Is it her?
-Who, Melchior?
32
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,174
-No, it's not Thelma.
-Who's Thelma? Who's Thelma?
33
00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:33,802
A Roman girl I met at the crucifixion.
34
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,054
We made plans
to go to Jesus' house together.
35
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,139
Are you bringing Thelma
to the Lord's house?
36
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:41,434
Why? Isn't my name on the list?
She's my plus-one, it's etiquette.
37
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,646
You can't bring a pick-me-up
to a family party, Melchior.
38
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:47,816
Caspar, no one will notice Thelma
in all that fuss.
39
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,443
What fuss? It's an intimate get together!
40
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:53,029
-It's a petit comité.
-That's annoying too.
41
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,948
-What?
-They only invite us to the baptism,
42
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,617
baby shower, bridal shower.
It's like we're a bunch of old maids.
43
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,537
You're starting to sound crazy.
Come on, let's go.
44
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,080
-It's hard for me.
-What?
45
00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:03,957
The long walk, buying gifts, it's--
46
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,166
-[Melchior] Huh?
-[scoffs]
47
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,961
Buying gifts? We saw you plucking these
back there.
48
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:10,505
-You've just picked them.
-It's the intention that counts.
49
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:13,508
-The guy's God's son.
-What, he doesn't like flowers?
50
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:16,970
Just so you know,
I'm bringing snacks to the party.
51
00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:18,638
-Now let's go. What?
-Melchior!
52
00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:20,348
You're a wise man, not a caterer.
53
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,601
My ham and cheese roll-up is so good,
you'll feel like rubbing your face on it.
54
00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:26,354
They're Jews,
and you're bringing pork, dumb ass?
55
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,607
Did I say pork? I said ham!
56
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:32,193
Nobody has to eat it
if they don't want to.
57
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,654
The Shiva worshippers will be there.
58
00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:37,031
-They'll eat it. Now let's go.
-Shiva worshippers? Right...
59
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,200
-[Balthazar] Quit arguing.
-[Caspar] All right!
60
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:40,618
[chicken clucks]
61
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,579
Guys, the place is too quiet.
62
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:43,580
[goat bleats]
63
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,374
I'm embarrassed I invited Thelma
to such a lousy party.
64
00:02:46,457 --> 00:02:48,501
-[cow mooing]
-Judging by the silence, it must be bad.
65
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,879
-It's boring.
-Well, we could--
66
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,255
-Let's get out of here.
-No, no!
67
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:54,757
-Let's go before someone sees us.
-No, we go in,
68
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,760
and say we just came by to say hi
'cause we have other plans.
69
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,512
-Great! Other plans.
-Okay?
70
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,806
-Got it, Caspar?
-[Caspar] Yes, it's all good.
71
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,391
-All right, let's go.
-Come on.
72
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:06,436
-[door creaks]
-[Balthazar] It's open, man.
73
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,354
-[Caspar] It's not here.
-[Balthazar] It is.
74
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,981
[Melchior] It's so dark in here. Hello?
75
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,066
[group] Surprise!
76
00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:13,401
[yelps]
77
00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:16,571
-[Balthazar] Are you nuts?
-[Joseph] Holy shit, it must have hurt!
78
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,157
-He scared me!
-You hit my jaw!
79
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,450
♪ Oh, Lord, pour your bless... ♪
80
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:21,409
What's this?
81
00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,369
-No!
-It ain't Jesus, Auntie!
82
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,997
You're fucking strong. Goddammit!
83
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:27,749
Gosh! Are you demented, Aunt?
84
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:28,875
♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪
85
00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:29,792
Aunt!
86
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,085
It's not him, Aunt!
87
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,420
[guest] Enough, Auntie.
88
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:36,090
Stop-- Get the shredded papyrus
off the floor, will you?
89
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:37,842
-That's enough.
-It was hard to do.
90
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,762
Come on in.
Surprise parties can't start late.
91
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:44,849
I'm late because I was buying him
these beautiful flowers.
92
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:49,103
-Has everyone brought flowers?
-But mine has all the colors.
93
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,189
-They are all colorful.
-No.
94
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,524
-What's up, Three Wise Men?
-Hi, Joseph.
95
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,110
-Would you like a drink?
-Yeah, sure.
96
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,487
What have you got?
97
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,614
-We've got water.
-Water?
98
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,574
It's from a waterfall next door.
99
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,661
It's small, but the water is purified
by the rocks.
100
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,663
-It's tasty.
-But it's water.
101
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:09,916
There's no wine
'cause Jesus doesn't work miracles yet.
102
00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:14,712
I wonder how Jesus will deal
with being God's son, miracles and stuff.
103
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:15,797
-He'll be fine.
-Oh!
104
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,173
-He's so sweet.
-You startled me.
105
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,759
-He really is.
-[Joseph] I'll talk to him.
106
00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:22,720
I wrote a speech with all my love.
107
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,347
-Did you write it?
-It's lovely.
108
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,390
[laughs]
109
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:28,309
I made some drawings,
so I think he'll understand.
110
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,144
-He's 30 years old, huh, Joseph?
-Thirty!
111
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:33,439
-Time flies.
-Is that myrrh?
112
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,066
-I...
-Did you bring myrrh again?
113
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:36,901
-Darling.
-Wait a minute.
114
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,404
-What's wrong with myrrh?
-Someone's gotta say it.
115
00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:41,072
First the flowers, now the myrrh.
116
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:43,074
-I'll bring nothing next year.
-Calm down, Balth.
117
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:45,285
-Does that work for you?
-I told you.
118
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:46,786
-[Balthazar] What?
-Balth.
119
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:47,954
Don't "Balth" me.
120
00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:49,872
-Respect royalty, Mary.
-You've changed.
121
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,125
Mary! He's a king!
122
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,419
-It went to his head.
-Don't do that, please!
123
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:57,505
-I told you.
-I brought the food you wanted.
124
00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:58,798
See? He likes me.
125
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,926
-Let me see. It's not pork, right?
-It's delicious.
126
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,386
-It smells good.
-Is it okay?
127
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,387
Holly sh--!
128
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,681
-Mm!
-It's delicious. You can't stop eating.
129
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,599
It is delicious. What's in it?
130
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,061
-That's--
-Soy! It's soy. [chuckles]
131
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,480
-Melchior made it.
-Soy, huh?
132
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:17,150
-Soy, yeah.
-How do you make it?
133
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:18,484
Ah...
134
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:21,321
[stammers] Well, it's a roll-up.
The name says it all.
135
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:24,866
You roll the dough with the soy on it,
and that's that.
136
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:27,118
-Then bake it.
-But how do you cook the soy?
137
00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:29,662
-Does she think I'm Palmirinha?
-[Caspar laughs]
138
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,290
I've actually invited her.
But can't you tell me?
139
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:34,917
-Well, soy is about individual taste.
-Don't be silly!
140
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,002
Tell me.
141
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:37,587
-I've never had this. It's yummy.
-I...
142
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:41,007
I personally like to make it...
[stammers] I like a free-range soy.
143
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:45,261
Right? Out in the field,
so it can work out,
144
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,847
eat grass, drink water from the creek.
145
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:52,101
Until it reaches the right age and weight.
146
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,479
Then you slaughter it,
cut its neck with an axe,
147
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:57,690
-[Caspar] No...
-kill the soy, and that's it. Right?
148
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:01,402
-Yeah, that's it. [chuckles]
-Cut the neck? I'm not sure I follow.
149
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:04,364
It's Melchior's family secret! Right?
[laughs]
150
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,407
It's Mom's stuff. You know her.
151
00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:08,493
-Didn't your mom use to breed pigs?
-[goat bleats]
152
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,496
-It was soy.
-Quiet. Jesus is here. Shh!
153
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:12,663
Shh! Get down.
154
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:13,956
[guest] Turn off the lights.
155
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,334
[shushes]
156
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,629
[door opens]
157
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,507
-Surprise!
-[all] Surprise!
158
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,425
-Fuck!
-[grunts]
159
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,760
Dammit, Leonor!
160
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:29,263
-Are you trying to kill me?
-I don't think I'll survive this party.
161
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,556
♪ Oh, Lord, pour your bless... ♪
162
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,474
Are you dumb, Auntie?
163
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:34,685
-Where's Jesus?
-He spent 40 days in the desert,
164
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,187
but he'll be right back.
165
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,606
Forty days is too long, honey.
166
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:39,941
Why? What's wrong?
167
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:42,026
He's finding himself, leave him be.
168
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:45,196
I do. I'm just worried.
I'm his father, Mary.
