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1
00:00:02,900 --> 00:00:04,199
I'm killing all your guys!
2
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:04,800
No way!
3
00:00:04,767 --> 00:00:06,098
Take my anti-aircraft fire!
4
00:00:06,025 --> 00:00:10,224
Look out, here comes a raptor!
3:00! 3:00! Aah!
5
00:00:09,991 --> 00:00:11,190
Whoo!
6
00:00:12,622 --> 00:00:17,221
Dad, there weren't any
dinosaurs in world war ii.
7
00:00:16,965 --> 00:00:18,431
Oh, but there were robots?
8
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:22,384
Those aren't robots.
Those are Canadians.
9
00:00:22,945 --> 00:00:25,311
And this salt shaker
is eisenhower.
10
00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:25,980
Ok, ok. Great.
11
00:00:25,937 --> 00:00:28,268
Uh, I'm ordering from bamboo pagoda.
Who wants in?
12
00:00:28,139 --> 00:00:29,372
None for me. I'm going
home in a minute.
13
00:00:29,304 --> 00:00:31,236
No, you're not. You're going to
wait here till the food gets here,
14
00:00:31,129 --> 00:00:33,628
then you're going to eat it and
not pay, like you always do.
15
00:00:33,489 --> 00:00:36,388
Well, if it's
just sitting there...
16
00:00:36,228 --> 00:00:36,961
Make your father happy.
17
00:00:36,921 --> 00:00:38,519
Don't order from bamboo pagoda.
18
00:00:38,431 --> 00:00:40,030
Hey, what's wrong
with bamboo pagoda?
19
00:00:39,941 --> 00:00:41,874
Well, it's fine,
if you like filth.
20
00:00:41,768 --> 00:00:45,067
So happens I love filth, dad.
21
00:00:44,883 --> 00:00:46,882
Hey, guys!
22
00:00:46,772 --> 00:00:47,238
Hey, baby!
23
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,311
Wait, I thought you were
going to be at your mom's
24
00:00:49,195 --> 00:00:49,895
for 2 more days.
25
00:00:49,857 --> 00:00:53,856
Would you want to be at
my mom's for 2 more days?
26
00:00:54,829 --> 00:00:57,028
I missed you guys.
27
00:00:56,906 --> 00:00:58,272
Mmmmm!
28
00:00:58,197 --> 00:01:00,362
Uh, what are you checking for?
29
00:01:00,242 --> 00:01:02,841
Fingers, toes.
30
00:01:02,697 --> 00:01:04,630
Tattoos.
31
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:05,456
What? Why?
32
00:01:05,405 --> 00:01:06,636
Oh, last time
I went out of town,
33
00:01:06,569 --> 00:01:10,102
uncle Eddie put naked
ladies on their necks.
34
00:01:09,906 --> 00:01:12,371
Hey, they picked them.
35
00:01:12,234 --> 00:01:12,934
Baby, baby.
36
00:01:12,896 --> 00:01:14,961
Come on, come on. We're
fine, we're fine.
37
00:01:14,847 --> 00:01:16,679
Hey, we had a good time,
didn't we, Henry?
38
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,643
Dad let us stay up
till midnight last night.
39
00:01:19,473 --> 00:01:21,639
Henry, what was our deal?
40
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,219
You'd let us
stay up till midnight
41
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,857
if we didn't tell mom.
42
00:01:24,761 --> 00:01:26,093
Right.
43
00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:28,820
She dragged it out of me.
44
00:01:29,891 --> 00:01:30,690
Claudia: Lily!
45
00:01:30,646 --> 00:01:31,513
Oh, uh, you know what?
46
00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:32,597
There was a small thing that...
47
00:01:32,535 --> 00:01:35,634
Um, just order me mu shu pork.
48
00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:36,262
Right.
49
00:01:36,218 --> 00:01:39,884
One filthy mu shu pork.
50
00:01:42,985 --> 00:01:44,284
Sean, why is all this junk here?
51
00:01:44,212 --> 00:01:47,578
Oh, I barricaded
Lily in her room.
52
00:01:47,391 --> 00:01:48,556
Yeah, why?
53
00:01:49,222 --> 00:01:50,421
Well, you know how
you're always saying
54
00:01:50,355 --> 00:01:52,154
I don't know how
to be the bad cop?
55
00:01:52,055 --> 00:01:53,554
Wrong! Wrong!
56
00:01:53,471 --> 00:01:56,170
Ok, what happened? Is she ok?
57
00:01:56,021 --> 00:01:57,520
Oh, yeah, yeah. She's fine.
58
00:01:57,437 --> 00:02:00,536
She's just being punished!
59
00:02:00,364 --> 00:02:02,163
What could a teenage
girl possibly do
60
00:02:02,064 --> 00:02:03,430
to justify throwing
her in solitary?
61
00:02:03,355 --> 00:02:07,254
Oh, believe me, she's getting
off easy after what she did.
62
00:02:07,037 --> 00:02:08,803
Tell me what she did.
63
00:02:08,706 --> 00:02:09,272
She went...
64
00:02:09,241 --> 00:02:11,873
Ok. You've got to hear
how it started.
