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1
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Outlicious
Happy Anniversary!
2
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Oh shit!
3
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Get out!
4
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:38,500
On your anniversary he should at least invited
you.
5
00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:39,500
Fuck him!
6
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That's your answer for everything.
7
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Well apparently somebody beat me to it.
8
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,170
You can do better than him anyway.
9
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Here, here.
10
00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:49,910
I think you should just blow off some steam.
11
00:00:49,910 --> 00:00:50,910
You guys, we should go to a club tonight.
12
00:00:50,910 --> 00:00:51,910
You know clubs aren't really my thing.
13
00:00:51,910 --> 00:00:52,910
They can be so superficial.
14
00:00:52,910 --> 00:00:55,190
You don't need a rocket scientist for a rebound
fuck.
15
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Just someone to launch your rocket.
16
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,690
Very funny.
17
00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:01,390
Besides, I'm not in the mood to play eyeball
tag across a dance floor with some drunk all
18
00:01:01,390 --> 00:01:02,390
night.
19
00:01:02,390 --> 00:01:04,760
Well, eyeball tag always leads to ball tag.
20
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,950
Is that an Olympic sport yet?
21
00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:09,140
Wanna try out for the team?
22
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Definitely.
23
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I think we're all superficial in our own way.
24
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What do you mean?
25
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Well if were all on a deserted island with
Bill Gates and Ashton Kutcher I think we would
26
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all pick Ashton.
27
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Oh no, not me.
28
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I pick Bill Gates and have him buy me Ashton.
29
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That's not superficial, that's smart.
30
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He's more like me everyday.
31
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So how did you two meet?
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The internet.
33
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No way.
34
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Hey, I think maybe we should place an ad for
you.
35
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Oh no, I'm not doing internet dating.
36
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Come on, Kevin, it could be fun.
37
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You can be our own little project.
38
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Yeah, we can take care of everything.
39
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Besides Mr. Right could be just a click away.
40
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I'll get your laptop.
41
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No, I'm not doing this.
42
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Okay.
43
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This is the site we used.
44
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Look!
45
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Gina and Tina from Oxnard found love on here.
46
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Looks like they found bad hair.
47
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Hey, last I heard the mullet is back.
48
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In Oxnard maybe.
49
00:01:58,050 --> 00:01:59,510
Alright let's get started.
50
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:01,330
You need a catchy headline.
51
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:04,500
How about young, dumb and full of-
Catchy not trashy.
52
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This isn't escorts-r-us.
53
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Mary seeking Rhoda?
54
00:02:07,299 --> 00:02:11,000
How about, my friends won't take no for an
answer.
55
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No, too truthful.
56
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Adam seeking Steve.
57
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Tacky.
58
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It's catchy.
59
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And Biblical.
60
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Maybe you can say something about sparing
a bone.
61
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Matt, the Comedy Store called you may have
purchased a defective sense of humor.
62
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Yeah, now they call.
63
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Alright, how hung are you?
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What?
65
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How big is your cock?
66
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No, I don't want that posted on the internet.
67
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Hello, you're gay in LA it's required information.
68
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Kevin, it's on everyone's headshot.
69
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Fine.
70
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Seven.
71
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And thick!
72
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Alright, let's say eight and a half.
73
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What?
74
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And thick!
75
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You know, don't lie!
76
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Haven't you heard of internet inches?
77
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Okay, one last all important question.
78
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Top or bottom?
79
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Hello.
80
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Hey.
81
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We haven't met.
82
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I just moved in a week ago.
83
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Gabe apartment twenty-seven.
84
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Kevin.
85
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Well, I'm on my way to the gym but it was
nice to meet you.
86
00:03:07,790 --> 00:03:11,319
Nice to meet you, too.
87
00:03:11,319 --> 00:03:13,440
See you around.
88
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,340
I thought I told you to leave.
89
00:03:15,340 --> 00:03:16,400
I just needed to grab a few things I'm really
sorry.
90
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You know, I don't want to hear it.
91
00:03:20,489 --> 00:03:21,489
Hello?
92
00:03:21,489 --> 00:03:22,489
Hello?
