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1
00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:04,535
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:23,282 --> 00:01:25,884
Oh, no! No!
3
00:01:25,951 --> 00:01:27,218
Ah, why me?
4
00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:28,386
What's wrong, Tony?
5
00:01:28,453 --> 00:01:30,221
I've been called
for jury duty.
6
00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:32,056
Oh...
Ah, you're very lucky.
7
00:01:32,124 --> 00:01:33,324
You're getting a chance
to participate
8
00:01:33,392 --> 00:01:34,358
in the judicial system.
9
00:01:34,426 --> 00:01:35,559
It's really a privilege.
10
00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:37,895
Have you ever been called?
11
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,165
Not so far.
Yeah.
12
00:01:40,232 --> 00:01:41,699
Here you go.
13
00:01:41,767 --> 00:01:43,935
(phone ringing)
14
00:01:44,036 --> 00:01:48,206
Yo...
15
00:01:48,273 --> 00:01:50,742
Alex, phone for you.
16
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,543
Oh, thanks, Jim.
17
00:01:52,611 --> 00:01:54,479
Who is it?
Your father.
18
00:01:56,281 --> 00:01:57,882
I don't want to talk to him.
19
00:01:57,983 --> 00:02:00,752
He'll have to call you back.
20
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:04,356
Are you anywhere near a phone?
21
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,762
He says it's important.
22
00:02:10,829 --> 00:02:11,996
(mouthing words)
23
00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:13,398
You're not gonna
talk to your father?
24
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,199
Look, I'll, uh,
I'll trade ya, okay?
25
00:02:15,267 --> 00:02:17,234
You talk to him
and I'll do your jury duty.
26
00:02:17,236 --> 00:02:18,903
Oh, come on, Alex.
27
00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:20,905
I know you're not
close to your father,
"Not close"?
28
00:02:20,973 --> 00:02:23,374
but don't you think this is...
We've talked exactly once
in the last 20 years.
29
00:02:23,442 --> 00:02:24,909
Why is he calling me now?
30
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:28,746
Well, you know, some people
yakkety-yakkety-yakkety-yak.
31
00:02:30,349 --> 00:02:32,250
Come on, pick up that phone.
No, no, no, no, no,
Elaine. Elaine.
32
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,085
Right now,
it's the first step.
I don't want to talk
33
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,219
to the guy!
Give me this. Give me this.
34
00:02:35,287 --> 00:02:36,320
Elaine, please.
Here. Alex.
35
00:02:38,891 --> 00:02:41,392
Hello?
36
00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:43,260
Yeah.
37
00:02:45,264 --> 00:02:47,231
So, what's goin' on?
38
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:49,968
Come on, what'd I miss?
39
00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:51,202
Come on, come on,
40
00:02:51,269 --> 00:02:53,838
what's new in the always
fascinating world
41
00:02:53,906 --> 00:02:56,708
of my drivers?
42
00:02:56,775 --> 00:02:58,543
Why should we tell you?
43
00:02:58,611 --> 00:02:59,911
None of your business, Louie.
44
00:02:59,945 --> 00:03:02,313
Alex got a call from his father.
45
00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:05,483
Hey, what the heck?
46
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:11,055
Tony's got jury duty.
47
00:03:11,123 --> 00:03:12,924
Oh...
48
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,627
Well, the law says
49
00:03:16,695 --> 00:03:19,597
"everyone's entitled
to a jury of their peers."
50
00:03:19,665 --> 00:03:21,566
Who are they tryin',
a pinhead?
51
00:03:23,302 --> 00:03:26,704
Ha-ha-ha, Louie.
52
00:03:26,772 --> 00:03:28,206
I give the kid this--
53
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:31,142
he's never at a loss
for a comeback.
54
00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:35,713
Boy, can you imagine
being some poor defendant?
55
00:03:35,781 --> 00:03:40,318
You're caught in a web
of circumstantial evidence.
56
00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:41,752
You've got all your hopes
57
00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:45,156
pinned on an incredibly
complicated defense.
58
00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:47,758
You glance over at the jury box
59
00:03:47,826 --> 00:03:50,195
and there's Banta
playin' with his lips.
60
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,475
Oh. Are you okay?
61
00:04:04,576 --> 00:04:05,744
Yeah, I guess so.
62
00:04:05,811 --> 00:04:07,812
He wants to take me to lunch.
63
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,081
Oh.
He said he's coming over here
in a few minutes.
64
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:12,517
Well, well, did he say
what's on his mind?
65
00:04:12,584 --> 00:04:14,953
Yeah, only that we've been
strangers for so many years,
66
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:17,055
he figures it's time
we became friends again.
