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1
00:00:30,046 --> 00:00:33,675
I'm sorry, Mr Donnelly...
2
00:00:33,806 --> 00:00:37,116
but your wife passed away at 3:00 this morning.
3
00:00:59,166 --> 00:01:01,122
Would you like to see her?
4
00:01:04,446 --> 00:01:07,916
Oh. Yes. Please.
Thank you.
5
00:01:11,286 --> 00:01:16,997
I'd like to stay with you longer, Mr Donnelly,
but we're awful busy.
6
00:01:18,526 --> 00:01:21,165
Are you run off your feet, you are?
7
00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:24,760
Two cot deaths and a woman.
8
00:01:24,886 --> 00:01:26,877
Her son shot the poor head off her.
9
00:01:27,006 --> 00:01:30,635
No! Is she alive or is she dead?
10
00:01:30,766 --> 00:01:34,315
Ah, dead, dead.
She had no head left on her, like.
11
00:01:37,326 --> 00:01:39,442
I'll leave you to it.
12
00:01:52,686 --> 00:01:55,325
I don't know what to say to you, babe.
13
00:01:58,086 --> 00:02:00,042
I don't know what to say.
14
00:02:06,606 --> 00:02:08,961
I brought you the photo of David.
15
00:02:18,926 --> 00:02:20,882
I don't know what to say.
16
00:02:23,606 --> 00:02:25,836
I don't know where you are now.
17
00:03:19,806 --> 00:03:21,319
Anyone sitting here?
18
00:03:21,446 --> 00:03:24,961
Oh, aye, there's hundreds of fellas, like.
Look at them.
19
00:03:26,326 --> 00:03:28,635
- It was a simple question.
- It was, aye.
20
00:03:28,766 --> 00:03:32,839
Them are the best type of questions.
It's them hard fuckers I can't stand.
21
00:04:13,526 --> 00:04:17,565
You! Here, you!
What's the matter with you?
22
00:04:17,686 --> 00:04:22,043
- You seem a bit down in the dumps, like.
- Just mind your own business.
23
00:04:22,166 --> 00:04:26,045
Do you hear this one?
Sure, I'm only after a bit of a chat, like.
24
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,363
- Chat with someone you know.
- I don't know anybody.
25
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,761
I haven't a friend in the world.
26
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,397
He's a bit huffy.
27
00:04:44,686 --> 00:04:48,076
Hey, fella?
Why is it you never get tall jockeys?
28
00:04:49,646 --> 00:04:50,601
Huh?
29
00:04:50,726 --> 00:04:55,356
Why is it you never get tall jockeys?
They're always sort of midgety sort of fellas.
30
00:04:55,486 --> 00:04:57,875
- The weight.
- I know "the weight"!
31
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,078
Jesus, the weight, eh?
The weight.
32
00:05:01,206 --> 00:05:04,596
But what do you do if you're a tall fella
and you want to be a jockey?
33
00:05:04,726 --> 00:05:06,762
It isn't fair on you, so it isn't.
34
00:05:06,886 --> 00:05:08,114
Me mam always used tell us
35
00:05:08,246 --> 00:05:10,476
that everybody could grow up
to be anything they wanted to be.
36
00:05:10,606 --> 00:05:15,726
Now, in the case of tall fellas who want to be jockeys,
that's patently fucking untrue.
37
00:05:15,846 --> 00:05:18,838
- You could show jump.
- You could show jump!
38
00:05:18,966 --> 00:05:21,434
You're just clutching at fucking straws now.
39
00:05:21,566 --> 00:05:25,878
You could show jump. Jesus!
You could show jump!
40
00:05:29,366 --> 00:05:32,403
Dressage. There's another cunt
that gets on me fucking nerves.
41
00:05:32,526 --> 00:05:34,596
Would you mind watching your bloody language?
42
00:05:34,726 --> 00:05:37,524
Eh? This fella...
43
00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:39,755
Jeez.
44
00:05:41,206 --> 00:05:45,245
Well, I'm off to the buffet car
to get away from ye dull yokes.
45
00:05:45,366 --> 00:05:49,120
Anybody want anything?
Cry Baby? No? Old fella?
46
00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:51,157
- A cup of tea?
- A cup of tea, uh-huh.