65
00:02:11,727 --> 00:02:15,093
All right. I was coming
back from the store...
66
00:02:19,281 --> 00:02:20,246
Hi, dad.
67
00:02:20,193 --> 00:02:21,060
Hey, lil.
68
00:02:21,013 --> 00:02:22,311
Whoa. Look at you.
69
00:02:22,239 --> 00:02:24,271
I'm not dressed up.
70
00:02:24,159 --> 00:02:25,592
No, I mean, you j... I just meant
71
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:26,379
you look great, that's all.
72
00:02:26,331 --> 00:02:30,096
Look, Christina's mom is
taking us out to dinner,
73
00:02:29,887 --> 00:02:31,819
so I got a little dressed up!
74
00:02:31,713 --> 00:02:33,079
There's nothing wrong with that!
75
00:02:33,003 --> 00:02:35,369
I mean, if you want me
to change, I'll change,
76
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,770
but I'm just
going out to dinner.
77
00:02:36,686 --> 00:02:40,318
I don't know why you're making
such a huge deal out of this!
78
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:41,050
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
79
00:02:40,999 --> 00:02:43,563
I just said you look great. Go to dinner.
I don't care.
80
00:02:43,421 --> 00:02:45,054
Have a good time.
81
00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:47,529
Oh, ok. Cool.
82
00:02:47,387 --> 00:02:48,486
Dad?
83
00:02:48,425 --> 00:02:49,491
Mm-hmm?
84
00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:51,566
I love you.
85
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,132
"I love you, dad," and a kiss,
86
00:02:56,036 --> 00:02:58,702
and you weren't the
least bit suspicious?!
87
00:02:58,554 --> 00:03:00,386
Well, I may have been blinded
88
00:03:00,285 --> 00:03:02,552
by mock affection!
89
00:03:03,622 --> 00:03:05,987
Lil! Lily!
90
00:03:05,856 --> 00:03:07,556
Are you ok?!
91
00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:10,787
See? She's fine!
92
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:28,633
Oh.
93
00:03:28,589 --> 00:03:30,254
Wait a minute, honey.
These are on backwards.
94
00:03:30,162 --> 00:03:33,229
The hole goes in front
so you can pee.
95
00:03:33,562 --> 00:03:36,862
Not anymore. I've got a new way.
96
00:03:38,377 --> 00:03:39,177
Ok.
97
00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:40,331
You want to see?
98
00:03:40,266 --> 00:03:40,833
No.
99
00:03:40,802 --> 00:03:43,600
Ah, I'd like to see that.
100
00:03:43,445 --> 00:03:46,777
I bet he's got some kind
of straw down there.
101
00:03:46,592 --> 00:03:48,424
Ok. You two, up to bed.
102
00:03:48,323 --> 00:03:49,989
Whoa, whoa. Give
your dad some lovin'.
103
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,796
I love you guys.
Come on. Good night.
104
00:03:52,635 --> 00:03:54,701
Good night. Brush your teeth.
105
00:03:54,587 --> 00:03:56,719
Can we brush each other's?
106
00:03:56,601 --> 00:03:58,200
Whatever gets the job done.
107
00:03:58,111 --> 00:04:00,843
There's no way you're
brushing my teeth.
108
00:04:00,692 --> 00:04:01,491
Mom said I could.
109
00:04:01,447 --> 00:04:02,414
You're not brushing my teeth.
110
00:04:02,361 --> 00:04:05,727
Come on, Jimmy. I'm not
gonna hurt you or anything.
111
00:04:06,390 --> 00:04:07,655
Jimmy: Disgusting!
112
00:04:07,585 --> 00:04:08,119
Good night!
113
00:04:08,090 --> 00:04:11,988
Hey! Don't let your sister out!
114
00:04:11,772 --> 00:04:12,405
Ok. What happened?
115
00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:15,068
Nothing, really. I was just
in the backyard earlier,
116
00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:17,751
just spending some quality
time with the boys.
117
00:04:17,594 --> 00:04:20,594
Fire! Heh heh!
118
00:04:21,497 --> 00:04:23,163
Aha! Do it again.
119
00:04:24,833 --> 00:04:26,133
Fire!
120
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:30,747
Hello?
121
00:04:32,427 --> 00:04:33,427
Security?
122
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:35,505
Security? Wait. What security?
123
00:04:35,387 --> 00:04:38,586
Ok, remember that story
Lily told me about dinner?
124
00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:40,407
It was a lie.
125
00:04:40,297 --> 00:04:42,562
Yeah, she really went
out to action mountain.
126
00:04:42,436 --> 00:04:44,235
Action mountain, New Jersey?
127
00:04:44,136 --> 00:04:49,236
That's right, and I had to go
bail her butt out of action jail.
128
00:04:49,361 --> 00:04:52,893
How do 214-year-old girls
even get from staten island
129
00:04:52,697 --> 00:04:53,829
to the middle of New Jersey?
130
00:04:53,767 --> 00:04:55,000
Well, if their fathers
have achieved
131
00:04:54,932 --> 00:05:00,097
a basic level of competence,
they don't get there.
132
00:04:59,810 --> 00:05:01,743
Dad, I don't need your help.