Good.
67
00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:19,824
Sounds like a pretty nice
fella to me.
68
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,729
Who are we talkin' about?
69
00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:26,297
Alex's father, Jim.
70
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:27,965
Oh, oh, uh, right, right.
71
00:04:28,033 --> 00:04:29,200
ALEX:
Jim.
72
00:04:29,301 --> 00:04:31,669
Jim, he walked out on the family
when I was a kid
73
00:04:31,737 --> 00:04:32,937
and I haven't seen him since,
74
00:04:33,005 --> 00:04:34,606
except that one time
when he was in the hospital.
75
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,040
What, is he in town
on business?
76
00:04:36,108 --> 00:04:38,443
No, no, no,
he lives here now.
Since when?
77
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:41,745
1974.
78
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:45,049
And you haven't seen him
in all that time?
Look, Elaine, Elaine,
79
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,885
just leave me alone--
look, I'm entitled to resent
what he did to my mother.
80
00:04:47,953 --> 00:04:50,355
Your mother?!
My God, who is this man?
81
00:04:54,126 --> 00:04:56,695
He's always been
a compulsive ladies' man.
82
00:04:56,762 --> 00:04:59,063
And a real charmer,
too, by the way.
83
00:04:59,131 --> 00:05:00,898
I mean, that,
that was his curse.
84
00:05:00,966 --> 00:05:03,067
You know, every woman he saw
became a challenge to him.
85
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:04,669
Okay, Alex, but, you know,
86
00:05:04,736 --> 00:05:07,404
time presumably has taken care
of that little habit.
87
00:05:07,439 --> 00:05:10,875
Yeah.
He's probably just a sweet,
little old man now.
88
00:05:10,943 --> 00:05:13,110
Oh, big deal. What am I gonna do
with a sweet, little old man?
89
00:05:13,178 --> 00:05:14,379
I mean, what are
we gonna talk about?
90
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:15,747
Oh, God, I hate it.
91
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,915
It's always so awkward
when we get together.
92
00:05:17,983 --> 00:05:19,884
We don't know
whether to shake hands or hug.
93
00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:21,953
We end up standing
and staring at each other.
94
00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:23,187
Look, whatever you do,
95
00:05:23,255 --> 00:05:24,555
don't make a big deal
out of this, okay?
96
00:05:24,623 --> 00:05:26,224
Just don't anybody
make a big fuss.
97
00:05:26,291 --> 00:05:28,159
Oh, God, here he comes now.
98
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:29,093
Look, just cool it, all right?
99
00:05:29,161 --> 00:05:30,428
Just cool it.
100
00:05:43,909 --> 00:05:45,243
Hello.
101
00:05:46,878 --> 00:05:49,046
Hi, Joe.
102
00:05:51,917 --> 00:05:54,452
(sighs)
103
00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:56,320
Why don't you
just get up and...
104
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:59,090
Elaine, Elaine, stop.
Don't do this to me.
105
00:06:03,195 --> 00:06:05,163
You push a girl like that away?
106
00:06:09,034 --> 00:06:10,735
You're still mad at me?
107
00:06:10,836 --> 00:06:12,403
Look, we'll talk later, okay?
108
00:06:12,471 --> 00:06:14,572
Um, uh, uh,
this is Elaine.
109
00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:16,808
This is Tony.
This is Jim.
110
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,843
This is Joe Reiger.
111
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,752
That's for all the sons
in the world
112
00:06:27,819 --> 00:06:29,721
who never hugged their fathers.
113
00:06:31,156 --> 00:06:33,424
This is the one I talked to
on the phone, isn't it?
114
00:06:39,397 --> 00:06:40,931
Nice seeing
you again, Alex.
115
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,633
Been such a long time.
116
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:44,235
It sure has.
117
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:45,836
Running around
with other women,
118
00:06:45,904 --> 00:06:47,838
leaving your mother
was inexcusable.
119
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:49,440
I wasn't good
as a husband,
120
00:06:49,507 --> 00:06:51,642
I wasn't good as a father,
but at least I was
121
00:06:51,743 --> 00:06:53,778
a good enough
human being to realize
122
00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:56,848
what a bad influence
I was and simply leave.
123
00:06:56,915 --> 00:06:58,850
Yeah, and never
send a dime.
124
00:06:58,917 --> 00:07:00,518
I didn't say "perfect,"
I said "good."
125
00:07:02,621 --> 00:07:04,421
For Heaven sake, Alex,
I'm an old man.
126
00:07:04,489 --> 00:07:06,691
I'm not saying we can
be a close father and son.