47
00:05:51,286 --> 00:05:54,756
No, don't get your money out 'cause if you think
I can be arsed lugging cups of tea
48
00:05:54,886 --> 00:05:59,004
up and down for you,
you've got another think coming, boy. Oh, aye.
49
00:06:02,726 --> 00:06:06,002
- Are you okay?
- No, I'm not okay.
50
00:06:09,406 --> 00:06:11,442
Is anything the matter?
51
00:06:11,566 --> 00:06:16,594
- Our son died last night. Cot death.
- Yeah. Tell everybody.
52
00:06:19,886 --> 00:06:21,399
I'm sorry.
53
00:06:46,926 --> 00:06:49,599
50p for a bag of Taytos.
54
00:06:49,726 --> 00:06:53,560
I cannot believe the gall of the ginger little bitch.
55
00:06:55,006 --> 00:06:56,917
- Oh, how much do I owe you?
- Skip it.
56
00:06:57,046 --> 00:06:59,435
- No, really.
- I said, skip it.
57
00:06:59,566 --> 00:07:02,034
Where's the old smiley twins?
58
00:07:04,606 --> 00:07:07,643
- Their son died last night.
- Did he?
59
00:07:08,726 --> 00:07:10,205
Oh, my God!
60
00:07:11,926 --> 00:07:13,837
Did they kill it?
61
00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:17,197
- No, they didn't kill it.
- Maybe they banged it on something.
62
00:07:17,326 --> 00:07:18,395
It was a cot death.
63
00:07:18,526 --> 00:07:21,199
That's what they all say.
I'll bet they banged it on something.
64
00:07:21,326 --> 00:07:24,204
I would if I had a kid.
Just keep banging it, like.
65
00:07:24,326 --> 00:07:27,079
On something.
If he was getting on me nerves, like.
66
00:07:27,206 --> 00:07:28,958
Like Marvin Gaye's dad.
67
00:07:29,086 --> 00:07:32,362
I'd have shot Marvin Gaye
if I'd been Marvin Gaye's dad.
68
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,158
Get the cunt to shut up.
69
00:07:34,286 --> 00:07:37,039
I'm surprised mams and dads
don't kill their kids more often.
70
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:42,286
'Cause most kids are fucking rotten.
I certainly am. I'm a fucking rotten kid.
71
00:07:42,406 --> 00:07:44,397
- Have you got kids?
- No.
72
00:07:44,526 --> 00:07:46,562
Will you have?
In the future, like?
73
00:07:46,686 --> 00:07:48,802
'Cause it doesn't matter
how old you are nowadays.
74
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:52,396
Tony Curtis, he's fucking ancient
and he's still having kids.
75
00:07:52,526 --> 00:07:58,078
Not Tony Curtis, who? Rod Steiger.
I'm always getting them cunts mixed up.
76
00:07:58,246 --> 00:08:02,159
Rod Steiger, aye. And he's fucking 100, like.
Ah, sheep.
77
00:08:08,646 --> 00:08:10,841
Did you ever shout at a sheep?
78
00:08:12,006 --> 00:08:13,359
No.
79
00:08:13,486 --> 00:08:14,475
Oh.
80
00:08:17,966 --> 00:08:20,526
Oh, aye, here's Fred and Rosemary.
81
00:08:23,966 --> 00:08:27,322
- Where are you headed? Dublin?
- Dublin, aye.
82
00:08:27,446 --> 00:08:29,198
The city that never sweeps.
83
00:08:29,326 --> 00:08:33,239
See, I needed some heroin and a shite accent,
so I thought I'd head straight to the source, like.
84
00:08:33,366 --> 00:08:35,038
If you use that language one more time,
85
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,918
I'm going to come over there
and beat the shit out of you.
86
00:08:37,046 --> 00:08:39,640
What language?
Sure "shite" isn't swearing.
87
00:08:39,766 --> 00:08:41,961
- It is.
- It's fucking not, like!
88
00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:44,316
- Pato!
- I'm not taking any more of this shit today!
89
00:08:44,446 --> 00:08:46,914
Sure, let him hit me.
I don't give a fuck, like.
90
00:08:47,046 --> 00:08:49,082
- Move somewhere else.
- You move somewhere else!
91
00:08:49,206 --> 00:08:52,357
- I was here before all you spas.
- Pato, sit down.
92
00:08:55,006 --> 00:08:57,520
Just one more crack. One more!
