All language subtitles for Sorry For Your Loss s02e10 Im Still Here.eng

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Original subtitles

I've gotta fix some things,

so I can't do it here.

- So I'm going. - To where?

Alaska.

You're writing about the messy and complicated stuff

that people will be okay with.

- So... - So you're lying to everyone.

I'm actually working really hard on all my issues.

Or you're working really hard to avoid

dealing with the... that actually freaks you out.

[keys clicking]

How come you refuse to see Matt for who he was?

Like when he fell for the teacher from his job

- two years ago. - What?

Did you tell me that so I could just hate him

as much as you do?

No, so you can see him for who he really was.

I am never going to hate him.

[solemn music]

[yells] [thud]

- We can't do this. - So it's over?

Yeah.

Leigh?

Oh, I missed you so much. Oh.

[laughs]

- Hi. - [laughs]

- Oh, oh. - Welcome back.

- Oh, I missed you. - Ooh.

[laughs]

Aw, let me look at you.

Aw. Oh, God, you're so beautiful.

Aw. Oh.

Why is there a hole in my wall?

Do you wanna...

[upbeat music]

- Wow, that's just a lot. - You have a girlfriend.

I... um, I'm not really sure what I have right now.

- And you have a... um... - a Danny?

No, I definitely don't have a...

I mean, I haven't even spoken to him since the...

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, how are we supposed to put all of that in an email?

- No, no, I get it. - I get it.

There were... yeah.

There were things I couldn't put in an email either.

Well, you're here now, so tell us.

Okay, um...

there were, like, 800 people in this town,

and I knew just about everybody.

I made so many friends.

I have never had so many friends.

[laughs]

I watched the sunrise every morning,

and I was so still

that all the animals came right up to me.

And at night, I stared into the Milky Way,

and I could see right into the heart of the universe.

And it was...

everything made sense.

I loved who I was there.

[breathless laugh]

We are so happy you're home.

Yeah.

[laughs]

[insects chirping]

[doorbell rings]

- Hey. - Hey.

I was, um, glad to get your text.

Yeah, well, I had to see you

before you flew halfway around the world.

[laughs]

I got you something.

What is this?

Wait, a gift for ruining our relationship?

You shouldn't have.

A lady sold it to our store today.

Uh, is it a fanny pack?

- It's a money belt. - It's to put your valuables in.

So some asshole on a motorcycle

doesn't zoom by and rip your purse off your shoulder.

- Uh, what? - It's a thing!

It happens in Saigon.

I read about it on a message board.

It's...

- And... - And then... no.

You gotta... yeah. It's a thing.

[small laugh]

There you go.

[laughs]

Um, I look I'm pregnant with a FedEx package.

You look like you're not gonna get your stuff stolen,

and that is the coolest look of all.

- Oh. - [laughs]

How much do you know about what you're going into?

Um, my birth mom's name is on my birth certificate.

There's a lot of women in Saigon with that name,

but I've been emailing with my adoption agency,

and they're gonna try and help me.

Well... when you get back, uh...

Oh, I should talk to you about that.

Okay.

I didn't buy a return flight.

I don't know how long this is gonna take.

You can get by on 20 bucks a day in Saigon, so...

I've got time.

- Uh... - [clears throat]

Well, uh...

when you do come back, come and find me.

[sniffles]

[laughs] Hey...

- See? - Tuck it under your shirt.

Okay, okay, I will.

- I will. - All right.

Um, bye.

Bye.

I thought the couch was there and the desk was over there.

Yeah, Hunter moved all my furniture.

Like, I don't even know how feng shui works,

- and I know Hunter sucks at it. - [laughs]

I'ma put these over here. Is that okay?

Yeah, over there is... is okay.

Okay.

Thanks for helping me.

- Well, of course. - You got one hand.

Can't do this all by yourself.

Yeah, and I don't have a million friends right now.

I'm not surprised, given your behavior.

- Yeah, no, I get it. - It's... it's all my fault.

Another thing you're right about,

racking those points up.

I'm not trying to be right about your poor life choices.

No, I'm not... I'm... I'm saying I get it.

- But do you get it? - They're your choices.

Own 'em.

Mom, I don't know how everything got so bad.

I was doing all right for a while.

Matt was gone, but I thought I was handling it.

When I broke it, I didn't feel it at first.

I mean, I could feel that something had happened,

but the pain didn't kick in for a while.

Danny, listen to me.

[emotionally] You are the only one I have left.

So you... something's gotta change.

[somber music]

I'm sorry, Mom.

- I'm sorry. - I know.

[somber music]

[feet shuffling]

Hey, you're awake.

You're awake.

Yeah, well, you know I never sleep.

Me neither anymore, Jules too.

We're terrible at sleeping in this family.

Mm.

Why are you up?

Oh, I don't know.

My room in Alaska was so small that my room here

feels too big. [small laugh]

Why are you awake?