127
00:07:06,758 --> 00:07:08,192
I'm not saying
we can be friends.
128
00:07:08,259 --> 00:07:10,260
I'm just saying
can't we be a couple of guys
129
00:07:10,328 --> 00:07:11,495
who don't bother each other?
130
00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:17,167
I guess so.
I guess so.
131
00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:18,836
Okay, we can give it a shot.
132
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,376
How come you never remarried?
133
00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:26,644
I don't know.
134
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:28,012
I guess it's kind
of hard to find
135
00:07:28,079 --> 00:07:29,514
the woman I'm looking for.
136
00:07:29,581 --> 00:07:31,148
What are you looking for?
137
00:07:31,183 --> 00:07:32,984
Well...
138
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,154
Someone who's interested
in the world and, uh,
139
00:07:37,222 --> 00:07:38,890
doesn't take it too seriously.
140
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,992
Someone who's not afraid to ask
for what she wants.
141
00:07:41,059 --> 00:07:42,359
Excuse me,
if you're through
142
00:07:42,427 --> 00:07:44,194
with that newspaper,
could I borrow it?
143
00:07:44,262 --> 00:07:46,764
I want to see the Doonesbury
cartoon on Alexander Haig.
144
00:07:46,832 --> 00:07:48,900
Yeah, sure.
Thank you.
145
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:53,805
Uh, someone who's, uh,
not afraid to be happy.
146
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:56,607
(laughing)
147
00:07:56,675 --> 00:07:58,810
And someone
who appreciates me.
148
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,078
Thank you very much.
That was nice of you.
149
00:08:04,049 --> 00:08:06,817
Alex.
Hmm?
150
00:08:10,856 --> 00:08:12,990
Oh, yeah,
that's amazing.
151
00:08:13,058 --> 00:08:14,491
She's lovely.
152
00:08:14,559 --> 00:08:16,560
And you spotted her
before I did, didn't ya?
153
00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:17,996
I saw her park her car.
154
00:08:18,063 --> 00:08:19,831
I memorized
her license plate.
155
00:08:20,999 --> 00:08:22,400
Excuse me.
156
00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:23,968
Joe! Joe,
cool it, will ya?
157
00:08:24,035 --> 00:08:26,470
I'm not going
to embarrass you.
158
00:08:26,538 --> 00:08:29,474
Hi. This young man here
159
00:08:29,541 --> 00:08:31,742
was just describing
the perfect woman,
160
00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:34,145
and he described you to a "T."
161
00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:35,913
Oh, come on.
162
00:08:36,014 --> 00:08:37,782
Joe, would you stop, please?
163
00:08:37,849 --> 00:08:39,751
Alex, there's nothing wrong
with nice people
164
00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:41,285
acknowledging
they're nice people.
165
00:08:41,353 --> 00:08:42,519
Well, that
was very nice.
166
00:08:44,456 --> 00:08:46,224
I think she likes you.
167
00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:47,658
Oh, please.
168
00:08:47,726 --> 00:08:50,427
What's your name,
sweetheart?
169
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:52,663
Karen.
"Karen."
170
00:08:52,731 --> 00:08:53,698
This is Alex.
171
00:08:53,765 --> 00:08:55,166
He's a wonderful person--
172
00:08:55,233 --> 00:08:57,902
kind, sensitive,
very quiet.
173
00:08:57,969 --> 00:09:00,270
So without further ado,
here he is
174
00:09:00,338 --> 00:09:02,139
to ask you what you're
doing tomorrow night.
175
00:09:02,207 --> 00:09:03,941
Joe, please!
176
00:09:05,777 --> 00:09:06,978
(chuckles)
177
00:09:07,045 --> 00:09:08,212
What are you doing
tomorrow night?
178
00:09:08,279 --> 00:09:11,415
Good, Alex.
Joe, come on.
179
00:09:11,516 --> 00:09:13,584
I'm sorry, this must be
very embarrassing for you.
180
00:09:13,652 --> 00:09:16,554
I mean, it's very embarrassing
for me, believe me.
181
00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:19,557
Yeah, but as long
as we've come this far,
182
00:09:19,624 --> 00:09:21,759
I'm not doing anything
tomorrow night.
183
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:24,261
Great (chuckles).
184
00:09:24,329 --> 00:09:25,562
Let's go out.
185
00:09:25,664 --> 00:09:27,365
Great. Where are we going?
186
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:30,568
How about a movie?
187
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,069
Oh, come on, Joe.
188
00:09:32,137 --> 00:09:33,738
That's not very
imaginative of you.
189
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:36,273
I mean, uh,
I thought, uh...
