All language subtitles for Taxi.s04e11.I_Wanna_Be_Around.en

(theme song playing)

Hey, hey, Jim?
Yo.

You didn't get
coffee?
Huh? No.

Machine must
be jammed again.

Let me give you
a hand.

Excuse me.

(grunting)
Hey.

Tony, Tony, Tony!

Pounding on it
is not gonna help.

Oh, is the coffee that bad
this morning?

No. The coffee machine's broken.

Why don't you get a screwdriver?

Hey, that would
hit the spot.

Which of the machines
has that?

No, no, no, Jim,

she means a screwdriver
to open the machine.

JIM:
Oh.
I'll get one out
of the tool room.

Hey, how come this is locked?

Louie says it's off-limits.

The tool room is off-limits now?

Yeah.

And I'm not supposed to tell why
no matter what.

You mean he's hiding
something in there?

Louie'll kill me, but he's
storing food in there.

Food?

Yeah.
Why?

Uh, well, he thinks the end
of the world's coming,

so he's turning the room
into a-a shelter.

Louie's determined
to survive.

I wish he'd put it
up to a vote.

Yeah.

What's that?

What's what?

What's in the barrel?

My lunch.

A lunch
of wheat?

You get tired of salami.

Louie, why are
you, uh,

suddenly preparing for
the end of the world?

You know something
we don't?

Judas!

All right,
I got this idea

while I was watching
TheDonahue Show one day.

He had a guy on there

who was saying where
the world was going

and what we had to do
to protect ourselves.

And let me tell you something,
he scared the hell out of me.

And you know who else he scared?

Donahue.

Donahue?

Donahue's not a-scared
of anything.

Well, he's scared of this.

JIM:
No.

You know that special twinkle
he's got in his eye?

JIM: Yeah.
Well, it was gone,

as gone as your brain.

What are you worried about,
Louie?

I'm worried about everything,
Banta.

I'm worried about, uh,
about inflation,

destroying the economy,

about, uh, murderers

running loose
in the streets,

about criminals controlling
the cities,

politicians hamstringing
the police,

nuclear holocaust, epidemic,

class warfare,

an end of the world
as we know it.

Oh, boo hoo.

You gotta learn to take the bad

with the good, boss.

Well, thanks, Confucius.

Louie, come on, if that
were to happen,

then no one
would survive.

Oh, yeah?

Someone would.

Come with me.

Welcome to Louie's Doom Room.

I've been doing
a lot of studying.

This garage was built
back in the days

when they knew
how to build buildings.

I mean, back in the days
when they used

good Irish
and Italian laborers,

not these foreigners
they got now.

All right,
up here by Nardo,

my food supply:

freeze-dried,
dehydrated goodies.

My water purifier,
my grain mill...

Look at this, huh?

Over here?

My generator
for electricity.

And there?

My radiation-proof suits.

Louie, this must have
cost you a fortune.

What good is money
in the bank, Nardo,

when you're
a radioactive pretzel?

Hey, Lou, how come
you got four cots?

You don't think
that I'm gonna

come in here
alone, do you?

I've picked a survival squad
to be with me.

ALEX:
Oh...

First of all, there's Jeff.

I need him to convince
the black hordes I'm cool.

I'll do what I can.

Oh, then, of course,
there's Nardo's cot.

You wasted
your money, Louie.

Nardo, shh.

Don't bother
to deny me on this.

When the day comes,
you'll be knocking
on that door.

When you're up to your
pretty, dimpled cheeks
in rubble,

and I'll be
in here waiting.

Just so we know
that it's you,

here's the password.

That's disgusting!

But memorable.

It'll be our little
love call, Nardo.

Louie, if you
and I were the last
man and woman on Earth,

we'd be the last man
and woman on Earth.

So let me see,
there's, um,

there's you and Jeff
and Elaine, right?

But when the holocaust comes,
who's gonna be the, uh,

fourth member
of your survival squad?

Were you thinking of me, boss?

Yes, Iggy, I was thinking
of you...

the last time I stepped
on a snail in my bare feet.

Please, boss,
let me join in.

All this talk has got me scared.

I don't want to die.

Trust me, Iggy, you'll never
know the difference.

All right, come on,
everybody out.

Out, out, out,
out, out, out, out!

So, uh...

who is the fourth member?

I bet I know.

You're gonna take Alex.

Well, I was
thinking of Reiger.

But it wouldn't work,
because he'd vie with me

for leadership of the group.

Besides, he'd use up
too much oxygen.

(inhales deeply)

Ah, the fourth man I picked

is a very important cog
in my machine.

I needed an enforcer.

Somebody who would respond
to my every command.

Someone with a lot of muscle,

and a single-digit I.Q.

Yeah, well just
forget about him.

He's not interested
in this stuff.

I wouldn't count on him, Louie.

No way, Louie.

Who we talking about?

I think he means you, Tony.

Get out of here.

You want me, Louie?

You bet I do, Banta.

You know what
New York City's
like when it rains?

People will kill each
other for a cab.

Imagine what it would be
like if disaster hit here.

