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1
00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:03,549
(eerie sounds, music)
2
00:00:03,549 --> 00:00:09,561
♪
3
00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:26,177
(soft, dark music)
4
00:00:26,177 --> 00:00:32,231
♪
5
00:00:38,536 --> 00:00:39,997
(tense music)
6
00:00:39,997 --> 00:00:42,502
(tires squealing)
7
00:00:42,502 --> 00:00:48,764
♪
8
00:00:48,764 --> 00:00:50,392
TATUM: Wait, he sentyou to the Ambassador
9
00:00:50,392 --> 00:00:51,645
to grab hisgolf clubs?
10
00:00:51,645 --> 00:00:54,025
‐ No, no,
honey, hang on.
11
00:00:54,025 --> 00:00:55,778
♪
12
00:00:55,778 --> 00:00:57,991
He mentioned he was
thinking about playing golf,
13
00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:00,538
but that he left his
clubs at the Ambassador.
14
00:01:00,538 --> 00:01:01,665
♪
15
00:01:01,665 --> 00:01:03,168
Excuse me.
16
00:01:03,168 --> 00:01:05,088
It is not enough
to accommodate
17
00:01:05,088 --> 00:01:06,299
his whimsical desires.
18
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,219
You have to anticipate
his whimsical desires.
19
00:01:08,219 --> 00:01:09,806
That is what it takes
20
00:01:09,806 --> 00:01:11,977
to get a Christmas
bonus around here.
21
00:01:11,977 --> 00:01:13,689
TATUM: But fetchinghis golf clubs?
22
00:01:13,689 --> 00:01:16,486
‐ It's like everything‐‐
everything is a test.
23
00:01:16,486 --> 00:01:17,363
Jesus!
24
00:01:17,363 --> 00:01:19,075
Heads up, man!
25
00:01:19,075 --> 00:01:20,494
TATUM:Are you okay?
26
00:01:20,494 --> 00:01:22,247
‐ I'm fine,
I'm fine, I'm fine.
27
00:01:22,247 --> 00:01:23,375
TATUM:Ted, I know you're trying
28
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:24,335
to prove yourself to him,
29
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:25,462
but is itreally worth
30
00:01:25,462 --> 00:01:26,840
giving yourselfa heart attack?
31
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,554
‐ Honey, I'm here,
I gotta go.
32
00:01:29,554 --> 00:01:30,932
TATUM:Okay, I love you‐‐
33
00:01:30,932 --> 00:01:37,069
♪
34
00:01:37,069 --> 00:01:41,745
‐ Ted, did you just rush
off and get my golf clubs?
35
00:01:41,745 --> 00:01:42,872
‐ I did.
36
00:01:42,872 --> 00:01:45,628
ESSEX:
My Honzu Japanese Four‐Stars?
37
00:01:45,628 --> 00:01:46,964
TED:
Well, you did mention
38
00:01:46,964 --> 00:01:48,383
you were thinking about
squeezing in a round, so...
39
00:01:48,383 --> 00:01:50,095
ESSEX:
Are you mad?
40
00:01:50,095 --> 00:01:53,017
That's a $75,000
bag of clubs.
41
00:01:53,017 --> 00:01:55,397
Have you any idea what
the winter grass will do
42
00:01:55,397 --> 00:01:58,027
to the platinum‐plated
fairway driver?
43
00:01:58,027 --> 00:01:59,280
GAVIN:
Jesus, Ted.
44
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,783
Even a weekend duffer
would know to grab
45
00:02:00,783 --> 00:02:04,248
his Ping G10s,
not his Honzu Four‐Stars.
46
00:02:04,248 --> 00:02:05,668
‐ I can zip
back right now.
47
00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:06,712
It'll just
take a second.
48
00:02:06,712 --> 00:02:08,465
ESSEX:
Don't bother.
49
00:02:08,465 --> 00:02:10,803
Gavin, would you pop
down to the Ambassador?
50
00:02:10,803 --> 00:02:12,222
I would ask Ted,
but I'm afraid
51
00:02:12,222 --> 00:02:14,185
he'd come back
with my polo mallet.
52
00:02:14,185 --> 00:02:15,479
(Gavin laughs)
53
00:02:17,859 --> 00:02:19,613
‐ Nice try, Ted.
54
00:02:21,491 --> 00:02:23,996
(soft music)
55
00:02:23,996 --> 00:02:27,461
♪
56
00:02:27,461 --> 00:02:28,631
‐ I apologize, sir.
57
00:02:28,631 --> 00:02:32,221
I was just trying to show
a little initiative.
58
00:02:32,221 --> 00:02:34,266
Hey, who knows,
maybe in the spring,
59
00:02:34,266 --> 00:02:35,393
I could join you
at the club
60
00:02:35,393 --> 00:02:38,399
and you can teach me
the difference.
61
00:02:38,399 --> 00:02:44,411
♪
62
00:02:55,518 --> 00:02:57,020
(toilet flushes)
63
00:02:57,020 --> 00:02:59,275
(eerie music)
64
00:02:59,275 --> 00:03:05,287
♪
65
00:03:17,937 --> 00:03:19,900
CHOIR: ♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
66
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,820
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
67
00:03:21,820 --> 00:03:24,033
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
68
00:03:24,033 --> 00:03:25,912
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
69
00:03:25,912 --> 00:03:29,794
♪ Good tidings to you
wherever you are ♪
70
00:03:29,794 --> 00:03:34,011
♪ Good tidings for Christmas
and a happy New Year ♪
71
00:03:34,011 --> 00:03:36,015
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
72
00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:38,186
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
73
00:03:38,186 --> 00:03:40,315
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
74
00:03:40,315 --> 00:03:42,069
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
75
00:03:42,069 --> 00:03:44,156
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
76
00:03:44,156 --> 00:03:46,160
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
77
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,206
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
78
00:03:48,206 --> 00:03:50,293
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
79
00:03:50,293 --> 00:03:52,966
("We Wish You
a Merry Christmas")
80
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:58,978
♪
81
00:04:03,069 --> 00:04:05,115
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
82
00:04:05,115 --> 00:04:07,119
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
83
00:04:07,119 --> 00:04:09,248
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
84
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:15,218
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪♪
85
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,355
(glass shatters)
86
00:04:21,355 --> 00:04:24,111
(upbeat instrumental version of
"Hark! The Herald Angels Sing")
87
00:04:24,111 --> 00:04:27,159
♪
88
00:04:27,159 --> 00:04:28,912
‐ Just tell us.
89
00:04:28,912 --> 00:04:31,793
Do we get a fucking
Christmas bonus or not?
90
00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:33,421
Come on.
91
00:04:33,421 --> 00:04:34,423
But no.
92
00:04:34,423 --> 00:04:37,555
These sadists
make us sweat it out.
93
00:04:37,555 --> 00:04:40,644
♪
94
00:04:40,644 --> 00:04:42,064
Here we go.
ESSEX: Well, I wanted
95
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,817
to wish you all
merry Christmas,
96
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:48,911
but I've been told that
I must consult Legal first.
97
00:04:48,911 --> 00:04:51,708
It is good to
learn what to avoid
98
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:55,508
by studying the
misfortunes of others.
99
00:04:55,508 --> 00:04:57,929
A bit of wisdom
from a fellow called
100
00:04:57,929 --> 00:05:01,937
Publilius Syrus
in 45 BC.
101
00:05:01,937 --> 00:05:04,651
But that ancient
Latin still makes
102
00:05:04,651 --> 00:05:07,782
very sound
business sense today.
103
00:05:07,782 --> 00:05:10,453
We've seen a number
of private equity companies
104
00:05:10,453 --> 00:05:12,667
fail in this
last year,
105
00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:14,294
and the common
thinking is
106
00:05:14,294 --> 00:05:17,467
it's something to do
with the excessive bonuses
107
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:19,806
paid out to
those at the top.
108
00:05:19,806 --> 00:05:21,852
Well, I'm not going
to lie to you,
109
00:05:21,852 --> 00:05:25,818
it's been a tricky year
for Falconheart.
110
00:05:25,818 --> 00:05:27,487
So in the spirit
of learning
111
00:05:27,487 --> 00:05:28,824
from the mistakes
of others,
112
00:05:28,824 --> 00:05:31,453
there will be
no end‐of‐year payments
113
00:05:31,453 --> 00:05:33,374
to our executives.
114
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,090
Now, I can't ask
our executives
115
00:05:37,090 --> 00:05:38,844
to do something
I wouldn't expect
116
00:05:38,844 --> 00:05:40,973
of the entire team.
117
00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:44,313
And so I've decided
to suspend all bonuses
118
00:05:44,313 --> 00:05:46,735
to the entire
company this year.
119
00:05:46,735 --> 00:05:49,323
We will all bite
the bullet together
120
00:05:49,323 --> 00:05:51,620
as any family would.
121
00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:55,126
And someone suggested
a jelly of the month club,
122
00:05:55,126 --> 00:05:57,882
but I think
you would all prefer
123
00:05:57,882 --> 00:06:00,846
the dignity
of shared sacrifice
124
00:06:00,846 --> 00:06:03,392
to some fancy jams.
125
00:06:03,392 --> 00:06:05,856
Am I right?
126
00:06:05,856 --> 00:06:07,150
Now more than ever,
127
00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:12,285
we must abide by the motto
of Falconheart Ventures:
128
00:06:12,285 --> 00:06:17,838
"Brave solutions,
steadfast commitment."
129
00:06:17,838 --> 00:06:19,968
(soft music)
130
00:06:19,968 --> 00:06:20,886
♪
131
00:06:20,886 --> 00:06:22,515
Happy holidays.
132
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:25,019
(applause)
133
00:06:30,531 --> 00:06:33,160
♪
134
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,749
TATUM:I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
135
00:06:35,749 --> 00:06:37,795
‐ The dignity
of shared sacrifice.
136
00:06:37,795 --> 00:06:39,172
Are you fucking kidding me?
137
00:06:39,172 --> 00:06:41,803
At least we could have
eaten the goddamn jelly.
138
00:06:41,803 --> 00:06:43,264
TATUM:We'll figure something out.
139
00:06:43,264 --> 00:06:45,184
Don't get worked up.
140
00:06:45,184 --> 00:06:46,563
Why don't you go outside
141
00:06:46,563 --> 00:06:49,318
and take some deep breaths?
142
00:06:49,318 --> 00:06:51,698
‐ Yeah, you know what?
143
00:06:51,698 --> 00:06:53,075
I should go outside.
144
00:06:53,075 --> 00:06:54,286
TATUM:Good.
145
00:06:54,286 --> 00:06:55,789
Just don't take thistoo personally.
146
00:06:55,789 --> 00:06:58,210
I'm sure your bosssees how hard you work
147
00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,883
and all those extrahours you put in.
148
00:07:00,883 --> 00:07:02,678
‐ I gotta go do something.
149
00:07:02,678 --> 00:07:04,640
TATUM:Wait, what do you mean?
150
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,060
Ted?
‐ I love you, sweetheart.
151
00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:07,521
TATUM:What are you do‐‐
152
00:07:07,521 --> 00:07:10,068
(eerie music)
153
00:07:10,068 --> 00:07:16,080
♪
154
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,552
‐ Are you all right, Ted?
155
00:07:46,223 --> 00:07:49,730
‐ I just wanted to wish
you a merry Christmas.
156
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:52,695
And let you know that it's
an honor to work for you.
157
00:07:54,489 --> 00:07:57,621
‐ Well, I'm glad
you came out here, Ted.
158
00:07:57,621 --> 00:07:59,374
There's something
I want to share with you
159
00:07:59,374 --> 00:08:02,965
about some changes
coming to the firm.
160
00:08:02,965 --> 00:08:05,846
I'm taking the money we
usually spend on bonuses
161
00:08:05,846 --> 00:08:09,478
and I'm using it to create
one more high‐level job.
162
00:08:09,478 --> 00:08:10,606
I'm implementing something
163
00:08:10,606 --> 00:08:12,902
called the
Opportunity Initiative,
164
00:08:12,902 --> 00:08:13,987
which will
give employees
165
00:08:13,987 --> 00:08:17,160
the chance to reach
executive status.
166
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,162
Needless to say,
167
00:08:18,162 --> 00:08:22,337
a life‐changing transformation.
168
00:08:22,337 --> 00:08:26,011
‐ Yeah, yeah,
I imagine it is.
169
00:08:26,011 --> 00:08:29,226
‐ Kiwi and I are giving
a dinner at the house.
170
00:08:29,226 --> 00:08:31,606
Just a few folks
from the firm.
171
00:08:31,606 --> 00:08:33,735
I'd like you to be there.
172
00:08:33,735 --> 00:08:38,202
Ring up your wife and see
if she'd care to join us.
173
00:08:38,202 --> 00:08:39,830
‐ I...
174
00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:42,085
Yes, thank you, I will.
175
00:08:42,085 --> 00:08:44,632
(soft music)
176
00:08:44,632 --> 00:08:49,850
♪
177
00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:51,270
(phone ringing)
178
00:08:51,270 --> 00:08:53,775
TATUM: Ted.
‐ Hey.
179
00:08:53,775 --> 00:08:54,902
Are you sitting down?
180
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,029
TATUM:Oh, my God.
181
00:08:56,029 --> 00:08:57,533
What did you do?
182
00:08:57,533 --> 00:09:00,037
‐ Put on something nice.
183
00:09:00,037 --> 00:09:02,918
We've been invited
to the boss's house.
184
00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:05,507
♪
185
00:09:05,507 --> 00:09:08,888
‐ This is so huge for you.
186
00:09:08,888 --> 00:09:10,016
‐ Maybe.
187
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,644
I mean, you've seen
how the guy works.
188
00:09:11,644 --> 00:09:12,855
He probably thinks
this will be
189
00:09:12,855 --> 00:09:14,274
a hilarious way
to fire me.
190
00:09:14,274 --> 00:09:16,403
‐ Sweetheart,
I know this whole thing
191
00:09:16,403 --> 00:09:18,032
with the golf clubs
was humiliating,
192
00:09:18,032 --> 00:09:20,036
but you have
to get past it.
193
00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:22,791
You are incredible
at your job,
194
00:09:22,791 --> 00:09:24,545
and you deserve
a promotion.
195
00:09:24,545 --> 00:09:26,173
‐ Honey, promotions
don't go to the people
196
00:09:26,173 --> 00:09:27,300
who deserve them.
197
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,429
They go to
ass‐kissers like Gavin.
198
00:09:29,429 --> 00:09:31,183
‐ I don't understand.
When you first started,
199
00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:33,020
you really
believed in yourself.
200
00:09:33,020 --> 00:09:35,817
You didn't used
to be so cynical.
201
00:09:35,817 --> 00:09:37,070
‐ Yeah, well,
I don't believe
202
00:09:37,070 --> 00:09:38,573
in Santa Claus
anymore either.
203
00:09:38,573 --> 00:09:40,661
‐ Why do you keep
looking at my earrings?
204
00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:42,665
‐ I just‐‐
‐ What?
205
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:43,792
TED:
Nothing.
206
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,421
‐ It's a holiday party.
TED: I know, I know.
207
00:09:46,421 --> 00:09:50,054
It's just‐‐we're going
to Steven Essex's house,
208
00:09:50,054 --> 00:09:54,270
and those just‐‐
they kind of scream,
209
00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:56,191
"I'm from Des Moines."
210
00:10:00,282 --> 00:10:02,538
‐ I bet he's gonna
love my earrings.
211
00:10:02,538 --> 00:10:06,420
(classical music)
212
00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:11,556
♪
213
00:10:11,556 --> 00:10:12,808
TED:
Wow.
214
00:10:12,808 --> 00:10:15,981
I can see the company
is really suffering.
215
00:10:15,981 --> 00:10:18,987
TATUM: Okay, I'm going
to take your cynicism
216
00:10:18,987 --> 00:10:20,615
and keep it in
the glove compartment
217
00:10:20,615 --> 00:10:22,619
for the rest
of the night.
218
00:10:22,619 --> 00:10:24,957
And your sarcasm.
TED: Well, now you're asking me
219
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,669
to go in there naked.
220
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:28,965
‐ They're gonna
love naked Ted,
221
00:10:28,965 --> 00:10:31,094
and they're gonna
love my earrings.
222
00:10:31,094 --> 00:10:33,432
♪
223
00:10:36,229 --> 00:10:38,860
‐ I don't get why
there are no other cars.
224
00:10:39,862 --> 00:10:42,366
(eerie music)
225
00:10:42,366 --> 00:10:46,626
♪
226
00:10:46,626 --> 00:10:48,588
(tires screeching)
227
00:10:48,588 --> 00:10:49,882
[shouting]
Jesus!