190
00:09:36,341 --> 00:09:38,375
I know a great place
in the Village for jazz.
191
00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:39,843
Oh, I love movies.
192
00:09:39,911 --> 00:09:42,079
Yeah? Well I hate jazz anyway.
193
00:09:42,147 --> 00:09:43,947
I was just foolishly
trying to show you
194
00:09:44,015 --> 00:09:45,482
that I have a mind of my own.
195
00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:47,751
Now, here's Joe to make
the arrangements; go ahead.
196
00:09:49,421 --> 00:09:51,823
Why don't you meet here
at 8:00 for drinks?
197
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,724
See you then.
198
00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:55,726
Okay.
199
00:10:00,432 --> 00:10:01,999
She's great, isn't she?
200
00:10:02,066 --> 00:10:04,202
Yeah, she really is.
201
00:10:04,269 --> 00:10:06,304
Hey, look, Joe, um,
this was, uh,
202
00:10:06,371 --> 00:10:08,605
this was a lot better than
I even imagined, you know?
203
00:10:08,673 --> 00:10:10,107
Why don't we do
it again sometime?
204
00:10:10,175 --> 00:10:12,109
It's been great.
Okay, soon.
205
00:10:12,177 --> 00:10:14,111
I'll pay the check.
206
00:10:16,748 --> 00:10:18,683
Tommy, here.
207
00:10:20,218 --> 00:10:21,919
Thank you.
Karen, I'll see
you right here
208
00:10:21,986 --> 00:10:23,120
tomorrow at 8:00.
209
00:10:23,188 --> 00:10:24,888
I'm looking forward
to it, Alex.
Me, too.
210
00:10:26,858 --> 00:10:29,794
Smooth, Reiger, smooth.
211
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:40,871
Hi. I just wanted to say
I'm sorry if I made you, uh,
212
00:10:40,939 --> 00:10:42,707
feel uncomfortable
a few minutes ago.
213
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,075
Oh, no, that's okay.
214
00:10:44,142 --> 00:10:46,744
I'm Joe McGinty.
215
00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:53,550
Sometimes I find it hard
to resist being cute.
216
00:10:53,618 --> 00:10:54,952
I've tried to stop it.
217
00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:57,754
I even went
to Cutie-Pies Anonymous.
218
00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:01,325
I must say, I do
feel like dunking you
in a cup of coffee.
219
00:11:01,392 --> 00:11:02,860
Oh...
220
00:11:02,927 --> 00:11:05,696
Well, it's nice
meeting you.
221
00:11:05,764 --> 00:11:08,132
Oh, by the way,
222
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,901
uh, I see that you're
a big fan of Doonesbury.
223
00:11:10,969 --> 00:11:12,903
If you like
political humor,
224
00:11:12,971 --> 00:11:15,740
I think you'd be
interested in a lecture
225
00:11:15,807 --> 00:11:17,941
down at the New School
on Wednesday night:
226
00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:21,178
Art Buchwald,
Jules Pfeiffer,
Russell Baker.
227
00:11:21,213 --> 00:11:23,581
Why, that's fantastic.
Maybe I'll go.
228
00:11:23,648 --> 00:11:25,315
Yeah, and maybe
I'll see you there.
229
00:11:25,383 --> 00:11:27,484
Oh, no!
230
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:30,554
I just realized you have
to have tickets for that,
231
00:11:30,622 --> 00:11:32,389
and I think they're sold out.
232
00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:34,992
Oh...
Well, if you're
that interested,
233
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:37,127
uh, how about my tickets?
234
00:11:37,162 --> 00:11:39,463
Oh, no,
I wouldn't think of it.
235
00:11:39,564 --> 00:11:42,633
Why don't you take just one?
236
00:11:44,002 --> 00:11:46,003
Now, wait a minute.
237
00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:48,172
I don't think
that's a good idea either.
238
00:11:48,239 --> 00:11:49,974
I just made a date
with your friend.
239
00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,843
I'd feel funny
dating both of you.
240
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,045
JOE:
First of all,
241
00:11:55,113 --> 00:11:56,646
this isn't really a date.
242
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:59,917
Second of all, he's
really not my friend.
243
00:11:59,984 --> 00:12:03,487
We've only seen each other
two times in the last 20 years.
244
00:12:03,555 --> 00:12:06,090
So I'll leave a ticket
at the box office.
245
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,858
If you feel like coming,
I'll meet you there.
246
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,493
Well, then I don't suppose
there's any harm
247
00:12:09,561 --> 00:12:11,095
in dating both of you.
Oh, of course not.
248
00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:12,963
It's the most natural
thing in the world.
