Original subtitles

[ Bell Ringing ]

Wy, I have done the impossible.

I have achieved the unachievable.

- Got a date? - Yeah. Hey...

Lucky guess. What are the specs?

Me, Janine Dunivan, tonight. Thank you.

That's great.

We're going to the sound garden concert.

- Please don't be mad. - Those were our tickets.

You think she's want to sit and talk? I needed bait.

I've looked forward to that concert.

- But that's not all. - What?

I get to wear a little hat and drive you there?

No, I'm going to pay you back. Anything you want, you got it.

Okay, I'll trade you my concert ticket

but only if you can find me a date tonight too.

Tonight, a date.

No problem. I can fix you up with Sharon Huff.

- She owes me big-time. - Uh-uh.

Not just any date, a great date. I'm making you work for this.

Okay, so what'll it be?

She's got to be good-looking and into video games.

She's got to like mystery science theater--

someone who's classy but isn't afraid

to pee in the bushes and she's got to be smart.

Couldn't I give you a McDonalds gift certificate?

You want that ticket, you fill that order.

[ Bell Ringing ]

This should do the trick, and to get the ball rolling...

- Excuse me. - Mm-hmm?

Do you like foreign films Indian Food,

Gortex Compuserve, X-Men, Speed Racer?

Let me ask you this: have you ever peed in Bush?

Well?

I'm so excited.

I didn't think you'd really come through on this.

Give me a hint. What are her initials?

After all that footwork, you think I'm blabbing now?

What time did you tell to meet us here?

Excuse me. Bladder the size of a peanut.

I called you a half hour ago. Seinfeld rerun.

How's the happy foursome?

It's a threesome, and I'm not happy.

Where is Wyatt's date?

There weren't any takers, and I'm running out of time.

I got to get Wyatt a date.

If only there were some magic way.

- Oh, but it's hopeless. - Gary, I'm not a dating service.

Please? I can't let him down.

Maybe I can find someone but just for tonight.

Great. Here's your shopping list.

Happy hunting.

"Must like making baloney snowflakes"?

You thought it was easy.

Oh, and the clock's ticking.

You were gone a while. Is she here yet?

No, not yet but she will be any minute,

right through those doors and you will be blown away.

It's not happening. You couldn't find me a date.

No, it's happening. She's coming.

Forget it.

Hi. You must be Wyatt.

I'm Rachel. Sorry I'm late.

- Whoa, static reaction. - Instant attraction.

- Hi, I'm Janine. - Hi.

- Well, you hungry? - Is this baloney?

Yeah.

Hmm.

ZWA baloney snowflakes.

You know, Gary told me a lot about you

but he didn't mention how cute you were.

He didn't tell me about you either.

- Let me help you. - Ohh.

Oh, allow me.

- What's wrong? - Nothing.

She's got a mole the size of a fishcake.

I'll be right back.

- So, how did I do? - What the hell is sitting next to Wyatt?

His date. Isn't she pretty?

If you don't mind flashing lights in her head.

- She is a robot. - A robot?

You wanted a girl who shared Wyatt's interests.

- Yeah. So? - You gave me three minutes.

- She turned out rather well. - He's going to know.

He won't have time to catch on.

Rachel's battery can only last six hours.

What can happen in one date?

- I had a great time tonight. - Me too.

Gary and Janine seem really nice.

I never thought I'd meet someone like you.

You're so different from most girls.

Uh, Gary. Thanks, but you can go now.

Oops. Sorry.

Leave.

I know this sounds dopey. But you know where

I'd like to be with you right now?

- Where? - Up there.

- Your parents' bedroom? - Well, no.

I meant... there. That cloud.

The altocumulus or the nimbostratus?

- You know your clouds - I know my clouds.

I can see it. Just the two of us up there.

Thousands of feet above the Earth. Looking down at everything.

I don't think that's dopey.

So, do you need a ride home or anything?

Um, I could take her home.

