Original subtitles

Don't worry about falling. Yeah?

Just let yourself move and feel how...

...the movement just kind of carries you around.

Keep going.

I love being in the company.

I love dancing for you.

I just feel it's time for me to go make my own work.

So it's painful, but it's probably also...

...what you need.

How old will you be in November?

- How old do you think I'll be? - 30?

Is that a problem for you? No.

Shouldn't be.

Can you believe I'll be 30? You met me when I was 21.

Joining me now is the talented and lovely Bobbi Jene Smith,

whom grew up in Iowa, attended the Juilliard School for Performing Arts,

and in 2005 moved to Israel to dance in the world-famous Batsheva Dance Company.

Now ten years later, she is here

with the upsetting news that she is leaving our country for good.

- Say it isn't so. - Sad, but true.

Tell me about how you got here.

Because from Iowa to Tel Aviv is not an obvious route.

No, I'd never left the country. I didn't have a passport even.

But it was my dream to dance for Batsheva, but I was at school at Juilliard.

Ohad came to visit... - Ohad Naharin, the person behind Batsheva.

And he saw you dance there. You worked with him?

Yeah, I asked to talk to him

to say thank you so much for this experience,

and I said, "I don't know where to start."

He's like, "I'll start for you. You want to dance for me?"

I said, "Yes, I do." "Move to Israel!"

- So you did? - Yeah, I left school early.

Yeah, I grew up here. Everything changed.

I learned a lot. - Yeah.

Ohad and I were lovers, but that ended.

I learned from him about...

Effort and pleasure,

and pain and pleasure, and how it's just a switch.

It's the same thing.

Hi, Mom. It's Bobbi.

I'm good.

I just wanted to tell you guys that I made up my mind.

I'm gonna move back to the States.

No, not until the end of the year. I have to finish the season.

Are you in church?

Yeah, tell dad I say hi. I love you.

Bobbi, you have to.

I don't want to live the rest of my life in Israel.

- Why? - It doesn't feel like home here.

But it will be a big loss for the company if you leave.

This is the time that I have to go check it out.

What's my life like without Batsheva?

We define ourselves so much by the place, and...

Even though we're celebrated as individuals here, it's still...

No, I completely understand you, Bobbi.

It's important for you. It's not Bobbi, the dancer in Batsheva.

It's becoming Bobbi Smith, the person, the dancer, the creator, the choreographer.

You need to check it out.

But good luck.

You're awful.

You'll have some babies...

First of all, I think from here, we need a wave.

- Nice, yeah. - Okay.

And then into the...

Yeah, so... and then it stops.

Better. Almost like you want to put it right underneath it.

And then it starts to tip.

Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

No, no, be serious.

The young kid.

I'll be forty when he's thirty.

And he's just, like...

He's just...

I don't need to go there. I need to do what I need to do.

Which is what? I need to dance. I need to work hard. That's it.

Can we take it?

This is still the same, everything the same, and stop. Wait, wait...

And then go, Bobbi. Exactly, and go. Okay, yeah?

Look at the poor chair. It's stuck in the wave.

- It's coming to us. - It's coming.

I really want him to stand up.

You saved him.

Come on, we need to feed you cauliflower.

- Bye, sweetie. Love you. - Love you too.

I told you that thing my mom once said, when we were riding in the car?

And there was a big bump and we went, "Oh!"

And she was like, "Wow."

I go, "Mom, what, are you okay?" She's like, "That's what making love feels like."

- No? Your father was in the car? - No.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Just you and Jason? - I don't think my brother was there.

They asked...

"How is it to have a thirty-year-old girlfriend?"

My grandma asked me,

"But why thirty? Why? Why?"

And I was like, "Because love has no age."

She was like, "Just be careful."

Are you being careful?

Women only want kids and a wedding.

You know that's all girls think of.

I was like, "Don't worry, Grandma, don't worry."

Bobbi, what are you doing? I've got to carry something.

Feel how the soft, grabbing people, now introduce more juice..

...into what you're doing.

Try to get the heel away from you.

Close to you.

Turn in.

Turn out.

I found this thing I wrote the first time I came to see you.

And you were like, "You'll stay ten years."

I wish I wasn't right.

- Me too. - I wish I was wrong.

You'll stay connected with "gaga" you will stay connected to my work,

but you will not be around.

It's also something that you...

That's one of the changes you want to do. Change things.

- You actually want to get away from me. - - It's not you.

It's not getting away from you.

You know that. Don't you?

Actually, I don't know exactly. I don't know.

I know that you're doing something you want and need, and I totally support it.