133
00:05:01,636 --> 00:05:02,901
No, of course not.
134
00:05:02,832 --> 00:05:03,666
Just let it play out.
135
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:06,919
At some point,
the state'll intervene.
136
00:05:08,151 --> 00:05:10,383
So, what, so you drove out
there and picked her up?
137
00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:11,526
Not that easy.
Remember, you got our car.
138
00:05:11,456 --> 00:05:14,621
Eddie's got a car, but he
won't let me drive his car.
139
00:05:14,446 --> 00:05:15,845
Of course he won't.
140
00:05:15,768 --> 00:05:17,034
It's an expensive car.
141
00:05:16,964 --> 00:05:18,530
I didn't want him to wreck it.
142
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,842
Oh, ho ho ho. No, no, no, no.
143
00:05:19,765 --> 00:05:21,697
See, I don't
wreck cars, all right?
144
00:05:21,591 --> 00:05:22,957
You wreck cars.
145
00:05:22,881 --> 00:05:24,380
How can you say that?
146
00:05:24,298 --> 00:05:25,763
Uh, you wrecked your car.
147
00:05:27,602 --> 00:05:30,535
But Eddie didn't wreck his car.
148
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,771
Some idiot rammed into him.
149
00:05:31,694 --> 00:05:33,559
Ha ha. Rammed... rammed into him?
150
00:05:33,456 --> 00:05:34,555
You didn't hear this one, dad?
151
00:05:34,495 --> 00:05:36,828
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
152
00:05:36,699 --> 00:05:39,832
He was admiring
his new mustache.
153
00:05:42,237 --> 00:05:43,336
Comin' in nice.
154
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:47,243
Nice. It's
gonna really look nice.
155
00:05:54,630 --> 00:05:57,495
I still don't know how you
got a new car out of that.
156
00:05:57,337 --> 00:05:59,903
It was his reward
for stupid driving.
157
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,159
What do you want from me?
158
00:06:01,082 --> 00:06:04,048
The guy had a lot of insurance.
159
00:06:03,884 --> 00:06:06,483
Why didn't you keep
that mustache?
160
00:06:06,339 --> 00:06:08,638
I still have it.
161
00:06:08,511 --> 00:06:12,376
This is who I have to turn
to in my hour of need.
162
00:06:12,161 --> 00:06:14,794
Come on. Come on. Let
me drive your car.
163
00:06:14,648 --> 00:06:15,947
It's a sports utility vehicle.
164
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,475
It's not like a regular car.
165
00:06:17,386 --> 00:06:18,918
It requires special skills.
166
00:06:18,834 --> 00:06:20,866
Wait. Hey, I got an idea.
167
00:06:20,753 --> 00:06:23,319
Let me drive your car.
168
00:06:23,177 --> 00:06:23,844
Hey... No.
169
00:06:23,808 --> 00:06:27,139
Look! Ever since you were born,
I let you borrow my stuff!
170
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,620
Yeah, and I always broke it.
171
00:06:28,528 --> 00:06:30,727
Aw, gee. Give me the keys!
Give me the keys!
172
00:06:30,606 --> 00:06:31,272
Now you're angry.
173
00:06:31,235 --> 00:06:32,833
I'm not going to let you
drive my car angry.
174
00:06:32,745 --> 00:06:35,978
Look, I got to go. Someone's
got to watch Jimmy and Henry.
175
00:06:35,799 --> 00:06:36,365
Call dad.
176
00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:40,132
Oh, no, come on now, ed.
Ed, come on now, look.
177
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:40,987
I'm begging.
178
00:06:40,929 --> 00:06:42,828
Come on. Please? Come on.
179
00:06:42,723 --> 00:06:44,956
Let me drive your car.
180
00:06:48,042 --> 00:06:49,141
No.
181
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,747
Arrgghh!
182
00:06:57,830 --> 00:07:00,362
The problem is
you're not old enough
183
00:07:00,222 --> 00:07:02,755
to handle having a teenager.
184
00:07:02,615 --> 00:07:04,880
You lack the maturity.
185
00:07:04,754 --> 00:07:06,553
Did you hear what I said?
186
00:07:06,454 --> 00:07:09,087
I said you lack
the necessary maturity.
187
00:07:08,941 --> 00:07:09,641
Yeah, I heard, dad.
188
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:11,001
But then this is what
happens when you're 18
189
00:07:10,924 --> 00:07:13,723
and don't know what a rubber is.
190
00:07:13,568 --> 00:07:14,567
That's right.
191
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,734
This is my Lane, little car.
192
00:07:22,966 --> 00:07:25,032
So we get there,
and they take us back
193
00:07:24,917 --> 00:07:26,549
to this creepy
employees-only area
194
00:07:26,459 --> 00:07:28,892
where I get to see my childhood
hero dizzy the hippo
195
00:07:28,757 --> 00:07:30,522
taking a leak.
And hey, what do you know?
196
00:07:30,425 --> 00:07:34,859
There's Lily, Christina,
and a few surprise guests.
197
00:07:36,185 --> 00:07:38,719
Boys.
198
00:07:39,270 --> 00:07:40,737
Dad!