249
00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:16,867
Especially if one of us happens
to be a harmless, old man.
250
00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:18,536
Which one of you is that?
251
00:12:18,603 --> 00:12:20,204
(chuckles)
252
00:12:20,272 --> 00:12:21,905
Then it's a date?
253
00:12:21,973 --> 00:12:24,175
(giggles):
Okay.
I'll walk you
to your blue Alpha
254
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,343
with the brown seats.
Why, you!
255
00:12:29,013 --> 00:12:30,948
(laughing)
256
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,385
Hey, uh, what's
so funny, Louie?
257
00:12:34,419 --> 00:12:38,222
Reiger's on thin ice,
and I'm a blow torch.
258
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:50,000
Hey.
259
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:53,070
Tony. I thought you'd
be at jury duty.
260
00:12:53,138 --> 00:12:54,738
Yeah, I was.
261
00:12:54,806 --> 00:12:58,309
Except, uh, I kept
getting turned down
by all the lawyers.
262
00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:00,811
And for the dumbest reasons,
too, like, "Where do I live?"
263
00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:02,480
Oh, come on.
264
00:13:02,547 --> 00:13:04,682
They don't challenge you
off a jury because of that.
265
00:13:04,749 --> 00:13:06,784
It's true.
I filled out a questionnaire.
266
00:13:06,851 --> 00:13:08,920
It asked if I was a resident
of New York City.
267
00:13:08,987 --> 00:13:10,021
I wrote "yes."
268
00:13:10,088 --> 00:13:11,388
Then it asked
length of residence.
269
00:13:11,456 --> 00:13:13,423
I wrote "about 30 feet."
270
00:13:15,627 --> 00:13:19,463
Uh, maybe you measured wrong.
271
00:13:23,401 --> 00:13:25,202
(Alex whistling)
272
00:13:26,371 --> 00:13:27,705
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
273
00:13:27,839 --> 00:13:29,807
And meanwhile,
while you were away,
274
00:13:29,874 --> 00:13:31,676
Alex got himself
a new girlfriend.
275
00:13:31,743 --> 00:13:33,276
TONY:
Oh...
Well, I wouldn't go so far
276
00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:34,712
as to say she was
my "girlfriend."
277
00:13:34,779 --> 00:13:35,980
Yeah, who is she?
Who is she?
278
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:37,714
She's a commercial artist
named Karen.
279
00:13:37,782 --> 00:13:39,049
Woo-woo.
Yeah.
280
00:13:39,117 --> 00:13:41,452
You've been seeing a lot
of her, haven't you?
281
00:13:41,519 --> 00:13:44,221
Well, I guess I have been
monopolizing her.
282
00:13:44,256 --> 00:13:46,023
(hysterical laughter)
283
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:53,531
Excuse me.
284
00:13:54,966 --> 00:13:57,067
Oh, I can't contain myself.
285
00:13:57,135 --> 00:13:59,069
Pay no attention.
286
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:01,471
What is it, Louie?
287
00:14:01,539 --> 00:14:03,440
Something I said
about me and Karen?
288
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:05,642
(hysterical laughter)
289
00:14:11,316 --> 00:14:14,050
Certainly not.
290
00:14:14,152 --> 00:14:15,753
Oh, come on.
291
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:17,120
If there's something
so hilarious
292
00:14:17,188 --> 00:14:18,856
about me and Karen,
I'd like to hear it.
293
00:14:18,957 --> 00:14:21,925
You don't understand, Reiger.
294
00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:24,261
This is special.
295
00:14:24,329 --> 00:14:26,697
It just can't be blurted.
296
00:14:28,433 --> 00:14:30,066
Well, suit yourself.
297
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:33,537
It's like a fine wine.
298
00:14:33,604 --> 00:14:36,673
First, we should
uncork it.
299
00:14:36,808 --> 00:14:38,509
(pops)
300
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:41,278
Then, we let it breathe.
301
00:14:41,346 --> 00:14:43,514
Then, we pour it.
302
00:14:43,581 --> 00:14:45,016
(mimics pouring)
303
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:48,386
Then, we taste it.
304
00:14:51,289 --> 00:14:53,223
(gargles)
305
00:14:54,292 --> 00:14:56,560
Then, we swill it down.
306
00:14:56,627 --> 00:14:58,562
Can I have some
of that, boss?
307
00:15:01,199 --> 00:15:03,700
(indistinct)
308
00:15:06,004 --> 00:15:07,805
Was he making you curious?
Yeah.
309
00:15:07,873 --> 00:15:09,306
Well, he's not
making me curious.
310
00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:11,308
Whatever's on his mind,
I'm not the least bit curious.