169
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:46,489
[Mary] We know that. Stop it.
170
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,783
-I'm a father, I feel it.
-That's self-affirmation--
171
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,576
-Hey.
-Oh, my God.
172
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,081
-You've got something here.
-[dings]
173
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,374
[all laugh]
174
00:06:57,542 --> 00:07:00,128
Darling, did you really invite him?
175
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:03,756
Did you want me not to invite his father?
176
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,300
His father? Are you kidding me, Mary?
177
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:10,179
-He said he wouldn't come, Joseph.
-Wait. What?
178
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,640
-When did you talk to him?
-Well...
179
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,892
-"Well" what, Mary?
-I don't know... Yesterday.
180
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,812
Yesterday? How?
I spent the entire day with you.
181
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:20,356
-Tell me the truth.
-You're so annoying.
182
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,150
-Am I?
-Last night, whatever.
183
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,193
-At night.
-What? At night?
184
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,987
-Yeah.
-While I was asleep?
185
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,405
-Good evening.
-Fuck.
186
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,490
-[Mary] Good evening. How are you?
-[God] How are you?
187
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,408
[Joseph grumbles]
188
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:33,286
-I brought you both a small gift.
-[Mary] Oh!
189
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,706
-Thank you. You shouldn't have.
-Really shouldn't.
190
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:39,375
-For us both.
-Wow! Great, thanks.
191
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,253
Beautifully wrapped. I love the fabric.
192
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,214
Aw! Look, Joseph! Didn't I tell you
193
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,592
we needed a painting
to brighten up the house?
194
00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:48,676
It's our family. Look.
195
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:50,970
-Yeah.
-I remember. You said it.
196
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,263
[indistinct chatter]
197
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:54,432
-What? You remember?
-What?
198
00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:55,933
It's a figure of speech.
199
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,226
You've been listening
to our conversations?
200
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,563
-Don't make a scene.
-This is an invasion of privacy.
201
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,273
-It's an abuse of power!
-We love it!
202
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:03,232
Yes, we do.
203
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,109
-[Mary] Thank you.
-I'm glad you like it.
204
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,694
-I'm very happy.
-[Mary] It's beautiful.
205
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,155
Did you see it? I'm half-painted!
206
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,948
-[Mary] That's art!
-Art?
207
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:14,118
The artist didn't have time
to finish painting everyone.
208
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,704
Ah... He didn't have time. Great artist.
209
00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,706
-What's his name?
-It's me.
210
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,667
Aren't you the Almighty God?
211
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,961
Isn't he the God of Perfection?
212
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,756
He can barely finish a painting.
[forced laugh]
213
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:30,551
I had a lot of things to do, Joseph.
214
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,678
He's teasing me, Mary.
215
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,056
-I also brought angel wings.
-[Mary] Mm.
216
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,266
But they're not to fly,
they're for eating!
217
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,352
[laughs]
218
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,062
-[Joseph] Hold on.
-"They're not to fly!"
219
00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:41,979
[laughs]
220
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:45,107
-Mary, please!
-Have you lost your sense of humor?
221
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,235
Noah came up with that one ages ago!
222
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,695
I'll tell this one to Jesus
so he can spread it.
223
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:52,240
-Make yourself at home.
-Oh, it practically is.
224
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:55,660
-Is he kidding me?
-Will you ruin the party?
225
00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:58,913
Okay. Hey, look!
Is your stand-up act over?
226
00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:00,248
Are you done?
227
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:03,000
Here's your applause. Now go away.
228
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,252
[forced laugh]
229
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,379
-What's going on, guys?
-Son!
230
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:07,547
Yeah... [chuckles]
231
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:10,341
Surprise!
232
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:11,592
Oh, boy.
233
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:14,637
Give me a hug, honey!
234
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,181
Wow! We have a full house!
235
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,892
That's nobody. Go away.
He's nobody, guys.
236
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,187
-J said everyone would be sleeping.
-Do I sing again?
237
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,815
-No, Auntie.
-She's so cute. I loved your outfit.
238
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,817
-Whose birthday is it?
-[Jesus] No one... Mine.
239
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:31,696
You monster, you didn't tell me!
I didn't buy you a gift!
240
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,991
-Your hair's all messed up.
-He's something else.
241
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,909
Who's he? Won't you introduce your friend?
242
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,411
-It's me!
-Who's who?
243
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,246
-I'm Orlando.
-[Mary] How are you?
244
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:41,539
How's it going? [chuckles]
245
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,874
Introductions are not needed,
he's leaving.
246
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,209
Where is he from?
247
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,128
From the desert, Dad, you don't know him.
248
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,880
-What do you mean?
-From the desert, I...
249
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,091
-Auntie Lupita!
-Is he a fairy?
250
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,092
Hey...
251
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:55,511
-I've seen a black one too.
-No!
252
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,221
-Don't mind her--
-Let her be.
253
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,264
Eat this.
254
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,558
Take her away. Now!
255
00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:03,185
My aunt says the same thing
about lepers and lefties.
256
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,604
[Jesus] Come back later.
257
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,024
Mom, you have to tell me
about these things.
258
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:11,611
How was I supposed to know
you were spending 40 days out there?
259
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,654
You didn't tell me! Imagine how I felt.
260
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:18,159
You're right, I'm sorry.
I loved the party you threw me.
261
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:19,410
I'm so sorry, Mom.
262
00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:22,455
How did you know
I was coming back today?
263
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,040
-Your uncle--
-Hey.
264
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,000
-Uncle Vitorio! I've missed you.
-Hey, champ.
265
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:29,420
-How are you?
-[chuckles] I'm fine.
266
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,505
-What about that beard?
-Do you like it?
267
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,633
-Yeah, I love it.
-It's the desert.
268
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,010
-We let go a little bit.
-You let it grow.
269
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:39,930
-But why did you shave your chest?
-It's... Well, it's for swimming.
270
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,182
-Swimming?
-[Joseph] Jesus!
271
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,976
My dear son, my big boy.
272
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,980
The son I've loved and cared
for for 30 years now.
273
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,608
I've got you a gift, kiddo.
274
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,610
Dad made you something beautiful.
275
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:55,154
-Wow! For me?
-[Joseph] Yeah, for you!
276
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,198
-How does it work?
-Listen, son.
277
00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:58,658
Check it out, just for you.
278
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,410
[plays jarring melody]
279
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:10,086
Oh, we got the concept already.
280
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,838
-We figured it's a great flute.
-Thanks a lot.
281
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,257
I've also made you a present. Here it is.
282
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,343
-[gentle chiming]
-[gasps]
283
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:18,886
-[God] Check it out.
-Oh my!
284
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,930
You can even play
with just one hand. Watch.
285
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,015
[jazz piano melody plays]
286
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,398
Wow!
287
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,316
[whoops]
288
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,901
-[guests cheering]
-[Orlando] Awesome!
289
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:34,902
Shush!
290
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:36,779
-[Orlando] What a great sound.
-[Mary] Great!
291
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,614
Can you do that on flute, Joseph?
292
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,950
[stammers] It's a different... beast.
293
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,953
It sure is. One day,
I'll teach you to play the Beatles.
294
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,246
-What's that?
-J!
295
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,456
I'm in love with your family.
296
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,292
I was telling Auntie Lupita how we met.
297
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,502
I don't think she got it.
298
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,921
-You don't have to.
-It's a great story!
299
00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,423
It's not interesting at all.
300
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,425
-[Orlando] It sure is!
-[Jesus] Aren't we eating?
301
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,135
I was about to tell her how we do it.
302
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,136
[shouts] No!
303
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,554
Not that! Are you crazy?
304
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,222
-[Mary] Why?
-I was about to tell...
305
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:06,100
-Nobody wants to know.
-Let him talk, we want to know.
306
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,102
-He doesn't know how to tell it.
-Don't I?
307
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,479
-I was bathing in an oasis.
-[Jesus] He doesn't know.
308
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,189
-I was naked.
-[Joseph] And then?
309
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,442
And then I asked for directions.
310
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,902
-I asked, and he gave it to me.
-You bet I did.
311
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,195
I sure gave it to him.
312
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,113
Aunt Lupita!
313
00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:21,574
♪ Oh, Lord, pour your bless... ♪
314
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:23,951
-Don't pour your drink!
-That's not it!
315
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,828
-Stop it!
-No!
316
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:29,123
Give it to me.
She's naive. She doesn't understand.
317
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:31,500
-Give me your hand...
-Jesus, let me tell you something.
318
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,793
[Jesus] Mm.