93
00:03:22,489 --> 00:03:24,169
I hope you didn't take him back.
94
00:03:24,169 --> 00:03:25,930
No he's just getting a few things.
95
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What's up?
96
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Well I just wanted to tell you about the line
up of eligible bachelors that responded.
97
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Hot!
98
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So tell me about the lucky contestants.
99
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Well, there is Chad a rocket scientist.
100
00:03:36,829 --> 00:03:37,969
So there is intelligent life out there.
101
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And Brad, an accountant for one of the big
four
102
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Honey, I wouldn't consider four big.
103
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Oh Jesus.
104
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Um, alright I'll go with Chad.
105
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A deep space adventure could be nice.
106
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I had a really nice time.
107
00:03:55,280 --> 00:04:00,090
Hope you had a nice time.
108
00:04:00,090 --> 00:04:03,299
It certainly was... interesting.
109
00:04:03,299 --> 00:04:09,739
You know, I don't usually get to date someone
so hot.
110
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Thanks.
111
00:04:10,909 --> 00:04:11,909
You know, I um...
112
00:04:11,909 --> 00:04:14,819
I have to get up really early for work tomorrow.
113
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So you're not going to invite me up?
114
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You know I would but um...
115
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I have roomies.
116
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Oh, it's okay.
117
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How about a goodbye kiss.
118
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You know what?
119
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Um...
120
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I had a really lot of garlic.
121
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Your breath smells fine to me.
122
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You know it's embarrassing, too much.
123
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I know it's just enough.
124
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You're coming home with me, tiger.
125
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You know what?
126
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Over my dead body.
127
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Oh exactly.
128
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Oh my god!
129
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,110
Yes, oh yes!
130
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Hey neighbor.
131
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:50,580
Sorry.
132
00:04:50,580 --> 00:04:52,509
You locked out?
133
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Yeah, I just had this psycho date and I left
my keys in his car.
134
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Do you need to use my phone?
135
00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:04,650
No, I have a key hidden in the hallways but
could you just let me in?
136
00:05:04,650 --> 00:05:05,650
Sure.
137
00:05:05,650 --> 00:05:06,720
So, how creepy was this guy?
138
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:12,900
Let's just say I thought I was going to end
up on the Channel 9 news.
139
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:14,000
Well, I'll keep a look out for any crazies.
140
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,000
Thanks.
141
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,340
So, how was it?
142
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I am going to kill you.
143
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:20,539
That bad, huh?
144
00:05:20,539 --> 00:05:23,970
This guy literally wouldn't let me out of
his car, he kept locking the door.
145
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Ouch.
146
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:28,430
Well, we got your bad apple out of the way.
147
00:05:28,430 --> 00:05:29,870
So about tomorrow night.
148
00:05:29,870 --> 00:05:33,150
No, I am not going on any more dates.
149
00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:36,030
But, I promise Brad is perfect.
150
00:05:36,030 --> 00:05:37,950
He's an easy lay.
151
00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:38,950
What?
152
00:05:38,950 --> 00:05:39,950
Nice!
153
00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:41,310
Hey, you into role play?
154
00:05:41,310 --> 00:05:42,750
Uh, sure yeah.
155
00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:43,750
Good.
156
00:05:43,750 --> 00:06:15,900
I want you to go into that closet there.
157
00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:27,550
I want you to take something out and put it
on for me.
158
00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:28,750
Okay.
159
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:29,950
Okay.
160
00:06:29,950 --> 00:06:30,950
You mean this?
161
00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:34,699
I'm going to make you my bitch.
162
00:06:34,699 --> 00:06:36,940
So you're just setting me up these dates for
your entertainment.
163
00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:37,940
Perhaps.
164
00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:41,949
Oh look, a Victoria's Secret maybe we can
pick you out something special for your next
165
00:06:41,949 --> 00:06:42,949
date.
166
00:06:42,949 --> 00:06:45,660
If you even think I'm going on another internet
date you're crazy.
167
00:06:45,660 --> 00:06:47,670
Oh, come on.
168
00:06:47,670 --> 00:06:49,680
Just one more.
169
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:50,819
I promise no more freaks.