199
00:07:41,284 --> 00:07:42,151
Hey.
200
00:07:42,103 --> 00:07:44,734
How's it going?
201
00:07:44,588 --> 00:07:46,487
Good. You?
202
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:47,915
Ok.
203
00:07:47,831 --> 00:07:51,030
Yeah, uh, hey, gosh,
who are your buddies here?
204
00:07:50,852 --> 00:07:53,851
Oh, that's Brian,
Nick, and Adam.
205
00:07:53,685 --> 00:07:56,350
Uh-huh. And you guys
all got here,
206
00:07:56,202 --> 00:07:57,635
uh... How?
207
00:07:57,556 --> 00:07:58,122
Adam has a car,
208
00:07:58,092 --> 00:08:01,024
which means Christina's mom
didn't have to drive us.
209
00:08:00,861 --> 00:08:02,393
Isn't that great?
210
00:08:02,309 --> 00:08:03,209
That's great.
211
00:08:03,159 --> 00:08:04,724
And do you know your driver Adam
212
00:08:04,638 --> 00:08:08,503
is that passed-out drunk with
his face in the garbage?
213
00:08:08,289 --> 00:08:14,656
Well, that doesn't mean our
original plan wasn't a good one.
214
00:08:16,755 --> 00:08:21,821
Oh, man! I am so glad I was
out of town for this one.
215
00:08:21,540 --> 00:08:22,605
Oh, yeah. Go ahead and laugh.
216
00:08:22,546 --> 00:08:23,712
Next time you're
taking her with you.
217
00:08:23,648 --> 00:08:28,848
You... you couldn't even
keep her in the state.
218
00:08:29,345 --> 00:08:31,478
Hey, what happened
to the last beer?
219
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,992
I'm drinking it.
220
00:08:32,902 --> 00:08:36,002
That's why I hid it in the back.
221
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,899
So what was
her big crime anyway?
222
00:08:39,783 --> 00:08:41,915
Well, it all started when
one of Lily's new friends
223
00:08:41,797 --> 00:08:45,364
decided to stand up on
the magic journey ride.
224
00:08:47,337 --> 00:08:50,369
Whoo!
225
00:08:50,201 --> 00:08:51,200
Aah!
226
00:08:51,145 --> 00:08:51,877
Aah!
227
00:08:51,837 --> 00:08:52,504
King of the jungle!
228
00:08:52,468 --> 00:08:55,767
Hey! Hey, hey, hey. That
guy's looking at you.
229
00:08:58,258 --> 00:09:00,224
Aah! Don Diego!
230
00:09:00,115 --> 00:09:02,382
Man: Stay there!
231
00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:03,956
Ha ha ha.
232
00:09:03,892 --> 00:09:05,924
Dude, I didn't do it.
233
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:07,145
Why are you touching me?
234
00:09:07,072 --> 00:09:08,704
Dude, you through?
235
00:09:08,613 --> 00:09:11,446
Aah. Ow!
236
00:09:16,419 --> 00:09:17,784
Oh, shampoo bottles.
237
00:09:17,709 --> 00:09:19,608
Yes, that is a good plan.
238
00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:24,466
Any guard who'd noticed
would just assume
239
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:27,545
they'd come to the park
to wash their hair.
240
00:09:27,366 --> 00:09:29,599
Eddie: Yeah, but they're great
241
00:09:29,475 --> 00:09:33,508
for casually squirting
a shot into your soda.
242
00:09:35,014 --> 00:09:37,280
Just something I know.
243
00:09:37,154 --> 00:09:39,753
Hey, hey. How much
you guys have to drink?
244
00:09:39,609 --> 00:09:40,209
Not... not that much.
245
00:09:40,177 --> 00:09:44,876
Um, it's just Adam forgot
to rinse out the shampoo.
246
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,834
Acchh! It stinks
like prell in here.
247
00:09:52,146 --> 00:09:53,912
So you want to know
what the problem is?
248
00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:55,446
No. No. Absolutely not.
249
00:09:55,356 --> 00:09:56,123
The problem is
250
00:09:56,081 --> 00:09:58,112
parents today, they overanalyze.
251
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,232
I never had any such
problems with these boys.
252
00:10:00,109 --> 00:10:01,775
I'll tell you that.
253
00:10:01,683 --> 00:10:03,349
Yeah?
254
00:10:03,257 --> 00:10:04,822
What was your big secret?
255
00:10:04,735 --> 00:10:05,569
Well, the secret is
256
00:10:05,524 --> 00:10:07,188
you don't try
to reason with them.
257
00:10:07,096 --> 00:10:09,829
They don't have the faculties.
258
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:14,210
You have to make things simple.
259
00:10:14,933 --> 00:10:17,132
Now, you see
this picture of the judge?
260
00:10:17,010 --> 00:10:22,109
If either one of you opens this
door after I go downstairs,
261
00:10:21,826 --> 00:10:22,360
a bullet
262
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:26,330
will shoot out of his eye
and kill you.
263
00:10:26,390 --> 00:10:30,090
I am absolutely serious.
264
00:10:30,482 --> 00:10:32,149
Good night.