319
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,463
There's a difficult talk coming up.
320
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:39,216
Relax, fill your heart with love,
and get ready.
321
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,470
-Look, keep an open mind.
-Keep an open mind.
322
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,430
-[Caspar] Open mind.
-All right.
323
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:47,016
It's so annoying. Okay. Mm? What's up?
324
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,392
-Son...
-Yeah.
325
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:51,103
Your father, Uncle Vitorio,
and I want to talk to you in private.
326
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,229
What is going on?
327
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,440
-It's important.
-What is it? Say it.
328
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:55,900
It's difficult. I've found...
329
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,985
Did you find my diary?
330
00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:01,280
[shouting] You went through my things!
Do I open your drawers?
331
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,824
There's nothing in my diary!
332
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,577
This is so annoying.
I have no privacy in this house!
333
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,745
That's why I'm leaving!
334
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:10,372
Am I the only one
who can't have relationships?
335
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,417
-Jesus...
-Is it a crime for a boy to have dreams?
336
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,796
Can't I dream about a cousin?
I have blood in my veins!
337
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,007
-What diary?
-You didn't find it?
338
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,218
-It wasn't a diary.
-There's no diary, guys! [chuckles]
339
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:24,428
-I don't have a diary! What?
-[Joseph chuckles]
340
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,513
[Jesus chuckles nervously]
341
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,640
I thought it would be a good time
for us to talk.
342
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,558
Oh, that's it? So let's talk right here.
343
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,436
Not here, son.
Let's go to our room, please.
344
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,771
-[Jesus] Why?
-It's for the best.
345
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,649
-[Joseph] Let's go.
-Orlando, make yourself at home.
346
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:39,276
I get along with everyone, you know that.
347
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,320
Lupita and I are besties already.
348
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:44,281
-[chuckles]
-Plus, I'm in love with this king's bling.
349
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,199
It's gold.
350
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,576
No kidding!
351
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,955
I can't believe it. What rock is that?
352
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,915
[mooing sound plays on keyboard]
353
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,124
[chuckles]
354
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:56,752
-[neighing sound plays on keyboard]
-[chuckles]
355
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,337
[quacking and barking sounds play]
356
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,756
[upbeat music playing on keyboard]
357
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,174
[chuckles]
358
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,884
[chirping and barking sounds play]
359
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,638
-[chirping sounds play]
-[laughs]
360
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,103
Honey, you know we love you a lot, right?
361
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,066
Honey... let me do the talking.
362
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,277
I'll say it, I...
363
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,571
-Okay.
-I've been preparing myself...
364
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:28,367
for this for 30 years, so...
let me say it.
365
00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:29,577
[inhales sharply]
366
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,453
Jesus...
367
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,831
[breathes deeply]
368
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,292
...we're here to tell you that...
369
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,169
-I'm your father.
-[shouts] Son of a bitch!
370
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,839
-What was that?
-You fucking son of a bitch!
371
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:44,717
-What?
-He knew I wanted to say it, Mary.
372
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,260
He would know anyway.
373
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:48,762
But we agreed I would fucking tell him!
374
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:51,140
What's happening?
Is Uncle Vitorio my father?
375
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,143
-There's no Uncle Vitorio, I'm God.
-He doesn't know how to say it!
376
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,644
I invented speech, dear.
377
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,063
You're so full of yourself.
You have no tact.
378
00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,441
-[sighs] Look, son.
-Stepson.
379
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,067
He's my son, your stepson at best.
380
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,486
-You're an absent father!
-Absent?
381
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,156
I'm omnipresent, I'm always here.
382
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,033
He jerks off, I'm right next to him.
383
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,243
What? That's not right.
384
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,746
-He's so vulgar, he--
-That's enough.
385
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,790
Is it over?
Aren't we respecting each other anymore?
386
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:20,711
Mom, just to be clear,
Uncle Vitorio is God?
387
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:22,880
There's no Uncle Vitorio! I'm sorry.
388
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:26,884
We made that up to not confuse you.
389
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:29,136
I'm God and your father.
That's what you need to know.
390
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:32,389
What about Joseph? How are we related?
391
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:35,309
Joseph is... How can I say this?
He's a surrogate father.
392
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,270
He makes me so angry
when he says shit like that!
393
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,398
-He's like a babysitter.
-I'll throw a cabinet at him.
394
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:44,276
Try to make a curved staircase,
an open-concept kitchen.
395
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,986
I'll break a plank on your neck,
you prick!
396
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,197
-I annihilated dinosaurs with a fart.
-Fuck off!
397
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,116
So you and Mom...
398
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,660
-No.
-No?
399
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,036
Nothing happened between us.
400
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,079
-Nothing.
-Nothing.
401
00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:57,665
-Nothing. Please, c'mon, no.
-[Jesus] Mm.
402
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:58,791
I mean...
403
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,752
-What?
-"I mean" what?
404
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,754
-Well...
-"Well" what?
405
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:07,049
-Did you forget the...
-What does he mean, Mary?
406
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,759
-What?
-What was that, Mary?
407
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:11,929
-I... got inside her.
-What did you say, fucker?
408
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,681
-Repeat what you just said!
-Stop it!
409
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,808
-You don't know me!
-[Mary] Joseph!
410
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,101
Are you crazy?
411
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,812
-Chill out, dude.
-Show some respect!
412
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,648
-I can get inside of you too.
-I'm friends with a Roman!
413
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,233
Mary, calm Joey down.
414
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,026
-Joey, my ass, man!
-[God] Joey...
415
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,153
-I make axe handles!
-Joey...
416
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,072
-Don't mess with me.
-Hey! Cut it out!
417
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:33,117
-The boy's desperate. Are you happy?
-I don't understand!
418
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,453
Honey, 30 years ago,
419
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:40,457
Angel Gabriel said I would give birth
to God's son, and I accepted.
420
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,543
Then your father--
421
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:45,754
I mean, your adoptive father, Joseph,
422
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:49,425
the best man I've ever met,
also accepted.
423
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,844
-I'm God's son?
-Exactly.
424
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:55,139
Now I need you to spread the word.
425
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,557
-What word?
-Mine.
426
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,101
Say it to one person,
who will say it to another two,
427
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,145
who'll say it to another three,
and so forth.
428
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,354
Like a pyramid scheme?
429
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:06,483
Relax, son. Life has other plans for you.
430
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,610
What about my plans? Huh?
431
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,779
What about my dreams? My calling?
432
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,532
-What is it, honey?
-I'm glad you asked, Mom.
433
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:16,744
I was in the desert doing exactly that,
trying to get to know myself better.
434
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,288
What I realized,
with Orlando's help, is that...
435
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,248
I want to specialize in juggling.
436
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:24,501
[scoffs]
437
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,920
-What?
-[chuckling] Juggling...
438
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:31,967
Let's forget about juggling.
Now you have superpowers.
439
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:33,635
What do you mean?
440
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,139
-Um... Let me just...
-What?
441
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:38,599
What's up?
442
00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:42,061
Nothing, just-- See this? Huh?
443
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,187
-[dings]
-Done.
444
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,188
What? [scoffs]
445
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:46,607
-[chuckling] He's crazy, what the...
-[screams]
446
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,443
-[Mary] Your arm, Joseph!
-What have you done?
447
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:52,654
-Joseph, calm down. What is this?
-[Joseph groans]
448
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,990
What have you done to my dad?
449
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,618
-[Joseph, screams]
-Stay with me, look at me.
450
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,995
-[Mary] Stay with me.
-Is that my arm?
451
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,288
Look at this!
452
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:02,706
♪ God's people... ♪
453
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,291
Put it back. Work a miracle.
454
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,127
I've never done this before.
Excuse me, Dad.
455
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:08,837
Calm down, man!
456
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,589
-Easy. Don't...
-[yelps]
457
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,591
I think it's in. It should be working.
458
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,510
[Joseph] Fucking asshole!
459
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,011
-[Jesus] That was easy.
-It fucking hurts!
460
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,305
-Did I do that?
-Never do that again!
461
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:19,890
If you do that again, you won't--
462
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,642
-[dings]
-He did it again!
463
00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,977
Why are you doing this?
Joseph, stay with me.
464
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,522
-[Jesus] Look at his arm.
-[Mary] Joseph? No!
465
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:27,940
Joseph.
466
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:30,275
-[Joseph] Put it back. It hurts!
-Hold on!
467
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,528
I think I have to twist it.
It's not about strength.
468
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,863
-[yelps]
-See? [giggles]
469
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:35,781
[Joseph groaning]
470
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,158
-I'm quite liking it.