228
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,896
You've gotta
be kidding me.
229
00:10:56,896 --> 00:10:58,650
‐ Are you okay?
230
00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:01,154
‐ I'm fine.
231
00:11:01,154 --> 00:11:03,367
‐ Ted.
232
00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:04,787
What are you doing here?
233
00:11:04,787 --> 00:11:06,289
‐ Well, I knew
wherever you were going,
234
00:11:06,289 --> 00:11:07,751
that's the place to be.
235
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:10,757
‐ [whispering] Sarcasm
in the glove compartment.
236
00:11:12,134 --> 00:11:16,644
GAVIN: Uh, you guys,
this is Missy.
237
00:11:16,644 --> 00:11:19,900
Missy, these guys.
238
00:11:22,656 --> 00:11:24,284
‐ Hello there.
239
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:29,503
Falconheart's brightest
and best have arrived.
240
00:11:31,507 --> 00:11:32,801
TATUM:
I don't understand.
241
00:11:32,801 --> 00:11:34,513
He has the same job as you,
242
00:11:34,513 --> 00:11:35,515
the same salary,
243
00:11:35,515 --> 00:11:37,519
how does he drive
a Porsche?
244
00:11:37,519 --> 00:11:39,523
‐ Like an asshole.
245
00:11:39,523 --> 00:11:41,443
ESSEX:
Good God, Missy.
246
00:11:41,443 --> 00:11:43,698
I only invited Gavin
so I could see
247
00:11:43,698 --> 00:11:45,159
what you'd be wearing.
248
00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:46,286
Mm!
MISSY: Oh!
249
00:11:46,286 --> 00:11:47,915
(Missy giggles)
250
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,835
Don't wait up, Gavin.
251
00:11:51,923 --> 00:11:53,300
‐ Hello, my dear.
252
00:11:55,012 --> 00:11:58,185
KIWI: Are we entertaining on
the front lawn tonight, Steve?
253
00:11:58,185 --> 00:12:01,024
ESSEX: Kiwi's got a wild
hare up her ass tonight.
254
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:07,036
♪
255
00:12:09,541 --> 00:12:10,835
TATUM:
Oh, hi, I'm Tatum.
256
00:12:10,835 --> 00:12:12,296
‐ Just give her your coat.
257
00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:13,465
KIWI:
Jesus, I would have thought
258
00:12:13,465 --> 00:12:15,052
you had made
drinks by now.
259
00:12:15,052 --> 00:12:17,306
I don't know how
he is as a boss,
260
00:12:17,306 --> 00:12:20,605
but he's a lousy host.
261
00:12:20,605 --> 00:12:23,861
♪
262
00:12:23,861 --> 00:12:25,489
Excuse me, I'm gonna
change my clothes.
263
00:12:25,489 --> 00:12:27,368
‐ No, you're not, my dear.
264
00:12:27,368 --> 00:12:29,122
Follow us.
265
00:12:29,122 --> 00:12:35,092
♪
266
00:12:36,052 --> 00:12:38,223
Make yourselves comfortable.
267
00:12:38,223 --> 00:12:40,102
TED:
So is it just us then?
268
00:12:40,102 --> 00:12:41,104
‐ It is.
269
00:12:41,104 --> 00:12:42,691
Are we enough for you?
270
00:12:42,691 --> 00:12:44,360
KIWI: We like to keep
these types of events
271
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,074
more intimate.
272
00:12:49,997 --> 00:12:51,834
‐ What about the
people upstairs?
273
00:12:51,834 --> 00:12:53,880
KIWI:
What people upstairs, darling?
274
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,508
The staff are down here.
275
00:12:57,136 --> 00:12:59,265
MISSY:
Oh, what are we drinking?
276
00:12:59,265 --> 00:13:01,227
‐ A 44‐year‐old Cognac.
277
00:13:01,227 --> 00:13:03,148
You may never get
another chance.
278
00:13:03,148 --> 00:13:04,275
(Kiwi chuckles)
279
00:13:04,275 --> 00:13:05,528
‐ You trying to get
her drunk, Stevie?
280
00:13:05,528 --> 00:13:06,906
Trust me, I'm not
leaving you alone
281
00:13:06,906 --> 00:13:08,534
with either one of them.
282
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,836
TED: So tell me
about these guns.
283
00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:15,632
STEVE:
Ah, the Lee‐Enfields.
284
00:13:15,632 --> 00:13:18,888
The most successful bolt
action rifle in history.
285
00:13:18,888 --> 00:13:20,850
It came to prominence
in World War I,
286
00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:23,396
remained in widespread
British service
287
00:13:23,396 --> 00:13:26,277
until the mid '60s.
KIWI: Oh, good Christ, Steve.
288
00:13:26,277 --> 00:13:29,660
Why don't you just advertise
your erectile dysfunction?
289
00:13:32,999 --> 00:13:36,422
TED: Um, and what
about the sword?
290
00:13:36,422 --> 00:13:39,053
STEVE: Ah, a Confederate
cavalry officer's saber,
291
00:13:39,053 --> 00:13:42,686
used only once.
‐ Really? When was that?
292
00:13:42,686 --> 00:13:44,147
‐ On our wedding night,
293
00:13:44,147 --> 00:13:46,902
when Kiwi removed
my testicles.
294
00:13:46,902 --> 00:13:49,448
(Kiwi laughs)
295
00:13:53,039 --> 00:13:55,545
‐ Uh, this is Rome, right?
296
00:13:55,545 --> 00:13:57,924
I recognize the
Castel Sant'angelo.
297
00:13:57,924 --> 00:13:59,803
Missy and I took
our honeymoon in Rome.
298
00:13:59,803 --> 00:14:01,389
‐ In Rome?
MISSY: Yes, dear.
299
00:14:01,389 --> 00:14:04,145
It's a town in Italy.
300
00:14:04,145 --> 00:14:07,652
‐ It's a city, but I won't
hold that against you.
301
00:14:10,073 --> 00:14:11,075
Hm.
302
00:14:11,075 --> 00:14:12,829
So do you have any children?
303
00:14:12,829 --> 00:14:13,956
KIWI:
Steve has always believed
304
00:14:13,956 --> 00:14:15,835
that children
should be sacrificed
305
00:14:15,835 --> 00:14:18,173
in the interest
of occupational goals.
306
00:14:18,173 --> 00:14:20,219
‐ Behave yourself.
307
00:14:20,219 --> 00:14:21,847
♪
308
00:14:21,847 --> 00:14:23,475
‐ Define behave.
309
00:14:23,475 --> 00:14:26,565
‐ You know
exactly what I mean.
310
00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:29,863
♪
311
00:14:32,994 --> 00:14:35,499
It's so nice you're all here.
312
00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:37,211
‐ To new friends.
313
00:14:38,839 --> 00:14:41,971
ESSEX: Remember what the
Russians say about friends.
314
00:14:41,971 --> 00:14:43,348
Friends are just enemies
315
00:14:43,348 --> 00:14:46,229
that don't have
the guts to kill you.
316
00:14:48,943 --> 00:14:50,237
‐ House boy!
317
00:14:55,999 --> 00:14:58,587
(soft music)
318
00:14:58,587 --> 00:15:04,599
♪
319
00:15:11,112 --> 00:15:12,657
Aren't they divine?
320
00:15:12,657 --> 00:15:13,909
♪
321
00:15:13,909 --> 00:15:18,043
There is something
so unobtainable
322
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,005
about physical perfection.
323
00:15:20,005 --> 00:15:22,217
ESSEX: And I have the
plastic surgeon's bills
324
00:15:22,217 --> 00:15:23,888
to prove it.
325
00:15:23,888 --> 00:15:26,518
♪
326
00:15:26,518 --> 00:15:29,148
‐ You unbelievable prick.
327
00:15:29,148 --> 00:15:31,277
‐ I think the one
above best resembles
328
00:15:31,277 --> 00:15:33,741
my wife's true features.
329
00:15:33,741 --> 00:15:39,753
♪
330
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,638
‐ Just another sacrifice.
331
00:15:44,638 --> 00:15:50,650
♪
332
00:15:52,444 --> 00:15:54,073
ESSEX:
So, where do you stand
333
00:15:54,073 --> 00:15:57,079
on climate change?
334
00:15:57,079 --> 00:15:58,833
GAVIN:
Oh, oh, okay.
335
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,170
Uh, well, I guess
you've kind of
336
00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:03,425
got to take all
those "studies"
337
00:16:03,425 --> 00:16:06,305
with a grain
of salt, right?
338
00:16:06,305 --> 00:16:07,684
ESSEX:
Are you kidding?
339
00:16:07,684 --> 00:16:10,898
It's absolutely terrifying
what's going on out there.
340
00:16:10,898 --> 00:16:12,569
They say by the year 2030
341
00:16:12,569 --> 00:16:14,948
most of the planet's
wine‐producing regions
342
00:16:14,948 --> 00:16:16,409
will cease to be.
343
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,329
Can you imagine a world
where Napa Valley
344
00:16:18,329 --> 00:16:20,459
can no longer produce
a single bottle
345
00:16:20,459 --> 00:16:22,714
of Screaming Eagle Cab?
346
00:16:22,714 --> 00:16:24,341
I'm not sure that's a world
347
00:16:24,341 --> 00:16:27,306
that I want to live in.
348
00:16:27,306 --> 00:16:30,228
‐ So what do you do
for a living?
349
00:16:30,228 --> 00:16:33,944
‐ I'm a mediator
for an insurance company.
350
00:16:33,944 --> 00:16:35,990
‐ Conflict resolution.
351
00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:38,119
Oh, that's a bit
counterintuitive for me.
352
00:16:38,119 --> 00:16:39,748
(laughs)
353
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:44,089
I bet in this crazy world
it keeps you very busy.
354
00:16:44,089 --> 00:16:45,927
‐ It can get a
little hectic,
355
00:16:45,927 --> 00:16:49,350
but I don't have it
as bad as Ted.
356
00:16:49,350 --> 00:16:50,435
In the last few years,
357
00:16:50,435 --> 00:16:52,481
he's been in the office
every Friday night
358
00:16:52,481 --> 00:16:54,068
until midnight.
‐ In the office
359
00:16:54,068 --> 00:16:56,990
every Friday night
until midnight?
360
00:16:56,990 --> 00:17:00,121
I had no idea.
TED: Yeah, it's‐‐
361
00:17:00,121 --> 00:17:02,627
it's no big thing.
362
00:17:02,627 --> 00:17:04,338
MISSY: Oh, I just
couldn't take anymore.
363
00:17:04,338 --> 00:17:06,760
Gavin is really charming
the pants off your husband.
364
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,388
Steven must be
a Sagittarius.
365
00:17:08,388 --> 00:17:09,683
Gavin has always had his way
366
00:17:09,683 --> 00:17:12,396
with a Sagittarii.
367
00:17:15,653 --> 00:17:18,157
Doesn't he look
so great in that suit?
368
00:17:18,157 --> 00:17:20,830
‐ Everyone looks
just smashing.
369
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:22,332
‐ Well, most of us.
370
00:17:23,669 --> 00:17:25,255
‐ What did you just say?
371
00:17:25,255 --> 00:17:27,635
‐ Can you show me
to the powder room?
372
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:33,313
‐ Right this way.
373
00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:35,400
(Gavin and Steve conversing)
374
00:17:36,528 --> 00:17:38,072
TATUM:
Ted, Ted.
375
00:17:38,072 --> 00:17:40,201
She's just trying
to suck up.
376
00:17:40,201 --> 00:17:42,456
If it doesn't bother me,
it shouldn't bother you.
377
00:17:42,456 --> 00:17:44,209
‐ [whispering] Honey,
this is getting weird.
378
00:17:44,209 --> 00:17:46,339
I feel like we're just here
for their own sick pleasure.
379
00:17:46,339 --> 00:17:49,219
It's like, "Let's invite
the struggling couple over
380
00:17:49,219 --> 00:17:50,681
and wave all our
expensive booze
381
00:17:50,681 --> 00:17:53,227
under their noses and see
how much shit they'll eat."
382
00:17:53,227 --> 00:17:55,566
‐ Well, if you want to,
we can go home.
383
00:17:55,566 --> 00:17:57,862
But I know you can do this.
384
00:17:57,862 --> 00:18:00,993
And I still think
we can have a fun night.
385
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,838
‐ Is it getting a little
late for you there, Ted?
386
00:18:06,838 --> 00:18:08,174
Why don't you
go on ahead?
387
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:11,723
Don't worry, I'll have
her back by sunup.
388
00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:15,480
♪
389
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,983
KIWI:
What a dump, right?
390
00:18:16,983 --> 00:18:21,743
MISSY:
Oh, you have amazing feng shui.
391
00:18:21,743 --> 00:18:24,081
It must have cost
you a fortune.
392
00:18:24,081 --> 00:18:25,375
‐ Well, luckily,
they didn't charge us
393
00:18:25,375 --> 00:18:28,089
for the feng shui.
394
00:18:28,089 --> 00:18:30,260
And of course they
gave us a nice deal
395
00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:31,513
because of the murders.
396
00:18:31,513 --> 00:18:33,600
So, the bathroom is
just through those doors
397
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,270
and to the left.
398
00:18:35,270 --> 00:18:37,900
‐ Wait...murders?
399
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,863
‐ Oh, apparently
there was a deranged man
400
00:18:39,863 --> 00:18:41,908
who lived in the crawl
space between the wall,
401
00:18:41,908 --> 00:18:43,620
something silly like that.
402
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:47,252
‐ Oh, I bet there are so
many auras in this house.
403
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:48,756
(eerie music)
404
00:18:48,756 --> 00:18:51,093
I read auras, you know.
405
00:18:51,093 --> 00:18:53,097
‐ Of course you do, darling.
406
00:18:53,097 --> 00:18:59,109
♪
407
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,121
♪
408
00:19:05,121 --> 00:19:08,504
TATUM: I think you're
making a great impression.
409
00:19:08,504 --> 00:19:11,300
‐ Just imagine if I
had my sarcasm back.
410
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:13,639
KIWI:
Darling, would you be a lamb
411
00:19:13,639 --> 00:19:15,266
and make me a La Cali?
412
00:19:15,266 --> 00:19:16,770
‐ A La Cal‐‐what?
413
00:19:16,770 --> 00:19:18,189
KIWI:
Creme de cassis, vodka,
414
00:19:18,189 --> 00:19:20,443
rum, lemon,
and a lump of sugar.
415
00:19:20,443 --> 00:19:23,700
Oh, I'm sure you've
made it a million times.
416
00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:27,542
TATUM:
Um, all right, sure.
417
00:19:31,298 --> 00:19:33,512
‐ I have to say
that you've shown
418
00:19:33,512 --> 00:19:36,643
a remarkable amount
of composure.
419
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:39,439
And don't think that
Steve and I haven't noticed.
420
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,778
We have got
our eye on you.
421
00:19:44,157 --> 00:19:45,285
ESSEX:
From the look on your face,
422
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,915
she's probably just
about in his lap.
423
00:19:47,915 --> 00:19:49,167
What do they say
about women?
424
00:19:49,167 --> 00:19:51,590
You can't live with them,
you can't shoot them.
425
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:52,967
GAVIN:
I don't know what I would do
426
00:19:52,967 --> 00:19:55,179
if Missy ever
cheated around on me.
427
00:19:55,179 --> 00:19:56,933
ESSEX: Well, what is it
about a beautiful woman?
428
00:19:56,933 --> 00:20:00,356
That unique ability to
make a man so miserable.
429
00:20:00,356 --> 00:20:01,943
‐ Yeah, don't get me started.
430
00:20:01,943 --> 00:20:03,989
‐ Oh, please, do tell me.
431
00:20:03,989 --> 00:20:05,868
‐ No, you don't want
to hear about it.
432
00:20:05,868 --> 00:20:07,245
ESSEX:
Of course I do, Gavin.
433
00:20:07,245 --> 00:20:09,082
Why do you think
I invited you here?
434
00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:10,878
It's because I felt
it was time to find out
435
00:20:10,878 --> 00:20:14,176
just what
makes you tick.
436
00:20:14,176 --> 00:20:16,221
‐ Oh, well...
437
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,854
Look...
438
00:20:19,854 --> 00:20:23,695
Missy is a necessary
part of the package.
439
00:20:23,695 --> 00:20:26,116
You know, you can't
have the sports car
440
00:20:26,116 --> 00:20:29,624
and the fancy clothes
without a trophy wife
441
00:20:29,624 --> 00:20:33,381
with a spectacular
ass, right?