93
00:09:03,766 --> 00:09:08,203
Listen, I'm not defending you no more, okay?
I've got me own troubles.
94
00:09:16,766 --> 00:09:19,439
Here, I've this great story
about a cow with trapped wind,
95
00:09:19,566 --> 00:09:23,241
- do you want to hear it?
- No! Jesus!
96
00:09:23,806 --> 00:09:25,478
Ar, ye's are no fun.
97
00:09:41,726 --> 00:09:44,798
- You're not supposed to go up and down, no?
- No.
98
00:09:45,526 --> 00:09:47,244
Do you have Pringles?
99
00:09:47,366 --> 00:09:52,315
No. We got no call for fancy crisps round here.
We've Taytos or we've Ripples.
100
00:09:52,446 --> 00:09:55,244
- You don't sell spirits, no?
- It's 11:00 in the morning.
101
00:09:55,366 --> 00:09:57,357
Oh, did I ask you what time it was?
102
00:09:57,486 --> 00:09:59,442
What I thought I asked you was,
"Do you sell spirits?"
103
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:02,683
- Don't you be getting ratty with me.
- Yeah, well, don't you be getting ratty with me.
104
00:10:02,806 --> 00:10:05,366
- How was I getting ratty with you?
- Your general face was ratty.
105
00:10:05,486 --> 00:10:07,204
- Me face?
- Your general manner was ratty.
106
00:10:07,326 --> 00:10:08,839
Well, would you like to work on a train?
107
00:10:08,966 --> 00:10:10,843
Well, is it my fault that you have a shite job?
108
00:10:10,966 --> 00:10:16,086
I didn't say I had a shite job.
I was saying it wasn't all I'd hoped for meself.
109
00:10:16,206 --> 00:10:20,279
Are you getting me my booze
or am I just going to stand here, like?
110
00:10:34,446 --> 00:10:37,483
Are you not supposed to go up and down, no?
111
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,998
- What can I get you?
- A couple of teas, please.
112
00:11:00,566 --> 00:11:04,525
Would he be retarded, do you think?
The young fella?
113
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:11,320
I wouldn't have said retarded, no.
He knows what dressage is.
114
00:11:15,366 --> 00:11:17,926
No harm in him?
115
00:11:18,046 --> 00:11:21,083
That's what I was trying to say to you, like.
116
00:11:26,966 --> 00:11:30,845
Is that your dead kid? Give us a look.
117
00:11:33,046 --> 00:11:34,923
He looks like your man off of Bronski Beat.
118
00:11:35,046 --> 00:11:38,755
You remember your man off of Bronski Beat?
He looks like him.
119
00:11:38,886 --> 00:11:43,402
- No wonder you banged it on something.
- He was a cot death!
120
00:11:43,526 --> 00:11:45,323
That's what all you mams say.
121
00:11:45,446 --> 00:11:49,678
Everyone knows if you're lumped
with an ugly baby who'll disgrace you.
122
00:11:59,566 --> 00:12:01,796
Well, don't blame that on me.
123
00:12:07,446 --> 00:12:11,280
Hey, missus, your fella's back that way!
124
00:12:18,886 --> 00:12:21,400
Was that a bit much now?
125
00:12:21,526 --> 00:12:25,280
I think you might have gone
a bit overboard there, fella.
126
00:13:08,486 --> 00:13:10,875
- Did you see where my wife went to?
- I did, aye.
127
00:13:11,006 --> 00:13:14,919
She flung herself off the train five minute back,
dashed her brains to muck against a wall there.
128
00:13:15,046 --> 00:13:19,756
He is retarded.
I'm going to look for my wife.
129
00:13:21,646 --> 00:13:26,037
Sure, just look out along the train.
She's dripping down the half of it.
130
00:13:36,086 --> 00:13:39,396
Don't look at me.
I told you that five minutes ago.
131
00:13:48,446 --> 00:13:51,483
I mean, she was acting like an oddball
from as soon as she sat down, like.
132
00:13:51,606 --> 00:13:54,643
All crying all over the place
like a mad thing, she was.
133
00:13:54,766 --> 00:13:57,678
Wasn't she all crying
all over the place like a mad thing, fella?
134
00:13:57,806 --> 00:14:00,240
- Her son had just died.
- He had, aye.
135
00:14:00,366 --> 00:14:04,484
Write that down 'cause that might've
had something to do with it.
