Original subtitles

Excuse me.

- Hey, Shari, how...? - That was embarrassing.

Tawny, how about that biology test?

Maybe you should try tripping them.

Could I get another?

Hey, Wyatt. Look. I'm invisible.

Watch the glass as it magically floats in midair.

- Ooh, ooh, ooh. - Might as well be invisible.

We can't even score a soda from the waitress.

Talk about depressing.

Since when does Dick play guitar?

Hey, Dick. Cool guitar.

- How long you been playing? - Ladies... hi.

- I've got rock in my blood. - Try " Rock in your head."

- That is so cool. - What's with that?

- It's simple, brilliant. He's terrible. - Doesn't matter--

Dick figured out girls go nuts over musicians.

I played french horn in fifth grade

- and I never got any action. - Let's get in on this.

Play along.

How's it going, Dick? Sounds good.

- Just jamming. - Yeah, well, Wyatt and

I were just thinking maybe we could use you in our band.

- Don't do this, Gary. - You had a band?

That is so cool.

I play french horn.

And bass.

[ Imitating Bass ]

Maybe you'd like to watch us rehearse sometime?

# I don't know your phone number #

# I don't know your address # # I... #

[ Yelling ]

Yeah. Whoo!

- So, what did you think? - Really... loud.

Thanks.

Let's play that other one you wrote during gym class.

We'd like to hear it. Go ahead and start without us.

We'll freshen up. Where's your bathroom?

- Upstairs and to your right. - Great.

Oh, darn it... we left our lip gloss at home.

Be right back. Rock 'N' Roll.

Rock 'N' Rock. Yeah!

They're not coming back, are they?

It didn't matter if we were terrible?

I guess there are limits.

- Where you going? - Uh... to freshen up.

Okay, see what this does for you.

[ Humming Tune ]

That's good.

Hey, guys. Guess what.

I found a way to get your underwear to do

that thing you wanted it to.

Forget that, Lis. We just wrote our first song.

It'll be money for nothing, chicks for free.

Just an expression. We can try our song out on you.

- You'll love it. - Just out.

Total inspiration.

[ Rock Synth Drums ]

[ Off Key ]: # When I'm near her #

# Something stirs# # Shoves me up against the wall #

# Makes me say I'm hers # # She's mean #

- # She's mean... # - Drum solo.

- We can, we saw... - We sucked.

Yeah. You're right.

Don't so hard on yourselves. Just keep practicing.

I think we need more than practice.

Yeah. We need magic. If we could live

the lives of rock stars we could get babes.

Limos, MTV music video awards.

- We could save the rain forest. - We could buy it.

What do you think? Wyatt. Me. Rock stars?

You really want to be rock stars?

- Yeah. Why not? - Well, think about it.

You're on the road, mobbed by fans backstage

blowouts music videos, fame, power, money.

- I want in. - You got it.

ALL: Let's rock.

MAN: Okay, fellas.

Whenever you're ready.

SOUND MIXER: Okay, guys, how do you want to start?

- Time to money. - Lisa, I don't play bass.

- And I can't sing a lick. - I gave you your wish.

You're rock stars. Play.

- All right! - Gary, sing.

# Baby, baby, baby # Ow!

Cool. I've always wanted to do that.

- Tape's rolling, guys. - Two, three, four...

[ Rock Music Playing ]

# When I'm near her #

# Something stirs #

# She shoves me up against the wall #

# Makes me say I'm hers #

# She's mean #

# A drama queen #

# She bruised my spleen #

- # I think she's keen... # - MAN: Cut, cut, cut!

Oh... oh, super! Absolutely super! No. Better than super.

Dale Griffin president of Mojo records.

You like our stuff?

What's that word that sound like

you don't like something yet it's perfectly smashg?

- Bad? - That's it! Bad!

Super bad! Terrible. Utter crap! I loved it!

- You want to sign us? - Yes.

Yes, I want to sign you. I'd marry you if I could, but I can't.

You're going to be huge. No... bigger than huge.

- What's bigger than huge? - Colossal?

- No, no... - Tremendous?

- No, no... - Really huge?

Yes! Exactly. Really huge. What's your names?

Wait. Don't tell me. Your real names don't matter anymore.

From now on, you're... Thrash.

Yes. And you... you're... Kyle.

No. No, you're Crash!

And, you, you're... Stunning.

- They call me Lisa. - As well they should.

Okay, now let's Brainstorm on a band name, shall we?

No... no... Lord, no.