-I told you.
471
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:41,161
You have to understand
that you're God now.
472
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,874
-Okay, but...
-Now you can do anything.
473
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,169
Can I backpack with Orlando?
474
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:50,712
Almost anything.
475
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,048
Honey, you have different challenges now.
476
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,675
[bright instrumental music playing]
477
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:57,302
I don't know. I liked my life before.
478
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:06,728
I'm not sure I want new challenges, Mom.
479
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,147
[wind blowing]
480
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,898
But being God's son is a blessing.
481
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,025
I think I'd rather be Joseph's son.
482
00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:15,028
Aw! [laughs]
483
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,405
Suck it!
484
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,866
Joseph doesn't have money.
485
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,285
He doesn't have powers, talent,
486
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:23,787
not even the community's respect.
487
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:27,499
He's not ashamed of being limited,
but he allows me to be who I am.
488
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:29,585
Thanks, champ. I love you too.
489
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,421
Did I ever have a choice in my life?
490
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:37,301
Or was everything decided by those
who didn't even check with me?
491
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:41,346
I know it's a lot to process now, Jesus,
492
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,308
but your life has a greater purpose.
493
00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:48,770
-I need to think.
-Leave him alone for now.
494
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:49,771
-Okay.
-Come on.
495
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,232
-Let's go.
-Okay.
496
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:56,320
Let's go.
Jesus wants to think about all this.
497
00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:58,405
Sure, you can go.
498
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,949
He wants to be alone.
499
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,202
Yeah, but in my case,
it doesn't make a difference.
500
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,579
-I'll "leave" then.
-[Joseph] Let me talk to him.
501
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:06,496
Hey.
502
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,832
-Oh, wow!
-I'm sorry, son.
503
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,542
-I spaced out for a bit.
-I'm sorry.
504
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,711
Could you snap your fingers that way?
505
00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:15,714
Raise your hand.
Give me your hand, here.
506
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:16,632
[chimes play]
507
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,342
[Orlando] Guys, the water turned
into wine!
508
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:19,259
Thank you, son.
509
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,303
-[piano music playing]
-[Mary] Joseph, hear that?
510
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,804
-[Mary] What's that?
-[Joseph] I do.
511
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,182
[bright piano music continues]
512
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:32,439
[playing tune of "Jingle Bells"]
513
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,191
♪ God is very good ♪
514
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:37,069
♪ He created the world in seven days ♪
515
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:39,112
♪ And sometime after that ♪
516
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,406
♪ He drowned his kids ♪
517
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,366
[exclaims]
518
00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:46,495
♪ He created Adam and Eve
Who had sex with each other ♪
519
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:51,041
♪ If there was only one family
How are we even here? ♪
520
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:51,959
♪ Hey! ♪
521
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:56,546
♪ Let us not dwell on the details
We must have faith ♪
522
00:20:57,005 --> 00:21:01,385
♪ God is almighty
He doesn't make a lot of sense ♪
523
00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:06,390
♪ Jesus Christ, his firstborn
He is so exciting ♪
524
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:11,061
♪ In the heat of the desert
I saw the size of his... power ♪
525
00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:12,938
-[cheers] So beautiful!
-Bravo!
526
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:15,023
Thank you!
527
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,026
I'm still working on my rhymes.
It'll get better.
528
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,279
I'll sing another one later.
529
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:23,323
I wrote a very religious song
about raining men.
530
00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:24,533
-You'll love it.
-Sure.
531
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,368
-Let's eat.
-Let's eat!
532
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,120
Let's eat!
533
00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:30,664
-Wasn't dinner served already?
-Can you play this?
534
00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:34,042
This... I can use it as a wedge.
The keyboard is wobbling.
535
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,169
Joseph, you got this one right!
536
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,255
[Melchior] Guys, this is Thelma.
537
00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:44,094
Hi! It was hard to find the place,
but I did, and here I am.
538
00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:47,014
-Who's Thelma?
-She's a friend.
539
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,181
A friend of mine.
540
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:50,183
-Would you like a quick bite?
-I charge upfront.
541
00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:52,894
Didn't I tell you to dress decently?
542
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:56,481
-And I did. This is decent.
-You must be cold.
543
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,608
-Nope, I'm pretty hot.
-No, that's great.
544
00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,027
-You're great like that.
-[laughs]
545
00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:02,571
-You don't feel cold in the bedroom.
-[Melchior chuckles]
546
00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:05,032
-Mary, pleasure.
-One of the Pontius' girls?
547
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:08,035
No! Mary is the birthday boy's mother.
548
00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,995
She's his mother. It's her house.
549
00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:12,456
Mother? Wow, congratulations.
550
00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:14,124
You could make big bucks.
551
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:15,792
What do you mean?
552
00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:18,879
She's just praising how religious we are.
553
00:22:18,962 --> 00:22:21,298
-Mary is virgin, so please--
-Virgin?
554
00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:23,633
-[Thelma] Would she like to get started?
-Deal with it.
555
00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:25,969
-I'll handle it.
-[Caspar] Come here, I gotta talk to you.
556
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,889
My finder's fee is 30%.
Do you have sparkling wine?
557
00:22:28,972 --> 00:22:30,807
Yes, we have wine.
558
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:32,267
Leonor, here.
559
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:33,894
I'm Jesus' father.
560
00:22:33,977 --> 00:22:35,729
-[Thelma] Cool!
-I work with custom furniture.
561
00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:37,814
If you need anything, just holler.
[chuckles]
562
00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:40,484
Shush! Of course she's not a prostitute!
563
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:41,860
She's...
564
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:45,030
[slurping]
565
00:22:45,572 --> 00:22:48,367
-She's just hungry.
-She's either a whore or an ostrich.
566
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:50,327
-Which one is it?
-[Melchior] She's just a person
567
00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:53,830
who doesn't want to be oppressed
in this sexist system you live in,
568
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:55,707
-in the society you live in.
-Is that so?
569
00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:57,876
So tell her... Oh, my!
570
00:22:57,959 --> 00:23:00,545
...to abide by the rules of this society
for today.
571
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:03,340
Look! Melchior! Look, Melchior!
572
00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:05,175
-You're such a bully!
-[Caspar] Am I?
573
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:07,052
-Oh, am I?
-You are.
574
00:23:07,135 --> 00:23:09,054
You criticize all my girlfriends!
575
00:23:09,137 --> 00:23:10,764
I could punch you in the face.
576
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:14,184
-Thelminha, come here...
-Sparkling wine!
577
00:23:14,267 --> 00:23:15,685
-Here!
-Take mine!
578
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:17,187
Try mine, it's sweet.
579
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:19,815
-Who put raisins in the rice?
-I did!
580
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,942
I cooked this entire spread.
581
00:23:22,025 --> 00:23:24,569
-I also added cloves to the turkey.
-But why, Joseph?
582
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:28,323
Apples straight from our backyard
to the potato salad. It's delicious!
583
00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,659
And there's no chocolate cake
this year, folks!
584
00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:33,245
Guess what?
The surprise is a walnut cake
585
00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:36,665
with three layers
of juicy prunes and rum--
586
00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:39,251
Joseph, tell you what,
don't change anything else.
587
00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:41,753
Come on, Balth,
you must try the candied fruit.
588
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:43,338
-I loved it!
-Did you, Orlando?
589
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:46,049
I did! These dishes just needed
some cilantro.
590
00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,968
-I forgot! I have some.
-Add it now.
591
00:23:48,051 --> 00:23:49,886
Mary knows where it is.
Where's Mary?
592
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,347
-Isn't she with J?
-Maybe.
593
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:54,307
-What's that? [laughs]
-Production left it here.
594
00:23:54,391 --> 00:23:56,268
-I'll add cilantro here.
-There's no need!
595
00:23:56,351 --> 00:23:58,353
-Trust me.
-Let's start the Secret Santa!
596
00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:00,439
Good call, Do Carmo.
Let's start! [chuckles]
597
00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:01,982
Mine's Balthazar.
598
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:04,151
You can't say it, Auntie
599
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:05,485
Is it charades, then?
600
00:24:06,903 --> 00:24:10,532
Jeez, Aunt Lupita is on borrowed time
in this world.
601
00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:13,618
Guys, I didn't bring a gift,
but I can give a one-hour gift card.
602
00:24:14,035 --> 00:24:16,621
Like, let's say my Secret Santa is you.
603
00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:18,707
[duck quacks]
604
00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:24,045
-Cool party, huh?
-[exhales sharply]
605
00:24:24,337 --> 00:24:26,131
-It's just incense.