265
00:10:35,297 --> 00:10:38,129
Walt: See, that's
what we call discipline.
266
00:10:37,972 --> 00:10:42,305
And I didn't get that out
of any namby-pamby book.
267
00:10:42,064 --> 00:10:44,829
Yeah. Didn't think you did.
268
00:10:44,676 --> 00:10:48,275
Hey, whatever happened
to that painting?
269
00:10:48,075 --> 00:10:51,375
I killed it with a rake.
270
00:10:51,884 --> 00:10:55,449
So... so then you came back and
you did the barricade thing?
271
00:10:55,252 --> 00:10:56,685
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
272
00:10:56,606 --> 00:11:00,306
So much more happened on
the way to the barricade.
273
00:11:02,837 --> 00:11:06,202
Just where do you think
you're taking these kids?
274
00:11:06,016 --> 00:11:08,350
Out of here.
275
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,604
Do I know you?
276
00:11:13,224 --> 00:11:14,923
He still works there?
277
00:11:14,829 --> 00:11:15,329
Oh, yeah.
278
00:11:15,302 --> 00:11:19,000
And they made him, like, the
commander or something.
279
00:11:18,795 --> 00:11:20,694
Hair plugs is a person?
280
00:11:20,589 --> 00:11:23,788
Well, you know, kind of.
281
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:27,715
God, that was, like,
what, 5 years ago?
282
00:11:27,585 --> 00:11:30,351
Yeah, the beer garden was
still open back then.
283
00:11:30,197 --> 00:11:33,897
Open and a-flowin'.
284
00:11:46,564 --> 00:11:48,997
Ha ha ha!
285
00:11:48,862 --> 00:11:50,661
Son of a bitch.
286
00:11:50,561 --> 00:11:52,793
Sean: Hey! Hey, good, man.
287
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,102
This car's messed up.
288
00:11:54,023 --> 00:11:55,389
You gave me a bad car.
289
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:09,232
As I recall,
290
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,799
you two were banned
from the park for life.
291
00:11:59,621 --> 00:12:01,620
Sean: Let go, dude!
292
00:12:01,510 --> 00:12:03,543
I'm spillin' my beer, man.
293
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,364
I got it!
294
00:12:04,312 --> 00:12:05,677
Get your hand off me, man!
295
00:12:05,602 --> 00:12:08,967
I'm all right! I'm all right.
296
00:12:08,780 --> 00:12:09,247
Ohh!
297
00:12:09,222 --> 00:12:12,453
Yeah, hey, I didn't even
want to come here, ok?
298
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:14,173
I just came to get my
daughter and her friends,
299
00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:16,234
and... and we're going home.
300
00:12:16,114 --> 00:12:17,081
Daughter.
301
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,892
I don't think so.
302
00:12:18,789 --> 00:12:19,656
Excuse me?
303
00:12:19,609 --> 00:12:21,407
A bit on the young side?
304
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,841
Nice try, big brother.
305
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,985
Oh, no, no, no. Hey,
I'm not her brother.
306
00:12:26,815 --> 00:12:31,314
Yeah. You look
more like her dealer.
307
00:12:31,064 --> 00:12:32,163
Oh! Oh, I see.
308
00:12:32,103 --> 00:12:34,669
Oh, ok. Oh, I get it.
309
00:12:34,527 --> 00:12:36,159
So I'm not a dad?
310
00:12:36,069 --> 00:12:36,669
No.
311
00:12:36,636 --> 00:12:37,734
Oh! Ok, now I get it.
312
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,973
Because I just spent an hour
and a half on the turnpike
313
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,145
coming down here to get them
314
00:12:41,073 --> 00:12:42,406
just for the fun of it, right?
315
00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:44,298
You know, just for the sheer joy
316
00:12:44,189 --> 00:12:46,055
of driving 5 teenagers
reeking of puke
317
00:12:45,952 --> 00:12:47,951
all the way back home, right?
318
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:48,939
Ha ha! No, no.
319
00:12:48,879 --> 00:12:49,679
You know why?
320
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,566
Because only a dad would
get that screwed, right?
321
00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:52,959
'Cause only a dad works all week
322
00:12:52,876 --> 00:12:54,175
at his mind-numbing job
323
00:12:54,103 --> 00:12:56,236
only to spend his
precious Saturday night
324
00:12:56,118 --> 00:12:57,150
at a fifth-rate theme park
325
00:12:57,094 --> 00:12:58,493
getting the third
degree from a cop
326
00:12:58,416 --> 00:13:00,315
with a duck on his badge!
327
00:13:01,253 --> 00:13:02,285
Sir!
328
00:13:02,228 --> 00:13:03,994
The duck on my chest
329
00:13:03,897 --> 00:13:06,996
stands for this
theme park's commitment...
330
00:13:06,824 --> 00:13:08,756
How can you even call
this a theme park, man?
331
00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:09,782
I don't get it, you know,
332
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,885
because over here, right,
you got the jungle part.
333
00:13:11,765 --> 00:13:12,998
All right, but then over here,
334
00:13:12,930 --> 00:13:14,495
you got this whole other part
335
00:13:14,409 --> 00:13:16,308
with a rat on a skateboard.