Gary, what are you doing here? You?

I should be the one to take her home.

But you can't. Right now is

the perfect moment to say good night.

The stars are shining. The clouds are... cloudy.

Besides, you can't drive a stick.

Oh. Maybe you're right.

Good night, Rachel. It was great meeting you.

You too, Wyatt.

Do you want to do this again sometime soon?

Sure. There's a mystery science theater marathon

- this weekend. - Great.

Okay. Bus is leaving. Let's hit the road.

Gar, thanks. She's too good to be true.

I had my doubt but you really did it this time.

- The concert ticket's yours. - Wy, I...

Oh, get her phone number for me. I don't want to look too pushy.

- I'll see what I can do? - 'Night.

[ Zapping Sound ]

Whew. Just made it.

Six hours on the nose. Congratulations.

You made it through the date.

Their first date. They just made date number two.

And the converation might be one-sided.

So now what?

We must figure out how to break the date.

But first let's get her out of here.

You might want to put some newspaper under her.

She's leaking oil.

What if someone finds her? Will she be safe?

- [ Beeping ] - She is now.

GARY: Ready when you are.

Okay. Turn her over.

Nice and easy.

Gun it!

Whoa. Um! I'm all biologied-out.

- Me too. - Study break?

What do you have in mind?

- You sure they can't see us? - Nope.

We're invisible. Can't hear us either.

[ Slow Pop Music Playing ]

Can I have this dance?

- Uh-oh. - What, "uh-oh"?

I didn't program her with dancing abilities.

Well, she can't just stand there do something.

- What is this? - It's an interactive body suit.

Whatever you do, she'll do.

So start dancing, Rachel? Are you okay, Rachel?

Wow.

You move like a ballerina.

This never happened.

- I really like you, Rachel. - I really like you too, Wyatt.

Aw, man, he's going to kiss me.

Thought I'd give him a thrill.

Well, well if it isn't love-runt

bumping and grinding his way 'round the living room.

Hm.

Outstanding, little brother. You have outdone yourself.

But there's one thing I don't understand.

What is a hot ticket like you

doing with a driblle-lip feeb like this?

Now that the formal introductions are out of

the way could you please leave us alone?

I'm not going anywhere. I'm fascinated.

I'm used to seeing Wyatt with dates that bleat or moo.

[ Raucous Laughter ]

[ Sighs ]

- Sorry, Rachel. - Oh, no. It's fine.

Seeing his brother with an attractive girl

reminds him of his own overwhelming loneliness

and threatens his masculinity.

How long has it been... [ Bleating: ] Che-eh-it?

That's it. You're dead.

[ Grunting ]

Now you know who you're really mad at, don't you?

You're mad at Chett.

Wow! She's good.

- You're lucky you're a girl, or I'd... - [ Howling ]

- Uncle, uncle, uncle. - Isn't there something

you want to say to your brother?

[ Whimpering ]

She's a keeper.

- I hope I didn't embarrass you. - Well...

actually it was a little weird having my date protect me

from my big brother but it sure was fun to watch.

Thank you.

I'm going to get something to drink.

You want anything?

Uh-oh. Her battery is dead again.

Okay, we're on. Let him see us.

Rachel?

- Hey. - Not again.

What's your problem? What are you doing here?

What the hell are you wearing?

Nighttime jogging suit. So, how's the date going?

Oh, great. Where did Rachel go?

Oh, I think she had to go freshen up.

[ Buzzing ]

I'm in heaven, Gary. Beyond heaven.

I think I'll ask her to the senior prom.

That's two years away. Aren't you rushing a little?

I know. Usually I'm hopeless about relationships.

But Rachel's different.

Yeah... you could say that.

I'm in love, Gary. Really in love.

I've never felt this way about anyone before.

Wy, buddy, there's something I should tell you about Rachel.

Wyatt... I hope you don't mind.

I pok a look around. You have the coolest room.