This city would be
a combat zone.

You had experience
in Vietnam.

Yeah, I did.

Take two or three weeks
and read this pamphlet.

It'll fill ya in.

"Heading for Armageddon."

The guy is
a terrific writer.

Look, uh, keep your
nightmares to yourself, Lou.

I think it's about
time we go to Mario's.

Come on.
ELAINE:
Oh, yeah.

All right, wait a minute,
wait a minute, now.

Let everybody shut up,

and let's hear
what Banta has to say.

Let him decide for himself.

All right, fine.
Go ahead.

Go ahead, Tony.
Go on, tell him.

Tell him what you think
of his ghoulish little, uh,

morbid cynical,
little plan for doomsday.

I think it
sounds like fun.

That's my boy. Here.

Read, read, read.

It's got
pictures in there.

You know, you guys don't know
what you're talking about.

You haven't got
an idea of what
you're talking about.

It's one thing
to save up a lot of
food and read scare books,

but it's another thing
to lock yourselves up
in a room.

I don't think this
little group of yours

would last two days in there.

Oh yeah, Reiger?

Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, yeah?
Is that what you think?

Yeah, yeah.
Yeah? Yeah, that's
what you think? Yeah?!

Yeah.
Yeah, yeah! You do think that?

Yeah.
Yeah, well, I'm going
to show you, Reiger.

I'll show you what we can do.

Your little speech here
gave me a good idea.

Our little group needs
some field experience.

All the books say

you got to conduct drills.

That is exactly
what I'm gonna do.

My crack squad and I

are gonna go in there
for a weekend.

We're gonna spend
two days in there

just as though a disaster
had really hit.

Just like maneuvers
in the Army, Lou.

That's a good idea!
That's right, Banta.

Come here, Jeff.

All right, so what
disaster is it gonna be?

I don't know.

How about civil rioting?

That's not bad.

Uh, but why don't we go
for the atomic war?

Hey, what about earthquake
and pestilence?

Oh, man, why fool around
with that small stuff?

Let's go
for atomic war.

Yeah, but earthquakes
are bad.

All right, all right,
hold it, hold it.

All right, we'll do it all.

It's an atomic blast

that starts an earthquake,
setting off civil rioting.

All right? All right.

Good, Lou.

All right, we can throw
pestilence in

and stuff like that.
All right, okay.

Jeff?
Yeah.

I'm ready.
Where's Banta?

He's on his way.
Keys.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Lou, let me ask you a question.

Have you thought this thing
through really well?

I mean, if you're
gonna be in there
with all that food,

and everybody out
here's gonna be starving,

they're gonna be
trying to get in there.

And what if there
was a little girl

who hadn't had anything
to eat for days?

I mean some cute,
little, uh,

freckle-faced girl,

came, uh, weakly
rapping at your door.

Begging for a
morsel of food.

What are you gonna
do about that, huh?

You gonna turn her away?

Let me get this straight,
Reiger.

Are we talking about a,
a little adorable muppet?

Uh, you know, uh, say about
eight years old,

golden ringlets,
just a hint of a lisp?

Yeah, that's the one.

But look, Reiger,

it's survival of the fittest.

I mean, there's no room
for compassion here.

I mean, if you're soft,
you're dead.

But, Louie, what about
that little girl?

She's buzzard bait.

All right, Jeff,
I'm ready.

All right.

Tony, that's
a great look.

How do I go about getting
an outfit like that?

You enlist in the Army

and you spend a year
of your life in Vietnam.

How about just the hat?

Tony! Jeff!

JEFF:
Yeah?
Let's go.

Now, now, let's
pay attention here.

We got to do this right.

We got to get organized.

It is now 1:00
Friday afternoon.

Lou, 1300 hours.

Good, Banta.

1300 hours,

Friday afternoon.

We are gonna go
into that survival bunker

and lock the door behind us.

And under no conditions
are we gonna emerge

prior to 1600 hours, Sunday.

Yeah.
All right.

Now as far as
we're concerned,

the world out
here is gone.

Are there any questions?

Who played Lumpy
in Leave It to Beaver?

We may look silly to you,
Reiger,

but we're doing something here
that's very important.

There are a lot of people
who feel

exactly the way I do.

And if I'm crazy,

then there are millions
of people out there

who are just as crazy as I am.

Well, that makes me feel
a lot better.

All right,
are you ready?

I'm ready, Louie.
I guess.

Okay, disaster has struck.

Let's go to the survival bunker.

All right, hey, Alex,
Elaine, have a nice weekend.

ELAINE:
Bye.
ALEX:
Yeah, enjoy yourself.

Say good-bye to the
world as we know it.

TONY & JEFF:
Good-bye to the world as we...

No, no, no--
figure of speech.

So long, losers.

(door slams, locks latching)

I just had
a terrifying thought.

If the world were
to end tomorrow,

that's what's left
of the human race.

Man your stations.

Hey, Louie?

Ain't we supposed
to be doing something?

We are doing something, Banta.
We're surviving.

You want something to read?

I'm still working
on the pamphlet.