It's not about me, it's about you.

If it was about me, I would keep you here.

But since it's not about me...

My concerns are for you because you're making a huge decision.

But you'll be fine too.

Are you saying goodbye to Or?

- We're going to try to stay together. - Really?

How? Is Or going to San Francisco?

- No. - Wow.

Long distance.

- Really? - Uh huh.

♪ We might as well be lovers on the sun ♪

This is nice.

I love lime green. It's like... - It's disgusting.

Jene, you're doing it very, very fast.

This is the kitchen. I like the kitchen.

I love the kitchen. I love blue.

When you are alone at home, I won't be there for you.

Don't say that. I'll be there for you.

- No, you won't. - Yes, I will.

But what's a year if we know we want to be together?

I know. I didn't say we won't be together, but... it's hard.

Of course. But it can also be amazing.

No? - No.

Maybe you'll come to the States.

- To do what? - Anything you want.

- I need to make money somehow. - I'll pay for everything.

- You can do a lot of things there. - What?

You can dance for Beyoncé.

- I don't want to dance for Beyoncé. - A little bit?

No. She has her dancers.

We can make our art together.

But we are very different.

How?

You said maybe you wanted to go to acting school.

Jene, for me to go to the States now

would be like when you were 21 coming here.

It's relocating. It's hard.

It's really hard.

It's kind of the same as... It's even harder for me to relocate now.

- To go back. - It's not the same...

When I was 21 I had nothing to lose.

I had no perspective.

I went and I didn't even think, "Oh, what's the rent?"

Right now, where I am in my life...

If you tell me, "Or, leave everything, come tomorrow to the States." I can't.

- Why? - 'Cause I can't.

I don't feel like I'm ready to leave Israel.

What would make you feel ready?

I don't know. Maybe grow up a bit.

Leaving a place makes you grow up much faster.

Maybe I don't want to grow up faster.

And maybe it's not a part of it.

And I know Israel is my home for life.

I know. I told you this before. I'm very connected to this place.

And maybe I don't know other places, because I'm young. I love Israel.

I know that I want my family-

my future family, my kids, you...

I want Israel to be a part of their life.

Yeah, it's important for me.

I'll start in San Francisco and then we'll see.

I'm teaching at Stanford for one semester.

And I have free studio space. - To create?

And be close to my family.

Nice after all these years of being so far away from them.

I don't think it will ever feel right.

I don't know.

And what about Or?

You will keep having a relationship?

Are you okay, Bobbi?

It's like... no time left.

Thirty minutes.

Should we have a little sip?

No, but let's have a little sip.

- To another last one. - Yes.

Or says it's stupid to cry on your last show.

- Oh well. - I said, "You wait and see."

Excited? No? Yes you are.

I don't feel as sad as I thought.

Champagne for Bobbi.

- Champagne! - Do you have your champagne glass?

- Jene, can I come in? - Yeah.

Hi.

- Chuchu can't cry when I'm here. - It's true.

You can't do that.

It was an honor to be on stage with you.

- It was an honor to dance with you. - An honor to dance with you.

Cheers to dreams.

To dreams.

No.

So then, this leg is...

Go back. Yeah.

So it's almost like you go so much that it turns you, and then...

And your arms then take you back.

You just have to hope for the best.

Usually it's a 70% chance.

30% I hit my head really hard on the floor, 70% I don't.

But you're not going to die.

Good.

Now go up. That's amazing.

That's what's best, when you go up and I sink into you this way.

I'll give you all my weight and if you squeeze me...

- Is it better? - It's totally fine.

I know to set up my own thing,

to be able to make my own work in the way that I want to,

it's going to take years.

I'm really dying to do that first show, or to get something...

- I need to see the work, to know... - Yeah.

You have to make friends with all the presenters and all the festivals.

And you should have an agent and you should have a producer.

It's network and it's time. - Right.

- Do you have an APAP showcase? - No, I don't have anything.

Do you feel connected to the dance community here?

- I don't think anyone knows I'm even here. - Right.

Mom, I think this picture is very creepy.

- Why? - I don't know.

He's with you in every step of your life.

Why do you think it's creepy?

There are soccer players too. Not a dancer though.

Maybe we should write them.

He'd be there helping you stand up tall and twirl you around.

Most people just relate to ballerinas, right?

But what if it was contemporary dance?

- His first hoodie. - You want to be close?

- Mom... Mom! - My gosh!

You don't take bones from her.

- You got him? - I don't know.

Here.

The neck and the butt.

I thought I did that.

You're so delicate with him.

I think he likes your hair.