442
00:20:33,381 --> 00:20:35,886
But‐‐but‐‐but
the thing is,
443
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:38,725
she thinks she knows
more than I do,
444
00:20:38,725 --> 00:20:41,397
so I gotta sit
there and listen
445
00:20:41,397 --> 00:20:45,739
to these pearls of
wisdom from a dingbat
446
00:20:45,739 --> 00:20:48,537
with two semesters
of community college
447
00:20:48,537 --> 00:20:51,626
and a minor
in Tarot cards.
448
00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:53,045
I mean, shit, we
should talk to the guys
449
00:20:53,045 --> 00:20:54,131
in Research
and Development
450
00:20:54,131 --> 00:20:55,759
about coming up
with an off switch,
451
00:20:55,759 --> 00:20:57,387
am I right?
452
00:20:57,387 --> 00:21:00,268
‐ Absolutely magnificent.
453
00:21:02,397 --> 00:21:05,779
‐ Don't tell me it's impossible
to get a rise out of you.
454
00:21:05,779 --> 00:21:08,034
‐ Well, not as difficult
as getting a raise
455
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:09,286
out of your husband.
456
00:21:09,286 --> 00:21:11,290
(Kiwi giggles)
457
00:21:11,290 --> 00:21:12,668
‐ Wordplay, I love it.
458
00:21:12,668 --> 00:21:14,547
I was hoping there'd
be games tonight.
459
00:21:14,547 --> 00:21:17,553
‐ Yeah, maybe a little
pin the tail on the donkey.
460
00:21:17,553 --> 00:21:20,559
Except I'm not too excited
about being the donkey.
461
00:21:20,559 --> 00:21:22,938
‐ Oh, you're not a donkey.
462
00:21:22,938 --> 00:21:26,278
You're a tiger inching your
way towards the red zone,
463
00:21:26,278 --> 00:21:28,700
and I know
you're capable of it.
464
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:30,788
♪
465
00:21:30,788 --> 00:21:31,831
‐ I don't know
what you're talk‐‐
466
00:21:31,831 --> 00:21:33,459
‐ I want to meet
the Ted that uses
467
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,633
my husband's stupid
platinum‐plated golf clubs
468
00:21:36,633 --> 00:21:39,304
to bash in the
bathroom mirror.
469
00:21:39,304 --> 00:21:40,891
♪
470
00:21:40,891 --> 00:21:42,060
Did you believe
that's something
471
00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:43,688
that wouldn't get around?
472
00:21:43,688 --> 00:21:46,694
♪
473
00:21:46,694 --> 00:21:49,784
Boo, I was hoping
you'd be more fun.
474
00:21:49,784 --> 00:21:55,294
♪
475
00:21:55,294 --> 00:21:56,673
Does Mrs. Conflict Resolution
476
00:21:56,673 --> 00:22:00,931
share your capacity
for fireworks?
477
00:22:00,931 --> 00:22:02,810
She can see us.
478
00:22:02,810 --> 00:22:05,064
Let's put on
a show for her.
479
00:22:05,064 --> 00:22:06,066
♪
480
00:22:06,066 --> 00:22:07,695
‐ Hey.
‐ Oh, I am gonna get
481
00:22:07,695 --> 00:22:09,740
a rise out of you
one way or the other.
482
00:22:09,740 --> 00:22:10,993
‐ Okay.
483
00:22:10,993 --> 00:22:13,748
ESSEX [shouting]:
You filthy slut!
484
00:22:13,748 --> 00:22:16,336
I will not allow you
to make a vile spectacle
485
00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:17,965
in front of my employees.
486
00:22:17,965 --> 00:22:19,092
(Kiwi laughs)
487
00:22:19,092 --> 00:22:20,721
‐ So if they weren't
your employees,
488
00:22:20,721 --> 00:22:22,056
you'd be fine
with me grabbing
489
00:22:22,056 --> 00:22:23,560
another man's package?
490
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:24,979
‐ Wait, what did I miss?
491
00:22:24,979 --> 00:22:27,442
KIWI: Oh, just another episode
of Profiles in Impotence.
492
00:22:27,442 --> 00:22:29,614
ESSEX:
Shut your dirty mouth.
493
00:22:29,614 --> 00:22:30,991
‐ Or what?
494
00:22:30,991 --> 00:22:33,120
It's not like you wear
the pants around here,
495
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:34,832
house boy.
496
00:22:34,832 --> 00:22:36,376
‐ Out of my way, Dunlop.
497
00:22:36,376 --> 00:22:38,088
I said get out
of my way right now!
498
00:22:38,088 --> 00:22:40,510
‐ No, please,
just calm down, okay?
499
00:22:40,510 --> 00:22:42,514
‐ Gavin,
it could be arranged
500
00:22:42,514 --> 00:22:44,392
for one employee
to receive
501
00:22:44,392 --> 00:22:47,148
a generous Christmas
bonus this year.
502
00:22:47,148 --> 00:22:52,785
100k and two weeks in Aruba.
503
00:22:52,785 --> 00:22:54,496
‐ [mouthing]
Move.
504
00:22:54,496 --> 00:23:00,466
♪
505
00:23:02,638 --> 00:23:04,474
‐ Oh my God.
‐ Jesus.
506
00:23:04,474 --> 00:23:08,650
♪
507
00:23:08,650 --> 00:23:11,531
‐ I will not be humiliated
in my own home.
508
00:23:11,531 --> 00:23:13,158
KIWI: I wonder if we have
something interesting to read.
509
00:23:13,158 --> 00:23:14,996
ESSEX:
Don't turn your back on me.
510
00:23:14,996 --> 00:23:17,292
KIWI: Boring!
‐ Turn around right now.
511
00:23:17,292 --> 00:23:19,421
KIWI: Stevie, why
don't you be a good boy
512
00:23:19,421 --> 00:23:20,924
and pour me a drink?
513
00:23:20,924 --> 00:23:22,135
(gunshot)
514
00:23:22,135 --> 00:23:24,682
(commotion)
515
00:23:25,559 --> 00:23:27,938
‐ This is my house.
516
00:23:31,194 --> 00:23:33,700
(ominous music)
517
00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:37,332
♪
518
00:23:37,332 --> 00:23:39,336
‐ Oh, my God.
519
00:23:39,336 --> 00:23:40,421
Oh...
520
00:23:40,421 --> 00:23:41,549
♪
521
00:23:41,549 --> 00:23:43,803
Okay, Mr. Essex,
522
00:23:43,803 --> 00:23:45,640
you need to put
down the rifle.
523
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,310
Mr. Essex.
524
00:23:47,310 --> 00:23:48,813
Steve!
525
00:23:48,813 --> 00:23:51,903
♪
526
00:23:51,903 --> 00:23:53,698
What have I done?
527
00:23:56,328 --> 00:23:57,956
‐ Fuck.
528
00:24:00,294 --> 00:24:03,092
‐ No, don't!
529
00:24:03,092 --> 00:24:05,471
You've got to help me.
530
00:24:05,471 --> 00:24:07,726
‐ Help you?
531
00:24:07,726 --> 00:24:08,937
Oh, my...
532
00:24:09,980 --> 00:24:11,108
ESSEX:
What are you doing?
533
00:24:11,108 --> 00:24:12,485
‐ I'm calling 9‐1‐1.
534
00:24:12,485 --> 00:24:13,738
‐ No, you can't do that.
535
00:24:13,738 --> 00:24:14,865
TATUM:
She might still be alive, okay?
536
00:24:14,865 --> 00:24:16,493
We have to find somebody
that could help her.
537
00:24:16,493 --> 00:24:17,746
ESSEX:
It doesn't matter.
538
00:24:17,746 --> 00:24:21,002
I'll lose everything,
my entire life's work.
539
00:24:21,002 --> 00:24:21,963
‐ What?
540
00:24:21,963 --> 00:24:23,967
ESSEX:
How can I get out of this?
541
00:24:26,931 --> 00:24:29,854
I would owe
you everything.
542
00:24:32,442 --> 00:24:34,112
‐ Don't just stand there,
say something!
543
00:24:34,112 --> 00:24:35,699
‐ Forget this.
544
00:24:37,118 --> 00:24:40,750
‐ Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
545
00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:42,253
You were cleaning your gun.
546
00:24:42,253 --> 00:24:43,130
You were
cleaning your gun
547
00:24:43,130 --> 00:24:45,635
and it went off
accidentally.
548
00:24:45,635 --> 00:24:49,643
‐ At 1:00 in the morning
after the Christmas party.
549
00:24:49,643 --> 00:24:51,146
‐ Give me the phone, give me‐‐
550
00:24:52,148 --> 00:24:53,400
GAVIN: Don't, don't.
551
00:24:54,862 --> 00:24:56,156
‐ She killed herself.
552
00:24:56,156 --> 00:24:57,784
‐ Suicide.
‐ Exactly.
553
00:24:57,784 --> 00:24:59,412
TED:
Yes, Gavin, yes,
554
00:24:59,412 --> 00:25:01,792
she shot herself in
the back of the head
555
00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:03,045
from across the parlor.
556
00:25:03,045 --> 00:25:05,509
Have you ever heard
of ballistics?
557
00:25:05,509 --> 00:25:07,888
ESSEX:
Okay, so what have you got?
558
00:25:07,888 --> 00:25:09,975
TATUM:
What? No. Ted...
559
00:25:09,975 --> 00:25:11,521
ESSEX:
They tell me Ted Phipps
560
00:25:11,521 --> 00:25:13,525
can think
outside the box.
561
00:25:13,525 --> 00:25:16,739
Can you alibi your way
into a VP position?
562
00:25:16,739 --> 00:25:20,120
‐ Wait, what?
ESSEX: You heard me.
563
00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:21,666
‐ Well, self‐defense.
564
00:25:21,666 --> 00:25:24,295
ESSEX:
Don't be ridiculous, Gavin.
565
00:25:24,295 --> 00:25:25,297
Come on, Ted.
566
00:25:25,297 --> 00:25:26,551
You've been
waiting a lifetime
567
00:25:26,551 --> 00:25:28,555
for an opportunity
like this.
568
00:25:28,555 --> 00:25:30,517
‐ Oh, my God.
569
00:25:30,517 --> 00:25:31,644
No.
570
00:25:33,272 --> 00:25:36,904
‐ I mean, it could work if you
thought she was an intruder.
571
00:25:36,904 --> 00:25:39,200
‐ Go on.
572
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,829
‐ You were‐‐you were in bed.
573
00:25:40,829 --> 00:25:42,206
You were‐‐you were drunk.
574
00:25:42,206 --> 00:25:43,793
You‐‐maybe you took
sleeping pills.
575
00:25:43,793 --> 00:25:44,962
There's all sorts
of precedents
576
00:25:44,962 --> 00:25:46,549
for the crazy shit
people do on those.
577
00:25:46,549 --> 00:25:48,302
You heard
a noise downstairs
578
00:25:48,302 --> 00:25:49,763
and you thought
you were being robbed.
579
00:25:49,763 --> 00:25:52,435
‐ Um, hello,
burglar alarm?
580
00:25:52,435 --> 00:25:53,813
TED: You forgot
to set the alarm
581
00:25:53,813 --> 00:25:54,940
because you
came home drunk,
582
00:25:54,940 --> 00:25:57,028
and you crept
downstairs in the dark.
583
00:25:57,028 --> 00:25:58,322
You felt your way
along the wall,
584
00:25:58,322 --> 00:25:59,700
you found the rifle,
585
00:25:59,700 --> 00:26:02,539
and you didn't realize
what you had done until you‐‐
586
00:26:02,539 --> 00:26:04,668
until you turned on
the lights.
587
00:26:06,547 --> 00:26:09,720
‐ Oh, uh, okay,
okay, um, uh...
588
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:14,062
Um, what about the
rifle fell off the wall
589
00:26:14,062 --> 00:26:15,857
and discharged accidentally?
590
00:26:15,857 --> 00:26:17,736
‐ Yes!
591
00:26:17,736 --> 00:26:19,865
‐ Or drive‐by shooting.
592
00:26:19,865 --> 00:26:21,744
A stray bullet just
came through the window.
593
00:26:21,744 --> 00:26:24,875
‐ It happens every day.
594
00:26:24,875 --> 00:26:27,338
‐ I‐‐I can
chop up the body
595
00:26:27,338 --> 00:26:28,841
and bury it
in the backyard.
596
00:26:28,841 --> 00:26:30,177
They never get
a prosecution
597
00:26:30,177 --> 00:26:32,306
when there's no body.
TATUM: Did you just volunteer
598
00:26:32,306 --> 00:26:33,935
to chop up
this woman's body?
599
00:26:33,935 --> 00:26:35,730
GAVIN: Okay, maybe not,
but, hey, I can get this.
600
00:26:35,730 --> 00:26:38,318
Just give me a minute.
TED: No, no, no.
601
00:26:38,318 --> 00:26:39,237
Listen to me.
602
00:26:39,237 --> 00:26:41,575
The four of us
have to leave right now.
603
00:26:41,575 --> 00:26:43,078
If the coroner puts
the time of death
604
00:26:43,078 --> 00:26:45,875
before your security cameras
catch us driving out the gate,
605
00:26:45,875 --> 00:26:48,130
we are all screwed.
TATUM: You can't be serious
606
00:26:48,130 --> 00:26:50,593
about this,
we're accomplices here.
607
00:26:50,593 --> 00:26:51,721
ESSEX:
I promise
608
00:26:51,721 --> 00:26:53,766
you'll all be
well taken care of.
609
00:26:53,766 --> 00:26:56,271
‐ Accomplices to murder.
MISSY: So what?
610
00:26:56,271 --> 00:26:59,485
You don't even know her.
611
00:26:59,485 --> 00:27:01,741
ESSEX: Somebody's gonna
have to make sure she's dead.
612
00:27:01,741 --> 00:27:04,370
I can't possibly
go near her.
613
00:27:21,029 --> 00:27:22,406
‐ Where's my drink?
614
00:27:22,406 --> 00:27:25,037
(screaming, laughter)
615
00:27:30,130 --> 00:27:32,677
Oh, darling,
you were so brave
616
00:27:32,677 --> 00:27:35,057
right up until that
last moment there.
617
00:27:35,057 --> 00:27:36,560
‐ Wow!
618
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,063
‐ Bravo.
619
00:27:38,063 --> 00:27:39,315
KIWI:
Brava.
620
00:27:39,315 --> 00:27:40,652
STEVE: Well, I don't know
about the rest of you,
621
00:27:40,652 --> 00:27:42,948
but after
a performance like that
622
00:27:42,948 --> 00:27:44,701
I need a stiff drink.
623
00:27:44,701 --> 00:27:46,329
KIWI:
Will you top mine off, darling,
624
00:27:46,329 --> 00:27:47,833
while I go
powder my nose?
625
00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:50,420
(Essex applauds)
626
00:27:52,299 --> 00:27:54,805
(soft music)
627
00:27:54,805 --> 00:28:00,567
♪
628
00:28:01,276 --> 00:28:03,823
(bell ringing)
629
00:28:03,823 --> 00:28:05,827
♪
630
00:28:05,827 --> 00:28:07,581
ESSEX:
The ultimate measure of a man
631
00:28:07,581 --> 00:28:10,670
is not where he stands
in moments of comfort,
632
00:28:10,670 --> 00:28:12,464
but where he
stands in moments
633
00:28:12,464 --> 00:28:14,928
of challenge
and controversy.
634
00:28:14,928 --> 00:28:17,726
Martin Luther King, Jr.
635
00:28:17,726 --> 00:28:19,353
Unconventional? Yes.
636
00:28:19,353 --> 00:28:21,316
Irresponsible?
Probably.
637
00:28:21,316 --> 00:28:23,486
And yet I learned more
about you two just now
638
00:28:23,486 --> 00:28:26,619
than if I'd interviewed
you for a week straight.
639
00:28:26,619 --> 00:28:27,996
As I told Ted earlier,
640
00:28:27,996 --> 00:28:31,002
there is a position
open at Falconheart,
641
00:28:31,002 --> 00:28:32,631
as I'm sure he said,
642
00:28:32,631 --> 00:28:35,177
a rather
life‐altering position,
643
00:28:35,177 --> 00:28:36,555
if you're thinking
of running off
644
00:28:36,555 --> 00:28:38,976
into the night.
645
00:28:38,976 --> 00:28:41,857
‐ We're not going anywhere.
646
00:28:41,857 --> 00:28:44,613
‐ So you're up
for continuing
647
00:28:44,613 --> 00:28:47,619
this rather unorthodox
job interview?
648
00:28:47,619 --> 00:28:50,374
I should say, Ted, you do
hold a slight advantage.
649
00:28:50,374 --> 00:28:53,756
You crushed
the alibi category.
650
00:28:53,756 --> 00:28:57,096
♪
651
00:28:57,096 --> 00:29:01,981
‐ This is wrong
on so many levels.