Hey, how 'bout
something to eat, Lou?

That's a good idea.

Here we go.

A nice, big bowl of
vitamin-enriched legumes.

These here

have the nutritional
equivalent

of an entire
egg breakfast.

What're we supposed
to do with them?

You eat them.

Mmm!

This is awful.

Louie, ain't you
got anything

that tastes good to eat
in this place?
Yeah.

There's some
freeze-dried ice cream.
LOUIE: Nah-uh!

Don't you dare touch that
freeze-dried ice cream

until you've finished
your legumes.

Come on, Louie,
let's eat some...

Sit down!

Eat!

Hey, let's take
a vote on it.

Everybody for ice cream
raise your hand.

(grumbles)

It's three
to one, Louie.

Ignatowski, what the hell
are you doing in here?

I'm voting for ice cream.

What are you doing
in my survival bunker?

You're not supposed
to be here.

Oh, I've been living
in here for three days.

Eating this great food,
listening to the short wave,

reading all those books,

and sleeping in these
crazy sleeping bags.

Get the hell
out of here, you.

Come on.
Oh, come on, boss.

Let me stay.

I'll be a good soldier.

Iggy?
Huh?

Your mind is mush.

I haven't got the faculty
of Harvard in here as it is.

Come on now, you got to get
out of here before...

Oh, boss...

Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

This is perfect!

This is great!

I'm glad you're here, Iggy.

Thanks, boss,
I'm glad to be here!

Iggy?
Huh?

You are gonna play
an important part

in my little survival group.

Hey, you bet!

What do you want me to do?

What can I do for you, boss?

All right, you just
stand there...
Uh-huh.

and let Banta throw you out.

Can do.

What are you
talking about, Louie?

Look, Banta, we're
simulating the real
thing here.

That's why I got you
on the squad.

Remove the invading
anarchist.

Come on, Louie,
it's just Jim.

It's not Jim.

It's a starved maniac
after your food.

Hey, he could have
my legumes.

Will you get
out of here?

That is the enemy, Banta.

He is threatening
our lives.

Now, get up and throw him
out of here.

Okay, come on, Jim,
you got to go.

It's just a drill
anyway. Come on...

No, no-- Banta,
this is not a drill.

You have to tell yourself
that this is the real thing.

Outside that door,

there's a world
that's smoking,

burning, glowing.

There's nothing out there;
no air,

no water, no food,
just total devastation.

You want me to throw
him out into that?

That's right. I want you
to throw him out of there.

If you can't do it now,

then you'll never be able to do
it and you're no use to me.

I can't do it, Louie.

Okay, coward,
I'll do it.

I'll throw
Iggy out myself.

No, no, don't do that, boss!

I want to live.
I want to stay here with you.

I don't want to die.

I'm sorry, Iggy.

I mean, I...
that's the way it is.

It's a question of who's
gonna survive, you or me?

It can't be both of us.

That's why I gotta
throw you out.

I understand.

I don't want ya to die
because of me.

So long, boss.

Good-bye.

Could I ask just one
more thing from you, boss?

No food, no water,
no nothing.

A hug?

(grumbles)

(sobbing)

See, Louie?

It's no fun pretending
everybody's dead.

What if you're not
pretending, Banta?

That won't be
any fun either.

You had to hug me.

All right, forget it!

The whole thing's called off.

Let's go.
Don't go out there, boss!

Will you get away
from the door?

There's nothing
but devastation
and death out there.

Nobody and nothing.

Hi, Alex.

Well, an 11-minute Armageddon.

Sort of an "Armageddonette."

Come on, Jeff, I'll
buy you a beer.
I hear you.

Hey, see you later.
Yeah.

Oh, come on, Louie.

It's not the end of the world.

Real funny, Reiger.

You see this?

Dead man!

What are you talking about?

I was done in
by a soft heart.

Whose?

I couldn't throw
Ignatowski out of there.

When it came right
down to it, I was soft.

I'm a loser like you.

When the end comes,

I'll be nothing
but a charcoal briquette.

Oh, gee, what a shame.

Now, you're just gonna
have to take your chances

with the rest of us.
Yeah.

Hey, Louie, it's not
gonna be what you think.

You couldn't
throw Jim out.

You couldn't turn
your back on Jim.

And if the time came,
you wouldn't be able

to turn your back
on that little girl

or anybody else
for that matter.

And that's where our hope is.

Not in, uh, radiation suits
and fallout shelters,

but in compassion.

If we don't give up
on the future, we can make it.

We don't have to be
afraid of tomorrow.

We can look forward to it.

Did you say something, Reiger?

Ah, no, no, no, no,

I'm sorry,
I wasn't listening.

no, no, no, no--
you were listening.
I wasn't listening.

You were listening.

Don't sit there dripping
with love for humanity

and pretending
you didn't hear me.

You sweet, little
tender rascal, you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...
Hey, hey, hey, Louie.

Louie, come on.
Everybody went to Mario's.

Come on,
let me buy you a beer.

Uh, maybe later.

Hey, Reiger, wait up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

(theme song playing)

WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!

(man grumbling)