How about Megahurtz?

I have literally no idea what that means.

It's perfect! Music vision?

Dale Griffin.

I think I have your next buzz clip band.

# When I'm near her #

# Something stirs #

# She shoves me up against the wall #

# Makes me say I'm hers #

# She's mean #

# A drama queen #

# She bruised my spleen #

# I think she's keen #

# When we're on a date, I'm a nervous wreck #

# Cause she's got her cleats #

# In the back of my neck #

# Some gives should come with parachutes #

# 'Cause there's a lot of people #

# Who are deaf mute #

# Oh, she's mean #

# A drama queen #

# She bruised my spleen #

# I think she's keen #

# She's mean #

# A drama queen #

# She bruised my spleen #

# I think she's keen. # Ow!

In other music news, the new power combo, Megahurtz

has officially taken the world by storm.

Being noticed rules.

I can't believe we're actually rock stars.

Ok it out, Wyatt. A hit song, world tour,

a million bucks in the bank and supermodel girlfriends.

Mine frightens me.

Check out my guy.

I know, but he makes me laugh.

So... you want me to pout or take my shirt off?

What do you say, Dale? Shirt on or off?

Absolutely. Well that is to say, uh... no.

- So, what's next on tap? - Hey, your single's number one.

You're the biggest thing since Megahurtz.

- We are Megahurtz. - You're kidding.

Someone pinch me. I'm your biggest fan! See?

The geniuses up in marketting have come up with

some promotional items you need to eyeball.

Megahurtz rockin' cyborg action figures changeable heads.

- Super? - Cool.

There's a rocket launcher in my chest.

When you pull your arm out you become

- an all-terrain vehicles. - What's with my hair?

The kids will love it. Oh, look at this.

Rough sketches for the Megazhurtz cartoon series.

A gorilla? Someone has to drive.

His name is Congo.

He's a demolitions expect with a knack for finding ghosts.

In addition we have Megahurtz, buttons, t-shirts

pogs, thigh cream, et cetera, et cetera.

Of course, the success of all this depends

upon the success of your album.

By the way, how are the rest of the song coming?

We'll be ready by the time we go into the studio.

- When is that? - Tomorrow morning.

GARY: "Dear Thrash, I love listening to your song.

"You guys really rock. My friends think

crash is the cutest but I like you the best."

Keeper. We're in the studio in four hours.

We haven't got a single song.

Wait, wait, wait. Listen to this one.

"Dear Thrash, you rock me. I want you."

Picture included. [ Gasping ]

- Pass. - Come on, I need your help.

You want a song? Here's a song.

# I'm a rock star, rock star #

# Girls write me letters, wanna have my baby #

# 'Cause I'm rock star #

# Rock star. # There's one.

- Gary, that's lame. - Okay, we'll make it a bonus track.

Here's another. # Pot stickers, pot stickers #

# Mushu pork #

# Eat 'em with chopsticks and not with a fork. #

We can do commercials for soy sauce.

- Well, what do you get? - I'm working on a love song.

- I need a rhyme for "lumpy." - Stumpy?

Jumpy? Rumpy? Bumpy? Grumpy? Dumpy?

Hey, there's song number three. It's like turning on a faucet.

I don't know anymore, Gary. This all sounds like garbage.

Hey, relax. We're Megahurtz.

Our single's been number one two wes in a row.

Our fans will love us no matter what we do.

"Garbage," says Rolling Stone Magazine.

Every song on the new Megahurtz CD

is a rehash of their single, "she's mean."

The song list includes such diverse titles

as "she's angry," "she's nasty"

"she's a more or less unpleasant person to be around."

And don't get me started on the one about chinese food.

Looks like Megahurtz has crashed and burned.

That's it. We're history.

How could anybody not like the chinese food song?

We were singing about pot-stickers.

That came from the heart.

If we'd ordered mexican it would have be "the taco song."

Since when do we care what critics think?

Exactly. Critics are just whiny Rock 'N' Roll...

What do you call someone who wants to be something

that they're not because they have no talent?

- LaToya Jackson? - No.

- Wannabes? - Yes.

Critics are just whiny rock 'n' roll wannabes.

I didn't become the head of mojo records

- by listening to critics. - I couldn't sleep at night

if I lived my life by what the critics say.

Then again, who need sleep when you're really rich?

Get out of my studio.

You're fired.

"We've been duped by these one-hit wonders.

"Their new CD isn't worth

"the recycled toilet paper this review is printed on."