652
00:29:01,981 --> 00:29:07,157
But...I'm here
to support my husband.
653
00:29:07,157 --> 00:29:10,915
♪
654
00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:13,629
(Tchaikovsky's "Dance
of the Sugar Plum Fairies")
655
00:29:13,629 --> 00:29:17,762
♪
656
00:29:17,762 --> 00:29:19,766
‐ This is the library.
657
00:29:19,766 --> 00:29:22,229
Gavin, it's for books.
658
00:29:22,229 --> 00:29:26,905
♪
659
00:29:26,905 --> 00:29:29,410
GAVIN:
So? What's next?
660
00:29:29,410 --> 00:29:30,913
KIWI:
Drinks.
661
00:29:30,913 --> 00:29:33,878
If this dunce would
ever refill my glass.
662
00:29:33,878 --> 00:29:37,009
‐ I've already murdered
you once tonight.
663
00:29:39,890 --> 00:29:42,436
So here we are.
664
00:29:42,436 --> 00:29:45,902
Nobody really admits
their greatest weakness,
665
00:29:45,902 --> 00:29:47,655
and nobody
is really aware
666
00:29:47,655 --> 00:29:49,534
of their
greatest strength.
667
00:29:49,534 --> 00:29:55,087
So, Ted, why shouldn't
I give the job to Gavin?
668
00:29:57,049 --> 00:30:01,015
‐ I mean, take away
the suit and the haircut
669
00:30:01,015 --> 00:30:02,811
and what's left?
670
00:30:02,811 --> 00:30:04,564
‐ What does
that even mean?
671
00:30:04,564 --> 00:30:07,402
TED: I think under
the suit and the haircut,
672
00:30:07,402 --> 00:30:10,033
there's nothing.
673
00:30:10,033 --> 00:30:11,202
There's no soul.
674
00:30:11,202 --> 00:30:13,456
(Gavin laughs)
675
00:30:13,456 --> 00:30:15,920
‐ Please, Ted,
give us an example
676
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,174
of how I have no soul.
677
00:30:18,174 --> 00:30:20,680
TED:
Okay, um...
678
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,432
Do you know the
name of the guy
679
00:30:22,432 --> 00:30:24,729
who comes around
with the catering cart
680
00:30:24,729 --> 00:30:26,357
at the office every day?
681
00:30:27,735 --> 00:30:28,737
‐ No.
682
00:30:28,737 --> 00:30:30,992
Does that mean
I don't have a soul?
683
00:30:30,992 --> 00:30:33,622
‐ It's Ronaldo.
‐ Guillermo.
684
00:30:33,622 --> 00:30:36,377
‐ From Ecuador.
‐ El Salvador.
685
00:30:36,377 --> 00:30:37,839
‐ Same thing.
686
00:30:40,093 --> 00:30:42,222
‐ Have you ever
talked to Guillermo
687
00:30:42,222 --> 00:30:43,976
about his family?
688
00:30:43,976 --> 00:30:45,187
‐ Of course not.
TED: Right.
689
00:30:45,187 --> 00:30:47,984
So you've never asked
him about his son
690
00:30:47,984 --> 00:30:49,320
who has Down syndrome
691
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:50,573
and is the
vice president
692
00:30:50,573 --> 00:30:51,825
of his high
school class?
693
00:30:51,825 --> 00:30:52,827
GAVIN: Okay,
obviously I didn't know
694
00:30:52,827 --> 00:30:54,455
the guy's kid
had Down syndrome.
695
00:30:54,455 --> 00:30:55,833
TED:
Yeah, I figured you didn't
696
00:30:55,833 --> 00:30:57,127
because of the
countless times
697
00:30:57,127 --> 00:31:00,133
you've screamed the word
"retard" near him.
698
00:31:00,133 --> 00:31:02,012
‐ You think he cares?
‐ He probably cares
699
00:31:02,012 --> 00:31:04,643
when you scream it at him.
GAVIN: What?
700
00:31:04,643 --> 00:31:07,397
No, I‐‐I never‐‐
TED: Gavin,
701
00:31:07,397 --> 00:31:09,778
you called him
a fucking retard
702
00:31:09,778 --> 00:31:12,909
last week because
he didn't put lemon
703
00:31:12,909 --> 00:31:14,871
in your Diet Coke.
704
00:31:18,044 --> 00:31:21,008
‐ Okay, I have to be
an asshole, okay?
705
00:31:21,008 --> 00:31:22,595
It's how you get
into the club.
706
00:31:22,595 --> 00:31:24,390
It's what they
expect from us.
707
00:31:24,390 --> 00:31:26,269
Do you think I want
to be that guy?
708
00:31:26,269 --> 00:31:27,396
Do you think I
want to drive around
709
00:31:27,396 --> 00:31:30,277
in a fucking Porsche
that I can't afford?
710
00:31:30,277 --> 00:31:33,784
But that is the person
that I have to project.
711
00:31:33,784 --> 00:31:35,370
That's why everything
that you see
712
00:31:35,370 --> 00:31:36,540
from my wife's dress
713
00:31:36,540 --> 00:31:39,044
to my fucking
douchebag cufflinks
714
00:31:39,044 --> 00:31:41,007
is paid for on one
maxed out credit card
715
00:31:41,007 --> 00:31:42,635
after another.
716
00:31:44,931 --> 00:31:47,269
‐ You'll always be
my douchebag.
717
00:31:47,269 --> 00:31:49,189
ESSEX:
You made good points, Gavin.
718
00:31:49,189 --> 00:31:53,072
You may now present
your critique of Ted.
719
00:31:54,199 --> 00:31:56,705
‐ He's a pussy.
720
00:31:58,333 --> 00:32:01,548
ESSEX: Is that the
entirety of your argument?
721
00:32:01,548 --> 00:32:04,554
‐ Well, like an hour ago
he wanted to go home.
722
00:32:04,554 --> 00:32:06,683
He asked Tatum
if he could go to bed
723
00:32:06,683 --> 00:32:09,438
because people
were being too mean.
724
00:32:09,438 --> 00:32:10,941
I mean, come on.
725
00:32:10,941 --> 00:32:13,071
I'd way rather have
20 dicks working for me
726
00:32:13,071 --> 00:32:15,701
than one
thin‐skinned milquetoast.
727
00:32:15,701 --> 00:32:16,953
KIWI:
Oh, what I wouldn't give
728
00:32:16,953 --> 00:32:19,416
to have 20 dicks
working for me.
729
00:32:21,713 --> 00:32:24,343
‐ Ted, did you
ask your wife
730
00:32:24,343 --> 00:32:28,560
if you could go home?
731
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:29,478
‐ Yeah.
732
00:32:29,478 --> 00:32:30,856
‐ Do you consult
your wife
733
00:32:30,856 --> 00:32:34,614
on all big
life decisions?
734
00:32:34,614 --> 00:32:35,616
‐ I do.
735
00:32:35,616 --> 00:32:37,995
ESSEX:
Do you tell her everything?
736
00:32:37,995 --> 00:32:39,206
‐ Of course.
737
00:32:39,206 --> 00:32:41,460
STEVE:
You wouldn't keep secrets?
738
00:32:41,460 --> 00:32:43,089
‐ No.
KIWI: You wouldn't tell her
739
00:32:43,089 --> 00:32:44,926
you work every Friday
night until midnight
740
00:32:44,926 --> 00:32:47,974
if it weren't true.
741
00:32:47,974 --> 00:32:50,729
‐ Why did she say that?
742
00:32:50,729 --> 00:32:52,942
‐ Because she's trying
to get a rise out of us.
743
00:32:52,942 --> 00:32:56,240
GAVIN:
Nah, no secrets, huh?
744
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,829
ESSEX: Gavin, you tell
your wife everything?
745
00:32:58,829 --> 00:33:00,123
GAVIN:
Well, I mean, I don't tell her
746
00:33:00,123 --> 00:33:01,500
what I have for
lunch every day.
747
00:33:01,500 --> 00:33:02,879
MISSY: I really don't
care what he eats,
748
00:33:02,879 --> 00:33:04,381
but it's mostly
protein and fish.
749
00:33:04,381 --> 00:33:06,761
That's why
he's so muscular.
750
00:33:06,761 --> 00:33:08,640
GAVIN:
But I certainly don't keep
751
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,477
my whereabouts from her.
752
00:33:10,477 --> 00:33:12,272
ESSEX: You tell her
everything, don't you,
753
00:33:12,272 --> 00:33:15,779
because you respect
her intelligence, right?
754
00:33:15,779 --> 00:33:17,282
I mean, you were
saying earlier
755
00:33:17,282 --> 00:33:21,750
how much you appreciate her
insight into the business.
756
00:33:21,750 --> 00:33:23,754
Ooh, I forgot to be
careful with this.
757
00:33:23,754 --> 00:33:26,593
It's got a voice
activated memo feature.
758
00:33:26,593 --> 00:33:29,264
And I never know
when it's recording.
759
00:33:29,264 --> 00:33:32,145
GAVIN: No, please,
you don't have to do this.
760
00:33:32,145 --> 00:33:33,524
(shushing)
761
00:33:33,524 --> 00:33:36,362
No, please, please.
762
00:33:36,362 --> 00:33:40,286
[recording] Missy is anecessary part of the package.
763
00:33:40,286 --> 00:33:42,542
You know, you can'thave the sports car
764
00:33:42,542 --> 00:33:45,673
and the fancy clotheswithout a trophy wife
765
00:33:45,673 --> 00:33:47,510
with a spectacularass, right?
766
00:33:47,510 --> 00:33:48,762
Please.
767
00:33:48,762 --> 00:33:50,683
[recording]But the thing is,
768
00:33:50,683 --> 00:33:53,187
she thinks she knowsmore than I do,
769
00:33:53,187 --> 00:33:55,526
so I gotta sitthere and listen
770
00:33:55,526 --> 00:33:59,408
to these pearls ofwisdom from a dingbat
771
00:33:59,408 --> 00:34:02,205
with two semestersof community college
772
00:34:02,205 --> 00:34:05,169
and a minorin Tarot cards.
773
00:34:05,169 --> 00:34:06,548
I mean, shit,we should talk to the guys
774
00:34:06,548 --> 00:34:07,800
in Researchand Development
775
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,261
about coming upwith an off switch,
776
00:34:09,261 --> 00:34:10,764
am I right?
777
00:34:10,764 --> 00:34:16,776
♪
778
00:34:17,737 --> 00:34:20,784
‐ How could you?
779
00:34:20,784 --> 00:34:21,911
‐ No, Missy, no.
780
00:34:21,911 --> 00:34:23,665
Missy, no.
781
00:34:23,665 --> 00:34:26,045
MISSY:
No!
782
00:34:26,045 --> 00:34:28,675
ESSEX:
I think we should all take five.
783
00:34:28,675 --> 00:34:32,432
Everybody relax,
have a drink.
784
00:34:32,432 --> 00:34:38,444
♪
785
00:34:48,172 --> 00:34:50,678
(sniffling)
786
00:34:50,678 --> 00:34:53,182
(eerie music)
787
00:34:53,182 --> 00:34:59,194
♪
788
00:35:31,926 --> 00:35:34,473
(banging on door)
789
00:35:38,940 --> 00:35:40,569
‐ Go away, Gavin.
790
00:35:40,569 --> 00:35:44,117
ESSEX:
Missy, it's Steven.
791
00:35:44,117 --> 00:35:47,081
Come on out,
I want to apologize.
792
00:35:47,081 --> 00:35:49,587
♪
793
00:35:49,587 --> 00:35:50,881
You can't stay in there.
794
00:35:50,881 --> 00:35:51,966
Well, where would you sleep,
795
00:35:51,966 --> 00:35:53,260
in the bathtub?
796
00:35:53,260 --> 00:35:55,974
You'll ruin that
beautiful dress.
797
00:35:55,974 --> 00:35:58,229
I need to apologize.
798
00:35:58,229 --> 00:36:01,235
You can't see me,
but I'm on my knees.
799
00:36:01,235 --> 00:36:03,030
I look pathetic.
800
00:36:03,030 --> 00:36:09,042
♪
801
00:36:11,129 --> 00:36:12,382
You'll have
to help me up.
802
00:36:12,382 --> 00:36:15,764
I ruined my knees
playing squash at Oxford.
803
00:36:19,354 --> 00:36:20,273
I'm really sorry.
804
00:36:20,273 --> 00:36:23,530
I am an
incorrigible bastard.
805
00:36:23,530 --> 00:36:25,157
‐ I don't think
you understand
806
00:36:25,157 --> 00:36:27,663
how important
this is to us.
807
00:36:27,663 --> 00:36:28,748
‐ But I do.
808
00:36:28,748 --> 00:36:32,506
I know the money worries
you and Gavin have.
809
00:36:32,506 --> 00:36:33,675
Do you think
I'd come this far
810
00:36:33,675 --> 00:36:35,804
without having you
vetted thoroughly?
811
00:36:35,804 --> 00:36:36,764
MISSY:
You don't know what it's like
812
00:36:36,764 --> 00:36:38,183
to have this
desperate weight on you
813
00:36:38,183 --> 00:36:40,522
every single day.
814
00:36:40,522 --> 00:36:42,818
‐ Sure you would do
absolutely anything
815
00:36:42,818 --> 00:36:45,448
to get out from under
this awful burden.
816
00:36:47,953 --> 00:36:52,045
‐ He would do
anything for this.
817
00:36:52,045 --> 00:36:54,550
‐ I said you.
818
00:36:54,550 --> 00:36:57,013
Would you do anything?
819
00:36:59,309 --> 00:37:02,566
There's only
one thing I want.
820
00:37:02,566 --> 00:37:04,069
A kiss.
821
00:37:04,069 --> 00:37:05,697
I've been thinking
what it would be like
822
00:37:05,697 --> 00:37:09,664
to have one
brief, soft kiss
823
00:37:09,664 --> 00:37:13,087
from that perfectly
lovely mouth.
824
00:37:15,049 --> 00:37:21,061
♪
825
00:37:26,113 --> 00:37:27,992
Thank you, my dear.
826
00:37:27,992 --> 00:37:31,749
That was every bit
as lovely as I'd imagined.
827
00:37:31,749 --> 00:37:37,720
♪
828
00:37:39,222 --> 00:37:43,063
There is one other thing
I've been thinking about
829
00:37:43,063 --> 00:37:45,317
since we first met.
830
00:37:45,317 --> 00:37:49,200
♪
831
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:53,960
Trust me, the things
I've done to get where I am
832
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,006
would make you blush.
833
00:37:56,006 --> 00:37:58,260
♪
834
00:37:58,260 --> 00:37:59,471
Hm.
835
00:37:59,471 --> 00:38:02,770
Now, Missy,
a girl like you,
836
00:38:02,770 --> 00:38:05,609
you know how
it goes from here.
837
00:38:05,609 --> 00:38:11,621
♪
838
00:38:24,730 --> 00:38:27,778
‐ Baby, I am so sorry.
839
00:38:27,778 --> 00:38:28,655
‐ No, it's fine.
840
00:38:28,655 --> 00:38:30,282
‐ No, hey, hey,
look at me.
841
00:38:30,282 --> 00:38:32,286
I just said what I
thought he wanted to hear.
842
00:38:32,286 --> 00:38:33,623
I didn't mean any of it.
843
00:38:33,623 --> 00:38:35,167
‐ I said I'm fine.
844
00:38:35,167 --> 00:38:37,673
(Essex humming)
845
00:38:40,136 --> 00:38:42,431
KIWI: What did you
do to her, you worm?
846
00:38:42,431 --> 00:38:44,310
‐ What are you
talking about?
847
00:38:44,310 --> 00:38:45,939
KIWI:
Look at her!
848
00:38:45,939 --> 00:38:47,441
She was
perfectly unfazed
849
00:38:47,441 --> 00:38:49,070
by me getting the top
of my head blown off,
850
00:38:49,070 --> 00:38:50,322
but you follow her
into the bathroom
851
00:38:50,322 --> 00:38:52,451
and she's completely
gone to pieces?
852
00:38:52,451 --> 00:38:54,832
She wanted to divorce
her husband five minutes ago
853
00:38:54,832 --> 00:38:57,713
and yet now she just
runs into his arms.
854
00:38:57,713 --> 00:38:59,925
What did you do to her?
855
00:38:59,925 --> 00:39:02,305
‐ You have a
fertile imagination.
856
00:39:02,305 --> 00:39:03,933
Perhaps I should
give you the job.
857
00:39:03,933 --> 00:39:06,564
Oh, wait, your
only qualification
858
00:39:06,564 --> 00:39:10,822
is 25 years of draining
expense accounts.