Back in North Carolina they thought I had a bad eating disorder.

I was drinking so much Diet Coke that I had to pee all the time.

I had already gone to the bathroom twice.

And you didn't want them to think you had to throw up?

I didn't want to go a third time and I had to pee so bad.

And it was the theatre seating.

And then I finally just sat there

and I peed into the seat as someone was dancing on stage.

I couldn't... - What were you wearing?

I was wearing black so you couldn't tell that I got wet.

A battle. A little battle that eating problem.

- It's a waste of food. - I just don't get the need to not eat.

So when you didn't want to eat it was more or less about...

just being thin to dance? - No.

- What was it? - It's a long story.

Can we talk about it?

Hi, David.

It's going slowly.

I'm trying to work on my own stuff.

Yeah. Trying to get stuff together for Study on Effort.

Talk to people. Try to make something happen.

It looks like they're going to present us in The Israeli Museum.

Yeah, I'm excited.

Maybe I'll be able to do a run through for you later this week.

Yeah. We can talk about what the space should look like, or different ideas.

Uh huh.

- You're beautiful. - What? Shut up.

- You're so beautiful. - Shut up. You're beautiful.

- Baby, what time is it at your place? - 11:41.

- In the morning? - Yeah.

Whoa. You never know the time difference, do you?

- I will never get it. - You can just look on your world clock thing.

Yeah, but it's too much... Like... Too many things to get.

Okay.

- But... - What else?

- Nothing. - Did you carve anything?

Yeah, the miniature house.

Show me! So cute! You made a little chimney.

- How you call this? - A fireplace.

Yeah, look, with the wood.

See? - Or, it's really beautiful.

- Shit, I'm running out of battery. - - I love you.

I love you.

Show me Ze'ev. Show me Ze'ev.

Hey, I want to see...

My friends. Bye.

Bye.

It's the same for dancers and actors where they say:

"She should be flirty and sexy with the boys

and not get too angry because then that's a bitch."

That's actress talk for...

- Don't get angry? As a girl? - Yeah.

Don't over-talk it, don't get angry and make sure you stay sexy all the time.

I saw Batsheva at Lincoln Center.

I went to a company ran by a straight man who loves women.

I lucked out. Most dance companies aren't like that.

And he wanted strong, powerful women.

He wanted thighs and ass and boobs.

Echoes of flesh moving.

And juice. He wants you to drip.

To be a female dancer, you're never asked to do that. You are asked to like...

So the movement language that we train in is called "gaga", and...

People ask...

They'll take their first "gaga" class and be like it feels like psychology.

That it feels really heady. Really?

My first "gaga" class I was puking. I had to leave class to puke.

Or come, or... Something had to come out of me.

And I remember going up to the guy who created it, Ohad, and said,

"Is this like a mindfuck?

Are you trying to fuck me in my mind?"

What the hell is happening? I'm 21. What are you doing to me?"

He's like, "No, no... It's physical, it'll take care of the rest."

I never had to go to a psychologist to fix my eating disorder.

You enjoy pleasure. You enjoy effort. Give your body pleasure.

Why are you telling me this now? You know how much money I've spent...

And you've just been dancing this shit out...?

How many movies I've had to make to try to figure my shit out.

It's funny, in the first one, I sort of thought of vacation photos.

Not everybody wants to go on the ride with you... You know what I mean?

You're not showing us the photo like you're on it.

If you're afraid of it turning into vacation photos

that people are eye rolling about...

You probably don't have to be so concerned, because it's so... in the room.

I think it works. Breaking the convention in terms of language is a little wonky.

And also you've created a relationship to an effort.

"This is the effort of this, but I'm gonna stand behind it"

which you haven't done with anything else.

I wanted to ask you: Naked or not?

Oh, I don't know.

Have you done it yet naked? No?

You know, you will see the boobs bouncing and you will see...

You will see... Things that I don't want to be seen.

Oh, I came so hard.

This is like a dream come true. Look at all this inspiration.

You just have sand? Where is it?

- The white house. - You just told us the blue house.

The blue building across the street.

Oh, they meant that blue one? Okay.

Mom, you know what I do on the sandbag, right?

And you're helping me buy it. You're like, "Where's the sand?"

Oh, my God. This is the best one yet. - Oh, my God, it's heavy.

- That's a lot of weight. - How many pounds is that?

50 pounds.

- Bobbi, let me do it. - It's for when I'm a mom.

Don't go.

How is it that you chose to do this on a sandbag? How'd that come about?

You know, Mom?

Sometimes you need to find pleasure with what weighs you down.

- But how did you find that one? - Isn't it the most obvious?