311
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:12,743
What the hell is on your mind?
312
00:15:12,811 --> 00:15:15,713
Well, I was just wondering
313
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:20,083
whether you and this Karen woman
have a, you know,
314
00:15:20,151 --> 00:15:22,886
"exclusive" relationship,
315
00:15:22,954 --> 00:15:27,224
or whether
she dates other guys?
316
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:30,894
Oh, what happened,
what happened, Louie?
317
00:15:30,962 --> 00:15:32,963
You saw her
with some other guys?
318
00:15:33,031 --> 00:15:37,234
Well, I happen to know
she dates other guys.
319
00:15:37,301 --> 00:15:38,936
And it happens
to be okay with me.
320
00:15:39,037 --> 00:15:41,438
Well, I don't mind
tellin' you, Reiger,
321
00:15:41,506 --> 00:15:45,476
that takes some
broad-minded guy.
322
00:15:45,543 --> 00:15:47,611
I take my hat off to ya.
323
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:50,447
Come on, Louie, why are you
going on like this?
324
00:15:50,515 --> 00:15:52,049
You keep acting
like you know something
325
00:15:52,116 --> 00:15:53,483
that he doesn't,
so what is it?
326
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:56,554
Well, I mean...
327
00:15:56,621 --> 00:15:59,557
it takes some kinda guy
328
00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:01,892
to share a woman...
329
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,762
with his own father.
330
00:16:10,569 --> 00:16:15,138
I was there the first time
the old boy asked her out.
331
00:16:15,206 --> 00:16:18,108
I've seen them leave
Mario's together.
332
00:16:19,244 --> 00:16:22,479
She's two-timing you
with your old man.
333
00:16:22,547 --> 00:16:24,381
(hysterical laughter)
334
00:16:30,922 --> 00:16:32,690
Hey, Reiger,
335
00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:35,225
I'm sorry I had to be
the one to tell you.
336
00:16:49,607 --> 00:16:50,808
Hi, Alex.
337
00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:52,509
Karen, before
this relationship
338
00:16:52,577 --> 00:16:54,978
goes one step further,
I have a question to ask you.
339
00:16:55,046 --> 00:16:56,379
I, uh, heard some gossip,
340
00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,315
uh, something some
little bat told me.
341
00:16:58,382 --> 00:17:01,251
You aren't by any chance
dating my father, are you?
342
00:17:01,352 --> 00:17:03,387
Dating your father?
Yeah?
343
00:17:03,455 --> 00:17:05,922
(laughing)
344
00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:08,559
Oh, now, Alex, that's absurd.
345
00:17:08,626 --> 00:17:09,926
Oh, God...
346
00:17:09,995 --> 00:17:11,495
Thank you.
347
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:12,763
That's a relief.
348
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:14,832
I mean, that would be ludicrous,
wouldn't it?
349
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,567
Oh...
Oh, now listen.
350
00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:18,669
I think I know
what happened.
351
00:17:18,736 --> 00:17:20,604
I have been seeing Joe,
352
00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:24,007
the guy that you were
with here the other day.
353
00:17:24,075 --> 00:17:26,410
Someone obviously mistook
him for your father.
354
00:17:26,478 --> 00:17:28,078
Yeah, me and my mother.
355
00:17:29,514 --> 00:17:31,181
Oh, no.
356
00:17:31,249 --> 00:17:33,216
Alex, what are you saying?
357
00:17:33,284 --> 00:17:35,619
(groaning)
358
00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:38,155
That munchkin I was having lunch
here with the other day
359
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:39,322
is my father!
360
00:17:39,357 --> 00:17:40,524
(gasps)
361
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,960
Oh, now, come on, Karen,
it's not that bad.
362
00:17:43,027 --> 00:17:44,495
(screams)
363
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,530
Karen, it's really
not that bad.
364
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,098
At least we nipped it
in the bud
365
00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:49,800
before anything
embarrassing could happen.
366
00:17:51,102 --> 00:17:53,837
(moaning)
367
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:55,805
I can't believe it!
368
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:57,440
The man lied to me.
369
00:17:57,508 --> 00:17:59,109
Maybe he lied
about everything.
370
00:17:59,177 --> 00:18:01,144
He seemed so dear
and sweet.
371
00:18:01,212 --> 00:18:02,313
(groans)
372
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,315
Oh, Alex, I'm so sorry.
373
00:18:04,415 --> 00:18:06,083
If I had known,
I wouldn't have...
374
00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,585
Oh...
375
00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:10,587
Karen, just tell me
one thing, will ya?