859
00:39:12,450 --> 00:39:14,788
(Essex humming)
860
00:39:17,335 --> 00:39:20,341
(tense music)
861
00:39:20,341 --> 00:39:26,102
♪
862
00:39:26,102 --> 00:39:28,858
(gun cocking)
863
00:39:28,858 --> 00:39:31,321
(Essex humming)
864
00:39:31,321 --> 00:39:32,490
♪
865
00:39:32,490 --> 00:39:34,494
TED:
Okay, this again.
866
00:39:34,494 --> 00:39:36,081
ESSEX:
Give it a rest, darling.
867
00:39:36,081 --> 00:39:39,128
You're not fooling anyone.
‐ Oh, I'll do it.
868
00:39:39,128 --> 00:39:40,715
I will obliterate
869
00:39:40,715 --> 00:39:43,220
those useless
testicles of yours.
870
00:39:43,220 --> 00:39:45,600
‐ Jesus.
871
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,688
‐ Oh, you find this
amusing, Gavin?
872
00:39:47,688 --> 00:39:50,694
That my husband
most likely slobbered
873
00:39:50,694 --> 00:39:51,988
all over your wife?
874
00:39:51,988 --> 00:39:55,996
Are you so stupid that you
actually find that amusing?
875
00:39:55,996 --> 00:39:58,500
‐ I think stupid
would be falling
876
00:39:58,500 --> 00:40:01,006
for the same routine twice
877
00:40:01,006 --> 00:40:03,385
in the span of, like, an hour.
878
00:40:05,097 --> 00:40:07,393
(laughing)
879
00:40:07,393 --> 00:40:08,521
‐ Oh, yes.
880
00:40:08,521 --> 00:40:10,900
Just another phase
of the interview.
881
00:40:10,900 --> 00:40:14,240
Well, maybe this isn't
a test of smarts, Gavin.
882
00:40:14,240 --> 00:40:17,288
Maybe this is a test of bravery.
883
00:40:19,877 --> 00:40:21,630
Raise one hand.
884
00:40:23,008 --> 00:40:25,597
(tense music)
885
00:40:25,597 --> 00:40:28,226
♪
886
00:40:28,226 --> 00:40:31,776
I'm sure you remember
that there were two rifles.
887
00:40:31,776 --> 00:40:34,489
Is it possible
that one of them
888
00:40:34,489 --> 00:40:36,117
was loaded with blanks
889
00:40:36,117 --> 00:40:38,915
while the other
contains actual bullets?
890
00:40:38,915 --> 00:40:44,927
♪
891
00:40:46,137 --> 00:40:48,141
‐ Well, you took the
first round, Phipps,
892
00:40:48,141 --> 00:40:50,939
so I guess I don't
really have a choice.
893
00:40:50,939 --> 00:40:52,651
But with all due respect,
894
00:40:52,651 --> 00:40:55,197
I don't think either of you
should quit your day jobs
895
00:40:55,197 --> 00:40:57,953
and move to Hollywood.
896
00:40:57,953 --> 00:41:00,583
"Brave solutions and
steadfast commitment."
897
00:41:00,583 --> 00:41:02,294
♪
898
00:41:02,294 --> 00:41:03,296
(gunshot)
899
00:41:03,296 --> 00:41:04,298
‐ Oh, Jesus!
900
00:41:04,298 --> 00:41:05,760
(screaming)
901
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,138
‐ Fuck!
902
00:41:07,138 --> 00:41:08,808
(vomiting, screaming)
903
00:41:08,808 --> 00:41:10,645
‐ What have you done,
you bedlamite?
904
00:41:10,645 --> 00:41:14,068
KIWI: Well, who puts their
hand in front of a gun?
905
00:41:14,068 --> 00:41:15,404
(coughing, shouting in agony)
906
00:41:15,404 --> 00:41:18,326
‐ My dear boy,
I am beyond contrite.
907
00:41:18,326 --> 00:41:21,291
Kiwi, don't we have
a first aid kit somewhere?
908
00:41:21,291 --> 00:41:23,295
I think it's with
the cleaning supplies.
909
00:41:23,295 --> 00:41:24,965
‐ Do I look like I know
910
00:41:24,965 --> 00:41:26,969
where to find cleaning supplies?
911
00:41:26,969 --> 00:41:29,056
‐ Oh, God, help us.
912
00:41:31,562 --> 00:41:34,818
TATUM:
Okay, now I'm calling 911.
913
00:41:34,818 --> 00:41:36,362
‐ No, don't, not a chance!
914
00:41:36,362 --> 00:41:37,616
I'm staying here!
915
00:41:37,616 --> 00:41:38,993
‐ What?
‐ What?
916
00:41:38,993 --> 00:41:40,747
‐ What?
TATUM: Gavin!
917
00:41:40,747 --> 00:41:42,500
You are seriously hurt.
918
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,253
‐ And you are
seriously fucking crazy
919
00:41:44,253 --> 00:41:47,176
if you think I'm gonna walk away
from an opportunity like this.
920
00:41:47,176 --> 00:41:49,556
I bet‐‐I bet this puts
me in the lead now.
921
00:41:49,556 --> 00:41:51,602
‐ Okay, Gavin, you know what,
922
00:41:51,602 --> 00:41:53,104
I would be lying if I said
923
00:41:53,104 --> 00:41:54,733
I didn't enjoy that
just a little,
924
00:41:54,733 --> 00:41:58,365
but I think we need to
officially call it a night.
925
00:41:58,365 --> 00:42:00,118
GAVIN: Great, great.
I'll see you on Monday.
926
00:42:00,118 --> 00:42:02,874
Might need a little help
moving into my new office.
927
00:42:02,874 --> 00:42:04,836
‐ Yeah, he might need
you and the retard
928
00:42:04,836 --> 00:42:06,840
to carry some boxes for him!
929
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:08,343
♪
930
00:42:08,343 --> 00:42:09,721
(Gavin breathing heavily)
931
00:42:09,721 --> 00:42:12,142
‐ Okay, that's enough.
932
00:42:12,142 --> 00:42:14,146
♪
933
00:42:14,146 --> 00:42:15,858
We're staying.
934
00:42:15,858 --> 00:42:18,405
(mumbling)
935
00:42:18,405 --> 00:42:20,618
(Kiwi screams)
936
00:42:20,618 --> 00:42:22,872
ESSEX: Kiwi, not again!
GAVIN: Fuck!
937
00:42:22,872 --> 00:42:25,419
ESSEX: Your antics
are growing tiresome.
938
00:42:25,419 --> 00:42:27,131
KIWI:
Screw you, Steven!
939
00:42:27,131 --> 00:42:28,759
This time it's for real!
940
00:42:28,759 --> 00:42:31,139
ESSEX:
You're being a very silly girl.
941
00:42:31,139 --> 00:42:32,767
(concrete scraping)
942
00:42:32,767 --> 00:42:34,270
‐ You can just go to hell!
943
00:42:34,270 --> 00:42:36,525
ESSEX: It can't be any worse
than living with you.
944
00:42:36,525 --> 00:42:38,654
KIWI: Well, you're not
gonna have to worry about that
945
00:42:38,654 --> 00:42:40,742
very much longer, are you?
946
00:42:40,742 --> 00:42:42,369
‐ Ah, come by the fire.
947
00:42:42,369 --> 00:42:43,623
(Kiwi sobbing)
948
00:42:43,623 --> 00:42:45,918
TATUM: Is she all right?
KIWI: Apparently not!
949
00:42:45,918 --> 00:42:48,674
Apparently I always
ruin everything!
950
00:42:48,674 --> 00:42:51,054
Isn't that right, Steven?
951
00:42:53,183 --> 00:42:56,940
‐ Uh, there was some
talk about first aid?
952
00:42:56,940 --> 00:43:00,405
‐ Yes, I was waylaid by
this impromptu performance
953
00:43:00,405 --> 00:43:02,201
of Lady Macbeth.
954
00:43:02,201 --> 00:43:04,205
Meanwhile,
955
00:43:04,205 --> 00:43:06,084
take these.
956
00:43:09,298 --> 00:43:11,052
‐ What are they?
‐ I don't know.
957
00:43:11,052 --> 00:43:13,139
I found them under
a sofa cushion,
958
00:43:13,139 --> 00:43:15,770
so they must do something fun.
959
00:43:16,897 --> 00:43:19,026
TATUM:
She wouldn't really...
960
00:43:19,026 --> 00:43:20,655
ESSEX:
Oh, I've lost count
961
00:43:20,655 --> 00:43:23,410
of the number of times she's
threatened to kill herself,
962
00:43:23,410 --> 00:43:25,581
but her reasons
aren't without merit.
963
00:43:25,581 --> 00:43:28,461
You see, there was
a horrific accident
964
00:43:28,461 --> 00:43:30,215
involving our son.
965
00:43:30,215 --> 00:43:31,969
A mother's worst nightmare.
966
00:43:31,969 --> 00:43:35,560
But, Tatum, you're a moderator.
967
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:36,729
‐ Mediator.
968
00:43:36,729 --> 00:43:38,106
ESSEX:
You could go and talk to her.
969
00:43:38,106 --> 00:43:39,483
Offer some soothing words.
970
00:43:39,483 --> 00:43:40,945
[whispering]
And whilst you're there,
971
00:43:40,945 --> 00:43:43,116
give that cherub
the faintest nudge.
972
00:43:43,116 --> 00:43:45,580
KIWI [sharply]:
I heard that.
973
00:43:48,126 --> 00:43:50,715
(soft music)
974
00:43:50,715 --> 00:43:52,719
♪
975
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:55,432
ESSEX: You may have to give up
badminton and croquet
976
00:43:55,432 --> 00:43:56,685
for a few weeks.
977
00:43:56,685 --> 00:43:58,731
GAVIN: It's cool if I leave
for workers' comp?
978
00:43:58,731 --> 00:44:00,233
KIWI: I really like your boots.
979
00:44:00,233 --> 00:44:01,862
I've been meaning to tell you.
980
00:44:01,862 --> 00:44:03,364
TATUM:
Thanks.
981
00:44:03,364 --> 00:44:04,951
I got 'em at Bergdorf.
982
00:44:04,951 --> 00:44:07,624
‐ I wouldn't necessarily
brag about that.
983
00:44:07,624 --> 00:44:09,210
♪
984
00:44:09,210 --> 00:44:10,755
‐ So...
985
00:44:10,755 --> 00:44:13,636
it seems like you're feeling
986
00:44:13,636 --> 00:44:16,474
like your husband
was a bit hard on you
987
00:44:16,474 --> 00:44:19,480
after you shot Gavin.
988
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:25,033
KIWI: Why do we put up
with these repulsive brutes?
989
00:44:25,033 --> 00:44:26,410
We support them,
990
00:44:26,410 --> 00:44:29,876
but when it's their time
to return the favor...
991
00:44:29,876 --> 00:44:31,922
(chuckles)
992
00:44:31,922 --> 00:44:33,007
Well...
993
00:44:35,262 --> 00:44:37,892
Does he support you, darling?
994
00:44:37,892 --> 00:44:41,775
Does he believe in you
in your time of need?
995
00:44:43,904 --> 00:44:47,160
Would you be a dear
and grab me a towel?
996
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,290
It's just in the cabinet room,
997
00:44:49,290 --> 00:44:50,918
just through those doors.
998
00:44:50,918 --> 00:44:52,547
(tense music)
999
00:44:52,547 --> 00:44:54,425
I've got wet feet.
1000
00:44:54,425 --> 00:44:57,306
♪
1001
00:44:57,306 --> 00:45:00,020
TATUM:
I don't see anything in here,
1002
00:45:00,020 --> 00:45:01,439
besides the tissues.
1003
00:45:01,439 --> 00:45:03,192
KIWI:
It's all the way in the back.
1004
00:45:03,192 --> 00:45:04,654
You have to reach in.
1005
00:45:04,654 --> 00:45:06,658
TATUM:
Oh, oh, okay.
1006
00:45:06,658 --> 00:45:08,328
♪
1007
00:45:08,328 --> 00:45:09,789
(screaming)
1008
00:45:09,789 --> 00:45:11,835
(intense music)
1009
00:45:11,835 --> 00:45:14,048
♪
1010
00:45:14,048 --> 00:45:15,551
(panting)
1011
00:45:15,551 --> 00:45:17,680
TED:
What? What happened?
1012
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:19,058
‐ Somebody grabbed me,
1013
00:45:19,058 --> 00:45:21,521
in that room, in the cabinet.
1014
00:45:21,521 --> 00:45:23,441
‐ Someone in the cabinet?
1015
00:45:23,441 --> 00:45:26,030
♪
1016
00:45:26,030 --> 00:45:28,201
You really can't
hold your liquor.
1017
00:45:28,201 --> 00:45:30,038
‐ I am not drunk.
1018
00:45:30,038 --> 00:45:32,334
‐ Okay, are you sure there's
not someone else in the house?
1019
00:45:32,334 --> 00:45:33,963
Because earlier,
I really thought I saw‐‐
1020
00:45:33,963 --> 00:45:35,716
ESSEX: I'm not sure
I like the implication
1021
00:45:35,716 --> 00:45:37,971
that we've got some
poor soul locked away
1022
00:45:37,971 --> 00:45:40,058
in between the walls.
1023
00:45:40,058 --> 00:45:41,853
(tense music)
1024
00:45:41,853 --> 00:45:44,985
‐ Maybe you got your hand
snagged on something?
1025
00:45:44,985 --> 00:45:49,869
♪
1026
00:45:49,869 --> 00:45:54,128
‐ Yes, where are they
when we need their support?
1027
00:45:54,128 --> 00:45:59,931
♪
1028
00:45:59,931 --> 00:46:01,977
(splashing)
1029
00:46:01,977 --> 00:46:06,987
♪
1030
00:46:10,870 --> 00:46:13,374
(light music)
1031
00:46:13,374 --> 00:46:19,386
♪
1032
00:46:21,223 --> 00:46:22,894
MISSY:
It's okay, baby.
1033
00:46:22,894 --> 00:46:24,480
TED:
Hey. Hey!
1034
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:26,150
TATUM: What?
TED: I'm sorry.
1035
00:46:26,150 --> 00:46:28,906
I really am.
I should've had your back.
1036
00:46:28,906 --> 00:46:30,033
♪
1037
00:46:30,033 --> 00:46:31,787
TATUM:
I guess you're not the only one
1038
00:46:31,787 --> 00:46:34,416
set up to be humiliated tonight.
1039
00:46:34,416 --> 00:46:35,669
♪
1040
00:46:35,669 --> 00:46:37,297
(Tatum sighs)
1041
00:46:37,297 --> 00:46:43,226
♪
1042
00:46:45,271 --> 00:46:46,900
(glasses clink)
1043
00:46:46,900 --> 00:46:52,870
♪
1044
00:47:06,147 --> 00:47:08,151
ESSEX:
Oh, come on.
1045
00:47:13,537 --> 00:47:14,831
How are you feeling?
1046
00:47:14,831 --> 00:47:18,839
GAVIN:
Nice, like, really nice.
1047
00:47:18,839 --> 00:47:22,053
I'm 110% committed.
1048
00:47:22,053 --> 00:47:25,185
I just want to make sure
that you know that.
1049
00:47:25,185 --> 00:47:28,650
‐ Yes, I believe you are.
1050
00:47:28,650 --> 00:47:30,946
GAVIN:
This, this is what you need.
1051
00:47:30,946 --> 00:47:34,662
You need a new
executive like this.
1052
00:47:34,662 --> 00:47:36,708
Someone who will
ride into battle
1053
00:47:36,708 --> 00:47:40,215
with total and complete loyalty.
1054
00:47:40,215 --> 00:47:42,970
‐ Would you like to try it on?
1055
00:47:44,849 --> 00:47:46,227
‐ Could I?
1056
00:47:46,227 --> 00:47:48,105
‐ Be my guest.
1057
00:47:50,109 --> 00:47:51,988
Phippses, Dunlops.
1058
00:47:51,988 --> 00:47:53,449
I have a confession to make.
1059
00:47:53,449 --> 00:47:56,205
I haven't been
entirely forthcoming
1060
00:47:56,205 --> 00:47:58,125
in describing the parameters
1061
00:47:58,125 --> 00:48:00,631
of The Initiative Agenda.
1062
00:48:00,631 --> 00:48:02,718
‐ The Opportunity Initiative.
1063
00:48:02,718 --> 00:48:04,973
ESSEX: One of you will
ring in the new year
1064
00:48:04,973 --> 00:48:08,855
with an enviable new role
at Falconheart Ventures.
1065
00:48:08,855 --> 00:48:10,734
GAVIN:
Do you have a horse?