In your world maybe. It still worries me...

Right. Why does it worry you?

You really want to know why it worries me? Because...

- I'll go to hell? - No, it's got nothing to do with hell.

Because Jesus was naked a lot.

No, it's got nothing to do with that.

There are bigger things than that.

No. It's go to do with the whole-- For you, I was worried about the mental thing.

Because I know...

Exposing oneself can be very mentally difficult.

And I was worried about that for you.

That you know, I mean, just... - Right.

But you know what else can be even more difficult?

Withholding and underexposing, or hiding.

I have to listen to the piece, and for me the piece comes before...

What does the piece need?

That's beautiful and I respect that. I came from a background that...

It wasn't important what I'd learn as much as what...

Everyone else would think.

That was my first reaction. What about your cousins who love you as a dancer

but can't watch you because you're naked? You know what I mean?

I admire you for that. I'm not sure I could watch the whole thing...

That's okay. I won't ever let you watch the whole thing.

You haven't seen my work in 13 years.

You've seen videos and stuff, but... - Not in person, no.

That's why...

One of my favorites was when you and Austin did Blue Room.

- I wasn't even in it. - A little bit, weren't you?

- Very small. - But you choreographed it.

- Yeah, but on other people. - It was beautiful.

So, deary, I can't believe you're going to Israel in two weeks.

Do you have your ticket? - Mm-hmm.

We've missed you so much.

How was your flight? - So long. I didn't sleep at all.

Right when I was coming out, I think Or might-

It's only one o'clock, he might make it.

You did make it. - Of course, I made it.

Oh, you're real.

Yes, all over, Bobbi. All over.

On the Facebook of Jerusalem, your photo. You do this.

It's a very famous newspaper in Israel.

- It's very intellectual. - Everything about culture.

It's just complicated because the museum has to see the piece before...

They didn't see it?

They didn't know if they should talk about the pleasure part.

And I said, "I don't feel like you need to tell them."

Here in Jerusalem they're not open like in Tel Aviv.

- I know. - It's very...

We have to make them feel okay with what they're presenting.

Are you ready?

It was difficult.

But it's moving and it's touching, and you are... great.

Thank you. The end will be when I leave.

But I know you have to go. Matan waved when it was six o'clock.

- It had no ending. - It's okay.

Rest and relax.

So it started a year ago, it was a six minute piece, and...?

- Then it became an hour. - It's one hour?

I started thinking about this movement. Oh wow.

It's lifting something up. If I keep doing it, it's going to start...

It's going to start to reverse.

And then I started to play with how one movement can say...

The movement doesn't change but the meaning, the content of it

completely flips.

It's gradual, right?

You start it, and then it gets harder...

And then what happens?

I want to get to that place where...

Where...?

Uh, I have no strength to hide anything.

I am moved.

- Thank you. Huge experience. - Thank you.

- I kept hearing my heart beating. - Mine too.

Thank you so much, it was very moving. Amazing.

You have a magic quality to transform.

It's a nuance that not every performer can understand.

It's exceptional. You're exceptional.

- Was it okay? - It was perfect.

- It was a bit fast. - Jene, it was perfect.

- Ten minutes fast. - No, no, no. Good. Amazing.

Everything was just... For me, it worked.

You kill me. Amazing.

What did Ohad say?

He didn't say much. He asked me when I'm leaving town...

He said it was powerful...

...and if he'd seen it when he was younger it would've changed his life.

Wow.

- Cheers, Bobbi. - Thanks for being there tonight.

Amazing.

You love velvet.

This is small, but today I saw her body.

Her perfect body. Wow. - It will be a statue.

- It was magical. - I mean, my parents couldn't watch.

It has to do with, you know...

Old stuff and shame and... You know?

- Okay, no problem. - Yeah.

They're very...

L'chaim!

Come on. Talk to me.

I don't even know...

It's just a lot.

What was too much?

No, I'm...

No words.

No, it's just, keep working.

There's-- It doesn't have a payoff like acting

or even film has that...

...performing arts don't have that, or music.

You can have one song, and you can get royalties.

The equivalent in the dance world is you can make one great solo

and maybe some people will see it.

That's it.

Maybe that's the problem: I never thought of the future. Ever.

- Mom, these clothes are amazing. - Isn't that crazy?

- Where did you get those? - I kept them.

- Really? - Yeah.

- "I Love Baseball...", everything. - I know.

You've always said you probably wouldn't have kids...

...for a long time, so it's like, well.

I used to say I'll adopt, or be a foster parent...

Yeah...

It's very cute.