376
00:18:10,655 --> 00:18:12,922
I mean, what is it
about that guy?
377
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:15,659
All his life he's had
the most beautiful women.
378
00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:18,328
Women so beautiful,
it took my breath away.
379
00:18:18,396 --> 00:18:20,430
Even thinking about them
took my breath away.
380
00:18:20,498 --> 00:18:22,432
My mother thought I had asthma.
381
00:18:23,768 --> 00:18:25,402
I mean, I hated him
for what he was doing,
382
00:18:25,470 --> 00:18:27,504
but at the same time,
I was always in awe of him.
383
00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:28,872
What does he have?
384
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:31,674
Well, he makes me laugh.
385
00:18:31,809 --> 00:18:33,043
Makes you laugh? How?
386
00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:35,078
Well, I don't know.
387
00:18:35,146 --> 00:18:37,213
Silly things.
388
00:18:37,281 --> 00:18:38,915
He imitates soup.
389
00:18:40,451 --> 00:18:41,685
Pardon me?
390
00:18:41,719 --> 00:18:43,854
Pea soup.
391
00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:47,124
Oh, I know what it is
about Joe:
392
00:18:47,191 --> 00:18:49,292
he loves women.
393
00:18:49,427 --> 00:18:50,594
But I love women.
394
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,830
No, no, no-no-no--
I mean, he loves women.
395
00:18:53,898 --> 00:18:57,267
I-I've seen his eyes
glisten with tears
396
00:18:57,334 --> 00:18:59,803
at the way I put on an earring.
397
00:18:59,871 --> 00:19:02,272
Oh, talking about him
this way makes me
398
00:19:02,339 --> 00:19:04,407
almost wish he wasn't slime.
399
00:19:04,442 --> 00:19:05,875
Now wait a minute,
400
00:19:05,943 --> 00:19:07,744
that's my father
you're talking about.
401
00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:09,146
Please continue.
402
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,615
He's expecting me
for dinner.
403
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:14,284
I am going to go over
there-- No, I'm not.
404
00:19:14,351 --> 00:19:16,653
Why not? Go ahead. Do it.
No, I'm not gonna
go over there.
405
00:19:16,721 --> 00:19:18,855
I'm gonna call him and
give him a piece of my mind.
406
00:19:18,923 --> 00:19:19,957
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
407
00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:21,291
Don't you think this
should be done face-to-face?
408
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:22,626
I don't want to go over there.
409
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:23,894
I never want to see him again.
410
00:19:24,028 --> 00:19:26,730
No, I was thinking more
of my face and his face.
411
00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:28,165
For the first time in my life,
412
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:30,533
I'm looking forward to seeing
that father of mine.
413
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:32,168
Uh, I'll call you later.
414
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,212
(knocking on door)
415
00:19:47,919 --> 00:19:50,621
Joe, this is the lousiest thing
I've ever heard of!
416
00:19:50,688 --> 00:19:52,489
This is the lousiest thing
you've ever done,
417
00:19:52,557 --> 00:19:53,690
and that's saying something!
418
00:19:53,758 --> 00:19:55,425
You went behind
my back!
419
00:19:55,493 --> 00:19:57,594
You lied, it's the most
despicable thing...
420
00:19:57,662 --> 00:19:59,029
This place is gorgeous.
421
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:03,968
Thank you. My second
wife left me a bundle.
422
00:20:04,035 --> 00:20:06,203
I'd ask you to explain
423
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:08,372
how you could do such
a thing to Karen and to me,
424
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,906
but I don't think in
a million years you could...
425
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:11,842
There's no fish
in this tank.
426
00:20:13,678 --> 00:20:15,112
I always wanted
427
00:20:15,179 --> 00:20:16,947
a fish tank;
they're so pretty.
428
00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:18,849
But the fish
are too much bother.
429
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:21,050
Oh! You know, you're amazing!
430
00:20:21,118 --> 00:20:22,719
Did it ever occur to you
431
00:20:22,787 --> 00:20:24,621
how, how you could hurt
Karen and me?
432
00:20:24,689 --> 00:20:26,490
Your second wife?
433
00:20:26,557 --> 00:20:28,024
You were married again?
434
00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:30,160
Yeah, 15 years ago.
435
00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:31,962
She was a doctor.
436
00:20:34,098 --> 00:20:36,633
This is your step-brother Mel.
437
00:20:36,701 --> 00:20:37,801
"Mel"?
438
00:20:37,835 --> 00:20:39,903
Now look, Joe, I didn't come
here to talk to you.
439
00:20:39,971 --> 00:20:42,106
I came here to tell you
something; I'm-a tell it
to you right now.