Isn't she great?

[ Chattering ]

Rachel?

I'm sorry, Gary.

What were you going to tell me about Rachel?

How could you do this? You lied to me.

You build the perfect girl and of course,

I'm going to fall in love. What were you thinking?

It was supposed to be a one-night deal.

We didn't know you two would hit it off.

You programmed her to fall in love with me, right?

No, I had nothing to do with that.

Rachel learned to love you on her own.

Oh, that's even better. I won her heart.

- Which piece would that be? - Wy, look, I'm sorry about this.

- I'll get rid of her. - No!

She's the most wonderful girl I ever met.

I don't care if she's a robot. We made plans together.

- I can make this work. - Step back a moment

and think about what you're saying, Wyatt.

She's a machine. You're a human being.

How do you see this working out?

Rachel and I truly love each other.

That's all that matters.

You got to help me put her together.

Please?

Okay... if it's love.

But we're doing this under protest.

Go ahead, Wyatt. She's all yours.

Hi. I missed you.

I missed you too.

- [ Crunching Sound ] - Turn her off, turn her off!

I don't think this is such a good idea.

Maybe you should date the clock-radio.

It would be a whole lot safer.

No, I'm going to make this work.

Wyatt, when are you going to give this up?

Monday, her eye popped out.

Tuesday, she shorted out in the rain.

Thursday, she backed over a dog.

Now, she's losing limbs.

You're in love with a lemon.

It has it's bumps but then every relationship does, right?

Super glue, super glue... great, Wyatt.

You're handling this really well.

How's Rachel dealing with her being a robot

and you human?

That whole mixed marriage thing?

We never really talking about it.

She does know, doesn't she?

She's a... a... robo-babe?

- I never mentioned it to her. - I got to tell her then.

Our relationship's based on honestly.

And WD-40.

Why are we here we were going to a movie.

There's something I have to talk to you about.

And it's kind of serious.

Did you ever feel like you don't completely fit in?

Like something about you is...

A little different from everyone else?

What are you trying ot say, Wyatt?

I'll be straight with you.

Pencil... pencil... pencil...

mechanical pencil.

- You follow? - Sure.

Pen... pen... pen... protractor.

- Let's go. - No, wait, wait.

- You don't get it, do you? - Get what?

- I want to go to the movie. - I... uh...

I don't know how else to tell you this.

Sit down.

You're not... human.

Yeah?... And?...

You're a robot, Rachel.

I know. Aren't you?

No, of course not. I'm human.

- Flesh and blood. - You're what?

All the time we spent together and you never

once mentioned you're a water-based organism?

- Huh? - How could you?

I mean, sure, we share all the same interests

but eventually your heart is going to weaken

- and stop I'll be around forever. - But...

Face it, Wyatt. You're biodegradable.

How can I spend my eternity knowing my one true love

is going to rot like a compost heap?

Oh, yeah? Well, what about you?

Unless somebody plugs you in you wear out faster

- than a wind-up monkey. - Granted,

I have a few bugs but I can be repaired.

Let's not fight.

You're special, Wyatt, but it's not going to work.

- You're breaking up with me? - I'm sorry.

I had a great time with you. I really did.

But I'm looking for more than just some 70-year fling.

Can it hurt to ask for one last kiss good-bye?

Of course not.

Man... dumped by a robot.

We were perfect together.

I'll never find another girl like her.

LISA: She's was a machine. You're a human being.

It never would have worked.

But I'll let you in on a little secret.

I based her on a real person.

- You based Rachel on her? - You got a second chance.

Hi. I have a big Earth science test coming up

and I was wondering if you knew anything about... clouds.

I saw one the other day who looked like a unicorn.

But the more I stared the more it looked like

that dude from KnightRider. Uncle had a talking car.

It told him his door was open. Is that weird or what?

I'm rambling, aren't I? What did you ask me again?

I can make this work.

Captioned by Grantman Brown