- I've never seen Jason so happy. - He is happy.

Kids make a person happy. It's like the best gift in the world.

Now I have to work on finding you a soulmate, Bobbi.

Shut up!

He's not going to be a run-of-the-mill guy, I don't think.

What does that mean, Lyle? A run-of-the-mill guy?

Well, some guy that just works at a factory, or...

If he is then that's okay. It's okay.

But he's probably going to be a little eccentric.

Who are you looking for, Bobbi? What kind of guy are you looking for?

Mom, I found a pretty great guy.

The last hour is like a whole month.

Where have you been? Where have you been?

"Yet my heart throbs to know one thing."

- Again? - "Yet my heart throbs to know one thing."

Yet my heart throb... throbs to know hard thing.

"To know one thing."

- "Tell me:" - "Tell me:"

"If your art can tell you such-

"If your art can tell you such-

- shall Banquo's issue- - shall Banquo's issue-

- ever reign in this kingdom?" - ever reign in this kingdom?"

It's very sexy on you. It's great, Or.

- You can totally do that. - Yeah, I'll do Macbeth great.

- Isn't it too arsy? - No, you look so beautiful.

I feel a bit arsy, like I'm going to a wedding.

No, you look very sexy.

- You put lotion on your ass? - I put lotion all over my body.

That's disgusting. They should do lotion with taste in it, like condoms.

I'll tell them.

I feel like he is so much a man for me all the time.

He takes care of so many things. I can take care of this one, you know?

And he's even said that...

He already knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

So why do we need to get married?

So I know that it's more important to me.

Why would he need to plan some proposal

when it's not so important to him?

I'll take him out to dinner...

and then I'll propose.

I think he will be fine with that.

We can't keep going long distance like this, without some sort of plan.

I don't feel...

that it's good for us. It's not good for me.

So sad.

They're trying.

She just had to lean on her side against his chest.

Orsimus!

- How was it? - It was great.

Look at you. You're so pretty.

It was great. It was...

Give me so many other tools and blah, blah, bla...

Acting or even dancing and then combining the two.

I'm like, "Yeah, I know this." You know?

He was sweet. He was very, very sweet. But...

I just need to send this to...

There is a semester that starts in September and one starts in January.

I was almost running here. I missed you.

A love attack.

I love you. I love you.

I love you.

You have a message.

I wonder how it is to live here. If it's as hard like everybody says.

I think if...

If you were here I wouldn't think it's hard at all.

It might be a mistake to leave.

- Would it be a mistake to leave? - It might be. I'm thinking.

- Why would it be a mistake? - Um...

Because I might have a lot to give, to get and to learn.

- From Ohad? - Of course, from Ohad.

From the place, from the people that surround me.

The dancers, the greatest talent.

But Chuchu, we are not in the same place.

You know?

Maybe we think similarly, but we are not in the same place.

You have connections here, you have friends here that can help you.

You have the mind, artistically...

- But I don't have my love here. - Yes, that's the...

Another glass of wine? Uh, no thank you.

Drink mine.

And for me everything else feels a bit...

What am I doing that for, if you're not here?

You're doing it for your future, which is...

But if that could destroy our future, what good is that future then?

If we decide it won't destroy it, it won't destroy it.

Or is not going to move to New York in September.

So that means he's going to be in Batsheva for one more year.

I think I probably felt it. I just..

For some reason I thought the application was due...

I thought he had more time. I hadn't looked when it was due.

I said, "But you had since February,

since the last time you came to New York."

Then he admitted,

"I guess after I came back from New York, I wasn't sure."

It snuck up on both of us. I think we were just dreaming too much.

We're not very good with all the reality stuff.

You kill me.

Listen!

You're going to be Ohad Naharin. - Shut up!

I'm going to e-mail him now. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

Listen. No one does it to me, you know?

Maybe Ohad there, like, 20 years ago.

- Thank you. - No, I'm not kidding.

I'm not feeling well.

- Are you okay? You want some water? - Maybe.

Oh, my fucking God. I can't move.

- Thanks for coming guys. - Of course.

- So amazing. How are you? - I'm okay.

Shit, man. Bobbi, you're the shit.

I don't know how you gained as many experience even to do this at your age.

- But I'm 32 now. - But even...

You need to go through a lot with relationships

to understand the subtle efforts you have to put in.

Thank you.

You were amazing.

- It was just really moving. - Why?

Well, for me at that moment it was trying hard to resolve...

It's kind of like, let out your feelings. Maybe that's it.

You know, how much work it is, and then you- so then it comes out.

It just comes out. - Yeah.