440
00:20:42,206 --> 00:20:44,507
I don't respect
anything you stand for
441
00:20:44,575 --> 00:20:45,942
and I never want
to see you again.
442
00:20:46,010 --> 00:20:47,778
Good, I'm glad
you feel better.
443
00:20:48,913 --> 00:20:50,580
You were so upset
when you came in.
444
00:20:50,648 --> 00:20:52,849
Now that that's settled,
why don't you go
445
00:20:52,917 --> 00:20:54,785
because Karen is going
to be here any minute.
446
00:20:54,852 --> 00:20:56,219
No-no, no-no, no-no,
no, she's not.
447
00:20:56,287 --> 00:20:58,155
She doesn't want to have
anything more to do with you.
448
00:20:58,189 --> 00:21:01,258
You mean I cooked
my specialty for nothing?
449
00:21:01,325 --> 00:21:02,626
What's your specialty?
450
00:21:02,693 --> 00:21:03,894
Tuna casserole.
451
00:21:03,962 --> 00:21:05,862
That was Mom's specialty!
452
00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:07,097
Remember her?
453
00:21:07,131 --> 00:21:10,200
Yes. I got the recipe
from her.
454
00:21:10,268 --> 00:21:11,801
I changed it a little.
455
00:21:11,869 --> 00:21:13,504
She always used a little
too much salt.
456
00:21:13,571 --> 00:21:15,939
She used absolutely
the right amount of salt!
457
00:21:16,006 --> 00:21:18,275
She used the perfect
amount of salt, you lousy rat!
458
00:21:20,611 --> 00:21:21,879
It's a matter of taste.
459
00:21:21,946 --> 00:21:23,347
Why don't you sit down
and have some?
460
00:21:23,414 --> 00:21:25,615
You're not even
bothered by the fact
461
00:21:25,683 --> 00:21:27,084
that I said I'm never
gonna see you again?
462
00:21:27,151 --> 00:21:28,652
What is it?
It's like hitting air.
463
00:21:28,719 --> 00:21:31,121
You're wrong, Alex, it would
bother me a great deal.
464
00:21:31,189 --> 00:21:33,290
But it's not true.
465
00:21:33,358 --> 00:21:35,125
Why isn't it?
You have to see me.
466
00:21:35,193 --> 00:21:37,260
You have to listen
to me, 'cause I'm old.
467
00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:38,729
I'm going to die.
468
00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:40,831
Probably a long time before you.
469
00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:43,266
And anytime I call, you'll come,
470
00:21:43,334 --> 00:21:45,969
'cause it could be
the last time you'll see me.
471
00:21:47,739 --> 00:21:50,774
Tonight could be
the last time you see me.
472
00:21:54,312 --> 00:21:56,213
I don't like you, Joe.
473
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,048
I like you.
474
00:21:58,116 --> 00:22:00,984
Call it love, call it blood,
call it genes,
475
00:22:01,052 --> 00:22:04,420
but every ten years or so,
I have got to see you.
476
00:22:06,591 --> 00:22:08,492
You're not
such a dull guy.
477
00:22:08,559 --> 00:22:10,627
You've still got
a little kick in you.
478
00:22:10,695 --> 00:22:13,263
And you're not bad
with the ladies,
from what I saw.
479
00:22:13,330 --> 00:22:16,166
Oh, yeah? Well, you're not
so bad with 'em either,
from what I've heard.
480
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,601
Karen?
481
00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:19,036
I did the pea soup.
482
00:22:19,103 --> 00:22:20,537
What the hell is the "pea soup"?
483
00:22:20,605 --> 00:22:23,941
Thick pea soup
coming to a furious boil.
484
00:22:43,594 --> 00:22:47,197
You can't do that
without getting
a pinch on the cheek.
485
00:22:47,265 --> 00:22:48,465
Women really like that?
486
00:22:48,532 --> 00:22:51,268
Drives 'em nuts.
487
00:22:51,336 --> 00:22:54,371
Listen, the only thing you can
do right now, Alex,
488
00:22:54,439 --> 00:22:57,040
is kiss me on top of the head
and sit down and eat.
489
00:22:57,108 --> 00:22:59,376
I'm not gonna kiss you
on top of the head.
490
00:22:59,444 --> 00:23:01,278
Your loss.
491
00:23:13,925 --> 00:23:15,292
(clanking)
492
00:23:43,921 --> 00:23:45,722
¶
493
00:23:57,602 --> 00:24:00,537
(theme song playing)
494
00:24:23,227 --> 00:24:24,895
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
495
00:24:24,963 --> 00:24:25,996
(man grumbling)
34834
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