136
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:10,998
That's him.
Brutal-looking baby.
137
00:14:11,126 --> 00:14:14,675
He looks like your man off of Bronski Beat.
138
00:14:14,806 --> 00:14:18,321
- Your man off of where?
- Your man off of Bronski Beat.
139
00:14:19,046 --> 00:14:20,035
The gay man?
140
00:14:20,166 --> 00:14:23,954
Aye, the gay man, the gay man, the gay man.
Aye, the gay man.
141
00:14:24,846 --> 00:14:26,962
- Can I keep this?
- Work away, aye.
142
00:14:27,086 --> 00:14:30,635
Put it in your dead baby Bronski Beat
lookalike file.
143
00:14:31,766 --> 00:14:34,883
- Do I know you from somewhere?
- Me? No.
144
00:14:38,526 --> 00:14:44,078
Okay, what were you and Mrs Dooley
talking about before she left the carriage?
145
00:14:44,206 --> 00:14:47,198
I was telling her me story
about this cow with trapped wind.
146
00:14:47,326 --> 00:14:50,875
Aw, jeez, that wouldn't have sent her
over the edge, would it, mister?
147
00:14:51,006 --> 00:14:56,319
Ah, no, I'm sure it was just some
sad things going on in her own mind.
148
00:14:58,806 --> 00:15:00,876
Thanks for your time, lads.
149
00:15:04,726 --> 00:15:07,763
And me thinking Freud had died long since.
150
00:15:37,326 --> 00:15:41,524
Get that train stopped!
And tell the boys to get their guns out!
151
00:15:56,206 --> 00:16:01,485
Jeez, you're so fucking maudlin.
You didn't even know the woman.
152
00:16:03,486 --> 00:16:07,161
- Have you no respect for the dead, no?
- I haven't, no.
153
00:16:07,286 --> 00:16:09,242
A black fella stole mine.
154
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:17,404
Admit it, fella, she was getting on your nerves,
too, with her bawling.
155
00:16:21,126 --> 00:16:25,995
Sure, my mam got murdered last night,
but you don't see me off wailing like a spa.
156
00:16:29,646 --> 00:16:30,874
You're codding me?
157
00:16:31,006 --> 00:16:34,521
Oh, aye. I'm forever codding people
me mam's just been murdered.
158
00:16:34,646 --> 00:16:38,195
Oh, a great source of amusement to me, it is.
159
00:16:38,326 --> 00:16:40,556
You don't seem upset about it.
160
00:16:40,686 --> 00:16:44,998
Well, she wasn't the most pleasant of women,
and sure, life goes on.
161
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:50,685
- My wife died last night.
- Did she?
162
00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:55,845
- Did she get murdered, too?
- No, no.
163
00:16:55,966 --> 00:17:00,084
Thank fuck. I thought we had
a fucking serial killer on the loose.
164
00:17:07,046 --> 00:17:09,799
Ah, now, don't cry, old fella.
165
00:17:09,926 --> 00:17:13,202
She's up with God now.
She's up with God now.
166
00:17:15,486 --> 00:17:21,243
- I don't believe in God. Not no more.
- Eh? Of course you believe in God.
167
00:17:21,366 --> 00:17:26,804
- You're an old fella.
- No. Today was the last straw.
168
00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:30,919
Why, what happened today...
Oh, aye, your wife and now Mrs Train-surf woman.
169
00:17:31,046 --> 00:17:35,517
Well, sure, that wasn't God's fault.
He can't be everywhere at once, like.
170
00:17:39,206 --> 00:17:40,400
What?
171
00:17:42,246 --> 00:17:43,235
Nothing.
172
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:46,597
Well, at last, a fucking smile out of you.
173
00:17:46,726 --> 00:17:49,923
Here, do you want to hear me story
about the cow with trapped wind?
174
00:17:50,046 --> 00:17:53,755
It's a fucking deadly story.
175
00:17:53,886 --> 00:17:55,763
I would. I would like to hear it.
176
00:17:55,886 --> 00:17:58,400
Would you? Fuck me!
177
00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:04,199
And the thing is, it's fucking true, like.
That's the mad thing.
178
00:18:05,846 --> 00:18:08,679
So I was at this cattle fair with me da
when I was seven.
179
00:18:08,806 --> 00:18:12,162
All these fucking cows around,
as you get at cattle fairs.