I'm still trying to write this stupid essay

where I tell everyone the truth,

except I don't even know what that is anymore.

I don't know the truth about my husband

or my marriage or this other woman

he was in love with... anything.

I just have a thousand questions and zero answers.

So what am I supposed to do,

just, like, scream into the void?

You know I live to solve problems,

but I can't solve this for you.

You're not even gonna, like,

give me a Ouija board or a tarot card or something?

I would never bring a Ouija board into this house.

That's like placing a collect call directly to Hell.

You do not know what kind of malevolent spirit's

gonna pick up the phone.

- Are you joking? - No.

Also, a tarot card by itself is useless.

You need the whole deck.

- Are you joking now? - Yes.

[laughs]

You're not even gonna try and solve my problems?

You're an adult,

and I can't micromanage your life anymore.

Wow.

Okay.

But you are still my mom,

and I still really need you right now.

I just need to know what happened.

Like, everywhere I go, there is a wall,

and I just feel so trapped.

You know, I felt trapped for a really long time,

and that's just not a place you can stay.

[children's voices chattering in distance]

[door hinges creak]

Nina, hi.

- Leigh. - Hi.

Um, the front office said that you might

still be in your classroom.

- Yep, still here. - What brings you by?

My husband's brother told me

that my husband fell for you.

What?

What happened between you and Matt?

Nothing happened.

Well, it's the way you say "nothing."

You're not... saying it like you're confused.

You're saying it like you know exactly what I'm talking about.

So what am I talking about?

Nothing.

I just... I don't think that's true.

[strained laugh]

Please tell me.

He was my friend.

If he was just your friend, I wouldn't be here right now.

He was my best friend.

So, what does... what does that mean?

Everyone sees me the same way.

I'm the person that organizes birthdays

and gets people to volunteer for stuff.

Matt didn't see me that way.

He made me feel...

I'm trying to think of a better word than special,

but that's it.

He made me feel special.

He made me feel like I was so interesting

and important...

i-in this way that I hadn't really felt before.

How did he f-feel about you?

I don't know.

He never told me.

But that's how he made me feel,

and now, all I feel is

how gone he is.

When you were talking to the kids about Matt,

about there being this hole where he was...

I feel it too, all the time.

- What are you doing? - I didn't mean to...

You know we're not friends.

You worked with Matt.

I was his wife.

I'm sorry.

You think that we're going through the same thing?

You think that you could possibly, for one second,

understand what has happened to me?

I really am sorry.

I don't need an apology.

[door thuds closes]

[dance music thumps]

[background chatter]

Wow.

Um, hey.

Is... that a good wow?

Um... uh....

[music thumping]

Yes.

Okay, good.

Do you want the studio?

[chuckles] What?

Well, I mean, look at what you've done.

I'm mean, this is your calling.

If you want this place, it's yours.

Uh... I...

I... I wanna say "yes."

So, say "yes."

- I can't. - I wanna be home.

I wanna run the studio.

I wanna be in a relationship with my girlfriend.

I want all that.

Honey, it's... it's okay to not be ready to go.

[small laugh] I am ready.

Well, you were on crutches two weeks ago.

And now I'm not.

I know, but, you know,

you have a lot going on right now,

and you don't have to go this week.

[laughs]

Yeah, I do.

To be honest, I don't really wanna go on this trip,

but it doesn't matter what I want... I have to go.

Then you go.

- Really? - Yeah.

And this place is...[laughs] amazing.

And you are amazing.

[laughs]

Come on in.

Thanks.

Am I supposed to lie down?

Some people do.

Is it like a test to get on your back

like you're talking to Freud or sit like a normal person?

[laughs] It's not a test.

[laughs]

Ugh.

My brother was always trying to get me to go to therapy

to work out my issues with our parents.

So it's ironic, you know.

Like, I'm finally here to work out my... with him.

Am I using ironic in the right way?

I heard somewhere that all the examples

in that Alanis Morissette song are wrong.

So now, every time I say it, I think that I use it wrong

like she did.

[tense chuckling] I'm sorry.

It think it's right enough.

Cool.

Okay.

So, Danny, tell me...

what would you like to talk about?

Um...

I think if I had been a different person, um...

[melancholy music]

My brother would still be alive.

I mean, who does she think she is?

That was my relationship with my husband.

That's what we had.

I mean, look.

- You know I've been there. - Mm.

No, you've kind of been there.

Ryan fell for this dude,

and then you guys worked through it

and then you got married.

Matt fell for this woman, and then he died.

Okay, I've kind of been there.

Would you rather be talking to someone

who hasn't been there at all?

I just hate her.

I hate him. I... I hate myself.

I hate everyone. I hate myself so much!

Stop.

You're a good person who is doing her best.

I don't think I'm a good person anymore.

I'm selfish. I'm a liar.

- I hurt people. - Oh, everybody hurts people.