1066
00:48:10,734 --> 00:48:12,822
I just feel like
I want to get on top
1067
00:48:12,822 --> 00:48:15,201
of the biggest
fucking horse right now.
1068
00:48:15,201 --> 00:48:18,249
ESSEX:
No, Gavin, we don't keep horses.
1069
00:48:19,877 --> 00:48:21,715
I wasn't exaggerating earlier.
1070
00:48:21,715 --> 00:48:24,721
It's been a lean year
for Falconheart.
1071
00:48:24,721 --> 00:48:28,144
What's allowing us to create
a new executive position
1072
00:48:28,144 --> 00:48:31,901
is the elimination of the two
positions you currently hold.
1073
00:48:31,901 --> 00:48:35,408
So it's a bit of an addition
by subtraction conundrum.
1074
00:48:35,408 --> 00:48:38,540
A single position,
two candidates,
1075
00:48:38,540 --> 00:48:42,422
one of whom will
become expendable.
1076
00:48:42,422 --> 00:48:44,510
♪
1077
00:48:44,510 --> 00:48:45,846
"Again and again,
1078
00:48:45,846 --> 00:48:48,142
the impossible problem is solved
1079
00:48:48,142 --> 00:48:49,729
when we see that the problem
1080
00:48:49,729 --> 00:48:53,027
is only a tough decision
waiting to be made."
1081
00:48:53,027 --> 00:48:54,655
Dr. Robert Schuller.
1082
00:48:54,655 --> 00:48:57,410
‐ "There can be only one."
1083
00:48:57,410 --> 00:48:58,997
Highlander.
1084
00:48:58,997 --> 00:49:01,544
TED: God, Gavin, would
you sit the fuck down?
1085
00:49:01,544 --> 00:49:02,880
They're lying!
1086
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:04,884
This has all been made up.
1087
00:49:04,884 --> 00:49:06,638
The Opportunity Initiative,
1088
00:49:06,638 --> 00:49:08,809
the company having a bad year,
1089
00:49:08,809 --> 00:49:10,269
the screaming matches,
1090
00:49:10,269 --> 00:49:12,440
the tragic accident
with their child.
1091
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,779
It's all made‐up bullshit!
1092
00:49:14,779 --> 00:49:16,825
(slaps)
‐ Hey!
1093
00:49:16,825 --> 00:49:18,452
(groans)
1094
00:49:18,452 --> 00:49:20,541
‐ How dare you?
ESSEX: I'll have you know
1095
00:49:20,541 --> 00:49:23,337
that only my tax returns
are made‐up bullshit.
1096
00:49:23,337 --> 00:49:24,841
‐ Yeah, you have
no right to talk.
1097
00:49:24,841 --> 00:49:26,886
We all know you're full of shit.
1098
00:49:26,886 --> 00:49:30,059
I mean, what do you do every
Friday until midnight, huh?
1099
00:49:30,059 --> 00:49:31,437
GAVIN:
Yeah, Ted,
1100
00:49:31,437 --> 00:49:33,149
'cause I'm there late on Fridays
1101
00:49:33,149 --> 00:49:36,155
and I sure as hell don't
see you there until midnight.
1102
00:49:36,155 --> 00:49:38,325
‐ You know what, he doesn't have
to explain anything to you.
1103
00:49:38,325 --> 00:49:41,081
MISSY: You have a little piece
of meat on the side, Ted?
1104
00:49:41,081 --> 00:49:42,543
I've seen the way
you look at me.
1105
00:49:42,543 --> 00:49:45,089
I can feel your stare
on the back of my neck.
1106
00:49:45,089 --> 00:49:46,843
‐ Oh, get the hell outta here.
1107
00:49:46,843 --> 00:49:48,597
‐ Or what, you're gonna
smash my head in
1108
00:49:48,597 --> 00:49:50,224
with one of the
boss's golf clubs?
1109
00:49:50,224 --> 00:49:53,105
‐ You shut your fucking mouth!
‐ Ted.
1110
00:49:53,105 --> 00:49:55,443
MISSY: Must be scary to live
with someone like that.
1111
00:49:55,443 --> 00:49:56,487
Probably a Scorpio.
1112
00:49:56,487 --> 00:49:58,324
GAVIN:
Okay, let's do this.
1113
00:49:58,324 --> 00:49:59,994
You and me, motherfucker.
1114
00:49:59,994 --> 00:50:01,956
(scoffs)
1115
00:50:01,956 --> 00:50:04,879
‐ You think that'll get
you a promotion, Gavin?
1116
00:50:04,879 --> 00:50:05,839
Huh?
1117
00:50:05,839 --> 00:50:08,177
Even though the concept of a CEO
1118
00:50:08,177 --> 00:50:10,348
having two of his employees
battle it out
1119
00:50:10,348 --> 00:50:12,227
like‐‐like pit bulls
in a basement
1120
00:50:12,227 --> 00:50:15,817
is totally beyond anything
that actually happens
1121
00:50:15,817 --> 00:50:16,819
on planet Earth?
1122
00:50:16,819 --> 00:50:18,489
They're fucking with us, man!
1123
00:50:18,489 --> 00:50:20,744
‐ Well, guess what,
I'm fine with that.
1124
00:50:20,744 --> 00:50:23,875
‐ So you would be fine
with killing another person
1125
00:50:23,875 --> 00:50:27,841
for nothing more than
their sick holiday pageant?
1126
00:50:27,841 --> 00:50:31,014
‐ I'm ready to do
whatever it takes.
1127
00:50:31,014 --> 00:50:33,394
‐ Well, are you gonna
kill my wife as well?
1128
00:50:33,394 --> 00:50:36,108
Because you would
probably have to.
1129
00:50:38,863 --> 00:50:40,032
TATUM:
Gavin,
1130
00:50:40,032 --> 00:50:42,370
I know that you feel
like you should say y‐‐
1131
00:50:42,370 --> 00:50:44,792
‐ Yes.
1132
00:50:46,504 --> 00:50:49,342
‐ What about your wife?
‐ What about my wife?
1133
00:50:49,342 --> 00:50:53,017
TED: If Essex offered you
a million dollars right now,
1134
00:50:53,017 --> 00:50:55,396
would you kill Missy?
1135
00:50:57,150 --> 00:50:58,653
‐ When you say
a million dollars,
1136
00:50:58,653 --> 00:50:59,780
you mean one million dollars,
1137
00:50:59,780 --> 00:51:02,035
or like an annual salary
of a million dollars?
1138
00:51:02,035 --> 00:51:03,663
(screaming)
1139
00:51:03,663 --> 00:51:06,376
What? I was just making sure
I understood the question!
1140
00:51:06,376 --> 00:51:07,880
‐ [shouting]
You shit!
1141
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:10,552
The fact that you had to
even stop to think about it!
1142
00:51:10,552 --> 00:51:11,929
‐ What? What do
you want from me?
1143
00:51:11,929 --> 00:51:13,642
What if the situation
was reversed?
1144
00:51:13,642 --> 00:51:15,061
‐ What?!
1145
00:51:15,061 --> 00:51:16,564
‐ Be honest, when you do
1146
00:51:16,564 --> 00:51:18,902
your Ideal Success
Visualization Exercises,
1147
00:51:18,902 --> 00:51:20,572
am I the one you're married to?
1148
00:51:20,572 --> 00:51:22,408
‐ My what?
1149
00:51:22,408 --> 00:51:23,912
‐ She doesn't even do
1150
00:51:23,912 --> 00:51:26,416
Ideal Success
Visualization Exercises.
1151
00:51:26,416 --> 00:51:28,295
How does a person set benchmarks
1152
00:51:28,295 --> 00:51:29,965
for their personal life goals?
1153
00:51:29,965 --> 00:51:32,680
ESSEX:
I know, it's shocking.
1154
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:34,057
Come with me, Gavin.
1155
00:51:34,057 --> 00:51:36,896
Let's find somewhere
where you can sit down
1156
00:51:36,896 --> 00:51:39,025
and relax.
1157
00:51:39,025 --> 00:51:40,194
Take it easy.
1158
00:51:40,194 --> 00:51:43,325
Take the weight off
your weary feet.
1159
00:51:43,325 --> 00:51:46,708
Here we are, tuck your
little butt in there,
1160
00:51:46,708 --> 00:51:48,920
and when you're ready,
1161
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:50,966
press the red button.
1162
00:51:50,966 --> 00:51:53,972
And Gavin, I know you
would never lay a finger
1163
00:51:53,972 --> 00:51:55,349
on your lovely wife.
1164
00:51:55,349 --> 00:51:56,728
(chair rumbling, metal rattling)
1165
00:51:56,728 --> 00:51:59,942
Still, I do appreciate
that you even considered
1166
00:51:59,942 --> 00:52:02,238
making such a sacrifice.
1167
00:52:02,238 --> 00:52:04,367
(soft music)
1168
00:52:04,367 --> 00:52:06,998
(chair rumbling, metal rattling)
1169
00:52:08,375 --> 00:52:11,381
‐ What the hell do you
know about sacrifice?
1170
00:52:11,381 --> 00:52:14,345
What kind of a sacrifice
have you ever made
1171
00:52:14,345 --> 00:52:17,603
in your entire privileged life?
1172
00:52:17,603 --> 00:52:21,109
‐ Oh, I can tell you exactly
1173
00:52:21,109 --> 00:52:22,863
the kind of history
1174
00:52:22,863 --> 00:52:25,242
this man has had with sacrifice.
1175
00:52:25,242 --> 00:52:27,623
‐ Not now.
1176
00:52:27,623 --> 00:52:30,629
‐ I believe Steven
said something earlier
1177
00:52:30,629 --> 00:52:33,510
about our son.
1178
00:52:33,510 --> 00:52:35,639
Our Jim.
1179
00:52:35,639 --> 00:52:37,141
Our poor Jim.
1180
00:52:37,141 --> 00:52:39,229
Our beautiful Jim.
1181
00:52:40,356 --> 00:52:42,276
Did Steven mention
how little time
1182
00:52:42,276 --> 00:52:45,491
he actually spent
with our child?
1183
00:52:45,491 --> 00:52:46,536
Always working...
1184
00:52:46,536 --> 00:52:48,163
‐ I'll not have you dredging‐‐
1185
00:52:48,163 --> 00:52:50,125
‐ Always traveling.
‐ Enough!
1186
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:52,798
‐ Yet, Steven was
home one weekend,
1187
00:52:52,798 --> 00:52:55,261
and Jim, our Jim,
1188
00:52:55,261 --> 00:52:57,516
stuck in that boarding school,
1189
00:52:57,516 --> 00:53:01,273
wanting to see
his father so badly,
1190
00:53:01,273 --> 00:53:04,404
stole the keys to
a staff member's car.
1191
00:53:04,404 --> 00:53:06,032
(somber music)
1192
00:53:06,032 --> 00:53:09,665
At only 12, he had
the wherewithal
1193
00:53:09,665 --> 00:53:11,544
to steal a car
1194
00:53:11,544 --> 00:53:14,925
and drive in the dead of night.
1195
00:53:14,925 --> 00:53:20,562
♪
1196
00:53:20,562 --> 00:53:23,275
(metal rattling)
1197
00:53:24,444 --> 00:53:26,532
It was less than a mile.
1198
00:53:26,532 --> 00:53:27,450
♪
1199
00:53:27,450 --> 00:53:30,832
Oh, just less than a mile
1200
00:53:30,832 --> 00:53:33,337
from the house when it happened.
1201
00:53:33,337 --> 00:53:35,508
♪
1202
00:53:35,508 --> 00:53:38,681
So, don't believe for a second
1203
00:53:38,681 --> 00:53:40,518
that my husband knows nothing
1204
00:53:40,518 --> 00:53:43,816
about making a sacrifice
for his career.
1205
00:53:43,816 --> 00:53:47,824
♪
1206
00:53:47,824 --> 00:53:50,037
‐ So, what happened?
1207
00:53:50,037 --> 00:53:52,041
Did the little bugger swerve
1208
00:53:52,041 --> 00:53:53,836
to avoid hitting a porcupine?
1209
00:53:53,836 --> 00:53:56,216
TATUM: Ted, would you
stop being so cruel?
1210
00:53:56,216 --> 00:53:59,055
‐ I don't know, Tatum,
will you stop being so naive?
1211
00:53:59,055 --> 00:54:00,600
Can't you grasp the idea
1212
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:02,729
that there are twisted
people in this world
1213
00:54:02,729 --> 00:54:05,109
who might just tell
a grotesque lie
1214
00:54:05,109 --> 00:54:07,113
for their own perverse pleasure?
1215
00:54:07,113 --> 00:54:09,702
‐ So if all of this
is bullshit, Ted,
1216
00:54:09,702 --> 00:54:13,584
if you really believe
that there is no promotion,
1217
00:54:13,584 --> 00:54:15,588
then what are we doing here?
1218
00:54:15,588 --> 00:54:18,970
We're riding this out for what?
1219
00:54:18,970 --> 00:54:21,851
To prove that you're smart?
1220
00:54:21,851 --> 00:54:23,437
Okay, we get it.
1221
00:54:23,437 --> 00:54:25,357
You are smart.
1222
00:54:25,357 --> 00:54:27,445
But you don't get to talk to me
1223
00:54:27,445 --> 00:54:29,742
like I'm a rube.
1224
00:54:29,742 --> 00:54:31,327
‐ You're not a rube!
1225
00:54:31,327 --> 00:54:33,123
You're a radiant diamond.
1226
00:54:33,123 --> 00:54:35,252
Let me pour you a brandy.
1227
00:54:35,252 --> 00:54:37,758
‐ Nothing fancy for me,
I'm just a dumb hick.
1228
00:54:37,758 --> 00:54:41,599
I'm fine just drinking
out of the fucking toilet.
1229
00:54:41,599 --> 00:54:45,774
‐ [sarcastically]
Well, thank you, Kiwi.
1230
00:54:45,774 --> 00:54:49,113
Is anybody still
talking to anybody?
1231
00:54:49,113 --> 00:54:51,242
GAVIN:
I'm here!
1232
00:54:51,242 --> 00:54:54,750
‐ I think we should
all call it a night.
1233
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:55,794
‐ But...
1234
00:54:55,794 --> 00:54:57,046
(metal rattling)
1235
00:54:57,046 --> 00:54:58,508
(groans)
1236
00:54:58,508 --> 00:55:00,762
But...
ESSEX: I'll render my decision
1237
00:55:00,762 --> 00:55:01,972
on Monday.
1238
00:55:01,972 --> 00:55:03,350
(groans)
1239
00:55:03,350 --> 00:55:05,522
Ted, you should probably go
ahead and warm up the car.
1240
00:55:05,522 --> 00:55:08,235
It seems your wife
might need a moment.
1241
00:55:08,235 --> 00:55:11,241
(dark music)
1242
00:55:11,241 --> 00:55:15,415
Gavin, there is a piece
I want to show you.
1243
00:55:15,415 --> 00:55:21,427
♪
1244
00:55:35,038 --> 00:55:36,959
I thought you'd like it.
1245
00:55:36,959 --> 00:55:42,929
♪
1246
00:55:56,790 --> 00:55:58,084
(eerie music)
1247
00:55:58,084 --> 00:55:59,546
‐ Hey!
1248
00:55:59,546 --> 00:56:05,474
♪
1249
00:56:08,981 --> 00:56:11,612
(indistinct whispering)
1250
00:56:11,612 --> 00:56:14,116
(dark music)
1251
00:56:14,116 --> 00:56:18,626
♪
1252
00:56:18,626 --> 00:56:21,339
(door handle rattling)
1253
00:56:21,339 --> 00:56:23,468
Hello?
1254
00:56:23,468 --> 00:56:25,347
♪
1255
00:56:25,347 --> 00:56:26,684
(bang)
1256
00:56:26,684 --> 00:56:29,731
(tense music)
1257
00:56:29,731 --> 00:56:35,743
♪
1258
00:56:46,515 --> 00:56:48,978
(footsteps approaching)
1259
00:56:48,978 --> 00:56:51,900
GAVIN [shouting]: I am a
powerful, successful person!
1260
00:56:51,900 --> 00:56:53,236
(smashing)
1261
00:56:53,236 --> 00:56:55,742
(Ted groaning)
1262
00:56:55,742 --> 00:56:57,871
‐ [confused]
What the fuck?
1263
00:56:57,871 --> 00:56:59,916
(dark music)
1264
00:56:59,916 --> 00:57:02,756
♪
1265
00:57:02,756 --> 00:57:04,133
(handle clatters)
1266
00:57:06,095 --> 00:57:07,891
(screaming)
1267
00:57:07,891 --> 00:57:09,978
(intense music)
1268
00:57:09,978 --> 00:57:11,397
♪
1269
00:57:11,397 --> 00:57:13,234
(Gavin screaming)
1270
00:57:13,234 --> 00:57:18,370
♪
1271
00:57:18,370 --> 00:57:20,165
(Gavin screaming)
1272
00:57:20,165 --> 00:57:22,921
♪
1273
00:57:22,921 --> 00:57:24,800
ESSEX:
Choose wisely.