180
00:18:12,286 --> 00:18:14,959
And then this one cow got this trapped wind, like.
181
00:18:15,086 --> 00:18:17,395
There's a technical name for it,
but I don't know what the fuck it is.
182
00:18:17,526 --> 00:18:22,680
Anyways, this cow starts expanding like a mad thing,
starts fucking ballooning up,
183
00:18:22,806 --> 00:18:25,320
and that's really dangerous
'cause they can die like that.
184
00:18:25,446 --> 00:18:28,961
And nobody knew what to do till this short,
tiny fella popped up.
185
00:18:29,086 --> 00:18:30,565
He was just passing by, like.
186
00:18:30,686 --> 00:18:34,122
And he takes out a fucking screwdriver
and jumps into the pen,
187
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:37,238
and everybody's going,
"Oh, fuck, no", like,
188
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:41,644
and the short fella starts stabbing
big fucking holes in the side of this cow, like.
189
00:18:41,766 --> 00:18:44,644
And we all thought he was mental,
going stabbing a cow, like.
190
00:18:44,766 --> 00:18:47,326
But then the cow started deflating back to normal,
191
00:18:47,446 --> 00:18:50,119
'cause that's what you're supposed to do
with a cow with trapped wind.
192
00:18:50,246 --> 00:18:51,395
Stab the fucker.
193
00:18:51,526 --> 00:18:55,360
So everybody gave this short fella
a round of applause for being so on the ball, like.
194
00:18:55,486 --> 00:19:00,276
But then he starts giving us his whole life story
about what an expert he is on fucking cows.
195
00:19:00,406 --> 00:19:02,556
And he says this gas that's coming out of the cow,
196
00:19:02,686 --> 00:19:05,246
it's the exact same gas
as the gas in your oven back home,
197
00:19:05,366 --> 00:19:07,482
and everybody said,
"Fuck off, is it the same."
198
00:19:07,606 --> 00:19:09,676
But the short fella said,
"It is. Watch."
199
00:19:09,806 --> 00:19:11,762
And he lights the fucking gas, like,
200
00:19:11,886 --> 00:19:15,083
so there's this stream of fucking fire
shooting out of this cow,
201
00:19:15,206 --> 00:19:19,165
and we were so impressed, like,
and we gave him another round of applause.
202
00:19:19,286 --> 00:19:21,242
But then the gas must've backed up
inside or something
203
00:19:21,366 --> 00:19:24,836
'cause the cow fucking exploded.
204
00:19:52,086 --> 00:19:54,919
Best day of me fucking life, that cow exploding.
205
00:20:08,606 --> 00:20:10,836
- This is me.
- You're off here, are you?
206
00:20:10,966 --> 00:20:14,845
Fair enough, so.
You were starting to bore the tits off me.
207
00:20:17,526 --> 00:20:19,164
Good luck to you.
208
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:21,435
Fella?
209
00:20:24,126 --> 00:20:27,038
Sorry to hear about your dead missus and all.
210
00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:28,155
Oh.
211
00:20:30,246 --> 00:20:32,202
Yeah. Thank you.
212
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:36,439
- Sorry about your mam.
- Ah, no loss.
213
00:21:08,486 --> 00:21:12,365
Two cot deaths and a woman.
Her son shot the poor head off her.
214
00:21:13,446 --> 00:21:15,164
No!
215
00:22:01,206 --> 00:22:02,241
No!
216
00:22:10,646 --> 00:22:12,398
I didn't hit one of them.
217
00:22:12,566 --> 00:22:19,358
That was fucking woeful shooting.
Fucking woeful, like. You know, like?
218
00:22:19,486 --> 00:22:23,479
Do you know what I mean, like?
Like... Like, just fucking woeful.
219
00:23:44,726 --> 00:23:46,956
I hope I'll see you soon, babe.
220
00:23:49,366 --> 00:23:51,596
If I don't, I don't.
221
00:24:42,646 --> 00:24:44,796
There, there, there.
222
00:24:49,366 --> 00:24:51,084
There, there, David.
223
00:24:57,846 --> 00:25:00,155
There's one for the each of us.
224
00:25:08,926 --> 00:25:11,121
I'll be following you shortly.
225
00:25:54,526 --> 00:25:55,925
Oh, Jesus.
226
00:25:57,886 --> 00:25:59,604
What a fucking day.
19552
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