336
00:13:16,203 --> 00:13:17,636
And then you turn the corner,
337
00:13:17,557 --> 00:13:18,956
and then it's,
whoa, space port 2000!
338
00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:22,344
You know, the year 2000, we're
all gonna be living in space!
339
00:13:22,151 --> 00:13:24,050
Well, guess what?
340
00:13:23,945 --> 00:13:24,812
We're not!
341
00:13:24,765 --> 00:13:26,463
So what's the theme, man?
342
00:13:26,369 --> 00:13:27,601
What is the theme?!
343
00:13:27,533 --> 00:13:28,966
Ease up, man.
344
00:13:28,888 --> 00:13:29,953
No, you ease up!
345
00:13:29,894 --> 00:13:33,093
I want you to tell me right
now what the theme is!
346
00:13:32,916 --> 00:13:34,415
Can't you make him stop?
347
00:13:34,332 --> 00:13:36,732
Hey, he's a freak.
348
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,075
"What is the theme, man?"
349
00:13:39,966 --> 00:13:41,598
"Tell me the theme, man.
350
00:13:41,508 --> 00:13:42,807
Tell me the theme!"
351
00:13:42,736 --> 00:13:44,535
Lily, your dad is hilarious!
352
00:13:44,435 --> 00:13:45,035
You hear that?
353
00:13:45,003 --> 00:13:47,701
Drunken teenagers? Not the
toughest audience in the world.
354
00:13:47,551 --> 00:13:49,884
Whatever. Am I right
that places like this
355
00:13:49,755 --> 00:13:51,187
are freakin' tame?
356
00:13:51,108 --> 00:13:51,841
There's no theme!
357
00:13:51,801 --> 00:13:52,833
You called it, man.
You called it.
358
00:13:52,776 --> 00:13:54,775
My dad would never say all
that stuff about the theme.
359
00:13:54,665 --> 00:13:56,264
Well... Dad, you rocked!
360
00:13:56,176 --> 00:13:58,108
No. Dude, you understand, man!
361
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,566
Not like my dad. If he
was here right now,
362
00:14:00,479 --> 00:14:03,378
he'd be on his cell phone
calling everybody's parents.
363
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,350
Man, we would be so nailed, man.
364
00:14:05,232 --> 00:14:06,964
Yeah! Lily, you were so right!
365
00:14:06,868 --> 00:14:09,935
Your dad's the one to call.
366
00:14:11,495 --> 00:14:13,361
So you see? I'm an idiot.
367
00:14:13,258 --> 00:14:16,324
Yeah, you know, they
were totally playing me.
368
00:14:16,154 --> 00:14:16,820
Walt: Yeah.
369
00:14:16,783 --> 00:14:18,581
It's amazing how
your credibility as a parent
370
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:22,816
just flies out the window
when you look like zz top.
371
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:25,964
Anyway...
372
00:14:25,911 --> 00:14:27,942
So tell me, Brian is it? Yeah.
373
00:14:27,830 --> 00:14:30,296
Hey, where do you live, man?
374
00:14:30,159 --> 00:14:30,992
Uh, 354 Harrison.
375
00:14:30,947 --> 00:14:34,412
All right! Hey, you think
your parents are still up?
376
00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:36,419
No way, dude.
377
00:14:36,297 --> 00:14:39,163
Good. That way
I get to wake 'em.
378
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,503
Oh, crap.
379
00:14:41,365 --> 00:14:42,131
What these kids did,
380
00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:45,787
there's no other way
to describe it than...
381
00:14:45,581 --> 00:14:47,980
Wilding.
382
00:14:47,848 --> 00:14:50,147
I... i... i don't know
what they were on...
383
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:53,118
Smack, crank, crack...
384
00:14:52,946 --> 00:14:56,546
Flake... Smank.
385
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:58,963
Friendly bear?
386
00:14:58,895 --> 00:14:59,762
Dead.
387
00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:01,680
The little woodchuck?
388
00:15:01,571 --> 00:15:02,736
Dead.
389
00:15:02,672 --> 00:15:05,105
The otter with the banjo?
390
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,836
Dead.
391
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,799
Do you realize what you've done?
392
00:15:13,644 --> 00:15:17,010
You have literally
pushed me off a cliff!
393
00:15:16,823 --> 00:15:19,588
You have literally
pushed me to my death!
394
00:15:19,435 --> 00:15:22,468
I am literally dead
thanks to you.
395
00:15:22,299 --> 00:15:22,931
Me?!
396
00:15:22,897 --> 00:15:23,897
Look, I'm not the one
who hooked up
397
00:15:23,842 --> 00:15:26,273
with the Beastie Boys for an
out-of-state drinking binge!
398
00:15:26,139 --> 00:15:28,705
That is so unfair!
I only had one drink.
399
00:15:28,563 --> 00:15:30,595
Everyone else had, like, 5.
400
00:15:30,482 --> 00:15:31,648
Oh, well, great.
Then you were sober
401
00:15:31,584 --> 00:15:33,550
compared to the boy who was
going to be driving you home
402
00:15:33,441 --> 00:15:34,606
to your certain death!