1274
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:30,770
♪
1275
00:57:30,770 --> 00:57:33,066
‐ So, you got a 50‐50 chance.
1276
00:57:33,066 --> 00:57:34,443
But guess what that means.
1277
00:57:34,443 --> 00:57:36,949
That means I've got
a 50‐50 chance.
1278
00:57:36,949 --> 00:57:39,078
So this whole night‐‐
Fuck the whole night!
1279
00:57:39,078 --> 00:57:42,334
Your whole life comes
down to a coin toss.
1280
00:57:42,334 --> 00:57:45,298
So you gotta ask yourself,
do you feel lucky?
1281
00:57:45,298 --> 00:57:47,052
(gunshot, glass shattering)
1282
00:57:48,639 --> 00:57:50,560
Shit.
1283
00:57:52,271 --> 00:57:53,774
(dark music)
1284
00:57:53,774 --> 00:57:55,277
(trembling)
1285
00:57:55,277 --> 00:58:00,788
♪
1286
00:58:00,788 --> 00:58:02,959
‐ Why stop now, Ted?
1287
00:58:02,959 --> 00:58:04,211
Let me guess:
1288
00:58:04,211 --> 00:58:06,466
Because it wouldn't
be a fair way
1289
00:58:06,466 --> 00:58:09,305
of making it to the top, hmm?
1290
00:58:09,305 --> 00:58:10,808
You know something, Ted?
1291
00:58:10,808 --> 00:58:12,227
It will never be fair,
1292
00:58:12,227 --> 00:58:16,737
because the playing field is
always tilted one direction.
1293
00:58:16,737 --> 00:58:19,116
But by simply pulling
that trigger,
1294
00:58:19,116 --> 00:58:22,331
you'll reserve yourself
a first‐class seat
1295
00:58:22,331 --> 00:58:24,628
on the tilted side.
1296
00:58:24,628 --> 00:58:27,007
(music intensifying)
1297
00:58:27,007 --> 00:58:32,727
♪
1298
00:58:32,727 --> 00:58:35,858
(Ted groaning)
1299
00:58:38,697 --> 00:58:40,868
(panting)
1300
00:58:40,868 --> 00:58:43,958
(soft music)
1301
00:58:43,958 --> 00:58:49,970
♪
1302
00:59:06,545 --> 00:59:08,799
(Ted breathing heavily)
1303
00:59:08,799 --> 00:59:12,139
♪
1304
00:59:12,139 --> 00:59:14,644
TATUM:
Ted.
1305
00:59:14,644 --> 00:59:16,105
Ted!
1306
00:59:16,105 --> 00:59:18,777
♪
1307
00:59:18,777 --> 00:59:20,656
Let me see, let me see.
‐ I'm fine, I'm fine.
1308
00:59:20,656 --> 00:59:22,785
I'll do it, I'll
do it, I'm fine.
1309
00:59:22,785 --> 00:59:24,038
MISSY:
What happened?
1310
00:59:24,038 --> 00:59:26,543
ESSEX:
Just Ted snatching defeat
1311
00:59:26,543 --> 00:59:28,631
from the jaws of victory.
1312
00:59:28,631 --> 00:59:29,423
(slams rifle)
1313
00:59:29,423 --> 00:59:30,885
I mean, really!
1314
00:59:30,885 --> 00:59:34,934
You were so close to winning!
1315
00:59:34,934 --> 00:59:36,187
TED:
No, no.
1316
00:59:36,187 --> 00:59:39,401
The only way I win is
if I don't play the game
1317
00:59:39,401 --> 00:59:41,155
because there is no promotion.
1318
00:59:41,155 --> 00:59:43,326
It's all just stories and lies
1319
00:59:43,326 --> 00:59:44,704
and make‐believe bullshit
1320
00:59:44,704 --> 00:59:46,415
so you and your psychotic wife
1321
00:59:46,415 --> 00:59:47,794
can get your rocks off.
1322
00:59:47,794 --> 00:59:48,712
(Gavin groans)
1323
00:59:48,712 --> 00:59:50,090
GAVIN:
Take it easy on 'em.
1324
00:59:50,090 --> 00:59:51,258
They lost their son.
1325
00:59:51,258 --> 00:59:52,887
TED [shouting]:
No, they didn't, Gavin!
1326
00:59:52,887 --> 00:59:54,683
It's a joke!
It's from a play!
1327
00:59:54,683 --> 00:59:56,812
Jesus Christ, maybe
if you read something
1328
00:59:56,812 --> 00:59:59,901
other than Seven Habitsof Highly Effective People.
1329
00:59:59,901 --> 01:00:03,074
ESSEX: It seems you
still need convincing.
1330
01:00:03,074 --> 01:00:04,577
I think you should wake him up
1331
01:00:04,577 --> 01:00:08,042
and invite him to
meet our guests.
1332
01:00:08,042 --> 01:00:09,294
(snickering)
1333
01:00:09,294 --> 01:00:10,338
‐ Yay!
1334
01:00:14,806 --> 01:00:16,727
‐ Do you think it's him?
1335
01:00:17,854 --> 01:00:20,358
Are we gonna have a séance?
1336
01:00:22,362 --> 01:00:25,368
‐ Hey, I'm sorry
for everything, I am,
1337
01:00:25,368 --> 01:00:26,872
but this is out of control.
1338
01:00:26,872 --> 01:00:30,253
We need to go right now, okay?
1339
01:00:30,253 --> 01:00:31,882
‐ Okay.
1340
01:00:31,882 --> 01:00:34,428
(door opening)
KIWI: Ho, ho, ho!
1341
01:00:34,428 --> 01:00:39,062
I hear there are some
naughty boys and girls in here!
1342
01:00:39,062 --> 01:00:41,066
(Kiwi laughing, chair whirring)
1343
01:00:41,066 --> 01:00:43,321
(Christmas music playing)
1344
01:00:43,321 --> 01:00:45,492
♪
1345
01:00:45,492 --> 01:00:47,120
Say hi to Santa.
1346
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:50,126
That's it, all the way
around the room.
1347
01:00:50,126 --> 01:00:52,255
Santa's gotta see everybody.
1348
01:00:52,255 --> 01:00:54,384
(Kiwi snickering)
1349
01:00:54,384 --> 01:00:58,602
♪
1350
01:00:58,602 --> 01:01:00,271
Ahh!
1351
01:01:00,271 --> 01:01:02,777
♪
1352
01:01:02,777 --> 01:01:04,906
Ta‐da!
1353
01:01:04,906 --> 01:01:06,785
(Kiwi laughing)
1354
01:01:06,785 --> 01:01:08,664
Everyone, this is Jim.
1355
01:01:08,664 --> 01:01:10,041
Jim, this is everyone.
1356
01:01:10,041 --> 01:01:13,256
I'd go around the room,
but he's terrible with names.
1357
01:01:13,256 --> 01:01:15,636
‐ Oh my God.
1358
01:01:15,636 --> 01:01:17,347
You didn't.
1359
01:01:17,347 --> 01:01:18,767
(dark music)
1360
01:01:18,767 --> 01:01:21,021
‐ Oh, look at that, Ted.
1361
01:01:21,021 --> 01:01:23,735
He likes you, that's uncanny.
1362
01:01:23,735 --> 01:01:25,865
‐ I have so much admiration
for the both of you.
1363
01:01:25,865 --> 01:01:28,286
I can only imagine what
a burden he must be.
1364
01:01:28,286 --> 01:01:29,413
‐ Oh, don't be silly.
1365
01:01:29,413 --> 01:01:31,292
That's why we hire people.
1366
01:01:31,292 --> 01:01:33,672
MISSY: Well, he looks very
comfortable in his chair.
1367
01:01:33,672 --> 01:01:34,924
KIWI:
Well, hop onboard!
1368
01:01:34,924 --> 01:01:37,053
He'd love to take
you for a spin.
1369
01:01:37,053 --> 01:01:39,016
‐ Oh, I...
‐ Oh, no, no, no, no.
1370
01:01:39,016 --> 01:01:40,769
Just think of him as Santa.
1371
01:01:40,769 --> 01:01:44,026
You can tell him everything
you want for Christmas.
1372
01:01:44,026 --> 01:01:45,821
Come on, right on. That's it.
1373
01:01:45,821 --> 01:01:47,575
‐ Oh...sorry.
1374
01:01:47,575 --> 01:01:49,202
(Kiwi laughing)
1375
01:01:49,202 --> 01:01:50,664
‐ Please stop this.
1376
01:01:50,664 --> 01:01:55,048
KIWI [singing]: Oh, here we
go round the mulberry bush.
1377
01:01:55,048 --> 01:01:57,260
(Kiwi laughing)
1378
01:01:57,260 --> 01:01:59,056
(Jim groaning)
1379
01:01:59,056 --> 01:02:01,018
(Kiwi laughing)
1380
01:02:01,018 --> 01:02:04,525
♪
1381
01:02:04,525 --> 01:02:06,696
MISSY:
I‐‐I think I've had enough.
1382
01:02:06,696 --> 01:02:07,823
(Kiwi laughing)
1383
01:02:07,823 --> 01:02:09,451
Can you‐‐can you stop, please?
1384
01:02:09,451 --> 01:02:10,704
Please stop.
1385
01:02:10,704 --> 01:02:12,290
Please, just stop!
1386
01:02:12,290 --> 01:02:14,086
[shouting]
Please stop!
1387
01:02:14,086 --> 01:02:16,800
♪
1388
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:18,344
(Jim groans)
1389
01:02:18,344 --> 01:02:21,350
♪
1390
01:02:21,350 --> 01:02:22,812
GAVIN:
Wow, Ted.
1391
01:02:22,812 --> 01:02:25,734
Looks like an apology
is in order,
1392
01:02:25,734 --> 01:02:28,740
or maybe even grounds
for dismissal.
1393
01:02:28,740 --> 01:02:30,953
ESSEX:
Oh, I think Ted feels awful
1394
01:02:30,953 --> 01:02:32,080
about doubting us.
1395
01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:33,332
I mean, just look at him.
1396
01:02:33,332 --> 01:02:34,752
TATUM:
Ted, it's okay to be wrong.
1397
01:02:34,752 --> 01:02:37,633
Just...just say you're sorry.
1398
01:02:37,633 --> 01:02:38,927
ESSEX:
It's all right.
1399
01:02:38,927 --> 01:02:41,473
I think if we just have a drink,
1400
01:02:41,473 --> 01:02:44,438
it'll all be water
under the bridge.
1401
01:02:44,438 --> 01:02:45,858
♪
1402
01:02:45,858 --> 01:02:48,112
‐ To water under the bridge.
1403
01:02:48,112 --> 01:02:49,239
♪
1404
01:02:49,239 --> 01:02:51,619
ESSEX:
Down the hatch, Sunny Jim.
1405
01:02:51,619 --> 01:02:55,753
♪
1406
01:02:55,753 --> 01:02:57,255
(Jim gagging)
1407
01:02:57,255 --> 01:02:58,884
Oh, he's enjoying this.
1408
01:02:58,884 --> 01:03:01,013
KIWI:
Oh, Jim!
1409
01:03:01,013 --> 01:03:05,271
Oh, my poor baby's made
a mess of himself, hasn't he?
1410
01:03:05,271 --> 01:03:06,356
Oh, baby.
1411
01:03:06,356 --> 01:03:07,526
Oh, God.
1412
01:03:07,526 --> 01:03:09,237
Oh, shh.
1413
01:03:09,237 --> 01:03:10,156
Shh.
1414
01:03:10,156 --> 01:03:12,035
That's a good boy.
1415
01:03:12,035 --> 01:03:12,912
‐ Stop it.
1416
01:03:12,912 --> 01:03:13,997
[shouting]
Stop it, stop it!
1417
01:03:13,997 --> 01:03:15,249
Get the fuck away from him!
1418
01:03:15,249 --> 01:03:17,170
ESSEX: I'll thank you
not to point a gun
1419
01:03:17,170 --> 01:03:18,799
and scream at my wife.
1420
01:03:18,799 --> 01:03:20,134
That's my job.
1421
01:03:20,134 --> 01:03:22,765
Besides, you might end
up hitting poor Jim.
1422
01:03:22,765 --> 01:03:24,142
‐ Stop calling him that!
1423
01:03:24,142 --> 01:03:25,771
His name is not Jim!
1424
01:03:25,771 --> 01:03:28,275
His name is Daniel!
1425
01:03:28,275 --> 01:03:31,783
TATUM:
Ted, tell me what's going on.
1426
01:03:31,783 --> 01:03:36,416
♪
1427
01:03:36,416 --> 01:03:38,295
(Ted groans)
1428
01:03:38,295 --> 01:03:40,383
‐ Before we were married,
1429
01:03:40,383 --> 01:03:41,803
three years ago, I guess,
1430
01:03:41,803 --> 01:03:44,642
I hadn't been at the
company that long,
1431
01:03:44,642 --> 01:03:45,936
and he sent me out
1432
01:03:45,936 --> 01:03:49,819
to get an anniversary
gift for his wife.
1433
01:03:49,819 --> 01:03:53,325
I was racing back to
bring him the earrings,
1434
01:03:53,325 --> 01:03:57,041
and I was trying so
hard to get noticed
1435
01:03:57,041 --> 01:03:58,335
and get ahead.
1436
01:03:58,335 --> 01:04:01,466
I guess I was probably
driving too fast.
1437
01:04:04,055 --> 01:04:07,437
And Daniel was riding his bike.
1438
01:04:08,565 --> 01:04:11,320
It was dark.
I never even saw him.
1439
01:04:11,320 --> 01:04:14,785
I just...heard the thump.
1440
01:04:14,785 --> 01:04:17,040
‐ Oh my God.
1441
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:19,169
(sobs)
1442
01:04:19,169 --> 01:04:21,340
GAVIN:
Was he wearing a helmet?
1443
01:04:21,340 --> 01:04:23,469
I mean, if he was riding
his bike without a helmet,
1444
01:04:23,469 --> 01:04:24,597
I'm not a lawyer, but‐‐
1445
01:04:24,597 --> 01:04:28,730
‐ Gavin, will you
please just shut up?
1446
01:04:28,730 --> 01:04:33,197
So, this entire time...
1447
01:04:35,326 --> 01:04:37,080
...you never told me?
1448
01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:38,625
(sighs)
1449
01:04:38,625 --> 01:04:40,503
(soft music)
1450
01:04:40,503 --> 01:04:42,508
TED: They put him in
a permanent facility,
1451
01:04:42,508 --> 01:04:45,681
but he didn't have anyone, so...
1452
01:04:45,681 --> 01:04:48,853
I started going to see
him Fridays after work.
1453
01:04:48,853 --> 01:04:52,736
‐ So he did have a piece
of meat on the side.
1454
01:04:52,736 --> 01:04:55,116
♪
1455
01:04:55,116 --> 01:04:58,957
‐ How can this be
your idea of fun?
1456
01:04:58,957 --> 01:05:01,879
‐ Ted, you've forgotten
1457
01:05:01,879 --> 01:05:06,514
that opportunity is the
theme of this evening.
1458
01:05:06,514 --> 01:05:08,518
Before you is the anchor
1459
01:05:08,518 --> 01:05:11,774
that has undermined
your success for years.
1460
01:05:11,774 --> 01:05:17,243
In your hands, you have the
instrument of opportunity.
1461
01:05:17,243 --> 01:05:20,166
♪
1462
01:05:20,166 --> 01:05:22,295
Jesus Christ, Ted!
1463
01:05:22,295 --> 01:05:25,886
You'd be doing him a kindness.
1464
01:05:25,886 --> 01:05:28,223
Now, look at your beautiful wife
1465
01:05:28,223 --> 01:05:31,355
and think of the life
you're denying her.
1466
01:05:31,355 --> 01:05:35,279
♪
1467
01:05:35,279 --> 01:05:38,160
‐ I don't want a life like this,
1468
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,289
a life where all
your pleasure centers
1469
01:05:40,289 --> 01:05:44,548
get so dulled, this is what
you have to do for kicks.
1470
01:05:44,548 --> 01:05:47,805
♪
1471
01:05:47,805 --> 01:05:49,558
(slams rifle)
1472
01:05:49,558 --> 01:05:50,894
Fuck this life.
1473
01:05:50,894 --> 01:05:52,523
I'm taking him back home.