One man's opinion.

Actually, it happens to be 60 or 70 people's opinions.

What kind of lame wish is this? Our careers are in the toilet.

You asked for the lives of rock stars.

No rock star stays on top forever.

- But, you outlasted the Bangles. - Who?

I got you to the top but staying there was up to you guys.

Yeah, well, it was fun while it lasted. Thanks, Lis.

That's it? You're quitting?

What about our fans? Don't we owe them something?

Yeah, an apology. Face it. We had one good song in us.

We're just getting sorted. This is a career lull.

- Gary, knock-knock. - Who's there?

- Megahurtz. - Megahurtz who?

Exactly.

Your fans have moved on to the new flavor of the week.

I don't believe that for a second. The world still loves me.

I'll just go out there and be famous

without you guys or my name isn't Thrash.

Your name isn't Thrash.

Shut up.

And in other news, Thrash, lead singer for the

recently disbanded megahurtz has released

a solo album-- "Me, Thrash, alone without the baggage."

[ Ballad Intro ]

# Me, Thrash #

# Alone without the baggage #

# Me, Thrash #

# Alone without the baggage. #

[ Heavy Metal Music ]

The CD debuted at 97. Most critics agree

the music was reminiscent of cats hitting sheet metal.

The album was in the bargain bins by lunch.

The singer had this to say.

I believe this is the next step in my evolution as an artist.

My fans will be happy to know I'm going back into the studio

to work on a remix of my megahit "She's mean"--

Open it up to a whole new audience.

Rock on. Yeah.

[ Chipmunks Singing "She's Mean' ]

Okay, can you give me

more Alvin and Less the more this time?

[ Chipmunks "She's Mean" Playing ]

Look at the bright side. At least he can't sink any lower.

Pass.

Pass.

Okay.

The dugout. A pitcher's mound.

A baseball!

[ Horn Blowing ]

[ Synthesized Rock Percussion ]

[ Whistle Blowing ]

Hi. I'm Thrash, remember lead singer for Megahurtz.

That was me a few weeks ago suffering

from hemorrhoidal flare-up. Lucky for me, there's Analene.

I can't watch my best friend do this to himself.

Somebody's got to tell him the world thinks he's a joke.

It's going to break his heart.

Rock, paper, scissors?

One, two, three!

Hello, Moosehead Lodge!

Are you ready to rock?

I said, "Are you ready?"

[ Muted Chord ]

[ Crowd Laughing ]

Hey.

Look who's here.

I knew you couldn't give up the bright lights.

Or the roaches.

It's not Dodger Stadium but you got to pay your dues.

A couple more gigs like this, and I'm back on top.

Gary, Wyatt has something to tell you.

Gary, you got to pull the plug. You had a hit song.

You were famous, but is over. Let it die.

How can you say that? Things are going great--

- A lot of interest out there. - Where?

Everywhere. Here.

Outside. All around. It's big, big, big!

Hey! I know you.

The fans-- they haven't forgotten me.

It's the hemorrhoid guy! How's your butt?

You're right. I should have walked when you did.

It's not that bad, Gary. At least people still remember you.

Yeah, every time they get that itching, burning sensation.

Come on, Gar. We came to take you home.

Thanks, but they're paying me. I better finish my set.

Poor guy. All he wanted be was a rock legend.

Fat chance now.

Well, there is one way.

Okay, I think you're all going to like this next tune.

[ Rumbling ]

[ Gary Screaming ]

Lisa!

- What'd you do to him? - You'll see.

The rock world is still reeling from last night's

mysterious on-stage disappearance of former

Megahurtz singer, Thrash who inexplicably vanished

during his opening set.

Was it an alien abduction, spontaneous combustion?

What knows? One thing's for certain--

the legend of Thrash will live forever.

You hear that, big guy?

I'm a legend.

I'm bigger than Elvis.

It's everything I've always wanted.

Remember-- if the world knows Thrash is alive

- you stop being a legend. - Nothing to worry about.

No one's ever noticed me. I'm invisible.

Here's to invisibility. Oooh!

[ Giggling ]

Don't tell me Dick's got his guitar with him again.

Nope-- whole new approach.

A puppy?

- This guy's a genius. - I don't get it.

Wy, girls love puppies.

Makes a guy look... more sensitive.

That's easy.

- What do you say, Lisa? - You got it.

Oh, look at the cute, little doggies.

- Ooh. - Hi, boy.

[ Rock Music Playing ]

Captioned by Grantman Brown