-It's me, Mary.
606
00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:28,300
Those folks are cool.
607
00:24:28,383 --> 00:24:30,051
Have you seen Joseph around?
608
00:24:30,427 --> 00:24:32,053
-Huh? Have you?
-[whooshes]
609
00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,931
-Are you gonna keep running from me?
-[Mary] Show some respect.
610
00:24:35,015 --> 00:24:36,516
-When, Mary?
-Show some respect.
611
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,393
You're no secret smoker. I know you.
612
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:40,562
-I've been in your head.
-This is my house, Vitorio.
613
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,772
I love it when you call me that
to tease me.
614
00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:44,065
-Stop it, Vitorio.
-[inhales]
615
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:46,860
I love this manger and goat poo smell.
616
00:24:46,943 --> 00:24:48,737
-Stop it.
-I've just created a big rock.
617
00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,322
-Do you feel it?
-I do.
618
00:24:50,405 --> 00:24:52,365
-[Thelma speaks indistinctly]
-[Mary yelps]
619
00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:54,451
[Mary] That's how Noah
put the animals in the ark.
620
00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,203
Cool story, God.
621
00:24:56,536 --> 00:24:57,787
We're looking for...
622
00:24:57,871 --> 00:25:00,165
We're looking for everyone.
623
00:25:00,248 --> 00:25:04,169
-[Mary] Aren't you Melchior's guest?
-Yes, Melchior. I wonder...
624
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:07,255
if he's not there in the bushes.
625
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:11,218
-[Mary] No one left the house.
-I think I'll take a look anyway.
626
00:25:11,593 --> 00:25:12,552
[Mary] What for?
627
00:25:13,094 --> 00:25:15,514
Wow, I smell tobacco.
628
00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:16,765
-There he is.
-Is he?
629
00:25:16,848 --> 00:25:18,266
-Go straight.
-Over there.
630
00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:20,310
I saw him there in the shadows.
631
00:25:22,395 --> 00:25:24,773
-This is crazy.
-I know, right? [clears throat]
632
00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:25,732
[Mary] Yeah...
633
00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:27,776
-Let's leave this place.
-What are you doing?
634
00:25:27,859 --> 00:25:29,694
-Let's run away together.
-Stop it.
635
00:25:30,028 --> 00:25:32,906
Humanity's already compromised.
It may as well explode.
636
00:25:33,156 --> 00:25:34,032
-So?
-No.
637
00:25:34,115 --> 00:25:37,244
I'll build us a hotel by the beach.
You'll have your own business.
638
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:38,703
I can't.
639
00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:41,289
You can do anything.
I've waited 30 years for this.
640
00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:42,666
What if Jesus doesn't accept it?
641
00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:44,668
I'll find some other idiot.
642
00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:46,878
-Anyone can be in charge here.
-Let me talk to him.
643
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:49,839
-Do you want to go to another planet?
-Stop it, Vitorio.
644
00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:51,466
-[whispering] Let's go to Mars.
-Stop it.
645
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:52,759
-Let's go to Jupiter.
-Please...
646
00:25:52,842 --> 00:25:54,386
-Or Uranus.
-Do you have to whisper?
647
00:25:54,469 --> 00:25:57,013
-Uranus is far and hot.
-Don't talk like that.
648
00:25:57,097 --> 00:25:59,808
-But I'll keep you warm with my beard.
-Your voice.
649
00:25:59,891 --> 00:26:01,434
You know what it can do.
650
00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:03,603
You don't have to use that voice.
651
00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:05,021
-Stop it!
-What's wrong?
652
00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:07,399
Stop it, Vitorio. Are you insane?
653
00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:09,651
-Mary, you're messing with my life.
-You're insane!
654
00:26:09,734 --> 00:26:11,861
-You're fucking with my head.
-What's going on?
655
00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:13,196
You drive me insane, Mary.
656
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:14,239
-Come here.
-Stop it.
657
00:26:14,322 --> 00:26:16,241
I've just created another rock. Feel it.
658
00:26:16,324 --> 00:26:17,576
-[Joseph] Mary!
-Oh! It's Joseph.
659
00:26:17,659 --> 00:26:19,411
It's Joseph. He's coming.
660
00:26:19,494 --> 00:26:21,580
Go. He'll see us.
661
00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:23,331
What? Mary?
662
00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:24,958
Where's this woman?
663
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,168
-Do you want me to make him blind?
-Stop it.
664
00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:28,753
-[God] It'll be quick.
-Stop.
665
00:26:28,837 --> 00:26:30,672
Want me to give him a limp?
It's trendy now.
666
00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:33,383
-There's two in every corner.
-Well, perhaps--
667
00:26:33,466 --> 00:26:36,052
-Let's do this.
-Stop it! I'm going crazy.
668
00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:37,804
[breathing heavily]
669
00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:40,640
-Promise you'll think about it?
-I'll talk to Jesus first.
670
00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:42,601
You deserve a man who values you.
671
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:44,811
-All right, let me go.
-Go.
672
00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:47,522
For the sake of me.
673
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,608
[ominous music playing]
674
00:26:50,191 --> 00:26:51,860
-May I help you?
-Excuse me.
675
00:26:52,235 --> 00:26:54,112
-Where are you going?
-I live here.
676
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,865
-Jesus is resting.
-What?
677
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,410
He was exhausted.
But I'll let him know you came by.
678
00:27:00,493 --> 00:27:01,828
Okay? Later.
679
00:27:01,911 --> 00:27:03,455
-I'm his mother.
-I know.
680
00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:06,416
-Would you like to leave a note?
-Don't tease me, okay?
681
00:27:06,499 --> 00:27:08,793
I know where you came from.
I know your type.
682
00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:11,212
I'm know people
who had fathers kill their sons.
683
00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:13,048
-It's Mary, right?
-Mrs. Mary to you.
684
00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:16,468
I'll call you Maricota.
Maricota, J is exhausted.
685
00:27:16,551 --> 00:27:19,846
Those 40 days in the desert
were entrancing.
686
00:27:19,929 --> 00:27:23,141
He did a lot of things
he didn't even know he could.
687
00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:25,393
So shall we let him rest, Minnie?
688
00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:27,812
First of all, "Minnie," my ass.
689
00:27:28,104 --> 00:27:30,607
Okay? Yeah. This is the true Mary.
690
00:27:30,690 --> 00:27:34,194
This is the real Proud Mary,
the one who steps on the serpent's head.
691
00:27:34,277 --> 00:27:36,446
And my son won't be manipulated
by a desert beggar.
692
00:27:36,529 --> 00:27:39,658
-It's not begging, it's volunteering.
-I'll tell you what.
693
00:27:39,741 --> 00:27:41,159
I'll get into that room,
694
00:27:41,242 --> 00:27:44,204
or your next volunteering job
will be for an NGO,
695
00:27:44,287 --> 00:27:47,957
rescuing your rotten, half-eaten balls
from the bottom of the Dead Sea.
696
00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:50,126
-Jeez Louise!
-Excuse me. Thank you.
697
00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:51,670
So aggressive.
698
00:27:52,545 --> 00:27:54,047
Jesus. Did you lock it?
699
00:27:54,130 --> 00:27:56,800
-He probably did.
-He never locks his door.
700
00:27:56,883 --> 00:27:59,427
Let your bird fly, Minnie.
701
00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:00,345
[Mary] Jesus!
702
00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:01,513
[clicks tongue]
703
00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:04,057
He's asleep. It must be the tea.
704
00:28:04,432 --> 00:28:06,267
-What tea?
-He was feeling confused.
705
00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:09,145
He said he needed to think,
to ease his mind,
706
00:28:09,229 --> 00:28:10,814
so I made him tea.
707
00:28:10,897 --> 00:28:14,984
-What kind of tea?
-I found it hidden in your kitchen.
708
00:28:15,485 --> 00:28:18,071
-Did you use Joseph's tea for glaucoma?
-Is it strong?
709
00:28:18,154 --> 00:28:19,239
How much did you use?
710
00:28:19,322 --> 00:28:23,493
Jesus was thirsty, poor thing.
He drank it all.
711
00:28:23,993 --> 00:28:24,869
[knocking on door]
712
00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:25,829
[Mary, echoing] Honey?
713
00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:28,039
[Jesus] This tea didn't do the trick.
714
00:28:28,123 --> 00:28:30,500
-[Mary] It's Mom, baby.
-[knocking on door]
715
00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:32,502
-[Mary] Honey?
-Orlando?
716
00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:35,171
-[Mary] Honey?
-Orlando!