1474
01:05:52,523 --> 01:05:55,319
‐ Ah, but there's the rub, Ted.
1475
01:05:55,319 --> 01:05:58,827
You see, our Jim
is already at home.
1476
01:05:58,827 --> 01:06:01,833
His care facility
was delighted to place
1477
01:06:01,833 --> 01:06:03,293
this piece of driftwood
1478
01:06:03,293 --> 01:06:05,966
in a financially
sturdy household.
1479
01:06:05,966 --> 01:06:09,431
So, you can put him
out of his misery
1480
01:06:09,431 --> 01:06:12,019
or you can leave him
to the tender mercies
1481
01:06:12,019 --> 01:06:14,650
of Kiwi and myself,
1482
01:06:14,650 --> 01:06:16,445
but what you cannot do
1483
01:06:16,445 --> 01:06:18,908
is walk out of here with him.
1484
01:06:18,908 --> 01:06:22,165
♪
1485
01:06:22,165 --> 01:06:23,585
GAVIN [enthusiastically]:
I'll do it!
1486
01:06:23,585 --> 01:06:25,463
TED: No, no, no, no,
no, no. Gavin, stop!
1487
01:06:25,463 --> 01:06:27,425
Gavin, listen to me,
you gotta believe me,
1488
01:06:27,425 --> 01:06:29,220
this will not get
you what you want.
1489
01:06:29,220 --> 01:06:31,475
‐ Get the fuck outta my way
or I'll shoot you right now!
1490
01:06:31,475 --> 01:06:33,228
‐ Wait, wait, how do you
know it's the right one?
1491
01:06:33,228 --> 01:06:35,316
‐ Because this is the gun
this shitbird used
1492
01:06:35,316 --> 01:06:37,320
to shoot the flowers
in the hallway.
1493
01:06:37,320 --> 01:06:39,491
See, I pay attention to details.
1494
01:06:39,491 --> 01:06:42,079
"It's the little details
that are vital.
1495
01:06:42,079 --> 01:06:44,627
Little things make
big things happen."
1496
01:06:44,627 --> 01:06:47,591
UCLA men's basketball
coach John Wooden.
1497
01:06:47,591 --> 01:06:50,221
TED:
Oh my God, just kill me now.
1498
01:06:50,221 --> 01:06:51,306
‐ With pleasure.
1499
01:06:51,306 --> 01:06:52,809
(gunshot, screaming)
1500
01:06:52,809 --> 01:06:56,233
(Ted groaning)
1501
01:06:59,239 --> 01:07:01,619
‐ It's like this shit
is rigged against me!
1502
01:07:01,619 --> 01:07:04,123
ESSEX: Well, that's the
first astute observation
1503
01:07:04,123 --> 01:07:06,002
you've made all night.
1504
01:07:06,002 --> 01:07:09,259
Did you know that
antique rifle magazines
1505
01:07:09,259 --> 01:07:11,137
can be remotely switched
1506
01:07:11,137 --> 01:07:14,728
from blanks to live rounds?
1507
01:07:14,728 --> 01:07:16,899
Allow me to demonstrate.
1508
01:07:16,899 --> 01:07:18,360
Gavin, would you shoot
1509
01:07:18,360 --> 01:07:21,408
the African white rhinoceros
on the wall?
1510
01:07:21,408 --> 01:07:22,536
(button clicks)
1511
01:07:24,414 --> 01:07:26,042
(gunshot)
1512
01:07:28,631 --> 01:07:30,510
Excellent, now,
1513
01:07:30,510 --> 01:07:32,639
point your rifle at Ted.
1514
01:07:32,639 --> 01:07:34,852
(rifle reloading)
1515
01:07:37,106 --> 01:07:39,778
(gunshot, screaming)
1516
01:07:39,778 --> 01:07:42,116
It's the same
with the other gun.
1517
01:07:42,116 --> 01:07:46,291
Uh, Ted, would you take
a shot at the rhino?
1518
01:07:46,291 --> 01:07:48,880
(Ted groans)
1519
01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:50,424
(Ted sighs)
1520
01:07:50,424 --> 01:07:51,927
‐ [whispers]
Oh God.
1521
01:07:56,394 --> 01:07:58,398
(gunshot)
1522
01:07:58,398 --> 01:08:01,947
‐ [unamused]
Haha, very funny.
1523
01:08:01,947 --> 01:08:05,287
Now point your rifle at Gavin.
1524
01:08:07,793 --> 01:08:09,713
(gunshot, screaming)
1525
01:08:09,713 --> 01:08:12,259
(Kiwi laughing)
1526
01:08:12,259 --> 01:08:13,387
‐ Fuck!
1527
01:08:13,387 --> 01:08:16,560
ESSEX: Oh, I just
couldn't resist it!
1528
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:18,397
I'm sorry, Gavin,
1529
01:08:18,397 --> 01:08:20,359
but you never had a chance!
1530
01:08:20,359 --> 01:08:22,948
I'd just as soon as
give the promotion
1531
01:08:22,948 --> 01:08:24,743
to this sack of yams.
1532
01:08:24,743 --> 01:08:28,125
No, tonight was all about Ted.
1533
01:08:28,125 --> 01:08:30,003
Smart, talented.
1534
01:08:30,003 --> 01:08:32,091
The only question
is whether or not
1535
01:08:32,091 --> 01:08:34,095
he could go the extra mile,
1536
01:08:34,095 --> 01:08:37,894
and for that we needed
cannon fodder.
1537
01:08:37,894 --> 01:08:40,399
‐ I was never in the running?
1538
01:08:40,399 --> 01:08:43,614
But I leveraged my entire future
1539
01:08:43,614 --> 01:08:45,159
to impress you!
1540
01:08:45,159 --> 01:08:47,037
Dodging debt collectors,
1541
01:08:47,037 --> 01:08:50,127
praying every day you'd
make me an executive!
1542
01:08:51,296 --> 01:08:53,300
[shouting]
I'm the one that can do it!
1543
01:08:53,300 --> 01:08:54,636
Switch it back, let me show you!
1544
01:08:54,636 --> 01:08:56,222
‐ No, no, no.
TATUM: Gavin, put it down.
1545
01:08:56,222 --> 01:08:57,768
‐ [shouting]
He really wants it, Ted!
1546
01:08:57,768 --> 01:08:59,020
You'd better kill the man!
1547
01:08:59,020 --> 01:09:00,272
TED:
Gavin, put it down.
1548
01:09:00,272 --> 01:09:02,026
‐ Just, I have to have
this, let me do it.
1549
01:09:02,026 --> 01:09:03,780
‐ No!
GAVIN: I want it more than you.
1550
01:09:03,780 --> 01:09:05,115
[hysterical]
I want it more than anything!
1551
01:09:05,115 --> 01:09:07,161
‐ He makes an
interesting argument!
1552
01:09:07,161 --> 01:09:08,497
‐ Goddamnit, Gavin!
1553
01:09:08,497 --> 01:09:09,917
ESSEX:
I'm reconsidering, Ted!
1554
01:09:09,917 --> 01:09:11,545
What are you gonna
do about this?
1555
01:09:11,545 --> 01:09:13,256
‐ Ted!
GAVIN: Just let me do it!
1556
01:09:13,256 --> 01:09:14,927
‐ Show me you're the kind of man
1557
01:09:14,927 --> 01:09:17,557
who can take his future
into his own‐‐
1558
01:09:17,557 --> 01:09:20,020
(gunshot, thud)
1559
01:09:25,824 --> 01:09:27,828
(exhales)
1560
01:09:27,828 --> 01:09:32,086
‐ "Brave solutions,
steadfast commitment."
1561
01:09:34,465 --> 01:09:35,885
‐ Holy shit.
1562
01:09:37,179 --> 01:09:39,685
Are you out of
your fucking minds?
1563
01:09:39,685 --> 01:09:42,398
I never signed up
for any of this!
1564
01:09:46,824 --> 01:09:48,578
‐ Wait, what?
1565
01:09:48,578 --> 01:09:50,957
[shouting]
What the fuck?
1566
01:09:50,957 --> 01:09:53,086
That whole thing was an act?
1567
01:09:53,086 --> 01:09:56,927
‐ It wasn't supposed
to happen like this.
1568
01:09:56,927 --> 01:09:58,305
‐ Are you fucking kidding me?
1569
01:09:58,305 --> 01:10:01,937
How long have you
been plotting this?
1570
01:10:01,937 --> 01:10:04,442
‐ You could've had it all.
1571
01:10:05,987 --> 01:10:08,074
You Podunk piece of trash
1572
01:10:08,074 --> 01:10:10,370
with your cheap fucking boots!
1573
01:10:10,370 --> 01:10:12,374
(gunshot, screams)
1574
01:10:26,987 --> 01:10:28,699
(soft music)
1575
01:10:28,699 --> 01:10:32,373
(Tatum breathing heavily)
1576
01:10:32,373 --> 01:10:34,251
TATUM:
Let's go home.
1577
01:10:34,251 --> 01:10:40,013
♪
1578
01:10:50,660 --> 01:10:52,413
DANIEL:
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1579
01:10:52,413 --> 01:10:53,791
Is it safe to come out?
1580
01:10:53,791 --> 01:10:56,045
TED:
Hey, do you have any idea
1581
01:10:56,045 --> 01:10:57,297
how twisted you are?
1582
01:10:57,297 --> 01:10:59,636
This entire time you've
just been pretending‐‐
1583
01:10:59,636 --> 01:11:01,139
‐ Ted.
1584
01:11:01,139 --> 01:11:03,226
(dark music)
1585
01:11:03,226 --> 01:11:09,238
♪
1586
01:11:13,914 --> 01:11:16,377
‐ That's weird.
1587
01:11:16,377 --> 01:11:17,922
(Tatum screams)
1588
01:11:17,922 --> 01:11:21,429
♪
1589
01:11:21,429 --> 01:11:24,561
‐ What the fuck is this now?
1590
01:11:24,561 --> 01:11:27,066
(door creaking open)
1591
01:11:27,066 --> 01:11:29,070
♪
1592
01:11:29,070 --> 01:11:31,658
(vocalists chanting)
1593
01:11:31,658 --> 01:11:37,670
♪
1594
01:11:55,790 --> 01:11:57,209
WHITE HAIR:
For a while there,
1595
01:11:57,209 --> 01:12:00,215
we thought you were
one of us, Ted.
1596
01:12:00,215 --> 01:12:01,802
What a waste.
1597
01:12:01,802 --> 01:12:03,848
SECOND EXECUTIVE:
Some men just can't put
1598
01:12:03,848 --> 01:12:05,100
the boot on the throat
1599
01:12:05,100 --> 01:12:07,104
when they have
the other guy down.
1600
01:12:07,104 --> 01:12:08,816
THIRD EXECUTIVE:
Like Boris Becker
1601
01:12:08,816 --> 01:12:11,613
at Monte Carlo in '95.
1602
01:12:11,613 --> 01:12:13,868
Maddening.
1603
01:12:13,868 --> 01:12:15,621
DANIEL:
Hey, you said
1604
01:12:15,621 --> 01:12:17,499
they'd both be shooting blanks.
1605
01:12:17,499 --> 01:12:18,878
WHITE HAIR:
What can I say?
1606
01:12:18,878 --> 01:12:22,134
Essex expected Ted
to kill Gavin.
1607
01:12:22,134 --> 01:12:24,471
DANIEL: And what if he
decided to kill me?
1608
01:12:24,471 --> 01:12:27,604
WHITE HAIR: He was 90% sure
Ted wouldn't shoot you.
1609
01:12:27,604 --> 01:12:29,231
DANIEL:
How could you do that to me?
1610
01:12:29,231 --> 01:12:31,235
I've been pretending
to be a vegetable
1611
01:12:31,235 --> 01:12:33,489
every Friday night
for three years!
1612
01:12:33,489 --> 01:12:34,868
‐ We paid you handsomely
1613
01:12:34,868 --> 01:12:36,747
for your acting services,
didn't we?
1614
01:12:36,747 --> 01:12:38,082
MISSY:
I knew you looked familiar.
1615
01:12:38,082 --> 01:12:39,836
Did you do an episode
of General Hospital?
1616
01:12:39,836 --> 01:12:41,130
‐ Hold on, hold on.
1617
01:12:41,130 --> 01:12:44,638
So you...you saw what
happened in there.
1618
01:12:44,638 --> 01:12:47,894
WHITE HAIR:
We saw everything.
1619
01:12:47,894 --> 01:12:50,650
(dark music)
1620
01:12:50,650 --> 01:12:55,367
Do you have any idea
what you've done?
1621
01:12:55,367 --> 01:12:57,664
[shouting]
Any idea?
1622
01:12:57,664 --> 01:13:03,550
♪
1623
01:13:03,550 --> 01:13:05,721
You have eliminated
1624
01:13:05,721 --> 01:13:08,644
nearly $40 million
in salary and benefits
1625
01:13:08,644 --> 01:13:11,984
off our books for
the next fiscal year!
1626
01:13:11,984 --> 01:13:17,119
♪
1627
01:13:17,119 --> 01:13:18,371
Genius.
1628
01:13:18,371 --> 01:13:21,628
Why didn't I think of it?
1629
01:13:21,628 --> 01:13:23,882
THIRD EXECUTIVE:
Let's not forget Kiwi.
1630
01:13:23,882 --> 01:13:27,682
My Lord, that woman could
abuse an expense account.
1631
01:13:27,682 --> 01:13:29,059
‐ It's a miracle!
1632
01:13:29,059 --> 01:13:30,395
‐ A Christmas miracle!
1633
01:13:30,395 --> 01:13:33,569
WHITE HAIR:
Truly a Christmas miracle!
1634
01:13:33,569 --> 01:13:35,196
(executives laughing)
1635
01:13:35,196 --> 01:13:38,077
(Christmas music)
1636
01:13:38,077 --> 01:13:40,290
‐ Merry Christmas!
1637
01:13:40,290 --> 01:13:41,459
Woo‐hoo!
1638
01:13:41,459 --> 01:13:44,089
(laughing nervously)
1639
01:13:44,089 --> 01:13:47,054
Hello, happy holidays
to you, sir.
1640
01:13:47,054 --> 01:13:48,932
THIRD EXECUTIVE:
Thank you. Great choices.
1641
01:13:48,932 --> 01:13:49,934
(laughing)
1642
01:13:49,934 --> 01:13:51,395
What a wonderful evening, huh?
1643
01:13:51,395 --> 01:13:53,066
MISSY:
Pardon my husband's appearance.
1644
01:13:53,066 --> 01:13:55,028
It's just‐‐it's been a night.
1645
01:13:55,028 --> 01:13:56,072
(overlapping conversation)
1646
01:13:56,072 --> 01:13:57,700
‐ So it seems to me,
1647
01:13:57,700 --> 01:13:59,829
in light of everything
that's happened tonight,
1648
01:13:59,829 --> 01:14:02,209
there really is a vacancy
1649
01:14:02,209 --> 01:14:03,962
at the executive level.
1650
01:14:03,962 --> 01:14:06,927
♪
1651
01:14:06,927 --> 01:14:10,058
‐ True, I suppose there is.
1652
01:14:10,058 --> 01:14:11,937
And I think it's fair to say
1653
01:14:11,937 --> 01:14:15,736
that one of you has clearly
demonstrated themselves
1654
01:14:15,736 --> 01:14:19,118
to be Falconheart
executive material.
1655
01:14:19,118 --> 01:14:25,130
♪
1656
01:14:34,481 --> 01:14:36,820
(light jazz version of
"We Wish you a Merry Christmas")
1657
01:14:36,820 --> 01:14:39,116
TED:
Guillermo! What's up, buddy?
1658
01:14:39,116 --> 01:14:45,128
♪
1659
01:15:05,669 --> 01:15:08,049
How's that hand treatin' you?
1660
01:15:09,636 --> 01:15:10,971
(Ted chuckling)
1661
01:15:10,971 --> 01:15:12,850
You diddle your mother
with that finger?
1662
01:15:12,850 --> 01:15:14,478
‐ I'll diddle your mother.
1663
01:15:14,478 --> 01:15:16,273
TATUM:
Hey!
1664
01:15:16,273 --> 01:15:18,402
Boys.
1665
01:15:18,402 --> 01:15:19,906
Get to work.
1666
01:15:19,906 --> 01:15:21,743
(bright music)
1667
01:15:21,743 --> 01:15:27,755
♪
1668
01:15:48,922 --> 01:15:52,680
(vibrant music)
1669
01:15:52,680 --> 01:15:58,692
♪
1670
01:16:42,571 --> 01:16:45,828
(upbeat instrumental version of
"Hark! The Herald Angels Sing")
1671
01:16:45,828 --> 01:16:51,840
♪
115089
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