170
00:06:50,819 --> 00:06:51,819
Thanks, asshole!
171
00:06:51,819 --> 00:06:52,819
I'm so sorry.
172
00:06:52,819 --> 00:06:53,840
You should be.
173
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:56,202
I was in a rush to get back to my car before
I got a ticket I wasn't paying attention.
174
00:06:56,202 --> 00:06:57,202
That's obvious.
175
00:06:57,202 --> 00:06:58,202
Here let me help.
176
00:06:58,202 --> 00:06:59,870
I was going to wear this out tonight.
177
00:06:59,870 --> 00:07:02,310
So we meet again.
178
00:07:02,310 --> 00:07:03,539
We do.
179
00:07:03,539 --> 00:07:05,979
It's my favorite shirt.
180
00:07:05,979 --> 00:07:09,650
Well, look, I gotta get going.
181
00:07:09,650 --> 00:07:13,930
But, you know where I live so give me a bill.
182
00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:15,020
Will do.
183
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:17,759
You'll hear from my attorney!
184
00:07:17,759 --> 00:07:22,080
So I guess no Victoria's Secret.
185
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,139
About your next date.
186
00:07:23,139 --> 00:07:26,219
Mr. Persistent, I am not going on anymore
internet dates.
187
00:07:26,219 --> 00:07:28,259
Oh, but this guy really seems like your type.
188
00:07:28,259 --> 00:07:30,210
Oh yeah, like Chad and Brad.
189
00:07:30,210 --> 00:07:32,129
Who's this one, Conrad?
190
00:07:32,129 --> 00:07:33,879
Or perhaps that gymnast Vlad.
191
00:07:33,879 --> 00:07:37,509
No, Matt and I kept the gymnast for ourselves.
192
00:07:37,509 --> 00:07:41,080
We gave him a ten for his work on the parallel
bars.
193
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,930
And here I was expecting a pommel horse joke.
194
00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:49,020
Yeah, you like my stocking?
195
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,020
Yeah!
196
00:07:50,020 --> 00:07:52,588
Yeah, come on show me how much you like my
stocking, bitch!
197
00:07:52,588 --> 00:07:53,588
Come on!
198
00:07:53,588 --> 00:07:54,588
Yeah!
199
00:07:54,588 --> 00:07:55,588
What the fuck!
200
00:07:55,588 --> 00:07:56,588
I can explain!
201
00:07:56,588 --> 00:07:57,588
I changed the locks.
202
00:07:57,588 --> 00:07:58,588
I know where you hide your key.
203
00:07:58,588 --> 00:07:59,740
Besides, I pay half the rent.
204
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:00,919
You haven't paid for two months.
205
00:08:00,919 --> 00:08:01,990
I don't have job.
206
00:08:01,990 --> 00:08:02,990
I don't care!
207
00:08:02,990 --> 00:08:05,490
And I don't need your money.
208
00:08:05,490 --> 00:08:06,490
Just...
209
00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:08,290
Just get out.
210
00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:09,690
Hey neighbor.
211
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,090
Hello again.
212
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,090
Problems?
213
00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:19,680
Yeah, I just caught my boyfriend- my ex-boyfriend
cheating and I'm in the process of getting
214
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:20,680
him out.
215
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:21,979
So that's what's going on in there.
216
00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:29,720
You know I've seen so many people in and out
of there in ten minutes, I thought you were
217
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:30,720
running a tanning salon.
218
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:31,720
Probably just as many Rays.
219
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:32,720
That was cheap.
220
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:33,720
Yeah, I know.
221
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,050
Do people in this building usually keep to
themselves?
222
00:08:35,050 --> 00:08:36,400
What do you mean?
223
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:41,460
Well I've introduced myself to everyone and
you know where I live; but, no one stops by.
224
00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:43,450
I'm sorry I've been really busy.
225
00:08:43,450 --> 00:08:44,450
I totally understand.
226
00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:45,920
I was mainly kinda hoping you would ask to
hang out.
227
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:46,920
Are you asking me out?
228
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,040
Would you be interested?
229
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,820
Yeah, totally.
230
00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:56,160
Alright, come get me at eight?
231
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,060
Outlicious.14621
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