717
00:28:35,255 --> 00:28:37,298
[ominous music continues]
718
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:42,011
[high-pitched ringing]
719
00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:43,888
[relaxing piano music playing]
720
00:28:44,097 --> 00:28:46,099
-[crow cawing]
-[birds chirping]
721
00:28:52,939 --> 00:28:56,359
-[Joseph] Life has other plans for you.
-[Mary] Your life has a greater purpose.
722
00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:57,986
CONGRATULATIONS, ADULT JESUS
XXX YEARS
723
00:28:58,069 --> 00:28:59,738
[Balthazar] Keep an open mind.
724
00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,322
[Aunt Lupita] Is he a fairy?
725
00:29:01,406 --> 00:29:04,159
[Melchior] I wonder how Jesus will deal
with being God's son.
726
00:29:04,242 --> 00:29:07,328
[God] You have to understand
that you're God now.
727
00:29:08,037 --> 00:29:10,081
Now you can do anything.
728
00:29:10,165 --> 00:29:11,750
[crow cawing]
729
00:29:12,292 --> 00:29:13,460
[Jesus] Where am I?
730
00:29:14,461 --> 00:29:16,671
[Buddha] You're inside your head.
731
00:29:20,383 --> 00:29:21,718
[birds chirping]
732
00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:22,927
Who are you?
733
00:29:23,386 --> 00:29:25,930
We've all been through this dilemma.
734
00:29:26,014 --> 00:29:28,057
I'm Buddha, he's Shiva.
735
00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:33,062
-Who are you?
-[alien] Tom Cruise will explain one day.
736
00:29:33,146 --> 00:29:35,940
And there's Jah,
but he's hard to reach.
737
00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:39,194
I could eat some beans, if you have any.
738
00:29:39,527 --> 00:29:41,780
There's Allah too. Look.
739
00:29:42,822 --> 00:29:45,617
Er... Allah's gonna be right back, right?
740
00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:48,286
Yeah, he's too shy.
741
00:29:48,369 --> 00:29:50,538
Aren't you supposed to have four arms?
742
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,582
Fuck. Agnaldo!
743
00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:55,794
Hold on, I'm coming. Sorry! On my way.
744
00:29:56,252 --> 00:29:59,130
Just a minute, sorry.
I was on my lunch break.
745
00:29:59,422 --> 00:30:00,465
Hello, everyone.
746
00:30:00,548 --> 00:30:02,300
-Take your place.
-Calm down.
747
00:30:04,010 --> 00:30:06,137
Jesus, being a God is super fun.
748
00:30:07,347 --> 00:30:09,390
-I had other plans.
-[Shiva] We all did.
749
00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:11,601
Do you think I wanted to be here
painted in blue,
750
00:30:11,684 --> 00:30:13,061
rubbed from behind by Agnaldo?
751
00:30:13,144 --> 00:30:16,523
-I'm not having fun either.
-But why me?
752
00:30:16,606 --> 00:30:20,026
Bottling up anger is like holding
burning coal to throw at someone.
753
00:30:20,109 --> 00:30:22,153
-It burns you.
-[alien] Cut the shit, Buddha!
754
00:30:22,529 --> 00:30:23,488
What?
755
00:30:23,571 --> 00:30:26,157
Every time you don't know
the answer to something,
756
00:30:26,241 --> 00:30:28,409
you make something up
to pretend you know it all.
757
00:30:28,493 --> 00:30:29,911
And you know nothing.
758
00:30:29,994 --> 00:30:32,747
-I know more than you.
-What's the meaning of life?
759
00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:35,124
Well, the meaning of life...
760
00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:37,460
is a leaf floating down a river,
761
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,796
-with no water, no borders, just...
-[chuckles]
762
00:30:39,879 --> 00:30:43,716
These ridiculous clichés
only work with your followers.
763
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,511
-It doesn't pan out here.
-[alien] Admit you don't know!
764
00:30:46,594 --> 00:30:48,388
I could eat some ice cream.
765
00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:52,016
-Guys, let's focus.
-What are you afraid of, Jesus?
766
00:30:52,475 --> 00:30:56,062
I'm afraid of failing,
of being misinterpreted.
767
00:30:56,145 --> 00:30:58,898
Just write everything down.
No one will get it wrong.
768
00:30:58,982 --> 00:31:01,025
But am I the right person for this?
769
00:31:01,401 --> 00:31:02,694
[alien] Relax, man!
770
00:31:02,777 --> 00:31:06,406
People are gullible.
They'll literally believe in anything.
771
00:31:06,489 --> 00:31:07,782
Look at me!
772
00:31:08,199 --> 00:31:10,493
Look at Shiva! Look at this guy!
773
00:31:10,577 --> 00:31:11,411
Do you want a drag?
774
00:31:11,744 --> 00:31:13,746
Do you think I have to accept it?
775
00:31:13,830 --> 00:31:17,166
I think this opportunity
won't come knocking again, man.
776
00:31:17,250 --> 00:31:20,044
Well, thank you. You've cleared my head.
777
00:31:20,128 --> 00:31:21,296
That's it, Jesus.
778
00:31:21,588 --> 00:31:23,590
-Keep on learning and--
-[Agnaldo] You idiot!
779
00:31:23,673 --> 00:31:26,009
-What the hell!
-[Agnaldo] I can't take it anymore!
780
00:31:26,092 --> 00:31:27,302
-[Shiva] What's wrong?
-Enough!
781
00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:29,429
-[Agnaldo] I can't take this!
-I was just saying--
782
00:31:29,512 --> 00:31:30,722
[alien] He's annoying!
783
00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:33,516
[Jesus] Calm down, everyone.
You don't need to do that.
784
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:34,684
I'm leaving.
785
00:31:34,767 --> 00:31:36,394
-High five. High five.
-[chuckles]
786
00:31:36,477 --> 00:31:38,813
-Where's the other one?
-[Jah] Hey, bro.
787
00:31:39,230 --> 00:31:43,151
Did you realize you'll be father and son
at the same time?
788
00:31:43,234 --> 00:31:46,237
-That shit's dope, bro.
-[alien] Don't mind him. He's long gone.
789
00:31:46,321 --> 00:31:47,906
[echoing] I'm high as a kite.
790
00:31:47,989 --> 00:31:49,991
[tense music playing]
791
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,453
[Jesus grunting]
792
00:31:58,166 --> 00:31:59,459
Where am I?
793
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:02,921
Oh, shit.
794
00:32:03,588 --> 00:32:05,632
Damn it!
795
00:32:05,715 --> 00:32:06,674
[grunts]
796
00:32:12,305 --> 00:32:15,433
[Mary] I'll name this painting
"The Baptism of God's New Son."
797
00:32:19,145 --> 00:32:20,521
-Damn it!
-[Melchior] No?
798
00:32:21,439 --> 00:32:23,191
-[all] Again?
-[Melchior] I can't believe it.
799
00:32:23,274 --> 00:32:25,151
-It'll work this time.
-[Melchior] Are you sure?
800
00:32:25,234 --> 00:32:26,694
You tried so many times...
801
00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:28,363
[Mary] The burgundy looks a bit--
802
00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:30,281
-You know what? It's done.
-[dings]
803
00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:32,075
-[God] You're all set.
-[gasps]
804
00:32:32,158 --> 00:32:34,786
And you've been baptized.
I do this, and we're done.
805
00:32:34,869 --> 00:32:35,954
Thank God!
806
00:32:36,037 --> 00:32:37,330
What's going on?
807
00:32:37,413 --> 00:32:39,624
-Jesus!
-Thank you, Lord!
808
00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:42,001
-He's back!
-[all cheering]
809
00:32:42,085 --> 00:32:43,211
He's back!
810
00:32:43,294 --> 00:32:45,171
I knew you'd come back.
811
00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:47,382
-I'm so glad.
-[Jesus] Come back from where?
812
00:32:47,465 --> 00:32:49,092
You were gone for a week.
813
00:32:49,175 --> 00:32:50,885
It felt like five minutes.
814
00:32:50,969 --> 00:32:52,929
Joseph's tea is strong. I told you.
815
00:32:53,012 --> 00:32:55,515
We thought you'd given up on your mission.
816
00:32:55,598 --> 00:32:58,267
-No, I was thinking about it.
-[Orlando] J, relax.
817
00:32:58,351 --> 00:32:59,936
I told them who you really are.
818
00:33:00,019 --> 00:33:03,898
I told them you're wild.
You're a naughty Capricorn.
819
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:05,817
Sometimes too naughty.