403
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:36,275
Oh, you are so embarrassing,
404
00:15:36,180 --> 00:15:37,845
I am literally
dying of embarrassment!
405
00:15:37,753 --> 00:15:40,452
You know, I really wish you would
look up the word literally,
406
00:15:40,302 --> 00:15:41,435
because...
407
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:42,939
Aah... aah!
408
00:15:43,229 --> 00:15:44,862
Why are you guys fighting?
409
00:15:44,772 --> 00:15:45,472
We're not fighting.
410
00:15:45,434 --> 00:15:48,565
Am I going to be
put in a foster home?
411
00:15:48,391 --> 00:15:49,723
Potentially.
412
00:15:49,650 --> 00:15:51,449
You're not helping, dad!
413
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:53,116
Ha ha ha.
414
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,166
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
415
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,655
What do you think you're doing?
416
00:15:58,563 --> 00:15:59,197
I'm going out.
417
00:15:59,163 --> 00:16:01,627
Ok, even you don't believe that.
418
00:16:01,491 --> 00:16:02,890
I trusted you.
419
00:16:02,813 --> 00:16:04,712
You trusted me?
420
00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:06,806
And with a straight face. Whoo!
421
00:16:06,684 --> 00:16:08,717
I'm spending the night
at Allison's.
422
00:16:08,604 --> 00:16:09,769
In fact, you're not.
423
00:16:09,705 --> 00:16:10,405
Oh, I'm not, am I?
424
00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:14,565
No. In fact, you are staying in
this room until further notice.
425
00:16:14,332 --> 00:16:17,999
What, are you going to make me?
426
00:16:18,392 --> 00:16:19,126
It could happen.
427
00:16:19,086 --> 00:16:23,117
I am literally going insane!
428
00:16:22,893 --> 00:16:24,059
All right! Good usage!
429
00:16:23,995 --> 00:16:25,727
Now let me go to Allison's.
430
00:16:25,632 --> 00:16:26,399
No!
431
00:16:26,357 --> 00:16:28,356
You can't stop me.
432
00:16:28,684 --> 00:16:30,251
Yes, I can!
433
00:16:35,641 --> 00:16:36,673
You know, it's funny.
434
00:16:36,616 --> 00:16:38,849
When I hear the whole story
out loud, it just...
435
00:16:38,725 --> 00:16:42,624
Makes me realize that I'm
the worst dad in the world.
436
00:16:42,408 --> 00:16:47,374
Come on. You're not even the
worst dad in this house.
437
00:16:52,070 --> 00:16:53,869
What would you have done?
438
00:16:53,770 --> 00:16:55,169
Oh, I don't know.
439
00:16:55,092 --> 00:16:56,025
I never know.
440
00:16:55,974 --> 00:17:00,106
I guess your barricade
is as good as anything.
441
00:16:59,876 --> 00:17:01,408
Yeah. Thing is, you know, I...
442
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:02,590
I don't want
to be the kind of guy
443
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,752
who scolds his kid for getting
drunk at action mountain.
444
00:17:04,628 --> 00:17:09,461
I want to be the guy getting
drunk at action mountain.
445
00:17:10,074 --> 00:17:12,107
What are you doing Tuesday?
446
00:17:12,812 --> 00:17:14,711
I got a job. I got kids to feed.
447
00:17:14,606 --> 00:17:17,839
Oh. All right.
I'll call Kenny, then.
448
00:17:19,327 --> 00:17:21,626
I know. I know, baby,
that you want
449
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:22,898
to be the drunk guy
at action mountain.
450
00:17:22,821 --> 00:17:24,853
Believe me,
I want to be the girl
451
00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:28,472
that holds his hair back
when he pukes.
452
00:17:28,265 --> 00:17:29,232
But we got a whole bunch
of kids here,
453
00:17:29,179 --> 00:17:33,177
so we got to stick it out
until they grow up or...
454
00:17:32,955 --> 00:17:34,622
Run away.
455
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,446
God, who are we kidding?
456
00:17:37,330 --> 00:17:39,764
They're never going to run away.
457
00:17:41,579 --> 00:17:43,546
No, I meant us.
458
00:17:44,066 --> 00:17:46,698
Oh, come on. She's going
to get into trouble.
459
00:17:46,552 --> 00:17:49,584
It's inevitable. She's going
to run around with boys.
460
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:51,282
She's 14 years old!
461
00:17:51,179 --> 00:17:53,911
I know she's 14 years old.
462
00:17:53,759 --> 00:17:57,092
Do you realize in 4 short
years, she will be the same age
463
00:17:56,907 --> 00:18:00,007
I was when you got me
pregnant with her?
464
00:18:00,086 --> 00:18:03,053
I better go talk to her.
Go talk to her.
465
00:18:04,870 --> 00:18:09,436
Ok, Lily. I think you've
learned your lesson, so, uh...
466
00:18:09,182 --> 00:18:13,782
I'm gonna unbarricade
your door now.
467
00:18:13,746 --> 00:18:16,612
Ho, no, no! Oh, no, missy!
468
00:18:16,453 --> 00:18:18,852
Oh, no, no. I am not locked out!
469
00:18:18,719 --> 00:18:20,852
You are locked in!