No one hurts people the way I hurt Danny.

He tried to stay away from me, and I wouldn't let him.

I forced myself into his life,

because I needed him to love me.

Oh, I'm a monster.

Hey.

You're not a monster.

You just made a mistake.

I think when Matt died,

he took a piece of me, the best part...

maybe the only good part...

and I don't know how to get it back.

I-I don't recognize this person I've become.

I just know that I hate her.

How was your day?

- You know how my day was. - You saw me for half of it.

Okay, so tell me about the other half

I didn't see you for.

Uh... you know, it's Wednesday.

Mm-hmm.

Kids still don't care about President Harding

or the Teapot Dome Scandal

or anything else that happened in 1923.

I get it, 'cause I don't care either.

[laughs]

You think it's hard getting them to read a chapter

of "The American Pageant" textbook.

Try "Moby Dick."

- I mean... - Try it.

To be fair, if you want people to read your book,

maybe don't spend 100 pages on whale blubber?

It's, like, 80, but okay.

Okay.

[glass clink] [both laugh]

I can't believe you actually bought salsa.

I need to teach you how to make it.

Tomatoes and a food processor. It takes, like, five minutes.

I like the store-bought tastes.

[silent scream] [laughter]

[ominous music, muffled voices]

[hyperventilating]

I'm still here.

[eerie music]

I'm still here.

[panting]

You okay?

I don't know.

What's going on?

- This is your thing. - You tell her.

- No, this is not my thing. - I'm doing this for all of us.

What are you doing?

I'm selling the house.

What?

Well, I ever since I got home,

I just... I still feel so trapped.

This house just feels like a cage.

I-I need to get rid of it.

I need to get free.

But if you get rid of the house,

where are you gonna live?

I don't know.

Maybe I'll build a 300-foot tiny home.

Maybe I'll get an Airbnb and go and live in France

for the summer and come back in the Fall.

And maybe I won't.

Look, Mom, do you want us to tell you

if we think you're having another breakdown?

No, no, because I'm not having a breakdown.

I'm having a breakthrough, and it's because of you two.

- Us? - Yes, yes.

Look, I left, and you both...

you have taken chances and done things

that I never would have imagined that you could do.

I'm so proud of you, and I'm more than proud.

I'm inspired by you.

I just thought that this would be a decision

that we would make as a family.

But you made this call,

so it's you over there and us over here.

It's my house,

and I am still the parent.

So I get to decide.

Look, I... I built a nest,

and I never really let you leave.

I was too afraid of being alone.

So I never let you grow all the way up.

So I'm getting rid of the nest.

It... it's the right thing... for all of us.

Really.

[teapot whistling]

[laughing]

Hey, what's, uh, funny?

[laughing] Oh, my God...

everything. [laughing]

Just everything, seriously.

Like, what crazy thing is gonna happen next?

A tsunami, an earthquake,

an actual apocalypse?

Because between Mom and Danny and Matt,

I just feel like I am waiting around

for the next bad thing to happen to me.

[sniffles]

No, you know what I'm gonna do?

I am going to get out of here.

I'm gonna go with you to LAX.

I am getting a ticket

to the next flight that has a seat,

'cause I don't know who I am anymore.

So I will just go somewhere else.

I'll go be someone else.

I will pull a Mom. I'll pull a you.

I'll pull a both of you. [laughs]

Uh, hey, are you also having a breakdown?

Wha... breakdown, breakthrough.

If we're playing by Mom's rules,

they're basically the same thing.

[both laugh]

You know, you don't have to go someplace alone.

You could come to LAX with me

and get on my flight.

- Jules, no, this is... - your trip.

Well, hey, you need to get out of here,

and I need to not fall apart over there.

What if we helped each other?

What if we make it our trip?

Oh, let me hug you both until your Lyft comes.

Oh. [sniffling]

- That's her. - Okay.

Hey.

Good luck.

- Are you Meghan? - Leigh?

Yep, it's us.

- Bye. - [smooches]

- Love you. - I love you.

Bye.

- Bye-bye. - [laughs]

- You guys are going to LAX. - Terminal?

Tom Bradley.

- Music? - Sure.

Yeah.

[bright music]

- Hey, what's our ETA? - Um, hour and two minutes.

Okay, so if we get there a little after 10:00...

Stop the car.

- Stop the car. - What is it?

Stop the car!

[bright music echoing]

[panting]

[muffled, echoing] I'm still here.

[hyperventilating, whimpering]

[echoing] I'm still here.

[sobbing]

[heavy, dark music]

Honey, honey... oh.

- [sobbing] - Oh.

Baby, what's going on?

- [gasping] - What's going on?

Matt!

What about Matt?

[gasping]

He... he... he...

he won't...

[laughs and sobs]

He... he won't leave me.

- Oh. - Oh, honey.

[gasping]

[indie music]

[sea birds calling]

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