820
00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:07,610
-[laughs]
-Look, Orlando--
821
00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:11,447
The Three Wise Men helped me.
822
00:33:11,531 --> 00:33:14,951
And you're absolutely right,
no one can choose your path.
823
00:33:15,034 --> 00:33:16,953
Orlando was a blessing in this household.
824
00:33:17,036 --> 00:33:19,080
-Stop it, you!
-[Mary] He was!
825
00:33:19,163 --> 00:33:22,542
Do the stand-up bit about me
telling Abraham to kill his son again.
826
00:33:22,625 --> 00:33:25,086
I'll do it! On my way here,
827
00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:27,964
I ran across Abraham with an axe.
828
00:33:28,047 --> 00:33:29,799
-I said, "Abraham!"--
-I know that one.
829
00:33:29,882 --> 00:33:33,386
He didn't write it.
You're stealing someone's joke!
830
00:33:33,886 --> 00:33:35,847
-Jeez!
-I'm here to say exactly--
831
00:33:35,930 --> 00:33:37,348
J, chill out.
832
00:33:37,432 --> 00:33:40,435
-What's up?
-You're late. I'm God's son now.
833
00:33:40,727 --> 00:33:42,228
You can go back to Joseph.
834
00:33:42,979 --> 00:33:44,397
-Orlando.
-[eerie music playing]
835
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,482
I think it's time you call me Lucifer.
836
00:33:46,941 --> 00:33:49,152
-[Balthazar] Holy fuck.
-Call me Lucifer.
837
00:33:49,485 --> 00:33:54,240
It was so easy to tempt you
back in the desert, Jesus.
838
00:33:54,323 --> 00:33:55,324
What do you mean?
839
00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:57,118
I did it in the blink of an eye.
840
00:33:58,828 --> 00:34:02,040
I can't believe you were someone else
this whole time.
841
00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:02,957
Aw!
842
00:34:03,374 --> 00:34:04,751
Were you using me, bro?
843
00:34:05,793 --> 00:34:08,337
-I believed in you, dude.
-Ah...
844
00:34:08,463 --> 00:34:10,006
I thought it was real,
845
00:34:10,089 --> 00:34:11,841
I thought I was special.
846
00:34:11,924 --> 00:34:14,844
But no, you were just using me.
847
00:34:14,927 --> 00:34:16,637
You're toxic, you know that?
848
00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:19,223
You're a piece of trash!
849
00:34:19,307 --> 00:34:20,808
[laughs, inhales]
850
00:34:23,269 --> 00:34:25,521
-Lucifer, I order you--
-Out!
851
00:34:28,066 --> 00:34:29,609
-[grunts]
-My God!
852
00:34:30,026 --> 00:34:33,071
Wow, I like this power!
853
00:34:33,654 --> 00:34:35,490
You're done, Grandpa!
854
00:34:35,573 --> 00:34:38,242
God's time is over.
855
00:34:38,576 --> 00:34:41,329
-His son will have to take over.
-I said I'll do it if--
856
00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:43,831
I took over his power, I'm his son.
857
00:34:44,624 --> 00:34:47,168
Who will be my First Lady?
858
00:34:48,002 --> 00:34:49,212
[Mary gasps]
859
00:34:49,295 --> 00:34:50,171
Gross.
860
00:34:50,254 --> 00:34:53,007
I can't seem to find it-- Hey!
861
00:34:53,466 --> 00:34:55,843
Take your hands off my wife, right now...
862
00:34:57,887 --> 00:34:58,888
Goddamn!
863
00:34:59,806 --> 00:35:02,600
[yelps] It's over!
864
00:35:03,309 --> 00:35:04,811
It's time for my revenge.
865
00:35:06,479 --> 00:35:08,064
[groaning]
866
00:35:08,981 --> 00:35:10,149
Aw!
867
00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:11,943
-[dings]
-[mice squealing]
868
00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:15,696
-[Lucifer] They could act in Cinderella.
-My godfathers!
869
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:17,740
Son, I don't know what's happening to me.
[grunts]
870
00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:19,992
Only you can save us.
871
00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:25,248
Orlando.
872
00:35:28,709 --> 00:35:30,378
It'll be the easy way or the hard way.
873
00:35:30,461 --> 00:35:33,297
Mmm. Look at her!
874
00:35:34,549 --> 00:35:36,050
[electricity crackling]
875
00:35:38,594 --> 00:35:39,428
[grunts]
876
00:35:43,057 --> 00:35:44,308
Seriously? Fish?
877
00:35:45,143 --> 00:35:47,353
Sorry, I'm still learning. [chuckles]
878
00:35:48,271 --> 00:35:50,022
[clicks tongue] Mary, go grab some bread.
879
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,442
I'll show you some real skills.
880
00:35:53,901 --> 00:35:54,861
Oh, my God.
881
00:35:58,573 --> 00:35:59,866
[groaning]
882
00:36:01,534 --> 00:36:03,536
[energetic electric guitar music playing]
883
00:36:05,496 --> 00:36:07,248
[Lucifer] It's useless, Jesus.
884
00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:09,792
You're not big enough to fight me.
885
00:36:09,876 --> 00:36:10,751
Come with me.
886
00:36:11,169 --> 00:36:13,129
Let's rule the world together.
887
00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:17,091
Nobody will be able to stop us.
888
00:36:17,466 --> 00:36:19,802
[spits] I'll show you skills.
889
00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:23,639
It's no use trying.
I can do whatever I want with you.
890
00:36:24,390 --> 00:36:25,308
[grunts]
891
00:36:25,391 --> 00:36:27,685
That's it. Spin.
892
00:36:27,768 --> 00:36:30,021
Spin, spin, and stop!
893
00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:32,148
Do the Macarena now!
894
00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:35,568
Hand on your head, that's it!
895
00:36:35,651 --> 00:36:38,821
Can you twerk? Go all the way down.
896
00:36:38,905 --> 00:36:40,740
You got it, queen!
897
00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:41,991
All right. Show me.
898
00:36:42,074 --> 00:36:43,409
That's it.
899
00:36:43,659 --> 00:36:45,578
Do the limbo dance, come on.
900
00:36:45,661 --> 00:36:47,997
There you go. Let me see.
901
00:36:48,372 --> 00:36:51,667
That's right. On one leg now.
902
00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:55,213
[humming]
Run from the dragon! Where is it?
903
00:36:55,296 --> 00:36:57,006
There he is! Run!
904
00:36:57,089 --> 00:36:59,634
You're a hobbit! Get the diamond!
905
00:36:59,717 --> 00:37:01,761
Get it in the cave
and run from the dragon.
906
00:37:01,844 --> 00:37:04,764
It spat fire at you! Get down!
907
00:37:05,139 --> 00:37:08,392
Get up! Grab the diamond.
Go into the cave!
908
00:37:08,726 --> 00:37:11,103
And... cut! I'm tired.
909
00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:13,272
[body thuds]
910
00:37:18,402 --> 00:37:20,404
[tense music playing]
911
00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:30,998
[echoing] Come on, Mary. Dance!
912
00:37:31,457 --> 00:37:33,125
Dance away!
913
00:37:33,209 --> 00:37:35,211
[laughs]
914
00:37:44,512 --> 00:37:47,473
Mice! There are mice here!
915
00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:52,853
[God] Son, he is among us.
916
00:37:52,937 --> 00:37:54,939
[laughing]
917
00:37:57,108 --> 00:38:00,236
Orlando, you... you're right.
918
00:38:00,319 --> 00:38:01,612
I know.
919
00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:03,030
God's time is over.
920
00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:04,156
That's right.
921
00:38:05,283 --> 00:38:07,243
And there can only be one son of God
on earth.
922
00:38:07,326 --> 00:38:09,870
I like smart people.
923
00:38:09,954 --> 00:38:11,956
And that son...
924
00:38:12,665 --> 00:38:14,875
He can be anywhere.
925
00:38:17,044 --> 00:38:18,087
What do you mean?
926
00:38:19,588 --> 00:38:21,382
He is among us.
927
00:38:21,465 --> 00:38:23,384
[chuckling] I'm not sure I follow.
928
00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:25,970
God is everywhere.
929
00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:30,016
I see him right there
with a broken hip. [chuckles]
930
00:38:30,099 --> 00:38:34,020
But he is also inside each one of us,
931
00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:36,814
including you.
932
00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:40,318
How's that? I'm not sure I--
933
00:38:40,401 --> 00:38:41,319
No?
934
00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:44,739
-[Lucifer] What's this?