470
00:18:23,723 --> 00:18:24,723
Uh!
471
00:18:30,553 --> 00:18:32,153
Hey!
472
00:18:33,260 --> 00:18:35,125
Can I help you?
473
00:18:35,022 --> 00:18:36,421
Uh, uh... Yeah!
474
00:18:36,344 --> 00:18:40,110
Yeah, Lily. About tonight.
All right.
475
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,332
You are a minor. Ok?
476
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:45,000
And I own you.
477
00:18:44,964 --> 00:18:48,129
And the cops will totally
back me up on this.
478
00:18:47,953 --> 00:18:49,485
So as long as that's the case,
479
00:18:49,401 --> 00:18:52,200
I'm just asking that
you stay, a... alive,
480
00:18:52,045 --> 00:18:54,577
and b... not pregnant.
481
00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:57,103
Dad, I'm not dumb. I get it.
482
00:18:56,955 --> 00:18:58,721
You didn't have to embarrass me.
483
00:18:58,623 --> 00:19:01,188
Come on. Embarrass you
in front of those guys?
484
00:19:01,046 --> 00:19:04,413
Lil, they were drinking shampoo.
485
00:19:04,823 --> 00:19:07,089
Huh? All right. Yeah.
486
00:19:06,964 --> 00:19:09,096
So, if you're
going to raise hell,
487
00:19:08,978 --> 00:19:09,978
do it with the smart kids.
488
00:19:09,923 --> 00:19:11,421
That way, you don't get caught,
489
00:19:11,338 --> 00:19:14,205
I don't have to
find out about it.
490
00:19:15,115 --> 00:19:16,514
All right.
491
00:19:16,437 --> 00:19:17,870
So are we cool?
492
00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:20,691
We cool.
493
00:19:20,969 --> 00:19:22,503
Come here.
494
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:26,279
Ok, I'm going to Allison's.
495
00:19:26,163 --> 00:19:27,496
Oh, no, you're not!
496
00:19:27,422 --> 00:19:29,155
Aah!
497
00:19:30,097 --> 00:19:31,864
Ha ha ha ha!
498
00:19:32,111 --> 00:19:33,277
We're good.
499
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,079
Yeah?
500
00:19:34,032 --> 00:19:34,832
Let me guess.
501
00:19:34,788 --> 00:19:38,286
You apologized, then
the hugging started.
502
00:19:40,098 --> 00:19:43,130
No, dad. I told her
how things were going to be,
503
00:19:42,962 --> 00:19:44,061
and she didn't like it,
504
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,133
but she respected it.
505
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,086
Hey, honey!
506
00:19:48,030 --> 00:19:50,596
I'm dyeing my hair.
507
00:19:51,618 --> 00:19:55,218
Th... that box is blue.
508
00:19:56,055 --> 00:19:57,420
She thinks
that's going to bug me,
509
00:19:57,345 --> 00:20:00,544
but it's not going to.
510
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:04,434
Honey, please don't dye
your hair blue. Please!
511
00:20:04,868 --> 00:20:06,834
I got to hand it to you, son.
512
00:20:06,725 --> 00:20:09,524
You handled this very poorly.
513
00:20:09,369 --> 00:20:11,701
Come on, dad. Give him a break.
514
00:20:11,572 --> 00:20:14,304
We used to get away with
murder behind your back.
515
00:20:14,153 --> 00:20:17,819
Remember that pot plant we had
growing behind the house?
516
00:20:17,615 --> 00:20:21,381
It was, like, 6 feet tall.
517
00:20:21,172 --> 00:20:23,138
'Scuse me?
518
00:20:23,344 --> 00:20:26,043
What, we never joked
around about this before?
519
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:26,659
No. No.
520
00:20:26,617 --> 00:20:28,582
I'm calling the police.
521
00:20:28,474 --> 00:20:29,506
It was a joke, dad.
522
00:20:29,449 --> 00:20:30,715
Yeah, I'm not joking.
523
00:20:30,645 --> 00:20:31,645
I was joking!
524
00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:39,654
Mom, let's say Christina
and I were to get tickets
525
00:20:39,552 --> 00:20:41,218
to see the Foo Fighters
at the garden.
526
00:20:41,126 --> 00:20:42,892
Should I tell you
about it or not?
527
00:20:42,795 --> 00:20:43,827
Yeah, you should
tell me you're going,
528
00:20:43,770 --> 00:20:47,202
but you should tell me Christina's
mom's going with you.
529
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,178
Mmm. Ok.
530
00:20:49,058 --> 00:20:51,324
So do you have tickets
to the Foo Fighters?
531
00:20:51,198 --> 00:20:54,397
Yeah, but Christina's
mom is going.
532
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:55,220
Seriously?
533
00:20:55,165 --> 00:20:56,229
Yes, mom.
534
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:58,470
Ok. Good. Have fun.
535
00:20:58,342 --> 00:21:00,609
Ok. Thanks.
536
00:21:02,624 --> 00:21:04,623
Is her mom seriously going?
537
00:21:04,512 --> 00:21:05,512
Yes!
538
00:21:05,562 --> 00:21:10,112
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