-[grunting]
935
00:38:47,533 --> 00:38:48,409
[gasps]
936
00:38:50,494 --> 00:38:52,830
What? Where's Jesus?
937
00:38:53,456 --> 00:38:57,918
[chuckles] Forget it, he left.
He's a coward.
938
00:38:58,419 --> 00:39:00,504
He knows he can't--
939
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,131
He knows--
940
00:39:02,214 --> 00:39:03,299
[eerie music playing]
941
00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:06,594
I'm feeling-- He kno--
942
00:39:07,636 --> 00:39:08,512
[yelps]
943
00:39:09,096 --> 00:39:12,391
I ate something that didn't agree with me.
944
00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:15,019
[groans] It's just a heartburn.
945
00:39:15,853 --> 00:39:17,271
[scoffs]
946
00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:21,525
[yelps]
947
00:39:21,984 --> 00:39:24,070
-[splats]
-[screams]
948
00:39:24,153 --> 00:39:25,780
[energetic rock music playing]
949
00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:27,490
Fuck you!
950
00:39:28,908 --> 00:39:30,493
-[Mary] Joseph!
-Mary!
951
00:39:30,576 --> 00:39:31,786
-[Mary] Are you okay?
-[Joseph] Yeah.
952
00:39:31,869 --> 00:39:32,828
Look at me.
953
00:39:35,331 --> 00:39:36,207
What's this?
954
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,542
Oh, my God, Balthazar.
955
00:39:41,253 --> 00:39:44,715
Is this jam? [crunches]
956
00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:47,760
[Aunt Lupita] I saw mice around here.
957
00:39:48,052 --> 00:39:49,178
Where are they?
958
00:39:49,887 --> 00:39:51,722
Do you get now why I need you, son?
959
00:39:52,848 --> 00:39:54,058
Yes, Dad.
960
00:39:54,141 --> 00:39:56,560
Evil always comes back.
961
00:39:56,644 --> 00:39:57,812
It's unbelievable.
962
00:39:57,895 --> 00:40:00,398
-Are you all right, Jesus?
-I am now, Mom.
963
00:40:00,856 --> 00:40:02,233
[Aunt Lupita] Shoo! Go away!
964
00:40:02,316 --> 00:40:05,277
I'm glad you've accepted
your mission, son.
965
00:40:06,195 --> 00:40:07,655
I haven't accepted yet, Dad.
966
00:40:07,738 --> 00:40:09,532
What do you mean?
967
00:40:09,615 --> 00:40:12,868
-You just said you understand.
-I do, but I haven't accepted it.
968
00:40:12,952 --> 00:40:15,371
I'm not sure
I'm ready to let go of everything.
969
00:40:15,454 --> 00:40:16,288
[sighs]
970
00:40:16,372 --> 00:40:19,291
Besides, it's not a good fit for me,
you know? I--
971
00:40:19,708 --> 00:40:22,795
I'm not sure I agree with your style.
972
00:40:22,878 --> 00:40:25,256
Getting a father to kill his son
just for laughs.
973
00:40:25,339 --> 00:40:28,300
Turning an entire city into stone
after killing everyone.
974
00:40:28,384 --> 00:40:31,387
Holding Jonah inside a fucking whale
for a whole month.
975
00:40:31,637 --> 00:40:33,139
That's wrong.
976
00:40:33,222 --> 00:40:35,891
I'm into juggling, beads,
977
00:40:35,975 --> 00:40:37,184
music,
978
00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:38,853
poetry...
979
00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:41,063
I know our styles are different.
980
00:40:41,564 --> 00:40:43,983
Sometimes my pranks go too far.
981
00:40:44,066 --> 00:40:45,192
But hear me out.
982
00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:47,653
-You just turned 30, right?
-Mm?
983
00:40:47,736 --> 00:40:51,532
So how about we try
a three-year internship?
984
00:40:51,615 --> 00:40:53,284
-Is that possible?
-Sure.
985
00:40:53,367 --> 00:40:56,412
If you don't want to do it
when you turn 33,
986
00:40:56,954 --> 00:41:00,416
I'll find someone else,
and you go back to your poetry,
987
00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:03,461
your music, and all that.
988
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:05,588
Wait. Is this for real?
989
00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:08,215
If I change my mind three years from now,
990
00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:10,759
everything goes back to how it was?
991
00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:13,012
Absolutely. At 33, you're free to go.
992
00:41:13,679 --> 00:41:14,680
Promise?
993
00:41:15,347 --> 00:41:16,474
I'm God, I don't lie.
994
00:41:17,224 --> 00:41:20,102
Okay. But under one condition.
995
00:41:20,227 --> 00:41:22,021
[clears throat] Wha--What is it?
996
00:41:23,230 --> 00:41:24,106
[scoffs]
997
00:41:24,273 --> 00:41:27,109
I want to choose the 12 men
who'll follow me.
998
00:41:27,776 --> 00:41:29,361
Oh, I see.
999
00:41:30,529 --> 00:41:32,781
You know it doesn't have to be
twelve men, right?
1000
00:41:32,865 --> 00:41:34,950
-They could be women.
-I know,
1001
00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:37,536
but I already have 12 guys in mind.
1002
00:41:38,412 --> 00:41:41,123
-Of course you do.
-Guys, what happen-- [grunts]
1003
00:41:41,207 --> 00:41:43,042
-[God] Son of a bitch!
-[Mary] You killed him.
1004
00:41:43,125 --> 00:41:44,084
He's dead.
1005
00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:47,046
He scared the shit out of me.
He came out of nowhere.
1006
00:41:47,129 --> 00:41:50,591
There's no need for that.
That's what I was talking about.
1007
00:41:50,674 --> 00:41:52,510
Resurrect him already.
1008
00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:55,554
-There's a fire over there.
-Where?
1009
00:41:55,638 --> 00:41:57,223
Mary, come with me.
1010
00:41:57,306 --> 00:41:58,807
-Come quick.
-No. I can't.
1011
00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:00,184
-[Joseph] In this house,
-[gasps]
1012
00:42:00,267 --> 00:42:01,810
a fire would spread in a heartbeat.
1013
00:42:01,894 --> 00:42:03,812
I want to create a girl with you.
1014
00:42:03,896 --> 00:42:05,981
-[Joseph] Where's the fire?
-Nowhere. Stop it.
1015
00:42:06,065 --> 00:42:07,274
-What?
-What?
1016
00:42:07,691 --> 00:42:09,151
[Lazarus] It's so unnecessary.
1017
00:42:09,902 --> 00:42:11,153
-There you go.
-[groaning]
1018
00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:16,408
-Say goodbye to your mom.
-[Mary] Bye, son.
1019
00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:18,661
-Bye. Thanks for everything.
-[Joseph] Love you, son!
1020
00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:20,037
I love you.
1021
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,747
-Bye, Auntie.
-[Mary] May God be with you.
1022
00:42:21,830 --> 00:42:24,375
Sorry about this mess. Wow!
1023
00:42:24,708 --> 00:42:26,168
Are we going to Heaven?
1024
00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:28,963
Oh, this? No. We're going to Galilee.
1025
00:42:29,046 --> 00:42:32,383
I just like a grand, dramatic exit,
with light effects and all.
1026
00:42:32,466 --> 00:42:34,176
The poor love these things.
1027
00:42:34,260 --> 00:42:36,053
-[Joseph] Lord!
-[Mary] What is it, Joseph?
1028
00:42:36,136 --> 00:42:37,263
[Joseph] I wanna talk to him.
1029
00:42:37,346 --> 00:42:39,515
Hear me out, God.
1030
00:42:39,598 --> 00:42:41,642
I was very immature
1031
00:42:41,725 --> 00:42:45,563
in this unnecessary fight
1032
00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:47,815
over Mary's and Jesus' love.
1033
00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:50,317
So I wanted to apologize.
1034
00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:53,279
I was wondering if we could... [chuckles]
1035
00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:55,489
[inhales] ...if we could be friends.
1036
00:42:56,365 --> 00:42:57,199
Sure.
1037
00:42:57,283 --> 00:42:58,158
-Friends?
-Friends.
1038
00:42:58,242 --> 00:42:59,326
Friends! [groans]
1039
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:00,995
-[God] Shall we?
-What was that for?
1040
00:43:01,078 --> 00:43:02,913
-[God] It was a handshake.
-[Joseph] My arm!
1041
00:43:02,997 --> 00:43:05,040
[Joseph] It fucking hurts!
1042
00:43:05,165 --> 00:43:07,167
[lively music playing]
1043
00:46:06,930 --> 00:46:09,767
Subtitle translation by Daiana Kirschner
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